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Weekend Open Thread

woman wears gray v-neck cashmere sweater and white pants

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I'll have to go back and look at our previous coverage — I don't believe I've seen Nordstrom do so many early Black Friday deals before. Right now their home page proclaims limited time Black Friday Deals, including on Free People, Ugg, Eileen Fisher, Cole Haan, Vince, Barbour, Bony Levy (which we mentioned last week!), Boss, Rains, Parachute, Reiss, Tumi, Wayf & More!

I spent some time looking at the Vince sweaters on sale, and I can't decide which one I want the most — but the deals are definitely good if you want a minimalist basic from a brand that's known for quality.

This “weekend cashmere” sweater, pictured, was $325, but is now marked to $195 (40% off). It's available in four neutral colors, in sizes XXS-XL. (I'm not a big funnel-neck sweater kind of girl, but their boiled cashmere funnel necks do look really lovely.)

Other interesting notes from a quick pass through the sale: Rothy's shoes are in the sale, so are Blondo. Rothy's shoes are 25-37% off, bringing many down to $89-$119. Lots of coats from Reiss, and lucky sizes on clothing. The Eileen Fisher crepe pants everyone loves are down as low as $88 in some colors. Ooh, also like this heavily cabled sweater from Free People, down from $148 to as low as $66 in some colors. As always, lots of great deals on Natori and other lingerie.

Sales of note for 12.5

269 Comments

  1. If you were going to take a gap year/personal sabbatical as an adult, what would you do? Assume you didn’t need a job necessarily but could spend ~30k on expenses – not a “if you win the lottery…” scenario

    I’m way too responsible to actually do this, just want to dream a little

    1. Move to the South of France and only speak French for a year. Finally become fluent. Ride my bike to get baguettes and fresh berries and then sit on the beach reading a book and eating berries and baguettes and then drinking rose in the evening on my quiet patio.

      (I mean, maybe I’d bring my husband and kids too.)

      2. A friend and her husband are actually doing this and fwiw, it is as good as it sounds. They got a 24m separation package from one of their employers and decided to take a sabbatical .They read, play music, golf, and generally have a wonderful time

        1. $24,000,000? $24 million? separation package? really??!! can you explain this for us???

    2. Honestly just stay home, read books, cook and bake, spend time with my family and friends. Be there for people when they need help. And go to aaaallllll the museums and really linger there (I’m in NYC). Most of that 30k would go to tickets to performing arts and museum memberships.

      1. ahhh nyc hanging out would be awesome. The 30k has to cover rent and stuff so probably not feasible for me but a great dream

        1. Yeah I was assuming that it was 30k above your regular rent/bills/groceries at home. 30k would barely cover my rent so there’s no way that would work.

          1. I wish! no, I was thinking “move somewhere with low COL”, but a seasonal job is also on the table. No debt, no kids, no mortgage so my expenses could be pretty low outside the US

    4. Me-without-kids would sign up for one of those live and work aboard a sailing ship things for a few months. Also possibly volunteer to do trail maintenance in a national park.

      Real me would just enjoy not burning the candle at both ends and be more physically present for my family.

      1. I’m in a sabbatical of sorts for a year after taking a severance package that pays me for 12 months. The present-for-family thing is such a gift. It’s made me really rethink what I want to do next, professionally, and I will likely pursue flexibility over the Big Job.

    5. Move to an island or beach town for the year – someplace that really shuts down in the off season. Read books, take up painting the sea, ride a bike in all weather. Get really good at baking bread from scratch when I wasn’t off soaking up the environment.

      2. not the OP, but own a small beach house in a small beach town, and no, it’s wonderful. People, and my reactions to them!, are exhausting.

    6. I would travel – there’s so many places I’d like to go but it’s going to take just 4-5 days there and back with connections and getting used to a time change. if you could really shake up your life and do apartment swaps or things like that to see different places. i’d try to make some money on the side by starting a travel tiktok or something.

    7. Do it! Without kids and with 30k, I’d do an epic three-month low-budget world travel trip starting in September. Then, from January to May, I’d live with friends or family in exchange for helping with their kids. Then, in June and July, I’d live somewhere beautiful and volunteer a few hours a day. Then, in August, I’d spend time gearing back up for real life.

    8. I would stay home, have coffee on my porch in the mornings, read oodles of good books, hire a personal trainer to spend six months helping me get in really good shape and make a solid habit of working out. I would take swimming lessons, go hiking, camping, and visit out-of-town family on a whim. Lean into my hobbies, revamp my landscaping, and tackle some DIY house projects.

    9. This isn’t daydreaming for me – I have a 3 month sabbatical coming up this winter! I have kids and a partner who works full-time, so am tied to the rhythms of the school year, but what I am actually doing within my practical reality is:
      – Learning something (in my case, lifting heavier, learning to cross-country ski, and starting beginner tap dance classes)
      – Something creative (creative writing exercises from The Artist’s Way, planning and tackling a nonfiction writing project, occasional watercolors, occasional wandering around museums)
      – Really showing up for my various communities: a running group, my kids’ school, spending time with neighbors and friends. It’s counterintuitive, but I believe quantity time – just keep showing up! – leads to quality connections and more communal care, including for yourself.
      – Training for a marathon
      – Working with a career coach

      1. I was laid off a few months ago (with severance and outplacement including career coaching) and this is basically what I’ve done. I volunteer at my kids’ school once a week, engage with them on homework – especially my ADHD newly minted middle schooler who is really struggling with the greater exec function expectations, connect with friends more often, stick with my swimming and weight training schedule, have made really good progress on some artistic pursuits, and do all my errands during the school day so weekends and evenings can be actual fun downtime. It’s glorious.
        Enjoy your sabbatical!

        1. Heh, what sparked this question is the company I work for is pretty clearly financially unstable, and I realized that I am kind of hoping to get laid off. And we don’t even offer good severance! and that made me think.. maybe it’s time

          1. I was *thrilled* to get laid off, I’d been anticipating it and the last 6 months were a slog but I’m glad I stuck it out. My mental and physical health haven’t been this good in years. My company was also not doing well financially and unfortunately changed their severance policy to make it effectively 2 months less generous for me than it would have been if I’d been laid off last year, but still, I’ll take it.

    11. Japan is on sale. Would pick up some English teaching work and use the 30K to have a better life, travel.

      Took a past gap summer in Rio de Janeiro and wish I had done a whole year.

    12. I would take dogs out of high kill shelters in the south and drive them north to give them a better shot. I could sob seeing how awful San Antonio has to do euthanasia. Being part of a freedom ride like that would be priceless.

  2. Can we do a “this place specific” gratitude thread in advance of Thanksgiving? Advice that really landed well for you, posters who offered a kind or insightful thought, media recs that were great—that sort of thing!

    1. About a million years ago somebody recommended Becca Under Eye Brightening Concealer and I’ve been using it ever since. Same with the Cuyana tote I bought in 2018 that’s still going strong.

    2. Things over the years that have been recommended to me on this site that are huge favorites: Feetures socks (no show socks that truly stay put), Noxgear light up vests, Amour Vert washable silk blouses, and tons of good travel recommendations

    3. I stumbled across this blog in…2017 maybe? (a few years post-grad) and am generally grateful for the advice, stories, etc. esp. hearing perspectives from people much more senior than I was at the time! I’m also grateful it’s a good distraction at work but limited – I can’t scroll endlessly so it’s good for a measured break!

      also I’m grateful for the commenters who use/have stuck to handles instead of anon. While I totally (sadly) get why some don’t & why others chose to go anon, I do feel like it gives more community to this little corner of the internet. (I was a lurker or anon commenter for years so no shade :) )

      1. Senior Attorney! Ideas like ‘price of admission’ to a relationship and ‘the only way out is through’ are mainstays in our family thanks to you.

        1. Senior Attorney suggested that I might need to divorce my insane ex. She was right, of course, it just took me a little longer to decide.

    4. One comment thread a few months back mentioned the book How Women Rise. I picked it up on a whim and have found it very insightful about some advice my well-meaning (male) mentor has had difficulty articulating to me, mainly, let go of practices that no longer serve me.

    5. Almost exactly a year ago you all helped me find the courage to leave my mediocre marriage to my high school sweetheart, and someone (Senior Attorney?) said something about you won’t believe how much better you feel in a year. Well, you were right! I live in a fancy, tiny apartment downtown, and love living by myself. I was doing some casual dating, then accidentally fell in love with an incredible, hot, emotionally intelligent guy who is also recently divorced. I’ve deepened so many friendships and have learned so much about myself. One-year-ago me would never believe this is my life, and I’m so grateful to everyone who encouraged me to be brave. Being divorced is amazing!

      2. I’m similar, and got great advice here.

        Left my husband after 23 year marriage and kids.
        I’m in a small apartment- but in a great neighborhood in SF, dating a hot, emotionally healthy guy and super happy.

        It was so hard to get through, but wonderful on the other side.

      3. I feel like I’ve been here long enough that while I’m not senior attorney, I have come to be one with her advice ;).

    6. I’m thankful for The Skirt that got me through many work meetings all the way to today times and recent recs on The Poems from the Lab Vitamin C that is keeping my (now) wrinkles at bay.

      I’m also thankful for the inspiration, like the commenter who is pulling herself out of debt successfully to the other commenter who recently left her substance-abusing husband (who sadly passed). Some of you are battling things with such courage that it makes my minor-by-comparison challenges or sadness seem like I can take them on as well.

      1. And now I am grateful that you reminded me of the Vitamin C serum heavily recommended here a while back, as I now really need it, so I am willing to pay for it, but I could not recall the brand.

    7. I appreciate frank discussions here, even if they get heated sometimes. I appreciate people pushing back on oblivious or thoughtless assumptions (including mine). My real life circle is not particularly diverse and it’s important to me, to have better awareness of others’ lived reality.

    8. I truly am thankful for fleece tights but more specifically, 8ish years ago, the women in this community helped me through a tough time after the birth of my second child. It was a lifeline at the time. I wish I could remember more of their handles – Avocado, AIMS, Rainbow Hair were there. It was probably on the moms site but it was just so kind.

      When I need thoughtful input about tricky situations, I know I can (usually) come here and find help.

      1. H13, I am so glad you’re doing well and shared this. I feel like the moms s*te was a total lifeline in the early days of motherhood, esp. because the rest of the intern*t is often such a dumpster fire.

    9. I’m thankful for the people who helped me figure out that Sherwin Williams Sea Salt was the perfect color to paint my bathroom to turn it from ‘Oh So much beige! Aggressively Beige tiles and walls and shower oh my!’ to a lovely beachy vibe where the tile truly just reads as a sandy neutral.

      I’m also thankful with the people who listened when I was having a really hard time as a working mom in a toxic job environment with a spouse who travelled for work.

      1. Oh my gosh am I about to be thankful for you recommending that color for our aggressively beige tiled bathroom? Just ordered a sample …

      2. I have loved that color for 10 years, since I was in a little Brooklyn apartment. My first house had a lot of north-facing bathrooms/rooms in general and the sample looked so washed out, but now I’m in a new house with a master bath that gets tons of light and I’m finally going to use it!!

    10. I’ve read this site since near to the beginning. I’m thankful for how supportive this site is because sometimes you just need to know that there are some random strangers pulling for you and sending you good juju to do the hard thing.

      1. A coworker first pointed me here 2011ish when we were bored at our Reserve duty one early weekend morning. I’ve taken occasional breaks when work got insane, but I’ve been at least lurking most of the time since then! I’ve appreciated the perspective of people older and with more experience, and now the perspectives of people younger and with different experience. I used to get a ton of outfit ideas back when I had to dress nicely and go into a government office, and looking good brightened my day. And really it’s just heartwarming to see random internet strangers caring about each other’s stories, offering advice, and engaging in (mostly, at our best) thoughtful discussions.

    11. I’m generally thankful for the rest of you who actively post and give (mostly) lurker me an internet break. So many chuckles and thought provocations over the years.

      Specifically, I’m very grateful to the poster who recommended we check out Univ. of Illinois Champaign/Urbana for a physically disabled student. We visited last summer and it’s now top of his list.

      1. This stranger will say that I work with alot of UofI alums and it seems like a great community and network after graduation.

      2. My husband and daughter are UIUC grads and we’re hoping for an acceptance for my senior too!

    12. Really the moms s i t e, but hire the babysitter. See your friends. Go to an older kid’s activity solo and take that kid out for ice cream after. You’ll be a better longterm parent.

    13. I’ve gotten so many recommendations I can’t even remember them all. I think of the hive every time I consider a new skincare regime and then think, no, just trentinoin, Vitamin C, and sunscreen. I only started buying foreign sunscreen because everyone was in love with Biore.

      I LOVE the diversity and frankness of discussions here – where else can you go to talk about money and know you’re getting generally good advice?

      actually hugely thankful for the hive. thank you guys.

    14. I was here forever ago and used to post under the name Housecounsel. I left during Covid because the anxiety of some of the posters was making mine spiral. That is NOT a criticism; I cannot imagine how terrifying it must have been in the early days for people who lived in NYC high-rises, etc. I found my way back and have been Anon lately because I have posted some more easily identifiable things about myself. But I have valued the counsel of Senior Attorney forever! I have loved the fashion recs, especially the ones that give me in insight into what real people are wearing now that I mostly WFH. Most recently, you all made me feel so much better when I posted about my insecurity that I am not well-traveled. You helped with my insecurity, and also, I am about to put down a deposit on the biggest travel adventure of my life and I am SO EXCITED.

      Speaking of easily identifiable, have you ever realized you know someone on here? I did once. She is a lawyer who started some garbage weight loss coaching service and posted about it here as well as on social media under her own name. I should have called her out by name but I didn’t. I don’t respect her (or at least her choice to suit up for diet culture) but I do respect this space.

      2. I did once! A poster who hasn’t put anything up in years and years (this was maybe 8 years ago?) regularly posted under a handle. One time she posted a very specific query about a public interest group here (think Habitat for Humanity), and I about fell over when a woman posted the same thing – verbatim if I recall – in my local parent listserve. If I recall, the handle corresponded with something in her name, so it felt very on the nose. It was wild!!

      3. Regarding paragraph 2 — Yes! It’s Senior Attorney herself. She posted something here and I realized that I knew of her from somewhere else. I’ve had a fun time ever since “knowing” her.

      4. Yessss, I realized my friend’s wife was a commenter when she told the same lie on here that she did over drinks. My brain just about broke when I realized.

    15. I’ve gotten some fun fiction recommendations here over the years, but I really appreciate two nonfiction ones: New Rules of Lifting for Women, and Taking Charge of Your Fertility. TCOYF in particular was so much stuff I never learned before (how?!) and knowledge kept me from doom spiraling when I went off the pill and my body went kinda haywire for half a year.

    16. I have been posting and reading here since I was in law school, and I am now an equity shareholder in a mid size law firm. Y’all have been with me forever and for so many things – job changes, wedding, two kids, the list goes on. I’m not sure I can even list all the little things I have learned from this community over the years, but I have particularly appreciated the ability to anonymously ask career questions over the years. I have mentors and other sources of information, but sometimes you just want to be anonymous, and this site is perfect for that. I also loved when people shared data on various topics, like where they live and what they make. When I was a young attorney at a small firm, I had hardly any context around my salary and whether it was market, and I really appreciated the data here.

    17. I’ve been reading for well over a decade and I’ve been so grateful for the advice and exposure this site has given me – I feel like it helped me grow up and better understand how to operate in more privileged work and social environments than I come from.
      I will also forever be grateful to the women who guided me through a terrible breakup and advised me to take a chance on a job offer with a move to a new state (shout out to the ladies if Boston and our cheese-plate centric meet-ups if you’re still reading).

    18. I’ve been reading this site since 2009. There was a post during that timeframe that I *think* was Senior Attorney who referred to her child in the Marines as “My Marine.” Someone got snippy and said something along the lines of “you shouldn’t call them that, they’re the entire country’s Marine,” and the mother responded cheerfully that she would call her child whatever she wanted. It always stuck with me as a good way to respond to pointlessly nosy and mean comments.

      Anyway, I’m grateful now for the recommendations for Retinol and the peri-menopause and menopause advice. I’m grateful for the book recommendations (except those for Christian fiction designed as historical fiction).

      BTW, whoever is looking for non-gory mysteries and was willing to read older books, I highly recommend anything by Dorothy L. Sayers.

      I’m grateful for the “just do the thing,” “when a person tells you who they are, believe them,” and “the only way out is through.” I’m grateful for the travel recommendations, especially for Iceland. I had a fantastic trip with my sister at the end of the pandemic. Now that I’ve been alcohol-free for over a year, I can say I’m grateful for all of the posters who don’t drink, or don’t drink as much as the people I run with. It’s good to know there are others like me out there. I’m grateful for the recommendation for Bridgerton Teas, Hard as Hoof, and the Bi-Stretch Sheath Dress, which was a powerhouse for me.

      Oh, and the DASH egg cooker! Super grateful for that!

    19. I have been reading this site since before my 12 year old was born. Before the mom’s site existed. Back when ELLEN popped in. Back when there was a h@te tumbler (remember tumblr?!) dedicated to mocking this $ite.

      I’ve learned so much over the years. The big ones have been helping me navigate and advocate for my 2E kid, helping me understand that people are not projects, and honestly some of the bat$hit crazy stories about partners leaving me grateful for mine. You guys got me through my first layoff and now I’m so far past it that I can help others.

      I have some complicated family dynamics that this group has really helped me with and I also feel like I’ve been around long enough to help people too :).

      So to all that have been here for the ride with me, thank you! And to those that have joined along the way, thank you!

      1. lol I’d forgotten about that tumblr! One of my comments was posted there once, and I spent some time thinking about why it was egregious enough to warrant a mention. I decided it came off as a privileged “white savior” thing. So at the risk of sounding just as tone deaf as I did then, I am thankful for the WOC here who point out their different experiences and blind spots and biases that I and other white women have. It’s not your job to educate me, but I’ve learned from you.

        I also used to really like Ru (if I’m remembering right, I don’t think I’ve seen her handle in a while), who dressed modestly and always described her fabulous outfits, but also made me more conscious of cultural inclusivity at work.

        1. I used to really like the hate tumblr, it was so validating to know I wasn’t the only person who thought some people were unhinged

          1. I think people are unhinged pretty often these days. I don’t know if it’s increased readership or what but it’s gotten pretty ugly around here over the last few years. I hate the pile-ons.

    20. These days I am just grateful for a site where we can discuss normal topics without a side order of male rage.

    21. Thank you – this community has been a part of improving my life in so many ways. Daily, for at least a decade, I read comments from people who care (mostly) about others or provide helpful information, sometimes from people whose handles I recognized. I was living in an alien country (I love to travel and have done a lot but this particular one I dislike) in a complicated marriage, doing toxic unfulfilling work, and very lonely. I was miserable for decades but am now alone but less alone, no longer in the work situation, traveling, and so much happier.

    22. This is a lovely thread. I’m thankful for the blunt advice on business dress that I put to use through law school interviews, a clerkship, BigLaw, and after. I’m grateful for a place to go when I’m speechless about the world and you all find words for it. For a sense of community and continuity after multiple moves and other lonely times. For the drama of ELLEN and button-down-shirt-guy. For telling me to stop wearing skinny jeans and also for the support to just wear what we feel good wearing and have in our closets anyway.

    23. +1 to the big-picture things that other folks have said, but a very specific one from me: I’m grateful to cbackson for finding me the lawyer who helped me navigate one of the most difficult situations of my life. I don’t think she posts anymore, but I will always be thankful for her willingness to use her network for a complete stranger.

    24. Have been reading since the early days, maybe for 13-14 years or more. Helped me navigate my marriage, pregnancy, parenting and career ups and downs. On the lighter side, I discovered Boden, Uniqlo and Quince through this website, though the rest of my purchases are largely Old Navy, Gap and Target. I also got many skincare and makeup recommendations including Skinceuticals Vitamin C, snail mucin, Cetaphil, NARS concealer, tubing mascara and Bite lipstick (sadly discontinued now). Thank you to these wonderful women who have taught me so much, sometimes sternly, sometimes sarcastically, but always authentically.

  3. Going to NJ/NYC for Thanksgiving. Weather is all over the place. Do I need my longer puffer jacket (mid thigh/knee length) or my shorter one (hip length)? I’m originally from the north east but where i currently live it’s in the 70s today so I’ve forgotten how to dress.i will mostly be in the burbs so in/out of the car but will be in the city on Monday and want to be comfortable

    2. Definitely go for the long – its been cold in a way that gets into your bones lately

    3. I’m traveling to the same area next week as well and just came on to ask if anyone feels like they have mastered the packing just right (not over or under) for a week long family visit.

      I’m bringing a denim jacket, puffer vest, a zip up hoodie sweatshirt, two sweaters of different weights (lighter weight and black for T. Giving, and a heavier for lounging and layering), and a slouchy beanie.

      I actually put a note in my phone with 3 set outfits I’ll rotate through next week and what days I’m wearing them. Mix and match with a few lounge and layering extras.

      1. I posted below but I would suggest bringing just a warmer coat rather than multiple layers if you are going to be running around the city much, and make sure it is wind blocking. It is hard to deal with layers when you are constantly moving from warmer places (inside subway cars, inside buildings) to outside.

    4. I’d take both if they’re the stuffable, packable kind. I never regret having coat options.

    5. Are these really heavy coats or just varied lengths? I basically only wear mid-thigh coats if I need anything beyond a sweater, but I have them in different levels of warmth. So far I have not wanted my heavy coat, although admittedly I have not left the house today. It has been unseasonably warm and dry this fall. Forecast for late next week looks like highs in the 40s and lows in the 30s with some rain. When in doubt, pack the warmer one; city living is not conducive to layering.

    6. Im in Boston and honestly, if you’ll be in the city I’d go long and bring gloves. You can always unbutton and lose the gloves but the wind is so chilly!

  4. Hosting/party help wanted! I apologize for the long post. I’m brand new to hosting people, so I’m excited and planning ahead and wanted to get your advice! First, I am hosting 3 women for a small Christmas gathering in December. We are doing Secret Santa. This one is a little easier as this is just my friends, but they have never been to my new apartment. I am not a good cook so menu will be what I’m comfortable with which is baked ziti (no meat as 2 of us don’t eat it). Should I somehow offer meat to the other 2? I will also have a veggie tray with hummus and Christmas cookies for dessert. I’m thinking I will make sugar cookies and then we can decorate them together. So I guess here are the details I have so far:
    – Music: Pop Christmas mixed with classic Christmas (I’m great at making playlists)
    – Appetizer: Veggie tray with hummus
    – Dinner: Baked ziti, some type of bread
    – Drinks: Several wines offered, including red and a bubbly white (2 preferences of ours)
    – Dessert: Christmas cookies
    – Activities:
    – Secret Santa
    – Cookie decorating
    – I have holiday to-go pans for friends to take home leftovers and extra cookies
    – Using holiday dishes and stemmed wine glasses I’ve received in recent years, with fun holiday napkins I picked up at HomeGoods
    – Decor will just be my home’s Christmas tree and usual Christmas decorations

    Do I need to plan anything else? This is truly my first time hosting so I want to make sure I’ve thought things through.

    Second, I’m pre-planning a Galentine’s Day party for February! I’m very excited, hence the early planning. I welcome all suggestions for this party and will probably post again as it gets closer. For this party, I’m expecting a lot of people. I plan to invite my 3 friends, my sister, her friend, a few girls from high school, my entire book club (about 12 women), the women at my office (about 10 women), and will encourage them all to bring any other women friends they are interested in bringing. I’ll create a cute e-vite and will ask for an RSVP with the number of people they are bringing. For activities, I plan to do optional white elephant and optional Galentine’s Day bingo (found a board on Etsy where you find a guest who is wearing X, has been to Y, etc) with a small prize for the bingo winner. No dinner, but I want to do lots of appetizers and desserts, along with wine and non-alcoholic options (any tasty, bubbly suggestions that come in a nice bottle?). I welcome suggestions on how much food and drink to plan for, as well as food options (especially appetizers and how to keep them hot). I want to go all out on decor and get big XO balloons and do red and pink confetti on the counters and table. I’ll get Valentine’s Day paper plates and napkins, as well as pink plastic champagne flutes as I don’t have enough glass ones. Music will be female pop artists. For a small party favor, I’ll have a bowl of big stickers near the door with Galentine’s day phrases on them. Any other ideas? Have you ever hosted or attended a Galentine’s day party? What did you like or not like about it?

    1. For the Christmas dinner, I would suggest having a leafy salad with dinner to break up the carbs and give a little acidity. Doesn’t have to be complicated! Arugula, pecorino, some slivered almonds, and a lemon vinaigr-t-e is my fave with pasta.

      1. +1 or some fresh looking bagged salad and Ken’s lite ceasar will work in a pinch. Op your party sounds great! Have fun!

      2. +2. I also am not a cook, but I can throw a few ingredients together for a salad, which I definitely would like to add to this meal as a guest.
        Your activities sound great also.
        I don’t like parties, but this party sounds great. Well done!

      3. +1 to salad with dinner – bagged is totally fine!

        I’d also do a second app – can be as easy as cheese and crackers or chips and salsa.

    2. both sound lovely! this is random but just since you haven’t hosted much, make sure your bathroom is clean & well stocked. Just one of those little bumps it can be easy to forget about! (e.g. have a few rolls of TP easily accessible, soap isn’t almost empty, super nice to have tampons/pads available for emergencies).

      I also like to make sure I have floor/carpet cleaner at the ready – I’m not overly freaked out about stains, but there’s always that risk with red wine so it’s nice to have a spot cleaner easily accessible and avoid the guilty guest feeling even worse while you run around the house looking for it!

      1. Too many times I have grabbed the bathroom hand towels to wash before guests come, and then forgot to pull them from the dryer and hang them back up!

    3. This sounds like such fun!
      For the first, smaller gathering, I have two thoughts: (1) Swap and/or supplement the veggie tray with a great cheese board (and beware of the carrots, Google the recall!); and (2) You can serve a side of meatballs with the ziti for anyone who might be in a meaty mood. Something worth mentioning because this is your first time hosting – stock your bathroom: extra TP within reach; disposable hand towels for drying hands; easy to operate trash can, etc.
      For the second event: I would style this one as an open house, and think about activities that can happen on a rolling basis, being very optional for participants as they see fit. I always think chocolate for this holiday, so maybe you could have a wine-and-chocolate pairing thing going on.

    4. Both sound amazing! This is super dorky but I actually have a galentines party where we make valwntines. I get a ton of stickers and doilies and stencils and markers and set up a couple tables. People do as much or as little as they want but it’s kind of fun to have a little activity. Have fun!!

    5. Main advice I would have for single party throwing is have all your food ready to serve prior to guests arriving, other than taking stuff out of the oven. Also set things up for self service drinks. Then you can enjoy entertaining rather than worrying about food and drink.

    6. Maybe some fruit or something too with the dinner? It feels like not enough sides to me, but maybe you plan to fill up on wine and cookies?

  5. iso new warm turtlenecks for winter layering. I just got some of the Uniqlo “extra warm” heat tech and they are total garbage, completely see-through and very thin. unlike the extra warm turtlenecks that I got from there several years ago. must stand on its own as a shirt. in addition. any good sources? I can’t wear wool.

    1. The heat tech line is modern long underwear. If you want a turtleneck shirt, go to Lands End or LL Bean.

      1. +1 Uniqlo is meant to be layered beneath things

        for something by itself maybe Everlane or Naadam’s if you want a fitted look?

    2. I think if you want something that looks like a shirt and not underwear you might be better off with basic cotton turtlenecks. You could try other kinds of silk or synthetic long underwear but I think a lot will be sheer and will look like underwear. Or look for a microfleece turtleneck. This looks opaque -https://www.32degrees.com/products/womens-heavyweight-fleece-baselayer-mock-top

  6. hive, need your advice about keeping or returning 2 pairs of Sorels I got a great deal on yesterday. I’ll l-nk below.
    Grey caribou boot (sneaker hybrid) for $40
    x FP movement impact boot (white puffy) for $50

    I feel a bit of – maybe I should just have chosen 1 – BUT I do live in the very cold & snowy midwest, have a dog to walk all winter, and love my sorel joan of arctic boots for true snowfall. Well stocked on dressier/office options.

    convince me either way!

    2. If you’re not short on space, boots wear out with use/miles on them instead of time, so keeping both isn’t wasteful (assuming you’ll wear them both out eventually; calculation changes if you’re using them like 1x a year and the useful-life limiting feature will be the rubber degrading or style)

    3. Given the climate where you are, I’d keep both – they’ll both get a lot of wear.

    4. those are great deals. the free people one is sold out and not there anymore. when they come assess if one is too heavy for you — my sorels are great but they’ve always been super heavy clonky shoes.

    5. I like the look of both. If they are each comfortable, and you can afford them, I would keep both and wear them in different settings. The grey ones would be my main dog walking / utilitarian footgear, and the white puffy ones would be for cute outings to get hot coco and window shop in the snow with my DH.

  7. Just a psa regarding holiday gatherings. I know there’s a lot of back and forth about hiring help or potluck v catering but here’s the thing: Just do it. Just invite people over with an open heart and try to have fun. I think there’s a lot of judgment here and the truth is as a guest I just like to be invited and included. Opening your home is so special and it’s increasingly rare. I will bring food. I’ll take off my shoes. I’m not judging your cooking or calling you gauche for getting a bartender. I don’t care that your baseboards are clean. I’m here to hang out and meet your husband’s brother’s wife and see how big the kids got and I’ll drink whatever you’re pouring. I’ve thrown my share of good and terrible parties and I do think at some point it’s a skill you have to build and you need to start somewhere. And the vast, vast majority of people are just happy to be invited. You’ve got this.

    3. Yes this! Make an effort to serve food and drinks of some kind, greet people with a smile. Everything else is extra.

    4. This this this.

      People way overthink parties, but people just want to spend time with their people! And to meet the friends of friends at parties – some of whom have become good friends of mine.

      Some of my favorite nights are when a few friends and I decide for an impromptu night – someone brings a bottle of wine, someone grabs a pizza, and we just get to hang.

    5. +1,000, this is so true for the vast majority of people on the planet. We’re all just happy to be included and have some fun with folks we like. It is a real treat to be hosted in someone’s home.

    6. This is a lovely post.
      I’ve hosted a LOT of parties over the years and I’ve mostly stopped as it is a lot of time/money/energy and is very rarely reciprocated which is sad TBH.

      1. This is so interesting. I’ve felt the same way the last few years. We don’t do big parties but we do have small groups over frequently. Sometimes just one family, sometimes a few colleagues, etc. Very few people reciprocate. I have tried to view it as people just not liking to host and not a slight. Would be nice though. We are very casual and get togethers are usually just afternoon drinks and apps that occasionally morph into dinner if everyone is having a good time.

      2. Yeah, we used to host a lot and stopped for the same reason. Not a lot of reciprocation, no matter how much we hosted.

    7. Yes, so many people are afraid of hosting unless its picture perfect so they just dont do it – I honestly think its a contributing factor in the loneliness epidemic. Just invite some people you like over, provide snacks and drinks and it will all be fine :)

      1. I think this is correct. Everyone sees influencers beautiful, white, curated homes and most don’t have these. Think back to the 90s – Friends, Seinfeld, etc. all had pretty “normal” homes. I wish we could normalize normal again.

        1. +1 my house is a dumpster fire currently as I’m working on some renos. I hate that I’m too ashamed to have people over but the internet has really raised the bar.

          1. The one Christmas party we reliably go to every year and have done so for more than a decade is in a house that most of you would describe as a dumpster fire and we always have a very nice time. It’s about the people, not the house.

      2. We didn’t all start off this way! Some guests really are uncomfortable if things aren’t up to their standards.

    10. Totally agree. I fully admit to having a few strong food preferences, and I’m happy to weigh in when people here ask for advice about their parties. But when my real life friends invite me over, I’m just happy to be there. I might eat in advance or eat afterward because I don’t want to eat much of what you’re serving, but I really don’t care. That said, when I’m hosting, I do prefer to know about my guests’ general dietary preferences so I can plan accordingly. There’s no point in going all out on food people aren’t going to eat when you easily could have made something else.

    12. This is such a nice post!

      If there were a holiday gathering attendee match app, I would swipe right. You sound like my kind of people.

    14. I agree and I’m someone who caters everything, with a bartender and I have a decorated “influencer type” home. That stuff is all for me and my convenience and preferences. I don’t want the hassle of entertaining but I want to have the party. I don’t care at all how other people entertain or what their homes look like. It has always been only about the people.

    15. I will just put this out there as some who doesn’t come from a shoe free culture – just tell me ahead of time that I can’t wear my shoes in your house. I’m uncomfortable barefoot. I will bring a pair of socks and my indoor only slippers from home if you just let me know! But no I am not going to stay long if you insist that the only way for me to be at your home is barefoot.

      1. Do you live somewhere without winter? I never understood the shoes indoors thing, that would make my floors so dirty, the outside mud, salt and snow should not come in.

        2. Different Anon, but it doesn’t really snow where I live so there’s no salt, and I don’t get mud on my shoes just walking on pavement to and from the car (it’s all paved and not muddy).

          But do people very often wear boots or galoshes to every holiday party and then remove them in piles at the door? Because I remember wearing fancy heels and keeping them on for the party even when I lived places where there was winter if I got to my destination in a car.

          1. Yes, parties in Canada will just have a giant pile of boots at the door. It’s very normal :)

          2. Haha I’m the question asker and yes Canadian, the boot pile is a staple of winter parties, sometimes there’s a coat pile on a bed too

  8. My spouse is interested in potentially acting as one of several guarantors on a low six-figure loan for a friend’s production company (they want to make a tv show). The friend is an experienced professional and has good intent. He has a business plan. It could be very lucrative if it pays off. We make about a $270K/yr combined income and have about $400K in debt from mortgage/student loans/cars. We have two young kids and are in our early 40s. I’m an attorney and my husband is a self-employed creative. We are trying to rebuild our emergency fund after years of daycare and have a few hundred thousand in investments/401k.

    My husband is reaching out to other creatives for input on the business plan, but I feel like people in our financial situation are crazy to take on a risk like this. We really can’t afford to pay on the loan if things don’t work out. My spouse thinks I am being pessimistic. I told him I’d love to contribute a set amount of money we could afford. I don’t want this to drive a wedge between us. Has anyone ever navigated this issue with their spouse before?

    1. I would 100% agree with you. I wouldn’t contribute any money you can’t afford to lose. The failure rates in entertainment are so, so high. Given that you have loans and young children this doesn’t seem to make sense, especially if you’d be cutting back on funding retirement/college to contribute.
      Do you have a financial advisor who can be a neutral third party here?

      1. +1 to the last sentence. IME/O you will never win this without a neutral third party, sad to say.

    3. You are in the right. You don’t invest in a business venture unless you can afford to lose the money. We are at about the same income/asset level as you and there is no way we could afford to gamble like that.

      1. We make a lot more than you do and I would never gamble on an entertainment venture. If it’s actually good, Netflix will fund it.

    4. There is a zero percent chance I would agree to fund this. At most, I’d make a small donation of what you can afford to the project. It sounds like you and your spouse need to have a financial conversation, I can’t really offer advice there because we’re on the same page.

    5. Yes, you are being pessimistic: you’re carefully considering what could go wrong. This is not a negative, in my mind.

      But also: it sounds like you’re making a financial decision, and he’s making a friendship/creative/”love a good risk!” decision. What kind of facts or assurance would you need to get on the same page as him? What kind of emotion or empathy would he need in order to see your side of things?

      I’d ask your husband to carefully explore all the realities, and then you guys can sit down for the next round of discussion, based on actual facts. Give him everything you’d want to know and think through: How many guarantors will there be? Who are they? When will they all need to give a yes/no to this? What happens if one of the guarantors can’t pay a portion? What are the terms of the loan, and what would that mean for you if you have to pay (how much, over what time span, what interest rate, etc.) Also, what’s the best-case scenario? How much money would you make if everything goes well? What has to happen for everything to go well?

      1. Just to follow up: I think this is a terrible idea, personally. But you already know that. And you telling him all your internet friends think it’s a terrible idea doesn’t help. That’s why I’m suggesting having HIM go out and learn all the actual facts, deadlines, and consequences, and having YOU give him some empathy on how fun it is to dream about doing a great project and making money. I am NOT suggesting you agree with him and do this.

        1. This is a good perspective, thanks. Since my husband is a creative, I have to support some level of risk. He once took a year off from paid work to develop a new skill and that risk paid off very well. He’s invested in some original art and also done some projects with other friends that required some level of time/money investment. He’s been shit on a lot on his business and I think he sees this as an exciting opportunity to make money and do something new. If we had tons of money this could be a fun risk to take. My husband is smart and has already participated in a meeting about the business plan and consulted with some other friends who know this business, so he’s doing his due diligence. I would love to reach a middle ground where we say we’ll put in something like 10K and then see where it goes.

          1. My household income, debt, and savings are very very similar to yours. I would be willing to invest 10k.

    7. It would be absolutely bonkers to do this given your financial situation. Even in a vastly stronger position, the potential to ruin the friendship is really high.

      I have never navigated this, but I would absolutely put my foot down. If not for me, then for my kids.

    8. It’s bananas he wants to take this kind of risk when you’re the one with the stable career…..

    9. This situation is infuriating. You’re an attorney and he’s a “creative,” and he wants to spend the family’s money on his buddy’s passion project? He’s a jerk for even asking you this.

      1. I land here too. You’ve already sacrificed for the arts with your husband staying home to be creative. I would not toss more money down that drain.

          1. As the lower-earning/artistic partner in my marriage I agree that OP has already gone way above and beyond to support her husband’s creative ambitions. It’s incredibly selfish and short-sighted for him to ask to gamble money they don’t have on his friend’s project, especially since they have kids. It’s not even his own project!

          2. Umm you think what? It’s totally fine to not contribute to the household and then waste their resources on a pointless venture?

          3. I am getting the impression that “creative” spouse is interpreted as a freeloader or someone who isn’t pulling their weight. That is not the case with my husband and not the issue here. He is successful in his field and has always contributed significantly to our household. He would be part of the team on his friends project, though I’m not sure how. I just think the amount of money is way too much!

          4. Well, unless you’re very underemployed as a lawyer, I’d think you’re making the majority of you HHI. Choosing a creative profession is fine but he should defer to the spouse who makes the money.

    10. Please take into consideration that your ability to get loans in the future would be affected for the life of the guaranty. You would have to disclose the guaranty on loan applications and financial statements.
      .

    12. This is insane. If your husband wants to spend money like a hedge fund manager he needs to make more money! Y’all can’t afford this at all.

      1. Thanks for all of the comments! To be clear, my husband is a creative, but is not a stay at home parent, he works full time and actually makes money. I am hoping this experience motivates us to get our financial ducks in a row and perhaps think about investments that DO make sense for us.

    13. If you can’t afford to pay on the loan, I wouldn’t be a guarantor in this situation. Even if the TV show gets picked up, there is a really, really limited number of distributors and these are powerful companies with lots of lawyers and lots of leverage. They get to say what they will pay, who owns what, etc.

      Contributing cash is a way better idea.

      1. If he’s in the industry it’s surprisingly naive that he believes the quality of the show and the business plan are going to lead to success.

        1. This!!! I work in the industry too. This seems incredibly naive unless his friend is someone incredibly successful in the industry. And if his friend was incredibly successful in the industry, he wouldn’t need a loan for a TV show. I’m guessing this is reality TV because I’m really scratching my head on why one would need a loan for a TV show. Even pilots are usually paid for by the network. If this is your husband’s first foray into the entertainment industry, he may just be buying his way into the position. Generally, that will not give a return. It is just paying for a credit on IMDB.

  9. I want to start cooking salmon in parchment again. So easy, seems special when you open it. Haven’t done it for a long time.

    I’ll have some (picky) guests next week for Thanksgiving who don’t eat turkey, so I was just going to cook Salmon in parchment for them with some green beans/mushrooms in the parchment w/butter/lemon/salt/pepper. What herbs do you like to use with this? Any other pointers?

    I will have oyster stuffing, mashed potatoes etc.. typical sides that I’d like to heat up in the oven at the same time this is cooking.

    2. I’m so confused, are they actually picky because most people who are picky aren’t going to be down for salmon. Or are they pescatarian?

    3. Dill and good parsley and lemon slices and zest

      Personally, I’d leave out the mushrooms because I don’t think I’d like them cooked in parchment, but if you’ve done it and know it turns out, I’ll defer to you.

      1. This is good for regular salmon but for Thanksgiving salmon I might add some chopped red onions or garlic butter to bring out that savory fall harvest aspect, not fresh citrus herbal flavor. Obviously fresh onions would stay pretty crunchy since the fish doesn’t cook for long. This might be good as a texture contrast. If you want everything soft already, try already-caramelized white or yellow or sweet onions. Caramelized onion with another brush of balsamic vinaigrette and some rosemary or thyme would be perfection and to me would scream “Thanksgiving salmon” yum

        1. I like your idea, but I wouldn’t rule out citrus; blood orange or mandarin would be great with balsamic and onion.

    4. Parchment sheet
      A bit of butter
      Thinly sliced fennel
      Salmon
      A bit of grapefruit juice
      Grapefruit zest, salt and pepper
      Some of the green fennel fronds
      A little more butter

      Seal tightly and bake.

        1. The grapefruit / fennel recipe is also delicious with halibut, which is how I originally made it.

    5. If you’re hosting picky eaters, I don’t know that mushrooms and oysters as ingredients are a good idea…

    6. Can you find out what they want? I love salmon. I hate dill and the grapefruit would be a hard pass as well. Good salmon shouldn’t need more than butter/salt/pepper. Things like Dijon are going to be polarizing as well.

      1. Good advice. Honestly, I am thinking about having a 2nd option – simple one pot vegetarian dish I can cook on the stove.

  10. I make $150,000 a year and could get away with working 2-3 hours a day. How common is this? I feel like most people are not working 8 hours a day but would love to know if I’m wrong/right.

    2. I feel like most of my friends (medicine, law, consulting, engineering, finance, government, teaching, NGOs) work a full day (for some that’s 8 hours, for some that’s more). The ones who work more definitely make more (and work in big finance, MBB or Big 4 consulting), but their jobs are at times all consuming. My friends in law are all former big law, so they feel like they don’t work much but they’re working a solid 9-5 and actually working that time.

      I have a few friends in different corporate roles who definitely can, and do, get by with a few hours a day but they’re the minority in my group. They all seem to work in health insurance (not selling, but underwriting, policy, finance). They also don’t make as much as friends in other industries, even our government friends make more than our insurance friends.

    3. Yea there are a number of days I work maybe 4 hours or so and just don’t have much that I have to do. I have some 10 hours days but those are rare. I am on a 9/80 schedule so a 10 day isn’t more than an hr more than I am supposed to be working.

      I’m at $220k base and anywhere from ~$60k-$100k bonus/yr.

        1. In-house counsel at company with ~55k employees worldwide. I get great reviews and people seem to genuinely enjoy working with me. Either I am wildly efficient or I just refuse to take on the BS that some of my colleagues do. I am middle of the seniority pack in my department but not a people manager (which is how I would like to stay).

    5. I make $130k/year and can get away with only actively working hard for 3-4 hours a day for about 2 weeks… and then it catches up to me. And then I need a solid 3 weeks of focusing 8-10 hours/day to catch up (that’s without breaks or chats or zoning out).

    6. I feel like it’s pretty common. At least in my experience. Corporate America is extremely inefficient.

      1. agree, at least a lot of the time. people don’t talk about it, but it’s common. I make a lot more and it’s the same. trying to wrap my head around being paid for decisions, not tangible work product.

      2. I completely agree. I know several people who have jobs like that. So much work out there is not being paid to be a cog in the wheel but just to be watching the wheel is still turning and none of the cogs have burrs or chips.

      3. I always worry that the view that government is inefficient is partly a projection from the private sector where people know how inefficient things are and assume it’s at least as bad in government.

    7. This is insane to me… I think I only know one person who on paper works full time but in reality works less, and it’s definitely more like 6 hours a day, not 2-3 hours a day. But I and most of my friends are in finance, big law, medicine, MBB consulting, and frankly all of us are working so much more than 40 hours a week that we all have our doubts that a 9-5 world even exists anymore aside from that one friend who seems to be more of a lucky fluke. I guess you sound really lucky! Enjoy it?

    8. i made 2x that last year and could agree with the hours, but then i work for myself. also, no meetings, that seems to be what takes up most of my husband’s life.

      1. Yes. 99.9% of meetings could be a 2 line email. They are such a drain on time and resources.

    10. I’m around 120K, individual contributor in finance. I have:

      1 – 2 days a month of 2-3 hours/day.
      3 or 4 days 4-5 hours/day
      (So about a week of <=half capacity)
      2 or 3 days a month I do 9-12 hours a day
      The rest are a range of relaxed pace to full clip 8 hours

      That kinda blows up heading into the end of the year and it's all just busy from Nov 1 to the 31st. And Jan makes up for any days I slacked in the prior year.

    11. That’s me too. It’s not super predictable though, some days I work more and some less.

    12. Same. I just spend a lot of time waiting for people to make decisions. There are some busy weeks but there are times I do a lot of training. Coming up with other ideas doesn’t work either because no one is interested in them.

    13. My husband makes about 260k and works about 3-4 hours a day. He’s senior management, highly specialized, a VERY strong manager, manages up/well, and the person that knows where all the bodies are buried at his company. He can obtain reports/data/info in an hour that would take most people at the org a week.

      He used to work 80 hour weeks at the same company.

    14. Last quarter, I made $35k for a project that took me about 20 hours. The work I did (found a bug in their product that directly relates to revenue) saved the company easily $150k, likely over $1M. All about the value.

      FWIW I’m an independent consultant and have more than one project going, I usually end up ~$100k/year and work an average of 10 hours/week. But I’m 40; earlier in my career I worked my butt off.

    15. I haven’t heard many people talk about this, but then I’ve been discreet about my own situation. When I stepped into a C-suite role at my fairly small company, my hours actually went down while my pay went up. However, that doesn’t account for the problems of the business living rent-free in my head around the clock. If you are truly only working 2-3 hours a day without this mental overhead, congratulations, you have a sweet deal!

    16. This is not normal for anyone I know. But I am a physician and I work full time hours (8am-5pm). My friends and family include other physicians, scientists, other healthcare fields, engineers, professors, flight attendants, military, consultants. No one works 2-3 hours per day.

      1. Hey, it’s hard for me to understand this type of work.

        I’ve always worked in science/research/medical roles, and if you were only working 2-4 hours a day, you would be wasting money, sacrificing time that could go towards solving important problems sooner, taking advantage of the freedom you are given with the hope that it would promote creativity and innovation. I just can’t relate to the corporate world I guess.

        1. Or if you are working in a government role like this (which I guess in some ways I am too, as we get some grants from government entities), then I guess I would be annoyed that my taxes are going for you to work so little.

          1. I feel there is too much scrutiny for this to happen in government roles (I think taxpayer money is more likely to be wasted on makework because supervision is so metrics driven). Maybe I’m only familiar with the roles I’m familiar with though.

    17. I worked in local gov’t a few years ago (lawyer) and made a little more than that, and only worked 3-4 hours/day tops (in office though, very butt in seat culture). But I was bored out of my mind and left, and very glad I did. However, it was useful while my children were babies, and would be a great lifestyle for anyone who just wants to work to live.

    18. It happens. My advice is to keep quiet. Use this time wisely to study so your skills are kept up to date. Get your masters done if you haven’t already completed this, certifications are also helpful.

  11. I wanted to see Ana Gasteyer’s show Sugar & Booze, but it sold out this afternoon. Hoping I can find tickets somehow

  12. PSA: The Paprika App just announced their annual 50% off sale for Black Friday. If you, like me, have been interested in trying it but haven’t liked how pricey it is, now’s the time.

    1. oh! thank you i’ve been meaning to try that but was waiting because someone mentioned they have a 50% off sale!

    2. The Sweat app is also 50% off right now — has anyone else seen other good deals?

  13. What are your best tips or resources to find a financial advisor?

    We’re late 40s but both may be out of work in 5 years. Plenty of money but all in pretty much the most aggressive index funds and stocks. We’re going to have a huge tax burden if we stay in a state that taxes income taxes. I have one kid likely going to college in 5 years (lots of money in his 529s but again pretty aggressive), and a second kid who is ND and likely won’t launch. We already have a special needs trust.

    We had a bad experience with a financial advisor a few years ago — we somehow paid $2500 (and like 8 hours of our time) and then got recommendations for all commission-earning things like annuities. We still use him for Roth conversion for my husband, but I feel like we got duped by the guy.

    1. Use the NAPFA site to find a fee only financial advisor. You should interview a few, you will likely find one that you like more. The site also has resources in the “consumer” section, such as a checklist with questions that you can ask each advisor. Look for an advisor that is your fiduciary, BUT you still need to have some knowledge yourself. My advisor is pretty good, but I don’t always agree with every recommendation.

      If you have accounts at Fidelity or Vanguard, they have some videos that provide basics. I also listen to the Retirement Answer Man and Retirement Planning Education podcasts. They have a lot of good advice, and you can skip topics you aren’t interested in without any problem.

    2. I found mine through the comments on a post at Culture Study in February or March this year, “How to find the best [fill in the blank].” There was such good discussion about financial advisers that I ended up with multiple options I was excited about, made a matrix to rank them, contacted three, had initial meetings with two, and loved one of them.

      Now the hunt for a female (and ideally feminist) CPA continues…

    3. I am a reader of the Bogleheads forums – low fee, broad index fund based investing. They are a super critical bunch, and I asked for advice there. There were only a couple names that come up frequently on the board that multiple people have used. One is the creator of the Boglehead’s podcast, which is very good. I went to the websites of the top 3, and all are full – you have to sign up for the wait list. The first one that had emailed me with an opening, I met with. Took many months… almost a year to get in, but I wasn’t in a hurry.

      The advice/written plan was excellent for me. One time fee that covered a review and financial plan. I can return to him and pay hourly for more advice. I feel great. My plan is actually very simple for me to follow and his additional expertise in minimizing taxes is the most valuable part.

      1. These advisors are fee only financial advisors, who do not take any commissions/annual % and don’t sell any products, and only recommend well established good index funds (Vanguard, Fidelity etc..) with minimal fees. They freely admit that the majority of folks going to traditional financial advisors are being misled, and with just a little guidance, most of us would do much better financially without a “traditional” advisor.

        I also appreciated advice on what to do with my cash/bonds portion of my portfolio and how to figure out my best asset allocation (%stocks/bonds) to suit my age/comfort level/retirement goals and personal circumstances.

        1. I did something similar and another difference with these advisors is that they draw up the plans and then you do the actual work of executing them. If you use an AUM advisor, they usually do the actual money movement of the new plan.
          You could start with reading the various Wikis at the Bogleheads forums to familiarize yourself with the philosophy and the way things work.

  14. Anyone think there will be good iphone deals for Black Friday? Particularly deals that don’t require you to add a line or upgrade your plan? I am with Verizon and my elder teenager needs to replace a limping device.

  15. I want to become one of those holiday moms who decorates and I don’t know where to start. Growing up my family put up lights outside and got a tree but we didn’t go beyond that.

    How did you learn to decorate for the holidays and/or find your holiday decor style? Do you stick to just outside lights and a tree, or do you add other things (and if so then what are your favorite touches?)

    Also, does anyone else think it’s bizarre that people apparently buy plastic garlands to replicate the look of real greenery? It looks so nice but I finally googled what the garlands are made out of, and now I’m weirded out by the knowledge that apparently people are tastefully draping their homes in plastic? I realize that actual greenery wouldn’t last, but for some reason the fact that it’s plastic blows my mind…

      1. Lol same!

        Obviously the benefit is you buy it once and reuse it every year and just have to take it out of storage.

    2. I mean of course it’s plastic! There are places like Balsam Hill that are pricey because it looks so real, but you can reuse it for years and it doesn’t shed needles all over your stoop.

      As far as finding your style, there’s really something for everyone. I dislike clutter and so my enjoyment of misc. Christmas decor increased a lot when I figured out I should put our ‘regular’ decorative items into the empty Christmas bins during the season. If I have a little tabletop tree on the sideboard, the normal season-neutral pitcher doesn’t have to also stay out.

    3. First, don’t go wild for the holidays if you don’t really decorate your house in general (and I’m assuming you’re not big on decorating, or you wouldn’t be asking where to start). If it’s not really you, you’ll just get annoyed in a year or two and stop doing it. What I’d do:

      Low level: What you grew up with, which is all I do, and i’m so happy. I used to go all out decorating and discovered it’s not worth it.

      Mid level: tree, and some lights somewhere in your main living area (fireplace mantel, on a kitchen island, stair rail, etc.), and some kind of candle/decor thing on your eating table. Garland if you can bear the idea of plastic. Stockings on the mantle or on a wall.

      Next level: In addition, switch out your kitchen towels and couch pillows for something holiday themed. Put a wreath up on your door.

      And yes, garlands are plastic. I discovered why the year I filled my house with genuine pine garland (which I cut myself, from our own pine trees, and wired together to form garlands). Pine boughs get sap everywhere, even if you carefully dip all the cut ends in molten wax. Pine needles are named that for a reason. And when they dry out (which they do, quickly), they fall off, and you impale your feet on them and vacuum them up until March. The next year you buy plastic, and use it until it falls apart 20 years later and you throw it away (which I did this year).

    4. My mom used to put up real garlands! But we have friends that owned a Christmas tree farm, so we were getting the leftover garlands, haha, and they were only up for a little while (like a week max, just long enough to cover all of our hosting duties). I think we did more dried cranberry garlands than pine garlands…maybe those didn’t sell as well or maybe that was just the trend in the 90s. Agree with everyone else that they’re inconvenient…but my god do they smell great.

    5. When my husband and I combined households, we each brought with us a few Christmas things. He has some German ornaments for the tree, and a Santa for the mantel that his parents put up when he was a kid. I have some weird art stuff I did as a kid but it’s cute, and some ornaments I had for my little Charlie Brown tree before him.

      Since then we’ve bought things we like here and there, and we store them away from new years through the day after Thanksgiving. It’s fun to bring them out every year and put them around the house here and there.

      I think that’s more manageable than just going to Michael’s or whatever and buying a whole house worth of decor at once. It’s much more meaningful this way too.

      1. I am also doing this. Snagged some pieces from my parents house when I moved out, and added over time. Sometimes I buy an ornament on a trip or as a gift. Build it over time, with pieces that are meaningful. Then when you pull it out in the holiday season, figure out where things should go this year.
        I did once buy a whole bunch of stuff on a ‘theme’ but I think I stopped liking it after 2 years.

    6. Check out Pinterest for ideas of what might work for you. If you aren’t sure, just start saving every picture that seems promising, then go look at the board after a while and you’ll notice trends in what you like.

      My mom loved to decorate and I do, too. I would say we go all out, but it’s going all out by OUR standards. I am all about fresh greenery, but after moving into a new house last year and seeing what gas fireplaces with blowers do to fresh greenery, I’m switching to faux this year. I love tucking dried orange slices in the greenery along with ribbons and a few ornaments. I’ll plus up the fake greens with real greenery from the garden for our big holiday party.

      Other decor: a large ornament of a bookstore sits on top of a stack of vintage Christmas books on one table; a nativity on one table, wise men on another, and angels sprinkled here and there in bookshelves, etc; pretty Christmas towels in the half bath; all the throw pillows on the couch and chairs get traded out; and electric candles in every single window. Go walk around HomeGoods and see if anything appeals to you!

    7. I used to think the same thing. Then one year I bought fresh garlands from a fundraiser and after that year I decided never again. I’m still finding pine needles, and it was 2 years ago. so I bought a fake garland that looks real. I still get a real tree and front door wreath, and don’t have the copious shedding problems with those.

    8. We have a real tree and wreath for the front door, and then some natural elements indoors like grape vine wreaths trimmed with dried fruit and dried greenery like eucalyptus. Those keep from year to year and aren’t as tacky as plastic. We also do some scented candles, but stick with soy candles with natural scents. We have some Christmas table linens; they are a low key French linens in a non-jarring color way. And a couple of ivory pillows with prints of Christmas sheet music. I don’t like bright green or red and the most helpful design tip I found is to work with a palette that you genuinely like.

  16. What’s your framework or system and toolkit for the simplest way of organizing – including updating and retrieving – your notes across multiple projects and clients in a non-legal setting? It’s a topic that’s been discussed here before, but my search-fu is failing me, and perhaps there are new tools to consider too.

    2. I use Gmail’s boomerang feature and schedule emails to come back into my inbox when I need to follow up on them. I also have a single Google doc for any given project where I just dump all meeting notes and other notes. If someone else needs my notes, I copy them into a separate document and send that, but for my purposes, everything’s in one place.

      In my job, the hardest thing is remembering to follow up with someone in 2-3 weeks with very specific details, and I often just draft that email when it’s top of mind (maybe leaving myself some notes) and then boomerang the chain that includes the draft back into my inbox the day before I’d want to send it. It’s kind of fun to see what shows up in my inbox each morning! And I get to inbox zero every night (even if it’s just consciously snoozing emails until the next day).

      This probably runs afoul of every productivity guideline out there, because it’s not like a “one source of truth” system, and I’m fucked if Google screws up drafts/scheduled emails….but it works well for my brain and my job, so I’ll keep using it until it doesn’t!

      1. Oh, and on the “grateful for this place” note, I’m pretty sure someone here suggested this approach like 4-5 years ago, and I’ve been using it ever since.

  18. We are flying Monday with our almost 4.5 year old. He’s 42” and 40 lbs. We should just go with the lap band on the plane instead of lugging the car seat right? Grandparents will have a car seat for him at the destination. We’ve flown with him quite a bit but this time he’s right on the cusp of not needing the car seat on the plane. it would make our lives so much easier

    5. I took my three year old in the lap belt. It is more comfortable for kids, and if you think about what a car seat does (prevent whiplash or harm from a side collision), there are only extremely rare circumstances in which that would help on a plane. You’re probably not getting rear-ended on the runway, ya know?

  19. Any feedback on Linjer as a brand? Looking at one of their fashion jewelry items to git to a teen relative.

    1. I’ve bought several items from them and have been happy with the quality for the price

  20. Has anyone had experience with LED mask? I am deciding between OmniLux and CurrentBody Series 2. CurrenrBody has an extra wavelength vs OmniLux, but not sure if it has any real added value. Thanks!

  21. I’m looking to have my engagement ring resized, ideally same-day service. The band is as simple as it gets, just a plain platinum band. Does anyone have recommendations for reputable jewelers in NYC?

  22. Low-stakes question: a long-distance friend gave me a fancy monogrammed engraved wooden cutting board. I’ve taken care of wooden cutting boards before, that’s not the issue. The issue is: if I use this cutting board, I immediate slice through the design! Right?! Am I just supposed to display it? Do I mostly display it and then wash and use it for like crackers or vegetables that don’t get sliced?!

    What do I do with an engraved wooden cutting board?! It feels like a white elephant gift in the truest sense of too useless. Thanks

    1. Go ahead and use it! The monogram is going to be visible for a long, long time even if the cutting board gets worn from use.

    2. I have a wooden cutting board with etched words and it’s withstood hard use for more than seven years at this point. If the monogram is in the middle than it’ll likely get worn through faster, yes, but I don’t see any point in not using it at all. I’d still see it as functional first and decorative second.

    3. Can you flip to the back for serious chopping and keep the monogrammed side for light use?

  23. Fun kitchen gadgets? Looking for suggestions for stocking stuffers that are fun kitchen gadgets. Past years have been Thermapens, EVO sprayer, adjustable rolling pens, silicone scapers.

    1. I’m a big fan of wacky cookie cutters. Other ideas: heated ice cream scoop; handheld lemon juicer; onion saver (we actually use ours a lot).

    3. My most used kitchen gadgets: silicon scrapers (I know you already did these, but it’s a good one), a small serrated knife for tomatoes and other soft things, a small slotted spoon for fishing olives and pickles out of brine, lemon juicer, small prep bowls, and for anyone who bakes, extra measuring spoons (I have a set from King Arthur that includes 1.5 teaspoons and tablespoons and 2 tablespoons. They also have a 2.25 teaspoon one for yeast and smaller ones that are narrow for getting into spice jars. I use them all the time and it’s nice to have so many I never have to worry about having a clean one of the right size).

    6. The unusual-sized measuring cups and spoons (like 2-3rds cup, 2T) were a total hit with my baking mom.

    1. The bags or the blazers? The bags I think she says are Mulberry and I’d be pretty surprised if a high end designer brand made items in this many solid colorways, but eh, weirder things have happened! I do think it’s a…choice (if the link is intended to go to the ultra-color-coordinated “uniform” post) and I’m not at all sure it’s the most flattering or “take me seriously” choice but it’s her life and she seems to be having fun!

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