Update: A black and white print version of this dress is included in the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale, marked down to $83.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
So: a week or so ago I found this other Karen Kane dress, which I really want to like — short sleeves, flattering, ladylike cut… but I just can’t bring myself to get behind the print. (There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just not my jam.) So I poked around, hoping to find the same dress in a different print — and it turns out that it comes in a bunch of long-sleeved versions, in solid colors, for fall. Nice.
I’ve pictured the “wine,” but it’s also available in royal, navy, and black (for $108); for a bit more you can get a black and leather trim version ($158). Karen Kane Cascade Faux Wrap Dress
Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.
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2016 Update: This dress is now in our Workwear Hall of Fame! It’s been around for years, keeps coming out in new colors and prints in long sleeves and short sleeves. It’s stretchy (which for me means Spanx is a must, but you do you), machine washable, and works for desk to dinner and beyond. It’s available in plus and regular sizes at Nordstrom, Amazon, and more. If you happen to be a nursing mom, it’s a great option — the neckline is stretchy enough to make pumping or nursing easy, it’s machine washable, and some of the prints can be great if you want to hide stains.
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This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Workwear sales of note for 6.02.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off select styles; extra 20% off sandals & sneakers
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- Express – 30% off all dresses, tops, shorts & more; extra 50% off clearance
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event: extra 30% off
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 60% off sale
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 40% off; pop-up sale up to 30% off
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses (Reader-favorite brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Up to 25% off in-stock furniture; up to 60% off clearance
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
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Really pretty! Can’t figure out if this would look better or worse belted (might be too busy?), but I really like the color.
Maybe with a thicker brown belt?
I like everything about it except the high neckline. It would make my broad shoulders look massive.
It looks like the first solution someone could think of to the complaint that true wrap dresses always end up with a too-low neckline. Raise the whole thing up a few inches! I’m not sure it would be flattering on me either, but I give them points for attempting to target a persistent, known fashion issue.
I have one dress with a neckline like this (the BR/Issa version of Kate Middleton’s engagement dress) and I love it! Granted, I’m pretty petite up top, but I think it’s really flattering, and it doesn’t require a cami the way most of my other wrap-like dresses do.
I think this is the sort of thing that you might have to try on yourself, though, to see how it works with your individual proportions, but overall I think it’s a great way of making wrap-type dresses less fussy for work.
Your “persistent, known fashion issue” is my preference, though. I love everything about my wrap dresses, including the necklines.
Another thing I love is the self-tie waist; I think this dress is lovely, but I find the waist on faux wrap dresses always sags. FOOEY!
It looks like a belt might clash with the detail in the middle, especially since it already accentuates the waist.
I have a very similar Karen Kane dress with shorter sleeves in black, and i wear it All. The. Time. It is my go to work dress, especially for all day meetings where i have to look nice, and my go to travel dress because it works for work or going out at night.
I am in trouble, I will now want to buy 15 of these ;o\
ok, help: I actually really do want to get it. But what do folks think of the “royal” color? To me it looks kind of dated, and not an on trend color. Is that a problem? I also like the wine and don’t have a lot of that in my wardrobe so maybe that’s safer?
Love the wine color. I just ordered it! Hope it’s not too bright red– hard to tell online. I agree the royal color might not be great– sometimes royal can be sort of harsh looking. Really a color you need to see in person, I think.
Honestly, I usually love blue but I’m not sure about the “royal” color. It could either be great or awful in person. I’d go with the wine (but then that’s my solution to most things in life…)
Haha! love it ;o)
yet another reason to go with the wine, thanks!!
“Royal” pretty much just looks like cobalt to me, which I think is still on trend? I actually really like the print on the short sleeve one, I think that’s my favorite one.
I don’t know, it looks a tad brighter than cobalt, which is what is making me all ‘meh’
I love this dress, and the higher neckline! I just wish it came in a plus-sized version.
Reposting in hopes of some more responses:
Does anyone have any experience with surrogacy? Some dear (male, committed) friends have casually asked if we might talk about it in a few years, and I find myself intrigued but also way out of my comfort zone. We are all currently childless and in our mid-twenties.
Thank you, Monday, for chiming in at the end of yesterday’s thread. I’m grateful to know about your research–my gut feeling is that although I would love to be able to do this for my friends, I wouldn’t want to do so until I had already had a child of my own. Just seems safer, for a number of reasons.
Slight mix-up! I just checked the PM thread and the reply you got was from a commenter named Monte, not me. Making sure she receives her due thanks!
Whoa, you’re right! Hooray for Monte!
I don’t have experience with it, but I did consider it. I am very good friends with a wonderful gay couple who so wanted to be parents. When I was in my early 40s, one of them brought it up with me. I very seriously considered it, but ultimately did not pursue it with them. I wanted the child to be theirs. The child would have two parents – and they would be the parents. The other question is, would it be my egg? Why not? Well, there was my age, but also the idea that the child would be my biological child. They are African-American but they didn’t care about that. Would that child resent me later if I was not involved in his/her life? Which one of them would be the father? Would that matter? To my mind, it was not as simple as offering to carry a child. My SO was not comfortable with the idea but, honestly, if I wanted to do it, I would have overridden him.
Long story short, they ended up adopting two beautiful little girls from the same mother and they were married last Tuesday after being together for 17 years. I have no regrets and I don’t think they do either.
I love this. I’m having a bad week in general but such a happy story makes me feel better!
Just as an FYI, you need to have a successful pregnancy/child before any doctor will consider you as a surrogate. They need to know that you can be a successful carrier and that you don’t normally have complications during a pregnancy. There is also the emotional side of it that you ideally don’t want to experience your first pregnancy with a child you can’t keep.
Speaking as a surrogate (for my sister and her husband) your instinct is correct. This is not something to do until you have had a child of your own and, ideally, until you are done having children of your own. In fact, any reputable clinic will not work with you unless the first is true, and most won’t work with you unless both are true. If/when the time comes and you still want to pursue it, good for you! It’s a wonderful experience. Or it can be, if all the stars align and everyone is working hard to be their best selves. But just know that it is an enormous personal and medical and financial and legal undertaking, depending on how you do it, and you need to get very educated very quickly to understand all of what is going to happen. There are many good internet resources, at least.
This was my first thought, but I didn’t say anything because what on earth do I know about this?
There’s just no way to know about how pregnancy will be for you until you’ve actually had a baby before. I would hate for hmmm and her friends to become emotionally committed to this plan and then have it not be possible.
That’s actually exactly what I’m thinking, Olivia Pope, and from the same standpoint of “Well, I don’t really know about this, but . . . ”
I honestly don’t even think I’d be ready to have the actual conversation–the would-you-be-willing conversation–until after I’d had a baby. I know that some women really enjoy their pregnancies, but just as many don’t, and I don’t think it’d be fair to even consider taking on a commitment like this until I knew how my body reacted to the whole process.
Thanks to all for the feedback–this is good food for thought, and this confirms my sense that it’s really not something I can be wading into now.
So… does anyone have a recommendation for an NYC (Manhattan below Central Park South, if possible) OB? I would really love to see someone who’s a little more compassionate and respectful than my current OB (who didn’t tell me anything about the $2,000 genetic blood test she ordered until I got the bill AND blew off my concerns about having experienced sexual trauma). I’m 16 weeks pg. I’ve gotten recommendations from friends, but was told by both recommendations that they aren’t accepting any more pregnant patients. Thanks in advance! (If it’s normal to dislike your OB and I should just get over it, that’d be useful to know/hear too.)
I don’t really like my OB (group practice). But I’m not a fan of most doctors, with the exception of my PCP who I love.
I work in the medical field and have many many phsyician friends, so I hold my docs to a pretty high standard which my OB group fails to meet (though there is a great NP there). If I were a high risk pregnancy, I’d go somewhere else. But this practice is close to home, affiliated with my preferred hospital, and has convenient hours. I do go in knowing that I need to be pro-active about things (cost for all tests they want to run, medical necessity for things they want to do/ not do, fun things like keeping on top of them when they switch labs and OOPS turns out the lab they now contract with is out of network with my insurance [United] but nobody told me. I’d have been stuck with a huge bill were it not that I happen to work in the industry and KNEW about the contract change….which honestly…99.5% of their patients would not.) They are also big enough and I’m low-risk enough that all but one staff member has no idea who I am.
I hope it isn’t typical to dislike your OB. We LOVED our RE (fertility doctor) and his practice (the nurses were so knowledgeable, smart, and compassionate). We had our first appointment at the OB yesterday and I left in tears. We have the longer appointment in two weeks with our primary caregiver (a CNM – the fact that they have a midwife on staff was my primary reason for picking them) and I’m hoping that will go better. I just didn’t feel like anyone was there for my benefit. It was like I was a specimen they were testing for their own records. (“We need a urine sample. Now we’ll draw blood. Give me your arm to take your blood pressure.” Um, can you tell me: what you’re testing for with the urine and the blood, and whether my blood pressure is good?) When I said I had questions about food, I was told to look at their online brochure and it would answer all my question. Um, nope. That’s why I’m asking. Plus the nurse just regurgitated some words from a textbook at me in response to my questions, which in some cases wound up being contradictory. (“What exercises can I do?” nurse: “Whatever you were doing before pregnancy.” me: “Okay, does that include lifting? I was lifting three times a week but my RE said not to lift heavy things.” nurse: “You shouldn’t be lifting heavy things, but you can do any exercise you were doing before you got pregnant.” me: “So I can keep lifting?” nurse: “Well, no. But anything you were doing before pregnancy is okay.”) When one of the OBs came in to answer a specific question (about whether it was okay to drink tea made exclusively from peppermint leaves) I got a lengthy lecture about how I shouldn’t go taking a bunch of herbal supplements because many serious medicines are made from plants and so just because it’s a plant doesn’t mean it’s safe. Plus, with herbs you don’t know when it was picked or how it was dried so there’s no way to test it properly. But tea is okay. me: “But how do you know tea is okay since it’s also a plant leaf that may be picked at different times and dried differently?” OB: “Because we’ve done lots of testing on it.”
Yeah, so tears. And sorry about the rant. I think my blood pressure spiked just writing this. And I’m supposed to let these people near me, and let them be all up in my business when I give birth? I am seriously praying the CNM is better. Or else we’re going someplace else. Fortunately, Mr. TBK’s MO these days is to pretty much give me anything I want when it comes to either stuff for the babies or food, even if it’s at great inconvenience to him.
Oh gosh, TBK, that’s horrible!! What a terrible group of people you met with. My situation isn’t quite that bad, but I totally agree with feeling like a specimen in a lab. I hope your next appointment is better!
Deep breaths. They are likely going to check your urine and bp at every visit. http://americanpregnancy.org/prenataltesting/urinetest.html If there is something concerning, they will let you know . I think that the midwife will likely take a different approach and have a bit more time to walk you through some of your questions. I liked my OB, but I know she would get behind in her schedule sometimes so we did better if I had very direct questions. Rather then “what foods can’t I eat” I would say, “I’ve reviewed the online guidance and I have a specific question about how long to warm my deli meat” Her basic philosophy was to be reasonable. Pregnancy isn’t the time to try a whole bunch of new things whether it be strenuous new exercise routines or new supplments or to take unreasonable risks (no sports with a high risk of falling, go ahead and get the flu shot, etc). She also reminded me that sometimes the reason that something is forbidden is because there just isn’t a lot of research done on pregnant ladies. So it’s easier to err on the side of caution, even though people have been having babies forever and it will likely be fine.
If most of your visits will be with the CNM, I’d probably lead with a “Hi. Im’m TBK, I’m a first time mom, and I am used to being able to research an answer to death. So I realize that sometimes I will being going a bit overboard with worry. Please let me know what I really need to worry about and what I need let go.” Sometime I just needed my doctor to tell me that my lawyer brain was over-thinking things and to trust my body and biology to get this right.
Thanks. I think you’re completely right. I realize that most people don’t do as much research and aren’t as crazy analytical as I am. (I’m finding the book Expecting Better to be extremely soothing. The author is like my long lost twin.) I think we got spoiled with the RE. His approach was to lay out a summary of the research that exists, with quick notes on the flaws in any research, and then to give his recommendation along with an assessment of how strong that recommendation may be. I felt like I was with a knowledgable consultant whom I’d hired to provide me, as an equal and as a person who is also highly educated, with advice and guidance in a field in which I’m fairly ignorant. I realize many people prefer doctors to be all-knowing and to say “there, there, let me worry about the details and you just do what I tell you and everything will be okay.” Taking that approach with me, however, will make me want to scratch out your eyeballs.
I’m the same as you (and love my OB because she treated me like an intelligent individual, not a dumb preggo who should just follow directions).
Just a note that I found the Pregnant Chicken site to be super helpful in understanding all the food dos/donts during pregnancy. I want to know the WHY behind a “don’t” and weigh the risks/benefits myself. I ended up restricting very few foods but being very cautious on exercise. (And I gained 45 pounds, but I think that’s more genetics and my sudden daily oatmeal raisin cookie habit.)
I also had to remind myself that doctors see a wide variety of patients. So while I was worried about the which of the nitrate free $10 bacon I should eat and hip pain, there was a chance that she was coming off a long night in the hospital and a patient who was continuing to smoke.
But, that doesn’t mean they should completely blow you off and I got annoyed with some of the docs as I rotated through the practice. I stopped one of the OBs midsentence when she was giving advice about heartburn (no spicy foods, no laying down after eating, etc) to remind her that I was already taking all of those precautions and despite my prilosec usage was still waking up in the middle of the night choking thanks to reflux, so pretty please can we look at increasing the dosage while I still had some esphogaus left.
mama of 2
I totally agree with R. I also think that OBs don’t like having the “What can I eat” conversation because while they feel compelled to give you the ACOG recommendations, it’s my general theory that most of them don’t really think there’s a huge risk (or much of a risk at all) in bacon or deli meat or soft pasteurized cheese or a glass of wine two times a week. Most of these recommendations are based on imperfect studies that find small risks at best, so the likelihood is that you will be fine even if you drink two cups of coffee a day AND eat a turkey club for lunch. (Obviously, some things are high-risk, like smoking.) But in general, these are low risks and if you’re cautious enough to interrogate your doctor about them, you’re probably cautious enough to minimize the risk.
anon for this
Re: deli meat (and salads and frozen yogurt and hummus and peanut butter and everything else that bears the risk of listeria) — the reason they advise against it is because while the odds are small the results are devastating (late-term miscarriage or stillbirth). The Motherlode just talked about this.
I was totally crazy during my first pregnancy about avoiding listeria — was thinking I might try to be more relaxed in my second pregnancy (which isn’t a thing yet, we’re just thinking about it) but am now back on the “no salads or uncooked deli meat while pregnant” crazy train after reading this article.
But that article was so confusing to me, because the woman doesn’t know what she ate that had listeria in it — it could have been ANYTHING. So why is she concluding that pregnant women DEFINITELY shouldn’t eat deli meat?
Isn’t the moral of the story: humans are mortal. Bad things happen. It’s a good idea to be cautious and level-headed about our choices, and to listen to medical experts, but we can’t control everything about what happens to us in life. NOT: omg seriously don’t eat deli meat, because I might have eaten deli meat with bacteria on it (but I’m not sure), which may or may not have killed my baby (?).
I am terribly sorry you left in tears; that is awful. Having recently gone with an oncology appointment with my husband (my first time accompanying him to one), I do think sometimes since they do this all day (take blood/urine/blood pressure) and are so focused on documenting it, that they forget to explain things along the way. My husband is about 5 years out from his cancer so it’s not like he was there for treatment and the nurse didn’t provide any information when taking his vitals, etc. However, I went ahead and asked “what is his blood pressure? Does it show any change from last year’s visit? What is the difference between this blood test and the blood draw he had last week?” and she was happy to oblige. Same with his doctor later when I had some questions that I am sure were elementary and that the doctor probably thought my husband already knows the answer to. Now if the nurses/doctors were short or unhelpful when answering questions, that’s another story, but I’ll forgive them forgetting to explain if they are helpful when I ask them to explain.
I think you may just have not found the OB for you. I personally had an OB practice like that, and for me, I liked it. I’m of the “what I don’t know won’t hurt me” variety and figured that unless they told me something was wrong in my testing, I didn’t really need to worry about it. Now when I did ask, they were kind about it, but they certainly didn’t volunteer this information. I think all that testing at the beginning is so routine for them, they don’t even think about it.
As for the food/exercise, etc., I think a big part of that issue is that seriously, no one knows. They have an idea of things that might be risky, but just like each individual person, each individual doctor has a different theory on it. It’s an eye-opener to go around to my friends with different doctors and hear what advice they’ve received on things.
This is my experience with every doctor, ever. Poke, prod, don’t answer questions, make you feel stupid, etc. I try to think about how I am just one of dozens of patients they are seeing that day, and I am my no means the sickest, so they are just trying to get through with me and be done with it.
I think for many people without a chronic illness, going to the OB is the first time they are dealing with a hospital/specialist, so it seems like OBs are a bad experience, but I think it’s just specialists in general. They are super overworked, and while you feel like your condition is the most important thing in the world, it’s just NOT to them. I try not to take it personally, is what I’m saying.
The one exception would be my hematologist, who is in the cancer/hematology center, and they are really nice, I think because they assume I have cancer.
I hear you, TBK. I’ve had similar experiences, although luckily they were with the nurse practitioner, not the OB. After about 28 weeks I switched from alternating NP with OB to seeing the OB exclusively and its been much better. I would have hated to continue to see the NP though, or to think she was delivering my baby, so I would listen to your instincts and switch if the midwife is not much better.
My sense is that these practitioners see so many pregnant women, day after day, that its all totally routine and familiar to them, and it doesn’t cross their minds that it might be totally new and strange to you. I had a really bad experience when my NP was “explaining” about genetic testing. I put that in quotes because her explanation was so fast and so contradictory that I also felt like I was going to cry. Every question I asked to get her to slow down made her visibly impatient. It sucked. Luckily my OB is way more calm and takes her time. You deserve to have someone who, even if not your BFF, at least doesn’t stress you out or make you cry.
I don’t have any recommendations as I live further North, but let me say that it is not normal to dislike your OB. Even if this is your doc’s 1000th pregnancy, it is your first (or second or tenth) and it is special and important to you. You should feel listened to and taken care of during this time in your life. Your questions should be welcomed and your concerns taken seriously.
If I may, can I suggest you check out a midwifery practice? I have had midwives for both of my pregnancies and I love that I feel taken care of, that they take my concerns seriously and that they spend time with me. (For the record, I have gone with Nurse Midwives who deliver in the hospital.) With this, my second pregnancy, I switched from an OB to a midwife practice after I had a horrible experience with an OB practice. After spending 30 minutes at my initial appointment with a NP, she then stated that they were going to send me for some bloodwork. When I asked what I was going to be tested for, she said, you know, the usual and then handed me a form to sign. It was a consent to be tested for controlled substances. I looked at her and said that I didn’t need to be tested for drugs and she became irate and demanded that I be tested. When I saw the OB, she stated that I would be induced upon hitting 39 weeks because my blood pressure in a prior pregnancy had been a tad high. Um, no.
All this is to say, that you deserve a caring, dedicated professional to take care of you. You should trust the person (and their team). Just think, if they are treating you this way now, what will happen if you voice concerns during labor and delivery? Trust your instinct and find someone better.
I echo Betty’s suggestion to look for a midwifery practice. If you really like the midwife in this practice when you meet her, and you can be sure that she will be available for delivery, that may be fine. I also used midwives for all 3 of my pregnancies and I think you’ll find that their approach is very different. They tend to take their time, explain things well, and focus on making you comfortable. You definitely want someone that you are comfortable with. Labor and delivery is not the time to have to fight with your provider to get your voice heard or to feel that you don’t trust the recommendations that your provider is making!
I just had my first appointment last week with Dr. Fong at Weill Cornell Medical Associates located in Tribeca. I picked her because there are great reviews of her online but there are also 3 other female OBs in the practice who have pretty good reviews. Other than the long wait, I liked her. She is low-key, easy to talk to, and the office is very high-tech (everything is digitized so you can make appointments, view test results, etc… online). Also, the nurse told me the long wait was because Dr. Fong was on vacation the previous week so they had to overbook some OB patients who need to see her at specific intervals.
I originally wanted to see a practice with midwives and tried to schedule an appointment with Downtown Women OB in Soho but they are not accepting any new patients with my due date (April 1). If you are interested in seeing a midwife, I would contact them.
Thank you! I’ll check her out.
I see Dr Im in the same practice and am very happy with her so far (but not pregnant).
Anon in ATX
I agree with the suggestions that you should not dislike your OB. I had a very similar experience to TBK when I went through a miscarriage last year. They were not helpful or willing to explain much about what was happening, just brushed it off when I was feeling devastated. Switched to a new OB when I got pregnant this time and I love, love, love her. Plus, she is at a very highly recommended hospital (lots of my mommy friends have raved about it), so maybe you can try to get a personal rec. from someone. Looking back, I can see how much of a contrast those two doctors were & I am glad I did not accept that I had to stay there. It is worth it to find someone great!
I have been with Meredith Halpern (now of CityScape OBGYN at 32nd btwn Madison and Park) for all of my kids (have two and am 6 weeks into pregnancy #3). I was with her when she was at NY Downtown (a no-frills hospital, if there ever was one) and she has been great for me. Very laid back, happy to answer questions, just chill. Plus I was lucky enough that my kids were both delivered by her (good timing, babies!) and her demeanor in the delivery room was similarly comfortingly chill. Perhaps because I am the kind of person who had done some of my own homework (what’s up, Mayo Clinic book) and she knew that, but she has never given me a list of things not to eat/consume/do/not do. The one time I asked her if I was gaining too much weight (after gaining like 10lbs in a month) her response was, “What I am going to tell you–go on a diet? That’s ridiculous! You’re pregnant!! ”
I wasn’t a particularly anxious pregnant lady (at least about the pregnancies) but in both of my previous gestating stints I received ambiguous results from the 20-week anatomy scan (soft signs for Downs). This prompted a brief and stressful contemplation of whether or not to get an amnio, which is trying to do the apples v. oranges comparison of the increased risk for Downs v. risks of the test. It was not something I had anticipated deciding because I’m pretty young and there were no other familial or genetic risks factors. Her straightforward counsel was extremely helpful to me and DH, and helped me greatly in making the decision to get the test. I don’t regret it for a minute.
I haven’t yet had visits with the other (female) members of Cityscape. This isn’t helpful for a first-time mom, but because this is my third time on the pregnancy carousel, I’m not too worried about liking or not liking them–I know what the deal is now. They deliver at NYU, over in the east 20s.
Thank you! I’ll check them out.
Quick note — if this is the Materniti21, definitely talk to the company about the cost. Apparently (from what I read online) hardly anyone pays the full cost of the test, but that’s only after a discount they give when insurance has rejected it. Worth a try anyway!
It wasn’t. It was genetic screening for cystic fibrosis, fragile X, and something else (ALL of which were unnecessary, because you need to have a family history in order to be a carrier of any of those, and I don’t have that family history).
Not true. At least for CF. You can have entire generations of carriers and not know it unless you test.
Okay, fair enough, and I’m definitely not a doctor, but I would expect that my doctor would let me know she was ordering a $2,000 test before doing so. DH & I have decided to skip all elective screening (we are young and healthy and have to pay for most things out-of-pocket), so we would absolutely would have skipped that test.
Did you tell your doc or the office that you were looking to avoid all elective screening? And THEN s/he ordered this test? Or were you expecting that they tell you in advance if something is “optional”? FWIW, in the doc’s eyes, these tests are not really “optional”- they’re standard care.
“Optional” would be something like an extra ultrasound to find out the gender.
We told the doc we have minimal insurance coverage and wanted only absolutely necessary tests that would be covered. She told us it was a routine blood test that would test blood levels of iron, HCG, thyroid, and some antibodies. She didn’t say anything about the genetic screening. We thought we consented only to the routine blood work (which sounded like a good idea anyway). But anyway, I don’t need to bore everyone here with the ins and outs of the conversation with my doc.
Gotcha– then I’m with you. She sucks.
It’s incredible how little some docs know about what things cost, though. I asked once about an MRI (I have a high deductible, so I care) and got a deer-in-the-headlights look. Took a day of calling around to get an answer.
Have you considered getting a referral from a women’s network, a hospital, or trying yelp? This site has some crowd-sourced recommendations: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1106812/nyc-ob-gyn-recommendation-sought as does this one: http://forums.thebump.com/discussion/1353678/nyc-ob-gyn-recommendation
Good luck! It is so important to have a doctor you trust and like.
I’m this Anonymous, and it’s just odd that ‘Your comment is awaiting moderation’ was somehow added to the text of my comment. Weird!
Only you can see that. It means your comment is in moderation.
mama of 2
Unfortunately, I think it’s common to have OBs who aren’t particularly supportive, thoughtful, or kind. My husband and I joke that for a normal pregnancy, OB care is basically just a measuring exercise. You go in, they check your urine, check your weight, write it all down, match your numbers against the norm, and call it a day. It’s almost like being seen by an actuary or something. I am sure that there are OBs out there who are more thoughtful and less numbers-driven, but I think they are hard to find. My first OB was part of a group practice and it was very ‘by the numbers.’ The upside was that I knew the OB at my delivery. My second OB was terrific – but she was a solo practitioner and wasn’t there at my delivery. For me, it was worth the tradeoff (I saw the doctor for all of four minutes at delivery), but YMMV.
I think sometimes it is easy to forget that OBs have their own personalities and that not every patient is going to mesh well with every doctor. I think it is common to have the mismatch you described, but it shouldn’t have to be that way. I absolutely don’t think you should “get over it”–this is a huge event in your life and you are entitled (yes, entitled, I went there) to have a provider you feel to be on your side and who you mesh with.
The midwifery model of care is amazing and from my limited experience with it, might be what you need. I really wanted to use a midwife and went to one for my first visit. The midwife herself told me I was too high-risk–I could consider starting with an OB and switching to a midwife for delivery if all went well, but nearly all my prenatal care needed to be with an OB. So, I stuck with an OB, but in a practice that had many midwives (4 or 5, I think). Even when my doctor got backed up, she would still take the time to explain things to me and answer my questions. This is particularly true with ordering extra genetic tests.
Also, OP, you mentioned your doc is blowing off sexual trauma–I believe there is a chapter in Your Best Birth about that. The book is extremely pro-natural birth which may not be your preference, but that chapter was interesting and it was the only time I saw a discussion of trauma in a pregnancy book. It won’t solve the provider issue, but it does at least discuss the issue.
Thank you to the ladies suggesting looking for a midwife – it was a good impetus to start googling midwifery practices in my area (covered by provincial health insurance and with delivery privileges at local hospitals). I don’t know my family dr too well yet but I’m like TBK in that I like to research the heck out of every decision and want to communicate with medical professionals as a rational adult who can understand research and evidence, not as someone who just wants to be told what to do and when. I may consider calling up a local midwife practice when the time comes.
I really like Dr. William Schweizer. He delivered my son last year. He moved practices (new office is Maternal Fetal Care Center of NYU) and I have not had another appointment yet, so I can’t comment on how that office runs. His former office, Lexington OB/GYN was great. I liked the doctors that stayed with that practice as well (particularly, Dr. Markoff), so you might try calling both. Lexington now delivers at Mt. Sinai and Schweizer and Dr. Linda Nicoll in his office (also fantastic) deliver at NYU.
Many women in NYC choose a doctor after choosing a hospital. The various hospitals have different philosophies about interventions, breastfeeding, etc. For example, St. Luke’s Roosevelt has a birthing center and NYU has the “baby-friendly” designation. You may want to research this first and then find a doctor who takes your insurance at that hospital.
Thank you! And thanks everyone for your input. I’ll be off doing research…!
My family member just got recommended <3 I'm over the moon!
This looks like a bathrobe
I was originally fine with the dress, though not my style, but now that’s all I can see.
…which only makes me want it more.
Reposting from yesterday:
Any suggestions for a good place to get Botox in Boston? I looked on Yelp but most of the reviews seemed fake. Thanks!
help! i need some reasonably priced warm but portable blanket options for the office. I’m at different clients for work, traveling or locally, so I can’t just leave it at my desk every day. I’m also freezing at these clients despite always wearing pants and a sweater.
I just started a new job in a similarly freezing office, and the only thing that is working for me is silk long underwear. Seriously. I bring it in with me and put it on in the bathroom when I arrive–it makes a *big* difference, and it’s super portable, and–extra bonus–it keeps me from looking quite so bundled up. (Other people in my office are wearing short sleeves or bare legs. Crazy.)
S in Chicago
Have you thought of getting a big wrap in a thick material instead? I bought several cashmere ones last year (one beginning of season and two end-of-season on a really good sale) that are sweater-like in their weight. I’m not seeing them on Nordstrom’s site at the moment, so perhaps it is too early in the season. But I easily fold and put in my bag. It looks a little more professional than a blanket but is truly just as warm (if not warmer) and much easier to store. Killing me to not be able to provide a link.
S in Chicago
Here it is:
This is gorgeous! I WISH my office was freezing so I could justify this!
Thank you all for the recommendations and keep them coming. I know it’s impossible to accommodate temperature wise, but it’s so frustrating to be so unbearably cold at work! The result is I feel like I look frumpy from over layering. I think it might be better in the winter because that way it makes sense to bundle up on the way to the work and the heat in offices usually isn’t as warm as I’d like anyways.
My other problem is I have particularly bad circulation in my feet (Raynauds). So I find myself needing footwear I can wear socks with. In the winter I mostly stick with flat booties that don’t show under my pants.
+1 for silk long johns. They are a very thin layer underneath your pants or top. No bunching. People can’t even tell you have them on, but they work wonders. So cozy!
Layering underneath helps so much because it creates warm layers of air near your skin.
Also +1 for cashmere wrap. I have one I take on plane rides, even short ones. Around my shoulders or on my lap, or bunched up around my neck when it’s getting transported.
If your offices aren’t super-formal, something like Danskos or Clarks would work for footwear. Office-appropriate, but still as comfy as normal shoes.
Oh, and ask your office for a foot heater! You can’t really travel with it, but you can use it in your own office. Much safer than a space heater.
I would but I’m at clients 90% of the time and we do “hoteling” so I don’t have a desk to call my own. This makes it very difficult to stay comfortable with constant environment changes.
Raynaud’s sufferer here too, and my problem are my fingers as well as toes! Discovered last winter that courts here are just freezing so I bring a foot heater with me to court and no one can tell, I just have to install it early. Haven’t solved the finger problem other than clutching chemical handwarmers constantly. If your clients all have microwaves maybe a heated thermal wrap? I’m thinking of buying one for this winter which starts next week.
Thanks for the advice. My hands are always cold but fortunately? I’ve only experienced Raynauds with my toes but its so awful. My fall/winter investment will be the best thermal socks money can buy.
I think this blanket would be ideal for the office (especially for a traveler like you): http://www.travelmoreroads.com/travel-blanket
I saw this and keep meaning to buy it, may just do that right now…freezing in here.
I can just see kicking off my heels under my desk and sticking my feet into the cozy foot pockets while reviewing contracts! It’s actually a travel blanket, so it folds up into a pouch and is portable but at the same time it’s a good size and looks super cozy unlike many travel blankets. I have several other eagle creek products (see our packing cube or packing guide) and love them so I have high hopes for this.
Good luck, stay warm!
Oh sorry meant to say also, check out the video, shows how it folds up and the foot pockets and zipper pocket and such.
How do you know when it’s time to move on and find a new job? I’ve been at my job for 2 years (first job after undergrad). My manager is great and I’ve learned a lot. However, I’m no longer developing my skills and in my group there is no chance of promotion at my level. I’ve been til that my work is great and I have potential but there is just no position at the next level in my group. The only way is to move to another department. I’m in financial services but not at a bank so my hours are decent. I’m preparing to go back to grad school next year. My company will cover a portion of this but I will have to stay an extra two years after graduating. The thought of having to stay here for another 5 years (3 years part time MBA and another 2 years) at the same level makes me sick and angry. I’ve seen peers get promoted in other groups simply because the structure is different. I want to further develop and learn but that is not possible with my current team. At the same time, I’m afraid that if I go to another company with longer hours I won’t be able I manage grad school course work. If i leave while im still in school, ill have to repay $15k For every year the company paid. I’m 24 years old but feel stuck already. Is it worth it to stick it out for another 5 years? I know a lot can happen and I don’t want to sell myself short for a company that will not do the same for me.
Apologies for the novel, I’m just really stumped and this has been eating away at me. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Will the company still cover the tuition if you switch departments within the company? I would look for opportunities to network with other departments and get to know their business as much as possible, and find out if there are opportunities for higher-level positions. I work in government where people don’t typically travel up in a straight line, but sort of do diagonal moves up throughout their career – higher positions in different areas of government, or lateral to a bigger/busier group and then up. Try to find out if that’s a possibility within your company. Think of people you know higher up that you have a good relationship with and ask them to meet you for coffee to talk about your options.
Normally I’d say that you should find something else asap. But given student debt issues these days, if the company is willing to cover a portion of your bill then it may be worth it to explore some ways you could stay on and continue to grow. Could you talk to other departments and see if there are positions you could take on, especially once you start your MBA? Once you complete grad school, a lot more positions may be open to you in different departments.
If you don’t want to be stuck, leave. But I think it’s important to realize how rare it is that a company is willing to cover a portion of grad school – especially in this economy.
You are not necessarily entitled to a promotion – I understand wanting to advance, but your comment about having to stay there making you sick and angry makes you sound entitled. If you want something else for yourself, go make it happen. Don’t expect your company to do so for you.
But do a cost-benefit analysis first: you are young so 5 years is not that much is the grand scheme of things. But the cost of grad school without your employer’s contribution may be more than you’re willing to pay.
It sounds like you have a good job and a pretty sweet deal but you need to decide what exactly you want.
I should have clarified–I have been told multiple times that if the position existed in our group, I would have been promoted but here is just no next level based on our current departmental structure. All other groups have this position but they cover different sectors. My only choice would be to lateral and rebuild a name for myself all over again.
Um, welcome to the working world? Wouldn’t you have to build a name for yourself again if you took another job?
Sorry to sound harsh, but taking a lateral position and having to build relationships again, especially if you want to stay at this company and keep your existing contacts/earned vacation time/perks/knowing the corporate structure seems like the way to go.
Well, wouldn’t it make more sense for OP to just stay in his/her current group and remain senior/experienced instead of becoming junior again after the lateral move?
Can we not with the snarky comments? OP wants to advance and has seen her peers advance ahead of her. Anyone would be frustrated by that dynamic. Being proactive about her career and seeking advice from this website does not make OP “entitled” or earn her some dismissive attitude (“welcome to the working world”).
There are ALWAY’s PLUSSES and MINUSSES associated with changeing jobs. You have the familiar (where you are now) and the unfamiliar (where you may wind up goeing). So my advise is to think about it and NOT to jump to soon b/c you want your resume to look like you have SOME stability.
Moreover, My DAD and I am big proponants of EDUCATION. You sound young, so NOW is the time to get the education. MBA is good for someone who does NOT want to be a JD. While you are YOUNG, let them give you money for the MBA and the time to study. You are right, b/c alot of places work you so hard you can NOT study for the MBA, even if they paid for all of it.
My dad got a BS, an MS, an MBA and a PHD, and in all of them he got either the school or the places he worked to pay for it b/c they needed for him to be a researchear or a teacher when getting those degrees. When he was in the milieary, they paid for him to take some advanced non-degree program at HARVARD even after he had a PHD. Dad always says I should do this if the manageing partner will pay for it.
Finaly, if you have the MBA before you get married, you can alway’s have a fall back to go back to if you want to work after you start haveing babies. That is why I personaly prefer to have babies and a part time job later, probabley as a JUDGE at this point. But first, I need to find the right guy, and hopefuly it is SAM, if he stops pickeing his nose! FOOEY!
I am very busy with Margie planning the party, so I have to call her. Have a great day to all at the HIVE! YAY!!!!
With the tuition money, you probably don’t have to stay, but if you leave you have to pay it back (no easy task, I understand.) My previous job paid my tuition to finish my undergrad and I foolishly did not take the money the last 2 years. Worst mistake ever! I graduated in 2008 just in time for the financial crisis and ended up staying 4 more years.
I would ask if your company would accept a repayment schedule in the event you do leave before 2 years, they may go for it. Also, the repayment may be graduated, for example you only have to repay half if you stay one year.
Do some ROI on business school. Figure out what you’re making now, what your anticipated salary/job post-MBA will be (or a decent proxy- be conservative! the market is tough!). Get a sense for the type of b-school you’ll be going to (do you have a shot at the top 10?) and then think long and hard about what kind of tuition costs you’ll be willing to pay. Then run the numbers.
In some cases, it might make sense to take 2 years off, get your MBA from a school that gives you a big fat scholarship (and–you’ll have a paying internship over the summer…) and land in a new role post-MBA. It may also make sense to take out loans for a tippy-top program. Or it might make sense to continue to work where you are, let them pay for tuition, and then if you get a great job after you finish your MBA, you can always leave and repay them– if the offer is good enough, this could be a real possibility.
You should also consider if you want a full time vs part time MBA experience. They’re very different (I did PT, DH did FT).
Also think about starting a job search now. If you get a new job with growth potential and a salary bump, it might immediately negate the tuition offer from your current employer. Ex. if you make $50k/year now and expect $20k/year in tuition help, but a new job will pay you $70 and has growth potential, you should consider the move.
Shop around. Run the numbers. Worst case, you get an offer and decide not to take it (or negotiate some tuition help!).
How beneficial is an MBA if it isn’t from a top program? I occasionally see management positions that require an MBA, but generally I’m hearing that they don’t make you much more marketable. I don’t know. I’d love to hear other’s opinions just on the value of an MBA.
Anyways, if MBA school is important to you, the most realistic thing would be to take a lateral position within the company. It seems that your group is aware of your position so they wouldn’t consider you flighty for wanting to try something else and it sounds like they’d embrace allowing you to move. If you like the company, the job, and the perks sound good, stay with it because it’s hard to find a situation you enjoy.
Depends on your career path. Both DH and I have MBAs. I am in a role where some of my peers have them, some don’t. I got mine part-time and had it subsidized by my then-company. It’s from a top-40ish school.
That said, it has absolutely helped me continue to be promoted and stand out from my peers in terms of my overall skill set. It didn’t help me to get my current job, but it makes me a better employee.
DH got a full ride and an MBA from the same program I did. He went full time. He was a “career switcher” and used it to jump from a science-y job to consulting. He worked part-time during the first year of the MBA program and was a full time student for one year. His job upon graduation paid $30k more than the job he left. It made sense for him.
In both our cases, we ran the numbers. DH turned down admission to a top 15 program at sticker price because of the impact moving would have on my career and the “unknown” on if sticker was worth it for a bump in name recognition.
I worked for a school that paid a portion of my tuition while I was employed there and used that to finish my undergraduate degree. By staying at that school, I gained some really valuable job experience, got my BA and was able to move to a much better job. Did I stay too long? Probably. Am I much happier at my new school? Absolutely. But I stayed because I knew I needed a bachelor’s degree to move to a better position.
I’ll pass along the advice I got because it really put things into perspective for me. The time will pass either way. In 5 years, would you rather have your MBA and possibly still be at the same job or would you rather be at a different job and possibly not have your MBA? That’s a good starting point, I think.
New Baby Gift
My best friend just had her second child (a boy!) today. She has a toddler (a girl). I’m going to see them in two weeks. I’m sending a Harry & David’s gift basket (they loved it last time, if anyone is looking for a good gift idea) before I get a chance to see them.
When I see them I’d like to bring a new baby gift, a small big sister gift (the toddler is very much an only child and I don’t think she’ll react well to her little brother!), and some food. Any suggestions?
Does big sister like to read? I LOVED the Angelina Ballerina books at that age, and frequently give a copy of the Angelina’s Baby Sister book (although it’s a boy, the message is still on point :)) as a big-sister gift.
Does the little girl have any baby dolls? Some toddlers like to have their own “babies” to feed, bathe, and dress while mom or dad does the same with the real baby. It might help her to feel like she’s part of everything going on with the new baby instead of the baby being an intrusion into her own life.
Big sister gift
I recently gave my friend’s 4-year old girl a big sister gift – a book with magnetic pieces of clothing so she can dress up the various characters in the book, and a few pieces of dress up clothes for the girl herself. (All purchased at Marshalls.) My friend says she loves them – both activities can be done alone with minimal supervision, so it’s great for when my friend is feeding the new baby or otherwise can’t be giving her daughter more attention.
I also like the ideas in the previous posts!
I’d get the baby a few board books and the sister some picture books. I visited a similar family and brought the older sister cute books with messages about sharing and manners. The parents loved them. (I also bought some books in the Ladybug Girl series for the girl. They are so cute!)
Then you can read to both kids while you are there.
“A Baby Sister for Frances” (Russell Hoban, author; Lilian Hoban, illustrator) handles the new-sibling situation with kindness and gentle humor. Other books about Frances and her family of badgers focus on questions of friendship, picky eaters, and bedtime resistance. Thankfully this idea has been left alone–not exhumed in order to churn out endless new variations by robo-authors, as occurred with the Curious George books!
A baby sister for Frances was a time-honored tradition in my family of all girls :) Highly recommend.
New Baby Gift
Thanks, everyone! I don’t think she really has dolls, but she does love books and playing dress up, so I’m sure I can find something that works.
Newport restaurant/shopping recommendations?
Spending Labor Day in RI and planning on spending one of the days walking around Newport. Looking for a lunch spot that’s casual/reasonable (by Newport standards) and not SUPER touristy (recognizing that may be hard to avoid). I usually check Tripadvisor, etc, but the number of choices is a little overwhelming!
Also, any particular stores to scope out? I lean preppy, so was hoping to find something cute as stores try to clear out the summer merch.
There’s lots of preppy clothes to go around in Newport – you will be with your people :-) (though I have no particular stores to recommend – I don’t really shop there much…its where my family is from. Lol.)
For lunch – I like the Mooring for something that’s right along Thames and thus easy if you’re going along the shopping center (its not what I’d call cheap – but their lunch options aren’t terrible and the food is good – especially the chowder.) The Brick Alley Pub is also good – and off Thames (on Broadway) I really like the Salvation Cafe. Also – if you’re up by First Beach – the food at the Atlantic Grille (on Aquidneck Ave past the beach) is good and quite reasonable.
I second the Salvation Cafe! If they have cupcakes available I would definitely treat yourself to one, cherry vanilla is delicious but don’t think you can go wrong. Honestly, the food scene in Providence is much better, ranked top in Travel & Leisure so hopefully you get to spend some time there.
I don’t shop in Newport either, but there’s a shop one or two store fronts down from the Tennis Hall of Fame that is super preppy so you may enjoy.
Oh and TCFKAG, hi there fellow Rhody! :-)
Oops I think I accidentally “reported” this comment when I was trying to scroll. Sorry!
Timekeeping notebook recs?
For those of you that keep time by hand, do you have a specific type/brand of notebook that you use? Where did you get it? I’m trying to encourage myself to by more diligent by writing it down, and was thinking a special notebook would help. TIA!
I don’t use it specifically for timekeeping, but I use the Moleskine Classic Hard Cover Large Ruled Notebook – Black (5 x 8.25). It is the perfect size for me and is pretty durable – plus, the paper is very nice to write on.
The DayTimer Folio 2 page is already divided into 6 minute increments on the dairy/work record page and has a space for client numbers etc. You can also make a word document that is dual column and has each hour marked off in tenths.
That should be diary. There aren’t actually pictures of cows and cheese on the pages.
Every year I get this in a different color or texture–can’t recommend it highly enough:
I use it constantly and carry it everywhere, and it still looks great at the end of the year. I find it’s just big enough to fit all my stuff, but just small enough to avoid adding too much weight. It also has a plenty-long Notes section in the back that I use for unexpected occasions when I need to write things down. It looks appropriate in any setting.
This looks super similar to a Cambridge-brand planner I used to love that isn’t made anymore. Now I’m tempted to get it even though I don’t use a paper planner anymore.
I use this and love it: http://www.bobsyouruncle.com/planners-category/8-days/
It’s divided into half hour increments from 7:30 am to 6:30 pm each day, including weekends. Week on two pages, so you can see your whole week when it’s open flat. Plus it’s not dated so you can pick it up and start using it whenever.
Ladies, next month I’m going straight from a work networking event to a c*cktail attire dinner. I need to find something to wear that will be appropriate for both events as I won’t have time to change. What do you think about the Cynthia Steffe dress below? I already own it (bought it during the NAS) and really love it. Do you think this would work? I know it would work for the networking event but would it be “c*cktail” enough for the dinner?
Beautiful dress! Love the seaming. And it’s definitely c*cktail-y enough for the dinner, especially with sparklier accessories.
Thank you emeralds. Good idea, maybe I can find some sparkly accessories and put in my purse, and then I can just put those on for the dinner. I am really saddened by all the negative reviews on the Nordstrom site for this dress – I’m telling you it’s gorgeous and I love it!
I bought this dress because I loved the leather trim and the color, but when I tried it on, the trim at the hips poofed out oddly making it look like i had extra hip bones on top of the ones I have already! If it had hung better on my frame, I would have kept it in a heartbeat!
I think it could work. Do you have time to change shoes and accessories? I think if you put on evening shoes and jewelry, it could work. But isn’t this the perfect LBD occasion? I feel like a black shift or sheath would be the perfect base for both events — with a colored blazer, pumps, and plain metal jewelry for the networking event, and a wrap, evening shoes, and sparkly jewelry for dinner.
Sigh, I don’t own a LBD! I know, what’s wrong with me.
Recs for LBD’s please!! :D
What style do you like (or what body type do you have?) Honestly – my go to for LBDs is Adrianna Pappell at Nordies – but the risk is always there that you aren’t going to be the only one wearing the dress at any particular event. I do like this one for a very simple neutral one though.
I’d say I like classic styles with a little bit of edge. i think that’s why I like the dress that I posted above – it’s a classic silhouette but I love the leather detailing. I’m petite and bigger chested. I do like that AP dress you posted, but I feel like it’s plain. I guess that’s the purpose behind a LBD though? Simple and plain and able to dress up with accessories?
Anon for this
My cycle is about 60 days long-should I be worried?
I am 30 and not TTC yet, but will be trying in a year or so.
I have seen doctors in the past about having a abnormal cycle, and I feel like they have always brushed it off. I am planning to go to the gyn soon to talk about this, is there anything specific is should ask?
Skip the gyn and go to an endocrinologist to get screened for PCOS.
I got blown off about this too, until TTC. Very annoying. I suggest buying some ovulation predictor kits. Wondfo is cheap and reliable. Assuming you are not on ovulation-suppressing bcp, you can test and see if your cycle is long because you ovulate a lot later than most people and that’s just how your body is, or it’s long because you’re not ovulating. If the former, hey, now you know, and it’s probably nothing to worry about. If the latter, this is important info to have when you start TTC so you can get the help you need without wasting a lot of time trying without ovulating.
Maybe you only have one functioning ovary? Ovulation usually alternates between the left and right ovaries. I don’t know if this would affect lining build up or not, but something you could help track using the kit suggestions.
And while 60 days probably isn’t common – I wouldn’t necessarily called it abnormal. Too me, abnormal means “without regularity”. If you are pretty consistent at 60 days, I’d probably figure that’s normal for you. But, I am not a doctor, so take that with a grain.
Note that if you only have one functioning ovary, you may be suffering from PCOS. I have PCOS (don’t want to out myself with too many medical details) as the result of a freak accident that eliminated functioning in one of my ovaries.
Symptoms of PCOS include difficulty losing weight, breast growth (I’ve consistently grown one cup size every year since I was 20), facial hair (I don’t have this one so I can’t tell you much about it), carb cravings, mood stabilizing issues, etc.
Also, Mpls is incorrect. I have a predictable cycle (down to the hour my cycle will start) but I’m considered to have an abnormal or irregular cycle (because essentially, my body goes in and out of menopause every other month). So just because its predictable doesn’t mean its not something your OB should be ignoring. Incidentally, my OB was the one who found my cycles strange – not me, so an attentive OB should catch it.
If you don’t mind me asking – what about your cycles did your OB find strange, if they are predictable? How did your OB figure out that something was up with them?
Hi Blair – I’m not sure if this will display below your comment but it is intended as a response.
During a routine well-women visit, a new (to me) OB noticed that I had commented that on the months I don’t ovulate, I have 3 day periods that are fairly light, and on the months I do ovulate, I have 10 day periods with crippling cramps and heavy bleeding. Combined with an unexplained 50 lb weight-gain (while on a 1200 calorie a-day diet and working with both a nutritionist and personal trainer), she started thinking that something was irregular. Apparently, even though I only have one fallopian tube and ovary, I should still be ovulating every month. Note that all this happened about 5 years after the accident where I lost some reproductive function.
Apparently most doctors disagree on whether a women with only one ovary or fallopian tube should ovulate every month or every other month (although in “normal” women, ovaries alternate ovulation, apparently there is recent medical evidence that in women with impaired repo systems, one ovary will kick into high gear and ovulate every month).
FWIW, I now see a specialist in both PCOS and endocrine issues who was trained at Harvard within the past 10 years. PCOS was only “discovered” in the late 90’s and in my experience, doctors tend to only know the medical discoveries from the era that they were in med school and not be up-to-date on recent stuff.
Anyway, I hope that this helps someone.
I should also add that the OB who thought my cycles were weird never thought that I had PCOS. In fact, we spent 6 months screening me for all kinds of other things. She firmly thought I had perimenopase (sp?) and screened me for it at several different points during my cycle to rule it out.
It was actually a dear friend with PCOS who suggested I get checked for it one night while we were the only people not eating at a dinner party (weight discussion!). I am eternally grateful to that friend, but my symptoms are very different than my friends, which just goes to show that no two people with the same disease manifest identical symptoms.
Highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Tony Wechshler!
I recommend WomanCode (but I haven’t finished it yet!).
Maybe this is an obvious point, but if you are on the pill you are likely not ovulating at all. I am on microgestin and only get my period every 3 months or so (and microgestin is not one of those three-month cycle pills like Seasonale). I just spoke with my doc and she said that there’s absolutely nothing to worry about because it is very common for women on bc to have very long cycles, or to not even have their period. So, if you are on the pill, don’t stress. I’m planning on TTC in about 2 years, so I think I will go off my pill in about a year to see what my natural cycle is and to flag any potential ovulation issues.
I am fashion disabled and would like know if my outfit today sounds like a total wreck. I’m wearing a navy pencil skirt with a light blue (with tiny white stripes) button up tucked in. As for shoes, I’m wearing nude peep toes. I feel like the shoes don’t go well but I don’t know what else to wear. Ahhhh
Your outfit sounds totally fine to me (and if nude peep toes don’t go with a navy skirt and a light blue shirt….then I’m not sure what does. Though if you really want an alternative, you could try gray.)
You’re wearing almost all neutrals. They definitely go! Depending on the conservatism of your office, (true or blue based) red, (emerald or forest) green, teal or yellow shoes could provide a pop of color. You could also wear other shades of brown/tan.
+1. Add a colorful necklace, scarf, or belt, and DONE.
You sound like the opposite of a wreck.
Your outfit sounds great to me. I’m rocking the navy train today too.
Birchbox TJ: I posted earlier this month about wanting to try Birchbox. I just got my August shipment and I love it! I made sure to make my profile super specific (no fragrances, curly hair, etc) and got a great box. For $10 I got two large samples of curly hair treatments, one mini eyeshadow palate, one liquid eyeliner, one neutral lipstick, and a tan towel. Definitely love getting this little treat in the mail and think I’ll stick with it for a couple of months at least. I just reviewed most of the products, earned 50 of those Birchbox points, and looking forward to 100 so I can get $10 off one of those awesome curly hair treatments I want to purchase.
Good to know. I’m interested, but I think I’d just end up with more clutter. Also, I love trying new skincare products, but sometimes I hear that it’s better to allow my skin to get used to the product rather than switching it up constantly.
Yeah, I loved getting the sample boxes, but clutter is basically what happened to me- I got a variety of products that I didn’t necessarily love or weren’t suited to my purposes (I distinctly remember one box where I got a hair feather extension and glitter eyeliner).
I cancelled all mine when I realized I wasn’t getting through the products, and that in the year or so that I subscribed to two or three boxes, I hadn’t found one new product or brand that I liked enough to add to my rotation.
+1 Either I didn’t like the products enough to stray from my current staples or they were far too expensive to become a staple. The only product that I’ve liked enough to seriously consider buying was Ouidad’s Climate Control Gel, which is excellent for super humid weather. However, I still have plenty of the sample (2-3 oz) size left because I don’t use gel that often.
Last month was the end of a gift subscription I had and I didn’t renew, but your box sounds awesome! Mine were never that good.
Has anyone tried “transitions” lenses for your glasses–where they switch to sunglasses in the bright light? If so, any reviews or recommendations for particular kinds? Negative experiences? Thanks!
My mom has them and loves them. According to my eye doctor, most people either love them or hate them. I’m not a fan because (a) it doesn’t seem like they get dark enough outside and (b) for best protection, sunglasses should be bigger and cover more of your face than any glasses I would want to wear.
I wear glasses all the time, and don’t have room in my purse for bulky sunglasses, nor am I likely to really switch them up as often as I should. I got transitions about a year ago and I love them. Annoying when you’ve just come from lunch and they take awhile to change back (2min?) and one of the older guys on my floor likes to joke that I’m wearing sunglasses in the office. Other than that, I say go for it.
I’ve heard they can get a little dark in the office depending on the lighting. My mom said “they always made her look like a drug addict” (a tad dramatic of course). I also think that they aren’t big enough to be sunglasses, unless you go with a ray ban style.
I wear them and I like them a lot. I don’t think they take 2 whole minutes to transition, and they’re not so dark that it bothers me. Mine don’t really transition dark inside. The only real downside as far as I’m concerned is that they do not transition dark in a car (since the windows block the UV).
Yes, I’ve gotten transition lenses from 39dollarglasses as well as a b&m store. I really love the Crizal transitions I got from the b&m store. I treat my glasses like cr@p (hazards of being a monster, I guess) and they’re scratch free and truly protect my eyes. It’s come to the point where I get annoyed wearing contacts because the outdoors is too bright. I’m thinking about getting a pair of no-power transitions.
Thank you! What are no-power transitions? I googled but got nothing.
I think Godzilla means transitions with no prescription, to be worn over contacts.
I see a lot of people with these kinds of lenses that stay permanently half-shaded. It looks weird. Just saying.
My understanding is that only the extra-strength ones remain 10% shaded even inside, not half, and that this can be avoided by getting regular strength. But I am still researching.
I can’t +1 Rosalita’s comment enough times. I think they’re horrid looking.
A friend had them but had to give them up because he gives press conferences & they would darken due to the photographers’ flashes.
A few years ago I wanted them, but my optician didn’t want to sell them to me — said I wouldn’t like them, and, at the time (?5-6 years ago?), he said they weren’t worth the money. I haven’t asked since, so don’t know if his opinion has changed.
Camera flash emits UV rays??
No idea, I just know that’s what he said. Maybe his were a different brand.
I know we’ve talked about self-assessments before, so my apologies if this has been covered. How do you rate yourself when you’ve had very little experience in a given area, but what you’ve had the opportunity to do you’ve done really well? In my self assessment, they give you a topic and then list the kinds of things you might have done in that topic (for example, Discovery would include drafting discovery responses, doing doc review, depo prep, etc.). For some of the topics, I’ve done maybe one thing but just haven’t had the opportunity to do the others. So do I rate myself highly based on what I’ve done, or give myself a lower rating because I haven’t gotten to do most of the things in that category? I’m definitely going to explain in the description what I’ve done and what I would like the chance to do, but I’m kind of stuck on which rating I choose for myself. Thanks all!
If all you have done in that category is really well, then I’d rate yourself highly, and write that you would really be interested in doing more work of this type.
Pregnancy Dressing Help
I am in the early stages of pregnancy. I’m 15 weeks and have just started to show a bit. I have a small belly bump and big breasts. My usual 32DD breasts have gotten quite large. I don’t know what size, but E/G range. They are full and very big. I’m pretty small generally, and quite short (5’1″). I have always felt that while my breasts were big, they were fairly easy to hide and I had no problem dressing around them. So far, I’ve been okay with regular clothing and have been able to contain them a bit.
BUT, I have a semi-formal event this weekend, and no dresses that I currently own fit. They are all too tight in the chest. My question is what type of dress should I be looking for that will be the most flattering. I need something that will cover the stomach bump and the chest and that I can ideally wear a regular bra, or at least a strapless with a halter strap attached to keep it up.
Check out Rent the Runway. You can read reviews from other short, busty women and you order 2 sizes. Good luck!!
Pregnancy Dressing Help
Do I have time for Rent the Runway. Or you mean, just for ideas of what type of dress to look for?
You do have time for RtR I believe! You get dresses within 24 or 48 hours, depending on your location. I’d check Today to see what they have available for the weekend.
Pregnancy Dressing Help
I just ordered something from RTR. I think this is a good idea since I don’t really want or need a cocktail dress in a size that is not my actual size. Hopefully it fits and I look amazing.
I’m not NOT telling people, but I also haven’t told anyone except family and close friends. This is not a close friend and I’d rather not have it be completely obvious. Also, even if people know, I’d still prefer to look great!
What about something like this
Pregnancy Dressing Help
This is so similar to the dress I just rented!
Color and cut. The fabric is obviously different.
I ordered a size bigger and two sizes bigger than my non-pregnancy size.
I had to go to two weddings at 9 and 13 weeks so I wasn’t telling anyone yet. (My boobs went from 34E to something like 34G at that point.) I went to White House Black Market and had the salespeople pull me a ton of options, then just tried them on in the fitting room until I found some that were comfortable and flattering. Took about an hour and a half, but I looked amazing and felt good too.
LLM in BsAs
De-lurking to respond.
When I had to wear formal or semi-formal events while pregnant I usually wore a Marilyn-style halter dress that I tied at the back (i.e. no fixed length for the straps). Those generally are cut in a way that can fit an expanding chest (I’ve worn the dress both 6-months pregnant, and not pregnant at all).
Hope that helps!
Does anyone live on the North Fork of Long Island? I’m playing with the idea of taking a one-night bike tour, camping out near Riverhead and checking out cute little towns and wineries one weekend in September.
Is that a stupid idea? Anyone have any must sees? I was thinking I’d leave early early Saturday morning on a train to Mattituck, check out the town and do some wineries, bike down to Riverhead, eat, camp (with showers, yay!), ride to a beach somewhere, and head back Sunday afternoon.
I vacay there. I love it. I have no suggestions. (I have family with a house, so I just hang out at their house, but I think your plan sounds great too.)
Two vineyard recs- Macari and Sparkling Pointe.
Camping Near DC
This is a longshot- but my husband and I are looking to pull together a last minute trip for the long weekend, and since we want to keep costs down we were thinking about camping. The usual suspects (Shenandoah Park sites) are all booked our walk in only, and since we can’t head out until Saturday we aren’t confident we’d be able to grab a walk in site. Does anyone have suggestions for private campsites near Shenandoah, or other areas within a 3-4 hour drive of Arlington?
Try Seneca Rocks — a little bit further than Shenandoah, and totally lovely. It’s billed for rock climbing, but there’s also lots of great hiking and swimming holes. We enjoyed it a lot earlier this Summer when Shenandoah was also full. I think the campground is called Seneca Shadows.
Canaan Valley State Park and Blackwater Falls State Park are in the same area as Seneca Rocks and Dolly Sods (below). Tucker County, WV. They both have large campgrounds and lodges with restaurants. Blackwater has some brand new cabins which I saw this summer. They are very nice, and would also be great for a group/family. Very affordable.
Tons of hiking, etc., wilderness around. There are actually a few microbreweries around that area, too. And shopping for antiques and local crafts. Also very close to Canaan Valley National Wildlife Refuge and Monongahela National Forest (which is huge).
Check out the Andy Guest/Shenandoah River State Park. It’s 15-ish minutes south of Front Royal, so should be an easy 2.5 hours from Arlington. It’s beautiful: river, mountains, valleys, lots of well-maintained trails of varying difficulty…one of the very few things I miss about living in Front Royal.
Sky Meadows State Park might also work. I haven’t actually been there myself (one of those places I keep meaning to go to but never making it to), but I’ve heard it’s lovely, and it should have some incredible views. It’s on Route 15, right off of 66, so it would be even closer than Andy Guest. It’s also near a lot of wineries, if that’s a thing you would be interested in.
I haven’t been out there yet, but I’ve heard rave reviews of Dolly Sods Wilderness. My impression is that in addition to the reserved campground camping, you are allowed to camp pretty much anywhere in the wilderness, so if the reservations are taken you could backpack in and try to find a good spot that way.
There is one campground (Red Creek Camground) in Dolly Sods on Forest Road 75, but it is first-come only. You can camp anywhere in the wilderness itself as long as you are okay with completely primitive camping. You have to be 1/4 mile off of the road.
I second Blackwater Falls State Park if they have any spots open in their campground. It is a spectacular park and close enough to explore Canaan Moutain (right across the road), Dolly Sods, Otter Creek, and a number of other places.
My family used to camp at Matthew’s Arm in Shenandoah. Big Meadows and Loft Mountain are also nice. Really pretty, and a lovely drive to get there. http://www.nps.gov/shen/planyourvisit/campgrounds.htm
We camped at Lost River last fall, and it was gorgeous and quiet. There’s a little lake, too, for swimming. It was about 3 hours from Capitol Hill,this side of Dolly Sods, Seneca Rocks, and Canaan Valley, mentioned above (those are all beautiful too). I can’t recall if Lost River was a state park or a national one, but it was just idyllic.
Also, not near Shenandoah, but there’s a great camping spot in a Maryland state park called Patapsco, which is about 45 minutes from Washington, but feels must further away. It has a big fun playground for children and some good, long, easy hikes along a river (featuring a long suspension bridge, even!) Great for kiddos.
We had a good time camping at Patapsco a few years back when we weren’t able to get out of DC until pretty late on a Friday night.
Another idea: The campgrounds in the George Washington National Forest. They aren’t as well-known, so they may not fill up for the holiday weekend. Here is a link to the list of campgrounds: http://www.fs.usda.gov/activity/gwj/recreation/camping-cabins/?recid=73539&actid=29
The Lee, North River, and Glenwood & Pedlar Ranger districts would fit your distance criteria. Each of them have several campgrounds (none of them fancy). In the Lee District, Elizabeth Furnace, in the Massanutten area is nice and there is a ton of hiking nearby. It is only 20 minutes or so from Front Royal. The Wolf Gap one also has some great hiking nearby, too, and isn’t too far from Wardensville, WV.
Camping Near DC
Wow- thanks for all the suggestions! I’m going to make calls this afternoon!
Hoping the Hive can help.
I’ve been in touch with a recruiter about a position that sounds amazing. Good professional development, responsibilities, supervisory experience, great title etc. Problem is, I found out the salary range is very low. What I make now, low plus worse benefits so I’d probably be actually taking home less.
That all said, I’m torn because obviously I don’t want to make less, don’t want to waste their time, but really think the job is interesting. I’ve tried to find out what room there is for negotiations, but I think I’m pretty much at the top of their bracket. (Also should note, it’s not totally unreasonable to ask for). Do I keep on through the process? Do I bow out? FWIW I like my job now, but it’s harder to see how this will give me more upward mobility in the future, but the pay/benefits are amazing.
I don’t see the harm in looking into it further. If you’re a good fit and have value to offer (maybe even more than they contemplated), they may be flexible. Sometimes people hiring for a position don’t know the role as well as the applicant so they’re not great at asking for what they really want/need. Plus, you may help them realize their offer is too low. Or they may be starting out low intentionally. Also see what the recruiter thinks, he/she may know the employer well enough to know how flexible they may be and if they’ve had any luck getting other qualified applicants. Good luck!
Communicate this to the recruiter. Let him/her find out (or disclose to you). Go from there.
Anon for this
Hair TJ: I just got laid off and was scheduled for highlights this weekend. I’m thinking of bagging the appointment and dying my hair back myself. My natural color is dark brown, some grey. With highlights, it’s light brown/dark blonde. Has anyone done this? And if you dye your hair yourself, what brand do you recommend?
Single process hair color is generally cheaper than highlights so I’d probably opt for getting it back to my normal color at the salon, especially given your light highlights. Then you can maintain at home with box color.
I had blonde highlights in my dark blonde hair and a hair stylist tried to do an all over brown on me and my highlights turned dark gray instead of brown (this cost me $100). I had to go to another place to get it fixed (cost me another $150). This is not something I would undertake on your own. I second the advice of mascot, I’d pay to get all over color done once professionally and then *maybe* attempt to do it yourself at home.
Nothing is worse than messed up hair (for me anyway). I called in sick when my hair got messed up because I was really upset about it.
This may be very sad/disturbing to some so just wanted to give you a heads up before reading.
Last night someone on my FB posted a picture of a bunch of dead dogs and cats in a pile who had been euthanized at a shelter (it appears to be one of those viral “shares” on FB). She explained that she needed to remind people why they should not treat pets as disposable and that everyone should spay/neuter their pet. I completely agree and believe that people need to be reminded and if this is the best way to do it then go for it I guess. These pictures bring up so much emotion for me – sadness for the animals and downright beat the crap out of people anger for the people who breed and/or do not fix their animals. Anyway, I ended up laying in bed with my adopted puppy crying for 3 hours over this and didn’t get to sleep until almost 1 am. Now today I look like I cried all night and I am still easily teary. This really gets to me. Is this normal? Are other people this way?
I would like to do volunteer work at a shelter, I’m thinking it might help me. However, I don’t know if I can actually be in the shelter. Maybe I can help with fundraisers or I could do accounting/tax returns etc. for the charities (I’m a CPA). Just wanted to get this out. If anyone has any advice, etc. I all ears.
A Nonny Moose
Working at a shelter is great. I never found myself sad when I left. I always feel happy that I made an animals life better. Try to find a no kill shelter if you are very worried. If you don’t think you could handle that then definitely look into admin or other positions where you’re not working with animals directly as shelters often have trouble filling these slots. The places I volunteer are always dying for people to help with special events, laundry, facility maintenance, data entry, or even transporting animals between shelters.
I saw this picture too and it was extremely disturbing. I immediately hit “Hide this post” so I won’t see it even if my other friends share it.
My city’s newspaper also covers world news, like wars in the Middle East. They routinely print pictures of corpses. Not just coffins, but dead bodies. It’s awful. I feel like some kind of old fuddy-duddy that I don’t want to see pictures of dead people over my morning coffee.
All of these pictures are designed to get us to feel things. And they do.
Your reaction just means you are a caring person. It sounds like you have a huge heart.
Charity and pro bono work is really important. Many animal organizations would probably love someone like you on their board. A good way to get there is to volunteer to do office work for them. Volunteering with grant writing, bookkeeping, and finances would be a big help, I’m sure.
I’m this way, too. If someone starts to tell me about a news story involving an animal or something, I have to stop them and say “wait, is this going to make me sad?” Because if it’s sad, I honestly just don’t want to hear it. It really affects me, for awhile afterward.
It’s weird because I’m a total news junkie and there are really terrible things happening to, y’know, PEOPLE. Like, children. Somehow I can sit through an entire story on Syria and see all of those children and yes it bothers me, but not to the point of tears. But stories about people abusing animals, especially if it’s someone hurting someone else’s beloved pet: too much for me. I cry and have to seek out my own cats and, like, reassure myself that they’re okay: hold them and pet them, etc. They’re kindof jerk cats so they hate this and try to leave asap.
I don’t know if it’s because animals are helpless, or because it makes me think about all the animals I have loved and how I would feel if something bad happened to them, but I completely identify with your emotional reaction. I don’t know if it’s “normal” but you’re not alone.
I think helping out a shelter is a great idea! They would probably love to get a CPA’s help, most nonprofits appreciate any and all volunteer work. You should definitely give your local shelter a call.
I am exactly the same way JM, I sometimes feel a bit guilty that I don’t have the same emotional reaction to humans dying or suffering.
I think you do, that’s why you don’t want to hear it.
I don’t understand your comment Hel-lo – I would much rather hear about people dying than animals.
Oops, I thought you were saying that you “have the exact same reaction” in that you ask people if what they are saying will make you sad, and then ask them not to say it if so.
Either way, it sounds like you are a very caring person. Some hearts are tugged by people, some by only children, some by animals. Good luck with the volunteering.
Thank you all for your responses. I think volunteering at the shelter will really help me. I’m going to get on volunteer hub and look at where help is needed. It’s good to know that other people are affected by these kinds of images too :(.
Shopping challenge: what do I get my mother for her 65th birthday? Price range around $100. She would probably enjoy a spa day or something, but I’d like to give her something tangible. She almost never pampers herself or gets herself luxuries, so I’m thinking not-too-practical but very enjoyable. She just moved to a new house, so might enjoy some nice houseware? Any recommendations?
This dress is available through Amazon, which is running a 20% off promotion on clothing with a code that you receive if you sign up for their clothing emails. The promotional code shows up when you go onto the pages of the clothing – like this dress – that is on the promotion, as not everything is.