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Wednesday’s TPS Report: Interwoven Striped Tweed Jacket

Nanette Lepore Interwoven Striped Tweed Jacket | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. LOVE this tweed little number, which Kate found on sale at Amazon. Yes, it's pink, but it's a dark pink, almost a purple, which to me means that you can wear it across multiple seasons, assuming it's weather appropriate. Wear it with a light blue blouse (chambray for a casual outfit) or even a cream or white sheath dress or pencil skirt — I'd even try it with other pastels like pale pink, mint, or yellow. In the fall, try it with a darker purple (this dress was apparently part of the set), a navy, a dark emerald green, or a dark charcoal (as pictured). It's kind of an amazing sale — was $448, now marked to $188 (eligible for Prime). Nanette Lepore Interwoven Striped Tweed Jacket Psst: The sale price has jumped around a bit this week, from $161 to $153 to the current price, so it may change again soon. Here are a few lower-priced options (here, here, here) and a few plus-size alternatives (here, here, here). Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

162 Comments

  1. Very cute! I like that it looks almost purple.

    This is for the hive. Do any of you ladies do your own investing? I’m trying to learn about it and have come to a point where I’d like input. What brokers do you use? Do you follow a plan? What is your preferred method of diversification? Do you have any suggestions for a young woman, or any tales of woe?

    I am at a pretty good place financially. My debts are going to be paid off by the end of the year, I have 6 months of emergency savings, and am starting to save for a down payment on a house. I have the price match for my 401K and am starting a Roth IRA this May.

    2. Yes, apart from my TSP I do all of my investing by picking individual stocks. I’ve done extremely well, but I think it’s definitely not for everyone.

      My only real piece of universally viable advice is make sure you do a TON of research and don’t be afraid to question conventional wisom. And be aware of how much/little risk you’re taking and learn to be okay with that. My biggest adjustment was not reacting emotionally to what seemed to be large swings in my net worth (they weren’t all that large, but when you see yourself gaining/losing thousands in one day, it’s a little unnerving)

    3. Yay! I love this TPS Choice, Kate! And Nanette Lapore, too! It is better for ROSA, tho, so I will send the link to her to read. BTW, Rosa loves Corporete and read’s it even tho she is NOT in the profesional workeing world. She read’s it for the ad’s and the clotheing! YAY Rosa!

      As for the OP, you should NOT invest for yourself unless you are a market expert, and my dad told me I should just leave the investing in HIS hand’s b/c he know’s alot about the market. He has done VERY well for my 401K and my stock’s, and he say’s he beat’s the S&P EVERY YEAR! YAY Dad! But Dad now want’s for me to get MARRIED, so that my husband can take this over for him. FOOEY on that b/c I doubt any husband I wind up with will be as smart as dad is in the market. I told dad NO, the last thing I need is to have my husband loose money in the market after dad did so well. So Dad continue’s to do all of my investeing as well as handeling all my finance’s — includeing bill paying and buddgetting, so that I am free to practice my legal profesion, which I have been doieng now as an admitted attorney at law in NY since 2009! Dad says it is time I got MARRIED already and he is shocked that other lawyer’s have NOT wanted to date me. I told him that most lawyer’s in NYC are either weazels who want sex , or just want for me to do thing’s I am NOT comfortabel doing — kind of like what my Alan did — and he was a drunk also! FOOEY!

      Myrna and I loved the movie w/ Patricia Arkette, she got bigger over the year’s so that is what I have to looke out for, Dad says. I need to avoid lookeing matronly, he said b/c no man will marry me if my tuchus get’s to big. Mom again told him to be quiet, and I agreed. I think that a woman CAN attract a man with a tuchus, since most men also have a big tuchus. I think the HIVE will agree with me there! YAY!

    4. Good for you for being so responsible about paying off debt and saving. I wish that I had, after paying off debt and starting to save, realized that investing is as important as saving. I just let what I was saving (a significant BigLaw sum) sit around in savings account for way too many years. I also wish I had been more aggressively invested earlier. It is very tough when you are working those hours to stay on top of this. If I had even invested most of it (rather than letting it languish) in a far-off-date targeted fund, that would have been much better. Good for you!

    5. Merrill Lynch takes care of my investments. It’s not that I am incapable of figuring it out but investments take a lot of time and dedication. If you do decide to do it on your own, I’d suggest that you start with funds as they are much more stable than individual stocks.

    6. My husband and I are relatively high income, and we put all our money in Vanguard mutual funds. We don’t pay anyone to advise us or manage our investments, and we’ve been pretty happy with the results.

      1. +1

        so many studies have shown, index funds are the way to go. between the high fees and not being able to tell the future, actively managed funds do not out perform the market.

      3. +1

        As someone who’s been in the industry for a long time, index funds are the way to go and Vanguard has the lowest fees by a margin. You can literally just put your money in the Total Stock Market Index Fund and leave it there while you do some more research to better familiarize yourself with the industry. I’d recommend reading “A Random Walk Down Wall Street” by Burton Malkiel. It’s a classic for a good reason and will explain how investing works and why passive index funds are more effective than actively managed funds. It would also be helpful to meet with a fee-based financial planner who just charges you a fee to meet with you and create a financial plan that you then go implement on your own. You can find one at National Association of Personal Financial Advisors (napfa.org).

    7. I do my own investing, but I have an econ degree and an MBA. I believe that financial education is a constant process. I read “not-so-sophisticated” advice, like Money magazine. I also read the WSJ, NYT personal finance blogs, Bloomberg Businessweek and sometimes Barron’s. I like to get updates from Cambridge Associates and PIMCO (they have macro views which are helpful). I know there are newer resources, often discussed on this blog, such as Mr. Money Mustache, Dave Ramsey and LearnVest. Personally, I find investment advice pushed toward women as offensive, but that’s me. (Why? It starts from a stereotype that women are too silly to know anything about finance and that they need hand holding, and goes from there.) If you are just learning about financial terms, then the
      The Wall Street Journal. Complete Personal Finance Guidebook is very helpful.

      I have all my money with Schwab. They offer free advice anytime, and I’ve found it to be quite good. I am a strong believer in passive investing (not individual stock picking or active management (like mutual funds)). They have access to lots of index funds for very good prices. (You should be able to get access to other “fund supermarkets” through any of the low cost brokers – eTrade, Scottrade, TDAmeritrade – or you could invest directly with Vanguard or Fidelity or similar.

      Congrats on being on top of this…it really makes a huge difference to either save early or save a lot.

      If you are just starting, I recommend “Smart Women Finish Rich” by Bach, “Get a Financial Life” by Kobliner or any of Suze Orman’s books.

      1. So much investment advice for women is on cutting out your daily latte, instead of making big decisions (like fully funding your 401K) that actually have serious long-term impact.

    8. I use Vanguard for index funds (S&P 500 index fund). I just sock any extras into that account and don’t worry about it. Very low fees. In the long run index funds have always outperformed managed funds. I wouldn’t pay anyone to invest my money (other than the very low Vanguard index fund fees).

  2. Please, for the love god, if you need to fight with your significant other while you are at work, do it via text or email. Even if you have your own office, walls are thin, and it’s very uncomfortable for your neighbors to hear your business when you are yelling at your dude on the phone. Also, maybe reconsider your drama-filled relationship.

    1. Oh awkward! I’m now grateful for my officemates with their heavy sighs and door slamming.

    2. I used to have a coworker who would have multiple daily phone calls with his wife and kid (she was a SAHM) on speaker phone (max volume) with the office door open. So at least twice a day I was treated to her screaming at the kid in the background and his banter with a 2-year-old.

      1. Ouch. The only way my situation could be worse is if the person were on speakerphone, so you definitely win.

    3. Please tell this to the guy who was having an argument with his dad on speakerphone with his door open about whether or not he should get a pre-nup.

    4. An assistant in my office often has loud screaming matches with her daughter about money and how she’s raising her daughter (on the phone and in person). Why do people think this is appropriate?

    5. Wish I could forward this to a coworker whose constant screamy calls to her ex-bf/source of child support (who is very behind on said payments, as the entire office knows) have become a mainstay.

    7. I raise you a coworker who does this and then rushes out the door to actually go have the fight with his wife in person then–like it’s some sort of “emergency” while leaving all his work for others and ignoring any deadlines. He also has a pet name for her that he loudly uses to comfort her during spats. I’ve had several folks ask me if that’s his kid he was talking to. I think that says it all.

  3. Does anyone have any recommendations for a home system that can play music/sound from my laptop, phone, and tv via wireless or bluetooth? Preferably under $400 and just to fill an apartment sized living room. Thanks!

    1. We have the Bose SoundLink, and it is fantastic for this purpose. It’s below your budget; I think it might be around $130-150 in the US?

      If you want to spend more, Sonos also makes great speakers, but I found it more difficult to set up/better suited for larger spaces (like a whole house system).

      1. The SoundLink is $300. I have been very happy with the quality of my SoundLink Mini ($200) for my living room/dining space, plus it’s more portable.

    2. I have two Sonos speakers, one in my living room, the other in my bedroom. I like them a lot. I think that the Play 3 should be big enough for an apartment sized living room; it costs $300.

    3. We have Sonos and really like it. We use two Play 1 speakers downstairs (~1400 sq ft), and they work great. We had just one speaker at first, in the living room, and it was fine–we only got the second for the kitchen so that I could hear something other than toddler music/the Frozen soundtrack while cooking.

    4. Honestly, I have the Jam bluetooth speaker and I’m perfectly happy with it. I got it as a gift but I think they’re in the $30-40 range. You have to charge it semi-frequently (not a problem for me) but the sound is great. I like that it’s portable so I can use it upstairs or down. Both floors are in the 800 sq. foot range and it’s plenty loud with good quality sound.

    6. We have a UE Boom and really like it. I did a lot of research before buying it comparing it to the other systems and techies gave it really good rankings.

  4. Wedding question: I have my first fitting for my wedding dress next week & I was told to bring the “foundation garments” I intend to wear. I have no clue. Any recommendations? I’m a pear with a B-cup chest and my dress is lace with cap sleeves.

    1. That just means bring exactly what you are wearing under the dress. I am having cups sewn in (my dress has a very low cut back) and will wear Spanx and hose (I am also pear-shape and my off-the-floor sample dress was the tiniest bit snug on the bottom), so I just brought the Spanx and hose. If you call Spanx or go into a store they are very helpful. Or if you think you don’t need any lumps or bumps covered up/compressed, I’d just bring whatever undies won’t give you VPL.

      My tailor also told me to bring the exact pair of shoes I will wear, which led to quite a scramble to decide on a pair.

      Good luck!

      1. Note that wedding dresses are heavier than most garments, and unless you are very busty or wearing something really supportive underneath your chest can get flattened out. I only wear a 34C, but wound up going with a seriously padded, push up type bra so that I got enough support to counteract the flattening effect of the dress.

    2. I think it really depends on the cut of the dress and whether you plan to wear spanx or a corset or something underneath. Might be a good opportunity to bring whatever you’re considering and try them on there with the dress? FWIW, I only wore undies under mine–and they could’ve been red granny panti3s and no one would’ve noticed bc the bottom part of my dress was so thick!

    3. The brides whose weddings I’ve been involved in (so far, two BFFs and one sister in law) have worn long-line bras that look a little like corsets and go down to about the natural waist. It seems to make the dress lay smoother, and gives more support than just a strapless bra. Almost every store that sells wedding dresses also sells those things, IME. Also, spanx are a thing – even for the tiny little 90-lb-soaking-wet one.

      Congratulations!

    4. In deciding what to wear, questions to ask would be:

      What type of dress is it (ballgown, mermaid, etc.)?

      What will the temperature be like when you get married?

      Do you have any specific areas of your body you’d like to play up or minimize?

      Also, will your cap sleeves hide bra straps or do you need strapless or cups sewn in? Is the back low cut or see through?

      FWIW, I’m a B cup and used a Nubra and spanx shorts (high waisted), which worked great.

    5. Ask them to add bra cups to the dress. You’ll be much more comfortable. But for purposes of the fitting, bring a strapless bra and spanx if you intend to wear it.

    6. If your dress is low-cut I’d recommend getting cups sewn in; otherwise, any kind of bra that you don’t mind other people seeing you in (since you’ll likely need help zipping up the dress and stuff) is fine. You also probably want to go with nude-colored underwear or spanx – whatever is most comfortable to you.

    7. And the reason they want you to bring the exact foundation garments you will wear is because the undergarments really do affect the tailoring of the dress, especially through the bust.

    8. I had cups sewn in and just wore panties? I guess I had a little gut because I passed on spanx but it was July and I wanted to be comfy. My husband was delighted regardless. Only advice: I wish I had pushed them to alter the top more. I wanted a tasteful hint of cleavage and I didn’t get it (also a B cup) because the dress was a little big on top.

    9. I had cups sewn into my dress bc it was a low-cut strapless and that worked better than trying to wear a bra with it. I only wore regular underwear to my fittings though – on the day of I wore off-white nylons (it was cold and I had closed-toe shoes) but without any shaping.

  5. Does anyone have recommendations on taking their own photos for their LinkedIn profile? I work for a government agency, so no firm headshots….but my law-school era photo on LinkedIn is a bit fuzzy and old. I am planning on getting a friend with a good digital camera to take new shots this weekend. Any suggestions on:

    1. Location. If we did it at my apartment, my walls are kind of a beige/eggshell white, and sometimes read yellow; my doors are white. We could go into my office, I suppose.

    2. Time of day. Rely on artificial light, or wait until there is natural sunlight.

    3. How to pose. And how close up to be.

    Basically, I’m looking for tips from anyone who has done this themselves…

    Thanks!

    1. The LinkedIn photo window is so small that my preference is head and shoulders at the most. I’d try a couple pictures with the various backgrounds to see which looks best with your coloring. And don’t overthink this too much – as long as it’s a clear picture that doesn’t look like you cropped it out from a party album, no one will critique the photography skills!

      1. +1. I would have a close-up – head or head and shoulders, since it shows up as such a small picture. I think even light is the best (don’t worry re: natural or artificial, as long as there are no huge shadows etc.). Would wear a suit and NOT a white shirt (washes out in photos).

    2. I took my own on a neutral background, and then used an app called Facetune to basically make it look more professional. I think I had to pay for the app, but it was worth it.

    3. 1) hang a wrinkle-free white sheet up behind you – tack it temporarily to the wall or put it over a curtain rod with the curtains pulled on the window. (Ironed – or stretched tight – because you will see the wrinkles unless you photoshop them out).

      2) do not sit directly up against the sheet – sit at least 12-18 inches away. You want your face to be in focus and the background to be slightly out of focus, and in order to make the camera do that (unless your friend is very good with the settings on her camera) you need to give the autofocus some depth to work with.

      3) have at least three sources of light in the room, from different angles, so you don’t get shadowed. A source of daylight will balance some of the yellow tones indoor lighting often has.

      4) sit on something without a back, and use your core to lean into the lens – it will make you look more engaged.

      5) have your friend snap a bunch in quick succession as you slowly go from chin down/eyes closed/neutral expression to chin up/big smile/wide eyes. 95% of those will look awful, but a few in the middle will catch your face in a natural, lively expression that looks composed but not stiff.

    4. I did exactly what you’re doing and have actually gotten several compliments from colleagues on my LinkedIn picture (of the “You look so professional, did [your organization] have head shots done?” variety), which was a surprise since I assumed no one would notice. (And before that stresses you out, I still don’t think anyone cares.) From my experience, I would say…

      Location/lighting: My friend with the fancy camera and I gave it a go with the office’s cool wooden accent wall, but the artificial light was washing me out like crazy. So we went outside and I have brick in the background. Shivering in a frigid December morning for 10 minutes was absolutely worth it for the natural light.

      Posing: LinkedIn’s frames are small so you don’t have a ton of space. Mine starts maybe a hands-breadth below my collarbone. I think I was doing the one arm down/one hand on hip pose, but you can’t see it; for my official company head shot (which is 150 times worse than my amateur one) I’ve got my arms crossed and look like a bizarre business casual mannequin (except that I forgot the day they were happening and accidentally had bright turquoise nails, whoops).

      Editing: My friend did some basic editing–bumped up the contrast, saturation, warmed the light a little bit–in SnapSeed, which is also the photo-editing thing I use. It’s a free download from Google.

      Good luck!

    5. I paid the woman that did our wedding photography to take a few head shots for me for LinkedIn. The cost was $ 120 but was worth it for professional, touched up photos.

  6. Sorry for the early morning TJ, but desperate times!

    Has anyone ever decided to leave a job with no backup job in the works? I’m in a position where my current job is quite honestly sucking the life out of me. I have some savings, but not much. My parents have been urging me to quit my current job and just spend a time “recuperating” from it and they would help out, but as an adult, I just can’t wrap my head around that either. I’ve been looking to apply for other jobs, but my specialty is a niche market (smart of me, I know), and it’s a tough market (not a lot of openings and tough to get hired)

    I’d love to hear if anyone has ever experienced this – and how did you know when you absolutely needed to leave?

    The thought of doing that is terrifying…

    1. I’ve been in bad jobs before (with savings, but w/o a parental safety net) and could never do it. As someone who’s now in a position to hire/fire, I would certainly ask a candidate to explain his or her lag between jobs — and I think in your case it could be tricky. I personally think it’s better to tough it out if at all possible. Can you take a day or two off here and there to work on job searching and decompress? Implement some self-care routines sowork doesn’t totally destroy your soul?

      In sum: I’m definitely empathetic b/c I’ve been in terrible jobs before, but I do believe people are more employable when they’re already employed. You may have a different perspective based on your industry, of course.

      1. Thanks, ANP. I’m definitely trying to tough it out!

        Unfortunately, taking time off isn’t an option for the next few months. As a person who is in a position to hire, I’m curious to know what kind of reasons you would find acceptable for a person to leave their job with no back up in mind?

        My situation is: no team support, working across seven different time zones, somewhat shady regulatory following (which I’ve flagged, but was thrown under the bus instead – like I said, no team support) and overall poor work culture/organization structure

        Also – I saw your post below – CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

        1. You know, this is tough — because if someone stood out as our #1 candidate and the only ding was that s/he’d had time between jobs, I wouldn’t hesitate to hire the person (…because s/he was our #1 candidate and obviously had the skills for the position). A lot of it would be how you phrase your answer to the question about gap in employment. Given what you said above, I definitely think there’s a professional way to phrase this w/o making it look as though you’re piling onto your employer. I would also probably be more impressed if a candidate had used that time to attend a class, volunteer or even temp.

          The other thing I’d ask about is your work history in general. Have you been at the job a long time? Have you hopped around or had other big gaps on your resume? I have my own resume “blemishes” — the longest place I’ve been anywhere is 5 years, which isn’t unheard of in my industry but still isn’t my favorite thing. I was also at one place less than a year, but it was a terrible fit for me and I’ve (so far) been able to explain why — had nothing to do with the org and everything to do with the job duties.

          You didn’t ask for this, so forgive me if this isn’t a road you want to travel down: is there any way at all to improve your current situation? I’m just so risk-averse! But I also know others who’ve quit w/o having something lined up and have done great, so it’s definitely possible. If you’re not able to take time off b/c of workload, is there someone at your office whom you can approach to say, “Hey, can I support 4 time zones instead of seven?” I realize that’s a long shot — and from how you describe your company, probably impossible — but I thought I’d throw it out there. Either way, you have my total sympathy on this. Good luck with your decision (and thanks for the kudos, too!).

        2. If you got hit with a major physical health problem that required you to take time off (like if you were hospitalized) your employer would find a way to cope. Mental health is just as important. Talk to your doctors. If they think you should be out of work you can tell your employer “I’m dealing with a medical issue at the moment and my doctor’s have advised me I will need to be out of work a week.” They may require a note but if you have spoken with your doctors you will know if they will give it. If anyone pries, just say “I’d rather not discuss it at work but thanks for your concern.”

    2. I knew I had to leave a terrible job (without another lined up) when (1) I was having daily panick attacks (once I passed out), (2) I was in constant physical pain because my body was so clenched, even when asleep, I would wake up and be sore all over, and (3) I started saving up prescription pills, “just in case”. Took six months off-off where I was basically catatonic and did nothing but eat, sleep and play video games, and found a much, much better job once I started job looking again. It took a while, probaly another six months (so I didn’t work for a year), but in the long run, I think I probably added 10+ years to my life so I think it was a net gain.

      1. Wow! That’s crazy. If it gets to this point then I guess it’s better to pull the plug.

      2. Wow! I haven’t passed out but, I’ve started to have physical symptoms as well – losing weight since I’m nauseous and anxious all the time (which I liked at first, but now I’ve reached a weight where my doctor and parents have asked about an ED, which is definitely not the case) and started taking sleeping pills.

        If you don’t mind me asking – when you interviewed for other jobs, did you find employers were accepting of why you left your previous job? I’m wondering if I should say it was a personal matter or something like that instead.

        1. Actually, I said I had to take time off for medical reasons. That worked perfectly and I think was entirely honest.

          1. As a person who makes hiring decisions, I’d advise against telling prospective employers about the problems you’ve had in your current job. Problems is a former job is often a red flag for me. It’s just impossible to know what really happened and what role the applicant played in the situation. Also, will you be able to get a reference from your current employer if you resign, maybe at least from a coworker, if not your manager. This will be helpful.

      3. I was in a similar situation re depression/anxiety, but add to it that my former boss shafted me out of a $25,000 fee that was rightfully mine. (He was, a few years later, disbarred for other things. That was a great day !) It was the only time in my 30 year working career that I quit a job without having another lined up. Fortunately, I found something about 5 weeks later, so it was not too bad for me.

        One thing that I did once I realized how miserable I was at my job….I cut every expense I possibly could (cable, nice coffee, etc) and banked the difference. I also got a second job on Saturdays teaching paralegals at the local tech school. It would not pay all the bills, but it was a good “tide over”. I did that for 3 months before walking away, and it made a difference in my peace of mind. It also helped me feel like I was doing “something” proactive to my situation.

    3. See if you can take some time off. In the meantime, keep networking and looking for other opportunities. You have no way of knowing how long it will take to get another position if you leave this one, and you want to avoid a situation where you get desperate and jump into something less than ideal. Meanwhile keep building your savings, it’s always good to have a safety net. And yes I have had a job that was making me miserable. It was not easy hanging in there but I finally resigned after getting accepted to grad school, which had been my plan.

    4. I have two friends who quit with no backup. They both took a couple of months off and then ended up in much much better places. So it’s totally possible.

      Look at it this way, you’re probably not at your best interviewing when you’re a riled-up ball of unhappiness. You may get a job quicker if you quit than if you stay in your current job.

    5. I did it about four years ago, at age 30. I moved in with my parents at their urging. I was crying every day, not eating, and hated my firm and clients so much it was probably borderline malpractice. I took off a couple months to basically just calm down. It took about 15 months to find another job, and that job wasn’t that great. But I stuck it out there for a year, and moved into another position in which I am mostly very happy.

      Only you know how bad it is. Yes, there will be a gap on your resume, and you will have to figure out how to talk about that. But when it comes to your health and sanity, it’s worth it. Also, the economy is probably better now than at the time I did it.

    6. Are you able to step up the pace of finding something else, even if it’s not perfect (e.g., taking a paycut)? Being unemployed was really awful for me and the anxiety and stress of not knowing when the next job would come along was a different kind of hell altogether. Is there maybe a 1 year fellowship or opportunity to volunteer abroad or something like that that you can pursue – even if it’s unpaid, it’s better than being unemployed in my opinion. I’ve seen people who had really great resumes, and after 6 months of unemployment (caring for a sick parent, etc.), intelligent colleagues of mine were questioning whether those candidates were really serious about their career. Totally unfair, but you don’t want to deal with that obstacle.

      1. Yeah, there is potentially a big down side to quitting — and I say this as someone who did it in my 30s. I moved back to my hometown and helped care for an ailing family member, so that’s how I explained the decision to potential employers. When I got work, 8 months later, it was for half my previous salary. You’re hearing anecdotal evidence that’s pretty positive in this thread, but unless your mental health is really at risk, leaving without something else lined up often ends up costing you more than you might expect. But since you know you want out, you could work on scaling back a great deal on the job and focusing on finding something new. After all, the worst that could happen if your boss is unhappy is you quit on the spot, and you are pretty much willing to do that anyway.

      2. We just interviewed a potential lateral candidate who had left her firm after suffering it out for a few years because she felt she wasn’t doing the work she wanted to do, and her spouse told her they had enough saved and it’d be better to focus on her job search. The good news is that this wasn’t a total strike against her, and the small gap in employment didn’t prevent my firm from bringing her in for the interview. The bad news is that not a single person who interviewed her thought this was a good reason to leave her firm before she had a new job lined up. We all know how terrible being a lawyer can be at times, but we value resilience and good judgment–quitting your job before finding a new one doesn’t show much of either unless you have a really good explanation that the new firm can be convinced won’t apply to them if they hire you.

    7. I was in a terrible job like what you’re describing, and I found that just having an “emergency exit” plan in place made it easier to stay there while I was hunting for another job, and helped me to interview better when I was getting calls. The plan was basically that if X, Y, or Z dealbreakers happened, I would pull the ripcord immediately, and otherwise I was going to stay until bonuses (about 4 months away) and then use my bonus + the savings I would’ve accumulated by then to finance a break for myself, whether I had a new job lined up by then or not. Within a week of setting the plan, I had an interview, and 3 weeks after that interview I was in a new, much better job. Sometimes just knowing you *can* leave is enough to make staying bearable.

      1. I took this to the extreme and literally carried an undated resignation letter with me to every meeting with my boss for months before I quit. Having the escape plan took a lot of the anxiety away.

        1. I can understand this. It could be a way of feeling that you are in charge and help with the feelings of helplesness

    9. Thanks all for the feedback. I think I just needed some talking off the ledge – have I mentioned how much I appreciate this s!te?

      Like many of you, I’m also very risk adverse and I think not having a job would ultimately cause me more stress than not. I’ll take the advice of many here and prep more for that just-in-case moment when I know I cannot handle it with absolute certainty. Thanks again for sharing all your experiences with me!

  7. Lateralling from BigLaw to MidLaw? Obviously it will be a step down in pay. What questions should I be asking? Both to demonstrate interest at a first interview and to find out if it’s going to be a step up in responsibility and client contact and a step down in crazy. (Talking every weekend assumed to a hopeful occasional weekend when necessary).

    1. Talk to the associates – ranging from junior through senior. I did “midlaw” in NYC, and while I had a month my first year where I worked every weekend, 90% of the time it was an occasional weekend (once every month or two). BUT, because it was smaller, there was no getting away from the toxic partner. There was also crazy, just different, and perhaps less diluted. As a junior trying to grow into my legal career, while I enjoyed the hours, it did not work as I got to mid level as the practice was more limited. It seriously depends on your department though. I had a lateral come from biglaw and he seemed content to deal with the crazy because at least he wasn’t working till 1AM every.single.night.

      tl;dr: hours will likely be better most of the time, but be weary of the tradeoffs.

    2. MidLaw practice runs the gamut. I was at one MidLaw where the practice was very local/regional, there was no travel (both for client and also to attend conferences, CLEs, etc.) and making partner required developing your own book of practice and feeding yourself 100% of your work – so, basically like a bunch of smaller law firms sharing an office. But I’ve also been at a MidLaw firm where the practice is national (but only in certain areas, not full service), the clients are big name companies that you would associate with BigLaw, and there is so much work that you can make partner without bringing in a single new client to the firm. Find out why there’s an opening and where people go if they don’t make partner or don’t want to make partner – some places are great for stepping into in-house jobs, but some are not.

  8. Just venting. My early-80s mother is engaging in behavior that I feel is to the detriment of my 90+ year old father. I feel guilty for mentally taking sides. And I might have told my father that I take his side.

    I know I should just let it go, but my mother can be extremely manipulative, and my dad is, after all, in his 90s, so I feel extra protective.

    I don’t know why I think the patterns of a lifetime are going to change now.

    1. Any chance she is suffering from from some mental decline herself that is changing her behavior for the worse?

        1. At this age it’s still a real possibility – sometimes, if you are seeing them regularly, it’s easy to miss the subtle changes. Obviously you know the details and your mom’s tendencies, but what’s wrong with taking sides if real harms are involved?

    2. dealing with aging parents is so hard. i’m sorry you are going through this. Hugs.

  9. I am applying for an in-house legal job and am having a lot of trouble updating the beginning of my cover letter, which dates back to my law student days. Updated for factual purposes only, it reads, “I am a 2009 graduate of [T12 law school] and currently work as an associate at [biglaw firm]. It is with much enthusiasm that I submit my application for the position of [opening] at [stuffy employer].”

    I’m wondering whether it is too snobby to be listing my law school? I do it not for name-dropping purposes (most of the attorneys at this place went to regional law schools) but to indicate how many years I’ve been in practice for. It seems awkward to say the year I graduated law school without listing the school itself, and I didn’t start at my firm immediately after graduation, so I can’t just say that I’ve been at my current gig for X years.

    Any recommendations? Should I use a totally different type of introduction? Thanks for any advice!

    1. Just a thought: what if you start with acknowledging the transition you are trying to make and then noting how long you’ve been out of school. Something like, “I would like to be Company XYZ’s Associate Counsel because I think my skills in private practice would serve the company well. I have been an associate at FIRM since 19XX and graduated from SCHOOL in 19XX. In those years, I have SKILLS ACQUIRED. Those same skills would help me bring value as Company X’s Associate Counsel because REASONS.”

    2. Your cover letter is not meant to restate your resume, and all of these facts that you’ve listed are (hopefully?) already on the resume.

      Use your cover letter to demonstrate your interest in the job and why you think you’re a good fit. Check out the Ask A Manager archives for lots of good advice (link in reply).

      2. Eh, I wouldn’t spend the entire letter on these facts, but you need to introduce yourself in some way, and in law, your pedigree tends to matter, especially when you’re junior. I wouldn’t regurgitate resume info throughout, but I think it’s reasonable to restate your basic situation in the intro para of your cover letter…

    3. I’m in a hiring position, in-house. If that was your first sentence, I would probably immediately turn to your resume to see if you had any relevant experience and if not, put it directly in the “no” pile. Unless you graduated from my law school, then I’d probably spend about a minute more seeing if you had relevant experience before relegating it to the “no” pile. Sad but true. I’m much more interested in why you’re interested in working for our company (we’re a super-niche, so if you know and understand what we do you get points), what you can bring to the table, and how well you would fit in with our organization. If you tell me about that, I would probably keep reading.

      1. +1 here — I hire, though not in law. Cover letter is your chance to show (a) that you’re a great writer/communicator, (b) that you “get” what the company is about, and (c) what experiences you have or projects you’ve worked on that aren’t directly indicated on your resume but make you a good fit for the position.

    4. You could say you have been practicing six years instead. Since 2009 was during the legal market crash, many people graduated then but have only been practicing a few years. If you have been practicing that whole time I think you want to lead with it. Also, for some older people, 2009 sounds so recent and young even though it has been six years! I was at a concert recently where the singer was born in 1990 and I was thinking he was still in high school but he was 24.

      1. Yep, it’s weird the way time telescopes for those of us who have reached middle age.

    5. Couldn’t you just say you were a 2009 call? Or is that not an expression used outside of Canada? Or 6th year associate?

      1. Not an expression used outside of Canada — equivalent might be that you passed the bar or were admitted to practice in 2009, but if you actually have practiced since that time, I’d say so.

        I’d actually use “passed the bar/admitted to practice” only if you didn’t begin practicing immediately thereafter.

    6. I would say, “I am a __ year associate at [biglaw firm], specializing in [area of practice relevant to in-house position]. I have strong skills in [areas relevant to position], and am looking to bring these skills to an environment where I will be involved on the business-side of legal decisions,” or something like that.

  11. I have to have a candid conversation tonight with someone about a problem/point of contention in the family. I do this fairly well and it comes naturally to me, AND this person is generally easygoing and a genuinely good man, so even if it doesn’t go well, it won’t go poorly. But I’m anxious. Any tips to be less anxious and focus on other things?

    2. Bookmark it. Decide something relaxing that you’ll do right before, and, importantly right after (get a latte, call a friend, watch a tv show) and then do those things.

  12. Gang, I just needed to report back with a huge THANK YOU to everyone here who offered support and advice during my recent round of interviews. I posted a few weeks ago (a couple of times, with different questions) as someone who was going after my dream job, a big step up, but while I was ~20 weeks into my pregnancy. I found out last week that I GOT THE JOB! I’ve wanted to work at this company for 7+ years now and this is going to be a great move for my career and family. Thanks for all of the encouragement that helped me Lean In.

    2. YES! I love hearing news like this. Congratulations on going for it and making it happen!

  13. Do the sleeves on this jacket look too short on the model? I’m 6′ tall and this is how a lot of regular sized jackets fit me, but I always feel like the sleeves are too short. Maybe my expectations are off and/or I’m extra sensitive because something that looks intentional on a shorter person, looks like something I outgrew. Maybe my more general question is, where are sleeves on a jacket supposed to hit? I always thought it was right around the wrist bones.

    2. Yes–as someone with monkey arms (who can either buy elbow-length or bracelet or TALL sleeves only), I immediately noticed that this jacket does not fit the model properly. Absolutely agree.

  15. Hi! I’m going to DC overnight on an upcoming weekend, and I was hoping for recommendations on places to eat, the search function/google are kind of failing me on searching old posts. I’ll be staying near Dupont circle and the person I’m traveling with is vegetarian, so we are looking for places with vegetarian options. We are looking for somewhere for a dinner on a Friday night, and brunch/lunch on both Friday and Saturday, and maybe drinks Friday night if you have any recommendations.

    And unrelated to food, I was wondering what your favorite nordstrom’s rack location is in the area! Our city doesn’t have one so we are planning on hitting one up at some point.

    Thanks in advance!

    1. Founding Farmers is a great place for veggies and non-veggies alike and is walking distance from DuPont (assuming it’s not freezing outside and you’re ok with walking.. It’s about 20 mins depending which side of DuPont you’re on). Make a res immediately though, it books up fast. It’s great for dinner and brunch.

      If you’re ok with small plates, a lot of Jose Andres restaurants have many veggie options (Jaleo, Zaytinya both are good choices). Kapnos is excellent too (brunch or dinner). You might enjoy walking around 14th St (walkable from DuPont). It’s a new neighborhood with lots of restaurants, many of which don’t take reservations so you can look at the menus and decide whether to stay and wait for a seat or move along.

      There’s a N-Rack in Farragut at 18th and L which is also very close to DuPont.

      1. Disagree with the Founding Farmers rec for dinner. It’s the place that everyone thinks of for vegetarians, but the food is super overrated. Most restaurants in the city are fine for veggies (I am one!) – no need to go to a mediocre place. The brunch is decent though.

        1. Like your name and your evaluation of FF. They have a vegetarian menu, so it looks good, but the items themselves aren’t that great. Very overrated. Cannot speak for their brunch, though.

        3. I agree. Founding Farmers is really not as great as everyone thinks. I had brunch there too and did not love it. I like Ghibellina (listed below), Sakuramen, Zaytinya, Rasika.

    2. Dinner – Estadio, Le Mirch, Ghibellina, Doi Moi, Compass Rose
      Drinks – Two Birds One Stone is my fav in Logan Circle (walkable from DuPont), but there are bars aplenty on 14th. Churchkey is extra good if you prefer beer.
      Brunch – Kapnos, Ted’s Bulletin, Firefly

      1. Oh, and the Nordstrom Rack that’s downtown isn’t very good. Hop on the metro and go to Pentagon City.

      2. I loved Ted’s Bulletin when I was down there last year, but I didn’t get a homemade pop tart and my friend who lives there was very disappointed in me. Apparently you have to get a pop tart.

          1. They have a great tomato soup/grilled cheese combo! But not much else for vegetarians. Their milkshakes are killer though.

    3. Rasika (Indian food)–the one on New Hampshire Ave is easily walkable from Dupont. Great for vegetarians, but you will need reservations. Busboys and Poets (14th/V location would be easily walkable) is a fun place, good for vegetarians, esp for brunch (fake meat, tofu scramble, etc.).

      I agree that the Nordstrom Rack at 18th and L is not great–fine if you just want to browse, but if you want to seriously shop, Pentagon City has a bigger Nordstrom Rack and a huge, nice mall.

    4. Boqueria in Dupont has the best brunch in DC. For dinner I’d recommend Rasika- but you’ll need a reservation. Not great discount shopping in DC but there is a Rack in Friendship heights (red line) and its a shopping destination (jcrew, rack, a mall, etc)

      1. Your comment about discount shopping reminded me that the TJ Maxx around Metro Center (maybe G or F St) is decent. I think it’s at least comparable to the downtown N Rack.

    5. I’m the OP for the thread, I decided I should just settle on a permanent name here.

      Thank you all for your suggestions! This was super helpful.

    6. i disagree: Busboys and Poets has the BEST brunch in DC. ;o) they have amazing vegetarian and vegan options, a beautiful ambiance/community feel, and you can even do social-justice-friendly shopping inside the restaurant! There’s one off U Street and there’s one more central at 5th & K NW. I have to go there at least once everytime I’m in town.

      Also if you feel like late night food while out on the town, Amsterdam Falafel in Adams Morgan. I can’t even. I want some Amsterdam so bad right now. Great frites, too.

  16. So a few months ago, I posted looking for advice about a difficult family LTC situation. Ill Family member had a wife who was temporarily disabled and I was concerned that wife was not acting in the best interests of ill family member.

    I got lots of really amazing advice, the biggest thing was to find compassion for wife and understand that maybe staying at home was not the only option.

    I just wanted to provide a quick followup and thank everyone for their input. Ill family member has since passed away, but was able to stay at home for much longer than anticipated and his end of life wishes were respected. Wife acquiesced mostly due to financial reasons, but family members really stepped up and helped ensure that ill family member could be safely cared for.

    Being able to type out my concerns anonymously also helped me realize a few valuable things about myself and the situation, including that I was trying to see wife as a rational actor without considering that her baseline is…ummm… colorful(?). Once I started to take that into account, it really reduced my personal stress level. Despite my promises to myself that once ill family member passed, I would never speak to Wife again, I find myself holding her hand through filling out paperwork and doing fun things like making sure her insurance coverage continues, getting her lists of items where she needs to send information, etc.

    Overall, it has been amazing to me how hard situations bring out both the best and the worst in people.

    1. I remember your situation and am happy to hear that it worked out as well as could possibly be hoped for. Thanks for the update. Wishing you and your family the best.

  17. To all the lawyers out there – have any of you made the switch from litigation to transactional work? How did you go about approaching it? I’m a fourth year biglaw litigation associate and the constant conflict and constant stream of horrific opposing counsel are really really really starting to wear on me. I think I’d be much more suited to transactional or regulatory work (which I realize has some conflict, but not a neverending stream of passive-aggressive snarky discovery letters), but I know it’s not an easy transition to make. I’d love to hear any success stories!

    1. I made this change after my third year of litigation, I’m now in house doing transactional work related to my former litigation field (does that make sense?).

      To be honest I was surprised at how easy the transition was in terms of getting interviews and expressing my interest in the change, I received very little push back in terms of “but you’re coming from litigation.”

      Yes, far fewer discovery letters. Still a lot of horrible opposing counsel (or worse, opposing “contract managers” who do the negotiating on behalf of their employers but aren’t attorneys). Some/a lot of conflict with your internal clients who don’t understand that the job of a transactional attorney is not to just “drop in the boilerplate and get it signed.” Some of these are in-house specific, and I imagine they’d be less terrible if you stayed in a firm.

    2. I did, after 3 full years of litigating and early into my fourth year; took a 2 year cut to begin as a 2nd year, but given that I had absolutely no transactional experience, I think that’s a win. A lot of people think it’s unheard of, but I’ve actually met many people who have made similar changes as I went through the process. Only caveat was that I was willing to try any corporate practice area given that I was making that change and wasn’t wedded to joining X practice.

      1. You two give me hope! This is sort of what I’m thinking. I’m definitely willing to go back a few years since I don’t have transactional experience. Good to know it can be done.

    3. I switched after 3 years. Can you switch practice areas within your firm? If not, you will need to lateral to another firm where you can. There are a lot of transactional areas so do your research and see which one seems to be the most interesting to you. Maybe do some CLEs and see if that subject area is going to work well for your career. See if you can identify any areas of interest and cases where those areas were litigated and make the case in your interviews that you are good at seeing where X deals can go wrong, or your previous litigation case involved reviewing dozens of Y documents so you are familiar with them.

    4. Not a transition story, but hopefully useful to you. I have a practice that is about 50% lit, 50% regulatory. How sustainable this is and for how long, I don’t know but it’s great right now. If there are elements you love about litigation but the conflict gets to you, I highly recommend regulatory work. It is really the most interesting work I do – full of the heavy research and problem solving I always want more of in litigation, none of the conflict with opposing counsel (yes, there is conflict sometimes with regulators, but it is a much different relationship). It can be more rewarding but it can also be more frustrating – constant battles with the business side of a client can be wearying.

      If you happen to practice or even do some work in an area of litigation that fits with a regulatory practice (securities, energy, environment, competition), you may be able to get some work from regulatory lawyers at your firm to see if you enjoy it. All depending on firm politics and your ability to work outside your practice group, but maybe worth a shot.

    5. I made the switch as a 5th yr. I did have some transactional experience during my first couple of years. It took a while to get the transactional position. I used a recruiter, although I got one interview without a recruiter. And I also had contact with a couple recruiters where they said they would could work with me, but clearly they were just being polite and my resume went straight into the trash. I think it also has a lot to do with the local market and any niche skills you bring to the table.

      I’m very happy with the change and the work I get now versus lit work. I do miss the independence is achieved as a mid-level lit assoc and the greater control I had over my day.

    6. I did around the end of my second full year–went from a firm to another firm about the same size. I didn’t really have any difficulty finding firms that were willing to take me on at my same class level despite the lack of transactional experience, but I was practicing in a niche subject matter area of litigation and was looking for transactional jobs in that same subject matter, and had the specialized background and license for that field that they were looking for. I think to the extent there is a subject matter you enjoy that has both lit and transactional elements, that’s a good angle to play.

  18. There is a boutique law firm in my area that I have been stalking for about the last year because they do exactly what I want to be doing in my dream field. I finally bit the bullet and reached out to the managing partner. They are not currently hiring, but he said he wanted to meet with me to discuss my interests, and we have a meeting scheduled for later today. I am very excited about the meeting and have done some research about the firm in preparation, but would appreciate any wisdom about these kinds of meetings.

    1. This is how I got my current job. Treat it as a mini-interview; if a law firm really likes you, they will find a way to hire you.

      1. This worked for my brother, too (patent/IP lawyer. He reached out as a student, got hired part time, and now owns the firm – it was just a one man operation.

        Definitely treat as an interview. Good luck!

  19. Going to throw out another call for recommendations – any advice on things to do during the day in Chicago for a bachelorette party? I lived there for a few years and am very familiar with the city, but am drawing a blank on something to do with about 10 people that doesn’t involve toooo much drinking (we’re going out at night), is reasonably-priced, and doesn’t need to be canceled (or can be adjusted) if there’s bad weather. The party is in late April. Thoughts?

    1. My sister did pottery painting at a place that let us BYO mimosas, you could do one of those places where you take an art class (bottle and bottega I think it’s called?), go to a spa.

      1. I’m no help, but thanks to having a little brother who was the perfect age for the Pokémon all-consuming-year or two, you just got the Jigglypuff song stuck in my head!

        1. OMG, whirlyball!!! I haven’t done that in years, forgot how fun it is! And will check out bottle and bottega too!

    3. For my friend, we did a pole dancing class before going out. Everyone had a lot of fun with it.

  20. Are the Born Julianne flats comfy and supportive enough for walking around Amsterdam, Helsinki, London and Edinburgh? I’ll be traveling there this summer and am trying to find good shoes that aren’t too clunky looking.

    And as a follow-up: what/where/when is the best way to get a good price on the shoes? Is there anywhere to buy the Julianne flats on sale? I can’t find them expect for full-price at the moment.

    1. I can’t speak to the comfort of that particular style, but I looked them up to see what they looked like and found them on sale several places online.

    2. i dont have the Juliannes, but I have some other Born flats, and they are much sturdier and more cushioned than basically any other flat. I can’t really do ballet flats for long walks, but if they fit you well and stay on your feet, I would think they would be fine. I have to say though, for lots of walking when traveling, I usually go for something with a mary jane or ankle strap or at least a very high vamp. I find less stress on my feet when the shoe stays on securely. But I have very narrow feet so that might just be me.

      As for finding Borns on sale, if you have till summer, I would go to a brick and mortar to try this style on and make sure it works for you, and if they do, start stalking them online. 6pm, amazon and DSW all get Borns on sale at some points during the year, you might have less color choices, but if you don’t mind that you can get a really good deal. But right now sites like those will have last years Born styles on sale, so you might loook for a similar style that you can get a deal on.

    3. I bought them for a trip with a lot of walking and found that the little tab on the back cut into my heel uncomfortably. This might be foot-shape dependent, but walk around your house in them for a bit before you decide to keep them. Born shoes are otherwise comfortable in terms of support. Oh, and I have since been able to get the Julianne’s to work with one of those heel liner things (from the major brand for them–foot petals or something? The drug store knock offs would not stay stuck to the shoe).

      For my trip, I ended up just going with some casual sneakers that weren’t too athletic-looking. Not the most fashionable, but I decided being comfortable walking all day was much more important.

    4. Depending on when you are going, you may want good walking sandals–Amsterdam can get clammy humid in summer. The other cities may or may not be, depending on weather.

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