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If you do a lot of internet shopping like I do, you are well familiar with the places to buy pens and markers in bulk. But finding a single pen or two can be a lot harder and take more time until I happen to be running an errand near a stationery/office supply store, or making a big order of office supplies from Staples.com to escape their $9.99 shipping fee. So I was THRILLED to find the “open stock” category on Amazon — regular colors like black and red go for as little as $.88, but there are even specialty items such as, say, green Sharpie markers for $4.97. Even that feels a bit expensive to me, honestly, but considering that I don't have to make a special trip to a store just for a stupid marker, or get sucked into the “fill up your cart with $40 of stuff so you don't have to pay $10 shipping” trap — and it will be here in two days, yay for Prime — it's worth it to me. Open-Stock Sharpie Permanent Markers
What are your favorite spots for office supplies for your home office (or pieces with a bit more personality than the office supply closet)? Do you shop online or in person?
(L-3)
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
Except that you didn’t actually look at the item which clearly states that it is an add-on item? Add-on items only ship free when you make a purchase of $25 or more, which is essentially the same thing that you are grumbling at staples for.
tesyaa
Great point. I thought it was a great idea to order the Garnier Fructis conditioner my kids use by the gallon from Amazon, but hey, add-on item.
Coach Laura
I order something from amazon weekly so add-ons work for me.
AIMS
Good to know about open stock. Although I am still annoyed with amazon for charging shipping for “pantry” items which was basically the whole reason I got prime in the first place…
Dog T/J: I have a puppy. He is awesome. He doesn’t misbehave much and he pretty much doesn’t chew anything he’s not supposed to … except the walls! Any ideas on what to do to curb this impulse? He has plenty of chew toys, bones, etc., we don’t leave him alone for too long, and yet it still happened this morning when he was alone for maybe an hour. He’s 8 months. He only does this when we aren’t there, no attempts to chew walls or moldings are made when we’re there to say no. Ideas?
Puppy Momma
You can dab apple cider vinegar anywhere the puppy is chewing and the smell keeps them away from it. Puppy is probably teething (my 5 month old puppy just lost her first tooth this weekend), so there isn’t much you can do except stop the behavior, reward changing behaviors (no! stop chewing the wall! here’s a toy! good boy!), and use the apple cider vinegar to prevent it from happening when you aren’t there to stop it.
Anonymous
Is he mostly chewing at the corners (the kind that stick out)? Mine did this for a while and eventually grew out of it, but he really gnawed off a good amount of drywall for a while there. Since it was just those corners that stuck out, and mine was pretty small so he couldn’t go very far up the wall, I had a limited area I had to protect. I just sprayed with bitter apple and repeated as necessary when it wore off. If your pup is undeterred by bitter apple, they might make corner guards you could put up?
If none of those work, you could try crate training or a doggie play pen, at least until he gets a little less stressed by your absence.
AIMS
It’s mostly corners but not always. His teeth are all in at this point. It’s hard to reward/punish because he never does this when we are around. We already crate train him and he doesn’t seem to have separation anxiety at all. I think he just gets bored, which is why we have cut back on leaving him alone for more than an hour, but now he did it even when he was only alone for about 45 min. I guess spraying the walls is the thing to do, but I was hoping to avoid doing that to my whole apartment.
Anonymous
IME if I sprayed his “first choice” corners, it was enough of a deterrent. He’s got the resolve of an Olympian when it comes to getting a ball out from under the couch, but if he was wanting to chew on some wall and the first section he tried tasted bad, he’d just go bark at some leaves (Is it 7 yet? Can I go home to my entertaining little ball of fluff?) I also second the treat-dispensing toys mentioned below. One other thought–do you have windows that he can see out? My pup looooves to observe the goings-on down on the street and is much more likely to get bored if I didn’t leave a curtain or blinds open for him (usually at night).
Another anonymous Judge
I second the recommendation for crate training! My 3 year old loves her crate. In fact, she has a small crate just her size inside a huge wire crate in case she wants to come out and walk around. We leave her now for several hours at a time outside the crate but were religious about using it for probably the 1st 18 months. I can recommend the approach of Dr. Ian Dunbar (a British fellow who SHOULD be the a celebrity dog trainer instead of some of these people on TV), which worked like a dream with her. She was never destructive but we were worried about her getting into and chewing something that could cause her a medical issue (like a stray sock, or, dare I say it – drywall), or being stressed out and defensive by being able to watch everything going on outside while she was alone at home.
If you google Dr. Dunbar or Dog Star Daily you should be easily able to find his approach online. He even has FREE e-books that have made me a way better dog owner than I would have been without them.
I would say that if he’s chewing the wall and you put something unpleasant enough on it to punish him for trying, he will just find something else possibly worse to chew on for stress relief/teething. Maybe he’d be better in a crate with lots of yummy kongs and chewy toys and no chance of getting into anything you don’t want wrecked or that could hurt him?
Good luck with whatever you decide! 8 months old is teenage years for puppies and just like with human teenagers it sure can be a challenge!
desi inside and out
did you jostle your puppy per the potty training?
CA Admin
I love Dr. Dunbar! I have a friend that’s a trainer with his school the approach works really well with puppies. The man’s a genius (and super nice too)!
Anon in NYC
My dog did this, although it was more related to the edges of furniture like dressers. She eventually grew out of it. It is probably driven by boredom, loneliness, stress, or anxiety. I have found that a well-exercised/tired dog is a happy dog. A solid walk is always good, but I’ve also bought dog-specific brain teaser toys that are treat dispensers. We use special treats that she only gets with those toys. My dog goes nuts for them. It might be a good distraction while you’re out of the house.
ETA – a kong stuffed with peanut butter (and then frozen) can be a life saver.
AIMS
This is a good idea. He has the treat toys, but we don’t put treats in them (we just use it as a toy), but maybe this would help occupy him.
mascot
We have the Ottoson dog puzzles which work pretty well. My dogs favorite dispenser is this http://www.amazon.com/Omega-Paw-Tricky-Treat-Large/dp/B0002DK26M
You can fill it with kibble and they will occupy themselves for a long time batting it around. I agree that a good dog is a tired dog. If you can’t do a long walk, perhaps do a short one with a weighted backpack (water bottles, canned food).
HM
I also agree with the crate training suggestion. Also, deer antlers for pup to chew. We get ours from a local pet store that buys them when the deer shed their antlers each year. They’re great for my lab and lab/hound who both loooooove to chew.
L2fly
Growing up my family had an Airedale Terrior puppy that we confined to a small bathroom while we were gone. She quickly got into that drywall chewing habit, no matter what we sprayed/rubbed onto it. Ultimately, we ended up patching the drywall after she was out of the chewing phase.
To this day, I wonder why on earth my parents didn’t buy a nice big crate for her, and save everyone the stress? Including the dog…dogs are sensitive, and your pup knows darn well you are frustrated when you come home and see the damage he has done, he just doesn’t know why.
I also recommend the Kong toys, or variations of them. I stuff mine with peanut butter and bits of treats, and sometimes I’ll freeze them to make them last even longer. Another good thing about crates, they stop the peanut butter from getting everywhere!
AIMS
We already have a crate for him and that’s what we use when we’re gone for a while. But I’d like to be able to leave him alone for an hour or two here and there without the crate, maybe in just one room and then eventually work that to the whole apartment. Maybe we are just getting ahead of ourselves, and he is still too young.
Anonymous
I suppose it varies by dog, but I think I did this around the same time frame, maybe even at 6 months. I started realllly slowly, as in, I’d leave him out only for the 3 minutes it took me to take the trash out (mostly because it was too much work to get him in the crate for just that!). When he did well, then I’d try 15 minute walks to Starbucks, then a 30-45 minute run, then my hour workout class that was about 90 mins with travel time, etc. Now my pup can go as long as I need him and maybe the worst thing that happens is I find treats buried under my pillow when I go to bed–he loves to “save them for later.” ;)
Seattle Freeze
He may just be too young. My younger dog didn’t really leave puppyhood until about 2.5 yrs., and we only started leaving her uncrated during the day after that. She’ll still chew/eat anything leather, if it’s accessible, but the walls are safe.
When it comes to puppies & training, routines are very good things. Until he’s older, crating him every time you leave the house is good for you, safe & reassuring for him.
AIMS
Thank you all for all the sage advice. Seattle Freeze, I think you’re right: maybe he is a bit young still. I think what’s confusing us is that he doesn’t chew anything else – no shoes, no bags, no furniture. Just my (probably lead-filled) pre-war apartment walls. But perhaps a bit more crating is in order.
Bonnie
Our puppy chews when she has too much energy, no matter how many toys she has. Can you take the puppy to a dog park or doggy daycare occasionally to use some of the excess energy?
SYTTD
(Originally and incorrectly posted to The Hunt – apologies)
Need some advice: I went wedding dress shopping this week with my mother and bridesmaids. 2 of my bridesmaids (ironically my 2 closest friends) really upset me – they were not supportive of what I wanted at all and kept forcing dresses I hated (I was very clear on what I liked/didn’t like) on me, running around the stores and grabbing dresses (which was not exactly pleasing to the salespeople either). They basically pulled dresses that looked like each of their respective wedding gowns – not good shapes/styles for me. That and when I would try something on, regardless of whether I knew it was awful on me (but just showed for fun), one of these girls kept grimacing and making borderline rude comments. When I, to be amenable, tried on the dress they picked for me (all out lace – I hate lace) – they kept praising how good it looked on me, which was irrelevant to me because I would never wear lace. They turned what should have been a very fun and exciting time for me into a terrible experience with how unsupportive they were of me. Ironically they both had to leave and I found my dress about 10 minutes after they left. Coupled with that, when I got home, my fiance (who was in a bad mood for other reasons) made an idiotic comment that the only reason my wedding planner said she liked my dress was because she was paid to do so. His intent wasn’t to be awful, I know that – he’s wonderful, but the whole experience has left me so unhappy and I have been unable to shake it. Do I talk to the girls? Do I wait to see if they try to sabotage some other aspect of my wedding/events with their vision and deal with it then or is it too late? I did talk to my fiance about it but I’m still so hurt by his actions. How can I move past this?
ace
You sound pretty worked up about this situation, and as best I can tell they weren’t very attentive to you/supportive during a few hours on one day. Maybe it was just an off day for them, or they would rather have been somewhere else? I would try to take a deep breath and think about why you asked them to be bridesmaids in the first place (presumably a long friendship).
I personally didn’t include many people in my wedding dressing shopping as I didn’t want my opinions influenced by others. I’m wondering if you might have envisioned this being a great bonding experience, and be disappointed that it wasn’t? In any event, I’m sorry that your friends (and your fiancee) were being jerks, and encourage you to take a deep breath and try to let it go.
Anon
Honestly, I get that this is a stressful period for you but I think you’re overreacting. Your bridesmaids did not try to sabotage your wedding. They were probably trying to be helpful in their own way. It may not have worked but doesn’t mean that they’re trying to ruin your wedding. A lot of brides end up finding their dress by trying not stuff they may not have picked out for themselves. You can talk to them but I would suggest calming down first. If one of my friends told me I was trying to sabotage their wedding by not acting like a stepford bridesmaid, I would tell them exactly where to go because that’s ridiculous.
MNF
+1 I had a very definite idea of what I wanted for my dress and ended up with something totally different. Maybe they were trying to get you to think outside the box. Actually, my first thought was that maybe the dress shape you had your heart set on actually looks terrible on you and this was their non-aggressive way of helping you figure that out.
*You tried on a dress, knew it looked awful, showed it to them anyway and then you were upset that they honestly agreed with you that it looked bad?* Are you for real?
Anonymous
Was this a one-off incident, or is this part of a pattern of feeling like these friends are more caught up in themselves to really hear what other people are saying? If they are good enough friends to be in your wedding, it sounds like maybe they just weren’t the right fit for shopping (and that’s common, I know a lot of brides who don’t go with their ‘maids for this reason) but you have no reason to expect that they are going to sabotage your wedding. I would just try to move past it and maybe find someone who you think might be a better fit for any future try-ons, tastings, music selection tasks, etc. that you need to do.
Anonymous
Move past it. Its nothing.
You are honestly angry because they made you try on a lace dress? In the grand scheme of life, this is so absurd and ridiculous.
2 Cents
Next gown trip, just take your mom. There’s nothing requiring you to take these two oh-so-helpful friends. And I don’t think they’re actively sabotaging your wedding. They either thought they were being helpful or annoyed they had to make time to come to the appointment (which you really can’t admit to the bride when she asks).
And your fiance might be upset about the money / hullabaloo around a wedding in general. Men get stressed out by weddings and wedding planning too. I’d just chalk his comment up to grumpiness and move on.
Was the wedding planner there? If not, what would she say anyway? You’re her client, you obviously like the dress you picked. You’re paying her for expertise and coordination, not to be a best friend replacement. Unless the dress was so over the top “not you” (as she’s come to learn about you), I doubt she’d say anything different.
mascot
I agree with all of this. It doesn’t all have to be a team effort or an episode of Say Yes to the Dress.
Diana Barry
+1.
SoCalAtty
Totally agree. You know who I took dress shopping with me? My (now) husband. His is the only opinion I cared about re: the dress. It was perfect, we had a fun time (I’m sure I had more fun than he did, but he wasn’t miserable or anything), and I always made sure take him to a fun / great lunch or dinner after, since some of the places were a little bit of a drive from us. We ended up discovering an amazing new restaurant that we drive out of our way for!
That may not be your thing, but I agree, too many cooks in the kitchen.
Anon
This is exactly what we plan to do, too. I care about exactly two people at the wedding thinking that I look gorgeous – me and fiancé. If others also agree, then bonus!
L
I mean this in the nicest way possible – get over it. Seriously. You don’t need your friends to be involved in every aspect of your wedding; all that matters is your opinion and your fiance’s opinion. Present decisions if you feel like it as “Bob and I decided on X, we’re super excited!” Period. No discussion. You can’t ask for people’s participation and then criticize them for trying to participate.
Anonymous
How do you ordinarily move past life’s little disappointments? Do that.
Anon in NYC
I’m sorry it was such a stressful day. One of the things that I had to keep reminding myself of during wedding planning was that my wedding was not going to change who “these people” (my parents, friends, relatives) are. As much as I envisioned a planning process that was a certain way, people were going to disappoint me by being themselves. That sounds worse than I want it to, but what I mean was that my mother’s ability to say thoughtless and rude things was not going to be diminished simply because *I* wanted her to be more thoughtful or had an expectation that she would be kinder because it was related to planning my wedding.
It sounds like you envisioned a wonderful day full of bonding with your mother and bridesmaids. Obviously everyone would love that! But think about whether your friends were acting like themselves. If their behavior was not unusual for them, then I’d say this is an issue of you adjusting your expectations. If their behavior was out of line for them, I’d chalk it up to a bad day.
rosie
I responded in the other thread, but the tl; dr is get over it about your bridesmaids (and remember this experience before you ask them for opinions about other things), talk to your fiance about his comment.
Anonymous
If you were very clear on what you wanted, why did you need a big group to go dress shopping?
bridezilla?
Is this post for real?
I don’t think anyone is trying to “sabotage your event with their vision.” Nobody else even has a vision for your event. Honestly, this whole thing reeks of self-obsession. I did not ask my bridesmaids to go gown shopping with me–I picked out the dress alone and then took one trusted older friend to go see it and render her honest opinion. No bride for whom I have served as a bridesmaid has ever asked me to go gown shopping with her. Spending half the day sitting in a bridal salon waiting around for someone else to try on 50 sample gowns and trying to figure out exactly what she wants to hear about each one is not anyone’s idea of a fun bonding experience. Leave the bridesmaids out of the planning process except for picking out bridesmaids’ dresses. If you want to enjoy a bonding experience with your friends, go get pedicures and read bridal magazines together.
This kind of thing is why I have gotten so sick of weddings. They have become crazy overblown weekend-long (and sometimes longer) celebrations of ME ME ME! instead of just a nice chance for family and friends to get together and show their support of a couple beginning their new life together.
Jax
Agreed. I took my Mom and we hit quite a few bridal shops over a month. No pressure, no audience. Keep it simple.
SYTTD
This post was for real. Sabotage was a bad word choice, I admit. For the record, the bridesmaids actually invited themselves to the dress appointments and I didn’t say no. Another mistake, but one that I won’t be repeating. I was just looking for support from my friends and not rudeness. I want to thank Anon in NYC. The behavior was out of line for them for reasons I can guess at but ultimately don’t really matter. I’m chalking it up to a bad day but disappointed that what could and should have been a fun, bonding, once in a lifetime day, turned into a bad day, and one that could have been avoided. That’s all. I’m doing my best to let it go and learn from the experience.
Cora
I understand your disappointment, but keep in mind that everything surrounding a wedding can turn into an opportunity for super-high stress if you frame it in your own mind as it needing to be a certain way because it’s a “once in a lifetime day.” I’m not saying that these aren’t once-in-a-lifetime events, but that you will be much happier if you don’t expect everything to match your ideal mental picture as a result–because chances are, they won’t, for any number of reasons that are mostly outside of your control.
It’s okay to have expectations/desires/needs, but unless you think your friends intentionally sabotaged your day despite knowing exactly what you wanted, keep in mind that you are probably looking at their behavior through this super-heightened lens that may not be totally fair or accurate. (If you think this was intentional, that’s a separate issue that has relatively little to do with the fact that it was related to your wedding.)
cc
Once in a lifetime day? Lady its a shopping trip. You really need to get a grip. Any two idiots can get married. Honestly some people make it this big huge deal when a**holes get married all the time. You aren’t a magical princess- its one day in your life. Finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is worth celebrating but please don’t fall into this weird trap of thinking your friends should be fawning over you and that shopping for clothing is a “once in a life time day”
I’m saying this as someone who just got married recently. It was an awesome day, a great party and beautiful spritual day for me but your main roll on your wedding day is as a host, not as a princess.
Anon
+1
I blame say yes to the dress, and similar, for creating this fantasy amongst Brides(TM) that women will cry and hug when The Dress(TM) is found and that everyone else is invested in how much you look like the True Princess You Are and how happy Nana would be if she were here to see it and how magical it is that the dress has butterflies on it which are symbolic ’cause once you and your fiancé saw a butterfly together and blah blah blah omg is that David Tutera!?!?!
Unless you’re literally the woman I identify as my best friend, or my sister or my mother, watching the bride try on wedding dresses is not an ideal use of my half my weekend. “Fun and exciting time” for you =/= fun and exciting for everyone else. It does not sound like these friends meant you any harm. You need to relax. It’s obviously a sensitive and stressful time for you (no shame in that!). Sometimes it can be better to just keep your outings simple, which cuts down the potential for drama.
Advice: Do not talk to these girls about the dress session. Nothing would sour me on wanting to be a bridesmaid -with all the obligations and expense that that entails- faster than being chastised for not complimenting you on how you looked in the *particular* dresses you wanted to be complimented in.
adding to chorus
I was mad when I went shopping because it wasn’t “fun” (like at all, where was my wedding montage!?) And my mom made me try on this hideous dress that I hated and had to much lace…and it looked fabulous and I resisted and tried looking at another place or two because that just could not be my dress! But it was, and I loved it, and my mom never said I told you so to my face, and I wore it for the several hours of preparing for and having my wedding, and now it sits in a display box in my home office and looks, well dumpy without the b o o b s in it, but it’s still my wedding dress and I looked fabulous.
I do kinda wish I had gone pre-shopping on my own though, maybe you could do a solo session?
Liz
Weddings make people CRAZY (also including the brides! Consider whether you’re maybe getting disproportionately upset!) – I got really upset in private during the few weeks I spent dress shopping because I got such unexpectedly strong opinions from my mom and sister. Just go to another store, and don’t take more than 1-2 people, at most. Make sure they’re people who have some demonstrated history of knowing what looks good on you. For example, I would never have taken my fiance, because – and I love him very much – his sartorial instincts for women’s clothes clothes are awful. I probably got more upset than I needed to, but ultimately, my mom was just having fun looking at 800 photos of dresses online, and I shouldn’t have paid so much attention to the ones she really liked because I could just tell my dress consultant “I hate lace” in the changing room.
You can do it! It will be okay! You’re going to find something awesome and you’ll look great!
Federal Jobs through USA Jobs
I am wondering if anyone has or knows someone who has gotten a job with the federal government by applying through the USA Jobs site?
I do not know anyone working at the agencies where I am applying and this, unfortunately, will not be able to help me.
Any advice, please? Thanks so much.
Alice
I have, and honestly, some jobs are so competitive that I feel lucky to have gotten the interviews that I did, and think of it kind of as a fluke that I got some interviews and not others.
My first piece of advice is APPLY early. Have your resume and cover letter ready to go, except for tailoring to the specific agency/position.* Check postings often (daily). And when a posting comes up, give yourself, like, less than 48 hours to submit an application. My agency sets a limit on the number of applications it will consider, and that number is often reached WAY before the deadline on USA Jobs.
Emphasize why you are interested in working for government, as opposed to the private sector. Most of the time, you’ll be being paid significantly less. You need a narrative about why.
And if you get an interview, make sure to read up on all the latest news about the agency/department/office before going.
* of course, definitely tailor to the specific agency or position. Address the cover letter to the hiring person or the head person of whatever office you’re applying for. Use google.
NavyLawyer
This – not going on forever about private sector work unless it’s highly relevant. Feds prefer to hire those that genuinely want to work in the public sector. In both your application and interview demonstrate some sort of public service – local/state/federal, NGO/non-profit, volunteering (like a shelter or watershed cleanups, not coaching), etc. It is also helpful if you’ve worked/interned in the public service previously. Obviously only include it on your resume if it fits appropriately, but you can mention an older experience in the interview. This all sounds pretty stereotypical, so here’s my disclaimer, from my experience/bias it’s often true; feds love to hire feds.
roses
I have. My only advice is to be patient. I got a job about 3 months after applying, but another agency called *4 months* after that to see if I could interview!
Middle Coast
This – for a regional agency. I applied in May, got called in for an interview in September, was offered the job on December 23rd, but only if I could start January 2nd as they were “in a big hurry to fill the position”! Ha!
Turns out it was a budget thing – the position was approved in April, but funding started the next year. Once the hiring process started, the position could not be eliminated, hence the looong hiring process.
pickle
Are you applying for excepted service positions?
Make sure that your resume contains key words from the posting or relevant to your field. I believe that the first sweep(s) of applicants is done by computer/HR people who are not in your field. Don’t be discouraged when you aren’t picked for an interview – my office gets over 800 apps for every opening. It can and does work out.
NavyLawyer
This is late but hope you get it – I’ve been successful when applying to jobs that direct you to send your application to a person, as opposed to uploading them onto the website. When they’re uploaded, an algorithm analyzes your responses and kicks you out for anything you don’t rate yourself an expert in. Then HR certifies the applications. Then HR makes the first cut, and passes the rest on to the actual supervisor who needs to fill the position. When a real live person receives the documents they side-step the HR process. Side-stepping HR is mostly for Schedule A/Excepted Service positions which are typically highly skilled (attorney, etc.).
Look for jobs with a short window to apply because less people apply to those. Also “cold email” PDF’d resumes with Division Directors and Branch Managers – they keep resumes on file to use when they can circumvent the USAJobs process (which is protracted). Good luck!
To Brant re: home sale
Do you need to close the sale of your house in order to buy a new one? If so, then I would ask for a 72-hour leaseback–that lets you close the sale of your house, close the purchase of the new home (assuming you find one), and move out directly from your old house to the new house. Otherwise, you have to move your stuff to storage, pay for storage, and then pay for the move out of storage–we did this recently and it wasn’t exorbitantly expensive, but it does add cost and an additional level of things to coordinate.
Regardless, I would probably ask for a 60 day close to give you a chance to find your new place within that window so that you can move directly from the old house to the new one. Moving is incredibly disruptive, so it’s so much better to only have to do it once.
Diana Barry
+1. We had a 2-day gap but the movers “stored” it in the truck for those 2 days for a nominal fee, which also worked.
mascot
We were under contract with our house before the sellers found a new one. We just adjusted our timelines to fit their schedule and gave them a couple of days after closing to get packed and moved. We considered doing a leaseback for 30 days after closing, but it got a little more complicated once we started looking at income tax implications and insurance coverage (like someone said on the other thread, there is usually a 60 day limit for that) so we decided not to pursue it.
ANP
Saw your post on The Hunt. We’ve moved two different ways: once, we put in a contingency offer on a house we loved and then were able to sell our condo within the required window. When this happened, we just set the close dates for the same days and closed our sale before making the purchase of the new place.
The second time, we also put a contingency offer in on a new place; we then sold our old place ridiculously fast but the buyer needed to take possession ASAP. Although it sucked, we put most of our belongings into storage and moved in with my in laws for six weeks (which was amazing; they made dinner and helped with our kids! Double move was the crummy part).
I’d ask for a long(er) close date and then potentially a leaseback. Worst-case, you move into a rental…but this is a relatively good problem to have!
Ellen
Yay! Coffee Break! I love Coffee Break, but what do pen’s have to do with Fashion? Whenever I need a quick pen, I go to CVS where I get alot of littel thing’s that I do NOT have to look on the Internet for. I am NOT goieng to buy a $2.99 pen on the INTERNET and have to wait a week for it. If I go into CVS, I pay $2.99 plus tax and walk out with a PEN. This is NOT rocket sceince! FOOEY on spending time surfeing the web for a $2.99 pen, when you can get it at CVS, buy it, pay for it, and walk out and use it, all within 15 minute’s.
If you DO want to buy things like this, be sure you dont buy to many b/c with your luck, they will dry out and you will have a dry pen, which is VERY usless. FOOEY on dried out pen’s.
When Alan got me gift’s from CVS, he rareley spent more then $2.99 on them, so your other alternative is to find a boyfreind who does NOT like to buy anything from stores other then CVS to buy you a pen, and that way you would NOT have to pay for it. Your boyfreind will pay for it, but you will have ONLEY to deal with your boyfriend’s desire’s for satisfaction in exchange for buying you a $2.99 pen. That will NOT go along way, in my opinion, b/c guy’s like Alan expect the moon in exchange for a $2.99 pen? NO WAY HOZE. A cheep pen is NOT goieng to make any self respecting woman do anything she does NOT want to do for her man. TRIPEL FOOEY!
Jules
I have to say, and I hate to admit, I’m with Ellen on this one.
NYNY
+1. “NO WAY HOZE” to sharpies on thiss!te.
PHX
Me too. I heart Ellen.
nutella
I never read Ellen, but your comments made me, and I’m cracking up over the “just wait for a cheap boyfriend to buy you one” advice hahaha
Senior Attorney
This? May be the Best Ellen Post Evah.
tesyaa
Ellen is a hidden purveyor of cosmic truths.
Anon
Totally agree. What on earth does a $5 Sharpie have to do with anything here? If this isn’t phoning it in, I don’t know what is.
Boudoir
Has anyone ever done a boudoir photo shoot? I am thinking it might be fun and a good birthday present for DH, but I don’t know anyone who’s actually tried it, and all the reviews on every site I’ve checked are so overwhelmingly positive that they don’t seem real. Thoughts? Specific recommendations or places to avoid in the DC area also welcome!
Ellen
Think twice! And b/f you do it, make sure you will never get divorced from DH, or your picture could be all over the INTERNET — FOOEY ON THAT!
When I was dateing Alan, he just got a new digital camara (NOT a phone camara), so he said now that we were together that I should pose for him wearing VERY VERY LITTEL so that he would ALWAYS have a few picture’s of me in his wallet to think about me when he was workeing. I was about to do that when I talked to Dad, who QUICKELY tried to put a stop to that. Dad told me that even tho Alan and I were THEN close, that if we ever broke up, I could find my name on the walls of alot of men’s rooms along with photcopies of whatever photos I posed for Alan.
I said FOOEY b/c I thought it would be forever with Alan, that he would get his CPA, we would get MARRIED, and we would have children. Instead, he got drunk, lost his job, never got his CPA, so we never got MARRIED. But there was a littel part of me that said that maybe something COULD go wrong, so did I realy want this guy carrying around p’icture’s of me showeing alot of my boobie’s and tuchus for virtueally any man to see? So after thinkeing alot about it, I said NO p’ictures where I was NOT fully clothed. Alan pleaeded with me b/c he wanted to show me to his freind’s, and he even offered to pose in his underwear. I said FOOEY, I did NOT think it was apropriate to have him — who looked schlubbey to begin with — pose in his underwear and I did NOT want to have any picture of him in his underwear. He then said I could take a picture of him NAKED, and if he ever misused any of my picture’s, I could p’ost his winkie on MYSPACE for the whole world to see. I said I did NOT want him or his winkie on MYSPACE.
So after that fight, I never let him take any riskee picture’s of me after all, and I recomend that you NOT give your DH any pictures showing your tuchus or boobie’s (or anything worse) b/c if anything ever hapens to those picture’s, you could see them up on the INTERNET, or worse yet, on a bilboard in your hometown if thing’s go south with your marrage.
And if you DO live in DC, they could p’ost your picture over at the Oriole’s Game on the big screen. That would be awful. So I caution you as a fellow HIVER, NOT to do it. TRIPEL FOOEY!
Anon for this
I have! It was fun and I love having the pics. I asked my wedding photographer and she did them for me, which was nice because I sort of knew her from that.
Anonymous
I’d check with your DH to see if he’d enjoy that. I thought for sure mine would, but he was like what am I going to do with sexy pictures, I’d rather just have the real thing.
MJ
I’ve had two friends do it. One of them then proceeded to post the pix on FB (and she was friends with tons of ex-colleagues on FB) and I got a lot of questions from friends as to why there were pictures of [friendname] in lingerie/half-naked/with sezzy makeup as her profile pic. It was weird.
Both of them loved the experience and their partners loved the pix.
Anon For Boudoir
Posting late but hopefully you will see this. Roger Batchelor does boudoir photography and is wonderful. His (NSFW) website is: http://www.abrooklynskyphotography.com/
Good luck!
Another dog threadjack
We got a rescue (adult dog) about a month ago. The first week she was pretty hysterical at night when we closed the door to our bedroom (she’s not allowed in our bedroom) to go to sleep, & after an hour or more of crying, barking, scratching at the door and tearing at the carpet, we’d have to go out into the living room and sleep on the couch with her. However, it got a lot better as she got acclimated to us and our house and she hasn’t had any problems at night for at least two weeks.
Until this weekend. Both Saturday and Sunday nights she acted absolutely distraught when we went to bed. On Saturday we went to the couch to sleep with her but last night we tried to let her “cry it out” (she wasn’t barking so it’s not bothering the neighbors) and we woke up this morning to find that she had gone to the bathroom everywhere (both #1 and #2 – she is fully housetrained and this is the first time she has gone in the house).
Any suggestions? Do we just need to let her do this a few more times and suck up the damage to the house? Will she get over it soon? Neither of us gets good quality sleep on the couch with her or with her crying and scratching at our door. Having her sleep in our bedroom is not an option (I’m allergic).
rosie
Have you considered crate training? How is she when left alone during the day? If she seems to have worse separation anxiety at night and is fine during the day, I would definitely talk to your vet to see if there is anything you can do to help her with nighttime confusion/anxiety. And good for you for adopting an adult dog.
Edited to add, I think a housetrained dog that starts having accidents in the house without explanation warrants a trip to the vet as well to rule out physical discomfort or illness.
ANP
I don’t have allergies so forgive me if I’m asking a stupid question: can she not sleep in your bedroom b/c you’re afraid she’ll sleep right next to you/get dander on you? I’m just trying to figure out how this works w/physically owning a dog that’s allowed in other areas of the house but not your bedroom.
Would crate training her be an option so that she can sleep in your room, but in a confined area?
Baconpancakes
I’m allergic to cats but lived with two of them, keeping them out of my room, so in my experience, you can suck it up/fight it off/take allergy pills during the day, because your body is more active, but when you rest, you need a place for your body to relax and not fight off the allergens, or you can’t rest well. Also, dander tends to lodge itself in fabric, so a bed will be the worst place for dander.
Another dog threadjack
Thanks all! My original post was a little misleading: I would let her sleep in our bedroom if there were a way to keep her off our bed but she wants to be wherever we are (we sit on the couch, she sits on the couch, we sit on the floor, she sits on the floor, etc) so I don’t think we can keep her off the bed unless she’s crated. I’m not concerned about having her near me at night, but I don’t want to bury my face in a pillow and sheets that’s she’s been all over. It’s a very mild allergy so it’s more about taking precautions to make sure it doesn’t become more severe, and I don’t want to set a precedent of bed-sharing because I know that’s hard to undo if my allergy did get worse.
I think crate-training her in our bedroom or babygating the door so she can see/smell us and we can talk to her may be the way to go.
desi inside and out
you can train her not to sleep on the bed or to sleep in a crate. btoh my dogs are crated at night. one in our bedroom because she likes to be close to us. the other in the living room, because he likes his space.
you just have to keep her off the bed, correct her when she jumps on the bed and make her a bed on the floor. We have a strict dogs okay on the couch, not on the bed policy in our house and it works out fine.
AIMS
Definitely try crate training then. One huge other benefit of it is that if you have to travel or bring her to a friend’s house for a few days while you’re on vacation, her “house” comes with her. We took our puppy on a weekend trip and he whined until I brought the crate into the bedroom and then he popped right in and passed out. A crate also provides a safe space for him when he gets scared (say, if I vacuum) or if he just want to be left alone for a bit (if we’re having guests or the tv is too much for him, etc.).
Bonnie
You can definitely train the dog not to sleep on the bed. If you don’t want to crate train, put a dog bed near your bed and push the dog off the bed whenever it tries to jump up.
A Nonny Moose
Have you tried clicker training? That could help you train her to sleep on the floor.
mascot
Instead of closing the bedroom door, can you baby-gate the room so she can see/smell you? Would an air purifier work in the bedroom if she wants to be on a dog bed outside the door? Let her sleep with a t-shirt you have worn? Try a DAP diffuser or Rescue Remedy? How about trying a crate for her to sleep in? Dogs are pack animals so she may not be used to sleeping away from her people. It could also be separation anxiety. For our adult rescues, it’s taken 3+ months before they are fully integrated into the house. Some dogs take longer. One of our dogs didn’t fully housebreak for a couple of months, it just took her a while to identify that the entire house was her “den” and not just the rooms that she spent the most time in. Also, if she was spayed just before you got her, you might want a vet check to may sure she’s healing okay and doesn’t have a little infection that’s disrupting housebreaking.
I’d probably try to get her more exercise (tired dogs sleep better) and make sure she does all of her business when she goes on her last out.
Sydney Bristow
We’ve gone the baby gate route with my cat. She still meows at us sometimes but much less than when we tried closing the door.
AIMS
I’m curious, does your cat not just jump over the gate? My cat jumped over everything.
Sydney Bristow
We got a tall gate, but honestly she’s always been scared of things and I don’t think she knows she could jump over it if she tried. She’s not the most intelligent or adventurous cat.
AIMS
I third crate training. Potentially you could even start in your bedroom with her in the crate and then move crate to another part of the house when she starts to associate it as her safe space. I used to think of crates as being like cages and was not fond of them, but that’s certainly not how my dog sees it; to him, it’s his home. We don’t even lock the door on him all the time but he just goes in because he feels safest there.
ETA: I missed the allergies part of your post. You could try having someone sleep next to her in the living room with the crate, instead, maybe?
HM
Please try crate training. (Our two pups actually prefer sleeping in their crates than on our bed, if given the option! If they hear us getting ready for bed, they put themselves in their crate.) With both of our rescue pups, there are good days and bad. But, giving them their own “space” (with maybe a T-shirt or blanket that had our scent) provided them with a sense of place and security.
There were a few nights that my SO or I would lay down next to the crate with our fingers just inside until the pup feel asleep, if this was a particularly bad night, but it did not become a regular thing. Good Luck!
desi inside and out
mine too! Its pretty adorable to see them run to their crates at teh end of th day.
anon
I got an air filter for my bedroom when we got our dog – it made a huge difference for my allergies.
L2fly
+1 crate training. It will save your door and carpet, and certainly save you tons of frustration. Since you adopted from a rescue, I’m betting they already had her crate trained, too, so with a little luck she’ll take right to it. 2 of my 3 adopted shelter dogs were used to being in crates at the shelter adoption events, and it makes life so much easier in so many ways, when traveling, when cleaning people are due over, when allergic friends come over, etc, etc. And both of my pups will happily go into the crate as soon as they see me prepare their treat (usually some kind of Kong stuffed with peanut butter, broken up treats, and often frozen if I remember to plan ahead… they can’t get enough of peanut butter, and a little goes a long way.)
It really does sound like she was trying to tell you she needed to go outside on Saturday night. Was her routine changed, or did she eat something unusual?
Hang in there! It is so worth it, despite the bumps in the road.
Anon in NYC
My dog hated her crate until I did two things: 1) I started feeding her in her crate. I would put her food in the back of the crate so she had to walk in to eat, and 2) I draped a large blanket over her crate so that the sides and the back were covered and it felt more cave-like.
JJ
We also draped blankets over our dogs’ crates while crate training and it literally made all the difference in the world. We joked that our dogs were just very large parakeets, but they both grew to love their crates because they were little “caves.”
anonymess
We had a similar issue with our rescue dog and separation anxiety. We tried crate training her, but if we left for more than a half hour at a time, the crate was destroyed. We actually burned through two metal crates – she chewed her way out of a metal crate completely the second time and cut up her face pretty badly.
Through trial and error, we figured out that she much preferred the plastic crates that are more enclosed and dark. Throwing a blanket over a metal crate did nothing and she would just pull the blanket inside and shred it. Feeding her in the crate and routinely asking her to go in and out of the crate (but not leaving) helped.
She now (four years later) stays out of the crate during the day and lounges on her dog bed without destruction, but we still always say “be right back” as soon as we leave. It’s part of our pattern. We worked a lot on obedience training and little ways to ensure her we were in charge – humans enter a door first, she eats her meals after we’ve eaten, etc. She is naturally a very submissive dog, and I think part of the anxiety in the beginning was her thinking she had to step up and be a leader. Then she would go a little crazy when she thought she had “lost” us because we were out of the house. Wishing you luck!
Brunchaholic
Crate training for the win. But dogs definitely vary in their comfort level in being in the crate. Our first dog hates being crated. Our second is obsessed with his crate and voluntarily lounges in it.
Also, this is really random, but when my dog was a puppy and we were in an unfamiliar environment (visiting my mother) he would howl all night long in his crate. My mother decided to leave him a night light one night, convinced that he was afraid of the dark. I thought she was a lunatic, but it worked!
I do commend you for working to keep your dog out of your bed. There’s a lot of research about how much healthier it is for dogs to have good boundaries, and letting a sweet pup sleep in your bed is so tempting for some folks.
Husband losing it?
I need some perspective. Background: My husband has been under a fair amount of stress at work. We have a toddler, and are early in the process of adopting another child. I also have a demanding job. Husband traveler for work last week, then promptly came down with the flu when he got home, so I spent the better part of the week handling child care, house stuff, commuting, etc. on my own, and consequently had to catch up on deadlines this weekend.
Since the beginning of the year (which we celebrated by both having the flu – yay!), Husband has been grumpy, depressed, stressed. He’s a big skier, but b/c of weather, illness, & work commitments, hasn’t been able to ski yet this season (we were supposed to go over the New Year holiday, but see illness). He takes this as a personal affront and has been very pouty about it. He was supposed to ski this weekend (me home with toddler), but got sick. Because of his work stress (?), he’s been distracted and we haven’t been connecting (conversationally, or otherwise) that much or very well.
Last night, in the course of a conversation in which he abruptly changed the subject, I told him that I felt like he was not interested in what I was saying, and that it bothered me. He got angry. We fought. Toddler got scared. Just as it seemed we were reaching some sort of conclusion, he burst into tears and collapsed onto the floor, sobbing ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ .. meaning the conversation, the pressure, everything. Toddler and I comforted him. He went to bed. This morning, he was more or less chipper, and took care of Toddler for the first time in days.
How can I support him? I keep encouraging him to exercise, see friends, ski, while I hold down the fort. But he doesn’t. Or it’s not enough. I feel like I don’t have the emotional resources to buoy him up, when I have my own job pressures and challenges – but it feels like that’s what he wants: me to be supportive, i.e. always agreeable and always interested in his day/ life, while caring for toddler, dealing with a long commute, work, etc.. Perspective, please?
roses
Oh my goodness – that breakdown signifies that his problems are way more serious than you (and toddler?!) can provide adequate support for. It sounds like he is under so much stress it is making him sick. He needs to do some combo of a) therapy to learn better coping mechanisms and/or b) making changes to his work responsibilities to ease his stress.
Anon4This
You two are under a LOT of stress right now. You BOTH need to be kind to each other, at the very least to enable to the other spouse to support you! (not to mention your toddler – which, unless fighting is a consistent state, don’t worry about his/her reaction to this one fight. It’s more important that s/he see how you reconcile, work through problems constructively. This WILL NOT be why your child needs therapy.)
By “stress” I mean change, transition – I know it’s already March, but if he needs to ski or spend time outside, then you’re doing the right thing and it’s up to him to make it happen. Outside of work, make sure you and he both have different times for self-care, in order of importance: (1) Me Time (2) Couple Time (3) Parent-Kid 1-on-1 Time (4) Family Time (5) Friend Time. These could be as little as 15-minute phone sessions (hopefully not, but doable) OR even a weekend if that’s what it takes to recharge and remember… why you like yourself, each other, your family. If these aren’t possible, definitely prioritize them and see what you can help each other with.
You do NOT have to be accomodating to all his quirks and whims, you know – you also need to take care of YOU.
Maizie
Ohhhh. Hugs. My body aches just reading about the juggling in your family! Both of you guys sound too busy to enjoy much of anything or each other or your toddler. I’ve been there and it isn’t good. I hope you can find your way out of this bind. Counseling (emphasis on cognitive behavioral training and mindfulness) for both of you plus some solo sessions sounds helpful in the short run.
In the mid-to-long run, is it financially possible for one of you to step back from a stressful, high-pressure job–either by taking a break or by transitioning into something else? Sometimes it’s just not possible for a family to keep all the plates spinning. No shame in that; sooner or later life will revise or reroute almost everyone’s plans. Not that one can’t return to demanding work, later, but it becomes…different.
Asking this question does _not_ automatically nominate the wife/mommy /woman (in a man/woman couple) to switch to the Mommy Track or become the family’s Nurturer! Feminism is about choices, not dogma. You don’t owe me or anyone else any explanations except to quote Carolyn Hax (?): “This is what works for our family.”
A physical exam might also be helpful, just to rule out anything such as low thyroid or some other chronic condition that’s getting your husband down.
anon
He needs to see his doctor ASAP.
Been there
This sounds really really similar to my husband, even down to the skiing. What has helped: him getting regular exercise, and me reaching the end of my rope and telling him what I need from him. I think having a big fight can sometimes help clear the air, and once you let your frustrations out they seem like less of a big deal, and also then he gets a little more understanding of what is going through your head. I have a tendency, when my husband is stressed out, or I am stressed out, to go for “giving more space” which it sounds like you are doing, but sometimes it actually makes him feel less alone to have the emotional outlet of a fight even if it is a negative interaction instead of a positive one. But this is in character for my husband, who can be a little dramatic (or so it seems to me, but I have the opposite tendency to downplay everything, avoid confrontation, etc.). Also, when he is very stressed by work sometimes it helps him when I take over some of the decision-making… and this doesn’t mean he doesn’t do anything, but that rather than my just doing everything and not bothering him about it, (then he feels guilty for not doing things/spending time with kids,) it’s better to just say, you take the kids to the park now, let’s go on a hike to this place, I need you to do this for me, etc., and then once he has done something he feels better about life. It isn’t really something he can reason his way out of, it’s more about giving him an outlet for his feelings, and getting him out of his own head a little bit by forcing him to think about someone else.
same here
We might be married to brothers. I was thinking reading OP’s post that sometimes everyone just needs a good cry/emotional outburst to get it all out. Sounds like OP’s husband has had a rough time of it lately and is just reaching a breaking point. My DH also can be a bit dramatic and after he has worked through it, he’s better (although not immediately, it can take 12-24 hours sometimes). That being said, these incidents aren’t frequent so I don’t have to always run crisis management. To keep these to a minimum, we make a point to both allow each other alone/self-care time, we have regular date nights, and we have a division of labor that can be done on auto-pilot if needed.
anon
My husband has been working a lot and has been very stressed about work lately. I’m also 6 months pregnant, and we just started a renovation, so that’s not helping. I’ve found that the most efficient way for us to connect and for him to de-stress is s*x :-) It boosts his mood and confidence, and it keeps me feeling connected and less lonely. Plus, it’s fun :-)
My husband has not had a breakdown like the one you’re describing, which I do think is indicative of a more serious problem. And obviously, s*x alone is not a long-term solution for the type of stress you guys (or we) are dealing with. (FWIW, I am also encouraging my husband to take care of himself by taking a step back at work, getting some exercise, and getting some rest.) But in the short-term, while we’re in survival mode, the s*x is getting us through it.
Husband losing it?
Thanks for the comments! Having commiseration and concrete ideas, like seeing his doc & considering therapy (which I’ve suggested before) are so helpful!
Been There and same here: it’s remarkable how similar our husbands are, and knowing that others go through this from time to time is helpful. I DO tend toward the ‘giving space’ mode – and even clamming up, as I don’t want to add to his burdens. But that was making me feel very isolated, and maybe him, too.
anon @ 7:07: I wish LGPs could be the solution, but when I feel disconnected, it’s very hard for me to be interested. I was hoping we could focus on each other more and reconnect on a emotional level, and that’s what lead to our fight yesterday. I’m still feeling pretty overwhelmed by it, which doesn’t make me feel like gardening.
Asideralis
Have you thought about suggesting therapy for him? Or for you both as a couple? My husband and I are seeing separate therapists due to serious family stress and it has helped us both to have an objective third party that isn’t directly effected by what we say.
I can talk about how much I hate my MIL since she was a self-absorbed abusive beeyotch. I can talk about how my dad blames me for my parent’s divorce. I can talk about how my sister blames me for the same thing and thinks that feminism is a cult. It really helps – it’s cathartic for me. I know that for my husband, it’s helping him get through the stressors of his final semester and living away from me. I would highly recommend seeking therapy.
Anonymous
Have you tried just doing it? Take off your pants and get on the naked cuddling and see how it goes? Sex can flow from an emotional connection but emotional intimacy can also flow from physicsl intimacy.