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Updated: Feb 9, 2021 378 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Pleat-Front Tapered Trousers

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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I can never have enough emerald green in my life, especially in a pair of pants that can easily go from office to weekend.

These pleat-front tapered trousers from Reiss would be a great choice for winter, paired with a chunky black or ivory turtleneck. For spring, I would wear this with a floral printed blouse and a moto jacket, or a striped navy tee with a navy blazer.

The pants are $285 at Reiss and available in sizes 0–12.

These forest green pants from Express are on sale for $40 and come in short, regular, long, and petite lengths. Eloquii has pants in “verdant green” that come in two fits and are on sale for $47.97.

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

    • CPA Lady

      Animal Crossing x 1,000,000. I’m late to this game (literally started playing about three weeks ago) and it is so amazing.

    • ThirdJen

      I’ve been using the pandemic to re-activate some PC based gaming after I finished Breath of the Wild twice on the Switch (and am eagerly awaiting the sequel!!). I finished Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (fun, would recommend, on story mode is not very challenging at all and you can focus on exploring and enjoying the world building). I’m currently playing Disco Elysium which is more of a point-and-click novel (there is no combat, for example, and the engine is very similar to D&D mechanics) but is really atmospheric and enjoyable, with unique art.

      In general I like open world games where you are not penalized for exploring rather than playing through the main storyline. If you’re Switch-based, Mario Odyssey is also really, really good.

    • Hazel

      I’ve been having a wonderful time with Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey. The world is just gorgeous, and exploring Ancient Greece is a welcome relief from pandemic lockdown.

    • Anon

      I bought a Switch in April of last year even though I’m not much of a gamer and it saved my sanity during the early months of the pandemic. Mario Odyssey and Animal Crossing. I still check in on my island most days although I find the game pretty boring now that I’ve completely rebuilt my island and have 8 million bells in the bank.

    • anon

      Crusader Kings III has been really fun. It’s not too difficult, and the stories that it generates are pretty funny. I’ve started Dyson Sphere, and it’s super addictive and a little meditative. DH and I have started Amazing Cultivation Simulator.

    • Is it Friday yet?

      Hades! I play on Switch, but it’s also on PC. You’re the son of Hades, escaping from the Greek underworld – fun gameplay and great storyline and characters. The art is gorgeous as well. I was playing Animal Crossing before that, but now I barely touch it, haha.

    • Anon

      Tetris Effect on Xbox. Absolutely meant for people who are a little high. Sober or high, the effects are incredible.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      I got really into Fallout 4 this past spring and summer, when I was unemployed I spent hours a day on that thing. I also got the re-release of the original Spyro trilogy for nostalgia’s sake, and liked that a lot. Bioshock is probably my favorite game of all time, the other games in that series are fine but not as good as the first. My boyfriend got Star Wars Squadron for Christmas and has been enjoying that as well, but I haven’t tried it.

      And if you haven’t played it, definitely check out Portal. It’s not violent (per se) but it’s full of super tricky physics puzzles. And the sequel is super fun, possibly better than the first.

  2. Cat

    Is this what The Youths on Tiktok are saying millennials should be wearing? Because I would look like an overstuffed hand roll in these… nothing like a high waist + pleats to allow the “pooch” full reign.

    Great color, though.

    • AnonATL

      +1. Love the color but would hate this pant on my body shape. The express link goes to the reiss pants

    • busybee

      Yeah there is no way these pants could ever be remotely flattering on me. I love the color as well, but not enough to put my pear shaped 5’2 self in these pants.

    • Anonymous

      I think Murphy Brown would have worn these pants, but with real turned-up cuffs instead of the weird tabs at the ankles.

    • BeenThatGuy

      One of the things I love about Gen Z is that they are WAY more comfortable in their own skin that Millennials and Gen X. Pooch on full display and living their best lives. God bless!

      • Anonanonanon2

        Yes my last nanny always rocked baggy high-waisted jeans etc. and she looked so amazing. God bless the Gen Zs and their crop tops, if I had it to do over again I would’ve seized every opportunity to enjoy how I looked at that age.

      • anon

        That is really true. I am in higher ed and sort of miss the style watching on campus during these wfh times! I think most current styles are completely ridiculous, but I admire the effort, if that makes sense.

      • Pompom

        Yes! And they are comfortable being comfortable! I live in a college town, and all last year (2019…2020 didn’t happen) I was seeing girls in “going out” outfits with these enormous poofy white sneakers, like Airforce Ones and Filas. And to my eye, it was so terrible, UNTIL! I realized that these women are making comfort fashionable. They won’t be hobbling all over campus to different parties/clubs in stupid stilettos or other objectively painful shoes to look cute…they are like “I can look cute for myself AND not hate my feet the next day.” And that was when I realized they are indeed more evolved. I still dislike the look, but I love the mentality.

    • Anon

      Ha ha yep! Just add unflattering oversized grandpa glasses and a middle part for 90’s throwback ugly chic. Love the color but not digging styles these days.

    • Anom

      Wow! These are total throwback style. These would not make my stumpy little legs look good. Hope these are a short lived trend where you’re not expected to wear it if you can remember the last time it was on trend. (Like scrunchies)

      • Anonymous

        Do you wear them with jazz shoes or those little pleather lace-up booties?

        Also: will at-home perms become a thing again now that people are bored and doing their own hair?

    • Flats Only

      I remember when all “office” pants were like this (in 1993-ish) – high waist and pleats w/ wide legs. We most certainly did not tuck in a bluky sweater. Generally they were worn with a tucked in regular blouse, and a blazer that nearly came to your knees. Big shoulder pads. Don’t get me started on those days when your blouse, blazer AND the coat you wore in the winter ALL had the shoulder pads, so you had three sets stacked up. Great look for those of us who are 5’1″.

    • Anon

      The youths are bored at home from school and with little extracurriculars so they’ve decided to get clout declaring things randomly out of style. They haven’t reached the age of awareness to understand the difference between things that are in style and things that complement your body type or face. Most recently they seem to have declared the following things over: skinny jeans – in favor of baggy low rise *shudders*, side parts – in favor of middle parts despite parting depends on face shape and hair style, downward camera angles – us olds have double chins so no thanks, and certain emojis.

      I’ve decided not to listen to the youths.

      • anon

        Aren’t the youths always declaring things are out of style, pandemic or not? But yeah, I hear you. Gonna keep wearing my jeggings, rocking my side part (middle would look seriously stupid with my hairstyle), and using the laughing/crying emoji.

        • Anon

          Yes! I have above the shoulder wavy hair. Looks great with a side part, would look stupid with a middle part.

          But also, when I was their age boob-length hair was considered “short”.

      • Cat

        lol, that video is what I was referencing in my original comment. What a relief to have achieved an age where I am not at all worried about what 18yos think about my part or my pants. I look like a potato with a middle part so guess where I will *not* be parting my hair?

      • Anonymous

        The youth don’t want us olds to listen to them. If actual moms started wearing mom jeans, they’d instantly quit wearing them.

      • Nyc

        In defense of these trends, not all of us look good in skinny jeans. I’m a small pear and skinny jeans/loose top just make me look larger. These pants are more flattering on my body

    • pugsnbourbon

      I actually really, really like these pants. I tried a few new cuts this year and love how a looser, tapered leg looks. I don’t know or really care if it’s flattering, I just know that I like it (I’m mid-thirties).

    • Anon

      These actually look super comfortable to me; plenty of room in the rear and thighs. I think they’d be better even than no-pleat wide leg pants. I think our eyes adjust to what we consider flattering the more we see a style on other people. Not gonna lie, if the youths bring pleated pants back in style I won’t be mad about it!

  3. Anon

    yesterday someone brought up swimwear and last year i was late on my search so i went to look on athleta – what exactly is the purpose of a cropped rash guard? protect your arms from the sun, but not your stomach?

    • Anonymous

      Being generous but I burned my shoulders so bad in my 20s standing up in the ocean that I couldn’t wear a bra for a week. Below the water line was fine, possibly covered.

      So: for idiots like me? I am Team Full Rashguard now, but for vanity and liking the foods.

    • Anonanonanon2

      It seems like a good compromise. I’m getting to the age where I don’t feel comfortable in a full-on bikini, but I’m also fairly fit and would like to show that off a bit. A cropped rash guard could be a cute way to do it. Also, don’t have to worry about things falling out when I bend over to deal with kids. It’s not my cup of tea, but I can see how it works for people.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, I think I could get behind it. I am fair and try to cover up (especially my back and shoulders) at the beach, but I also have a pretty good stomach for a 40+ year old and work hard for those abs.

      • AnonATL

        I think it depends if you have nice upper abs or lower abs. Those things hit me right where I get squishy, but I have nice upper abs. High waist bottoms + bikini top is cuter on me.
        Team full rash guard over here. Especially when chasing a kid around

    • Anon

      I’d think it would work well/be comfortable with a one piece suit that covers the lower back

    • masks

      To be honest, I don’t know how anyone wears a bathing suit in pubic. I know I did when I was a teenager, but even then I was uncomfortable. Blessed with cellulite since I was 16 despite being a varsity athlete in great shape.

      And I don’t think I have worn a bathing suit in public since I was 22.

      I admire you all.

      • Anon

        You just wear it. Everyone has a body with flaws. No one is paying that much attention to you.

        • PolyD

          Go to Ocean City, MD, and stroll along the boardwalk! You will see such a vast array of body shapes, covered and uncovered, that you will realize there is nothing remarkable about yours.

          Wear that bathing suit!

          • Anon

            This realization is what got me, the most self-conscious and shy person in the world, to go to a korean spa where nudity is the rule (it is divided by gender). I can’t wait to go back when the pandemic is over!

        • Anonanonanon2

          ^this. It’s like feeling self-conscious in a dance workout class and then realizing everyone is too busy looking at themselves in the mirror to care what you’re doing.

      • No Face

        This makes me really sad. When the weather is warm, me and my mom bod will absolutely be wearing a swimsuit.

        That said, I prefer swim dresses because I don’t have to worry about spilling out.

      • Anonymous

        I went to a resort a few years ago, and the men were rolling happily with their guts on full display, while the women of the same vintage were hidden in sarongs. I decided that you are buying into the patriarchy way too much if you hide like that. Now, I go swimming, paddle board, etc., with my imperfections on full display. I have to say, it’s much more fun!

      • Coach Laura

        We kayak and sail all summer so I – at age 62 – wear a bikini top, cropped shorts and a rashguard when it’s sunny, which isn’t always in Seattle. I’m in decent shape for my age but haven’t seen an ab muscle in 20 years. Don’t care how I look.

    • Anon

      Shocker. I had an uncle that lived there and he was the epitome of sexist, racist, entitled boomer. No college degree, was able to have both a house and a lake house before retirement on only one income, then retire to the Villages. Treated me terrible because I was the first cousin to get a college degree and make my own money (not like most people can afford single income these days) Ugh, no thank you.

    • Walnut

      Sounds like a dude that is pissed that his grandparents aren’t miserable while sitting at home waiting for his once a year phone call to wish them happy birthday.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah tbh I didn’t get it. They’re a bunch of elderly republicans who like getting trashed and banging.

        • Anon

          And treating people they see as less-than like crap. A retail management job in the Villages is my personal version of hell on earth. Sense of entitlement to the nth degree.

    • Anon

      +1 I have had chronic migraine for 12 years and I couldn’t wear ponytail at all.

    • franklina

      yep… i’m growing my hair out and it is suuuuper annoying right now. i’m resisting the siren call of the bob.

    • Anon

      I have had this happen. A loose low bun keeps the hair out of my face without the tightness of a ponytail triggering the migraine.

    • NY CPA

      Yes I definitely get bad headaches and migraines from time to time and the first thing I do is take down my ponytail.

    • masks

      Yup. And when I have a migraine, my hair hurts. Just touching my hair enough to tug on the hair follicle is … ugh….

      Very common with migraine.

      • NYCer

        Same. I braid my hair if I start getting a headache from a pony tail or top knot.0

    • Anon

      Yes. I’ve been doing a wet French braid instead. My three-years-uncut hair is so heavy now that any clipping or tying back causes pain.

    • Horse Crazy

      Yes. They’re not always triggered by them, but it definitely can happen for me. And like what masks at 11:04 said above, no matter the trigger, my hair is incredibly sensitive when I have a migraine. My SO is very sweet and always offers a massage, and I’m all DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH ME. Sigh.

    • Headachey

      Chronic migraineur here – my hair is thick and wavy, and having bangs and an undercut really reduces the weight of my hair when I put it up. Bonus COVID stress-related hair loss has made it even more comfortable. Who needs a full head of hair anyway?

  6. Anokha

    I am really, really hard on myself and it’s exhausting. How do you learn to let go of the small stuff? (And, I guess in a similar vein, how do you learn self-compassion to forgive yourself for the small stuff?)

    • LSC

      I am the same and it’s really tough. I suggest The Mindful Self Compassion Workbook. I am not ordinarily a workbook kind of person, but I have learned a lot and it has been really helpful in developing the skill of self-compassion (which is what it is, a skill you can practice and learn!).

    • anon

      I started fixating less on the small stuff when I realized how miserable that was making me. So good on you for having self-awareness. It’s a lot of effort to change, but learning how to use positive or neutral self-talk when stuff goes sideways. It’s hard to break the habit of chastising yourself for everything. I follow several insta accounts with mental health professionals that do a really good job explaining how to reframe things in your head without invalidating your feelings.

      Also, with age comes the realization that there is more than one right way to do things. I can get really fixated on what I think is right, but I have to tamp that down a bit, or I become really judgmental toward myself and others.

      • Anokha

        Do you have any insta accounts you particularly like?

        I think, for me, it was this moment during therapy where I was crying about how tired I am: several weeks of weekend work and working until midnight. But I realized that it wasn’t just the workload, but that I was beating myself up over every small mistake or for not knowing things, and it’s leaving me extra exhausted.

        • anon

          For work stuff in particular, @drorbeaustin has some awesome stuff on imposter syndrome and other perfectionistic/anxiety-driven behaviors. I also follow @millenial.therapist and @therapyforwomen.

    • Veronica Mars

      Recc’ing my favorite book; Anxieties and Phobias Workbook by Dr. Bourne. Perfectionism and being obsessed with how you “should” be or “should” do things can be based in anxiety. There’s a whole chapter on how to overcome intrusive thoughts and mistaken beliefs.

      • Anokha

        I honestly have never thought of the connection between anxiety and perfectionism, but that sentence alone really resonated. Thank you!

    • Anon

      I used to be this way, and I’m not sure if anything happened, but a few years after college something changed and I naturally became Type B. I think I originally chose like 3-4 things to really care about, and then let everything else go. That way, I felt like I was striking a balance between my old self and my new self.

    • Anon

      Understand the difference between when perfection is needed (launching a satellite into orbit, performing neurosurgery) and when it’s not (frankly, most of life).

      In school, “good enough” is graded as “not actually good enough.” Everyone knows that an A+ is better than a B. For years (many of us, K-12, plus university, plus graduate school), we believe that “better” is always better, because that is how we are evaluated. Life doesn’t actually work that way. It’s much more “are you doing what you’re supposed to do to be a functional adult not?” Breaking out of the “better is always better” mindset takes work.

      • anon

        Wow, this is a really insightful point about school! No wonder it’s so hard to shake these patterns.

    • CPA Lady

      I do this too. It’s a hard habit to break. I have this idea of how I would be happy to live, and then I have all these ideas of the “best” way to live based on the opinions of “experts”/societal pressure/my upbringing. And the two are not compatible. So it turns into this whole spiral of when I do things I enjoy and live my life in a way that would make me happy if I didn’t get in my head about it, I then feel guilty because I’m not “optimizing” every second of my time and obeying other people’s arbitrary rules. It’s THE WORST.

      A few things:
      1. pay attention to the information you consume. A lot of my self-imposed misery comes from reading articles and then spiraling when I can’t perfectly live up to how I’m “supposed” to live. I had to stop reading any kind of self-help book or article about the best way to do anything because it makes me not trust myself.
      2. realize that you don’t win a prize for being miserable. I have all these ideas in my mind about the “best” way to spend leisure. I hate all these best ways. They are wretched. I’d be happy to never read War and Peace or Shakespeare or run a 5k or bake homemade bread from scratch or drink kale smoothies or knit a sweater. I’d much rather play animal crossing, go on a slow walk around my neighborhood, make iced coffee, or shop for plants that will meet an untimely fate. If I don’t accept myself and give myself permission to enjoy the type of hobby I like, then leisure will never be restful. I have to keep repeating this to myself over and over because while I intellectually believe it, I don’t emotionally believe it. I’m hoping eventually it’ll sink in.

    • eertmeert

      When I realized I would never speak to a friend the way I spoke to myself in my head things changed. I started catching myself being unkind or unforgiving to myself and I slowly made changes from there. I began treating myself the way I treat people I love, or the way I would treat my child who was struggling.

      Re: the small stuff, I ask “is it material?” If it would change the outcome of a situation, I care. If it doesn’t, I don’t.
      Alternatively, would I care if someone else did X and not Y?

  7. Allergy Shots Shots Shots

    Tell me about allergy shots please. Who has gone through this course of treatment? What should I know before starting? Does it actually work?

    • Anonymous

      I have been doing them for 1.5 years. Annoying mostly. I think they help but I moved to an allergy vortex and then got a dog. In line for one as I type this out.

    • Vicky Austin

      I actually was discussing this with an allergist last week, as I get so miserable on OTC meds at certain times of the year. She told me the shots are generally considered a last resort, and it takes years of consistent shots to get good results. She prescribed me some stronger meds and nasal spray to try this season instead. Have you talked to a doctor?

    • anon

      I have not, but my son did because his allergies were severe. Before you commit, know that you’re in it for the long haul. He needed shots for about 5 years. Now he only needs OTC medication during allergy season, which is an improvement over needing medication daily and still having it be half-effective. However, he didn’t get to drop the daily meds until his last 6 months of treatment. I am glad that we did the shots, but it took a long time before it felt like they were worth it, if that makes sense.

      • Anonymous

        This. I am the first poster above. It is not a magic cure but after several sinus surgeries there was nothing really left to do. OTC meds were OK for decades and then things just fell apart.

    • Allergy shot queen

      I’ve taken allergy shots for a few years. It is a long term commitment and kind of a time suck in the first 8 weeks or so. Each allergist has their own preference for timelines but mine looked like this.
      Option 1 – Accelerated shot regimen wherein you stay in office for 8 hours and they build you up to maintenance with an injection once an hour or every half hour (I forget) – slightly elevated risk of systemic allergic reaction
      Option 2 – Semi accelerated shot regimen where you go in the office twice a week for 8 weeks or once a week for 16 weeks for slowly increasing concentration of shots. Each visit took about 40 minutes – short wait, take shot, wait 20 minutes in office to make sure no severe reactions.
      Maintenance phase – go into the office once a month and get the shot at the highest dose for between three and five years. If you skip a dose, you have to go down in concentration and move back in progress.

      But allergy shots for most (not all) are more or less a permanent cure for allergies. In my case, allergies were tied to severe asthma so it made sense for me to get them for quality of life. For the average allergy sufferer, I’d definitely start with OTC first.

      • Anon.

        This is a good summary. I did the Accelerated version described here with one very miserable day. My allergies trigger asthma and this was life-changing for me within about 6 months.

    • Anon

      DH had these as a teenager in the early 2000s, as he had severe allergies to grass, dust mites, and pet dander. I think his course was over 2 years and I believe they were very expensive. That being said, he now can mow the lawn without even a sniffle and has zero allergies to dust or pets. He is the only one I know who has been through this so consider this a single piece of anecdata, but for severe allergies to such commonplace triggers to be completely eliminated, I would say they were 100% worth it in his case.

    • JTM

      I did them as a child, as I had allergy-induced asthma. I started at age 5 with shots weekly, and ended at age 16 with shots monthly. Until about 30 I had zero seasonal allergies thanks to the shots; since I’ve turned 30 I’ve needed to use Claritin in the spring as the pollen kicks up but that controls my allergies well.

      IMO allergy shots are totally worth it.

      • anon

        I did it as a kid because my brother and father had bad asthma (also allergy induced) and everyone in the family was doing it. I did about 5 years and then went to college and it really tapered off. It was really helpful for my brother and father, but I didn’t notice much of a difference for me.

    • Walnut

      I did allergy shots years ago and was able to ease back my allergy regime to OTC meds and sinus rinses. The most impactful benefit was a reduction in migraines from nearly weekly to maybe 3 per year.

    • Anon

      I’ve been doing allergy shots for a year and a half. Like others have said– it is a bit of a time suck at first. Now, I just go once a month. I was able to tell a significant improvement within six months of hitting maintenance and now only need allergy meds if it’s actually allergy season. I’m very allergic to common allergens (dust, oak, ragweed, dog, cat), so pre-allergy shot I essentially had year-round allergies. I also do not tolerate medications well and was getting to a point where I was having to take 4-5 medications a day during bad allergy times, which would make me feel awful. (I have to take combinations like Singular + Claritin. I can’t take Allegra or Zyrtec.) My doctor thought I was a good candidate for allergy shots due to having year round allergies and my inability to take a lot of allergy medicines– she likely would not have recommended allergy shots if I’d been able to control my allergies with medication.

    • KS IT Chick

      I did them for four years after a vet serious reaction to a food that normally I was only slightly sensitive to. The shots were to desensitize my immune system to my environmental allergies, so I wouldn’t react to other minor allergies. It was a commitment, but it was worthwhile. I had to to arrange my work schedule around the appointments to get the shot and then sit for 30 minutes afterwards to make sure I wasn’t reacting. I would call the office and make an entire quarter’s appointments in one stretch, to make sure I got the times that would work best. I also got to know the office staff and nursing staff so I could figure out which nurses gave me shots which didn’t hurt. (Early on, my shoulders looked like pin cushions from the shots.).

    • Anon

      I’m in year 3 of allergy shots. The first few months were a time suck but I could plan around it but I started seeing a difference within the first 6 months. I had spring and fall allergies so bad I couldn’t wear contacts and was always in glasses during those periods. Now I never need to take out my contacts early, they aren’t uncomfortable and my quality of life is so much better. No sniffling, sneezing etc. I sometimes take OTC meds if it’s a really bad day but I used to live on those meds so again… life changing. Definitely research your allergist/clinic to understand their planned shot timeline as well as how they titrate up and down on your dosage. Also AAAAI is helpful research on allergies and your doctor.

    • Anonymous

      If you are in Europe there is also immunotherapy/vaccines for allergies that are not shots but pills taken daily for the same amount of years you would have gone for shots. So much less of a time suck.

      There are tablet vaccines against grass pollen and birch pollen (including other tree pollens like oak and beech and hazelnut). I don’t know if these will be marketed in the US, but pretty much all of Europe have them.

  8. a daf

    The link to the express pants seems wrong – I would definitely be interested if we had the right link!

  9. Haircuts

    How often do you get your haircut in pandemic times? My hair is long and I’ve only had it cut once since this whole mess started. I’m thinking I’m probably overdue (my office is in person so it’s harder to hide) and trying to decide how often is realize vs the risk.

    • No Problem

      I went the first 6 months with zero haircuts (also had long hair), and then had my stylist chop it off to a bob and now I’m going every 8-10 weeks. A hair salon is a fairly low risk environment, almost certainly less risky than your office! If you’re feeling squeamish about it, go in with freshly washed and dried hair and have your stylist cut it dry. You’ll be in and out in 20 minutes.

    • anon

      With the caveat that I’ve been with my stylist for years and therefore can get the first appointment of the day in a pretty much empty salon, I go every 3 weeks for a bangs trim, every 6 weeks for a cut. We both wear masks, sanitize hands, temp check, etc. We both have school-age kids who are in-person in case that gives insight on our risk analysis.

    • Anonymous

      Just get it dry cut if you are weird about time in chair. Wash your hair at home; no products. You don’t have to ask for the typical wash cut dry routine.

    • Anon

      Unless you have a pixie turning into a shag, no one is noticing your hair cuts. Get one safely if you must (you and hair dresser masked in a lower transmission city) but honestly I’d save the money and throw it into a ponytail until enough people are vaccinated such that we’re out socializing semi-normal again. For hair health, I dust the ends every couple of months which seems to have mostly kept the cut and free of split ends.

      • Anonymous

        Worse than a pixie turning into a shag–I have a pixie turning into a bowl cut. It is miserable. I got it shaped up into a pixie shag this fall but haven’t been back since the post-Thanksgiving spike began. Now that the more transmissible variants are on the loose, I probably won’t get it cut again until I’m vaccinated. I miss my pixie.

      • MagicUnicorn

        I started the pandemic with a pixie and am now in nearly-shoulder-length territory. Did a few self-trims earlier on to keep the mullet at bay after watching a few YouTube videos, and I am rather impressed with how…normal my haircut actually looks right now. I use the unicorn horn method to even out the face framing parts every couple of weeks, and it works surprisingly well. Probably helps that I have curly hair so any uneven ends aren’t obvious once it is dry.

        High risk household so hair appointments are a no go for us until we can all get vaccinated.

        • Sloan Sabbith

          Same here. Pixie, just over shoulder length now and it’s not great but not terrible. I just need the side pieces to grow out a bit more so I can pull it into a ponytail easily as opposed to with the assistance of multiple Bobby pins. Not comfortable with a haircut until I’m vaccinated due to my high risk.

          • Anon

            Ditto. Former pixie. Last professional cut was early March 2019. The grow-out process has been interesting, and I mean that without sarcasm I love that I no longer have bedhead in the morning. Just yesterday I decided the back was long enough that I can make a small pony and hold it up with a barrette, which makes it feel that my hair is short, which I like. I studied videos on YouTube and have done some light trims. My hair hasn’t been this long since I was in high school, and honestly I like the freedom from cuts. I work remotely.

    • Cb

      Erm, I hate going to the salon at the best of times so have taken to DIY. It looks decent and honestly, between the mask and the winter hat, I’m not that fussed.

        • Anonymous

          I have cut my own long layers to get through the pandemic. Just take off as little as humanly possible.

    • Anokha

      For context: in non pandemic times, I cut my hair 3 or 4 times/year. Since covid, I have gone once. I figure that no one can see it over zoom, and my hair is long.

    • Anon

      i haven’t had it cut yet. i’m in a state with pretty high numbers and iffy mask wearing. since it has almost been a year, i think i will have to give in soon, but a part of me is enjoying seeing how long it gets

      • Anon

        Same. I couldn’t live with myself if I caught COVID19 and ended up with long term symptoms all because I wanted a haircut. My WFH lifestyle makes exposure optional, so I don’t want to squander that electively.

        I am getting some split ends now though, so I’m wondering how much longer I can go.

        • cbackson

          Me three. It’s the longest it’s been since my mid-20s and I’m really glad I had balayage so that my grown-out roots look mildly less awful, but I’m under no illusions that I have a good style going on here. In ATL where spread is super high and mask wearing is mixed, I just don’t trust that my salon would be safe.

    • Anonymous

      I have not had a haircut in a year. I have trimmed some myself with youtube videos to keep the ends in decent shape… pretty much just put my hair up everyday!

    • anon

      I am very covid cautious, but I do get haircuts. I have short hair so I’ve been going every 5 weeks since salons opened up. Everyone is required to be masked. That’s a city-wide rule in my area. If that isn’t the case where you live, I would not hesitate to ask before you book the appointment. IMO, that should be a non-negotiable.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Same here – it’s a risk I feel comfortable taking. I get into Florence Henderson territory real fast.

        That said, when I had longer hair I would regularly go 5-6 months without a cut.

    • Anon

      I have above the shoulder hair. Serendipitously, I got it cut from collarbone length to above the shoulder (first time I went above the shoulder) last February.

      I waited until September or October to get it cut. I had an appointment in December that I canceled, but went and got it cut again last week (numbers are back to summer levels in my city and I have my first dose of the vaccine). This time I cut it around chin length, so I can have a longer grow out period.

      Back when I had long hair, I’d usually get it cut once a year

    • Go for it

      1st 6 months not at all, now every 12 weeks as usual. If I don’t trim my hair regularly it looks ratty on the bottom. If I were worried about going to the salon though I would absolutely trim the ends myself. The longer I go without a trim the deeper the following cut has to be.

    • Cat

      I have a short style that looks dumpy-frumpy quickly so – every two months – cut and color. We’re all masked up.

    • Anon

      I had it cut in January 2020 and July 2020 so I am extremely overdue lol. I don’t get it cut very often during the best of times, but when salons reopen in my area I will try to get an appointment because right now it’s halfway down my back and out of control.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve cut it twice myself and have gotten it cut 0 times. I just don’t care how it looks right now when I have bigger problems to deal with.

    • BabyAssociate

      I last got a haircut in February 2019, so while I’m definitely overdue I will likely continue putting it off.

    • Anonymous

      About every 12 weeks as before. In Georgia, so I haven’t had to skip an appointment. My colorist has her own salon and I have been comfortable with precautions at my stylist’s salon. ( e.g.,the obnoxious person whose mask kept falling off and wouldn’t stop talking was quickly given a surgical mask and told the appointment would not involve the usual small talk.)

    • Anon

      I have not had it cut in over two years, and I am starting to look like I got lost on the way to Renfair. It’s at the small of my back now.

      I get it cut infrequently in general, since my texture requires a pricey curly cut with a stylist who is booked out for months.

      The cut takes several hours, so I haven’t been willing to risk it, and doing it myself is a hell no. So, I’m just going full-on Crystal Gayle until it’s safe again.

    • Anon

      I go to the salon every 4 weeks. I only have my hair cut every other time. I have black hair and white roots, so I need regular maintenance. I’m masked, and the stylist is masked, and I feel safe enough.

    • BB

      3 times with the last one being 2 weeks ago. I didn’t go when the numbers spiked over the holidays, but every time I did go, my city was down to 5% positivity. Also, the salon is really good and I try to go during off hours like mornings. I’m usually only 1 of 2 people in a giant room and they are all fully masked up.

    • Anon

      Less than normal – every three months instead of every six or eight weeks. But still getting it cut.

    • Anonymous

      I have long hair and in normal times get it cut once or twice a year. I last got a hair cut in early March of last year. Right before things shut down in my city. (Not on purpose, I had no idea things were going to shut down. I just happened to schedule an appointment for the week before.) I feel like I need a hair cut but also can probably wait another couple months. Since I have been working from home I have been much gentler on my hair (not blow-drying and using the curling or straightening iron on it daily). So it actually is less damaged than it normally would be by now.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      I haven’t had it cut since last January. Not one cut during the pandemic. I am starting to get some crispy ends though, and I’m still hoping to wait until I get my 2nd vaccine to get a cut but honestly? I may try to get a cut earlier than that, if cases keep trending downward. Just a cut though, no color, and I might even opt for a dry cut if that’s safer for myself and the stylist.

      And just to be clear, I’m simply answering the question, my response is in no way an attempt to passive aggressively or self-righteously hold up my covid precautions as the standard by which I judge others by. I probably could have gotten my hair cut over the summer when cases were low, and a part of me regrets not doing that.

    • nona

      Also have long hair, but I’ve gone twice. Once last summer and then again last month (about once every 6 months). Both times I probably had the same 3-4 inches cut off (so boob length, instead of waist length).

      My stylist has a single person shop now, so it’s just the two of us in the suite, both wearing masks.

    • CountC

      Once my salon opened back up, I continued my appointments as normal (every 8 weeks). My stylist has a family to support. I’ve been with her for 10+ years and am low risk. It’s a risk I am willing to take.

  10. SSJD

    Please share suggestions for a streaming series to enjoy with my 4th graders. For reference, we recently watched the new episodes of “The Babysitter’s Club” and really enjoyed it.

    • Anonymous

      If your kids (vs your students), Horrible Histories on Amazon and The Who Was series.

      Also, Geography Now on You Tube.

        • Anonymous

          My 4th grader loved Alexa and Katie and Jessie (show with Debbie Ryan on disney plus). Also liked Fuller House (although I didn’t haha).

    • AFT

      The Star Wars: Clone Wars cartoon on D+ is really good. it covers the time frame between Episodes 2-3.
      My kids are also very into The Simpsons (YMMV with some of the older episodes) – full catalog on Disney Plus.

      • Anon

        It took me a while to get into Clone Wars, and it helped me to watch in chronological order. But I was surprised by how good it was. I was never a fan of the prequels, but it sort of redeemed them for me.

  11. Anonymous

    Another outdoor Q. Will a knife be helpful when camping? I have never been a knife person other than for cooking. Victorinox? Swiss Army? Are there some key functions that could be helpful? Am helping on a scout trip soon where many scouts and parents will be even more novice than me. I can borrow spousal knives to test but don’t want to bring too much or carry heavy unneeded items.

    I always have small nail clippers and good tweezers on me and that been what always worked for most needs on work trips.

    • Anon

      If this is a scout trip, the scout leaders will have everything you need. If you want to look impressive, get a pocket knife big and sharp enough to cut through a medium thickness rope, and cut and carve a stick. I wouldn’t spend too much more thought into this.

      • Scout knife rules

        Also, look up the requirements for the Whittling Chip and learn the rules for using a pocket knife. (The Whittling Chip is a little card the BSA scouts get once they have learned how to use a knife safely). It would be embarrassing to be caught by a BSA scout using the knife in an unsafe manner; and those kids would be LOUD about calling out a leader for improper knife use! If you’re with a Girl Scout troop, still good to know the safety rules but they don’t have the Whittling Chip privilege process.

    • Quail

      Will you be backpacking or car camping? Any swiss army-style knife is good to have – in case you need to cut twine or something. For this limited purpose, borrow one or buy a basic, serviceable model – no need for anything fancy. If you will be cooking with fresh ingredients, bring a good cooking knife, packed so the blade is covered until you want to use it, and a cutting board. But I would say anything else – a hunting knife, a bowie knife, or a machete or something is not necessary at all, and I would not bring on a trip where there’s a chance kids will have access to it.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks! I have sheathed cooking and food prep knives. It is just making me wonder how I don’t have a big need to cut things (outside of cooking) at home but stores are stocked as if being outdoors means lots of cutting and a need for MacGyver type tools and things. It is like living an anthropology class this year.

        No alcohol, so no need for bottle opener. Can opener might be useful in a pinch.

        And this is car camping, but most kids use backpacks for their gear, so I try not to show up with 5 ikea bags of stuff. :)

        • Quail

          Ha! Yes, there’s money to be made in outdoor gear for sure. People want the latest and greatest and most powerful even if it’s overkill. Though there are certainly uses for bigger knives and cutting implements – if you will be in the backwoods, or hunting, you may want a bigger/sturdier knife or hatchet to cut thicker rope or vines, skin an animal, break trail, chop down small trees to make an emergency shelter, etc. A swiss army knife won’t get you very far with those tasks. But hopefully you would have taken courses before you undertake those adventures, and go with someone who is very experienced, so that the instructor or your travel partner can tell you what you need and how to use it safely.

          Have fun! Can’t wait until my kiddos are old enough for scouting (we have gone hiking and car camping with them since they were babies).

    • pugsnbourbon

      My high-school history teacher – who was also the football coach – made us choose items for a survival scenario activity every semester (I had him for 3 different classes). The #1 item you needed was a knife, and people always got it wrong. Not at all relevant to AP American History but it’s the one thing I really remember.
      So – yes, you should take a knife but no, it doesn’t need to be fancy. Here’s a $40 Leatherman option but anything similar would work: https://www.leatherman.com/crater-c33-26.html

    • Anonymous

      Don’t overthink this. If you don’t know how to use a knife, don’t bring one. If you have a knife sitting around the house and you want to put it in the car, do so. If you need it, you’ll grab it and figure it out. Camping doesn’t have to be stressful!

    • Nudibranch

      The REI website has a ton of information on this type of question. If you follow them on IG or FB, you will also find many useful video clips too. And if you’re near one, a sales person would love to help you.

  12. Anon

    My small company did a virtual social event where one person picks another person and asks a question about that person, and so on. I was the last person to get asked, and although I brushed it off at the time, it kind of bothered me. I’m not upset at anyone in particular. But it just made me wonder if it’s because I have the least strong relationships and question my relationship building skills. I’m also a woman of color, and the only other woman of color was the third last person asked. I’m not sure if that says anything either. What can I do to make sure I’m not the last one asked next time?

    • anon

      Yuck, this sounds like P.E. in grade school all over again. This sort of game puts everyone on the spot, so I think people are most likely to go to someone they already know well. I’m not sure you can do anything differently, and I’m sorry this juvenile game is making you question yourself.

    • Anon

      I think you’re thinking too much into this. The list was probably done at random. And even if there was unconscious bias by whoever wrote out the turn schedule, I don’t think this is something to use your social capital on at work. If you do anything, ask to go closer to the front because you might have to pop off the zoom close to the end of the event for whatever reason.

      • Anon

        Yes I know, though just to be clear, I’m not crying racism or pointing fingers at anyone. I don’t necessarily think it’s unconscious bias. It’s very likely that I’m not doings that other people are doing due to different upbringings (class, race, nationality whatever). I just need to figure out what it is that I’m not doing enough relationship wise so I can catch up. It is kind of getting to the point where I seem to always be the last person in these social situations. No one intentionally leaves me out.

        • Anon

          I don’t think you need to apologize for recognizing this and wondering if it’s a manifestation of subtle racism or unconscious bias! You are the one who experiences your work place day to day and so I think the fact that you noticed and were bothered by this alone is significant.

    • Cat

      1. Go first? Is this part of a bigger pattern of your input being overlooked or just – everyone hates virtual work events and someone has to be last?
      2. Make an effort to ‘ping’ (I do not like that word but whatever) your colleagues just to chat from time to time. The equivalent of a 10 minute chat while you walked to get coffee. I let this lapse after the first few months of the pandemic but I’m finding it helpful to reconnect.

      • Anon

        Good idea. I guess I don’t know what to text my coworkers about given that we usually have our own individual projects. Back at the office, I know how to drop by their office and chit chat. But maybe part of it is just pandemic induced social awkwardness. I don’t know how to chitchat over text?

        • Cat

          a few of my colleagues started out just IMing through Teams saying things like – hey want to catch up? I’ll throw 15 mins on our calendars. And then it was just stuff like funny or awful kid stories, how things are going in their area, etc.

        • Cat

          Gah hit submit too soon. The key IMHO is that you’re actually chatting on the phone (no video required). Agreed that doing just texts can be stilted.

        • Anon

          Anon at 11:05 here – I’ll literally just slack someone and be like hey, how was your weekend? Anything fun planned for this week? Did you do anything fun for the latest snowstorm? Really basic small talk questions, but from there we’re able to have a larger conversation

        • AFT

          “Hey can i bounce something off of you? An interesting issue came up and I wanted to get your thoughts on how you might handle it based on your past experience with [similar issue.]”
          Don’t fake it, but I’ve found conversations like that often turn into bonding/catch up when we’re all starved for social interaction. They can also be very helpful as it gets you out of your [non covid] bubble.

    • Anon

      so my team does things like this as an ‘ice breaker’ multiple times a week. i always just pick who is next on my zoom screen who hasn’t gone yet. there is literally no rhyme or reason to who i pick. you could be overthinking this?

    • Anon

      Honestly? I’m a very social, but also very socially anxious person so in these types of situations, I always choose my friends. Looking at me, you probably wouldn’t know the social anxiety / insecurities that I have because I am pretty outgoing and social, but OMG they’re there. I’m not choosing my friends to be exclusive or anything like that, it just makes me more comfortable to call on the person I get coffee with.

      One thing I”ve done during wfh to keep up relationships is to randomly slack people I’m relatively friendly, but not yet friends, with to say hi and chat for 10 minutes once or twice a week.

      • Anon

        Thanks! I’m curious, with people you’re not yet friends with but are friendly, what do you slack about?

        • Anon

          Answered above, but literally the classic small talk (do anything fun this weekend? Did you catch the game last night? Wow, can’t believe we’re getting more snow. How funny was it when xyz happened in that meeting yesterday?), then a few days later might follow up with something relevant (coworker mentioned they’re going skiing this weekend when we spoke on Thursday so on Monday I’ll ask how skiing was or what mountain they went to or something. If I know someone else is also a sports fan, I’ll be like wow (Player) had a great game last night, didn’t they?).

          I’ll also send articles that might be relevant to someone’s interest or program area at work. Like, “hey, not sure if you saw this yet but the NYT had a great article about urban planning” and send the link to a coworker who has a masters is urban planning.

          I was in a sorority, so it really is like the same conversations you’d have with PNMs during rush.

    • Anon

      In these games, I always tend to pick my direct reports or my boss, and others do something similar. People tend to pick cross-teams only if it’s someone they know well. Is it possible you have fewer direct connections (others have more direct reports than you, for instance)?

    • Annony

      I always get picked last during these things, despite having very strong ties to almost everyone on the team. I notice it, but it’s honestly so random. If it’s a prompt to reflect on your work relationships and you identify things you want to improve, that’s great! Otherwise, just let it pass. It’s really not meaningful in and of itself in any way.

  13. franklina

    1) non-fleece sweatpants/not tight yoga pants/ full length joggers without the ankle band: do they exist? For wearing at home/weekend milk run type of activities

    2) I have a bruised nerve in my hand. I have some “official recommendations” which I’ll try, but anyone have any ideas of things that have worked for them?

  14. anon

    Another camp question – what is your favorite utensil “mess” set? We picnic a lot and are starting to camp a bit and I would love to have a set that is ready to go instead of bringing our nice utensils to the woods. Family of four.

    • Anonymous

      I am always forgetting mine and just getting stuff from the nearest food lion that are like what toddlers use as first utensils or for school lunches.

    • Anon

      I love the plastic sistema to go cutlery set. It comes in a little case, so is great for picnics/bringing lunch to work/camping.

    • anon

      I just bought titanium camping sporks! I bought them from Vargo because I wanted a different one for each person (you are in charge of your spork and your cup). We also bought different colored yetis for each person.

    • Anon

      Either real utensils from our regular silverware drawer or plastic utensils we’ve accumulated. Buying new things is fun, but this is something that’s not necessary.

    • Shelle

      I like the spoon / fork combo designs you can google. Fork on one side with a serrated edge for cutting, and a spoon on the other end, so technically not a spork. I have plastic ones but it looks like there are also metal ones available. Might not be safe for very young kids?

  15. Anon

    I’ve been mostly fine with my mostly wfh but hybrid working life but this week I’m missing the office so much. I had to go into the office 3x last week so it’s not the office that I’m missing per se, but the old office way of life. I miss getting dressed up in work clothes, walking through the city, taking the subway, getting coffee on my way, and just feeling like this “Big City Career Woman” vibe.

    • Anon

      Yes! Your last sentence is exactly it. It got old day after day, but every once in awhile I would get that feeling when wearing a good work outfit and carrying coffee through the city, and be like, “wow, lil’ old me is a career woman!” Now I’m kind of nostalgic for that feeling, especially since even if we do go back to the office eventually, I don’t think the vibe will be the same—streets probably won’t have the same buzz since no one will be going in 5 days a week, and work clothes might not feel as… work-y?!

      • OP

        Yes! It was a drag when it was every single day, but sometimes the commute/work clothes/busy day/coffee whatever felt like a “power pose”. Like, this is what I thought my 20s would be like when I was younger and here I am living it!

        I live downtown, though not in the business district (I don’t work in the business district, but would walk through it). I dress reasonably OK for wfh (leggings, but with a cute top or sweater, usually a fun pair of earrings, sometimes minimal makeup), on Mondays I treat myself to a coffee out before the work day, I have a similar isn morning routine (and sometimes even take a walk as my “commute”) so it’s not allll that different than it once was, but it’s still not the same. And, I agree that much of it won’t be the same even when we do go back – the business district and commute and what not won’t be as lively as they once were.

    • anon

      Yep, this. I miss listening to my podcasts during the drive and having that time to decompress between family time and work time. I don’t miss dressing up all that much, but I do miss the feeling of having this career life outside of my home life and having somewhere else to be. Even though I’m fairly introverted, I miss the buzz of being around other motivated people and chatting with colleagues. Never did I ever think I’d miss that part!

      • Cb

        Yes, definitely! I miss having a separate life. Now I feel like I’m a crap employee and a crap mom, when before I was very good at compartmentalizing.

    • Anon

      this sounds kind of silly, but I’ve been reading pre-pandemic R29 money diaries of women with similar-ish lives (or aspirational lives) to mine. It’s not quite scratching the itch, but it’s fun to remember what life with happy hours and and going to work and workout classes and whatnot was like!

    • Anonanonanon2

      Honestly, thank you so much for admitting that last line. Because I feel exactly the same way. I’m in-person fairly frequently because we’re associated with the response but it is not like it used to be.
      I miss heels and I miss work clothes and, exactly like you said, I miss taking the train into the city for big meetings in my nice work clothes and grabbing a coffee and thinking “wow, I’ve made it, and I’m proud of myself”
      I miss the gym. Not working out, but going to yoga, showering and getting dressed in the locker room without my kids, grabbing a coffee, and going into work ready to go. Just having that level of independence was so nice.

      I agreed to sit on an interview panel in a few weeks and I’m so excited to dress in business clothes and put in some effort again!

      • OP

        Yes! Not sure what its like for you with the response, but when I go in I wear my agency polo and sensible shoes; I miss pencil skirts with heels (which, to be fair – I didn’t wear at this job but wore every day at a previous job. Current job is more casual, but still work dresses from J Crew and the like).

        I’ve bought home workout equipment (bike and weights) and dropped my gym membership and will never be going back. In some ways its great- I work out way more than I used to but I also miss the act of going to the gym.

        I was living (and really, really enjoying) a life that was somewhat similar to what I envisioned it would be like to be living in the city after college and that’s not what life is like at all these days. I had already pivoted my career and moved cities (things I never thought I’d do, let alone do them in my 20s) and now I’ve temporarily lost the rest of it. It’s so silly, but simple things like outdoor happy hour in nice weather with some girlfriends, playing on a rec league sports team, going to an exercise class, watching the Bachelor with other people, weekly trivia at the bar, etc. were a bigger part of my life than I realized.

        I realize its temporary and I”m not necessarily feeling down about it right now (all things considered, I’ve been lucky during this pandemic), but its more of an antsy “I can’t wait to live that life again” feeling (at least today – there have been plenty of days I’ve been bummed out by it).

    • Anon

      Same. I really miss wearing suits, if I’m perfectly honest. I feel very BA in suits.

  16. Marriage

    Are you proud to be with your partner/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend? If not, does that matter to you? Is it crucial to a good marriage/relationship?

    • Anonymous

      Yes. Sometimes I feel like my husband and I look a little sloppy in public (we’re both, shall we say, challenged when it comes to fashion – and we live on the West Coast where everything is casual), but other than being not so proud of our fashion statements, I am proud to be with someone I love and respect and who feels the same about me. I realized a few years ago that I was taking parts of our relationship for granted; my best friend met her husband and they are having a lot of issues that I can only summarize as “manchild problems.” It made me take a step back and realize how much I treasure being married to an adult who takes care of me and whom I take care of in return. I’m also proud that we have a calm, peaceful household where there is no yelling, silent treatment, or other toxic behaviors like what I grew up with.

      • Senior Attorney

        Oh, man! I relate to your last two sentences so much! Congratulations, Anonymous!

        • Anonymous

          Aw, thank you! I’m really glad for you that you found a great partner too.

        • PNW

          Me too. Our home is pleasant to be in and we take good care of each other. Very proud of that.

    • cbackson

      I honestly kind of struggle with what that would even mean. I am proud of my partner for some of the things he has accomplished but I’m not proud of merely being in a relationship with him. Like, he’s not a rare beast that I bagged on safari, you know?

      • Monday

        I take it in the sense that being proud of someone is the opposite of being embarrassed by or ashamed of them. Like, if you’re in a group situation with other people meeting your partner, you feel glad to be associated with the intelligence/humor/kindness that they are showing, as opposed to cringing at what they’re doing. If this is what you mean, OP, then yes I think it’s extremely important.

        • Anon

          I cringe sometimes, but I know it’s because of my own insecurities? Like I am trying to keep things about myself secret that my choice of partner reveals.

          • Monday

            I’d say that doesn’t count. That cringe would be more like having your mom call you by a pet name in front of your friends when you were in high school.

      • Anon

        It is best understood through the opposite, cbackson.

        I have accomplished some things in my life for which I am very proud. My husband sometimes made some rather snarky and condescending comments about it; some of his acquaintances are in the same space and have really, really stupid standards for what “success” is – think, it’s not good enough to be on the NYT bestseller’s list, you have to be the #1 bestseller. So their words came flying out of his mouth on a semi-regular basis. I kept asking him to cut the crap. Because of his own insecurities and the stridency of his acquaintances on this issue, he kept at it.

        The fights were epic. The therapy was expensive. I was so hurt that I almost left our marriage. My husband learned the very, very hard way that you don’t pick your spouse apart; you keep your big mouth shut and, when your spouse does something great, just plain say that it’s great. “Maybe someone else is better” is stupid and cruel.

    • Anonymous

      Yes yes and yes. How could I possibly be in a successful relationship if I weren’t proud of my partner?

    • nuqotw

      I think it’s important to be proud most of the time. Spouse and I are mostly proud of each other, and of the big things, but also grateful that the other looks past the small things that make us unproud of the other.

    • anon

      Yes, absolutely. I am proud to be with someone who is hard-working, caring, hilarious, and smart. I respect him as a person so much. I don’t think I could be with someone I didn’t admire at least a little bit!

    • Cat

      Yes, yes, and yes. Everyone does things that they aren’t proud of from time to time (so as a partner you’re understanding of that), but generally speaking, if you’re not proud to be with your partner, or proud of their qualities… do you not think there’s anything great about them?

    • Anon

      No. He’s a mess and an embarrassment. But he’s going through major long-term family stress, so I’m hoping once things shake out, he’ll take care of himself again. I can’t perform self care for him. I’m trying to be understanding.

      • Anon

        Omg, are you me? Same here. My husband is going through … some things… and I hope we come out the other side intact.

    • Senior Attorney

      Yes, and he’s proud of me! And that has not always been the case (by the end I was mortally ashamed to be with my last husband and he was envious of me in a bad way) so yes it matters and it’s crucial to me.

    • Vicky Austin

      Of course I am. How can you like someone enough to be in a relationship with them if you can’t feel proud of them for something?

    • anonshmanon

      I’m proud of who my partner is as a person and also somewhat proud of how we communicate as a couple and treat each other (compared to the marriages of my or his parents). I am grateful for all the serendipitous circumstances that led to us meeting. I don’t know if I would say I am proud to be with him per se, but that may be semantics.

    • Clementine

      My husband is a Good Dude and I’m proud to be married to such a kind partner. He’s also proud of me. We are each other’s biggest cheerleader.

      I’ve been in relationships before where I didn’t feel like I could take them out in public because they didn’t know how to not be jerks (note this wasn’t a class thing, this was just an overarching issue). My husband is somebody who can make conversation with anyone – from high powered politicians to children who don’t have stable housing.

      And the overarching quality he has is just respect for others. And that right there is what I’m proud of – I’m proud of the respectful man I married.

    • Allie

      Yes. I’m proud to introduce my husband to people or to be identified as his wife. I think his strengths show what I value (smart, good dad, mellow, strong values) and I feel good about valuing those things. I dated people VERY different from my husband (more athletic, trendier, more the center of attention, bro-ier) and I’m proud that I went in a different direction.

    • Yes

      My husband is really attractive (all-American athlete sort of attractive, which is obvi. what I like) and getting more attractive with age, ha. I love taking him everywhere and absolutely get pics of him all the time–he’s cute and looks good in everything.

      We’ve been together for a LONG time and while I love him for many other reasons (he is sweet with everyone, got me through law school, is insanely supportive, etc.), I also love that he is very conventionally attractive. Though I think part of his attractiveness is his kind eyes. :)

    • Emma

      Hm, I work with them a lot (I’m at another firm in Canada) and remember thinking they had a lot of women partners, so this is interesting to me. Generally, I find that there is a lot less transparency on Biglaw pay in Canada than in the US (at least how I understand the US to work).

  18. anon

    Has anyone noticed their body image getting worse in these pandemic times? Because mine sure has. Insecurities that I thought I’d banished ages ago have roared back with a vengeance. Maybe it’s because I’m in comfy clothes all the time and have no reason to pull together a real outfit. Maybe it’s because I’m not interacting with the outside world, and thus have become more focused on my own foibles and whatnot. Who knows. It’s annoying, though. I’m 40; shouldn’t I be past this? Because I know somebody will bring it up — I have kept up my exercise routine and am getting enough movement. That’s usually enough to keep me confident enough about my body. This seems to be a problem that’s entirely in my head.

    • Anonymous

      If getting out of comfy clothes would help, why not get dressed up every now and then? Do you go to the store? Get dressed in real clothes then. Do you have a spouse or SO or just a BFF? They’d probably appreciate your wearing a real outfit now and then. Taking out the trash? Put on real pants. Zoom happy hour? Wear a going-out outfit. That way you can see yourself as you really are instead of whatever frumpy version you have suddenly started seeing yourself to be. I am not asking you to do anything I am not doing myself. While there have been a few days when I really didn’t get out of pajamas, and over the summer I rotated through some comfy jumpsuits for WFH, most days I wear real clothes for some portion, even if just to go to the store. Date nights involve date outfits. I dress for Zoom save for my feet. I don’t wear athletic gear on the street unless I am going to train.

    • SSJD

      Yes, I’ve noticed this too. Some of it has to do with how I am dressing. My work wardrobe included investment clothing that flattered me: dresses and skirts that were tailored; focus on the waist; a-line skirts. At home I wear sweaters and slacks, and it’s just not as flattering on me. It doesn’t help that I walk by my full length mirror all the time since I’m working in my master suite–at work I saw myself in the mirror once or twice a day, but not over and over again.

    • Anon

      Yes, because all of the things that used to make me feel good are out (either due to pandemic or winter). I’m not looking cute very often anymore because I love stretchy pants. I look decently nice when I wfh (leggings with a nicer top), but wearing a power dress around my apartment is not going to happen. I’ve also gained my COVID15 (though I’m currently losing it ) which doesn’t help.

      But, aside from what I look like, I’m just not doing much that makes me feel confident anymore. I’m not crushing it at work. I’m not doing my favorite fitness activities that make me feel strong. I’m not having a great social life. I’m not doing the fun outdoor things I used to do. All of the things that made me feel me and made me feel confident aren’t happening right now. I’ve leaned into other hobbies and other workouts; I’ve been great about keeping up with friends via text, etc. but it’s not the same.

      • anon

        OP here. Yes, you expressed this better than I did. I am not shlumping around completely, but I’m not dressing up in office wear. I have gained some weight for a variety of reasons. But both of those are secondary to not really having much of a life outside my house anymore. And it’s pretty terrible for my overall well-being, it turns out.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, me. My thinking is, this is a stressful time and I am noticing myself falling back on old patterns that I thought I had gotten over.

      • Monday

        +1. I think it may be this simple. When you’re not doing great overall, it’s no surprise that specific issues like body image problems may flare up.

    • Anonymous

      Delete social media. I actually am feeling better about myself at the moment as my points of comparison are so limited. I am in good shape, I am comfortable in my clothes, and thus I have been more comfortable in my skin at the moment. Don’t deny yourself small beauty routine items either. Do light makeup, wear mascara, do your hair. You’ll feel better.

    • Anon

      For me it’s masks destroying my complexion. I put a lot of time, effort, and money into skincare because my skin is naturally difficult and needs major work to get up to “average”. Even with changing masks frequently and keeping things clean, I am covered in acne and PIH scars. It’s like being a teenager again, plus wrinkles.

  19. They still fit!

    When I went to get dressed this morning, all of the stretchy bottoms that I wear while WFH were in the laundry. I took the plunge and randomly pulled out jeans from my closet. They still fit! And these are skinny jeans in my “going out” size, not baggier jeans for chasing kids and dogs. I had not put on pants with a zipper since at least May. Zipping and buttoning was not a struggle. This will be my major win for the day.

    • MagicUnicorn

      Yay!

      I accidentally pulled out my one pair of “aspirational” pants the other day and panicked, until I remembered they were indeed a size too small in the first place. All is well now, nothing to see here, carry on!

  20. Anon

    I’m STRUGGLING with work from home – I’m actually reasonably happy with it day to day (I can now work out in the morning, I love wearing leggings every day, etc) but turns out I’m really, really bad at being productive if I’m not in the office. I guess I kind of knew this before – I could wfh up to 3x a month before COVID, but honestly? I don’t think I did it more than 3x a year (and purposely did it on days that I could kind of be on cruise control).

    I only started wfh this fall (was involved with COVID related work in the spring/summer), but I’ve had an adjustment period and I”m still bad at it. I used to be a motivated, driven person, and I just don’t feel that anymore (duh). But, I’ve gotten downright lazy. My work product has really suffered, and I’m nervous about harming my reputation. Before all of this, I LIKED being a known hard worker. I liked getting work done. And now? I’m lucky if my output is 1/5 of what it once was. I know it’s a pandemic and we all could use a little grace right now, but a) I don’t like this version of myself as much so I want to change for personal reasons too and b) My drop in productivity is below the “oh its a pandemic, we all had a drop off” c) the work I do cannot afford this kind of drop off – it’s not life or death moment by moment like healthcare, but it’s longer term just as crucial, so I need to kick it back into gear.

    I honestly don’t know where to start. I realize that I probably won’t return to pre-pandemic levels right now, but I need some sort of improvement.

    • Anonymous

      Try a Pomodoro timer. It’s something you can start today with no planning/thinking. It sounds like you need a kick in the pants, which means you need something you can do right away without taking the time to come up with a permanent plan.

    • Anonymous

      same. i’m considering suicide. there doesn’t seem to be any push to return to normal (real normal) and i am not designed to live like this.

      • Monday

        The suicide hotline is 800-273-8255. Right now, please either go to the emergency room or call this line.

      • anon

        Whoa. Please reach out for help. 800-273-8255. This is a terrible time, but it is temporary. A long-a$$ kind of temporary, but this will not last forever.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        Please call a suicide hotline, your doctor, or a therapist if you have one if you’re considering suicide.

      • The Original ...

        Whatever your situation, people give a f%$k about you. They do in real life, they do here too. People who may be crummy at speaking up would be worse off if you weren’t here. You’re right, no one is made to live like this and the time is lessening daily on how long before things will return to more familiar times. When the world resumes, if you weren’t in it, it’d be lesser.

        Please call a hotline or a lifeline, text or message in a support chat, if you need to, show up at a loved one’s door and ask for help. covid matters but not more than your life.

        Thank you for loving all of us enough to keep fighting through until you can love yourself and love your life again. <3

      • OP

        Please, please, please reach out to someone today. This is all temporary, we will get back to normal life, but it’s totally normal to be struggling right now. Please reach out to the suicide hotline or a trusted friend or doctor or whomever.

      • Anon

        None of us are designed to live like this, but there are lots of people – including this anonymous internet stranger – who very much want you to keep living. Please please please call one of the hotlines posted here. This is not forever. <3

      • Lilau

        Seconding everything everyone said. Please reach out to someone. Also, this is emotionally harder on some of us than others. Much harder even. It doesn’t make you weak or unworthy.

  22. Anon

    Double masking Q. Do you? I usually wear a blue hospital-type mask if I am going to be inside for a while. Outside (sometimes required), I do notice glasses fog (= leakage), so if I double-up to help with this, would you do cloth mask over blue hospital mask? Or the reverse?

    I do hate that moisture condenses and that is icky coming inside in the winter, so I think I am just going through a lot of masks some days (which is fine — I like a dry fresh one and have about 50 now [family of 4, kids are in remote school STILL so use theirs less than I thought than when I shopped]). I also have a million buffs I could slap on over top of a mask, but people are buff-haters and I want to make sure there is a visible mask under there (I do think that the buff would help “adhere” the mask better and work on edge leaks).

    I have a feeling that doubling is just better and with our K-5 schools hopefully opening 2 days/week next week, it might convey back to anyone really nervous “Dude, we are TRYING here,” because some people are very nervous and maybe a sign like double-masking would lead to less nastiness and shouting.

    • No Face

      I wear cloth over the disposable mask when I’m indoors, like at the office or the grocery store. I figured, why not? The bonus is that I don’t need to wash or change out the cloth as often.

      Sorry about the nastiness and shouting. You double-masking isn’t going to change that.

    • Anon

      so last night i actually attended a zoom meeting with a doctor at the local childrens hospital, which happens to be one of the top hospitals. she was saying that double masking is good, if you do it right, but so many people do it wrong (the mask underneath ends up puckering out at the sides), that one well fitting mask is better. she also said that there is research that shows that mask + face shield/goggles makes a difference, though face shield alone as well all know is worthless

    • Ribena

      I was doing it (in part because surgical masks don’t fit my face well) for the grocery store but numbers here have gone down sufficiently that I would only double mask for a long duration or close contact thing now I think – doctors, trains, etc.

    • Anonanonanon2

      It really depends on the masks and how well they fit. I would recommend something like a mask from B A G G U (check out their design) that will be less likely to leak/fog. A single, well-fitting mask will work much better than two that don’t. Unfortunately, it can be an expensive and frustrating process to find ones that fit.
      I’ve had great luck with the uniqlo airism masks, fwiw.
      Anecdotally, I used to fit test people for N95s as a routine part of my job, and we were always told that a poor-fitting N95 does not offer much more protection for the wearer than a properly-fitting surgical mask.

    • Anon

      I do if I’m going to be inside for extended periods of time because the surgical-type masks usually don’t fit me well. I do surgical mask on bottom, better fitting cloth mask on top, or sometimes a buff-type thing (I have several from Callidae, which is an equestrian brand, that are tight-fitting and really help the surgical masks not gap on the sides)

    • Carrots

      I’ve been doing it when I’m inside for extended periods of time (the grocery store, at work, when I had to go into the DMV last week), but not if I’m going just out for a walk. I do like that it means I get a few more wears out of my fabric ones before I have to wash them, but in general, I need to get a new batch because the elastic on some of mine is starting to stretch.

    • Anonymous

      I have started to double mask as the more easily spread virus variants have reached my country.

      I use a surgical mask IIR as the primary mask, but the they don’t fit my face size and shape very well – all elastic is too long and they are too big, causing gaping at the sides and chin. So I use a very close fitting jersey mask over the surgical one, and the jersey mask holds the surgical mask in place and closes gaps.

  23. Hand tremors

    I’ve started noticing that my hands have become extremely shaky almost all the time. I noticed it previously but assumed it was due to low blood sugar or too much caffeine…but now I’m noticing it when I’ve eaten and when I haven’t had any caffeine. It’s started to affect my fine motor skills a tiny bit where I struggle to pick up small things like paper clips. I asked my doctor about it at my last physical but he didn’t seem worried…should I be concerned? I’m 30 and have a family history of Parkinson’s so I am paranoid…

    • No Face

      Definitely talk to another doctor – maybe a neurologist if you have a family history of Parkinson’s. My grandfather had Parkinson’s. With medical treatment and movement classes, his tremors not even noticeable.

    • Anonymous

      I’d get your thyroid levels checked. I had hyperthyroid and this was a symptom.

    • Jules

      I have a mild head tremor, and used to have noticeable shakiness in my hands (which has just kind of disappeared for some reason). I went through a battery of tests; I was in my 40s and very worried about early Parkinson’s. It turned out to be a completely benign condition, “primary essential tremor.” The neurologist told me, “your head just shakes.” (He also told me the tremor is exacerbated by stress, fatigue and caffeine, which I said were the three legs of the stool of my life. On the plus side, he told me the shaking is reduced by alcohol, so there’s that.)

      Of course you are concerned with your family history, but it could be something not at all serious. Get it checked to reassure yourself or to treat whatever he might be. Sending you good vibes for a positive outcome.

    • masks

      I agree with making sure your thyroid is checked. Sorry to hear your primary care doctor wasn’t more helpful.

      Most likely it is benign essential tremor – which is incredibly common and runs in families too. I have it and my Dad has it. It can slowly increase over time. It is much more likely you have this rather than Parkinson’s disease, even if PD runs in your family. And it is totally benign. Not associated with Parkinson’s disease, for most people is mild.

      The classic symptoms for benign essential tremor are noticing a little shaking in the hand or of your voice or head. Sometimes having difficulty with fine motor coordination, if it is in your hand like yours. Maybe your handwriting changes a little, you spill a little soup bringing the spoon to your mouth etc… It gets worse with stress, fatigue, caffeine and improves with alcohol (!). If it is actually interfering with your life and ability to function, there are medicines that can decrease it. But most people just live with it.

      If you are concerned, I agree that a quick visit with a neurologist is reasonable. The best is a neurologist who specializes in movement disorders or a general neurologist. They will examine you well, quickly reassure you this isn’t Parkinson’s disease, and give you some pointers.

      • Jules

        Hi, we’re tremor twins! My father also had it, although I don’t think it was diagnosed; after my own diagnosis I would notice that sometimes he would nod his head and it would just keep bobbing up and downfor a few seconds too long.

        For what it’s worth, to the OP, mine has not gotten worse in about 15 years, and the tremor is essentially gone from my hands, it’s just my head nodding sometimes.

  24. Anon

    At the point of 2 weeks post second vaccination, would it be safe to go back to the gym? I can’t tell!

      • Anonymous

        Wait, what? That’s contrary to everything in the news. Again, the whole point of the vaccine is to get back to normal. Sigh.

        • Anonymous

          I recommend reading any one of the 30 million articles out there that explains why you can’t rush back to high-risk activities the second you get the vaccine while the rest of us suffer on. Look for words like “new variants” and “asymptomatic transmission to unvaccinated individuals” and “importance of masking and keeping distance.”

          • Anonymous

            I guess I just differ on what’s a high risk activity. I’ve been going to my gym since they reopened in the summer. Not a single outbreak has been tracked to my gym.

          • Anonymous

            Anonymous at 11:59, that’s almost certainly due to a lack of contact tracing, which fell apart in most of the country during the surge. This is anedata, but I know someone on Instagram who posted that her gym was “cesspool of COVID waiting to happen” and then she got COVID there herself. You don’t need to be a scientist to see why – people breathing hard without masks in enclosed, poorly ventilated spaces is the perfect place for transmission.

          • Anon

            “I recommend reading any one of the 30 million articles out there that explains why you can’t rush back to high-risk activities the second you get the vaccine while the rest of us suffer on.”

            Thanks for being honest about what this entire thing is about: ensuring that every person suffers equally, and when in doubt, suffer more to ensure that someone else isn’t worse off.

            This disease is literally a thousand times as deadly to old people than to young people. About 2% of deaths amongst young people are those who do not have comorbidities. Yet, every single person has to stay on lockdown because heaven f–ing forbid that we direct our energies to protecting those who need protection while allowing healthy kids to go to school.

          • Anonymous

            Of course it’s not about “making everyone suffer equally.” It’s about not wanting more people to die waiting for their vaccine because you wanted to rush back to normal life ASAP. This whole “some people just want others to suffer!!!1” narrative is so damn lazy.

          • Anon

            It’s not possible to protect only the vulnerable – elderly get sick with elderly person illnesses, go to hospitals, then rehab, then contract covid in rehab. Keeping cases down is the only thing protecting the elderly.

      • Anonymous

        Huh? The latest news is vaccinations work and, as with other viruses, the vaccinated appear to be less likely to transmit the novel coronavirus that causes Covid-19.

        • Anon

          Where were all you people when on the weekend thread some woman on this board posted about taking a babymoon vacation post vaccination (presumably without even waiting two weeks?). Gym = not okay, but cross country flight, plus dining in restaurants, shopping, etc. = okay.

    • Anon

      At that point, you are 95% less likely to contract COVID than pre-vaccine. And severe COVID is unlikely. But it is not clear if you can still be a COVID carrier, the data is beginning to suggest that you are unlikely to transmit COVID at that point, but it is not definitive. The current guidance is to continue to mask and practice social distancing.

      • Thanks, it has pockets!

        +1 I know we’re all itching to get back to normal, but it’s best to carry on as though you didn’t get vaccinated until we’re sure the vaccine will help protect those around you to a significant degree.

        That said, if it’s a gym with good social distancing protocols (that are, you know, actually being followed by fellow gym-goers) and you gave a mask you feel comfortable wearing while working out (heroine sport masks ftw), it might be fine to return to the gym, but maybe make this the *one thing* you ease up on for now.

    • Anonymous

      From what I have read, the vaccines prevent symptomatic cases but you can still catch it and spread it. My life will not change after vaccine until we are at herd immunity. Also, questions remain on the effectiveness against the new variants.

      • Anonymous

        +1. Thank you for being responsible. Hopefully we will eventually have the data to suggest that asymptomatic transmission from vaccinated to unvaccinated individuals is unlikely, but right now, it doesn’t exist. The new variants are also very concerning.

      • Anonymous

        Same. My gym is somewhat unique in its ability to take safety measures, but there has been no indication whatsoever of transmission there.

      • Anonymous

        Yup. I’ve been at my gym multiple times a week since August. Masked. Distanced. I’ll keep doing it post vax with less stress

    • Anon

      Is it safe is the wrong question. The personal risk to you once you’ve been vaccinated is quite low. However, we’re really in a race between vaccination and the spread of more dangerous variants, and anything we can do to reduce transmission right now is really important. If you can wait another month or two until more people have been vaccinated and virus rates come down a little more, you’d be helping reduce the risk that we end up with widespread variants resistant to vaccines. However, if you’re truly desperate to go to the gym, everyone is masked and distanced, and it’s well ventilated (this is key), it’s not super high risk, either to you or (probably) in terms of spread.

    • Anon

      I think it depends person to person. The main two factors to consider is what precautions is your gym taking and who are you interacting with regularly.

      My roommate is the most COVID-cautious person I know. She got her second dose last week and is planning to go back to the gym this spring. Our city has very strict guidelines for gyms (masks to be worn at all times, limited number, can only go to the gym by appointment, spacing of equipment, air purifyers, etc) , and everything I’ve heard about this gym is that they’re following them to a T. She figures she’ll go back to work once her Mom is vaccinated. Her dad’s gotten both doses, her entire company is 1 or 2 doses in right now, and I’ve had my first dose. We don’t really interact with other people, occasionally we see some friends or something (all healthy and young; some of whom are getting vaccinated now others of whom will be the end of the list).

      I also think post-vaccine (in an area like mine with lots of mandatory precautions), you can reasonably do some things, but not all of the things. I bought home workout equipment months ago, so I won’t be going back to the gym, but I’ll be seeing friends inside again (for the first time in 11 months) once I’m a few weeks after my 2nd dose.

    • Anonanonanon2

      I’m two weeks out from my second and do not intend to do much that I didn’t do pre-vaccine. Especially with the variants. The side effects from the second were enough to convince me that I don’t want even a “mild” case.

        • Anonanonanon2

          Right, agree. But there are now variants that it looks less-effective for. When I got a “less-severe” case of the flu after getting a flu shot, it was still miserable. Also, we are still unclear on if/how frequently vaccinated people can unknowingly transmit the virus, and I’d like to do my part as a member of the community to not be a reservoir for possible mutation, get someone else who hasn’t gotten the vaccine yet sick, etc.

      • anon

        So you’ll stay on lockdown forever? Why did you get the vaccine if you’re still going to be worried about getting the virus?

        • Anonanonanon2

          Because I’m in a responder role and I’m exposed enough through that…

        • Anonanonanon2

          I hope you would all think pretty poorly of me if I got it–at a time when there are over 100K qualified people on the waitlist in my county– so that I could dine indoors and go to the gym.

          • Anonymous

            Nope I wouldn’t. You don’t need to earn your right to a vaccine by moral superiority

          • Cat

            I wouldn’t. Being able to do things more safely – as an ancillary benefit to keeping you safer while you work – is something I hope everyone who gets the vaccine is able to do.

          • Anonanonanon2

            Honestly, that is a bit refreshing to hear. It feels like all I ever read is articles with people saying why they deserve it more than people who have already gotten it, how the whole system is unjust, etc. and I have probably internalized it as something I have to constantly prove I’ve “earned.” So, I know you meant to be snarky and unhelpful, but it gave me something to ponder.

          • anon

            The only reason I would think poorly of you is because of the holier than thou attitude. I’m thrilled to hear you’re vaccinated.

        • Anonymous

          Not that responder, but I assume she’ll stay cautious until the pandemic is not out of control as experts are advising. Widespread community transmission is a risk to both vaccinated and unvaccinated individuals, although fortunately the OP should be well-protected against severe disease in herself.

    • Anon

      I’ve been COVID cautious, including no in person workouts, and I plan to go back to my gym/studio once I’m two-weeks post vaccine.

      • Anonymous

        Agreed. As previously mentioned, this board skews very anxious regarding Covid. I can’t wait for my turn to be vaccinated and I do plan to go back to the gym and indoor dining two weeks after my second shot. I support you in returning to normal activities.

    • Kitten

      Everyone weighs risk differently, but I vote yes unless you both: 1) live in an area with a lot of community spread + 2) someone in your household is high risk.

  26. franklina

    Creepy and weird: my brother and SIL just got calls on their cells from a company that has my address trying to deliver a sealed, certified letter for me… We are not in the same state. Email breach? Public info site? Credit check?

    • franklina

      Figured it out. Collections from a CC company that I haven’t heard from in 5 years WTF. Turned around and called the company, demanded a validation, and told them that if they called anyone but me I’d be suing.

  27. Daybed Dilemma

    We have a healthy debate going in my house about whether it’s rude to have guests sleep on a trundle bed. We have limited space for guests, and I’d like to put a daybed in my office that accommodates a twin mattress with a trundle that can roll out with another twin mattress. My husband thinks it’s embarrassing to ask a guest sleep on the trundle. I would never suggest that our parents or anyone older do it, but it seems doable for healthy adults in their 30s/40s? So my question is: is this a bad idea/will people be offended by or too uncomfortable with a trundle bed? Note this is going to be for 1 or 2 night stays, for people in their 30s/40s.

    • Senior Attorney

      Of course not! I feel like a trundle bed would most definitely be more comfortable than, say, a pull-out sofa bed with a metal bar in the middle. And also, you are hosting them in your home for free. (I am your parents’ age and I would happily sleep on a trundle bed.)

    • Cat

      I wouldn’t like it but that means I would choose a hotel or Airbnb when visiting, not be all offended that my free accommodations aren’t to my liking.

    • Anon

      Not at all. In the real, non-HGTV world, having guests over in real houses means making do with the space and furnishings that fit the space. Your idea sounds like a great solution for a small space.

    • Anon

      A trundle is ok, but older people might prefer the higher bed. That’s why I have a pop-up trundle, aka a “high riser” bed. I think you can get the metal pop-up trundle separately and fit it under a cuter wooden or iron daybed rather than just the high riser bed frame.

    • Blueberries

      A trundle bed with a nice mattress sounds super comfy and totally fine for people in their 30s/40s with no mobility issues. I have limited space and my houseguests get a nice air mattress, even if they’re staying awhile. There’s just no room to keep an extra bed.

    • anon

      what’s rude is people complaining about free accommodations!

      Most people don’t have guest rooms, and so almost every time I”ve stayed with someone its been on a couch / air mattress / pull out bed / trundle, etc. and I”ve never complained.

      Growing up, we had no guest room and I had bunk beds and my brother had 1 twin bed. We had guests stay in the bunk beds while I slept on the floor of my brothers room. If you want to stay with someone, you accept the accommodations they have and you don’t complain!

      However, if your husband can’t get past this then a solution is that the guests sleep in your room and you sleep on the trundle. My family did this a lot if my uncle with a very bad back visited – he couldn’t get in/out of the bottom bunk.

    • Anon

      I literally have this set up, a daybed with a pop up trundle in my office. Guests loved it pre-covid.

    • Anonymous

      This is perfectly normal.

      I would not expect people who wouldn’t also be fine with sharing a queen size bed to share a trundle bed (if the trundle is connected), but a couple, adult and child, siblings, good friends who’d share a queen – absolutely.

    • Anon

      I think some people can be weird about not sleeping in the same bed as their partner. I welcome the opportunity to sleep like a starfish. My friend’s beach house has two queens in one room. When we are the only couple sleeping in that room, we each take a separate bed and love it.

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      Not at all! I’m 31, and I’ve slept on enough floors and couches in my day that a trundle bed sounds awesome; at least if it’s just for a weekend or so, if I were staying with someone for a week that trundle might get old.

      It also sounds like a great way to turn your home office into a temporary guest bedroom when needed. I’m thinking of doing something similar, although I’ve been picturing a futon, that’s used as a couch most of the time and then converted to a bed when we’re hosting overnight guests.

  28. Anon

    I’m going to bring this up with my therapist, but I’m wondering if any of you have dealt with this and how you got through it. I have anxiety, and especially social anxiety. If I have a meeting where I will need to speak to a large group, I can’t get anything done all day before the meeting. So I have to present at a meeting at 4pm and I literally can’t work all day until the meeting is over. It’s much worse when the audience is larger. This doesn’t happen when I’m presenting to just a few people. These types of situations only come up about once a month, but it’s inhibiting and I’m embarrassed. FWIW, I’m a decent speaker and get through that part okay. I think people would be surprised to learn about what I deal with all day beforehand. It’s racing heart, clammy mouth, sometimes digestive disruption, and of course intrusive thoughts like “if you focus on something else, you’ll miss the meeting” or “you need to prepare more” (even though I don’t).

    • Anon

      Xanax. After a few successful experiences, just having the Xanax bottle in my purse (knowing I could take it if I needed it) has been enough. But if it weren’t, then I’d take one.

      • Anon

        Yes, this works for me too! I have very similar anxieties. Good luck OP, I know it is not easy!

    • Anon

      No solutions but you just described a problem I have been trying to put my finger on for YEARS. I do this as well. It’s maddening and often affects my sleep as well.

    • Anonymous

      I saw something about this on Instagram that called it “waiting mode.” I identified with it strongly. The point was that for some of us, an afternoon meeting or appointment affects the whole day because we “wait” for it to happen and focus on it too much throughout the day (we’re typically never late, we’re always ready to go 10 mins before the Uber arrives, we do things like “if it starts at 2:30 I have to leave the house by 2:00 which means I need to be dressed by 1:50…etc.). The only actionable tip I took from it is schedule as many things as you can for the morning so you’re not in waiting mode for long.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I’m glad that you’re talking to your therapist and I think a fast-acting medication (like Xanax or a beta-blocker) would help with this.

      I used to have a similar reaction during confrontation (I was public-facing) and one thing that helped was expecting it, naming it, and accepting it. Sort of a meta-conversation with myself: “Yep, your heart is beating really fast and you’re sweating. That happens! Take a breath and keep talking.” I hope you feel better soon!

  29. Senior Attorney

    Random observation: I am watching the beginning of the impeachment trial and I am somewhat horrified that some of the female senators are being referred to as “Mrs.” rather than “Ms.” Presumably it’s their preferece, but… Good Lord.

    • Anonymous

      I know with Marsha Blackburn, Mrs. is her preference and it grinds my gears.

    • Anon

      I’m watching too and they’re playing video from January 6th now. I had to look away a few times, and finally muted and looked fully away. It’s so, so scary and makes me very emotional.

    • Anonymous

      I’m always horrified when women change their names, but people get to do what they want with their names.

      • Monday

        I’m disappointed by women changing their names. In my family (both sides), the generation before me had a total of one woman who kept her name, and in my generation I am one of only two. It’s still very controversial to express this opinion, but here it is.

      • Anon

        I dislike that our culture is to have women change their last names upon marriage, and kept my own name, but do not find it horrifying.

        I am, however, furious that my family of origin insists on sending things to me with my husband’s last name. I’m doubly furious because the people have more divorces than Hollywood starlets and act like **I** am the problem for remaining Rachel Smith instead of changing to Rachel Jones.

    • Anon

      I’m single and ignorant here, but genuinely curious. Is it just because they are senators or do you go by Ms. as well?

      • Cat

        I think of Mrs. as a social title. I do find it odd to hear it used in a professional setting.

      • Senior Attorney

        My husband and I have different last names so naturally I use Ms. And it just seems remarkably anachronistic for senators (only female senators, of course) to be using titles that signal their marital status (which should be irrelevant in that context).

        But… watching the video of the insurrection I realize I used the word “horrified” way too loosely. I am HORRIFIED by the video and only slightly bemused by the use of Mrs.

        • Anonymous

          I would imagine that many of them opt for “Mrs.” so as to seem less threatening to conservative voters.

          • Horse Crazy

            …conservative voters who call liberals “snowflakes” but get offended by women who want to be called “Ms.”.

    • Anon

      If that’s the person’s preference, how is it different than respecting a nonbinary person’s pronouns? It’s about respect. I don’t use Mrs. but if someone else wants to, that’s her perogative.

    • Anon

      A Supreme Court Justice in my state told a group of women to not be afraid to uses Mrs. if they wanted to. She thought, especially when one was just starting out, it conveyed a gravitas. At the time I was thinking “cool, we all do what we want.” Later, it really grinded my gears to realize the reason it conveyed gravitas is because a married woman seems more mature and settled down yet there is no equivalent for men.

      I’ve also heard another professional say that we should be proud of Mrs. because marriage is work, which seemed to imply a whole lot of fault towards people who were divorced.

  30. Anone

    My dog has had loose stools/diarrhea for months now. We’ve tried antibiotic and probiotics. Switched vets recently and they gave us a powder to add to his food (forgot the name of it), which has been helping some. They also ran some tests. The results were negative for parasites but positive for “inflammatory bowel” syndrome. The vet said to continue the powder, then taper him off of it. Once we get him off the powder, if the symptoms come back, we are supposed to put him on a “hydrolyzed protein diet”. This type of diet provides the dog with proteins in the simplest form. Once he’s on the hydrolyzed protein diet for 2-3 months we can start adding regular food back into his diet. I can tell this is going to be expensive, and I asked if I could just start giving him beef/chicken/turkey/eggs after the hydrolyzed protein diet, assuming the symptoms come back. (They’ve been so persistent that I am expecting the symptoms will return ). The vet said we should consult with a nutritionist instead of feeding him meats and eggs, so that we make sure he has a “balanced diet”with vegetables and protein. I’m skeptical, as I thought that wild dogs eat only proteins like meat and eggs, no grains or vegetables. Has anyone had these issues with dogs before? Any advice?

    • Anon

      FYI – We give our dog mix of kibble and wet can food with about 1/4 cup of canned pumpkin in each meal. She has loose stool if she doesn’t get the extra fiber from the pumpkin.

    • Anonymous

      In the wild, dogs died. If you don’t trust your vet, get a new one don’t ask the internet.

    • Veronica Mars

      My dog is on Purina HA after having similar digestive issues. When I chatted with a vet friend about it, she was skeptical that the powder actually did anything (the probiotic powder) but that the diet would be good for him and very gentle on the tummy. I don’t think his food is all that much more expensive than the very nice dog kibble I’d get him on Amazon (maybe $20 more or so); and a $75 bag lasts him a long time. I’ve never switched him off the HA formula. I guess I could, but he loves it and his coat became so much shinier and healthier after he was on it for a few months. So I think it’s worth it for a happy, bouncy puppy.

      • Anon

        I may have had some success with a probiotic powder for a cat with IBD. I started using it more as an appetite stimulant since he was reluctant to eat. But his symptoms have improved a lot since starting it (after months and months of plateau).

        I think the price is outrageous, but I guess it’s worth it.

    • Elderlyunicorn

      Dogs do need need more than just protein for a healthy, balanced diet. Grain-free diets have also been linked to heart disease in dogs. You can certainly make your own dog food – it’s easy to do and reasonably inexpensive (compared to some other commercially made food). However, I’d recommend doing some research and yes, consulting with a nutritionist for your dog’s specific needs In the long run, what you spend on a quality diet, you’ll save in vet bills.

      https://acvn.org/nutrition-resources/

    • Anon

      I hate that pet food companies include inflammatory ingredients and then offer very high cost prescription diets for GI inflammation. It seems like a bit of a scam. Wild dogs eat “whole prey,” and no, they aren’t exclusive carnivores; they eat other stuff too. Just feeding muscle meats and eggs risks issues like the cardiac issues some dogs have been getting on meat-based commercial foods. So just winging it on the diet isn’t a good idea. However, there are recipes if you want to try taking more control over ingredients.

      • Vicky Austin

        I was gonna say, I know my dog eats a ton of random plants just because he finds them interesting.

    • doglover

      My dog had similar symptoms (constant loose stools/diarrhea) and it turned out to be protein sensitivity. As I understand it she’s has a mild food allergy to many proteins. We now feed her a white fish food (Royal Canin selected protein) and she’s fine. Two additional pieces of information: our vet had us feeding her white rice and chicken, and when we ran out of chicken and she ate rice for a day or two she got a lot better. Also, we adopted her at about a year old and she had these symptoms from the beginning. I don’t know if that is typical or not. Also, our first vet didn’t figure this out, so it might be worth a second opinion. If in the Chicago area I recommend Carlson Animal Hospital.

      • Chicken

        Chicken sensitivity in dogs is actually fairly common and can cause loose stools and yeasty ears. Always check the label of foods as some foods can be bound by chicken fat, even if chicken is not listed on the front of the kibble bag/treat.

    • Raw Food

      I am sorry this is going on. I’ve been there, but with skin issues for my girl. After $$$$$ and the hydrolyzed protein diet (truly smells like vomit, ha), I did more research and found a hollistic vet who supported raw feeding. A few thoughts:

      – If you have to feed kibble, you should look to brands like Acana and Orijen. I found Pet Fooled to be a good primer on cheap kibble and potential issues that can affect your dog.
      – Make sure your pup is not sensitive or allergic to poultry. This is actually fairly common and most types of food you can find at a non-specialty store (cheaper kibbles and treats) have some kind of chicken fat binding (even if not a chicken flavored food). Novel proteins are great! My girl gets super yeasty in ears and body when I feed chicken/eggs. Sensitivity can also show up as loose stools.
      – Raw feeding is the best thing that ever happened to our girl. She’s a different dog—so healthy (per vet and also visually looks super young) and perfect poops. Raw feeding has not necessarily been cheaper, but she is super healthy and we can’t put a price tag on that. DIY raw is a little cheaper, but if you buy raw from specialty shops, it’s expensive. For us, the math works b/c we spent about $5,000 on dermatological care from a conventional vet that was fully fixed by switching her away from chicken and to pre-made raw food. The suggestions from the vet were meds for life + hydrolyzed food.
      – To answer your question, yes, you can feed your dog those meats (though I would steer away from chicken), but it does have to be a balanced diet. There are lots of great resources to explore these options and work with veterinarian nutritionists. Note that there are various types of raw feeding (e.g., full prey/prey model raw, biologically appropriate raw feeding (BARF), etc.). Some good places to start are: The Farmer’s Dog; Perfectly Rawsome (they make custom meal plans for you and your dog!), Raw Feed Miami, working with a local holistic vet.
      – This is a contentious topic for a lot of people and vets. Some people truly believe dogs should only eat kibble.

    • anonymous

      My family’s dog was allergic to chicken (which is the main ingredient or at least an ingredient in dog food). We bought him fish-based dog food (kibble) and the diarrhea went away.

    • Anonymous

      I’m dealing with a vomiting situation now, so I commiserate. For a long time,I was dealing with soft stools and had solved that with eliminating chicken, beef and grains. He eats farmina quinoa line and some ziwi peak. But we may have to try something else.

      If you are in the US, there is a brand called Just Food for Dogs. They sell fresh cooked dog food as well as the supplements to add to their recipes if you want to make your own food. I live in Canada, and can’t order their food, but can order their supplements and make my own, which I may do.

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