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I saw this mentioned in a recent O magazine, and thought it was intriguing enough to look up — Nicole Miller now makes tank tops that have a shirttail bottom, giving you the look of layering a shirt (beneath a sweater or cardigan, for example) without the fuss of actually wearing the shirt. Interesting.
Zappos has it in white, on sale (for $47.99); Nicole Miller has both the white and black versions for full price ($60). Nicole Miller Hot Tail Tubular Tank Top
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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Cc
How much do you give for a wedding present? Outside of Boston, and my boyfriend is my guest. I am low to mid 20s and work in the non profit sector. Is 200 for the both of us expected?
Anon
We give what is comfortable for our budget, and don’t vary it based on geography (mine/the happy couples) or based on the fanciness of the wedding. For us, that is approx $100 (cost of gift, and then shipping on top of that).
Some people may find this to be too low. That’s cool – pay off my grad school debt and I will gladly up my wedding gift cap!
Cat
It depends on my relationship with the couple and my budget. For a close law school friend, that meant $200 (when I had been in biglaw for a year). My typical gift is around $100 (total, from me + hubs). I go lower if I feel like I was invited as part of a gift grab, if it was really expensive to attend, if I’ve been invited to multiple showers or other parties (enough! already), or if it’s a coworker (likely contributing $50 to a group gift).
Diana Barry
I would give 100, but that’s kind of my standard wedding gift…either 100 or the rough equivalent in something from the registry.
RoRo
I know some people would spend more, but in your position I would spend $50-100, and feel good about it. (I still would, maybe skewing more towards $100, and am early 30s).
Herbie
Wouldn’t worry so much about what’s expected as what you can afford. $100 seems perfectly fine to me if you can afford it.
Anonymous
Coming from both of us? Thanks. Its a close friend so I am going to do 150 from both of us, but its one of my first weddings and I keep hearing 100/person but my bf and I haven’t combined finances or anything, I really don’t want to ask him to pay 100 towards it, and I can’t really do 200 from myself. thank you all
Anon
Yes, $100 or $150 (or whatever you are comfortable with) is fine. A close friend won’t get her knickers in a twist because you “only” gave her $100.
Snarkster
$100 from the both of you is fine!
Anonymous
Just make it something thoughtful. My husband and I love to cook, and I smile every time I use the $40 C&B cutting board I got from my friend, who is a foodie. Likewise the $20 cheese slate, heartfelt cards, etc., that I received. I wasn’t keeping score (I only remember the prices of a couple items because I have given them as gifts to others).
Notinlaw
This! When we got married about 12 years ago, a lot of our gifts were more in the $50 range. I didn’t keep score and have to say that one of our most thoughtful gifts was a smoke detector and light timer.
Terry
Yup. What’s unacceptable is going into debt to give someone a wedding gift. It’s a wedding; there is no cover charge.
SC
I typically do $150 for both me and SO if we’re attending the wedding. That includes taxes, gift wrap, shipping, etc. I’m late 20s but have a lot of grad school debt.
Jordan
$100 is legit
Bunny
My rule of thumb is usually to give a gift for about the same amount as the meal cost for myself and my guest. Which usually works out to about $100/person.
Anita
I don’t really understand this rule of thumb. It seems to suggest that you are reimbursing the couple for the expense of hosting a party, when you had nothing to do with the selection of venue or catering. If I am invited to a very expensive wedding, am I supposed to spend a lot more on a gift or, conversely, spend $10 on a gift if I attend a low-budget wedding? I just give what I can afford, based on my relationship with the couple.
Herbie
+1
Anon
+1
Anonymous
I think this is fine as a personal rule of thumb. I do give more for a black tie wedding in NYC than I do for a dry wedding in OKC, with adjustments made for how close I am to the couple and how flush I’m feeling.
Anonymous
Isn’t that a little odd though? The reception is supposed to be a thank you for the people attending the ceremony. I feel like this rule of thumb is like how celebrities always get free gifts and stuff- why give more to those who can afford more? Shouldn’t it be pretty universal based on closeness and your own budget?
Anonymous
Agreed. If anything, the couple having their reception in the public park are the ones who really could use some help setting up a home.
That said, I’m from a place where wedding receptions are almost universally alcohol-free, dessert buffet (no dinner), church-hall affairs, and $20 to $50 is the standard wedding gift amount, so maybe there is a strong correlation.
Em
Thank you. I will never understand why people think they should get their wealthy friends with trust funds who can afford to go all out nicer presents than their impoverished friends who are trying to make ends meet. I mean, if you want to because you’re closer to one couple than the other or something, sure; it’s not a charity. But no, the party a couple chooses to throw for people who are supposed to be guests does not dictate what present I’m going to buy them. The only way this rule even vaguely makes sense to me is if you have a really socioeconomically homogenous social circle in which all your friends could spend about the same amount on a wedding but are choosing to spend different amounts, and I don’t think most people are in that situation.
JB
Single in my late 20s, and currently in the midst of HS friends, cousins and some college friends getting married. I give $50 cash when I am not going to attend the wedding (live in NYC and don’t fly back to my hometown for every wedding). If it is not a very close friend, I go $70-ish gift, but $100 total between shower and wedding. If it is a close friend/ I’m a bridesmaid, I probably get closer to $150-$200 between the shower and wedding. If I brought a date I’d gift more, because the plus-one was a “gift” to me.
I think being in your younger 20s, that $100 is perfectly acceptable.
Brant
In your situation, could you combine a cash gift with an actual gift? I got married in my earlyishmid 20s (24/25) so my friends that attended were in grad school or just starting out. We got married outside Boston and got gifts in the $50/couple-$300/couple range.
I thought a nice gift (which may or may not have cost very much) was a themed gift based off our registry items, and/or coupled with a gift card or cash. I LOVED a gift from a friend that bought the olive oil/vinegar cruets from my registry, included super fancy olive oil (she’s got family in italy that she visits regularly and brought it back), and a gift certificate for a cooking class for me and DH. We had a ton of fun, thought the gift was super thoughtful, and I don’ tthink it cost her $200. We had other gifts in a similar vein- someone bought cupcake tins off our registry, got us a cook book and some decorating items, and a smallish gift card to the store we registered at.
Anonymous
Is the gift value supposed to be lower if you’re going solo? I usually give $100-$150 (usually off the registry), and I go to most weddings on my own. Sometimes I think I’m overgifting.
Meep
I don’t think overgifting is a thing, unless you can’t afford it.
Batgirl
I’m mid-30s (but at a non-profit) and give about $100-120 on my own, $130-150 with a date (with the higher range indicating a closer friend). I may also stay at the lower end of that range if I had to incur a lot of travel/bridesmaid expenses. Honestly, you shouldn’t have to break the bank–even for a good friend. There are plenty of people giving them gifts and you should do what works well for your financial situation.
Batgirl
P.S. I’m in NYC. And typically give another $30-40 shower gift on top of that.
Maggie
On a related note, I’m attending a wedding as my friend’s +1. I am friends with the bride but not close enough for an invite. The wedding is near where I live (others traveling to get there) and the bride told my close friend who was invited that if she didn’t have a date she should feel free to bring me as her +1. (Writing it out it kind of sounds like it was a weird dynamic, but I wouldn’t have expected an invite and she was being really sweet to let her know I was welcome since I am rarely able to see these friends.) What’s the proper etiquette as a +1 who is friendly with the bride and groom? Gift the same amount I normally would? Go in on a gift together with my friend who is bringing me?
Orangerie
I would go in on a gift together with your friend, and maybe write them a nice message in a card just from you.
Esquared
I was the bride in this EXACT situation a few months ago. The +1 got me a gift (it was actually a co-gift, but it was clear it was 100% on her tab, even though the card had both of their signatures) and I thought it was very sweet. Would have probably thought it was a little weird if she came & didn’t bring a gift/or if they didn’t go in on a gift together, but of course I would have kept that opinion to myself. You’ll win crazy brownie points if you bring a gift & I always like to err on the side of bringing gifts, even if it is a small one.
Blair W.
On another related note – one of my oldest and dearest friends is getting married in a couple of weeks, and I’ve been eyeing the gorgeous Le Crueset French Oven she listed on her registry. No doubt she listed it as a dream item rather than something she actually expects to get, and I think she’d be stunned to receive it from me, knowing how much it cost. I can afford to get it for her (barely) and I would really love to, but I’m worried about overgifting. My friend comes from modest means and lives a fairly modest life (currently a grad student) and I don’t want to be flashy or show-offy in my gift, but as I said, I would really love to do this for her. I just don’t want to make her uncomfortable. Some considerations – I’m flying to her wedding, I’m not in the wedding, I wasn’t able to attend the shower, and I’m bringing a plus-one who will be giving a card but no gift (so I feel somewhat obligated to cover his share.) What do you guys think? Should I do it? Should I play it safe and go for a set of wine glasses instead (snooooze).
Lynnet
If you really want to, you should. I’d add a nice note about how much you love her cooking and you know her new husband will, too. I understand why you’re concerned about showing off, but I bet she’ll really appreciate it and it’ll be one of those things she looks at years later and thinks of you. I think it would probably come off as more show-offy if you gave the same amount as a check, as a gift it just seems thoughtful.
B
That’s really nice. I’m sure she’ll love it forever. And it’s now showy at all.
My bf decided to give his friend $888.88 as a wedding present for good luck despite the fact that his friend stands to inherit millions and owns outright a $1m + apartment.
I’m annoyed because he won’t even spring to pay for parking or waste hours circling the block to save a few bucks.
Esquared
I like giving people gifts & have personally never regretted getting a really good friend a really awesome gift (of course as long as you can afford it). Plus, she’ll think of you every single time she uses it for years to come.
LH
I’d say $200 is definitely not expected. I’m late 20s and most of my college friends (who are mostly professionals with good careers that won’t make them millionaires, like engineering) give $100 per couple (or a little less, maybe $50-$75, if the person is giving the gift solo becuase the significant other was not invited or doesn’t exist). The only people who give much more than that come from extremely wealthy families. All of us live on the east/west coasts of the US, fwiw.
Anonymous
Zut alors, sounds like I’ve been over-gifting: I usually give $250-300 for me and DH, more at family nuptials. When I had my own wedding a little more than 5 years ago, we received gifts in a wide range of value, including some surprisingly generous checks. Even when in law school and DH in govt, we still gave about $200-250. I guess the point is that we can afford it; I would not ever give a gift that would cause real financial hardship. At my own wedding, I was just happy that folks came to the event and didn’t think differently about anyone based on what they gave (other than a cousin-in-law who gave us an oddly expensive off-registry gift that was just silly).
Anonymous
there is no such thing as over gifting, it is awesome that you both are in a position to give generous gifts
mascot
I wish they showed a picture of this layered. I can’t quite wrap my head around it, shirttail on the bottom, freedom up top… It’s like a dickey, but for your hips?
Susie
I’m not a fan of shirttails sticking out anyhow!
HSAL
I’m not 100% sold, but I think I’m coming down on the side of this shirt – I can see it being useful with a shirt that might be a tiny bit short over it.
S in Chicago
Or too low of a rise jeans or pants? Sort of a quick fix-it for “It’s laundry day, and the only pants I have left look like they belong on Brittney Spears circa. 2002.”
Nellie
I had the same thought! But have been in moderation for d*ckey.
Bonnie
So it’s the look of a button down but without the collar? I don’t get it.
Kate
LOL!!!! Yes, I don’t like it either.
Herbie
Ladies. If you were to gourmet up a frittata, what would you throw in that piece? My two ideas today: (1) tomato, goat cheese crumbles, and spinach; and (2) prosciutto, mushrooms, and red bell peppers. Last week, I did leftover salmon with sauteed onions, tomatoes, hatch peppers, and jalapenos. Help me blow my brunch-hosting duties out of the water this weekend.
Anon
Prosciutto, figs, goat cheese, caramelized onions optional
Herbie
That sounds amazing.
mintberrycrunch
um, this warrants a trip to the grocery store on my way home. sounds amazing.
Cat
Made a “use up the leftovers” omelet this weekend that featured peaches, goat cheese, and chopped pecans. OMG so good.
KC
This sounds amazing. May be my dinner tonight.
zora
you had me at prosciutto, woman.
NOLA
Yep, prosciutto and mushrooms are totally in my wheelhouse. And goat cheese or feta. Red pepper, not so much, but you know, things upset my stomach at this age that I used to be able to eat.
Baconpancakes
+1
espresso bean
Ha! Me, too.
Anonymous
I find that fresh herbs really jazz up a frittata. So, fresh dill and zucchini. Fresh basil and tomatoes. Fresh cilantro and roasted corn.
Banana peppers and ricotta cheese.
Pancetta and potatoes and shallots
Artichokes, mushrooms and feta
. . . getting so hungry . . .
Calibrachoa
I’d say either one of those would be grand – although I’d possibly replace the spinach with red bell pepper. Do you make it in a single pan or in ramekins?
Herbie
I frittata in a cast iron skillet… though I’ve also seen little frittata “muffins” that look so ridiculously cute.
Anon in NYC
I had a delicious peach, tomato, and burrata salad with a basil dressing the other day. Maybe the combo would work in a frittata?
AIMS
Bacon or pancetta & gruyere;
Caramelized onions, portabello muchrooms & goat cheese;
Fresh herbs, potatoes and parmesan;
Asparagus, carrot and zucchini with cheddar; or
Apple and brie.
FWIW, I am not a fan of the way prosciutto tastes when it’s cooked too much so I would switch it out for pancetta unless you know you do like it. I often get excited by things like prosciutto wrapped asparagus or fish wrapped in prosciutto but the end result often seems like a waste of a delicious ingredient.
The other thing that I think will blow any brunch hosting out of the water is freshly baked bread of some kind. I like to get parbaked bread, but you could just take pillsburry biscuits and pop them in the oven. Super impressive!
And now I am hungry….
Herbie
Oh, there will be homemade orange & craisin scones.
Caramelized onions + goat cheese sounds AMAZING.
hellskitchen
Agree. I have done mushrooms and I have done onions in frittatas but caramelized onions, + mushrooms + goat cheese sounds like a yum combo!
Susie
Am I the only one who gags at the mere thought of goat cheese? I love love love regular cheese but can’t stand goat, especially that vile aftertaste.
Godzilla
That smell/after taste is the point of goat cheese. There are milder/stronger varieties.
Sheep’s milk cheese though – SO GOOD.
Anonymous
Nope. I love the stuff but only eat it at work because my husband hates to see it in the cheese drawer at home.
hellskitchen
I like goat cheese but I hate it in beet salads, which seems to be a standard pairing. If you don’t like goat cheese as is, you could try Halloumi, a Middle Eastern goat cheese which is slightly salty and can be grilled… grilling completely transforms the cheese.
Marilla
Mmmmm halloumi – my favourite grilled/fried over salads. I haven’t been able to find it kosher in North America though.
Herbie
Thanks for all the suggestions!
Kate
Last night I made smoked salmon, cream cheese, spinach, and basil (threw in the basil to use it up, but it was good!). I often do bacon, spinach, red pepper, and either sharp cheddar or goat cheese depending on what I have. Frittatas are such great weeknight dinners – so easy, healthy, and easy to customize!
V
Roasted red peppers pureed into the eggs (using blender), sautéed leeks, goat cheese crumbles, fresh thyme.
Abby Lockhart
I am befuddled by this item. I don’t get the concept of the shirttail without the collar, which, to me, is what makes the layered look much more than the shirttail. Do you add a dickie to completely fool the viewer, all the while knowing you have freedom in your midsection?
Anonymous
I am completely laughing at the idea of essentially wearing props all over one’s body. I’ve also seen bloggers do the fake socks under boots trick where they cut off the sock part and leave a swath of fabric sticking out of the top of the boot. It all seems so contrived. Clothing serves a purpose in addition to being stylish. So, if I layer shirts, I like the way it looks, but I also do it for the extra warmth it provides. Same for socks. If its too warm for socks + boots, then its too warm to look like I’m wearing socks + boots.
A Nonny Moose
Enh I hate bulky socks under boots because it makes my feet feel super cramped. I like the fake sock look because its cute but comfortable.
anonypotamus
I totally agree but I also admit to wearing the sock tops without the socks. I don’t like too much materialstuffed into my boots, and have a particularly hard time finding boots that zip up over my calves without adding additional sock layers. My area doesn’t get very cold, but I love boots, so that is my compromise on a variety of levels!
Samantha
Haha, this is exactly how I feel, but you put it so much better!
Nellie
I feel like this tank top is a solution without a problem. Who needs a dickie for her waist?
January
+1
Frou Frou
+ 2
Calibrachoa
Still haven’t heard from the prospective employer if I am getting a 2nd interview or not… starting to get v. antsy. Although I keep reminding myself, yesterday was a bank holiday in the UK and they ARE a UK based company, so this would definitely have an effect even in the office over here.
I know, i know, I can only wait, e-mail them if I hear nothing by tomorrow afternoon, but till then I am having a major freak-out (and window-shopping for interview shirts)
Mallo
I have recently interviewed (and made it to the offer stage) and am hiring at my current company. How ever long they tell you or you think the process will be, double or triple it.
Calibrachoa
Sounds about right from everything I’ve heard but I can’t help but fret… at least thanks to this site I am about 98% certain I was not overdressed ;)
Anonywife
DH is looking for a new job. He’s got a good work history, is super smart, but is terrible at networking (worse than the average person) and doesn’t really articulate his value well to strangers. He’s working through his existing network to find leads–and they are a great help since they know what a good hire he is–but hasn’t had much luck finding the right fit.
He’s now in the cover-letter-writing phase and it is the most painful thing in the world. His cover letters are dry, even to me, his loving wife who understands what he does for a living and how it’s relevant.
Anybody have tips for how to help him out? Resources for good cover letter writing? Ideas for how to improve his ability to articulate his value/ what he’s looking for? It’s just frustrating to watch and not have much to offer since we jsut went through this last year when he was an MBA student. He finally landed in a great role with a startup that LOVED him. And is now in the process of going under.
TBK
Has he checked out askamanager.org? She has some good suggestions on cover letters.
Anon in NYC
Perhaps he could call his grad school’s Career Services department and see 1) if the school offers any sort of career counseling, interview prep, etc. for alumni, or 2) if they have a recommendation for someone in your area that can work with your DH. It sounds like he needs to develop an elevator pitch and also improve his delivery. Some sort of career coach could probably work with him to help him articulate what he can bring to the table.
90s again
+1 I did this with my undergrad career services for years before I went to grad school. They were super nice and helpful and I don’t think many alums use this service.
Anonywife
He has, and claims they’re not helpful. I think they are somewhere between not helpful and he doesn’t know how to utilize them well enough. I also went to this school and found them useless, but I have a more defined career path and my resume sort of automatically “checks the box” for recruiters.
Anonywife
Though…maybe I’ll suggest going back to undergrad. We certainly send them enough money… ;)
Anon in NYC
Definitely go back to undergrad, if that will be better. I think if Career Services is not helpful, see if they can recommend a professional in your area. It sounds like what he needs is akin to media / public speaking training (and less career counseling in the traditional sense of what Career Services will do) – he needs to develop soundbites and fluidity in his presentation/networking/conversation skills.
How is he in normal conversations with friends? Is he dry or awkward? Can you think of a friend who is really good at stuff like this, and figure out if there are certain qualities that your husband could try to emulate and practice at.
I sympathize with your husband – networking is really awkward for me. I’ve tried to adapt through. For example, sometimes my sense of humor is too subtle, so I realize that when I’m with people that I don’t know very well I need to liven it up a little. Or, conveying enthusiasm about work or projects, since people (generally) want to work with others who have a positive disposition. Also, I practice responses in the mirror in my bathroom so that I can test out tone, etc.
a.k.
Does he have a good elevator pitch – 60-90 seconds of why he is great at what he does? Networking can be overwhelming, but if he has talking points, that may ease some of the pressure, and also form the basis for a great cover letter.
Anon
I don’t understand this tank top. If I wanted the look of layering a shirt, wouldn’t I need more than just the shirttails? Collar, cuffs, sleeves, etc?
CKB
+1
Baconpancakes
TJ: Thoughts on the leather/pleather skirt trend? It seems like this season we’re getting more leather-trimmed and leather/ponte pieces, whereas last fall it was just straight up leather pencil skirts, but I’m still not sold. I can’t imagine wearing anything other than very lightly leather-trimmed pieces to work (like the Talbots one), but I must admit I’m in love with this Anthro skirt (links to follow). *Sigh* If only I could wear a leather skirt and jean jacket to work like the model…
Baconpancakes
http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/clothes-skirts-slim/27202704.jsp
Baconpancakes
http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi31088&cmp=dfc-pricegrabber&003=10274411&010=%5BProductID%5D
Susie
So far I’m not into this trend. I mean, I love a good leather jacket, but don’t feel a need for leather or leather trim on the rest of my clothes. The anthro is too reverse-mullet (party in the front, business in the back) for me, and the talbots, it’s just like a faux belt, what’s the point?
lizm
I was also in love with that Anthro skirt until I tried it on… maybe it’s just that I have funny-shaped hips but jeez it was unflattering.
Blair Waldorf
I am also smitten with the idea of a leather/ponte pencil skirt but am not sure it is appropriate for my office (big law, business casual but blazers instead of sweaters).
At this point I think I might buy an option or two, try them on around the house, and see if anyone else braves the trend before doing it myself…
Veronique
I lie the lightly trimmed items like the Talbots skirt. Imo, they’re a refined, office-appropriate way to incorporate the trend, classic with a twist. I don’t understand the point of the Anthro version because you can’t tell it’s mixed materials from the front or the back view.
Sydney Bristow
I have a ponte dress with a wide faux-leather strip under the bust line and some detailing at the top. I wear it every couple of weeks with a cardigan to the NYC biglaw office where my current assignment is. It doesn’t feel out of place to me. I’m planning to buy a leather pencil skirt this year too. Give it a try if you like it!
NWanalyst
I think the Talbot’s one would be great for the office (I’d be tempted myself, except that my hips do not love Talbot’s fitted skirts… le sigh). As for the Anthropologie skirt… I don’t think it’s really quite office-appropriate unless your office is casual. From the front, it looks like a leather miniskirt, and I’m not convinced that making the back non-leather transforms the skirt into anything less… um… is it too old-fashioned to say “provocative”? I work in a “very casual” Pacific Northwest office (casual in that you *can* dress down, but the unofficial (management) dress code is still business casual to suits), and I feel that a skirt like that would put me squarely in the “women who dress like *that*” camp in most people’s eyes. Maybe on casual Friday, or if your office is more laid back than mine?
legal recruiter
Has anyone used a legal recruiter to find a job? I’m definitely not looking to go back to big law, but would be open to a small or mid-sized firm. How do you go about picking one? Do you use just one, or list with several (just making sure no one double-submits you to the same firm)? My background is a little non-traditional — top law school, some years in big law, two years in government, about two years in management consulting — and my class in big law is up for partner this winter. Would I even be interesting to a recruiter, or am I too strange an animal now for a good fit? I’m in the DC area if that matters.
Anon
How did you get in to management consulting? I’m trying to figure out what next after biglaw (I’m a 4th yr). Are the hours as awful as biglaw?
legal recruiter
I’m a consultant for a federal agency, so my hours aren’t typical (very 9-5). I got into it because a former colleague was in a position to hire and I had a particular skill set they were looking for. I’m not sure my experience is at all typical of most consultants.
Anonymous
Management consulting firms offer legal services (in addition to having in-house lawyers). Some are expanding and hiring. I can’t speak for the legal side, but yes, there are certain billing requirements + firm activites + business development, depending on career path and firm. One of the last things I do before bed is check e-mail and it’s one of the first things I do when I wake up and I have several all-nighters per year. Several readers of this site have asked Kat to discuss the Big 4 path to partnership.
Firm Recruiter Here
My advice is to approach your search as a multi-prong effort. First, identify opportunities where you don’t need a head hunter. Do you have colleagues that can refer you? We would much rather pay an employee a referral fee than pay a head hunter. That being said, we also rely heavily on head hunters. Selecting a head hunter is like dating – talk to them, meet with them and then make sure they get your permission prior to submitting you. Pick one that you are comfortable talking to and working with as they will be marketing you. And yes, you should work with more than one because head hunters can only recruit out and place into so many firms. I’ve found that the larger national head hunting shops are typically making the bulk of their placements in big law firms, while the smaller, more city specific head hunters have great relationships with smaller, mid-size, local firms. Hope this helps and good luck with your search!
Veronique
Word of mouth. Ask fellow lawyers, as well as your law school’s career service office. My law school has consultants that they work with in certain markets and the one I worked with was really helpful.
anon for this
So I just found out that a good friend of mine is separating from her husband — she sent a mass email out today to a BCC list (she was just married a few years ago and just had a baby so I’d guess the same folks on that list). She lives about a 5 minute walk away from me; we see each other once every few weeks. We aren’t best friends (obviously since I’m just on a mass mailing list, but it sounds like her husband blindsided her with a unilateral decision to get separated so I’m not taking offense at that) but we are old friends (10+ years now) and are getting closer. So — what, if anything, should I do today/tomorrow? Drop flowers off? Drop food off? Drop a box of wine off?
I’ve already emailed her that I’m free to come over whenever and that we can babysit if she needs us. Not sure what else I can do to help her. If I were her I would probably want to be left alone but wouldn’t mind coming home to find a treat left with the doorman. Or is this me imposing my emotional eating/drinking on her?
Silvercurls
How about a “thinking of you” note with a gift of healthy foodstuffs that can be stored indefinitely: tea, flavored seltzers, dried fruit, crackers? That way she’s not burdened with having to eat, pass on, or throw out perishable foods. You can also see if she needs anything the next time you go to the pharmacy, grocery store, dry cleaner, or Costco (diapers? wipes? formula?). I would take your cue from her re how much attention she wants but most parents of young children appreciate occasional extra help.
TBK
I think these are all excellent suggestions. I’d also possibly contact her (phone or email) with a list of things you’d be happy to do and ask her which one she wants (e.g., babysit for X hours one night this week; do a grocery run; come over and do a load of laundry for the baby; come over and hold/play with the baby while she does housework/errands/showers/takes a long soak with a book). If she protests, you can insist once (to get over her initial “oh, I’m embarassed that you’re making a fuss over me) but if she still resists, just tell her the offer stands.
mascot
Along those lines, perhaps offer to come over and fix her dinner. Depending on the age of the kids, making plans to do something outside of the house means the added pressure of finding a sitter or bringing the kids with her.
Niktaw
As a new mother, can she drink alcohol on a box-of-wine scale?
I don’t see you imposing your emotional eating on her, so vote for the food, particularly as she is a new mother and may have limited time for cooking. Can be prepared food, or an offer to do her grocery shopping, or babysitting while she does it herself.
Many assume that a person in crisis will want to be left alone, but all too often this leaves the said person alone without support. I would try to see the friend and ask a direct question whether she would feel better in your company or by herself.
Anon in NYC
Oh my gosh, how awful. I’d drop off flowers with the doorman, plus maybe a little care package like the one Silvercurls suggested (Trader Joe’s always has a good dried fruit / nut selection). Or, a gift card to Seamless or something similar so that she doesn’t have to cook.
Given that you two are close but not that close, I agree about taking your cues from her, but I would regularly offer to come by and “play with the baby” (e.g., spend time with her but don’t always make it about the separation).
ANS
As a person whose best friend is going through this – she has said that me just coming over and allowing her to talk – just being there has really helped her. Since you aren’t really close – I think just e-mailing her is enough and when she is ready to – she will contact you. If you want to do something nice – I think something on her doorstep with a quick note saying you are thinking about her really will help.
hellskitchen
I think you are right that she probably doesn’t want to talk about all this while it’s still fresh and she’s processing it, but perhaps you could plan to see a movie or a play together or something that doesn’t require much conversation. Or perhaps a baby friendly activity. She might appreciate having company to go out and do things. But I also think your plan of sending her food or dessert is a good one… it lets her know someone is thinking of her.
Anon for this.
A good friend separated while pregnant and was divorced shortly after the birth of her baby. While pregnant, I did the usual brunches, lunches, movies, etc. Once her baby was born, I committed to having dinner with her and the baby once a week. Initially, I either cooked it and brought it over or picked up takeout. It was one night a week where she didn’t have to worry about dinner and I provided much needed adult conversation or the freedom to grab a shower, take care of some personal stuff, etc. As her baby got older, we added in cooking together or going out. Her child is now in elementary school and we continue to get together at least a couple times a month.
Anonymous
I can all too easily picture myself in her shoes and this is *exactly* what I would need.
Hel-lo
What a great friend. This is such a fantastic suggestion.
DC Association
I recently got divorced and I have a child (OK he’s 7 and not a baby, but still), so I can relate to her.
I think your offer of babysitting is the greatest. Even…I dare say…email her and say something like, “I want to do something for you. Please book a pedicure appointment for Saturday and i will watch the baby. Just tell me what time and I will be there. This is not optional.” As a single mom, one often feels guilty about spending time doing stuff just for oneself. Someone who has a sitter might think, “Oh great, I can go to the grocery store by myself!!!”
OR you could say “I know it’s got to be tough trying to do things you need to do by yourself and ensuring the baby is taken care of. So, if you need someone to watch baby while you go to the gym, or you have a doctor appt, or if you have to work late and the ex can’t pick up baby, I’m happy to help and will watch baby as long as my schedule is free.”
Also…i’d say to her to contact you when she has a night or weekend day/night free (i.e. when the ex takes the baby and she finds herself ALONE). If you’ve been married, your nights are typically spend with baby and family -and a lot of the time, most friends are also married with babies…so If the ex takes the baby, all of the sudden, gasp, she’s alone and might not want to wallow by herself at home, and most friends are not available.
You’re very nice!!
NYC
I’ve been going through this with a friend (so so sad). Everyone has great suggestions. I was surprised how much she did want to talk about it, so be prepared for that, too. What she needed really ranged from needing girl time drinking after the baby went to bed, to full day adventures with the kids (my own included). It is exhausting being a solo parent, especially on outings that you might do as a family. After some time has passed, she might like a buddy to help schlep the baby + gear to the park or something.
Sad Runner
I might be the only one here, but I like the shirt and the idea of coattails under a sweater. I’ve never been big on layering collared shirts – it looks great on others, but just looks bulky on my short frame. I could get down with just the tails hanging out though.
Anon in NYC
Agreed. I’m not sure I would do this for work, but I could see it working in a more casual setting with my aspirational wardrobe.
Anonymous
My archive searching skills are failing me. Can someone direct me to a post discussing appropriate attire for attending a baseball game with clients? My firm will be renting a box and I am struggling to come up with an appropriate outfit, especially since I will be coming straight from the office. Thanks!
Cat
my usual approach is to act like I’m leaving a layer at the office, since everyone else is typically in the same boat and since you’re in a box, not clambering over rows of seats and eating in your lap like a normal game. So, button-front with the sleeves rolled up + pencil skirt, or short-sleeved dress, in each case with flats or low heels because I never end up doing much sitting in the seats at these kinds of things.
Wildkitten
https://corporette.com/2012/06/07/what-to-wear-to-a-company-picnic/
OP
Thanks! I think I’m going wear trouser jeans, wedges, a linen blazer and a blouse in the team colors.
TJ
Someone, please, help me stop my paranoid obsessive thinking.
I’m a first time mom and have been home on mat leave with my beautiful 4 month old daughter. We’ve started interviewing nannies, and I find myself absolutely terrified about the prospect of leaving her 2 months from now when I go back to my job as a 7th yr assoc in biglaw.
I’ve been told I have very strong partnership prospects and the best reviews of anyone in my class year. They’re fully supportive of my coming back 4 days a week. I’ve worked hard for this career, and I get a lot of fulfillment out of it. But I can’t stop worrying that I’m going to screw up my kid by leaving her with a nanny. I literally cry about it at least once a day. I spend hours (while she’s sleeping) reading every study/article I can find about the long-term impact of childcare arrangements on infant attachment and early childhood development. I recognize this is insane, but I can’t seem to dial it back, and I’m seriously considering just giving up on the job, on the theory that anything this hard can’t possibly be right.
What am I doing wrong? Would love some pep talk on why I should go back. TIA.
espresso bean
It sounds like anxiety is getting the best of you. Your thoughts are not rational, and you recognize that (which is great, but it’s not getting you out of these downward spirals). Have you tried talking to a therapist?
Lia
Did any of your friends have a nanny as a kid? Can you talk to them about their experience? I totally loved my babysitter, and my pre-school, though my mom worked a 35 hour week so I can’t speak to more than that.
NewMama
I just dealt with this a couple of months ago. It’s going to be ok. As much as I miss my peanut and the work-life balance is really difficult to manage, leaving my peanut with her nanny is not a problem. You’ll find someone you like. My munchkin (10 mos) is so happy when she sees her nanny. She gets really excited when the door bell rings in the morning and starts bouncing up and down. Anyone who makes your child that happy is just fine for her. And she’s still excited and happy to see me and DH at the end of the day.
When you interview prospectives, see how they react to the baby – are they comfortable with the baby? do they ask to hold/play with the baby? And do a trial run with a candidate. Pay her to come over for a morning or afternoon and stick around the house/apt.
Orangerie
I can’t give you any advice from a parent perspective, but my mom holds a very demanding job at a Fortune 100 company, and has worked full-time my entire life with the exception of maternity leave for my younger brother and me. I think we turned out fine and if anything, I respect my mom so much for having a high powered career and setting that example for me. She and my dad are the best examples of work ethic in my life, and despite their jobs they were always there for the important stuff. You might not be able to make it to every.single. soccer game or dance practice (my parents couldn’t), but your daughter will turn out great nonetheless.
IMMJ
+1. I’m not Orangerie’s mom since I was a partner in a law firm rather than at a big company, but my story is similar. My kids turned out great. Plus they always tell me how glad they are that I worked (and have married very high-powered women themselves). I still think that going back to work when my first child was born was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it was the right decision for me and my family. This is not to say that it won’t be hard. Good luck, and, as OCAssociate says below, find loving care for your daughter, and you can be confident that you’re not screwing her up.
Susedna
One of my classmates in undergrad has a mom like Orangerie’s. He had excellent grades, was a good athlete, too, and had a healthy view of women. That last thing I want to attribute to his mom being a kick@ss CFO and fiercely independent & loving.
He didn’t see women as only having a purpose as an amanuensis or adjunct for a man.
SC
+1. Both of my parents worked full-time while I was growing up. I was actually born during my mom’s third year of medical school, and when I was 6 she spent an entire year living in another city and coming home on weekends. I had all sorts of child care arrangements growing up – nannies, day care, babysitters, after school care. But my parents made the most of the time they had with me and made it to the important stuff. I turned out well, and I see them as role models.
OCAssociate
I found the weeks leading up to returning to work so much harder than actually returning to work. Once I was back in the office, it felt good to be back to normal. I was convinced I’d be crying in my office that first week, but never did. Find loving care for your daughter, and you can be confident that you’re not screwing her up.
If you go back to work and it continues to feel completely wrong, that’s a good time to re-assess your decision.
Good luck!
ANP
I agree with this. Having been in that situation, I’d recommend making yourself go back to work for a minimum of three months so that you can assess from a more clear-eyed perspective. That’s what helped me, and in turns out that yep, I do in fact love my job. A lot. Love my kids too, but staying at work was the right choice for me.
R
+1. I went back at 3 months and agonized over it, crying every day. Once I broke down in the shower and wondered if I should just give up the notion of a career at all.
I told myself I could do it on three month timelines – go back at 3 months, and reassess at 6 months. If I am miserable, I can make whatever changes are needed. Then reassess again at 9 months. Etc. 3 months is not going to adversely affect a child one way or the other, so I’m not causing irreparable harm by going back to work, but I’m giving myself time to get in a rhythm and work through any kinks.
But. Once I got back in the swing of work, it wasn’t as hard as I had anticipated. Yes, I cried the first week. Yes, I cried when she rolled over for the first time at daycare and I missed it. Yes, I still have days where I doubt my choices. But I am confident that I’m a happier person with a life outside of the home, which means I’m a better mom to my daughter. I’m setting a great example about work-life balance, about setting priorities, about male-female dynamics. At least so far, I think I’ve made the right choice.
mascot
I didn’t realize it at first, but my daycare was very careful not to tell me about “milestones” unless I asked specifically or mentioned that he was doing something at home. I appreciated that and we therefore got to treat the first time we saw him do something as the first time that he did it. It was still awesome to see hear him say his first words even though he very well could have been chattering at school for months.
Grandma now
I worked throughout my children’s lives from early infancy, and they are now working parents themselves. I would put them up against any SAHM’s children — and my grandchildren are also amazing! They are independent, self-confident, resourceful — I could go on. Your baby will be fine!
mascot
1) Stop reading these articles, blogs, random articles. Seriously, stop. This is a path to crazy.
2) Call your OB and ask to be screened for psot partum anxiety issues. This is starting to negatively affect your life. Crying and ruminating aren’t good. Even a couple of sessions with a therapist can help you learn some coping skills.
3) Loving, quality childcare is out there and is good for your child. My son loves his daycare providers and loves his parents. No confusion, great development, healthy kid. My friends (those who have nannies and those who have daycare and those who have a combo) all report the same thing. The caregivers all have lots of experience with kids, have degrees and continuing education on early childhood development and education, and are all very qualified to do their jobs. My job training as a lawyer really doesn’t mean squat when if comes to raising kids. I am so grateful that someone else has helped teach my child all sorts of things.
Hel-lo
+1
KLG
Thousands upon thousands of infants/toddlers/young children get left with a nanny or taken to daycare every single workday. And they turn out just fine. If you find a good person/day care, your baby will thrive. Truly.
Eleanor
Whoa, this sounds extremely stressful, but I don’t think it needs to be so bad. I remember reading about one study that said, after controlling for income, etc., children whose mothers stayed home because they wanted to and children whose mothers worked because they wanted to turned out the same. This children whose mothers were forced into the option they did not want (forced to work through financial need or forced to stay home through societal pressure) had worse outcomes somehow, but I don’t remember what the worse outcomes were. In any case, I have never read anything that indicated children whose mothers worked outside the home had any kind of problems as a result.
On a more personal note, my mother was a c’re**e before the term existed (and remains so to this day), so my brother and I had a nanny when we were very small, then went to daycare, and attended the service the school provided before and after school hours for children whose parents both worked. My brother and I turned out fine – we both have a good relationship with our parents, we are able to form normal human relationships, we both went through school and have good jobs, and we do not resent our mother at all. I am really proud of her success. Not to mention the fact that her career and financial achievement allowed my dad the financial stability to start his own business.
So, if you actually decided you dislike your career and want to stay home with your daughter, then I would say do it, if you could afford it. That doesn’t sound like the situation, so at least try going back to the job you like; your daughter will be fine.
Pregomama
So. I’m about to have a baby and about to be in your shoes (but in a non-law environment…but one where there is a promotion on the table for me when I get back). I hate (HATE) to compare pets to children, but I think in this one case it may help. We have a high-maintenance dog that we’ve had since a puppy. He’s had rough times and needs a LOT more supervision than a typical dog. I had so much trouble finding someone to watch him while we were at work. It took us a few trials with a few different sitters/walkers, but we ultimately struck gold and have had the most ideal pet sitter you could imagine for about four years. We joke that the dog may run away to live with the dog walker.
All that is to say that there are going to be some bumps in the road with the nanny. You’ll do your best to pick the one that works for you, but it might not work out. Don’t be afraid to be very clear with your expectations (and open with your paranoia!) . Think about having your nanny start a few weeks before you go back, on a part-time basis. Even if it’s just so you can take a trip to the gym, run some errands, etc. Teach yourself that baby will be back and HAPPY TO SEE YOU when you get home.
Plan your life as to maximize your home time with the baby. That means outsource your weekend chores and focus on baby.
Just my $.02. Talk to me in Feb when I have to drop my 4 month old at daycare for the first time…(FWIW, I am IN LOVE with our daycare. I’d spent my entire day there if I could. It is way more fun than our house could ever be.)
NYC
Just went through this last summer (baby now 18 months old and thriving in nanny’s care). A few thoughts:
(1) Keep interviewing until you find someone you are comfortable with. This person will be in your home and with your child all day long. You should not have reservations. There are so many wonderful caregivers out there that I am sure you can find someone who is a good fit for you.
(2) This will not not screw up your kid! At the very least, try going back to work for a few months to see how you feel. Really give it a few months. The studies show that people with loving parents, regardless of whether they work or not, end up okay. The nanny will not screw up your kid.
(3) Consider having your husband/partner or mother take care of the baby your first week back at work. Going back to work has its own anxieties to deal with, so it was nice to separate that from the caregiver anxiety. I did it and it made a HUGE difference for me. By the time the nanny started (one week after I’d started), I was a little bit more into the work/pumping routine and calmer about the whole thing. She did come one day before I went back to work and on the Friday before starting full time.
4 days a week is awesome. I have loved it. The nanny comes for a half day on Friday for those mornings I have to work. When I don’t, I get in some “me time” at the gym or running errands. Really nice.
Samantha
The great thing is that you have plenty of time (2 months) to pick the perfect nanny that will take as good care of your baby as you would. Get on care dot com or other resources, shortlist based on your criteria, and most importantly – do trial days (or hours)! I mean several hours or days when you are around, pay the nanny for a full day watching the baby, and watch how she interacts. Listen from the other room while on your laptop or reading. Really step out for brief periods. As her “what-if” questions based on situations/dilemmas you’ve encountered. After a trial day, try another day or another nanny from your shortlist. There are bad nannies out there. But there are some great ones too. You will know when you find someone caring, loving and gentle and whose judgment you approve of.
It’s not a now-or-never decision. You can quit your job any.time.you.want and get back to being at home with your baby. And as s/he grows, the demands may grow also. I’ve heard parents say that the juggle is sometimes harder with a 10 year old. So play it one day at a time.
SpaceMountain
You can do it — take it day by day at first. I cried all the time in those days — not only at the prospect of going back to work and the actual event of going to work, but also at McDonald’s commercials and what have you. It’s just an emotional time. It helped me to know that the nanny, and later teachers, for my children were experts in children. My MIL, who is now in her 80s, is a life-long teacher. She taught elementary, high school, and now teaches preschool. This year she has the 2-year-old class, and I love hearing her lesson plans (dinosaurs! space! potty training!) and about the field trips and everything that goes on. Your child will also have caregivers and teachers like that, who thrive on taking care of little ones, while you can continue to pursue what you are trained to do.
TBK
I love my MIL, but can I borrow yours sometimes? An 80 year old woman who’s fired up about dinosaurs and space — and still working! — sounds like an incredible grandma!
B
My mom left me with her mom for a year as a baby. I didn’t even know about it until later. Honestly, their criticisms of me growing up are causing me to get therapy, not leaving me with my grandma to be raised for a year.
Anon
It is incredibly hard to leave a baby for the first time. I honestly felt like I was giving my son up for adoption when I went back to work. I know that is completly ridiculous, but I was not acting rational at all. Of course, I still saw my baby in the morning, in the evenings, and all day on the weekends. I took random days off to stay home with him and everything was fine. So I think what you are feeling is normal. The first weeks will be difficult, but you will settle into a routine and everything will be fine. When hiring your nanny, trust your instincts and make sure you are comfortable with this person. That will go a long way towards making your return easier. Good luck! Try to relax and enjoy the rest of your time off. Everything will work out.
Trixie
I don’t have kids but I can tell you that my mother was a stay-at-home mom and hated every moment of it. I didn’t fully get comprehend at the time, but looking back as an adult, I realize that she was bored and miserable at home, and I think she spent a lot of time resenting us and then feeling guilty about resenting us. She went back to work part time when we were teenagers and it helped immensely. But if I could redo my childhood, I think it would be far, FAR better to have a mother who worked but felt happy and satisfied with her life. I’m definitely NOT saying that all SAHM are bored and miserable, but it sounds like you get a lot of fulfillment from your career and don’t want to give it up. Think about what a good mother / role model you will be for your daughter by showing her the confidence and fulfillment that it sounds like you get from your job.
Lynnet
This. I think almost everyone in my family would be more mentally healthy/have better relationships with each other if my mom had worked rather than staying at home. Which isn’t to say I had a bad childhood, I had a great childhood, but I think I would have been better off if I’d been forced to be more independent, and I know my mom would be better off if she’d been doing something more mentally challenging.
a.k.
Yes! My mother loved her job and I think she was a great role model for being successful at work and still providing lots of love and opportunities for her family. (Though I am pretty sure she slept a lot less than I ever thought.)
SV Tech girl
My son is about to turn 6, and when I was going through this I decided that it was a lot easier to quit a job later than it would be to find one later. Deciding that I could quit anytime but that it was worth the effort to see if it would work got me over the hump. I went back to work, and while there have been challenges, I’m glad I did!
Also, consider other options besides a nanny. We ended up with an accredited, well-run pre-school and it had a lot of benefits. It gave my only child a community of children to play with that he still sees and does things with. It gave me a community of parents who were going through similar things to talk to, and the teachers themselves were a great resource. The average length of time they had been teaching at my son’s school was 10 years, but there was a teacher every year that had 20+ years of experience and when something was up, I’d go and talk to them. They always had great suggestions.
Meg Murry
Yes, I was also going to suggest that you also look at daycares, both in-home and centers, just so you have a perspective of what is available out there. Do you have any friends or work friends that have been through this that you could get advice or referrals from? The thing that comforted me most about our daycare center is that every parent I talked to RAVED about it – I’ve yet to find a parent who believed there were more negatives than positives about the place (and the negatives are pretty much universal to any childcare- its pricy, its a pain when kids can’t go because they are sick, etc).
If you have friends or colleagues who have kids, ask them what worked for them when they had infants – perhaps they can recommend the agency where they found their nannies or suggest a daycare center, or their nanny knows another nanny looking for a new position. Don’t nanny-nap from friends by any means, but personal referrals can go a long way.
Good luck! You’ll get through this, and will not scar your child (or yourself) for life!
WestCoast Lawyer
It’s been said, but consider the example you are setting for your daughter. When I had kids I realized that a lot of the stress I felt about going back to work was that I wouldn’t be able to live up to the expectations I had of doing all the fun crafty stuff that my mom did with us as kids. While I appreciate all the time she spent with us when we were little, it would have been great to have someone with a kick a*# career as a role model to give me a better idea of how to be successful at work and at home (hint – delegate the stuff you don’t like doing and save the crafts and backing activities (if those are your thing) for the weekends). Also, we have a great daycare situation and instead of feeling like they are doing “my job”, I try to focus on how lucky my kids are to have even more adults in their life to learn from and depend on.
home decor help!
I have the Crate and Barrel Petrie sofa in the putty color. I can’t decide what kind of chairs to pair it with. Any thoughts as to shape, color, and/or particular models? Should I buy a matched set or two different styles? Budget is $500-800 per chair.
MH
Check out West Elm – I like the Victor Armchair in a print, or the Veronica tapered leg in a print. I would get two matching chairs in a different color than the sofa, but with similar legs.
Loose Seal
Thanks to everyone who posted advice to me over the weekend when I thought I’d messed up a partner’s deposition prep. As an update, he was not upset with me at all. Something major was missed, but at a step in the process before I even got the docs. I didn’t even bring it up, he did. Phew. Crisis averted.
More good news is that I wanted to inherit a certain case with him from an associate who’s leaving. So I just straight out asked for it. He initially said he wasn’t sure, so I backed up my ask with a couple of reasons I’d be great. He put me on the case! Hooray for being direct!
TBK
Hooray! Also, love the handle.
MaggieLizer
Me too!
Loose Seal
Thoughts on Season 4? I was disappointed a little. Still my favorite show ever though.
Susie
Sounds like you have a very nice/reasonable boss and your career is progressing very nicely. Onward and upward!
Loose Seal
He is fabulous. I’m quite proud to call him my mentor.
Ellen
Hug’s to you! I guess I am NOT the onley one with a good manageing partner. Once in a while I forget to do something, but when I do, the manageing partner is very understanding. Right now, I have been spending alot of time on the phone with Margie planning our firm’s Labor Day boating feast. Margie is getting FLANK steak for the beef eater’s and is grilling alot of veggies for the non-meat eater’s. The manageing partner does says we can bring a significant OTHER, so I am thinking about whether to invite Sam. Spouses MUST come. I am NOT sure about this b/c bringeing him might lead peeople to beleive we are sleepeing together when we are NOT. I do NOT want to sleep with him yet, and I am petrified that he will start pickeing his nose over the potatoe salad, or WORSE. On the other hand, his firm could become a cleint, so if I can bring his firm in, I could be a HERO. Margie think’s I should invite him, so what does the HIVE think? I do not want to make a mistake! OMG!
Susie
Let’s take a look at the facts, shall we? He’s 1) vegan; 2) a nosepicker; and 3) a winkie flasher. As they say in baseball, 3 strikes and you’re OUT! Dump the zero, get a hero. You can do a lot better than this, just focus on losing more weight and then you can find a real catch. Yay!
Hel-lo
I’d bring him. He might impress you.
Anonymous
I just split a seam down the back of my dress. I am so glad I have a long sweater with me today.
I’m going to go home and snip this Judas dress to shreds for turning on me, it doesn’t even deserve a trip to the tailor.
Wildkitten
I do that on a regular basis. (But I find skirts rip less after the tailor seams them rather than JCrew).
Anonymous
This is from Anthropologie- the material also tore, it doesn’t even seem worth trying.
hmmm.
Does anyone have any experience with surrogacy? Some dear (male, committed) friends have casually asked if we might talk about it in a few years, and I find myself intrigued but also way out of my comfort zone. We are all currently childless and in our mid-twenties.
Monte
I don’t have any personal experience, but it is something that I have thought about and investigated in the past. My research (a few years ago, so maybe this has changed) indicated a strong reluctance by doctors to implant embryos in a surrogate who was not already a mother, both for physical and mental health reasons.
If your friends are serious about this, they have probably researched the egg donor and gestational surrogate issues — I assume they want you to carry the child, but it isn’t clear whether they have in mind whether they want a separate egg donor (and how they would select her), or whether you would also be willing to be a donor. The evolving law on surrogacy, and the differences in state laws, makes the need for two women’s involvement an open question.
Finally, there are a lot of potential pitfalls. The case of the surrogate who refused to abort the child she was carrying comes to mind: http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/04/health/surrogacy-kelley-legal-battle. No matter how one feels about the issue theoretically, I cannot imagine being presented with this decision, or knowing how I might react.
I think surrogacy is awesome, and I would love to be able to do it. But it is an enormous responsibility, and one that you cannot think about too much.
S
Any suggestions for a good place to get Botox in Boston? I looked on Yelp but most of the reviews seemed fake. Thanks!