Coffee Break: Sarah Flat

These really fun flats come in black suede, a denim stripe, and this gingersnap suede, which looks gorgeous. I like the little decorative bow on the top, too. They’re available in a lot of sizes (4-12) as well as in narrow, medium, and wide widths. For $89 and with 10 four- and five-star reviews at Zappos, they look like a great option. They’re at Zappos ($89), Amazon ($38-$158), and Nordstrom ($89). Naturalizer Sarah Flat

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  1. Ideas? 8 yrs of biglaw litigation experience and now currently in yr 2 of gov’t financial regulatory work. I find myself wanting a job where I can travel regularly – not 4 weeks a month but maybe 2. I’d like to travel just domestically – so I can’t jump over into FCPA work or the like. I don’t care if it’s glamorous US travel – I’m totally fine with Detroit, Kansas City etc. Any ideas jumping out for what kind of job could meet this desire – if there is one? I’m ok leaving law though I don’t want to to work in sales for a legal vendor – are there traditional legal or business jobs?

    • Anonymous :

      Something that might help in figuring this out is figuring out *why* you want to travel. What is it about travelling for work that particularly appeals to you, would you care what you would be doing while travelling, would you always want to travel to different places etc etc… and that may help narrow it down.

    • OP here – yes I care about the work so it’s not JUST about traveling. I have a fairly decent – though not the best – resume for a lawyer so I don’t want to completely dilute it or make myself unmarketable. As for why I like it – I like being client/outward facing and thus like working with attys and business ppl from other places in their home cities. I like the hotel/airport/airplane life. I like that you’re a little bit more “scrappy” on the road – you may not have the exact right files or documents on you but you get done what needs to be done. In terms of different places – no preference. I’d be fine flying to Dallas constantly for a few months and then move on and fly to Detriot for a few weeks etc. Not sure any of this helps.

    • You are overqualified for these jobs but how about an insurance adjuster for big claims (not car accidents) or keeper of the records for a government agency. I know someone that did that for the IRS for awhile and she was constantly on the road to less than glamorous places.

    • Law school admissions? It’s really a travel “season” of three months but it will take you all over the country.

    • Assuming you are not already at this agency, the CFPB examiner positions require some travel. The rest of the time you work from home.

    • Famouscait :

      Fundraising for a university or large nonprofit! We hire lawyers to work on will and estate gifts.

    • Compliance for a national company? Healthcare in particular? I guess it depends a ton on the organization but my team travels a lot (I’m a lawyer and focus on regulatory stuff in general. I travel the least but I also don’t request travel).

  2. I need an internet vent because I can’t do this in real life:

    I’m 19 months into infertility treatments. I’m generally in good spirits about it, but suddenly everyone around me is pregnant. There were 9 births in my office of 30 in the last 12 months, if you can believe that. Four really good friends. A sister. I’m planning my second baby shower in the same 19 months for some of the mentioned friends/family. I’m genuinely happy to do it for them – they are all sisters to me, by blood or not, and I cannot wait to meet babies and be a part of their lives (and an aunt for the first time!!).

    But I just need a selfish moment whereby I’m allowed to sulk about all of this. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. I’m not sure what I’m looking for. Commiseration? Literally no one around me can relate. They all know about it (I’m Team Talk About Infertility Because Education!) but with each additional baby announcement it’s harder to talk about.

    In related news, has anyone had an IUI before? My last HSG was tears-inducing painful. Should I expect the same?

    • I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. I cannot relate to what you are going through as I have not been there, but I think you can absolutely take a selfish moment to sulk. IT DOES SUCK!

    • Yep, IUI’s are no big deal and not painful at all (I think I did 4 or 5?) – so at least don’t worry about that! But yeah, fertility treatments sucked and took over my entire life. I was also quite open about it, and am super happy when others are as well – so many people have fertility issues.

      We ended up adopting and that whole infertility period seems like a blur, and actually something I’m quite honestly thankful for, because if I hadn’t gone through all that I wouldn’t have the exact perfect amazing child I have today (I assume it is the same if you end up getting pregnant as well!).

      • Can you tell me more about your adoption experience? (Different person, 14 months into TTC).

        • Hey! I’m never super helpful when asked this, as we adopted internationally and the country from which we adopted is on the verge of closing their doors to international adoption (and even if not, I’m not sure I would recommend international anyway). However, if we decide to have another child we’ll do domestic and there are tons of great programs depending on where you live (there is also foster to adopt, which is wonderful, but we’ve chosen not to pursue for various reasons – primarily because we already have an adopted child in the home and don’t want to cause our child any unnecessary stress as a result of the process). But adopting in general has been amazing – my husband and I are both wildly in love with our child (I was always super open to adoption, him less so but he has completely come around) – we were watching videos of our kiddo when younger last night and both just bawling! It is different then raising your own child, however, in that we’re very, very conscious of befriending other adoptive families and living in a much more diverse area than we would live otherwise as our adoption is transracial. Not sure if you had any particular questions, happy to email if you can somehow get me your info?

          • Anonymous :

            I am a single woman and adoption is probably my best bet if I ever want to have a family. The more I read about international adoption, the more discouraged I am. The hoops and barriers and the wait times these days are insane. I understand it’s for the benefit of the child and so no child is unlawfully separated from his or her birth family, but international adoption seems hopeless.

        • Me too!! I’m seriously considering adoption and would love to find out more about your story. I feel like every time I bring up adoption to someone IRL they tell me some horror story about a family adoptiong a child who turned out to have serious behavioral issues. Would love to hear a happy story about adoption for once.

          • We adopted a toddler from an institutional background and haven’t really faced any serious issues (super smart and hilarious and “has too many friends”) so there are success stories. We are also extremely, extremely careful parents and spend insane amounts of quality time with our child, which is obviously important for all children but I think particularly important for children for rough backgrounds. Though potentially different for kids adopted at birth (not that there still isn’t trauma associated with adoption at birth).

            But I’ve read every. single. adoption parenting book and put so many things into practice, toured preschools until I found one that took my concerns about the different needs of an adopted child seriously and was sufficiently diverse, and we provide an extremely stable day to day routine. I don’t really like to provide too much detail online, but again – happy to personally email with anyone seriously considering adoption as we know tons of adoptive families and it’s been wonderful and life-changing for us!

        • The hubs and I became parents through a domestic infant adoption. I had a lot of familiarity with adoption generally because my youngest brother joined my family via domestic infant adoption when I was a teenager, so I knew the ropes. After losing funds to two international adoption agencies, my BFF had done a domestic infant adoption using an agency about a year before we started the adoption process and she helped us tremendously.

          Full disclosure: We did have one disruption (after we took custody, but before we left the birthmother’s state), which was hard. Disruption is common, but our agency’s rate was about 20%, which is relatively low. BFF had scaled our expectations, so while it sucked, we were not unprepared.

          All that said, we we now have a great kid who clearly is our child in every way except genes. We have no regrets on our choices on how we became parents.

          I have committed to “paying it forward” on adoption; the hubs and I helped friends use the same agency that my BFF and we used. Their little guy is two years old and their biggest parenting issue after they got through the reflux stage has been that his hair grows so fast it has to be cut every 4 weeks. I am happy to share via personal e-mail or even a call.

    • Shopaholic :

      I actually don’t think you’re having a selfish moment – this is really hard and you’re handling the happiness of everyone around you with such grace and love while you’re in a lot of pain. I think that’s amazing.

      Also, this is not exactly the same, but as a single woman, I feel similarly at times. I’m happy for all my friends who are getting married and are in loving relationships, but I’ve been dating for years and can’t find a decent man. I don’t think it makes me a terrible person for feeling sad about that at times, although I am happy for my friends who have had better luck.

      • Same. A friend last week vented to me about infertility and all I could think was, I wish I had a husband. I felt terrible to think it, but I did. Fortunately, we have the kind of friendship where we share these things and she gave me great constructive dating advice and I talked her through the infertility emotions.

        While I know it is not the same thing at ALL, both situations involve a certain lack of control and letting go. You can make a plan and do everything “right” and still be betrayed by circumstances beyond your control. It helped my friend and me to talk about concrete things we could do right now to make us feel like we were improving our respective situations and not get too bogged down in the “what ifs.”

      • +1 Amazed to see you handling this situation with such grace and love. Kudos to you. I would buy you a drink.
        You absolutely deserve to vent. Sending good vibes to you! You earned some good karma.

    • Oh, I feel for you. I’m not in the same situation, but all my local friends are getting married and I’m stuck in the shallow end of the dating pool (or I’m opting out of dating entirely). Every time someone announces an engagement, I am genuinely happy for them – and I also feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach.

      It does suck. Can you allow yourself, like, 15 minutes to stew about it, and then go back to whatever you were doing?

      • January, you simply need to reassess what it is we really need and can only get from men. As I see it, they are just semen manufacturers, and 1/2 of what we need to get from them to be happy. In each of our cases we simply need to find a cute guy, bang him repeatedly, and hope to get pregnant. From then on, we can take it alone. Even if you lose the guy, you will always have the baby. So cheer up, and just do it!

    • Anonymous BigLaw Associate :

      You can definitely have a selfish moment. Not what you asked AT ALL, but at some point you have to ask yourself if continuing to try to have a bio kid is worth the continuous emotional turmoil (and financial cost). I am not saying it doesn’t completely suck, but there are other options. Some people are happy child-free. Adoption is always a great option for some.

      • Anonymous :

        Ugh. Yes, we know. There are options.

        • Anonymous BigLaw Associate :

          I am sure the OP and others suffering from infertility don’t need the snark. And I didn’t just say “there are options” generically. Sometimes it is helpful to step back and look at an emotional situation objectively. If OP doesn’t want to consider other options yet, and wants to exhaust all possible options regardless of the emotional and financial costs, she should of course do that. But what route to take is a very personal decision.

          • The thing is, everyone who has infertility knows they can adopt. Everyone. Trust me, people let us know ALL THE TIME that we can “just adopt!” And we definitely know that not having kids as an option because the exact problem is that we don’t have kids (and while some couples that have gone through over a year of infertility treatments may be able to be happily childfree…most people who invest that much time and money and emotional energy in fertility treatments AREN’T going to be happy childfree). The OP wasn’t asking what the options are or whether she should continue her fertility treatments.

          • Anonymous :

            My message may be in moderation, but I’m the 3pm Anonymous and I’m in an IVF process, so that wasn’t snark; it was an honest reaction to what is a really pat comment we get all the time.

        • Anonymous :

          You know, at this point I’m pretty sure that the people who are always calling out others for being insensitive or clueless are the same people who go out of their way to be as rude and mean-spirited as possible whenever they get an opportunity. They’re angry, angry people with apparently no IRL outlet for it. I went through infertility and wasn’t offended by the adoption suggestion then or now. Life is a lot more enjoyable when you stop looking for opportunities to be offended or be disappointed.

      • Trust me, everyone with infertility is aware that Adoption Is An Option. Trust me.

        • Anonymous BigLaw Associate :

          But that obviously isn’t the entire point. AT ALL. But I am not getting into an Internet Fight on this. I already made my point for the OP.

          • You ignored the OP’s query (as you admitted!) and contributed platitudes that are likely not at all comforting. Please reconsider your argumentative stance re: the usefulness of your comment.

          • Anonymous BigLaw Associate :

            If you think my comment was/contained platitudes, you didn’t read it very carefully.

          • anon associate :

            But it did contain platitudes. Even worse, you told OP that at some point she will need to ask herself if the emotional turmoil is too great- and then consider trying other options. I’m not OP, but I’m sure that that concept is extremely obvious to her. Don’t you think she doesn’t do this? Isn’t that what this post is about?

            I’m single and don’t want to be, so I can relate to OP’s feelings although the struggle is different. Your comment is basically like when some married woman tells me in 2017 that some people are happy being single-you may have to try that. Also, have I considered online dating?

          • Anonymous BigLaw Associate :

            Again, this is just wrong. My comment was nothing like telling a single person to try online dating.

            You people are just upset that someone suggested to a woman experiencing infertility that she should to step back and view the problem objectively, considering both financial and emotional implications. Not to mention marital relationship implications. In no way was I saying “just go adopt!”

            Maybe I was not clear enough. Maybe I did not provide enough detail. Whether and how long to continue fertility treatments/procedures is actually a complex calculus you have to go through with your partner (assuming you have one). You have to decide how important having a bio kid is, how much you are willing to spend on it (both time and money), how this is impacting your personal relationships, how this is impacting your health. I have noticed that people (myself included) didn’t really do this because they were so focused on becoming pregnant. Making emotional decisions and not considering all of the other implications easy to do when you dealing with an admittedly emotional topic. I WISH someone would have told me when I was going through this. It can take a lot of thought to come to the solution that is best for your individual family.

            But who knows. Maybe this is obvious to other people. Maybe I am simply an idiot for thinking this is complex. Maybe my brain works differently. Fine. If you want to attack a stranger on the Internet, sure go ahead.

          • Anonymous :

            No one is attacking you. But multiple people are telling you you don’t sound as sensitive about this as you think you might.

          • Anonymous BigLaw Associate :

            No one mentioned anything about my sensitivity until you. And if it is insensitive to even suggest considering the issues I mention above, shrug, I will gladly be branded as insensitive.

        • Anonymous :

          I’m the 3pm anon. I am suffering from infertility. It’s not snark, it’s an honest response to a pat answer we always get from people trying to be helpful.

      • I hate it when people say that adoption is an option. Adoption is hard, heart-breaking, slow and expensive. We went through several years of fertility treatments before moving on to adoption and it is just as emotionally draining.

        Good luck OP and take care of yourself. Stop planning baby showers and it’s ok to skip them too.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      Vent away, sister. Nothing sucks more than wanting to be pregnant and not being when it seems like it is just so easy for everyone around you. Having been there myself, it is the *worst*, so please complain away.

      I once left an outing with my high school friends without even saying goodbye because I was just feeling so despondent. It is a hard thing to really “get” if you have not been through it, but many of us have and truly feel your pain.

    • JuniorMinion :

      While I haven’t experienced infertility, I can empathize with what its like to want something that is out of your control. I have an emotionally abusive parent and had a tough childhood. Sometimes I look around at friends of mine and their smiling happy family moments and am happy for them but at the same time I want to cry because its not fair and I didn’t do anything to deserve my situation.

      I’m sorry. It sounds like you are being a good friend / sister and should be commended for doing so in the face of your own personal pain.

    • You are 100% entitled to sulk, feel sad, and vent about the suckness of it all. A really good cry can be very cathartic.

    • Anonymous :

      Hey – I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had a cousin and a good friend get pregnant while I was in fertility treatment. It does suck; it sucks big time. No other words here. Just, I’m sorry.

      My HSG was so painful I screamed. Like, actual screaming like in a horror movie. My IUI was nothing. It was over before I knew it. The catheter going into my cervix didn’t feel great but it wasn’t painful at all. My RE said his belief was that the pain of the HSG might be to fluid or tissue getting pushed through your tubes, or your body reacting to the temperature of the dye. In any case, don’t sweat it. And if it helps – I got pregnant on my first and only IUI. I’ll be thinking about you. Good vibes coming your way.

    • Anonymous :

      So sorry that you are dealing with this. It is so hard and so unfair. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want – no kid talk or all the kid talk or whatever in between that feels right in the moment. I’m sort of on the other side in that my cousins/sister have really struggled with IF. I always worry that I’m saying the wrong thing or talking about my kids too much or not enough. Would totally be open to a no kid talk brunch or weekend if they were interested but I know that it’s not that they don’t want to hear about my kids, they want their own kids. I wouldn’t be bothered in the least if someone opted out of a baby shower because it was too hard.

      Hope some of that made sense. Please know that there are many other women struggling with IF but surrounded with women who are not. It’s really really hard and unfair.

    • I’m sorry, this is very hard. No real words for how to make it easier, but just commiseration. I’ve been through the gamut, and I know I’m just lucky that it all ended with babies in my case. I’m not going to say unhelpful platitudes, but I will say you are not alone. And it’s okay to vent, have selfish moment, and generally acknowledge the suck-i-tude. It’s even okay to acknowledge that to your pregnant friends and relatives, though you’ll have to individually assess who you’re comfortable talking about your feelings, not just your treatments, with. I wish I had done that more, TBH.

      With regard to your HSG, I think pain depends on a lot of factors. I found pretty much everything to be painful. And then they got unbearably painful after my first miscarriage…which ultimately resulted in a finding of scar tissue likely from my miscarriage/D&C that was blocking my cervix (and I won’t go into why this took so long to diagnose for me). In general, an IUI is less painful than an HSG, but don’t feel like there is something wrong with you if you experience pain. They will suggest you take OTC pain relievers beforehand (can’t recall if advil or tylenol), and I recommend that you do this. And if you continue not to get pregnant with your current RE, SEEK A SECOND OPINION!!! I would have spared myself 2 FETS, a fresh IVF, and a miscarriage if I had listened to my gut and gotten a second opinion earlier.

      • Thank you for this, especially your second paragraph. I’m at one of the (the?) top hospitals in the world, but it feels like a factory; not remotely personalized which generally is ok, but also at times really isn’t. When you’ve had vials and vials of blood drawn, dozens of invasive ultra sounds, surgery, and other scans…. and then nurse I met with for an hour the previous day can’t remember a single detail of our conversation and I have to essentially re-introduce myself every time I call with what I think is otherwise a quick/easy question – like. Really? If it weren’t so damn conveniently located and I didn’t like my RE, I’d have gone for a second opinion/new place long before now.

        I had some other complications that have been identified and repaired via surgery, so the IUI is next. I have the ovarian reserve ‘of a 18 year old’ at 33 years of age (evidently I’ve rarely, if ever, ovulated – hey there, PCOS!) and DH has been tested and has the ‘all clear’. The IUI should be as straight forward as straight forward can be, so I’m giving them maximum two IUIs before I go elsewhere… maybe just one depending on how it all goes.

        The whole second opinion thing is scary, though. Won’t that mean fresh blood testing? ultrasounds? etc? Most importantly, more time? Or, maybe not. Maybe I’m just getting so exhausted by all of this that I can’t fathom having to start from zero somewhere else that will inevitably be less convenient to work/home than where I currently am (admittedly also one of the redeeming qualities of my current infertility clinic).

        Sorry for the rambling rant, but this is a pretty good representation of my current mental state.

        • Never too many shoes... :

          Oh, OP, that takes me back. Daily blood and internal ultrasounds…ugh.

        • Okay, first, don’t get ahead of yourself. Factory-like clinics are pretty common, and the most important factor is your RE followed by your nurse. Between 3 clinics, I’ve only had one nurse I really liked. But I also make it a point to follow up and confirm every single thing with my RE directly (learned that the hard way). Two of the clinics I was at made it easy to email the RE, the third didn’t have direct email but was very responsive in checking with him and getting back to me to confirm if I had questions. Not all nurses like this, but this is a situation where I think my personal feelings way beyond trumped the nurse’s professional ones.

          Second, depending on the situation you should not have to start from scratch if you want a second opinion at some point. In my case, I got all of my records and took them to the new RE. He reviewed them very, very thoroughly, and there was only one test he wanted to redo because the results from before did not make sense to him. His hunch was right, because it’s what set us down the path that ultimately diagnosed my scar tissue. They might have drawn blood again as well, but, honestly, I’ve had so many blood draws I have zero recollection of most of them. I promise, it’s not as daunting as learning you’ve just wasted a year with treatments that had almost no chance of working because your previous RE dismissed the couple of niggling things you mentioned that turned out to be indications of an underlying issue. And I should point out that my first RE was well-regarded, and I think a regular poster here used him for her successful treatments. I think, sometimes, second opinions are less about better/worse than they are about a different and fresh perspective.

    • S in Chicago :

      Nine in an office of 30? Girl, you’re not selfish. You’re a saint for hanging in and having such a positive attitude still. Work is usually the safe respite from having to think about personal life. And here you are with it smack at you constantly I’m sure given all the conversations that must be happening. Hang in there and try to be easy on yourself.

    • I just wanted to say I’m sorry and that your feelings are completely valid. It took DH and me longer than we thought it would to conceive, and pregnancy announcements were hard for me during that time. It’s difficult when something you want badly is so out of your control, and then you’re supposed to celebrate and be overjoyed when it happens for someone else. It sucks, it’s unfair, and I’m sorry.

    • I remember those days. I had friends get pregnant, have babies, get pregnant a second time, have second babies. Not fun. And so much of infertility is lonely and people not understanding your feelings. Your feelings are completely normal and valid, and you just have to feel them and get through.

      An IUI is not even close to an HSG pain-wise. It’s really a non-event basically.

      For most people, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We spent 7 years TTC the first time, but now I have 3 kids (two pregnancies from two IVFs). You never forget all this crazy stuff we go through, but it’s softer looking back. Hang in there and be as kind to yourself as possible.

    • Anonymous :

      I’m so sorry you are going through infertility. It is a painful journey and can be very lonely. Your feelings sound totally normal and I actually think you sound like you are holding up and coping really well with all the pregnancies around you.

      I had an HSG and several IUI’s and the IUI’s were painless. Maybe a little pinch at the cervix similar to a Pap smear but nothing like the HSG.

      Best of luck to you and may you have the family you dream of!

    • Patricia Gardiner :

      So sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. I am also struggling (IVF #4 was just cancelled due to poor response) and it can feel so lonely. Your feelings are completely valid, and I am in awe you are able to plan baby showers and function so well!
      My IUIs did not hurt – maybe a slight cramp/odd feeling while they passed the catheter but nothing memorable.
      I am strangely comforted to see so many other r ettes posting here about their infertility experiences… So thank you.

    • My IUIs were totally fine (the catheter used is very thin and flexible.). My HSG was somewhat painful (they’re cramming a lot more fluid up there with an HSG compared to an IUI.)

      Otherwise, I was you last year and it totally sucks. I will freely admit that I resented pregnant women (not their fault of course! I just couldn’t help it) and purposefully decreased my interactions with them. I think that’s totally ok to do. Sending good vibes your way!

  3. My fiance and I are both in jobs where we travel frequently- the time we have together is precious and we try to make the most of it. For the first time, we’re facing a few weeks where we’ll be in the same city, and could conceivably stay at the same hotel. Work would foot the bill for any hotel we stay at.

    We’ve been debating sharing a room in these hotels- either taking turns paying or splitting the room evenly. If it was you- would you share the room or get two, and maybe sleep together in one but take advantage of the extra bathroom, closet space? Would you pool funds and get a suite?

    • Can you split the cost of a suite? I lived with my fiance/husband in a studio apartment for two years and it can be tough to have two people living in one room for long periods. There will be nights when one of you needs to work and the other wants to call their family /watch tv/ generally relax. Having a door you can close between the two activities is priceless.

      • I have a firm no pooping in the shared hotel room bathroom policy- if you have to poop, go downstairs! There’s nothing worse than a stuffy hotel room that also smells like leftover poop.

      • Anonymous :

        +10000. Everyone…everyone needs alone time.

        • I agree. I dated a guy and we went on a romantic weekend trip to Vermont, staying over in a B&B. Up until that point, we had been intimate multiple times at my place, but without overnights. With this being a full weekend, we had to share a bath with another couple. As fate would have it, my boyfriend had some kind of stomach flu, and had to use the toilet more than usual. I can tell you that the smell gassed all of us out of our rooms — the other couple asked to be moved, and I too told my boyfriend that I could not stay in the room with him living and crapping up that toilet. It turned out our relationship also ended shortly thereafter, as I could not see sharing a life with a guy I could not share a toilet with.

    • I’d pull funds and get a suite. If that’s too complicated for reimbursement, I’d get two rooms but ask the hotel manager to put them next to or across from each other. You can plan to sleep together, maybe have breakfast together in the mornings, but I think it’s better to have a little space if one of you needs to work later while the other wants to sleep or watch tv or something.

    • If suite isn’t an option, maybe you can get two adjoining rooms and open the door between them?

    • Anonshmanon :

      It’s not entirely clear from your post whether you are living together at home. SO and I decided after a four week trip in a tiny campervan that we could move in together. So, a couple weeks of ‘coming home’ to your fiance might be an interesting test run for everyday life. Difficulty level is easy, because someone else does the cleaning.

      But if your employer is generous enough, do get the suite. When SO and I are in the same city for business, we share a room and then ask the hotel to split our bill. No problem with reimbursement so far.

  4. I’m looking for a recommendation for a Bay Area attorney or other consultant to help me prep for deposition and testimony. This attorney would not represent me/my company in arbitration. I just need generally prepping. Thanks in advance.

    • I’m confused- so the attorney would get you ready for deposition, but not actually represent you at the deposition. Then get you ready for arbitration, but not draft/file any pre-hearing statements, advise you at the arbitration, etc. Are you/the company going bare for those or do you have other counsel?

      • In house counsel who is terrible at and will not commit to prep. Just need to outsource that part.

        • Anon in NYC :

          Does your company have outside counsel? I’m assuming that in-house litigation counsel is not handling the actual deposition. Ask if you can be prepped by outside counsel.

        • Easy, now– she assumed that because that’s what you made it sound like. It’s fine if that’s incorrect, but your curt “don’t assume” was unnecessary. In house counsel may be handling the deposition in the sense of they are going to go sit at it, but if they are not prepping you, they are not “handling it.”

    • Anonymous :

      I don’t really think this is something you should be doing on your own, if your company has an in-house lawyer to represent you. It seems to me that it could create potentially problematic issues with attorney-client privilege because any lawyer you hire will only be representing you in your personal capacity, not your company. You need to go to your manager and tell her or him that the in-house lawyer is not doing his job.

      • My manager asked me to seek outside help with prep and is well aware. Think of it like public speaking training. I need something like that specifically geared toward depositions and testimony. It doesnt have to be specific to the case.

        • Anonymous :

          That’s not really a thing that lawyers offer though. Any lawyer you retain to prepare you for a deposition is going to need to know what’s going on so they can adequately prepare you.

        • Anonymous :

          It does, though. Without it being specific to the facts/your role, the lawyer has no idea what to prep you on it what the hard questions may be. Sorry your in house lawyer is not helping, but guessing this is going to be hard/impossible to find. There may also be ethics concerns on the part of a lawyer that keeps them from participating.

        • I’d be wary of this. One of the questions you may be asked in your deposition is “how did you prepare for this deposition?” So make sure that whoever helps you prep is an attorney and you have an engagement letter signed so that you can say something like, “I spoke with my personal attorney” and leave it at that without having to explain a consultant’s relationship to you and your company.

          • anon associate :


            Lawyers usually always ask how you prepared- who you talked to, what documents you reviewed. You do not want to put your company into a position of having to fight to keep your conversations privileged. I would not want to “prep” someone for a depo if I wasn’t involved in the case and without a signed retainer agreement. Just seems like asking for a malpractice claim if you say something as a result of my “advice” and inadvertently tank the case. The only thing I’d feel comfortable giving you would be vague generalities you could just google like “don’t babble, ask only what you’re asked. Don’t get nasty.”

            Seconding the other commentors who have said that an attorney really needs to be familiar with the case to prep you in a meaningful way. Depositions and testimony aren’t about how articulate you are or your manner of speaking- they’re about facts and knowledge. I can’t understand why in-house counsel who will be defending the depo isn’t prepping you?

    • I have a friend who has a PhD in communications and does jury consulting/trial strategy/mock trial type of stuff. His work also includes doing witness prep for depositions and live testimony. Perhaps someone like that could be helpful to you?

      The man I know is Ryan Malphurs at Delphi Litigation Strategies. I know he works in various parts of the country. Perhaps he could be helpful to you or refer you to someone in your area.

  5. These flats are really cute and polished enough to be professional, IMO. There have been a couple of commenters lately looking for professional looking flats. I hope they see these

  6. Diana Barry :

    Ladies – suggestions for what to wear to my law school 15th reunion dinner? I have a white fit and flare dress (short), sleeveless, that is pretty fancy; a Boden off-white jacquard sheath (knee length), a fuchsia fit and flare dress (elbow sleeves), and standard LBD sheath dresses. I will need to wear a blazer or leather jacket over since I am always freezing. Dress code is “business festive” (GAHHHHHH).

  7. this sounds lovely – a Boden off-white jacquard sheath (knee length). I like the idea of a leather jacket.

  8. Help for a friend :

    A woman who used to work for me is in a desperate financial situation. She lost her job, could not afford to pay rent, and is living in her van most of the time. She cares for her best friend, who has a serious medical condition, which precludes them from staying in shelters. She and her friend are currently driving across the country to the east coast, where she has a good chance of a job. She has no family to support her. I’ve advised her to start a Go Fund page, which she has.

    I have given her $500, but I’m also looking to help connect her with resources to help. Aside from soup kitchens for food, how can someone get gas cards, grocery cards, or other ways to keep her and her friend afloat? She does have food stamps.

    • Anonymous :

      Where is she going? You’ll have better luck locating resources if you specify location. Can you specify the friend’s medical issue that prevents staying in shelters? There may be support groups or associations specific to the condition, especially in larger cities.

      • She’s going to Maine, but the problem is that she needs gas money to get there. I’m assuming that you actually need to be a resident of a state to qualify for state benefits, and she’s already left her state (she had been on a waiting list for benefits for months). So I was wondering if there is a way to get gas or grocery cards from some other means.

        Her friend has a neurological condition and also an endocrine disorder that gives her extreme fatigue. I guess because of her medical condition she can’t stay in a shelter. This was news to me, by the way — I didn’t even realize you had to disclose medical conditions to stay in a shelter.

    • KateMiddletown :

      Churches are usually a safe bet. St. Vincent de Paul Society can help w/ many needs and help connect to other services.

  9. I think I may be getting a job offer this week and am soliciting the hive here for input on things I need to consider. I’m happy at my current job (good pay, tons of flexibility, great team, fulfilling work), but there are a ton of organizational-level shenanigans that make the overall work environment uncertain and difficult to plan within. I’m also 7.5 months pregnant with my first child. This new job would be a promotion and pay increase, and the interview fell into my lap via a referral from a friend. I have been told I’m one of two finalists. I was not looking for a change, but find myself getting really excited about the potential opportunity. The new job will cover my maternity leave and would let me start pretty much immediately. I read through older threads about interviewing while pregnant and changing jobs after maternity leave, but I can’t find a lot of resources for what to think about if offered a potentially great job, while pregnant, when you have a pretty good job already. Any insight or experience y’all can share will be appreciated!

    • Sassyfras :

      Are you saying that you will still get a maternity leave, then get to come back to more money and a better job title? To me, that seems like a no-brainer. The only downside that I can see is that it will be hard to learn a new role while you’re in the trenches with your infant. I didn’t feel like a smart and capable human being again until closer to 1 year postpartum. I would also think about the company culture – will you be expected to work nights/weekends? Answer emails at all hours of the day? Flexibility and work/life balance will probably be much more important for you going forward.

      • Diana Barry :

        +1, this sounds awesome but do get a handle on the culture for when you start.

      • Thanks so much for that! Yes, a bump in pay and title following maternity leave (and a company that wants me enough to hire me while super pregnant) all seems/is great. One of my worries would be adjusting to a new job while also figuring out how to be a parent, and work culture will play a huge role in how feasible that all is. Thank you for sharing.

        • Anon in NYC :

          I started a new job after returning from maternity leave. It was harder than I anticipated (even though my new work culture is much more conducive to working parents) – mostly because of the newness of it. Like, I didn’t know how to mail a letter, or where the supplies were, or who to ask if I needed more of something. For a really long time I was going to a bathroom that was farther away because nobody had told me about the closer one. Stupid things that seemed overwhelming at the time.

          For me, it took about 12- 18 months to feel like I got into a good groove. But I did eventually, and you will too! Just know that you’ll often feel like you’re failing and try to recognize that you’re most likely not failing.

          • Me too to a lot of this. The first few weeks at a job are especially key to making long-lasting first impressions so I would think through how you can buy yourself a little extra time to show up early, stay late, learn logistics, etc.

  10. I figure this happens every year all across America, but please think carefully about who you choose to recognize for Staff Appreciation Day tomorrow.

    I’m a non-practicing lawyer at a firm. I’m in a consultant role that’s amazing for me – I get to do the fun/”soft” stuff for clients without having to do the dry/technical stuff – and it looks great for the firm when they get to advertise me as this bonus clients can take advantage of. I bill at a much lower rate and don’t have an hours target. It’s been a little difficult for staff to understand what I do, though the attorneys and partners get it.

    An admin, who’s maybe 25-27 years old, just sent around an email about tomorrow’s activities to all the other admins and the office staff…and me. Yeah, I’m not part of the staff, but thank you for thinking of me.

    I’m not offended since my role is a little difficult to grasp, but other people could be. We’ve talked before about “junior policy advisors” and the like – someone’s job might have some admin-type tasks involved in it (I certainly schedule lots of meetings to hash out these soft ideas), but examine whether the person views themselves as an admin or if they view their position as more technical. Good luck navigating this minefield!

    • I think . . . you’re overthinking this.

      • nasty woman :

        I disagree that she’s overthinking this. I’m close with a lot of the admins at my firm. I’m a lawyer. They tell me things because they trust me. In law firms especially, there’s often a very clear divide between lawyers and non-lawyers and it can be sh*tty for people who are professionals but non-lawyers to be treated like they’re staff/incompetent servants, or staff to be treated like incompetent servants simply because they are not lawyers. People take staff/non-staff divide pretty seriously and it’s easy to hurt/offend someone without thinking. We have non-attorney consultants at my firm who routinely report unintentionally demeaning comments from our attorneys, like “I have no idea how to treat you because you have a degree but aren’t a lawyer.” Um, like a person? A colleague? With respect? Or, asking a consultant to make copies for you. Our librarian is on the verge of quitting because, in part, she’s not treated with the same respect that lawyers are even though she has multiple advanced degrees. Or refusing to eat lunch with someone you’re friends with because she’s a secretary. People like to feel valued at work. It’s easy for those at the top of the hierarchy (even if they’re relatively junior) to overlook subtle things like this.

        • As a CPA working at a law firm, this comment rang so true that it almost brought tears to my eyes. I used to be considered a professional. I had no idea that taking this job would mean giving that up.

      • No she isn’t. I’m a physician and what happened to her is the equivalent of assuming all female physicians are nurses.

      • No, she isn’t. This is the equivalent of inviting all female physicians to celebrate Nurse’s Day. (Ask me how I know!). It’s sexist and ignorant of her hard work and training.

    • pugsnbourbon :

      Hey man, I get it. My job is about 60/40 admin/project work with a path for moving into all project-based work. I get a card on Admin day. I don’t love it because I don’t love admin work, but [email protected] if I’m not good at it, and I take it in the spirit it’s given – in sincere appreciation of my work on often-thankless tasks.

      Please cut the admin who emailed some slack. She may have been given a list of people to email, or she may have over-thought the invite and added you because she didn’t want you to feel excluded.

  11. Several of my coworkers are on a cleanse/protein powder only diet. All they do is talk about it, how much they have lost, how hungry they are, and about being skinny. I’ve had an eating disorder in the past, so I avoid these like the plague, and honestly, I’m still working on the idea of health winning over being a size 0.

    Coworkers keep encouraging me to join them, and while I decline politely, the offers continue, and honestly, all the body talk is not great for my mental space. I’m trying to change the topic when it comes up, but it’s not working well.

    And these cleanses can’t be healthy, right? They’re all taking tons of supplements at each “meal”, which their cleanse says they need. It’s not like whole 30 which is restrictive but with real food, so I see the point, it’s just, protein powder, or protein soup or pre-made protein meals, and supplements.

    • Ugh, no – they totally aren’t healthy and cleanses are stupid. Disordered eating is becoming so normalized.

    • Anonymous :

      This is not healthy at all. They will regain the weight. Good for you for staying strong. By avoiding crash diets, you are protecting your long term health.

    • I have a colleague doing one of these too. I’m in the process of losing weight myself and am jealous of her fast progress this month — but am trying to console myself that I am still enjoying mealtime and am making gradual real-lifestyle changes rather than a quick fix that would be impossible to sustain long term… still hard though.

    • Anonymous :

      I am struggling with how to deal with constant diet/extreme exercise/disordered eating conversations at my workplace, too. Is it possible to get up and leave when it is being discussed? Or to say no and then walk away? I also understand it’s easy to be branded the bad guy, so I get if that’s not possible. Solidarity.

    • I know this response isn’t for everyone but if you are open to it I think it can be really impactful to say “I struggled with disordered eating in my past and I can’t take part in these kinds of things nor do I really enjoy discussing it.” That should get them to shut up.

      • I’ve used that one in the past. “I’ve really struggled with food in the past, so I’d appreciate if we didn’t discuss this. Thanks.” I view it the same as Talk As Education/Normalization/Awareness that someone mentioned up in the infertility thread.

        • pugsnbourbon :

          +1. I have a coworker who also occasionally does cleanses/restrictive dieting and for a while she was talking about it alllll the time. She knew I liked to work out/lift, so she poked around a little about the kind of things I eat. I straight up told her that I had a eating disorder in high school and college. It did not harm our working relationship in the slightest and she toned down some of the diet talk.

          Even if you choose not to disclose your own history, you can absolutely “go get something from the printer” when they start in on it.

      • Not the OP. Not sure I could say that, but I think I could say some version of “I’m working really hard to be happy with where I am right now.” If they persist, then you could say something like “The constant focus on dieting is bringing up some painful topics for me. I’m really just focusing on being happy where I am and would love if you could not bring me into these discussions.”

    • Anonymous :

      Could you just say you can’t do it for health reasons? That ought to make them stop.

    • If it were me, I’d stop declining politely, and directly tell them I’m not interested and ask them to please stop asking me. If they continue to push, I’d return to saying I’ve already told you I’m not interested and to please stop asking me, and then immediately change the subject to something everybody can agree on/talk about … the weather, a work project, whatever. I feel for you. That kind of talk really messes with my head.

    • I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, and I’m so happy to hear that you’re staying strong with your recovery. My squad these days is not into that kind of nonsense, but in college when I was exposed to it a lot more I’d plaster on a huge smile and say something like, “It’s my New Year’s resolution not to participate in conversations where women say bad things about their bodies!” I’ve also gotten very open about talking about my history with ED–nothing shuts that sh*t up in person with again, polite smile smile, “Actually I have a history of disordered eating, so please don’t ask me to participate in cleanses or diets–it’s really harmful for my mental health.” You may or may not be comfortable being that open, but if it’s affecting your health you need to take some steps so that you can take care of yourself. Do you have a therapist or support group that you can check in with? Is it at a level where you might want to talk to HR about your situation?

    • I must be way more direct than you ladies. I’ll flat out say (and have before) I don’t think it’s healthy and I’m not interested. I had a friend do a diet that cut out things like onions, carrots, nuts, completely. Yes, she lost a ton of weight but it isn’t sustainable in the long run. A healthy diet and lifestyle are.

      • Anonymous BigLaw Associate :

        Yeah, this. Also my co-workers don’t do these sorts of crash diets, at if they do, they don’t talk about them.

    • Anonymous :

      Ugh, this sounds so difficult. If you don’t want to bring up disordered eating, you could just say, my doctor has ordered me to steer clear of cleanses and very low calorie diets, so I’m not interested. And change the subject.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I’m a fat person who has a history of bad food stuff, and someone at work last week asked me with a big smile, “oh have you lost weight?” and I said to her, nicely, “well I’m certainly not trying!!!” — she was so surprised. It tickled me a bit, to upend her assumption that anyone who looks like me must want to lose weight.

      Anyway, I’m sorry you’re swimming in that toxic sea, and I hope you find the right words to get people to STFU already.

    • OMG my boss is on some crazy 800 calorie per day diet and he is being such a d!ck. All the other partners are giving reminders to tip toe around him since he’s grumpy and hungry and it makes me so mad. If I – the only woman of 10 men – went on a crazy diet would I get the same treatment? Doubt it.

  12. Sloan Sabbith :

    Got almost enough sleep last night, ate breakfast AND second break fast once I got to work because I was starving and had coffee and tea and I’m still flagging so hard today. How is it only Tuesday? Trying the “just do one task and you’ll get into it!” Nope. Pomodoro….nope. “Work for 15 minutes and you’ll just keep going” Nope. I need to buckle down and get some stuff done but I’m SO not into it today.

    Update from last week, though- Pure Barre rocks. I still miss the moves until 30 seconds in about half the time or stand there looking around trying to figure out what to do, but I’ve gone four times and am looking forward to tonight’s class! Reccs for sticky socks?

    • KateMiddletown :

      Go outside for a few, if you can. It’s 75 near me and I had to sneak away for a walk after lunch meeting.

      Socks – my sister found me some that say Barre Harder at Nordstrom Rack, I believe. Or go to SkyZone and go jump on the trampolines – they make you buy socks there every time.

    • Awesome, glad you’re loving Pure Barre! I missed your post last week but I love love love PB–it’s the only form of exercise other than running that I’ve enjoyed enough to do happily 4-5x/week year round. I use the nicer, thinner Pure Barre-branded socks (not the older, fuzzier ones); a lot of the other women in my studio like Shashi. Your studio should have the branded ones, and it looks like Amazon has Shashi.

    • I’m right there with you… how is it only Tuesday? I worked all weekend (both in the office and volunteer stuff) and now am just in desperate need of a mental health break.

    • I’m so exhausted that I’m taking off tomorrow just so I can take a nap.

    • Yay! so glad you like PB! was hoping for an update from you!

  13. NEED HELP in DC :

    DC brides please help me! My church wedding is exactly 1 year and 3 days away! The date is not flexible due to church and priest availability. I’ve been engaged less than 3 weeks. AND YET all of the DC venues I have contact are already booked! Please give me any venue ideas you have at all, and I will see if we can fit them in the budget. We’re looking for about 80-120 guests (could be on the 80 side if needed, but prefer more guests). The wedding is at Noon so we were thinking a daytime/afternoon luncheon reception (no dancing). But if we can’t get an afternoon event, then we’ll leave a big gap and do dinner (still no dancing). Since we’re hoping daytime, something with a view or garden area would be nice, since it will be springtime. I think our last resort will be boring basement hotel ballrooms (which are lovely really but we want to take advantage of it being in the daytime and not be stuck in a basement). Please help me with ideas in the local DC area, I am desperate!!

    • KateMiddletown :

      What part of DC? Can your guests travel for a bit between ceremony and reception? (Maybe look into renting a bus and driving everyone outside of city.)

      The Knot and Wedding Wire kind of suck, but there are so many options on there I had never heard of in our area so it was a helpful way to uncover new ideas. If all else fails, talk to wedding planners or DOCs that you might want to hire (if you are doing that, even if not, they might let you pick their brains.) Wedding pros always have good ideas.

      You’ll be okay :)

      • NEED HELP in DC :

        Wedding is in Georgetown and yes we can figure out the transport if it’s local (not like in the Shenandoah Mountains but DC metro area). I’ve looked at Wedding Wire and The Knot already and have already contacted 20 venues! It’s more than a year away and they are all booked. We weren’t planning on having a planner or DOC but maybe I do need their help….

    • Anonymous :

      Sequoia Restaurant in Georgetown?

    • My friends got married at the Josephine Butler Parks Center – it was lovely and has some outdoor space. And a coworker got married at the hall at Eastern Market – worth adding those to your list if you haven’t tried them yet!

    • The only DC wedding I’ve been to was in the reception rooms of the couple’s historic condo building in NW. It sounds strange, but it worked since it was such a beautiful building.

      I did a noon wedding and a restaurant reception immediately following my ceremony. It wasn’t here, but it was in an old rowhouse turned restaurant and we took over the entire upstairs level with 125 guests. It was blessedly simple with everything done on site. Could you find something like that? Would Old Town be an option? Would Virtue Feed & Grain interest you? I’m sure there are a million others, that one just popped into my mind – it’s maybe a bit casual depending on what you’re looking for.

      • NEED HELP in DC :

        Thank you! I am looking at Woodrow Wilson house (only evening availability) and Dumbarton House (not replied yet) which might be a similar idea. I will check out Virtue too. Some restaurants near the church that I have contacted don’t want to do an afternoon reception.

      • Friends of mine bought out Urbana at the Hotel Palomar in DuPont and it was awesome

    • There are some gorgeous wineries and farms around, if that’s your thing. You could also look into booking a large restaurant. Golf/country/social clubs? National Arboretum? A rooftop venue! Sorry for your situation – I know it will work out.

      • Still thinking – A rowhouse in Old Town Alexandria with a big back patio? One of the smaller museums? MGM/Gaylord National Harbor? dock 5 at Union Market?

    • Anonymous :

      How about Meadowlark Gardens or the Torpedo Factory in Old Town?

    • Legally Brunette :

      I attended a beautiful wedding reception at Charlie Palmers. Gorgeous view of the Capitol, outdoor area for drinks/mingling, would be perfect for the amount of guests you’re having too.

      • I’ve both planned and attended events at Charlie Palmer’s and have always had a good experience. The building where it’s located (101 Constitution Avenue, NW) also has a roof terrace that appears, based on a quick search, to be available for event, and which I’d suggest checking out.

    • I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I contacted 40-50 places to ask about receptions. I narrowed it down to 5, based on availability, then went and toured those five and chose one. It’s A PROCESS and it sucks. Once you have it nailed down, you’ll be so much more excited!

      Have you considered the key bridge marriott or the top of the town conference center in arlington?

      You might also have some flexibility if you choose to do a boat reception, which would be lovely this time of year:

    • Anonymous :

      Chicago bride here, so may be a smidge different but we also had a bunch of people laugh at us on the phone because we called for dates that were 11 months out. Not to worry, we still got a lovely Saturday date at a popular venue. A couple things to note that happened to us that may be going on in DC or not.

      It turns out in Chicago you can put a ‘hold’ on a venue without any financial commitment for conceivably an indefinite amount of time. This means that some couples had put holds on several places (some even before they were engaged or done by their parents) and that meant when the schedule was checked we were told there was nothing available. Ask if these dates have actual contracts in place. These hotels hold the date until someone ‘contests’ the hold and then the original couple gets the right of first refusal – something like 5 days to request a contract or give it up. (Note that they could request a contract and still not sign it for a while too.)

      This might be the case in DC, too, but these venues are in demand such that I had also called some 30 venues and only got replies from like 7 of them. We ended up hiring a wedding planner who got callbacks not only because she had been working in the industry for 30 years but because (with other vendors) she hounds them, which is not something I was able to do with a fulltime job. One venue I left a message for and she called me two days later when I was in a meeting. I got out and called her 3 minutes after and never heard from her again despite my repeated messages. Another I called and asked if I could tour it (and even suggested workdays I could take during my lunch break) and she only offered one day at 10am and that was it. It’s astonishing how bad service the service industry can be! If you are thinking of a planner for the end, reach out to some now. Ask friends from the DC suburbs. Ours was half the price of the city ones because she was technically based in the suburbs but she does all city weddings. She has made life WAY better.

      Finally, you may have difficulty getting an afternoon event as most places will want to book a dinner reception for more money or already have one booked and thus need to shove you by 3 so that they can prep for their dinner event. Your best bet will likely be pure restaurants. Or it may be easier to book a Friday or Sunday. Keep in mind that gardens and other raw spaces are beautiful but for that amount of guests (and if you don’t have a planner), you might be stressed out in then finding a caterer, sourcing napkins, linens, silverware, bathrooms, etc. Another idea would be to have a dinner reception and either find another church/priest or have the gap and keep the church ceremony small.

      Don’t stress! It will work out – someone will gladly take your money! And then you will move onto freaking out about how expensive it all is! (Don’t forget when you inquire about availability and capacity, ask about minimum spend and if that includes tax and gratuity.)

    • Anonymous :

      went to a great wedding at St. Francis Hall!

      • NEED HELP in DC :

        Thanks, they are my top choice, but are booked right now :( Will keep the contract issue in mind that Chicago mentioned and keep trying for them.

    • I have used the Embassy Suites in Old Town Alexandria for black-tie dinners for my organization. Yes, it’s a hotel ballroom, but it fits 100 people nicely, is right across from the Metro (and probably a 30 minute bus ride from Georgetown) and they have great food and a wonderful staff to deal with for getting things arranged. Their prices are quite reasonable.

    • I just got married at the Westin Georgetown on M St. When you book the room you have it for the entire day, so it shouldn’t make a difference what time your reception is, since they don’t double-book. No real views, but a beautiful room with a beautiful courtyard, really good food, and my guests are still talking about how much fun it was and how beautiful it was 6 weeks later. Bonus: it was a pretty good deal for what it included I thought, for 100 guests.

    • Anonymous :

      I went to a lovely wedding in DC here last year:

    • I had friends hold their reception on a booze cruise boat on the Potomac. It was great! Good luck!

    • What about the Car Barn in Georgetown? Not sure if that is the official name but went to a lovely daytime wedding there years ago.

      • Was it inside or on the roof top deck? I thought it was all classrooms inside, but there very well could have been an event space I never saw.

    • Anonymous :

      Try Woodend Sanctuary in Chevy Chase? I was married there in the daytime, and booked it only an unthinkable 9 months in advance :)

      • anon a mouse :

        I went to a wedding at Woodend and it was lovely. In the same vein, River Farm in Alexandria is right on the water (south of Old Town).

        I think the Arts Club of Washington (Monroe House) is a hidden gem.

        You might also think about contacting hotels that have roofdecks to see if they will rent them out in conjunction with a ballroom for a lunch.

    • We had our reception at the Dacor-Bacon house. We were able to sit about 90 outside and there was still room for a dance floor. You also get the run of the house. FWIW, we had a bit of a gap and nobody seemed to mind because they could sightsee between the church and reception site.

    • Anonymous :

      Went to a reception at Old Ebbitt that was great. They have a big open space in the back with open ceilings and an amazing rooftop for c-tail hour. Same view as the W but cheaper!

    • WriterKate :

      A friend had her wedding at Mansion on O. Very quirky place so won’t work for everyone but worth investigating. There’s also a train station restaurant in Silver Spring that does weddings. Might be in another Maryland blurb but Google train station restaurant silver spring and it should come up. Also Mount Vernon Inn is nice if you are into history. The house near mount Vernon that belonged to Martha Washingtons granddaughter also does weddings. If you’re willing to look in Old Town that probably opens up a lot of options if you go with a restaurant that has a rooftop or courtyard. I always wanted to look at the Lorien in Old Town but we decided to have our wedding in the Midwest close to family. I do love the suggestion someone had for the Torpedo Factory. Columbia Firehouse has events on their 2nd and 3rd floors. Beautiful space too.

      • Lorien in Old Town has a lovely courtyard that you might be able to turn into something really fun, and two adjoining restaurants.

    • I got married in DC.

      Our reception was at in Georgetown. We rented the Bliss Room and Long Room, had less people than you (55). But the location was pretty great, good food, staff was nice to work with and relatively cheap (for DC at least). I think we spent about $7k on the reception (including space, food, and booze).

    • D.C. Weddings :

      Have you looked at 2941 restaurant in falls church? I went to a wedding there last year that was absolutely stunning (and had amazing food)

  14. giving notice :

    Just scheduled time with (one of my) boss(es) for Thursday to let her know I will be moving/quitting in June (she will be surprised…). While I’m very excited for the next step, I am suddenly nervous for this actual discussion with her Thursday. Send me good vibes (and any advice!!) between now and then.

    • Good luck. Think in advance what questions you want to/don’t want to answer. Where are you moving? Why? What will you do for work? Isn’t that a step down or lateral move – why would you do that? How much money will you make (yes – I had a partner ask that when I resigned – I deflected bc I was not going to give him a number)? How close are you to her? Do you have any reservations about the move/new job? Do you want to express them to her or not? (Sometimes it’s not bad to express them bc if the new thing doesn’t work out – it lays an easy groundwork for moving on/coming back – but may not be an issue if you love the role you’re going into or are moving a 1000 miles away.)

    • Senior Attorney :

      Good vibes! Just remember the purpose of the meeting is just to convey the information that you are moving/quitting: It is not necessary for you to convince your boss that it’s a good idea. (Not sure that’s going to be an issue for you, but just thought I’d throw it out there.)

      • Right. You’re not asking permission – you’re telling her you’re leaving. I’m Anon 4:34 — all I’m saying though is keep in mind that sometimes people do ask a ton of questions and expect that you owe them an answer. So figure out in advance what you’ll answer and what you’ll deflect on or directly say – sorry don’t want to discuss it.

        • giving notice :

          thanks, good things to think about ahead of time (including comments above)! good or bad, I don’t have a job lined up (not interested in discussing the merits of quitting without something else lined up, with my husbands offer we will be ok financially if I can’t find something immediately). We are moving halfway across the country to be closer to family (and taking time off this summer to travel – woo!)

          I’m trying to prepare for the “why don’t you want to transfer offices” question, which I don’t want to be talked into. While there would be many positives, I need a break and not sure that would be a good decision for my mental health…

          • “I’m letting you know that I’m putting in my notice. My family and I are relocating.”

            “This decision wasn’t easy since life decisions never are, however my family and I are certain in our choice and are really excited about our future!”

            “I appreciate the suggestion but the plans my family and I have already made wouldn’t work with that.”

            That answers every question/suggestion from anyone without having to say anything you don’t want to. :)

    • I recently left a really disorganized group and I was flabbergasted when I told my supervisor that I was leaving and his only response was one word, “Why?” Why? Why?! I actually stammered for a minute, so stunned was I that he needed me to tick off the 9,000 things wrong with the organization, but be prepared to give a concise, polite sentence if called upon. (I came up with a mild answer about finding an opportunity better matched to my skills.) Thankfully, my boss’ boss, who was already well aware of the dysfunction but not in the direct chain to stop much of it, was more clued in and graciously wished me the best.

      • S in Chicago :

        And be prepared for the opposite. A boss I didn’t feel all that close to got choked up and hugged me and kept repeating “Don’t go–what will I do without you? Are you sure? Are you sure? And making sad puppy dog faces every time we crossed in the halls. He got so clingy. It was worse than a breakup.

  15. Anonymous :

    Sort of a weird question, but how do you tell if another woman is interested in you for friendship or career networking? I’m new-ish to my area and pretty bad at making friends in general. I don’t have close friends here yet so I was excited when a woman I met and spent quite a bit of time talking to at a group event emailed and asked if I wanted to get lunch. But when I said yes, she sent an Outlook calendar invite to my work email address, which screams ‘business’ to me and now that I think about it, she expressed an interest in my employer when we were chatting at the event (in passing, but still…). It doesn’t really matter, I’m going to have lunch with her either way, but I guess I’m wondering if I’m getting my hopes up thinking she could be a friend if maybe she thinks this lunch is an informational interview about my employer.

    • Go to the lunch and see. I wouldn’t read into the Outlook invite. I use those for most things and its easier to keep my calendar straight. My business cards just have my work contact info and frankly, I don’t even have the personal email for some of my friends so we communicate over text and short work address emails.

    • Did you only give her your work contact info? If so, an Outlook invite makes sense, especially if lunch is during the week.

    • Anonymous :

      I send outlook / google calendar invites for phone dates with friends. Life is busy. Sometimes you need to actually schedule stuff.

    • Honestly, you can’t tell until you hang out with her, and sometimes then it might not be exactly clear.

      When I was working crazy crazy hours in the hospital I was pleased when a colleague asked me to get together for lunch. I really needed some friends in my new city, and it was great we could vent together. We had a lot in common and I gave her a lot of advice on career/connections.

      And after eating and hanging out for a few hours, I ended with a “we should do this again… blah blah blah…”. And she basically said…. sorry! I save my free time for my hubby. Oh well?!? She did take all of my career advice though!

      It took me a long time to learn when people are wanting to get together just to socialize and when to network. Women tend to be less direct, I have found. Or else I’m really terrible at reading people!

    • Honestly, I check their social media to see if they sell things in a pyramid scheme business (Advocare, R+F, It works, etc.) and then assume it’s for networking. If more, then I go with the flow and do things outside of normal work networking. But I have been hit up by so many woman who are just trying to connect to sell me things.

  16. Money Questions/Answers :

    Recently discovered Gail Vaz-Oxlade and her shows on y0utube. 22 min. episodes, no commercials, and have learned so much (I sound like an ad lol).

    She’s off the air now (see, proof I’m not an ad) but her show “money morons” helped me to understand my own finances better and she has a show for married/partnered people called “til debt do us part” which has entire seasons focusing on people with house buying goals and seasons for those focusing on babies/family building.

    For those looking for some guidance, it might be helpful to y0utube her shows, it totally helped me. (Plus she’s easier to find full episodes of than suze orman)!

    • She is good. Her show used to come on CNBC (I think).

    • Another anonymous judge :

      She is lovely. She has a number of really good books, too.

      She’s off the air and not publishing because she’s made all the money she needs to and is living her life – #goals.

      Her advice is obviously Canadian-based, but great and practical in general. FWIW I didn’t like “money morons” – more mean-spirited than her other shows. But, “till Debt do us Part” and “Princess” are pretty amazing.

  17. MF Snakes in an MF Office! :

    I’ve been having a lousy day. And then, a snake fell out of a hole (there’s a sprinkler head which should have a flange around it, but doesn’t) onto the floor of the hallway out side my office. I did not sign up to work somewhere with a snake dispenser.

    • WOW. That certainly puts the mice we sometimes have here into perspective. Though, if we did have a snake…

    • Anonymous :


    • WHAT?! OMG.

      • MF Snakes in an MF Office! :

        Yeah, I’m feeling pretty traumatized. It was a small gopher snake (I live in an area with lots of rattlesnakes, which would have been even worse), but…this is insane. I already strongly dislike the job, but I didn’t think it would get this much worse.

    • Anon in NYC :

      WHAT. Time to pack it in and go home.

    • This is both horrifying and hilarious. I’m sorry! Well done with the Snakes on a Plane reference. It was on AMC once and the dubbing over the swears was hilarious. We still use “I’ve had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this monday-to-friday plane!”

    • Never too many shoes... :

      That calls for an afternoon off!

    • Florida?

    • Anonymous :

      A coworker had strange piles of dirt show up on her office floor. Turns out termites were burrowing up. More expected than a snake though!

    • That’s a day-ender for sure.

    • Patricia Gardiner :

      Snake dispenser!! Made my day! (As did MKB “Though, if we did have a snake…”)

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      Oh my god.

      I am petrified of snakes. This would traumatize me.

      • Legal Canuck :

        I would die.

        Funny story. I was off one day and put some garbage in our bin outside. I came face to face with a mouse. I screamed a lot (I hate the things). Anyways about 10 minutes later, there was a knock on my door. It was a female uniformed cop wanting to see if Iwas okay. There was a call that there was a domestic disturbance at my house. Trying to explain that I was petrified of mice was really embarassing Here’s the kicker, my brother was on the same shift and heard the call and has never let me live it down.

    • When I was first reading this, I thought snake falling out of a hole was a turn of phrase I am not hip to. That is awful! Great for Snakes on a Plane memes though? Here’s to a better day!

  18. I think that gets you home early and the day off tomorrow or until the snake dispenser is plugged. Nope!

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