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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 224 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Serafina Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. pink sheath dress with flounce hemSaks is having a pretty great sale on DvF right now, with several basics in the mix — this pink dress doesn't really count as a “basic” by anyone's standards (and it's available in midnight blue, although full price), but for the right woman and the right office I think it would be a great dress. I always like pink with grays, which mute the color a bit. The dress was $398, but is now marked to $283, with lots of sizes left — other DvF items in the sale include this great black and white top and this simple black A-line dress. Pictured: Diane von Furstenberg Serafina Flounced-Hem Shift Dress Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. Psst: it turns out the DvF sale is part of the bigger designer sale going on — and they have so many great plus-size designer pieces in the mix that I've thrown a bunch onto our plus-size recommendations page — sign up for the Corporette Plus newsletter to get notified when there's new stuff added to it. (This blouse is probably my favorite among the plus-size sale items.) (L-all)

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    I love this.

    I’m a 30-something who has sun spots. I have been getting a laser, which has worked wonders. I’m so happy. But this weekend, we went to the beach for the first time this summer, and it was overcast, and not even the height of the summer, and I feel like my sun spots are coming back!

    I feel like I’m doing everything I can, but I just want to see if I’m missing anything. I wore a hat – I’m not sure if it was SPF, but it’s a straw hat with a wide brim. Do I need one with SPF? I wore mineral sunscreen. Do I need to wear more? How much is required for mineral sunscreen to work? How often should I reapply?

    I feel like I’m about to become one of those crazy people who walks under an umbrella all the time. I can’t afford to have these lasers every month!!!

      • Anonymous

        It’s 50+. It’s pretty thin liquid (it’s the La Roche Posay someone here recommended last week). How much should I wear? In all honesty, I probably put only about .5 teaspoon on my face.

        • Anonymous

          More! And maybe try a thicker formula. Also is it waterproof? Are you reapplying every hour? Do you sit under an umbrella? These are all part of my beach routine.

        • lost academic

          yeah NO – you need a real sunscreen. SPF of 50 isn’t relevant, you’d be ok with less, but it has to be something that’s not just a sort of moisturizer. You need to reapply regularly – set a timer.

          Here’s a handy graphic for how much to use:

          https://kinsablog.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/sunscreen2.png

          When you’re applying to your face, don’t be gingerly daubing it on the areas you think are most important. Go clown makeup here.

    • sun

      If you are sun spot prone, I would avoid the beach etc.. like the plague. I have found that with aging, the spots come faster and yes…. just one exposure sometimes causes spots for me.

      You must be vigilant about sunscreen on all exposed areas of you are going out in the sun, and yes…. I would get a hat with built in sunscreen.

      Laser is a very expensive way to treat this…… Honestly, I wouldn’t bother, since they will come back so easily. It gets depressing.

    • Ellen

      Yay, Kat and Kate! I love this DVF dress, but wonder if the manageing partner will let me buy it. It is a littel short, but it has a flair to it that I think the judge will like!

      As for the OP, you MUST wear SPF 50 at a MININUM! I too am very fair skinned, and I have to wear a bikini whenever I go to the manageing partner’s house or out on his boat. I have SPF 100 for that b/c I do NOT want to have spot’s on my hand’s and leg’s b/f I am 50. Mom is lightskinned also and she has alot of sunspot’s. FOOEY on Sunspot’s. We also go to the DERMATOLOGIST once a year to check for skin tag’s and mellonoma, to be safe.

      Also Dad bought me a sumbrero from Mexico that look’s silly, but covers the sun from my face so that I do NOT get my face burnt. I recomend a sumbrero for anyone in the HIVE in need of sunprotection. I also have a SERAPE, but that is more for show in the cold weather, as I leave this on the bed in my guest bedroom. YAY!!!!

    • Kt

      Leave us crazy umbrella people alone :)

      My delicate and oddly pale skin mit’s be protected.

      I have 3 parasols and zero shame

      • KT

        To add on…I can’t be in the sun due to a medical condition, but I live in Florida and outdoor activities are what you do!

        I wear a super wide brimmed hat whenever I go out. I put on a liquid sunscreen as a base, then every hour I put on a layer of mineral powder sunscreen. If I will be in the sun for more than a few minutes, I do carry a parasol.

        I may be the crazy girl with a parasol, but my skin is spotless and wrinkle-free :)

    • MJ

      I am prone to melasma and hyper- and hypopigmentation. Your derm would tell you that ANY amount of sun exposure will bring your spots right back. Sunscreen helps, to a degree. Hats, sure. But if you’re prone to discoloration, the advice will be to avoid the sun…because you are more prone to getting spots.

      I played sports in college, and my spots came and went with the seasons (to an extent), but they were most pronounced after more sun exposure. Even after college, if I went skiing, even only for a day, my spots would come right back.

      There can be a hormonal component to this too, so you may want to speak with your derm about your birth control too.

      • Anonymous

        I have two small kids, and the beach is just the perfect way to spend the day. :(

        • Anonymous

          Make sure they are well slathered up, wearing hats, and rash guard SPF tops since they are probably susceptible too.

        • sun

          I hear you….

          I would let it go. Be with your kids. I’d buy some clothing with built in sunscreen, hat, and good sunscreen on your face/neck/decolletage/hands/feet.

          And let it go.

          Honestly, the spots do not look as bad as you think. I promise you.

          • Nati

            Agreed! Most of us, at some point, are going to get sun spots. I have freckles that get darker in the sun no matter what I do (hat, sunscreen, sitting in the shade when possible, etc.). I love them and also think sun spots have a certain charm too. Take precautions but live your life and know that the rest of us aren’t noticing or are maybe even admiring!

        • Anonymous

          I mean, live your life. I have pale skin and loads of freckles (tons on my face and arms, a few on my legs and feet) and I really hate that they get darker and more noticeable whenever I spend time in the sun, even with SPF 100 on. But I also want to live my life. I want to travel the world and go to tropical places. I want to swim and snorkel and kayak and stand-up paddle board and walk my dog. Even if that means my skin will look a little damaged or even that I die a few years earlier, I am not going to give up all the things I enjoy so much. I use good sun sense (tons of SPF, hats, try to avoid being out in the sun from 10-2) but at some point you just have to accept that you have done everything you can do and just let it be.

    • S

      A week or so of Murad (small bottle with clear gel) does about as much as an IPL treatment for me but I know hydroquinone is really bad and banned in some countries. Darn if it weren’t so fast, less expensive, easy and pain free.

    • Coach Laura

      I would suggest a thick mineral sunblock like Clinique’s CityBlock. Big UV-protectant sunglasses. SPF hat.

  2. Anonymous

    I have to say, everyone who keeps saying Kat’s picks are off, this is a perfect dress. Yes, the multicolored coat was weird (which she acknowledged), but I would say at least 90% of picks are spot on. The red skirt yesterday, the blouse from Kohl’s, the assymetrical skirt. Those were all great choices that would be totally appropriate in any office. Let’s keep it in perspective.

    • Anonymous

      Really? I don’t think this “inappropriate” in the sense that it covers the body appropriately, but I think it’s super girlish and wouldn’t be a great thing to wear if you’re in a high-powered career like law. I think the color alone or the skirt ruffle alone would be ok, but the combination SCREAMS Elle Woods. In my Big Law office you would stick out like a sore thumb in this and definitely not in a good way.
      (Also, office-appropriateness aside, I just don’t think it looks like a $398 dress. The cut looks kind of cheap to me. I assumed it was Old Navy or the like until I read the caption.)

      • cbackson

        Ha, I’m a biglaw partner, and I wear a candy-pink suit on the regular (and did when I was an associate). I wouldn’t wear this dress because I don’t like the cut (in my view, it looks bottom-heavy), but I wouldn’t blink at seeing this on one of our associates.

      • Anonymous

        I wear a dress this same color to my biglaw office (AmLaw 100). In fact, I was wishing I didn’t already have one this color, because otherwise I would want this one! Mine doesn’t have ruffles, and I almost always prefer ruffles. Needless to say, I would wear this to my office in a heartbeat.

      • Anonymous

        Hot pink is the navy blue of India, so I’m all about both as neutrals. FWIW, I have dark hair / eyes and can carry a strong color like this pretty well. I can see how it might not be a great color for everyone. A dusty pink would be all wrong on me.

      • Runner 5

        There’s nothing wrong with being a girl and therefore there should be nothing wrong with being girlish.

        • 10:08

          By “girlish,” I meant looking like a young girl, not simply feminine. I was not using “girl” as a synonym for “woman.” There is something wrong with dressing like you’re 16 when you’re in an industry where gravitas is important.

          • Anonymous

            So do you just want her to post black dresses every day? Maybe a little gray to shake things up?

          • 10:08

            Oh come on, there is a world of difference between black and gray on the one hand and neon pink on the other. And I said the color alone isn’t the problem. It’s the combo of neon pink and the ruffled, flouncy skirt that takes it into Elle Woods territory.

          • KT

            …if there was a blog that posted nothing but black and gray dresses (maybe some navy if I was feeling sassy) that would be awesome

      • Anon

        But not every reader here is in a conservative big law office. Kat always makes it clear to know your office, and there is absolutely NO way to have every pick fit every reader’s office dress code or style preferences. Kat almost always notes in the description too when she picks something she acknowledges may not fly in a certain environment. In the description here, Kat’s careful to say “for the right woman” and the “right office”, this dress may be a good fit. Not every reader is going to be the “right woman” or be in the “right office.”

        I’ve been in a big law office before, and at least where I was, this would be ok, particularly if paired with navy or grey. Now, I’m in a small, casual office wearing jeans.

        • Never too many shoes

          This dress would be totally fine in my office. I love ruffles and lace and crazy high heels and wear all of the them to work on the reg (3rd year Toronto litigator) and there are no issues at all. Even for a more conservative person, there is a slight ruffly trim for interest on this dress, it isn’t a flamenco skirt or anything…

    • lucy stone

      Yeah, this dress is great. I don’t think it would flatter my figure (it also doesn’t come in my size) but I like it and if I had the figure for it, I’d totally wear it to work.

  3. Weekend at Mommy's

    I posted about this yesterday, but I’m reposting this morning in hopes of more thoughts from the hive.

    My husband and daughter are going away this weekend– and I’m going to be footloose and fancy free. If you had three days totally to yourself, no family obligations, what would you do?

    Also, my giddy excitement is matched by a lot of feelings about being away from my one-year-old for so long (six days!!!!). Please tell me it will be okay, that she won’t have forgotten me or be scarred for life or any of the other ridiculous things my brain has come up with. I couldn’t nom her cheeks enough this morning.

    • Anon

      I would sleep (ALOT), deep clean the house (not fun, but it helps with my sanity), lay in bed and read for several hours, and do a nice dinner with friends and possibly some day drinking.

      • Anonymous

        This is exactly what I would do! I would also take all the exercise classes I can never make it to because I have to pick the kid up and make dinner, and after I cleaned the house I would get a manicure.

        Everything will be fine with your daughter, I promise. I started traveling for work when my daughter was a year and a half old. She adjusted easily–in fact, when she was three or four she started asking, “When are you going on a trip so Daddy and I can go the restaurant for dinner?” She still enjoys having one-on-one time with one parent while the other is traveling.

      • Anonattorney

        Also, from one mother of a one-year-old to another, don’t have any guilt!!! You totally deserve this time off and your kid will remember you and love you. I’ve already been through this – the baby remembers you and will be so excited to see you when she comes back. Seriously.

      • CX

        Don’t waste your own time cleaning! Check out Handy.com or groupon/living social for discount house-cleaners and do another task while they work.

    • CPA Lady

      I would have at least one “fun” day and one “work” day. The fun day would involve manicure, yoga class, whatever you do to treat yourself. As for the work day, I dont know about you, but there are a lot of things that hang over my head all the time that I’d like to do but have a hard time with the small child juggle. Like dropping off the dry cleaning, doing a closet purge, getting an oil change, going to Lowes to price a new front door, or finally getting all my bills on auto-pay. The nagging tasks that I put off endlessly but would be so happy to have off my to-do list. Do some of that too. And then reward yourself with a trip to Target ALL BY YOURSELF.

    • Betty

      Woohoo! Enjoy the time! Your daughter will absolutely know and remember you, and you will both be ok. Actually, I have found that these types of breaks are so very good for everyone.

      My advice: Think of all those things that seem luxurious/impossible to do and do them! A few possibilities:
      – Sleep in. Get an eye mask and sleep until you naturally wake up. Check the clock, roll over and sleep some more.
      – Run an errand at nap time. Go to Target (or a store with pretty, small, breakable things) and just wander.
      – Exercise when it is convenient for you. I run early in the morning due to schedules, but I prefer to run mid-afternoon. Oh! and then take a long, hot shower and know that no one will ask for you or cry out in the middle.
      – Go to a movie that you want to see.
      – Tackle a project that is impossible with a little one around. Maybe a seasonal clothes migration is in order?
      – Watch a movie/show in the middle of the afternoon that has completely inappropriate language.
      – If you like to cook, spend an afternoon cooking something involved and delicious. And then lick the bowl because you can and don’t have to share.
      – Blast music in your house in the evening. Or go out at bedtime and realize that nothing is making you go home.
      – Do home spa stuff. Better yet, go to a real spa for an afternoon.

      Can you tell that I fantasize about these things?!

      • Anonymous

        I would go to the mall! I do all of my shopping online now, but I would love to go to the actual mall for a few hours without my kiddos.

        • CPA Lady

          And while you’re there you probably need to get a mall cookie too. Because those are delicious and you need the full mall experience.

          • Anonymous

            This thread is making me envious. Will someone please take my family away for just one weekend?

    • Meg Murry

      In addition to all the other good suggestions, do you have any friends you don’t see much of anymore? See if one of them is up for dinner or drinks or a movie or pedicure or whatever with you.

      Otherwise, no shame if you spend the entire weekend sleeping and/or binge watching and if your meals consist mainly of ice cream and wine. Unless you love to cook, in which case go for all your favorites you can’t do on a weeknight timeline.

    • Bonnie

      I’d spend one day catching up with the DVR while doing laundry. Maybe order in sushi and drink wine. Day two I’d use to go to the mall and run errands and return all of the things that are in my car then go out with friends for dinner in the evening. Day three, I’d go get a spa treatment then treat myself to a nice lunch where I could read a book.

    • anne-on

      Load up your kindle (or grab a book), take yourself to a nice lunch (preferably outside on a sunny patio) and read while having a glass of wine with your meal. Follow up with a manicure/pedicure and/or massage. Followed by a nap. This is basically my idea of heaven.

      • Anonattorney

        Oooh, I love the idea of people-watching on a sunny patio while drinking wine and reading a book. Totally do this.

      • EB0220

        I do this during the work week occasionally when I’m fed up with the usual gym routine (without wine, of course) and it is great.

    • Anonattorney

      This sounds amazing! I would sleep in, wake up and have a leisurely coffee and breakfast while reading my book, then go to the gym and have a lazy workout. Then I’d got get a pedicure. I’d then meet some friends for a 1:00 pm lunch and start day drinking! I’d have a few glasses of wine, maybe do some tipsy shopping, and then head home (Uber) and catch up on a soapy tv show (Grey’s Anatomy anyone?). Then after the wine wore off, I’d take a bath, order in food, and do some at-home spa treatments, with wine. I’d then either read my book or watch more tv.

    • Anon

      I get the occasional free weekend during the summer because my husband and kids enjoy camping and staying at a three star hotel is as close as I’m willing to get to camping.

      Usually on Saturday I spend most of the day gardening. Then I clean up a bit (myself and my house) and either go out or have a few girlfriends over. My favorite is having them over. We all cook together and drink a bunch of wine. We have a sleep over so that no one has to drive impaired.

      Sunday I either shop, run errands, or just watch a couple of movies.

      Have fun!

      • Weekend at Mommy's

        Thank you all!! OP here who now has an itinerary of fun for the weekend. Much more excited– thank you to those of you who weighed in with your own stories– it helped more than you can imagine.

  4. Q for pears

    I am a bit of a pear (32C bust, 39″ hips with some sort of tummy (like my hips are narrow, so I’m cylindrical-ish, but with thick thighs and a butt).

    I thought an A-line might be a good idea to help (esp. mail order) items fit better and needing fewer alterations.

    Instead: it looked like a tragic triangle. It seemed to magnify / distort the pear-ness. Am I doing it wrong or is this just the wrong cut for us pears?

    • pear

      I’ve heard people say that pears (I am one) should avoid A-line, but some work better for me. HOWEVER, I have to be careful that they drape well, or yes…. they can emphasize the hips. I also try to use darker colors on the bottom, with more interesting necklines/drape/jewelry on top to elevate the eye from my tuchus. Make sure you emphasize the waist.

      I have a horrible time finding dresses/skirts/pants that fit, and basically need to alter everything because nothing fits correctly.

      So another question – could it be that the skirts needs alterations, and then it will fit better?

    • Anonymous

      Honestly, I think tighter pretty much always looks better. Not tight, but form-fitting. I see a lot of pear shaped women wearing a-line, and I think that just makes the bottom half look bigger because it has all of that extra fabric. Try pencil skirts and dresses.

      • Anonymous

        I would actually suggest something with princess seaming – you get the fit around the hips, but also have volume at the hem to balance the visual volume at the hips. And make sure you are dealing with a thinner/drapier fabric, rather than a thicker fabric that will be stiffer and stand away.

        It’s just that suit skirts rarely come in princess seaming, so you’ll be limited in your options.

    • KT

      So, A-line can mean very different things.

      I am an extreme pear and look nice in slight A-line skirts–just enough that they skim over my hips rather than hug them like a pencil skirt.

      But wider skirts or circle skirts? I look downright ridiculous

    • Shopaholic

      I think you have to get pencil skirts/dresses and get them tailored. That’s my only solution.

    • Amy H.

      For me (definite pear), it all depends on the fabric. A stiff fabric in an A-line cut will not work, because the skirt continues past my hips sticking out even wider on both sides. Hence the tragic triangle (sooo accurate). A drapier fabric skims over my hips and then softly comes down straight from the widest part of me.

  5. Emmabean

    Reposting from yesterday when I think I was a bit too late to get a response – does anyone have any restaurant recommendations for Ventura Beach and surrounding area for a group of 6-8? Just looking for a nice easy dinner atmosphere, maybe something local, $$ – $$$. We are coming from out of town and have never been to the area!

  6. pear

    Anyone have a good recommendation for ankle pants for pear shapes?

    Bonus points if I can wash them at home, but am willing to pay more for a good quality pant that doesn’t lose its shape during the day.

  7. Video killed the radio star

    Am I the only person in the world who hates videoconferences? I just got a lot of pushback for suggesting that a call would be preferable to a videoconference, and frankly I was surprised. I have never been on a videoconference that wasn’t weird and awkward, whereas on the phone it’s much easier to have a natural conversation. Plus that, the videoconferencing technology is unreliable. Am I justified in believing that the phone is easier, or do I just need to join everyone else in the 21st century?

    • Daisy

      I think video conferences are great, but I know we have really strong technology (reliable connection, wide-angle camera so you can see the whole room) so it’s never an issue or second thought.

    • Jen

      It depends on your setup. My office has pretty great video technology and I have found myself preferring video calls. With so many remote people it makes meetings more effective to have everyone “physically present.” Much harder to multitask, and you have to look someone in the eye when you tell them news they don’t like!

    • Maddie Ross

      Voice of dissent here – I definitely prefer telephone conference. I can have notes up on my computer screen, take notes at the computer, use mute without people seeing me reach for the button. And I don’t have to care about what I look like. I am team telephone conference over here!

        • Meg Murry

          Me three! I’ve used video conferences a few times when it was nice to be able to put a face to the name and email address of the person I was going to be dealing with for months, but overall phone conferences are less of a headache and work just as well 95% of the time. Plus the system we used had mediocre sound quality or you had to compromise between sitting where you could see/be seen or where you were close enough to the microphone and speakers to hear and be heard without causing a feedback/echo loop.

        • CountC

          Four! Our telepresence rooms are quite nice, but I still don’t care for it. I like to be able to sit at my desk and pull up documents on my computer monitors while on a call and we have Lync so people can share screens and what not.

    • LawDawg

      I hate the “don’t know where to look” aspect of a videoconference. In order to look at people, you have to look at a camera instead of at them. Put me in the telephone conference camp.

    • Video killed the radio star

      Glad to know I am not alone in my distaste for videoconferencing. I dislike it for all the reasons mentioned–it’s hard to know where to look (at the camera? at the people on the screen?), I worry about how I look, I can’t mute the line or pull up reference materials on the screen, etc.

      • Jen

        Our setup is a “smart” video that zooms to the person speaking. You look them in the eye.

        • KT

          HA my old company had one of these and it was terrifying. If you coughed or sneezed it would zoom over to you, and I of course had bad allergies every darn video conference

    • An

      It depends. If you’re with a group in a room with a TP, definitely videoconferencing is where it’s at. If it’s a bunch of people at their desks, no thanks.

    • Jules

      I don’t video conference, really, but spoke at a CLE program by video, with a co-presenter on half the screen and Absolutely Hated It. But the tech was not great, we were using our own webcams.

      But chimed in mostly to say I love your handle for this.

  8. Anonymous

    Good morning! Are there any Chicago ‘Rettes out there that can vouch for the area near W Huron St for a bachelorette party? I’m planning the party remotely from NYC, so I’m not sure if that neighborhood (between N Kingsbury and N Sedgwick) is close to good nightlife. We’re looking for an area of town with some street traffic and where we can have a good dinner/drinks closely after our dance lesson. Welcome any comments/suggestions! Thanks all!

    • espresso bean

      Chicagoan here! There is plenty of bachelorette-friendly nightlife in River North, which isn’t too far from the area you specified. The farther west you go on Huron (that is, the closer to Kingsbury), the quieter it gets. The heart of River North is centered closer to State Street.

      What’s the age range of your group? I really like Untitled if you’re 30+ and like to dress up and go dancing on a weekend. Pops for Champagne is also nice.

      Other bars and restaurants that are more west near the area you mentioned: Bernie’s has great food and drinks and a nice new rooftop! Franklin Room is a great spot for cocktails and hearty bar food. I like Union Sushi and BBQ if you’re into Japanese. The Boarding House is a beautiful space. Also, Gilt Bar, GT Fish and Oyster, Sable in the Palomar Hotel for cocktails/snacks, and Sepia for a gorgeous chic dinner.

      I also recommend going a little farther west and south to the West Loop, where you’ll have tons of options. Have fun!

      • Anonymous

        Thanks very much! We’re mid-30s – the bride doesn’t drink too much, but we love people watching and dancing. I’ll check out the places you mentioned-thank you again!

    • AEK

      Take with a grain of salt because I’m an old lady, but I think there are many more bars and clubs east of Sedgwick. So not far at all, but Huron / Kinsbury won’t have much right there.

    • ChiLaw

      It wasn’t my neighborhood when I lived there, and honestly my impression is that it’s more fun around happy hour on weekdays than on weekends.

      Depending on the vibe you’re after, for walking between charming bars you might want to check out Old Town (comedy-heavy) or Logan Square (hipster-ish) or (my favorite!) Andersonville. A’ville is a little older (late 20’s, early 30’s) so it’s got like, bars with great beer menus or c*cktail programs. I had a bachelorette evening (again, kind of low key) that involved a bunch of wine and small plates of Italian deliciousness at Ombra. There’s also the divey and historical Simon’s, Sushi Mike’s excellent omakase at Tanoshii, Hopleaf for just outstanding food (frites!) and beer, and then the fascinating Green Mill for great music. George’s ice cream stays open pretty late, for post-drinks (or mid-drinks) sweets. All of that’s in walking distance. You can probably get an air bnb in walking distance from the lake, where there’s a beach you can swim at during the day. So that’s about the itinerary I would propose for a bachelorette in Chicago, but I’m biased because I loved Andersonville.

  9. Anonymous

    I’ve had a few friends tell me that they’re pregnant in the last couple of weeks, and I’m SO excited for all of them!

    What are your favorite soon-to-be mama gifts? And then what are the best (or most useful!) baby gifts?

    • Omigod Shoes

      When I was in my 20s and the first of my friends started having babies, I got them Robeez baby shoes. I was just getting them because I thought they were cute, but once I had a kid of my own, I wanted to pat my 20 year old self on the back. Good baby shoes are expensive, and I would have loved for someone to get some for my kid.

      • H

        I personally don’t see the point of putting a baby in shoes before he/she can walk. It’s just one more thing to have to do. Your friends will probably do baby registries.

        If you want to get something for mama to be, I would suggest an activity you can do together – pedicures, coffee, dinner, movies, night away, those paint by numbers classes, etc. Once baby comes, she’ll have much less time for hanging out.

      • Love my Lexus

        +1 to Robeez. These are great gifts. Baby socks never stay on. Plus, it’s supposedly better to wear soft sole shoes when they are learning to walk.

    • Jen

      Not blankets; they’ll get a million. Mama to be presents: mani/pedi/prenatal massage. Offer to help paint baby’s room. #2 is due in 4 weeks and I would cry tears of joy if someone just painted her nursery!

      Baby gifts: avoid stuffed animals if you can, they’ll get a million. Books. Cute outfits in sizes >newborn that are seasonally appropriate (i.e. Buy an outfit in a 6 month size that baby can actually wear at 4-7 months old). Diapers (I like the “diaper cakes” from honest company or even just a gift card there). Shoes are a good idea but baby feet after tricky and it’s kind of hard to buy this early. She’ll likely have a registry and I’d go for things like bottles, bibs (we loved bumkins ones), nursing pillows, etc.

      • anon

        With a 1 year old, shoes are something I would want now, but you just don’t know the size — our baby has always had ENORMOUS feet and couldn’t wear 95% of the hand me down robeez we were given.

      • LawDawg

        Yes, blankets! I always get them monogrammed. No matter how many kids you have, each one has his/her own and they are used way past the baby stages. A former co-worker who I hadn’t seen in three years told me his kids still use the blankets I got them when we were working together. And he remembers that I got them for the kids.

      • Anon

        Team no blankets – we got literally 30! And multiple monogrammed ones. And babies can’t sleep with them for like, 3 years anyway! Get things for kids parents can’t/won’t buy themselves – nice/ridiculous baby clothes (i.e. Janie & Jack), baby shoes, and 9-12 month multi-seasonal clothes.

    • Anonymous

      A friend got me a fancy heating pad when I was pregnant and now that’s my go-to! I used it almost every day starting in the second trimester and it really felt amazing when I got back pain later in pregnancy. Origins makes a nice one that smells like ginger, which also helped my nausea.

    • AIMS

      I used a lot of moisturizer on my belly so the most useful thing for me would have been rich, nice smelling creams. They have some just for bellies, but I just used any nice feeling cream. Also, I washed my hands a lot more when I was pregnant and even more after baby was born for worry about getting baby sick, so nice smelling hand soaps would have been great. It gets boring to wash your hands with the same soap every day!

      For baby gifts, I really liked all the swaddle cloths we got because babies spit up, you can use them for everything and I feel like you can never have too many; also for any babies born in the winter in a cold climate stroller hand muffs are the greatest most brilliant thing ever. If you’re going to buy clothes, cotton baby sleeping gowns are the best thing ever, esp. if they have hand covers for scratchy baby nails (Carter’s makes lots, Burt’s Bees, too) – it makes changing a baby so easy, plus babies look adorable as little Dickensian characters. And they tend to be pretty one size fits most so very useful from birth to 4-5 months or so, as opposed to other clothes that the baby will quickly outgrow.

      Not that you asked, but in terms of what I didn’t find useful are very “cute” baby dress up outfits because those got worn maybe once at most, and some never. Particularly anything scratchy, itchy, etc. I know some people like to dress up their newborn in tutus and giant headbands but that just doesn’t look comfy to me and I felt like all the elaborate baby dresses we received were just kind of wasteful. I think people like buying that stuff because it’s “fun” but I think if anyone wants a baby Mrs. Claus outfit for their kiddo, let them buy it themselves (we got not one, but two!).

      • Anonymous

        When I was pregnant, smelly belly creams would have made me vomit. So would a prenatal massage. I like to give books.

      • Maddie Ross

        Baby stuff is so subjective! I hated the baby sleeping gowns. My wriggly baby would end up with it all bunched around her chest and her little legs and booty uncovered. I liked the gifts that were things you could never have too much of – monogrammed burp cloths, bibs, nicer blankets (really, everything that little giraffe makes – so soft!).

    • Anonattorney

      My most useful gift was an insert for my hospital bag full of toiletries and other stuff. I get this now for all of my friends. Some places sell pre-made bags/boxes/etc., but it’s more fun for me to put them together. Here’s what you need:
      – cute large toiletry bag
      – lotion, face wash (wipes are good), razor, shave cream, shampoo/conditioner, toothbrush, toothpaste, etc.
      – nipple cream
      – hair band, comb, brush
      – granny panties
      – maxi pads
      – tucks pads
      – snacks
      – fleece socks or slippers

      • Anonattorney

        And if you want to get actual baby stuff, I think Halo sleepsacks (or other brands) are the most useful gift, in multiple sizes and thicknesses. They are pretty expensive, and you need a bunch in case of midnight accidents (leaky diapers).

        • Anonymous

          Agreed! This is what I get all my friends, and was also one of the few things we had to buy a bunch of for our own kid (at around $15-20/sack).

    • SC

      Mama-to-be presents: heating pad, decaf tea or herbal tea, ginger candies, a book of mocktail recipes, gift certificate to spa or a yoga studio that does prenatal yoga classes (if she’s into that, and bonus if the studio also does mama and baby classes in case she doesn’t use up the prenatal classes).

      Baby gifts: Some of my (or baby’s) favorite gifts that I didn’t register for were a turtle thermometer for bath water, crinkle books, indestructible books, clothing in 3-6 month or 6-9 month sizes, the Honest Company gift set, Sophie the giraffe (we had two, one for the diaper bag and one for the house), and soft bibs and burp cloths. I also say “yes” to blankets – I loved the Aiden and Anais muslin swaddling blankets, and also their hooded towel, which is bigger than most and is the only one we’re still using with our toddler. Anything from the registry is good too, especially the “boring” stuff.

    • Jules

      For baby gifts, I usually get black and white board books (newborns can’t make out colors but they like bold patterns) and also have found cute black and white socks with bold patterns, bells, etc.

    • NOLA

      Maybe this is old news, but for a while, I gave every mom-to-be a temporal thermometer. My friends with babies swore by them and a lot of them didn’t know about them before someone (another mom) recommended it.

    • Excel Geek

      Just bought a friend “Go The F to Sleep” and a belly band. As a mom of older kids, I think it’s good to show her some of the reality that is coming :)

    • Delta Dawn

      I think bibs are underrated as baby gifts. We use at least three of them every day– and if the kid is a spitter, you pretty much have to have a bib on them all the time. Then, if they have on a cute outfit (admittedly rare), the bib doesn’t always match (which of course doesn’t really matter, but if I’ve taken the time to put the baby in a cute smocked yellow outfit, I don’t want to put a ratty purple bib over it). I finally ordered myself a bunch of bibs on Etsy with the baby’s monogram. Five matching monogram bibs (perhaps in pink or blue, because those are the color clothes they’ll probably get, whether they intend to or not) would be a great gift. I recommend velcro and not snaps. (Who has two hands to snap the bib when you are wrangling a baby!?)

    • ChiLaw

      The gift I most appreciated was the Miracle Swaddle. It’s one of those subjective/ybmv things but it was the only way to get our girlie to sleep for a while, and they weren’t cheap. I also really appreciated books for the baby and Amazon gift cards for baby/me. My sister had a HUGE box of cookies delivered to my house when I was about 10 days postpartum. I nearly cried from joy.

    • Batgirl

      Chiming in a bit late, but we just had our baby and I feel like I have some expertise in this area right now! We got a ton of blankets and knit hats — very cute, but more than we know what to do with/have a place to store. I would generally stick to boring things off their registry because babies are expensive and there’s a lot of boring stuff you need that quickly adds up to serious buckeroos. Personally, while I appreciated all the gifts we got, I was overwhelmed by the amount of *stuff* in our home and really didn’t know what to do with the cutesy/joke gifts that didn’t really serve a purpose. I may be a bit too practical but if I didn’t register for it or couldn’t eat it, I wasn’t really sure what to do with it (besides return it, if I could).

    • (not that) Ellen

      My go-to baby gift is something that I got for my sister when she was pregnant with my niece, totally unaware that it would later save my sanity the first time I babysat for her. She was about 5-6 mo old and becoming aware of who she knew and who she didn’t know, and she screamed bloody murder for 45 minutes after my sister and her husband left. Not hungry, didn’t need changing. Just frantic that mama and dada had left her with this strange lady (OK, maybe I didn’t visit as often as I should have… I was in college, gimme a break).

      Thank heavens… next to her crib, I found this wind-up music player/light projector thing that I had given to my sister months earlier thinking it seemed kind of cool. I wound it up and sat down with her in a rocker. She went silent, tilted her head back, and became entranced by the critters dancing across her ceiling. In 5 minutes, she was asleep.

      There are now a ton of shapes of these things; they come in lady bugs, turtles, bunnies, star fish etc. Search Amazon for Cloud b Twilight Constellation Night Light and you will find a dozen varieties in the “customers also bought” links.

      I’ve given at least 12 of these as baby gifts, and most of the recipients have told me they’re a lifesaver at one time or another.

  10. Anonymous

    I’m moving in 3 weeks. I haven’t started packing. Or found a moving company. Or bought boxes.

    I need to get started, but what are your number one tips for efficient packing/moving?

    Oh, and I live alone, so it’s all on me to pack/move/unpack, which I’m finding daunting.

    • Anonymous

      Just get to it. I spend way too much time trying to do it perfectly. Go to Home Depot, buy a bunch of boxes, tape, and tissue paper and get cracking. Start with clothes- if you don’t need it in the next month, it can immediately go into a box.

      Ditto moving company. Go on Yelp, pick the best one, and call them right now.

      • Anonymous

        I needed to hear that first sentence! I have called my cable/internet and electricity company, forwarded my mail, and asked for three moving quotes. And I’m going to get boxes tonight.

    • Vi

      Put your books in boxes you get from a liquor store — free and small enough that they don’t get too heavy.

      • Meg Murry

        Or see if you can snag some of the copier paper boxes from your office – also free and good for books. Whatever you do, don’t pack books into a box larger than that.

        My advice is to pick a corner or out of the way area and start packing from there, so you have a place to pile the boxes as you fill them. Its amazing how much room the contents of a closet or cabinet take up once you’ve put it all in boxes.

        Label all boxes on the top and two sides so you have a better chance of the label being out.

        You can use towels or tshirts as padding for moderately fragile items.

    • KT

      Get a suitcase and fill it with sheets, pillow cases, toothbrush, shampoo, conditioner, soap, hairbrush, medicine, pajamas, change of clothes–anything you NEED to get ready in the morning. You WILL get exhausted halfway through unpacking, and there’s nothing worse than wanting to take a nap but realizing your sheets are in the bottom of a box all the way in the back.

      Also, can you afford to hire help? Whenever I’ve moved, I’ve done the packing/unpacking myself, but I hired movers to load and unload the truck. It made life so much easier.

      • KT

        Check out UHau’s site-even if you don’t get a truck through them, they link to movers in your area–I’ve always had good luck booking through them

    • Mouse

      I did a little bit every night for a few weeks. And then I’d spend one day packing each weekend leading up to the move (and give myself one day to do all the other moving related stuff that isn’t packing, like cleaning or scheduling internet set-up at the new place, etc). Also, I got rid of a LOT of stuff.

    • New Tampanian

      I moved about a year and a half ago by myself (well, movers but I did all the packing) and here are my thoughts:

      – Do a little every night
      – Purchase boxes from Home Depot. They are sturdy and good quality.
      – Purchase the “packing sets” from Home Depot – They have ones for glasses, dishes, flat screen tvs, etc. They are AMAZING. I don’t think a single thing of mine broke (it was an 1,100 mile move)
      – Label your boxes with a number and a room. In a notebook (or on your phone in notes) keep track of what is in each box # (you don’t have to be too specific, but specific enough that you’ll know if something is missing)
      – Have an OPEN FIRST box and/or suitcase as stated above
      – Purge. Moving is a great time to donate / purge things you just don’t need. Sell things online if you have the time / care for the extra money.
      – Champagne plus snacks = packing party with friends

    • Dulcinea

      -Start by figuring out what items you truly need for the next 3 weeks, set them aside and pack everything else. You can probably get by with 2 plates, 2 forks, etc for three weeks. A handful of clothes (assuming you have access to laundry). Art on the walls can come down immediately, probably most books can be packed right away.
      -Get boxes with handles, like file boxes from staples. I prefer these to the actual moving boxes sold by uhaul and home depot.
      -Make color-coded labels based on where the box should be deposited in your new place (eg, bedroom, kitchen, living room). I had a bunch of blank shipping labels already, so I just printed out a couple sheets for each room, then took a marker and scribbled all over the sheet to “color” the labels. Put labels on multiple sides of the boxes. Don’t bother labeling the tops.
      -In your “open first” box, include a shower curtain & towels along with clothes, sheets, and toiletries.

    • lost academic

      You can never be too specific about what the box is labeled. You will inevitably be looking for something that got stuck in a box you never expected it to be in and spend a lot of time hunting for whatever it is… rinse, repeat. Also, if you’re having movers move the actual boxes into the new location, really make sure the boxes go to the right rooms the FIRST time. We hauled a lot of heavy stuff from the basement to the 3rd floor and vice versa because they got lazy.

      I’ve moved enough that I no longer want friends to be involved in moving or packing – that’s for college or right after it. My time is valuable and at the end of the day, it’ll take my friends way more time to do any of that, even the efficient and strong ones, than it does professional movers. Also, no one ever actually wants to help you move – not really – so I don’t want to put that on them and then accept whatever excuse they offer for why they can’t.

      • New Tampanian

        If using movers… do not specifically label the contents of the boxes on the boxes themselves. Use a numbering system like I suggest above so that only you know what is inside.

      • Anonymous

        Hahah, I’m in my 20s still, but definitely hiring movers, I don’t really want to bother my friends (though I might recruit one to help direct the movers! But many of my friends are happy to be directors, as long as they aren’t lifting)

    • Anonymous

      Invest in the wardrobe boxes, they’re a lifesaver. You just hang your clothes in them, no need to fold or remove from hangers, and move them to the closet in the new place. For someone with a lot of clothes, it was a huge timesaver…and while they’re a bit pricey, I was surprised at how much clothing I could fit into them (and you can pack the bottoms with shoes, towels, etc.)

  11. Greensleeves

    Check out the Halogen ankle pants at Nordstrom. I picked some up by accident at the Rack a couple of weeks ago, thinking they were the Halogen slacks I usually get. Tried them on since I already had them in the dressing room and was surprised to find that I loved them! I ordered another pair at full price from Nordstrom within a week. They are machine washable too. I hang to dry and they didn’t even need ironed. For reference, I am an increasingly bottom-heavy hourglass – I’m not sure where the line is between that and pear, but I think these are worth a try for either category!

    • pear

      Thanks Greensleeves. I appreciate the rec.

      I think I am going to order two sizes of every pant you guys recommend.

      I find that pants wise, yes…. we pears and hourglasses have a lot in common. However, when you are hourglass, I feel like you can experiment with more pant shapes than us pears can, as I feel like I need a touch more volume in the pant as it moves down the body to balance things out.

      I find that when ankle pants taper too much at the ankle it isn’t as flattering. I need a touch of wider opening. However, pure straight legs look dowdy on me.

      It is very, very hard for me to find a flattering pair of pants that fits.

  12. Anonforthis

    When it comes to finances, husband and I are very much on the same page. All in one pot, same saving goals and spending habits.

    He is older and further along in his career, but makes around 35% less than me. He was laid off for a significant period and landed this job less than a year ago. He’s not very happy and is being worked into the ground.

    My job is kind of a unicorn job. I am well-paid and have extreme work/life balance. Work from home 2x/week, never work over 40 hours, extraordinary flexibility and vacation time.

    His job is becoming more and more intense, and frankly he is being paid sh*t. I have found myself becoming resentful. More of the job than of him, I think. He worked late all last week and worked the weekend. Because I come home hours before him and often wfh, I (understandably) take care of most domestic things. Cooking, cleaning, etc. I guess it feels weird to both be the primary breadwinner and the primary chore-doer.

    We are in a great place financially. No kids. I’ve encouraged him to ask for a raise, but he feels so insecure after being laid off for so long. He doesn’t want to look for a new job, as he wants a few years at his current firm on his resume.

    I don’t feel mad or resentful toward him. More at the situation in general. I guess I don’t get the point of him being so stressed and unhappy with his job, when I am ultimately able to (not as comfortably) support us both. I try hard to provide emotional support – whether it’s bringing him a sandwich at his office or listening about work when he needs to complain, but he knows I’m unhappy. We both are – we miss quality time with each other. We’re already in therapy, more preemptively than for specific issues. I guess I could bring this up then. More curious about ideas for coping, whether anyone has been in a situation like this.

      • Anon

        I’m not the OP, but government jobs (at least in Canada) meet this description. I have worked for the federal government, a provincial one, and two municipalities and was always paid well/unionized (job security), and worked 9-5.

    • Anonymous

      Take the money out of it. He’s making the best of a bad situation, he’s hardworking, and he is trying. Why does it matter you make more money?

      Look at the chores this way: are you both working equally hard? Sounds like yes. You, a combo of home and work. Him, all work. His work isn’t negatively impacting your career. You’re on the same team here.

      • Diana Barry

        +1. It sounds like his job is making YOU more unhappy than it makes HIM, just because of the money. If he doesn’t like his job and feels overworked and wants to get a new job, you should encourage him to. But don’t substitute your wants and needs for his in this equation.

      • It's never about the money

        I think it always matters at least a tiny bit if you are making more money and then have to do all the chores. I’m not saying its a good thing coming from a healthy place- its not. But I am saying that money = power, and it’s hard to be the one making the bulk of the money but then still have to clean the toilet. IMO, the solution to some of the resentment is to hire someone to clean your house.

        Maybe something to explore in therapy is what “making most of the money” really means to you deep down. Do you think it means you can tell your husband what to do about his career? Do you think it means he should listen to you? Do you think it means you shouldn’t have to be doing all the chores? I’m not saying it means any of these things, I’m saying you should think about your power dynamic and how that intersects with your earnings and your marriage.

        • Anonymous

          This is what guys do, no? They make the $ and can’t have the wife’s mcjob interfering with that or making the home a whiny complainy mess.

          IMO, at my job, I’m not expected to stay home with the kids when they are sick so my H can go to an hourly job or show houses or something. I think it’s like in the maritime world where the small boat yields to the bigger boat.

          No one says “I stopped being in BigLaw b/c it interfered with my husband’s job as an adjunct professor.”

          • CX

            +1 Years ago I had a friend look me in the eye and say “It sounds like half your relationship issues could be solved by a housekeeper.” That sounds pretty applicable to you too.

            You say you’re financially good– use some of that to unload tasks you hate. Laundry? Send it out. Deep cleaning your bathroom? Get a housekeeper. Cooking healthy labor-intensive meals? Try Hungryroot or something. It sounds like his schedule is awful, but he’s unwilling to push for a change at this point. Change around him. And if he quibbles about you outsourcing household tasks you’d be otherwise stuck with *that* is the appropriate moment to play the larger-income card.

          • Meg Murry

            Yes, I once had a therapist tell me “you know, a big part of what you tell me you are so stressed about is the state of your house and how you feel guilty about it being messy but you don’t have time to clean it. Not to put myself out of business, but maybe you could see me half as often and use the cost of the therapy sessions to hire someone to clean for you”

      • Maddie Ross

        This. Just because someone makes less doesn’t automatically make their job “less.” Is he being taken advantage of and paid below-market? If yes, then ask for a raise perhaps. But you don’t necessarily just get a raise to meet the number of hours you’re putting in to a job.

        That said, I understand the resentment of feeling like you’re carrying all of the water, all of the time. Especially when your spouse isn’t happy with the job that’s keeping them so busy. Address this part of it. Not the money. Can he find a way to spend time with you one night a week so you’re together? Is there a goal he’s working towards at work that you can help support?

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      It’s not clear what industry your husband is in, but if by “firm” you mean “law firm,” what you’re describing sounds pretty normal for law firm life. I mean, yes, it would be great if your husband got paid more/had more free time, but it’s pretty unfair to compare his job to your self-described “unicorn job” and then resent his job for not being as flexible as yours.

      My advice? Stop piling your unhappiness on top of his. He needs motivating support – of the you are working so hard/you are doing the right thing by muscling through to build your resume/please do what you need to do to make your job work right now and I will be here for you and we can do something cool when things ease up variety, NOT “support” of the oh you poor baby, this blows/you poor thing, they don’t treat you right/you should totally ask for a raise/you should get a new job variety.

      Personally, my H is in the “unicorn” job right now, and I’m in the “I have to make this work because reasons” job, and hearing how my H misses me or wishes we had more time for XYZ or thinks I’m awesome and should be treated better is useless and, frankly, guilt-trippy. What helps is when he (a) acknowledges that I’m trying to do a thing here, even if it’s not my favorite thing; (b) says/does stuff that helps me and encourages me to do the thing, instead of indulging my bad feelings about said thing; and (c) doesn’t constantly rub his better schedule in my face (even if it’s in the context of “Oh I wish you could go hiking with me this weekend”). Get a few hobbies you can do solo/with friends, figure out how to occupy yourself during the times your H is unavailable, and support what he’s trying to do, instead of making it about you and your unhappiness at his decreased availability.

      • J

        My husband earns more, has more prestige, and works from home 2x’s per week. I’m much lower ranking and frequently don’t even take a lunch break. It’s gotten to the point that it’s hard for us to relate to each other, because our companies’ work/life balance are so different. He’s taking the afternoon off to go to a baseball game with coworkers…I’m dealing with my 3rd fire of the day and keep forgetting to make a cup of coffee. We got into the pattern of not sharing our work lives because they are so different and it would set off baffled, “Seriously?” comments that the other person either has to defend or feel angry about.

        We’re slowly talking about work again, and I think it’s because we’re finally realizing that we just need to keep our judgments and jealousy to ourselves. I don’t roll my eyes at the baseball lunch breaks or the PJ Tuesdays, he doesn’t tell me I’m being overworked or stuck at a company that treats employees like slaves. We just listen and offer support or share the happiness.

        • Wildkitten

          Mr. Kitten twice what I do, and at various points has vocalized that it is unfair that I pay less of our bills. The most significant understanding in our relationship, which I have re-iterated regularly as it comes up – is that my job doesn’t require fewer hours or have less value. It is my opinion, based on my experience, that that is the necessary understanding to set a foundation for the relationship.

          J – if your H works from home, there are things he can handle to lighten the load for you that you can’t do with your schedule. He can be home for peapod delivery, or put in and switch the laundry when he’s wfh. What can he do with no skin off his nails that helps you with your busy life?

          And also, hire a housekeeper.

          Has he expressed resentment about doing those things even though

    • Also DC to ATL

      Hire a cleaner to come by? Outsource meal prep or do Blue Apron? If you are financially secure but resentful of the chores, outsource them for a little bit.

      • AIMS

        That would be my advice too. It doesn’t sound like your husband wants to leave his job right now and you say you can afford to support you both on your salary. Take the extra money and put it towards a cleaning service and food delivery and whatever else you need and enjoy your free time by taking a yoga class, having dinner with a friend, whatever. In a year if husband is still unhappy, reevaluate.

      • Babyweight

        Yes. Until a few months ago, this was our situation plus kids. I have the unicorn position, which leaves me with more childcare. He just got a big raise and for the first time ever, out earns me. Realize that your job is special and that his job is typical. I’m a silver linings person and when I’d get frustrated, I’d have to remember that I’m the weird one and if the unicorn job ends, then I’m going to be in a world of hurt to find a replacement and will need every ounce of his support at that time.

    • Anon

      I can kind of relate. I am the breadwinner but have better hours than my husband and a less demanding job. His job isn’t anywhere near as bad as your husband’s, but he has some stupid time requirements (has to be in early, has to travel to lame places, has to occasionally drop everything to go in for an hour on Sunday when I am home with our 10-day-old baby) and I am occasionally thinking WTH?! because he isn’t compensated fairly for these inconveniences. However, he also doesn’t have a college degree and his position technically requires one (he worked his tail off to get where he is without one), so there is a trade off there. His superiors also really appreciate his hard work and let him know verbally and by giving him rewards (random days off, bonuses, etc.) – feeling appreciated goes a long way for tolerating other inconveniences.

    • SC

      I wrote a similar post a few weeks ago, except I don’t have the unicorn job (lots of hours, but high compensation), and we have a one-year-old. But DH has a similar job situation, and I was feeling more than worn out from being the primary breadwinner and taking care of the household stuff. Also, I felt like the money was related because, even though we were both doing the same amount of work, we could (in my opinion) afford to do less work collectively, which would make me happier. And I resented the fact that doing less work wouldn’t make DH happier.

      So (A) I took an afternoon off and sat outside at a cafe reading and thinking. It worked wonders. (B) I realized that I’m unhappy with my work, and I’m looking for a new job. (C) I decided to stop doing a lot of unnecessary emotional labor, especially stuff involving my in-laws. I also decided to stop doing some stuff around the house. We can’t afford to outsource more than we already do, but I’ve decided to just let some stuff go. (D) DH agreed to ask for a schedule change (same hours, but more similar to mine) so we can spend more time together, both for fun stuff and chores/household stuff. I don’t know if any of (A) through (C) applies to you, but examine whether your unhappiness is really the result of your husband’s job, and do what’s in your control to change your situation. Also, it took me a couple of days for the comments I received here to really sink in (and they were appropriately harsh), but they really helped.

      • Anonymous

        When I first read this post I thought it was you. I remember your post and am glad things have gotten better for you!!

    • Anonon

      I think I am also in a relationship similar to yours. My SO has a super niche job with amazing work life balance in a well compensated private sector field.

      He makes about 30% more than me and probably works 50% less than me.

      I work very long hours in the public sector and will likely never match his earnings even if I were at the very top of the org chart. I love my job and I am extremely well successful and relatively well compensated for it.

      I would be super annoyed if my spouse somehow thought of my career as “less than” since I did not make more money. I put values on other things in life than my relative financial success and I want a spouse who does the same.

      • SC

        So, in defense of OP, I don’t think the feelings about money are as simple as the lower-paying job being “less than” because the SO makes less. My feelings of resentment had to do with my SO “getting” to do a job that was more fun (but you could insert meaningful or fulfilling or whatever) because I was carrying the burden of being the primary breadwinner. On top of that, when SO also works long hours but is being underpaid, you can’t outsource everything, so the breadwinner feels the burden of doing everything. Also, I think it’s different when SO is underpaid (and unappreciated in other ways) vs. being relatively well compensated in a lower-paying industry — it s*cks to feel like you’re losing your sanity so your partner can work for peanuts for a company or person who doesn’t appreciate them. I actually felt that my career plans were being treated as “less than” his because we “needed” my job to afford for him to do his. I had to examine a lot of those feelings and assumptions, but for me, the bottom line was I felt stuck (“golden handcuffs” and all that), and I was blaming it on DH’s job, not mine.

        • Anonon

          That could be true if the husband was the one forcing these lifestyle things.

          I understand that I have chosen a career that will never make me a part of the 1% and I accept that I cannot spend as if I am.

          I think this comes down to the idea that if you care more about something you need to do the bulk of making it happen (agreeing that both people need to do some mutually agreed minimum if it’s a shared goal.)

          I think this plays out in a lot of different ways. I care more about eating healthy, local food so I manage our CSA and garden and do the bulk of the cooking. He would be fine eating whatever so he cleans the dishes (mutually agreed upon minimum) but doesn’t deal with all of the extras.

          My husband cares more about having a super fancy car and enjoying regular, expensive travel so he has a job that affords him the ability to do that.

          I could care less about cars and would rather have a career I love so I drive an old beater and contribute a pro-rated minimum to our vacations.

          • SC

            I hear you. A large part of our problem is that our “lifestyle” choice is hiring a nanny. We spend almost all of our spare money on her salary (no fancy groceries, no expensive cars, no vacations). She is worth every penny. But neither of us really “drove” that choice. Our son didn’t get off any of the daycare wait lists, and grandparents who said they could take care of him a few days a week backed out. We didn’t know anyone interested in a nanny share. So it was the best choice we could make at the time. He’s off the wait list for a good daycare in the fall, so that makes it possible for me to take a different job.

  13. Dog suddenly barking?

    Any dog experts around? I have a 3 year old hound mix who’s normally very sweet and not much of a barker. He’ll whine now and then if he wants to go out again or I haven’t coddled him all day but otherwise, fairly quiet.

    Lately he’s started barking at one or two specific dogs when he sees them from my 3rd floor apartment window (they’re part of large doors leading out a juliet balcony) and I’m not sure what’s causing it or how to deal with it. His tail’s usually wagging and he LOVES playing with other dogs so I’m not too afraid it’s aggressive, although I have noticed that he also gets unusually loud and barks at one of those dogs if we see him on the street but again it seems to match his behavior when he wants to play more than anything that sounds like fear or aggression.

    He’s otherwise been normal, is generally well behaved, and nothing’s changed in terms of housing/walks/routine etc so I’m a bit at a loss here, don’t know if it’s something that may just pass — suggestions/thoughts? TIA!

    • MJ

      This is likely not aggression–it’s excitement or protecting the homestead!

      Buy an expensive can of air from Ama zon called Pet Corrector. It makes a loud, disconcerting whooshing sound that stops most dogs in their tracks. They become perplexed and stop barking. It’s not a horrid noise to humans, but it’s confusing to the dog.

      When your dog barks, have the can ready, but don’t let him see you push the button. My dog trainer told me that the sound of the air whooshing out must come “from the universe.” If your pet sees it as a correction from you, it doesn’t work. (I do it behind my back.)

      Repeat as necessary. It will work if you reinforce this when you are home. Good luck!

      My pup no longer barks at home for other neighborhood noises now that the Pet Corrector is in the mix.

      • Dog suddenly barking?

        Thanks, I agree it seems more like excitement so I’ll definitely check that out!

      • WestCoast Lawyer

        Is there a companion product that works on whining/crying toddlers? If so, I’m buying it in bulk!

    • Mole woman

      I have two hounds of similar age and agree that it is probably excitement of some sort. My dogs bark out the windows all the time (we live with street facing windows in a busy city) so I got some dark curtains to keep them calm while I am at work.

      Have you tried introducing the dogs calmly on the street? My dogs only bark at stranger dogs.

  14. first time in business class

    I will be flying in business class in a few weeks for the first time. I hoarded my miles for this (so, not trying to humblebrag – this is a huge treat for me!) and booked Cathay Pacific’s JFK-HKG route, a 15 hour flight, which is supposed to be one of the best business experiences out there. Has anybody done this and could advice on any pro tips? Anything I need to bring or shouldn’t bring? I don’t want to miss out on any perks I don’t know about because I’m used to long hauling in economy.

    (I’m traveling for fun, not work.)

    • Anonymous

      No tips, but if you haven’t already, make your way over to the Flyertalk forums and browse through threads in the Cathay forum (and AA–since they’re in the same alliance, people post about using their AA miles for CX there). I’ve picked up a lot of tips on what to expect just from reading posts by the regulars there, but you can also post in their Newbie threads pinned at the top if you’re looking for more.

    • ITDS

      There might be pajamas! If there are, definitely get some, even if it seems weird. They are apparently very prestigious. Google airline pajamas for more info.

    • Anonymous

      Google the airline and route and the words “business class review” and you’ll probably find some blogs with detailed descriptions of the experience. Come hungry since the food in business class is normally excellent.

    • Anon

      Check onemileatatime dot boardingarea dot com, his trip reports are organized by airlines. No specific tips about Cathay but after flying First/business class a few times I learnt my lesson: with great service comes great responsibility and by this I mean drink responsibly. Drink plenty of water and pace yourself on the alcoholic beverages. Plane hangovers are the worse.

    • DCR

      I’ve actually done this exact Cathay Pacific route in business class 6 times over the past three years for work.

      You get to use the British Airlines lounge at JFK, which is nice. If you are doing round trip, the HKG lounge is a lot nicer. The Cathay lounge at HKG is better than their partner lounges at HKG. My favorite is the lounge by gate 2 (and the fact that I have a favorite is a sign that I’ve done this trip too much!).

      No pajamas on Cathay, but they hand out a nice beauty kit (with a toothbrush, toothpaste, face wash). The food is a nice, four course meals. Don’t eat too much at the airport lounge since the meal is nicer than the food in the JFK lounge, and the first meal is served about an hour after takeoff. The other meal is served shortly before landing, and there are snacks and drinks are available if you are hungry during the flight. I don’t drink much, but I’ve heard there wine (free) is good.

      The business class seats have nice tv screens and earphones with a very big selection of movies and TV shows. I always catch up on recent movies during the flight. They provide nice pillows and blanket.

      Otherwise, not much more to add. As opposed to economy, you don’t need to bring much for the flight. I generally just bring a book and some work. Cathay doesn’t have internet access, so don’t expect to get online.

      If you have any specific questions, I’m happy to answer.

      • DCR

        Also, if you don’t already have it and if you have time before your trip, I would consider getting global entry. I’ve seen multiple-hour custom lines at JFK very often. It’s very nice to be able to just walk right by the VERY VERY long line.

  15. HSAL

    Thanks to Killer Kitten Heels for the recommendation on the Limited’s “Luxe” suiting. Got a few pieces yesterday and I’m super impressed by the quality. Do they release new styles in the same material the way they do for the Collection suiting?

    • Peggy Olson

      Any comments on fit? Would skirts work well for a average sized pear (6/8 hips, but overall slim build)?

  16. Anonymous

    In this boat, except that H’s job makes him horribly unhappy (and he is snappish / whiny and not fun to be around) and I don’t have unicorn job.

    He has a kid who is about to go to college, so him quitting isn’t an option (and it took him so long to get this job that I don’t want him to leave w/o something else lined up). [I could float the two of us for a while, but I can’t float him + college.]

  17. MNF

    I’m looking at the Kate Spade surprise sale for a new work bag. I like the number of pockets on one that’s really a baby bag. Would you be able to tell the difference if you saw me rocking it in a law office? (kennedy park honey baby bag)

    • Wildkitten

      No. I love my KS baby bag, for hauling around things for just me and no babies.

    • Maddie Ross

      I have a Kate Spade diaper bag. Honestly, you can’t really tell unless you know (meaning, you’re a mom who’s either looked at it online, or owns it themselves). It will have a changing pad in it when you get it though. And the inside is a weird waterproof material (which is both a perk and a drawback).

    • Anon

      I have a Kate Spade diaper bag that I got for my baby and I carry it as my regular purse too because it’s just easier. I have gotten SO MANY compliments on it, including a ton from women without kids who don’t believe me when I tell them it’s a diaper bag.

    • Anonymous

      I’m now trolling the sale – and laughed out loud at the ‘garden party’ cuff bracelet.

  18. AnonNYC

    Any suggestions on commuting shoes for rainy spring / summer days? Rain boots seem like overkill when it is not pouring.

    • AEK

      Someday I’ll get the LL Bean rain skimmers. But for now I just wear fake leather flats. I figure pleather is water-resistant if not waterproof since it’s basically plastic. I see some people wearing the Crocs ballet flats.

      • AnonNYC

        The crocs are what I am looking at and they seem practical if less than cutting-edge fashion :) The rain skimmers seem like a good option.

      • KT

        I’m guilty of Croc ballet flats on rainy days. SO CONVENIENT for walking the dog.

      • KT

        Though for the Crocs, I recommend the actual lace up or boat shoe ones–the flats like Kadee or Gianas, if any moisture gets on the inside, they get super slippery and hard to walk in

  19. Vent

    The landscape crew has now been mowing the lawn outside my office window for Three. Full. Hours. The guy is on at least his tenth pass over the same patch of grass. What gives? It is a weed-filled lawn, not a baseball field.

  21. Advice on Moving On?

    A few months ago, I was laid off. It was 100% completely unexpected. I had a 5 year all-star track record with the company, promotions/recognition, did a major turnaround, hit goals that were thought to be un-hittable and pretty much everything you could want in an employee. We had a C-suite leadership overhaul, and I got a new boss. Within a month, I was told my role was being reassigned to someone more senior, thanks, and have a nice day. There was literally not even time for me to have $crewed anything up in the short time that this person took on the new role.

    My team was told by our CEO that it was a “location thing” ie the new CEO wanted someone in the office her currently worked out of (this makes no sense; none of her other reports were let go over this!). I towed the corporate line to get my severance package, and just moved on. It took a while to get over the shock, and I did reach out to my peers, mentors, and even my former boss (who stayed within the company but he moved into a new role and therefore, I got a new boss). Everyone was completely shocked and there are not people that would avoid straight talk.

    So here I am, trying to figure out how not to find myself in that position again. I’ve been poking at old wounds trying to figure out what I did (or didn’t do), so as I start to explore other job options I don’t obliviously take on a role where I’d fail again. Any advice on how to figure out what the problem was/is?

    Part of me wants to think what everyone else says, which is that it was pure politics and the new CEO wanted their new person in, regardless of the collateral damage. Is that really a thing? if so, is this just a “pick yourself up and move on” or can I do something to protect against this in the future? I even asked my boss (that laid me off) over and over (and in front of HR) to lay out exactly what the issue was, and just got “location,” obviously not the actual case, just what they wrote in the HR file since they couldn’t dream of terminating me for performance type issues.

    This is a company that keeps mediocre people on board without question, so the fact that I was kicked to the curb totally and completely shocked people (my performance is sort of a public thing- think a sales leader who has targets and the company knows if you hit them or not!). I had no outstanding HR issues and in fact had a great relationship with HR…who told me he was totally shocked when he was told to put together my exit package.

    • Anonymous

      The problem was luck. I’m sorry for your situation but I think you’re really overthinking trying to figure out what went wrong. It sounds like you were an all-star employee, but great employees get let go during reorganizations. It’s sh!tty but it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong or could have done anything differently to prevent this from happening. Sometimes a “layoff” is a soft firing (a more polite way of letting someone with performance issues go) but often, as it seems to be in your case, it really is a layoff, which is a decision that is completely independent from the employee’s performance.

      • pear

        +1

        I completely agree with this.

        Layoffs are very, very painful. In your instance, the saving grace is there is literally, nothing you did wrong. Nothing. You were laid-off. Not fired. Much, much better.

        You need to stop tormenting yourself.

        If you aren’t able to do this, maybe you need to talk to someone, as I worry you might make it harder to take your next step…. out of fear/insecurity.

        You are great.
        You are an all-star.

        Keep networking, but stop asking your contacts “what happened?”, “why did it happen?”, etc.. You have to get past this and start asking the questions that can get you to your next step.

        You can do this.

        Now start making getting your next job your all-star task. I suspect you are going to get a great one.

    • Anon

      Having just let go a couple of pretty good employees myself I can tell you that sometimes decisions are made for really random reasons. Ours was a wholesale elimination of a layer but no thought was given to whether there were weaker employees a step up or step down that could have been selected instead. The approach the company took in this case was more defensible because it didn’t get into performance, just the position.

      In your case, you need to take the time to get past it, and really get past it. I’m serious. You’re never, ever going to get an answer that makes you happy. The answer is never going to be, “hey, you’re right, we screwed up letting you go” and you need to accept it.

      Future potential employers will ask why you were let go, and you can honestly say location, which is true.

      • Anonymous

        +1,000 to your last sentence.

        I know someone who is job hunting and it is b/c his boss is psycho and the office culture is insane (no holidays, random OT, random weekends). Any way he tries to honestly explain it (and he is honest to a severe fault), HE looks like the bad one.

        This is a blessing, if you can let go of everything else, when you job hunt. Leave the drama behind you. If you look like you’re bringing baggage along, no one will believe “location.” People believe big orgs are dumb (b/c they can be), so don’t let anything overshadow that.

        • Anon

          This. In your next interview/networking meeting when people ask “so why aren’t you at XYZ Corp anymore,” you need to be “comfortable” enough with your situation that you can say — there was a reorganization and the new CEO located in Austin [or wherever] and required his/her entire staff to be located there and I was not in a position to move to Austin. And you need to be able to say it like you believe it.

    • Anonymous

      In my industry (university fundarising), it is basically de rigeur that when a new chancellor/president is hired, people know that heads are going to roll and the new person will bring in his or her own staff, especially for higher level positions. I don’t know about your situation, obviously, but it’s not unheard of.

      It totally stinks and I agree with the above posters that you aren’t doing anything wrong and it’s time to move past, accept that some people are idiots, and you can do better!

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      “Part of me wants to think what everyone else says, which is that it was pure politics and the new CEO wanted their new person in, regardless of the collateral damage. Is that really a thing?”

      Short answer? Yes, that is 100% a thing, it happened at my H’s old company 3 or 4 times during the decade or so that he was with them (and he actually left because he knew he was up on the chopping block during the next reorg and wanted to leave voluntarily). You didn’t do anything wrong, except happen to hold the position the new CEO wanted for his/her “person.” Don’t turn a (relatively routine, though messed up and unfortunate) layoff into a referendum on your value as a person/employee.

      • Moving On

        Thanks, all. Sit really rocked my confidence but confirmation that random / political/ non performance related things happen really does help. I have no desire to go back or hear they miss me, just looking to make sure I wasn’t oblivious to some awful trait that will leave me with a similar problem at a new org.

      • Anon

        Exactly this. DH was one of several fired from his government job after an election. Mostly to bring in the new guy’s people, partly to free up higher salaries for the existing people who looked good politically.

        In a stroke of Karma, one new guy offered DH a job on a project new guy inherited, not knowing the circumstances under which DH left. It became very clear that DH knew more about project than new guy or any remaining guys.

  22. Anon for this

    My friend and I will be traveling together in Europe for a few days next month. Her father passed away on Father’s Day last year and she has been vocal in how difficult this year has been for her. I just realized that our last day together is Father’s Day (we will both be parting ways to different countries for the rest of our trip). I’m trying to figure out a way to honor her loss and let her know I’m thinking of her. Any suggestions? I don’t want to overwhelm her but I also want her to know I care.

    • JEB

      I would definitely let her know you’re thinking about her. It will be on her mind anyway, so I don’t think you need to worry about making her sad by mentioning it. I lost my father 10 years ago, and it means the world to me when people let me know they’re thinking about me on days like father’s day or the anniversary of his death. I don’t think you need to do anything in particular…just let her know you’re thinking about her and you’re there if she wants to talk.

      • JEB

        Sorry…forgot to also say that you could also mention it in advance. Just say something like, “I know father’s day will fall on the last day of our trip. Is there anything special you’d like to do in his honor?”

        • BeenThatGuy

          +1 to this. Last week was the 1 year anniversary for my boyfriend of loosing a beloved family member. I asked him the almost exact words JEB said above “what should be do to honor his memory”. The answer was golf (something they loved to do together).

          Just the fact that you are conscious that Father’s Day is going to be difficult for her shows how much you care for her.

  23. Recent Grad

    New college grad in a very conservative industry – which wallet should I get? brown or black? I already have a purse from Madewell in the brown so I don’t know whether it is better to get the match or the contrast. For what it’s worth, I will be using wallet at both work and and on weekends. Not sure if I will be using the purse at work though.

    Link to follow.

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