Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Nina Draped Long-Sleeved Top

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Nina Draped Long-Sleeved TopThis blouse from Reiss is SO ELEGANT. I love the wide boatneck, the tuck details on the sleeves, and the draping around the waist — stunning. (Whoa: and it’s hand washable.) It’s available in black and blue at Reiss for $195.  Nina Draped Long-Sleeved Top

This sleeveless top in plus sizes has a similar drapey vibe, and this $79 drapey tee is kind of similar. This deeply discounted blouse is only left in lucky sizes but is gorgeous.

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  1. What is the most comfortable piece of clothing you have that you can wear to work? (and looks good) Shoes incuded!

    • My VERY most comfortable is my Red Ann Taylor suit, worn together with my matching Red GAGA Manolos. I admit I will NEVER be as cute or as talented as Lady Gaga, but when I put on my Manolos, I can at least dream, right? Besides, when I wear my GAGAs, so many cute guys stare at my legs, so I really do consider that I can be a superstar, even onley in the WC arena! YAY!!!!

    • Pair of Eileen Fisher pants that feel like pajamas. It’s not the sharpest item in my closet but if I’m sick and have to work, it’s generally what I will wear, usually with a tissue thin turtleneck (also comfy).

    • Ponte sheath dress and cardigan. It’s what I’m wearing today because I came in extra early and wanted something comfortable but put together.

    • anonymous :

      Honestly, all my MM LaFleur stuff is the most comfortable and put together stuff I own. I’m gradually transitioning my wardrobe over to them because of that and just how practical for my needs their stuff is overall.

      • Anonymous :

        I just have two Etsuko dresses and love them. But I looked dressed.

      • Marshmallow :

        I’ll pile on here. I’m wearing the Jenny in ponte (snagged at VIP sale for some insane discount, I was an idiot to not buy two colors) and I feel like I’m in pajamas.

    • Wearing it today, actually. Black Jones NY (RIP) midweight jersey dress, total unicorn: boat neck, 3/4 sleeves, knee-length, a little loose, but with a waist-level draped area that gives shape. It’s rainy today, so wearing with black tights, knee-high block heel boots, and a mid-size sculptured silver necklace. The dress works year-round – tights and boots in colder weather, bare legs and pumps in warmer weather. Statemente-ish earrings or necklace either way.

      I look dressed, but I feel like I’m wearing a caftan.

      • ski bunny :

        FYI Jones NY is back!

      • That style is my dream dress.

      • AttiredAttorney :

        Is it this dress? http://www.jny.com/long-sleeved-tucked-ponte-dress/d/1224C10234?CategoryId=1012

        • Not exactly, but very similar. Mine is a few years old. The waist detail and neckline are the same, but mine has 3/4 sleeves and no faux wrap detail on the skirt.

          I had no idea JNY was back! What happened? Can anyone speak to the quality of the new JNY?

    • Boden ottoman ponte dresses. I have 3 of them in different styles. For shoes, Cole Haan Tali wedges.

    • AGL ballet flats. They look great with everything and are as comfortable as slippers. They’re also great for days when you have to walk a lot – I’ve walked several miles in them without a problem.

    • COS silk t-shirts under jackets.

    • Lands End Fit and Flare Ponte Knit Dress with elbow length sleeves. I picked it up a few years ago and get tons of compliments on it. I haven’t seen a sleeved version since, and I wish I had bought a few more back then.

    • WHBM ponte pants.

    • My Eileen Fisher slim ankle length pants.

      They are amazing. I wear them at least twice per week. Go with everything, elastic waist super flattering.

    • Merino knitted shortsleeve dress from this winter’s Gap collection. My office is business casual and I wore it at least 20x this winter and got compliments each time I wore it. It is easy to style up or down, but mostly, it is machinewashable.

    • I’m way late to the thread, but nothing beats a Lands End Ponte Sheath dress. I wear them so often that one of the other associates just calls them “Laura dresses”. As in, “I saw so and so at court today and she was wearing a Laura dress.”

      They check all the boxes: flattering, comfortable, washable, and dressy enough for court hearings if I throw a jacket over them.

      I have one in pink, red, black, turquoise, peach, and a floral print. I also have the Lands End fit and flare in red and black.

  2. Can someone please educate me on polyester and other synthetic fabrics? I feel like I’ve seen a range of opinions on wearing clothing with synthetic fabric vs. not.

    I am on the cusp of being able to upgrade my wardrobe and have been evaluating various brands and thinking about fabrics. I want pieces that are classic and I can enjoy wearing for a long while. I love the look of most Reiss clothes, but I don’t think I’d want a blouse like this to be polyester, even though it’s beautiful and it’s something I would some day love to have to wear. Another example: people rave about MM LaFleur dresses. I also would love to add some of those (I some times travel for work so dress plus jardigan may be ideal), but aren’t they also polyester? It takes extra work to find linen, cotton, silk, and wool and it also seems to be the minority of even quality clothes. I’m willing to make the extra effort, particularly as the price tag goes up, but I’d love to hear what others think.

    • Polyester doesn’t wrinkle as much, so it’s less ironing. Polyester doesn’t equal poor quality at all.

      Lyocell/tencel is also a great option. It feels soft but doesn’t wrinkle much. Other favourites are modal and bamboo viscose for undergarments, I find them less sweaty and super soft.

      Try COS for affordable linen, silk and wool.

      • About COS, however avoid material called Cupro.. It’s a synthetic fabric that drapes similar to silk. however do not hand wash it comes out terribly shrunken despite online instructions to do so.

    • Amberwitch :

      I only buy synthetics if I absolutly have to have a specific piece. In general my wardrobe is all natural fibres. Not necessarily for longevity – some polyesters wear like iron – although that is part of the reason, but mostly because it looks and feels nicer, and generally clothes made of natural fabriks seems like better quality. Some synthetics are more practical when it comes to wrinkling and cleaning – it just doesn’t outweight the fact that I don’t like touching them – they make my skin crawl. Some of my favorite designers have moved from naturals to synthetics, and I’ve regretfully chosen to find other brands.

      And from a environmental point of view, polyesters and polyester blends are much more difficult to dispose of responsibly. Not that this is a major part of my reasoning, just an extra pat on the shoulder;-)

      • Amberwitch :

        Oh, and rayon and viscose – although based on natural fibres – have been through so much treatment to become a textile that I consider them mostly synthetics as well. I don’t like the feel or the way they tend to wear.

        Gray is right, synthetics does not necessarily equal poor quality objectively. I just happen to think they are. But even very expensive brands make lots of clothes in synthetics – not that price is a reliable indicator of quality either.

        In general quite a lot of the recommendations on this site is disqualified due to the fabric being synthetics – to me at least.

    • Sam Edelman :

      It depends. Before kids I had mostly better quality wool suiting that required drycleaning. Post-kids I have added a fair amount of washable sheath dresses in a blend of fabrics or polyester. Plus more ponte blazers or machine washable blazers. I just can’t keep up with the constant dry cleaning required post-kids (can’t go near as long between cleanings). I figure the negative environmental impacts of polyester are now at least partially offset by hardly ever getting anything dry cleaned anymore.

    • I had mostly ponte right after my kids were born. It felt frumpy to me, so I now wear almost exclusively lightweight wool and italian flannel. I just like the way they feel. I do wear some synthetic shirts, but they’re always inexpensive and I always wear a cotton cami underneath.

      • Anonymous :

        I’m Team Tropical Weight Wool. But it can be hard to find (holla to BR, which is my go-to and fits pretty good off the rack). But I’m also Team MM LaFleur Etsuko dress and good ponte dresses that have some structure.

      • This is all very interesting. Thank you! I agree that to the touch you can tell not all synthetics are created equally, but I also think that once you start incorporating linen, wool, etc. the feel of synthetic fabrics is hard to go back to.

        What are your favorite sources of lightweight wool and italian flannel?

        • I am pretty cheap to be honest. I have a bunch of J Crew Factory dresses in lightweight wool and Italian Flannel from Talbot’s (I wait for a sale).

    • There are different qualities of polyester. I prefer synthetic factors because they are much easier to care for.

  3. Anonymous :

    Hi ladies – any suggestions for therapists in the Northern Virginia area? Looking for help with general anxiety and working through a divorce.


    • I live in New York but found my therapist on psychology today- Link below if it’s allowed. They have a Find a therapist link. It was the only way I knew to find one and I’ve been seeing her for 8 yrs. Another option is to ask your PCP or gyn. Good luck!


    • I see Leslie Burpee in falls church for postpartum issues and really like her. Not sure about anxiety/divorce.

    • a milenial :

      elizabeth sloan from caring couples. she was really great for individual therapy

  4. I want my young face back! Already using a retinoid. Other options
    a) Lip injections… Does discreet lip filler exist? My lips are my best and most noticeable feature, but they have started losing volume and become a bit wrinkly. I would really only want a very minimal amount.
    b) Teeth whitening done professionally. Any good experiences?
    c) Botox on forehead. Actually, my eyelids are heavy (and are becoming heavier), I am hoping botox could lift the eyebrows if the doctor injects it in the right muscle.
    d) anything that has qorked for you?

    • BeenThatGuy :

      Yes to all of this! A little lip filler goes a long way. Do half of what they normally inject to see if you like it. You can always add more next time. Teeth whitening can make your teeth very sensitive, so be cautious about that. And I have very heavy/fatty eyelids and botox in the right spot pops them right up. I do not like the frozen look, so I have it done higher up towards my hairline so I have some expression in my brows.

      • How long does the botox last for you? How much is half of a normal amount of filler? Do you remember the ml amount?

        • BeenThatGuy :

          Botox lasts only 3 months on me (I crossfit 5 days a week and they say the more you sweat, the faster it wears off). I get 20 units of Botox each visit. Most friends who go to the same Dr, get 40 units. I’ve had 40 units before and I hated it. The Nicole Kidman look does me no justice.

          As for the lips, I don’t remember the amount. Sorry.

    • Anonymous :

      Adding to your list – is there anything non-invasive that can be done to improve the jawline and neck?

      • Anonymous :

        There is Kybella, but I don’t know anyone who has had it done.

      • Minimally invasive? PDO threading to lift the neck & jaw. Barbed dissolvable threads are placed just under the skin and pulled upwards. The barbs grab the tissue well and as the sutures dissolve, collagen builds around them. It’s done in the office with local anesthetic and is not horribly expensive (~$750, depending on the part of the country). Effects are supposed to last 2-3 years I think? Truly one of the more bizarre things I have tried and it was NOT fun during or after for the first few weeks. But, effective, reasonably affordable, safe, etc

    • cake batter :

      I recently tried teeth whitening at the dentist and loved it. I think it was called Zoom whitening? I added it onto a regularly scheduled cleaning, and it added maybe 20 minutes to the appointment. They put goop on my teeth and gums, and I sat in front of a special light for like 15 mins. Cost maybe $90, and it was so worth it for the speed and results. My teeth were sensitive that day, but it went away by the next day.

    • Baconpancakes :

      Re: teeth whitening, my dentist (who is admittedly very cautious) gave me molded hydrogen peroxide trays, about $200 for the appointment and enough bleaching gel to last me for at least 5 years. His office tried the Zoom whitening for a while, but they had so many reports of debilitating, intense, sharp shocks of pain in teeth up to two weeks after the procedure that he stopped. Additionally, you will have to maintain the whiteness and get the procedure done again, so he recommends just sticking with the high-powered bleaching gel and trays, which are reusable and last forever. I still have some pain while I’m using the bleaching gel, and sensitivity to cold things the day after, but I am super sensitive to all kinds of pain.

      • anon a mouse :

        Once you have the trays made, you can buy more peroxide gel on amazon, at a variety of strengths depending on your sensitivity.

      • Does the method have a name? We have public healthcare, but they don’t do cosmetic stuff. I’m going to have to call around private practices to see what they offer. Zoom is the only ad I’ve seen here.

        • Baconpancakes :

          I think there are different brands, and the dentist just makes the tray in the office as an office procedure. My brand is Opalescence, and I currently have the highest concentration of peroxide. And it does make a visible difference, even after two or three sessions!

    • alexisfaye :

      OH MY GOD! So glad you asked. I paid for a series of three broadband light photofacials (I’m getting vain at 35). Had the first one March 20th. I am so so so happy. It took freckles off my face. I had a patch of darker skin, gone. I’m supposed to do them every month for 3 months, then it’s just once a year to maintain. You can find bevore/after pics everywhere, but this helped me: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed?term=Dermatol.%20Surg.%202002%3B28%3A1115-1119

      Also, while it hurt (rubber band feel) the recovery time was pretty great. All my freckles looked like coffee grounds on my face for about a week (lots the first day, almost unnoticeable by day 3). So I’d do it on a Friday, if you’re sensitive. Since I bought a package I got 3 sessions for 450. Best money I’ve ever spent on myself.

      • Is it done on the entire face or just some areas?

        • alexisfaye :

          Whole face. It really evened out my skin. It’s supposed to help with wrinkles, also. Mine probably aren’t significant enough to judge by. I’m super excited about the next treatment (2 weeks and counting) to see if I get as much progress this time around.

      • BeenThatGuy :

        I’ve had this done too. A series of 6. The results are amazing. But when you are back in the sun, those spots come right back. Always wear a hat and tons of sunscreen (and even with that, my brown spots came back slightly)

  5. Sam Edelman :

    Anyone have experience with wide widths from Sam Edelman? I have wide feet with narrow/regular heels due to bunions.

    • Anon in NYC :

      I have wide feet with regular heels (no bunions), but I have the Sam Edelman Petty boots in the wide width and they are very comfortable.

    • Anonymous :

      I found that the petty boots in a wide weren’t wide enough (size 9.5), so I had to have them stretched. They’re ok but I would not buy them again. They are so big in the ankle/instep, if you don’t have a tall foot or larger ankles you’ll have to pad it or you’ll have a lot of heel rubbing. I have a pair of Gentle Souls boots and I kind of wish I had bought another pair – the leather on those is so soft and molds to my bunion.

    • I have your feet exactly and love the Sam Edelman Petty in leather (not sure if suede stretches the same way). I think they stretched pretty quickly around my feet and are my go-to. Didn’t stay in great shape for more than a year, but I did wear them 4-5 times a week so not unexpected.

    • Anonymous :

      Thanks all. Will give the Petty a try.

  6. anonymous :

    I’m buying real furniture for the first time in my life and looking at a leather sleeper sofa from Crate & Barrel. Can anyone speak to their quality? Or anything else I should know when furniture shopping?

    • Anonymous :

      I have bought C&B furniture and it has held up incredibly well. 20+ year old bedroom set, 15+ coffee tables and a kitchen set within the past two years. One coffee table developed a crack after a few years (maybe 5 years). The solid wood dried out funny and they replaced it without a problem.

    • I’ve heard american leather is just about the best place to get sofas due to the construction. Honestly, most newer (even nice!) furniture retailers don’t make very solid furniture any longer. I’ve had the springs fixed in a brand new thomasville sofa and the repairmen said he’d suggest Ethan Allen among that price point.

    • Anonymous :

      I think C&B’s sleepers are supposed to be some of the best. Apartment Therapy used to have a guide to buying as sofa that went over things to look for (hardwood frame, etc) – you may want to see if you can find it. Room & Board is also a store with great quality, if you need more options.

    • We have a crate and barrel sleeper sofa, be warned that when you add the sleeper part, it makes the whole couch way less comfortable to sit on. I loved the store model but it didn’t have the sleeper part and the real thing feels like you’re sitting on a board because there’s so much under the couch. That said, the quality is nice and it suits our purpose (we have a lot of overnight guests but need the guest room to be an office the rest of the time). My advice is don’t get a sleeper unless you really need it.

      • shopping help? :

        So, I don’t know if I really need it. We have a 1 bedroom apartment, and it seems like people will be more willing to come visit if we can give them an actual bed rather than just sleeping on the couch. Plus we’re early 30s, and most of our friends are married and/or have small children, so it seems like an actual bed that sleeps two might be appreciated. Also parents will come visit periodically. Adult overnight guests are going ot want a bed, right? like, a couch or air mattress isn’t going to cut it?

        • If you’re inviting overnight guests to your 1 bedroom apartment, they can sleep on an air mattress happily or get a hotel.

        • Legally Brunette :

          Try the sleeper sofas at Room and Board. They might be a bit more pricey than CB but not by that much. The key is to get a platform sleeper bed (not a spring one, that is really uncomfortable). We bought a sleeper sofa from there that is our main sofa in the living room, and it’s incredibly comfortable — both as a couch and as a bed!

          Look at the image on the right (the Day and Night sleeper)


    • I just purchased a bradington young leather sofa (not sleeper) after falling down the rabbit hole reading a bunch of forums on Houzz regarding which sofa brands are good and which ones are not, how sofas are constructed, etc. I suggest looking there, as well as any other online decorating forums, to see what people say about quality. From there, it really depends on how much you want to spend.

    • We have a C&B sofa that still looks and feels great and it is about 10 years old.

    • Bluebonnet :

      I have a pair of Crate and Barrel leather club chairs and they look great but there’s a serious comfort issue because the leather is too slick. You can’t sit in a chair without feeling like you’re going to slide out of it. I’ve meant to investigate whether there’s a way to gently rough up the leather a little bit.

  7. shopping help? :

    I am looking for a white or cream (ideally machine washable) blazer. I’m lusting after MM LaFLeur’s Jardigan in ecru, but I’m not sure I’m willing to spend that much on something that I imagine will get dirty or dingy easily.

    I’m an hourglass and 5′ 2″, so it can’t bet too long or boxy. Help?

    • The Talbot’s Classic Dress Shrug that was discussed yesterday comes in white!

    • Talbots has a shrug sweater that looks an awful lot like a jardigan. Maybe that’s a place to start? Or I’ve also had good luck with Boden’s cropped sweaters (in the v-neck, which they didn’t have last year), but it’s a different look.

    • I just ordered the ivory Olivia Moon blazer from N-strom. It hasn’t come in yet, but I’m hopeful (I have another one from that brand and like it) and it’s a good price!

    • Marshmallow :

      Try the sale section in J. Crew or Club Monaco. They tend to have a lot of white/cream options.

    • I ordered the cardigan and promptly returned. Not sure why everyone likes it so much. It is kind of borderline frumpy.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      I’ve got a white 3/4 sleeve blazer from Ann Taylor from a couple of years ago that I wear all the time. They don’t seem to have the exact one any more, but they do have some similar options. And while mine says dry clean, I have washed it without issues.

    • I’m about to order this one! Comes in white and cream.


      • shopping help? :

        Ah, this is perfect! Thanks! You just saved me a ton of money and also dry cleaning bills.

  8. Plan my day in Brooklyn :

    My SO and I are visiting a friend in NYC for a four day weekend this week. We’ve been there many times but have never really explored Brooklyn. How would you recommend we spend our time exploring your fair borough? If it matters, we will be starting from Columbus Circle.

    • Anon in NYC :

      What do you like to do/eat?

    • Agree – it would help to know your interests. The Brooklyn Botanical Garden/Brooklyn Museum are both great, and you can easily hop from there into Park Slope for lunch/drinks nearby, or DUMBO and end the day by walking back over the bridge into the city.

      • Brooklyn Res :

        Actually, we’re pretty into the cafe at the botanic gardens – it’s a great place for lunch! We’ll even pop in on the weekends when we’re not otherwise going to the gardens. Also, just walking the loop in Prospect Park is absolutely lovely – I do it with my dog once a week and I’m still taken aback by how lucky we are to live next to this park! And if you go on Sunday, Smorgasburg (food vendor/festival thing) is in the park – just go toward the beginning otherwise it gets super busy.

    • Plan my day in Brooklyn :

      We are interested in getting a feel for the neighborhoods and local culture. Love the outdoors, so the Botanical Garden is a great idea. As far as food I would say we aren’t super adventurous and want to keep it casual.

      • Anon in NYC :

        Caveat that this itinerary involves a lot of walking. If you’re going to go to the Botantical Garden, definitely walk through Prospect Park. Park Slope is right next to the park, and you can find a bunch of restaurants there that would fit the bill of not too adventurous and also casual. I’d suggest Al Di La or Stone Park Cafe for lunch. Or like another person commented, Smorgasburg is a great option.

        From Park Slope you can walk west towards Cobble Hill and Carroll Gardens and then north towards Brooklyn Heights and Dumbo. I love the feel of Brooklyn Heights – brownstones, trees, etc. – and you can easily walk along the waterfront up towards Dumbo and check out that neighborhood as well. Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge is great, but it’s about a mile, so you may or may not want to do that.

    • Green-Wood Cemetery is totally a totally underappreciated gem. It’s the highest point in Brooklyn so you get a perfect view of the skyline, and you may spot a wild parrot (legend has it, a shipment from Argentina escaped in the 60s, flew to the cemetery, and have been roosting there ever since). Look for the statue of Minerva (who faces the Statue of Liberty and has a hand raised in greeting- representing the relationship between freedom and wisdom), and also look for the bizarre 1920s sculpture called Civic Virtue; it has a checkered and hilarious backstory.

      Walkable from Park Slope.

    • Betty White :

      If I were going to spend a day in Brooklyn, I would take the train over the Brooklyn Heights and then walk to the Promenade (Brooklyn Heights is pretty to walk around and the Promenade has amazing city views). I’d get pizza at Juliana’s (or Grimaldi’s, though I like Juliana’s better) if you stay in that area (long lines but fast enough–touristy, but delicious). From there over to the parks a little farther up north of the Promenade (near the ferries) or back through Carroll Garden/Boerum Hill. Lots of cute shops.

      Prospect Park is my favorite place in the city, but that may be a lot to add on and I’d choose the Brooklyn Heights walk over this option if it’s your first time in Brooklyn. And as someone who lived near Prospect Park, I can tell you that there aren’t a ton of great places to grab lunch or a drink that are very close to the park. You’d have better luck walking down to 5th Ave, but that can be a hike for people who aren’t used to city walking.

  9. My boyfriend said he feels like I’m emotionally reserved/not very expressive, and that he’s having a hard time with it, that it’s difficult for him to sense what I’m feeling. I told him I’d tell him when I was happy/sad/whatever…and I think I do…but he said he needed to be able to observe my emotions in order to feel in tune/at ease with me.

    Now that he pointed out this characteristic, I can kind of see what he means. I asked my best friend and she said she knew exactly what he was talking about (but it didn’t bother her). I grew up in a chaotic, stressful household and I guess I tend to keep my emotions to myself and not get too outwardly worked up. I’m way more open after a couple drinks.

    I really love this guy and want it to work, but am not sure how to proceed. I’m not opposed to changing this quality, but I don’t know how I’d go about it.

    • Anonymous :

      “but he said he needed to be able to observe my emotions”

      This is a tough one. I often feel that my DH doesn’t truly believe I’m upset unless he sees me crying. But I hardly ever cry at all. Like barely ever. It makes for a very very challenging dynamic in our relationship. I feel that he doesn’t ‘believe’ my feelings if I just state that I feel happy/sad/frustrated. No specific advice. I won’t be getting divorced over it but it is really hard to go through life with someone who doesn’t really ‘get’ how upset you are if they don’t see you cry. It’s fine to not be outwardly worked up especially as it sounds like that’s a self-protection mechanism you have understandably developed in response to chaotic home environment. I would proceed with caution in this relationship and encourage you to understand that you don’t have to express emotion in a way that your BF finds acceptable. He needs to accept you as you are and believe you when you identify that you are happy/sad/mad without requiring ‘proof’ in the form of tears.

      • BeenThatGuy :

        “you don’t have to express emotion in a way that your BF finds acceptable”

        +1000 to this!

        • Well, I think his response would be to agree with that, but not, we probably shouldn’t be dating. And I really don’t want to break up.

          • but IF not, I meant…

          • Anonymous :

            You might not want to break up but trust me that you don’t want to be married ten years, with 2 kids and a husband you doesn’t think you’re really upset unless you’re crying in front of your kids because if you can hold it together in front of the kids then you can’t really be that upset….. Couples counselling can only fix so much when a person has immovable beliefs about how emotion ‘should’ look.

          • Whoa, that sounds really terrible for you…I’m sorry.

      • Thanks. This feels similar to my situation. If I’m really upset, I do cry, and then he really gets how I’m feeling. But just saying I’m unhappy doesn’t get through in the same visceral way.

        His ex-gf was a total drama queen: screaming at him, even hitting him once. It doesn’t seem like he minded this that much, even when she hit him!

        • Anonymous :

          I would be extremely wary of this guy. If he views someone screaming at him as an acceptable expression of emotion, then I would be very cautious about building a future together. You had a chaotic/stressful upbringing so I think it is particularly important that you chose a partner who will be sensitive to your need for emotional regulation and talking about issues vs. chaotic communication like screaming.

          • Thanks. He’s not a screamer himself, I should say…if he ever screamed at me once, I think I’d break up with him. But it did shock me that he was okay with behavior from his ex that I thought was insane.

          • Dude was in an abusive relationship but he’s in denial about the fact that it was abusive. He has convinced himself that emotional abuse is normal, that screaming and hitting is just how people (women?) act when they’re really upset. The fact that you’re not being abusive means that you’re not all that tuned into the relationship. Until he recognizes that this is a him problem, not a you problem, there’s not a lot you can do to move forward in the relationship.

          • Dude was in an abusive relationship but he’s in denial about the fact that it was abusive. He has convinced himself that emotional abuse is normal, that screaming and hitting is just how people (women?) act when they’re really upset. The fact that you’re not being abusive means that you’re not all that tuned into the relationship. Until he recognizes that this is a him problem, not a you problem, there’s not a lot you can do to move forward in the relationship.

          • Whoops, sorry for the double post, idk how that happened.

          • Agree with tribble. He’s convinced himself that a woman who really cares will act like his ex did. His sense of what is normal communication in a relationship is screwed up because he was in an abusive relationship. It’s a him problem not a you problem.

          • Oof. Well, at least I think I need to talk to him about that.

    • Anonymous :

      Why? There’s nothing wrong with you!!

      • Well, I agree, but my ex was really into skiing and I’d never been skiing before/had no intrinsic interest in it. But I started skiing because it made him happy and I wasn’t morally opposed to it.

        • But that is different. That’s an activity, not a fundamental part of you who you are.

          I don’t see why you should have to change how you express emotion if you are already doing it in a healthy way, just because it doesn’t work for him. Either he believes you when you tell him how you feel, or he doesn’t. If you were engaging in unhealthy behaviors or not communicating at all, then yea, you should work on that, but as a fellow non-expressive emoter, I have no desire to become more dramatic in how my emotions look to someone else.

          • shopping help? :

            +1. I’m a lot like OP. my ex was like her bf in that he wanted me to be emoting all the time, and my husband is a lot more like me. Now, this was far from the only issue in the relationship with the ex, but I felt similarly – I didn’t want to lose him. I’m on the other side now, and man it feels good to be in a relationship with someone who just gets me. Also, I tried to be more expressive, and I just felt like a crazy person and not myself at all.

            The issue is that he doesn’t seem to believe you when you say how you feel. You have a responsibility to be honest about your emotions, but if he needs some kind of display to believe you, that’s a problem. Plus, was he at all specific about what exactly he was looking for? ANd is that thing reasonable, or is it more like the screaming ex? I’d be concerned that he hasn’t really identified a target in terms of what he wants.

        • Yeah that’s completely different. Pick up a hobby? Sure! Change your fundamental emotional function when there’s nothing wrong with you to suit his preferences? Nope.

        • I don’t think that’s a good analogy, actually. Skiing vs. not skiing is more of a thing you do (and fairly easily changed), where as how you express emotion is more of a “who you are” type issue (and in my opinion, a less mutable characteristic).

    • This gets recommended a lot, but take the 5 love languages quiz with each other. Understanding that a person’s communication style can extend beyond what they say verbally can go a long way towards quelling insecurities.

    • You are me. I didn’t really learn how to identify / express my feelings growing up … how I ‘felt’ didn’t really matter so I never bothered to figure it. Drove my husband bonkers that he couldn’t tell how I was feeling, and I couldn’t always even identify it for myself.

      We met halfway. I learned how to identify and express how I felt through therapy, and my husband became more understanding that I was just never going to be as expressive as he is. I’m glad I / we did the work.

      • Thank you, this is a really helpful comment and seems exactly like my situation. Any suggestions on what kind of therapy you chose or exercises or anything like that?

        • I used to not be able to talk about my feelings and I grew up in a household where physical touch was not a way to express affection (nor were words). I had to completely learn how to communicate them and I learned it through therapy and Gottman.

          HOWEVER, I do not wear my emotions on my sleeve and am not at all expressive about them. I will talk about them and tell you how I feel, but if you have to see them to believe them, I can’t help you.

          There is a difference between learning how to communicate your feelings, which is good, and forcing yourself to turn them into physical events that someone can see. The former is good and healthy, the latter is not.

          • Senior Attorney :

            This. I feel like it’s beneficial to work on issues like this, but not on pain of being broken up with: “Change this thing about yourself or I walk.” People can grow and develop, but they are not improvement projects to be made over for the comfort of their partners.

      • Anon for this! :

        Anon @ 10:08… you’ve just expressed exactly how I feel and I wasn’t able to put that into words. Huh. I’ve been thinking of therapy for the precise issue. How did you talk with your husband about that? Your therapist? Any books to recommend?

        • anon4this :

          Not the anon @ 10:08 but I grew up similarly and found rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) to be extremely helpful. It helped me learn how to identify how I was feeling, express those emotions, and ask for things that I needed in relationships. Like anon @ 10:08, in my childhood household you were allowed to have emotions, but they were strictly your responsibility to manage. So when I got older I found myself keeping quiet about my feelings – particularly in romantic relationships – because I thought it was my job to deal with them, not my partner’s. Which of course eventually left me pretty anxious and unable to discern how I was actually feeling half the time (and in relationships with men that were jerks). Therapy helped me understand that cycle, that my emotions were valid, and that I was allowed to experience/express them.

      • Anon at 10:08 here. I think it boiled down to a trust issue – I needed to let down my guard enough to realize he was a safe person for me to be vulnerable with. And I needed to learn that it was okay to express, in particular, anger or frustration – I’d gotten by for 30 years without telling people when / why I was mad at them because I was afraid of how they would react, and it was exhausting. I had no problem with confrontation at work, but to capacity to deal with it in my personal life. He’d ask me what was going on, I’d get mad that he was asking such a personal question and say “nothing,” he’d be hurt that I didn’t trust him, I’d leave the house to avoid the question. Repeat, repeat.

        I did not find any books particularly helpful. And I hated therapy, but it helped to find someone who didn’t just rubber stamp that I was wonderful and everything I did was great … I needed more of a straight shooter: “Your method is destructive to the relationship you want to build with your husband. If you aren’t willing to even try and meet the needs that he has identified, you should let him find someone who will.”

    • My husband sounds a lot like you in terms of reserve/lack of expressiveness. It took a little for me to get used to (I am pretty expressive and not reserved at all), but I just had to get better at asking him how he’s feeling about something, and then taking his words at face value. I’ve also found after 6 years together that I can read his body language pretty well.

      “he said he needed to be able to observe my emotions in order to feel in tune/at ease with me” — this is his problem, not yours. He can always ask you how you’re feeling, and it sounds like there are bigger issues with the ex-gf, etc.

  10. Padded or push-up bikini top :

    I have a tiny bust (30 band size) and monster hips (38). I’d like to get a padded pushup bikini top that would help balance the volume out, but everything these days seems to be a little too natural looking. Where do I need to be looking? [I’ve tried ON and Athleta and Land’s End and I just want to look less boy-with-hips and more balanced.] If things are bra-sized, 32B or C might work (but might also float around on me) (C sounds generous, but we’re talking limes in terms of volume).


    • Anonymous :

      Bare Necessities.

    • Same situation.

      VS was an amazing resource for this but sadly they got rid of most of their swimwear collection this year. But this is a push up top from their Pink line.


      A quick google search got me to Venus, which has a large assortment of push up tops. No idea about this brand though.


    • Same situation.

      VS was an amazing resource for this but sadly they got rid of most of their swimwear collection this year. But this is a push up top from their Pink line.


    • Go bra sized, but if you’re a 30 band, buy a 30 band. Local specialty bra stores often carry those types of swimsuits. On-line check out bare necessities and herroom. Return shipping isn’t free, unfortunately, but it is worth it if you find just one that really fits. I’m on the other end of the spectrum (30DD but narrow hips) and love panache and freya.

    • You can buy bra sized tops with ties to get the band tighter. Victoria’s Secret used to be great for that, but I heard they discontinued their swimwear line – you could check ebay if you are looking for something in particular. Maybe try Aerie or somewhere targeting younger customers? I think they also do a lot of pushup.

    • Can we not with calling a particular measurement “monster” anything? How do you think it makes someone with 38″+ hips feel to have you refer to a 38″ hip measurement as “monster” hips?

      • I was thinking of monster as in Godzilla — that pear shaped monster lizard shape.

        Not passing judgment on the number, just the numbers being in a 1.3ish ratio of one to the other and looking for balance (if I were 40″ and 40″, I would not have needed to write that post).

        • But the point is, that ratio is OK too! It’s you! It’s not a fault. It’s a fact.

          • So basically you’re pear-shaped or morbidly obese and therefore OP is not allowed to ask reasonable questions about swimsuits? Or would you prefer a trigger warning?

          • Oh please no one is saying OP can’t ask a reasonable question about swimsuits. The term “monster” was unnecessary.

          • I think it’s like asking about hair color or teeth whitening or physical activities or tummy pooch or anything. If a poster wants advice about ~X and you have trait X, it’s not about you and your X-ness. If someone wants to color her gray b/c it makes her feel or look “better,” good for her; she’s not telling me that my gray is bad or makes me look bad or anything about me. We are running our own race, hips, grays, non-white teeth, droopy eyelids, furrowed brows and all. And I for one appreciate the help with my struggles.

          • Anonymous at 10:23am, what the actual f**ck? It sounds like the OP had nothing but good intentions, but that kind of careless word choice can be so damaging to women who are already struggling with body image and disordered eating. I’m not sure how you got from a pretty gentle reminder to think about the words that we use, to extrapolating that anyone who has a problem with certain measurements being called monstrous is either pear-shaped or morbidly obese.

            And yes, as someone who has struggled with disordered eating since I was 15, I DO appreciate trigger warnings on anything involving specific body measurements or negative self-talk around body image. The last time I ended up in hysteria over eating a piece of toast was three whole years ago, and it’s been six years since I had any actual patterns of harming myself through controlling food, but it will always be lurking in the back of my head. I hope that you are able to find some empathy and consideration for the members of this community who are currently struggling with ED, or have in the past.

          • Ha, Anonymous at 10:23. I’m a hourglass in a standard size, but jump to conclusions all you want!

          • Anonymous at 10:23am, what the actual f***k? It sounds like the OP had nothing but good intentions, but that kind of careless word choice can be so damaging to women who are already struggling with body image and disordered eating. I’m not sure how you got from a pretty gentle reminder to think about the words that we use, to extrapolating that anyone who has a problem with certain measurements being called monstrous is either pear-shaped or morbidly obese.

            And yes, as someone who has struggled with disordered eating since I was 15, I DO appreciate trigger warnings on anything involving specific body measurements or negative self-talk around body image. The last time I ended up in hysteria over eating a piece of toast was three whole years ago, and it’s been six years since I had any actual patterns of harming myself through controlling food, but it will always be lurking in the back of my head. I hope that you are able to find some empathy and consideration for the members of this community who are currently struggling with ED, or have in the past..

      • yeah I have 38″ hips and this made me feel bad. and I’m a size 4/6 so it’s a particularly odd choice of words.

        • I also have this measurement on the low side of my weight fluctuations. What I find interesting is when people say they have extreme waist-to-hip ratios, when the difference is only 10 inches, which is typical when viewing size charts online.

          • Anonymous :

            I think it feels extreme when so many garments don’t fit correctly as a result.

      • Marshmallow :

        This didn’t make me feel bad about myself, but it did make me feel bad for OP. Nothing about you is monster-like! I promise you’re beautiful exactly the way you are. Be kind to yourself.

        • Exactly

        • Rainbow Hair :

          Word. I don’t know my hip measurements but I bet they’re bigger than that (??? almost definitely???) but also … man it sucks going through the world unhappy with the reality of your body.

          Nothing wrong w/ wanting a pushup bikini top, though. I think a specialty shop will be the right place for you!

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        I read monster in the descriptive sense (as a synonym for large or wide), not “Ew, I’m a monster.” And we use language like “I have a small bust and wide hips” all the time. Let’s stop piling on here.

        • Anonymous :

          I read monster as tongue in cheek / hyperbole. Like compared to this train being an H-gauge train (or whatever), the caboose is on the whoa-nelly gauge.

          Besides, who here has ever seen a monster? For all I know (Nessie), monsters don’t even have hips.

    • Shopaholic :

      I probably have a similar body type to you – I buy bathing suits in places where I can buy separates so I can go up a size for the bottoms.

      I find halter tops do push up my cleavage so it looks a little more balanced.

    • Victoria’s Secret. They make surprisingly great swimsuits and exactly what you’re looking for (unless they stopped?). You can also try H&M of all places.

    • My response is in moderation but VS phased out their swimwear sadly. But their Pink line has a couple of push up tops, check those out. Also try Venus swimwear — never bought anything from them but they have a huge assortment of push up bikini tops online in cute styles.

    • Baconpancakes :

      If 38″ is monster, I’m a leviathan. Maybe I’ll pick that as a new handle. Godzilla and I can battle it out in a new made-for-tv movie.

      But regardless, try figleaves. It’s a UK store, but shipping is pretty fast. They have lots of cute bra-sized suits. Or herroom.

    • I use aerie. I know its marketed toward teenagers but I like the bras and swimsuits, they have a good stock of 30B and 30C, and the price is reasonable. Also free shipping and returns.

  11. Leaving big 4 :

    I’m going to be leaving big 4 in a few months (likely end of July) for grad school and I’m way too excited so I’ve been thinking of things I need to do. No one knows yet, so other than telling everyone I’ve worked with (in person if possible)

    – save out look contacts

    – transfer 401k to IRA

    – goodbye email? Do/how do I tell clients?

    Anything else I’m missing? Im only st the consultant level and only been here a year so no ones going to miss me too much

    • Do you have a list of the clients you have worked for (potential conflicts in the future)? Can you print out a copy of your calendar for the last 6 months to year? Do you have a list of your accomplishments, writing sample if applicable? Print out pay stubs for a few months.

      • Leaving Big 4 :

        These are good ideas, thanks. I’m pretty sure you can export your calendar the way you can with contacts, but will probably print out a copy as well so I’m not emailing everything to myself

    • Anonymous :

      You can only transfer your 401k after you leave, and there’s no timeframe on doing it. I’d just make sure you have the contact info for your HR/benefits person before you go and transfer over when you’re ready.

      • Anonymous :

        Well, there might be a timeframe, depending on your employer’s plan (like a year). But it’s still a think you do after you leave, not before.

    • Anonymous :

      Make sure you have a couple of people who will speak as references for you.

      • Leaving Big 4 :

        See I still haven’t told those people I’m leaving because it was very up in the air, but I don’t think they will be so mad as to not give me a good reference.

    • Hope you see this :

      Late in the day so not sure you’ll see this. Other things I did:

      – Get contact info for former colleagues that have left (gmail or phone numbers they may have included in their goodbye emails)
      – Depending on what you’re doing next, create blinded/template versions of the work you’ve produced (I have a deck of personal slide layouts that I created over the years that I really loved and clients found very clear, so I just saved blank versions of those along the way – this was considered acceptable at my firm, but ymmv)
      – Download all pay stubs
      – Download and save all performance reviews
      – Forward any kudos or funny emails that you may appreciate looking back on
      – Do all this well before your last day, I thought it was going to be a quiet chance to get work done, but ended up being super hectic with everyone trying to say goodbye
      – If you think you want to return, let your boss know and try to get an offer in writing before you leave
      – If there are people you definitely want to stay in touch with, set up phone call check ins before you leave, for October/November time frame – far enough in the future that you can give them interesting updates and hear new developments on their end

      Celebrate! Congratulations on the exciting transition!

    • I am also leaving big 4 for grad school this summer! High What will you be studying?
      I’m only a first year associate so no one cares haha so I don’t have much advice sorry.

  12. Law firm folks:

    Would you pay for a ghost writer to write the nonbillable marketing pieces?

    • anon associate :

      Not unless you were specialized in my area of law.

    • I worked for a firm that outsourced marketing pieces to a PR firm. Results were varied depending on subject matter. I’m in a fairly technical regulatory practice and I found myself substantially re-writing most of what they sent me.

    • If the firm would pay for it, I might send it to a writer/editor so they could polish the language. You need to know and understand the content if your name is going on it, because clients or potential clients may call you to discuss.

    • Diana Barry :

      We have an outside “marketing person” who has offered to write content for us, but (1) there hasn’t been that much and (2) I haven’t been impressed. I would expect results to be similar to anon above in that substantial rewriting would be required.

  13. I work for a small business and we use a solo lawyer for some general counsel matters. I just got a bill in which he charged us .10 ($35) to read an email from me that was literally four words telling him everything he had sent me was fine. Is this normal? I feel like if I hadn’t sent that email, he would have sent another one following up and I would have been charged even more! I get lawyers bill to make money, but a four word email, really?

    • Standard. Smallest increment is a tenth of an hour.

    • Yes that’s completely normal. .1 is the minimum amount of time you can bill. Most lawyers will bill a .1 anytime they do anything on a file. This is how it works.

    • Yeah, .1 is the smallest amount of time he can bill and most lawyers will bill that any time they do anything on a file. The time it took him to read this email may not sound significant but if he’s regularly reading and responding to quick emails, it really adds up.

    • Yes, normal. I always thought it was fair, really, because oddball times that I would be noodling over something (like thinking about an upcoming meeting strategy while getting ready for work), I wasn’t charging.

    • Yup. We also have some clients who require task-specific billing so you can’t block bill time. This seems insane to me from their perspective because it means that instead of me billing 0.1 for six minutes where I spent 3 minutes on the phone and 3 minutes replying to an email, I have to bill 0.2 because if I put the phone call and the e-mail in the same entry it will get rejected!

      • I lump the phone call and email together and call them “communications” unless the client rejects that language too.

    • Yes. Standard. You get billed for all work performed on your case, which includes reading correspondence from clients. 0.1 is the smallest increment that can be billed.

      • Also, to address the second half of your comment, if I had sent you an email following up with and you had responded with a four word email, I still would’ve only billed you a 0.1, which is what your attorney would probably do, too. I would bill it as: “Exchange emails with client regarding XYZ.” Again, a 0.1 (i.e., 6 minutes) is the smallest increment I can bill. The only way I would bill you more is if my email and reading your response took longer than 6 minutes.

    • Yes – completely normal in industries where billing by the hour is standard. I am in public accounting and we bill by the same methods. For repeat clients, we do typically wait to bill those smaller things until we prepare a tax return, but in either case, we bill for every service provided.

  14. I know we’ve talked about this but I can’t find the threads anywhere…what are your favorite sheets? I need a new set. Thanks in advance!

    • I like mine from brooklinen – online shop

    • I like the Martha Stewart ones at Macy’s (thick and after a few washes, soft) but they are pretty wild – I’ve got hedgehogs and pandas. Not to everyone’s taste but they bring me joy when I pull back the quilt and see little animals.

    • Shenandoah :

      I picked up the Target Threshold brand white percale sheets and think they’re awesome. I debated splurging on nicer sheets (looked at Parachute and Brooklinen) but ultimately my thrifty side won out. But the Target sheets are doing great. I think they’re comfortable and crisp. They don’t get overly wrinkled and they’re not too thin.

      • Bought the target threshold organic sheets for my son’s big boy bed and I’m a bit jealous. They are a good weight, soft, and the fitted sheet has this doubled elastic thing that makes it fit in either a thick or thin mattress. Plus they are super affordable especially for being GOTS certified. Definitely looking at these when we replace our sheets. Based on the awesome crib sheets I got I would also consider Magnolia Organics (via Amazon), but I know the fabrics for the crib sheets aren’t the same type (crib sheets are knit interlock).

      • I bought the more expensive ones from target, the fieldcrest supima, and I love them. I’m a huge snob about my sheets and did not expect to like ones from target so much, my last set cost 200+ each, but the target ones are just as good. They also have a double elastic on the fitted sheets that helps keep them in place.

      • anonypotamus :

        Also a huge fan of the Target percale sheets. They are crisp and smooth and have held up well even in my my apartment complex industrial-esque, aka hard on clothing, washing machines/dryers. Plus, there are little tags that indicate which sides are the top and bottom (sounds silly but is super helpful on for my queen sheets where it’s sometimes hard to eyeball which side is the not-much-longer-than-the-width side)

    • If you like crisp, cool sheets, try the LL Bean Pima Cotton Percale Sheets

      • Maudie Atkinson :

        These LL Bean sheets are my favorite. I tried the Boll & Branch ones someone mentions below and really did not like them, which was particularly frustrating given that they were, as indicated, pricey. I really like a crisp percale sheet, though, and B&B was not in that vein.

    • Boll & Branch are super duper soft, really like them, but $$$.

    • Pottery Barn Classic 400 threadcount sheets. They are soft, yet crisp, and oh so comfortable to sleep on.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I like these 600 thread count from Amazon. Good price, launder well, are holding up well after six months: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003SRPT1W/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1

    • I love Eileen Fisher’s sateen sheets from Garnet Hill. They’re soft, smooth, and wear like iron. I’ve repurchased them over the years and the quality stays consistent.

  15. A close friend and colleague was let go unexpectedly yesterday afternoon. I don’t know the whole story and am trying to stay out of it, despite also being close with colleague’s boss. Everyone in the office is notably subdued.

    Ugh. I’m ready for 5 pm, please.

  16. Moths…. that eat your clothes.

    Has anyone had them?

    When you had them, did you actually see/capture moths or the pupae so you absolutely knew that was the cause?

    I just found a couple small holes in the wrist cuff in a cashmere sweater I haven’t worn in…..?2 years. I’ve never seen a bug in my place.

    Before I freak out with the ultra pain in the butt dry clean and hot wash everything/scrub down everything/toxic chemical bomb my apartment….. were there other things you did to confirm the cause before going all out?

    • I just threw some mothballs in the cupboard and called it a day. Moths happen. I wouldn’t bother with any of the things you just mentioned.

    • I lost a couple of sweaters that I loved to tiny (and not so tiny holes). I used the vacuum bags to store things in the off-season and try to dry-clean (IIRC, the internet said that moths feast more on body oils / persperation, so I try to take stuff to the cleaners more often and when I’m done wearing for the season). It’s not a huge problem, so I didn’t treat more than a can of spray, some pheremone-impregnanted glue traps, and some cedar things from amazon. I haven’t lost anything since, but try to closely inspect before wearing. Like you, I never saw a moth (and it’s the catepillars who do the damage), so obs a female snuck in and laid some eggs at some point.

    • Yes, saw them. Both the moths and the teeny caterpillar like worms. Didn’t do any of the crazy stuff to get rid of them. Cleaned a few items, washed a few others, cleaned the closet itself where I found them and spray some lavender moth spray and hung up some sachets. They were gone. Never spread to other closets.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Cedar worked for us. I think they came with the house? Or maybe I wore more wool in Chicago? Anyway, I bought a mixed pack of cedar stuff (blocks for drawers, loops to go on hangers, hanging tabs) and dunked some of them in cedar oil and just CEDAR CEDAR CEDAR all over the place, and that was it. Now I have preventative cedar blocks cluttering up my drawers, sorry Marie Kondo.

    • Baconpancakes :

      I’m actually having this problem as well. I thought I traced the issue back to the wool yarn my mother bought me at a yarn sale (sigh. I know she meant well.), because my WIP alpaca shawl was the first attacked, and my cashmere sweaters followed, but I’ve never seen a single bug or worm. I laundered and dry cleaned everything, and froze and thawed all of my yarn, and it looked fine until last month, when I found another hole in a sweater.

    • We have these now, and they are a hassle to get rid of! I read moths don’t like the smell of lavender, so I have many lavender cachets in my closet that I periodically refresh with lavender oil. I also switched our detergent to The Simply Co. lavender scented option. I’m seriously thinking of converting the whole closet to a cedar closet just to get rid of moths, but I don’t want to smell like cedar all the time.

    • Never saw them; the existence of multiple holes in different sweaters that I hadn’t worn in a while was evidence enough for me. My routine now is to dry-clean everything that has to be dry-cleaned at the end of the winter season, and hand wash the rest. Then my most beloved pieces go into sealed plastic bins or canvas hanging bags that are sealed as much as possible.. I also take the time to empty out my closet and vacuum every possible nook and crevice in there. So far so good.

      I’ve had to convince DH to do the same for his closet, which is in another part of the house. He capitulated after he found holes in his tuxedo jacket just before an event.

    • D. Meagle :

      I find that a lot of the shirts that I leave in my drawers tend to get little holes around the stomach. I do not notice holes in shirts I hang in my closet. Could it be moths? Or just the way I wear my clothes, since the holes are generally in the same spot…

      • This happens to me too. I’m pretty sure it’s from the top of my jeans right by the button where the denim turns out just a bit. Still a bummer though.

    • I have an awesome dry cleaner who is very pushy about telling me that I do not need to dry clean certain clothes (I can hand wash). However, she says that the best way to prevent these problems is to have your cashmere dry cleaned at the end of the season. Moths go for cashmere first, apparently. So now I hand wash cashmere during the cooler months but I will be bringing it to her in the spring.

  17. Furniture question. I’d like to get a chair or an ottoman that folds out into a guest bed. Anyone have one they’d recommend? I’ve seen the loveseats that fold out into a twin bed and I think that may be too big for the small room this would go into. Lots of options online but hard to know what’s decent. TIA!

    • Veronica Mars :

      I was looking into this and the land of nod seems to have one with very good reviews. It’s a chair and a half style.

      • Thanks, but that one is still too big. They call it a chair and a half but the measurements are of a love seat.

        • Veronica Mars :

          Check out the measurements of a twin mattress at the head. That’s going to be the standard plus arms (say, at least 6″ each at the narrowest). The only exception is if you get a cot-sized mattress instead of a real twin. But know if that’s the case, it will be harder to find bedding/sheets to match.

    • Baconpancakes :

      If space is your primary concern, I’d vote for an Aerobed. Deflated, it fits under my normal-height bed, and it’s pretty comfortable for two adults.

    • I’ve slept on a few of these, and I think a quality air mattress is more comfortable, and way better for couples.

  18. I’m planning on booking an appointment at MM LaFleur’s DC showroom. Is there any obligation/expectation to buy anything? I’m happy to buy if something’s great, but I’ve never tried on their clothes before so I may not find anything good.

    • There isn’t any expectation to buy something on the spot although most of people I overheard while I was there did so. Depending on your size you might have to wait for something to come back in stock online. I definitely used my visit to try on items I was interested online but plan to buy later when my budget allows.

  19. Bamboo sheets :

    I know they’ve been mentioned here before, but I can’t remember any brand names. Which bamboo sheets do you all like the best?

    • Bamboo sheets :

      Oops, didn’t see the earlier sheet question before I posted!

    • We use Bed Voyage bamboo sheets and LOVE THEM. If you’re a Costco member, they’re often available there. If not, sign up for emails and wait for a 20% off coupon online. We have several sets and they have held up amazingly well and are incredibly soft.

  20. anon for this :

    My husband just left his old job 2 weeks ago to start a new one that he was really excited for. After one week of training in the new job, his boss decided it’s not going to work out and let him go. I’m so, so sad for him. He may be able to get his old job back–he left on good terms, and they probably need him. But even if he can, he’s really devastated about the new job, which would have been a great opportunity for him, and of course it’s a blow to his confidence.

    I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or commiseration. I’m just really sad and disappointed for him that it didn’t work out.

    • Wow, that’s horrible for him. That boss needs to learn how to hire people who will work out. It’s probably for the best. I’m so sorry for your husband. Hopefully he finds something soon.

      • Probably. The boss met him as an industry contact/customer and called him several months later to recruit him. They then had 4-5 phone and video conference interviews, although not another in-person interview.

        The worst part is, my husband feels like if they had told him there was an issue during the week, he could have corrected it or at least tried to correct it mid-course, instead of being blindsided after the week was over. It’s annoying (and expensive for them) that they let him fail through training without saying a word.

        • Anonymous :

          After 4-5 interviews the boss still couldn’t tell this wasn’t​ going to be a good fit? And wasn’t willing to give the situation longer than a week???

          I am so, so sorry for your husband – this is a really awful thing to have happen. But in the long run, he’ll be thankful because any boss who would recruit someone, interview someone that many times, and then turf them after a week is either just a really bad manager, or straight-up out of their gourd. My bet’s on the latter.

    • What kind of boss fires someone after one week??? that sounds a little cray to me. I’m really sorry this happened to him.

      • If the boss knows it’s not going to work out after one week, better to let the person go at that time then string it out for months or a year.

      • Jitterbug :

        I can only imagine that happening if someone did something so awful the boss couldn’t possibly coach the new hire on. Or maybe they really struggled with the training. Could have been an issue with the screening process, or maybe the person inflated their knowledge or professionalism in the interviews. Who knows? It’s definitely not a good situation, or a normal occurrence.

    • I am sorry. I can commiserate. My husband went through a similar situation but was let go after a month. It was a career change he was really excited about. He ended up going back to his old employer. It was tough and really sad to see him go through it. I tried to be extra supportive and help him see that the manager had some very unrealistic expectations. One week? That doesn’t seem right at all.

      • There does seem to be at least a miscommunication about expectations. It was a training week, and the new job involves some specialized knowledge which my husband doesn’t have yet (although he has lots of general knowledge in the industry). Apparently, in interviews, they said he was there to learn, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed at first, etc. But they let him go because he had “nervous energy,” which he attributes to not having the specialized knowledge and feeling overwhelmed.

        • That sounds like a BS excuse. Either that or it would be a terrible place to work. It’s absolutely a blow to one’s confidence, but much like in a relationship that ends because one side does something dooooshy, is that a company you really want to work for?

      • Anonshmanon :

        A similar thing happened to a friend of mine. No good explanation was given, but they were let go within the first month.
        My way of rationalizing was that the (small) company had unexpectedly lost an important client/a deal didn’t come through, so they didn’t have the work that my friend was supposed to be doing. But we’ll never find out the truth.

        • That was my line of thought as well. And it is a very small company – he would have been the second employee (plus the owner).

          • Anonymous :

            It says a lot more about the company vs. your DH. Especially given his previous relationship as a customer, the owner probably didn’t want to admit that the money was no longer there to hire him and then have word spread that the company wasn’t doing well financially.

            Hugs to you both.

  21. Sloan Sabbith :

    How much water do you try to drink each day on a normal day (so, not one where you’re working out a lot or hiking or something)?

    • Marshmallow :

      I have a 3/4 L bottle at work that I drink once on a not-great day, twice on a good day. And usually a glass of water with dinner.

      If I work out, add one extra bottle of water to that intake.

      • Wow – be really careful. You can make yourself hyponatremic drinking that much pure water. I truly hope that you are drinking things with salts, especially if you work out.

        Many here are going way overboard. This is more than a human needs.


        • Anonymous :

          Am I missing something? 3x 0.75L is only 9 glasses of water.

        • Could you explain this a little? I read this as one 3/4 of a liter bottle. Eight 8-ounce glasses (the totally generic cited standard) is 2 liters. Maybe I’m reading this differently?

    • I’d estimate I drink 50-60 oz., including tea/coffee.

    • I drink ~96 oz on a standard day. I have a 1L bottle that I’ll go through at least 3 of. I also drink a lot of tea/coffee on top of this. Add 1L for days when I run outside.

      • Anonymous :

        Same here. I have a 48 oz water bottle with markings so I remember to drink about 16 oz every 2 hours.

    • Anon in NYC :

      I probably drink about 100-120 oz of water a day.

    • I drink about 130oz of water a day. 80z before work in the morning, 24oz bottle 4-5 x a day at work, and about 3-4 8oz glasses after work. This doesn’t include tea or coffee. I’m always running to the bathroom, but I feel light-headed without this much.

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        This is about where I’m at now- I’ve been trying to drink enough water for the last week to help with chronic health issues and because I’ve found I have more energy. I’m averaging 120 oz per day, and always more than 100 oz.

    • Why has it become a thing to drink 12-15 glasses of water per day? Have you all been told by doctors to do this? Seems like an obsession now with people with their giant bottles that they refill all day long – at work – at a desk job not hiking or something.

    • Baconpancakes :

      Wow, you ladies are so hydrated! I probably average 60 oz with 12 oz of that coffee. I count light green teas and herbal tea as water. Drinking La Croix helps me bump up that number, although I hate the waste and expense.

    • If I’m being honest, I probably max out at 50 ounces of liquid including coffee.

    • BeenThatGuy :

      I shoot for 100 oz a day, give or take. Went I went from 60-100 oz, I noticed a huge improvement in my skin (texture and hydration).

    • lucy stone :

      About 160 oz most days. I’m nursing and am always thirsty!

  22. Mrs. Jones :

    I drink about 80 oz a day. I’m always thirsty and always drinking water.

  23. What is the etiquette around asking people to look at their rings? My boyfriend and I are discussing engagement in the next couple months. A colleague/supervisor/acquantaince has a beautiful ring that I’ve seen up close once, and would love to see again for ideas. I’m also not sure how to approach the subject. It seems gauche to discuss, especially pre-engagement.

    • If it’s a close friend, I think you could ask. For a colleague or supervisor, I think your instinct that it’s too gauche to discuss is probably right (even though I also think your colleague would be flattered!)

    • Anonymous :

      I think it’s gauche to ask for specifics about carat size or (worse) price, but I think it’s perfectly fine to ask a colleague or boss if you can see their ring for inspiration – if you pitch it as “BF and I have started talking about engagement rings, I love the design of yours and I was wondering if I could get a better look at it.” I wouldn’t do this if your workplace is one where nobody talks about their personal life, but assuming people share stuff about their lives and your colleagues know you have a longterm BF, I don’t think it’s that weird. I’d be super flattered if a colleague or subordinate asked me this.

    • I don’t think it’s gauche to discuss. Maybe it’s because I’m in a casual office, but several colleagues have asked to look at my ring, even after working with me for months. I’m not super picky about it, so I just take it off and hand it to them to look at it. If they ask questions about the engagement ring vs. the wedding bands, I explain it. For close friends/my sister that were ring were shopping, I let them actually put the ring on to see how it looks on their hand from a diamond/band size standpoint. I now have a right-hand ring with a sapphire that also inspires questions, and same thing, I just take it off and hand it to whoever is asking. Especially if you’re considering an engagement ring, I think it’s fine to just say that you think their ring is lovely, and you’d love to take a closer look. As long as you’re not overly grabby or making awkward comments about size/expense, I don’t think anyone would be offended.

  24. Any recommendations for a dress to wear to an evening wedding that has a dress code listed as ‘dressy casual?’ I’m 6 months post partum and still not able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes. My belly and my arms are my problem areas at the moment, so any dresses that hide/don’t accentuate those areas are needed. Budget is $150.

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