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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 285 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Orsalla Sweater Skirt

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This sweater skirt from Club Monaco looks really great. I love that it's merino wool — it's got a nice structure to it and a nice stretch, so it's going to fit very well and will give you some texture if you wear it with silk or cashmere. I also love the sash at the waist. It looks like a very comfortable but stylish sweater skirt, and I like it as styled with the tucked-in blouse. The skirt comes in sizes XS–L for $189. Orsalla Sweater Skirt Psst: It looks like this is a similar option as a dress. Here's a plus-size option. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

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Comments

  1. Anisette

    Threadjack:

    Is it productive to accept a promotion when you know, ahead of time, that the position they want to put you into is being managed by a total a-hole? I have been with my company for 3 years and am over due for a promotion, but the position they are looking for me to fill is run by a sniveling mysogist. I fear that if I take the promotion, I will have to deal with this guy; but if I don’t take the promotion (which is all but assured) that I will be viewed as meek. Ideas? Thoughts? Help!

    • nuqotw

      Will taking the promotion help you get a better job elsewhere? Or otherwise advance your career? If so, ask yourself how long you can put up with the sniveling misogynist (a great phrase by the way). Otherwise, I think better meek than miserable.

      • anon

        Agree with this. What is the promotion worth to you? Take it from someone who recently took a promotion she had big reservations about — it may not be worth the toll it takes on your daily life.

        • Anon

          I think you also have to look at the cost of not taking the promotion, not just from salary but from reputation and future advancement. Will it raise eyebrows with your firm if you are offered the promotion and do not take it? Also have you lobbied at all for it (which would look even worse if you then did not take it)? If you don’t take it, will there be other promotions in the future or are you stuck now at your current position? Will you have to leave anyway and at least you’ll be job hunting with a better title and salary?

    • nuqotw

      Also, do higher ups know that the guy is an a-hole? Can you bring it up? You might get some insight that you don’t currently have. Or maybe a gigantic raise.

    • s in chicago

      What are your opportunities for promotion otherwise? I’ve worked some places where those who passed on advancing are sort of taken out of the advancement track. If promotions happen fairly regularly and to others who have passed, I’d avoid and try to help shape the next opportunity that comes along. If it has the potential to pigeon hole you where you are, I’d start weighing not just current job vs. promoted job but current job vs. future job somewhere else when you make your decision. Sometimes short-term pain is better for long-term gain. Other times, it’s taking a stable situation and adding potential instability. If you do pass, think carefully how you will discuss. I’d try to avoid out and out saying he is the cause. Folks want a team player and you never know who is on his side. Safer to chalk it up to “not a good time personally this year for X, but hope my time will come again in the near future and will continue to do whatever I can to show you I’m committed.”

      • Anon

        Good point. This is a tricky conversation. At my firm the absolute worst thing someone can say about you is that you are not a team player. So if you are going to turn down the promotion, definitely spend some time on phrasing for the initial conversation as well as when asked about it later.

    • Anon

      Take the promotion. Be the solution. Don’t put up with his sniveling misogynistic crap. Call him out.

      Be Wonder Woman. Wear the boots. Hum the tune. Kick butt.

      You’ve got this!

    • Aurora

      Take the promotion. Best case scenario, you can handle jerkboss, things aren’t as bad as anticipated, or things improve. Worst case, you tough it out for a few months than move to a new job (either internally in the company or externally) with handy recent promotion (and hopefully salary bump) as bargaining material, and just use the “it wasn’t the opportunity I expected it to be/it’s the right move for my career/this just fell into my lap/my situation has changed” excuse.

  4. Allie

    Hi ladies – I want to finally get a fitbit. I’m hoping it will motivate me to take extra steps during the day and maybe be more efficient during exercise. I have no interest in reading text messages or emails on my wrist. Which one should I get?

    • Cookie

      Do you workout a lot, or plan to work out a lot? If so, you should get the Alta HR, which has a heart rate monitor. If you are really only interested in monitoring steps, you should go with the Flex 2 or Alta HR.

      • Anonymous

        The Fitbit Charge 2 also has a heart rate monitor. I love mine, I found it a little more user-friendly than the Alta HR, but it’s also a little larger and clunkier. The heart rate monitor function has really helped me improve my aerobic capabilities in the few months I’ve been using it.

        • Thistle

          The Charge 2 is wider but it’s not as “long” over the wrist and so it fits my very small wrist better.

          Trying to work out how to word this better; all fitbit have a non-flexing face and curvy ends to the strap and so you need to pick one that the fits your wrist. The Alta is narrower on the 3-9 axis but longer on the 6-12 axis and so when you add the curved ends, you get a longer flat area which isn’t as good for small wrists.

    • Pompom

      If you just want steps and stairs, and app connectivity, I like my (admittedly old!) FitBit One. It’s the one that is advertised as a clip on, but I bought a variety of wristbands and wear it as a bracelet/watch.

      • Anna

        The One has been discontinued, so when mine dies, I’m out of luck. I have really sensitive skin and probably can’t wear any of the wristbands, so this makes me sad. If anyone else with sensitive skin has had good luck with a wristband, let me know which one worked for you. I can’t wear watches with metal or resin bands, but leather seems to be okay. I also have very small wrists, so the most of the ones with heart rate monitors looks like they’d also be sort of awkward looking.

        • Pompom

          Oh NO! I like the simplicity of it…and the fact that I have about 10 random fun bands for it.

    • TO Lawyer

      I have the Flex 2 – it basically just counts your steps and monitors your sleep. I didn’t want anything else and its perfect for me.

    • KateMiddletown

      Do you wear a watch? If you want to be able to do that daily, I’d stick w/ Flex 2. I have the tory burch bracelet thing so I can wear a watch, and I swap it into the standard issue rubbery band when I have a sweaty workout. (This is assuming I remember to charge it, which seems to be a problem for me.) I like the bracelet I have, FWIW, since it makes it look a little fancier w/ business formal/party attire.

      I had the Charge HR 1.0 and it gave me a rash (the metal buckle had some alloy that aggravated my skin, especially when sweaty/wet.) I ended up returning it to the company, got a full refund, and got the flex 2 the next Christmas.

    • H

      I was just talking to DH about wanting a fitbit! I was looking at the Flex 2, the simplest and least expensive. How does it work with software? Can you download the info?

    • Anonymous

      If you work out a lot, the Charge HR is awesome. I bought a gold watchband for it from Amazon so it just looks like I’m wearing a watch (I mostly remember to switch when I run or do HIIT). I had both the Flex and the Alta and infinitely prefer the Charge even though it’s larger … I really like being able to see all my stats without a ton of clicks or without having to open the app on my phone. Even if you don’t care about reading texts, a lot of the features – like being able to automatically launch and track workouts, check your heart rate, do guided breathing exercises, etc – are worth it.

    • Will these work on a pear?

      Chiming in with a plug for the Garmin devices. I’ve had both fitbit and garmin devices and find the latter cooler looking and much more reliable. Currently rocking the vivoactive, and people ask me all the time whether it is an apple watch (which I neither have nor want). Love that it alerts me to incoming texts and calls.

      • Tfor22

        I had a fitbit one for years and switched in May to the garmin forerunner 235 in teal. It is a bit big on my small wrist but otherwise I love it. Even when I don’t run I use it to track my heartrate, steps, and sleep. I just got a compliment on it today at lunch.

    • lost academic

      I love the Flex2. Waterproof enough, durable, silent alarm is useful, gives me a general idea of where I am on my step goal in the day. I got mine for $60 and I imagine better sales exist. I have regular watches, don’t need a smartwatch for this.

  5. anonymous

    What are your best interviewing tips? And do you know of any good resources for preparing for interviews?

    I recently did horribly in an interview, and I realized that perhaps I don’t know how to sell myself. This was an internal interview and left me sort of embarrassed. My current position is not junior, but I think I got where I am as a shoe-in candidate in my previous interviews. I definitely want to keep moving up, but this was a serious wake-up call for me.

      • emeralds

        YES. Download the PDF of her interview guide. I go through it every time I interview, including writing down tailored answers to all of the sample questions. I get great feedback on my interview skills, and since I started following that process I’ve almost always advanced to the final round after phone screens. Seriously cannot recommend Allison’s resources highly enough.

      • Tech Comm Geek

        +1000
        Once I read her interview guide and starting following her job hunting advice, I stopped having gaps between contracts. Her advice is so practical and grounded in reality!

    • Anonymous

      Plan methodically and practice practice practice. Make sure you have 5-10 short stories that you can discuss, pulled from your resume most likely. These should cover big problems, cost savings, team management, failures, etc.–basically you should show off what you know/what you learned. The stories must have problems/conflicts and solutions. Google/practice storytelling. Have a set of questions in the can for when you get to ask. For technical fields, you prob need to know how to code, solve problems on the fly, etc. If you have to solve a problem on a board, “present” it – discuss your train of thought, then solve the problem and explain your steps. Good luck.

      • Cookie

        Building on this advice, if you are interviewing for a legal position, you should know about some of the big recent decisions in your area.

      • Anon in NYC

        Yes – and for practice, I find it helpful to think of obvious questions and then write out answers so you can get your thoughts into a coherent few sentences. And then read those answers out loud over and over again – refine them as you go so it starts to feel and sound more natural.

    • Anon

      Use the STAR method, although you don’t have to be so structured about it. As mentioned above, find 5-10 short stories about your career so far, and literally write them down in this format. Think through the themes of each story – does it demonstrate initiative? problem solving? independent thinking? process improvement? etc. Practice telling them in about 3-5 minutes per story, so each one needs to be short but informative.

      Situation – give some context. what role, team dynamics, etc.
      Task – What was your goal? Was it defined or not? Did you have help or not? Etc
      Approach – How did you accomplish the goal? What steps did you take? What problems came up and how did you solve them?
      Result – What was the outcome? Were people happy with the results? Is it still being used/applied/referenced? Was it the foundation for something else?

      So then in the interview, they can say “tell me about a time you solved a particularly complex problem” and you can pick a good option from your set of 10. They can say “how do you work best on teams – alone or in groups” and you can tell a story that demonstrates the answer. If they ask for a story that you’ve already told, you can reference it and then tell a second one “The Teapot Painting project I mentioned earlier saved $500K that year alone, which was probably my biggest impact. I also worked on a Teacup Painting project that saved around $100K, back when I was in my second role….”

      • Senior Attorney

        I’ve never heard of this (been a long time since I interviewed). This is great!

    • Dandelion

      Find someone to practice with even (especially!) if they know nothing about your job or your field. Have them ask you some standard interview questions (i.e., Tell me about yourself. Describe a time you worked with a team to achieve a goal. Explain your strategy for problem-solving. Tell me more about X job on your resume. etc.). When answering, try to sell yourself to that friend who knows little to nothing about what you’re talking about. You’ll end up overselling and over explaining everything, which is a good place to start. From there, you’ll have an idea of everything possible you can say about your qualifications, and you can cull from that the pieces that would be most useful in an actual interview.

    • New Tampanian

      Career Tools (put out by Manager Tools) has GREAT interviewing techniques. Always, always do research on the people you are interviewing with. You may be able to glean from that research things that will stick with them. This not only helps you feel more comfortable with speaking to that person (because you feel like you know them already) but you’ll weave tidbits into your storytelling that pique their interest. Figure out what their biggest need is and try to have examples that you can use as answers to whatever questions they have which highlight that you can do that.

      The biggest key is being prepared. The more you prepare, the more you feel comfortable. I tend to learn everything I can about the company/ firm/people and figure out ways to show through my answers that I understand their needs and where I can be most helpful. I LOVE interviewing. Sounds odd but I can sell myself so much more in person than on paper.

      OH!

      When they ask if you have questions… your final question… ask “After this conversation, is there anything that gives you pause or would cause you to hesitate in offering me the job?” Something like that. Let them answer, then circle back and address whatever they bring up. Know what your weaknesses may be in advance so that you are prepared to defend. This way you have the opportunity to address any lingering concerns. It’s a strong final move.

      • Anon

        I would strongly consider not hiring someone if they asked me that last question.

        • New Tampanian

          Can you explain why? I have had nothing but positive responses to this.

        • Anon

          Puts me on the spot, potentially making it uncomfortable for me as the interviewer – something I do not/would not appreciate. I have a lot of candidates per position. In the moment, I likely haven’t digested everything you’ve told me. And, probably most significantly, I’m not going to tell you face to face what I think your weaknesses are – that’s not my job as an interviewer. I’m judging the candidate against criteria that they may or may not be aware of…. they’re not entitled to that info (jinx, Anonymous @ 3:27 pm). And, if I did find it in me to answer the question, I certainly do not want to be then challenged for stating said concern (which you describe as ‘circling back to address’ the issue).

      • Anonymous

        Well! This is a very … cheerful and determined approach. I have to say that, as an interviewer, if someone asked me that last question, I Would Not Answer It. They are not entitled to that information about my thought process.

    • Curious

      This may be more applicable if you’re an external candidate, but always check out the company’s interview reviews on Glassdoor. You can often get an excellent sense of what you’ll be asked. For example, my company almost always asks 2-3 behavioral questions that we expect you to answer using the STAR format, then 1-2 case questions. Our recruiters will tell you that, but it’s also right there on Glassdoor for anyone to see.

  6. so tired of black tights already

    Ugh — it hasn’t been cold for all that long and already I’m tired of black tights. I hate being cold. I hate the months of the same color palette that comes with black tights. I like colors!

    Any way to avoid the rut? How can I be stylist, colorful, and warm?

    Plotting a move to San Diego . . .

    • Aquae Sulis

      I don’t have any advice, but I’m having the same dilemma! I don’t wear a lot of black clothes, so my black tights seem to be out of place (maybe just in my head!).

    • Anonymous

      Black is a neutral! You can wear it with anything – you don’t have to stick to the same color palette.

      • so tired of black tights already

        It’s great for . . . dark gray. Summer gray, not so much. Also, if you wear red and white in the summer, black and red just seems jarring. And if it’s equal amounts black / red / white, it just looks very . . . uniformy? Lots of harsh contrast?

        And black + color just is so . . . blocky?

        I think white is a much better neutral (as is tan), but at some point, it can read as harsh and give you limited options to punch up (like black textured items).

        I feel like fall is the beginning of my Goth phase.

        • Anonymous

          I switch to cranberry/wine tones in the fall as the combination seems less jarring then red + black.

          • so tired of black tights already

            I agree! I did that yesterday and I’m already feeling like Off Brand Airline Stewardess.

    • Anon

      Spanx opaque tights come in other colors and they are usually a bit cheaper than black on amazon. How about some brown tights, charcoal gray, navy? Or for non-neutrals, plum, olive green, or a bluer Blue than navy?

      • Veronica

        yes! plum, maroon, burgundy are all super versatile. grey, both charcoal and a lighter grey (dove grey?). Camel can work, but if it’s close-ish to your skin tone it can look weird. forest green is another good one, as is dark teal, or a blue-leaning purple. In general, jewel tones and darker colors. Mustard if you’re feeling super wild. I get all my tights from Hue (I prefer non-control top, but there are also control top options). We Love Colors also has lots of … colors.

        • Anonymous

          +1. So many tights options now. Colors and textures abound. Plus nude hose still work. No reason to be stuck in a rut. Just need a hosiery upgrade!

      • Anonymous

        +1

        I have a nice collection of navy, grey (charcoal and heather) and deep burgundy. I wear them with color matching shoes (usually suede pumps or suede booties) for a long leg line. Or I wear with matching skirt color for a long leg line that way, with a contrasting neutral shoe color (often black).

        • Anonymous

          Black, navy or grey….. and the shades need to work well together…. and then I make sure my skirt has a lot of burgundy or is all burgundy (unless the shoes are burgundy…. then the skirt is contrasting)…. and then my tops/sweater have to be simple and pull it all together.

          I also love a monochrome look of tights/dress (I do all navy) with a pop of color in the shoes that coordinates with the cashmere cardigan.

          You don’t want too many colors, or too color block-y.

    • Carrots

      Can you also play with the patterns you get on your black tights? Not always fishnets, but I’ve seen some nice knitted patterns on tights in Target.

      • so tired of black tights already

        I feel this that is the only option here — Playing with Textures of Black Items. And maybe boots.

    • Rainbow Hair

      Depending on your commute, can you just wear bare legs?

      I am sure I sound like a maniac, but sometimes you can just skip the tights. Like if you’re just going one block from the train (or your car) to the office, and after that you’re inside all day…? You’ll be cold while you walk that block, but you will definitely survive. I run hot, I’ll admit. But in Chicago and NYC I’ve done that when I was just nauseated at the thought of wearing tights one more time (and when I didn’t have to walk to court).

      • so tired of black tights already

        I am pretty tough for a new active minutes in the cold outdoors. It’s my office — I can’t sit and freeze for 8+ hours straight. It’s so awful — it’s barely 70 (and I don’t turn on the AC until it’s above 80 indoors at night at home). I’ve gotten gooesebumps before (and my thyoid is completely normal).

        • Rainbow Hair

          Oooh. I was always in offices that countered the cold outside by being like 85 degrees inside, and then I would be cursing my fleece tights.

    • Anonymous

      Wear nude pantyhose (gasp!) They were invented for a reason. They are warmer than bare legs and they look fine if sheer. Exhibit A : Duchess Kate. And no I am not an old lady.

  7. Anon

    Good morning. It is windy here in the Bay Area. I am now officially frightened by wind. Last time this happened the north bay caught fire.

    • SMC-SD

      Thinking of you guys here in San Diego (where we have the heat, but so far not the wind). It has been 14 years this week since the Cedar fire and I still get nervous when October rolls around. Keeping my fingers crossed for your guys up north!

  8. Emma

    I interviewed for a position (lateral move – third year associate in midlaw). It was an informal lunch and I felt it went well. They responded to my thank you email saying they were interested but would be meeting other people. This was 10 days ago and I have had no news. Should I follow up? What do I say?

    • cbackson

      I would give it a bit more time – maybe let it get to two full weeks. Lateral hiring moves more slowly than entry-level hiring (you’re not dealing with NALP guidelines, people aren’t all on the same schedule, and the process is often run by the practice group instead of attorney hiring, so you have people who are trying to juggle their legal work with hiring). When you do follow up, I’d steer clear of anything that even hints at frustration with the wait and just say something like that you wanted to reaffirm how interested you are in the job and that if there’s anything else you can provide to help them make these decision, to let you know.

      Also, if you have any contacts at the firm and they haven’t made calls/sent emails on your behalf yet, now is a good time for them to do that.

    • anon

      I’d wait a little longer (maybe Thurs or Friday), and just send an email to someone you connected with reiterating your interest in the position. Hiring can take forever. I’ve watched my midsized firm hire attorneys and we drag the process out so badly its ridiculous. Even when we’re trying to move quickly, days and weeks pass in the blink of an eye. I know it feels like agony to a candidate. FWIW, I was the second choice candidate at my current firm, and they called me back 4 months after that to make me an offer because they had the work. So even if they fall in love with someone else, you never know.

  9. Nic + Zoe

    Can anyone speak to their quality? I’m considering a linen cardigan, but even on sale, it would be a huge splurge for me.

      • Anonymous

        For this in particular, I would be tempted to try to find something similar at a Forever 21 type store if I were on a budget (though it wouldn’t be made of linen).

        • Anonymous

          Not so much that- they’re nicely made and decent, I buy them. But if this is a big splurge for you I think their stuff isn’t all that special.

    • No Ivy

      I have their “4 way” cardigan, and while it is thin, it has stood up to heavy use as my “back of the chair” cardigan for the last year.

    • Anon

      I think it’s a notch above most department store brands in terms of quality. I’ve had a few pieces for years.

    • Anon

      I think if this would fill a specific hole in your wardrobe, you should get it. I find that when I’m trying to find a cheaper version of something I really want, I end up buying two or three cheaper versions and they’re not really what I wanted at the end of the day. Save money by buying fewer, better things.

    • NYNY

      I have two N&Z linen 4-way cardigans that are warm-weather workhorses for me. They hold up really well – have had 1 for 3 years, and wear it at least weekly from late spring through mid fall.

    • Anonymous

      This cardigan looks like it would be pretty fragile just by the nature of the fabric – it involves a lot of thin threads.

      • Anonymous

        My experience with linen shirts (and cardigans) is that they stretch out and bag, especially in the elbows. I avoid them for that reason.

    • Anonymous

      I have a few of their linen 4 way cardigans which are great during the summer. I haven’t been able to find anything else, at any price point, that fits as well when i only want light coverage for my arms. They are supposed to be hand wash only, but i put mine into a delicates bag and wash in the machine, then hang dry. For me, they were worth it. However, I am also so over buying stuff from my “typical” places, like AT, Jcrew, Banana, Loft, etc. So I am starting to be willing to spend a bit more.

    • Bonnie

      I really like Nic+Zoe dresses but always get them at Nordstrom Rack or on Amazon. IME their items are of good quality but not worth the full price. Though I don’t pay full price for anything…

    • SoCal

      I have both this particular “Sheer Nights” cardigan as well as the thin “4 way cardigan”.

      The “Sheer Nights” cardigan is one of my favorites and has gotten way more wear than I would have expected. It’s maybe a bit fragile due to the open thread work, but it doesn’t feel delicate at all. it’s got a really nice weight to it

      I don’t feel that the 4 way cardigan has held up well at all — it has snagged and needs steaming or pressing after laundering; I mostly wear it because its super light weight and covers my arms in the office, while not being complete ridiculous with it being 94 degrees outside.

  10. small suiting

    I posted a few months ago asking for recommendations for small suit sizing. I’m very thin but not petite and I can’t fit in most common stores smallest size (I can sometimes fit into JCrew’s 000 but it’s iffy). I got a few great recommendations for UK brands- Reiss, Hobbs, etc., but now I’m looking for some at a lower price point. I splurged on a Reiss dress and it was so worth it, but I need a new suit, and I just cant do it at Reiss prices. I’ve stalked their sale too and while it helps, most of the small sizes are gone by then. I currently get blazers at H&M and Express, but I’d love to have a few more places to shop from (because both are going through a meh workwear season). Any ideas?

    • Anonnymouse

      Theory has really good petite suiting. A bit on the pricey side but worth it imo. Zara is good too.

    • Anonymous

      Tailoring may be your friend here, depending on what you need altered. If the shoulders of the jacket fit but you need the skirt sized down and the waist of the jacket taken in, that wouldn’t be too pricey.

      • Busybee

        This. I am petite and very thin, and I have come to accept the fact that I simply have to have my suits tailored. Otherwise they’re too big in the bust and arms. I just factor it into the cost of buying a suit

    • Anonymous BigLaw Associate

      I am a small size and have luck with Theory (size 0, with the jacket taken in a little) and Boss (size 2). I am very tall and both fit my length wise, so if you are petite you may need some tailoring. I see someone above says Theory has petite sizing, not sure about Boss. Boss quality is better imo.

  11. Carrots

    Not looking for specific medical advice, but who I should be asking about this I guess. I’ve noticed that my hands and feet are falling asleep more often. Not all the time, but more noticeably than before. I had an IUD inserted in August and noticed it started happening in the last few weeks. Not sure they’re related, but that’s the only thing that’s changed medically recently that I can think of. I don’t have a PCP, but do regularly visit my OB-GYN and a dermatologist.

    • Anonymous

      Sounds like it’s a good time to find a PCP. OB and derm are not appropriate to help with this issue, and a PCP barely is. It is a neurologic question. It is not a typical side effect of an IUD or hormonal changes. Probably just a coincidence. But can happen more with pregnancy/weight changes/water changes.

      But start with a PCP, and they might ask for more history about your complaint, decide if they should check basic lab tests and a B12 level/thyroid etc.., and refer you to a neurologist if an explanation isn’t clear.

      By the way… does anyone in your family have this issue? It is quite common, and can run in families (a type of inherited neuropathy), but is usually quite benign. Just be careful about not crossing your legs for too long, use a good computer keyboard/ergonomics for your hands/wrists, and don’t lean on your elbows for too long.

      When I move to a new city and don’t have a PCP, I look around at women I work with more senior than me that I respect for being critical with good judgement, and ask for their recs. And I ask if they can recommend a PCP. You should have one!

    • anonymous

      I know you didn’t ask for advice, but I get this as a side effect of a medicine I take, and the remedy is to eat bananas (for the potassium). Perhaps you are low in potassium and just need a banana?

    • Anonymous

      Definitely go see a GP. I was having a similar issue, and it turns out it happens when your Vit D is low. Not saying yours is low, but I would have never known without a full blood work up.

  12. Biz Travel Newbie

    I have my first week-long work trip coming up and I’m wondering what to pack in. I have a 7-year-old carry-on that I could use but I’m thinking about springing for something new. I will have to bring a couple suits… should I just try to pack them as neatly as possible and then hang them as soon as I arrive? I’m a total newbie at business travel- do you have any other tips?

    • Anonymous

      I find it challenging to pack for an entire week in a carry-on if I am taking workout or after-work clothes. Whether you carry on or check your luggage, a suitcase with a built-in suit folder or a garment bag will help protect your suits and dresses against wrinkling. Travelpro makes a 22-inch carry-on with a suit folder. Hang all your work clothes immediately upon arrival.

    • Anon

      I roll everything, suits included. If you’re buying a new piece of luggage I suggest a super lightweight hard sided spinner. Make sure it fits the new smaller carry on dimensions. 7 years old is probably out of date on that.

      • Anon

        One more tip – get some drugstore compression socks and wear them on the plane. I always wear knit pants on the plane with these socks (mine look like nude hose – not going to win any fashion awards but neither do swollen feet the next day)

        • Tech Comm Geek

          +100 on the compression socks. I did not expect it to make such a difference, but wow!

      • Anon

        Different Anon. I also travel with suits and I roll everything and then steam anything that is wrinkled in the shower the first night. I always felt like the garment compartment took up too much room.

    • Anon

      Road Warriorette has decent advice. I travel a lot and the following are essentials:
      – First aid kit: nothing fancy, just a ziplock bag with bandaids, cough drops, allergy medicine, Tylenol, and Pepto-Bismal.
      – Portable phone charger
      – Clothes that are not work clothes or pajamas, that I can wear around the hotel or to run quick errands
      – Related, bring a pair of flip flops or casual sneakers you can wear around the hotel
      – See if your hotel will have steamers available. If not, consider getting a travel steamer
      – Sign up for the hotel’s loyalty program. Even if you don’t expect to use it much, you’d be surprised at the benefits even the free level might get you
      – Bring something entertaining so you don’t spend 24/7 working. Some of my colleagues bring grown-up coloring books or face masks.

    • Houda

      If I have to wear suits and it’s only one week, my ideal scenario is to pack a multi piece suit: blazer, pants, dress and skirt all in the same fabric.
      Then 5 silk blouses (they are easier to steam), extra stockings, 1 leggings for late night work / meditation / receiving room service, 3 comfy tops and pajamas.
      I gave up on working out.
      It s also worth checking what amenities are offered at your hotel.
      By now I know what toiletries to pack depending on the hotel e.g. I don’t like x shampoo so will bring my own, or this body lotion is not moisturizing enough etc.
      Also remember if you forget something, most 5 star hotels can give you products such as pads, toothbrush, mouthwash etc.
      The things you always need to pck extra are medicine, hosiery, underwear, your favorite teabags if that’s your thing
      I have an 80% travel job and packing is a lot of fun once you get the hang of it.

      • Biz Travel Newbie

        This is great. I asked down thread as well– but would you only bring 1 suit (with pants and a skirt) for the entire week if you had to wear the suit 5 days in a row? I was planning on bringing 2, but that adds so much bulk to the suitcase.

        • Anon

          If it contained all the pieces Houda mentioned, one would probably be ok. If it was just jacket and pants/skirt, I would bring two.

          • Anon

            Although, are you traveling in a suit as well because then there is less to pack. I would always fly Monday morning so I traveled in my work clothes but I know if you are traveling the day before, you probably aren’t wearing the suit on the plane.

        • Houda

          If it is a consulting week (mon-thu) i guess you can wear pants two days and the skirt 2 days with fresh tops every day. I have done it before but mostly because i wear long sleeve blouses to work in the team room then only put on my jacket for meetings.
          What has worked best for me is to wear sleeved work dresses from Tahari and Hugo Boss which don’t need a jacket. This works for 90% of my client meetings except the very first one where I am gauging the client culture.

      • Anon

        I bring at least one other appropriate outfit or jacket because I worry taht something will happen to my one jacket and then you’re totally out of luck.
        I also always bring some snacks – granola bars or peanut butter crackers – in case meals happen at funny times or you are in a very different time zone.

    • Anon

      If you are thinking about checking your bag and are traveling with colleagues, see if they are planning to do so as well. I am a consultant and I travel a lot, often Mon-Thurs week after week, and nothing annoys my bosses more than a newbie who checks their bag because then everyone has to wait for that one bag. Often we are flying in that morning and rushing to a meeting so there may not be time budgeted for waiting for checked bags.

      • Houda

        Fellow consultant: I will leave the newbie at the airport and go to the client. That 20 extra min can mean I get 15 more min at night to just put on a face mask and sip tea.

      • Biz Travel Newbie

        I like that Brooks Brothers technique. I will have to try that. I have a small steamer that I keep in my office at work that is technically for travel, but it would take up quite a bit of space. I’m debating whether I need that or can get away with using steam from the iron in the hotel…

        • Anon

          I just turn the shower on as hot as it goes, hang my clothes from the shower curtain and any hooks available, and shut the door for 30 minutes. If it has a tub, make sure the water is on the shower head, not the tub faucet.

    • Anonymous

      Downy makes a travel sized version of their wrinkle release spray. It’s my best friend on travel when I don’t have time to iron or steam my suits before wearing them.

        • Anonymous

          +1 I spray it on and also hang item in bathroom when I shower. The steam + spray minimizes or eliminates ironing for most of my travel. I also pack ponte and polyester.

        • Anonymous

          I love this stuff. It also has a light scent so it can “freshen” your clothes. Helpful when you may have lingering odors from a restaurant or travel and need to re-wear the item.

    • Rainbow Hair

      Bring a change of shoes – something you wouldn’t be ashamed to wear on a walk with colleagues, to the airport, etc. I am great at heels but sometimes it’s like “surprise walk to lunch! surprise walk to dinner! surprise walk back to the hotel!” and next thing you know you’ve done 6+ miles in heels each day.

      Depending on how fancy you need to be, thick jersey dresses pack well and won’t wrinkle. I sometimes top a black jersey dress with a snappy, colored blazer and feel pretty cool.

      • Biz Travel Newbie

        Jersey dresses sound wonderful, but I will be in depositions and depo prep all week and will be wearing suits daily. I’m thinking I can get away with alternating 2 suits for the week. I don’t need to travel in one of them since I have to fly in Sunday night (bummer), so I was planning on packing both. Sounds challenging to do in a carry-on…

        • Rainbow Hair

          I think you can do this!

          Jacket
          Jacket
          Skirt/Pants
          Skirt/Pants
          Top
          Top
          Top
          Unders
          Tee for sleeping
          Heels

          Wear jeans + comfy shoes + presentable shirt on the plane (and a warm layer as necessary). With the three tops and two suits you should be fine for the week. Wear the same jeans and presentable shirt on the plane ride home, and any time you are doing something casual (or, if you’re me and feel like once a shirt is worn to fly it must be washed, throw in one extra shirt).

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I can do a week in a carry-on IF I’m realistic about how many non-work clothes and shoes I actually need. If I recognize that really, the odds of me working out more than twice are zero, and I’m just going to wear the same pair of jeans in the evening for 3 days, it’s doable. I’d pack two suits that you have both pants and a skirt for so you can wear both. Wear a blazer on the plane to save space. Also, a travel-sized steamer is key for me. Though I follow the Brooks Brothers directions above on how to fold blazers and they usually aren’t too wrinkled.

        • anne-on

          +1 – I like the 7 minute workouts app – can all be done in a hotel room with no special gear (including gym shoes, which I rarely have room to pack).

  13. Anonymous

    I imagine some of the ladies here may have experienced this so I’d appreciate your thoughts — went from having low iron stores to being actually anemic (mildly — had a LOT of bleeding after a minor procedure and a blood test days later showed mild anemia). So 2 questions:

    (1) Are there iron supplements that you take that aren’t terrible on the stomach? Already have stomach issues (GERD etc) so I’m not looking forward to iron — and my dr. has said that people have issues with iron.

    (2) Are there foods that you found actually work for you to raise levels? Have had 1-2 servings of beef in each of the last 2 weeks though I’m not sure if that’s enough. I’m from an eastern culture where people swear by eating dates daily — I’ve been having 2-3 per day but again, who knows if that’s enough. I have others telling me eat dark chocolate (apparently Hersheys special dark has 20% of your DV of iron). I don’t mind doing food supplements at all though I don’t want to rely on that for the next few months only to find that oh — it didn’t matter bc while spinach (or whatever) has a ton of iron, your body doesn’t absorb that type of iron.

    How would you handle? I’d like to nip this in the bud bc I feel like the more values on these types of things, the more/longer you end up needing to supplement (at least that was my experience with vitamin D a few yrs ago).

    • Anonymous

      I take Sundown Naturals Perfect Iron, has corrected mild iron deficiency with no stomach issues

    • Anonymous

      When I was pregnant and had hyperemesis and anemia my doctor recommended Slow Fe iron supplements taken at night. I was able to tolerate them.

    • No Problem

      1-2 servings of beef per week? That’s probably not enough. Ask your doctor.

    • Lilac

      Lentils are your friend. Healthy, environmentally friendly and lots of iron. (Typing as I currently eat my lentil salad I brought for lunch)

    • Anonymous

      VitronC.

      Over the counter. Both of my parents have taken it when needed. No constipation. No upset stomach. Has vitamin C to improve absorption. Don’t take with a lot of calcium containing foods/supplements, as this can interfere with absorption. Take with food, or without. Whatever you prefer.

      We ask the Costco pharmacy to order it for us.

    • Seattle Freeze

      I struggle with low iron whenever I’m running regularly. To quickly build up your iron stores, look for heme (animal) sources if you’re not vegetarian. For supplements, liquid iron is going to be better absorbed than pills/tablets – it’s inexpensive and your pharmacist can order a big bottle for you. Take it in orange juice, and allow a few hours before or after calcium-rich foods/beverages.

      If dietary changes or supplementation don’t help, you might want to ask your doctor about an iron infusion – I don’t absorb iron well, and infusions worked very well to get my iron stores back up.

    • Anonymous

      Make sure you are hitting your daily value for iron everyday. Make sure you eat your iron with vitamin C in improve absorption – so a glass of orange juice with your lentil salad or steak. Incorporate iron at every meal. Avoid consuming calcium at the same time as you are eating iron. Calcium impedes iron absorption. *this doesn’t mean avoid calcium entirely.

      I have IBS and iron never bothered me when taken with food.

    • Sarabeth

      I take Floravital. For food, clams have a very high iron ratio. If you just want to use them as a supplement, buy a bag of frozen clams, then sautee a handful in butter once a day.

    • Anonymous

      Trader Joe’s high potency vitamin supplements. One of the few that don’t make me queasy.

  14. Anonymous

    Winter work wardrobe workhorses? Sorry if this has been asked a billion times.

    • AIMS

      -Cashmere sweaters. I especially like turtlenecks for really cold days and short-sleeved ones for wearing with suits. The Saks outlet usually has nice short-sleeved ones that I pick up when they’re on sale.
      -A pair of warm wool flannel pants. I also like the JCrew heavy wool skirts in the more sedate colors. Uniqlo has a really nice winter skirt option that looks really promising, too, right now.
      -A warm tweed jacket. My next goal is one of those really soft camel hair blazers. The one they have a Brooks Brothers looks perfect but their jackets usually don’t fit me quite right.
      -If you run cold, the heattech uniqlo shirts can be really great. I find the sleeved ones make me sweaty indoors though so I stick to camisoles and tights.
      -Also for commuting: I’ve really gotten into silk scarves for all but the coldest days. I commute by walking and subway and am always cold and hot, depending, and silk keeps me just as warm as wool but without making me itchy when I’m indoors but can’t remove my outer layers.

    • C

      Sweater dresses and boots. Loft has a sweater swing dress I’m considering adding for this year, but my office leans toward the casual side of business casual so YMMV.

        • C

          Without tights until it gets really cold. I’m in the South, so a sweater dress and boots in October usually means I don’t even need a coat. My arbitrary rule is that if it’s cold enough for a coat, it’s cold enough for tights.

    • Anonymous

      I keep it simple.

      Black booties. Simple classic leather, or weatherproof suede.

      Black knee high booties. Simple classic leather, or weatherproof suede.

      Additional booties, of a simple classic style, of a color that works with my palette. I have burgundy.

      Black, navy, deep burgundy tights.

      Ankle pants that work with my booties. Skirts that match my shoes/boots/tights.

      Cashmere scarves/throws. Black, grey, peacock blue for my color palate.

      Cashmere cardigans. Shorter, longer, flow-y. A few jardigans.

      Lots of white, black, black and white shirts/blouses to wear under cardigans.

      Some thin underlayer shirts from costco, if I need to layer more.

      I don’t wear many suits for my work, and my body is such that blazers require a lot of tailoring.

      A small space heater for my desk, with fingerless cashmere gloves.

      A fabulous wool blend knee length wrap coat – black. A fabulous black knee length down coat, with a belted waist and a shawl collar that actually looks chic. A fabulous shearling mid calf black coat with grey/white lining that peaks through. All bought on deep deep discount and will last…. a long time.

      • MKB

        Agreed – that is a fantastic wardrobe! What kind of coat is the down one? I could really use a fashionable WARM coat…

      • Anon

        Wait, if they’re knee high are they really booties anymore? (Caveat: I freaking hate the word booties; it really just rubs me the wrong way.)

        • Anonymous

          Mis-typed.

          Knee high booties = boots.

          I also have a pair of high shaft black suede booties (end just below mid-calf) that I love to wear with skirts. They hug my calf.

  15. Who to ask?

    Love the skirt. Not sure who I contact for this question: I inherited a moderate sum 9 years ago, of which part was in an IRA. I know nothing about finances and did not take out any distributions from the IRA. Now I have been informed I was supposed to take a yearly distribution and will have to pay a large penalty- how do I find out about this and what I should do? A CPA? A financial planner? I have neither yet… probably a very dumb question but I don’t know where to start!

    • Anonymous

      or a tax attorney – maybe one that deals in tax controversy work (dealing with IRS notices/penalties), rather than tax planning, but may be the same.

      • Anonymous

        A tax attorney or an estate planning attorney. Do not bother with a financial planner; this is a legal question.

    • Anonymous

      Ouch. I have paid large penalties in the past for contributing to an IRA inappropriately, and paying the penalty was painful…

      Do you normally do your taxes yourself, or work with an accountant?

      Honestly, you can work this out yourself. Read online, then call the IRS, and talk with a rep where your retirement account is held that you inherited. If you still don’t feel comfortable filling out the forms/paying the penalty, I’d probably start with my accountant if they have a strong tax knowledge and just go meet with one and ask questions. Sure, you can go to a tax or estate planning attorney. It will take them less than 1 hour to explain to you what to do, so make sure you know their hourly rate. Would cost more if you want them to fill out the forms for you. But I’m cheap so…

      https://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahljacobs/2014/01/10/what-happens-when-ira-inheritors-miss-a-key-deadline/#51d009d15967

      https://ttlc.intuit.com/questions/2852335-i-forgot-to-take-a-mandatory-distribution-from-an-inherited-ira-do-i-report-the-income-on-my-2014-tax-return-even-if-the-check-was-received-in-2015

    • NOLA

      I have a decedent IRA from my Dad and, because my Dad was over 70 when he died, I have to take money out of it every year. I chose to keep the IRA where my Dad had it (Merrill Lynch) and they carefully went over all of my options when I inherited it and told me that I would need to start taking a distribution the following year (my Dad had already taken money out of it the year he died). I’m really surprised that this wasn’t explained to you by whomever was managing the IRA when you inherited it. I had no idea what it was, so I relied on them for information. As for dealing with the fallout, perhaps a CPA who is also a tax attorney (mine was both).

      • NYCer

        This is exactly right. If the person who died was taking required minimum distributions when he/she died (i.e., was over 70), then you have to continue taking the distributions (but stretched over your lifetime not the deceased person’s).

        You can withdraw the entire balance sooner, but it would be included in your income in the year you take the lump sum.

    • Chris

      I am very surprised that the company managing this account didn’t notify you about the required distributions. I think this is a major oversight on their part, and my first call would be to them to find out why you weren’t notified and whether they are going to step up and help with any penalties. Every investment manager should have procedures in place for making sure required distributions are occurring.

      • Agree

        I work in a financial planning firm and if we missed the Required Minimum Distribution for a client we would be paying the penalty on their behalf. Even for an inherited IRA. And even if you aren’t working with an investment advisor, the custodian holding the account should have policies in place to make sure this doesn’t happen. You should start there.

  16. Savings

    What are your savings goals and where are you keeping your savings??

    When to open a taxable brokerage account? I max out a 401k offered through work as well as an IRA. Husband maxes out an IRA and also has a pension through his union. We have 4-6 months of emergency savings in cash. Our savings goals are a little nebulous, mostly travel and baby. We just saved up and bought a (cheap, used) car in cash. We own a house with a reasonable mortgage. We want to have a baby next year, and have been stashing around 500 month away for that, with the goal of 5k saved before baby comes. And we try to throw extra money into a travel fund, usually a few hundred a month, in order to take 2 trips a year.

    We can keep the above emergency cash/short-term savings, and move 5-7k into a taxable brokerage account, then contribute maybe 300-500 a month to it. Should we do that? Our retirement accounts are earning crazy returns right now; and it’s sad to see our savings sit in a regular bank account earning next to nothing.

    I realize we can open a 529 for future baby, put it in our name until baby is born, then roll it over to a baby’s name. But it seems weird to do that before even TTC. Should we also open a 529 and just contribute a small amount, in addition to a taxable brokerage?

    If we open a brokerage account, we’d manage it ourselves and invest in mutual funds or ETFs. Our HHI is 165k in a really HCOL, and we’re only looking to invest moderate amounts, so it seems unncessary to get a financial advisor.

    Just so curious as to how other people are managing their savings!

    • anon

      Post this exact question on Mr. Money Mustache forum and you’ll get great feedback. Most people will probably say open a Vanguard taxable account and put the money in VSTAX.

    • Anon

      Goal is 1M in net worth by the time I (the younger of us) turn 35. We are at 850k now and I turn 34 this year. We had a really good couple of income years followed by a much slower year with good market returns. We’ll definitely hit our goal if we don’t Reno the basement, but that’s a hot debate in my house lately.

      Retirement accounts, then our long term savings accounts in a schwab invested in the market (mainly index funds). Our hefty emergency fund (we swap back and forth unemployment and high paying jobs…) is in a “high” yield savings account. It also serves as our home Reno savings account (we never dip below our target for our emergency fund but things above that go to the Reno work).

      529s for each kid (my name, them as beneficiaries) but we only plan to put about 33-50% the cost of college into those as whomknows what they will do. We have 3 kids.
      We have an old HSA that has $7k in it, too.

      • Anonymous

        Impressive. Is your overall goal early retirement? Haven’t looked into FIRE too closely but I’m imagine someone with a 1M net worth at 35 is probably on track to not work until 65 if they don’t want to. Though I don’t know if it cuts the duration of work down to early 60s, mid 50s etc.

        • Anon

          Our goal is really to have the flexibility to wind down around 55 or when the kids are out of college (last one is coming this April, so it might be 56 or so…). I’ll probably move into a second career, DH will probably just “do hobbies.”

          Our house is a big chunk of the net worth (of course excluding what we owe), but so are our retirement assets. We are at about 450k combined for retirement, 150 or so of that in roth. We’ve been saving for retirement carefully since 22, and doing things like taxing the tax hit of Roth early on even though we were pretty broke.

    • Anonymous

      We have one child and are not saving in a 529. The plan is to prioritize tax-advantaged retirement savings, then pay for college out of current income and/or general non-tax-advantaged savings. The tax benefits of a 529 just aren’t worth the risk. What if she gets a merit scholarship to one of our excellent state schools (a reasonable possibility) and then gets a fully funded offer to a PhD program?

    • Anonymous

      I think opening a 529 before the child is here is a bit crazy. It can only be used for education and 18 years is generally plenty of time to save for college, especially considering you’ll have millions of opportunities to use your savings on your child before then (diapers, nursery furniture, daycare).
      We didn’t do anything before TTC. Once we got a positive pregnancy test, we stuck some extra money in our emergency fund and HSAs, anticipating additional medical expenses and that our definition of “six months of living expenses” would change. Other than that, we didn’t save anything special, and we pay bills, including big bills like daycare, out of our paychecks as they arise without dipping into savings.

  17. Anonymous

    Ouch. I have paid large penalties in the past for contributing to an IRA inappropriately, and paying the penalty was painful…

    Do you normally do your taxes yourself, or work with an accountant?

    Honestly, you can work this out yourself. Read online, then call the IRS, and talk with a rep where your retirement account is held that you inherited. If you still don’t feel comfortable filling out the forms/paying the penalty, I’d probably start with my accountant if they have a strong tax knowledge and just go meet with one and ask questions. Sure, you can go to a tax or estate planning attorney. It will take them less than 1 hour to explain to you what to do, so make sure you know their hourly rate. Would cost more if you want them to fill out the forms for you. But I’m cheap so…

    https://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahljacobs/2014/01/10/what-happens-when-ira-inheritors-miss-a-key-deadline/#51d009d15967

    https://ttlc.intuit.com/questions/2852335-i-forgot-to-take-a-mandatory-distribution-from-an-inherited-ira-do-i-report-the-income-on-my-2014-tax-return-even-if-the-check-was-received-in-2015

  18. Oops

    I threw on a dress this morning that fit well last year without realising that it’s now borderline for work. Specifically, it emphasizes my bum in a way that I’d be comfortable with in public, but doesn’t quite toe the line at the office. Naturally, I didn’t realize this until I got here and I have a fairly significant meeting this afternoon. I have a cardigan and a scarf at my desk, neither of which will help the situation. The only retail within reasonable driving distance is Target and Old Navy, but I have a lot going on and taking the time to go shopping at lunch would throw a wrench in my day.
    So I’m taking a poll- Do I try to find a new outfit (or long cardigan?) at lunch or do I just own the fact that I look slightly more b00tylicious than usual today?

    • Anonymous

      Own it. Presumably you are sitting at your meeting most of the time anyway so it’s more the top half of your outfit that matters.

    • anon

      Don’t worry about it for a second. Seriously. Just own it. Focus your energy on preparing for your meeting.

    • Anon

      Are you going to be walking around/presenting at the meeting, or just coming into a conference room and taking a seat? If the latter, I doubt anyone would notice (if there is anything even to notice as anon above said)?

    • Anonymous

      Can you control the timing of your meeting — arrive a few min earlier and already be seated when people come in? And be one of the last ones to get up and leave?

    • Rainbow Hair

      Definitely just own it. Anyone who is looking closely at your tush should not be judging *you* for anything related to it.

      • Tiniest office heater

        Exactly!

        If it makes you feel better, wear the cardi &/or scarf to draw attention upwards, but really, the focus should be on your work.

    • Anon for this

      Not idea but commiseration. I realized (after I got to work wearing said dress) that the dry cleaner shrank my dress. It was below the knee and is now just above the knee, which is fine, but the bust button keeps popping open. I’m so embarrassed.

    • Anon

      Do you have flat shoes you can change into? I find that helps a lot with things that are unexpectedly too short or tight. Less va va voom.

  19. Anonymous

    I’m apartment hunting, and a prospective landlord asked me to complete a generic Zillow application, which asks for the bank/institution for my checking and savings accounts, separately, and amounts in each account. It also asks for amounts of debt owed, which I know is on my credit report. The landlord also stated he will run a credit/background check. He also asked for my most recent paystub.

    I feel uncomfortable sharing this information about my bank accounts. I’ve never encountered it before, and I’ve lived in 6 apartments. Is this a new thing? I’m surprised because its a Zillow form, clearly downloaded from the Internet, but it seems inappropriate to share with someone who may not even be my landlord.

    For context, the apartment is only $850/mo! Its not a luxury place. I can absolutely afford the rent, but I don’t see the need to share my personal financial information with a stranger.

    • Anonymous

      Completely normal thing to ask. This person isn’t a stranger, they are your future landlord, and it’s completely standard that they aren’t just going to take your word for it.

      • Anonymous

        OP here: He is a stranger until I’m approved. I went to see the aparment last weekend, and there were 5 otehr people looking at it. The landlord is a 25 year old who works at a used car lot and recently bought a 3 family tenement to live in 1 floor and rent out the other 2. I’m sure he printed this application off the Internet, but I still feel uncomfortable giving this much personal information about my checking/savings when he’ll already have my paystub, credit report, background check, and Housing Court search to ensure I haven’t been evicted.

        I may go the redacted route. Thanks for the suggestion.

          • Anonymous

            Are you dense? Because she’s employed and he ran a credit check. Bank account number + balance isn’t necessary unless there is some reason to doubt the other info.

          • Anonymous

            Do you live in Boise? Every landlord I’ve rented from in NYC has required this.

          • Anonymous

            Not in Boise.

            Have lived in 6 different major cities in 3 different countries in the last 15 years and I’ve never had a bank account balance/account number request. Credit check/pay stub should be sufficient for a reasonable landlord for a low cost apartment.

        • Anonymous

          I live in the Boston area and also lived in the Raleigh-Durham area. First I’ve seen this.

          • Anon

            Boston renter, here, with lots of landlords under my belt: check stubs and credit check are standard. Bank accounts and balances? NFW.

          • Anonymous

            MN here – never had anyone ask me for bank account balances or paystubs that I can recall. Credit check, sure.

          • Anon

            Also, if they require rent payments by check (often my landlords do), then they also get account numbers on the checks. And they they know my account balances? No way. I feel like this is one of those scenarios from a mandatory ‘credit fraud prevention’ module they make us take semi annually at my company when they say “Sally did X, Y, Z. What did Sally do wrong?”

    • AIMS

      I’ve blocked out all but the last 4 digits of accounts in the past and explained that I would be happy to provide actual statements if I’m approved and we move forward.

    • ...

      They’re looking for proof that you won’t move in on one month’s rent and then never pay again, forcing them to spend months to evict you. Maybe you can offer to show a bank statement and pay stub plus your credit score and then, if you are approved for the apartment, you’ll provide the rest if necessary? I do understand that it feels weird and I’ve turned down places requiring it. I just didn’t feel right with them always having access to check my accounts or that everyone with access to the office filing cabinet could do so.

    • Anonymous

      Is the application asking for account numbers, or just the balances? Balances are reasonable, account numbers definitely not.

      • Anonymous

        Asking for the name of the institution and the amount on the application. Maybe I’m being overly cautious because my checking has been hacked twice. Both times I got the money back, but it took a few weeks. I also feel awkward given that I’m positive I have more money in checking/savings than the landlord himself. I’m looking to rent because I’m recently divorced and want something safe and cheap while I figure out my next move.

        • Anonymous

          “I also feel awkward given that I’m positive I have more money in checking/savings than the landlord himself.”

          So what?? This has nothing to do with anything. How will the landlord know you can easily pay unless you show him proof? This is a completely reasonable thing for a landlord to ask for, even for an apartment that costs less than $1000/month, and you sound ridiculously snobby.

        • Anonymous

          You’re being weird and judgmental and full of yourself and should just live somewhere else.

          • Anonymous

            OP, I’m sorry that you’re getting these harsh comments; I think a troublemaker is on the forum today. Please do not take it personally.

          • Anon

            What? There’s no troublemaker. OP thinks she shouldn’t have to provide financial information to a landlord because she think she makes more money than him. This is snobby and judgmental and also irrelevant! Is the landlord supposed to know she’s rich because of how she dresses or something? Of course a landlord wants proof that his renter can afford the apartment. Her question was silly and her follow-up posts defending her position that she shouldn’t have to turn over any financial info were even sillier.

          • Anonymous

            She’s not refusing to turn over any financial information! He has pay stubs and a credit report.

            Some people (rightly) think that enough is enough, and that we aren’t obligated to put everything about our lives out there for the world to see. There are real concerns about security. That this guy owns a building doesn’t mean he won’t target the OP for theft – or even that he will safeguard her information.

            First, last, security, proof of employment, and credit report. Maybe a reference from the former landlord. If you can’t figure it out with that, you are the problem, not the person refusing to turn over reams of confidential information.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve had to supply bank account statements & pay stubs for every apartment I’ve rented in my own name, beginning in 2008 or so. Bank account statements won’t have the whole number printed on them, it will be like ******1234 or something like that. How else will they know you’re good for the rent? You may know that you have plenty of money to cover it, but it’s reasonable that they want proof. $850 may be nothing to you, but believe me it is not nothing to the majority of Americans and there are plenty of people who default on smaller rents.

      • Mpls

        I’ve never had to provide either. Pretty sure I’ve signed off on a credit check for most of the places, but never bank stmts or a paystub. Granted, it’s been 6 years since I’ve been apartment hunting, but don’t think it’s changed that much.

        This is so different by state, i think.

    • Veronica Mars

      Yeah, this is normal. You can also ask if you can provide proof of income instead. For my first apartment, I took my job offer letter (which showed my gross salary) as well as a recent paystub with my info partially blacked out. That secured me the apartment.

      • Anonymous

        He also asked for my last paystub, which I’m happy to provide. So, I’m already giving this information, in addition to the credit check/background check/Housing Court check to make sure I haven’t been evicted. I’ve typically provided a paystub only.

        • emeralds

          Well, there are people who make a lot of money who blow it all on meaningless crap and still end up living paycheck-to-paycheck. Just because he’s asking for different information than you’ve provided in the past, doesn’t mean that he’s wrong.

          It also seems like you really don’t want to tell this guy who you bank with, or how much money is in your accounts. And that’s fine! You don’t have to provide him with anything–you just don’t get the apartment he’s renting.

    • Anon

      Yikes, I have never ever done more than indicate my salary is X dollars and then they just call my employer to confirm. My landlord is a moron (daddy owns the building) and I can’t imagine that kid having access to any of my personal information.

      • Anon

        If they’re running a credit check on you, which most landlords do, don’t they have way more information about you than if you just tell them where you bank??

        • Anon

          Yes. Providing bank statements with the numbers blacked out doesn’t give them any info they can use to steal your identity.

          • Anon

            I never signed permission for them to run a credit check so as far as I’m aware the moron who runs my building knows almost nothing about me. My old building and my work provided great references and thats all it took

    • Anonymous BigLaw Associate

      We have generally been asked for but never provided account numbers, but will provide bank statements with account numbers redacted. Never had a complaint/trouble getting an apartment doing that.

    • sf anon

      I’ve had to do this for every apartment/house I’ve applied for in the Bay Area over the last 15 years. I never provide actual bank account number, but do provide bank name and amount in account in that date.

  20. Anon

    How do you all address discussing semi-important, larger lead time items with your spouse/significant other? For example, looking ahead to 2018, planning if/when to take a “big trip” vacation and what, if any significant house/landscaping projects to take on. We’re usually really good about communicating and being on the same page as each other, but seem to have trouble really focusing on planning stuff from scratch without me feeling like a nag or making it seem like some sort of business/work decision.

    My husband and I are already committed for three weddings and associated bachelor parties and bachelorette parties, and at least one long weekend family trip to visit inlaws. Neither one of us like travel planning from scratch, which is likely part of the problem (tell us dates and the hotel for a wedding – we’re there! anything less than that – not so much). While we will certainly be traveling to various locations for these weddings, etc., if we wanted to do a trip that was just us and involved more than a long weekend, I would like to start getting it together sooner than later and book flights, etc.

    Same with house projects (e.g., repainting the outside of the house, doing a complete landscaping overhaul (would would be like $15k+)) – just trying to determine what his priorities are vs. mine and make sure generally we’re on the same page. And, if anything, my husband cares more about how our house looks and what the landscaping looks like than I do, so making this decision entirely on my own is not a good idea.

    We don’t have kids, so we’re not bound by school vacations or similar. TIA!

    • Anonymous

      I think you’re overthinking this. Do you want to take a big trip with your husband in 2018? If so tell him that and ask what months would be good for his schedule and what destinations he’s interested in. Once you know when he’s available and where you mutually have an interest in going, I think you can start trip planning and ask him to confirm things sound good before you book anything. I don’t see this as nagging at all. If the issue is how do you allocate your fun money, then I think just ask him that? “Hey, what do you think we should spend our discretionary income this year? Would you rather take a trip just us two, or since we’re already traveling a lot for all these weddings, would you rather do a home project instead?”

    • Torin

      I’m not sure I understand the question…? Just … ask what he thinks about each of these things…?

      • Anon

        the question is more – how do you bring up these discussions with your spouse so that you make sure you’re on the same page? When do you talk about them? And then the actual act of planning – like literally, do you sit down and go over what you want to do? do you have your husband come prepared with ideas of where he wants to go or what landscapers you want to use? It sounds too much like the conference calls we both have all day at work.

        I think we’d both like to take a big trip, we both just HATE travel planning, and yes, even reaching out to contact a travel agent is something we dislike having to do (it took us 3+ years to plan our honeymoon, and that was with a the help of a travel agent who was willing to bend over backwards to plan for us). And, since we already have weddings, etc., booked, is he even thinking about taking an additional trip with just the two of us? We both work intense jobs, usually not getting home until 8 or 9 at night, and are running around doing errands on the weekends that I just feel like when I think about these things, it’s randomly during the day and then I don’t feel like dealing with them when I am home.

        We honestly just are really, really bad with stuff like this, so while I may be over thinking it, I’m literally wondering how other couples are able to say, “oh yeah, in 2018 we’re going to Spain for a week in March and then to the beach in July and then an extended family vacation over labor day.” Funds and budgeting for it aren’t necessarily a problem, it’s actually deciding and planning.

        • AIMS

          Just bring it up over dinner. Like, “hey I know we have X, Y, and Z planned for next year but what do you think about taking a big trip apart from that?” and then that can lead to ideas of where you want to go, how much you’d be comfortable spending, when you should aim to travel, etc.

          Next, you can say “so I looked up A and B destination and looks like tickets are much cheaper for A…” and so on.

          I’m not a big planner so I wouldn’t plan a trip this far out as far as buying tickets and getting hotels but you can certainly set some travel alerts, etc., so you can get tickets when they go on sale and so on.

          • Pompom

            +1

            Honestly, I look at the more business-y end of marriage–like these things–like I would at work, with a lot more personal consideration. Literally, schedule a meeting. But instead of a boardroom, it’s the dinner table or a bar or where ever. Have an agenda, but instead of a pre-printed agenda/google doc, have an opener like “let’s talk about next year: we have a lot of things coming up, and we should figure out vacations, home repairs, and wedding stuff now so we can plan ahead.” Have action items, but instead of formal checklists, “Ok, so I’ll look into the hotel options, if you want tor research chimney sweeps.”

        • Anon at 12:08

          I can tell you how it works for us – I care a lot about travel, so I’m motivated to decide that I want to go to Spain for a week in March and I check with my husband to see if that works with him. If he says no, he’s not free in March or he doesn’t want to go to Spain, I come up with some alternative plans to propose to him. I don’t think I’m “nagging” him but I am the driving force behind planning our vacations, because I am the one that wants to travel.
          If you don’t feel this motivation, it sounds like maybe taking a big trip isn’t that important to you? Even if you have plenty of money, there’s no reason to travel if you don’t want to. If you are interested in traveling but have no interest in travel planning, that’s what a travel agent is for. But someone still has to be motivated to find the travel agent and sit down with them (probably several times) to hammer out the details of the trip. If this sounds like work, not fun, to both of you, then I say don’t do it. Find something else to spend your money on, or just stick in the bank.

        • Torin

          I just bring it up. At dinner, when we’re sitting around, whenever it pops into my head. Including over text, if during the middle of the day at work.

          • Anon

            +1 this is how we operate. No kids yet, so I’m sure the free time and mental energy will shift when it arrives in a few months, but right now it’s literally whenever it pops into our respective heads. Usually requires follow up but I mention it in the moment because one of us will remember it that night at dinner or in bed.

    • EB0220

      I completely understand your question. This may seem silly, but we planned monthly touchbases to talk about stuff like this. Otherwise, we would have general conversations but never get down to the details. We have kids and husband started a business so our free time is very limited. In your case, you may have enough free time together that there’s no specific time to discuss this stuff. Some people I know have a designated afternoon/evening each week or month where they sit down with a glass of wine and do something similar. For us, the workday works better since we’re both in front of out computers (calendars, google, etc) so we just do a webex once a month. YMMV of course but it works for us.

      • Anon

        Thank you – your response showed up as I was typing up my reply. It’s good to hear others actually set up a meeting!

        We have several general conversations, and have the same general goals. We encountered a similar obstacle with financial planning when we both started working after grad school – we both agreed “save money, max out retirement/HSA, better allocate the stocks in investments that we inherited” but other than that, we had no clear direction or did anything or had incentive to do anything. Now we have a financial planner who does a quarterly check in, so we’re forced to answer to a third party every three months about what we want to do with X or Y and who tells us if we’re on track with Z.

        • anonnymommy

          So you need to set this up with a travel agent. Quarterly check-ins. Have the travel agent coordinate ALL your travel – even for weddings with pre-set dates and hotels – and then any quarter in which you don’t have a vacation, instruct the travel agent to propose a 4-day trip.

    • Anonymous

      My husband is not an advance planner. His brain just doesn’t work that way and it unfortunately does result in me sometimes feeling like a nag. However, he has told me that he doesn’t perceive those comments as nagging. What tends to work best for us is I broach that we need to talk about Topic X (such as planning a vacation) and I’ll usually mention it for a week or two because he needs time to warm up to the idea and then on a Saturday or something we will make time to sit down and discuss. We do not see each other enough during the week due to his work schedule for us to discuss these kinds of things during the week. Do I love the fact that I’m always the one who has to bring these things up? No. It’s something that bothered me for a while, because in my house growing up both of my parents were advance planners. But we’ve been together for long enough that I recognize that we each have different strengths and just go with it.

    • H

      Are any of the weddings you’re planning on attending in cool locations? Maybe tack on some extra days before or after and that can be your vacation? Since neither of you like planning, this might be easier since presumably you know which airport to fly into and where at least a couple nights will be. Also, think about what you like to do together and whether any of those locations are conducive to those activities. Maybe do a couple of searches and present them to your husband? My husband hates planning so it falls on me and this is what I do.

    • Anonymous

      I hear you – we’re very similar.

      When we start talking travel, it’s usually just some out-loud daydreaming. Then later one of us will be like, “hey, what if we actually do that?” This leads to us being able to narrow down maybe two or three locations that really have caught our eye recently. At that point, I do one of two things: either hire a travel agent or start looking at flights myself. The travel agent will tell us what location is best given our timing, and if I’m just looking at flights to see what our options our, I can let best routes and fares dictate timing and exact spot and time.

      I have found, that once the travel agent is underway or I’ve gone ahead and booked flights, the rest really falls into place. Like you said – you have an outline or some initial structure at that point. It’s easier to fill in the gaps.

      The reality is, if I don’t start looking at flights or get the agent, it won’t happen. I know that about my husband. But, once I put that down, he’s great with activity ideas, hotels, etc. So it is a division of labor in its own right.
      We don’t do check ins or meetings about it or anything like that. It’s just sort of whenever it’s top of mind, or if I’m taking a break at work and see some interesting airfares, I just email them and then we discuss later. (Or that one time I saw a great fare and just bought it and sent the itinerary :) )

      Now, we’re also not those people who have our 2018 travel mapped out. I don’t even have my Thanksgiving plans settled yet. But there’s nothing wrong (depending on your work and other commitments of course) with saying you’re aiming for a “spring” trip, and sorting it out a few months in advance, if you’re willing to go with the flow a bit more. You might also want to sign up for those travel deal emails and sites – sometimes those can spur your planning.

    • tribble

      What’s wrong with it seeming like a business/work decision? It kind of is; it’s part of the business of running a household. You and your spouse are partners in that enterprise.

      Actually it might help both of you to think of this like developing a business plan for the year. No one LIKES putting together a business plan or budget or what have you. I don’t think most people think they’re particularly good at it, either. You do it because it’s part of adulting. Delegate which task each of you will take primary responsibility for, set a meeting (maybe over dinner and a bottle of wine), discuss what each of you has come up with, then execute.

    • CHL

      I totally understand this question too and am jealous of people that seem to have spouses that roll with the punches more. I love my husband dearly but I am a natural long-term planner and he gets very stressed out by thinking about the future it so if I want to do anything “big,” I consciously think about how far in advance to bring it up so that he has time to process. For major life things (marriage, kids, moving), my time horizon with him is three years. Then I scale down from there. I first bring it up by saying it’s something that I think we should think about, then we make a plan to think about it, then talk about it, sometimes there are lists. It’s exhausting but we get there:)

      • Anon

        thanks. I think it’s part realizing that this sort of advanced planning is “being an adult” and I didn’t see all the effort my mom went into to book trips, so that all I had to do was get in the car that was going to the airport. Or just that the people who did all the landscaping to my make my parents yard look amazing and worthy of all the photographs taken of it or all the various work they did around the house required serious discussions of vision, budget, priority, etc. that I wasn’t aware were happening.

        And @tribble, I guess there isn’t a problem with viewing it as a business meeting. I just usually separate work stuff away from spouse/family stuff. So, in my mind, I don’t want a work like structure to creep into my time with my husband.

        Mostly, I’m just glad to hear that other people have sit down meetings with their spouse. I wasn’t sure if that was a thing that actually happened.

        • Carine

          Yep. We definitely schedule meetings – sometimes we’ll meet at home and bring take-out for lunch, sometimes it’s an evening after dinner. We get out spreadsheets and calendars and just focus on whatever the major issues/plans/projects are. There’s really no other way for us to get through it! And it did take some time to realize that we had to be really intentional and proactive to be on the same page and organized – like, oh this is how we Adult.

        • Anonymous

          I’m not married; even so, i have to schedule these kinds of “meetings” for myself, or I never plan, and then I end up not taking vacations because i haven’t planned them or made allowances for them. It took me a long time to realize that I had to put work into vacations and holidays and life upgrades; they didn’t just happen.

    • Anon

      We ask each other when would be a good to “go over our calendars.” That leads to divvying up tasks. I write out both lists while we are doing that and leave his on his desktop so he can’t miss it.

    • ...

      they seem to have a patent on this, so it’s doubtful. too expensive for me but what a great idea!

  22. anon

    Random question, but what is considered a “light amount” of botox? I had a consultation and they described 18-20 units as “pretty light” but as I’ve never done it before, I don’t know how to judge that. Obviously my main concern is not looking weird and frozen.

    On that note, any good recommendations for someone in Chicago?

    • Wildkitten

      I went to Lincoln Park Aesthetics, got a light amount of botox (actually dysport) and it was about $400. My main issue was horizontal forehead lines, it might take fewer units if you’re just doing 11s? I forget how many units it was but I thought it was a really large number like 60… I picked them totally at random and am really happy with my results.

    • Anonymous

      I went to see Dr Kim at Northwestern twice and was very impressed, got Botox twice for uneven eyebrows. The first time I had 9 units and the second time, 15. I didn’t feel like he was upselling me and he made it look natural.

    • Anon for this

      It depends on how many areas but I agree that is on the lighter side.

      My cosmetic derm only does 10 units on the crease that was actually starting to develop on my forehead but when I saw my medical derm and asked her she recommended 40 units to prevent forehead lines and also to prevent deepening crows feet. (I have a high forehead prone to creasing.)

      I went ahead and did 40 units and everyone says I looks so relaxed and my skin looks lovely. People are surprised when I say that I’ve had Botox bc I still have plenty of movement for expression. It’s supposed to be preventative, not truly restorative, so start small and head off future problems.

      Or not. Just do you :)

      • anon

        This is helpful. Thank you. I have a crease between my brows that is the source of tension headaches and migraines. I used to be able to relax it and it’s more and more difficult. By the end of the week, my brows are sometimes sore to the touch. The crease is my main concern. I do not want to go to a neurologist for it because I think it will be overkill and I don’t want to look weird. I do have a very light horizontal line across the top that mostly comes out when I haven’t moisturized well. She mapped out essentially a V-shape from the crease between my brows up to my hair line distributing the 18-20 units because she said that on some faces only doing the crease can sometimes look ‘off’ given the way the facial muscles pull along the forehead.

    • AZCPA

      That is a light amount. I’ve had both more and less and found that the person injecting (so the where and how as opposed to the amount) is what makes the difference in looking good or frozen. The quantity for me just determines how long it lasts. I’m sure if I got tons that would not be the case, but the difference between 15 units and 25 units is purely in it lasting an extra month or two.

    • anon

      How long do you find it ‘lasts’? I’ve heard anywhere from 3-6 months. I ask because we would like to start TTC sometime next year and I would probably wait until 6 months after I did it… but is that enough time for it to be gone from your system? I know they don’t administer it while pregnant; I’m more asking how long until the injection should you wait before trying?

  23. Senior Attorney

    Help me chill out, ladies!

    Lovely Husband is having a milestone birthday on Thursday and I am throwing a big party for him. It’s a 70s disco party for about 100 guests and it’s going to be a blast but I am pretty anxious about the whole thing: Will there be enough food? Will people show up like they said they would? Will they all leave early and leave us staring at the empty dance floor? Will they think it’s dorky? Gah.

    Please… talk me down… I wasn’t nervous at all about my wedding but I’m kind of a wreck about this!

    • ELS

      It’s going to be amazing! You’ve planned all the details, and things will work out! From what I recall about your wedding posts, your party planning is on point — trust yourself. Your friends will show up and everyone will have a great time. And sometimes the “dorky” theme parties are the absolute best. You get to cut loose and not worry about looking dorky while dancing (is this just a me problem? I can’t dance to save my soul).

      And! Please wish Lovely Husband a happy birthday from us. :)

    • Anonymous

      They all showed up and had a great time at your awesome wedding, right? They are probably eagerly anticipating this party as the most exciting event of the season.

    • The Frenchie Is My Favorite Kid

      It will be great! A few people might not show up, a few people might show up with an unexpected “plus one” and everyone will have a lovely time :)

      I did a party for 70 people at my house last year and it was sort of mayhem but lovely and fun. With a guest list that large a few more or less won’t make a dent ;0 And the food people know how much food is needed so you are more likely to have too much than not enough.

      Sounds great!

    • Anon

      1) this sounds f-ing amazing

      2) close your office door, put in your earbuds, pick your favorite 70s tune, and have a dance party. And then try to tell me that you don’t feel better!

    • Davis

      How wonderful! You sound prepared, which is great, and come the night of your event focus on Lovely Husband and having a great time yourself! The best parties are when the hosts are enjoying themselves – it’s contagious!

    • cbackson

      I totally get Party Anxiety, so I feel you. It will be fine! You will be exhausted and happy! And I wish I could come because it sounds totally fun :-)

    • Senior Attorney

      Aw, thanks, ladies! These kind comments are just what the doctor ordered!

  24. Halloween

    Any recommendations for a good white button-down? I want to be Mary Poppins for Halloween, but if I’m buying a white button-down, I’d like to be able to wear it to work later on down the line too

    • Mary Poppins

      Also being Mary Poppins! I bought the Calvin Klein Oxford Cotton Casual Button Down from Lord and Taylor b/c I had a gift card. There is a Halogen one at Nordstrom that looks more similar to the styles from the movie, but its less classic so I didn’t want to buy it for a Halloween costume.

    • Chicagoan

      I saw a few bodysuit-style on the banana republic website. I haven’t tried them on myself (yet) but they look like a good solution to my chronic untucking problem.

  25. Salary Bump

    HELP LADIES S.O.S, I have been at my job about 10 months. I have been passively looking because I am very underpaid for my industry and experience. My plan was to stay at least 1 year. Well, I just got a huge job offer which will give me a $40k salary bump and an amazing title! Should I take it? It all checks out and is a great opportunity but I will not be able to stay a full year as they are moving so fast with this new opportunity. The team is swamped and they need support. I do not want to burn bridges at my current company but hot d*mn this is a GREAT opp. What should I do? I have a beater of a car currently and a mountain of student debt – so my mind tells me that I should take it and vanquish my debts and be able to save rapidly (no kids). Should I put my self first and take the job or should I stay for another 3 months at my current job and pass this up? I should mention I am in a highly competitive industry and do not have lots of connections nor do I get head hunted like this often!

    • Anonymous

      take it. i turned down a huge salary bump earlier this year for “work life balance” and regret it.

      • Salary Bump

        Same here! That is how I got in the position I am in now – I wanted more work life balance and I wanted to work for a certain company – which I have done. But like I said the mountain of student loans and my crap car make me realize I should’ve gone after more money.

    • Anonymous

      Yes you take it and don’t look back. You have to look out for yourself — this current company isn’t looking out for you if they’re totally underpaying you. Plus it’s not just a matter of staying 2 more months. If you pass this up — who knows when you’ll get another offer in your competitive industry let alone this type of offer — you could spend 2 more yrs at this place underpaid.

    • Anonymous

      The reason to stay a year is so you can be a good candidate for jobs like the one you were just offered.

      A $40k salary bump is huge, especially at your level.

      Look through Ask A Manager archives for information on how to leave your current position professionally. That is what you need to worry about.

      • Salary Bump

        Omg omg, I am hyperventilating! Am I really doing this?! First time I am making a decision for ME, not the good of the company.

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