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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Mock-Neck Sweater Dress

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A woman wearing a dress with a burgundy geometric pattern on the skirt and solid burgundy on the top. She is also wearing black pumps.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I said “Oooooh” out loud when I came across this Nina Leonard sweater dress. The shape of the dress and the pattern on the skirt feel very mod, but not costume-y.

I love this burgundy colorway, but it also comes in charcoal and chocolate in the same style, as well as other patterns. 

The dress is $34.97 at Nordstrom Rack and comes in sizes XS-XL. 

Sales of note for 4/10:

332 Comments

    1. I like one or the other, but putting the print and the bishop sleeves on the same garment leaves my eyes wondering where they are supposed to focus. Seems like the dress either needs more details so the whole thing is cohesively OTT, or just stick with one feature.

      2. Totally agree. First thing I thought. It doesn’t look balanced. It looks like the top from one piece and the bottom from another.

    2. sometimes there’s a reason a dress is marked to $34. This looks leftover from the Mad Men-inspired office looks from 15 years ago and I agree, it’s just too busy.

  2. Anyone up for some Friday shoe shopping? I am looking for a pair of bordeaux loafers. I was too late to snatch up the last pair of Miz Mooz Ziya in my size (41) that I could find online, and am kicking myself for not deciding faster because Miz Mooz fit me like a dream.

    1. If you know the specific style and size you want, you could try looking on Poshmark or Ebay.

      1. Unfortunately nothing has come up, so I am hoping to find a similar style. I’m also a little leery of buying shoes used unless I can see in person what condition they are inside.

        1. The poshmark/ebay suggestion is the fastest way to lose money. I don’t understand why people always say it – goods are not consistently manufactured such that an 8 shoe in black is the same as an 8 shoe in green, people sell worn items, altered items, clothes that have smells and you cannot return it. Sure, you might get lucky once in a while, but it’s an extremely expensive experiment.

          2. The only time I buy something on Poshmark is if I know exactly the size/style/colour of an item that I want.

    2. I bought Quince’s Italian Leather Bow Penny Loafer and they are great! Not sure if the burgundy color matches what you want but I love mine.

      1. Not specifically about this shoe, but I notice Quince shows close to 5.0 stars for all its items, yet I see lots of complaints about their quality here and elsewhere. I’ve had a few items which were good and returned some duds. Do they just not post lower ratings? I feel like there’s no way all their items can be 4.8-5 stars.

        1. I read a lengthy article a while ago about how companies manipulate their sephora reviews (I think 4.8 is the sweet spot, because it’s high but believable?) and now I really don’t trust the numerical ratings…would guess that Quince is doing something similar. There’s also a trick where some retailers default display reviews based on “Highest Rating,” rather than “Most Recent” or “Most Helpful” — possibly Loft does this, or Madewell? Another form of review shadiness to watch out for…

          1. Yes I noticed Lululemon always leads with the highest rating – I always switch to most recent, and look at the lowest reviews if I’m suspicious.

          2. A lot of companies do this – JCrew, Airbnb, you name it. I always switch to most recent and also read the middling reviews in particular carefully – they’re the most likely to be detailed about pros and cons.

        2. Not sure this works for Quince, but for other retailers whose quality I am not familiar with personally, I like to look at Nordstrom, Amazon, etc. for reviews to see if there is consistency across all the platforms or if the retailer seems to be cherry picking.

        3. I saw a complaint for a ski jacket company that said they manipulate reviews to delete negative ones. I would have no problem believing that that is even more common in the cosmetics industry.

    8. I like French Sole New York; their Zoeey suede loafers are available in burgundy.

    9. Oh, just saw the Gathered Suede Loafer in burgundy at Ann Taylor. I find their shoes surprisingly good quality for the money.

  3. Help or reassurance-besides leaving. Financially not an option at the moment.

    I keep missing dumb obvious things or screwing up at work. Doing something that I should have run up another level before doing, not catching rather obvious errors until the last minute. Not notifying my direct manager about the status on an ad hoc task.

    Our team is under staffed and my work load has my holding on with white knuckles. My manager is trying to hire, and we keep getting promised process and tech improvements are on the way.

    1. Do you have a clear stack ranking of which projects are critical vs not right now?

      Wording I have used to get priorities out of an “Everything is a top priority” boss is: “I can do a top-priority job on 1 of A, B, or C; or I can do a mediocre job on all 3; which is preferable?”. Mediocre-job-on-all-3 was a real option, but at least it set the precedent that “Everything’s a top priority!” simply isn’t possible. And it’s not.

      1. Counterpoint: my manager is clearly in the mediocre-job-on-all camp. And that’s not wrong! The trick is to make sure your approach matches what your manager wants

    2. Start looping in your manager – sounds like a lot of your issues are communication related. This won’t solve itself, it’s something you can and should fix at this job or any other. Being a lone wolf is a fast way to upset people.

    3. I went through a period like this at my first job. My boss at the time took me aside and very calmly pointed out what was wrong, but instead of getting mad at me, he told me that he was going to hire another person to help… and then actually did.

      I would actually take some time off– you are burnt out, and that’s why you’re making mistakes. If you aren’t actually getting relief with a new hire, then you need to start delegating things and maybe even letting some things drop if they aren’t urgent so that the work that you are doing is done correctly.

    4. +1 to the looping your manager in – you can frame it as “next [3] months” type thing, so you and your manager have the opening to reasses how it’s going. the main point: you are trying to get better. This will take more work from you – and from your manager, so be cognizant of this given the under staffed situation.

    5. We have a department at work that is very understaffed and they are up front about it, in a very matter of fact way, not in a “woe is me” kind of way. I think that kind of transparency is helpful for my department since we work closely with them. Knowing that everyone in that office is white knuckling through things, I make sure my department extends them grace and double checks things we get from them before pushing them along. If we find mistakes, we gently turn it back, or depending ask if they don’t mind if we fix it ourselves before sending it to the next step. I don’t assume things I get from them will be correct anymore. And not in a bad way, but in a “I understand they are short staffed and could use grace and help” kind of way.

  4. If you are sick, please for the love of all that is holy stay home. I just had to leave a very interesting conference presentation because some a-hole was sitting behind me snorting and sniffling and I cannot afford to get sick right now.

    While we’re at it, let’s normalize masking in crowded places again. I am tired of getting side-eye for wearing a mask.

    1. And just a reminder from an internet rando who is a frequent flyer with my ENT and allergist’s practices: some of us have wonky sinuses and bad allergies. Not all snorts and sniffles are from people with something contagious.

      1. Same here. I pretty much take allergy medicine daily, but if I forget I’m phlegm city. Or if I I forget what my body is like and order/eat a very dairy heavy meal like biscuits and gravy or fettuccine alfredo.

        It is annoying to be around, so I wouldn’t blame OP for moving or going and standing in the back of the room if there were no other seats. I’ve stood in the back of plenty of conference presentations.

    2. As long as employers offer combined PTO with no separate sick time, people are going to go to work sick. As long as employers offer no paid time off at all, people are going to go to work sick. I hate it but the individual has little agency here other than to wear a mask and follow hygiene principles. It sucks so many don’t.

      1. Even if the sick person had no PTO, which is unlikely, he had plenty of agency to skip the conference or to stay in his hotel room.

      2. Not a blanket truth. As long as employers offer too little PTO, this will be a problem. Combined PTO works really well when there is enough to allow vacations, sick time, appointments, etc. without having to skimp on anything.

        I have a combined PTO of 7 weeks per year and it is glorious.

        1. It’s not quite this simple. I have unlimited sick leave and love it, and I don’t hesitate to take a sick day if I actually feel too sick to work (and I also use it when my kids are home sick from school or my elderly parents have health stuff, which is permitted by policy), but I can’t call out of sick work every time I have a runny nose. I would basically never be at work from November to March. and no, I don’t have any immune deficiencies – I have school age kids and a teacher husband, so just tons of exposure to germs.

          1. My comment didn’t have anything to do with unlimited sick leave. I was replying to the person who thinks combined PTO in and of itself is a problem, because I really don’t think that is true.

          2. You’re saying that if employers offer “enough” sick leave, people won’t come to work sick. And while that is a nice idea in theory, it doesn’t happen in practice, in my experience. Because bosses still don’t want people staying home for a mere sniffle, no matter how much sick leave they have on paper.

          3. I’m saying if companies are reasonable, this is not an issue. Obviously there are many, many unreasonable companies and bosses out there, but that doesn’t mean the concept is so flawed that it isn’t viable.

          4. I guess we disagree because I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect employees to work with a mild cold. Certainly no one should be trying to power through something like flu or norovirus for both their sake and the sake of those around them, but most people have colds pretty regularly and it would be cumbersome if people were stopping work every time they had a runny nose. WFH is ideal for employees with colds, but not possible in every job. Many jobs can’t be done remotely and even in jobs that are suitable to remote work, it may not be practical on a given day.

          5. We disagree because you are attempting to argue with me about something I did not say. I am not sure why you are doing this.

            I did not say people should come in with mild colds, I did not say that it is reasonable for employers to expect them to do so, I did not say sick people would stay home if only they had unlimited sick leave.

        2. It doesn’t really matter if it’s generous. As long as you set up the dynamic where taking a sick day feels like you’re taking away from your potential vacation pool, people will still come to work sick. 7 weeks isn’t enough for people with health concerns, esp if they also have kids or ailing family members.

          1. I mean, most people don’t take “vacation” but use their leave for “life stuff.” Sickness is a part of that.

          2. I’ve always used the vast majority of my vacation leave for vacations. I don’t think that’s uncommon, especially if you include traveling to visit family in the vacation bucket.

          4. My company provides two months worth of PTO combined. That is not a trivial amount, and responsible employees will budget some for illness or other unexpected needs. Employees who gamble that they won’t get sick and take it all as vacation time then try to come in sick later in the year risk being sent home without pay. Just because they are bad at planning for normal life needs does not mean they get a free pass to spread illness around the office.

      3. And even if you have generous sick leave, employers expect employees to show up for certain in-person things unless they’re seriously ill. I have plenty of sick time, but my boss and grandboss are going to hold it against me if I miss a rare in-person meeting (we’re primarily remote) because I have the sniffles. So there is really no choice but to mask up and go.

      1. Forever? I don’t think it’s too much to ask people who are actively sick with the common cold to put a mask on to help keep it to themselves. People for whom the common cold is a serious deal are also advised to mask, but not to stay home for the rest of their lives (??).

        1. Yes, forever. If you can’t risk a cold, your immune system is so compromised you can’t safely be in public.
          I was fairly Covid cautious and always get my seasonal Covid and flu vaccines, but this feels like pandemic derangement. Before the pandemic no one stayed home when they had a cold.

          1. I promise you that people who are advised to avoid colds leave the house, not least because they generally have to! Before the pandemic, some people took unnecessary risks or secluded themselves unnecessarily because they were too self conscious to mask even when they’d been advised to mask, but others have always masked. The pandemic made people more aware because of the politicization as well as the increased risk level (since common cold symptoms are indistinguishable from COVID).

            And probably more people need to avoid the common cold because of the risks of immune overreaction (autoimmune flares that may take weeks or longer to calm down) than because of immune weakness. It’s silly to think that the only reason to avoid a head cold is because it’s going to land you in the hospital or kill you; it’s okay to avoid something because it will ruin your life for weeks.

        2. Yeah actually. I hear people describe the common cold as literally the worst thing in the world. If you’re that much of an eggshell person you need to not risk it. I avoid people coughing and have good hygiene and health and I get a cold at least once a year. It’s a minor inconvenience I drink soup and sleep and yes wfh. But it’s not world shattering; it’s totally worth it for me to attend presentations and socialize and use mass transit even while knowing that someone who is or isn’t coughing might give me a cold. People who get these crazy colds where they never heal or it ruins their lives or they just can’t be sick should not be out and about.

          1. So people who are vulnerable to illness shouldn’t be allowed to work or participate in society?

          2. Life isn’t fair. Of course they’re allowed to participate, the risks are just greater and it’s ok to accept that.

    4. I like the idea of folks wearing masks if they have to be out when they are sick. Better than no mask.

    5. Masking is a “be the change” thing for me. The more of us mask in crowded indoor spaces, the more boring and normal and unremarkable it will be!

      1. I agree.

        We are those weird maskers, and many times someone else has actually put theirs on, for example at a concert, when they saw me and my family masked.

        I think some people underestimate that people are much likelier to follow others instead of being the only one doing something.

      2. THIS! On a recent trip, I was the only one wearing a mask on the plane. On the return, I saw 2 people wearing masks on the plane. I wasn’t sick and am vaccinated.

    6. Not everyone who is snorting and sniffling is sick, and you’re kind of the a-hole here for assuming they are.

      1. +1 from someone who suffers from allergies basically year-round these days (fun fact, perimenopause makes allergies worse!)

        1. For my allergies, I figure masking is a win/win since keeping out allergens is recommended anyway? Though if a doctor prescribed me Xolair or nebulized Cromolyn I’d try it.

        1. yeah the number of posts here about people being contagious with a cough that’s lasted for weeks is enough to make me think that most people don’t understand how germs work and when you’re contagious.

          1. I think there are a lot of people who weren’t paying attention until COVID and still don’t realize how outlier it is. It’s weird how people can feel recovered and then flare up again and become contagious again. It’s weird how people can catch it and then catch additional different viruses concomitantly or for a while afterward.

      4. She’s not an a-hole. She’s probably been burned too many times by the “it’s just allergies” crowd when it’s very much not. Flu and Covid both spread through my office in 2019 after two people came in with “allergies” and “dry air” complaints.

        1. Sometimes work just needs to get done. As long as you’re safe to drive, most people will opt to come in if they’re able to do work. Work from home isn’t as prevalent as this board seems to think.

      5. Some of us also have chronic coughs that are unrelated to anything contagious. I will cough for the rest of my life but Covid made me into a pariah. I cover my mouth and provide a limited explanation where I can, but I am not staying at home for the remainder of my life.

        1. I know someone who got Covid in 2020 and the long term legacy is a permanent terrible cough. Her doctor said it’s probably just a neurological tic at this point. Is she contagious? No.

    7. Pick a new seat? Stand in the back? Also, plenty of people who aren’t snorting and sniffling are contagious with things so if you’re this sensitive to the common cold because you “cannot afford to get sick right now” maybe you shouldn’t be out.

      1. +1 and indeed, the worst things (flu, Covid, stomach flu) often don’t come with the sniffles.

        1. I know two-way masking in a well ventilated space is ideal, and it’s your right to leave. But if you have a medical quality respirator, it was designed as PPE for one-way masking environments (like when a patient who is definitely for sure highly contagious can’t mask while being treated).

        2. A high quality mask actually works pretty well, especially if you can go outside to eat/drink. I had extensive contact with my mom when she had Covid (she needed my help) and wore a mask and never got sick. My sibling didn’t mask and caught it, so we know it wasn’t just a case of my mom not being very contagious.

        4. This suddenly feels extremely fake, bait-posting OR you have unchecked medical anxiety that needs addressing.

          1. Yeah something is not adding up here or if OP cares this much, she really needs to upgrade her mask.

  5. The Threads algorithm has fed me the most delicious ongoing drama of a bridezilla who has just disinvited her future SIL because the bride wants guests to dress in pastels only and wear neutral makeup only. The bride specifically banned “bold eyeliner or dramatic lip colors” as she wants the photos to be “timeless.” This proclamation has come only days before the wedding. I cannot fathom being this controlling as a bride. What’s the worst you’ve seen from a bridezilla?

    1. IDK but in 2025, everything can be fixed in photoshop. With a peripheral person, I would not even bother. That said, we have enough not-camera-ready family members and enough lumps and bumps and squishies and questionable fashion choices that to truly stand out in our crowd would be remarkable. I don’t have time for this sh*t anyway.

    2. A lot of the time “bridezilla” behavior is the bride being driven up the wall by her family or decisions the groom was equally part of. That bride who chose a destination twelve hours away? The groom also picked it. That pastel dress code? The groom agreed to it. I definitely snapped the week before my wedding over “minor” things because my mom and MIL kept trying to change decisions we’d locked in months earlier.

      That being said…I stood up in a wedding where the bride decided to schedule hair and makeup at 6am for a late afternoon ceremony, she didn’t supply lunch so we were starving, the couple made us take outdoor photos in 20° weather at several locations (wearing our flimsy polyester dresses), and then the bride had a meltdown and screamed at everyone. When I originally complained about it on this board someone told me I clearly hate weddings.

      1. I hate weddings. I want to be a best man but no other role ever because they are all miserable and expensive. When I was a little I dreamed of being a bridesmaid almost as a lifestyle. Now? Never. The only upside of my crazy job is that it is the perfect cover for declining.

      2. Realistically, the groom was definitely not equally part of 90% of the decisions we made about our wedding (do most grooms have a lot of strong opinions about pastel color schemes vs. “whatever makes you happy”?).

        1. Okay but it’s misogynistic to blame the bride when the groom holds veto power. Unless we’re talking about a bridesmaid-only event the groom is equally responsible for all decisions. If he thinks the dress code is rude he could and would put a stop to it. But this groom didn’t see a problem. Even if the idea wasn’t originally his he’s inconsiderate enough to go along with it.

          1. I don’t have this concept of veto power, at least not when the bride’s family is paying? What is he going to do, not marry the bride?

          2. “My one-and-only, I love you and I am looking forward to marrying you more than anything in the world. I think asking people to wear specific makeup is going too far in terms of controlling what our family & friends do at the wedding”

            If you can’t have that kind of conversation, you probably shouldn’t be getting married!

        2. My groom was, and was generally the diva about all controversial decisions. He’s still like that. Fortunately he has other redeeming qualities :)

      3. “I definitely snapped the week before my wedding over “minor” things because my mom and MIL kept trying to change decisions we’d locked in months earlier.”

        YES. It’s the worst.

    3. I saw this on r3ddit. I tend to think these really outlandish things are fake. And +1 to the poster above about the groom also deserving blame in most situations.

      I’ve never really seen any bridezilla behavior in real life. We didn’t attend that many weddings though, mainly for close college/grad school friends where we really loved the couple, and for cousins where we were too much on the periphery to be involved in any wedding party drama. My best friend made her bridesmaids do setup/teardown for her rehearsal dinner, which was annoying because she had a huge budget and could have hired this out, but isn’t exactly “bridezilla.” I think my SiL would have been a bridezilla but she had a zoom wedding during peak Covid.

    4. I truly believe 95% of these stories are bots farming for interactions and that they succeed because most women love to feel like they’re better than other women.

      1. I completely agree. Outrage stories are mostly fake, written by bots, and then other bots reshare them on other platforms. The comments are padded by bots. It’s sad.

    5. I don’t think this is quite peak bridezilla behavior, but we have two weddings coming up and I was surprised by the level of detail/instructions given in the dress code. One says “Floor length dresses in florals or pastels.”

      I think they’re wanting to control the overall aesthetic look of the wedding for the photos that will go on social. It all ties back to social media.

    7. My nieces and nephew, all the children of the same parents, were all bridezillas (including the boy). The first to get married had no assigned seating at her wedding reception and didn’t even have enough tables and chairs for everyone to sit down. This was deliberate “so people would mingle.” We had to scramble to find a place for my 3-year-old, who was the flower girl, and the bride’s various elderly relatives to sit. Second to get married did not order enough food to serve his guests and everyone was starving. Last one made everyone stand outside in 30-degree weather for half an hour waiting for her “grand entrance” to the reception, then had the wedding party go through the buffet line first so kids were starved. She didn’t have enough food either. All three chose room blocks at hotels that were somehow both nasty and ridiculously expensive, and I could not convince my husband that we should stay at a better and cheaper hotel because he wanted to be at the same hotel as the rest of the family.

      At my own wedding I barely even got to eat because I was making sure all my guests had what they needed and were being acknowledged for their presence. The wedding couple are the host and hostess, not a prince and princess. Feed your d@mn guests whom you are holding hostage at your reception, and let them sit down.

    8. Sounds like the SIL got the better end of the deal. I can’t fathom it either.

  6. To the poster yesterday asking about having to make Thanksgiving a lap meal:

    I’ve been hosting lap cocktail parties for years, and the trick is to eliminate foods that need a knife – here, the turkey. Instead, take your sliced dinner roll, add turkey (and cranberry and whatever else people like) and you have a tidy sandwich with all the traditional fork-ready sides. You’d have to know if your family would be ok with this – my husband’s family would think it was fun, my own would say how “interesting” (code for “omg this is different and I hate it”).

    Btw, I’m accustomed to seeing the cocktail table in the family room set with its own place settings. Depending on furniture and the like, you can get another 4-6 spots. This is sort of a table and chair, so you can keep turkey with a knife.

    1. Thanks! Yeah the sandwich thing was a hard fail for me. I think no matter how much food there is people want a sit down meal with at least the adults eating together and if not everyone has a place they will be unhappy. Or at least loudly questioning where they’re supposed to eat, which will make me unhappy. I hope I’m not being defeatist because I appreciate the creative suggestions but I don’t think any of this will work. Maybe we’re just not more the merrier people as much as I’d like to be.

      1. I missed yesterday’s thread but it’s ok to have a max capacity for comfortable entertaining IMO! It’s also ok for guests not to love the experience of scarfing down TG dinner with a fork while trying not to move their knees while they stretch to get their glass of wine from the coffee table that can’t be adequately close to everyone in the area at once.

        1. Agreed. And I have always tried to get out of those overcrowded situations as fast as I can. To me, they’re the holiday equivalent of a frat party and I have no interest in them. Put on a nice dinner, if there’s too many people for one house, someone else will step up to take on hosting too. You don’t have to do it all.

        2. Agreed. I grew up in a “lap meal” family, where about 30 of us crammed into a small farmhouse and dinner was on sturdy paper plates on your lap unless you were an elder. I have fond memories of this as a kid because I was with my family, but as an adult I do not replicate this experience. Zero judgment for those who do. I still attend holidays with my family when I can (I live across the country) and have a good time seeing folks, but it’s just not a pleasant eating experience.

          That said we’re informal – we roate who hosts (us or the in-laws, who are local), and there are usually a couple of stranded folks who join. We’ll include as many folks as we have seats for (which in both host homes includes a dining table and a kitchen island that’s next to the dining table). Anything beyond that is just too much for us.

      2. Do you have a backyard? Friends of mine host a large annual party in the winter. They hire a tent with heaters. It is really warm and fun!

        I’ve also hosted football-forward Thanksgivings. The food is served buffet style and everyone sits where they want. Some like tables, some like couches. This does not sound like your family’s Thanksgiving culture though.

        1. I should clarify this that my question was actually about Christmas Eve, sparked by a thanksgiving question. I have no desire whatsoever to host it outdoors here in the north east. But im sure this party is lovely, especially if it’s mostly friends. I’m also not renting out a restaurant or putting people in a garage or seating them on a yeti cooler. It’s nice to hear about everyone’s holiday memories but my people might would not be happy.

        2. I love the tent and heaters idea. I have retired from being The Producer of Thanksgiving, but if I hadn’t I would so steal this idea, add string lights and low music, and have the best Thanksgiving ever.

      3. There’s nothing defeatist about dealing in reality! Your house will never magically expand and allow you to add additional tables. You either have to change the way you serve the meal (which you don’t want to do) or stop inviting additional people every year.

    2. I missed this post, but am having 23 people for Thanksgiving and am scooting in tables where I can. I have 3 folding tables that are 2’x4” that are really a dream. Because they are so narrow, they fit in tighter spaces so much better than a traditional table. You can put them in place of your existing cocktail/coffee table to make more meal seating at the sofa if you’re really squeezing people in.

      I bought them during covid to set up home school space for my daughter in my upstairs hallway and they have been some of my most useful purchases.

    4. I am one of the big the-more-the-merrier people (partly because I have also been the stranded one far from any family on holidays); but don’t feel like that has to be your family culture! And no matter how much you squeeze, there is going to some limit where your space simply doesn’t work – ie. you wouldn’t tie yourself in knots trying to figure out how to host 100 people in a 600 sq ft apartment; you’d just know it was impossible. It sounds like you’ve thought through how to maximize the number of people in a sit-down setting in your space, and you’ve found the limit – that’s totally normal.

      Also, if hospitality & welcoming people is important to you, I bet that’s coming through in other ways in the rest of your life as well. The world needs people to host big Thanksgivings :) but it also needs people who invite you over 1:1 for a casual beer and spaghetti, or who always remember to send their nieces and nephews birthday cards, or who are patient with great-aunt’s 50th-version of the story, or who are extra thoughtful about planning a menu that accommodates special needs. Don’t let us “the more the merrier” people make you feel inadequate in what *you* offer.

      1. Just wanted to agree with this. It’s really important to me to be a welcoming person and a good host, and I always thought that meant being a “more the merrier” person – but then I realized that it genuinely stressing me out every time. So I scaled down and switched to inviting people over more often, but in smaller groups. I’m still welcoming the same number of people, just at different times, and I feel like it makes it easier for me both to plan and also to have conversations and really connect with people; I’ve actually made more close friends since making the switch. It doesn’t have to be inhospitable to keep things a little smaller.

        1. Preach. I have realized I am not a “the more the merrier” person. I truly wish I were, but it also stresses me out and makes me way less fun to be around.

    5. I love the idea of “the more, the merrier” but as a guest, I would find this exhausting. I grew up in a very small family, so holidays were always very relaxed and intimate. Over the years, I’ve spent holidays with friends/SOs and I find large gatherings kind of overwhelming. Hot, loud, crowded, awkwardly attempting to make conversation with strangers. I respect and appreciate the love and warmth, but it is just not for me. I want to wear my comfy pants and just drink wine and snack with my 2 favorite people.

  7. Pennsylvanians: how’s Sen. Fetterman’s popularity at home? I’m in DC, and he’s had a rough week: falling and hurting himself and awful reviews of his new book. But DC is no fan of his, so I’m curious if it’s just the infamous DC bubble trash talking as usual or if support at home is weak, too.

    1. PA despises Fetterman. Dems who voted for him feel like we got a Sinema-level betrayal, and I think his political career is over. He can’t be gone fast enough for me (and for many, and I think most, Pennsylvanians).

      1. Honestly, the national party needs to pick 15 things that they stand for, and anyone who wants to run as a democrat needs to pick at least 10 (publicly) that they will protect. That way we know who we’re getting when it comes time to vote.

      3. I’m from near Bethlehem and feel like he really resonates in the way that Trump does, but with what used to be typical (Philly excepted) in the state. IDK who else you think the state would send to DC as a senator but CA sent Feinstein back to DC for way too long and someone quite far to the left socially isn’t electable and even someone left economically won’t make it if too far left. So what do you want that is feasible?

        1. Conor Lamb would be a good candidate, I think. But I’m not quite sure why you are getting riled up here? I might want something that you don’t want and vice-versa. I’m irritated with the persistent “what is feasible” caveat, which hamstrings progress, imagination, and possibility. But others might not feel that way and have more conservative ways of approaching political thought.

        2. If I were in PA, I’d care less about his specific political positions and more about the fact that he doesn’t seem to care about representing me. He doesn’t bother showing up to vote and is open about how much he hates the job. If that’s the case, he should go home and let someone else do it. His reckless driving would also be disqualifying for me.

        3. But Fetterman was electable on the campaign he ran on, which was way to the left of where he is now?

    3. In his polling, he’s doing horribly with Pennsylvania Dems and pretty darn good with Republicans, make of that what you will

    5. This site is not exactly representative of Pennsylvania’s population, even its Democratic population. That said, he is not polling particularly well amongst Democrats at the moment (the last polls I saw had his disapproval over 50% but I have a healthy distrust of that polling company).

      I doubt he runs again even if his health allows, so he may not care about his approval ratings.

      1. Agree with this. This board is not a representative slice of any state, let alone that state (so old its lottery has long benefitted older Pennsylvanians, and fairly rural).

    6. I am in Philly and my bubble despises him. We are more progressive than most, however.

    7. He’s an alumnus of my high school. I’m glad to have gotten away from there. Just once it would be nice to see a headline from my hometown or about someone from my hometown and not say “WTF?”

  8. Which job would you take? I have two young kids and I’m the breadwinner.

    Job A: stay in my current federal government job (not in DC); strong pay for locality; 3+ weeks leave per year, plus additional sick days; total WFH 8:30-5; excellent colleagues; work I’m very good at but am losing interest in doing; historically good internal lateral moves available; abysmal morale. The administration is hacking away at my agency, and I thought I’d be RIF’d by now. The recent CR will protect my job effectively until at least the end of March.

    Job B: Fortune500; same pay as government job but potential 20% bonus; 3 days in office 8:30-5 with full hour commute each way; 2 weeks leave per year; seem like solid colleagues; a large pivot from my current specialty. Others here describe it as their unicorn job.

    Job C: similar to consulting; $25k more than govt job with potential 40% bonus; WFH with optional in-office; “unlimited leave”; billable hours around 1900; cutting-edge work in my area; very questionable job culture.

    Job D could be out there after I’m inevitably RIF’d.

    1. Not Job C unless you need the $.

      2 weeks vacation per year is abysmal so Job B would have to be amazing in every single other respect for me to consider it.

      1. And it’s not even 2 weeks vacation, it’s 2 weeks “leave” which is even worse, because your sick time comes out of that! It would pretty much be a dealbreaker for me.

      2. In my experience if a company is archaic enough to provide such little leave you’re going to see that rigid, old school mentality manifest in other ways.

    2. If you have 2 active offers recently, you sound like you’re a very strong candidate, so (D) is pretty reasonable

      No way I’d take B though – 2 hours of commuting time 3x/week & only 2 weeks PTO is killer. They’d have to be paying WAY more to make that worth it, and maybe no amount of money

    3. How much flexibility does spouse have – and how much of the breadwinner are you? If you are making the large majority of income, then from the bare facts here I think Job B (can you negotiate a bit more PTO? Or will it accrue fairly quickly after the first couple years?) This also requires spouse to be flexible. My husband is currently in a similar job to B (but with great benefits) and I’m basically the point parent for everything M-F

    4. B. Most upward mobility and you’re the breadwinner. WFH jobs are dead ends. You’ll eventually accrue more vacation. I wouldn’t stay at your current job either. My answer changes if you only have an offer at either B or C – take the bird in hand.

      1. I doubled my salary by accepting a fully remote job. WFH can widen your opportunities beyond your geographic area. It’s not all bad.

        1. No, that’s great if you’re somewhere truly remote, but your upward mobility is limited. You rarely see someone move up in a meaningful way remotely (I’m talking true promotions not going from junior to senior something). That there are exceptions doesn’t mean the rule is wrong.

          1. Do you get your news from the WSJ? They are so anti-WFH. But I don’t think these are assumptions to live by.

          2. it’s not a hard and fast rule, but even in my liberal workplace, every time you want to promote a full time remote person, you need to find a much stronger case than you would for an equivalent on site person.

      2. On the other hand, depending on your lifestyle the perks may be worth a sacrifice in upward mobility. I’m 100% remote and fully aware my upward mobility is limited but I can’t imagine going back to a commute and giving up the ability to work from anywhere in the US.

        1. If you’re the family breadwinner, I don’t think you get to consider the perks as much.

    5. Job A – you are getting bored and about to be laid off. Seems that you must leave.
      Job B – could be OK, but downside is significant – in office with long commute, limited time off, not a lot more $, different work (you don’t say whether it interests you).
      Job C – significant advantages – interesting work that I assume will build your skills and open doors to other future opportunities, much higher pay, WFH. You will work a lot more than you do now (but from home, which makes a big difference).
      I would go with Job C (unless the culture issue you allude to is a nonstarter).

    6. Not Job C. That potential bonus is based on something – what is it and how comfortable are you doing it? Sales? New clients? Now how comfortable are your colleagues with it? Will it be a competitive environment? Time entry is hellatious; least favorite part of my job by far.

    7. You don’t say what the commute is for Job A, but to me the commute makes Job B a non-starter. An hour each way with young kids is back-breaking. WFH is such a huge value.

      The govt RIFs are slowing down/stopped, it seems. DOGE was a failure and has been quietly sunsetted.

      1900 billable hours is a LOT of work. Working 40 hours a week typically results in 1500-1600 hours billed if you are pretty disciplined/focused with a full plate.

      1. Yeah an hour commute is a big deal as a working mom. Maybe only take a job like that if you’re laid off and have no other options? I’d keep looking. Sometimes you have to turn down opportunities to get the right one. Do you feel it’s a red-alert moment, or do you have a bit of a runway? I feel like the administration is losing interest in beating up feds. The initial blood thirst is wearing off.

      2. Chiming in to agree that 1900 hours is a lot of hours to bill. I left a government job about 6 years ago to go into the private sector, and didn’t realize how much time I’d spend doing things that are essential but not billable, because I just hadn’t had to account for my time that way before.

        1900 + “potential” big bonus also seems to me like they’re telling you to bill more for that reward – which is going to severely cut into your time with your family.

        2. Personally I’d rather spend 6 hours a week in my car listening to podcasts and drinking coffee than a lot more than that billing time.

      3. She said A is fully WFH, so no commute.

        I would stay at A and keep looking. There is no way I would commute 1 hour each way 3x per week.

    9. 2 weeks of leave is a dealbreaker for me.

      I’m a fed, and it’s so awful right. But, I don’t think I’ll find anything out there that I like as much as what I have now, so I’m here til I get RIF’d.

    10. What’s your financial situation? I personally would stay in A because I’d be okay getting RIF’ed and I like my time off and I treasure WFH.
      Otherwise I’d do B and away them to match my current vacation allowance.
      I wouldn’t do C because I dislike working to hours targets.

    11. Depends on your financial state but I would (and did) stay in A until you get RIF’d and then try to find Job D. Both B and C sound terrible to me.

    12. Thanks for the feedback, especially on commute and leave. In my metro area, an hour long commute is not unusual, although it’s far more common among working/breadwinner dads with SAHMs. I’d really prefer to work in office, but for the typical lengthy commute. My understanding was that 2 weeks’ vacation was pretty standard in corporate America (I’d have a week of additional sick leave), but maybe that isn’t the case? Also, re Job C, the work and its bonus structure does not give my do-gooder heart any qualms, but I’ve heard from others in my field that the job culture is male dominant with many of the bad stereotypes attached to that.

      1. I think 3 weeks of vacation is becoming pretty standard in the corporate world. But you might be able to negotiate an extra week.

        1. At our company, that’s basically how our leave starts – the offers start at 2 weeks vacation/1 week sick unless you negotiate it in. it’s a pretty easy thing to ask for if you’re coming from more leave.

          I don’t think B is too bad, assuming the company is really truly not going eliminate WFH and go back to work in office 5 days a week. I could do a 1 hour commute 3 days a week but 5 days a week would be a lot.

        2. Just benchmarking – if you’re at a director level or above you should probably be looking at 20 days at least of pTO in corporate America.

          1. Yeah, if you are a mid-career professional, you shouldn’t start with the leave of an associate.

      2. An hour plus commute is common in many Metro areas. It is still to be avoided if at all possible.

      3. 2 weeks’ vacation is what I would expect for a 22yo new hire, not a midcareer professional.

    13. B is a non-starter in my mind. No raise, worse PTO, horrendous change in your commute. Others considering it their unicorn job is irrelevant.

      C is a possibility if you need the higher income, but the job culture and fact that it requires billing hours are detriments to me.

      A looking for D would be my plan.

    14. With young kids, I’d stay at Job A. My husband is a fed and accrues so much leave. We’d be very stressed without his flexibility. If you’re leaving a government job, I’d expect a substantial raise. Job B seems like low pay and bad benefits – hardly a unicorn. Job C has the pay but seems terrible in every other aspect.

    15. Keep looking OP! Job B isn’t that great with a short leave, and who knows what’s going to happen with bonuses. It’s basically a lateral move with more costs (going in 3 days a week) associated with it.

      C’s red flag is the questionable job culture.

      Overall, how prepared are you to work outside 9-5 hours? How much does your partner do? I think the answers to those questions should guide decisions.

      Good luck in your job search OP!

  9. Maybe some students or parents know this, but if your kid goes to a Catholic college and has a BCP Rx, will she have any issues filling it? It was a step before taking Accutane and wound up clearing severe cystic acne, so we want her to stay on it and to avoid messing up anything where we’s be left with Accutane as the last resort. I feel that it is allowable per my understanding of Catholic teaching but don’t want to be That Mom calling around. Some schools have nearby retail chains but some have on-campus health centers. Kid mortifies easily.

      1. Do kids go to mailboxes in 2025?

        I know for my kid, pharmacy matters because they have ADHD meds that they can’t get except in person and also with showing a license. So they need not just a real local pharmacy, but it needs to be walkable to campus.

        1. Most college dorms have mailboxes right there in the dorm, so they wouldn’t need to go to the post office.

          1. The point is they won’t mail ADHD meds. Trust me, as a parent of an ADHD kid, medication management is logistically difficult.

    2. Depends on which Catholic school but at the vast majority, they will have no problems.

      [And yes, you are correct in your reading of Catholic medical ethics]

    3. If they are on university health insurance and use the health center, they are going to have trouble filling it. If they’re on your health insurance and can just go to CVS or get them by mail, etc. it will be fine. I cannot think of a single catholic school that does not have a drugstore off campus somewhere, but if that’s the case, I think there are bigger reasons to avoid said school. Also, this is an example of your kid who mortifies easily being an 18 year old adult, who will need to figure out how to pick up a prescription.

      1. For my kids, I pick up since I picked a pharmacy convenient to my job and they are learning to drive still. Life skills to put on the list to teach and transition.

        1. I know some meds must be picked up in person, but free delivery and mail order are both widely available where I live.

      2. Ugh, really? I get why an 18 year old might be nervous to argue with the staff at student health. Or why she would be embarrassed to pick up birth control at a nearby pharmacy teeming with her Catholic classmates. The CVS across from my campus had a small pharmacy area so anyone in line could overhear the name of your prescription. Privacy isn’t guaranteed.

        But I agree that the answer is mail ordering a 90 day supply or not sending your daughter to a college that makes women jump through hoops to access medication.

        1. I’ve never had a pharmacy announce my prescription. IME they call the customer’s name. And unless you are taking that BCP, you wouldn’t necessarily recognize the name anyway?

        2. I don’t know where I heard it, but the phrase “if you think you’re old enough to do it, you must also be old enough to talk about it” and therefore overcame my shyness to ask my surgeon about how soon I could kiss my HS boyfriend after having jaw surgery. I’m sure I was beet red, but I did it!

          1. Hahaha so true. I love this story. As an adult it seems totally tame but I can feel your mortification as a teenager!

        3. Come on. There may be lots of reasons while her child selected a Catholic university. I attended a Catholic university for women for undergraduate, and it was a good choice for me for many reasons. ( The school is co-ed now.) Most of the professors were quite liberal and I cannot imagine this being an issue.

          Catholics realize that birth control is prescribed for a variety of reasons, and support that. Personally, I tried BCP once when I was young, didn’t like it (maybe some conflict with my beliefs, and have never taken it again. I don’t understand the snark towards “Catholic medical ethics.” You make your choices, I’ll make mine.

          1. Catholic medical ethics are dangerous to Women. A Catholic hospital that cannot perform emergency abortions for the numerous medical reasons that require them should not be allowed to have an open ER.

    4. When I was in a similar situation I got my script filled at a nearby CVS. I didn’t check into getting it on campus. Per teaching this is definitely a grey area….but since she is taking it as a medical treatment for something unrelated to fertility it should be “permissible”. I don’t know how strict the school is, though!

    5. Curious, but why is it allowed per Catholic teachings? Isn’t it still being prescribed to avoid accidental pregnancy? (I ask due to intellectual curiosity not to fan the flames.). Agree on mail order 90 day prescriptions to ensure she always has the prescription handy and avoid last minute trips to pharmacy.

      2. I read it as it was prescribed to balance hormones and treat acne. That is a medical treatment. If she were taking Accutane and on BCP to prevent pregnancy, that would not be permissible, because the sole intent is to prevent pregnancy.

        1. So yes the poster above is correct that there is the “principle of double effect” – if the main intent is not to disrupt fertility, it is permissible. The birth control aspect is a side effect, not the main goal.

          1. Is it not the same with Accutane, to get medical treatment for a disease (cystic acne)?

          2. But they would be taking the BCP specifically not to conceive. The BCP has no bearing on the effectiveness of Accutane, which is the medical treatment. (And abstinence is more effective than the BCP if they need to avoid conception, so it’s not “necessary”)

          3. It sort of is required to be on it (even though my kid has never even kissed a boy) for a girl, since there is a black box teratogenic warning on it and no doctor in his or her right mind would prescribe it without any female patient being on 2 forms of birth control (so BCP and using barrier protection), even if not having s*x or being a lesbian (because not all s*x is voluntary or planned). The lawsuit risk is too high. So basically, you go on BCP or you do not have the ability to force a doctor to write you an Accutane Rx. The BCP is required to access the care.

          4. I was able to take Accutane without being on birth control as a teen. I had to sign some kind of abstinence pledge.

          5. That may be doctor or practice specific? I feel like lawyers or fear of them is why our doctors require BCPs or just try everything else first. Often BCPs do the trick and Accutane isn’t needed even if it solved problems for sons in the same family.

      3. It’s the difference between taking birth control in order to make yourself unable to conceive; and taking a medication that treats a medical condition you have (cystic acne) and has the unfortunate side effect of temporary infertility. The medication can be prescribed to treat hormonal acne (or severe cramping, or other things), rather than “to prevent pregnancy”.

        Essentially, the Catholic opposition to “birth control” isn’t to the specific chemicals in those specific drugs, it’s to the idea of doing something that changes the nature of s*x in order to make sure it won’t result in a pregnancy.

        Same logic applies to any other medical treatment that has the side effect of temporary or permanent infertility – a hysterectomy, many forms of chemotherapy, etc. If you’re doing it to make sure you don’t get pregnant that’s different from doing it in order to treat a medical condition

      4. Anon@10:41 – I think the OP was asking about taking BCP to directly treat the acne; rather than as a requirement to qualify for Accutane

        For the other situation, where you go on birth control *in order to* avoid becoming pregnant while on Accutane (because of the legitimate risk of serious birth defects if you become pregnant while taking Accutane), Catholic medical ethics would hold that as an unethical use of birth control pills, since as you mention, the direct intent of the birth-control part is avoiding pregnancy. We consider it wrong at a societal level for physicians/practices to require that.

        However, at an *individual* level, I think there’s a strong argument for a person, who is primarily avoiding pregnancy through morally-acceptable means (ie. abstinence), and can only access a needed medical treatment by agreeing to also take birth control, to assent to the birth control pills. It’s wrong that she’s been put in that situation, but it’s not necessarily personally sinful for her to agree, given that her only other choice is forgoing the needed medical treatment.

    6. College kids should get their own birth control. And if it’s embarrassing that their educational institution doesn’t like their birth control maybe they should think about that.

    7. I think the on-campus health center will not fill it, although it may depend on the specific policy of the school. I went to Boston College for law school and I know it was a big thing at the time that you couldn’t get birth control from the campus health center.
      CVS, etc. will deliver prescriptions for a small fee.

    9. Not at all what you asked, but please get your daughter checked for PCOS. I am not typical presentation for PCOS so everyone missed it, but once PCOS was diagnosed and treated, my acne disappeared completely. If it had been caught sooner, I would have felt much better about my appearance, avoided scarring and a course of Accutane with all the associated side effects.

      2. People are not “letting religion control.” They either make the choice to follow teachings, or they make the choice not to. To me, I think this is a consistent life ethic and makes sense and I choose to follow it. To some people, they don’t get it and don’t! But no one is forcing anyone to go to a Catholic college or impeding their ability to use a different pharmacy.

        1. +1 As long as there is religious freedom, I think it is great that people consider morality and ethics as they make decisions.

          I’m Christian and that informs my choices about my body . An atheist friend of my has strong beliefs about animal welfare and follows a vegan diet in accordance with those beliefs. Great for both of us.

        2. +100. I make personal choices to follow teachings of my religion. But, I’m also a thinking person and have no concerns with other people using BCP or taking BCP for other reasons. After some serious reflection, I would happily help someone access birth control if that’s what they wanted. Yes, birth control prevents pregnancy, and to me, it’s more moral to prevent unwanted pregnancy in the first instance than the choices we face with an unwanted pregnancy. Does my religion agree? No, but I believe my God accepts when we lead with love.

        3. But people are actually impeding other women’s ability to control their bodies and access birth control. And you support it every time you send money to Catholic schools and churches. No one cares whether you personally take it; they care that you support an extremely powerful religion that teaches its wrong.

      3. It’s wild to me that healthcare is so sexist that we can’t get acne medication without a side effect of infertility.

        1. +1. Or if you dare state that the BCP is not the best thing since sliced bread and maybe we should look into more targeted medication for women’s health issues, you are branded an anti-feminist tradwife.

          1. Preach. I would especially like to know how much of the “insulin resistance”/“metabolic syndrome” epidemic is caused by hormonal BC.

        2. It’s not just acne medication, it’s a medicine that can cause severe and permanent fetal anomalities. It’s a teratogen. It’s not safe to be pregnant on it (ditto chemo and some other medical treatments, like xrays).

          1. Abortion exists. Obviously it’s a lot harder now post-Roe but these absurd requirements and invasive tests to prevent pregnancy just to get Accutane have been over the line for years. No, 14-year-old girls should not be “required” to do two forms of birth control and a monthly pregnancy test just to fill a prescription.

          2. Do physicians/practices that require BCP to get Accutane give exceptions for patients who get significant side effects from the birth control?

            I am what most people on this board would consider a *pro life nut job*, and even to me that seems like an extremely weird prioritization of a potential, doesn’t-exist-yet, baby, over the present needs of the woman/girl actually in front of you

          1. Healthcare is. Just look at where research dollars go. We’ll buy that biology is the issue after spending is equitable.

          2. Biology is the issue when it comes to creating birth defects in babies, because only biological women gestate.

      4. We’ve got to stop sending our kids to religious institutions like this when we’re against their policies. We all want our daughters to have access to bc when they want and need it- especially in college. And then we pretend like the fact that they don’t want women on bc unless it’s for acne is some small little quirk and not an extremely messed up worldview. The r@pe victim with acne is in a much better place, isn’t she?

        I’m not just scolding; I’ve been guilty of attending and considering sending my kids to these schools. Then I remember what they actually want from women and I get pretty sick to my stomach. It’s not just a “take it or leave it” idea; it’s the actual policy of a student health center. Why do I manage to normalize this?

        1. +1 that these kinds of policies should be treated as major issues, not little quirks. I’d certainly discourage my kids from applying. That said, I recognize it’s not always easy to avoid these institutions and there are other factors to consider.

          I avoid Catholic healthcare systems for myself and my family because I don’t want to give them business and have them grow, even if the care at hand isn’t an area where they allow clergy to overrule doctors.

      5. It seems weirder to me to have a religion but just think it shouldn’t impact your choices in life at all?

    12. If the school is small, she probably can’t get any prescriptions filled on campus anyway. My daughter’s school has 3000 students, and student health had no pharmacy. She was not happy when she got sick and had to figure out how to get to a pharmacy several miles away to pick up antibiotics.

    13. Are you the same person who regularly posts your worries about your daughter’s ability to manage her life in college?

      My daughter is easily embarrassed and not one to stand up for herself. College has been fantastic for her maturity because it’s forced her to do these things for herself. Step back and let your daughter be an adult. If the pills are important enough to her, she’ll figure out how to get them. Support her by making sure she has her own health insurance and HSA cards with her and warn her about out-of-network providers.

      2. God, seriously. I am a lawyer. I had a direct report who was 32 years old, had been practicing for about 5 years, and went to a prestigious undergrad and law school. She was completely incapable of problem solving, and we fired her after a few months. She told me that she had been getting unreasonably high utility bills for months, but took no steps to figure it out. Eventually, she told me with zero embarrassment that mother helped her figure out why her utility bill was so high – she had set up an account 8 months before but never activated auto-pay.

    15. This is so weird – my 30 yo daughter was home last night and we were remembering the time she let her BCP run out and before we could ship her a refill, she asked at her Catholic school whether she could get a prescription for a 30 day fill to tide her over. Flat out no. When she told them (and offered to prove) that it was written by a derm, not an OBGYN they flat out called her a liar. This was Villanova by the way. I have a silent moment of revengeful glee every single time they send me a fundraising letter and I trash it.

      1. I’d have the same reaction. I wish it weren’t called BCP as it seems to let people assume a lot of things (and for boys that age, they think that if something is on the menu once, even if for someone else, it’s on the menu always, but IRL you are taking a medicine for acne and still a virgin. It’s overall just rotten. Girls can’t win.)

        1. None of the meds are called BCPs. That’s the shorthand that people use, not an official name

    16. Villanova was great for my kid in this. They were great in every area of mental health. Saying this as the mother of a gay bipolar child you did great there.

  10. Where can o get a nice silver picture frame for a 5×7 picture to go along with similar frames on a bookcase? Last bought them 20ish years ago from Ross-Simons.

    1. Amazon sells Cunill. I’ve liked them. I prefer buying antique/vintage though, and would buy from Etsy.

  11. How do you tell when compliments are genuine vs just a social pleasantry? I bake a lot but I can’t tell if people actually like my treats or are simply being socially appropriate. Things like ‘omg this is great’ or ‘can I get the recipe?’

    Are these just soft let downs like ‘lets catch up sometime?’

    1. Don’t worry about it. Accept the pleasantries. Do you need your baking to be next level in other people’s eyes? Is it something you just enjoy doing for its sake?

    2. Assume good intentions until proven otherwise. If someone asks for the recipe, give them the recipe! If they say “omg this is great” maybe it’s white lie, maybe it’s not, just take the compliment.

    3. I’m of the opinion that if people bother to compliment it, they had a good experience. If I don’t like something I won’t say anything, or will just thank the person for being thoughtful/for their effort. Also, if you’d like specific feedback (say, you are working on your recipe), ask! I would enjoy that conversation.
      Generally I think it’s a good idea to take people at their word. Enjoy the compliments!

    4. We have extended family members who copiously compliment everything. Every meal is “just wonderful” and “so delicious”. I finally caught on when I tried making egg nog and scrambled the eggs! Still, so many compliments.

      My immediate family certainly laughs internally whenever they make a compliment (and out loud to each other when they leave!)

      In your situation, if you think the food is great, also, then I would accept the compliment at face value. I think you can tell if something is not quite right with the dish and they are still falling all over themselves as praise. Maybe I’m rude, but I only give direct compliments when I mean them!

          1. Why wouldn’t you give them the benefit of the doubt? Not everyone has the most discerning palate, I think it’s so weird to assume they secretly hate your food and are lying.

          3. Yah I’m the original commenter and I think it’s actually lying….. I can see complimenting the effort (thank you for such a nice meal!) and I do appreciate their overall disposition of gratitude. But they get really detailed and compliment literally everything, including dishes that I know were overdone or tasted off. We just think it’s funny now! And can’t really trust the compliments. But I know the definition of polite is a -big thing- around here!

          4. I get it – exaggerated compliments for everything kind of devalue compliments. I want praise to be honestly earned, not just omg this muffin is incredible!!! when it’s an entenmann’s box baked good.

        2. I mean, I would laugh too at people who praised my scrambled egg nog as though it were delish.

    5. My usual course of action is to take everyone at their word, unless an individual demonstrates I ought to do otherwise. Unless you’re considering the viability of opening a bakery business, I wouldn’t expend too much energy on pondering the true degree of enthusiasm underlying people’s compliments.

      1. I definitely don’t want to own a bakery but I would be less inclined to bake for others if I knew they didn’t actually enjoy my goods. The only person who is somewhat transparent is a colleague who always asks if he can keep the extras and then brings me back my washed Tupperware the next day.

        1. If I were your colleague, I would appreciate your thoughtfulness so much that I would compliment your baked goods even if they were just mediocre. One time a colleague made brownies FULL of cat hair and in that instance, I did not compliment and they were not eaten, so it was pretty obvious that no one appreciated the goods or the effort, hah.

    6. I’m so curious about what’s happening that’s making this a question for you!

    8. I don’t like bakery, but it’s easy to tell because I’m not eating any. Whether people are exaggerating their praise or not, if they’re coming back for more, I figure they must actually like it.

    9. I think it depends on context.

      If you are baking a normal amount and bringing baked goods to appropriate occasions where cakes are expected, take people at their word.

      If you are often bringing treats to work or other non-cakey places for no other reason or occasion than baking being your hobby, and then insisting that people taste, yes, some of the compliments are probably not sincere beyond sincere politeness or pleasantries.

    11. Assume good intentions. No way I would ask for a recipe if I didn’t really want it.

    13. I totally get this. I like to cook and bake and don’t want to eat it all myself, but it’s a lot of work (and potentially cost), so I want to make things people actually really like. If they just compliment everything, there’s no way to tell what’s worth making again. It’s just objective fact that some recipes are better than others and also that people have different subjective tastes in food, so I really appreciate feedback.

  12. I need a recommendation for a small rental apartment bathroom that has no window and no exhaust fan but where they lay out is such that it isn’t possible to leave the door open after showers for extended time to air out the moisture.

      1. this or those damp-rid buckets of absorbent stuff; keeping the door open and pointing a box fan into the bathroom

    2. This is my bathroom, I have a tower fan in the corner that I run after I take a shower. It’s narrow so it works in my small bathroom. I shower at night so I leave it running all night.

    3. Leave the door at least cracked open and position a fan so it can circulate the air.

    4. I have always thought most building codes require either an exterior window or an exhaust fan. Any chance your landlord could be required to install a fan for you?

    5. do you mean you can’t leave the bathroom door open after, or the shower door? if it’s the bathroom door itself you’re def going to need a dehumidifier – consider one that drains, rather than one with a tank you have to keep emptying, and just leave it IN the shower when you’re done.

      1. Forgot to add that I wipe the room down after the children shower and just the shower area when I have my shower. I have 4-5 hand towels on rotation for drying down the room. I color code so kitchen is white, bathroom is yellow, toilet area is blue, floors are pink. Same with rubber gloves for cleaning.

    7. If you have central air/heat where you can set the fan to “on” instead of “auto”, run the HVAC fan for an hour or so after showering.

      1. Could be fire alarm concerns, you see the same in some hotels, where the steam can activate the fire alarm.

  13. Another shoe question.
    Planning to wear a plaid dress from A&F for family pictures next week (link in reply). Shoot will be outdoors. I’m trying to figure out shoes.

    I have tall tan leather boots from DSW. I also have the ultimate millenial tan ankle bootie. Would a darker brown be better? Where should it hit on my leg? I’m 5’2.

    1. Post took a while to go up! Here is the link: https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChsSEwi74b_9i_KQAxUiuFoFHYP6F5YYACICCAEQIBoCdnU&ae=2&co=1&ase=2&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIu-G__YvykAMVIrhaBR2D-heWEAQYASABEgIN2fD_BwE&ei=Dl0XaYPAH-aJwbkP-J3L2AQ&cid=CAASlwHkaDD5spUZK-Vf1VuO0LxpiyMLAEaZBdsyz-MgNxIbbOfUt35FWdREjEn-wQ96jtoDWmlVivm6cajoayqLP-rl4Nm0PFTpV6NmJE9HLrr3QbY7lk4cJ4qPYi_s6Kn4vd5rsQp4PyE2v9XGP9gKy5Be8t1aMUiOwo4OFvSAklO-2JwQo0peg0uv6Lxj_3tn9jy9RA-j8JJV&cce=2&category=acrcp_v1_71&sig=AOD64_1x66v1c0eZ6iaQ_0k8ZWnk3JZkZA&ctype=5&q=&nis=4&sqi=2&ved=2ahUKEwiD_7r9i_KQAxXmRDABHfjOEksQ9aACKAB6BAgKEBI&adurl=

    2. I feel like I can’t even begin to give advice because I have no idea how short that dress is on you, compared to how short it is on the model. To me, the proportion of skirt-leg-boot is what would determine which boot looks best, along with how high- or low-contrast the different browns are with your skin.

      My very non-helpful advice is to try on your dress with the different boot options and take photos in your mirror. That way you’ll see which one photographs best to your eye.

  14. I’ve had several speaking engagements at conferences over the last few years that I want to put on my resume. How do I format a section for speaking engagements? I imagine I should include date, location, conference, and title of my talk in some order but what’s the best order and format for this?

    1. I would just say something like “Food and Wine Magazine Annual Conference, 2025 – panelist on mushroom varieties” vs. lengthy detail.

  15. Does anyone have recommendations for durable opaque or semi-opaque tights that fit a tall, non-plus size person like me? I am 5’10”, size 8 pants, 32″ inseam. DKNY in their Tall size was my go-to for years, but they no longer make tights. I tried Sheertex but their Medium size is too short and the waistband in their Large size is too big — slid down to my hips over the course of the day. Would prefer a control top but not picky at this point.

    1. Sheertex are terrible. I am not tall but find Wolford to be very stretchy and durable.

    2. Size up to Queen and yank them up. I’m a similar size and have always worn Q in regular drugstore tights.

    3. I prefer thigh highs due to length issues and hating the constricted feeling of a waistband. I like Commando Up all nights.

    5. Falke are what the tall people wear in Europe. Try them and if they don’t work try the more expensive Wolford.

  16. This week I had a HIPPA violation happen to me. Previously this had been discussed on here and I remember thinking to myself it’s no big deal.

    Well, I learned the hard way that it is a big deal. It’s woken me up to ask what else am I downplaying? Hopefully not much else!

    So, just wondering what other things people have experienced where they thought it wasn’t a big deal until it happened to them.

    1. I didn’t think miscarriage “wasn’t a big deal” but I definitely didn’t understand just how truly painful it was until it happened to me.

    2. It’s HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act).

      I haven’t experienced this yet, but I’ve witnessed identity theft three times in the past few years and it’s unreal to me what a never ending hassle it can be.

      I’m sorry that something went on with HIPAA that ended up being a big deal for you. I think a lot of healthcare fails are more ubiquitous than okay, which makes people downplay them just because they’re common.

      1. You’re doing g@d’s work here. Every time someone writes HIPPA a part of me dies a little. Do they think it’s a hippopotamus?

          2. People should know the name of the law they’re citing.
            Look alive lady. The world isn’t kind to fools.

          5. I’m really really glad I don’t work with you if you’re the type of person to call out a colleague for typing “NOA” instead of “NOAA” in a quick, inconsequential post. She’s not submitting a petition to the court here – it’s a freaking blog comment.

          6. I’m really glad I don’t work with you if you get butthurt over people pointing typos in a completely neutral way.

        2. I know what they mean when people write HIPPA, but glad to know I’m not the only one who pictures Moo Deng when I see it.

      2. Look I’m an accountant and I wouldn’t fry someone here who isn’t an accountant for say GAP instead of GAAP.

        To the others, who have replied to your helpful comment,

        I’m a non medical professional and I don’t work in this area. So I got it wrong. You still understood what I meant and you could have ‘educated’ me without being a bitch about it.

        2. No one here was a “bitch” in response to you. You have to toughen up if this sort of stuff bothers you.

          1. Umm I think this reply is nasty:

            ‘People should know the name of the law they’re citing.
            Look alive lady. The world isn’t kind to fools.’

            So I’m a fool and I should know the name of the law. I’m dealing with a much bigger problem than this. I have a child who is struggling a lot. I made a typo. It’s a forum not a filing.

            English is my third language and I came to the U.S. 20 years ago.

      3. Thank you. I declined to interview a privacy associate candidate who claimed to have lots of HIPPA experience on her resume. If you can’t get it right there, I’m not confident you actually have the experience!
        Also I work with startups and many of them ask me about HIPPO compliance, ha.

    3. Dealing with catastrophic insurance claims and navigating the process when your agent suddenly becomes your adversary because their job is predicated on minimizing loss for their firm, not maximizing the benefits owed to you.

      1. Not the OP but I know someone who had his medical results mixed up and he was told he had HIV when he didn’t. He went on an alcoholic bender.

          1. I guess if he was given someone else’s positive results it violated the other patient’s HIPAA rights. Sounds like they have bigger fish to fry if they were wrongly told they’re HIV negative though!

          2. If it included that patient’s name, sure, but then I would think he would’ve known about the error and not gone on a bender. Simply receiving anonymized but wrong bloodwork results is not a HIPAA violation.

          3. It wouldn’t be a HIPAA violation unless the incorrect results included the other person’s name. If it was just “you’re HIV positive” and then it turned out not to be true, that’s awful but not a HIPAA violation.

          4. Yes, it was. His paperwork with PHI was given to someone else. He didn’t receive the other person’s PHI, just their result communicated verbally.

      2. It affected me more than I thought it would. My child is in therapy because of SA. She has already been violated. Their privacy was then violated by someone who was brought in to help them.

        The consequences are the therapist is no longer working with my children and was terminated next day and I have to find a replacement. Luckily the school have stepped in and agreed to give the children an hour a week with their school social worker until I have a new person lined up.

        I’m so thankful for my sitter who told me right away.

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