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Coffee Break: Quiver Flat

Coffee Break |

graphic pointy flatsThese pointy-toed graphic flats from French Sole look amazing — I love all the colors they’re offered in, but particularly the black/white (pictured) and the pink/gold. The designs make them fun and interesting, while the shape makes them sleek and chic. Nice. They’re $180 at Zappos, available in sizes 6-11. French Sole Quiver (L-all)

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Comments

  1. Used car

    Attempting to re-post this since I believe my post the other day disappeared forever. I’m looking for help in finding a used car for 10K or less – my husband and I have never owned and don’t even really know the best way to go about the process. I guess we’d like to start by making a spreadsheet of possible makes and models to consider. Can anyone recommend a decently safe hatchback (AWD preferred) that could be had for that price? Any tips you have for the process would be appreciated too. TIA!

    • Anonymous

      I LOVE my Suzuki SX4 – hatchback, turns on a dime, super easy to park and comes in an AWD version. I think Suzuki stopped selling cars in North America though so 2013 was the last model year. I still get great service at the Suzuki dealership that now sells Suzuki recreational vehicles (motorcycles etc).

    • Anon

      My car was totaled in a hit-and-run accident in November, and I had about the same budget.
      Shop around on the internet, but consider buying a pre-ownedcar from a dealership. They will often times offer you a limited warranty and service plan, which will be a godsend if you buy a pre-owned car.
      Check out the Honda Fit and Toyota Matrix. Either make should fit your budget. I have a 2005 Matrix, and I love it. It’s far from fancy, but it’s roomy and reliable.

    • Anonymous

      You should check out an older used Prius. They are super safe, you should be able to find some in that price range.

      • In the Pink

        Same for Subaru. We love our Forester and all Subaru have AWD.

        When we sold a different car to the Car Max place, we were impressed with their staff and services. You might check there as well.

        • Bewitched

          Very difficult to buy a used Subaru for $10K. We bought one for that price a couple of years ago, it was a 2008 and had over 100,000 miles on it. Sure, I know they should go to 200,000 or more, but it’s not a car I’d want to drive every day and we’ve already put quite a bit of money into it for repairs.

    • No to Kia

      Others may have had a different experience but I would NEVER own another Kia! My husband had a used 2005 Kia that he bought in 2007. During its lifetime with us, the latch that holds the driver’s side door FELL OFF while we were driving, so the door opened at 40 mph. (Most doors have this latch as part of the main body, not held on by two bolts), a fuse that controlled all of the electronic features (power windows, radio, dashboard light) blew every time the driver’s window was lowered, the back door didn’t lock because the mechanism broke, decorative parts of the car fell off (like the strip of metal/plastic that ran along the doors). I could go on. Don’t get a Kia!

      • HSAL

        Although I think they’ve improved, I refused to ever buy a Kia when, years ago, they had a promotion where if you bought a minivan, you got a Rio for free. Not a B1G1 that should exist.

      • lost academic

        I 100% empathize with your feeling and in the same place as you I would likely think the same, but remember – that was 10 years ago. It’s a long time as these things go.

        • Meg Murry

          Everyone I know with a newer Kia has made heavy use of the extended warranty – I just don’t trust a product that has to offer such a heavy warranty that gets so much use.

          I’m hoping their 2016 products are better than the 2005 products, but I still don’t think they have the reliability of any of the American or Japanese automakers yet.

    • Mpls

      Consumer Reports usually has a car review guide – check your local library, as the online resources are behind a paywall, or find someone with a subscription. They will give you ratings on the different makes and models and the features within those models. That should help you figure out they types of vehicles you could target.

      Websites like Edmunds dot com and KBB (Kelly blue book) will help you determine price ranges for vehicles, for both private party or dealerships in your area.

      I’ve been the owner of a Saturn (11 years, S-series) and a Mazda (1.5 year, CX-5) and have been happy with both. No new Saturns anymore, but they may be out in the used market.

      • CKB

        Last year we traded in our Saturn for aMazda. Loved the Saturn, but I would advise against buying a used one. We were told that not only are the cars not being made anymore, but the parts aren’t either.

        Love, love our Mazda. Would buy another in a heartbeat.

      • Coach Laura

        Not only does Consumer Reports have a car review guide, it has the ultimate used car guide. The annual car issue (April? may be on news stands now) gives makes and models to avoid (by year going back say 5 years) and gives a breakdown of cars/model/year of good cars with strong records, by dollar range (e.g. $5,000-10,000; $10,000 to $15,000) by year going back say 10-12 years. I have found our last four vehicles this way (teenagers needing cars for college). I do find that the range is a little off; YMMV In my area, Seattle, cars cost a bit more than the range indicates.

        After I find a car, before I test drive it I ask: Is this a clear title or a salvage/rebuilt title (that’s where the insurance company has totaled the vehicle – this reduces the value and some states may have difficulty licensing). Some people will lie but you can always check it with carfax or something like that before you buy. I would say avoid salvage titles.

        Then I look for one-owner cars with less than 50,000 miles on them – not always a little old lady but possibly: My dad just gave my son his 1998 car with <90,000 miles. Even better if they have records of maintenance/ oil changes. (Pretty rare these days.) Pay for the carfax at this point – cheap investment of $25 if you have to pay.

        Then after a test drive, I take the car to my favorite mechanic. Tell your salesperson or the car owner that you need to take it for the morning and make an appointment with the mechanic. If you don't have a favorite mechanic check the AAA website (you don't have to be a member) or the CarTalk Guys (from NPR) site – google "CarTalk mechanics files" to find user-recommended shops in your area. My shop is currently listed on both AAA and CarTalk. Have them give the car a "used car buying check" and listen to what they say. Obviously pass on big repairs. They'll tell you if something has been replaced (e.g. replaced transmission), if original parts are still there (e.g. an original timing belt may need replacing), how much wear is left on breaks (1-6 mos, 6-12 mos etc), and if the transmission, steering, break fluid are clean or dirty.

        Then ask your mechanic if it was for his/her kid, would he/she buy the car at $9,500 or whatever the price is. If they say yes, then you have done all you can to buy a good used car and not a lemon.

        For long-lasting cars, Honda Accord or Civics are my favs.

        I find it a very tiring process but worth it.

        • MargaretO

          +1 – this is exactly how I bought my used car and I am super happy with it. I was basically deciding between a very small number of honda and toyota models after doing my research. Time consuming but so worth it to have a reliable car that is cheap to maintain.

        • Coach Laura

          Just read that you want a hatchback – my sister loves her Honda Fit.

          Also, really miss the edit function: Brakes not Breaks! Twice!

    • lucy stone

      The Mazda 6 wagon was the bomb but is sadly no longer made. I have a Mazda 3 hatchback and it’s great.

    • Anon

      I would look for an older AWD Toyota Rav4. If you can do without AWD, then I would look for either a Honda Civic or Accord, depending on the amount of space you need/want.

  2. Anonymous

    NYC ladies: We stumbled on the Peter Elliot Outlet on Lexington this weekend, and they’re having a huge sale. I’d never heard of the brand, but it’s super expensive Italian clothes for men and women, and I got some crazy good deals! Wanted to give y’all a heads up.

  3. Eva

    Does anyone know whether a guy will date you if you know he knows you’ve been with his cousin?

    • seriously?

      Yeah, let me just put that question into my Universal Man Behavior Modeling Algorithm and I’ll let you know what comes up.

      Ellen? Are you drunk and mistyped your name?

      • Anonymous Poser

        Heh, +100 for “Universal Man Behavior Modeling Algorithm”.
        The Ellen question is seconded.

    • Anon

      I know I shouldn’t respond seriously to this. . . however, I “hooked up” with my husband’s cousin a few times my freshman year of college. We didn’t figure this all out until many years later after my husband and I had been dating for a while and I went with him to a family reunion, haha! We all kind of had a laugh about it, but there were no hurt feelings. My husband and I have been married 10 years now and this cousin moved back to our area a couple years ago and we see him regularly at family events.

    • Waaay anon for this one

      My sister in law briefly dated (and slept with) my husband before she started dating and later married his brother. It was when they were freshmen in college. We all went to college together, and my SIL was one of my sorority sisters.

      I think its gross and weird and I’ve always been vaguely concerned that I’m going to have one drink too many at Christmas and refer to it, but its been 15 years since its happened and we’re all reasonable adults, happily married to our respective partners, and all pretend it never happened.

      So… I guess what I’m saying is that anything is possible.

      • Anonymous

        You just need to sleep with your husband’s brother and then you’re even!

      • I can make you feel better?

        I know someone who is moving in with a woman who used to “hook up” with his sister.

    • MU JD

      I feel like this question should come with people chanting “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” in the background.

  4. SC

    Can anyone recommend earbuds or headphones that don’t fall out when you work out? I’ve tried multiple types of earbuds, but so far, everything seems to fall out even when walking or using the elliptical.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      Nerdy, but get the ear buds that wrap around your ear as well, like a circa 2000 Discman. I have super small ears and earbuds always fall out because they never actually fit in my ear, they just perch.

    • Mpls

      I have a bluetooth pair that have a separate rigid re-positional plastic piece I can wedge into the ridges in my ear. Can hurt after a while, but haven’t had the earbuds fall out yet.

    • mascot

      An over the ear/ ear hook headphone is the way to go. I also think they are safer for being able to hear noise around you.
      Based on a recommendation here, I just got a pair of Plantronics Backbeat fit wireless headphones and really like them so far. They don’t have a lot of noise bleed like some over the ear headphones have, but I can still hear ambient noise around me. They stay in place for running and lifting weights.

      • JJ

        I have the Plantronics and LOVE them. I’ve worn them for almost two years now, at least 4 times a week, for workouts and they’ve never fallen out or cut out.

    • Anonymous

      Somebody here recommended yurbuds. I got a refurbished pair for $15 on amazon. Work so far for me for running and lifting.

      • CKB

        I really like my yurbuds. They have women specific models with smaller ear covers. And I love that I can still hear ambient noise since I run outside and it’s a safety issue.

      • New Tampanian

        I love love love my yurbuds. I’ve had them for years.

        I love them so much that I recently bought a pair of their women’s wireless earbuds (on ebay for like $40 – wahoo!). The wireless ones take a bit of getting used to but they are also great.

      • Monte

        Based on a rec here in the last week or two, I got some yurbuds, and so far so good. I haven’t run very long yet (45-60 min), but they haven’t budged and I could actually hear traffic around me as I ran, which as CKB mentions is critical for safety.

  5. Family Size Disagreement

    Cross-posting from the mom site: Seeking advice… I am 36, have a 3 year old daughter, and would love to have one more child soon. The problem my husband is decidedly in the “one and done” camp. I had a difficult delivery and these early years have been hard on him- he is a great father, but has a demanding job and gets very stressed by parenting and all that it entails. He seems most anxious about the time & money commitments of parenthood-although we make plenty of money and have enviable flexibility in our schedules.

    He has refused couples counseling and won’t talk to me about the topic of another child. I recently wrote him a letter to simply start a conversation about the topic so that we can move forward. Now he is barely speaking to me and is basically shut down. I don’t know how to proceed. I think he is processing his feelings, but I am just so sad by the entire situation. Advice? Anyone else been in this situation?

    • Anonymous

      I haven’t been through this but I know how frustrating it is to have a partner shut down on you. If he is totally against the idea of having another child, then in his mind the answer is no and there’s nothing else to talk about. He probably feels like the only thing to be gained by talking about it is hurt feelings. He doesn’t want to lead you on with the appearance that he’s willing to consider it and ultimately tell you no. Explain that you’re not trying to convince him to do something he doesn’t want to do, you’re trying to feel heard. Even if the answer is ultimately “no” you need to feel like the two of you made the decision together, not that he just shut you down.

    • Anonymous

      On the number of kids issue, my thought is that the person who wants fewer kids wins. Having a(nother) kid is a huge thing and I don’t think it should be done unless both parents are fully onboard (mostly for the sake of the kid, but also for the sake of the marriage). But I think the fact that he is refusing to talk about this and has basically shut down is the bigger issue. I would go to counseling alone even if he won’t go with you. (Not that this gives him the right to refuse to discuss the issue, but I’m curious – did you agree to one kid before marriage? Or did you talk about two or leave it up in the air?)

      • Anonymous

        +1 on both points–the one who wants fewer kids wins, but your husband should not refuse to talk about it with you and acknowledge both of your feelings on the issue.

        But I am not sure that it matters whether you agreed before marriage to limit yourselves to one kid. Having children is so difficult that it’s not realistic to try to predict how many you can handle until you’ve actually had one.

        • Anon85

          But it sounds like they HAVE talked about it and he’s made his thoughts known. How does continually talking about it help? Just to batter him down until he agrees?

          I don’t know why her desire to have children is worth more than his desire to not.

    • Anonymous

      Sounds like you’re bullying him. He has said how he feels, repeatedly. Start listening. He does not want another child. That doesn’t mean something is wrong with him.

      If you want couples counseling to deal with the him shutting down you pushing dynamic but I think the kid answer is, sadly, clear. No more.

      • Anon85

        This +100. He has made it plain what he wants. Why are you trying to get him to go to therapy? To convince him otherwise?

        If my husband wrote me a letter about wanting a child when he knew all along I didn’t want another one, I would be so furious, both at ignoring my thoughts, badgering me and being passive aggressive and writing a note.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yep. I think the person who wants the fewest children wins, and I think you are being disrespectful to him by trying to badger him into changing his mind.

    • Anonymous

      Obviously it’s water under the bridge now, but in my opinion, in a husband/wife relationship, the idea of writing a letter to discuss something like this is probably not the best option. It can make what should be very much a two-sided discussion with negotiation very one-sided and I would think may have put him on the defense immediately. What were your discussions on this pre-first kid? Did you say “one and we’ll see how it goes,” or “two”? I’m not fully on board with the idea that “the one who wants fewer kids controls,” but I do think it’s important to discuss all the reasons someone wants fewer.

      • Anonymous

        When involved in emotional “discussions” I find it easier to write letters. It’s not about making it one-sided, it’s about being able to get my point across without getting emotional. It’s also about allowing the other party to start and stop my argument as he sees fit without escalating the emotions. Eventually, he can get through everything, but doesn’t have to hear it come tumbling out while I cry/yell/etc. It also allows me to stay focused on the discussion at hand instead of veering off to other slights or issues that can come up when one of us is upset.

        Letters allow some of us to say emotional things more rationally.

        As an aside, my mother, who was an only child, was adamant that I needed to have none or more than one. She was never lonely growing up, but when her parents were old and sick she hated having that responsibility by herself and was sad that she mourned them alone when they died. Having one child is about the parents, but it is also about the child.

        • Anonymous

          But do people know you’re writing them a letter to discuss something, or do you just drop a letter on them? If my husband came to me with a letter out of the blue, whether about something we’d previously been discussing or not, unless it was a love letter, I would freak the F out on him. Different strokes, but I think it’s a terrible way to work a marriage. Or discuss something other than a termination of a relationship.

        • Calico

          Just my 2 cents, I have siblings and am still the only one taking care of my sick mother. I completely resent them for it. It would be a lot easier if I was an only b/c I would have expected this.

          • Anonymous

            +1 My mom has a sibling and is doing 100% of the care of her mom, who has dementia. When the sibling shows up, it’s to interfere or challenge my mom’s decisions. Makes me very grateful I’m on an only. I know I will do 100% of the care but at least I won’t have anyone interfering.

          • Senior Attorney

            Yep. I had horrible relationships with my siblings and that is one of many reasons I am happy my son is an only.

          • Caregiver

            I have two siblings and I am the only one taking care of my parents. I resent my siblings for this and my parents despair.

            Pretty sure that my parents will be remembering this sorry state of affairs in their respective wills, and pretty sure that my selfish siblings will basically cut me off as a result.

        • Anonymous

          That’s nice, but you don’t just get to do what’s easiest for you with no repercussions.

        • Anonymous

          I have a brother, we have a horrible relationship, and everything regarding my parents is 100% on me. Having more than one child is no guarantee of anything.

      • lawsuited

        Even if pre-children OP and her husband did agree to have two, that was in the abstract before they actually knew what being parents would look like for them day to day. If OP’s husband has changed his mind in light of the new information he has now that he is a parent, I don’t think OP can hold him to his previous agreement. In that sense, I think every couple who agrees that they want children agrees to have one and see how it goes.

    • lawsuited

      It sounds like you’ve had some conversation about it, because you’ve somehow come to understand that he only wants one child and his reasons for that (financial and time commitments related to raising children). He may be reticent to start a “conversation” that is really about you convincing him that he should want another child when he already knows he doesn’t. You really can’t and shouldn’t convince to someone to have children that they don’t want to have. I think the only course of action is for you to let go, and process your own feelings of not having another child (maybe in counselling, maybe not).

    • Anonymous

      I mean, I am not married and don’t have kids, but don’t you think the dead horse has been sufficiently beaten?

    • CPA Lady

      Sigh. I want 2 and my husband is 1 and done. I’ve accepted it and I’m working on being okay with it. I just keep thinking that a child knows if it is wanted or not. I’m not going to bring an unwanted child into the world and blow up my marriage in the process– so, I’m going to be happy with my sweet little girl and try to get past the “what ifs”.

      It is difficult and sad, but I think you need to figure out whether you prioritize your marriage over a hypothetical second child. If you don’t, then get divorced and get pregnant on your own. If you do, then it’s probably time to stop pushing your husband to agree with you.

      Also the book “One and Only” by Lauren Sandler helped me embrace the idea of having an only.

      • Anonymous

        A child definitely knows if it’s wanted. It also knows if its parent(s) wanted more kids – I’m an only who loved it and I have lots of only friends who also loved being onlies, because our parents were all enthusiastically “one and done.” I have one friend who was sad about being an only child, and her parents had struggled to conceive and had several miscarriages after her. One of the best things you can do for your daughter is convey your enthusiasm for one & done to her (even if it’s not really true deep down).

        • AIMS

          My dad didn’t want kids and I never felt it growing up but my mom went out of her way to make me feel very loved and never neglected (why she felt the need to disclose any of this to me as I became an adult, I’ll never know but whatever, I’m well-adjusted anyway). My mom’s philosophy was that she wanted a child and she was going to have a child and she was going to make it as easy on my dad as possible – not something that most women would be able to pull off but she did, was happy doing it because that was her choice, and my dad was fine with it and I never felt unwanted in any way. Obviously, this probably wouldn’t work for OP as her husband already feels stressed by having one kid. Agree that whatever you end up doing, make your daughter feel loved just as she is.

          I will say I don’t read OP’s post as her being unreasonable about wanting to discuss this. It’s not clear to me that they already talked this to death and she is just refusing to move on. It sounds like he said no and I don’t want to talk about it, period, and she is trying to be heard. Unless they’ve already discussed this a bunch, I’d be pretty p*ssed off that my partner just refuses to talk to me about something this important.

          • Anonymous

            Interesting. I am in almost exactly the same boat (mom wanted me, was super loving, dad was fine with it but didn’t actively want kids), except I definitely noticed that my dad didn’t want me, and our relationship suffered for it. He wasn’t a terrible parent, but he wasn’t emotionally close with me, and although he spent a reasonable amount of time with me each day, it was in designated “Dad time” that he carved out. Beyond that designated time, he made it pretty clear he didn’t really want to interact with me. He was openly resentful of the fact that I came along on family vacations and to this day one of my strongest memories of my childhood is that each time we were taking a vacation he said to my mom “Can this be the one where [kid] doesn’t come along?” To be fair, my mom refused to leave me behind EVER and I think it probably would have been better for all involved if they’d had an adults only vacation once in a while. A lot of his resentful comments towards me, including those, were half-joking, but they still stung and impacted our relationship long term. He is not a horrible human being and he certainly wasn’t a *terrible* parent, but he wasn’t a good one either and we are not close. And it’s a big part of why I’m currently struggling with the decision to have kids. I think I do want one, but not as much as I think most women do, and I’m worried that my sort of blaze attitude about kids will make me parent like my father.

          • OP on Family Size Disagreement

            Thank you all for your thoughtful replies so far. Just a few clarification points; we have had a few discussions, but they were always tense and we never resolved anything. My hubby has said that he is willing to do this if it is something I want deeply. I dropped the issue because I did not want to bully him and have waited approximately 6 months before raising the issue again. I get a sense of passive resistance from him and feel as though he is hoping that if we wait long enough, time will decide for us. We otherwise have a strong relationship and relatively good communication. I should have probably prefaced the letter before just giving it to him. My hope was that it would allow me to express my feelings and to encourage a conversation. Specific advice on how to proceed from here? Anyone decide not to have kids and deeply regret it?

          • Anon in NYC

            I agree with the second paragraph. OP – I don’t have any advice, but *hugs*. Having or not having children can be such an emotional choice (as well as a practical one), and you are entitled to have a conversation with your husband about it. It’s horrible that he’s shutting you out. If this is not a normal pattern for him, I’d consider individual counseling at a minimum. You’ll need a place to process whether your desire for more children is greater than staying in your marriage, or how to stay in your marriage while you grieve not having a second child.

          • Anon in NYC

            Oh, and now to respond to your follow up, I think you just need to say something to him. Like, “I wrote you that letter because I want to discuss having a second kid with you, and I feel really emotional about it and I wanted to make sure that I wrote everything that I felt out so that I didn’t forget anything in the middle of the conversation. I’m sorry if you feel like it came out of left field, but this has been weighing on my mind for months, and I really want us to have some conversations about it. I feel like you’re shutting me out.”

            FWIW, I totally sympathize about the letter because writing stuff out helps me too, but if this is not your norm and/or this topic was a bit out of the blue, I can imagine that your husband felt blindsided. Also, I get a little bit of an accusatory tone from your post – like, your husband is denying you a second child – and if that came across in the letter, I can imagine he feels a little defensive. Again, hugs.

          • Anon in NYC

            Sorry to be all over this thread, but I wanted to add something else: your husband seems to be telling you what he wants. Which is that he’s not very enthused about having a second baby but that he’ll do it for you if you really want it. Maybe you should be asking yourself what you want. Do you want your husband to, in a sense, “take one for the team,” or do you want him to be enthusiastic about having a second kid? If you want him to be enthusiastic, you may be asking too much of him.

    • Anon for this

      You have my sympathies–this is a really hard situation. I’ve been in a very similar place for years. I wanted a third, and he did not. We have a very strong, long, happy marriage with great communication, lots of respect and support going both ways, and this issue nearly ended it for us. It is literally the only thing we have truly fought over in 13 years of married life. We understood each other’s positions and respected them, just didn’t agree. I tried to accept it for ~5 years after our youngest was born, truly struggled to come to terms with it and accept that our family was complete, went years without bringing it up with him–but for me, the longing did not go away. At all. I’m an analytical person and I usually hate sayings like this, but sometimes the heart wants what it wants. The number of children you choose to bear and raise is so personal and visceral. It became personally hurtful to me that he didn’t want another–we are happy, have enough resources and space, and love raising our children, and his saying No More felt like a rejection of us and what we’re doing currently (this was *my personal feeling* and I don’t need it validated).

      I can’t understand why someone would criticize you for writing a letter–every couple communicates differently, and you know what works in yours. Also, to the people who write breezily that the person who wants the least number of children wins the argument–come on. This isn’t a situation solved by a cute slogan. If OP could shrug off the desire for another child, then she would have. No one wants to bring an unloved child, or to break up her marriage just to make a point. She’s struggling with a very difficult, very human issue, and a bit of empathy might help you see that.

      In my case, my husband struggled to articulate one reason why he was opposed. When he said it was a question of finances, we talked about that. When he said it was nervousness about age (because guess what! I had gotten older, and resentful that he was just going to let the time run until it wasn’t an option anymore, just like you, in the years that I set rhe issue aside), I set up a meeting for us with a genetic counselor to talk about the risks. When he said he was concerned about my health, I started researching adoption until we decided together that it wasn’t for us.

      He’s a fantastic, involved, hands-on father with a ton of energy, and we’ve been really good about splitting parenting and career obligations evenly. All along, he said conflicting things, like how much he adored being a father, and if a baby were suddenly to appear in our lives, it would be great, etc. We both found the early years exhausting and draining. When our youngest was about to turn 6, things had become easier logistically, and I brought it up again, told him that I had struggled to make peace with his position, and that I wasn’t there yet, and that it was a really, really big deal for me. We were locked in a very painful, awful time. He reconsidered. We tried for about 7 months and got very lucky. I’m 27 weeks along now, and will be 43 when I deliver. He’s been nothing but enthusiastic since I conceived, and when I said something about how it took many years and tears to get here, he said oh that’s ancient history. I know him very very well, and I know our union, and I know that he is truly excited and happy for the third one now.

      I have no advice, just sympathy. To me, your husband’s shutting down isn’t a great sign–you guys have to be able to talk about this to resolve it. You probably aren’t going to be able to wake up next week and say, “yeah, forget it,” and neither will he. It’s painful and won’t necessarily resolve things, but you have to have a way to talk about it and respect each other. It’s awful not to be on the same page as your partner on something this fundamental. I’ll be sending good thoughts your way.

  6. Paging Morning Sickness

    I know a few people mentioned this on the morning thread, but please consider talking to your doctor about Diclegis (which is basically a combo of B6 and Unisom). As others noted, it was approved by the FDA in 2013 and has been approved in Canada for many years. It has been a game-changer for me! I feel like a brand-new person since I started talking it. I will note – my insurance wouldn’t cover it without pre-authorization and I’ve heard others say their insurance wouldn’t cover it at all. It is really expensive (~$450 a month for me), but absolutely worth the price. Also, check with your doctor to see if they have samples — My doctor has given me over a month of samples which really helped put a dent in the cost.

    • Anonymous

      Yes! Saved me. I always said it was worth it’s weight in gold, which was a good thing because it cost me that much. Docs were very comfortable with me taking a dosage on the higher end and seemed to indicate it seemed safer than zomig.

    • Anonymous

      I did the bootleg thing in 2013 when it wasn’t readily available in the U.S. — a certain amount of B-6 plus I think a half Unisom — and it worked for me. Cheaper than $450 a month. You’d want to talk with a doctor/nurse/midwife to get the right dosage, but I’m sure someone can help.

    • Shopaholic

      Amazon is a pain to online browse but I’ve had good luck googling or searching on amazon and often finding something that’s still full-price elsewhere seriously marked down.

    • Aurora

      Love these shoes – thanks so much for the tip! It’s always an extra treat when Amazon has good prices, but I’m also guilty of sometimes paying slightly more for something on Amazon just because the shipping and returns are so much easier for me than getting it elsewhere online.

  8. emeralds

    I just found out that my apartment has bedbugs. My landlord is being super helpful and we’re starting treatment this week. But I need someone to tell me that I can get through this.

    Also, practical tips for living out of ziploc bags for two weeks.

    • Anonymous

      You can live through it! Bed bugs are definitely something that have to be dealt with swiftly, but the odds that you will take them to your car or office or elsewhere are very, very slim. And thankfully they don’t spread disease. Good luck!

    • lawsuited

      So, I had a bed bug scare a while back (it turned out I had gotten the bites somewhere else and not brought any home with me – thank goodness) but I was still doing the ziplock bag routine for about a week. My husband and I washed and tumble-dried all our clothes, but them in ziplocks. Then picked out 3 outfits each to keep out in our closets (apparently bed bugs are unlikely to get into hung clothes, and just continually wore and washed those outfits until we found out there were no bed bugs.

    • LAH

      I work for a very large pest control company and we do a lot of bed bug work, you can get through this. It is a scary thing to go through, but this is treatable! Have they inspected your apartment? Canine really is the most reliable but if you are not the infected apartment or directly adjoining, visual inspections are often done instead. There are many treatment options; thermal is fastest and best but expensive, but cryonite and chemical is also effective, with follow up treatments. If you think you have them in your apartment you can put your clothes in the dryer at high heat for 30-45 minutes. The hardest thing to do is stay in your bedroom! Bed bugs follow your body heat and if you change rooms they will find you and then you’ll have them in more than 1 room. Feel free to email me if you have any questions about the treatments being provided,

      • emeralds

        Thanks so much. I found a bug while changing my sheets last night, and then the exterminators confirmed it today. I think they’re doing chemical treatments, not heat. I know people deal with this all the time but it seems like so much to handle, especially since I really value peace, tranquility, and order in my living space. But I’lol survive.

    • Anonymous

      They can get into papers. When my parents got bed bugs, they’d been in a bunch of family photos and records kept near a bed. We sealed those items up in vaccum sealable bags and left them sealed for over a year – anything you cant bear to throw out can be sealed and stored. Also, it’s a good time to throw out anything not worth saving. If you have pets or small kids, be careful with the chemicals.

  9. KM

    Going to be in Chicago this weekend for a wedding. I grew up in Milwaukee so have been there a lot but looking for offbeat/cool things to see and do. Would appreciate any recs!

    • Chicago gal

      Chicago architectural society boat tour. Then walk to Millenium park, just to see the Bean, which is cool.

      Grab lunch in an interesting neighborhood, like cheap tasty tacos in Pilsen. Then jump on the train and go for a walk in the new park built on an abandoned elevated train line (The 606). Maybe have dinner in another fun neighborhood. Cafe Lula in Logan Square.

      • Sydney Bristow

        This boat tour was my favorite thing to do during my trip to Chicago a couple of years ago.

    • Serafina

      – Get a Peking Duck and Sun Wah BBQ
      – If you’re into whiskey – tour the Koval distillery (I highly recommend this – it’s low-key and education, plus for the cheap entry price you get a taste of all their whiskeys)
      – If you’re into beer – tour the Goose Island or Lagunitas brewery
      – Do a beer and bacon tasting at Paddy Long’s (can you tell I like to eat and drink?)
      – El Circo Cheapo cabaret (might be too late for tickets to this)
      – Watch the turtle racing at Big Joe’s
      – See the butterflies at the Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum
      – For improv, try to go beyond Second City – The Improvised Shakespeare Company is great, and I’ve heard good things about Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind
      – If you’re here on the second Friday of the month – check out the Pilson art walk

      • KM

        Wow, great list. Thanks so much! Definitely will check out the drinking options! And I’m intrigued by a cabaret, will see if there are still tickets.

    • Moonstone

      How soon? You’ll get a lot of recommendations for the CAF River Tour, but it does not start until April (not sure of the date).

    • Anonymous

      Make sure you go on the architectural boat tour specifically, not the other generic boat tours. They’re not as good.

  10. Tax Q

    I moved this year. I made one pre-move trip to my new locale during which I interviewed for one job and went house hunting. That trip resulted in a job offer that I accepted and an accepted offer on a house. I know house hunting is not deductible but job related expenses are. How much of this trip can I write off? 100% 50%? none?

    • Ellen

      Yay! I love these shoe’s, Kat, and apologise again for being late to the party. The manageing partner is pressuring me to bill more now that I took off to visit with Grandma Leyeh. Frankly, all of this billeing is getting to me.

      As for the OP, I spoke to my dad. He says that if the expense is DIRECTLY Related to your job, then you can deduct it. So if your expenses would NOT have been incurred “but for” you goeing for a new job, you can deduct it. Dad know’s someone at the IRS, so I would trust that. He gave me this link, so you can trust him.
      https://www.irs.gov/uac/Job-Search-Expenses-Can-be-Tax-Deductible

      Dad deducted ALL of the expenses I incur on my job, including those that I incurred when I moved back to NY from DC to take the job serveing supeenies. So if I could do that, then so can you.

      I am SO tired from running back and forth to the Bronx on the 6 line, then takeing a bus to see Grandma Leyeh, that I would prefer that she come stay in Manahattan with me in my office, which has a pullout couch. Of course, I am NOT sure what Dad would have to say b/c that would NOT be useing it for BUSNESS, but I think it would be so much easier if she and her hired help could camp out here until her buinion’s get better. It’s not like I have Sheketovits here any more, or even have a boyfreind at all. I would love to find a boyfreind, but Grandma Leyeh knows no one is interested in dateing me so she even suggested she could come visit for a few days and take in Manahattan once her bunion’s get better.

      How long does it take for Bunion’s to heal? Has anyone in the hive had bunion’s?

      • Anonymous

        Thanks for the rude reply, but that page doesn’t actually answer my question. I’ve looked at the IRS webpage and haven’t been able to find an answer. I was hoping there might be a CPA here who knows off the top of their head.

        • Wildkitten

          I’d only not deduct the extra cost that is exclusively house hunting. Like if you stayed an extra night or rented a car for an extra day.

        • Anonymous

          There isn’t a clear cut answer. How much do you feel is dependable in an audit? How would you be able to apportion your expense in terms of what you spent your time on? If you want a CPA’s input, pay for a CPA to look at it. Nobody is going to be able to give you a useful answer without the specific details.

          You take your best stab at it and hang onto your receipts for 3 years and hope for the best.

    • Meg Murry

      What of the expenses would you have had if you weren’t house hunting? A plane ticket, one day’s meals and hotel, 2 days rental car? Not a CPA, but I’d write off whatever expenses that you would have had anyway as a job hunter and not any extras from staying longer for house hunting (extra meals or nights in a hotel, etc).

      But again, not a CPA, that’s just what I personally would do.

    • Anonymous

      CPA here. Job search experience fall under misc itemized deductions subject to 2% floor. Meaning that if you made $100k, only the expenses that exceed 2% of your income ($2k) would be deductible. You must itemize deductions on Sch A to take the deduction.

      • Anonymous

        Good point, thanks. The job-hunting trip was definitely not more than 2% of our joint income, so it’s a moot point.

  11. Tablet

    I’m thinking about getting my first tablet. I noticed there’s a pretty big price difference for the iPad if you want to be able to use it on your cell phone network. Is it worth it, or should I just get one I can use with wifi? I plan to use it mainly for checking and responding to email. I don’t travel very often.

    • Maddie Ross

      At home, or on the go? If generally at home or in places like coffee shops or in hotel rooms, don’t bother with the data. It’s expensive. If you are using it for work and truly want to use the tablet on the fly (in the car, unlimited use in airports, etc.), then it’s worth it for the data.

    • Chicago gal

      I got a mini iPad, which I prefer size-wise. I debated the same thing. Just get one that you can use with Wifi. This is plenty, especially if you have a smart phone anyway.

      I find that I never use my cell phone anymore for web surfing, as the tablet is so much nicer.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        If you have an iPhone, you can usually turn it into a wireless “hotspot,” which you can then link your iPad to. (Go to Settings, then Personal Hotspot.) I’m pretty sure it’s murder on your data usage, but if you’re only doing it very occasionally, it’s an ok workaround.

        • Anonymous

          I don’t see “Personal Hotspot” under my Settings – is it under some sub-heading? I would LOVE to be able to use my iPhone as a mobile hotspot.

          • Anonymous

            No, it’s just Settings > Personal Hotspot > toggle on or off. It’s right near the top.

          • Anon at 5:33

            So weird, my phone does not have any Personal Hotspot option! I just got a new iPhone 6s too.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            You may have to edit your cell phone plan to enable it – I am on Sprint, and I had to do something with my account online to turn the feature on (I don’t remember exactly what I had to do now, but it was a one-time change and it hasn’t affected the price of my plan).

          • meme

            Call your provider. I have AT&T and had to switch data plans to a shared family plan to get personal hotspots on my phone and my husbands, but it wasn’t a more expensive data plan. We mostly use our iPads at home; when we go on trips and want wifi in the car for them, we use the iPhones for hot spots. We have a 10G data plan and never come close to using it except during months we take long road trips. Then maybe we use 4-8G total. We’ve never once wished we had the iPad with cell data.

          • iPhone user

            On my phone its Settings>Cellular>Personal Hotspot. You might have luck if you look there.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m on my second iPad with just wifi and am fine with that. I actually do travel a few times a year but have only wanted a data signal once or twice. Im just careful to download books and sync movies before leaving. I’m not positive but I think it can be tethered to my phone’s service now. Definitely not worth the price difference in my opinion.

    • Bonnie

      Mini iPad with wifi only here and it meets my needs. I’d get more storage over a cell connection.

    • Runner 5

      I was given an iPad with cellular function in 2011 and retired it at the end of last year never having used it. Stick to Wifi.

    • lawsuited

      It’s not worth it. For the most part, it’s easy to find wi-fi, and on the few occasions I’ve not been able to find wi-fi, I just turn my iPhone into a hotspot and connect that way.

  12. Metro closed 3/16

    Anybody else see the late breaking news that Metro will be closed starting midnight tonight and all day tomorrow?

    Talk about a cluster.

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