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Updated: Feb 26, 2019 69 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Tall Carryall Pebbled Leather Tote

Coffee Break |

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I'm sometimes a little surprised by things from the archives that send a lot of traffic to the blog — this super old tote bag we featured in 2010(!) still drives a steady trickle. Today's tote isn't quite as stiff as the first, but the general North/South shape and short handle reminded me of the older L.L.Bean tote. It's from cool-kid brand OAD New York, has a nice minimalist vibe as well as a crossbody strap, and is $465. Tall Carryall Pebbled Leather Tote Looking for something more affordable? This tote is similar and some colors are as low as $47. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 10.10.24

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  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Julo

    Hi ladies! I see lots of comments around depression and would love your advice. My husband has struggled with periods of depression throughout his life and saw a therapist and took medication in his teens. He didn’t like the experience and hasn’t had treatment since or taken any medication. He is open to me about feeling depressed, for months at a time and about feeling a lack of purpose. He is living a normal life and has many happy moments. I have no experience with depression. Is this something we can make it through (it reoccurs every few months and last from weeks to months) with support and love or should we seek professional help? And if so, what are the options? He isn’t very interested in treatment because he didn’t like taking the meds as a teen (he says they didn’t just take the negative feelings away but also the positive ones, he didn’t take the meds for long).

    • Anonymous

      No, it’s not something you can handle with support and love. It’s a disease he needs to handle with doctors.

    • Anonymous

      Medication can help but for mild depression there is good evidence that regular moderate aerobic activity can be as effective. Given your DH’s reluctance around medication that might be a good option. My DH struggled with mild depression after across country move/job change. He’s now viligant about running three times a week, and getting good sleep. It makes a significant difference for him but YMMV of course.

      Medication is absolutely a great option when it is necessary but from what you describe, (normal life, many happy times) it may not be necessary at this point. Life doesn’t have to feel purposeful and happy at all times, but given that your DH has experience with depression, it makes sense to take his concerns seriously. If lifestyle changes don’t make a difference then he may be more open to medication/therapy.

    • Anonymous

      I am very similar to your husband, and I too took meds as a teenager and didn’t feel they worked. I was getting by without meds as an adult, but had some pretty low times. I am so, so glad that I finally decided to try medication again. I’ve been on a fairly low dose of an SSRI for years now, with no problems and lots of benefit.”Getting by” is no longer my yardstick; I’m happy and energized.

      It’s very, very common for antidepressants not to work, or have more problems, in adolescents than in adults. In addition, obviously therapy is an option, and that’s also helped me quite a bit.

    • Anon

      I can relate to him re: meds. Everyone responds to them differently, and in my case, I’d rather feel like crap than feel *nothing*. Now, different meds impact people differently and perhaps I would have had a better experiment had we tried something else, but at the time, Prozac/fluoxetine was the only thing available in a generic, and thus the only thing I could afford. I’ve not had a spell severe enough to warrant medication since. Therapy gave me some skills to deal with things, and I often think it would be helpful again, but I don’t really know how to get started down that route.

        • tesyaa

          She may not have insurance that covers therapy so the money part may need to be addressed first…

    • Been there

      If your husband is ~40 years old and he was taking first generation Prozac (like my husband did…) one thing you can be clear on, perhaps with marriage counselor or another therapist, is that there are have been tons of advances in mental health medications, finding different receptors in the brains, things like that. His body chemistry has changed since being a teenager, too.
      Also I’d encourage him to get to a therapist. Start with your physician or EAP. Maybe do marriage counseling and talk about how his mental wellness (lack thereof) is affecting you and your marriage.

      • Anon

        +1. I took Prozac briefly as a teen and didn’t like it. Zoloft and Wellbutrin are totally my friends today.

    • Anon

      I’m not sure what you mean by “we.” I think he’s telling you that he feels like he can make it through and doesn’t want medication. Whether YOU can make it through living with a depressed person is a different question and is entirely up to you.

    • Anonymous

      Emotional blunting or numbness is a known and understood side effect of SSRIs. If he asks his psychiatrist to avoid SSRIs, the psychiatrist may suggest bupropion/Wellbutrin instead, if he’d like to research that alternative in advance.

    • Anon

      I think medicine and the medications available have changed significantly since he was a teenager. Additionally, these medicines affect teens differently than adults.

      But, I think there is value in talking to someone like a psychologist or counselor. Personally, i think I responded better to talking to someone about my problems and working through them, than I did the medication. I think it really helps to have someone identify your “blue” feelings and try and root out any (non-chemical) causes.

    • kay

      Lots of alternative medicines available these days! I have had chronic depression for years – but have worked with a good naturopath to keep it under control. I take homeopathic drops by Dr.Reckeweg and 5HTP – both helped me tremendously without feeling like a zombie! There are some great herbs out there that can be had as tinctures or teas. Find a good naturopath or a herbologist! There is definitely HOPE!

  2. Anon

    Hi, I’m visiting NYC staying midtown and have this afternoon mostly free. I’m looking for brick and mortar shops that carry plus sizes. I’m looking for nicer quality, preferably natural fibers, and I don’t want to schlep out to Brooklyn. Appreciate any recommendations!

  3. Paging Puddlejumper - C2

    Paging Puddlejumper – got busy yesterday and missed your reply – I would love your instant pot googledoc! Burner is cyclette3 @ the mail of google. Thanks!!

  4. Anon

    How much interaction will I have to have with the real estate attorney as a seller in New York State? What all does an attorney do in NYS for sellers?

    I am not and never have been a NYS resident. I inherited a (dilapidated, drug) house in NYS, called an agent off google, put it on the market for the four cents it’s worth, and accepted an offer the next day (from a flipper, yay – go forth and do good things).

    I’m an attorney and I’ve bought and sold lots of my own property, so I’m feeling a wee bit frustrated by what seems like extraordinary incompetence on the part of my real estate attorney. (Uh, changing the character of the deed I’m offering the buyer without my permission seems like Things You Don’t Do 101, but, eh, who am I? I’m just the cranky out of state owner selling this albatross.) There have been other examples, but if I don’t have to interact with this person anymore after this (pointless, seemingly invented to make attorneys money, I can read, thank you) “attorney review” period, then I’ll just deal. But if there’s more work for the attorney during the transaction, I think I might need to fire this person. Attorneys do the work of title companies in NYS, right? Or can I go find a title company on my own and get rid of this middleman?

    • Anonymous

      Are you even the attorney’s client/the person who selects the attorney such that you could do the firing? That is not so in my state.

    • Ellen

      Hug’s! There are so many incompetent real estate attorney’s in NYC b/c you have to know local law and they are the onley ones who do, so they can get away being schlubs. Dad says he could do a coop closing himself, but now he was told that there are no pro se closings allowed at 53W 53rd. I hope he decides NOT to proceed b/c I do not love the idea of living in midtown, even to a 3BR and even tho I would not be moving for almost 2 years. FOOEY on Real Estate! I just want to stay on the Upper East Side! DOUBEL FOOEY on real estate lawyers who charge big fees!

  5. Friends and money talk - trip edition

    I need some advice on how to handle a situation with friends. DH like to spend a few long weekends a year in City A. We usually go for 3-4 days (it’s a long drive for a regular weekend, so we often go on holidays weekends, which can be expensive) and stay in a nice hotel downtown (part of the appeal is that the city is walkable with lots of great restaurants and shops). We tried a cheap Airbnb once and hated it – sketchy area, had to drive everywhere, etc. Central airbnbs tend to be almost as expensive as the hotel rooms, which I book in advance and get points for.
    It’s happened about 3-4 times now that we mention to friends (different couples) our upcoming plans for the next holiday weekend and they say oh that sounds fun, can we come too? At which point I say sure and tell them where we are staying, and they ooooh and aaah about how expensive it is and they can’t possibly spend that much. It always ends up being an uncomfortable discussion – one friend straight up asked me “how are you ok with spending this?” and I muttered something about booking in advance when rates were cheaper (but truly not that much). These people must have the same approximate household income as us, sometimes more. We are pretty frugal in many ways, but we like to spend on travel. I also don’t take much vacation so these weekends count as my nice getaways. I get that different people make different choices and I’m fine with that, but I get defensive when my choices are questioned like that. One couple asked if we would be willing to cancel the hotel and split an Airbnb outside the city. I felt rude but ultimately the answer was no, because that really isn’t the point of these trips for me – I’m happy to have friends join in, but this isn’t something we planned together and I like my original plan better. Husband agrees but is a mellow guy (read non-confrontational) so he probably would have given into friend’s request if it wasn’t for me. Is there a way to gracefully handle these discussions?

    • Anon

      This has happened more than once? I can’t imagine questioning money in the context of other people’s vacation plans. Anyways, I’d just respond with, “Oh, I have points from work and really love splurging on accommodations when I travel – it’s the favorite part of trips for me. It’s just not the same if I’m not at [the Ritz or whatever].” Continue with, “Gosh, we’ve already made these reservations, but let’s do X at Cheap Place in Month so we can all hang out!”

    • Anon

      “We are pretty frugal in many ways, but we like to spend on travel.” Can’t you just say this? DH and I earn about $150k and spend $20k+ on travel annually. It seems like a lot, but we live very frugally in other ways including living in a LCOL area so we can have a nice house for very little money. We don’t really buy any “stuff”, our cars are 20 years old and long since paid off, we’re almost done paying off our mortgage and we save a ton for retirement every year. I’m comfortable with our travel spending and that’s all that matters. And it’s not rude to not want to cancel pre-existing plans so friends can join.

      • Annonnnn

        +1 “DH and I really enjoy these weekends alone, but let’s get dinner after we get back!”

    • HSAL

      Would you otherwise like to have them join you? Personally, I’d get real sick of people inviting themselves on my vacation. More people on a trip = more opinions about what to do = more hassle. I’d just stop telling them where/when I was going. But if you would like them to come too, don’t be defensive, just be clear about the plans you’ve already made. They don’t get to invite themselves on your trip and then downgrade it. They’re joining you on your trip, you’re not making plans for a trip together.

      • Friends and money talk - trip edition

        I mean, I’m generally happy for people to join us occasionally. The set-up makes it fairly easy for us to do our own thing and then go for dinner together, for example, and we did one weekend with a couple of friends that was great fun. But I’m a planner so I have already picked out hotels, restaurants, things to do etc and that can make it hard to combine with other people’s preferences. I also don’t force people to stay in the same hotel as we do, obviously. But now I’m defensive about sharing because I feel judged. Part of the tension is that these are typically originally DH’s friends who have now become couple friends. He is from a world where people don’t travel much, and he didn’t travel much before meeting me (but really likes it now). So I guess his friends just have a different mindset on this, notwithstanding income. They are always joking about how glamorous our life sounds but don’t seem to actually want to spend on travel – which is fine, but don’t judge me!

        • HSAL

          I get it. I’m also a planner. And I realize it’s easier to say “don’t be defensive” than to not actually be defensive, but I think that’s your only option here. Normally I’d say let DH handle it since they started as his friends, but it sounds like he can’t be trusted not to cave. What about saying “Sure, everything is booked but here’s where we’re staying and here are the things we’re doing/places we’re eating. Feel free to join in whatever you’d like!”?

        • HSAL

          Oh and yes, your friends are being rude so don’t worry if they’re judging you. Judge them for being rude.

    • Anon

      Your friends are being incredibly rude. It’s never ok to comment on how much someone is spending on something or ask how they afford it.

    • Anon

      The response to “Can we come, too?” is to ask them what they mean, exactly, or tell them that you’ve already booked your hotel rooms but they are welcome to join you for the car ride and book their own.

      • Idea

        I think this is a good idea. Sometimes it’s just an expression -oooh, your necklace is so great, can I have it?
        I can’t imagine anyone in my circle literally asking if they could come on vacation?! I don’t even do that for peole’s vacation homes or boats or anything!!
        Asking what they mean is great – can they stay with you? Well, we get a hotel, we don’t like AirBnB and it’s the same rate.
        Can they meet up in the same city for dinner or a show? Um, yes, but I’m a planner so we’ve already got tickets for Saturday night in March, but June might be open if you want to plan, too!
        I’d ask more, narrow the scope, and be honest. Your vacation tradition sounds lovely and perfect for you two.

    • Anonymous

      I think people fall into two categories re travel accommodations – those who are willing to spend money to be just as comfortable (if not more) as they are at home, and those who could not care less where they’re sleeping and want to spend as little as humanly possible.

      Most of my friends fall into the second category. They book super duper cheap places when they travel. Or they’ll book a nice-ish place and cram in as many people as possible (literally people sleeping on the floor with no air mattress). We’re all over 30 and make close to or over six figures. I think it’s bonkers to travel like we’re 18. But if that’s what they want to do then cool, I will be hanging out by the pool while you’re cleaning up beer bottles for the 20 people you stuffed into a 2 bedroom airbnb. If they rib me about my bougie accommodations then I will rib them back – they will be getting snaps/texts all weekend – are you still waiting in line for the bathroom? I went an hour ago when we got back from the bar. Now I’m enjoying a nightcap on my balcony overlooking the city! Wish you were here!

      • Never too many shoes...

        This is my very best friend in the world and she has tons of money. She has asked why we do not take trips together and my answer is that she has gotten scabies more than once from the dodgy places she has stayed. I’m not an undergrad and have zero desire to return to that style of travel – I hated hostels the first time round.

    • Senior Attorney

      “How are you okay with spending this?”
      “How are you okay with asking me about my spending choices?”

    • Anon

      Tbh, these are not the types of friends that you really want to accommodate on your trip either. Examples we’ve dealt with:
      Trip A: We invited a group of friends with us on a trip before a wedding we went were all going to. I had already figured out where we wanted to stay, what to do, etc. Couple A decides to come on the trip but requires staying in Hotel A in a business district bc they have hotel points there. We end up staying in the business district at the same hotel. We also keep attempting to plan things with them (like reservations for dinner/tours/etc.) but they are so flaky they never commit to anything and we barely see them while we are in the city together.

      Trip B: Group of friends going on beach trip. Everyone has the same income and agrees on spending X on beach house on the beach or walking distance to beach. Friend B then decides to come and says he will only spend Y on beach house. To accommodate Friend B, we stay in a beach house that is like a 10-15 min drive from an actual beach and also only stay M-F. (I could only come down W through S). Friend B drives everyone insane on this entire trip, and Friend B loses touch with this friend group shortly after.

      Do I regret accommodating these people? Absolutely yes.

      • Anon

        Of course you regret it because it’s a ridiculous thing to do. If a friend wants a totally different kind of trip than what’s already been planned, they shouldn’t come on the trip. That’s just common sense.

    • LaurenB

      ” It always ends up being an uncomfortable discussion – one friend straight up asked me “how are you ok with spending this?” and I muttered something about booking in advance when rates were cheaper (but truly not that much).”

      I wouldn’t try to justify your comfort level by falling back on “I used frequent flyer miles, I booked when it was cheap,” etc. I would say “I’m fine with my budget, thanks,” and move the conversation in a different direction.

  6. Anon

    During a recent annual physical, it was discovered that my husband had protein and a single red blood cell in his urine. Two follow up tests had the same results, but he has no other obvious symptoms of kidney disease or infections. He’s made appointments both with a specialist and for a kidney ultrasound. Meanwhile, I’m 10 weeks pregnant, hyper-HYPER-emotional, and can’t seem to put down the G o o g l e. Please spam me with your happy, it-turned-out-to-be-no-big-deal type stories before I drive myself insane!

    • tesyaa

      I don’t know if this is what you’re looking for, but a few years ago my husband (mid 50s) had debilitating abdominal pain for about 4 months and numerous tests before his (probably incompetent) doctors found a bleeding ulcer, which they should have checked for first. We were having major stress with our autistic son at the time too. Happily, his condition, despite being potentially serious, was treated with modern drugs and completely cleared up in a matter of weeks.

    • Anon

      Is your husband having to wait awhile for the ultrasound? In my experience of being well-insured in the US, having to wait means that the doctors expect the problem to be no big deal. Having been primary caregiver for someone who had terminal cancer, it’s when you get to jump to the front of the queue and the doctor is personally calling to tell you to get in ASAP that you should worry.

    • Anon

      I had protein in my urine twice and was sent to a urologist who retested me and it was gone. He said the tests aren’t super reliable and there are frequent false positives. Further, I had been dealing with some weird muscle problem that they concluded was likely a virus that also could have caused the protein. It’s been 5+ years with no new symptoms for me!

    • Ellen

      Dad told me to tell you not to worry, as a single red blood cell in urine could come from anywhere. Let the urologist make the call, having your DH pee into a jar a few times to see if it recurs. Dad has a urologist that knows all about stuff like this, so don’t worry.

  7. FDIC Insurance

    If the FDIC insures deposits at a single institution up to $250,000, should you then not hold more than $250,000 at any single institution? They’d be in CDs or money market accounts in case that matters, though I don’t think it does.

    I work in finance but not this kind of work. But, I KNOW my clients have more than $250k at various institutions… sometimes millions at one bank. Is FDIC insurance not a big deal? Trying to help MIL with her finances (at her request) and she’s asked this question that I can’t seem to find a practical answer to.

    • Chris

      FDIC Insurance is insurance to protect against your bank failing. I would hate to say it’s not a big deal and then have something happen and it becomes a big deal . . . but it’s not a big deal for most people. It is a risk/reward tradeoff, where for most, the risk isn’t considered all that high. I’d suggest visiting their website and learning more about what FDIC does and doesn’t do, and they have a handy calculator where you can see if changing titling on deposits can increase the amount of insurance coverage at any one bank (but beware of potential estate planning issues).

  8. anon

    I’m going to a wedding this weekend and it is going to be COLD. I am doing a reading in a church and going to the big fat reception after. Any suggestions for a black or navy sweater to go over my blue lace dress to keep me from freezing?

  9. Staff Issues

    Sorry this is a little long. I am the senior associate that posted about specific issues I had at a new firm with some male staff a few weeks ago (a file clerk refused to get me office supplies, a calendar clerk refused to comply with my requests and telling me I didn’t know what I was doing). I continue to struggle with this, and am trying various tactics from being more forceful (not working) to having a gruff male paralegal make requests for me (working). Since I last posted, IT refused to provide me with a travel charger for my laptop, even though I know other lawyers have one (reason I was given was cost). I had the same paralegal make the request, and voila travel charger appears in my office less than an hour later. The same IT person tried to tell me I couldn’t have VPN access when I started (!) – I had to go to a partner on this.

    I have come up with a solution for the time being, am very appreciative of the paralegal helping me out, and realize it may be easier to just go through him, but I find this all very annoying and inefficient. He also has other stuff to do, like you know, trial prep and handling document productions. From talking to other female associates, at least two others have had the same or similar issues with the same three staff members – they are the ones who suggested the specific paralegal to make my requests for me. I brought this up in casual conversation with a few male associates over lunch, and not only do they not have these issues, but they were shocked that I was being denied things like computer chargers and that staff was flat out refusing to comply with very basic requests.

    So my question is what is the path forward here? I love the firm I am at except for these staff issues. The practice is very interesting, hours are reasonable, and I really like the other attorneys I work with both on a personal and professional level. The other lawyers appear to feel the same way about me, and I have had excellent reviews and have succeeding in bringing in a few clients too. It is somewhere I am hoping to stay long term as either a counsel or partner. But dealing with these staff issues is exhausting, distracting, and is frankly making my job harder. Would it be out of line to somehow report this to a partner I work with? I don’t want to say it is because I am a women and/or WOC (I am), but I just want staff to treat me with respect and support me in doing my job.

    • Senior Attorney

      If I were the partner I would absolutely want to know about this. That kind of thing is absolutely unacceptable and I would put an end to it immediately. Good Lord…

    • Anonymous

      I am a partner and if I heard that this was going on, I would want to know and would take immediate steps to curb this. It’s totally, 100% unacceptable.

    • Ellen

      Hugs. Guys in IT just are jelous of pretty women like us, especially if they ask you out and you turn them down. It is their way of getting back at us for rejecting them. My IT guy loves to stare at my boobies, and he knows it makes me self conscius but he keeps doing it b/c he wanted to date me and I said no. FOOEY on men like that.

    • Anon

      If I were a partner, I would want to know about this and would make every effort to end it yesterday.

      That said, I can easily imagine that at some firms you will get no where fast and burn some goodwill in the meantime–as absurd as that is, I think it still may be true. If you are willing to use some personal capital to get this done then I applaud you but I do think it’s a risk/reward calculation on your part and urge you to have at least a few months under your belt at the new firm before elevating this. I would also write down all of the instances with dates and ultimate resolutions (or lack thereof)–not with a plan of presenting it in writing but so that you don’t forget anything and can catalog the frequency with which the issues have arisen. I do think there may be a benefit in not waiting too long after you have joined the firm (“I know I am relatively new here, but I am encountering some staff issues that I think you should be aware of.”) but you don’t want your first impression to be that you are whiny, as completely unfair as that may be.

      How long have you been there? What did the partner say about the VPN issue? That response would be part of what guides my next move if I were you.

      • Staff Issues

        Yeah, I have been here almost half a year. The reason I have not said anything is exactly the reasons you say above – burning goodwill, getting on staff’s bad side, seeming whiny, and not being here long enbough. There are lots of annoying things that don’t impact my ability to work too much, and those are not ones I want to raise with a partner. I actually successfully handled some of those on my own by talking to staff myself (I posted here about a file clerk barging into my office and asking lots of “why” questions – that ahs been handled for the most part). If it matters, I am the most senior (of 3) woman in my group, so while I understand the more junior associates’ tendency to do things like go buy their own supplies and tech equipment (!!!), and have this paralegal make their requests for them, I just don’t think it is acceptable for them or me.

        Thinking back about how the VPN issue was handled is what made me think actually saying something could be worth it. The partner I went to shook his head, called it effing ridiculous, apologized for the IT guy’s behavior, and I had VPN access very shortly after that. He didn’t seem surprised? I get along with him well, he clearly thinks I do good work, and he is just a really nice guy, so I feel like he won’t think I am being simply whiny. He is also the biggest revenue generator at the firm and leads the most profitable practice group. I’ve already cataloged the issues (my natural inclination to write this all down, including offensive quotes), but I like the idea of making sure this is updated and running over it before talking to him.

        Tldr version is that I guess I am willing to use some personal capital if there is a good chance I could help improve the work environment.

    • LAnon

      I would absolutely report this. I would create a spreadsheet of dates, names, incident, and resolution. If you want to avoid the conversation seeming confrontational, you could say, “I realized that some of my interactions with the staff are causing me to feel distracted or exhausted, and quite honestly are making my job harder. I organized my thoughts into a list; could we go through the list together and see what your thoughts are on how to mitigate this?”

      Or you could just write out the list and nail it to the door of the office, honestly that seems fine too.

      • kay

        I’d talk to other female lawyers and band with them and then take it to the partner as the Team. Also, I’d reword it to remove exhausted / distracted etc …

        “Some of our staff interactions in this office are affecting our work and quite honestly are making our job unnecessarily harder. We notice this happens just to the women lawyers. Can we go through this list to discuss how to mitigate this?”

    • Idea

      Who is in charge of the staff – the IT department, the procurement department, the administrative staff, that you’re not getting results from? Talk to them – now. Even as a group, all three of you. Definitely.

      • Staff Issues

        So yeah, I should have mentioned I’m at a small firm. There isn’t any one person clearly in charge of the staff, which is why I think I’m stuck complaining to a partner. We have no HR, no procurement department, and the “IT department” is one of two contractors who come in a few times a week. There is an office manager, but that person is more of a receptionist/make coffee/run the dishwasher/order lunch/deal with various paperwork/answer the phones/send faxes sort of person, not a people manager. And there is a head paralegal, but that doesn’t seem relevant here right?

      • anonshmanon

        Agree that you should tackle this together with the colleagues who’ve had similar issues.

    • Anon

      I’m also in a similar boat. I grabbed lunch with the only other WOC at my firm, who apparently has the same issues as me with a particular paralegal. It was reassuring speaking with her and finding out that this was not all in my head and that she has similar problems with this one guy. She ended up speaking to the managing partner about it, without mentioning my name directly but mentioning that it wasn’t just her. This paralegal did become more attentive afterwards on paper, but his attitude in person became even more disrespectful (refusal to make eye contact, etc.) So I decided that I’m also going to be the mean and demanding boss and stop being friendly with him going forward. If this is what will get him to be effective, I’m willing to be a bitch.

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