We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Workwear sales of note for 5.26.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale just started! See our thoughts here.
- Amazon – Memorial Day Sales! Lots of discounts on Amazon Essentials and more.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off lots of sale styles (prices as marked).
- Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale.
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 25% off purchase (ends 5/31).
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off.
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off sale; already up to 70% off (ends 5/31) – also mix & match sale with men’s shirts, 4 for $249.
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off sale styles (ends 5/31).
- Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19; up to 50% off everything.
- Express – Summer kickoff sale, 30-50% off everything (plus $35+ steals) (ends 6/1).
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!).
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything, no exclusions.
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event, extra 30% off.
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles
- M.M.LaFleur – Short but sweet sale (ends 6/1).
- Madewell – Get 30% off your purchase.
- Ministry of Supply – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 50% off designer sale!
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – Extra 40% off all markdowns (ends 6/1)!
- Theory – Up to 60% off + an extra 20% off.
- Universal Standard – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 50% off everything!
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code.
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses. (Reader favorite bed brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Memorialy Day Sale, up to 60% off.
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- Favorite comfy pants for an overnight plane ride?
- I’ve got a nasty case of tech neck…
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What’s the best commuter backpack?
- I’m early 40s and worry my career arc is ending…
- I canNOT figure out the proportions in this current season of fashion…
- How is everyone wearing scarves in 2023?
- What shoes are people wearing to work between boot and sandal season?
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What are some of your go-to outfits that feel current?
- I need more activities that are social, easy to learn and don’t involve extreme running/jumping/etc.
I am so ready for the bell sleeve trend to die (at least on workwear). They are so impractical if you spend any portion of your day at a computer.
This. Stop trying to make bell sleeves happen.
Yes, I want a dress where the sleeves flare out at my hips, widening my midsection. Good call, designers!
The dress itself even knows the sleeves are the wrong length! It’s just begging me to cut them off at that perfectly placed black line.
I cut the bell off of a jacket last year; there was enough room in the seam for my dressmaker to get the sleeves to hit two inches below the elbow so that the sleeve hits at my natural waist. The jacket is very flattering now, but I could have done without the bell to begin with..
Yes, yes, yes. I also think they are weirdly unflattering. when they stop mid-arm like that. Not your elbow, not your wrist. So awkward.
If you cut off the sleeves right after the black piping, this would be a great dress for spring. It’s just tragic with the sleeves.
I have been trying not to jump on the posts lately are bad train but….yikes.
I don’t think the posts are bad so much as current fashion is bad. I suppose I’m saving money by not refreshing my wardrobe too much…
Same here! I really don’t understand this trend.
Never too many shoes...
I don’t hate the bell sleeve trend as much as others here, and I think this dress looks nice, especially in the black with white.
Even with the bell sleeves, I still kind of like this dress, but I’d like it even more if the sleeves were tailored and ended just above the elbows.
This is a Ladies Who Lunch look. Not a Women Who Work look.
I actually kind of like this one? But definitely not for work.
I’ve been using a diva cup for a while but I am finding it’s not working as well since I got my IUD. I’m not sure what the reason is – I don’t think the string is interfering and I can’t identify any other issue. FWIW, I’ve never been pregnant and am using the diva cup recommended for those characteristics. I am thinking about experimenting with other cups, but I’m not sure where to start. Any ideas?
Out of curiosity, how long have you had the IUD? I’ve had mine for a year now, and after the first three months of a never-ending, barely there period, I don’t get anything. I’m just hoping it doesn’t come back. (Sorry, I know this doesn’t answer your question. Other than the string, I’m not sure what it could be.)
I’ve had my IUD for a little over two years and don’t have a period. I did have three months of mega-period-like-flow in the beginning though so sounds like you are extra lucky!
I’ve had an IUD for about five months now, and I continue to get a period, though it’s very light, basically not worth wearing anything more than a pantyliner for. Unfortunately it also seems to last at least two weeks and it’s entirely unclear when it’s going to stop or start. :|
I’ve had it for 7 months. I have the non-hormonal one, so I still will (and do) have regular periods.
my doctor told me not to use them any more because they can create a “suction” effect and pop out an IUD, so I’ve never tried. Somewhat curious if that’s a myth though.
Just break the seal before you remove it. I’ve had an IUD for six years, used a Divacup that whole time, and have never “sucked it out.” Don’t go back to wasteful, inconvenient pads and tampons if you’ve already tried the cup!
turned out to be a hypothetical so I’ve never given it more thought, but the prospect definitely skeeved me out.
Well, that’s about the scariest thing I’ve ever heard. Ouch.
this is bonkers. I’ve had two IUDs over 10 years and have used a Divacup that entire time – I don’t think anyone just yanks the still-sealed cup out.
If your fit issue is that it feels like it is coming out, try turning it inside out. It works exactly the same but “shortens” the cup.
Good idea, thanks. I don’t feel like it’s coming out, but I wonder if it would fit better if it’s shorter. It mostly seems to be leaking after about 8 hours on a heavier day (but the cup is still only half way full, so I don’t think it’s leaking because it’s too full).
It may be because of your anatomy/angles that you may need to empty it more often.
But I admit….. I always wear a liner when I wear my cup. It is very thin, but it is needed.
I do the same. I always did with tampons as well, so this isn’t an additional hardship. But I found yesterday that it just wasn’t enough.
Thanks for your point re I just may have be more attentive on those days.
A friend prefers the Luna cup to the diva cup. I don’t know if she has an IUD, but it’s what I would try next.
I’ve also known some people to prefer a differently sized diva cup than what is recommended on the packaging. I’ve used both (pre and post babies) and while I never directly compared them they weren’t noticeably different.
I saw your follow-up reply that one of the issues you’re having is it’s leaking. I’ve found the diva cup works really well for me when I make sure the rim of the cup is completely open and under my cervix. Sometimes when I initially insert the cup, the rim feels “flattened” together so the shape of the rim looks like a line. When that happens (while the cup is inserted), I run my finger along the rim to make sure the rim opens up so it makes an “O” or circle. I hope that makes sense.
When the rim of the cup is flattened for me, it doesn’t cover my cervix so then leakage happens for me. I wear a thin liner with the cup but this doesn’t bother me b/c I would wear one when I was using tampons.
I’ve also cut the stem/stick of the cup b/c I found it was too long for me and uncomfortable.
Tech Comm Geek
The Sweet Home has a great post reviewing a bunch of cups. I really recommend checking it out. I asked my OB/GYN about using a cup when I got my IUD replaced this winter. He firmly said that cups were just fine and the suction concept was not supported by research.
I’ve been job hunting for what seems like forever. I can’t find reliable work, and my freelance pay doesn’t even cover rent most months. My lease is up in a month.
Any suggestions on how to find work fast/what to do? I’m just sort of giving up at this point.
What do you do? What is your education level?
I have a bachelor’s in communications, specifically PR. I’ve mostly worked on political campaigns, but honestly I need something that’s not going to end suddenly at this point. I also do grant research, and I’m supposed to be being trained in writing grants, but my current office has really put that on the back burner.
I can’t tell if my issues are the campaigns I worked on (my town has opposite political views then me) or if it’s that I’m still pretty young (25) and they want people with more experience, or if my city just has a poor job market.
Do you live near a research university? There’s lot of demand for grant-writing professionals at large research institutions.
I’m in politics, and I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir about how irregular the gigs are. A super talented lawyer friend of mine left her office job to work on a campaign and hasn’t been able to land a political job or another traditional office job for months now.
If you really have to put food on the table, I’d find a retail/waitressing job for now while you apply to everything in the universe and think about changing fields or relocating. (You said “town” – do you live somewhere small where you might want to consider relocating to somewhere with more opportunities?) For now, maybe aim for a traditional office comms job while you work with politics on the weekends.
Agree with this. You need to make some $$ on the side while you are applying for everything.
Also, start having coffee with everyone you know. You never know who could be a potential contact for a work opportunity. Contact your University’s alumni association and find local alums doing ANYTHING remotely interesting to you.
And I think you need to move. Definitely do not renew your lease, and at a minimum move into an apartment share until you have something more definite. And I think you need to think about moving to a different city.
Yeah, you need a job that will pay your bills. It doesn’t have to be your dream job, or even a professional job, since it sounds like you can’t pay rent and will soon have no place to live (!!!). If I were you, I’d think it was time to get a job, any job, even if it’s retail or waitresssing or temping.
I live in a big city that thinks like a small town. It’s a weird place to be, but it’s definitely not small.
I don’t want to work in politics at all right now, I want to gain experience in other fields but – no dice. Political work is showing up, but it A) takes up all of my time, B) requires me to relocate C) does not currently want to pay enough to make up for A and B.
I’m def trying to get more traditional comms work, it’s just – not working. Retail and waitressing are def looking v v promising, it’s just so frustrating because I see my friends succeeding and I’m- back to the start.
As for relocating, I’d love to, but I don’t have enough money left to get out.
That’s ok. Start waitressing, save every penny, and move into a cheap housing situation or even home (are you near home?) to save your money. Temping sounds great, and I would waitress too for more $$ while networking. And seriously think about where you can move to and how to get there.
You are incredibly young. Many of us reboot multiple times in our career. It will be ok. Just think smart, save your money, and apply broadly and contact everyone you know.
I am on the board of a non-profit that just had a terrible time finding a full time grant writer in Chicago. I have been told that there is a shortage of development people in the area- particularly if you are not willing to pay over $50,000. So, the pay will not be high, but it could be good reliable work for someone with your background.
I think development is a good way to go. There are tons of jobs, and you actually do improve/develop a good skill set. The pay isn’t great, but it’s a good way to keep working and network while you’re looking for something else. Also, the turnover is pretty high, so no one will be irritated when you do find a new job and give your notice.
Spider- have you looked at temp agencies? They have a wide variety of jobs, not just admin assistant. Might be a good filler.
You could also look at taskrabbit, guru, freelancer etc for grant writing or other projects and mix those in with a waitress job. Also Starbucks gives full benefits for part time work. Good luck.
Does anyone have a good thought how to chill down a guy from work who I made a mistake with last weekend. We both work for a large company, in different departments, but we hooked up at a corporate event after having a few too many drinks. He is now texting me with all sorts of pictures and flowers, including some pictures he thinks are cute that he took in my room after I passed out. None of these are particularly damning, but they are not flattering either, and the fact that he has pictures of me, in my room, in a somewhat state of mess, is annoying to say the least. He wants to “get together again” this weekend, but I know this was a big mistake and do not want to have anything more to do with him. How can I throw cold water on this before it gets worse? Also, is there any way I can get him to delete those totally unflattering pictures of me? Help!
Ignore him and address if it gets worse or continues.
Taking pictures of you passed out gives me a really creepy vibe. Say that you can’t get together this week or weekend because it’s super busy for you. Suggest maybe a coffee the following week (to keep him friendly until the pictures are deleted). Tell him you don’t think the pictures are so flattering so you’d appreciate it if he deleted them. Then, in a few days, either cancel coffee (say you’re getting back together with your ex), or go to coffee at a Starbucks near work at lunch or right after work and tell him you’ve thought about it and he seems great but you aren’t comfortable with dating someone from work. If coffee is right after work, have a friend meet you for dinner so you have to leave and he can’t follow you home.
Yes I hate that we as women have to make excuses when dealing with these kinds of guys, but taking pictures of you while passed out is a definite red flag for me so I would handle carefully.
I get why you are saying this, but OP needs to say NO, not “maybe” or “next week” or “soon.” This guy is clearly a major creep and it wouldn’t be a total disaster if he got angry and posted them online because they are not that damning. OP, please save records of all convos with this guy in case you need to contact law enforcement, but be crystal clear that you never want anything to do with him again.
+1 “I can’t” just sounds like “I wish I could, but I can’t because reasons” and he’ll think if he hovers around you long enough, a window of availability will open up for him. Of course, if he sees what he thinks is an opportunity and you finally make it clear you’re not interested, he’ll be upset because you “made him waste” all that time waiting, or he’ll claim it’s his “turn” or something, like he earned more of you by being so patient. Don’t. Just say “I don’t want to do that again.”
I would probably text him something to the effect of “I feel that what happened was a mistake and I’m not interested in seeing you any more” and then ignore. Some guys are super dense and if you just ignore, he might find ways to justify your lack of interest, so I would tell him explicitly.
“Why were you taking pictures of me while I was unconscious? Delete them!”
Agreed. I wouldn’t be pretending to be into it. “Hey not cool that you have these pictures. Please delete them.”
Be firm and explicit. No need to weave webs.
Save everything he sends you.
I had a near-stalker from Match who was so bad I consulted with law enforcement friends. (Our date lasted 20 minutes before I left. In that 20 minutes he brought up marriage and children and told me he’d leave his job for me and follow me anywhere. Twenty minutes. With a complete stranger. And apparently me getting up and leaving before our drinks even arrived wasn’t a direct enough goodbye for him – he texted me for weeks after.) My law enforcement friends told me to be REALLY direct – some guys really are just that dense. I tried ignoring him, text-laughing it off – nothing worked until I said, “You have crossed a line and I am deeply uncomfortable. Do not contact me again. I have saved all our communication and will contact the police if you ever contact me again.” His response? “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted you to know I was interested. Take care.” AYFKM?! But I never heard from him again. So firm and direct is my advice.
You’re really smart for consulting with law enforcement friends and I’m sorry this happened to you. So weird.
Paging the poster who was doing a recon trip in the Denver area to scout it out as a potential place to live. How did you like your trip (if you don’t mind sharing)? Did anything stand out?
Paging European Tailor Poster
Someone posted earlier in the week about a great tailor who made clothes in Europe, but I forgot what the poster’s name was. Does anyone have recommendations for continental Europe?
I’m leaving next week on a last minute trip to Dubai. I’m an attorney and will give a presentation to a group of bankers and then meet with a client.
do I need a head scarf out of respect?
I know I can research this, but I am swamped and hoped the Hive could help me out . . .
Full suit – skirt covering knees when standing if possible. Conservative color like navy blue or dark grey or even black. Head scarf not necessary but I would probably do a low ponytail if you have long hair so you don’t end up touching/flipping your hair if you are nervous. Nervous hair flipping/touching is probably more noticeable in Dubai when it wouldn’t register unless really excessive in the US.
so, skirt is preferable over pants?
and do I need opaque tights or hose?
I think you’re okay without opaque tights and hose if your skirt covers knees when standing. Definitely do pantyhose though. I said skirt because I think of it as more conservative but if you generally wear pants then I would wear pants because you have to feel comfortable as well. Trust how you feel as well. You don’t want to feel that your skirt is too short and you end up fidgeting with it. If you do pants, do a wider legged traditional trouser leg not skinny ankle pants.
also – this is a good quick summary even though it’s 10 years old. http://www.economist.com/blogs/gulliver/2008/05/the_rules_of_dubai
Carry a lightweight black or dark pashmina in your briefcase/purse in case you do need to cover your head at some point.
Have to say I giggled when I read this the first time. I thought you were asking whether you needed to wear the full suit, or if it was OK to go topless and just wear pants.
Like a bad dream I’ve had. Topless in court.
HA! yes. definitely a lovely reading . . .
As always, these decisions will depend on where and to whom you are presenting.
Safest bet here is always pant suit, because you can’t offend anyone. Skirt suit of conservative length is next best. Hose/tights depends on skirt length and your cold/heat sensitivity (it’s hot outside now, so getting colder inside). You will see lots of women without hose/tights, but you won’t offend anyone by wearing them so that’s likely your safer bet.
No need to cover your hair.
you all are awesome – thank you!
I’m looking to make a small change to my diet of (healthier) takeout and fast food. I love vegetables but don’t eat them enough. I want to add a small can of Low-Sodium V8 to add a serving of vegetables. I’m not looking for other options at this point, but is this a reasonable way to meet that goal?
It’s not as good as actual vegetables but it’s not a bad idea. Eating a whole fruit or vegetable is much better.
Better than nothing perhaps, although it’s more like a liquid vitamin than a vegetable. You are still missing out on the fiber, satiety/filling effect, and any micronutrients that come with vegetables in a whole form.
Yes, I’m OK with the tradeoffs. Is there a better juice alternative that is shelf stable? My thinking was that V8 was best as long as I avoid the sodium.
It does say “one serving of vegetables” on the can.
But what matters is that you’re missing the good stuff vegetables give you, like fiber and other micronutrients. It’s just advertising.
Juices are even worse because of all the sugar.
Yeah, sure, but like other people pointed out you’re not getting the fiber. Can you try those microwave steam packages instead?
Not unless you just juice yourself. There are so many additives in that option which completely negate any benefits of it. If you want a juice option, look for cold pressed juices (Whole Foods carries a number of them). My advice is just learn to make veggies taste good and make larger portions of them – for me, that’s roasting or braising greens.
I love veggies but I’m not able to cook them right now
It’s better than not eating vegetables. If you eat a lot of takeout/fast food, try to order salads without dressing or cheese and with grilled (not breaded) chicken. Keep a bottle of low cal salad dressing at work and one at home so you can measure an appropriate serving size.
My swap is to order a meat main, then sub in frozen vegetables for a side. Easy to keep at home/work if you tend to eat there more.
I know you said you’re not looking for other options, but I’d switch the V8 for buying precut vegetables and snacking on those at your desk. V8 isn’t going to do a lot for you for the reasons mentioned above.
I think there’s maybe a touch of food snobbery here? With no disrespect meant; I’m Ms. Whole Organic Foods myself, most days. But V-8 is vegetable juice, tomato based. No, it doesn’t boast a lot of fiber, but it does have the same vitamins and antioxidants and is very low-calorie. Yes, maybe some preservatives. It’s a mass-market brand; that doesn’t automatically mean it is over-processed and unhealthy, something I tend to assume. You go with your V-8! (It’s good with vodka as an alt-Bloody!)
For ideas for meeting your more-veggies goal in the future, find one or two favorites. Preferably ones that can be eaten raw or cooked (more options) and that aren’t secret bread (e.g. potatoes), and that are different colors from each other. Then steam, sautee, roast, or eat raw. Trying prepping it all on the weekend so it’s as easy to grab as anything else. Incidentally, I have recently become obsessed with red cabbage. Kale is great cooked or as salad. Broccoli is an obvious choice.
Thanks – I thought it was just me! I’m not mainlining Capri Sun here, it’s 5.5 oz of Low-Sodium V-8 for an easy way to add some kind of vegetable to my diet during this time frame that I’m not able to cook.
If V-8 works for you then go for it, but I would highly recommend stopping by a local market once a week to just pick up the pre-made packs of veggies and hummus or dip to get that serving of vegetables instead. Whole foods has them and so do a lot of other bigger grocery stores. It’s still a serving of vegetables, requires no cooking, allows you to take it on the go, and if you’re traveling/in a hotel – requires no microwave or stove.
Don’t forget that it’s Admin Professionals Day!
Never too many shoes...
What are people doing? My firm hosts a lunch for everyone. I share an assistant and the other lawyer and I brought her flowers and a Starbucks gift card.
I also did flowers, gift card, and a card with a handwritten note inside about how much I really appreciate her.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
Just flowers with a note.
If I get through today without losing my temper at my assistant we’ll consider it a successful day. We’ve now been told by our group supervisor we just need to “work better” with her, i.e. cater to her laziness and incompetency. AYFKM.
Enough with made up holidays!
I agree but it can be career suicide to not abide by this one if others in your firm celebrate. A good admin can make or break you.
Has anyone had to deal with the loss of a pet lately? My dog was diagnosed with cancer and at age 13, we’ve decided not to treat it and let her live out her last days at home, managing her symptoms. This is my first pet as an adult. She’s 100% mine and I love her so much. Husband and I have no kids…she’s my baby. And of course…I’m falling apart. Anyone out there recently go through the same thing? I feel so silly because she’s a dog and people are dealing with so much worse around me. I even looked online into what it costs to clone a dog!! I can’t stop crying and I just can’t get a grip. Any suggestions are helpful. Thanks!
I am so sorry. Dogs are totally part of our family and your reaction sounds perfectly normal. My seven year old dog is healthy (knock on wood) but sometimes I just *think* about her dying and I tear up (and my husband and I have totally googled the cloning thing too!). Let people around you know and I think you’ll be surprised how empathetic people are. Almost everyone has a beloved pet and can understand what this loss feels like. Don’t be afraid to take some time off work or talk to a therapist if you feel like you need to. It’s a death in the family and you’re allowed to feel like you’ve suffered one. Avoid falling into the loss comparison trap, which is silly because whatever your loss is there is *always* a ‘worse’ loss out there- is no one allowed to grieve a dead child because a woman in Syria just lost her husband and three children at once? Of course not.
Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I had to put my beloved, six-year-old dog down in February after she presented with late-stage, untreatable cancer completely out of the blue. She was also my first dog as an adult, and the first and only pet I’ve had that was 100% mine. She was with me through everything–my first job, moves, a**hole boyfriends, grad school. She even came with me on every single one of my first dates with Internet guys, since I thought they’d be less likely to kill me and throw me in a ditch with an “aggressive” breed dog as a chaperone.
So needless to say, I was a complete wreck. I didn’t wear eye makeup for two weeks because I was constantly bursting into tears (may be bawling writing this, NBD). It’s not silly to mourn someone that you love, and the love that a good dog gives you is deep and important, and totally different from the relationships that I have with my SO or my family. She was my lifeline to sanity a few times, and got me through one of the hardest transitions of my life–I’m sure you had those moments with your pup, too. Just because other people are dealing with objectively worse problems doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid, or that you don’t have the right to grieve. You do. Take the time that you need to feel your feelings and cry off all your eye makeup.
We lost our 11 year old dog last year. No kids here either and she really was our life. She also had cancer but she went downhill very quickly so we only had a short window of knowing we were losing her. Everyone deals with this stuff differently but we decided it was “time” fairly quickly. You could have a friend call your vet and your local emergency vet to get some ideas about how they handle “the end” so you will be prepared. Our local emergency vet was great and let us pay over the phone and come and go out a side door so there was no waiting sobbing in the lobby. They also had a beautiful “comfort” room so it was like being in a living room instead of an exam room. I’m sorry you are going through this. It is so so so hard.
After, we said no dogs for a long time and 2 weeks later we had picked out another one that arrived from her rescue a month after that. We are in love again. We don’t love our prior dog any less. There is no limit on the amount we can love.
One of the best things about dogs is how they teach you that love is really a well that doesn’t run dry.
Oh god, your last paragraph made me sob. My family lost our 12-year old little dude that we’d had since he was a puppy in December 2015. He got really sick and just wasn’t doing well; my parents decided it was time to put him down. I’d seen him less than a week before at Thanksgiving and knew it was probably the last time. When my dad called to tell me, I was on break from class. I knew the moment he started talking and burst into sobs. I ran back into class and just started throwing my stuff into my bag and had one of my friends drive me home in my car I was crying so hard I knew I couldn’t drive. I cried so much my eyes swelled shut that night. And I’m bawling now writing about it.
My parents got a puppy last April. He’s the best little puppy there ever was and I don’t love my old dog a single bit less. It’s a loss in the family- and it is okay to treat it that way. I cried every time someone brought up our pup for MONTHS and the first time I went home I wanted to leave immediately because I hated being there so much without the sound of Skip around the house.
The last day, my dad took him to do all of his favorite things- they went to McDonalds and split a cheeseburger, they went to the bank for the “magic window” of treats, they went on a long car ride, and they took a nap together.
I took a week off when I came to terms that I would lose my beloved dog sooner than later. She was my soul dog and I was devastated. We did all of her favorite things including going to multiple bank drive thrus, her own Arby’s order, all her favorite walks and more snuggles than I can count. Coincidentally, that same week I had a choice of rental vehicle due to mine being in the shop, so we drove all over town in a tiny Fiat with her beautiful great dane head and ears out the window while riding in the passenger seat.
It’s been a couple years and I still think of her fondly and occasionally tear up. We refer to her by name and make jokes about where she is sunning. Currently it is Sedona until it gets too warm. Then she’ll retreat up north to a chaise lounge by a lake.
It hasn’t been recently, but a few years ago I lost my 13 year old dog to cancer as well. She was given about 6 months and lived a happy 9 doing really well until the last day.
Don’t feel silly about being emotional. I still cant talk about the last day without choking up.
My recommendation, look into a hospice vet service now. They come to your house rather than you having to take the dog to the vet, they’ll come to your house for the end as well. In my city we have Laps of Love. – i wish i’d known such things existed at the time.
Also, make a bucket list of things you and your pup can still do now, have fun take pictures, make a paw print if your dog will tolerate it.
I recently lost my 15 year old cat to cancer. She lived about 9 months past her best case scenario prognosis, so I felt lucky. I miss her terribly and still almost two months later. It will get better.
I also lost a 19 year old cat back in 2003 when I was much younger, and she was THE cat of my adult years. It was very hard; I developed shingles after about a week due to the stress. All I can say is that it does get better, and there will be another pet that you love just as much. It did take me about 4 months to get another cat in 2003, and only then b/c friends had a cat that really needed another home.
Some people simply do not understand the loss of a pet and it is better not to discuss with them.
Your loss is like that of a family member, and you just need to take the time you need to grieve. For some people getting another pet immediately afterwards is good. For me in 2003 it was not, I had nursed Lil Lady for 2.5 years, she had a comfortable, happy existence, but we had been through holy hell together, and I was not ready emotionally to take on another pet immediately. You have to figure out what works for you.
I was on a listserv for chronic renal failure in cats, and I had a lot of emotional support through that group. I also read alot of poetry about cats and just let myself cry. There are pet loss groups online; just having someone who understands your grief helps.
You will get through this. Hugs!
In the same boat
We are putting down our beloved dog today and likewise, I can’t stop randomly crying. I can’t be there because I’m out of town, and I can’t decide it that’s better or worse.
Be kind to yourself. You’re right, people are going through worse and perspective is important, but it totally normal and healthy to feel sad when you lose a part of your life that brings you so much joy.
In the same boat, I’m so sorry!! I’m the OP who posted yesterday and just today reading the responses. I have work travel coming up and I’m wondering if it’ll happen when I’m gone. I’ like you, can’t decide if it’s better or worse. I’m sure you’re a wreck today, but my thoughts are with you…. hugs!!
Your dog was a family member, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. My parents’ first dog was also diagnosed with cancer, and my parents managed her care until it was clear that she only had bad days left. Until that point, she tended to several good days after a bad one. I went back to to spend some time with her–I loved her to pieces– and it was so, so hard. I was a disaster. Take the time you need to grieve. There’s nothing silly about the loss of a dog, and just because there might be worse happening, it doesn’t invalidate your pain.
*IS a family member.*
It’s normal and ok to be sad! I still tear up when I think about my dogs that died years ago. I’m sorry about your dog.
Just adding to everyone else’s words: losing a pet is awful, awful, awful. I cried until I vomited when I had to put my last dog to sleep. Honor your grief – it’s real.
I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I lost my dog 2 summers ago. It was extremely hard. He died 2 days before I took the bar exam. I was crying so hard during that time that I painfully strained a muscle in my chest. Not everyone will understand, but it’s normal to grieve the loss of a dog. I don’t have a lot of advice except to just give yourself time to heal.
We went through this as well. My only advice is “the only way out is through” – cry your eyes out, don’t apologize for it. No such thing as “just a dog.”
Never too many shoes...
My sincere condolences for everyone going through this. It has been 13 years and thinking about my beloved husky makes me tear up.
Aww. It’s totally common to feel the loss of your pet “more” than even special people who have passed. My mother has written instructions to bury her beloved cat’s ashes along with her when she goes. They are a part of your immediate family, every day of your life.
My only advice beyond sympathy is to go ahead and call the vet sooner rather than later. They can ease your mind about the process. and make an advanced appointment (which you can always change). I said goodbye to my 15 yo cat at the beginning of the year, and already dreading the inevitable for my 11 year old lab. I took pictures of my cat on her “last day” and looking back at the photos even a week later I could see so much more clearly that it was time and that gave me a lot of comfort.
Pets remind us that life is short, love is precious, and friendship endures. What a blessing. Best to you.
Pale Girl Snorkeling
Losing a beloved pet is terrible and real. Several university vet schools offer grief hotlines, see 2/3 of the way down this page for a full list, https://www.avma.org/KB/Resources/Reference/Pages/Important-Resources-for-Veterinarians.aspx. I know several friends who have found these resources really helpful. I’m wishing I had remembered this when I suddenly lost one of my cats last winter.
+1 to everyone who suggested finding a vet in advance who will come to your house. I was able to do that for a cat with cancer and it was so much better than taking him to the vet’s office.
Personally I can’t stand a pet free house so I tend to go straight out and add a new family member (also why I have at least 2-3 at any time). Taking care of a new family member helps me to control my grief and feel better knowing that I’ve rescued someone else as all my pets come from shelters or rescues.
What can you do when it’s your female boss who constantly tells you to smile? My office has a culture of relentless, completely false, positivity, paired with toxic back-biting.
My immediate supervisor is measureably incompetent but constantly praised because she’s a “ray of sunshine”, and she expects us all to put on the same act.
FWIW, we’re both around 50, but she looks much younger and I look older. I suspect ageism is a factor.
It’s likely to be awhile till I can find something new. Advice on how to cope for my own sanity?
How about smiling personal photos of you with family in your office or on your desk? I’m also make an effort to seem cheery in emails–a few exclamation points and lots of thank yous. These at least seems easier than forcing yourself to smile.
That’s awful. I would just give yourself permission to acknowledge that this situation is batsh*t insane, and do whatever you need to do to survive mentally until you find a new job. I hope it’s sooner rather than later.
Thanks. Sometimes it’s like a mind warp; I can’t even believe what I’m hearing.
Anonymous BigLaw Associate
What kind of company do you work for? This seems insane.
Local government. I don’t know why it’s like this, but so many people in the office seem to be on board.
Print this out and leave copies all around the office? https://qz.com/929348/why-being-grumpy-at-work-is-good-for-you/
My innate outlook in life is that of a constructive pessimist, but I have a cooperative, positive persona I put on for work – including lots of thanks & scattered exclamation points in emails like Posita above. That, combined with a reputation as Someone Who Gets Sh!t Done, earns me some leeway now to be honest & genuine when things aren’t going well.
How to handle it when you have a much higher HHI than coworkers?
Except for the boss, we all make around 50k (and he doesn’t make that much more). We live in a LCOL area so we’re not paupers, but it’s not a salary that allows for many luxuries, especially if you’re supporting a family. Everyone I work with except me is single or has a stay at home wife. My husband works and earns about 100k in a stereotypically affluent profession (think lawyer). We are very comfortable and although we’re generally pretty frugal and put most of our earnings in the bank, we like to travel internationally a couple of times a year, we’ve undertaken some extensive renovations on our home, and I periodically buy a Kate Spade-level handbag. It’s nothing crazy (and in fact people in my husband’s profession constantly rib us about how tight-fisted we are with money) but my co-workers notice and comment on these indulgences in a negative way. I try not to be brag, but sometimes it comes out. E.g., I let people know I’m taking vacation on certain dates and they ask where. I say “Greece” or whatever and I get a lot of “Wow, must be nice to have a lawyer husband” reactions. It’s true that my lifestyle would look pretty different if my husband’s earnings weren’t in the picture, but that’s not exactly an uncommon situation (I think it’s more uncommon to be in a workplace with ~10 people and only one dual career couple!). I don’t care so much what they think of me personally, but I don’t want to develop a reputation at the office as a rich wife who’s just working for fun and doesn’t care about my career, because that couldn’t be further from the truth. Advice?
I think at this point people know about it so you can’t really unring the bell. You can be vague about the vacation plans (say “to the beach” rather than “Greece,” for example) and not talk about the house projects and so on. But mostly, just put your head down and demonstrate your commitment to your career.
+1. Try to ignore the rude commentary on your finances and stay above it all. Be professional, above reproach, and do a good job. If this kind of thing is really going to impact your career prospects with your employer then you might want to find a new job, because that seems to indicate a toxic workplace.
Also, when they say “It must be nice to have a lawyer husband,” you can say “He’s the best. I’m very proud of him!” What are they going to say to that?
At a certain point, people are just going to judge, and that’s on them, not you. We all make different decisions that result in different outcomes. I had an awkward situation where I was working at a not for profit making $9 an hour, but my husband had a good job. It was awkward when my boss openly judged me and asked prying questions about how much my house cost (we bought houses around the same time) and how many carats my engagement ring was. It was weird, but it was all about her insecurities rather than my flashiness (which was minimal).
I would either give less detail (if possible) or add comments like, “We saved up” or “I’m excited for the trip – it will be worth not eating out last month to save up.”
I kind of feel like the additional comments are TMI. It’s not their business whether you saved up or gave up eating out.
Sorry but not sorry. People should stop weeping – they are no slaves to their lives. They have made conscious choices on which profession they will take, how much they will earn, how much workload they are willing to accept and whether they will be a 2-income or single income family. You and your husband have made the choices and as a result, have higher income. It is not free money. You actually have to work to earn it. Why would you need to defend or even discuss this with others. And why do they even make such comments. If they are jealous, they can change their professions and earn more. Maybe it is my PMS talking, but f* them. You sacrifice your time, you have earned the money and it is up to you how you will spend it.
Next time, tell them that “yes, it is nice to have a lawyer husband and I work as well. and after the long hours we both put in at work, we love to unwind by travelling”.
It’s your PMS talking.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
thank you for reality check :)
FYI: If you’re looking for a nice layering piece this spring, Nordie’s Calson “One Button Knit Blazer” is 30% off. I say “blazer” because it’s definitely not a blazer alternative in the slightest, it’s much more casual and I’d say it’s more of a cardigan replacement in terms of fabric and overall styling. It reads much more like a sweater, and the details are really nice. It’s comfy and machine washable. I got it in the gray stripe and it’s really cute.
Thanks for alert.
Can anyone compare this one to the Oliva Moon one that is similar, at Nordstrom’s?
I have both. The Oliva Moon is more formal. The ponte is pretty think on the Olivia Moon so it holds structure better. The Calson one looks like a cardigan with a single button. Also my particular version has a bit of a distressed look to it, which makes it less formal.
I have it and just ordered a second color. It is more casual, less structured than the Olivia moon. I wear mine with a drape-y t shirt and cotton ankle pants. Also, size down if you are in between sizes.
Really? I had the opposite. I sized up and it fit better in the shoulders, although there is a little extra room for me in the chest/torso.
I have both and like the Caslon one much better. The fabric is nicer – kind of a knit and its perfect for my biz casual office. I didn’t like the fabric in the Oliva Moon.
This is so cute. Thank you!
Dangit! I was trying not to buy clothes this month. But I have been eyeing this blazer and better to get it on sale, right?
Me too. And yes, get it on sale.
Thanks!! This was exactly what I was looking for (I work in a biz casual office). Does this (or the Olivia one) have shoulder pads?
IMPORTANT QUESTION about a subject I don’t really know anything about:
What are the pros/cons of being a partner with a guaranteed payment vs. being an employee of the partnership? Assume that the guaranteed partner payment would be increased in order to essentially pay for FICA + tax liability, so the ultimate post-tax income would be the same. What are the other considerations?
My consideration would be what on earth even is a partner with a guaranteed payment.
basically a non equity partner – more than 50% of income would come from guaranteed payment then also a share of profits.
If you are an employee, you have employee rights. If you are a partner, you are a business owner and don’t have many of those rights. You also have liability as you now also have employees. Do you also have to share in the business losses?
This is super helpful, thank you! I’m also wondering about HSA accounts and health insurance in a partnership and non-employee role.
These benefits, in my experience, vary from business to business/firm to firm. So, in some cases, the equity partners may get a fully funded HSA, while non-equity get a set dollar amount (or nothing) put in their HSA. The contributions made by the company to 401k can vary by whether you’re equity or not, etc. You have to ask for the partnership agreement and ask all of these questions specifically because it will vary wildly. Also ask when the equity partners take payment (some only do it quarterly or irregularly) versus whether you get a regular paycheck as a non-equity.
Posting late, but there’s a NY City Bar report that goes through some of the differences. Somewhat technical, but it might be useful for questions re benefits as a legal matter: http://www2.nycbar.org/pdf/report/uploads/20072752-TaxTreatmentofaPartnerasanEmployee.pdf
Will it be easier to lateral down the line if you need to if you have the partner title, even if it was non-equity?
Typically business development is easier if you have a partner title.
anon for this
This can be a personal choice, depending on your organization. I am a fairly senior associate and am getting to the point that I need to think about whether I want to try to become a partner, or an Of Counsel. Something you don’t mention is differing responsibilities. At least at my firm, Of Counsel are typically not as involved in business development as partners. They function more like a super-associate and manage cases that others bring in. Personally, the Of Counsel role is appealing to me for precisely that reason (not to mention simply being a salaried employee). But for some people, the Of Counsel role is unappealing for exactly the same reasons….
Well, in my experience, that assumption you are making is not true. So, even with a raise, you make less as a non-equity partner. Plus, in my situation, I have effectively no benefit package. But, I’m a partner, and I can say I’m a partner, and that helps with client development and how seriously I’m taken at the firm. It can be career suicide to be offered a “partner” title and turn it down.
I’m getting pushed out of my firm. (2009 grad, lateralled here from another firm). Small market in small city in Midwest. No (or very few) in house opportunities, and I don’t have the pedigree (regional law school, no big name firm *although first firm was a good name here*) or a great network (first firm was super pissed when I left, current firm is slow. Current firm supposed to be “helping me look,” but the only suggestion has been in child support enforcement at prosecutor’s office (I’m an employer-side attorney with some corporate experience, with no interest in criminal law or trying cases).
It feels so hopeless. I don’t particularly want to be a law firm partner, so it’s not a huge loss, but have no idea what to do with myself. Local recruiters seem….uninterested (another suggested that I should “just be a corporate attorney, like for a company.” Thanks).
Can you switch to Plaintiff side employment? Are you involved in the employment bar? Are there smaller firms? Can you work for the government?
Approach government, especially if you have contacts. Often times things that will get your foot in the door at government are not posted as competitions. Government is basically ’employer-side’ so your experience will be relevant.
Government is the opposite of employer side.
I think the suggestion was work for the government, defending it against issues brought by government employees. In which case it would indeed be emoloyer side. Former government L+E atty here, very much regarded in that world as employer side.
I don’t think they meant EEOC type stuff.
Fwiw, I’ve found legal recruiters to be pretty worthless in small Midwestern markets. I’d check Indeed or another job aggregation s!te every day for relevant job postings, apply to anything that looks interesting, and try to build a network on your own (participate in any bar associations or things like that? Get more involved). Even if your first firm was ticked when you left, do you have any associates or paralegals you were friendly with? Reach out to get coffee and see if they know of any opportunities. Get in touch with law school classmates. A “network” should be a lot more than just your previous bosses. I’m assuming you have some time for this job search, so I wouldn’t panic yet, although I know that’s easier said than done.
+1. Are you open to a move?
Local government work?
+1. I am a 2011 grad, and left firm life first for a prosecutor’s position (because that was available) and have landed in local government as a lawyer.
I do not try cases on a regular basis, and do not do criminal work anymore. I represent our local legislative/governing body, and most of my work is in-house in nature (advising, reviewing contracts, attending board meetings, etc).
If that’s something you’re interested in, I’d be glad to post an anon email address and answer any questions you have about what this kind of work is like.
A scary option–go solo. hang out a shingle. Maybe some business will follow you. I had a friend who does employer side law who planned his departure a few years ago and is extremely happy and well-compensated as a solo.
Your experience is pretty useful for in-house work. Look at smaller companies that don’t have large legal departments – you can pitch employment experience (every company needs help with that) but not pigeonhole yourself into it. You can manage litigation, etc.
I also agreed to look at government roles. Something with the EEOC or state FEPA. Or, if you’re okay with slightly leaving law (but probably able to go back), look at upper level HR positions in companies.
HR consulting? There are some companies that do that remotely (Cornerstone and SalesForce, I think), so you might be able to do it without relocating, at least to fill a gap until something better comes along, if you know what that is. Or would you consider a career law clerk position?
Interesting idea on the remote consulting–would not have thought of that through Salesforce. Anyone know what they call these positions (I’m sure it’s something extra strategic, but my search does not reveal anything including “legal” or any variation of HR!)
Hey halp, hope I’m not too late. This is a long shot but what midwestern city and how much corporate experience? If the answer is STL and more than a little, please post an email address if you’re willing for me to contact you.
I am listening to the S Town podcast and the end-of-the-world discussions are unsettling. Has anyone else who has listened to it fact checked any of it?
Never heard of it – brief summary?
STown, a new podcast from the producers of Serial and This American Life
It’s a podcast from the Serial producers about a man in Alabama who asks an NPR reporter to investigate a murder in his small town but the podcast turns out to be about something else entirely. It’s great.
To OP, what is unsettling you specifically? I think the numbers are fairly accurate but not necessarily the conclusions. That is, there’s a lot wrong with the world but to assume that it all means doomsday also assumes that no one will come up with any solutions. Which maybe they won’t, but maybe they will. It’s sort of like just looking at population growth numbers – if you look at the projected numbers it would seem we are scr*wed but more people on the planet also means more potential for innovative solutions, not to mention that unforeseen events may also change things. Anyway, don’t forget that you are listening to a person taking a very negative view of things, which is sort of the point.
This exactly my feelings on this.
I started it last week — it’s from the creators of serial and deals with goings on in a small town in the south, beginning with a supposed murder. the S stands for a swear word. It’s interesting and I’ve haerd from people who have finished it that it provides insight into small-town southern america
I haven’t fact checked it but there are a ton of articles about it, Slate has a podcast about the podcast, and there’s an S-Town subreddit. If you want to go down the rabbit hole, there are lots of them!
I am a few episodes in right now. So far I haven’t taken the end-of-the-world rants very seriously, although I suppose they may intensify as I progress through the series. The statements would have to become a lot more credible before I would develop any actual concern– right now they seem like a manifestation of that character’s depression.
Getting to the end of the podcast will answer a lot. I thought this was a great series.
The former Mr. Kitten is trying to keep my property and has hired a lawyer who sent me a letter claiming that my stuff is actually Mr. Kitten’s stuff. But the letter is totally wrong. Wrong on facts, wrong on the law. I get that the lawyer is doing this because he wants to have a case and he does not have a case but it is so frustrating to me. I am not a litigator. Is this only frustrating because I’m personally invested and would like my stuff back, or is this something that frustrates lawyers who deal with situations like this? How you focus on the actual facts and law without being distracted by outrageous arguments and claims?
Unless the stuff has enormous monetary or sentimental value, I’d let it go. Battling an ex in court will be very costly in terms of both money and your mental health, and even if you succeed in getting the stuff back, I doubt you’ll feel like it was worth it in the end.
It has enormous sentimental value, unfortunately.
It’s always frustrating when lawyers are wrong on both the law and the facts (I find it personally offensive even when I’m not personally involved).
I suggest you write a strongly worded letter (but not hostile) rebutting all of the inaccuracies with the correct facts and the correct law. Keep it aside for a few hours or a day. Go back to it and try to soften it (because inevitably, it will be harsh the first time you write it). You want a final product that, if shown to a judge, will make you come across as assertive and professional.
Thank you. This makes me feel better. I’m apprehensive of outlining my case to this other lawyer, who has been hired to fight against my case. You think that’s an unnecessary concern? My case is pretty straight forward (I bought these things, I have receipts, we weren’t married, q.e.d. the stuff is mine.) so maybe I am being paranoid not wanting to spell it out for the lawyer?
Honestly, it may be time to hire a lawyer yourself. You can’t be objective and detached here (it’s your sentimental stuff!) and this is just going to stress you out further. Also, this doesn’t sound like an area you have much, or any, experience in handling so it’s a steeper learning curve. Perhaps you can keep costs low by being organized, doing first drafts of letters yourself, etc.
Hire your own lawyer (remember, a lawyer who represents themselves has a fool for a client), BUT, realize that it won’t be cheap. Really think about what you’re fighting for here. If these are things that you purchased in the relatively recent past and for which you have receipts, unless one of them is an original Van Gogh or something, I might just let it go. The other thing about lawyers is that they love clients fighting on emotion and principle – because they have no ability to realize that they are spending more money fighting than what’s at issue.
I think you should spell it out for the lawyer. Then, if you DO get hauled into court over this, you can seek sanctions for frivolous conduct by the lawyer.
Keep it to the barebones version if providing a debate on detail/the law doesn’t appeal.
“Thank you for your letter of date. The information set out in your letter re: ITEMS is not correct. I purchased the items on DATE. I have the receipts which confirm same. Items were in my continuous possession from DATE to DATE, until Mr. Ex refused me access to items when I was moving out of our joint residence. As EX and I were not married, the ITEMS which I purchased are not jointly owned in any capacity. I look forward to the prompt return of my ITEMS.”
You can’t win a case by keeping the facts secret. If this stuff is that important, hire a lawyer.
I agree that writing the letter would be a good idea, if only to help you organize your argument for yourself. I am not sure if I would send it to the lawyer. He is not going to change his mind; Mr. Kitten is paying him to maintain the position that the items are Mr. Kitten’s. And then, as you said, he does have an outline of your argument.
I would consider hiring my own lawyer, if the items are that important to you. Depending on the monetary value of the items, you could file in small claims court on your own without a lawyer. If you have receipts and were not married, it seems fairly clear– he must be alleging facts that, if true, would make the property his. Do you have a way to disprove those?
He’s arguing that the items were purchased as joint property and since Mr. K has had physical possession since July, he gets to keep them forever.
I think it is worth sending a letter but that may be unique to the rules in my state. Limited representation agreements are really common here. People will hire a lawyer to send a “scare” letter but nothing else. The lawyer may have told Mr. WK that he’s going to lose but he will send a demand letter anyway but will not take the case to court. If WK sends back a letter arguing why she’s right, the lawyer might say “welp, we tried, good luck Mr. WK” and be gone. If you are in a state that doesn’t allow limited representation and this letter means that Mr. WK is all in to litigate this issue, then that’s a different story.
Also, to WK, just because you paid for something doesn’t make it yours. He may claim it was a gift or that you essentially transferred ownership to him by default. Totally made up example. You buy a coffee mug but over your years of living together he is the only one that uses the coffee mug. It might now be considered his coffee mug. In the trenches, I dealt with this in a case involving a dog. Woman bought dog. Man ended up using dog as a service dog. Woman didn’t object to this use during her relationship. Man kept dog when relationship ended. Both sides lawyered up and woman backed down in light of the cost of litigation and the optics of trying to repo a now service dog.
This seems like a time when mediation might be really effective. Most courts have a voluntary mediation program. Perhaps you could consider that route if you need to file an action? It would be much easier to work this out in person rather than through letters.
Yeah I think the steps are 1. letter, 2. file, 3. ADR, 4. court
If you bought it in July is just repurchasing an option? Or is it a cat?
I didn’t get it in July. I got it in 2011. He was taking care of it starting in July because I moved out of town for a job and he agreed to take her for me and we were still dating at the time. It’s a dog. He has a bunch of other stuff of mine, because I dumped him while I was out of town and all of my things were still in our shared apartment, but the lawyer letter is only about the dog. No idea if he’s also going to send a demand letter to keep my pots and pans, etc…
Hire a lawyer. I don’t say this to be mean, at all, but you aren’t doing a good job of making your case- of course you aren’t! It’s your dog! You need an outsider.
Since it sounds bad st this point, this might not work, but my husband shared custody of his dog once upon a time. Like a kid – back and forth on the weekends, etc. It might not be a perfect solution, but it could be a better result than litigating this. In my experience, litigation never ever ever goes well in domestic situations.
Honestly, if you gave him the dog when you moved out of town, I think he has a decent argument that the dog became his at that point. The fact that you originally bought the dog isn’t dispositive, because property can be transferred. I would consult a lawyer to see if you even have any chance of getting the dog back.
Disagree that having your then BF dog sit instead of putting dog in a boarding facility would dispossess you but it may make sense to get a lawyer sooner rather than later.
Track down any vet bills/dog walker/doggie daycare receipts which will demonstrate your continuity of ownership as well as any emails/texts you had sent to your ex around him watching your dog while you worked out of town plus your requests to get dog/pots and pans back when you broke up.
She said she *moved* out of town and left the dog with then-BF. If so, BF wasn’t a substitute for a doggie daycare or boarding facility since you can’t board a dog indefinitely. He was a substitute for surrendering the dog to a rescue or a friend, either of which would be a transfer of possession.
I was out of town temporarily. It was not a transfer of possession. I left ALL OF MY STUFF in the apartment that we lived in together and I assure you I didn’t intend to gift him 5 designer handbags either.
And yeah I have all the receipts and emails. I’ve got that one covered.
Thanks y’all. I think it’s probably true that he only hired the lawyer to write the letter, and isn’t going to take it to court. I’ll send an email back stating the facts, and consider hiring my own lawyer if that isn’t sufficient.
A friend of mine was in a similar situation, only she was the person who ended up with the dog after the split. Her ex called the police in the town where she lived and told them that she had stolen his dog. They came out and investigated and although they didn’t take the dog on the spot, it freaked her out enough that she ended up giving the dog to him even though it was hers to begin with. Not endorsing his actions but you might want to give something similar a try.
Thanks. That’s on the option list.
Cross country move tips?
Does anyone have a recommendation for a company they used for moving cross country or at least across a few states? Or tips for finding a mover for a cross country relocation? Planned move is proximately 2 1/2 months away.
I used Allied to move from the South to New England and was very happy.
I had Mayflower, Allied, and Atlas come out and give me estimates. Allied was slightly higher ($500) but my gut said that their estimate was the most accurate and the coordinator seemed competent and accessible. I’m glad i went with my gut.
I went with the large companies that have been around for decades.
I’m not sure of your budget or how much stuff you need to move, but consider the U-Pack/PODS option. I’ve used U-Pack for a couple of long-distance moves and it ended up being substantially cheaper than a moving service and way less stress than driving a U-Haul truck. You can pay movers to load and unload the cubes for you, and it’s a pretty painless process. If you’re in a more rural area though, they may not be able to actually deliver the cubes to your residence which makes it less convenient.
Be careful about the company if you pick this option. I used U-Haul’s pod-it-yourself option and they lost 1 of my 2 pods for~3 months. Googling revealed that this was more common than one would hope. Everything Shenandoah says about the logistics is right, and I was pleased with the folks we hired to load and unload our stuff. I might even use a pod again, but absolutely not U-Haul’s product.
Cross country move tips?
My presence is to use professional movers even if I pack. I’ve not heard good things about the POD option so this is interesting.
I used Atlas with Pods. I’ve also done ABF and had a good experience. Atlas doesn’t do pods anymore. One reason I really liked the pods was that all my stuff was locked up, self-contained, and I had the key to the lock. Sure, someone at Atlas could have broken the lock, but I felt really great knowing all my stuff was in there and no one was going to lose a box or two. Like another poster mentioned, I had a bad experience on one end (the loading end). Another time I moved cross country I was told my stuff was going by truck, but they did it by air and I had huge forklift tine holes in my furniture. My mom is a realtor who had used that company for her clients’ moves for years, and when we alleged gross negligence, they paid to repair my brand-new furniture. That was a good outcome to a bad situation. The lesson is–confirm how they are transporting it!
I also had a good experience with ABF a few years back. I was a single person then with little furniture and this was a much less stressful option than renting a U-Haul and towing my car.
Depending on where you live and where you are moving to UPODS might be more of a hassle. In our HCOL neighbourhood PODS are not allowed on the street for more than 24 hours.
I used ABF for a cross country move and had a horrible experience. I paid them to pack, move, and unpack. Every single piece of furniture was damaged when it arrived. Boxes of books (clearly labeled) were stacked on top of everything else, breaking things in other boxes (which ABF refused to cover). None of the packing protection I was promised when I hired them were taken (e.g. wrapping sofa and mattress). Extra charges for things that were not disclosed even though I described the things that led to the extra charges in my initial interview. Long and frustrating process to get any of my furniture fixed.
Bottom line, if I were to move cross country again, I’d do everything myself. Would not recommend ABF as the entire process was a nightmare.
I used Mayflower and they were great. It was pretty expensive (NYC to TX) but everyone I dealt with was professional and they work with the best local company in my TX region . That is something that is worth checking into – what will the local options be for delivery that are included in the estimate. Mine, while expensive, had my stuff get to texas and then I could call and have it delivered anytime after date x. I literally landed, called the moving company, spoke to someone, and 3 hrs later they delivered all my stuff and nothing was damaged.
I had a friend who uhauled from NYC to TX and he said gas, hotels and truck rental interstate wound up being really expensive (I think he ended up spending $2 – $2.5k to my $3k) and it was really difficult moving into an apartment to move all his stuff in himself.
Cross country move tips?
Do not plan to move myself because I do have some relocation funds. Also moving to TX so this helpful.
I was totally in the dark and just lucked out but I’m glad I didn’t try to cheap out… I don’t have any family members who have ever really left Connecticut so I had no idea what questions to ask….
Key things I learned:
1) Make sure to pack things according to the instructions you are given – even if it seems like overkill and pack everything if you haven’t opted for packing services. This includes stuff like bedframes etc. Obviously doesn’t matter if your relocation funds cover packing as well. The movers can charge you for anything they have to pack including things that aren’t packed right. They may look the other way if its just a couple items – but they can tack on fees to your bill for this
2) Make sure you are clear on when your stuff is getting to your destination / what happens to your stuff when it gets there. I again lucked out in that it turns out that I had delivery on request included in my quote and I would totally recommend this, especially cross country with lots of moving parts.
3) If you are moving into an apartment make sure you know what your landlord requires / if you need a delivery slot / where the delivery truck bays and service elevator are. I actually found the new building I moved into in Houston much better than my apartment in NYC.
Some of these might reflect my own inexperience before I moved, but good luck!!
Cross country move tips?
Very helpful! Thank you.
Used North American Van Lines. It was paid for by DH company, thank goodness, so I can’t speak to rates but the service was incredible. They did ALL the packing, I literally did not raise a finger. Not one item was lost or broken. The truck even swung back around two days after unloading to drop off a garden hose that they had missed (as if I would have ever noticed/cared). They would have unloaded all the boxes into the correct rooms but I wanted to take my time putting it all away into cabinets, etc. I did let them rebuild/set up the beds and other large furniture. A+
We used Atlas in a Boston to DC move. They were great when they packed up our apartment, but they subcontracted out the final delivery and that was TERRIBLE.
Cross country move tips?
This is one of my concerns.
I used Simply Moving for a move from NYC to western PA about a month ago. They were awesome. I did lists of research into a number of the big moving companies because of a prior bad moving experience and they were the best. They came down a lot in price from their initial quote as well when I asked them to. They packed my entire apartment in 2 hours and the same people delivered it two days later. Highly recommend them.
Never too many shoes...
I just pulled the trigger and ordered several of the Victoria Beckham items from Target – has anyone tried them and what did you think? I saw several positive youtube reviews and the prices are so reasonable that I decided to give it a shot.
I bought the orange print romper. Shockingly, it fit great; the fabric is relatively thick and I think will do nicely for some summer picnic-type events (although I do have shoe dilemma on it).
I tried on the black sweater dress with the ruffles on the shoulders. The fit again was surprisingly good (and bonus points because no gap under the arms), but I looked like a cross between myself in 1983 (Remember the Prairie Look?) and a butterfly about to take off because the ruffles were very large. Hard pass.
The black longsleeved dress with the contrast cuffs and collar was cute in a Wednesday Addams kind of way, but the sleeves were crazy long on me and the length seemed off. Better for someone else.
The black peplum jacket had odd proportions; everything was very narrow, including sleeves that my arms barely fit into. Plus, the jacket clipped at the throat and not at the waist (with a U-hook that was difficult to manipulate), which made the fit odd. Also, the fabric really is a somewhat shiny taffeta in person (not my preference).
I would have tried more pieces, but most things that I liked were gone in all but lucky sizes. Except for those pastel floral and lace bombers, which definitely are NOT selling where i am.
The baby and toddler pieces are beyond adorbs. I would have snapped them up if I had any little girls to buy for right now.
Never too many shoes...
Thank you for the details. The black sweater dress and the peplum jacket are two things I ordered so we shall see…
Just want to thank everyone for chiming in yesterday. I inadvertently opened a discussion of parochial education that was probably unnecessary, but I really appreciated the nuanced analysis and honest feedback. Thank you.
You inspired me to check my local district!! I am not zoned to good schools (gang / violence problem, kids from unstable homes dealing with a lot) and would be uncomfortable with the lack of diversity of background in my local schools (95% hispanic – would have same problems if it was 95% white or 95% any other single race). BUT I did learn that my district has school choice and there are a number of excellent charter / magnet options in district.
Hope you find a good solution!!
Thanks for prompting the discussion- it was very interesting to read for someone with no dog in the fight. I thought there were great points raised on all sides
I totally agree!
Has anyone done flotation therapy? Is the water gross? Is it chlorinated? What’s a good price (I am starting to see Gilt Group deals for it in my city, but I don’t know). Any experiences appreciated. Thanks!
Like sensory deprivation tanks? I have friends who own a facility in St. Louis. The water is very salty – that’s how you float – but it isn’t chlorinated. I believe that they empty, clean, and fill the tanks between each use. It takes a long time. I think the minimum session is 90 minutes. Some people really like it and others find it very boring. I’d give it a try if you’re interested!
My bike got stolen from behind my house yesterday (locked, not visible from the street). So irritated and angry about this. My question is whether I should file a claim with renter’s insurance when the bike was old and probably not worth more than $500 (although it had a lot of sentimental value). Will it make premiums increase?
I would say no. What is your deductible? Is its replacement cost meaningful to you?
To replace it with a comparable bike now, I would probably need to spend at least $700, preferably more (it was a quality mountain bike). I forgot what the deductible is but I didn’t even think about that…
I would hit a couple of the pawn shops near you — a lot of stolen bikes show up there in my area.
And check Craigslist!
Report it to the police. At least in our city, they keep an eye out for bikes that show up abandoned and keep them in their Evidence Warehouse. You don’t necessarily need your serial number. Bike blogs in the area also post missing bikes.
I’ll have some free time in Minneapolis this weekend – any recommendations for food or things to do?
Brunch at Hell’s Kitchen. I am physically unable to resist the lemon ricotta pancakes or the wild rice porridge. Go and be sure to heavily overorder.
Ice cream at Izzy’s in St. Paul.
Take the backstage tour (usually mornings) or see a show at the Guthrie if you have time.
+1 to H*ll’s Kitchen. Went there on vacation and it was SO good.
There’s an Izzy’s in Minneapolis now too! Walkable from the Guthrie. Favorite restaurants: Quang (excellent Vietnamese food, zero atmosphere), Black Sheep Pizza (two locations, the one on Eat Street is nicer), and Eat Street Social for cocktails. I love the walking around Minnehaha Falls and you can take the light rail.
The Bachelor Farmer is great for dinner. Sit at the bar if you can–it is fun to have the bartenders describe all the food and beverages in great detail.
It depends on where you are staying. If in downtown Minneapolis, I will reluctantly agree with HK, but I think you can do better if you have a car. Also, there is an Izzy’s near the Guthrie so no need to go to St. Paul if transportation is an issue.
If weather permits, I’d recommend a Twins game if you’re interested in baseball and a walk around a local lake or near the Mississippi. If the weather sucks, I’d recommend the Minneapolis Institute of Arts, the Science Museum (in St. Paul), and the Walker.
The Jucy Lucy is a hamburger with cheese in the middle of the meat patty. It originated in the Twin Cities. Several restaurants claim to have created it first, whatever you can try them all and decide who has the best one. Matt’s Bar, The Blue Door Pub, 5-8 Club, and The Nook.
When I go to the cities and don’t make time for these places I typically feel disappointed: Punch (order the Toto and the punch salad – also crucial to go to the Punch in Highland Park), Victor’s 1959 Cafe (go for brunch or very early breakfast and personally I order anything with plantains), and Sea Salt Eatery (spring/summer only) (Near Minnehaha Falls which would be a wonderful bike ride).
Have a veggie/vegan with you?
Try Seward Cafe or Birchwood Cafe.
Need a brunch spot?
A cinnamon-sugar doughnut from A Baker’s Wife would make any morning better.
Fancy dinner ideas include: Bachelor Farmer, The Copper Hen, Bar La Grassa, 112 Eatery, Red Stag Supper Club, Alma, The Craftsman, Travail, and Piccolo.
I personally would take the ice cream tour. These are my favorite spots in order: Izzies, Sebastian Joes, and Pumphouse.
Coffee and Tea:
The chai tea at Tea Source is a must for me!
Five Watt – Coffee shop located in the Kingfield neighborhood. They have a unicorn. Their Gin Basil Smash is on the countries list for 10 Best Iced Afternoon Pick-Me Up Drinks.
Favorite Saint Paul Coffee Shops:
Swede Hollow Cafe
Favorite Minneapolis Coffee Shops:
Brewery Scene: Popular tap rooms include Fulton Brewery, Urban Growler, Dangerous Man, and Surly. Its really easy to go bar hopping in Northeast Minneapolis because there are so many located there.
The Muddy Pig has an amazing list of beers on tap and in bottles – probably between 50 and 60 options. They also have a great selection of whiskeys.
Pat’s Tap- Skee ball, cheese curds, and lumber jacks.
If you want a great view of the town and are willing to spend a bit on drinks, head to Prohibition.
Marvel Bar likes to pretend that they are a speakeasy so it can be hard to find. You’re looking for a purple door – check Yelp for more detailed instructions.
BTW – Be prepared that in the Twin Cities Bloody Mary’s often come with a beer chaser.
Are you suddenly starving in your hotel room at midnight? Do you need a superhero? If you said yes to any of these, Galactic Pizza is the answer. It’s planet-saving pizza (local, organic ingredients, delivered in a electric vehicle in a compostable container), and is brought to the door by a spandex-clad superhero.
Remember when shopping in the Twin Cities that clothing is tax free!
If you want to see the most unusual stuff ever and buy a bunch of creative craft stuff go to Ax Man. It’s insane.
Personally, the last place I would advice people to go shopping is the Mall of America (but I get it, if you have never been there…you might want to cross it off your list). Fun shopping areas include:
50th and France
Mill City Museum
Minnesota History Museum
Minneapolis Institute of Art
Walker Art + Sculpture Garden
James J. Hill House
Historic Fort Snelling
Science Museum of Minnesota
The Twin Cities has the most theater seats per capita after New York.
Brave New Workshop is an improv comedy venue that depending on who is makes up its current cast it can be pretty funny.
Fitzgerald Theater: If you are a Prairie Home Companion fan – this is where the show records from. Many other Public Radio Events also take place here.
Ordway, Orpheum, and Orchestra Hall are all great venues that have a wonderful variety of performances.
Even if you don’t got see a show at the Guthrie, you should still go inside to the Endless Bridge. This observation deck allows you to get wonderful views of the Mississippi and the falls. This is open to the public and you are encouraged to go take a look!
In the summer you can’t go wrong with a night at Lake Harriet. Free live music: https://www.minneapolisparks.org/activities__events/music__movies/music_in_the_parks/lake_harriet_park_schedule/ If there are any young ones or young at heart stop by the Wild Rumpus Bookstore and pick up some Sebastian Joes ice cream for a perfect evening.
If you want to see a movie go to Riverview its a vintage movie theater with 2 dollar movies and get the popcorn (real butter!)
Betty Danger’s is a fake country club complete with its own Ferris Wheel – its a hoot. http://bettydangers.com
Bryant Lake Bowl or Town Hall Lanes are both bowling places that have a great beer menu and tons of delicious foods.
Wow – I live in St. Paul and I’m taking notes! Great ideas!
Happy Administrative Professionals Day!
[I am one of the posters (an admin) last week that said please don’t acknowledge it.]
Anyway, I have a phone interview with HR tomorrow, and wondered what you would want to know, or what would impress you. It’s a specific industry where I have experience and knowledge, so I hope that’s why I was called.
I guess all of us know how to set up calls, make travel, use MS Office, etc., but what other things would you like to hear that would make me stand out?
We interviewed for an admin one time (law firm so industry specific skills apply) and what really struck me was how positive and polished she was. She told us how she saw her job as making her executive/lawyer’s life easier and to make them look good to the clients. She liked being in a support role and really took pride in her skills that made those objectives possible. We picked her over other candidates who had more experience in the legal filings, but maybe weren’t as good at the other stuff. She was also a quick learner and willing to acknowledge when she needed additional help or training so it didn’t take her long to get caught up on the legal skills.
Attention to detail / follow-through are the biggest ones for me. I’d love an assistant like the one described above! If I ask you to call and get the name of the person who handles X for Company A, don’t come back to me and say, “There was no answer.” Try calling again in an hour. (Yes, this has happened to me. You’d think this is common sense, but no.)
What the above said, and the ability to multi-task and switch easily from task to task. I’ve unfortunately had to fire admins who could not do either of those. One was fantastic at a task, provided she could complete it from start to finish with no interruptions. Which is obviously not realistic when she sits at the front desk…
I’m looking for 3 workhorse dresses for spring and summer. I work in a business casual office, would prefer short sleeves and am a 14-16 with broad shoulders and straight/oval shape. Does anyone have recs?
I know I’m the Boden evangelist around here but:
I have 5+ of their dresses and they travel well and hold up. 25% til tomorrow.
Not all of these would work in my business casual office, but many would, and to me a dress is not a workhorse dress unless it has pockets.
Those are all amazing!
I bought this from LandsEnd last month and love it (also a size 14-16). I sized up after reading the comments. It washes well also. For $50 I am now considering getting the blue or black as well.
Best tips for de-stressing when you don’t really have time to de-stress? In the next month, I will be closing on a new house, listing our house for sale, and taking L3 of the CFA exam. I also have a two year old who is hit and miss with sleep. All good things, of course, but the stress is really getting to me and I can’t figure out how to get space to breathe.
Exercise is the best stress relief IMO. If you are really not getting enough sleep, maybe try getting creative in terms of switching off with your husband and sleeping in a guest room or something? With my own 2-year-old refusing to go to bed before 10 (!) these days, I feel you.
Outsource anything and everything you possibly can. That is way too much to be dealing with in one month, so if there is anything you can put off your plate (laundry? babysitter? take-out?) do it. It’d be even better if your partner, if you have one, could be in charge of managing all the outsourcing so you can really take that all off your plate.
We outsource a lot already (thankfully). I do have a partner, but historically, he gets really snappy and short with me when he is stressed out and I can already see that behavior starting to ramp up. So it doesn’t provide much relief, unfortunately, since relationship tension is stressful too.
Lists, lists, lists and delegation help me. Ask for help from family/friends. Pay for help. Consider hiring packers for part of your stuff (e.g. dining room and kitchen).
If your DH is showing the signs of stress already, sit down together and each make a list of 5 things that destress each of you. Post the lists on the fridge. Make an effort for each of you to do those things regularly. For my DH they would be 1. Running outdoors 2. road biking outdoors 3. running on treadmill alone in basement 4. hiking in woods 5. biking indoors. For me they would be 1. sleep, 2. yoga class (need to leave house) 3. long hot shower (like 1/2 hour) 4. coffee by myself on the back deck 5. brunch with girlfriends. Make a second list of 3-5 things that you can do to destress in 1 minute or less (drink a glass of cold water, ten deep breaths, 10 jumping jacks, whatever). Put that list on your fridge too.
It’s a marathon not a sprint so don’t burn yourself out too early.
Use your realtor to coordinate house stuff. Mine was more than happy to arrange the touch up painting, let the carpet installers into the house, etc.
Do you have to do the house move and closing this month, or is a delayed close and renting back an option? Sometimes we take on a ton of stress thinking there are no other options. If there are ways to reduce it, not just manage it, that is a better course of action.
The closing on the new house has to be in a month. We don’t necessarily NEED to list our house right away (and it was my preference not to) but husband is convinced we will not get a good price unless we get it on the market by mid-May. Clearly a lot of the stress here is due to a lack of good communication and understanding between the two of us. We’ve done counseling in the past and *most of the time* are in a good place, but stress always takes us right back to this place.
Direct your husband to have those conversations with a realtor. We took photos of our house with our staged furniture, but didn’t list until after we moved. SO much less stressful.
This was us. Packed excess belongings, staged house, took pictures. Agent prepped listing.Three weeks later we moved. Restaged house with smaller furniture we left behind to move at a later date (extra twin bed, used air beds in bedrooms). Brokers open two days after it hit the market and sold within a month.
It is SO SO stressful to live in a house while it is on the market. Is your DH going to be the one doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen and bathroom sinks and vacuuming every single morning before leaving for work in case you have a surprise showing that day. There’s no way I could live in a house with a small child that’s on the market unless I had no choice.
I’m writing level 3 too. Good luck!!!!
No great advice for you. Personally, I’m just using gummy candies and massage therapy to deal with the stress :)
Good luck to you as well!
Moving from lurking to ask a question. I want to start gathering information to think about the prospect of having a baby on my own. No idea where to start, who to consult. Overall advice and any DC-specific recommendations would be very helpful.
Anon Wannabe Mommy
My friend just sent me this article and it was really powerful. cbackson, a regular poster here, has said she is exploring the possibility, so she may chime in. I’ve been exploring the possibility. First step is to get your fertility testing done to figure out whether you want to freeze eggs, embryos, or do IUI (no freezing needed). The whole process is a little overwhelming and I wish there were a guide!
I was just going to post that CNN article too. No personal experience but good wishes to you.
Wow that article warmed my heart. Thanks for posting.
Oh my goodness, sitting here crying. Beautiful article.
There is a group called Single Mothers by Choice that you may want to check out. I believe it’s a national group with local chapters.
Hopefully not to late for you to see this: I am a single parent by choice and second the recommendation for the national organization of the same name. If nothing else its online resources are invaluable. The found, Jane Mattes, wrote a book that is now a bit out of date but worth a read and there are several other books as well (I liked Melissa Ludke’s book which compares the experiences of single professional women with teenage single mothers and helped me clarify my thinking on a lot of issues.)
There is a lot to think about and discuss. From a purely practical viewpoint and assuming by “having a baby” you mean you want to get pregnant, a lot depends on your age and fertility. Talk to your PCP about getting the initial tests done (at the very least the HIV test, various titers, genetic testing if indicated, etc. should be covered by insurance). Start thinking about whether you want to use an anonymous donor or a known donor. Do you want a donor who has agreed to be identified now or later or someone you can basically never track down? Assuming you want to use a sp*rm bank, take a look at a couple of websites and think about what qualities you want.
Assuming no fertility issues, you will probably start with IUI as opposed to anything like in vitro, but you might want to start looking for a reproductive endocrinologist in your area and schedule an initial appointment to discuss options.
I know this is a lot and again the SMC organization boards are really valuable sources of information about thinking, trying and everything that comes after. Good luck!
Is anyone else profoundly annoyed by the term ‘Girlboss’? I keep seeing that series on Netflix and rolling my eyes. It’s diminutive, it’s nonsensical (a boss is a just a boss! Why is it necessary to draw so much attention to gender??), and empty ‘girl power’ feminism-as-corporate-branding is vile. I have an acquaintance who smugly brands herself that way, too, and I hate it. Ok, rant over.
Ick. I hadn’t heard this, but… ick.
I’m bothered by the term and the person who originated it, Sophia Amoroso of Nasty Gal fame. Who has turned her “journey” of running her business into the ground (Nasty Gal sent bankrupt last year and was then sold for pennies on the dollar into a “lifestyle brand” where she now gets to make money off the fact that she’s a failed entrepreneur. Like the whole “famous for being famous” thing. Sorry to be negative, but ick.
This may be too late for the morning thread, but any thoughts on Charlotte as a tourist destination with a kid under 2? My husband really wants to go see the solar eclipse this summer so we’re trying to pick somewhere sort of nice to visit that’s not too far out of the eclipse path and a short flight from where we are (Toronto). We seem to be settling on Charlotte – so we’d fly in, we’d need to rent a car (and a carseat, unless we check ours), and then the day of the eclipse we’d drive closer to Columbia to view the eclipse. Any thoughts on kid-friendly fun stuff to visit in Charlotte? (He also suggested St Louis but Charlotte seems like a touristier sort of place.)
Meh, it’s really not a touristy place but you can find plenty to do for a weekend. Discovery Place is a well – known children’s museum here and you can also check out the Carolina Raptor Center, the train museum in Spencer (requires car because it’s not in CLT), NASCAR museum/hall of fame and plenty of great places to eat to keep you occupied ahead of the eclipse. If you’re driving to SC, though, go to Greenville. Great small city with a really thriving downtown. You can stop at the giant peach butt on the way.
I tend to think of St. Louis as having more touristy stuff than Charlotte. (Really, almost anywhere is more touristy than Charlotte though). SL is also supposed to have a great children’s museum. Nashville is another option for the eclipse.
The eclipse goes right by Nashville and that’s a great tourist destination. Charlotte is a perfectly pleasant city but doesn’t offer that much to visitors.