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Updated: Aug 26, 2021 274 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: New Remi Pant in Bi-Stretch Cotton

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Until last year, most of my work outfits were skirts or dresses, with an occasional trouser thrown in from time to time. Now, when I’m physically in the office, it’s a MUCH more casual affair. This means that my collection of pants needs a serious upgrade.

In my frantic polling of friends who are back in the office, the Remi pant from. J.Crew has received the most votes for the go-to office pants. To quote a friend of a friend, “They give me life.” The slim-fitting, slightly cropped leg is a perfect fit for a casual office look, but they also don’t look out of place with a blazer for a more formal day.

The pants are $89.50 full price at J.Crew and come in regular sizes 00–16, petite sizes 0–10, and tall sizes 0–14. They also come in golden brandy, white, gray, and navy. Today you can get 30% off, which brings the price down to $62.65.

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

    • Cat

      doesn’t look like it, but if you join their free rewards program, free shipping & returns.

  2. Shoe Help

    I’m in search of flat, business casual/professional shoes that I can wear with dresses in the navy family. I have lots of pumps and wedges but I’m over that (at least for now while I’m just puttering around the office). Two rules are not mules and not round toe. I have a wide foot. I’ve never worn an official wide sized shoe but shoes that run narrow aren’t typically a good fit. I’m ok with spending up to $200ish if it’s the perfect shoe. Thoughts? I always thought Rothy’s weren’t good for narrow-trending feet.

      • Anon

        I feel like Talbots is under-appreciated in this category. Also, sometimes Brooks Brothers on sale is good. Finally, the M Gemi Stellato (pointy-toe flat if I am remembering the wrong name) is good — Banana Republic used to have a knock-off of it, so maybe there, too.

    • Trixie

      A loafer? Donald Pliner, Caslon at Nordies, Rockport, Clarks, any comfort brand, with a 1″ heel, and your good to go.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Oh also – I don’t know if they’re current and they definitely weren’t supportive, but I had a pair of point-toe d’orsay flats with an ankle strap that I wore until they fell apart. They looked amazing with ankle pants, skirts, dresses, anything.

    • Anonymous

      I have a wide-ish foot and just got some burgundy loafers from Paul Green on Poshmark. Depending on the dress, something like that could work.

      • Anon

        Yes to Paul Green for wide feet, but I know some folk who also swear that these work great for more narrow feet. I think the quality leather creates the custom fit feeling so they work for lots of people.

    • Anon

      I have triangle duck feet (wide front with bunions, narrow heel) and the pointed Rothys are great for me. I wear a 10W in those, otherwise wear a 9W.

    • No Face

      Any loafer that feels good on the feet. I’ve worn loafers with sheath dress suits to court for years and it looks good.

    • Anon

      My feet are short of triangular – wider towards my toes and narrow in the heel. I love Vionics Lena. Pointy toe, arch support, comes in several colors. Vionics also has a 30-day “wear test” period so you can really try them out and see if they work for you.

    • anon

      I also have somewhat wide feet don’t wear a wide, but narrower shoes are a no go). Since you mentioned them, Rothy’s, other than the Point style, fit me great. I’ve been wearing the loafer with skirts all summer, and the other flats work for me as well.

    • Anon in Dallas

      I have triangle feet and wear pointed Rothy’s all the time. I go up half a size and find them very comfortable.

    • Anon.

      Another vote for Paul Green, especially the Sadie ankle strap flat pump. I own a silver pair – they match everything, are extremely comfortable and look very elegant. I have gotten many compliments on them.

    • Anone

      I have the same wide-ish but not quite “wide” feet, and I love Paul Green and Rockport . Clarks work too though their shoes are not always the most stylish.

    • Anonymous

      Look up both Trotters and Ara. Both have navy shoes. Trotters has wide as well.

    • Audreycat

      I have very wide feet and find rothys very comfortable if you go half a size up. I love them. The washability is amazing, as my old favorites-Tieks- developed a godawful stink despite all sorts of sprays and inserts.

  3. Career Change

    If you are hiring a career changer, how much do you consider their prior experience? I worked in consumer loan processing for ten years and then went back to school and worked in public accounting for two years. I just got my CPA. In banking, I worked in an individual role for the first few years and then managed a small team for the rest. I did a few system reconciliations, but no direct accounting work.

    There is a controller position available at a company I really want to work for. If you consider my direct accounting experience only, I’m certainly not qualified. But taking into account transferable parts of my prior career, I think I have the skills and could learn the job. My prior experience didn’t “count” towards anything in public accounting, but I’m not sure if that would be different in a corporate environment. I don’t want to sell myself short, but I also don’t want to look out of touch applying for a job that is way over my head. Should I apply?

    • Anon

      you are overthinking this. apply. how each company will evaluate years of experience is different. also, most of the time, companies do not end up hiring someone who meets 100% of their criteria. job descriptions are often written thinking of what some ideal imaginary person would have, rather than an actual person. the worst thing that happens is you don’t get the job.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Would a mediocre white man apply? You know the answer. Apply!

      As a career changer myself – I was pretty underqualified for the the job on paper, but I had plenty of transferable skills and used the cover letter and interview to get that across. You can absolutely do this.

      • anonshmanon

        Same. I spelled out the transferable skills in my cover letter and also was very clear about what attracted me about the job. Just finished my first year in the new job and got the highest performance rating!

    • Anonymous

      You address this in the cover letter. I am very open to candidates without prior experience in my field as long as they a) thoroughly explain WHY they’re applying to the job and making a career change and b) make a convincing case for their applicable skills. I get cover letters where candidates have zero experience in my field, the cover letters are generic and don’t explain why they’re applying, and they go straight in the trash. It’s all about making the case for why a career shift is right for you and how your skills will benefit my company even as you’re learning the ropes on some new skills too.

    • Ses

      I hire in finance and I always consider the whole career when evaluating a candidate. A new CPA with years of management experience is different than a new CPA who is also relatively new to the workforce.

    • Anonymous

      Apply and make sure your opening section/summary references the management experience.

    • Ellen

      I am not an accountant, but I would apply. There are so many unqualified people applying — and getting positions they never would have before the pandemic, you should too. So many people said they were leaving because of the COVID, and what’s left is often really unqualified or newbies that know nothing. So in your case, you can handle this–I would go for it.

      It’s not that much different from dating. In the old days prepandemic, you could spot the winners from the losers. Now you can’t. So many men are losers because they have refused the vaccine, and/or have breathe that could stop a truck. Those are the guys that used to take care of themselves. I can’t see me going with any of those losers, and the plain clean cut guy who I never would have gone for now looks better then ever.

      So my recommendation is to go for the job. What is the worse that can happen? You don’t get it? So what? If you do, then all of your training will begin to pay off. That is what happened to me once I got my current job. Before that I was serving subpeenies at a place where they took turns squeezing my tuchus for laughs. Now I could buy that whole place out if I wanted to, but who wants to? PTOOEY on those losers!

  4. Baby shower guest

    I’m throwing my sister a baby shower this weekend (small, covid safe). What should I wear? Something sparkly or floral under 150 would be nice but everything I see would need a special br@ situation that my dd’s can’t handle. Specific recs welcome!

  5. Anonymous

    My favorite part of work from hone is that I don’t have to power through cramps at the office. Curling up with my cat and a CLE video until they pass.

    • anon

      YES. In the same boat and completely agree with you. Going to the office everyday is not value added to my life (at least for my job).
      I saw quip on twitter that really resonated yesterday.
      Come back to the office, we have:
      sandpaper toilet paper
      depression cubicle
      no dog petting zoo
      cold lunches
      gossip
      no mid day naps
      ping pong tables!
      surprise 1 on 1’s with managers
      Coffee that taste like ******** (not for free)
      limited breaks
      no crying closet

      Before the office loving crowd roasts me, this is list is obviously in jest, but it has salient points.

    • Anonymous

      There are so many amazing things about work from home for me, but one of the very best is the complete elimination of the rushed “what do I have that I can take for lunch“ game. People tell me to prepare it the night before, but that’s just another chore for after work when all I want to do is relax. The alternative is buying a $13 green salad or mediocre sandwich and I’m not OK with that. Now I see what I feel like around noon, go downstairs, make it, and get back to work. It’s glorious and has reduced so much stress for both my husband and me.

      Another amazing solution is that I no longer need to worry that I had too much coffee and will need to pee before my long commute is done. So silly but such a great change!

      • Anonymous

        X1000, a major improvement for me but one that I can’t talk about with my boss. Also a major improvement to have privacy to take the occasional call about my medical condition without needing to sprint to the stairwell, hoping no one is there to overhear.

        • editor

          Another consideration, but it may just be for Boomer me, is that every medical call, even just a simple question, begins with date of birth, which is something I’m so so sick of. I would rather give my SSN. None of my cube mates, nor most of their mothers, were even alive on the date I’m giving. And we all know how important age and attractiveness is to hire-abilty, respect, and retention.

          It’s just as bad as the automatic weigh-in “for HIPAA purposes.” Yeah, I’m sure they care. Whereas to me, it’s humiliating.

          • anon

            Your coworkers know you’re older than them. I have never heard of an automatic weigh-in? What is that?

          • pugsnbourbon

            You can stand backward on the scale and ask them not to tell you. I’ve done that for years.

          • Anonymous

            OMG the weigh in is so stressful for me. So triggering on many levels. I can’t eat the whole week before.

          • editor

            I already do face away from the numbers at the automatic weigh-in at the doctor’s face (not the office-office, to be clear). Definitely And I HAVE been told that it’s for HIPAA.

            No one knows that I’m THAT much older. For one thing, freakily, I have no grey hair. Big difference between 10-20 years older and 40.

      • Anon

        OTOH, eating lustily from a bag of chips until they are gone would get side-eye in the office. I need some judging now that I work in my pantry.

    • Anon

      I no longer have to take whole or partial PTO days to deal with migraines because I can work in a space without overhead fluorescent lighting, I can hydrate as much as I need to without having to run to the office bathroom all the time, I can eat consistently enough to keep my blood sugar level, and if I do get a migraine, I can go to “away” status for an hour while I take my meds and lay down until they kick in. Game changing for me.

  6. Anon

    reading online about the students and families from san diego who are stuck there is very upsetting. i am also admittedly a bit confused. obviously the Taliban took over Kabul much much faster than anticipated, but seems like not the best idea to be visiting family in afghanistan right as the US is getting ready to pull out all troops. does anyone know the best organization to donate to that will help the rest of the americans get out of afghanistan.

    • Anonymous

      I mean, this summer was probably better than next summer once the taliban has full control. I think it’s best to not judge.

    • Anonymous

      They went because they thought it would be relatively safe prior to the US pull out date of August 31. They knew that once the US left, the security situation would dramatically deteriorate and they may not see their families again for years. It was a last chance to see their families, and they (just like the US govt) underestimated how quickly the security situation would change before the US had left.

        • The Lone Ranger

          friendsofAUAF.org is working to arrange charter flights for scholars. I don’t know if they are in direct contact with this particular set of students, but they are accepting donations and working to get people out.

      • Ribena

        And add to this that they probably haven’t been able to see these family members for most of the last 18 months – I can absolutely see why one would be in that situation.

    • Anonymous

      The US is so stupid that we’re heading for more mass death from COVID but this you criticize?

      • Anon

        I mean, the COVID situation is what it is. And it is not a part of this.

        I get stabby mad when US officials blame people for not getting out of Afghanistan faster. The last time I was in that part of the world was over 40 years ago, so this may be the last time people ever, EVER get to see each other. There is blame here to be sure but it is not to the people doing what it seemed reasonable to do back when it was planned. Then we changed the game and blame people. We s*ck. Individual people do not.

        • Anonymous

          This. A lot of people were trying to get out in late July/early August as it became clear that the security situation was deteriorating but while commercial flights were still going on but it was pretty hard to get on a commercial flight as everyone was trying to get out. Especially if you are a family of 5 plus people if you are traveling with elderly parents and young kids, it’s not easy to just get seats on a plane in that part of the world in the best of times, let alone once it became clear the Taliban were advancing and Kabul might fall before August 31.

  7. Anon

    Former litigators-what do you do now and how did you make the transition? Wondering what exit strategies there are for not-quite-biglaw litigation lawyers who no longer want to be litigators.

    • Anon

      I’m a not-big law litigator trying to exit now. I’ve applied to in-house opportunities and also to a lot of non-profit jobs. No luck so far. Following this for more ideas.

      • Anon

        +1, I’m focused on in house and have been applying for 18 months with no luck (interviews but no offers).

    • No Face

      I’m still a litigator, but my friends have done:
      -clerking for judges
      – in-house (not litigation, they just kept applying to non-litigation jobs until they got an offer)
      – contract administrators
      – HR

    • Anon

      You’ll have better luck in house if you move into a more specialized area like IP or employment litigation because then you can apply for in-house jobs in those areas, which are more plentiful than business or tort litigation management.

    • Anon

      I do investigative work for a federal agency. It is litigation adjacent, but very light on actual litigation work.

    • Anon

      In-house litigator at a big 4 accounting firm. Firms like this and banks often have in-house litigation teams – a lot of my work is overseeing external litigation counsel, which has been perfect as I also no longer wanted to be a litigator but that was the only field I had experience in.

    • JHC

      I am in charge of human resources for a large school district. I love it. I was on the board of a community college while a lawyer and I always wondered if I could pivot to education in some way. I saw the job posting for my current job, thought I’d apply just to see if I could finagle an interview to learn more about the sector, and ending up walking away with a job that gives me flexibility, a much more relaxed schedule, and the ability to use my law degree now and then. It pays less, yes, but I still make 125K a year. Would recommend.

    • anon

      I was in regional law, not biglaw, but I transitioned to a regulatory compliance/transactional role at a smaller firm, focusing on healthcare and public entity law. My litigation experience included regulatory law, mostly healthcare and securities, and because of that, I’d been involved on some due diligence, internal investigations, and corporate compliance programs. I still have to use my litigation skills every now and then, in an administrative hearing or medical staff matter, but those are my more stressful matters and make me happy that I transitioned.

  8. LaurenB

    Want your thoughts. We have a home in Florida bought pre-pandemic. We take Covid seriously (spouse is physician, we are vaxed and will be boostered etc) and he is working as a rent-a-doc in various locations across the south that we will drive through in our way to FL. We can easily isolate in our house in FL and we are easily able to stay away from others on these trips (minimal interaction w hotel staff, food to go, etc). In any case, I have relatives in Alabama I’d like to see / have dinner with. The 90 yo is vaxed, my two cousins who are in their 50s are vaxed, but my other cousin also in his 50s isn’t and won’t (sigh). He’s not a rabid anti vaxer and took his mom to get it, but “not for me.” Would / should we take the chance of having dinner with him? Hopefully outdoors? Would you all?

    • Anonymous

      Hell no! Why on earth would you? That would be the easiest decision I’ve made all pandemic.

    • anon

      I probably would have dinner with him. It’s a greater risk to him than to you, honestly.

      I hear you on this question. Facing the same situation with my brother. He’s not rabidly anti-vaccine, but he’s pretty confident that nothing bad is going to happen to him if he gets it. It bugs me that other people don’t factor into his calculus, but it is what it is.

      • anon

        Should’ve said “convinced that nothing bad is going to happen to him if he gets covid.”

    • Bonnie Kate

      My risk tolerance is higher than some here, but I would go ahead with the dinner.

    • Anonymous

      I would not do anything except a masked outdoor visit with this person. Let him feel the consequences of his choice to put others at risk.

      • Anon

        +1

        It’s time to stop tolerating people who are happy to put your life at risk just because they’re family.

      • Anonymous

        +1, if he experiences enough inconvenience, he will get the vaccine. I had 3 friends come over recently for a backyard BBQ. In the invite, I said you must be vaxxed. One showed up and come to find out, he isn’t vaxxed! I told him that wouldn’t work, and he left shortly after. He said he is concerned about how quick the vaccine rolled out. I was frustrated and disappointed with him, as were my 2 other friends (a couple we all know). I feel 0 guilt about this situation because he de facto lied that he was vaxxed, and he should face the social consequences of refusing to protect himself and others.

      • LaurenB

        I’m not important enough to him that “oh dear, Lauren won’t have dinner with me unless I get vaxed and/or tested” is going to be motivating. Remember his social circles – Alabama. Even his daughter, a health care professional, hasn’t been able to convince him. So it’s not a “threat” not to see me.

        • Anonymous

          I’m not important enough to him that “oh dear, Lauren won’t have dinner with me unless I get vaxed and/or tested” is going to be motivating. Remember his social circles – Alabama. Even his daughter, a health care professional, hasn’t been able to convince him. So it’s not a “threat” not to see me.

      • Senior Attorney

        Agree with this. It’s probably not all that dangerous given that everybody else is vaxxed, but he definitely needs to feel some social consequences.

      • anonymous

        This is an honest answer. There’s no medical or safety reason to avoid this person. As several have noted, the risk is his, not yours or “others”. But if you want be smug and act morally superior (and frankly ensure that he never gets the vaccine), you should make him “feel the consequences” of doing something this board doesn’t approve of. This is a perfect recipe to ensure that the societal tension revealed by Covid is exacerbated in your own family!

        • Anon

          Hmmm it’s not quite true that there is no risk to OP. We can all catch the Delta variant, even the immunized. Would you want to have dinner with someone who might get you really sick (maybe not hospitalization sick, but fairly miserable sick?) Especially if this person knew there was an easy way to prevent you from getting sick but decided not to because of a ridiculous political stance that is not grounded in science or evidence?

        • Senior Attorney

          Exactly. And there is also a greater risk to the unvaxxed relative, who can get the virus from his vaxxed relatives and have a far, far worse outcome. I’m okay with social tension based on ridiculous anti-science positions based on nothing.

        • Anonymous

          There is a medical reason – every person who’s not vaccinated is a small, or large!, contributor as a “variant factory” for the variant that does evade the vaccines entirely and put me and my high risk loved ones further at risk.

          • Anon

            It looks like vaccinated people are a “variant factory” too though, to be fair. Everyone should still be avoiding contracting or spreading infection at this point.

          • LaurenB

            It’s blindingly obvious that vaxed people are not the level of “variant factory” that unvaxed people are, so that argument doesn’t fly.

    • Anon

      I would insist on rapid testing. The rapid tests aren’t as accurate for “do I have COVID at all” as they are for “am I contagious,” but it’s contagiousness (tonight, at dinner) that I’m worried about in a scenario like this one.

      • Um, no

        The antigen rapid tests are highly inaccurate unless one has symptoms. Even then, they aren’t always accurate. Know someone who was symptomatic with a breakthrough case (mild) and her test was negative.

        I’m also surprised, given the OP’s history of posting on COVID, that she’d be considering this. If I’m confusing you for someone else, I apologize.

        • Anon

          They aren’t always accurate, but it’s risk mitigation. Again, “does this person have COVID19” is a different question from “is this person highly contagious right now.” It’s also the least that someone who is willfully unvaccinated could do.

        • LaurenB

          Yes, I think you’re confusing me with someone else. I’ve been quite consistent in taking Covid seriously from the very beginning, wearing masks, social distancing, getting vaccinated as soon as eligible, etc. as has everyone in my immediate family. We’ve done distanced holidays, birthdays, etc. for the past year and a half. So yeah, I accept your apology.

      • LaurenB

        Either way I’ll be more than happy to virtue-signal with my mask, use of hand sanitizer, etc :-). And spouse is fully prepared to “casually” mention how the Covid patients he currently treats are the unvaxed, and how he has to combat misinformation about the vax causing infertility, etc.

        • symptoms

          And remember…. he is also likely a risk to your grandmother. As we know, protection wanes with time, and your grandma’s age alone makes her pretty high risk. Her immune system is likely not as strong, and her response to the vaccine likely not as great. He is putting his grandmother at risk everyday.

          And yes, you can still catch COVID from him, as your protection is waning, Delta is highly contagious. It will likely not make you as sick since you are vaccinated.

          But I worry the most about grandma. Get her in line for a booster ASAP when they are available for her date of prior vax.

          • LaurenB

            The 90 yo is my great aunt, not my grandmother. I mean, I care but in the general sense, and I don’t feel responsible for her other than in the general sense. I haven’t seen her in years, and last saw these other relatives maybe 4-5 years ago.

    • Sfdjk

      Hmm. I’m vaccinated and live in a city where all my friends are also vaccinated, but I’ve been refusing to socialize with people who aren’t vaccinated. Mainly because I don’t want to deal with figuring out this calculus. If it’s a family member I guess I would do early-pandemic-style sit outside 6 feet apart.

      I also do think its good for people to feel the social impact of not being vaccinated. Other things aren’t convincing them but maybe this will.

      • LaurenB

        Again – Alabama. It’s a very different social calculus than in my northern blue city. I could almost guarantee I’d be the only person saying “if you’re not vaxed, we can’t see one another.”

        • Cat

          Lauren, I might wait to travel to Alabama altogether. Aren’t hospitals overflowing? What if you get in a car crash on the highway?

          • LaurenB

            LOL – my spouse is doing locum tenens in small communities across the south precisely because there are vacancies (not COVID related, these are scheduled fill-ins if a doctor is going to be absent due to vacation, a planned operation, etc.). That’s the whole point — helping the health care system in these areas!

          • LaurenB

            Because I was seeking opinions on whether others who are similarly Covid-cautious would have one dinner with an unvaxed relative. I found it amusing that Cat was asking about hospitals overflowing simply because the whole reason we will be in that area is precisely to help with doctor shortages, that’s all. Nothing directed at Cat per se.

      • BelleRose

        Same! All my friends and family know that if you’re eligible and chose not to get vaxxed, you’re not allowed at my house.

    • pugsnbourbon

      People who aren’t vaccinated (barring a medical contraindication) are showing the world they don’t give two sh!ts about anyone but themselves. I don’t want those people in my life.

      • Anonymous

        +1. If your cousin is scared or has a severe needle phobia or whatever, you can talk to him about it over the phone if you want. But he chooses not to get the shot, and that means he chooses social consequences instead.

        • LaurenB

          He’s not scared. He just believes this is “untested”. Like I said, if his own daughter who is a medical professional can’t convince him — and I know she has tried mightily — it’s ridiculous to assume that he cares what I think when I’m somewhat peripheral to his life. I’m one of them fancy big-city liberals, after all :-). My thought process isn’t really about convincing him since that ship has sailed; it’s figuring out my own risk tolerance. Thank you all for indulging my thinking-out-loud!

      • No Face

        Same. I’m not even trying to make “consequence” or “punish” them or anything like. But in my limited free time, I’d rather be with caring people than selfish people.

    • Anonymous

      Is an unvaccinated person actually more of a risk to a vaccinated person than another vaccinated person? I thought the latest evidence was that vaccinated and unvaccinated were carrying and spreading the virus with the same viral load, it is just that the vaccinated person is less likely to become very sick than the unvaccinated. Am I misinterpreting something?

      • Anonymous

        A vaccinated person is still less likely than an unvaccinated person to be infected.

    • anonn

      We had a mini family reunion when my 55yo brother and his girlfriend came to visit. Had a mostly outdoor gathering with my 90yo parents and some nieces and nephews. Only inside for bathroom and to get food out of the fridge. All of us were vaxxed except my brother. (His reason is that he has Factor 2 and had a stroke at age 50. He was concerned about some cases of side effects that interrelate with Factor 2 blood conditions.) I’m rabidly pro-vax and would not make exceptions for friends but this might be the last time my brother and parents and I would all be together. So we did it and no one got sick.

    • Audreycat

      This is gonna sound really harsh, but somebody who won’t vax/mask for you either 1. doesn’t love you or 2. loves themselves/their delusions so much they’ve forgotten that they love you. For me, neither group is worth investing time in right now. I’ve cut a lot of friends and family loose during all this and it’s been really good for my mental health to let go of the toxicity and ignorance. I miss these people horribly, but from what I can tell they don’t miss me because they’ve got their new friend Q/Tucker Carlson/insert crazy here.

  9. Anon

    How is everyone decluttering in this new low-contact world? Yard sales are gone, and SA and Goodwill are limiting drop-offs and culling the list of items they allow. Do I have to just sell or donate everything one thing at a time online? Even trying to give away stuff on Freecycle is enough to test my sanity, with all the flaky weirdos and conmen.

    • Cb

      Could you do porch pickup – list it and say what time it’s outside? I’d batch, ie. women’s clothes, size 12, etc and get people to pick up in batches. Maybe use Nextdoor or Buy Nothing so it’s likely someone will be very local to you. When we lived in more densely populated area, we had good luck with getting rid of big things (suitcases etc) with a free sign.

    • Anonymous

      If you can hang onto your items for a couple more weeks, I suspect you will see a lot of requests for donations for the Afghan refugees who are being resettled. They were only allowed to bring one suitcase so they are starting over with nothing.

      Generally I do 1) second hand consignment shop for higher end kids clothes and a separate consignment shop for my stuff, 2) donate non fancy clothes and household items (sheet sets/kitchen items) in good condition to local refugee/international student support FB group (bundle items like a box of size 5 clothes) – for women’s clothes the longer skirts/dresses and long sleeve tops go particularly quickly 3) cut up old clothes/towels unsuitable for donation into rags and put in box under sink to use instead of paper towels. 4) trash.

      • Anonymous

        +1 I joined my local FB buy nothing group and leave items on the porch for no contact pickup.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Honestly I just leave stuff at my curb. Nothing has ever lasted more than five hours. I once had someone pull up with a truck as I was still putting things out.

    • LaurenB

      Goodwill here doesn’t limit dropoffs and honestly people just put their stuff outside the store during non working hours. Our municipality also has an electronics recycling for old cords, chargers, etc. Home Depot takes burnt out bulbs.

      • Anone

        +1
        I just leave my stuff in bags outside Goodwill as it seems they’re never open when I want to drop things off. Goodwill does not like it, but I figure worst case scenario, someone who needs those items takes them – no harm, no foul.

    • Anon

      Facebook marketplace is how I do it. If you’re going to put stuff on your sidewalk, please make sure it’s not actually junk that nobody else wants. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves when people do that to absolve themselves of the guilt of throwing something away and then make it somebody else’s problem instead.

      • Anon

        I don’t understand. If it’s either junk/garbage that nobody wants, or something that someone may actually want, then isn’t a curb alert the right approach? Either someone who wants it will get it, or it will go out with the trash. (The same thing happens if you drop stuff off at Goodwill: either they sell it, or it goes in the trash.)

        What bothers me more is if someone puts something really nice on the curb, and there’s a risk it will go out with the trash when someone would have really wanted it, but didn’t see it in time.

        • Anon

          It will go in the trash after sitting there for days or weeks and it will be somebody else putting it in the trash and not the original owners. That’s what bothers me. Maybe that’s not how it happens where you live, but it’s definitely what I see where I live.

          • Anon

            Got it; I wasn’t understanding that trash didn’t pick it up without someone else moving it.

  10. Anon

    It’s 80 degrees outside… but… What kinds of boots are people planning to wear this fall and winter?

    • Anonymous

      I’m not sure what’s on trend but I definitely recommend posting here about the subject at least weekly to keep your finger on the pulse.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Bahahaha!

        I am also not sure what’s on trend but I am looking for flat chelsea boots or ones with a 1″ heel or lower.

    • LaurenB

      None. I hate boots! Snow boots because they are a necessity but beyond that … Nope! Especially cowboy boots.

    • Cat

      I have black suede knee-highs that I like to wear with black skinnies or leggings (or black tights and a pencil skirt if I ever go back to the office…..), and fluffy warm black wedge boots a la Sorel… otherwise I stick with sneakers or flats.

      I have never liked or purchased booties and OTK boots make me look like Puss In Boots so no further boot shopping for me.

    • Anonymous

      I love boots! My newest and trendiest pair are chelsea combat boots that I plan to wear with slightly cropped straight-leg and wide-leg jeans, and with rolled-up skinnies.

    • Senior Attorney

      This is so funny because here we are just heading into the hottest part of the year! I won’t be thinking about fall and winter for another 2 months!

    • Anon

      I didn’t wear my boots at all last winter and probably won’t this winter. I don’t live in a snowy climate but I like them for rainy days… only with winter skirts and tights, though. I haven’t put tights on one time since March of 2020 and the delta variant is making me think this winter is going to be a lot like last year’s. Therefore no tights for me, and no boots as a result.

  11. Cb

    Are there particular masks recommended for when you have to deliver a talk or for meetings etc? Back in the classroom in October (and hoping the mask mandate in that part of the UK stays in place) and realising that I’ve never had to wear a mask for more than 30 minutes, and that was just sitting on the bus.Should I start practicing?. I’ll be miked so probably less a volume issue than a clarity issue.

    • Ribena

      I think this is something to test on yourself. It will depend on things like your precise personal dimensions and even how you talk. For me, I know the jersey masks are comfortable for a long period of time, but not if I’m talking a lot.

    • nuqotw

      I think there is an adjustment period in the classroom no matter what. We started school this week and I am still looking for my masked classroom voice, whatever it may turn out to be.

    • Anonymous

      For me the most important thing is to have a mask made of stiffer cotton with a seam down the center front so it stands away from my face and doesn’t get sucked into my mouth. What kind of mic will you be using? I have wondered whether it’s possible to put one of those tiny mics that get taped to your face underneath the mask.

    • anon

      For me, the key was finding a mask that did not slip down my nose when I speak and did not need constant adjustment. My job is non-stop speaking and I have to be masked all day. I personally like the KN95 masks from evolvetogether. They stay on well and are comfortably on me. But honestly, I think you just have to find what works for you.

      • Erika

        Totally agree with testing how well you can speak in one. I’m a surgeon and operate 10+ hours a day in a mask. When I lecture, using one of my favorite tying surgical masks with a metal nose bridge works much better for me than any of the pretty cloth ones with ear loops. KN95 and N95 that are more structured are good too.

        As others have said, fabric might be fine for casual conversation, but not for lectures and presentations, as they will sag or billow. You should practice giving your lecture wearing your mask choice(s) and find the mask that you don’t have to adjust while speaking.

        Also, consider microphone choice. N95 might require projecting your voice more, so position the mic or use a handheld so that you don’t strain for a longer presentation.

    • Cat

      I find it way easier to talk in a KN95 than any cloth mask, as the structure means it never clings to your mouth.

    • anon

      They’re really hard to get right now, but I adore Happy Masks. They’re the best combination of comfortable and high filtration I’ve found. An N95 or KN95 would be better, because the fit is tighter, but aren’t so comfortable for extended wearing.

    • Anon.

      I would wear the best protective mask you can get, especially in a classroom setting, where students may come up to you after in their whatever-masks to ask questions.

      For me, I really like the 3M Aura (N95/FFP standard), because it has the “fish mouth” shape instead of the “coffee filter” shape of most N95s. The material is away from your face, the fit is tight and comfortable thanks to foam sealing on the nose bridge, and breathability is awesome and better than most other masks I’ve tried.

      Agree re: projecting your voice and enunciating words clearly – also, pacing yourself while you lecture is going to be critical.

      If you happen to have students who are hard of hearing, then you could also look into masks with a transparent panel in the front (no idea how good those are regarding sound, though).

    • Formerly Lilly

      I wear the MaskLab KF Series masks for court because the part across the front does not touch your mouth and does not affect clarity. I speak with just slightly more volume than normal, but that’s all and haven’t had any complaints about not being heard easily.

    • Adjunct

      I regularly present oral arguments and teach a two-hour class while masked. I highly recommend videotaping yourself — I started moving more/differently when I watched my first recorded Zoom lecture and realized the effect of lost facial expressions. FWIW, I was also mic’d for the Zoom lectures, but I still found that audio volume was an issue because even slight movements away from the microphone made more of a difference than they did when I was “bare.”

      I typically wear a KN95, including for routine quick speaking items. In my experience, the KN95 dampens speech more than some masks (i.e., you have to compensate more for volume), but it does not muffle it the way that the cloth masks can. When I asked for feedback, students said my cloth masks were the worst for sound quality.

      For my two-hour lectures or hearings in which there’s adequate space from others, my ideal approach is to swap out my KN95 for a black (this is a stylistic preference) surgical mask. When I asked for feedback, my students reported that it was easiest to hear me when wearing a surgical mask, and the audio from the Zoom recordings confirms this.

    • Anon

      I’ve been wearing KN95s because the ones I have fit around my face way better than any cloth mask has. My ears get a little sore after a couple hours, though.

    • Anon

      My favorite masks for just being comfortable for long periods are disposable KF-95 masks. They stand away from the mouth and don’t rest on the lips. That makes it easier for me to talk.

      If I happen to be wearing a mask while outside (which I don’t always do but if I’m rarely in a crowded area I will) I don’t like the KF as much because it’s a little harder to exercise in than a normal surgical mask.

      I still have yet to find a cloth non-disposable mask I like, but I wear my “disposable” masks a number of times before I get rid of them.

    • Anonymous

      I find duck bill N95s pretty comfy, tbh, and like how they aren’t resting on my mouth. They aren’t as good if you’re taking it off and putting it back on repeatedly though.

    • Anon B

      There’s kind of a cage or snout outline for sale online sometimes called a 3D silicon bracket that fits inside a typical surgical mask and creates some space within the mask. They’ve been super handy for working out, I imagine they would work well for your use case too.

  12. Anon

    Anyone in biglaw have experience so with taking leave for burnout? I’m a mid level transactional attorney, been at my current firm 2 years (lateral) and I’m having a really rough month. I’m dealing with some infertility and depression, my billing is way down and my focus is not there. I’m worried this will reflect poorly on my work. My firm isn’t any better or worse than other firms. Another associate in our group was out for four months earlier in the pandemic and had to pay a price – no raise or bonus, a lot of gossip about her which I am really dreading. But I could really use a few weeks with no emails and my doctor has repeatedly offered to do this. I realize this could tank my chances of partnership but really the goal is to tough it out a bit so I benefit from the firms great ivf coverage and mat leave, then find another job after baby, but since I’m not getting pregnant I’m not sure if I’m going to have a breakdown and get fired before that.

    • Anon

      Are you some place where IVF coverage is per law vs per employer? In that case, I’d coast and spent my time interviewing.

      • Anon

        Unfortunately, no, although there is a bill in the works for state coverage, but I’m not sure if and when it’s going to pass.

    • Anon

      First, take worrying about being partner off your plate, that happens for so few and you have plenty of time to deal with that if you’re a second year. The trick isn’t taking a month off or quitting or going 80%, it’s getting perspective about the job and not letting it eat away you. Figure out what you need to do to keep the gig and learn from it so you can make a smart second move. Don’t kill yourself to be the best associate ever, but don’t be the worst. Make friends, pitch in to help them, when you have some free time go get a massage, go to the park, enjoy it. Take your early years for what they are, a time to learn, make mistakes, grow a network.

      • Anon

        Just to clarify, I’m a 6th year, I’ve been at my current firm two years but was at another firm before that. I have good reviews but lateraling right before the pandemic wasn’t the best move in hindsight – it’s hard to feel like people are100% in your corner when you mostly know them remotely.

        • Anon

          Same advice applies. You’re still junior, focus on more immediate goals, and remember careers are long and like Cs make degrees, they also make careers.

          • Anon

            It is actually. I know you feel senior at a firm, but 5 years of practice is very junior in the scheme of your career.

      • Anon

        My early years at a big law firm were not a time to “learn” and “make mistakes”…. Perfection was demanded, even of first and second years. (Which…is nuts.)

        Jesus, I hated big law.

        • Anon

          I’m a sixth year running major M&A deals under the vague supervision of a partner. I get that I’m still young from the perspective of more senior people, but I’m definitely expected not to make mistakes, or be late, or have an off day when interacting with major demanding clients. I know this is the price of admission for biglaw and I’ve done it pretty well so far but now life is getting in the way, big time.

        • Anon

          It is a brutal standard, but 26 year olds are being paid $200k a year for constant availability and perfection.

        • Charlotte

          And that’s why y’all want to take leave and quit. Honestly you’re just buying into it. Yes, you do need to do good work but you don’t need to drink all the available kool-aid. Your big firm days are literally just a stamp on your resume and prep for your later career. You can choose how you view things.

          • Anon

            As a non-lawyer, sometimes the level of Stockholm Syndrome exhibited in posts about working in Big Law is kind of astounding. I have never seen people in any other profession cling so tightly to a system that makes them so abjectly miserable. Is the money really worth it? Or, is this that thing where profound suffering leaves people with a feeling of accomplishment that they get addicted to? (It happens to people who climb mountains, as one example.)

    • Anonymous

      I was you and you should start by taking a real vacation. Like 2 weeks, aggressively transition your matters to other associates, leave a vacation memo you can point to if people hassle you with questions, etc. Just set a hard boundary.

      Next, find another job. Either lateral to a less stressful firm or go in house to a big company. The legal market is booming right now, at least in major cities, and so you may be pleasantly surprised by your options. Many companies offer fertility coverage and it’s something you can ask about/look into when evaluating an offer.

      Now for the hard part of this advice. I really was you – I think part of this is a Type A lawyer thing but I was very focused on doing the “right” thing – staying at the firm, using their fertility benefits if needed, and taking the great maternity leave. Fertility treatment can take years, it takes a physical and emotional toll.

      Most people are optimistic and assume that if they try long enough and hard enough things will work out. They make life decisions on a future happy state where life works out. That was how I operated, and it turned out I’m never going to live in that future happy state – like many (if not the majority) of people in infertility treatment, I am one of the unlucky ones who will never have children. I wish I had started making decisions based on my current state (burnout = need a new job) instead of making life decisions based on something that was so uncertain.

      I very much hope you have the happy ending, but as someone on the other side of this dilemma, you should also consider how you will feel if you stay in your job and you end up with the unhappy ending and allow that to guide your decisions.

    • Anonymous

      You say you’re having a tough month but then also say your doctor has repeatedly offered to write you a note. These two concepts don’t really jive – if it were one tough month I would advise you to keep your chin up, but if you’ve been talking to your doctor about it “repeatedly” then that seems to be a more urgent need for intervention. I think maybe you need to be honest with yourself that this is a bigger problem than you’re admitting. If you need to take medical leave then you need to take it and you shouldn’t let anonymous internet commenters dissuade you.

      If you suffer from depression, that is not going to go away once this month or deal has passed, or if you get another job. For me anyway, biglaw forced me to face my mental health issues because I couldn’t just stomp it down and power through. I didn’t take leave but I did start counseling and meds. It’s made a world of difference. I started meds around my 6th year and I made partner at year 9, so it really can turn around quickly for you.

  13. immunodeficiency

    I have read a lot of comments here about primary immunodeficiency. Would anyone be kind enough to share her experience with pursuing a diagnosis, what kind of doctor to start with, the best way to advocate for testing, etc.?

    • Anonymous

      Why do you want this? Do you suspect you have PI? We need more information.

      • Anonymous

        There have been several episodes in my life where I spent around a year constantly sick with recurrent bacterial and viral infections. Between these episodes, I seem to be more susceptible than most people to colds etc. and they make me sicker and last longer. Two different PCPs have attributed it to bad luck, prescribed antibiotics over and over, and told me to suck it up and deal. I haven’t been sick since February 2020 and don’t want to go back to living with constant illness now that things are opening back up and I am having to spend time with unmasked people.

        • Anonymous

          Gotcha. I would start with your primary doctor. Outline what you said here, ask for the simple blood test to test your immunoglobulin levels, and depending on the results, ask for a referral to an immunologist. You’re right that recurrent infections are a sign of PI.

          I can’t really comment on how to advocate for testing since it was pure chance I found out I had PI (a doctor who loves to order a full battery of tests threw it in). Of course it made sense after the fact (“oh, THAT’S why I had ___ and ____” and so on), but I never had the experience of being disbelieved or anything like that. In any case, start with the PCP. The blood test for immunoglobulin levels is very straightforward.

    • Anon

      The Immune Deficiency Foundation is a wonderful source of information. Besides their website, they have a YouTube channel with talks by expert doctors on all kinds of topics. The talk that persuaded me to ask for a referral to a specialist (an immunologist who works with primary immunodeficiency patients) was a recent one by Dr. Patricia Lugar on “managing chronic symptoms.” My primary doctor always said it didn’t matter if the immunodeficiency wasn’t likely to be a treatable one. But that talk made me realize that consulting a specialist could help me improve my day to day quality of life.

      For me the major signs were in my medical history (history of frequent infections, often needing antibiotics, etc.).

    • Anon

      I recommend starting with the Immune Deficiency Foundation’s website, primaryimmune.org, if you want to learn more. There are MANY different kinds of PIDs, and some of us with the same diagnosis look vastly different. You need a history that points to some diagnostic tools/steps to get a physician towards a final diagnosis. For my own, rare condition (1 in 25k people are suspected to have it), no one has the same path to diagnosis.

  14. Bruise help

    Tips for making a bruise disappear? Or is that a pipe dream? My first grader got a big bruise in the middle of her forehead and school pictures are Tuesday. It’s also the part of her head that’s most exposed when she’s masking, so she’s feeling self conscious about it. Anything you all have used successfully to hurry along healing? We already iced it when it happened…

    • Cat

      Maybe a placebo but I’ve found light massage or moving the muscle (making funny faces?) helps increase the bloodflow to clear it up. (I had a bruise on the back of my leg, a little over my Achilles, that was hanging around for weeks until I made a point to rub the area daily.)

    • Curious

      We just used concealer/foundation when something similar happened to my husband. Obviously not an everyday thing for little kids but an option.

    • anon

      seconding arnica! might not be done by Tuesday but can’t hurt. Also, concealer? Can they airbrush?

    • OP

      Thanks all! Trying out some arnica (had never heard of that)! I actually suggested makeup but bless her she was kind of scandalized! That’s our backup…

    • Senior Attorney

      And also? I get that she feels self-conscious now, but the school pic with the mask and the bruise is going to be a CLASSIC in years to come!

      • Anon

        My son was one of those lucky kids that lost both front teeth at the same time right before school pictures. I absolutely treasure that picture of him grinning with his jack-o-lantern teeth on full display.

      • Anon

        Totally agree! My kids have all kinds of stuff going on in their pics (scabs on faces, etc) and it’s just as much a picture of their real childhoods as the adorable pics with missing teeth.

      • OP

        Haha good point! She is CONSTANTLY bruised these days – I think she’s just getting used to her body and taking up space after a growth spurt – so it would be incredibly appropriate. A snapshot of the time indeed!

      • Anon

        I have a school picture of my daughter with a giant round mark from where she attached a suction cup to her forehead. Completely agree that if the picture shows a big bruise, you won’t like it now but it will become a childhood classic.

    • Anone

      Vita-K cream also works really well for this. You can order it on Amaz*n or sometimes find it at CVS. If you apply it twice a day starting ASAP, the bruise should fade significantly by Tuesday. Signed, a klutz who bruises easily

    • Audreycat

      Tape it! Seriously, KT tape works like a miracle and should decrease the discoloration if worn overnight. Look up cycling pictures for proof.

  15. Anon

    I realize folks here are not the IRS, but we are having a problem with our 2020 tax return and I was wondering if anyone had been through anything similar.

    We e-filed our return on April 15 (we were due a refund) using our usual accountant, who’s been doing our taxes for over 10 years. Our return processing was delayed (no surprise) and the Where’s My Refund tool just got updated this week with this information:

    “We changed the amount claimed as Recovery Rebate Credit on your tax return. The error was in one or more of the following:
    The Social Security number of one or more individuals claimed as a qualifying dependent was missing or incomplete.
    The last name of one or more individuals claimed as a qualifying dependent does not match our records.
    One or more individuals claimed as a qualifying dependent exceeds the age limit.
    Your adjusted gross income exceeds $75,000 ($150,000 if married filing jointly, $112,500 if head of household).
    The amount was computed incorrectly.”

    Due to our HHI we only got a partial payment for the first stimulus and didn’t receive anything for the subsequent stimuli payments; I don’t know if that’s relevant but our accountant verified with us (and had us print out bank records) showing we had not received payments beyond the first partial payment for the first stimulus. Also, our son is 15 and should still be eligible to be claimed as a dependent and for the child tax credit payments that are happening this year (although the first payment we received through that program was only a small fraction of the maximum payment, again because of our HHI).

    I don’t understand what the message means; we checked back through the paper version of our filed return (as we had checked it before the accountant filed it) and our son’s name and SSN are correct. I don’t care about the refund being reduced but I do care if somehow our son’s information is incorrect in the IRS’ system and we’re going to have problems claiming him as a dependent from here forward. Our accountant said she is looking into it, but like us, she cannot get ahold of a live person at the IRS to speak with – I got funneled through the phone Where’s My Refund menu and when I pressed 0 to speak to a representative, I was sent to a message that said “we can’t take your call right now” and the call ended. I am currently on hold with the Taxpayer Advocate Service.

    Any advice or insight more tax-savvy folks have is appreciated. Thank you!

    • Anon

      The IRS is severely underfunded and that is definitely apparent in their customer service hotlines. I had a non-stimulus issue I had to talk to somebody about and after trying repeatedly to get somebody on the phone, I emailed my senator’s office. They immediately put me in touch with an ombudsman of sorts, who had access to everything and could help me get my issue sorted.

      • Anone

        That’s great to know. I often obtain EIN numbers for clients, and we’ve had unprecedented issues with the irs.gov website, leading us to make calls and have had excruciating wait times with no resolution.

    • Anon

      I’ve gotten through by calling W-Th mid-afternoons. You might have to hold a while, or use that “call-back” feature, which is surprisingly prompt. Keep trying.

  16. Anon

    For those of you whose lives are more “back to normal” (like you’re working in an office at least some days a week), has that helped quell COVID anxiety or made it worse?

    Sometimes I think WFH makes it all worse because I’m stuck in my own head too much. I’d say about half my friends are back in offices at least a few days a week. It comes with its own stresses, though, like potential COVID exposure. Wondering how it’s been for those of you that are back into some kind of pre-COVID routine.

    • Anonymous

      It’s so much better. I am dramatically less anxious regularly leaving my house.

    • Anon

      With the caveat that I’m cautious, but not anxious (I have a high risk relative that I visit, but don’t live with): being in the office 3-5 days a week has been totally fine.

    • AugNon

      Mixed bag… while I think getting out of my own head is helpful, I feel like I have to constantly reassess new risk (e.g., while my office is masked, the company is providing boxed lunches and people will eat them together in a conference room… or meet up for happy hour after work…. etc.) As someone with unvaxxed young kids, I feel like I’m constantly the buzzkill who isn’t ready to go “back to normal.”

    • Anonymous

      What makes you think you wouldn’t be stuck in your own head at the office? I wouldn’t say that’s a location-based issue. I WFH, I love it, and I make sure to get outside and exercise and do other things so I’m not sitting around ruminating. It’s not always easy, but I’m not at all tempted to go back to the office for any reason and I don’t believe I would be LESS anxious to be working around my sloppy coworkers in ill-fitting cloth masks.

    • Anonymous

      I never truly locked down and thus never experienced “COVID anxiety” until recently, when several vaccinated people in my office, where I continue to work 2-4 days a week as I have throughout, had first or second degree exposures to vaccinated, symptomatic, COVID+ people and I was also being asked to make an extended trip into an extremely high-transmission area.

    • anon

      It has made my anxiety so much worse because at least weekly, I get the email from HR that I had a close contact with someone who tested positive and I am completely stressed until the negative test on day 5 after the email. I also now spend at least 4 hours a week in line for a covid test, even with an appointment, as our office rules require a test on day 5 after a close contact for those who are vaccinated.

  17. short-waisted

    I cannot wait until high-rise pants are not the only option! These look great, but would be up around my bra band with that rise.

    • Ribena

      They sound similar to the Boden Richmond trousers which are lower rise – might be worth trying those

    • pugsnbourbon

      I accidentally tried on a pair of low-rise jeans a couple weeks ago, so they’re out there!

    • Anon

      For what it’s worth, my college aged daughter is moving to mid rise straight legs after years of high waisted mom jeans.

    • Anonymous

      Heh. These (IMO mid-rise) pants wouldn’t even reach my navel, never mind my bra band. Variety FTW! :D

  18. Anonymous

    Why does it seem like I’m hearing about “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” everywhere lately? My new HR director quoted it recently. An acquaintance suggested it (while also trying to sell my real estate). A friend mocked it recently. It’s not a new book. Googling reveals mixed reviews, and it sounds like the “dad” is a made up composite. Am I missing a cultural touchstone?

    • Anon

      The book’s been around a long time, as you mention, and it’s a big deal in MLM circles as (from what I can recall from the book summary I read a long time ago) the “rich dad” in the book basically advocates getting rich by building pyramid structures to create “passive income.” (I think this is where a lot of people got the idea to buy rental properties also, but I could be wrong about that.) I was told about the book by a woman who had gotten deep into Mary Kay, became a “sales director” or whatever they call it, and was trying to convince me to join. She claimed if I read the book I would understand why she was quitting her high-paying exec level job to “work her Mary Kay business” full-time. The Mary Kay business lasted about five years before she and her husband had to file bankruptcy; she’s a Realtor now.

      • Seventh Sister

        Ah, that explains a lot about some of the rental property schemes I see around here. People assume that buying an apartment building is the key to riches, without realizing that it’s a bunch of work and there are pretty robust tenant protections in addition to high maintenance costs. The only people I know who make a bunch of money by renting properties are the ones who bought upwards of 20 years ago.

    • anonshmanon

      fwiw, I recently stepped foot into a brick and mortar Amazon store ^^ and supposedly they only stock the items with super high ratings, and this book was on a special aisle shelf spot. I also found that odd.

    • Anon

      The guy who write the book also co-wrote a bunch of books with Donald Trump, if that tells you anything

  19. Anon

    I just had a come to Jesus moment about my COVID weight gain – I feel absolutely enormous today. Work/life are kind of crazy right now (which admittedly is what led to the weight gain), so I’ve decided I’m going to take the next week to get my ducks in a row and then commit to the weight loss starting on Labor Day.

    When life is normal I’m great about balancing workouts and healthy eating with a very active social life; however, I work in public health response and so I’ve spent much of the last 18 months (and probably next 18 months…) either in survival mode or burnt out.

    I don’t know if I need motivation or tips or whatever but those of you who are super busy – how do you stay fit and healthy?

    • LaurenB

      I have really migrated to exercise as a way of caring for myself, versus a way to burn calories / “earn” food, etc. I think it’s more important to find whatever exercise you like than doing a specific exercise. I happen to like barre, but then also rotate in yoga, pilates, spin, and boxing.

      • Peach

        I totally agree about the importance of exercise. It has such a huge impact on how I feel – especially cardio, and it is so important to manage stress. However, for losing weight, diet has a far bigger impact.

        • LaurenB

          Agree – I find that being committed to exercise gives me a virtuous cycle in the eating. I naturally want to eat better when I am consistently working out.

    • Peach

      Try intermittent fasting. Start skipping breakfast on weekdays and drink green tea, if you need caffeine. Sounds really hard, but it is totally doable, and it can become a habit.

      When you do eat, don’t binge and avoid eating a lot of sugar (desserts, soda) and carbs (fries, bread, etc). You don’t have to cut carbs back entirely, just choose to have more protein and veggies and less carbs.

      Intermittent fasting not only helps you lose weight but it gives you more free time because you are not preparing food and cleaning up after a meal. It saves money, too. You are super busy!

    • roxie

      First, prioritize sleep and hydration, and relatedly cut back on alcohol if you can.
      Then I would prioritize 3 workouts a week – not enough to feel overwhelming but enough to start giving you energy.
      Then I would focus on diet – I assume based on your job/life that it has been understandably easy to rely on takeout, frozen foods, snacking, etc. If you can find a way to increase the health profile of your food – batch cook some healthy things to have on hand every sunday, etc. – not buying the crackers and chips (this is my Achilles heal) – whatever small steps you can start to take.

    • Meal Prep and Bike

      Similar field and hours. Bought a Peloton and splurged on healthy grocery delivery (make crockpot chicken on Sunday and batch cook so I can just heat it up in the week).

    • Shenandoah

      I felt very similarly last month when I realized how much weight I had gained since the beginning of the COVID-19 era. I do agree with others that the majority of weight/fat loss will come from your diet. That said, exercise absolutely provides mental health benefits in addition to the physical benefits, and I think that’s even more valuable for someone with a busy, stressful job/life. Even just going for a 20-30 minute walk every day is huge, and a great way to de-stress.

      I’ll caveat this by saying I have a past history of disordered eating, so I have to take a delicate approach when implementing a weight loss strategy. But for getting started, I find the best tactic is to eat as you typically have lately but track the food via something like Myfitnesspal. This could be something you do in the next week. Don’t change how you eat just because you’re tracking, and don’t guilt yourself about how you eat or what you want to eat. But for me, once I’m ready to reduce my calorie intake, tracking helps me make better decisions about what I should be eating to nourish my body properly. It helps me be more conscious, and I can figure out how to work in whatever dessert (huge chocolate fan) I want while still making sure my body is getting the right amounts of fat, protein, etc. it needs.

      Meal services like Hello Fresh have also been super helpful, because when I’m busy with work I find having to do any kind of meal planning stressful. I would caution against intermittent fasting and keto…unless you have a medical reason for either of these diets, they are not the best choice for menstruating individuals. They also tend to not be sustainable because of how restrictive they are. Don’t overthink it – eat what you want when you want, but just pay closer attention to portion sizes, snacks, etc. And drink lots of water! I swear I feel so much better in my body when I’m properly hydrated.

    • Anonymous

      Hi! I gained nearly 40 lbs during COVID and I felt like a stranger in my own body. I’m currently trying to sustainably change my lifestyle to lose it – my job is permanent WFH now and I actually really like that but know I move less due to it. I’m about 8 lbs down but here’s what helped me:
      1. I did cut out alcohol and pop entirely
      2. Schedule walk breaks with myself for 20 min 3x a day (as meetings, usually 1 before work drinking coffee, during my lunch break, and after work as a “commute”)
      3. Skip breakfast. obviously it depends on the person so please judge for yourself but I rarely felt super hungry anyway in the morning so this was an easy one to give up. It’s kinda intermittent fast-y as I only have coffee in the morning
      4. Eat only until I feel full-ish, not actually full
      4. Added in 15 min of weights a day.I read that increasing muscle mass really helps with metabolism too – unsure if I’ve seen it but I find weights pretty easy to do/don’t dread it, and I listen to a podcast while I do weighted lunges, squats, deadlifts, overhead press

  20. Anon

    Is anyone else listening to the NPR show on onlyfans? It is really fascinating (with hard pushback from content creators who may have that as a sole source of income (including one grandmother, which I was not expecting)). I guess it is fascinating b/c as a women, that is just not part of my economic spending at all, but someone spends a ton of $ on that (an old boss joked that the internet was just porn and weather and that porn was not even really there b/c you had to pay for anything worthwhile; I took his word for that).

    • Anonymous

      Yeah! One of my friends makes loads of money on it and he’s glad they changed their mind

      • Anon

        I was surprised that none of the content creators gave any thought to trafficing or underaged content creators (and one was well, the kids are going to find a way or access content). I get that adults who freely choose this are in one bucket, but the other buckets exist and are problematic (and illegal).

        • Anonymous

          Idk why people who are not using it to do bad things must be responsible for people who are

        • pugsnbourbon

          Is trafficking the responsibility of the content creators or the platform?

          • Anon

            Definitely the platform, no? I mean, we don’t go so far as to make it whether the power company will keep the lights on. But all of the payment processors ultimately go to banks who have KYC rules that are mandatory. So if you know it is happening on site Y, do you want to process payments to people on site Y without being able to vet what happens there? IDK what the answer is for this, but you don’t get a first amendment consenting adult exception to KYC and other generally-applicable banking laws. Also, a click-to-certify you aren’t a bad guy regime isn’t really of value, is it? No bad guy will click to acknowledge underage / trafficking victims, extorted victims, etc. I truly don’t know the answer, but I absolutely believe that there is quite a bit of rot in there.

          • KYC

            KYC is “know your customer.” Banks ask you to fill these out to make sure you’re not doing illegal things, etc.

        • Anon

          Yes, lets definitely make the women who create content on the platform responsible for that.

        • emeralds

          I read this article a while back and, while I haven’t listened to the NPR series + the article isn’t addressing OnlyFans, I feel like there are a few quotes that have informed my understanding on the trafficking question: https://www.elle.com/culture/a36898189/0086-0088-megan-s-account-august-2021/

          Which is that cutting off more public and visible pathways to sex work drives sex workers underground, increasing their chances of being trafficked or exploited.

          • Anon

            That is really sobering. I see how people get s*cked in — the $ always sounds shockingly good. And yet the exit costs aren’t really described at all.

          • anonshmanon

            exactly. Episode 740 of this American Life is related, on 2017 legal efforts to stop sex trafficking through Craigslist and (now shut down) backpage and how it drove the illegal business merely into less visible territory, with no evidence that it reduces the amount.

          • anonshmanon

            Another thing to check out is the You’re Wrong About podcast episode on Human Trafficking.

          • Anon

            The answer is . . . Nevada? Is that utopia or are there still a lot of bad things there (but at least at a licensed ranch things are less bad?)? Cannot imagine being in HR at something like that (but surely it is an issue, no? Shelley gets better shifts; Kim got a bonus but I didn’t).

          • Anonymous

            That argument is insane. If we try to stop a bad, exploitative thing it will just drive it underground, so let’s just let it happen. Instead, how about closing off all pathways to $ex work, aggressively prosecuting the “managers” and “customers,” and opening pathways to legitimate, less exploitative jobs?

        • Anonymous

          Anyone who thinks adults freely choose to create this content is delusional. It’s a response to societal and economic pressures that may appear voluntary but is actually coerced.

    • Anonymous

      Nope, I think the site is gross and don’t care to hear their cherry-picked feel-good stories that gloss over exploitation, trafficking, and abuse.

      • Anon

        Right? One of the people speaking thought that it was basically only religious fundamentalists trying to shame them out of business. And there was no pushback on this view (cannot imagine NPR taking that approach with an antivaxxer). I am not sure how if the interwebs don’t know that a kid buying content is <18 that it knows that a kid creating content isn't <18 also, for starters.

      • Anonymous

        I buy the argument that a lot of the content creators are not abusing children or whatever. But I don’t totally get why this type of content creation is so important and valuable that it’s a tragedy they can’t make money like this anymore. Maybe I’m a Puritan but it seems so sad and pathetic that people pay for this. Look I’d rather s£x workers be safe but when did we all decide society needs s€X workers? I missed that part.

        • Anonymous

          I couldn’t agree more. I don’t accept the premise that society (men) “needs” these “workers” and that it’s “just like any other job” but also an “identity.” I hear really gross things like “but there will be more rape if sex workers go away,” which just means that people think “sex workers” are rape sponges.

        • pugsnbourbon

          Sex work isn’t exactly new – there’s a reason it’s called the world’s oldest profession …

          • Anonymous

            That doesn’t mean we need it. It just means men have been terrible since the beginning of time.

          • Anon

            Correct, I don’t think it’s that we’ve decided sex work is necessary to society. I think it’s just that sex work has always been part of society – think about the brothels they unearthed in Pompeii, and then realize prostitution was an old profession even at that point in history – and since we can’t stop it, figuring out how to make it safer for sex workers is a worthwhile pursuit. I don’t think it’s possible to cut off all online avenues into sex work, especially in the U.S. where we have free-speech protections. And as for street trafficking, the cops can’t be everywhere at once and there are far more pimps and sex workers out there than there are police.

            Also, I would need to see data on how many content creators on OnlyFans actually meet their “sponsors” in real life before saying it’s a gateway into trafficking the way that it seems SeekingArrangement was a gateway to trafficking for the woman in the Elle article (which was an excellent read, btw). My understanding is that many sex workers migrated to OnlyFans precisely because they could make money doing sex work and never have to meet people in person. On SeekingArrangement, the arrangement is that you will have “dates” with someone in person and so yes, that is prostitution. I have not been on OnlyFans (and don’t ever plan to be on there) but my understanding is that it is basically a cam site on a massive scale, and people don’t ever have to meet anyone outside of OnlyFans if they don’t want to. That seems different to me than SeekingArrangement (or posting for “dates” on Backpage). I was told early in life “never let anyone take your picture when you’re naked, you don’t know where the pictures will end up” and that was well before digital photography. So I would never do OnlyFans myself, but I understand why someone would, especially if the alternative is traditional sex work where you have to go perform sex acts with someone in person.

          • Anonymous

            Ummm hate to burst your bubble but it is not just straight men using only fans to access content created by women.

          • Anonymous

            Pretty sure it was men who invented the “oldest profession,” even if they are not currently its only customers.

          • Anon

            “That doesn’t mean we need it. It just means men have been terrible since the beginning of time.”

            Aw jeez, not this “all men are terrible all the time forever” sh*t again. This is a “you” issue and you need to talk to someone about it. Hating 50% of the population for existing is not a healthy mindset to live your life in all the time. I would say exactly the same thing to someone who constantly posted misogynist messages.

  21. Senior Attorney

    Facebook tells me it’s National Dog Day, so I thought I would give an update on the two almost-feral kitties we adopted last fall! ;)

    Recap: When we brought them home they disappeared under the bed in the guest room and didn’t come out for weeks. We got a Kitty Cam that revealed they like to spend time on their Tower (tall cat condo) and Turret (shorter version with integrated scratching post), but every time we came near, we’d hear a “thump!” as they jumped down and headed under the bed. And almost from the beginning, as soon as they hear us settle down in bed for the night, they come out and play. For some reason they really like the main bathroom, especially the pothos plant on the edge of the tub. And by “like the pothos plant,” I mean “they think it’s delicious and eventually ate every single leaf!”

    A couple of months ago we started a remodeling project in the bathroom next to the guest room, so moved their base of operations into our bedroom/bathroom. Obviously they spent most of their time under our bed but I think it got them more used to us being near. Again, the very minute we were down for the night they would come out to play.

    Well. The construction is substantially finished and now they are back in “their” room and I have moved into the bathroom right next door. And for whatever reason, they have decided that they might just want to be friends. They no longer jump down and run under the bed when they hear us coming — most of the time Oscar will stand his ground on the top of his tower and look down on me when I approach. And although Felix will often hide under the bed, it’s largely performative because his back half is still sticking out! And the cutest thing is that although they won’t let us get close enough to touch them, if I keep a safe distance they will roll around on the floor squirm and wiggle and be all cute while I talk to them: “Who’s the best kitty? Who’s a good boy?” I call it “petting them with my words” and we all like that very much.

    And in VERY BIG NEWS, Oscar jumped up on the bed while we were in it last night. For, like, half a second. But still…

    So that’s the news. Felix and Oscar are still Very Shy, but they are starting to come around. A little.

    Happy National Dog Day, everyone!

    • Serafina

      I’m glad to hear the kitties are coming around – but, you might want to think again on that pothos. IIRC pothos can be mildly poisonous to cats (more irritating than life-threatening) – maybe look into getting some cat grass or cat nip or something nonpoisonous!

      • Senior Attorney

        Haha well it’s gone now because they ate it all and they’re still standing! Thanks for the tip, though. We were thinking of replacing it so I guess we should do cat grass instead.

  22. Anon

    I’d love your recommendations for outdoor wireless security cameras. I have a ring doorbell but the additional cameras for that seem a bit pricey. I have two back doors and would like a camera at each that uploads data either to my phone/computer or the cloud.

    • Pep

      I use Arlo cameras for this. You can also buy solar panels for them so you don’t have to bring them down for charging.

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