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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 173 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Carly Tie Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150 |

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Pendleton Carly Tie BlouseReaders have continually sung the praises of Pendleton for suits and conservative clothes, and they're having some great sales right now (e.g., TONS of silk blouses and shells under $60). Take, for example, this silk crepe de chine blouse — I like the darts throughout the body for a bit of shape, and for once the tie detail at the neck seems flattering instead of annoying (I really don't like those things!). It's available in regular and petite in three colors — the blouse was $128, now $40. Pendleton Carly Tie Blouse Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

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Comments

  1. Blonde Lawyer

    Mascot – left you a belated post re: the electric piano. I figured you might not see it so I’m re-posting here.

    Mine is a Casio Privia PX-135. Has a full size keyboard and pedals.

    • Piano Rec

      Mascot, I saw your question late the other day too, and meant to respond. I’ve had a Yamaha P60 keyboard for years and am really happy with it. I bought it because it was significantly less expensive than some of the other recommended models, and I didn’t have much $$ at the time (I also was really looking for a piano subsitute, not a “keyboard” that does sythesizer stuff, so it doesn’t have a lot of bells and whistles). It has a full size keyboard with weighted keys, and a sustain pedal. It comes with an X stand, which I’ve found a little unstable when I’m playing more bombastic pieces, but overall it istotally adequate for me (advanced player by hobbyist/amateur standards) and very portable. I’ve moved about 10 times in the last 10 years, and I even took it with me when I drove out of town and lived in a hotel for a few weeks for some training for work.

      Even with weighted keys, the touch is lighter than most acoustic pianos, but I take lessons and play on a grand once a week at my teacher’s house and I don’t find the transition awkward.

      • mascot

        Thanks. This is very helpful. I know nothing about pianos (except that acoustic ones are expensive to move and hard to re-home apparently). MIL really loved playing the piano and keeps talking about getting another one. Something like this could be perfect.

        • ExcelNinja

          I just bought an electric piano from Craigslist. Check there for good deals :)

  3. What to do

    Can anyone offer advice regarding grad school? I have been planning to get my MBA for a while now but due to life and other unforeseen circumstances, I’ve been behind with my GMAT and applications. I took the GMAT a few times but didn’t not score as well as I had hoped. The part time programs I’m applying to have deadlines in May for their Fall programs. I really wanted to start grad school this year but because my GMAT score isn’t ideal, I don’t want to apply and risk being a reapplicant next year. Should I cram for another month while working on applications or take a few more months this summer to increase my score and then apply next year? I’m currently 25 and I know that many people who go back to grad school are even older. But on the other hand, many of my peers started early and I wish I had done the same. In the grand scheme of things, will one year really make that much of a difference?

    • Anonymous

      My opinion is that if you’ve studied and tried a few times, your GMAT is what it is. Leaving aside concerns about the value of the degree, I think you should make your plans based on your current score and not let it delay your progress.

      • j

        “leaving aside concerns about the value of the degree?” is that a backhanded jab at MBAs? classy.

        • LF

          Many people are cautioned about the value of a JD on this site. Are you implying there should be a ban on cautious advice about MBAs? Classy.

        • Anonymous

          Nope. I just can’t speak to them since I’m neither in business nor an MBA grad.

    • Anon

      Honestly, you’re only 25 – it’s probably a bit young for your MBA. As someone who rushed through school/law school/work and is now facing the idea of having to come to work every day for the next 30 years, a year doesn’t make much of a difference at all at this stage of the game.

      I would wait until you can make your applications and studying for your GMAT your first priority and go from there.

      Is there a reason why your GMAT score is lower than you had hoped? Did you mess up on one section? Some of the sections are easier to improve upon than others

      • Emmabean

        Just to counter this a bit, I have a friend who is currently studying for the GMAT and had planned to take night classes starting next year. She’s 28 this year, and will be getting married early next year. She has since decided to hold off because she feels like there won’t be time for her job, night classes, her new husband, and the kid they want to have about a year after they get married. This was something she really wanted to do, and now feels like she can’t because of timing.

        It’s not the same for everyone, but that’s how it worked out for her, so I wanted to throw that out there.

        • What to do

          Thank you for the input. I’m planning to get married next year as well and want to graduate before having kids down the line.

          Can anyone else chime in about getting their degrees later on in life with family and other responsibilities? I just feel like if I don’t do it now, then it’ll just be harder as I get older.

          • Texas Aggie

            Hi, I went back for a full-time MBA at 28 yrs old. I recommend going full-time at a rated school. I know some that went back part-time and didn’t get the salary bump that they has hoped for. Good luck.

        • Anastasia

          As someone who took a year hiatus from night classes because job+husband+baby+school was too much, I can say your friend is probably right about there not being enough time/energy when the baby is very young, especially if her job is demanding. That said, I’ve scaled back at work and the baby is a little older, and I’m planning to go back to school again in the summer. Anecdotally, I have a friend who had three kids while she was in med school/residency. If it’s important to you, you can make it work even when it looks like life is getting in the way. I will note that you absolutely need a supportive partner, though.

          I feel it’s really a matter of how your prioritize. I love my son, and I want to be a happy person for his sake. If I gave up on everything I want to do professionally, I would not be happy in the long run, so spending less time with him (and letting him have more quality time with dad!) is a sacrifice I need to make in the short term.

      • Carine

        I agree with this. 25 is still so young! A year is a blink, in the grand scheme of things, and I advise trying not to worry so much about what everyone else is doing. I went to grad school later than many of my peers (at 27) and even though I often felt behind throughout my twenties, my work experience and maturity was a real advantage in school and while applying for jobs. Not to mention that many of my friends who followed a more traditional timeline are just now going back to school for something else or trying new careers!

        My husband started his MBA at 30 and had a similar result–he was able to leverage his experience before b-school and really make the most of the opportunities afforded by his program. If I recall correctly, his GMAT score was the primary criteria for the scholarship he received, so that may be another reason to give yourself a real chance at studying.

          • Anonymous

            What’s driving your feeling that you need to start an MBA so early? Prior work experience will only make your MBA experience stronger.

          • Anonattorney

            Opposite view: you will have a leg up if you theoretically (1) get into the grad school you want to go to now, without as much work experience, and (2) get a job out of grad school similar to one you’d get with more work experience.

            You will have another year (or two or three) of the higher salary you’d presumably get with your MBA. You’d also be more advanced in your career when you hit your 30s, assuming that’s when you are planning on having kids.

            If you can do it, I think there’s benefits to starting earlier. If you still need to boost your school applications and resume to get the type of career you want out of grad school, it’s worth it to wait.

          • Orangerie

            +1 to Anonattorney. That’s exactly the point I was trying to convey in my comment below.

          • To reach out or not to reach out

            I went to MBA at 27 and will graduate at 29. If I could have a do-over and still get the same job I have gotten out of school, I would’ve gone to MBA at 25 or 26 and graduated at 27 or 28. Now I’m thinking about having a kid down the road and that extra 2 years of working (at a higher, post-MBA salary) and building my career before having a baby would be really really awesome.

          • Carine

            No, I really don’t wish I had gone earlier, but YMMV. I admit my situation was pretty unique–I was pregnant for my last year of school and had the baby (and turned 30) about a month after I graduated. I had a job lined up with a really supportive organization, and it all just worked out. I’d be lying if I said I never once had the thought that it would be nice to have this job and salary in my twenties, sans kids, but truthfully there’s no way I’d have gotten this particular position without the work experience I had prior to law school.

            An MBA (and a career in finance) is different, and as I said I recognize my circumstances are unusual. I primarily commented to let you know that I do wish I hadn’t beat myself up so much thinking I was behind where I was “supposed” to be.

    • Shana

      I went through this myself when I went back to school, and it really depends on how competitive the program is. I did an informational interview with one of the members of the admission committee, and he basically told me if you are scoring near the average of this years class, you’re good. It also is impacted by the rest of your application package of course. I went the Exec MBA route at 31 instead of doing it right out of school though, so they were much more concerned about my work experience. The GMAT was more of a check the box thing for that program. I would see if you could talk to someone about how they weight various aspects in the admission process, then make your decision from there.

    • KLG

      Of course it depends on what you are doing now, but one year more in the job market before school will likely give you an edge over your classmates when you graduate and are looking for jobs post-MBA.

      • Susedna

        Completely agree with this. Just because your friends are going now, doesn’t mean you should.

        OP, are you thinking of doing a full-time MBA or a part-time MBA?

        As with all the caveats and outright warnings about law school, I’d say that unless you are going to a top-school-for-your-industry (assuming you even want to stay in the same industry and aren’t using an MBA to parlay a career-switch), think *very* carefully about whether you want to take on the financial burden of a 2-yr full-time-program. These programs are costly, and there’s also the added opportunity cost of you not working during those 2 years. (There’s the summer internship between the years, and ideally, you can get a paid internship, but that won’t make much of a dent in the overall tab for business schoo.)

        Beyond the GMATs, you’ll notice that the essay questions in the MBA programs you’re applying to probably ask you what you see yourself doing 5yrs from now, 10yrs from now, 15yrs from now, etc. It’s hard to see that far into the future, but they really are trying to get you to do the work of sorting out what you want in your career and, hopefully, using that to also figure out whether an MBA is right for you. It’s a waste of time in many industries, but becoming de rigeur in others.

        • What to do

          I’m thinking about part time programs (i’m in finance) since my current employer pays for a portion of it. I’ve been at my firm for 3 years now with no room for mobilitiy, mainly because I have not started my MBA. In the meantime, I’ve been trying to work on different projects to further develop my skillset.

          • Susedna

            Ahh, yes, finance. I’m in finance as well, and know of what you speak. Sadly, this industry does have blinders on when it comes to demanding MBAs of people.

            And yet, practically speaking, depending on what area of finance you’re in, there are other exams/certifications that would actually be more relevant to your day-to-day job. (What area of finance are you in, if you don’t mind my asking.)

            It is an unfortunate hoop to have to jump through for promotion, though.

          • Anonymous

            In finance too and sadly there is snobbery about the quality of the degree too (which generally doesn’t extend to PT programs), so I’d consider whether you plan to stay at this job for a while. If not, you might consider if the PT degree is marketable enough. That said, in my (specialized) area of the world, many of us don’t have MBAs and advance nicely.

          • What to do

            I’m in public finance but would like to transition into corporates. I started in publc right after undergrad and feel like I’m stuck. I thought about doing the CFA but I figured that’s more for portfolio management and not as versatile as an MBA.

      • L

        I’d focus on investing in your career itself. There are lots of worthwhile ways to make progress without going after the degree right this second. Look at the jobs you want in 10 years and what skills are required (other than the MBA). If your job doesn’t add value to your plan, than find a job that does (with an employer who will hopefully give you $ toward tuition!).

    • MJ

      My advice would be to wait. You’ll have one more year of work experience, as someone mentioned, and one more year to improve your resume.

      If your GMAT isn’t top-notch, consider taking a “quick” course like PowerScore’s weekend course, or working through Manhattan GMAT’s book set (avail on amazon for about $150) on your own. Once you have the basics down, you just need to drill, drill, drill. Buy the Official Guide (from GMAC) and then do all of the problems.

      I know how hard it is to balance full time work and school applications–preaching to the choir. But I would do your very best to cram, and if you’re not ready, just don’t sit for the test. You can cancel before (or within a week after, I believe). Also, do everything you can to get used to taking the test on a screen–pencil and paper is really different than online, and you should practice for that.

      I love beatthegmat dot com too…great website. You can do this–it’s just reviewing horrid high school math! Good luck. Also, don’t hesitate to use some of your sick days to study hard. Just take a few three day weekends and get er done…if it’s not where you want to be, then wait a year. It’s a free option! Take it.

    • Anonymous

      In addition to what’s been said above, I want to add that just because application deadlines are in May does not mean that your application will get the same consideration if you submit at this time of year vs. at the beginning of the application period. My grad business program deadline was in March, but unless you were truly at the top of their range, you would not be admitted if you applied after December. If your GMAT scores are already on the lower end of the percentiles for your target schools, your chances are going to be even lower with a later-in-the-cycle application. I think you are better off waiting until you can put together a polished application early in the cycle.

      It’s also my understanding that if you applied this year with a so-so app and then reapplied next year with a great app, you would have a harder time getting in than if you are a first time applicant with the great app next year–they hold reapplicants to a higher standard of “show us significant changes from the last time.”

    • Ellen

      Yay! Fruegel Friday’s!!!! I love FRUEGEL Friday’s and even this blouse, Kat — great pick. My onley concern is that Frank would be pulling at the bow under the guyze that it was to loose and he should tighten it for me, but in reality, he would be takeing a cheep look at my boobie’s, which he should NOT be doeing! FOOEY! He has his wife’s boobie’s to be stareing at so he does NOT need mine to be lookeing at! DOUBEL FOOEY!

      As for the OP, yes, you should study hard for the GMAT’s. I studied for the LSAT’s but did not do to well so I took them over. I did get into to GW, but dad say’s that is because he made a contribution and I was there UNDERGRAD, but he wanted me to go to MIT or Harvard or Stamford, b/c Dad knew peeople there and would have been a LEGACY, but my score’s were way to low and they did NOT let peeople come in for interview’s back then to boost there score’s up. FOOEY b/c I wish I had a HARVARD law degree. I know a guy from Harvard Law, and I think I am alot smarter then he is and even Dad think’s he is not that smart.

      This weekend, I have to do 30,000 step’s on my FITBIT dad says b/c I am falleing behind, and dad say’s my behind is falling, meaning my TUCHUS. He is such a comedian, but I know he just wants to get me MARRIED, and I know that men like women with very tight TUCHUSES, like Myrna, dad say’s but I said to him that Myrna is NOT married even with a tight tuchus. He said that is b/c she is to pickey, and if she wanted to be married, there would be any number of Schlub’s standeing in line waiting for her tuchus. Big deal, I told him b/c there are more then a few guy’s who like my tuchus, starteing with Gonzalo (FOOEY) and ending with Willem and Sam, with David and some other doufesses in between. Even guy’s in college were very interested in me when my tuchus was the same as it is now. FOOEY on dad for thinking that the sun rises and set’s on a girls’ tuchus! DOUBEL FOOEY!

      This weekend, Myrna and I are goeing to go to the Museum and look at the Dinasour’s. I love the dinasour’s and she say’s there are good lookeing guy’s who are there, so mabye we can meet guy’s who want to MARRY us, tuchuses and all. In any event, I will get my FITBIT step’s in there, even if I do NOT meet my Prince Charmeing! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      ‘

    • Orangerie

      I want to offer a counter opinion that 25 is too young for an MBA. The majority of part-time programs are three years long, so depending on when your birthday falls in the year you’ll either be 28 or 29 when you graduate. IMO that puts you in a great place in terms of work experience (assuming you’ll maintain full-time employment through the program) to move up to the next level of your career.

      Good luck, whatever you decide to do! I’m waiting to hear back from Haas’ EWMBA program and the suspense is killing me.

    • MBAwannabe

      I’m so glad you asked this question and got so many interesting responses. I posted last Friday after I was waitlisted from an MBA program. I’m in a very similar position except that I’m trying to get INTO finance without a finance background. I’m about your age and the thought of having to wait another whole year has been bringing me down hard. My work experience is very limited, but I’m having trouble gaining more since I’m an admin right now without a lot of upward mobility. I was also in an accident that totaled my car 3 days before my interview, so that didn’t help my nerves.

      The only thing I have to add is about the GMAT (not that you asked for study suggestions, but it might help!) – my first score was solidly mediocre and my second score was HOORAH! So what I did – Manhattan GMAT books: Number Properties and Word Translations. Bought them on Amazon and got access to 5 practice tests on their webiste. Reset the 2 official GMAT practice tests and took those as well. Took them all timed. Timing was a huge issue for me. Then I analyzed every. single. problem I got wrong until I understood exactly how to do them. I read a lot of blogs on tips from other 700+ scorers. A lot of them had hokey tips on eating right/exercising/taking the test breaks/not studying the days leading up to the test. Fooey on that, right? Except I did it all anyway, just in case. I brought nuts and blueberries and green tea to the test with me and took all the breaks (whereas in the first try, I sat in the chair for 4 hours without moving). I don’t know if it helped or not, but I don’t have to take that horrid test again!

      All this with the end result that I still didn’t get in. C’est la vie. Better luck and good thoughts to you!

      • Cubelife

        I too am an admin looking to get into finance without a finance background! I just recently decided to consider an MBA (I’m 24). Actually, I had no plans of grad school but then I took an IQ test and found out I was gifted. Whaaat? So then I figured I should probably try and put that gifted mind to use and here we are. My current plan is to get an admin position at a financial firm and learn the business there, maaaybe move up to analyst, and THEN get my MBA. But who knows how that’ll work out. Good luck to you friend!

    • West Coast

      I have recently graduated from a top MBA program and gone into consulting, so I might have some insight that could be useful. If you really know that you want to stay with your company and in your function, I would go ahead and do it now. If you get it, fine; if not, it’s not terrible to have to be a reapplicant, friend was and it didn’t impact him at all. Some points to consider:

      1. GMAT scores: MBA programs are not like undergrad. They do not only look at your best score and will consider all of your GMAT performances. Getting one good score now will boost, but not completely change your admission potential. Also, GMAT scores are only one factor in admissions, so there are still opportunities. If you can only get to a something in the low 600’s, I wouldn’t worry to much, especially for part-time.

      2. MBA admissions: From what I can tell, a lot of MBA admissions decisions are based on the KPI on which they are ranked, which includes starting salary of graduates, % of graduates placed, number of CEO graduates, etc. If you are someone who will be easy to place after graduation, you have a better shot to be admitted. Who is easy to place? Think like a company recruiter for a minute. You have a choice between two candidates, one of whom has worked for a big investment bank/GE/Coca-Cola/etc and another who has worked for a small regional company. Which one is easier to put in front of management? The first one. Business schools respond to this tendency and look to accept these applicants. Entrepreneurs as well, with a sound business concept they want to pursue, because it is a future CEO for schools to include in their credentials. Why does this matter? As someone who is going to stay with their current firm, you are technically an ‘easy to place’ candidate and have a good chance at admission. What you would need to clearly communicate in your application is that you are committed to staying with finance and your firm. I can write a whole other section on what they don’t want, but I’ll save everyone that.

      3. Part-time vs. Full-time: For what you want to do, part-time program is probably fine. They are not too competitive to get into, even at the better schools, compared to the full-time programs. Full-time gives you more opportunities that are important to career switchers and others looking to really accelerate their careers, but if you just need to check a box for your company and gain some additional knowledge, part-time should suffice.

      3. Age: If you know exactly what you want to be doing for work in 5 years and how an MBA will help you get there, then I think doing an MBA at 25 is fine. Any younger and you will not have faced that professional situations that will lend relevance to an MBA. Waiting a few years is fine as well. An MBA is one of the best ways to transition a career, so if you realize after the MBA and another year or two in finance that you don’t want to be there, it would almost be a wasted opportunity.

    • CS

      I wouldn’t consider 25 entirely too young to apply to MBA programs. If you have a clearly articulated story linking your past work experience with your current need to get an MBA and how you will use it in the future, you’ll be in a good place. I applied to a few top full-time programs this past application cycle, at 25, and was lucky enough to be successful. It really is about how you position yourself. I know of one full-time program that has career services review the applicants’ career goals during the admissions process to see if they are realistic, so that whole piece is really important.

  4. Maribel

    I have a deposition in Hawaii next week. The deponent said to wear a t-shirt and shorts but I don’t believe him. I don’t plan on a full suit but does anyone have a better idea of the dress code there?

    • LilyB

      this seems like the PERFECT opportunity to wear one of those “shorts suits” that confuse us endlessly… but they do look cute, if only I could find a reason to own one.

    • Anonymous

      Are you a lawyer? If so I’d wear either a suit or a separates outfit. Not a shorts suit. Never a shorts suit.

    • Maddie Ross

      I only wear suits for depositions about 50% of the time — depending on the client/deponent and location, I will often wear business casual attire. Sometimes even jeans. In this situation, I would probably wear a light colored pencil skirt, a silk shell and fun 3/4 sleeve cardigan. Nude for me heels.

      • Yep

        Agree! Or, wear a blazer and a shell/undershirt you are comfortable wearing on its own. If everyone else is really in shorts/shirt, you can ditch the blazer on the back of your chair and be wearing functionally the same thing (I have often regretted wearing an inappropriate-on-its-own shell in similar circumstances).

        Also – jealous! Let me know if you need co-counsel!

    • J Crew Suiting Q

      My Hawaii experience is largely military, so can’t help you on the wardrobe Q. Maybe dress + jacket you can take off (ponte might be perfect) if you feel too formal?

      But how can I get a depo in Hawaii? I MUST KNOW!

    • a passion for fashion

      Id wear a sheeth dress with a blazer or a sheeth dress suit. that way if you feel over dressed, you can lose the jacket.

    • Orig from hawaii

      Think “the Descendants.” George Clooney’s character wore appropriate business casual.

      Lawyers and real estate folks DO wear full suits, not short suits.

      Air conditioning may make it really cool indoors so I’d wear at least a blazer, but honestly, I’d wear a tropical wool skirt suit (which I’d also wear in NYC) but without hose, and with shirt I can wear without blazer in case it is warm outdoors.

      Don’t forget to spf. The sun is stronger as you’re closer to the equator.

      Also, make time to eat poke and go to Cinnamons and Kailua beach.

    • ORD

      Business wear in HI for men = aloha shirt, but in my cases in fed court, most lawyers still wear full suits. Not at a depo, though. I’d wear a skirt + blouse for a depo.

    • CalAtty

      It’s been quite a few years, but I had depositions in Hawaii, and the attire for local attorneys was muumuus for women and golf shirts for men. Occasionally you saw a suit.

      • Maribel

        Thank you for all the responses. Will probably go with a sheath dress with sleeves and no jacket.

      • OG Lawyer

        I have lived and worked as a litigator in Hawaii for 37 years, and no, I’ve never seen a female litigator wear a muumuu to a depo. Nor have I seen a male wearing a golf shirt; usually men wear long-sleeved shirts rolled up to maybe halfway to elbow. Business casual aloha shirts, like Reyn’s, are also common.
        These aloha shirts are nothing like the tv-tourist parodies.

        Full suit in state and federal court. You understand, yes, that we have Nordstrom and NM and BP, JCrew, White House’Black House, Macy’s etc. Just wear casual business and pretend the depo is in California.

        We wear what you wear on the mainland, except for scarves and long coats.

        Have fun! And be prepared for some great food and shopping..

  5. For In House Counsel From Anon Prof

    Thank you so much for that link. It’s super helpful for just understanding the options and I sent my sister the number so hopefully they’ll be able to recommend some additional resources.

    • In House Counsel

      I’m so glad it was helpful. I enjoyed working w/ the organization and found them really well informed in trying to help counsel women of their options. Good luck again!

  6. To reach out or not to reach out

    Immediate career TJ!

    How do you reach out to someone who has what seems like your Dream Job and you want to find out more about what they do/how they got there?

    I’m an MBA student heading into management consulting. There is this other lady who spoke at a school conference last year who did consulting at my firm and then became a VP of strategy and development at a big healthcare organization. That sounds like a dream job. From her Linkedin it sounds like she did a variety of projects healthcare and nonhealthcare in consulting before getting into her role, and that’s the experience I hope to have at work as well.

    I really want to reach out to her to see if she’d talk to me for 15-20 minutes about her career path, making the transition from consulting, etc., but our connections are very thin.

    We are both MBAs, but different schools (same tier of schools, if that makes sense).
    She spoke at my school conference, which is how I found out about her.
    She worked at the firm I will be working at after school, but in offices.

    Can I still email her? It can never hurt, right? As long as I’m appreciative, professional, etc. All she can do is to say no.

    I need some encouragement. And help on how to draft this email.

    • Brittany

      Just replying for the follow-up. I had set-up a lunch with someone in a similar situation and then we had to keep cancelling them and I feel like a fool for not getting back to her sooner about rescheduling them again.

    • MJ

      You should do it! Be courteous, respectful and just say that you are highly interested in her career path and would appreciate a quick call or coffee to found out how she got there. Generally these things work out. Be persistent. It won’t happen if you don’t ask!

    • Carine

      You should absolutely email her and request an informational interview. Do you have any mutual connections? An introduction would be ideal, but I still think it’s enough to say that you remember her from the conference and have the firm in common. There’s a lot of guidance online re: informational interview requests, but maybe your school’s career services can help with a sample email? If she spoke at the school’s conference, there may even be a staff or faculty member who could put you in touch. But yes, be appreciative of her time, keep it short and professional. I also saw a tip not to email on a Monday, since that’s often a busy day of catch-up and your request is more likely to get lost in the fray.

  8. MissDisplaced

    Thanks for this! I’ve been looking for a faux-wrap blouse, and I never would’ve thought to look at Pendleton.
    Their blouses look nice, like true classics.

  9. Anony

    I love this blouse but all the women who reviewed it are between 60-75 yrs old. Did anyone see this blouse in person and will it look ok for a 29 yr old? I’d love to order it online to get a head start on my spring shopping…

    • qwerty

      I’m 28 and I think it’s adorable. I was going to order it but they’re out of my size in the blue. Do it!

      • Lotus

        I am 30..I just ordered it…I ordered white embroidered blouse as well that I saw on their website..But I think 12$ standard shipping is too much…but ordered it anyways as I liked the blouse a lot and it was reasonably priced on sale..

  10. Anonymous

    calling lawyers out there…

    trying to decide whether or not to take a board certification/specialization exam in my jurisdiction. it is NOT paid for my by employer, and I will be required to do all the studying/prep/application on my own time.

    All in all, I’ve been quoted that it’ll take about 6-8 hours to do the application. find out if I can take the exam in August. study about 50-80 hours. take exam in October. Also there will be $$ to apply, sit for exam and maintain certification.

    If you’ve gone through the process…

    — is it worth it?
    — does it help in solidifying your place within your practice area?
    — good for firm positions or better for solos?
    — tips/things to consider?

    I may get a raise if I get board certified, it’s not been promised.

    • anontty

      I can’t imagine a scenario where this would be worth it to someone who is already at a firm doing that area of work, unless your firm is pushing it. It seems more like something you’d advertise to people who don’t know about attorneys (so, for solos advertising to lay people).

    • Vintage Lawyer

      In Texas, it depends on the specialty. In bankruptcy, criminal law, tax, and estate planning it’s important. I wouldn’t even consider going to an estate planning lawyer who wasn’t board certified. In other specialties, it’s not as important. In my specialty (securities law), there isn’t board certification, thank goodness. After the bar exam, I swore I was finished with exams.

  11. Baldie nee Blondie

    Interview question threadjack from longtime lurker: Can I interview almost bald? I have finished a year of cancer treatments which included chemotherapy. The good news is I have been released back into the wild, with no evidence of disease. I am re-entering the workforce, and have a face-to-face (second) interview Monday. While I have some hair, it is fine, very short, and light and doesn’t look like much yet. I never wore a wig, but the scarves and Buffs I wore are a little to funky to go with my interview suit, and silk scarves can be tricky to keep in place. Honestly I think headgear is still a pretty obvious “tell” and reminds ME that I have been sick. I mostly go without anything on my head unless its cold, and friends and acquaintances think I look great/healthy. I kept my brows and lashes which makes a big difference. Do I need to wear something on my head for this interview when I would rather come as I am? When asked about the gap in my work history, I told them I was addressing a major health issue, now resolved. This is a mid-level nonprofit position.

    • Anonymous

      Rock your bald look. There is never anything unprofessional with your hair or lack thereof the way it grows out if your head.

      I might address it more openly than a major health issue though- a simple “I’ve had chemo, successfully, now just waiting for my hair to come back” pretty neatly resolves any questions.

      • Susedna

        Completely agree! Nothing wrong with bald. Really glad that you’ve been released back into the wild, ready to take on the world again! Good luck with the interview. :-)

      • tazdevil

        While I agree that blondi has alot to be proud about for surviving cancer, I would caution against mentioning it in the interview. Despite the fact that it is illegal for employers to discriminate against employees for health reasons, in this harsh economy they are getting away with just that (as well as age discrimination. Even if it is not explicitly said, interviewers might wonder if you are too fragile for the job, what will happen if she relapses, how much does her medications cost a month ect. ect. I suggest that you buy/borrow a wig that is similar to the style that you intend to rock once your hair grows back.

        • Anonymous

          She’s already told them that she was out of work for a year for a major health issue though, and they’re interviewing her.

        • L

          Sorry, but if an employer is that much of an a$$hat, I’d rather know it in the interview process.

        • Ciao, pues

          sadly, i think tazdevil’s observations are true. however, i think the most important thing in an interview is that you project confidence, and so if for you that means rocking your bald head, then that will put you at your best. do that. and big, big congratulations on the NED and the interview. get it, girl.

    • tesyaa

      Can you wear a short wig to interview in a color similar to your hair, then wear your hair on the first day of work? While you have been given a clean bill of health, I’d be concerned that your very short natural hair will unnecessarily paint a picture of poor health (especially to those who don’t understand much about disease and treatment). In my experience, when your co-workers have only met you once or twice at interviews, they don’t know you very well, so if you look slightly different your first day, they won’t notice or care. (They’ll blame their poor memories rather than think you’ve changed your look entirely). I agree that when you start a job you should definitely wear your natural hair if that is how you are most comfortable.

      If you do wear a wig for the interview, no one will know – most people can’t recognize wigs unless they are extremely obvious.

    • Anono

      Yes, you can. There is NOTHING unprofessional about that and I sincerely hope no woman here would argue otherwise. Do what you feel comfortable with and don’t feel like you owe anyone any explanation, but if you do wish to share, I think you could say something like what Anonymous at 10:35 suggested.

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        Yup, this! Agree with other posters that there is nothing unprofessional about it, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable, that will likely affect how you come across in the interview so you may want to address it for that reason. And also, yay you for being strong and making it through!

    • snowy

      So it basically looks like a super-fine pixie cut right now? I think that’s fine. Maybe add some drop pearl earrings, and glasses if you wear them, to sort of brighten up your face.

      It sounds like you’ll be more confident without the scarf, so I say go for it!

    • Hermione

      If you had a wig that you were comfortable wearing, I might suggest you wear it just because it might help keep the interview focused on what you can bring to the job rather than your prior health issues. I’ve encountered interviewers in my time who I can imagine going off on tangents about their relatives’ experiences with cancer or that one time they did the Avon 3- day walk. In your circumstances, I’d say go as you are. Good luck!

    • Baldie nee Blondie

      Thanks for all the encouragement, hivers. I think I will go as I am, even though my hair is more “blade 2 on hair clippers” than pixie and the light color doesn’t help. Never thought I would long for five o’clock shadow. But I am at a stage where another three days growth could make all the difference– I am hoping to get to the point where I look like the Israeli soldier in World War Z. Almost there with what I could consider intentional hair! And I otherwise look…robust, as antinausea drugs have come a long way and I have always been a comfort eater, so weight gain, not loss, was my experience.

      • anonymous

        Of course we will all support you whatever you decide to do.
        As a cancer survivor myself (just finished chemo but didn’t lose hair fortunately; have other side effects), I hate to say this but I would wear a wig myself if I had lost hair and was interviewing. Even though I’d never want to work for a place that would think twice about hiring a cancer survivor, I learned in the past two years that there’re a lot of insensitive people who really only care about their bottom line or so lost in “work” that they will judge you and evaluate you as far as your “utility” — and health is one element of “utility”. They may also be afraid of possible ADA suits (cancer falls under ADA), and other paranoia-related issues, and that may color how they evaluate as a potential employee. I don’t know your circumstances or inclinations, but my goal in interviewing would be to get the offer, even if I were to turn them down later (because for ex, suspicion that they’d some how hold this cancer thing against me). And my own work experience has shown me (and I work for a huge, very legit, organization), that there are those who will hold it against you and make it as difficult as possible for you. Sad but true.

      • Not a lawyer

        I don’t know if you have ever followed the blog ‘Ain’t no mom jeans,’ but she is a fashion blogger that recently dealt with the same ‘what do I do about my post- chemo hair?’ situation. She mentioned that she went to see a stylist who has worked with other women post-chemo, and she warmed up the color and put a couple of quick highlights in her very- short, fine hair and it made all the difference. Would you have the opportunity do meet with your stylist between now and the interview to see what she recommends?
        And congrats on kicking cancer’s a$&! Best of luck in the interview!!

  12. for AnonProf

    Sorry to bring this up multiple days in a row, but I posted to AnonProf yesterday, then got pulled into a meeting and couldn’t follow up. Someone gave you the name of the org I was thinking of (Her Justice, formerly inMotion). If you call their intake number, they will give you other referrals if they aren’t able to help you. You can also check out the website lawhelp.org – you can select your location and area of law (in your case, family/juvenile) and you can access a list of organizations, as well as information, forms, etc. I know inMotion also gives out a number to a hotline that just answers legal questions on the phone, which may give her some peace of mind as to whether her own atty is on the right track. Hope this helps!

    • Anon Prof

      Thank you, thank you! I thought that the follow up name was from you — I already sent my sister the link and will follow up on these suggestions, too. Now the hard part will be getting her to also follow up. She gets very overwhelmed and then likes to just “not deal with it for a while” — I keep telling her that it needs to be her full time job but without much success.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I’ve watched a friend go through some pretty rough stuff and I learned that I can’t force her to help herself. All that accomplishes is her being mad at me and still not doing the stuff. I agree with giving her all the resources but after that, I think you have to sit back and let her live her life. You can’t force her to be a motivated person. You can tell her things she doesn’t know but you can’t parent her. You can’t say “you have to do this” and then check in constantly until it is done. I am a “fixer” and it took me a long time to realize this and it drove me freaking crazy. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with telling my friend “DO THIS.” We had a blow out fight one night where she yelled at me saying that she isn’t me, she is never going to be me, I can’t fix her, I have to stop trying, I can love her for who she is or we could move on. I chose loving her for who she is and I’ve stopped trying to tell her how to live her life. It is very hard, particularly when there are very obvious solutions to her problems but most of the time she just wants to vent and have someone listen. Just a word of caution.

        • Senior Attorney

          +1

          Your trying to help is not only not going to hel, it’s likely to make things worse because you’ll both be more stressed out and she will be resentful and you will be upset with her.

          It’s her life. Let her live it.

        • Anon in NYC

          +1. When my mother was going through her divorce she would vent to her sister, who always kept trying to tell her what to do (obviously my aunt was trying to help but going about it the wrong way). Finally my mother just had to tell her sister to stop.

    • Silvercurls

      Also with apologies: Is there anyone (you, another friend or family member) who can give your sister some time away from her children to attend to things during weekdays or weekends? It might relieve her “getting very overwhelmed” if she knows she can make a call from home or visit someone’s office without having to be Mom at the same time. This won’t give her full time job coverage but it might get her unblocked enough to figure out how to find 40 or 20 hrs of paid weekly help.

      I think people here discussed _hiring_ a helper; I’m thinking of a few strategically timed volunteers. If she’s in a congregation or book group, Moms-and-kids group, etc. that might be another source of support.

      Good luck to her and to you, too. Her situation is difficult but so is yours–caring but not being able to directly influence events.

  13. Tax Q

    Is there some online calculator that tells you if it is better to file separately or jointly? We got married in the Fall of 2013 and could probably do either one, but I don’t know what is more advantageous. TIA!

    • mascot

      I think that if you use Turbo Tax you can try it both ways and see which one works best.

    • Tax Chic

      It’s usually never better to file separately. I think that even marriage penalty in high brackets is better than married filing separately. I’ve only seen it with people where one spouse is gone / estranged / doing something not on the up-and-up, usually so that one spouse won’t get tagged with taxes / penalties / etc. related to the other spouse.

      I often think: what if I got a quickie divorce every new year’s eve and then remarried the minute the ball dropped? It would save us a ton of money.

      • Senior Attorney

        The IRS is on to that. They consider the divorce a sham transaction and you’ll not only still owe the taxes, you may be liable for tax fraud.

        (I know you’re joking, but you never know who’s reading…)

        • Tax Chic

          I have neighbors who are now able to get married and are shocked that this is what the IRS is giving them as a wedding present. It has launched a discussion of whether they should just live together as they had been doing, but quietly get divorced.

          [I think, but am not sure, that they have a lot of paper protections in place from before they were married. It’s interesting — maybe a tax planning opportunity here, but at a cost. Too bad it can’t be both.]

      • Tax Q

        Thanks. But if we were unmarried for 10 months of 2013, doesn’t that entitle us to file separately? Or does the marriage penalty hit us back for the whole year? I am assuming that if we got married on January 1, 2014 we would be permitted to file “unmarried” taxes for 2013 year but is that not correct?

        • Cat

          I always thought it was the whole year — I know a couple who were expecting a baby in early January and they were glad when their “little tax deduction” arrived Dec. 30 – I have nerd friends

        • Topanga

          The IRS looks at your status on December 31. It doesn’t matter if you got married January 1, 2013 or December 31, 2013, it’s the same to them.

        • FedTaxAtty

          I believe that your filing status is based on your marital status on the last day of the calendar year.

        • Anon in NYC

          Nope – you have to file as one status for the full year. My husband and I got married in October, and owed a lot of taxes for that calendar year.

        • Anon

          Just for future reference and for anyone else reading, you are confusing the statuses of “single” and “married filing separately” (MFS). As others pointed out, you cannot file “single” if you were married on the last day of the year. Your options are to file MFS or “married filing jointly” (MFJ). You can run your taxes as both MFS and MFJ to confirm that MFJ is best tax result from a pure dollar standpoint as it usually is for most people, but also take into consideration the qualitative considerations for why MFS might make sense (Tax Chic already listed most of them–another one often mentioned on here is to separate your incomes for your IBR payment calculation).

          Congrats on the wedding!

    • Anon

      I ran the numbers both ways (I was also married in 2013), and my husband and I saved several hundred dollars by filing separately. We both make good salaries and own a home, but our taxes are otherwise pretty uncomplicated. I would recommend putting in the time to draft the returns both ways if maximizing your refund is a priority.

  14. LawyrChk

    Quick poll: How long do you wait after changing sizes to restock your wardrobe? I’ve lost around 15-17 lbs and have kept it off for around 8 months now. I’m just starting to bring out my spring wardrobe from last year, and most of my clothes (especially sheath dresses) are 1-2 sizes too big – I can fit into them, but they just sort of hang loosely instead fitting well. Most of these aren’t high enough quality to spend the money on tailoring. I’m kind of afraid of spending a lot of money to buy a wardrobe in this size and then promptly yoyo-ing back to my old size. So, I ask: when would you concede and buy clothes in the right size?

    • LilyB

      you’ve kept it off for 8 months… you aren’t yo-yo-ing. Definitely buy some new pieces (but it might not be that expensive to have a dress nipped in at the waist- so if you really like a piece you already have I’d consider seeing how much it would cost to alter it).

      I lost about 12 lbs the year after I graduated law school, and I was about to start a new job so I now have a closet full of stuff that fits, or is 1-2 sizes too big, plus a couple pieces that I bought when I was at my smallest that are a tiny bit too tight now (but I hope to wear in the summer). I think it’s generally a good idea to have some pieces that will fit you within a 5 lb range because that’s a normal amount of weight to fluctuate between the winter and summer.

      also, I think buying some new things that you really like will be an added incentive to keep the weight off! if you find yourself putting a few lbs back on, you’ll know by the fit of your new clothes and you can adjust your food intake/exercise accordingly.

    • I'm Just Me

      Dress the body you have. If you have one or two favorite pieces, then see about tailoring them. Otherwise, buy clothing in your new size. And enjoy it. You don’t have to buy an entirely new wardrobe in one shopping trip though, buy enough pieces to get through a week and then build as you see things you love or things are marked down, etc.

      If you are really concerned about gaining the weight back, then pack your current things in a box marked “to donate Spring 15” and then next spring when you have not gained the weight back, donate the contents!

  15. Mountain Girl

    This may be a silly question but how to do you wear long sleeve white shirts without have dirty cuffs by the end of the day? Do you just put up with the fact that they get dirty or am I just messy? I’m assuming the darkening comes from the ink from the millions of copied and printed documents shuffled across my desk during the day but maybe there is something I can do to avoid it.

    • Senior Attorney

      I roll my sleeves up. There’s a reason for that expression, “roll up your sleeves and get to work!” ;)

  16. Pan Advice

    Completely unrelated to our topic at hand, but I’m currently shopping for new cookware. I picked up a set of the Cusinart French Classic for a steal at tjmaxx and have a couple of enameled dutch ovens and a grill pan with a panini press. Now I’m just looking for a nonstick frying pan for the sole purpose of cooking eggs. Thoughts on size – 8 or 10 inches?

    • tesyaa

      Depends how many eggs you cook at once. If it’s more than 2-3, go with the larger.

    • mascot

      I have a 10″ Simply Calphalon that is a great size. It holds multiple eggs, pancakes, pieces of fish, etc. I think in this case, it makes more sense to err on the side of bigger. It is rare that I have ever found my selected pan to be oversized rather than undersized.

  17. Anonattorney

    I’ve done it! I’ve found the clothing brand with blazers that perfectly fit me!! And it’s Banana Republic! I’m so surprised.

    And I should note – I’m NOT the typical clothes-hanger body type, so this is pretty dang exciting.

  18. Floundering

    Super depressing TJ to follow:

    Ladies, I need some perspective/help. After graduating a year late without much of a plan in the height of the recession, I floundered and procrastinated for a few years, and then tried to pursue the career that seemed pretty obvious, with my background and interests. After internships and a short stint at what I thought was my dream job, I realized I hated that field, and was actually terrible at it. My contract cut short at my not-actually-dream job, I temped for a year with glowing reviews but couldn’t get anything solid, and finally took a job with good benefits out of desperation. I’ve been here for a year, have done pretty well, but hate every minute of my day, and have no interest in anything even remotely related to this field.

    Now I’m a year from 30, and feel like it’s too late to actually get my life on track. I’m ready to scream every morning I have to come to work, but my work experience is a series of entry-level positions and temp jobs, and I can’t even figure out where I should look to try for informational interviews or additional education, because I don’t know what I want to do. Reading the Defining Decade depressed me to no end, because – whoops! too late! I feel like just giving up and settling into a life of quiet desperation, but does anyone have concrete advice that has worked, or any stories of someone who’s made a success of themselves after almost a decade of floundering?

    • Kathryn

      It wasn’t a decade, but I’m almost 27 and only realized a few months ago what I really want to do– nursing. I am going back to get my BSN and then MSN to become a nurse practitioner. Obviously this is very specific anecdata, but it’s great for me because I’m loving the thought of going back to school + doing something I know I’ll be passionate about. I can commisserate with you on currently having SUCH a hard time at my current job and in my current city while I wait to find out which programs I’ll get into…. it’s quite miserable. Good luck.

      • Anon

        Congratulations on your decision, Kathryn.

        OP- It’s never to late. JUST DO IT. Start taking steps, even baby ones, immediately in the direction that you want to go.

    • espresso bean

      It is NEVER too late to turn your life around. And you’re still very young. Seriously. In a year or two, you’ll just be older and wish you had started whatever you needed to start then. Start now, and small changes will add up to more.

      It sounds like you just don’t know where to start. If you truly have no idea about what kind of job you might be interested in, setting up informational interviews with anyone whose job sounds halfway interesting could be a good start. Even if their job might not be the right fit for you, they may know someone whose is. After every informational interview, ask the person if they can give you another name or two in the same field (or another field) and keep adding to your list. Eventually, you’ll find someone who you click with and/or someone’s field that really resonates with you. It’s kind of like dating. You feel like you don’t know where to start, so you go out with a few people, and then you start to realize what you do and don’t like.

      Good luck! You can do it.

    • FedTaxAtty

      I switched directions and changed careers at 30. Three years later, I am still working to get where I want to be, but I’m darn close. Mission accomplished date is in the fall.

      You have at least 30 working years ahead of you. It’s not too late to change your life. Rather, I think it’s absolutely necessary. You owe yourself the chance to be happy. I think the key is sitting down and determining what you want to do. When I was considering changing directions, I identified everything I hated about my former career and tried to do the opposite. You can also think about the lifestyle you want and things you have enjoyed in the past.

      I know changing directions seems overwhelming. Take it in baby steps. For example, when I was considering changing directions I thought I might be interested in being a pastry chef so I did some research and spent a day at the French Culinary Institute in New York. Ultimately, I decided that this wasn’t the job for me because I was looking for more stability and better hours, but it was a fun exploration.

    • L

      Just because you have a degree in something, doesn’t mean that’s what you have to end up doing. Seriously, it’s a starting point. Do you know what you want to do? If not, start there. Figure out what you like about your job, what you don’t like, on a large scale. For example, if you like concrete deadlines and hate conflict, you can rule out government affairs. Those types of things. Figure out what traits your ideal job has then go talk to people who work in a few different jobs and see if it matches up with what you’ve thought. Think of this time as an opportunity; you’re getting paid to figure out what you want to do next.

    • anon

      I never had any clue about what I wanted to do. After receiving an undergraduate degree in English, I floundered through a series of low-paying retail and temp jobs before going to law school at 29. I am 39 right now, and a partner in a law firm. Although I do not recommend going to law school for many reasons, my point is that it is never too late — I floundered for years and am reasonably successful/happy with my career. Don’t be too focused on figuring out what you want to do. For many people, there is no right answer and no perfect job, and trying to determine what that is can be paralyzing. I knew I liked to read, write, and research, and loved an intellectual challenge, so I chose law. It is not a 100% perfect fit for me, and I may switch paths again in a couple of years, but my point is to just focus on a few things you know about your self and start going down a path. If you’re like me, you may never find your “perfect” job, and you may switch paths a few times, but you’ll have a variety of experiences and gain new skills and knowledge about yourself that will help you shape your career. Every job is an opportunity to learn something about yourself.

    • preg 3L

      Read The Defining Decade!! You’re not too old to have an amazing life!!

    • Anonymous

      This is anecdata, but as a young lawyer I can tell you that out of the people I meet with high job satisfaction, a great majority of those are people who are on their second or third career. It’s never too late. You may be almost 30 but you will be working, most likely, into your 60’s. Maybe even 70’s.

    • KLG

      About a month after I turned 30, I was unemployed and had to move in with my parents. I looked for jobs from February 2011 through September 2012. During that time I did some temp work and I did 10 months at a job that I HATED. I have never been so depressed/demoralized/wondering where I went wrong and where I could possibly go now. Now I am a few weeks away from turning 33. I work at a job I like (where my degree is a plus, but is not at all required), I got married, and I’m expecting my first child. 3 years ago I would not have believed you if you told me it was possible to undergo that much change in 3 years.

      A friend of mine who is 33 had a job that she loved but was laid off 5 years ago and has been a stay at home mom since. The changing economy means her former job isn’t really available these days and her only other job experience is waitressing and retail. She just went back to school part time to become an elementary school teacher and doesn’t expect to be finished until 2017 when she’ll be 36.

      My youngest sister totally floundered for a couple years after college graduation and mainly worked as a waitress/bartender until she finally decided to get a masters in education and teach. She lived at home til she was 27. Now she’s in her second year teaching and is very happy.

      I absolutely know that looking around, you probably feel like the only person in your situation but it’s much much more common than you think. Hang in there and start talking to your friends/family about their industries/jobs/things they think they’d rather do. Contact your undergrad career services to see if they can offer you any career assessments or inventories. I didn’t find them super helpful in terms of deciding on a field but they did help me figure out exactly what I didn’t like about prior jobs and what types of characteristics I would like in a new job. Despite what it seems, it’s not too late. There is a lot of working to be done between 30 and 65.

      Good luck!!!!

    • Floundering

      Thanks for the words of encouragement, ladies. I think the main thing stopping me is all of the advice out there telling me to hurry up and make the most of my 20’s! With the Defining Decade, the message I got was that if I didn’t make the right decisions in my 20’s, I would have a harder time picking up my life at 30, which is exactly the discouraging situation I find myself in.

      The success stories are exactly what I needed. Thanks!

      • Joanna Toews

        My husband just switched careers — from self-employed carpenter to operations manager at a fashion design firm — at the ripe old age of 41. It’s very new, but so far it looks like this line of work is a far better fit for his personality and interests. He’s practically aged backwards, full of new energy and excitement.

        You can do it! Good luck!

    • IT Chick in MN

      Do not despair. I floundered for almost 15 years before I finally figured out what I wanted to, and then it took another 2 years before I found a way to get there.

    • WJM-TV

      Baby Steps. I’m (almost) 28 and am in a dead-end admin job (though it is in my industry and I am building connections and my network). I HATED the Defining Decade. The only book I liked about 20-somethings was Undecided by Barbara/Shannon Kelley.

      Are you smarter, braver, more confident than before you those experiences? I bet so (I learned a ton from my previous dead ends). Just keep swimmin’!

    • Silvercurls

      One more testimonial that it’s not too late! Life is a series of adventures, challenges, misadventures, etc. There’s loads of room in the world for people who don’t find their passion, a manageable job, or some combination thereof by age 23 and then rise to the top of that community by age 25 or whatever.
      Bright spot: At least you are at present employed (even if you can’t stand the job) and have good benefits. This gives you more options than you would have without benefits & a salary. Save your money now to finance pursuing your new goals after you define them, and use your away-from-the-office time for research and occasional self-restoration.

  19. rant: limp hair

    Help! My hair looks so limp and thin. I have a healthy diet, I exercise, and I’ve had it checked out, and basically this is just the hair I have now (I used to have much thicker hair). I absolutely hate it. I’ve tried setting it and using mousse, and nothing helps.

    It’s so dumb. I look at regular women and lots of women have hair like mine, and then I read beauty/fashion mags and everyone has extensions and thick, voluminous hair, and I feel so unattractive.

    Anyway, I know there is no real solution (except that I should stop reading fashion magazines). Just wanted to rant.

    • Kathryn

      How long is it and how do you style it? Is it very straight? If I was dealing with this I would cut it shoulder-length, and consider letting it airdry (if it’s not super straight) or blowdrying with a round brush (if it is super straight).

      • rant: limp hair

        It’s about two inches below shoulder-length. It has the most annoying half-wave. Depending on the humidity, it can be quite wavy/curly or stick-straight. I have to guess in the mornings and apply products accordingly.

        What products would you recommend for the air-dry?

    • BankrAtty

      Have you considered just cutting it off? Your OP could be me. My hair was not pretty long (shoulder length)–it’s extremely fine and pin straight. So I cut it off and I rock a pixie. I have no regrets.

      • rant: limp hair

        I haven’t really… I’ve always loved the look of long hair, and until recently, I loved my long hair. I’ve never had hair above my shoulders in my entire life! But maybe I just need to come to terms with the fact that it’s not working for me anymore.

        I bet the pixie is a lot of fun, though, and low-maintenance, comparatively!

        • AIMS

          You should cut it! Seriously, short hair is very in, can make even boring clothes look funky and stylish, and it never looks good to have long hair just for the sake of it. You can go for a full pixie or start small and get a slightly above shoulders bob — very of the moment (google Karlie Kloss haircut).

          As for specific products, my mom has very fine hair, and she swears by Terax honey shampoo. It’s not widely available but does make a noticeable difference for her.

          • Kathryn

            Oooo, love her hair! Agreed, OP, you should get that!

            I think, considering how fine your hair is now, maybe even just a very light styling creme or even leave in conditioner would do the trick? You could also try root-lifting products.

        • BankrAtty

          I shall now sing the praises of a pixie cut:

          1. Blow dries in 2-3 minutes.
          2. Everything in your closet suddenly looks chic.
          3. No more hair getting stuck in your lip gloss.
          4. You are wind proof/sweat proof/rain proof.
          5. Short hair draws more attention to the face–I get so many comments on my eyes now that my hair is short.

          Do it!!!

      • Matilda

        +1 on the pixie cut. I have hair exactly like you’re describing, and tried long hair several times in several lengths for many years before giving it up and going with a short pixie. And I LOVE it, for all the reasons BankrAtty mentions. Also, my hair never gets caught in the hinges of my sunglasses. A bottle of shampoo last me for months. I can wear hats. Necklaces look way cooler on me than they did when my hair was long. My bathtub drain never, ever clogs.

        I could go on, but will spare you. :-)

    • Anonattorney

      You know what always p*sses me off? Fake celebrity hair AND fake celebrity teeth. I went through the whole braces and retainer thing, and now it turns out that celebrities just file down their teeth to little nubs and slap on veneers! It’s so unfair! Us mere mortals can’t deal with veneers – from what I know, you have to redo them every 5 or so years, they cost thousands of dollars, and then can pop off or chip randomly.

      So here I am, with my slightly crooked, slightly off-white teeth, looking like a hobo. So yeah, I feel ya.

      • rant: limp hair

        And fake lashes! It’s out of control. I get so angry about all the marketing that makes these products feel like they’re necessary to just look NORMAL, not for a special occasion.

        And I get even angrier at myself for buying into it.

    • Orangerie

      Have you tried hair growth supplements? I have pretty thick hair but I shed like nobody’s business, so I take the Phyto brand vitamins (think they are called Phytophanere) to encourage re-growth. Might be worth a shot for you!

    • L in DC

      I know exactly what you mean!!! I’ve had thin, baby fine, stick straight hair since I was a kid. I hated my hair so much for the longest time — I cut it short about 10 years ago and the haircut completely changed my life. Turns out that hair type looks fantastic short, and I now have absolutely fabulous, effortless hair. Short hair works especially well if your face is on the rounder side. Seriously, try taking a few photos of short-haired celebs into a good hairdresser who specializes in short hair and see how it works for you. Worst case scenario, you’ll be able to grow it back out to chin length pretty quickly. If you’re in the DC area, let me know. I’ve tried a lot of hairstylists and the woman I go to now is amazing (and reasonably priced).

      • KB in DC

        Not the OP, but can share the name of your stylist? I’m looking for someone new!

      • L in DC

        Her name is Meghan Moody and she cuts hair at Salon Upstairs on Wisconsin Ave in Georgetown (2916 O St NW). A haircut costs $70 and it’s easiest to just call her directly to make an appointment (202-257-5245). Seriously can’t say enough wonderful things about her. I’ve had short hair for almost 10 years and it wasn’t until she started cutting my hair that I started getting compliments from strangers on the regular. I’ve also sent several friends to her as well (all with varying lengths/textures) and she seems to be able to cut just about any hair. Good luck!

        • L in DC

          Ah, I accidentally put Meghan’s old salon (she just switched). Her contact phone number is the same because it’s her personal work number, but the salon is Paul Bosserman Salon, 3214 N St NW 20007.

    • rant: limp hair

      Unrelated, but I plan to go back on the pill soon. I wonder if this would help at all, since pregnant women don’t really shed and the pill kind of simulates pregnancy. Thoughts?

      • L in DC

        I haven’t noticed any change in my hair from on/off the pill but I’d be interested to hear other’s experiences.

      • Brittany

        I’ve been on the pill for about 5 years now and my hair sheds the same way it did when I was in high school.

      • M

        I have been on the pill for many years and still shed a ton (seriously, I bought a dust buster for the sole purpose of vacuuming hair off the bathroom floor/around the sink).

    • Anonymous

      I’m probably way too late, but just in case you check back…. I had long, medium-thick hair (and a ton of it!) until college. During those fours years, my hair slowly thinned out and I stopped being able to grow it more than two inches past my collarbone. I have a clean bill of health and many of the women in my family have the same problem, so I think this is just how I’m going to be. I used to hate my hair and I felt so unfeminine because of my thin scraggly hair, but in the past year I’ve learned to love it.

      I too love long hair, so I didn’t go for a pixie. Instead, I got a blunt cut just below my collarbone and I dry my hair with a round brush, concentrating on lifting the roots. I love this cut because it’s long enough that i can curl it, braid it, etc. and I have the flexibility to do an up-do (clip in hair extensions are a big help there) when I want. I also make liberal use of dry shampoo, which has made a world of difference in terms of body. Highlights add dimension which helps too. I started taking biotin and folic acid a month ago, but I can’t tell if it’s making a difference. And whenever you get down because of your hair, just remember how much time you save styling and how much money you save on color/highlights compared to your thicker-haired friends!

  20. Indian Wedding

    I have been invited to attend an Indian Wedding. It is an all day affair, starting around 9 in the morning followed by lunch, then evening drinks and a reception. Please pardon my ignorance on the subject, but: Is it customary for guests to attend all the events? Or is it expected that some guests will only attend the religious ceremony in the morning, while others will only attend the reception?

    I will be visting from out of town for the event and, with the constraint of limited time off, would prefer to fly in the day of the wedding, attend the evening reception, and fly out the next day (something I plan to discuss with my friend, the future bride).

    • teslagirl

      I went to an Indian wedding that started at 6 am! (The priest declared it to be the most auspicious time for the ceremony.) They fed us breakfast and lunch, as the ceremony lasts for hours, and people drifted in and out of the hall throughout the ceremony. I found it very interesting and would have regretted only going to the evening reception. Plus the food was fantastic, oh my God. I was in vegetarian heaven. Er, nirvana.

    • M

      As with American weddings, you would ordinarily attend both the ceremony and the reception. On the other hand, the events in the days leading up to the wedding (i.e. mehndi night, garba, puja) are totally optional. Is there some reason you can’t fly in the night before, or catch a red eye? If there is significant downtime between the ceremony and the reception (for example, I am attending an Indian wedding this summer with a solid 5 hours between the ceremony and the reception), you could use that time to take a nap so you aren’t totally wrecked. If you can’t make it work, I would just talk to the bride about it.

    • S

      For out of town guests (who are normally close friends and family if they bothered to fly in) it’s typical to attend both morning and reception, and sometimes even the mehendi (girlfriends of the bride). For same city guests, the reception definitely gets more attendance, and not everyone attends the morning ceremony unless they are close to the family/couple.

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