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Updated: Nov 1, 2022 345 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Oana Cordelia Shirt

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A woman wearing a floral blouse and black pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

How pretty is the soft floral print on this AllSaints blouse? I would wear this tucked into a black pencil skirt with some simple jewelry for a dressed-up look that doesn’t require too much effort. For the weekend, I’d swap out the skirt for a pair of high-waisted jeans and chunky cardigan.

The blouse is $174, marked down from $249, at AllSaints. It comes in sizes 0–12. More sizes are in stock at Nordstrom — but unfortunately at full price.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    I don’t know who needs to hear this but PSA that if you’re a woman considering doing a full-time MBA at a top 25 program, there is a lot of scholarship money potentially available to you. Look into the Forte Foundation for details. In my top 10 full-time program, few women were paying full tuition thanks to Forte Fellow funding.

    I posted this in a thread yesterday but thought a general PSA might be helpful to someone here.

    • former Forte fellow

      I third this!
      I went to a top 20 MBA program and had a Forte scholarship that enabled me to graduate debt free (It covered partial tuition, but I had also been saving for grad school since my first job).
      And if you’re a WoC/value diversity, look into the Consortium as well. Some of my classmates came into the start of our first year with internship offers already finalized!

      Don’t discount external funding sources.

    • SuperAnon

      Has anyone done this as a single mom of 3 kids? I’m post-divorce (similar situation as yesterdays post, and loved to hear Dr The Original & SA’s success stories) and feel I need to restart my very stalled career after a protracted and very difficult few years disentangling from a terrible relationship. It would allow my kids to have the things they need, like proper health insurance (their dad’s plan was to retire soon), and to see their mom being gritty and getting it done despite adversity. I’m mid 40s but no masters degree or professional qualifications. Working in finance with a good background but when I graduated, having a masters didn’t seem necessary (I’m second in family to graduate ever). Thoughts? No family nearby if that’s relevant. Kids are doing much better, in therapy, still very young so I am with them daily 6-8.30pm when the oldest sleepy, plus every second weekend.

      • SuperAnon

        PS there’s a part time online option I’m considering, which works with my schedule (ie it’s doable with my family and work commitments) but is $$$$. At my age I figure I have 20 years left, and with Botox can maybe pass as younger to stay working long enough to support my children through college. Dream is to start or co-found a business, but reality is I need flexibility and healthcare from employment.

      • Bette

        I did the wharton exec program and there were a handful of women in similar situations in that program. To my knowledge, they’ve all done well professionally after the program. One I know is now the GC at a very large publicly traded company.

        Anecdotally, I got a small scholarship from wharton, my work paid a small percentage of it, and I cash-flowed as much as possible. Coming out of the program I was able to get a new job in a new industry and grow my salary from $150k to $450k so the debt I took on was well worth it for me.

        • SuperAnon

          Wow that’s so encouraging. Thank you. I’m at the same starting position as you were and have hit a brick wall. Will look at Wharton.

      • Anon OP

        I can’t speak directly to this as I don’t have kids. But most MBA programs have a club for students who are parents. It is totally appropriate to reach out to this group (or other affinity groups you’re interested in) to ask questions about what their experience has been and may even be able to introduce you to alumni who can weigh in!

  2. Anonymous

    My partner and I are talking about getting married for various reasons, we have been together over 15 years. I guess we’ll chat about it more and then start looking at booking it. It’s very much a joint plan and feels more like we are getting married rather than getting engaged. I’ve got plenty of friends who I think (or know) agreed it was the right time with a partner but they all still went on to have special engagement ‘moments’ when he went down on one knee which is what they then announced. Once we decide to go ahead how would you tell people? A bit of me wants the fun of phoning my friends to say we are getting married, or telling them in person. Part of me also just wants to tell people casually as and when but once you have told one person I feel like others would want to know as well or it would feel odd some people knowing and not others. I’m also thinking about how to tell friends vs family. My family are close and will be super excited but also I think they’ll find it really odd it wasn’t a surprise engagement ring with my partner down on one knee situation.(I am not in the US).

    • anon

      We decided to get married and got it scheduled for 3 weeks later. I called my parents and friends and said by the way, I’m getting married in a few weeks. really doesn’t matter how others feel about it.

      • Anonymous

        I’m excited at the idea of telling friends etc but more just because it’s fun. What I don’t want is people to ask loads of questions since it’s not the typical situation and kill my happy
        buzz. I worry people will ask why now, did you ask him, why no ring, did you get fed up waiting etc because they won’t understand that we decided jointly on it since it’s not what they are used to. I’m 95% happy this is the way it’s worked out, and maybe 5% wish I’d had the surprise moment you see in films but I get annoyed at that part of myself!

        • Walnut

          Girl, ask for a fun proposal. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy. Ask your future spouse make dinner reservations, tip the restaurant off in advance that its an engagement, have champagne chilling at the table, etc. The waitstaff would probably be happy to take a couple photos.

          • Anon

            This. There is a lot of space between “no proposal” and “huge proposal on one knee and with pictures.”

    • Anon

      When DH and I got married it was a pretty similar sounding situation. We had been together for close to 10 years. We even had an idea in mind of a small close friends and family style resort wedding. We had even talked to the resort earlier and even had weekends narrowed down they’d be able to accommodate our wedding.
      DH did propose in a kind of silly and memorable way. But honestly I do kind of feel like I missed out on a proper proposal. It didn’t include on bended knee, I was wearing work clothes, etc. I didn’t know I’d miss it until it was all over.
      If I could do it over again, I wish I had possibly found a photographer I liked and had a good friend of ours sync up with now DH to coordinate a proposal with that photographer on hand. Because we ended up doing a whole engagement photo shoot later on that felt pretty forced but I wanted to have an idea what our wedding photos would look like. I prioritized hiring a good wedding photographer since wedding photos are usually the lasting item for next generations.
      We personally only told people we saw in person, because we were having a small wedding. So we wanted to mitigate social media pings from random people asking the when, where, etc. So keeping in mind if you want a large or small wedding might factor if you want to do an announcement.

    • anon

      Similar situation in US, but not from US. There is no requirement that the engagement is an entire party, with a photographer, etc. Husband did actually do a sweet and romantic proposal just the two of us. He did told my dad in advance, which led to a very stressful two weeks of dad keeping his promise not to tell mom. We told our immediate family in person and over the phone, and once those boxes were checked did post on Facebook. So, my advice is do whatever feels right for the two of you – and don’t discount that, no matter how matter of fact you are about marriage, your partner may still want to actually propose.

    • Anonymous

      Similar situation, but in US. We’d been together for over 10 years and already had ring, but DH still wanted to “propose.” We called and/or texted parents, siblings, and close friends (like those who would be in the wedding party). For everyone else, Facebook announcement was sufficient. It obviously wasn’t a surprise to most of the people we called since they knew we had been ring shopping/looking at venues but it was “official” at that point.

    • Anonymous

      The surprise ring and proposal is so odd, do people actually do that or is it just a thing you see on TV? I don’t know anyone whose engagement came out of the blue. But you can still have a whole proposal event if you want. IMHO the person doing the proposing gets near-total discretion over how it’s done (excluding things that your intended clearly doesn’t want, like perhaps something very public or involving heights). Are you envisioning that he would propose? If so does he want to? If you want to propose then you could plan something.

      • Anon

        Agreed. Getting married is a huge undertaking and it’s something you agree on together so handing over the power to a man to propose in a fake set up for the ‘gram is ridiculous.

    • Anon 2.0

      I got married last year after being together nearly 10 years. I did not want the “hoopla” and wanted things to be private and as low-key as possible. I didn’t even tell my family until a few weeks prior, even though we already had the trip planned as we got married on the beach. After being together 10 years, living together and owning a home already, all the fuss seemed silly. I picked out my own ring, there was no formal ask, and I bought an inexpensive dress. As weddings are not my thing, part of our agreement of getting married was for DH to do ALL the planning. He picked the hotel, the airfare, found the beach, and hired the officiant and photographer.

      In my experience, the more people you tell, the more opinions and questions you will get.

    • Anon

      My husband and I similarly agreed to get married and then eloped. I didn’t want to deal with anyone knowing our plans or commenting (opposite situation in that we married 6 months after we met). We were secretly “engaged” but thought the concept was both archaic and a secret between us. Just told everyone we got married after the fact and avoided most of the comments. You’ll never avoid all of them, and the key is just being comfortable with your own decisions. Oh, I did get a gorgeous ring in the whole deal, don’t skip that part (I chose it at some point after we married).

    • nuqotw

      You do you.

      Now-spouse and I decided to get married, which is my definition of engaged. However, it was important to him that we not announce our engagement until he formally proposed. He did so about a month later – he wanted to get officially engaged in Florida where it was sunny and beautiful, not in our cold wet locale. We called our families / close friends to tell them and then announced online.

    • Senior Attorney

      We “got engaged” (by which I mean “we decided to get married”) in mid-March and told a few close friends at the time as we saw them. We made the big “official” announcement by changing our statuses on Facebook to “engaged” on April 1, which was fun and hilarious because people weren’t quite sure if it was real or an April Fool’s joke.

      FWIW, I am hugely against the Proposal Industrial Complex because I feel like it takes the agency away from the woman, but YMMV. We picked out the ring together after the deal was sealed.

      • Anonymous

        This is I guess part my problem in that I’m also against the idea of women waiting around to be proposed to, but don’t want my wedding plan announcement to be about having to explain that to people.

        • River bird

          Yeah, this was me too. I was against the idea of a traditional proposal for these same reasons, and my husband and I decided to get married, proposed to each other (with rings we had previously picked out together)on a camping trip (not coordinated!) and announced it after that. I think this is a situation where – whatever you decide- you need a simple script to fall back on: “we proposed to each other on a camping trip! It was perfect” or “he proposed on a camping trip! It was perfect!” Are both honest and can be deployed depending on your level of comfort with bucking norms in a particular situation. You can then expand or not as you wish. I also had a non traditional ring – and he had a ring too – which also was a signal that we were not following the status quo. And as to your OP, I think very few couples do a truly surprise proposal -as in the woman has no idea it’s coming- most decide to get married jointly and then the guy plans a surprise proposal event, but that still plays into the one-sided control (and only the woman gets the surprise). The proposal(s) itself can be made more egalitarian and I think it can be a nice ritual/rite of passage!

          • Anon

            Wow, I have a colleague with almost the exact same story. She and her husband proposed to each other, on a camping trip (I think? Or backpacking?), not coordinated, and both had rings. This must be more common that one would realize…

        • Senior Attorney

          My line is “it was less a proposal than a negotiation” with a self-confident chuckle. So yeah, you need a line you can trot out for those who ask: “We just decided it was time and popped the question to each other! It was perfect!”

      • Anon

        +1
        Dont do the fakey thing. It sounds like it’s not for you but for the folks that you need to explain it to.
        Just come up with a good script instead about how it came about.

    • Deedee

      I don’t think people will find it odd that you decided to get married! My partner and I just agreed one day to get married. Then we called all our people and said “we’re getting married!” And then we got married. No one at all thought this was odd. FWIW, we got married after 7 years together in our mid-20s. That said, if you want a proposal, ask him to do one! I didn’t feel at all like I wanted or needed that and a mutual, equal decision felt right for our relationship.

    • Anon

      A few years ago, my family and took a phenomenal trekking trip to Machu Pichu. We sat there awed in silence until we were interrupted by a crowd surrounding a dressed up couple, the guy taking a bended knee with a rose and a professional photographer snapping away. It seemed like the whole proposal thing–with friends flown out to what was a sacred place–was just done for the IG/Facebook photo. It left such a bad taste in my mouth. My own thought on this is that getting engaged is a private affair between the two of you. Maybe I’m just old and jaded, but I have an aversion to seeing romantic moments spoiled by the need to take a perfect selfie/IG photo.

    • Anonymous

      We similarly just jointly decided to get married- please don’t sweat it! We were literally at a bar killing time before some plans that evening and decided hey now’s the time. We called our families the next day and I think we just told close friends as it came up/as we saw them- I might have called my closest friends specially . Our friends know us and nobody was shocked by the lack of surprise proposal (and in fact my parents would be been shocked/dismayed if there HAD been one- I would have been, too).

    • LaurenB

      I have to be honest. Is your engagement really all that interesting to anyone else? How you tell them is – “Hi, Susie, I have some exciting news. Bob and I are engaged!” and then there is a few minutes of chit-chat and then everyone moves on. This new trend of assuming that pregnancy announcements and engagement announcements and gender-of-upcoming-baby are anything anyone really cares that much about is really a bit much. Has anyone REALLY ever cared HOW their friends got engaged? Or remembered exactly HOW their friends told them they were expecting a baby?

  3. Paging Kelsey

    For the poster with the teenage daughters from yesterday- I wanted to share some advice as someone who had a sister close in age growing up, and who now has three girls approaching their teen years.

    If they have been close friends until now, don’t approach this as a sister thing. What would you do if your older daughter was acting this way toward another member of her friend group? You’d have a sit down and talk about her nasty behavior and impart some serious consequences. Do that at home. You can remind her that she may be extra nasty because it’s her sibling, which makes it even worse. Sisters have each others backs. I would also suggest finding non-forced ways for them to strengthen their sister/friend bond. Can they do a fun weekend away with you together? Take a class together, that sort of thing. Make sure it’s just them and not the broader social circle.

    • anomforthis

      So, my best friend growing up had a sister 2 years younger than her and that relationship was rough. They both got into Karate in their older teenage years, stayed in until both were black belts and somehow organized sparring with each other helped take out some aggressions? I remember going to a belt test to be supportive and mentioning to one of the other people there that this was basically what they did to each other at 10 and 12, just less mean and more structured.

      I will say, the biggest thing I took away from it as another oldest sibling who happened to have a younger brother instead was that your kids need to be treated like separate individuals no matter how close in age they are. Her younger sister always had to come along when we hung out, they had to be a package deal. When they were sent to clean their rooms, if the older one did and the younger didn’t they both got grounded and older one was expected to help younger one. All of this built this dynamic where the older one had to be responsible for the younger one and the younger one didn’t really get to figure out who they were as a person until they were both out of the house. It failed both of them in different ways and it took them a long time to move past a lot of that and it still plays out in different ways in their dynamic as forty something year old adults. So, yes, you have to address the bullying, but also you may need to address why they have the same friend group and make sure you aren’t contributing to the dynamic without realizing it.

      • Anonymous

        I agree with the recommendation to treat them as separate individuals. I would discourage them from pursuing the same activities.

      • Older one

        This. As the older sister who was sometimes mean to my younger sister, I can say now that it said more about me needing space and a separate identity than anything. We shared a room, she was allowed to hang out with my friends but did not have to allow me to hang out with hers, and I generally just had very little breathing room. She (and her friends) also said and did some fairly cruel things to me, but because she was the younger one it was seen as “normal” little sister behavior, whereas I was seen as a bully.

        None of that is an excuse for being mean, of course. I would go back and change a lot of things if I could. We get along well now but it was a rocky relationship for a long time.

        • Anon

          God, I could have have written this. Yep, treating all my stuff as hers and copying everything I did. This didn’t stop as adults: at 29 I got a dog and two weeks later she got one (despite living in a place unsuitable for one) and stole my 30th birthday party venue boat for her wedding. We don’t really speak anymore due to her selfishness and our mother took her side.

  4. Anon

    Where can I find a pair of knee=high boots with a 2″ stacked heel that are fairly trim / tight in the calves and ankle? I see a lot of boots, but even if they have zippers, they seem to wide once I get them on. I don’t want a high skinny heel on the boot (but not a flat boot, either). Any good current recommendations?

    • boots

      So , you have narrow calves? What is your price point? You can look at Aquatalia and La Canadienne.

    • Anon

      The blogger extra petite has good recs for boots. Even if you’re not petite in height, her recs are for women with slim legs/calves.

      • Anon

        She also has her own line which includes a pair of boots with a 2.5 inch heel.

    • Anon

      Anon, I have the same problem and haven’t found a solution yet but I’m planning to go try on some Stuart Weitzman boots this weekend in the hopes that something works…

      Something I wonder if the reason I like the look of knee high boots so much is because they are my white whale…

    • Senior Attorney

      I haven’t tried this, but I wonder whether a cobbler could narrow the calves on a pair of boots?

    • Anon

      Blondo has pretty narrow boot shafts. You can search by circumference on Nordstrom’s website. I have the world’s skinniest legs, and this has been so helpful!

  5. Anon

    Can anyone recommend a dermatologist for hair loss in the DC area? Or can anyone recommend an integrative medicine doctor in the DC area? I posted last week about dealing with telogen effluvium for the past year and my dermatologist not really trying to figure out what’s actually wrong and just telling me to take minoxidil and hair thickening spray. I just want someone to try to figure out what’s actually causing the problem. Thanks for any recommendations.

    • Anon

      Vitals and Medifind sometimes have information about what conditions a doctor actually has experience treating. They don’t have info on every doc out there, but with Medifind you can just search by condition and see which doctors pop up. It’s a place to start anyway!

    • boots

      You could take a look at the scarringalopcia.org website, and register and ask for their copy of recommended doctors. All of the docs in my major city who were experts in hair were listed on this site. I think it is good. It doesn’t matter that you probably don’t have scarring alopecia. These are the dermatologists recommended by other motivated patients and who participate in the website, or who have special training/participation in hair loss organizations.

      They don’t have a listing of docs in DC proper, but you can look at the names/locations of other docs nearby.

      I drive 1.5 hrs to see my Hair loss expert. It’s worth it.

      • boots

        And I would not start experimenting with other types of doctors…… I did that. That will just waste time and I guarantee you that a dermatologist is the right doctor.

        And you will ultimately be frustrated, I fear, because with many things in medicine you don’t figure out exactly “why me?” I think others posted on your prior thread that most hair loss is genetic/hormonal and is not easily reversible and can’t be cured. If it has been a year and the hair loss is continuing, chances are you do not have Telogen effluvium and I’m surprised your doctor didn’t tell you that. Also, minoxidil is not a treatment for telogen effluvium per se, it is more for the genetic causes (androgenic alopecia). That is what most of us have.

    • Anon

      This might not be what you want to hear, but as someone who has dealt with a lot of weird health issues, I think trying to find out what’s actually causing the problem is overrrated and you’re usually better off focusing on just solving the problem. A lot of the time, you’ll never find out what’s causing it, and even if you do, there’s nothing obvious to do about it besides the same medications or lifestyle modifications you would have tried anyway, so you might as well just get started on those now. Definitely do some basic blood work or whatever else to rule out the most obvious things, but don’t waste your time and money running down too many rabbit holes. There are a lot of quacks out there that love to exploit people like you, so be careful once you start looking into integrative medicine. It can be good or it can get sketchy fast.

      • Anon

        I’m a big fan of lifestyle modifications that can be tried right now (and if that is mainly what a complementary provider is offering, that’s fine with me). It can make symptoms easier to live with.

        But I would not entirely give up on finding answers. I think doctors who said I’d never find answers just weren’t very good. They ran a bunch of tests, read off the lab results whether they came back positive or negative, and called it a day. It’s basically the Mayo Clinic approach to diagnostics.

        There are much better diagnosticians out there though. One conditions I really have had been “ruled out” by a test that doesn’t have enough negative predictive value to rule out anything, but my doctors weren’t knowledgeable enough to run follow up tests. I think this is just how it goes if we have anything at all rare (and rare disease as an aggregate is pretty common).

    • AIMS

      I don’t have a DC recommendation but when I discussed hair changes with my derm, her immediate response was that if you’re concerned about it, these are the special blood tests to run, and we can do these other tests, etc. – I think it should be pretty standard from a good doctor. If you don’t find anyone in DC I’m happy to post a NY recommendation but I would think most good doctors would be able to do it. You may just have the one dud!

      Incidentally, I think hair issues would make a great post, Kat/Kate! I feel like so many women are having thinning or loss and there is very little information because it’s generally seen as a male problem, which only makes it worse when women experience it. And it does seem more recent – when I asked my dermatologist, she said many of her patients have started having issues since the pandemic and it’s now the no. 1 thing she treats. My hairdresser also reported this. I think my thinning was mostly stress related and it seems to be on the mend all on it’s own (i hope) but I really wasn’t prepared for it and it would be nice to know more. And I don’t think I’m alone – I developed a probably unhealthy fixation on hair for a while and every 3rd or 4th woman I see seems to have noticeably thinner hair these days. Young, old, everyone.

      • Anon

        “and every 3rd or 4th woman I see seems to have noticeably thinner hair these days. Young, old, everyone.”

        Hair loss has been a major topic of conversation in every group of women I’ve been in for the last year or so – coworkers, family members, friends, etc. Once I noticed my own hair loss, I started seeing it in so many other people, and people I know who have typically had very thick hair and no issues with loss are losing their hair and baffled about it. Same as with you, my dermatologist said in the last three years she has gone from seeing maybe one woman every other week with hair loss to seeing multiple women a day, and my hairdresser told me she has at least two clients a day who come in talking about how to cut or style their hair to mask loss, which she said is a “huge increase” from pre-pandemic. I agree a post would be a good idea and I’m happy to comment in that post with some of the things I’m doing to deal with my hair loss – not just to regrow hair, but to cope emotionally.

      • Pep

        The Washington Post had an article on this very topic on October 17: “Ask a Doctor: What treatments work for women with thinning hair?”

        Coincidentally enough, this article appeared in the paper the day after my (female) boss and I had a long conversation in the hallway about the hair loss that we’re both experiencing.

        You’re not alone.

  6. Anon

    Has anyone here gone to an HBCU for undergrad? My daughter (her dad is from Jamaica and white on my side) is in high school. Our state (NC) has many state and private HBCUs. She is open to many types of schools now, but I keep reading how most of the country’s doctors and lawyers and scientists come out of HBCUs and that is really appealing to me (like these schools are very nurturing to their students). We are transplants from NYC so this is also all new to us. She has a counselor at school, but they seem overwhelmed right now with crises and don’t seem to have any time for a kid who is doing OK in school.

    • Anon

      I didn’t go to Spelman but I have hired many Spelman grads – if she would consider a women’s college, I think they do a remarkable job of inculcating leadership in young black women and the alumni network is incredible. I have also known a number of Howard grads who had great experiences, but that’s a really big institution so depends on whether a small school is more appealing.

      HBCUs, like all colleges, vary enormously in academic quality, student life, etc. so whether a particular college is a good fit is going to be very particular to the student and the school.

      • Anon

        +1 that I have heard nothing but great things about Howard and Spelman (and also Moorehouse, not that that applies for your daughter). My best friend in high school actually almost went to Howard but decided against it because its also her last name.

        My state also has a few public HBCUs and one of them has been in the news a bit recently for financial and enrollment issues and it seems every few years they contemplate closing. This is obviously not an issue that’s HBCU specific, I know several smaller universities with financial and enrollment issues that have had to contemplate closing. So, wherever she goes, I’d just check the longer term viability.

        • Anon

          Morehouse is struggling, tbh. It has a great legacy but recent years have been tough in terms of academic quality and student experience. I would highly recommend Spelman to a young bleach woman but would recommend other HBCUs over Morehouse to a young black man, unless being a Morehouse Man was super important to him/his family.

          • Anon

            Ah, good to know! My experience with it is older. Sorry to hear that it is struggling!

    • Anon

      Reach out to the HBCUs in your state and that your daughter is interested in and ask for the contact info of alums in your area, they will 99% of the time be super happy to talk to her about their school experience, especially if she has less experience in African-American culture (making assumptions here since you’re not black and father is not American) and wants to get more involved in that.

      It is a very unique and wonderful schooling experience that for most black students is the first time they get to learn in an environment without the social pressures of being an “other” – and yes majority of black doctors, lawyers, and engineers come from HBCUS – partially just as a numbers game, and partially because the schools pump a lot of students into more “traditional” grad programs (i.e. PWI or elite private) and the students do well from having learned their professions in a lower pressure environment.

    • Anon

      I don’t think I’d recommend any of the NC HBCUs for STEM, but UMBC has an excellent reputation for its STEM programs for historically underrepresented students, though it’s not technically an HBCU. I’m a professor in a STEM field and worked in the region at one point in my career. I can’t speak to those schools for non-STEM fields, though- it’s mostly an issue of them being really underfunded which isn’t as quite much of an issue in other fields. She’d still probably be better off at a private HBCU or one of the bigger NC state schools, though, if you can afford it.

      • JTM

        What? NC A&T is the top producer of Black STEM graduates, and their graduates are always in demand. I’ve worked with many graduates of NC A&T in engineering & their programs are very well regarded.
        This is a very easy thing to Google.

        • Anon

          Okay, A&T would be the exception to my statement, but even A&T is way underfunded compared to its counterpart, NC State (for example, https://www.fayobserver.com/story/opinion/2022/02/04/nc-at-state-underfunded-land-grant-historically-black-college/9312972002/). I really recommend Adam Harris’s book The State Must Provide for anyone interested in the history of funding HBCUs. I definitely won’t deny that there can be real benefits to attending one, but find the ongoing funding disparities really troubling, and like several people have mentioned, many of the smaller ones are on the verge of closure. This includes some of the smaller schools in NC, which is why I’d recommend caution about attending those (HBCU or otherwise, this is an issue with small schools everywhere these days).

      • Nesprin

        I’d modify that- HBCU’s and other smaller liberal arts schools tend to have a very different approach to STEM pedagogy (*less research focus, more teaching focus) than large R1 style universities. It’s worth considering how she learns- would having a cohort of peers who look like her and professors with more teaching focus be good for her? vs. Does she want to get into research as fast as possible and is she ok with larger class sizes?

    • Anonymous

      Not really the same thing but I went to a women’s college for undergrad and it was a wonderful experience. I picked it more because it was a highly ranked/”competitive” to get into, but the fact that it was women-only made my gender mostly a non-factor for four years. Not to say it was 100% free of internalized misogyny, but having drastically less sexist assumptions about my abilities, having mostly women faculty, and having women leaders as the default was awesome. I’m some white lady with a fancy degree so what do I know about HBCUs, but I imagine there’s some analogy. Flipping the demographics so something that people may have negative stereotypes about in other settings becomes the norm. Combine the best of both and send her to Spelman!

      • Seventh Sister

        I went to a women’s college for undergrad and went to law school with a number of HBCU grads, including a few women from Spelman. Spelman seems like the best of both worlds (I’m a huge fan of women’s colleges and HBCUs). That said, I’d also encourage her to think about the PWI women’s colleges as well.

    • FP

      I work in an elite graduate school admissions office and we love to see Howard, Spelman, and Morehouse alumni apply. They are typically so prepared for rigorous grad school and leadership. Like another poster said, other HBCUs (especially public) schools can really vary in quality. Tuskegee and Fisk are other ones to consider. If you are looking at a smaller public HBCU, one very frustrating thing to think about is that they can be so, so underfunded compared to peer PWI. It can really affect her day to day experience.

      • Anon

        It depends on the state. In my state, the HBCUs are funded at a much higher level per FTE than the traditionally white institutions.

    • JTM

      I’m not an HBCU grad myself but my husband is (Clark Atlanta University) and so are most of my friends. The schools with the biggest name recognition are Howard, Hampton, Spelman, CAU, FAMU & they tend to have the most money. Spelman (and several other HBCUs in GA) has a dual degree program with Georgia Tech (my alma mater) and I know many people who enjoyed getting both the HBCU experience & the PWI experience. I believe FAMU has a similar program with FSU.

      If she’s interested in STEM from an engineering side, NC A&T, Hampton, Tuskegee, & FAMU would be my first choices to check out. If she’s interested in medical school, Dillard, Xavier & Tennessee State are all well-known for producing Black doctors & dentists. Tuskegee is also tops for vet school.

      Also there is another HBCU that’s a women’s college – Bennett College in NC. I worked with a woman who went to Bennett & she raved about her experience. And fun fact, they are actually the “sister” school for Morehouse, not Spelman, which was founded later than Morehouse & Bennett.

      • anon

        +1 re: Bennett College. I am not an HBCU grad but my professional community is full of them, and Bennett grads are super passionate about their school and experience.

      • Anon

        FAMU-FSU College of Engineering is a joint college that was formed because neither university had the numbers to support their own CoE. It’s a solid college who places students into quite a few really good regional and national companies as well as government jobs. If your daughter is interested in engineering, it could be a good fit!
        Otherwise, there’s very, very little mixing between the universities, either academically or socially. FAMU is a solid school that doesn’t get the credit it deserves for doing SO much with very little money. The local press loves nothing more than a good “FAMU admin spent/lost X dollars” or “FAMU Building has X Problem” or “FAMU grad messed up and is going to prison” story, most of which disregard context of the funding or are just plain old racism (You never see a headline of “FSU Alum Matt Gaetz”, for instance). FAMU walks a fine line between admitting enough students to pay the bills and admitting students who are fully college ready (like many underfunded colleges). FSU and UF’s first generation programs have effectively poached the best and brightest students of color away from FAMU by offering more aid and support. FAMU is investing in programs of their own, but those cost money.
        Historically, the legislature likes to play games with FAMU’s funding and yanking programs/giving them to FSU or other FL unis, and I’m honestly surprised deSantis and his buddies in the legislature haven’t tried something yet, given the way they seem to really enjoy making life more difficult for people of color in FL, especially smart and ambitious people of color. That FAMU has persevered through all this is a testament to the university and I for one am pulling for their success. There are a lot of folks external to FAMU who would love nothing more than to see it fail.

    • Anon

      Many of my law school classmates went to HBCUs and had a fantastic experience and VERY strong alumni community.

    • Anonymous

      Also, if for whatever reason she doesn’t end up at a HBCU, she should definitely check out black sororities. The sisterhood (and brotherhood for the fraternities) that I’ve seen is really unreal and truly lifelong.

    • LaJolla Joi

      Also look into Oakwood University – Huntsville, AL.!
      This smaller HBCU may be exactly what your family is looking for.

  7. Jewelry - NY recs?

    I’m realizing that I need to up my jewelry game. I tend to avoid wearing jewelry for a variety of reasons — I’m relatively small so somethings just look silly, I don’t like feeling like a Christmas tree (while at the same time thinking that others look great in what they wear), and price. But I so often feel so blah and feel like the right pieces could help. Plus as I move into higher level roles in my org, I feel more pressure to look a more polished. Presently I pick something up at J. Crew or the like here and there but feel like I should invest in more expensive pieces — like not thousands but hundreds. I’ve found things I like online at that price point before and almost pulled the trigger but then never buy because I can’t try them on, have no idea what my ring size is, have no sense of what things will look like on me, etc. I have a few hours free in NYC this weekend and am considering using some of that time to make myself go somewhere and actually try things on. Does anyone have any recs for NYC or for otherwise getting past this issue/upping their game?

      • Anonymous

        Catbird is awfully trendy and twee, more IG than boss lady. Not that a boss lady needs big heavy jewelry–I am a boss lady who wears delicate jewelry because I am petite–but Catbird is not quite right. Also Catbird is mostly yellow gold, and depending on OP’s coloring she may do better with silver or white gold.

      • Anon

        +1 on Catbird for delicate things, Mejuri is also good for small, delicate stuff at a lower price point.

      • Anon

        Agreed!

        OP — I have a necklace very similar to the catbird Fizz necklace that I’ve worn almost every single day since 2014. I only take it off on the rare occasion that I want to wear another necklace, but I wear it to sleep/shower/swim etc. I also have a pair of earrings that I never take off. It’s basically a one time investment of money and effort and really elevates every single outfit. So I say go for it and don’t think it has to become some ongoing thing that requires constant effort.

    • Anon A. Mouse

      Mejuri! High quality, well priced, subtle, and classic. I have a couple of pieces and I highly recommend!

    • Anne-on

      I’d go to a large high end department store – Bergdorf Goodman’s actually has a fantastic jewelry department that showcases a lot of independent designers. Catbird has a very specific aesthetic that can read a bit twee, so it isn’t my personal favorite and I think you’d be better served by a place with a large selection. A few things that surprised me when I first started wearing real jewelry – just like clothes, fit and size is important – the same size piece will look different on different people. Color (stone color, shade of the metal, the color of pearls) is also personal and some colors will flatter you more than others. Keep your lifestyle and personal preference in mind – I love the look of bracelets but anything clunking on my keyboard drives me bonkers. I also love dangly earings but don’t wear them to work as they are painful with headsets. I’d go on a weekday, try to find a not so busy sales associate, let them know your budget and have fun!

    • Anon

      I also prefer dainty jewelry and I like Maison miru and GLDN. I also keep my jewelry simple: 90% of the time I wear the same earrings (small gold hoops + my cartilage piercing), necklace (CZ solitaire necklace), bracelet/watch (Garmin watch and dainty evil eye bracelet and a Catbird permanent bracelet I got with a friend), an anklet, and a sapphire ring from my grandmother.

    • anon

      Jewelry looks totally different online vs in person so going shopping at actual stores is a good idea. I think it’s easier to dip your toe in the water with delicate silver or gold pieces. Gemstones can feel showy if you’re not used to them, that’s probably why you feel like a Christmas tree. IMHO rings and bracelets tend to look less classy unless you invest in finer pieces. Maybe start with earrings and necklaces then move onto the other stuff when you’ve figured out your aesthetic.

    • Jewelry - NY recs?

      Thanks for these recs! Really helpful. Love this board. I’ll be shopping this weekend!

    • Panda Bear

      I’m a huge fan of antique jewelry. It’s not everyone’s style, but since OP is trying to find what she loves, I’d hit at least one good vintage/antique jewelry store! You might fall in love with a cool art deco ring, Victorian brooch, or elegant art nouveau necklace… Doyle and Doyle (near union square) has a good selection, so does Erstwhile (near Rockerfeller center). Have fun shopping!

  8. anon

    Looking for a housewarming gift idea for a close, but out of state family member. They have a lovely, large, new home, but the hard part is that they don’t love it and don’t plan to live there for too long. So, I cant figure out how to celebrate the new house, because they aren’t excited about living there. At the same time, because of the close relationship, I should send a gift. Perhaps something consumable? Budget is up to $300.

    • Anonymous

      My close friend just sent me a large potted outdoor plant for outside of my front door and a fresh seasonal wreath when I bought my house. I thought it was very thoughtful and a great gift.

    • Anon

      Flowers or champagne? A doormat with their monogram? A return address stamp? Wait a few more weeks and order them a really nice Christmas wreath?

    • anon

      Gift card to Lowes, Home Depot, HomeGoods. Maybe some nice kitchen or bath towels they can use if they move.

    • AIMS

      What about a nice cashmere or wool throw? Unless it’s somewhere warm year round, this is the kind of thing that people tend to buy cheaper versions of but it’s great to have something really well made and they can take it with them when they move.

    • Anonymous

      Could you comment on the “I should send a gift” part? My first instinct was “why would you send a $300 gift out of state to someone to celebrate something they aren’t interested in celebrating?” In my circles, housewarming gifts are not expected. But I’m guessing that they are in yours, and they might think it rude if you didn’t send a gift? I’m so curious if this kind of thing is the norm and if so, where and among what kind of social circle.

      • anonshmanon

        This was foreign to me as well. Housewarming gifts I have received from friends, family and colleagues have been much more modest. A potted plant, a dish towel, a casserole dish. Nobody except my bff gave a gift unless I invited them to a housewarming party, at which point they brought food to share.

  9. Anon

    I have a psychologist and a psychiatrist at two hospital-owned practices for my son. We have signed waivers so that they can share / review notes. Kiddo has ADHD and maybe some other things going on (testing for autism, even though kiddo has been in regular school since K and does well academically; cafeteria noise is bothersome this year, so we have gotten him noise-reducing ear plugs called Loops; dealing with some intrusive thoughts, etc.).

    Kiddo sees psychologist b/c during COVID schools were closed and we could at least see him weekly / biweekly, including virtually, as needed. Kiddo should probably be on ADHD meds but isn’t (we cycled off of the prior ones, this summer, which weren’t working, but the intrusive thoughts came up later and we wanted to REALLY discuss what was going on with psychiatrist vs just having her call in an RX and hoping it helped). I guess I’m concerned that no one really knows what is going on and as a parent, I’m not sure how to coordinate these two professionals and get my son the help he seems to need.

    I am getting now why people get to a mental health crisis point (which we are not at, but we are also not going in anything but circles) that ends poorly before someone notices that they HAVE to get some serious help.

    • Anonymous

      This is so hard. Unfortunately, the psychologist and the psychiatrist are not likely to communicate with each other at all unless you specifically direct one of them to send a report to the other, which probably won’t get read unless you push for it. You will have to take charge, schedule a visit with the psychiatrist, and refuse to give up until your concerns about the intrusive thoughts and finding an effective ADHD medication and dosage are addressed to your satisfaction.

    • Anonymous

      Attending regular school and doing well academically doesn’t preclude autism. Signed an autistic lady with a 142 IQ, which makes people really uncomfortable because they think I should be ‘disabled’ and not smarter than them.

      • Anon

        OP on this — I think that because he does well in school, his non-academic needs have been ignored since he isn’t disruptive. His ADHD is more inattentive / needing to stim, which is becoming more an more awkward for him, socially. He doesn’t have the motor skills at the level that let him be in competitive sports (and you have to be very good in our area to be on teams) and burn that energy off and while we say we want to run / go on walks, so often that doesn’t happen enough to help. I don’t think of him as disabled, just wired uniquely, but he will have to learn to manage in a world where most people are not like him and find his quirks off-putting. IDK how this will be if he wants to get a job this summer (or as an adult). COVID set this all back years and I am so sad for him as he might be much more at ease in the world if we had gotten him better help sooner.

        • No Problem

          Ok, for some reason I was reading your original comment as pertaining to a kid around age 8 or 9, not 16. That doesn’t change my recommendation below to ask his doctors to consult with each other, but it might open up more possibilities. Is working as a camp counselor this summer a possibility? Maybe even a camp that caters to neurodivergent kids? That could be an amazing opportunity for him to get more of the stimulation and activity that he needs, in addition to feeling less isolated in his symptoms. Maybe there’s some kind of related after school program he could be a counselor for during the school year as well. More generally, is there any kind of program available to pair him with an older mentor who could help him navigate his symptoms in the hypothetical future workplace and/or college environment if that’s where he thinks he’s headed?

          Is he getting therapy specific to strategies for coping with his ADHD tendencies? Has he had opportunities to meet and spend significant time with other kids his age who have similar issues? I promise that he is less alone in his quirks than either of you thinks he is.

        • MJ

          Also–consider putting him on a swim team. You can be pretty darn uncoordinated on land, and still swim slow, and it is amazing for burning off energy!

        • Anonymous

          But you’re his mom? Tell psychologist- he needs meds again can you send your notes to psychiatrist. Call psychiatrist today and get the first appointment you can even if it’s far away? Idk how else you think things will get done but your post is weirdly passive voiced about all of this and you can’t be passive.

          • Anon

            Yeah you don’t specify what the problem is – has he seen the psychiatrist recently to discuss this? The psychiatrist won’t automatically know about the concerns your son discussed with the psychologist, no.

          • Anonymous

            This. You are the mom. You need to make things happen. The system is not set up to magically coordinate everything for you.

    • No Problem

      You say that they have permission to share notes with each other, but do you know if they have actually consulted/talked with each other about your son’s case? I’m not a parent, but in your shoes I would probably buckle on my advocate hat and specifically ask the two providers to consult with each other and devise a treatment plan (including any additional testing that may be needed to determine the treatment plan). Share your concerns with both of them (you feel you are going in circles and don’t want things to get worse for your son) and what you want to get out of their consultation (treatment plan that addresses intrusive thoughts and ADHD, plan for future scheduled reviews to determine whether treatment plan is working).

      Good luck. And in case you’re feeling helpless or like you’re somehow failing your kid, you are doing great.

    • Anne-on

      I’m so sorry. Someone on the moms board posted about private coordinators for IEPs, and it seems like they can also help with coordinating counseling/doctors visits. And paperwork. So much paperwork. Good luck – and feel free to post on the mom’s site, a few of us are in a similar situation.

      • Anonymous

        I might have been the person who posted about private educational consultants for IEPs and 504s. These will not coordinate medical care and counseling. It’s the opposite–they take the diagnosis from the practitioners and then make recommendations for services and placements, which the parent then has to secure. They will also draft an IEP or 504 plan for the parent to present to the school. It is a short-term consulting arrangement, not case management.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Two questions: 1) has your son been diagnosed with OCD? The intrusive thoughts pointed me in that direction. 2) is your psychiatrist strictly for med management? Some peds psychiatrists do just that; others do more talk therapy + med management but it’s rarer. Can the psychologist and the psychiatrist review each other’s notes?

      • pugsnbourbon

        And also – this is really, really hard and as someone who had mental health issues show up early (I washed my hands A LOT as a 7 yr old) you’re awesome for getting your son the care he needs. I hope he starts feeling better soon.

      • anon

        Yeah, I don’t like diagnosing people I don’t know over the internet (as a non-doctor as well!), but between intrusive thoughts, your son not responding well to medication, your note that he’s not super hyperactive, maybe he would benefit from a different (non-ADHD) perspective.

        You wrote that “COVID set this all back years and I am so sad for him as he might be much more at ease in the world if we had gotten him better help sooner.” It’s probably true that if he had the right treatment at this very moment, he might be more at-ease in the world. But once you do figure out a good regimen, I don’t think the fact that it took some time would hold him back much. I strongly refused any sort of ADHD-specific treatment until I was 16 (though I received it against my will off-and-on, usually following some sort of parent/teacher meeting over my behavior). Once I received treatment, which included medication but also therapy, improvements in my mood and behavior came pretty quickly. Sure, I’m a bit embarrassed by who I was before then, but I think most people feel that way (I’m 31 now, FWIW).

      • Anonymous

        Intrusive thoughts can be part of an anxiety disorder. That is not OCD as well. I second the people who say not to be too attached to a diagnosis at the moment.

  10. Anon

    For the first time ever, this year we have a little extra money each month to plug into the market. We have been putting money into the kids’ 529s for a few years, and this year, we started adding some money to a Vanguard total stock market index fund each month. But the balances on the 529s look like they did when we started the year, and it seems like the Vanguard account has hardly changed at all. There was a thread a week or so ago that was a helpful reminder that this is expected in this market. Intellectually, I know this, but it was a good reminder to stay the course. Can we have another Been There, Survived That, It Eventually Went Back Up thread just to keep going? We are years away from retiring or sending a kid to college.

    • Anon

      We started investing in 2008 when markets were mess and now our net worth is over a million. I was making less than $20k a year at the time and we still make much, much less than most people on this board make.

    • Anonymous

      I graduated college in 06 and started saving for retirement — very modestly on my low salary — in early 07. After 4 years of working, I went back to grad school and then a different job. I rolled over that original 401k to vanguard and it’s been sitting in a separate account ever since. When I rolled it over it was only a few thousand dollars but holy sh-t has it gone up so much in the 10 years since. When I feel discouraged about the market I look at it and remind myself that anything I’m putting in during a downturn just has more opportunity to grow.

    • nuqotw

      I started investing in 2005ish when everything was flying high. I quit my job in summer 2008 and went back to grad school in 2009, all the while watching my investments tank. It eventually went back up.

    • Anon

      Years ago, a professor mentioned a friend who had immigrated from another country and loved the American stock market. “I don’t see what is so hard about it – buy low, sell high!”

    • Anon

      Value of my 401(k) dropped from 1/1/08 to 1/1/09 despite maxing out my contribution – and I’d only been contributing for a couple years, so it was like I had put in $3X total at the end of 2008 but it was worth $2X. It bounced back and then some within 1-2 years. Honestly, I just tune out all things market related because I know my 401k is tied to an age-based fund and it doesn’t matter now or for 20 years what it looks like for me.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I like the statement someone made that stocks are “on sale” right now. I also feel like the fact that we invest what we can with what we have means that I need to just Let It Go because I can’t control the market. And I am more fortunate than 99.9% of most people who have ever lived and probably 95%+ of people today, so my worries are infinitesimally small potatoes in the bigger picture.

      I can’t do anything about the catastrophic “what ifs” beyond what I’m doing now (and I take the same approach with climate change; we donate, we watch our consumption, we reassess as we go, I can’t control it, and me worrying doesn’t go anywhere).

    • Senior Attorney

      My retirement fund has been way down and way back up a couple of times over the years. Stocks are on sale right now, so take advantage of it!

    • Jo April

      I wish I’d tracked the number of shares I owned rather than the value/worth of those stocks. I could probably back-engineer the numbers, but after ten years or so in the market, I have a lot of index funds and someday their value will rebound. And frankly, if it doesn’t, I assume I will have bigger problems.

    • Anonymous

      In 2008 I threw up on the side of the road when the market dropped 6% in one day. I was 25 and had just put a bunch of money in the market.

      Fast forward to now when all the money input in is up like 300%.

  11. MBAMags

    What would you wear under your cap and gown to MBA graduation? In the football stadium, which is outside, in December. In Atlanta, which means it could be anything from 45 to 65 degrees. I have a pair of gold sequin shoes I’m really excited about, but can’t figure out anything else. all advice appreciated!

    • HFB

      I would wear a short sleeved dress in the same or coordinating color at the robe. Make sure at least the color doesn’t clash with the color of the hood. Probably best to stick with solid colors. I wore an ivory and olive dress under mine at my law school graduation and regretted it because the hem peeked out the bottom of my robe and I felt it really clashed with the bright purple & red hood and black robe. If I could do it again I’d probably wear a black dress. The robe was polyester and very warm, but I also graduated on a hot humid day in May, so ymmv.

    • Anon

      I’d wear a sweater dress rather than sleeveless. I’d be cold in a. Outdoor graduation in December. I’d pair it with some tights too.

    • BB

      If you have a place to change after the ceremony and before the reception, you should wear whatever is appropriate for the weather that day. During my MBA graduation, it was June but ended up being 45 degrees and rainy. Most of the women were wearing cute dresses and heels and were freezing and miserable. I wore waterproof pants and lots of insulating layers and felt great. No one can see what’s under your gown anyway!

    • Anonymous

      wear something with pockets since the graduation gown is unlikely to have them

  12. lifer

    Ok, it is time for me to finally get my classic black leather moto jacket. The one that hopefully lasts me forever.

    Any that you are recommending / loving these days?

    I am pear shaped, 5′ 7″.

    All Saints?

    • Anonymous

      I have the Allsaints Dalby and the Madewell washed leather moto. The Dalby is quite fitted and nearly everyone needs to size up. It looks more polished but is also heavier and hotter. The Madewell runs TTS. It looks more casual but is softer, lighter, and easier to wear indoors.

      • PolyD

        Looks Good from the Back blog has reviewed several leather moto jackets, including the All Saints one, I think also the Madewell one. Jolynne Shane, another blogger, also seems to wear a lot of moto jackets.

    • Anon

      I also have the All Saints Dalby. It’s cut quite short so should work on a pear. I highly recommend trying it on in person if you can — I wear a size 0 in tops but bought a 4 in this jacket, so it’s still fitted but fits over a sweater. I’m super happy with it.

      My BFF bought the same jacket on the same day and every time we wear ours we text each other about it — it’s become a fun little ritual :)

    • Anne-on

      I bought the Mackage Baya (in plum, not black) and really like it – not too much hardware, nips in at my natural waist, and amazing quality leather. They do tend to run a Thanksgiving % off (20% I think?).

    • Anon

      I love mine from Emerson fry, it’s a little cropped but looks perfect over dresses

  13. Anon 2.0

    Has anyone had their hair permed recently? I don’t mean the super tight, 80s style perm designed to tease it to Jesus. I am loving a loose, barrel wave style curl lately. However, my hair does not hold curl. I spent 25 minutes curling my hair this morning, it looked awesome, and by the time I made it to work all the curls were gone. I don’t mean they are just loose, they are gone. Would I be out of my mind to try to get a perm that will help give me this look?

    • Anon

      My friend does this! I knew her for years and just thought she had naturally wavy hair until she mentioned a perm one day – that’s how natural it looked.

      She likes it because it looks good on its own and because the perms she gets last about 6 months, so its easy for her to upkeep.

    • anon

      No experience with perms but I have fine straight hair that I prefer curled. Try a smaller barrel curling iron, maybe 1”. I look like Shirley temple at first but 30 minutes later the curls are loose. If it’s more than 70% humidity outside I split my hair into four sections, twist each section into a big coil, then tuck the hair under my jacket while commuting. And of course try hairspray – L’oreal Elnett is a classic for a reason.

      • Anon 2.0

        OP here – I think part of the problem is the weight of my hair. I have a fine texture of hair but my hair is super thick and long. I think the weight of the hair pulls the curls out.

        • anon

          Layers! The top part of the strand will straighten but the bottom usually holds a curl better. If you have layers then it creates the illusion of your whole head being wavy. In general if you have long, thick but fine straight hair then layers are key. They add movement.

        • Anon

          Anon I had the same experience as you and nothing worked. I then went to a stylist who thinned out my hair A LOT and now suddenly curls hold (no perm needed). There are a few tricks to it — you should pin them until they are fully cooled, so I only do this for nights out and not for everyday — but none of those tricks worked until the extreme thinning. I can also dry my hair much faster now, and perhaps surprisingly, it has better volume!

    • NickiBlue

      I had a number of body wave type perms over the last few years. Perms will not look like curling iron curls, I would look on pinterest or instagram for inspiration. Err on the side of larger rollers so it’s looser, you could always go tighter next time. My hair is fine, thin, slightly wavy and holds curls well so I’m not sure how your type of hair would take. But I loved not having to heat style my hair. For professional occasions I would usually straighten it, but I have worn the permed hair to court.

  14. Anon

    Do you have a class ring? Do you actually wear it? My goddaughter is graduating college this year and seems to want one. I never bought one, but I’m considering gifting it to her. Any thoughts?

    • Anon

      I never got a college one, but I wore my high school one for a while. High school ring was a signet ring style, with the school’s seal on it – neither the men’s or the women’s version had a stone. College ring came in several styles, including a signet style which I think is more practical and attractive than the large stone. So, if you end up getting it for her definitely check what style she’d want.

      • London (formerly NY) CPA

        Agree. I still wear my signet-style high school ring every day.

    • Anonymous

      It really depends on the person. I see more adult men than adult women wearing class rings, and they tend to be the type that went to midwestern or southern football schools and think back on college as the best years of their lives. The signet style seems a little more current and versatile. The bottom line is that if she really wants a class ring it is a great gift, but if she’s just meh on it or thinks she “should” have a ring, she’ll probably never wear it.

    • Anon

      If she wants it, get it for her, be the favorite aunt. I wore my high school one for a few years way back then. It’s in a drawer now and if one of my nieces goes to my school, I’ll give it to her.

    • Anon

      I SO wanted one, but am ultimately glad I didn’t get it because I never would have worn it more than a year or two. If you’re ok with your gift being worn just a year or two, that’s ok, too.

      Exceptions apply if she’s graduating from a service academy. Get her the ring! I’ve never seen any women servicemembers wearing one, but if she wants to wear it in the spirit of the boys, go girlboss!

    • pugsnbourbon

      I wore my high school ring for a really long time, until I lost it on a cold night (slipped off my finger and into a dark pile of leaves). It had a neat stone (star sapphire). Now I wear a signet-style ring on my right hand; a couple people have thought it was a class ring.

    • Anon

      It also depends on the college. I live in Texas and the majority of people I know who graduated from Texas A&M wear their class rings. Not so much from other universities.

    • Anon

      Highly variable by college so I’d defer to what she says she wants. almost everyone from my ivy undergrad gets a class ring (usually signet style in gold, sometimes silver). Most alums wear them daily for a few years and then for reunions after that. I and some of my friends still wear ours daily more than ten years out. For me it’s a nice reminder that while my left hand signifies what I am to other people, my right hand signifies an experience and accomplishment that was personally significant.

    • anomforthis

      alternative – a ring in a stone that is meaningful to said school or degree. Many of the women in my MBA class have really beautiful emerald cocktail or smaller daily wear rings as that was the school color and it felt meaningful but a longer wear option than a true class ring would be.

      • anon

        +1 – closer to my 20 year HS reunion than I’d like to admit, and I still wear the band set with diamonds and high school color stones that my parents got me for grad.

    • Anon

      Actually wearing it is not a requirement. I was still glad I had one, until I lost it. :(

    • former Forte fellow

      I got mine! I was a first-generation college student who went to HYP, so graduating college was a BIG.DEAL. I was reluctant given the cost and flashiness, but my parents encouraged me to spend on myself for once and chipped in what little they could afford as a graduation present. I got the smallest size in yellow gold so it looks more like a family ring from further away and doesn’t dwarf my already small hands. I wore it almost daily before the pandemic and now wear it at social or work events. I have since completed two graduate degrees and did not bother with any jewelry to commemorate those, from the school or otherwise.
      I am not engaged/married. If I were have an engagement ring or wedding band, I would likely only pull on the class ring for special occasions because two larger/flashier rings would be too much for me personally. Sometimes I feel self-conscious for wearing a college ring so many years later or worry that others will think I’m snobby about my ivy league degree, but getting to and through college was an enormous endeavor for me and I like wearing my class ring as a reminder of how strong and determined I can be. So for me, my class ring carries a lot of sentimental value. Others may feel differently, which would make their thoughts on what they want to commemorate or what makes a ring “worth it” different.
      For my younger brother, I gifted him a watch of similar value to what his class ring would have been because he was not interested in a ring he said he’d never wear. FWIW, my college friends from middle class backgrounds with college-educated parents didn’t see the point and my friends from wealthier families (which likely included other Ivy alums) considered it a normal thing to mark the end of college even if they didn’t intend to wear it frequently.

    • Senior Attorney

      I got a college one with a tiny diamond in it and wore it for quite some time. This post is making me want to dig it out again…

      • Anonymous

        +1. Mine now only fits my pinkie, so it’s been in storage, but before that it was in regular rotation.

    • Anonymous

      Buy it! I got one for high school (designed my own at a Walmart!) and wore it daily for over a decade, when my job prevented me from wearing rings. No one in my undergrad or law program wore a class ring, except for a couple Ivy kids and a couple people who went to small, private liberal arts institutions. I now live near one of those institutions and the class ring is a huge symbol and source of pride, I see everyone from judges to bank tellers to construction crew leads wearing their rings. But I agree with the folks saying it doesn’t matter if she wears it or wears it forever. It’s a great gift if she wants it.

    • Seventh Sister

      I have a class ring, and a ring from a club I was in at college. The class ring is a small, delicate yellow gold signet, which looks funny on my medium-sized, meaty, not very delicate hands. So when I wear it (probably a few times a month) on a chain around my neck. I like the way it looks, and I’m a bit sentimental about it, which came up when my husband cracked a joke about it recently and I got upset. No, I’m not Frodo, it’s a reminder of my friends and my time there, you jerk.

      My club ring is a large silver signet ring with the club’s (obscure) logo. I wear that one a lot more because it looks more “balanced” on my hand. Sometimes I think about getting a larger college signet ring, but I want gold and I’m a bit cheap.

    • Anon

      I have one, and it’s sitting in a drawer. I am about to go sell it to one of those “we buy gold” places because I am now 30 years out of high school and have no idea what I will ever do with this thing. After all these years, the sentimentality of it has more or less evaporated – I have a much greater attachment to my high school yearbooks and photos of my friends from that time – and I will never wear it again. I was so excited to pick out all the options, etc. when I got it but now – eh. I really should just go sell it, the money would be more useful than the ring at this point.

      P.S. a jewelry store will most likely not be able to melt down your old ring and make it into one for your goddaughter. Alloyed gold (anything less than 24k) does not melt down well and also may contain toxic metals, depending on when it was made originally. My mom found this out when she took some old jewelry that belonged to her parents into a jeweler to be melted down into a new piece – they offered her credit for the gold that could be applied to the cost of the new piece, but said they could not use the old gold to make the new jewelry.

      • Anon

        p.s. – sorry, reading comprehension fail on my part – I somehow thought the OP had a ring of her own she wanted to somehow gift to her goddaughter to be made into a new ring.

    • Anon

      Confirm with her parents first that *they* aren’t doing the same thing. My parents gave me mine, which I’d been expecting.

    • Anon

      My undergrad has a super distinctive class ring and everyone got them. i’m 20 years out and almost never wear it now, but i know people who graduated a decade earlier who still do.

  15. Anon8

    Anyone want to talk christmas shopping? I have been shopping early this year (very out of character) and have a few gifts I’m really excited to give:

    DH – Balmuda toaster. He loves toast like no other and has been pining after this thing for years. Finally fits the budget comfortably so I’m super excited to gift it this year, even if it’s a tad ridiculous.

    Sister – Robotime bookshelf diorama – she loves miniature things and craft projects, so I’m thinking she’ll love this.

    Hard-to-buy-for-Aunt – Tom Bihn Monster Truck shopping bag. My aunt is impossible to buy for. She’s retired, lives alone and is very particular about her routines. We live in a state where you have to bring your own shopping bags to the store, so I’m hoping she’ll appreciate the utility of this super highly reviewed shopping bag.

    Anyone else have gifts they’re excited to give this year?

    • Anonymous

      I am getting my husband a set of pickleball paddles. He is a former tennis player and I thought he would never in a million years deign to try pickleball, but he has recently expressed interest because pickleball solves the issues that led him to give up tennis. He is too cheap to buy himself the equipment.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Okay – I had my doubts too but pickleball is SO FUN. He’s gonna love it.

        • Anon

          +1 from another former tennis player. It’s so easy with a tennis background and a lot of fun

    • balmuda convert

      I agree that the Balmuda is ridiculous. I got one for my SO this year after many many years of bickering over the price. And yet, now I am a true convert. It makes bread taste so much better–the perfect balance of crispy on the outside and pillowy inside.

        • BB

          Me neither but now I want one too! I think I might buy one this week after a bit more research! I’ve been looking for something to replace our aging toaster and this might be it.

      • ALT

        I’m the poster below looking for an idea for my bonus…it might be this toaster! I LOVE toast

    • Vicky Austin

      My friend and I have a tradition of gifting each other funny calendars for the year and whoever posted the Shrimp Whisperer calendar is about to make my friend’s entire 2023.

      My MIL is getting a set of the Cook’s Illustrated print journals (probably the charcuterie one).

      My mom is probably getting something from Rifle Paper Co.; she’s a teacher and a lovely set of folders or a cute desk planner can be so important in the long slog to spring break!

    • anon a mouse

      I would love suggestions for my dear aunt, who is a skilled needlepointer but has advancing hand tremors and more vision difficulties this year than last, so is probably going to have to give it up soon.I’d love to find something else that she can do with her hands but maybe with less fine motor control. Any ideas?

      I’m giving my BFF a framed lithograph of the Royal Tenenbaums movie poster because I came across it in a little shop and I know it will delight her after a really rough year.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I’m thinking about getting a bike for my nephew. My brother and his wife got him a Power Wheels last year so I have to catch up.
      Glitter Docs for my eight-year-old niece (with tall socks so she doesn’t rip up her ankles).
      I am getting myself a Woodzilla press so my lino prints come out better :)

    • Anon

      I would love suggestions for my dad who is so hard to shop for. He golfs and runs but he buys himself all the stuff he needs for those hobbies and I would have no idea what to get anyway. Popular gifts in the past have been a Yeti mug, a framed antique map of his hometown, the New York Times birthday book, tickets to his sports teams.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I’d do sports team tickets again. Maybe check if there’s a special event or rivalry game?

      • anon

        If he doesn’t have it already, we love terry cloth covers for our cars to protect the seats from sweat. Think of it as a fancy towel that can easily go in the wash.

    • In-House in Houston

      Not yet. But I always wait for Cup of Joy (I think that’s what it’s called) for her list of gifts for every person in your life.

    • Senior Attorney

      I was at Nordstrom over the weekend returning some shoes (the awesome suede block heel pumps in amazing colors posted here a little while ago — alas they pinched my toes!) and they had a great gift display. I got a nice set of holiday placemats for my her-love-language-is-gifts coworker whom I always leave until the last minute, and a set of ugly Christmas sweater dessert plates for my friend who throws an annual ugly sweater party. Score!

    • anon

      I have two family members with December birthdays – they are both getting Advent calendars that are relevant to their interests (the Bonne Maman one for one of them and the Star Wars lego one for the other).

      My tween daughter is getting a bath bomb making kit and her own vase for her bathroom (she loves putting flowers in her bathroom), plus some other stuff. Still working on gifts for 10-year-old boy. The two year old is going to get a toy workbench, which I’m pretty excited about. Husband is getting a telescope.

      • Anon8

        I just got my mom the Bonne Maman advent calendar for her birthday and it was a big hit! She opened December 1st already because she was so excited, haha.

    • Anon

      DH is getting a dog-powered scooter to share with our overenergized pointer who ate the bottom shelf of books in my office yesterday. It’s weird and quirky, but looking at the web page brings me joy.

      https://dogpoweredscooter.com/

    • Anon

      This year my gift for my dad is I secretly hired a private genealogist to break through a dead end in our family tree related to our paternal family name. The genealogist found our ancestor and I’m going to have all the results and documents and new info pulled together into a book form. I think he’s going to love it.

  16. Anon

    I am pretty active, but I want an at home hobby for the winter. My other hobbies include playing in a sports league, running, triathlons, and bar trivia with friends so I don’t have anything that I really do when I want a chill night at home.

    I live in a 1 BR apartment and I actually have decent storage space (except my kitchen which is literally the size of a closet), but it needs to be something that I can easily pack up and put away. I am in grad school part time right now, so it needs to be something I can do in fits and starts when I have time. While I do enjoy reading, I do so much school reading now that fun reading is not as attractive as it once was.

    I cook/bake but don’t consider that a hobby. I hate puzzles. And it needs to be something that I can do at home and alone (so a game isn’t a good option). I like the idea of a hobby where I make something (I like the satisfaction of I made this) but I tried knitting and painting and they were meh.

    • Anon

      During the earliest days of lockdown I got into cross stitching. It’s very easy to learn and it’s a fairly inexpensive hobby. I liked having something to do with my hands. I spent a long winter cross stitching while watching TV. Embroidery is the same idea but I found it a lot trickier.

    • Anon8

      Some random ideas – bookbinding (kits on etsy to get started with), embroidery (kits for this too), journaling, calligraphy…

    • AIMS

      My cousin’s wife is very into needlepoint. She buys kits online where the picture is pre-printed so it’s not very hard but it’s is time consuming and – according to her – very zen. Options abound – you can do traditional flowers, something abstract, cheeky sayings, whatever suits your fancy. It takes up very little space and she frames her favorites and gives them as gifts. I have one in my kids’ room and it’s very charming. You can also do pillows.

    • Anon

      I was super into cross stitch in law school. I found it easier to pick up and put down than knitting, and I didn’t feel like I needed to commit to using/hanging the final result. I still have a bunch of pieces that I did then rolled up in a box. I’m currently into sashiko embroidery using pre-printed kits I order from Japan (there’s ones you can get in the US and Canada on Etsy, but there’s a particular brand I personally just really like). Similar feeling to cross stitch but I find it much more mindless because I don’t have to look at or follow a pattern. Sometimes I listen to podcasts while doing this, but other times it’s nice to just zone out. If you want something more creative than following a pattern, embroidery that’s not cross stitch is also surprisingly easy to learn.

    • OP

      Thanks for the suggestions! I think I would want to “use” what ever I have made, which is where I struggle a bit. Like my suburban brother (with a basement workshop) does woodworking as a hobby and he just has a table that he’s made in his living room and I think that is so cool. I also have a friend who sews and knits well enough to actually wear what she makes.

      Unfortunately for me I don’t have the space for woodworking nor the expertise for their hobbies (both have taken classes and have relatives who live nearby and are very skilled and can help show them something). With being a student, I can’t commit to a sewing class or anything. I have another friend who takes a pottery class which I think is awesome, but once again – I can’t commit to that right now.

      • Anon

        Needlework like cross stitch or embroidery can be framed as art, and needlepoint can be turned into things like pillows, belts, bookmarks, etc.

        • Walnut

          I have a bunch of embroidered flour sack towels and they’re a perfect functional project. Great for gifts as well.

      • Anonymous

        For sewing, you can get started with a one-session class and you can absolutely make beginner projects that you can use. Pillowcases, shoebags, pajama pants, and some quilts are great practical beginner projects. You can piece a quilt top and then send it out to be machine-quilted if you don’t want to mess with quilting it yourself.

        • OP

          I’ll have to look for a one off class then! The ones I’ve seen near me are all 6/8 week commitments and like $500 which is hard buy if there’s a single session I’ll definitely check it out!

      • anon

        Knitting!! You don’t need to be able to knit well to make hats. I’ve made a chunky knit hat for myself each year (and have another like 15 nearly-finished hats taking up space…but that’s a me problem…). Because they are chunky, they are relatively quick to make. I also made mittens during the pandemic, and a sweater that I’d never wear because it looks bad. But hats are super simple, and super simple to make look super cool. Everyone says my hats look professional and trust me, I’m a terrible knitter, they just look professional because I only use one color and don’t try anything fancy lol.

        I think all-told I’ve spent around $50 on non-yarn stuff, like needles and large sewing needles. For yarn, I buy the Lion Brand Hometown, which can be as low as $3 on Amazon. You only need one skein (roll) to make a hat. People online will say you need interchangeable needles, but I bought those for myself and I hate them. If you are interested, I can give you my full list of supplies I ended up buying (it was a bit overwhelming at first).

        My knitting knowledge was rudimentary at best when I started–I only knew how to make one type of stitch, and I didn’t know how to cast on or finish and stuff. So I taught myself everything via YouTube.

      • Anon

        Okay, I don’t think there’s some unicorn hobby out there that you can do in very little time with very little space and have something as useful as a bookshelf at the end.

    • Anon

      Flower arranging – get a few different styles of vases, some floral foam, floral shears, quick dip. You could even do wreaths out of dried flowers or pine. You can use and display all the things you make but you’re not stuck with clutter forever.

    • anonshmanon

      less of a physical ‘thing’ you make, but gives a related achievement-feeling: editing wikipedia, or contributing to online citizen science projects.

    • No Face

      Probably not the vibe you are looking for, but I am going to play video games this winter. I also might try calligraphy.

    • ALT

      I was really anti-knitting for the longest time (everything seemed frumpy, the yarns looked tacky, it seemed like such an old lady hobby), but I picked it up over the summer and now I’m really enjoying it. I think the trick (for me at least) is to find patterns that are modern and “hip” for lack of a better word and to also find yarns that you love. I’ve been focusing on doing a lot of neutral alpaca scarves with pops of color in tassels or edging and also on solid color blankets with a mix of stitches. I only know a couple stitches but I like being able to make useful things and it’s a good non-screen activity. Maybe try it again!

    • Anon

      I knit. One of the nice things about knitting is that there is a ton of content and community online specific to knitting – ravelry, Facebook, Instagram, you Tube etc. And there are things like knitalongs you can join.

      (Any Westknits MKAL 2022 ‘r3ttes here?)

    • Anonymous

      English paper pricing! Gluing fabric to paper is so satisfying and you don’t need a lot of tools. It’s great for quick things like pouches/stockings/cushions or more long term throws.

    • Anan

      Would a Lego set be too much like a puzzle?
      Writing? I have a hobby blog. I know no ine reads blogs anymore, but it’s a good outlet.
      Learning something- like coding or small appliance repair?

    • Coach Laura

      You could make jewelry. Take one class and then you should be good to go. You can store the beads and tools in a plastic storage drawer and there are felt trays to use for beading that you could put away.

      I also like Senior Attorney’s idea of learning another language via duolingo or babel.

    • Anonymous

      The best trick to get into a hobby to make something is to actually want or need the item so that you are exited to get better and finish the project.

      You could try macrame and make knotted plant hangers. You need string, some wooden rings and maybe some beads.

      You could try mending – try Japanese visible mending embroidery (image search sashiko mending) and give new life to old jeans or shirts.

      You could try basket weaving. Either for making baskets, or pot holders maybe.

      You could do mini carpentry and make a bird’s house (get a kit) or other mini sets – the gift shop of science museums are a good place to look, as well as hobby stores.

      You could do origami. If you make stars or flowers or similar these can be made into ornaments, or maybe put together on a wreath.

      You could make a felt decoration wreath, e.g. poinsettas for Christmas.

      You could make tissue paper window stars.

      You can go crazy with a glue stick thingy and make sequinned everything.

      You could make a clock. (Fun plate of your choice, clock maker hobby set.)

      You could make jewelry.

  17. ALT

    I just accepted a job offer that comes with a $5k signing bonus. I want to use some of this as a “go you” gift for myself. I’m thinking about buying a designer handbag since I’ve always had wanted one and this feels like the right moment for it.

    I’ve had my eye on the YSL LouLou Camera bag for a while, but am open to other suggestions. I’d like to keep it under $2k and probably get something on the smaller side rather than a tote since I have a couple I already use and love. Ideas?

    • Anon

      Go for it! I see this bag a lot in NYC — could be a pro or a con for you — but I like it a lot and think you should go for it! It’s so popular that there’s a possibility it might look dated in a few years, but I believe you should get what you want now and not worry about that, and second of all, everything comes around. I’m now seeing people buying for hundreds of dollars those small coach bags (“armpit bags” according to me) that I couldn’t unload for any amount of money 10 years ago.

      A bit above your price range but I just got myself a small Prada Galleria tote and I love it. I generally wear it with the label facing towards me though because I found myself to be self conscious about how branded it is.

    • Anon

      Check APC or Polene bag. I think a black suede Chanel quilted bag looks timeless.

      • OP

        Ooooh thanks for the APC rec! These are all good and very much my taste—minimal branding.

    • Anonymous

      Congrats!! Go for it! A nice camera bag is so practical and will never go out of style.

  18. Anon

    What do you all put under large (wool, possibly) area rugs? Those rubber grippy things seem (to me) like they will eventually embed themselves in the varnish on the wood floor underneath. Big felt ones? I can see a grippy one on something like a small mat by a door that may tend to skate away or be a tripping/falling hazard. Not so much for a run that will be anchored by heavy furniture.

    • Anon

      They make a rubber solid one – like a combo between the felt kind and the grippy kind.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve had the grippy rubber ones for years with no damage to the floor finish.

      • anonshmanon

        I can still see the outline of grippy ones from the previous tenants on my hardwood floors. Maybe there are brands that work better than others?

        • Aunt Jamesina

          Yeah, I had this in my last house and the risk is not worth it to me. I imagine it’s something about the type of floor finish reacting with the floor mat and you can’t know if it will happen to you or not, so best to avoid it by getting the felt kind.

      • Senior Attorney

        Agree. If the rug is big enough it’s not going anywhere, especially if it has furniture on it.

    • Anonymous

      I use the Mohawk Home rug pad under all my rugs. Costco carries it online, and other retailers have more specific sizes

    • Anon

      Yes, the felt ones (Karastan brand). They’re non-slip.

      Those rubber grippy things ruin floors and tend to migrate somehow despite not doing so being their sole purpose.

      • Anon

        I think I meant Mohawk when I said Karastan! (Mohawk bought Karastan and I’ve been confused ever since.)

    • Anon

      Also if you don’t care about the rug, you may get away without one!

      If it’s knotted and has the potential to last ages, I would get the felt to protect the warp and also because it’s more luxurious.

  19. Anon

    Speaking of gift ideas, what would you like to get from your boss at work? I have 6 directs and am in the c-suite, they all are high level too and have tons of time off plus extra for year-end close, and their roles aren’t necessarily conducive to “an extra afternoon off” as a “present.” Cash is also handled via bonuses so that’s off the table. We have a culture of gifting physical things too. So with that preamble, suggestions with a budget of about $100/each, give or take, and where gender is evenly split?

    • Anon

      How much do airpods go for these days? (Black Friday sale?) They were a popular corporate gift for us last year – and if you don’t need them, they can be a spare or be passed to a relative.

    • Lily

      It should be personal to each person, I think. If you know they drink alcohol and what type, I’d get them a nice bottle (scotch, champagne, whatever that person actually likes). If they don’t drink, I’d do a fancy basket like from Harry and David, or preferably a fancy local store, with cheese, coffee, chocolate, something like that. Definitely consumables. Sounds like they’re probably well compensated and so I think a consumable that is a little nicer than most people buy themselves on a regular basis would be really nice.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Last week a poster asked for “good for everyone” gifts and someone suggested puffer vests – NOT with company logo-ing. Other things:
      – Fleece jacket from a nice brand (Nike or North Face on sale)
      – something Yeti or Corkscicle (they can re-gift)
      – food gift basket
      – booze (know your audience, obvs)

    • AIMS

      Know your office but I would love a fancy bottle of champagne from just about anyone that time of year. New year’s will be coming up and it’s just nice to have and easy to regift. Something else consumable works too as long as it has a decently long shelf life.

    • Sybil

      Under your budget (maybe combine) but my husband really likes the small yeti cup and a pack of Tiles.

    • Anon

      High quality duffel bag/gym bag?

      My boss gave us Maglite flashlights in 2012 after Hurricane Sandy, lol. I still use it.

      • Anon

        I have a Maglight from 20 years ago and it’s the best corporate gift I’ve ever received.

    • Anonymous

      Things I have appreciated are a spa gift card, a gift card to a cooking store (because my boss knew I cooked so it was personalized), a bottle of wine, and a bottle of champagne. I would not mind a gift basket of savory treats, but would not like sweets of any kind (which my boss would know).

    • Cat

      With $600 or so to play with, what about a “group gift” like something everyone would benefit from at the office? A nice Nespresso? I feel like that may go further with goodwill than a generic bottle of wine or whatever.

    • Zennia

      It’s hard to think of something everyone would like. Personally, in that setting I’d like a diptique candle, a cashmere wrap, or an expensive trendy houseplant but none of those are universal.

    • Anon

      Over your price range but in the general ballpark: Ember heated mugs. So awesome for keeping a drink warm while working.

    • Anon8

      My boss always does personalized Erin Condren notebooks for everyone and it’s consistently one of my favorite gifts to get each year. They’re only about $20 each but there are tons of designs and adding the person’s name to the cover makes it feel special. So far below your budget but maybe it could be part of the gift.

    • Anon

      A bottle of a nice, expensive alcohol (champagne, whisky, gin) were my fav gifts from my managers. I don’t drink these days, but those are handy when guests turn up over the holidays. Or an invite to a home-made 5-course French dinner for our team – it was plenty of work for the hostess and I really appreciated the time, meals, company.
      I used to give Rituals gift boxes with candle and cosmetics (all-female team), fancy xmas pastries or giftcards to cafe close to the office. We are rather no-physical- gifts-expected office culture.

    • Anon

      Personally I hate getting alcohol because it just goes to waste. I don’t like most alcohol and the few things I do like I can’t finish because I don’t have family members that drink and we don’t really ever entertain adults only. I think cashmere wrap would be my favorite of the things listed so far, but I would really rather have cash/gift card.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Recently someone asked about “good for everyone” gifts and puffer vests came up. Nicer brands are going to have them on sale. A fleece from Nike or North Face would be nice too (non-company-branded).

    • Annon

      Depending on how well you know them, which if you’re a good manager you will! I usually get a meal they can shove in the oven (after checking if they want one, checking for allergies, and delivered by Whole Foods to their door), plus a letter to them saying thanks and happy holidays (mostly generic but tailored) to their kids saying how their parents work has really helped etc. Plus a book for the kids to read…something relatively age appropriate and something to do with the industry unless that’s not feasible. Non-parents get the same/similar meal but a book for themselves and their partner.

    • Anon

      Only 2 of the bosses I’ve had have ever given gifts (and I’ve only worked 1 place with a holiday party too) but most gifts from bosses feels oddly intimate? I like my boss and we have a good rapport but we don’t know much about each other’s personal lives (well he has 5 kids and is, as a result, constantly overwhelmed and both he and his wife work so they eat a lot of crockpot meals which he does not care for) that many gifts suggested here feel weird to me?

      Id keep it to something they might use at the office (love the yeti and ember ideas!). A blanket or candle or vest feels weird to me?

      The two bosses I’ve received gifts from are also real life friends of mine (one is 35 years older so a mentor, one is 4 years older and is a close friend who I go out drinking with). I don’t work for either of them anymore but have kept the relationship. They both just gave $10 Starbucks cards, and one included a mug for my desk.

    • anon

      Food gifts. I like the killer brownie sampler on goldbelly or Jeni’s ice cream sampler.

  20. Anon

    I have finally started embracing cooking! For years it felt like a chore but now I live alone and have a dishwasher, it feels less bothersome than when I was fighting for kitchen space with roommates.

    I would say I’m a fine but not amazing cook, and I still don’t have the time or patience for very involved, multistep recipes. I usually cook 2 meals a week and then eat the leftovers or very basic meals for the rest of my meals.

    I’m thinking ahead to Christmas and would like to ask for some fun kitchen things for the holiday. I have an Instant and an air fryer (and a microwave, kettle, and toaster). The pots and pan I have are hand me downs from my aunt, but I don’t have a skillet or a dutch oven or anything. I know the instapot has a slow cooker function, but I have heard that it’s not great – so thinking about asking for a crockpot?

    Not interested in something very trendy (like the always pan), but am trying to think about something that might be fun to add to my collection and open up new types of cooking.

    Kitchen is tiny with bad storage, but I do have some shelves in the living room I can use for kitchen appliance storage if needed. Ideally not something super expensive – as an adult with my own income I refuse to ask for expensive splurges for gifts, I save those to buy myself.

    • Anon

      Do you want to make slow cooker meals? That’s a lot of appliances that take up a lot of room! I’d prioritize dutch oven over slow cooker, personally. (Also, I totally agree with Serious Eats re: slow cookers vs pressure cookers: https://www.seriouseats.com/why-pressure-cookers-are-better-than-slow-cookers)

      I’d ask for spices or other shelf stable specialty ingredients, cookbooks, or smaller tools like bench scrapers, microplanes, mandolines, that are totally worth the money and space they take up. Oh, and measuring spoons designed to fit into spice bottles.

      • OP

        Back when I had roommates I used their slow, and I found them convenient. Not everything I make can be a hobby meal!

      • Anon

        I agree that I use a dutch oven far, far more than a slow cooker. In fact, I recently gave a friend my slow cooker since it takes so mush room and I rarely used it. My dutch oven, on the other hand, is in near-constant use.

    • anon

      – Cast iron pan. Great for cooking meat, it can go in the oven, and you can make big cookie skillets if that’s your thing. You can use soap on it, the old no-soap rules are outdated.
      – Mini food processor. I love making sauces like pesto and chimichurri. It also chops vegetables.
      – Round baking stone with a lip. Amazing for pizza. Also good for cookies and toasting bread (I don’t have an actual toaster)
      – Ceramic baking dishes small enough for a one-person meal. I have an oval one that fits an entree plus veggies and little ramekins for dessert.
      – A set of sharp knives and a cutting board. They don’t have to be $200 Japanese butcher knives, I enjoy my Homegoods paring and serrated ones.

      • anon

        I have an immersion blender that has a small food processor attachment and a whisk attachment and I use it multiple times a week, its my MVP appliance (#2 is instantpot, but you already have that! you can get accessories like steamers, stacked pots, egg holders, and cake pans for the instantpot to make it more versatile, but I haven’t yet)

    • AIMS

      -I would ask for two or three good knives – I think a chef’s knife, paring knife and maybe a serrated bread knife is all you really need.
      -A good Dutch oven (great for soups, stews, sauces – I don’t think you need a slow cooker if you have one of these unless your goal is specifically to be away while things cook).
      -a Victorinox fish spatula. You don’t have to use it for fish. It’s the best spatula ever, period, end of story, and using anything else is just the worst once you switch. I actually want to get a second because I love mine so much. They’re usually around $30 and make a great gift.
      -good frying pan. I like cast iron. Lodge is very reasonably priced. I have All Clad too but find then a pain to clean. I do love my small All Clad omelette pan. It’s perfect for making one or two eggs in the morning.
      -since you like to do leftovers, maybe a nice Tupperware set to store them all? I like the Joseph Joseph nesting one (space in my kitchen is also at a premium).

    • gail the goldfish

      My Le Crueset every day pan gets more use than my dutch ovens. Great for “cook in skillet that can also go in the oven” recipes even though it’s not a true skillet (i think it’s a braiser?)

    • MJ

      Agree that if you have a small kitchen, more appliances that are large is not the way!

      In addition to the above, an immersion blender is super useful (and space friendly).

      I also like lemon/lime squeezers (or an all-purpose hand juicer)

      A microplane grater is amazing

      And if you’re new to cooking, Penzey’s spices are amazing and worth it!

    • BB

      To echo some of the above, I’d either get knives or a Le Creuset dutch oven. You can actually “slow cook” by putting the dutch oven into your actual oven at ~350 degrees for several hours. It’s how I do most stews and braises. But then I can also use the pan for chili or soup or anything stovetop as well. Also for baking bread!

      • Anon

        Yeah I would rather have a good Le Creuset dutch oven instead of gimmicky gadgets like an Instant Pot.

    • Anon

      I have a lot of Staub and Le Creuset cast iron (probably more than I need) and the Staub often goes on sale at places like Sur La Table and Williams Sonoma around now/Black Friday. I’d get a basic 4 or 5 qt Dutch oven.

      https://www.surlatable.com/staub-4qt-round-cocotte/PRO-298951.html

      I also agree with the suggestion for a really good knife. I got my son a new knife for his birthday last year and I liked that line so much I got myself one – it’s a hybrid between a chef’s knife and a santoku

      When I tell you I love my knife I am not exaggerating

      https://www.surlatable.com/1706431-kn-santoku-7in-rock-zw-pr/PRO-1706431.html

      I would not expect this to go on sale.

  21. Anon

    Any good ideas for a first anniversary gift for my husband? We weren’t going to give gifts but then he said he had bought me one. I’m really struggling to come up with a good “paper” gift. Tickets would be good, but there’s nothing in our area/in our interests coming up anytime soon.

    • Anon

      A print/piece of art, a book, nice monogrammed paper planner/notebook/folio if he’s into that sort of thing.

    • Anon

      Board game, puzzle, books, a piece of art like a drawing or watercolor or photograph (i.e., on paper).

    • Cat

      art, book, framed photo, plane tickets, subscription to newspaper or magazine (even if digital version)?

    • KS IT Chick

      The newly-married guy on out team said his wife had a book made of both the formal and candid pictures from their wedding weekend for their first anniversary. It also has some quotes from their friends and a few pieces of advice from people who have been mentors to each of them. He said it made him feel like it was their wedding day all over again to read through it.

  22. DC restaurant

    Any restaurant recommendations in DC near Dupont Circle or the White House? I’ll be there for work this week and there will be 2-3 of us so hopefully not too hard to find reservations. No dietary preferences, we’re just excited to try something new!

    • Annony

      I recently organized a group dinner at The Pembroke on DuPont Circle … it was wonderful! Such a great space, food was fantastic, service was amazing.

    • Ellen

      Go to the 1776 house in Georgetown. I always loved that place and it had great steaks and burglers. There are two other good places around 19th and M, but they tend to objectify women at them so I will not name them here.

  23. Partner gift

    I know this has been asked, but ideas for a thoughtful but reasonably priced gift for a good friend who just made partner at her firm? She lives in another state so taking her out to celebrate isn’t an option, unfortunately.

  24. Go for it

    Opinions please: any thoughts on the quality of Canadian goose coats? Are they worth the high cost? I am looking at a thigh length one that runs $850. Seems like a lot for a puffer.

    • Anon

      They are overly hot unless you live in a truly frigid climate. Also, they are targets for getting stolen in coat checks.

      I love love love my Eddie Bauer Sun Valley down parka. It’s not so puffy, but it is warm enough for Boston, and it comes in Petite, regular, plus and tall, and you can get one full price item at EB for 50% off right now. I think you’ll love their down parkas much more than the it coat of 2015.

      • Anon

        Yes, I always wore a different coat to a bar if there was a coat check for this reason.

      • Seafinch

        Agree. I am in the Army, in Canada and was posted to Yellowknife and I found it too hot! I would never buy one. I frequently wear a Lands End Squall and even that is sometimes too hot but much more useable if you spend lots of time outside in a real winter.

    • Anonymous

      It’s the puffer equivalent of a Burberry trench, and will last forever.

    • Anon

      I had one for years that I wore until it started to fall apart. It was insanely warm (good for me in Canada) and the hood was amazing at keeping wind and snow off my face. After about 7 or 8 years of regular daily wear through brutal winters, it needed a lot of mending as there were holes in the seams and the colour (black) had faded a lot, and the zipper also needed to be repaired. I’m not sure I would buy one again but I was very happy with it while it lasted.

    • anon

      In my city they’re a target for theft as well. I’m happy with my Oskar parka from Aritzia. Regardless of the brand you want elastic cuffs at the sleeves, a hood that stays up in the wind, and length below your knees.

    • Anonymous

      Unless you’re truly somewhere very cold, they’re an annoying status symbol.

      I’m in Philly and it’s just not cold enough here to justify it! And I walk 1.5 miles to work year round, on my first day at my new job last year it was only 16F when I was commuting and I was fine in my Lands End parka.

      That being said, among a certain crowd this coat is still very popular in Philly. Just as it was in college (also in Philly…). In college (some) women would wear this as their going out coat (fracket, if you will) to frat parties and bars!

      • Anon

        This. It’s mostly a status symbol. I did fine in my cheap but warm Calvin Klein puffer I got on sale at Macys for $100. I’m in NYC so I definitely care about being warm when walking all over.

    • Anon

      I’m in NYC and love my Patagonia puffer coat. Still expensive but not as crazy and plenty warm. I’ve heard good things about Soia & Kyo and am thinking of getting one to be my “fancy puffer” lol.

    • Anon

      They’re high quality and warm, but they’re also designer. I think Burberry is a good analogy – certainly a quality product, but you’re also paying for the brand name and logo. Look at LL Bean and Lands End for cheaper non-brand name alternatives.

    • Anon

      I have one and love it. I live in a seriously cold climate (Chicago) and have a 30 minute walking commute. The Canada Goose is the first coat I’ve had that truly keeps me warm on the coldest days. I used to have an Ugg puffer coat and have tried various other brands over the years. If you’re not in a very cold climate, it might be overkill, but for me it has been worth every penny.

    • Anon

      I often travel for work in cold climates and I got one as a gift. I have the kind that has a black logo label, which is a bit less obvious and works for me. The coat is high quality, I’ve worn it 4-6 months out of the year since 2018 and it looks brand new. However the hood is useless because it’s too big for my head (think Darth Vader)

    • Anonymous

      I would not spend that much, but where I live and for my needs I only need protection for zero Fahrenheit with windchill.

      I do like to be properly warm for slow walks in the winter, so If I lived somewhere with regular winter temps down to minus 30 Fahrenheit, I’d consider it. Even so I think I’d get more use of a looser, more oversize down coat for layering than one massively hot layer. Would not get it for strenuous activity.

  25. Anon

    Does no one else think that this shirt just looks like it has a giant grass stain on it?

    • Anon

      Yes! That was my first thought when I saw the pic. But I thought latte stain, due to personal experience.

  26. Anon

    DC people – does anyone know if you can use your digital metro card (like phone scan) on the bus? Or do I need to get a physical metro card

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