ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Ombre Pleated Midi Skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Well, this is just lovely. This knife-pleat skirt is so elegant-looking, and the ombre black-to-berry effect is gorgeous. This winter, I would wear this just as they’ve styled it in the photo, with a black sweater and a black blazer, and this summer I'd pair it with a crisp white button-down. If the berry color isn’t your style, it also comes in neutral/black, blue/black, and green/black ombre prints. The skirt is $295 (aside from blue/black, on sale for $220) and available in sizes 0–8. Ombre Pleated Midi Skirt Lord & Taylor has a pleated ombre skirt from Anne Klein that comes in sizes 2–16 and is on sale for $49.98. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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220 Comments

  1. “As styled” would leave my lower half freezing. With tights and heeled black boots?

  2. Elizabeth, I love the Lord and Taylor pleated skirt, and it is not to expensive, tho we just can’t run down to 39th Street any more to try it on, now that Weework took over the building. I just can’t understand why it is that an instution like L&T can close down so quickly. I really have no on-sight go-to place any more.

    I want to take a poll to see how many of the HIVE are working at their desk’s today and how many are “working from home”. I am working from home b/c I did NOT complete my billings, and still have 4 more days to do so.

    Also, did you hear about people getting hit by falling ice in NYC? It is terrible. Can’t they put heaters on the windows to make sure they don’t freeze up and then melt? FOOEY! I told my Dad that I will NOT walk in midtown until all the ice falls, and am taking UBER to work b/c the last cabbie kept stareing at me in the mirror and nearly got into a fender bender on the corner of Lex and 53rd Street. It is so ridiculus that men can’t just do their jobs when we are sitting in their cabs. The last guy kept passing wind and that was almost worse b/c it was to cold to open the window. DOUBEL FOOEY!

  3. Looking forward to a fresh start to the new year and getting back to good habits. What’s your go to one or two things that you do that makes you feel like you have it together?

    My practical ones are packing lunch and laying out clothes the night before. My frivolous one is always having fresh flowers ($5 a bouquet) in the house and having my nails done.

    1. Would it be better to have a plant or flowers in a pot instead of buying a bouquet each time? Just thinking out loud

      1. Not for me, but if you know of a plant with abundant flowers that will bloom in a north facing apartment with low light and lackadaisical watering Pls do tell.

        1. If this existed everyone would have one. The best you can do is a phalenopsis orchid – buy one with a long stem of unopened buds and enjoy it as a more or less disposable plant as long as the blooms last – but you could get a few months out of it with the right conditions (indirect light and a light hand with the watering.)

      2. OP here: I do both! I don’t have a green thumb, sadly so I’ve mostly killed my flowering house plants. Have given up and have lots of succulents along with bouquets.

    2. Good thread starter! For me, a good morning routine is something I’ve always wanted and have recently started trying to adopt. I’ve started doing 10 minutes of exercise in the morning via one of those apps that tells me what to do, then I type up my 750 words for the day to clear the brain fog. This has made my days feel so much more productive as opposed to waking up when my SO leaves for work, then lying in bed for a while figuring out what I want to do with my day–I can figure out what to do with my day either while I’m exercising, or typing, or afterwards, but either way, it means I’m starting my deliberations from the perspective of someone who’s *done something* already, and not as the lazy bum I am right after waking.

      Aside from just my mornings, I’ve gotten back into the habit of practicing piano regularly. Nothing makes me feel more put together than being able to play pretty arrangements at the drop of a hat. It also forces me to be mindful, without getting too in the weeds of my own head. So that’s been really nice.

      1. Kudo’s to you, Anon! My sister, Rosa, could have written this post, though she is not a piano player. Instead, she recently decided to take up the flute again, as she did when she was in Junior High School orchestra. When I was over to her house on Saturday, she was practicing in her sunroom, and trust me, she has along way to go b/f she is any good, but of course she has not practiced for years!

      2. I had never heard of the “750 words a day” idea, but I am intrigued. Thanks for sharing.

    3. For me, the state of my house and how well I eat mesh in a vicious cycle with my mental state.
      The things that signal to me that I have it together:
      – Fresh bouquet of flowers every 2 weeks, I also have dried foliage in 2 vases permanently in case I can’t budget fresh flowers for a specific period
      – Weekly cleaner. In London, I pay £27 for 2 hours which is very affordable for me at this point
      New things for 2020:
      – Weekly shoe shining at home because I am over scuffed shoes and have finally splurged on nice loafers to enjoy after recovering from my feet surgeries
      – Weekly laundry, iron, steam. Better than my frantic once per month “I have nothing to wear” mega laundry day
      – More shopping locally for artisan food. I have a farmers’ market down from my window every Saturday, and a fishmonger, cheesemaker, and artisan bread maker etc. within a 10 min walk.
      Wishful thinking:
      – Work out 3 times per week

      1. “For me, the state of my house and how well I eat mesh in a vicious cycle with my mental state.”

        This is so, so true for me as well. With you on the wishful thinking, which would probably help improve the above.

        1. Agreed! Once i realized how much of an impact eating and keeping a clean house had on my mental state, it was like I turned a corner. All of a sudden i had more control over my mood. It is tough to keep up at times (with the grocery shopping and keeping the house tidy and clean), but it is almost non-negotiable at this point, because i know that doing it helps me get through all of the rest of the stuff that i don’t have as much control over!

    4. For 2019 I gave myself the goal of flossing at least 4x a week, and added a calendar with stickers in the bathroom, and both my husband and I exceeded our goal. I want to adopt the same idea to brushing my dog’s teeth and her fur. My 2020 goal is to full embrace curly girl method and see if I like it.

      1. Calendar in the bathroom for marking flossing is a GENIUS idea! I really need to get better at flossing and I think this might work for me too.

        1. Goofy stickers really *sparked joy* as well. I went through a book of Marvel stickers, and am now on Star Wars!

    5. Ooh, love this thread. Reminds me of that self-care article that frames it as not so much “salt baths and chocolate cake, but creating a life you don’t need to escape from.” Here are mine:
      -Having a clean car. Not on the outside necessarily (I live on a dirt road, I do have to be realistic), but not letting trash and mail and random sweatshirts from the gym pile up in my car makes a huge difference in how I feel about the world that day.
      -A more-or-less strict bedtime and tracking my sleep quality.
      -Keeping things in the same place so I can find them again. Knowing that my gloves are always in my purse, my boots in the closet, etc., has saved me many a morning headache.
      -Having a breakfast option either at work or at home, and having a lunch ready to go. Knowing roughly what I’m going to make for dinner.
      -Putting away my laundry rather than navigating from piles on the floor and remembering which one is clean, and taking the time to do special care pieces the right way.
      -Cleaning the bathroom and kitchen relatively regularly (including making sure everything in the fridge is usable or edible).
      -Making a little time for a hobby each day.

      2. For clean car – someone on here said they empty the trash from the car every time they fill gas and it’s been life-changing! Gas stations even have trash cans right there at the pump. If electric car…maybe every time you recharge?

        1. Exactly! I think I remember the same post which inspired me to start doing it. It made such a difference!

      3. I love everything on this list. None are fun to implement but they all add up to a better life overall without requiring lofty goals or ideals.

        1. I use the free version of SleepCycle. It does help me notice patterns. Instead of splurging for the Premium to take notes in the app, I used to just note the stats in the morning in a journal and make any relevant notes about my sleep hygiene or how I was feeling otherwise, so I’ll go back to doing that. A little labor-intensive, but I’m cheap. ;)

    6. I don’t do resolutions per se, but last year I did
      Bon Appetit/Healthyish meal plan for January and it helped in a few ways – I cooked more plant-based meals, it forced us (honestly, my husband and teens) to try things they didn’t know if they’d like, and I learned some new cooking techniques.

      I think I will do a similar thing this January.

    7. I’m going to get a podcast listening app that WORKS for me. The one that comes with iphone is garbage (in my opinion).

      I’m also going to get back into journaling for realz. I sort of let it fall apart in November because I was tired, but I’m going to get back on it!

      2. I paid for the Podcast addict app, but there is also a free version. I’m happy with it.

    8. Strictly limit phone time. I never feel worse than when I waste hours scrolling mindlessly through garbage apps on my phone or iPad.

  4. I am currently a postdoc researcher and my contract ends in mid-May, in my contract a 2 month notice is required. I recently got a regret notice from another position I had applied to which has heightened my anxiety about finding a job so at the moment my thinking is that I would take the first position I am offered. I recently applied for a one year position at an international organisation that is likely to start in mid-February or early March, and for this one the organisation has indicated that they are in a hurry to fill the position. This has got me thinking, how do you navigate leaving a job without giving enough notice? I know this can lead to burned bridges. In my case I already know my contract will not be renewed and I am also eager to leave academia. I have also not been that happy in my current job. I am also wary about waiting too long and potentially being unemployed for a period of time. Advice please, thank you.

    1. What are the contractual repercussions of not giving enough notice? If the job starts in early March, can’t you give notice now and fulfill the notice period?

      The way you should handle this is to indicate your available start date during the interview and hiring processes.

      1. OP here: Originally this position at the international organisation was advertised as starting in December in the job advertisement. I applied for it in November, did not hear anything from them for a while and I thought they had already hired someone else. It is only last Friday that I got an email addressed to all applicants indicating that there had been a delay in their selection process and will be in touch in January. Like the previous position I applied I prefer not to say anything at my current job unless I get an offer, in the most recent interview I had hopes of getting an offer but in the end did not get one.

        1. Again, what penalties are associated with not giving adequate notice?

          Bring up the notice period in your interview with this current company. Be wary of being employed by a company that wants you to not give proper notice at your old job: they are telling you a lot about how they expect you to be treated.

    2. It all comes down to the potential disruption that your departure causes. Is someone carrying on with your project or do you have teaching duties that need taking over? Are your materials organized so that someone else can find their way through easily? The better prepared you are for this transition, the less notice is really needed.

  5. Ooooh love this skirt. Wish it weren’t so pricey, or I’d buy it in a hot second!

    1. Same! I pinned it on one of my private pinterest boards so I can go back and check if it goes on clearance anytime in the near future.

  6. What are your thoughts on the J.K. Rowling situation? Personally, I found her tweet completely reasonable and not at all in opposition to equal rights, but I seem to be in the minority (there’s a lot of “cancel Rowling” and “Harry Potter didn’t age well anyway” on my social media – a lot more of that than any arguments against her stated position). I guess my bigger question is whether most feminists truly believe that it’s tantamount to a hate crime to acknowledge that biological sex exists. If so, I’m more worried than ever about divides on the left and what that means for our chances of success in 2020, especially since this story (featuring such a famous, beloved author) has jumped off the sidelines and into the front pages.

    1. Every scientifically minded person I know actually argues that sex and gender are both on spectrum. But as biology is not my strong suit I will say this: I don’t *care* whether biological sex is or isn’t as black and white as some like to believe, because it doesn’t affect me what someone else thinks about what’s in their pants. You tell me you identify as a woman? Cool! A man? Also cool! Somewhere in between? Absolutely fine. Genderless? Awesome.

      What does affect me are people thinking that because *they* have issues with someone’s gender identity that they have a right to be transphobic without repercussion. The woman JK Rowling was supporting in her post had just gotten back from court where she argued that expressing opinions which violated human rights should be a protected class–that someone could argue against a person’s humans rights, and they shouldn’t be fired. Nu-uh. It’s 2019, we’re done with that. If you’re a bigot, your work should and can give you the sack because you don’t think other people deserve to exist. And JK Rowling supporting that is a big deal. This isn’t just some hypothetical philosophical question, this is about real people’s real lives and we need to stop downplaying that.

      1. But the argument the woman who got fired made was that it’s biologically impossible to literally change sex, no matter how you identify. That was all. That’s hardly a human rights violation or even controversial.

        1. Again, this is a trite hot take on a complex situation. It’s the last work day before the holidays, can we skip the manufactured drama.

          1. Seriously. Why does this place have such a fascination with this topic? Let’s just not.

        2. And that’s the view she is welcome to keep to herself. She shouldn’t have that view but no one is saying she cannot have that view, they are just saying she beats the consequences of expressing it. Just like a white bro dude who feels the need to announce a bigoted thing like ‘black women are not good bankers’ or whatever other ignorant and wrong opinion. He bears consequences of his speech too. Free speech doesn’t mean consequence free speech. It only means the govt won’t put you in jail for saying it. And JK Rowling’s BFF is not entitles to more speech than the rest of the UK. So tired of right wing special snowflakes.

          1. This, exactly. She wasn’t fired for having that opinion, she was fired for bringing it into the workplace. There are so many not-illegal things you can do in the workplace that warrant discipline/firing. You aren’t allowed to say whatever you want because you have to stay professional and not create a hostile workplace for your coworkers.

          2. No, that’s false. She tweeted her opinions on her personal account and did not bring them into the workplace.

          3. Oh, I didn’t realize it was a personal account. It’s still not unusual to get fired for publicly expressing opinions that are counter to/a problem for your employer, even if said opinions are legal.

          4. Tweeting is bringing it into your workplace. See all the other people rightfully fired for garbage tweets that their employer did not want to be associated with. Saying ‘she didn’t bring it into the workplace’ is like trying to argue that you only participate in neo- nazis rallies on the weekend, your employer is not obligated to employ you regardless of your views. That’s literally the reason career centres are always telling students to watch what they put online.

          5. No, Anonymous at 11:50 am, that’s actually not how it works.

            I am not allowed to engage in political activity at work, but I am most definitely allowed to do so on my own time. My company requires that I not associate my employment with my activism, but being employed doesn’t mean staying silent in my free time.

            Your employer doesn’t own your life. Stop being a little fascist.

          6. @ Anon 12:13 – Nope. You’re welcome to wish it worked that way but your employer doesn’t have to employ you if you are a gross person in your spare time.

            Again, freedom of speech means you’re free from being put in jail by the government because of that speech. It doesn’t mean that your special snowflake self won’t get fired.

            They don’t own your life but they also don’t HAVE to employ you. Sorry consequences for your actions is such a scary concept for you.

          7. Anonymous, it might be legal, but it’s morally wrong.

            Also, I’m no snowflake and can handle consequences for my actions. But given how vicious and awful you are, I’m guessing that you are projecting your own issues onto everyone else around you.

            People are getting sick of cancel culture. I suggest you learn why.

    2. I think this, like most of what I’ve seen, is a shallow hot take on a complicated situation by someone with an agenda to push. I choose not to participate in this frenzy.

        1. Yeah, there’s nothing more annoying than a commenter who comes in to add “you’re all stupid and I won’t participate.” You just did and offered absolutely nothing of value.

    3. I don’t think the author of Harry Potter tweeting about anything has much to do with the US election, to be perfectly honest.

    4. I’m hesitant to write this because I know the reaction will be extremely negative —

      I support trans people. I believe trans women are women. BUT I do think that people are trying to erase aspects of womanhood, and I don’t like it. For example – it’s now exclusionary to say that women have periods. You must say that people have periods. No. I get that it’s not important to a lot of people. But it’s important to me. I remember getting my first period, and my grandmother sitting me down and explaining that I was a woman now and what that meant. (Honestly, she focused a lot on keeping my room tidy which makes me laugh now.) Also, I am fine with sharing a bathroom with a trans women because…she is a woman. But when people start to say that gender is a construct and it should all be unisex bathrooms, frankly I don’t like it. Again, a lot of people claim superiority because they don’t care. But I do. I don’t want to share restrooms with men.

      So, while I’m not a TERF, and I support my trans sisters, I do see some shades of gray where I feel that people are being very black and white about it.

      1. If you go back in time, I would be living a man’s life (educated, owning property, voting, having a profession, serving in a position of church leadership). Think of Joan of Arc — lived a man’s life back then; now a woman can lead men in battle. Is this partly historical context (and nowadays: what does it even mean to identify as a woman when we are becoming more fungible outside perhaps of menstruating, birthing babies, and getting some cancers and not others , being carriers of some sex-linked genes and not afflicated, etc. (e.g., for the 99.99% of women who aren’t intersex and outside of things like PCOS — not all women can bear a child (e.g., hysterectomy for cervical cancer, menopause, but only women can bear children))? Women can be nurses and so can men. Women can be doctors and so can men. Both wear scrubs at work. What does it even mean to identify as a woman these days?

        1. Way more than .01% of the population is intersex. Estimates put the number at about 2%, though most of those don’t have the sort of gen*tals people think about when they hear “intersex” or “hermaphrodite”. 5-10% of women have PCOS, and up to 10% of women have endometriosis (commonly causes infertility and/or an inability to carry pregnancy to term). Even those female characteristics you consider not as fungible are not really universal.

          1. I think that there is a general point and while there are noted exceptions, there are a couple of things that are unique. Not a lot of unique things left, which I hope means that broad overlapping of men/women/male/female means things are OK no matter what you identify with.

        2. So, is the answer that there is no such thing as womanhood? That’s where I decline to participate.

      2. Yup I agree with everything you said. I’ve been called a TERF for expressing these views though, including by my own husband.

      3. Supporting trans rights doesn’t mean you have to be okay with unisex bathrooms everywhere to the exclusion of single sex bathrooms. You can support trans rights and still believe that both single gender and all gender bathrooms should be available everywhere

      4. If your sense of identity in being a woman is wrapped up in whether or not you can bleed for a week without it being a medical emergency, your sense of womanhood is too narrow. People get periods because some transmen, who are men, get periods. Natural biological functions shouldn’t be your identity.

        1. What makes you a woman besides your biology? It can’t be your personality, your intelligence, your clothes, your relationships, etc. etc. because that would be an inexcusable slide into sex-based stereotypes. I’ve never, ever heard a definition of womanhood that wasn’t circular (“a woman is anyone who identifies as a woman”) or based entirely on stereotypes (“a woman is someone who likes babies and pink and is bad at math”) except for woman: adult human female. Not a popular view, but I’ve mulled over it and studied these questions for five years now and that’s the only definition that makes any sense to me.

          1. IDK — we are all women now or perhaps none of us are?

            From going to a rock-climbing gym,it is obvious from my clear lack of upper body strength that I am woman-ish; I have never done a chin-up even thought I was fit and strong as a kid. Puberty is not good for biceps if you are XX.

          2. If you need to bleed every month to know you’re a woman, you’re really not going to like finding out about menopause.

          3. So actual, biological women have no right to identify as women based on our chromosomes and anatomy, but biological men can appropriate the label. Got it.

          4. Yes, this. Either let’s erase sex identification altogether, including in the languages, or someone needs to come up with a definition of “woman” that isn’t insulting. So far, “adult human female” wins hands down.

          5. Anon at 11:53, you do know that “all women bleed monthly” and “all people who bleed monthly are women” are entirely different statements, right? I don’t think OP is saying all people who bleed are women, but your logic is way off if you’re trying to conflate those two statements.

          6. But human and female and adult are all adjectives. I think we need a noun.

            Adult female person?

          7. Interesting. I completely agree on the starting point of this argument, but I came to a different conclusion from there. Yes, any cultural definition has broadened so much that it’s not useable to define who is and (maybe more importantly) who isn’t a woman. Our modern lifestyle and medical possibilities mean that we are no longer limited by physiology either in this question (I include here that you are a woman even if you don’t have kids, or get a mastectomy, or were born with male body parts). So I feel we sort of agree on the starting point.
            So the categories have become more difficult, they blend more into each other. But at the same time, aren’t we trying to treat every gender with the same respect and give them the same opportunities? Should it matter whether the person standing before me is one gender or another? Are these categories so desperately needed today now that each gender doesn’t have a narrowly specified role in society anymore?
            My conclusion from that is that ultimately, we might not use gender as a fundamental characteristic to sort humans into boxes, at least not to the degree that we do now. People are raised and treated as people. Kids who today would get bullied or told off for liking the wrong things won’t know that suffering anymore.

        2. Yeah see this is where I think the debate kind of devolves. I’m saying that certain things are central to my identity, and the response is – well, it’s too narrow, and I shouldn’t feel that way. Well it’s too narrow for you, but it’s not for me. There’s a subtext to this , which is…if you can’t throw out centuries of thinking around gender and sex, then you’re just stupid.

          Menstruation around the world has rituals around it, it’s celebrated as a gateway to womanhood, etc. It’s the not the only thing that shapes my identity as a woman, but yes it’s a part of it.

          1. Absolutely. It’s not about “needing to bleed every month” (as others so dismissively say), but about the rituals, connections to other women, knowledge, stigma, discomfort, and so much else. That goes for the whole female life cycle, including pregnancy, postpartum, menopause, and everything else. It DOES matter and has shaped who I am today.

          2. When talking with my husband about puberty (okay, we are weird and nerdy), he said a few things that just completely blew my mind. For me, puberty was when my body started to do weird things that I didn’t really like – menstruation, b00bs, more fat in my hips and thighs – and brought with it some uncomfortable attention from boys and men.

            He said that for men, the actual process is awkward (voice breaking, etc.), but at the end, they feel like they’ve morphed into Superman. The way they gain strength and height so quickly, the deeper voice, the muscle mass: it all feels like becoming a super-strong human.

            Now that I’m pregnant (a state that is not a necessary precondition to being a woman, but is a state only women can be in), it’s the same thing brought to a whole new level. As strong and athletic a woman as I had been prior, I’m well aware of my physical vulnerability and the incredible toll that bringing a new human into this world takes on women. It is so wildly unequal, and that’s fine, but there are legal, social, and economic effects, borne exclusively by women, that a sane society considers.

            I don’t think we need to go down the (sexist) road of “men and women have different brains!” to understand that such biological changes and associated societal views of you as a person will change your outlook on life.

          3. Obviously you have your unique set of experiences and cultural values, but the exact same thing is true for others. In a lot of cultures around the world, menstruation is seen as a mark on the existence of women, taken as a reason to isolate them and treat them like lesser beings. It’s far from a positive, connecting experience for everyone.
            I grew up with parents who just assumed I would figure things out from friends or teen magazines or I don’t know what they thought. Most bodily things were just not talked about. Couple that with being a teen and you have your average amount of self conscious shame. I can say I am over that, but I can’t say I feel any meaningful feeling about my female body.

          4. I agree with this. I think this is also where I get confused.
            To me, menstruating, giving birth, miscarrying, and going through menopause are so tightly tied in with being female that I don’t understand why transmen want recognition that they also go through these passages. If they identify as men – and in fact, if some of them want to go through reassignment surgery to become men – wouldn’t they want to disavow their participation or connection to these things? Where I get confused is the assertion that “I am a man but I still go through passages women go through and get offended when I am not included in language about those passages.” To me this almost seems like we need to create a whole other gender, for biological women who identify as men but also don’t want to stop having periods and all that is attenuated with that. To me, visually-identified men who are still anatomically women and happy to continue participating in women’s passages are neither men, nor women, but something in between and I think it would be okay to acknowledge that.

      5. Your comment really sums up my feelings too. It grinds my gears to hear “pregnant people” because men can’t biologically carry a fetus. I’m currently pregnant so maybe it’s just my hormones but I’m extremely bothered by the phrase and wish we’d go back to “pregnant women” language.

        1. Ugh yes. When I was pregnant, I would occasionally make some remark about pregnant women, and my (cis female) co-worker would correct me and say “you mean PREGNANT PEOPLE.” No, I mean pregnant women. Stop with this madness.

        2. Right. We are a long, long way from a time where biological men will be able to carry fetuses. Until that day – which is probably impossible and I’m not sure if it’s advisable – women are the ones who get pregnant.

        3. But women are people? Even if you believe people are the sex they’re born as and can’t change it, “pregnant people” still isn’t wrong.

          1. It’s not wrong, but it’s like “all lives matter” – it dilutes rather than widens the political message. Maybe I’ll feel differently if we ever live in a world with paid maternity leave, low maternal mortality, easy access to abortion, sufficient health insurance for all women during pregnancy, etc., but until we do, I’m not willing to overlook the misogyny that colors so much of pregnancy and I want to name the group that suffers its effects. Moreover, there’s an element of sisterhood to it all that I do value, such as talking to my girlfriends about whether to have kids and how the unique expectations placed upon us from birth have influenced our choices.

          2. I don’t really care if someone chooses to use the phrase pregnant people. Whatever. But if I say “pregnant women” and someone corrects me and says “no, you mean pregnant people” there’s obviously more to it than just “women are people too so saying ‘pregnant people’ isn’t wrong.”

      1. +1. I think most women like me want to have babies, but we also need for society to recognize the sacrafices we make to do same. That is all. All the rest of this is hooey!

    6. If sex doesn’t exist, then we can’t address discrimination based on sex. I refuse to go there.

      1. And this too. There’s a mass market for drugs that help men not look bald longer yet no one has bothered looking into debilitating cyclic pain that prevents female humans from attending school all over the world.

  7. I want to build a capsule wardrobe. After a year of trying to revamp my wardrobe in piecemeal, and spending more money than I’d have liked on things I don’t love, and that don’t mesh well with what else is in my wardrobe, I’ve decided that I want to set aside about $2,000 to spend all in one go on pieces that work well with each other. I would like a bulk of these pieces to last me for the next few years. What brands still last and have quality? I like timeless styles and am not super trendy, but I feel like most brands I’m familiar with (Ann Taylor, Loft, J. Crew, Old Navy, etc.) are all a little too quick to show wear/look dated quickly, aside from just their core styles (which still wear out kind of quickly). I love the look of Brooks Brothers clothing, but I doubt I’ll be able to find their clothes at the right price to work within my budget.

    1. I just don’t get after how a year of shopping and feeling unsatisfied you think even more shopping is the answer. A capsule wardrobe is a silly term, no style is timeless, and spending 2k in one go is ridiculous. Start shopping less, and buy nicer pieces only when you see them and they are perfect.

      1. But that’s not as fun as a shopping spree that will magically fix a bunch of problems.

        1. Let us know when you find something that will finally fix your issues so you’re not compelled to grace us with your nastiness.

      2. mmm – I disagree. I once purged my entire wardrobe (lots of cheap stuff that I bought on sale because it was…on sale) and spent $5k on a capsule. It’s a huge amount of money for me. Like gigantic. But honestly, my career took off after I did that. I was soooo much more polished, and I think that while my work was previously good, my sloppy appearance had been holding me back.

      3. Wow, not helpful. Here’s how: I wanted to be frugal, I’d buy a piece here, a piece there, thinking I could find something to make it work with. It didn’t work. I wound up with a bunch of disjointed pieces of clothing that have one or two outfits they can work with together because they don’t mesh with an overall theme of a wardrobe. Many pieces are already showing wear and looking worn out because I tried to cut corners and save on costs.

        The idea is that I will plan a wardrobe over the next MONTHS, then purchase the pieces in one go, so that they’re all starting at the same point, and I don’t overwear one thing and have to replace it in a few months. I’m trying to plan all my pieces out before purchasing ANYTHING so it doesn’t turn into a “magical shopping spree” but yes, make the worst assumptions so you can rag on someone else for trying to consider how their current shopping habits have left them worse off.

        1. The first two replies you got were from our resident Grouch (and her companion, Snarky); this is how they respond to absolutely everyone about every topic every single time. Regardless of what anyone posts about, they always have something negative or sarcastic to say. The tone’s pretty obvious and I don’t think those particular “overachieving chicks” actually have jobs as they are usually the first to post responses on any post that appears; they seem to sit and monitor the board all day long. Just ignore them, that’s what I try to do.

          1. Thanks, I’ll remember to keep it moving next time. I definitely let my knee-jerk defense get the best of me on this one.

        2. OP, I feel you. It’s really easy to imagine how to build a capsule wardrobe (or any wardrobe) or imagine how pieces will work together. It’s easy to say that a sleek collarless jacket will be an excellent staple, but in reality the length looks weird with those pants, the fabric clashes a bit with the skirt you’d hoped to wear it with. Or maybe you think, surely I’ll wear this simple, elegant silk blouse all the time, but in reality the fabric shimmies around when you wear pencil skirts and you have to adjust all day. Just me? Maybe. If what you’re doing isn’t working, there’s nothing wrong with trying something different. I don’t have real advice for you because I’m in your position but I support you.

    2. This might be where a Nordstrom personal shopper would help.

      I would decide what kind of pieces I want – skirts, pants, dresses, tops, shells, etc. – and from there, figure out approximately what I can spend on each piece. Then I would sale-stalk the daylights out of Brooks Brothers and Nordstrom for them.

      It’s unclear from your post if you have seriously thought about what you want to buy, as opposed to a generic end result (nice, classic capsule wardrobe).

      1. +1. It will help to identify what you need to buy, and a personal shopper at a place like Nordstrom can give you good ideas, even if you don’t end up buying all your stuff there. I’ve had some good luck with Nordstrom’s Halogen and Lafayette 148 brands. Boden has good quality pieces too, though I stick to their solids since the prints can be a little much for my taste.

      2. Yes, after I lost a bunch of weight post-baby no. 1, I scheduled an appointment with a Nordstrom shopper and spent approximately $2k buying NICE stuff. She picked out pieces that worked with each other, and I LOVED wearing my new clothes in combinations I wouldn’t have thought of myself. I didn’t shop again for a long time, so it was totally worth it. We talked about personal style and price points beforehand, so she knew what I was looking for. None of them fit right now, as I am 20 lbs up after baby no. 2, but I will absolutely do this again. She dressed me SO much better than I could dress myself.

        I found her on recommendation of another lawyer in town, so I suggest trying to do that if you can – then you know she will understand the style of clothes you’re looking for.

      4. Yes, to make this work enlist help from a professional. Nordstrom’s personal shoppers are free and have been really helpful IME. Be as specific as you can about the type of item(s) you want, brands that work for you or are appropriate for your workplace, and be open to the stylist’s suggestions. I am terrible at building outfits but Nordstrom’s people have created beautiful pulled together looks I wear for years.

    3. If you are open to non-US brands, I have rebuilt my wardrobe around these labels: TheFold London (dresses) – Winser London (skirts, coats) – Sezane (shirts) – Eric Bompard (knit tops) – Church’s (shoes).
      Everything I wear has a similar aesthetic and natural materials so I don’t fret in the morning when getting dressed. I do not wear blazers nor pants, so can’t help on that front.

      1. I’m familiar with the fold, and love their style. I haven’t heard of the others, I’ll check them out. Everything having a similar aesthetic/neutrals that will go together is the idea I’m going for so this sounds up my alley.

    4. None of these are going to be earth shattering, but it sounds like we have a similar budget & I primarily buy: suits at Banana Republic, work dresses from Boden, jeans from Madewell, and tops/coats from a mix of Nordstrom/J Crew Factory/Aritzia/Ann Taylor/Loft. I typically wear most of my clothes for years, not sure how much that has to do with having enough where I don’t wear things out &/or being super mindful of the care. I also like Zara’s basic, thick, long sleeved knit tops (they typically have a few buttons near the cuff), although one out of the three I own like this did pill rather quickly (& I wouldn’t vouch for the rest of Zara for timeless/quality, although it has it’s place). I avoid Old Navy for the reasons you specify, but I know some folks on here have better luck there than I do. It sounds like you could maybe use the help of a Nordstrom stylist, although I have never done that before.

      Personally, I would be hesitant to drop $2K on a big wardrobe until you really figure out what you are looking for & what works on you, & based on what you say about having a bunch of things you don’t love I’m not sure you are there? I’m in my 40s, and even now I feel like I still learn a little from every piece I buy about what works on me, what doesn’t, what is the super subtle thing about one item that brings me back to it over & over again vs. the other items that I LOVED when I bought but somehow now feel “meh” about. In some ways I also finding myself wanting to move away from a capsule wardrobe oddly…I find in the past I will, say, have a top that looks really good with one skirt. But then for some bizarre reason I force myself to wear that top with other pants etc. that don’t look as good with it. I’ve finally come to the realization that, why am I doing that? Why not just consider that top & skirt as “the outfit”, wear it together every time (no one notices or cares by the way), & feel awesome every time rather than so/so 50% of the time?

      That’s not to say I don’t have plenty of tops and pants that all look good together mix & match. But it was a bit freeing to realize I didn’t need every top to go with every pant etc.

      1. I feel like I know what I love, in terms of look, but I have trouble justifying the price when I don’t know what else I’ll love next/whether it will go with what I have/etc., and I’m not confident in my ability to tell what will last versus what won’t. Then I buy the cheaper, less satisfying versions of what I loved, and they don’t hold up as well and I’m out the money I spent on them and feel even more guilty replacing them with nicer things. It’s a vicious cycle that I’m trying to cut out. Thanks for sharing your recommendations.

        1. Yeah I’m the nasty commenter from above and this is my point. There’s no crystal ball to say This Is Your Wardrobe. Start with one really nice piece you love. Wear it a while. See how it works. Then add another.

    5. Do you know what YOU like? I would start by figuring out what you like to wear before going shopping.

      1. i do think it will help to come up with your “uniform” outfit first–for me, that is skinny ankle pants and a nice top. i only wear skirts every so often and i hardly ever wear dresses. I am short and thin but something about my torso proportions are off and I look very large around the midsection in most dresses. i also am more comfortable in pants vs. skirts. i really love the look of skinny ankle pants on me with flats. i prefer long sleeves, even in the summer, because i get cold in the a/c. i prefer silk tops over polyester. i like cardigans more than blazers (alternately, i prefer blazers without shoulder pads). i think it will help if you have an idea of a basic “uniform” first. for me, it is most important that my pants/shoes fit well, so i usually start there. you can do a ton of online shopping–browsing first for say, ankle pants–and then ordering and returning immediately if the fit is off. also, i have learned that black looks harsh around my face, and I prefer gray as a neutral. navy would be second choice for me. if you can figure out basic stuff like that about yourself, you can do a lot of this online. the key is to just be careful to figure out your uniform and colors that you like before you drop the $2k.

    6. I did this after having a baby and spent too much on MM LaFleur. Three years later, I only wear my MM skirts and have tired of all the rest. Find some basics (for me, pants, skirts) and then a style of top that you can freshen up every few seasons. Then invest more in the basics and less on the things you will change up more frequently. I gave my examples here but yours may be different.

    7. I think a few preliminary questions will set you up better for success long term (and apologies if you’re already thought through these) than focusing explicitly on what brand.
      1) what are going to be your neutral colors? I would pick 1-2 of: white, camel, grey, navy, black
      2) what style of clothes do you routinely wear?

      I have fallen into the trap of buying neutral clothes in black and grey and then never wearing them, since I only really like navy. I have also convinced myself that I’m searching for a specific skirt or pants when the reality is that I always feel more comfortable and look more put together in dresses.

      For me, $2000 would be much better spent on 10 dresses than on 12 pieces that could make 24 different outfits, or whatever.

      1. Those are great starting point questions. I feel like I’ve got a pretty good pulse on what I will or won’t regularly wear, but for the styles I cautiously want to try out I usually do some thrift shopping to find a piece like that, then see if it actually cycles into use. Typically they do, but of course, it always surprises me what quickly falls out of favor.

    8. If you really want to shop, I’d go to Eileen Fisher. But I think it’s possible to experiment with a capsule wardrobe without shopping. During law school I had an internship in a different city so I just packed my favorite neutrals that I knew fit me well (black pencil skirt, grey pencil skirt, black pants, couple of different blouses/sweaters/jackets in neutral colors, black shoes, red shoes). Because I had limited options of what to wear, I definitely got more creative with my outfits and put things together in ways that hadn’t occurred to me before for some reason. Check out the capsule wardrobes on Style Scribe and see if you could put something together with what you already have in your closet.

      1. I also created a “capsule wardrobe” for myself without doing much shopping. If you already have a lot of clothes, it’s all about what you take out vs. what you add in. I decided on core wardrobe colors of black, burgundy and camel and I added in white/ivory, dark brown and navy as accent colors. No prints. I kept some “fun” pieces for weekends but moved them to a completely different place in my closet away from my workwear. Then I tried on absolutely everything in my closet (EVERYTHING, yes, it takes some time) and was really severe with myself about things that didn’t fit, were damaged and not worth repairing, didn’t feel good on, or just didn’t look the way I wanted them to. I sent four bags into ThredUp (this was back when it was actually worthwhile to do that) and donated another 2 bags to Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Then I went to a local consignment store and bought 5 inexpensive scarves in my core and accent colors to accessorize what I had left. It’s been about 4 years since I did that and it worked well for me. When something wears out or goes significantly out of style (I am fortunate to live in a place where it takes a long time for people to notice something’s out of style) I replace it, but only in the colors I’ve already chosen. I end up with a lot fewer shopping mistakes than I used to.

        1. +1. My core colors are black and gray; everything I purchase has to coordinate with every other item. I am a bargain shopper so this got me out of the “but it’s only $10!” mentality that left me with a bunch of weird, sup-par pieces. Been shopping this way for about four years now and it’s been great.

      2. I think this is what that first comment was trying to say. It’s not MORE clothes that’s going to help, it’s FEWER that is going to make OP’s life easier.

    10. What I do is throw everything onto the bed, and try to make two weeks of work outfits out of it. I hang together the outfits that work, and try to figure out the fewest pieces I could buy to fill in the gaps. That gives me a short really specific shopping list, like a jacket I can work with a specific set of pants, or a top with specific colors to marry together a sweater and pants. Then I sale shop at good brands for just the missing bits and pieces. I like Brooks Brothers, Hobbs and L.K. Bennett for classic well made pieces.

  8. My husband surprised me with a night in a fancy hotel to hide from our families. This is basically the nicest and most thoughtful gift possible for super introvert me. Thank you for listening, because I obviously can’t tell many people this IRL.

    1. Wow, this sounds fantastic! My ex was never like this. Make sure you bring your s-xiest nightie, and be sure to order hot chocolate mud cake from room service, and spend as much time as you can doing romantic things together b/c he clearly wants some alone time with you, so do whatever you can to make sure you get him to reserve a return ticket next year, either there or in some other romantic venue, b/c if you are with child by next year, this option may not be available! YAY!!!

  9. Has anyone here who has had the shot actually gotten chicken pox? Like a very mild case of it (itchy/scratchy red bumps on head/scalp/shoulders)?

    I feel like it can’t be happening but it is. [But now that people get shots, who on earth is the Typhoid Mary of this?!]

    1. I think you can still get a mild case of chicken pox even with the vaccine, right? IDK, I am old enough that we got full pox as kids. And I got shingles a few years ago- boo

      1. I was in the last wave of kids pre-vaccine (born in 90, I think vaccine came out in 93ish). We’re now at a heightened risk of shingles, and indeed many more of my close friends and I have had shingles than you would normally suspect. My doc said that it’s because as a kid pre-vaccine even after you had immunity from having it yourself, you were constantly around it as other kids got it so you were effectively always getting a natural booster. Because we didn’t have that exposure throughout our childhoods, it makes us more susceptible to shingles now. I could believe the same thing would be true with the pox itself.

    2. That doesn’t sound like chicken pox. Chicken pox usually starts on the torso and spreads outwards and is accompanied by symptoms like a fever. Maybe you’re having a reaction to a hair product?

    3. If you don’t have other chickenpox symptoms – fever, malaise, etc., it’s unlikely it’s the chickenpox and most likely you got a rash of some kind. If you’ve had the varicella shot, I’m not sure it’s possible to get the chickenpox, but you can get rashes that look like chickenpox and itch. Have you been exposed to chickenpox, or to someone with shingles?

      Personally, I would get it looked at before Christmas day or you may have a pretty miserable holiday with no choice but to go to the emergency room. Is there a Minute Clinic or urgent care near you? It may just need an antihistamine or some steroid ointment but I’d let a medical professional diagnose.

    4. Itchy bumps on scalp/neck/shoulders could be any number of things – why do you think it’s chickenpox? (if you’ve been to the doctor then disregard this question). Eczema, bad reaction to detergent or the fabric in a scarf, etc.

      The typhoid Marys are the anti-vaxxers.

      1. OP here — with the holidays, we could just get in to a NP at an urgent care center who said it looked “interesting” and to take precautions. I get that time will tell and possibly nothing else.

    5. My brother got it as a kid after being vaccinated. I can’t remember if there are boosters or a series of shots etc. He was pretty young when he got it, so he might have gotten chicken pox before he completed all of the booster shots.

      1. My kids got a “mild case” of chicken pox midway through their vaccinations (older child was probably exposed to an unvaccinated kid at preschool.) It’s so contagious the pediatrician came out to our car to check them out rather than risk bringing them into the office to potentially infect other kids.

        They had a mild case because of the vaccines they already had.

        Anyway, it was all over their trunks and less on their shoulders and neck. I think that is the characteristic presentation. I kind of doubt what you have is chicken pox.

    7. I got a trial of the vaccine as a young child in the early 1990s because I was high risk (severe asthma). I still got the disease but it was very mild. I think I got 3 or 4 spots total. Agreed that what you’ve described doesn’t sound like chicken pox or shingles at all.

    8. I turn 40 in a month and have never had chicken pox. I used to work at a medical school and when I went for my annual flu shot, we had a discussion and they ran the lab test to confirm whether or not I had been exposed to the chicken pox. At that point they offered to give me the vaccine, which I agreed to. I think it’s still very possible to get the chicken pox even after vaccination, but my understanding is that it would end up being a very mild case if it does happen.

  10. My midsize regional law firm has sprung a self-review form on our associate group. We’ve been told it’s 1) due Christmas, 2) all partners will be able to access it before determining our 2020 raises, and 3) we will receive zero feedback (i.e., there will not be a firm performance review form and no one will talk to us about what we wrote down). I’m sort of pissed at the last-minute nature: sounds like some of the lawyers heard other firms do these and thought ‘let’s do it too.” I can handle the essay-type questions like “what have your largest projects been” but we are also supposed to rate ourselves on a 1-10 scale for skills like legal analysis, written communication, firm loyalty, maturity, work ethic, and business development. I hate number scales and hate that we’re being forced to do this without notice or being able to talk to our mentors. Any advice??

    1. Give yourself the glowing review that a mediocre bro would give himself. This is an advocacy piece. Candor is for your mom.

      2. Yup this. We do self-evals and I was bemoaning it and my husband was like, “What are you whining about? Just give yourself 5 stars for everything and write some words down about how great everything you’ve done is and move on.”

      4. +1. During my first year in biglaw (2007-08), our group’s only female equity partner walked into my office, closed the door, and told me and my (female) officemate that we had been too critical of ourselves on our reviews. She said that our male colleagues gave themselves 9s or 10s (or “exceeds expectations”, whatever the metric was) and that the women had all given themselves 6s or 7s (“meets expectations” or similar). She basically said, you’ll know if there’s a problem, until then, fill out these reviews like the superstars you are.

    2. My firm does this. I give myself the highest marks on the stuff I am really good at, and somewhat high marks on the stuff I am working on. Be generous – there’s no downside as long as you acknowledge the areas you are working on getting better at. If I had an area I was really struggling with, I would note it and explain what I am doing. Start with the stuff you’re great at, then go from there, instead of going down the line and trying to come up with numbers.

    3. As someone from a firm that does self-review firms (but with much more notice – I think a full month), I can confidently say that I doubt any of the partners read it in great detail or use our self-evaluation a lot when it comes to thinking about us. I like using it as a way for me to goal set myself (e.g. writing down how much time i spent on biz development and what types of it were useful), but in our firm, it’s the partners’ analysis of the associates that carries a lot more weight.

      Does your firm do reviews otherwise? We have a sit-down meeting with our practice group leaders when they gave us the $$ for the next year and talked about goals, expectations, etc. for the coming year – but again, that’s based on the partners’ eval of us, not our self evals.

  11. What magazines do teen girls like these days? My niece (13) is coming to visit solo after xmas and I want to have things in her room for her. InStyle?

    2. They like things on the internet. My teenagers can barely feign interest in a print magazine. Can you set her up with your iPad?

      1. My kids are younger, but do people really give 13 year olds unfettered access to the internet? That seems like asking for trouble.

        2. I did the discuss then trust approach with my kids. They’re 17 and 18 now and so far so good. No issues.

        3. “Unfettered” in the sense that we don’t stand over his shoulder and watch what he’s doing? Yes. We have many other fetters in that he has to use my husband’s Gmail account for Youtube and the like (we won’t let him have his own account), and thus my husband can look at his search and viewing history at any time and see what he’s been watching (and we do monitor it daily). At home we have Google Wifi which comes with many wonderful options for monitoring and controls. On his phone we have SiteBlocker and some other things. He’s unfettered, but he’s inside a fence. We have regular conversations about what’s okay and not okay and he’ll generally come to us if he sees something he thinks is questionable. I don’t know another way to do it. P.S., regardless of what we do, and his friends’ parents do, there’s always a kid at school whose parents aren’t doing any limits whatsoever and is more than happy to show and tell about whatever they found on the Internet that is gross/rude/disgusting/etc. So unless you plan on keeping your kid in a bunker, exposure to things you don’t want them to see or know about is inevitable. And undoubtedly, he will eventually find a hole in the fence. We’ll deal with that when we get there.

      2. yeah, my guest room has a note with the wifi password permanently on a side board.

    3. I don’t think teens read magazines any more. My 13-year-old will pick up a New Yorker off the coffee table once in a while, but she has zero interest in other magazines.

    4. What about your local city magazine, like Washingtonian.
      I think you might do better to get her a magazine based on something she’s interested in — Nat Geo, Discover, cooking or crafting mags. If you’re not sure than maybe take her to a bookstore and let her pick?

      The magazine my daughter read at that age has gone out of business. At 16 she still likes any of the ones I’ve mentioned.

  12. has anyone done daily harvest or similar service? i’m not thinking of the smoothies as much as the harvest bowls/meals. it seems really expensive but i also do not cook for myself and would love a very quick/healthy option like that.

    1. You could get better price/quality/macro nutrients through a local service or a national service (e.g., Kettlebell Kitchen, Ice Age Meals, etc.). I don’t like how little protein these bowls/meals have–you end up with almost 40g of carbs in a meal and like ~6g protein. The concept is awesome and I am a huge fan of meal delivery, but I’d encourage you to look at the nutrients to see how healthy is truly is, you can find some great options!

    2. I have and find the quality to be good. I can also recommend Hungryroot. I use one of them for a few weeks at times when I am crushed at work or just not feeling like cooking. I live in an extremely rural area, so around here it is either meal service, cook it yourself from scratch, or eat the greasy mass produced crap that is today’s fast food. Both of these services are expensive for what they are, in terms of the food, but there are times when speed and convenience or ease are priceless to me. You can hack many of the meals – add some brown rice, chicken, tofu, spinach leaves, whatever, to stretch them into two meals and/or boost the nutrients.

  13. If you’re looking for a last minute gift for someone, I bought the drybar blow dryer wand thing recently and LOVE IT. It makes it ridiculously easy to do a round brush-type blow dry.

  14. Will malls be crazy on the 26th? I remember that as a trope from my childhood (everyone goes to return gifts and get other stuff they want on deep discount) but wasn’t sure if it’s different now in the era of online shopping.

    1. Well here in Canada it is Boxing Day, so yes, very very crowded. I’d suggest checking out the opening times of the stores you are planning to go to and see if they are earlier than usual. If yes, I’d suspect that the retailer is expecting a busy day.

    2. I think stores like Target and Walmart will be busy on the 26th with people wanting to buy half off Christmas decorations.

    3. Still busy but I wouldn’t say “crazy” until after lunch. I like shopping in-person the day after because there’s often extra markdowns in store that aren’t online, and I test out new-to-me brands that I don’t know my size in.

  15. I’m thinking about taking a 10-day trip with my partner to either Peru or Colombia in April. Has anyone been to either of those places, and do you think 10 days is a good amount of time? We enjoy exploring cities, learning about the culture, eating good food, with some nature sprinkled in if possible.

    1. I did a trip of that length to Peru and it was phenomenal. All Inca related, more or less. In an ideal world, I would have had closer to 14 days though – there were whole areas of the country we didn’t get to see and it was definitely not a “relaxing” holiday.

      1. Please share details! I’m doing a 10 day trip to Peru in May and just started looking into where we wanna go.

        1. We went in late Feb ( rainy season) and had an amazing amazing time, with the rain not affecting our travel almost at all.

          My thoughts – there’s not much to do in Lima but fly in and out. There’s some old colonial buildings, a few museums, and a bit of a hipster restaurant scene. I’d keep your time in the city *really* limited.

          Cusco is great as a home base. Stuff to see and do there, plus close driving distance to many other great ruins. We hired a driver through KBPeru and had a 10/10 experience visiting Pisac, Maras, Moray and Ollantaytambo. We spent a night in Ollantaytambo and it was great for visiting the ruins there the following morning (some of our fav). Getting to Machu Picchu for the morning require an overnight in Aguas Calientes, which is not a great place to stay at all. We got tickets to climb Huyana Picchu in the first group (8 AM???) – totally totally worth it. The hike itself is beautiful and lush (in the rainy season), the ruins are cool, and you may get a great view of Macchu Pichu. We had so much fog initially, but we waited at the top for about an hour and then it parted and was magical.

          People always seem to want to “hike to Machu Pichu” – I don’t know why, as you don’t see very much on the way. . There’s plenty of other hiking you can do – for instance, you can physically hike up to Machu Pichu from Aguas Calientes (and down!) to avoid taking the bus.

          Like I said, I wish we had scheduled more time in Peru – I would have seen more ruins in the Cusco area (look up the Boleto Turistico for a good list…), gone down to the Nazca lines, and north to the desert. This would have required more airplane trips – Peru is not a small place!

          Also, seriously, the altitude is no joke. The way you react is NOT based on fitness or age or anything. I am very physically fit and was easily winded by climbing stairs for the first 2-3 days in Cuzco. If you have the time, it’s est to let yourself acclimate or plan the trip so you step up in altitude slowly. Of course that’s not very practical since most people need to fly into Cusco from Lima, and Cusco is the highest altitude area you are likely to be in.

          1. Thanks for such a detailed response! My friends are debating hiking to Machu Picchu with the 1 day hike so I will look into it and share your thoughts. Also, really appreciate your recommendations for a driver.

          2. Seconding the warning about the altitude in Cuzco. Two members of my family could not function there for three days. I spent a night with the bed spins, including vomiting. And another member of our tour group passed out when he got up from the dinner table. All of that happened with an oxygen tank in the room, drinking coca tea, and not exerting ourselves. If you go there, leave plenty of time to acclimate if you are not accustomed to that type of climate.

          3. Thanks for the info,
            going to Peru in May too and just starting with the planning. I will be there 20 days in total then considering now if doing the classic “Gringo trail” or heading north from Lima to the Cordillera Blanca for the hiking or Iquitos for the Amazonia before to Cuzco. Not quite sure about the Paracas/ Ica part.
            I will do the Inca trail to arrive to Machu Pichu for sure, only need to figure out if I need an extra day in Aguas Calientes to climb Huyana Picchu or if I coud do the whole thing in one day and return to Cuzco that evening.
            Any advise would be apreciated.

    2. I did Colombia and it was amazing. Great weather, food, culture and nature. Easily one of my favourite countries ever and I’m pretty extensively travelled. I did a combo of beach, historic sites, and national parks. It was low key enough to be relaxing while still actually doing stuff.

    3. I was born in Colombia, but have not traveled extensively there for a while, so not much to add on the recommendations front, but would just say you can do a TON in Colombia during 10 days. I would work with a tour company–I’ve had friends do Cartagena, Medellin, Bogota, and some of the coffee region as part of a full itinerary. Colombia is incredible–the food is A+ and the dollar conversion makes your money go super far.

    4. We did 4 days in Cartagena and 4 days in Medellin, and lived both. In Cartagena, we did a catamaran / snorkeling day trip, spent two days wandering around the town, and one day at the hotel pool. Had some great meals as well (Carmen was our favorite for dinner). Very relaxing, but enough to do and wander around as well.

      In Medellin, we did a free city walking tour, went paragliding, and did a tour of Comuna 13. We also took a day trip to a coffee farm and Guatape. We went to El Cielo for a tasting menu- fantastic food (service a bit slow though). Great coffee at random cafes too.

      We were there in early March last year. It was a good combo of city + relaxation + adventure.

  16. Hi smart ladies! I have a question. So, I’m looking for an independent sales job and I notice that there are many life insurance sales roles. I have a background in stock trading (for a prop firm and for myself at this point) and selling bookkeeping services to restaurants, plus degrees in psychology (helps with sales!). I don’t have much experience with life insurance but have a general sense of a stereotype that the agents have a bad reputation.

    What has your experience been with the life insurance industry? Do you think the stereotype I have in mind is justified? Should I try to have more of an open mind towards these roles? I’m pretty financially savvy and I love helping people – I think that’s why I was successful selling bookkeeping. Thanks for any advice!

    1. Keep in mind you need a state license to sell insurance. I’m not sure what your stereotypes are – I work in insurance but not on the sales side. Many broker dealers also sell insurance products.

  17. Wow, m0d has been so tight and slow the last few weeks, even worse than usual. Can you guys check the queue more often and approve things faster for your loyal readers? Thanks!!

  18. Those of you with HappyLights — how long does it take to get used to it? Just got one and it feels like it’s blaring lights in my face.

    1. Well…it is direct “sunlight” right in your face. But you only use it for up to an hour a day in the morning. I didn’t need to “get used” to mine – just turned it on in the morning while laying in bed and scrolling through my phone before getting up for the day.

    2. You don’t need to use it all day and ideally it’s positioned above your head. I have mine in my kitchen on top of my fridge, which doesn’t really give me enough time with it (as I get ready in the morning) but I figure is better than nothing. And makes it easier to see things in my kitchen!

    3. You do not need to have it in front of your face directly. You can angle it toward you as long as the rays get your eyes a bit. So I usually have mine in front but to the left of my face. That way you don’t get the “blaring” light but still get the benefits. For me, I can feel a little “tingle” when I use it.

  19. What makes someone whiny? I feel like I’m perceived as whiny and would like to stop, but I don’t understand the difference between accurately answering a question?

    For example, today I’m working from home on urgent work problems that were dumped on my lap by someone who left for vacation and is unreachable, which I’m annoyed about, I’m home because my kid has no school and I couldn’t find a sitter and have no family nearby, and am watching a friend’s kid because she had a family medical emergency and has to be at the hospital. I’m also in pain because I recently fractured a rib falling down and it’s not fully healed.

    So when a good friend whom I haven’t talked to in a week texts and asks how I am, how am I supposed to respond in a way that’s not whiny?

    1. What are some of the good things you have going on? Are you a 100 problems for every 100 solutions? Are you always in a state of unhappy/trouble/problems or is today/this week unusual? Just because it’s a good friend doesn’t mean you need to dump everything on them; I had friends like this and it eventually became exhausting to be friends.

    2. This sounds like an unusually bad day. I think you’re allowed to vent to people, especially good friends, from time to time. If you always answer your friends texts with “I’m so annoyed because X, Y, Z, everything sucks, how are you?” then that’s a different story. But I assume today is somewhat of an anomaly? Hopefully.

    4. In your situation, here’s how I would perceive your potential responses to your friend, but obviously this is subjective:

      Whiny: “Ugh my coworker is the worst, my ribs hurt, I’m so sick of dealing with childcare, and I just can’t wait for this day to be over.”

      Not whiny: “Honestly, I’m having kind of a rough day. It’ll pass but man, some days are just tough. How are you?”

      1. The “how are you” in return here is so important. A lot of whiny people are so self absorbed that you’re afraid to ask them how they are because you get a long list of complaints, and then zero concern about how you are.

        Or worse yet, if you mention a hardship them they one-up you with their greater hardships rather than being sympathetic.

    5. Ha! I love this question so much, as a fellow overly accurate whiny person. I have learned to say things like “it’s chaos here, thank goodness tomorrow is a holiday. How about you?” If she really wants to know you can tell her more. But usually people get it – the day is a mess for a variety of reasons. Exactly what they are is unimportant. Also, try to squeeze a joke somewhere in the conversation.

    6. It definitely sounds like you’re having a rough day! I think a lot of what makes whining whiny is tone.

      I think you could respond to your friend by saying “I’m glad you checked in! I’ve got a lot on my plate today with some last-minute holiday snafus and I’m definitely feeling the crunch. Plus this dang rib still hurts. But at least my kid has someone to keep them company today. How are you?” That doesn’t sounds like whining, but it does convey that today is Not Great.

      Whereas “JFC this DAY. I’ve got two kids at home, a broken rib, and Greg from accounting sh@t the bed and I’m cleaning up the mess. Of course this happens to me. Why can’t I catch a break?” sounds much more negative.

      I’ve sent and received both kinds of responses. If you find yourself sending more of the latter, maybe work on reframing the tough situations you’re facing? I hope today gets better for you.

      1. lol I would actually far prefer to receive the JFC this DAY version of the text (the first two sentences anyway). It seems self-aware and funny-whiny. But a quick transition to “how are you” after that would keep the mood cheerful.

        2. But would you want that every time you texted your friend? That’s a key point, I think. As much as your friends love you and care about the details of your life, nobody wants to hear that every time they talk to somebody.

    7. “It’s rough day over here between work and childcare stuff, but great to hear from you! I needed a bright spot. How are things your way?”

      And hang in there, hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

    8. Going into too much detail is usually whiny. I struggle with this because I have a group text with a few friends that can be a good place to vent, but it’s easy to get sucked into it and the next thing you know, I’m complaining to them about the nuances of my sh*tty commute and going into detail about why exactly my boss is annoying. No one cares that much and it just brings us all down so I try to keep any venting at a higher level and minimize it overall – think more like “sorry I didn’t respond earlier, I was dealing with a bad commute but I’m home now” versus “the train was late and then it was really crowded and then I missed my bus and honestly I just can’t deal with another thing today and now that I’m finally home the house is dirty.”

      1. I’m in a group text where a couple of the people are constantly complaining about very minor things. When it’s every once in a while it’s fine, but when it’s daily it’s just exhausting. And it lessens the impact of the complaint, too.

    9. My life has been a load of garbage for the last few weeks, so unless my mental health is causing me to be very unfiltered (which has happened during this time period) I lie and say everything is fine and then turn the question around so we can talk about the other person instead of me. If I can’t be an adult and control myself and the word vomit comes out, I do a quick 180 immediately after I hit send, throw in something I am thankful for, and then turn it around and ask about the other person.

      But as others have said above, how you phrase the situation makes a huge difference. I am a negative person by default, so I have to work really hard to not be Debbie Downer all the time (and make sure I am properly medicated). It’s HARD and it takes a lot of energy, but it makes a huge difference in relationships of any kind.

      1. Please tell me your username is a Rose of Versailles reference…

        But seriously, hang in there. Sending good thoughts and hope that everything improves!

    10. Tone matters a lot. When my 4 year old whines, we encourage him to use his “strong voice.” I think adults can apply the same lesson, even in writing.

    11. Honestly no one wants to hear about all that crap you have going on.
      I would simply reply – “Things are crazy right now, but I would love to see you. How are you doing?”

  20. I don’t know you so I don’t know if this is the case. But I used to work with a very whiny coworker – she was widely known as a whiner – and her thing was that she saw the negative in everything.

    Example: complained endlessly about her boss. Got transferred to a new position within the company. Complained even more about new boss, who was known by everyone else as a great boss.

    Other example: complained about her old car and how she really, really wanted this particular new car but couldn’t afford it. Got a generous bonus and bought the new car. Complained on and on about the trunk space being smaller than her old car.

    This woman couldn’t find the positive in any situation. Is that you?

    1. Yeah, this. You get a bonus and can splurge on the new car you’ve been wanting? Most people would be thrilled about that!

      Feeling grouchy because you’re watching two kids, one of whom isn’t yours, on a day when you have a million work assignments with no lifeline and a broken rib to boot? Completely justified.

      If you don’t know how to respond,you don’t have to do it right now. You can get back to your friend later and say, “Hey, I wasn’t in the best of headspaces earlier, but things are better now! Let me tell you what all went down today…” That doesn’t sound whiny to me, just catching up with your friend.

  21. Do you live in or have you recently been to Asheville (NC)? I want to get a spa gift card for my sister who lives down there. I want her to be able to get a massage if she wants, but she may rather get a couple of manis or pedis or whatever so ideally it would be full service.

  22. You could get better price/quality/macro nutrients through a local service or a national service (e.g., Kettlebell Kitchen, Ice Age Meals, etc.). I don’t like how little protein these bowls/meals have–you end up with almost 40g of carbs in a meal and like ~6g protein. The concept is awesome and I am a huge fan of meal delivery, but I’d encourage you to look at the nutrients to see how healthy is truly is, you can find some great options!

  23. need a last minute gift for my sister. about $50. Consumables would be great, however, she’s on a fairly restricted low-carb diet and doesn’t drink alcohol. I am getting her a spa day gift card, this is to go with it. I was thinking bath stuff, but she recently told me she doesn’t take baths anymore. She doesn’t read, watch TV (or take baths or do anything that requires relaxation or concentration) due to a medical condition she’s working on dealing with. She also has explicitly asked for “no stuff,” which I am trying hard to respect :). She already has framed photos of my kids for the year.

      1. That wasn’t my question :). The photos aren’t a gift, she got those months ago. I am just saying “pics of the kids” isn’t really on the table this year.

        1. I’m only responding to what you said, which is that she doesn’t want “stuff” and that go-to consumables are off the table (unless you want to send her a Christmas basket of Slim Jims, in which case, have at it). If someone doesn’t want stuff and you already have an experience gift she’ll like, why bother scrambling on 12/23 for something extra? If you don’t want responses, then maybe don’t post here.

    2. She specifically told you she doesn’t want any stuff, so you should respect that. You already got her a spa gift card, which is a lovely gift and perfectly acceptable.

      1. Seriously. I’m the kind of person when I say I don’t want stuff, I really don’t want stuff and when it’s given to me, it feels disrespectful. I don’t want consumables, or tchotchkes, or whatever. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you; I just don’t want stuff.

    4. I’d still probably try to stick to consumables. For food, maybe fancy salts, spices, hot sauces, vinegar, and/or olive oils? A low-carb diet can get monotonous pretty fast. Or you could go for some good quality prosciutto or other fancy meat. If you’d rather tie in to the spa card, what about expensive candles and/or lotion?

    5. Do you have a Penzey’s spices where you live? They have really nice, high quality spices. I’ve given some of their sets as gifts and they always go over really well.

    6. Tickets to a play, ballet, symphony or show in her city? Gift card to yoga studio or gym she loves? Paleo cookbook? Nutribullet or smoothie maker with some frozen fruit and protein powder? Good coffee beans or coffee bean subscription (I recommend Olympia coffee roasters or Nossa familia)? Or fancy tea?

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