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I love the vintage vibe to these black/beige/gray shoes from Miz Mooz (also available in red/white). I think the slightly rounded toe is a great way to straddle the “trend” line between almond-shaped toes (on their way “out”) and super pointy toes (on their way “in”) — and the 3″ heel is classic. They were $109.95, but are marked today to $82. Miz Mooz Milan
(L-2)
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
ANP
Immediate TJ! After birthing two babies in a span of four years, I suddenly find myself in need of an interview suit. I don’t want to spend a ton of $ because I just recommitted to a healthier-eating and fitness plan in order to lose my last 10-15 lbs of baby weight. I have skinny arms and legs and a poochy tummy. I work in a field where I can push boundaries a little (i.e. I wouldn’t wear a polka dot suit, but something with a little flair is ok). Bonus points for online ordering — and did I mention I need this by next Tuesday? Any recommendations and/or suggestions of your favorites welcome!
Halogen Suiting
I was looking at these earlier — they are reasonably priced and there is free shipping / returns. I am a pear and can really wear the Taylor Curvy pants (28-29″ waist and 38″ hips) in a 6 (just needed hemming for me). It looks like there is a matching jacket and skirt.
Anon
Plus if she gets it at Nordstrom, she can always take it back and have them take it in for her if she does end up losing weight.
a passion for fashion
I was going to suggest this exact thing. I purchased a Halogen suit with Taylor pants after baby No. 2 was born and it worked great. It was very inexpensive — probably less than $300 for skirt, pants, and jacket and held up well. Its not a very formal suit, but I wore it during a trial and felt fine.
Anon
I love my skirt suit from Talbots. The jacket has three buttons and is really nice for concealing my tummy (after having three kids. My youngest is 3 and I’m still working on it, ugh!)
Kanye East
I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies.
Tuesday
TJ – I need some advice and support.
My father died this morning, suddenly and unexpectedly. I don’t know how to think or feel about this. He was abusive to me when I was young, and I greatly limited contact with him as soon as I left for college. I did not completely cut him out of my life, but I shared very little with him. And yet, this morning when my aunt told me how sorry she was for me, I almost lost it. I’ve been vacillating between crying and thinking, basically, “oh well”.
Anon
I’m so sorry. I think however you are feeling is valid, and so is being confused on how to feel. Hugs.
Sue
So sorry for your loss. I agree with Anon at 3.43pm last paragraph. Deal with this your own way and don’t worry about what others may expect. HUGS
Anon
The death of a parent can be extra tough when you had a “complicated” relationship. I experienced a bit of this myself when my grandfather, who was abusive to my mother, died. Please know that it’s totally normal to have mixed feelings about it, and that your feelings may change over time as well. Do what you need to do to mourn whether it’s going to the funeral, skipping the funeral, trying to remember the good times, refusing to sugarcoat the bad times, or any combination of the above. And don’t be afraid to look into doing a couple of sessions with a grief counselor or a support group. Having an objective set of ears to help you sort out complicated feelings can be invaluable.
NOLA
I’m so sorry. I get this. Although my father was never abusive, he and I sometimes had a rocky relationship. Much better as I became an adult but I wouldn’t say we were close and I didn’t talk to him all that often. I’m just not a call every week kind of person, although if my mother were alive, I’m sure we would talk frequently. I was devastated when she died and spent 6 months in a haze. When my Dad died suddenly last summer, I felt like somehow my grief wasn’t good enough. My brother and my stepmother are so obviously grieving his death a lot harder than I am or did. I felt a bit like an outsider even planning his funeral, although I did all I could to be supportive. So, as someone else said, deal with it however seems right to you and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.
Anon
I’m sorry for your loss. You may find people who say (presumably well-meaning) things like “well, I know your relationship was complicated, but you should at least go to the funeral” or “he was a tough man, but let’s raise a glass to his life” or things like that. Just remember that only YOU know YOUR situation and how YOU were treated as a child. Other people have ideas about how they would grieve, but don’t forget to give yourself permission to grieve or not grieve however you see fit. There are no “shoulds.” My mother died when I was young and she was never abusive or anything, but I’ve had people say things like “oh…you’re not planning to do anything special on the anniversary of her birthday?” One person said that without actually asking how I was doing or if I wanted to talk about it and subsequently made me feel guilty, even though I knew that I was remembering my mother privately. You may find others doing this to you and please don’t feel bad or embarrassed if they have ideas that don’t fit with what feels right to you.
Ellen
Hug’s to you. I do NOT know what I will do when I face this situeation. I think the best thing you should do IS to greive b/c he was your father. I have learned that even if my father is some time’s overbareing, he is still my father and I MUST live with what he says.
Now your situation may be different, but still I think you will feel alot better if you treat this like any other close relative. I have found that being very forgiveing of peeople who are not that nice to me has worked out. It is all about “turning the other cheek” so to speak, and not goeing down to the level of the person who was / is not nice to you.
When I was in college, the RA in my dorm totally HATED me b/c she did NOT like it that I had alot of boy’s interested in me and she did NOT. Well, I could have been a b***ch to her, but I spoke with my dad, and he said to “turn the other cheek” and be nice to her. After a while, she had alot of other peeople who were her ENEMY b/c she was mean to others, but to me she actualy became nice. I even got her special ticket’s to a concert at the Kennedy Center that some guy gave to me but I did NOT use. I do NOT even remember the name of the guy or the concert, but she was SOOO nice to me afterward’s just b/c of that.
So my 2 cent’s is to greive now, and you will be alot better off later, even if your dad was not nice to you.
Dulcinea
So sorry for your loss.
Anon
I’m so sorry you’re going through this – whether for you that’s the loss of your father, or of the childhood/father you could have had without the abuse, and/or the sheer emotional mess of it all. Hang in there, and know you’re not alone. There are way too many abusive fathers, and a lot of us who are going to have to deal with this kind of situation someday. I have no idea how I will feel when this is me – all I know is there are no right answers. Be kind to yourself. Please know this mess is not your fault, not any of it, don’t blame yourself for whatever you’re feeling right now or however you handled things in the past, and do what you need to do to get through this time on your own terms. If you have friends/family who know the history (or who you could tell), please reach out if you can and tell them what support you need, since only you can really know that. And one thought: at least for me, getting outside to move and work up a serious sweat (run, jump, punch things, whatever works for you) can be a huge help in getting through the darkest times. Good luck.
ExcelNinja
I’m so very sorry for your loss, Tuesday. Everyone copes different. Be kind to yourself.
Bonnie
Hugs. My relationship with my mom was tough but I was still devastated by her passing. There is something inherently gut-wrenching in losing a parent. For me, a lot of it had to do with the loss of a potential future relationship. Be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve.
Anon
“I’ve been vacillating between crying and thinking, basically, “oh well”.” – This sound 100% like a normal reaction in this kind of situation.
You may mourn not so much the man but the ‘what if’. The idea/hope that maybe he would regret and acknowledge the harm he did to you and spend the rest of his life making amends. You deserve a better father and you may feel like you’ve lost the opportunity to have one.
Family isn’t blood, family is love. However you need to mourn/not mourn is okay and don’t worry about it fitting in with anyone else’s expectations.
Anon
this was supposed to be a reply to the post by Tuesday
Wildkitten
+ 1 Your feelings sound normal and valid.
Sydney Bristow
Tuesday, I’m really sorry you are going through this. I completely agree with Anon.
I’ve sometimes wondered how I’ll react to the death of my mother. I actually did cut her out of my life years ago, but I do think there will be some feelings dredged up when it happens. I imagine it will be mourning for the “what if” if/when I do feel upset about it.
Lots of love and support. Try to be gentle to yourself and feel or do whatever you need to do at this point.
TBK
“Don’t worry about it fitting in with anyone else’s expectations” or your OWN expectations.
Senior Attorney
I agree with Anon 100%. As long as he was living, there was a chance he could magically become the father you wanted and deserved. And now that’s gone, and that may well be the thing that you mourn the most.
Big hugs to you. Take care of your sweet self.
Out of sync
You are 34. All your friends seem to be coupled up or married. And most are parents or about to be parents.i.e. most people look settled. You are single and in no way ready for a serious relationship. Just wondering if anyone else feels slightly discomfited that their lives seem out of sync with what is considered the norm for a certain age group.
Anon
Oh, definitely. Also 34, in a serious relationship, but not married – and most of my friends are married and on kid #2 or 3 (or done having children altogether).
Sometimes it is great. And sometimes it sucks.
Senior Attorney
Oh, yes. Try being 55 and newly single, living in a small apartment instead of a house.
sf
I feel similarly at 44. 34 is young.
Bridget Jones
I have been you. I was in a big city where if people didn’t get married and move back where they were from, they moved out to the suburbs far enough to be essentially gone from easy get togethers. So I found that I had to be more intentional, not just about meeting new friends, but about keeping up with the old ones (brunch in the burbs on Sunday, drinks on Friday with a different crowd). It’s do-able. It helps to have a few organizations to join that have regular meet-ups and are somewhat social instead of professional, but also to do a lot of informal things like having people over (drinks / dinner / brunch). I’m not a scheduler by nature, but I decided that I’d rather be one than let my friendships drift away to nothing.
I used to joke that when I moved to my current city (30s, single), it was so 1950s that I was practically an alternative lifestyle.
Anon
Yes – I’m in my late 20s but some of my best friends are married and I feel insanely out of place when they talk about TTC or their in-laws when I’m not really ready to even date someone seriously.
Honestly, I made new friends (and got closer with the ones I already had) who were in a more similar place in life. I still hang out with the other married girls but don’t really talk to them about dating anymore.
Anon
Please, visit my Facebook feed to see that you are not alone! In fact, I am a mid-thirties person in grad school. I can’t even talk about my job with my friends…because, wait for it…I voluntarily decided to go back to school and incur six figures of debt, so I will be “behind” my friends for years to come. Crazy.
You are not alone. I have found that my girlfriends have changed a bit in the past few years. Some can’t handle not talking about diapers, so they only hang with moms (or other couples), while many of my mommy friends can’t wait to talk about non-mommy things with me, like horrid celebrity gossip or shopping or whatever. It’s a mix. This is just one of the transition times in your life, where you are moving away from some friends and redefining your circle. It sucks. It does.
Remember, you need to run your own race. Remembering that keeps me sane. That and doing, glorious-because-I-can things, such as taking an impromptu weekend trip!
anon for this
hey everyone – how much did you have saved in your 401(k) by the time you were 30? my target is $100k and it looks like I’ll hit that, but is that sufficient? am I doing well or poorly? thanks!
Brant
depends on your income expectations/needs upon retirement.
Brant
fwiw i had a bit over 100k at 30, dh had more like 125 at 30. but we both shoved in a ton of $$ when we were just starting out in case stuff happened, like unemployment, or kids, or whatever.
Wildkitten
Time says – At age 35, you should have saved an amount equal to your annual salary.
EB0220
Oh good, this makes me feel a little better. Was just looking at my 401k this morning and thought it looked a bit light…but maybe not? Definitely need a financial advisor though.
Anon
Well. Very well. Well enough that you should hire a financial advisor.
Grumpy McGrumperson
Maybe I’m just grumpy, but there are financial professionals out there who can help you assess your personal goals and needs and help you determine whether you’re on track.
Knowing that people on this site are from all over the world, have different jobs, and may have other sources of income for retirement, asking these questions is a bit like asking, “What color should I wear today?” when no one knows anything else about you.
Also, the “how much do you have saved in X type of account” always feel to me like they devolve into a contest.
[I do not include the “Tales from the Wallet” posts in this categorization as much because those present actual information about taxes, investments, etc., rather than people just saying “I only have $7,000,000 in my savings account and $14,000,000 in my IRA and I’m afraid I’m going to be eating cat food when I retire.”]
OP
I honestly did not think I was doing well enough to hire a financial advisor or consult a professional, so the comments I’ve received so far have been really helpful to me in that regard.
I definitely did not start the thread to start a contest, I’m sorry it came across that way.
Gia
Have you looked into Learnvest? I’m considering joining but I don’t know anyone who has utilized the program.
Orangerie
By that logic, should someone not ask about hiring live-in childcare just because another poster, from another area of the world and with a different job and/or other sources of income, may not be able to afford that option?
I think people are just looking for anecdata, not trying to turn things into a contest.
Caty
I think that much the way most of us prefer it when posters do not mention their precise weight in pounds, a lot of us would prefer that financial discussions remain general. Using the actual numbers, whether it’s your BMI or your bottom line, can be unintentionally anxiety-provoking for others. This question is a perfect example of one that could be asked without saying how much OP has saved already.
Alanna of Trebond
It is ridiculous to say that financial numbers should not be posted because they are anxiety provoking and compare them to BMI. BMI and weight/height are not posted because it can cause disordered eating which is dangerous. What will this provoke? Disordered saving too much? Seems like it might be a good idea if you haven’t saved enough.
FYI — I have saved little for retirement and these posts are good wake up calls for me.
Scroll Wheel
Hi, I’m your scroll wheel. Scroll on by if you get triggered by posts with dollar amounts or weights. Jeez, the question would have been useless without the dollar amount!
Anon
I think you just might be one of those people that haven’t saved as much as you should’ve by now and that bothers you….
Anon
I just turned 30 and I have $90k saved. Great job! It will pay off later!
Anonylicious
I’ll have…a little under a thousand dollars. I just started my first job with a 401(k), though.
DC job hunt
Do any large law firms with DC offices offer 401(k) matches for associates? Is this even a consideration, since it’s so rare for big law?
DCR
I don’t know of any big law firms in DC (or NY) that offer 401(k) matches. If you find one, sure, it should be a consideration just like all other parts of the financial package (bonus, health care costs, ect). But I would not let it be the deciding factor, especially since it could easily be outweighted by the differences in bonus scales across firms.
Senior Associate
I did some research on this a few years ago and at least in New York, I don’t think any firms will match 401ks. In general, law firm benefits are pretty lousy. My DH works at a major academic institution and his benefits (including health care costs and 401k matching) are way better than ours are.
anon atty
Having worked in both New York and Chicago in BigLaw (with offices in DC and elsewhere), I have never heard of a 401(k) match for associates.
Anon
Most firms never offered it to associates or discontinued it in the mid 2000s. I think K&L Gates was one of the last ones to offer it and they did away with it in 2007 (don’t quote me). I’ve worked at firms in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco ranging in size from 325 attorneys to 2000+ attorneys and none of them offered a match for associates. The match they offer staff is pretty miserly.
roses
No matching at my DC firm. But our health insurance is pretty great, FWIW.
MJ
Not what you asked, but my understanding from years in biglaw in many markets is that staff often get matches but almost never associates. Plus, because all of the firms benchmark one another to have competitive benefits, I would not imagine that a match would be coming anytime soon. No one wants to be the leader in being overly generous…sad, but true.
My old firm did annual staff bonuses of 9.5% of take-home (which included OT) and dumped that into your 401(k), so it wasn’t a match, but it was a vested contribution to staff 401(k)s. Nothing for associates though.
HM
New mom/preemie TJ:
I unexpectedly started my maternity leave early after developing severe preeclampsia and having a c-section, delivering my daughter at 32 weeks. Good news: both she and I are doing well. However, she has been in the NICU since her birth a few weeks ago, and is expected to be there for a few more.
I work for a small consulting firm. With the support of my boss (who had a baby just over a year ago), I had planned to take 12 weeks maternity leave, as is protected under FMLA. However, given that my daughter’s first 5-6 weeks will be in the NICU, I am considering asking for an additional week or two off (unpaid). Does anyone have experience asking for additional maternity time off, or things to consider before submitting this request?
Pink
I think if you have a good realationship it shouldn’t be an issue.Your boss sounds supportive. FMLA is there to protect you as a bare minimum. Congrats on healthy baby and mom!
Fiona
Some states have longer state-MLA policies (like CT = 16 weeks & CA, I believe is even longer). Might just confirm that your state is just 12 weeks. Also if your consulting firm is indeed “small,” then FMLA might not technically apply (it’s only mandated for employers with more than 50 employees).
Still, if you have/had a good relationship with your boss, it’s worth discussing. I had a premie in the NICU too, so I know how that can go. And FWIW, my previous employers were also understanding and willing to give more time. Take whatever time you can with your new baby and to heal yourself as much as possible. It will be much easier and more pleasant to return to work that way.
anon
Glad to hear you are both doing well. Your state may provide additional job protections for you beyond FMLA (for example, California does, but many others do not) and I would try to research those, either through Google or contacting your HR. Beyond any other protections that you might be entitled to, I would simply call your boss to talk about it – and then hopefully confirm her affirmative answer in writing.
Meg Murry
One thing to consider is whether there is a policy requiring you to use any vacation days or sick days before taking unpaid leave – some companies require that. The only other sticky point could be that at my last company FMLA (& maternity leave) was our only source of sick leave, and we had to accrue additional days beyond that – which became a problem when I got the flu one week after coming back from maternity leave (thanks daycare germs). If you think you may need to take extra time off later for additional health concerns due to the baby being a premie you should ask whether the extra time would impact that.
OC
I will echo the previous responses to look into your particular state’s pregnancy disability/bonding benefits. Hopefully that will help, especially financially. I would just have an honest conversation with your boss. If she is in any way compassionate she will understand that you need more time under these circumstances. Additionally, it is probably not in her best interests to have an employee back that is truly not ready to work.
Congratulations on your baby. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be separated. I hope you get to take her home very soon.
Out of Place Engineer
Hi! Not sure if you are checking back on this thread or not, but I do hope that all works out well with you & your preemie. It is such a stressful time! I had my son unexpectly at 31 weeks and he was in the NICU for 10 weeks — the longest 10 weeks of my life. I had crazy hormones, and guilt, and no sleep and he was so very sick for a while… take care of yourself. Your daughter has great, trained people taking care of her! My situation was a little different. I started with disability leave, which expired after 6 weeks, and he was still in the hospital. I then started my 12 week FMLA leave. I was lucky enough to be able to take a total of 8 months off, mostly unpaid. I would look into the vacation option, but also express that you are actually coming back to work with a 4 week old at home, not at 12 week old. Babies are very different at 3 months than 1 month. I would also try to prepare a plan on who would continue to handle your workload/deadlines, if you are going to be out for an extra amount of time. Good luck with everything! Hopefully you’ll be taking her home soon.