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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 271 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Wool Jacket

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Paul Smith Wool JacketHappy Monday! I'm loving the crisp, geometric pattern on this Paul Smith Black blazer — it looks wild at first, but I think in practice it would actually work as a more fashion-y version of a gray blazer. (Should you click through, why yes, those are matching shorts for the suit blazer. Please, will someone tell me who is wearing these things? Anyone? Anyone?) The blazer is $910. Paul Smith Wool Jacket Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2) Psst: If you missed it last year, here was our April 1 <cough, cough> roundup of shorts suits.

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Comments

  1. Finance question

    Sorry for the immediate TJ. I’m going to be receiving an inheritance from a distant relative soon and the executor of the estate has advised me to “get a financial planner and make sure he/she is fee-only.” Two questions: 1). Can anyone comment on whether this is actually the right choice? I haven’t read anything bad about going this route, but are there any downsides I might not be aware of when it’s fee-only as opposed to commission-based (or some combination thereof)? 2). I read on thissite not too long ago that Vanguard (which is where I have my Roth IRA) will do a free meeting with an advisor when you’re dealing with amounts over a certain threshold. Would it be a potentially good idea to do an initial meeting with an advisor to help set up investments, but then handle it more or less on my own from there on out? I plan to take a fairly conservative investment approach with this “extra” money – would it be a bad idea to get the professional advice, park the money where they tell me to, and then follow the progress of the investments on my own? For the record, I had already done a fair amount of research about retirement saving/planning when I heard about the inheritance and I’ve definitely found it interesting enough to want to gain more knowledge about personal finance. I’m certainly not an expert, but can an educated layperson generally do “well enough” with investments and avoid retaining a permanent financial advisor? The amount isn’t enough to qualify for working with one of Vanguard’s ongoing advisors. Thanks in advance ladies!

    • Frugal doc..

      Yes, I think an educated layperson can do well enough… and often better…. then those that use a financial advisor. I definitely agree that a fee based financial advisor is preferred rather then one that takes a percentage, and I never think it is bad to have a one time visit with one… especially if you get a good referal. Unless you are becoming a multi-millionaire with this inheritance with a complicated portfolio of investments, only then might I ask your other Rich Relatives who they work with and tag along…. but probably only initially!

      Otherwise, your gut instinct to go to Vanguard for a free review of options is a good one. In case some of your inheritance is not cash (eg. IRA accounts, stocks), they might be helpful with discussing tax issues. Certainly a one time visit with a tax accountant or tax lawyer may also be helpful.

      I think you probably already realize that maximizing your retirement savings every year is the goal (401K and IRAs yearly), paying off debts, putting $$ away for an emergency fund, and setting up your own brokerage account with a goal of low fee Index funds as the bulk of your investments. Vanguard is a good place to continue your investments.

      I strongly recommend you take a look at websites like Mr. Money Mustache for a practical, simple, and frugal approach to saving/investing. If you enjoy investing, look at the Motley Fool website.

      I was at a juncture similar to yours when I was 30. I went to my bank affiliated “financial advisor” for advice. They immediately tried to take advantage of me, put me into high fees funds with big profits for them and annuities. Fortunately, I knew they were taking advantage of me and didn’t engage. I also definitely felt that I was treated differently because I was a woman… patronizingly…. even now when I have checked in with Fidelity over the years. The downside of walking in to these places without a dedicated advisor is they often give you the least experienced/junior person, usually a guy, that often is not as interested unless you have a lot of $$ to deal with.

      I now put new contributions only into Vanguard.

      Good luck. Keep it simple.

      • Finance question

        Thank you so much for this response – it’s so helpful! For the record, my other Rich Relatives will be inheriting substantially larger amounts. One is going to get a new financial advisor and the other is going to work with her husband, a CPA/finance person (I don’t know all of his qualifications). He’s knowledgeable, but it would not be a good fit to advise me AT ALL. We don’t see eye to eye on most issues and really barely get along.

        • Frugal doc..

          I see. I wouldn’t get involved with your RR at all, especially considering what you told me here. Talk to Vanguard, and if your monies are more modest, I think this alone will be sufficient with some thoughtful time on your own.

          You can do it!

          • Aggie

            I was in your shoes about 3 years ago. Instead of a financial adviser, I hired a CPA after tax season and paid her by the hour. Once I determine the tax implications/advantages, I chose a range of funds from a company similar to Vanguard.

    • HappyHoya

      I’ll second the sentiment that “an educated layperson can do well enough… and often better…. then those that use a financial advisor,” for most situations. It sounds like it’s not such a huge sum of money that you don’t know what to do with it/will run into limits on traditional, conservative investments. I’ve also relied on the advice at Mr. Money Mustache. Some of the lifestyle stuff may be a little extreme for some people, but the assessment of investment tools and financial products is very good.

    • Ellen

      Yay, pricey Monday! I love pricey Monday and this jacket. But seriousely, how can I possibley wear these short’s to work? With my tuchus, no one would see anything else, especially b/c the jacket is so short and so are the short’s. I am goieng to be 33 year’s old and this is clearley a jacket for a 21 year old who is busy workeing out, not someone my age with a tuchus that is sitting at a desk doing legal research! FOOEY!

      As for the OP, Congraulation’s on your inhereitance, but you must learn to be fruegal about it. I just talked to the manageing partner and he recomends just getting the inheritance transfered into your name. Once that is done, you cannot loose anything, but he says you need to properly manage it. There will ALWAYS be alot of peeople telling you what to do, but unless your a total ditz, you should be fine takeing your time and NOT doeing anything rash or stupid. Mabye you should ask your dad to manage it and you won’t need to pay a financieal planner, most of whom are not any smarter then you financieally!

      I do NOT have this probelem, b/c my dad take’s care of all of my money and he invest’s whatever I get from whoever give’s it to me. Grandma Leyeh’s $50,000 never made it to my hands, and that is a good thing b/c I could have spent it stupidley. So Dad manages everything. He does want to get rid of that job and find someone to marry me. He called yesterday while I was at a basketball game at Barcleay’s Center to tell me that he has another Army buddy with a son about my age, who has a MBA degree from Vanderbilt and who is workeing down south. I said FOOEY b/c I do NOT want to work down south b/c I am ONLEY admitted in NY and do NOT want to take another bar exam at my age. He said his freind’s son come’s to NYC alot for work and will call me. I was NOT happy that dad gave my name and # out to some guy from down south w/o my permission, but I do need to get married soon so mabye this is not so bad. I have to find out more about him. I don’t even know his name so what am I do to if I get a call from this guy? I hope he is not just another looser, but he does have an MBA, so there is some hope. I want a guy from the USA who want’s more then sex from me, and so far, I have not found one. FOOEY! But I remain hopeful b/c I need to have a child soon. YAY!!!!!!

    • tazdevil

      If you do not have one already, I think your first priortiy is to hire a CPA. If you are inheriting a large amount of money, then it might push you into a higher tax bracket than you are used to.

      • Finance question

        I thought inheritances weren’t treated as income? I’m not very knowledgeable about the tax implications of receiving an inheritance, but I was under the impression that any taxes on it would be separate from my normal tax bracket based on my income.

        • Anonymous

          The inheritance itself won’t be taxable income, but any subsequent earnings on the money when you invest it will be. That may be what tazdevil is referring to.

    • Diana Barry

      I agree that you don’t really need a financial advisor unless it’s for the initial picking of assets/funds etc. How big of an inheritance are we talking? If 5 or even 6 figures, I would just set it up with an index fund or a few at Vanguard or Schwab and go from there.

      The executor may be recommending an advisor just because that’s what he/she does as a matter of course.

      • Finance question

        The amount is low 6 figures. I think my relatives are defaulting to the “get an advisor” idea because that’s what they are naturally most comfortable with (plus they’re dealing with larger amounts), but I’m definitely interesting in asking around and learning about my other options.

        • Sarabeth

          In addition to the other suggestions, the boglehead forum might be a good place for you to check out.

        • You can do it!

          I had a low 6 figure inheritance (split between cash and retirement accounts). I invested it myself without any input from a financial advisor. I did speak to a friend’s dad who I trust and find knowledgeable. He gave me a few books about index fund style investing and made me feel more than capable of investing the money myself. You can absolutely do it.

  2. HappyHoya

    I’m starting a new job next week and I would like to avoid a major shopping trip before I start (I’d rather wait for paycheck + knowing the office better), but I’m concerned about looking sloppy for first impressions. My last workplace was extremely casual, with exceptions for meetings with and presentations to clients, so my wardrobe is full of casual clothes and a few business formal outfits (think interview suits- very conservative). My new workplace is more casual than business formal, although plenty of guys wear suits and ties. Women seem to have a little bit wider range, with outfits ranging from skirt suits to wrap dresses and slacks with sweaters. My plan for the first week was to get by with my formal outfits and mix in some of my nicer casual clothes to get through the week. I can make exactly five work appropriates outfits this way, but it will require rewearing the same pieces several times in one week (including having to wear one suit jacket three times). I’m starting to worry that I’m walking a dangerous line here. If even one piece of clothing gets dirty the first time I wear it, I will be in a tough situation. Should I go out and buy a backup suit before I start, or are my new-job nerves getting the best of me?

    • DontBlameTheKids

      I would buy just one backup suit, or at least a go-with-anything black blazer. Even if you don’t need it this week, and your office ends up being closer to casual than not, it will get used eventually. My office runs the gamut on clothing options, but having a suit ready to go has saved me from unnecessary expense several times. (Because when I need the suit, it’s usually on short notice.)

    • Meg Murry

      Can you hit Goodwill for some pieces that will work for work and not bust your budget? Or a consignment shop? I think the same suit jacket 3 times in one week might be pushing it into noticable. Same black dress slacks (that aren’t stained or smelling) would probably be fine 3x in a week, but a jacket is a little more noticable, in my opinion.

    • roses

      Why don’t you buy a couple of suit separates that you can buy the matching jackets for if necessary? E.g., buy skirts or slacks from BR’s or J Crew’s suiting collection, plus some nice silk tops or sweaters. Stick with those first and then you can get the matching jackets when/if they become necessary.

    • Yellow

      I would try to do a little shopping before you start (partly as a back up for your first week and partly because there’s nothing worse than going shopping when you NEED to find things you like). I would aim to pick up 1-2 new jackets that aren’t suit jackets (think like interesting tweed) and maybe 1 new skirt. That way you can mix and match the pieces with different tops/bottoms to make a few more outfits.

      If I shop when I really really need stuff (like you say you will after your first week) I end up with things that I don’t love every single time.

    • Diana Barry

      I would get a few outfits – maybe a suit you can mix and match with your existing stuff and then 1-2 tops?

      You could even keep the tags from the suit if you end up not wearing it.

    • michelle

      given what you’ve described of the environment, I would buy one or two outfits on the more casual side of business formal (dress with blazer, or slacks with blazer, or pencil skirt with cardi) rather than wear the same jacket three times. Sounds like those sorts of things would fit the environment and give you a little more leeway.

  3. The juggle -- kindergarten

    Good morning hive!

    We’re getting into gear for kindergarten and I’m trying to anticipate how that will impact everthing, particularly on the family scheduling and happiness front. Currently, the children are in a small day care close to our house. In August, one will go to a nearby kindergarten with (thankfully) after school care. My understanding is that in K, even day care kids come home really tired. I was thinking of having just one activity a week during M-F (choir or something else musical) and maybe another activity on the weekend (something sporty), but nothing else until we get our bearings. I see a lot of kids (not with working mothers it seems unless they still have local grandparents or a nanny for a younger sibling ) doing more activities (and not so much aftercare), but I don’t think that that’s realistic as we dip our toe into regular school / holidays / vacations / summers. What has worked for you all, especially in the 4-7 stretch (when all activities seem to happen and yet my work day isn’t over some days until 8 or if I work at home from 8-12ish). We’re lucky to be in a smaller city where work (BigLaw branch office) – school – home are within a few miles of each other (so NYC / DC / Chicago I can see this as not something I could do at all).

    Thanks in advance!

    • Diana Barry

      How late will the aftercare go? IME the aftercare goes until 5, 530 or 6 depending on when parents need to pick up. Will you be using a babysitter to cover the time in between aftercare getting out and work getting out, or is one spouse able to pick up the kids? at what time?

      We have a nanny and kindergarten is a 1/2 day half the week, so our kid does dance on one day and swimming on another day after school, at 330 or 4 pm. She also has one dance class on weekends. I am thinking about adding one more activity (piano) but am not sure whether that will be too much.

      The kids I see with 2-parents-working families doing aftercare will often pack in all their activities on the weekend – they go from dance to gymnastics or soccer on Saturdays and then have something else on Sundays.

      • The juggle -- kindergarten

        Daycare and aftercare both go until 6. We’ve done 2-3 activities per week in the 5/6 window that are close-by, but I find that I prefer 2 to 3 (swimming lessons should could as 5 activities since it always collides with dinner / traffic / work drama / someone potty training or needing to go NOW). I am just thinking that two schools / actually having learning to do / supervise / generally be aware of (oh, look, you are doing long division — how long has that been going on). I am leaning towards doing less just to make sure it gets done better (and not being crazy on the weekends, either). I just am concerned of the overscheduled / misery / learning / time with friends ratios getting really out of whack.

        • Diana Barry

          Yeah, I wouldn’t do more than 2 then, if you can pick them up between 5-6.

    • Yellow

      This isn’t exactly an answer to your question- just an idea that worked for my family when I was younger. My siblings and I were all at very competitive levels in different sports starting at a relatively young age and it was really hard for my stay at home mom to get us to all the different practices and games that we needed to be at. Her solution was to find a responsible high schooler as a hybrid babysitter/driver. She was able to pay less because other than the 20 minutes to/from the track, the girl was able to do her homework and other things she was going to need to do anyway. I think the girl was basically working from 3-7 most days, got paid $30 a day and my mom would always send a snack for her in the car. It was great for my mom to feel like she had a back up she could call in case of a scheduling emergency.

      I think my mom and the high schooler felt like they were getting a great deal! The high schooler was basically paid to do her homework and my mom didn’t have to worry about being in two places at once.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I think your plan sounds great. Kids are WAY over scheduled and need time to just play alone and be creative in my opinion. Your kiddo is in KINDERGARTEN! I don’t think I started getting a crazy schedule of activities until at least 7th grade. I think in elementary school I had softball in the summer, CCD (Sunday school on weekdays), and piano once/week and that was it. The rest of the time I was playing with the neighbor kids or solo.

      • TBK

        I agree. I had no extra activities in kindergarten. I went to my grandparents’ after school where I banged around on their piano, played by myself in the yard, and got the older neighborhood kids to give me piggyback rides whenever I could. I had ballet once a week and piano lessons once a week in elementary school. I also did the school plays. But it wasn’t until I was a teenager that I started doing sports, drama, orchestra, chorus, etc. etc. I wouldn’t worry your kids are missing out if they don’t have twenty activities a week when they’re only five.

      • AnonCoach

        I just want to third this advice! I volunteer as a youth coach in the sport I played in college, because I love working with kids, but my goodness, they are getting driven from one sport/extracurricular to another until they’re exhausted. When I was working with 10 year olds, I saw multiple overuse injuries in one season – the kinds of things you don’t expect to see until at least high school/college, even at a competitive level (thus my reference to playing college sports). Anyway, best of luck!

    • Anon

      Our son does T-Ball, which has practice two evenings a week and games typically on Saturdays. For us, this is enough. In the summer he will do swimming lessons and another activity that he chooses (probably music class.)

    • Meg Murry

      Yes, we let my son pick one activity at a time/season, and then we also fill in with 1-2 days a week of free drop-in events like story/craft time at the library. Also, FYI, aftercare may not help with homework – we got a note home saying something like “we will provide a quiet space and encourage children to do homework but we don’t require them to complete it and we don’t have the staff to assist if children need extra help”. Not such a huge deal in K when the homework was simply 15 minutes of reading, but its been a pain in first grade.

      • The juggle -- kindergarten

        What do you do now? Homework while you cook dinner? After?

        I keep fast-forwarding a few years where I am hoping a teacher who wants to nanny for a few hours after school materializes (so can supervise homework). I think if a child is a voluntary reader, a lot of this is just them having enough of a quiet space to read, but things like math worksheets and checking to make sure they understand / have done tasks will be much trickier.

        • Meg Murry

          Well, I recently quit working in the corporate world for a 15 hour a week job (see the thread a few weeks back on Career Planning) because one of the stresses in my life was only seeing my kid for 1 hour a night and spending that hour arguing about homework – but I’d not advocate that to most people.
          We have a pretty responsible kid, so we put a big emphasis to him on at least TRYING to get one part of his homework done at aftercare – one math worksheet, or one page of spelling, or his 15 minutes of reading. Then we just have to check it over. He also isn’t allowed TV until homework is done on aftercare days, so he’s figured out that the sooner he gets part of his homework done the sooner he gets the reward. But some nights we go from aftercare to homework to bed. We also do lots of reminders on activity days that its contingent on getting homework done without whining, and that activities are a reward, not a given. We also don’t do any kind of competitive sports that require travel (sports games in towns 30-90 minutes away for 6 year olds? Crazy but common in my town) because I think that is not a good use of our family time, and so far my son doesn’t mind.
          We have several friends that have switched from aftercare to college student age after school nannies specifically because of the homework help situation. If it gets too rough on you for aftercare, do you know any families in your neighborhood that might want to share an afterschool babysitter? Possibly current daycare classmates?

      • hoola hoopa

        Ditto Meg Murry exactly.

        We do some work schedule juggling to pick up at 4pm, which gives some homework time before dinner. And one day per week we use that time for a dance class. It sometimes feel like a lot to do, but that last hour of aftercare stresses her out and we like to keep our weekends class-free as much as possible.

    • academama

      oh my gosh are you me? I just got in to the office because today was kindergarten registration! we have a few friends with kindergartners this year and what seems to work for them (in our small town, not-challenging district) is to have an after-school nanny who takes the kids to a couple of activities during the week but otherwise provides more stimulation than they get at school. It helps with scheduling to have this done between school ending and parent coming home/dinnertime. We are thinking we will do the same thing next year…piano, something sporty, and possibly something else, but mostly just free play. 5 is pretty young in my opinion to do more than that.

    • Kindy

      I think the adjustment to Kindergarten is enough (for me and them), so I had both my kids take off from all activities the first “semester” (fall/winter) of Kindergarten. This was a nice adjustment period for all of us, and allowed us all to focus on our new schedule. Then in the spring they got to do one activity of their choice. When they are that young, I wanted to limit it to one.

    • Storm trooper

      Kids are so busy and overworked now, it makes me sad. I simply can’t believe the homework demands in early elementary school. For background, I’m a single parent, big law, with a child who suffers from learning disorders and other issues.

      During kindergarten, my child had essentially a day that began at 7 am and ended with me picking him up at aftercare at 6 pm. That’s 11 hours! Holy cow. I chose an aftercare that was heavily based on different activities to break it up and seem less school like for him so he could get energy out and be exposed to different things. They did sports units, art units, etc. but it was still so long. He was so exhausted after pick up, and then, he came home to 45 minutes of absolute fighting over homework almost every night. We were supposed to read for 30 minutes on top of homework, do flash cards nightly, eat dinner, bath, phew. After a few months, I knew this wasn’t fair to him and wasn’t working or allowing him to relax enough to keep up in school. I couldn’t afford a nanny everyday, so I got a part time nanny three days a week, I left work early to pick him up one day a week (almost every week, sometimes I just couldn’t. This forced me to add hours when he slept, but it was worth it), and he stayed at after care one day a week. Even though this put major strains on my finances, it was way, way better for him and he was able to play, relax, be a kid. We made it through kindergarten, but it was a hard adjustment. Note that weekend activities weren’t an option during kindergarten for various reasons. I guess my point is that at least for us, kindergarten alone put significant demands that were hard to get done after after-care, even without extras. If I added on an hour music lesson, his day, at five years old, would’ve been 13 hours or so long without homework or reading. That’s too much for me!

      We did extras in the summer after kindergarten of stuff he wanted – music for four weeks, a sport for four weeks, and a really awesome fun tutor (he loves it). He did an almost full day camp (got out at three), and I kept up the part time nanny thing. After getting through kindergarten and learning a lot about how my child learns, as well as sticking to no aftercare, we were able to add one extra of his choice that he loved during other early grades. He did two things for a short period during this year (hands on animal thing one hour a week and a sport one night a week). It was a little much. It’s next to impossible to get through homework on nights he has an after school obligation. Plus, I want to be with him as much as possible for classes and practices because I think that’s important to him, but the nanny does take him sometimes and that’s ok.

      So all this rambling… I wouldn’t stress about extras during kindergarten during the week (weekend is different – I could totally see soccer or piano or choir on weekends). I think it’s best to see how your child adjusts, then go from there. I join the “let them be kids!” club and the “know your kid” club. It won’t hurt to let the adjustment happen, them work in whatever activities make sense after you figure it out. And once you figure it out, it may change – what they want to learn, what can work with schedules, etc. I understand my experience in kindergarten is very likely related to issues like locale, office policies, particular school differences, teachers (I have loved them all, but they all do things differently. This is great but requires adjustment each year), my child’s wants and needs, and having one parent to do the running.

      Good luck!

      • Storm trooper

        By “suffers,” I mean only that it’s so hard to watch him try so hard but still struggle. It also makes me insanely proud. He works harder than I ever did. He’s an inspiration.

  4. sp3

    Anyone have any recommendations for things to do in and around Istanbul (7 days) and Budapest (3 days)? Will be traveling alone and like adventure.

    • Edna

      Istanbul is one of my favorite places to travel. I’ve been twice and both times have had an incredible time! In addition to taking in the Hagia Sophia, the Blue Mosque, the Grand Bazaar, and some of the other popular sights, I highly recommend the following:
      1. Turkish hammams (the Turkish baths): The first time I went I went to one of the more touristy baths and it was nice but a little on the pricier side (compared to the other options) but on my second trip I ventured to more of a local spot. Both were incredible experiences.
      2. A bosphorous cruise with Istanbul’s official ferry company: No need to take a private tour, the Istanbul ferry line (which is right next to the Galata bridge) provides wonderful options. You can take either a full cruise which leads all the way to the mouth of the Black Sea and you’ll have time to explore the small town where it stops. I spent the day hiking up to the top of a mountain and then had a delicious fish lunch. The shorter cruises are also nice and provide the opportunity to stop and explore small towns and have a delicious fish lunch. While on the ferry, there is one particular port where people will get on selling yogurt. The yogurt is topped with powdered sugar and is quite delicious.
      3. If you want to get out of the city, you can take an overnight bus to the Cappadocia region to see the famed fairy chimneys and underground cities. When I went, I scheduled a two-day guided tour (necessary because it is impossible to explore a lot of the area on your own without a knowledgeable guide). I took the overnight bus from Istanbul, immediately began day 1 of the tour, slept overnight in a cave hotel, completed the second day of the tour, and then returned to Istanbul by overnight bus.

    • Anon

      Cappadocia! Loved it so much, while we normally don’t do things like this, the balloon ride was one of the highlights of our trip to Turkey, and the whole landscape is stunning and unique.

      In Istanbul, the main tourist sites (Hagia Sofia, Topakai Palace, Blue Mosque, Bazaar, Spice Market, etc) will keep you busy for 2-3 days depending on how long you like to linger. Also recommend taking the public ferry over to the Asian side, and the bosphorus cruise north as well. And try a hamaan! I found the forum on trip advisor very helpful when planning our 2012 trip.

      (ps sorry for what I suspect are a lot of typos, I don’t have time to look up the accurate spellings!)

      • Anon

        I just hit report instead of reply, but I wanted to add that flights from IST to Capaddocia are short and cheap- I believe roundtrip was less than $60, which to me is worth not spending a night on a bus, particularly as a solo traveler.

        • Edna

          Good to know. When I went, we looked into flying but I don’t think the flight schedule would work well with the two-day tour that we chose (we only had two days available to spend there). The bus was definitely adventure, but I never felt unsafe. Granted, I was traveling with a friend but we were both young single females and we did not encounter any harassment or other issues on the bus.

    • Edna

      The baths are also a must in Budapest. Very different from the Turkish Hammams, but also a wonderful experience.

      With 3 days in Budapest, you will have sufficient time to check out all the touristy sights and relax in the baths.

    • ss

      Istanbul’s great ! Don’t miss the big sights (Topkapi and the mosques) but here are some interesting neighbourhoods beyond the tourist zone at Suktanahmet
      : Cukurcuma, a central neighbourhood on the European side, atmospheric 19th century townhouses, many housing antique stores on their ground floor
      : Kadikoy, a sea-side suburb on the Asian side, a good visit if you are interested in Turkish cuisine, with a lively morning market and a bunch of old-school specialist food vendors
      : the string of affluent sea-side suburbs on the European side, starting at Arnavutkoy with a little weekend flea market, to super-sociable Bebek, to Emirgan where there is an interesting museum endowed by a local industrial family, with an excellent modern Turkish restaurant

      If you are a reader, Orhan Pamuk’s memoir of the city Istanbul and Kinross’ magisterial history Ottoman Centuries are excellent, before, after or during your visit. If you are keen to eat out, there’s a blog ‘Istanbul Eats’ I think, with good coverage of what’s current and good. If you are interested in architecture, keep an eye out for Sinan’s mosques, a 15th century genius of an architect and builder who undertook everything from huge complexes (the recently-restored Suleimaniye) to tiny gems imaginatively designed to fit onto difficult cramped sites while still fulfilling all the functional requirements of mosque design.

    • sp3

      Wow, thanks so much Edna, Anon and SS! These are all wonderful recommendations!!

  5. Anonymous

    I have gained 20 lbs in the last 2 months, and I have no idea what is going on- I’ve been slightly less active and very stressed and busy at work, but 20 lbs is a lot for 2 months. It’s like 3 lbs a week. What are your tips for getting things back under control? I’m feeling absolutely terrible.

    • HSAL

      Start tracking your food intake to see how much you’re really eating, but I’d also call your doctor.

    • NOLA

      Boy, stress can really do it to you. So sorry. I would try doing just a couple of things, nothing dramatic. One would be to make sure that you have lots of vegetables around to eat in a way that’s easy. Don’t buy junk food. Make sure you have good food that’s easy and you will eat it. And try to find a way to be more active. That will help both the weight and the stress. When things were soooo bad at work last year, I would go to the gym no matter what and just get the rage out.

    • SF chic

      Have you seen your doctor? If this weight gain is not traceable to a very clear change in eating habits + exercise, you need to see your doctor. Weight gain, fatigue, feeling terrible can sometimes be due to things like a new thyroid disorder or related mood changes (ex. depression/anxiety) that have gotten out of control. Both of these are very common.

      Hang in there!

    • HappyHoya

      I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a stressful time. The first thing that you need to do is figure out what’s going on. If nothing is going on medically (I’d suggest seeing a doctor to clear this first, although it sounds like you’re not concerned because there are other reasonable explanations), you need to get an honest, accurate picture of your activity level and diet. I recently got a Fitbit One and it’s helped me deal with weight gain in response to a huge change in my schedule. I found that thought I was more active than I actually was, especially on days I felt tired. Mental and emotional exhaustion can make you feel physically tired, therefore tricking us into thinking we got physical exercise. You can also use it to track your eating. There are lots of apps (paid and free) and devices, but you could also just use a notebook to track your food, if you’d prefer. This would help you see trends over time and identify what the problem is (for example if there are certain stressful situations that drive you to overeat, or if you go too long without eating in some circumstances and then eat too much). You don’t necessarily have to do it forever, but being really disciplined about it for a few days can be very eye opening. I considered myself pretty self-aware before, but I was surprised how much this helped me. Good luck.

    • Edna

      Have you been drinking enough water? My weight use to fluctuate fairly significantly in the span of a few days and I finally realized that many times when I was hanging onto more weight I was not drinking enough water. The recommendation that I’ve been adhering to is 1/2 your body weight in ounces of water and then you an additional 8 oz for every 20 minutes of exercise and every alcoholic drink you consume.

      Also, have you considered the possibility that you might have a food allergy or intolerance? There is a lot of research that suggests that unknown food allergies/intolerances (and not the type of allergies that cause severe reactions) are responsible for sudden weight gain and inability to lose weight. The research also suggests that stress can sometimes exacerbate the body’s inflammatory response to certain foods. I’ve found Lyn Genet’s “The Plan” and Dr. Mark Hyman’s “The Ultra Simple Diet” to be really informative.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Did you change your birth control? I gained 12 pounds of water weight once in two weeks from a BC that didn’t agree with me.

    • Meg Murry

      Are you getting anywhere near enough sleep? I’m pretty sure years of sleep deprivation have led me to misinterpret my body’s signal of “tired – need sleep” into “tired, low energy – need to eat”. Especially if your stress had lead to staying up too late and eating basically a 4th meal. Going through a checklist with myself before eating helps – as in: am I actually hungry? or am I 1) thirsty, 2) tired, 3) just craving junk ?

    • anon

      Make a list of healthy habits you want to have or unhealthy habits you want to break (whatever is easier for you to identify) and make it a goal to change one thing per week or per two weeks. I was in a rut and the season and just aging :) can cause 20 lbs to add up pretty quick for me.

      I keep 5 lb arm weights under my desk and during conference calls where I mostly listen, I close my door and I do medium to easy arm exercises. It’s not enough of anything to make me “indulge” in something bad but it usually energizes me to hit a yoga or barre class later. I just feel like I get so tired by the end of the day that going to the grocery is exhausting enough.

      My second goal was lots of water but especially when I am really hungry (bc sometimes it turns out I wasn’t).

      Hopefully the weather is on its way to warming up a bit so if you can get out for two quick 10 minute walks at the least during the day that helps me. Take the stairs when you can.

      Battle drawer of healthy snacks and breakfasts that you replenish every Monday morning. Almonds (I mix plain raw and smoked ones together), oatmeal and in the fridge, celery/PB, Greek yogurt blueberries & honey, and grapefruits.

      For me the problem is not knowing what to do but actually doing it. I hear tips and think yeah, I know I need water and breakfast and healthy snacks. But figuring out what actually causes me to NOT drink enough water (not having a cup I like at work or a travel bottle that fits in my cup holder) and NOT eat breakfast (not laying out my clothes at night or Sunday night, not packing a lunch) were why I kept backsliding. So figuring out little things like that helped and then the one goal a week thing helped me. If I didn’t like the goal I just ditched it and started a new one the next week. If I did, I would do it one more week and make it part of the routine.

  6. LilyB

    Suggestions for a gift for a 14-year-old boy in the $20-40 range? He likes lacrosse, squash, sports in general. He’s a smart kid and has been known to make those bracelets with the little rubber bands (he made me 2, so sweet). I’m stumped.

    • HappyHoya

      Does he like music and have some sort of iPod/music player? You can get a cool, sleek Bluetooth speaker for that price. I got one for a 16 yo boy in my family over a year ago and it’s been a huge hit with him and his parents. They love that he doesn’t have his earphones in all the time and he still thanks me for it every time I see him.

        • HappyHoya

          The one I gifted, which my husband also has in our home, is available on amazon. It’s called “Urge Basics Soundbrick” and it’s currently selling for $40.

    • DontBlameTheKids

      Well, my sister got all of her nieces/nephews a cute bow and arrow set from Etsy. It was a huge hit for everyone, from the four year olds to the fourteen year old. The arrows have foam, not something that could actually hurt anyone, btw. Even I like playing with it! I don’t know which Etsy shop it was or I would send you the link.

      • LilyB

        that sounds really fun; I think I’m gonna avoid getting him anything activity-related though since he already plays so many sports and their house is full of stuff like that.

    • CKB

      My 14yo ds really enjoys the Nerf dart guns. There are a ton of styles in a variety of prices, and some that shoot discs instead of darts. He wouldn’t care if he got a duplicate one.

      Remote control helicopters are also a big hit in general, but don’t get an Air Hogs one. We’ve had the best luck with the ones The Source (formerly Radio Shack) sells.

      Of course, itunes gc, movie gc, book store gc are always appreciated at my house as well.

      • Anon

        +1 on remote control helicopter. ThinkGeek stuff is also popular among boys that age.

      • Jules

        RC helicopters are great. I got a couple for 11 and 14 yo kids in an adopt-a-family type program this past Christmas and accidentally ordered one too many from Amazon. I gave it to my college freshman son — who had them when he was a bit younger — and he had a blast with it. I did troll the amazon reviews for comments and advice, which I compiled and included in the gift packages; I can e-mail it to you if you go that route. Syma brand, S111 model got the best reviews.

  7. Monday

    RE salon hair color: has anyone else found that colorists really push glosses and other non-permanent treatments when you ask for permanent? I understand that all formulas are subject to fading, and that some are a bit harder on the hair, but I want permanent color and I keep feeling like I have to argue for it and play the needy/pushy customer.

    I just went through this again yesterday, with yet another colorist, and am wondering if this is some norm I’ve been slow to pick up on. If so, why? My cynic says they just want to do something that will soon need to be re-done…

    • Ginjury

      The only time I’ve ever experienced a stylist pushing gloss/demi-permanent hair color was when I wanted something to boost my color a bit, but wasn’t ready for a permanent change. Anytime I’ve discussed coloring with a stylist, it has been assumed that we’re talking about permanent color. I’d be inclined to agree with your thinking that they want to do something less permanent to keep you coming back. I can’t think of any other reason to suggest it, unless your hair is in really terrible condition and needs the most gentle treatment possible. I would look for a new stylist if that’s not the case.

    • anon

      Are you coloring it something very close to your natural shade? They may be recommending glosses or semi-permanent so the upkeep looks better. If you go with permanent, you’re more likely to see a line of new growth. If you’re going more than a shade or two different than your natural color, you don’t have the option of a gloss.

    • anon

      What? Is it for red dye? I have never heard that but I have a lot of gray to cover.

  8. VS

    Any thoughts on the swimsuits at Victoria Secret? I know a lot of folks on here don’t like their bras, but they work really well for me so I was thinking their swimsuits might also be a good option for me. Thoughts on quality, fit?

    • preg 3L

      I have a VS swimsuit and I really like it. I’ve had it for a few years and it’s holding up well. It’s strapless and doesn’t provide much support (but pre-preg, that wasn’t a problem for me!).

    • Anon

      I don’t like their bras, but VS swimsuits are really great, particularly on the ones that are sized in bra sizes. The only ones I don’t like are the strapless ones without underwires, but they do have push-up strapless tops that are the only strapless kind to ever work for me.

    • Anonymous

      Depends on your body. I’m a 32C and they don’t work for me, but S/M/L swimsuit sizing tends not to work for me anywhere because the band is either too loose (to fit my cup size) or the cups are like a band-aid in the amount of coverage they provide (if the band fits).

      Also, I have a larger behind and their bikini bottoms do not provide the coverage that I’d like. They also tend to be made of cheaper, thinner material that you really have to check for sag when you get out of the water.

      If you can find a bra-sized top and are looking more at boy-short style bottoms, ignore all of the above. They do have really cute prints so if you can find something that works, go for it :)

    • AIMS

      I like them, particularly the simple bra styles, but be prepared – some are very va-va-voom. Can veer towards a bit much depending on your surroundings and figure.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve found that buying their pushup tops and then removing the extra padding works best if you need underwire support.

    • Orangerie

      I don’t think they are particularly well made or good quality. The ones I’ve bought always fade and look dingy after a season.

    • anon

      I feel like the ones I’ve had have always come apart after 1-2 years but they boost my top region significantly :)

  9. Taking a Pay Cut

    I’m considering a move from the private sector to government, which will come with a hefty (upwards of 40%) cut to our household income. I think it is the right move for a lot of reasons (current job has a shelf life, quality of life, toxic work environment including some harassment issues), and I think we can handle it financially, but things will be VERY tight once we factor in day care in the next couple of years (we certainly live below our current means as we have been very focused on debt repayment and down payment savings).

    But-any tips from those who have been there? I think there will be several months between acceptance and starting the new position, so we’ll have some time to prepare (and some more paychecks to bank). Honestly I am probably seeking some validation that this is a sound choice, but would appreciate hearing the opposite point of view as well…

    • Brant

      As someone shelling out over $3k/month for daycare…the pain is temporary. After making our retirement contributions, basic living expenses, loan payments, a small 529 contribution and a small savings contribution, we’re basically within a few hundred dollars of our income each month. Once we finish paying off DH’s student loans, we’ll get $1000/month back into our lives. And when the kiddos are out of daycare?! My god, what will we DO with $4k extra per month?!?!

      All that to say, if you can hit your goals Iinc. paying for daycare) with the new salary, even if you don’t have as much spending money as you used to, you’re in good shape because the pain of daycare is temporary.

      • snowy

        The cost of daycare terrifies me. We are within $500 of our income every month according to budget, but of course we don’t spend all those budget categories every month (car repair, taking cat to vet, vacation spending, etc) so some months we have more than $1K left over. So I honestly don’t see how putting a kiddo in daycare at $1500+ is going to work unless we stop putting as much away for retirement or pay down our mortgage slower or subsist on pasta alone. I know the days of several vacations a year, including a couple international ones, are going to be over – but it’s not like that’s feasible with a kiddo anyway, lol.

        It’s definitely something that keeps us from TTC – it’s just so freaking expensive to have a kid in daycare!

        • mama of 2

          But that’s exactly what you do. You stop putting as much away for retirement or pay down your mortgage more slowly. We live in a very HCOL area, have two kids, just bought a house, and spend an insane amount of money on childcare. There really is nothing left each month after we pay the mortgage, pay the preschool, and pay the nanny. Preschool plus nanny (on the books) for us is $5000/month.

          But it’s temporary. It won’t always be like this. I know the financial advice about retirement, emergency funds, etc., but we have just had to make real changes to get our kids into the kind of care that they and our family require. (Nobody lecture me, please.)

          • DontBlameTheKids

            That’s me too. Until we can do public school, I just don’t put the money into retirement. I hate that. But I also didn’t want to put off children until my forties, which is what some people in DC do. The pain is temporary. We only have another 1.5 years to go, and then bam! An “extra” $2k a month. It will feel like we are rich, because we live so frugally right now. :)

            Any type of windfall goes right into the savings account, though.

          • snowy

            This is basically the tough love I needed :) I’ve been trying to tell DH that this is just what people do to get through those years when daycare is all your extra money, but he’s still hoping there is some other secret. I’m just so paranoid about starting to spawn until I have it figured out where every dollar is going to come from, but I know that means, yep, I’ll be 40 before we have kids ;) (we are in a HCOL area as well)

        • Brant

          Like I said, “the pain is temporary.” We have an infant in daycare and a toddler in extended preK. $3200/month, and it’d be more but DH and I only need 7.5 hours of coverage per day. That is more than our mortgage + taxes.

          Once they’re both in school it’ll be like we hit the lottery! Until then have to go to college ;). Good thing they’re cute, right??

          • Anon

            Man, I just did the budgeting this weekend — even though between us we bring in a decent (even good!) amount, nanny + preschool will be $4500 per month for us with two boys. OUCH.

    • Anon

      I’ve done it. It was easier than I thought it would be. I watch my spending now and I didn’t really before. Just being more considered about what I bought and not throwing money at every problem made up a lot of the difference. I also didn’t need as much fancy stuff in govt as I did in the private sector so that helped too. Perhaps my situation is different as I went from earning a lot to 60% of a lot, but still more than I really need.

    • Batgirl

      Wow, I feel like you are me three years ago–even down to the semi-sexual harassment issue! I took a 60% cut to go from Big Law to a major non-profit. I’ve since recovered some of that salary loss through an internal promotion, but it was tough in the beginning. It was, hands down, the best decision I’ve ever made. The sexual harassment side of things really weighed on me in a way I didn’t fully appreciate until I left the job.

      Here are some tips I have from having gone through it myself (though I don’t have children yet). First, save as much as you possibly can before you go. If I were you, I’d have a separate account and put as much of your day care savings into that ahead of time so you’re not tempted to dip into savings as you adjust to your new income.

      I would try to put every expense on a credit card for the next few months and then look at your statements to really understand where your money is going now. You’re probably spending more than you realize on things that seem like small indulgences (i.e. new shoes, lunches out, etc)–those will be the first line of things to go. Try to start living within your new anticipated budget as soon as you can. It’ll allow you to save more and give you more time to understand what that new budget will look like.

      Beyond that, it simply just took time to keep shaving off expenses. I got better at meal planning and cutting out “fun but unnecessary” shopping as time went on. Really, you just have to keep whittling away at your spending until you get to the right spot.

      Good luck and congrats!

  10. AIMS

    I’m looking for book ideas for a very smart (and reads above her grade level) 8 year old girl. I got her Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Charlie and the Glass Elevator for the holidays and she loved them. I’m thinking Anne of Green Gables? Any other childhood favorites you can think of?

      • Katie

        A Tree Grows in Brooklyn is at a much higher level than the Little House books, and deals with some rough stuff (a sexual predator, drinking, death…). I’d say it’s appropriate for a mature middle school student.

      • snowy

        I love A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, but yes, I did not read it until I was 11 or 12, I think.

        I remember enjoying My Side of the Mountain, Bridge to Terabithia, and Shiloh when I was that age. I also liked the Homecoming/Dicey’s Song series of books. Even if she reads way above grade level, it’s nice to read something where the content is at least targeted at your age.

    • Diana Barry

      Anne of GG would be perfect, and/or the Emily of New Moon series. I’d also suggest the Little House books if she doesn’t have them, but she may fly through them if she reads super above grade level. Also, at that age I liked A Wrinkle In Time and the subsequent books.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I loved the Nancy Drew books when I was a kid. The second one, The Secret Staircase (or Hidden Staircase) was my hands down favorite.

      • Izzy

        Me too!! Love Nancy Drew, and the Hidden Staircase is just about as good as it gets!

    • Equity's Darling

      Roald Dahl books, Nancy Drew series, Judy Bloom, Mary Poppins, Ramona Quimby series, Harry Potter series (the earlier ones, the later ones will probably be too much), Charlotte’s Web, Stuart Little, Anne of Green Gables, the Borrowers.

      I was bookish as a child, obviously.

    • Anon

      I read way above grade level at that age and loved the Little House series, but I did fly through them like Diana Barry mentioned. I think those books should come with some parental discussions (or discussions with you), though, since there are some pretty offensive sections pertaining to Native Americans as well as at least one minstrel show/blackface scene.

      My mom made me read Little Women and I ended up really liking it. If she hasn’t read Harry Potter yet, that would be my absolute top pick, but the later books are of course a little darker.

      • Katie

        I second Little Women! I was an avid reader and read all the Little House books around 6/7, and Anne of Green Gables around 10/11. I think Little Women is the perfect middle ground.

      • TBK

        I agree on the depiction of non-white people, but I certainly read the LH books with no parental guidance and didn’t come out thinking these views of other races were okay. The books are historical and I think a smart kid who’s getting positive messages in other parts of her life will understand that Laura’s view of other races is shaped by her environment and that modern views are more enlightened. I think it’s valuable to see that even good people can have viewpoints that are unfortunate due to their circumstances. I would be surprised if the little girl couldn’t figure that out on her own.

        • Anon

          I think that viewpoint is a bit more natural for adults. I can’t really recall what I thought about it in childhood, but I would be worried that a kid would think a depiction of a blackface performance is “just in fun” or that they might even imitate it when goofing around with friends. I think it’s pretty unlikely than an 8-year-old is going to really understand how race relations in the 1800s differ from our modern times without some serious parental discussion.

          • TBK

            I’ll just say I LOVED the Little House books and read each of them multiple times from first grade on. I don’t recall ever thinking blackface was okay.

    • Jules

      Second the rec for the first Harry Potter book, not the later ones

      Some favorites of mine that I can recall:

      Harriet the Spy

      The Secret Garden

      All of Beverly Cleary’s Ramona & Beezus books

      My son loved everything by Andrew Clement (I think I’ve got the name right), e.g. Frindle

      • Anon

        I’m the anon at 10:32. I completely second your post, but I haven’t read anything by Clement. Harriet the Spy was the BEST in third grade and The Secret Garden is a wonderful classic.

    • LilyB

      When I was around that age I got into historical fiction novels by Ann Rinaldi. They fueled my love of history for many years and are super educational in addition to entertaining; they also tend to feature strong female characters. In particular I recommend:

      A break with Charity
      The secret of Sarah Revere
      Hang a thousand trees with ribbons
      Wolf by the ears
      The quilt trilogy

      I don’t think she’s too young for Harry Potter. Anne of Green Gables series is great and written in a way that will challenge her and improve her vocabulary immensely.

    • cbackson

      The Hobbit, or, if she’s very above grade level, the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I LOVED Tolkien as a young’un (and, erm, never really stopped, but yeah).

    • Kontraktor

      What about CS Lewis/Narnia? Lewis Carroll (Through the Looking Glass)? Second the Winkle in Time series.

      • Kontraktor

        Also just thought of Black Beauty (loved that one) and Heidi. Secret Garden was great too.

        • Lavinia

          I’m still mad at my parents for lending my Redwall books to one of their neighbors’ kids when I was in college. He never returned them.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        Yes! Also, I think that was about the age I was reading Scott O’Dell books (Island of the Blue Dolphins is his most well known, my favorite was Carlota). Also, Robin McKinley’s books geared toward younger kids are fabulous and still some of my favorites (The Blue Sword, Hero and the Crown). Oh, and The Enchanted Forest Chronicles (first one is Dealing with Dragons) by Patricia Wrede. I read a lot of fantasy as a kid (and still read a lot…)

        • Anonynon

          Yes!! I loved all of these. Just don’t give a kid Deerskin, if you go Robin McKinley (major trauma alert – ask me how I know). I also loved: King of the Wind, the Black Stallion, and a number of other horse-y/adventure books that feature boy (or maybe horse) protagonists but that I adored.

    • Anon

      Also, the older American Girl books (published in the 1990s?) might be a good choice. I loved those ones, but I’ve heard that the most recent books are a lot worse and less focused on big goals/ideas/historical events. I read The Hobbit at age 7 or 8 and I don’t think I loved it, but it was good and definitely appropriate for a stronger reader at that age.

      I’d be lying if I said the Babysitters Club books weren’t favorites as well…

      • Brittany

        The older American Girl books are a great idea! I was about 7 or 8 when my parents got me my first doll and book and I devoured them after that. If she’s reading above her grade level and you go this route, I would definitely make sure to get the entire series for that particular girl (there’s 6 to a girl), because she’ll go through the first book fairly fast.

    • Miss Behaved

      I signed my nieces up for zoobean. It actually recommends a new book or app every week. It costs $3.95/month and you can get the first 3 months free.

      The first recommendation – When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead – was so good that I read it, too. Seriously, it’s one of the best books I’ve read this year.

    • Lyssa

      I love Louis Sacher and have really fond memories of a lot of the off-handed little jokes in his books (the easy-to-miss-the-first-time sort). He wrote the Sideways Stories from Wayside School series, which is great, and also one called “There’s a Boy in the Girl’s Bathroom” which has some really great themes about, well, I’m not sure – children’s behavior (the main character is the class screw-up bad kid, but it has great insight into him as a character, IMO). Not sure if these are even still out there, but they were really great books.

      • Jules

        Yes to these too! I bought a few of the Sideways School stories (I think the author’s name is spelled Sachar) for my niece at Christmas and my son was so happy to see them again from when HE was in third grade.

        Also the Railway Children by E. Nesbit.

        Another Roald Dahl favorite is The BFG.

        Now I want to go home and read . . .

    • Banonarama

      I loved the Betsy-Tacy series by Maud Hart Lovelace when I was about that age.

      There are 10 books in the series (plus a few spin-off books about other characters), which starts when the main character, Betsy Ray, is 5 and go on until her marriage in the final book. I read the kid-aged books when I was young, and then waited and read the high school and post-high school books when I was in junior high or so.

      They are semi-autobiographical and take place around the turn of the last century. The series is extremely charming and sweet, with lots of great period details and wonderful ancillary characters that I loved following as they, and I, grew up. Also, the long-running romance between Betsy and Joe, her eventual husband, is epic. Joe was one of my crushes growing up :)

      • jls253

        +1 to Betsy-Tacy! I loved these, so much so that I’ve considered joining the Betsy-Tacy society :)

        Also the Shoes books by Noel Streatfield (memorably referenced in “You’ve Got Mail.” Start with Ballet Shoes, then Theatre Shoes.

        • AnonCo

          I was just about to comment below about the Shoe books! Definitely Ballet Shoes, Dancing Shoes, and Theatre Shoes. Circus Shoes and Skating Shoes were also cute.

          I also loved The Boxcar Children series, the Nancy Drew series, and Dahl’s children’s books (Matilda, The BFG, Danny the Champion of the World, etc.)

      • In House Counsel

        Co-sign on the Betsy-Tacy series!! Love the series which I think is so underrated — I still pull out last 6 books when I’m in the mood for comfort reading:)

    • yay books!

      Books by Elizabeth Enright — the Melendy Family books (4 of them) and Gone-Away Lake and its sequel Return to Gone-Away. Old fashioned (my mom grew up reading them too) but really really good. Also, books Edward Eager — Half Magic, the Time Garden, and the other ones in that series. In a few years, if she likes A Wrinkle in Time, then the books in Susan Cooper’s The Dark is Rising sequence!

    • anne-on

      I just finished The Girl who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making and it was fantastic. Great female narrator who is about her age, and there are a few sequels out now too. If she likes fantasy I also loved Peter Pan, and a Sword in the Stone at that age.

      • AIMS

        This is such a great list, thanks guys! I am printing it out for my “go-to” list of gift ideas. So many great choices… Now I want to stop working and just read all these myself. The Girl who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making sounds like something I may need to read myself….

    • Anonymous

      judy blume (fudge series)
      louis lowery
      beverly cleary
      roald dahl

      series
      Hank the Cowdog
      Babysitters Club

        • Sydney Bristow

          I wanted to be Stacy! There used to be a great blog called What Claudia Wore (or something like that). It was so fun to look back at those books. I must have read the entire series 5-10 times.

    • Silvercurls

      My list is below but I’m sure I’m forgetting something! Go online for lists of must-read-in-childhood books. Try the sites of the New York Public Library and the American Library Association (which awards the annual Newberry and Caldecott prizes for children’s literature).Some of these may not be in print. Also try good private bookstores (e.g. Politics and Prose, located in DC but you can shop online). Try used book stores or the public library. Booksellers and librarians like to make and share lists of their favorite books.

      My list:
      Little Women and the sequels (titles vary depending on whether you get the British or U.S. editions, either way the series takes the characters from teen years/Civil war through marriage and the maturation of all of their children), also other Louisa May Alcott books
      The Little House on the Prairie series
      Nancy Drew…at least a few, for cultural literacy’s sake
      Five Children and It
      Bedknobs and Broomsticks
      Domestic Mayhem: Cheaper by the Dozen; and Gerald Durrell’s My Family and Other Animals and Birds, Beasts, and Relatives. Might wait about 2 years for the Durrell.
      There was a Welsh series I enjoyed…I think one of the middle volumes was called The Black Cauldron

      2 more for a child aged 10-12:
      Johnny Tremain (historical fiction about U.S. Revolutionary war)
      Willa Cather ‘s My Antonia; but if she’s sensitive, wait until she’s in her teens. I still get creeped out by the chapter about the bride, the groom and the 2 bachelors in a sleigh pursued by wolves. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t end well.)

      • mama of 2

        The Welsh series is the Chronicles of Prydain, by Lloyd Alexander. I remember loving those too!

      • Anon

        Nancy Drew! Yes, Nancy Drew. My grandmother had a huge old cabinet full of Nancy Drew and Bobbsey Twins books that I read when I was a child. Awesome memories :)

    • Anonymous

      At that age I could easily read young adult fiction, but most of it didn’t appeal to me much (too much emphasis on romance, the high school social scene, and/or violence [Lord of the Flies definitely scarred me a little]). I LOVED the Wizard of Oz books (age-appropriate nonsense, strong female characters). Other favorites included The Phantom Tollbooth, anything by Roald Dahl, and the Chronicles of Narnia. Though they weren’t released until I was older, I suspect I would have also really liked Garth Nix’s Keys to the Kingdom (a lot of his other stuff is pretty adult) and Tamora Pierce’s Circle of Magic series at that age if I had come across them.

      • anne-on

        Oh I loooved Tamora Pierce at that age, and she’s got a bunch of newer series out now too. I had so much fun getting them for my niece!

    • Anon

      Harriet the Spy, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (although this might be better in a year or two), anything by Louisa May Alcott, the Little House on the Prairie Series, A Wrinkle in Time.

    • Carine

      So many good recommendations here! Also check out the site A Mighty Girl–they have a lot of book lists under the ‘Best Of’ tab, and if you go to the Books section, you can sort their picks by age range.

    • Reix

      Some Michael Ende? Momo?

      And any Erich Kästner books for children… I don’t know if these are available in English…. but I looooooved those as a kid…. The 35th pf May, The flying classroom, The little man…. oh boy! How I loved those

    • NWanalyst

      I highly, highly recommend Robin McKinley. “The Blue Sword” and “The Hero and the Crown” were probably my favorite of her works, and they’re a set. McKinley writes amazing adventure-fantasy stories with *actual* strong female characters, and I was addicted to her books as a teenager. I think if I’d discovered them sooner, I would have been addicted at six or eight; I think the reading level is not too advanced for a precocious child.

      Also, I highly recommend anything by Scott O’Dell… you’re probably familiar with “The Trumpet of the Swan” and “Island of the Blue Dolphins”, but I loved “Sarah Bishop” and “My Name is not Angelica” at that age. O’Dell also writes some amazingly strong female main characters, and while the subject matter can get a bit heavy at times (dealing with topics like war, slavery, and death), it’s very age-appropriate and a really great way to get kids thinking critically about those topics. I actually picked up a copy of “Angelica” recently because the book left such an impression…

      • Chi squared

        I love Robin McKinley! I was just thinking about re-reading the Blue sword and Hero and the Crown the other day.

    • Book

      Wonder by RJ Palacio. My 2nd grader (who is at a 4th grade reading level) just read it and while it was a little over his head, it was the first book that truly engrossed him. He loved it. It was recommended to him by an above-average 2nd grade girl. I read it too, and I’m on a mission to get the whole world to read it. Excellent book.

    • LizNYC

      From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
      Mysterious Benedict Society (about very smart kids who do top secret missions)
      Fablehaven series (might be a *bit* too old for her — some scary parts, albeit fantasy based)
      Percy Jackson

    • amberwitch

      A lot of Diana Wynne Jones stories are good, and fits the age.
      Then there is the Darkangel trilogy by Meredith Ann Pierce. and Margaret Mahy has some good ones. Garth Nix series The Key to the Kingdom is ok.

      And I second the Robin McKinley recommendation.

    • Coach Laura

      A Wrinkle in Time and its sequels by Madeline l’Engle

      Snow Treasures by Margie Mcswigan (true story about children in Norway smuggling gold past Nazis)

  11. Diana Barry

    Hey ladies, I have a footwear question. What socks/hose do you typically wear in the winter when you wear heels with pants? Or do you wear none? I have a meeting in the office and need to wear heels (bc long pants) but I am never sure what to put under them.

    • Anon

      I wear fishnet trouser socks or nothing. If I wear anything more substantial, my feet slip out of my shoes.

      • NWanalyst

        Second on the nude knee-highs; these work better for me than trouser socks (I can only stand seeing my feet in trouser socks if I’m wearing loafers or oxfords).

    • Frugal doc..

      Knee highs/trouser socks, black/brown/blue and rarely nude, to go appropriately with shoes/pants to lengthen the line.

      I think you really need to wear something in winter.

    • Lyssa

      I usually wear old nude hose under pants in the winter for extra warmth. (I save any with runs for this purpose.) If not, knee-highs work fine, but I’m cold-natured.

      • Ginjury

        Same. I appreciate the extra layer, but if you get warm easily or don’t need extra warmth, just go with knee highs.

      • Diana Barry

        Thanks, ladies. I haven’t worn knee-highs since I was a kid but guess I should pick some up! :)

    • anon

      Knee high nude pantyhose, or off black knee highs depending on what’s clean.

  12. Kontraktor

    Does anybody here juice? We just bought standard entry level juicer (the $150 Breville model) and want tips. We are looking to get good enough to maybe do a 3 day juice cleanse, but realize we need to get our feet wet first. So, yeah, any tips/tricks/musings/learnings appreciated, especially with regards to juicing leafy greens and getting optimal yield from the..

    • Pink

      Not to be glib, but return it and get the Vitamix. You can juice with it by grinding everything then running it through a nut bag or cheesecloth straining, but then you still have a super powered blender for green smoothies and such when you’re done juice cleansing.

      I say this as someone who had a green juice this morning, and I live in a 2 juicer household now but really really wish I had purchased the vitamix instead.

        • AIMS

          I bought my mom a NutriBullet and she LOVES it. She gets big bags of frozen fruit and veggies, everything from Kale to strawberries, at Costco and Trader Joe’s and makes different ones. It also comes with a recipe book if you’re not feeling too creative.

          • Ginjury

            Yeah, I have the magic bullet and do the same thing. I blend it all up and then strain it. It’s much cheaper and great for smoothies.

    • Baconpancakes

      Can’t advise on the models, but I would say Pink’s advice is probably spot-on. We had a juicer from the 90’s, handed down from family, and while it was very convenient for the week juice cleanse, unless you’re a juice convert and drinking one meal a day forever, it’s not worth the counter space. Juicing is fun, but it’s either a hard core way of life, or a fad you’ll have fun with and then get sick of.

      As far as recipes go, beets are a great way to add sweetness and vitamins at the same time, better for you than straight fruit, but it does make you pee pink. Adding an exotic fruit, like kiwi, to a green smoothie/juice full of spinach and kale will help make it more palatable. Wheatgrass is surprisingly delicious. If you ever blend instead of juicing, always check your teeth afterwards. You will probably have green flecks.

      • Kontraktor

        Hence why we didn’t want to spend a ton on a really expensive model or a Vitamix (yes they can be used for other things, but that’s still expensive with even the cheapest model probably running at least $400). We realized we may get a sacrifice in performance with our entry level model, but we’ll try for awhile and see how it fits in our life before getting something more expensive.

        So far, the thing seems to do carrots great, soft fruits (oranges, lemons) not too bad, apples and celery not too bad, but the kale this morning was sort of cruddy. We found some tips online about getting a better yield (ex, wrap around carrots, roll up leaves really tightly, just use a ton of leaves, etc.), but it sounds like for that, we may be better off just mixing the kale in a blender and straining and then adding to our other juice. i read mixing the kale with a little coconut water before blending can help.

        How beety does juice taste when you add beets? I generally like beets (roasted or cold in salad) but even I admit the beet taste can get a bit particular after awhile eating them straight up.

        • anon

          A little more earthy. More noticeable in smoothies than juices imo. I like beet, carrot, orange (I usually add some OJ) with a little ginger.

    • Anon

      You need a masticating juicer to really get a good yield. Unfortunately, they’re expensive. If you’re mostly concerned with leafy greens, I’ve had good results with a blender.

    • New Atty

      Nobody answered your question! I have a juicer and love it. RE tips, i find putting in the less-juicy greens/leaves first is best, then following up with something that is very juicy (like an apple) as the juicy veg/fruit ‘cleans out’ the greens that went in first. Cleaning is a pain (vitamix wins on this point), but for me, making a full recipe yields two BIG cups of juice, which for a juice cleanse is about two meals. To keep it healthy, try not to put so much fruit in, but note that while apples and pineapples taste great, you can get less of the bitter-kale taste with other things like carrots, ginger, or mint, that won’t also pack on the sugar. I also like adding crushed ice or ice cubes to my green juices, they taste better to me cold! Also, re cleaning, once I have poured everything out, I immediately submerge everything in water to let it sit for a while, makes cleaning easier.

      • anon

        I juice mine into pint glasses I throw in the freezer with about an inch of water at the bottom and sometimes if I have the mint, a few mint leaves in the ice cube that forms. So yummy in the summer!

    • Insecure First-Year

      Re the 3-day juice cleanse, I’d recommend prepping your body beforehand. There’s lots of advice online about how to prep your body, but I ignored the advice and suffered miserably. I just figured that I ate healthy enough and close enough to the diet you are supposed to eat before cleansing that I would be fine. So, so wrong. You are probably going to be miserable regardless but the prep does make a difference.

    • European

      My favorites: (1) carrots, oranges, lemon and ginger (2) green apples, pineapple, spinach, cucumber, lemon and ginger. When I’m sick, I make shots of apples and ginger (small chunk of apple, LOTS of ginger)!

  13. Shopaholic

    Can I just vent about something ladies? Saw some family this weekend and realized that in the next month, I have two major family events with all of my extended family, which normally would be great except nothing fits me right and I’m the only single one in a very traditional and conservative family that feels entitled to make rude and judgmental comments about my life/lack of a spouse/weight.

    Plus I’ve been feeling kinda down lately so don’t even know if I’ll be able to rally and play “bingo” with the family event like I usually do.

    • Brittany

      Vent away – my roommate is going through the same thing currently. Can you bring a close friend to these events, maybe one that your immediate families knows well, to buffer a little bit?

    • HappyHoya

      I’m sorry you have to put up with that. I’m an “odd one out” in my extended family, for different reasons, so I understand how it feels. Often times, I’ll want to look forward to these events, since I do like to see everyone and it’s happening less and less and time goes on, but I am bracing myself for a stressful spring with several graduation parties, baby showers, and the like. Make sure you take time to take care of yourself and spend time with positive people who love and support you regardless.

    • Shopaholic

      Thanks for the support ladies – unfortunately bringing a friend along will only cause more drama and questions so I guess I’ll have to suck it up and hope that I lose a few pounds and/or find a couple great outfits so I can at least feel better while I’m there!

  14. Her Sister

    I’m hoping for some advice along the lines of Finance question, above, but didn’t want to hijack the thread, which has been useful. My BIL recently died after a brief illness, and I’m hoping to help my sister, who is 50, with some practical advice. Is anyone aware of first steps for younger widows, in a case where the spouse was still employed? I’ve done some Googling, but if there’s a specific book or website that has been helpful I’d appreciate a link.

    • Digby

      Not sure if this is what you’re looking for, but your sister should ask her husband’s employer the following: 1) did he have life insurance, either company-paid or employee-paid? 2) did he have a 401k account or pension? 3) if he had health insurance through work, and she was covered by it, when does the coverage end? 4) was he eligible for post-employment health care, and if so, is she eligible as a surviving spouse? 5) are there any unpaid wages/unused vacation to be paid? 6) are there any expense reports to be reimbursed? 7) are there any personal effects at work to be collected?

  15. oatmeal

    I feel really stupid here, but how on earth do you make quick oats?? I decided to stop using the premade packets and bought a container of Quaker quick oats but so far I’ve either had them explode in the microwave or just ended up with wet chewy oats (by the boiling water + wait 5 minutes method). Am I supposed to grind them up first or something? I eat breakfast at work (so no stovetop) which is why I thought the “quick oats” were the way to go. I swear I’m not usually this inept at cooking.

    • roses

      1) You’re sure you are using quick oats – not the kind that you need to slow cook?

      2) Are you using a deep enough bowl? You need some room to allow the oats to expand.

      3) Even if you’re following the directions on the container, keep an eye on them in the microwave. When you see them getting to the brim of the bowl, stop the microwave. They should be done at that point. If they’re not, reduce the amount of liquid you’re using.

      • oatmeal

        The box definitely says “quick” on the front. I’ll try an even larger bowl tomorrow I guess, the one I used was only a quarter full but maybe that was still too small.

        • Godzilla

          Sometimes I microwave the milk/water first until almost boiling, stir in the oats and let it sit in for 5 min.

    • editrix

      I cook regular non-quick oats in a four-cup measuring cup in the microwave for three minutes. No mess, easy. The key is a big container, even though it’s only a half-cup of oats. And if it looks like it’s about to boil over, stop cooking for a few seconds.

      • preg 3L

        +1. I buy quaker old fashioned oats and find it’s very easy to get great tasting oatmeal. I do it on the stove though.

    • Anon

      For the microwave you have to actually stand there and heat it in 2 or 3 short bursts. I do it with the 5 minute variety at home that calls for 2-3 min in the microwave. I microwave for 1 or 1.5 min, stir, then microwave for anotehr minute or so, watching till it starts to get to the brim of the bowl. Helps to have a plate under the bowl. I like it better than the premade packets, but it takes more attention.

    • Samantha

      I use the “instant” and not the “quick cook” as the quick cook requires more time and close monitoring in the microwave.

      • oatmeal

        Hmm, ok I’ll have to keep an eye out for instant, the only “instant” in bulk packaging I found at the store was for cream of wheat or grits. I am not awake enough in the morning for this much work :)

    • Anonymous

      I use a quart size container for only 1/3 cup oats (plus 2/3 c. liquid) and it still gets close to boiling over. You need a HUGE container. It also helps to use a wide bowl rather than something like a measuring cup where it will cook “up” much more quickly and start climbing the sides.

      I microwave that serving amount for 5 minutes, stir, and then do 2.5-3 minutes more.

      • EPorsch

        Also – lower the power on the microwave down to like 6 or 7 – keeps it from exploding.

        • Meg Murry

          Yes – I do low power as well, and stirring every minute. The fact that the instructions on the container just say 2 minutes with no other notations is maddening to me.

          Also I’ve found that using milk instead of water also makes the boil-over happen higher and faster.

    • Anon

      I use old-fashioned oats (not the quick-cooking) and ad 2x the amount of water as oats. I microwave for one minute at half power. The instructions on the oats packages are way off and will result in oats boiling over onto everything and becoming a gluey mess.

    • MBAwannabe

      Now I’m not sure if I use quick-cook or instant. I buy whatever is in the huge Quaker Oats container. At any rate, here’s what I do (found it on Pinterest)

      1/2 cup oats
      1 egg
      splash of almond milk
      honey
      cinnamon
      blueberries

      Mix in a large coffee mug and microwave for 2 minutes. Rarely have problems, and it’s delicious!

    • Anon

      I use the one minute quaker oats and cook on the stove with milk. I do have to keep stirring the milk so it doesn’t overcook, but it doesn’t take long at all.

      You could also look into overnight oats. I have never made them, but they seem popular on pinterest :)

      • CKB

        I do overnight oats with my quick oats. Stick it in the fridge the night before, grab on my way out the door in the morning, and eat at work. Currently this is my recipe:

        1/2 cup oats
        1 tbsp protein powder (opt)
        dash salt
        1-2 tbsp milk
        yogurt – either a single serving container or 2 large spoonfuls out of a container
        mix (you may have to adjust milk/yogurt to get the consistency you want)
        top with frozen berries (or whatever fruit you have on hand)
        I also like to add cinnamon sometimes

        This has been my go-to breakfast for a few months now & I love it.

      • Bonnie

        Another vote for overnight oats. I put half a cup of oats into a tupperware container, add a cup of almond milk and whatever fruit I have on hand. At work I just heat for a minute.

    • Anonymous

      I cover the top of my bowl of quick oats with saran wrap before microwaving and that has prevented explosions!

  16. anon

    Wedding-related and may sound whiny — feel free to skip.

    I was married a few months ago and was really sick on my wedding day with some kind of bug. I had to leave the party 4-5 times to throw up, I couldn’t eat or drink, and felt nauseous and shaky for most of the night. I LOVE to dance but had to spend most of the night sitting down watching others dance with a big fake smile plastered to my face and hoping no one interpreted my queasy expression as my being upset about the wedding (which could not be further from the truth). The only people who knew I was feeling so sick were my mom and my maid of honor/best friend (and to some extent, my husband, but he didn’t realize HOW horrible I felt and how much of the party I missed until I told him afterward, because he was drunk and having so much fun).

    Months have gone by and I still sometimes feel really sad about this! My sister’s wedding is coming up, and while I am so excited for her, I keep having pangs of jealousy. I was never someone who was wedding obsessed or “spent my whole life waiting for this moment.” My husband and I are so happy together and I know that an awesome marriage is more important than an awesome wedding, but I still can’t help but feel cheated out of a euphoric, once-in-a-lifetime party with everyone I love.

    I haven’t wanted to talk about this with anyone because it sounds so whiny and embarrassing. But has anyone else had a seriously un-fun wedding? Any suggestions for how to make myself feel better? TIA!

    • Blonde Lawyer

      That sounds so awful and I’m so sorry it happened to you. I think it makes perfect sense to be upset about it. Your sister’s wedding sounds like a great time to eat, drink and celebrate with your husband, friends and family without the stress of it being YOUR wedding. Maybe you can make it a special date night with your husband? Get a fancy hotel room and a town car to bring you back and forth? Nothing to show up the bride of course. Something you can keep quiet from everyone else even.

      Maybe it would help to not keep it a secret now it is behind you and laugh and joke with others about how nice it is to enjoy THIS party compared to your last.

      • Anon

        This is a good idea. I have always had more fun at other people’s weddings than I had at my own. There is just less pressure and it is nice to spend an evening dancing/eating/drinking/etc. with my husband. It sort of reminds us why we got married and how far we have come in our marriage.

    • Kontraktor

      Not quite the same issue, but I was pretty sad for awhile after my wedding just because it was such a great time and really the planning process was a fun, kind of magical time. I was so happy on the day that I felt for a long time after that I would never be THAT happy again. Not to mention I felt really sad I didn’t have anything to lead up to anymore or anything to plan or anything that momentous on the calendar.

      I helped the sadness by planning other happy items and experiences for my husband and me; think bigger dinner parties where I could cook a ton and make people happy, vacations, mini-weekend trips/events/adventures. Are there any new experiences you’ve always wanted to try with your husband? Any goals you could work to together or longer term projects (ie, run a 10k, plant a garden, redo your bathroom)?

      are there any leftover things from your wedding you haven’t done? ex., have you made your photo album? have you done anything with your dress? i started working on putting together our photo album using blurb after the wedding, that helped me feel like I was still working on something wedding related. also, i plan to turn my dress into christening outfits for future younglings so i have recently been researching that.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry to hear that you were so sick on your wedding day. It sounds pretty terrible.
      I had a pretty un-fun wedding also, and it’s been ten years (tenth anniversary! we are very happy together!). It seems funny to think about now, but I was young (24) and happy that I was getting to marry the guy I wanted (took some convincing for parents, different religions and ethnicities, and we were young) that I let my parents and his do anything they wanted with respect to the actual wedding.
      Given the different religions, instead of being a “merged religious ceremonies” thing, it turned out to be two different religious ceremonies back to back. Yup. Took hours. We had two complete weddings within a 24 hour timespan. In a different country from where DH and I lived, so most of our friends couldn’t attend. Mostly parents’ friends.
      I tried to save money by doing makeup myself, but I did a hurried job and should have gone more natural. 10 years later I think I looked beautiful in the honeymoon pics where I was natural looking and flushed from the beach and happy. In the actual wedding photos I have facial hair (gah, sideburns!) that is too visible, and didn’t get enough sleep, and had cakey makeup.

      However! I love my DH so, so much. We have a kid together and he’s a great dad. We picnicked at a park recently and sipped some wine while our kid biked around and I felt very, very lucky to be alive and healthy and to have a happy marriage and a loving family.
      Hope the perspective helps you feel better!

      • Hollis

        Anon- your story really resonated with me in a lot of ways. I’ve been married for 9 years now and the wedding itself had a lot of not-fun aspects (mostly due to trying to make family members happy), but I, too, am happy to be married, healthy, and to have children with my DH. I know people who have had what people would consider to be “picture perfect” weddings, only to be separated or divorced a few years later. So, that puts things into perspective. It’s my opinion that our society puts way too much importance/pressure on weddings and not enough on some other things that matter way more, like a happy, enduring marriage.

    • Silvercurls

      Speaking with affection, although this sounds harsh on rereading:
      1. Give yourself a 30-second, 4-step pity party: 1.hugs. cookies. howl away. 2. Thank the universe (G-d, higher power of your choice, whomever or whatever) that you are happy with DH. 3. Repeat as necessary. 4. Chalk it up to experience and move on. I understand your frustration but the wedding and party went on even though you privately felt HORRIBLE. (No wedding disasters in my case, but I got bronchitis on our honeymoon. DH brought a lot of takeout chicken soup back to the hotel.)

      You’re right–an awesome marriage is more important than an awesome wedding. From now on, whenever life hands you a reason to be happy in the presence of people you love, take a moment to breathe in the experience. It can be as simple as heating up frozen pizza with DH and a good friend or as complicated as another big family party for somebody’s Big Anniversary, Birth, Bar Mitzvah, etc.

      To further take the edge off my grouchiness (not your fault, I’m taking a break from a difficult task), here’s a blessing borne of my own experience: As you move through life, may the number of “everyone I love” expands thanks to add-ins through marriage, birth, adoption, neighbors, new friends, parents of your children’s friends (if having children is what you want and what life is able to make happen for you). May your times of joy be deep and may they sustain you when life challenges you or your loved ones. And may at least some of your challenges turn humorous during or after the fact, so that you have a good story to share.

    • HTown

      I’m so sorry you were so sick on your wedding day. I think a lot of people have weddings that didn’t turn out as planned. Even if you are not wedding obsessed, it’s natural to picture your wedding day in a certain way and if it doesn’t turn out like that, it’s equally as natural to be disappointed.

      I’ve had 2 weddings. Before the first my husband-to-be and I got in a big argument and I was also sick (though not as much as you). For my second there was a lot of family drama and one big fashion gaffe. It was in Vegas and the guys went to rent tuxes the day before. Not remembering that my bridesmaids would be wearing burgundy dresses, they got blue vests & ties for their tuxes instead of burgundy. I still cringe when I see the group photos with the women in one color/men in another. Looks like our theme was Fourth of July or something. We’ll celebrate our 10th anniversary this year though and we’ve had a lot of happy times since then so I put it in perspective. And of course, if you want to someday you can do a renewal of the vows and enjoy the party the way you want to.

    • R in Boston

      I hated every moment of my wedding for a variety of reasons. I figured if I was still upset a year later, we’d do a vow renewal of some sort (in Paris! Top of the Eiffel Tower! At sunset!), count that as the real wedding, and forget all about the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad wedding day. Then, at some point during that year, I just stopped caring about it. See how you feel in a few months.

    • ContractsinTX

      Have you thought about recreating your wedding with a photo shoot with just you and your husband? These are sometimes called “day after” sessions. So many couples feel rushed (or sick) the day of their wedding, so this gives you the chance to create or recreate some memories on your own. Get glammed up again, buy a little cake, and have a pretty photo shoot. I’m sure your photographer would give you a discount for the shoot, since they already did your wedding. A lot of photographers love styled shoots.

    • anon

      For what it’s worth, I didn’t feel that great on my wedding day either. I hardly slept at all the night before and was feeling nervous that I wouldn’t hold up. Plus, I’m more of an introvert, so being the center of attention added to the pressure I felt. My dress was so tight around my middle that I had a hard time taking in a full breath of air (note to future brides, avoid this!). I don’t mean to be a downer, but I really think some of the best moments in life are the random, unplanned ones, when you don’t have huge expectations coloring everything. We can’t always plan and create the moments when we feel the way we want to feel. Life doesn’t work like that. But maybe that amazing feeling will slip over you some other time if you stay open for it.

    • Wedding Day Blues

      Oh my gosh, this was me on my wedding day! I was sick too, and felt so so so bad about it for weeks and months afterwards. I finally went so far as to speak to a counselor about it, because it felt so petty and my unhappiness unreasonable. The counselor told me to focus on all the positive things at the wedding, so I forced myself to do that. Simple advice, but it helped! Especially focusing on the fact that I married a great guy and that one day doesn’t make my whole marriage. Now, 20 years later, I know how unimportant it really was!

  17. Samantha

    For the Anon looking for tall work dresses over the weekend.
    I posted a couple of weeks back that I had to return work dresses from Macy’s that were too short, and I always find Banana dresses way too short for my liking.

    From a suggestion here, I had good luck with a couple of Lord & Taylor dresses that I will wear with a black blazer:
    http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/sleeveless-sheath-dress-0214-10447177–1

    Second link to follow.

  18. traveler

    Looking for insight on three questions. Time frame is the rest of this month.

    1. Anyone been to the NoMad in NYC for dinner? What’s the dress like?

    2. Any recommendations for Lima/the beaches south of the city?

    3. Any recommendations for Cusco/Sacred Valley? We’re already planning to backpack the Salkantay route.

    • Lydia

      The NoMad is trendy. Jeans are ok, but look nice, like you are going out for a night on the town. Order the chicken for two – it is amazing. Sorry, can’t help on the other two questions.

    • PolyD

      I was just at NoMad last week! I would say dress nicely, but don’t obsess about it too much. Wear what makes you feel pretty.

      As for the food – We shared the beef tartare, which was amazing. Then we ordered the duck and the suckling pig. The duck was the best duck I’ve ever had – I feel like since more places have started serving duck, you rarely get it cooked properly. This was done perfectly – not overcooked, not underdone. The suckling pig came as slices of tenderloin and as confit, which was sort of a little brick of shredded pork topped with an amazing crunchy piece of crackling, maybe? Not sure what it was, but it was so very good, like ultimate bacon. The pork had a great pork flavor, too, not bland and overcooked like I find port usually is. I don’t normally go for dessert, but we got the caramelized brioche and it was so good.

      They also have a ton of fancy cocktails. I ordered one that featured hot pepper (can’t remember the name) and it was pretty good, but I was a bit floored by the $16 price tag. I was used to $15 cocktails in NYC, but somehow $16 just seems a bit too much. Silly, I know. They also had interesting-sounding non-alcoholic drinks, to be enjoyed as is or you could add booze to them, too.

    • Anon

      Love Cusco/Sacred Valley. A decade ago, I absolutely loved the MAP Cafe when I was feeling spendy. Plaza San Blas in Cusco was lovely, as well. If you’re interested in seeing some of the local ruins, get the boleto turistico. Not included are Tipon, Maray, and Salinas de Maras. Have an amazing time!

    • s-non

      Did the Salkantay trek last year. Are you doing it through a tour group? The hostel I stayed at also had a lot of one-day adventures. We did a day of just wandering around, going to the market, getting used to the altitude, and then one day of a horseback riding trip around the ruins outside Cusco. There were a lot of things you could do – i.e., bungee jumping, etc.

    • DowntownBK

      So funny, I went to the NoMad a couple of weeks ago (took my husband for his bday), then was in Lima last week!

      The NoMad is amazing… I loved the linguine with crab, meyer lemon, and black pepper. Husband loved the suckling pig. As mentioned above, dress is not over the top, but ‘night on the town’ attire. Jeans, heels, and a blazer would work, but I wore a sheath dress and felt like that was fine, too.

      Lima is an amazing food city… we went to a restaurant La Gloria that was great. Really cute and huge menu of amazing seafood and tons of interesting Peruvian fare. My foodie sister and BIL LOVED Maido for Peruvian sushi (I missed out, unfortunately) and Pescados Capitales for all kinds of seafood. And definitely Manolo for churros… so so good. We went to a more casual local place called Don Fernando for lunch one day that was also very good and had a very local feel. The food is just great in general (especially the seafood)… have a blast!

  19. Anon

    I bought this bag yesterday in the grey birch color thinking it would be versatile. I’m not a huge purse person (rec’d a gift card for my birthday) and was really unsure of what to buy. What do you all think of this bag? I was hoping to be able to wear it with shades of brown/tan but when I got home and tried it I don’t think it works. I think it works with pretty much anything other than browns/tans. Help please!

    If I want a bag to go with browns/tans should I get a camel color or what? What is the most versatile purse color?

    Also, I work in a corporate office that is business casual (more on the casual side). Is this professional enough for work if I don’t use the crossbody strap?

  20. Anon

    Hey all, my husband plans on buying a tux for an upcoming event – I have no idea where to start shopping for tuxes. He will need something slim fit as he is pretty thin and wears his suits fitted. We’re in Phoenix so we’ve got all of the department stores but not every boutique. I was thinking around $1k would be a good price range? Is that reasonable? Any and all suggestions welcome!!

    • Hermione

      He can definitely get a nice tux for less than $1000 unless he needs extensive tailoring. I suggest you start at a place like Jos A Banks to see if he’s satisfied with their quality/cut. If so, great. Lots of money saved (assuming you take advantage of one of their ridiculous sales). Tuxedos seem timeless, but my husband just replaced the jacket for his because he felt the style he bought 9 years ago was dated. If Jos A Banks or the like won’t do, go to Nordstroms.

    • Clementine

      My husband got a really nice looking tux at Jos A Banks for less than $300. He’s slim, tall and broad shouldered and their ‘Traveler Fitted’ Tux worked great for him.

      You can absolutely spend more to get a higher end tux, but this looks great and seeing as my husband wears it only a couple times a year max, it wasn’t worth it to him to buy something that had a much higher cost per wear.

      He tried on a bunch and was happiest with the fit and feeling of this one. Wait for a sale at Jos A Banks to get a good deal.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I don’t know if they all have this but my husband has one with an adjustable strap inside on both waist sides so he can take it in or let it out a couple sizes in the waist over time. He has gotten a lot of use out of his tux over the years this way. He has had it almost 15 years!

    • Anon

      I bought my son a tuxedo online for my sister’s wedding for a fraction of what the rental price would have been. At the wedding, I compared it to the groomsmen tuxedos that had been rented and it was exactly the same. I ordered from tuxedosonline.com.

    • DowntownBK

      My husband’s tux is J. Crew and it’s really nice. Pricing is pretty reasonable and has a nice slim fit… highly recommended.

  21. NYC Dinner Ideas

    It’s DH’s birthday and I want to take him out for a nice dinner. We’re in NYC, Manhattan to be exact. He loves steak but steakhouse is not a requirement. I’d be fine spending around $200 for dinner, inc. drinks and tip. East side is better but not necessary. Also, can’t be somewhere that’s impossible to get reservations short notice (it’s for this weekend) and we like places that are fun without being too much of a trendy scene so good ambiance is key. Doesn’t have to be fancy either, just festive feeling. Any ideas? Past year’s winners were Strip House, BLT Steak, ACME, and Le Philosophe.

    • Pink

      minetta tavern / Marea / DB Townhouse / Tocqueville – You might be able to get a reservation if you call and don’t have to eat at 730PM (ie. go at 6 or 630)

      • Anon.

        Love both Minetta and Marea but I doubt you can get out of Marea with drinks for under $200, and if you can get a reservation at Minetta for anytime other than 5 or 11, teach me your tricks! Minetta books up SO fast. Though, my husband and I love to go get burgers and wine there and eat at the bar when we don’t have a rez (probably not what you want for a birthday dinner but FYI for future evenings out :)).

      • anne-on

        I miss the old school red-sauce Minetta Tavern. My husband and I had some of our earliest dates there and it was so fun (and cheap!).

    • Clementine

      Peter Luger Steakhouse in Brooklyn.

      Schlep it to Brooklyn for the old-school Steakhouse experience.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Eh don’t love Marea. Peter Lugers is excellent, second Quality meats as well. I also love: Boulud Sud, Gotham Bar & Grill (although no idea how much this one costs). Love Annisa, but not a steak place.

  22. Cb

    Thanks everyone for the pep talk and advice on applications last week. I sent the application in on Friday and then treated myself to hot chocolate.

  23. BKDC

    I’m getting to the point where I need to seriously start thinking about maternity clothes. I prefer wearing skirts instead of pants, but I’m facing a huge problem — it seems as if all the maternity skirts I see are black or are too form fitting to wear to work. Any suggestions?

    • JJ

      I only ever found one maternity skirt that worked for work and it was a pencil skirt from the Gap. The options for maternity skirts seemed pretty slim. However, I LIVED in maternity dresses and was able to actually get a ton from Target and Gap. The options are much better online than in person, but I went through two pregnancies and have spanned all four seasons and my dresses are what made it possible.

    • OCAssociate

      You’re right – almost all maternity pencil skirts are black. You might get lucky and find grey.

      Isabella Oliver has a citrine pencil skirt right now (their stuff is pricey, but very comfortable and worth the price). Seraphine should have some work skirt selections. It looks like Rosie Pope also has some grey skirts, but I haven’t purchased anything from her website, so can’t speak to quality.

      I’ve found that the Gap pencil skirts never quite fit right – saggy in the bag. But that could just be me.

      Good luck! And congrats on the pregnancy.

    • LLBMBA

      If you’re in to skirts, would dresses work? I found skirts tough, but dresses much easier. And with fewer than 11 weeks to go, some of my more forgiving non-maternity dresses still fit. Just have to stock up on maternity tights (note – the Thyme ones fall down. I’ve had luck with Noppies and Queen Mum).

      • AnonLawMom

        I lived in these when I was pregnant. But I pulled it under my belly – I have long legs though so it may work above the belly for shorter people.

    • JBB

      Have a friend or sister take a look at the skirts. For some reason all maternity clothes looked completely revolting to me when I was pregnant, but I had seen tons of cute work-appropriate maternity outfits when my sisters were pregnant with theirs. I think I just felt like a giant cow and like wallowing in misery and completely could not identify what looked good. Pregnant-goggles?

      • BKDC

        Thanks for the suggestions and the feedback, ladies. I’ve found a lot of the clothes pretty dowdy looking. I’m a fan of pencil skirts, and I’m afriad I won’t be able to get too much mileage out of my pre-pregnancy skirts. At least it’s good to know that I’m not missing anything out there — the options are indeed horrendous. It’s a good thing i like wearing, dresses, too!

    • Anon99

      I just gave in and changed my style for while I’m pregnant, because the type of clothes I normally wear are simply not available in maternity. I normally wear wool pencil skirts (occasionally wool trousers – lined, tailored) with hip-length cardigans buttoned up to just above the waist, with shells underneath, mostly all in bold colors. I wear a version of this outfit every day, with the exception of suits a few times a year and sheath dresses sometimes in the summer.

      My maternity wardrobe is:
      2 pairs of black pants (I have not owned black pants since high school)
      4 black and white print sleeveless tops
      1 black dress
      1 black and white print dress
      and non-maternity cardigans and a blazer

      I don’t look like me but at least I look professional – enough.

  24. Doctors in Chicago

    I am new to town and need to find an ob-gyn as well as endocrinologist (chronic thyroid issues) – preferably in the Loop or around Michigan Mile (?). I prefer a female obgyn, preferably who has some familiarity with pelvic dysfunction cases. Any suggestions?

    • Anonymous

      The Association for Women’s Health at 30 N. Michigan is a great practice. I see a male doctorr, but they have plenty so I’m sure you could find a female that you like.

    • backgrounder

      For gyn I like Women’s Health Consulting on Michigan Ave in the loop – all women doctors on staff. I go to Dr. Butler but you many want to see if there are other specialists in PID/pelvic issues.

      For endo I like Rush University Medical Center’s endocrinology practice – it’s not in the loop but in the hospital south/west of the loop near UIC/Little Italy. Easily accessible by El Pink line (Polk).

  25. Anon

    Would you wear the low Valentino rockstud pump to work under pants? I wouldn’t wear them with a dress where the 3 ankle straps would be visible, but with pants that would cover that part would you wear them?

    They are by far my most comfortable pair of shoes, but I’m hesitant about wearing them to work. I wish more brands made pretty, non-dowdy pumps with a 2.5 inch heel.

    http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/main/ProductDetail.jsp?FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374306418075&PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524446505102&R=8055966738360&P_name=Valentino&N=4294912353+306418075&bmUID=kjgudea

  26. TCA, CPA

    I start a new job Monday, and I’ve been looking for the perfect black pencil skirt the past two weeks. I have size 20 hips and a size 16 waist, so most pencil skirts look kind of silly on me. Still, I’m convinced I’ll eventually find the right one. I’ve tried all of the department stores and Lane Bryant (my first time shopping there – not impressed), and today I’m heading up to our huge outlet mall for a few hours. Any tips or recommendations? I don’t want to order a bunch of stuff online, see what fits, and ship back the rest – I want to try something on before I buy it.

    • NOLA

      I had a hard time finding this comment to respond and, since you’re posting on a thread from 2 days ago, I’d suggest that you repost on this morning’s TPS report and you’ll get a lot more help. I’ll have a look!

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