Thursday’s Workwear Report: Poise V-Neck Midi Dress

290 Comments

1. I could and would wear this other than the V neck.

   1. Check the web s*te anyway. Universal Standard often has both kinds of styles – a v-neck midi dress, a crew neck midi dress. Heck they might even have have MORE of a scoop neck midi dress

   2. I think the length is very casual. Probably too casual for my fairly formal office.

      1. It’s knee length don’t be silly

         1. It’s past knee length. It’s not about shortness, it’s about the easy-breezy look.

            1. is that the length? To me the fabric seems rather thin and clingy, and that gives the easy breezy look.

            2. Agree that it’s the fabric not the length that’s the non-formal part of this dress.

         2. The responses like these that clutter the comments are almost unbearably dismissive.

   3. The v-neck would probably be fine for me, but the sleeve length is a challenge. I got one of the US t-rex tee shirts in a promotion this year, and I found the sleeves off on my frame. I have broad shoulders, a small bust, and I’m short-waisted for reference. I think they look great on bustier women, but they aren’t for me.

      I am getting ready to try some Universal Standard jeans. My sister bought a few pairs and says they fit well, look cute, and have the best, deepest pockets she’s ever had on a pair of women’s jeans!

      1. They are great! I would size down vs their size chart if you have any doubt and have smaller waist than hips.

         1. Good to know! Thanks Curious. <3

2. How do you internally prep for meeting someone you expect will hate you? Not even you specifically but because of who you’re dating? (Personal, not professional context.) My therapist tells me yes, the first reaction is they will likely be hateful at/about me, but I can’t control their reaction or emotion and the important thing is my fiancé and I are ready to support each other. Over time we can only hope they’ll get used to me and maybe it’ll cool or turn to acceptance.

   1. I mean clearly none of us can possibly give good advice here. I personally choose not to meet people who hate me.

      1. Actually, we might. I knew my in laws would hate me because I wasn’t even close to their preferred choice for their son – I’m a different race, religion, and don’t want kids. It was a tough introductory period and we had a few rocky years (I would not be invited to dinners, I would be told the time was 7 for me but he would be told 5, his mom offered me food that included an allergen). My advice is lean on fiance, be super nice, and know that eventually either this person will accept you or your fiancé will hopefully help you with the boundaries and you two are a team.

   2. Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business. If they hate you, and you’ve done nothing horrendous to them, then that is on them – not you.

      1. +1

   3. Internally I would remind myself what I came to understand about college roommates, after too many movies telling me they would either be my best friends or my worst enemies: “You don’t *have* to be best friends. All you *have* to be is civil and mature.”

      That’s easy for a grown up, so knock it out of the park.

      1. +1

   4. This is going to sound really woo-woo, but a therapist once taught me something that has helped me a lot in situations like this. You know intellectually that this is about the other person, not you, but it’s easy to absorb their energy and feel stressed or upset. So whenever you feel that, press the palms of your hands against some other part of your body. If I’m sitting, I will place my palms on the tops of my thighs and press down. It’s a physical reminder to stay with my own feelings and not take on the other person’s.

      1. +1 to this. and if you are inclined to go next level woo, putting a crystal or rock in my pocket and my spaces helps me remember to stay with my own feelings and not take on the others. I don’t actually believe crystals have specific powers, but ascribing to them this meaning is a helpful physical reminder for me. When I had a particularly toxic coworker who worked in the office next to mine, I got some tiny quartz crystals and dropped them in the corners of my office and told myself that my energy inside my office. Better than nothing.

      2. I use this technique whenever I’m in a tough emotional situation. My therapist called it “grounding yourself in your body” and it’s a great way to interrupt a thought pattern or reaction that’s not going to help me.

      3. My strategy works similarly although I’m sure it will sound really silly. Cats purr both when they are near a friend and when they need a friend. So in a situation like that, my mantra is (no joke) I’m purring, I’m purring.

         I also remember that the other person also sits down to take a dump.

         1. As a cat lady, I love this

   5. I’m…really confused why exactly you are in this situation? If they are going to be hateful to/about you for no reason then it’s your fiances job (if it is their family/friend) to set the expectation ahead of time that if this person cannot be at least (at the VERY least) polite and civil to you then you will not be seeing this person. If they say they will but then become hateful you both leave. I know it sounds easier said than done but seriously, set some boundaries and get used to enforcing them!

      1. My hunch is that it’s her fiance’s ex and that she can’t be avoided because they have kids together. So many hard-and-fast boundaries are hard to apply when shared custody is involved.

         1. Monday, you’re right. I was trying to keep it more general because I thought people may have in-law or other situations to pull from, but it’s exactly this.

            1. Remind yourself that regardless of how nasty the ex may act, it’s a reaction to what you represent to them and not to you as an individual.

         2. Gotcha, that makes more sense.
            If that’s the case I’d absolutely aim for being warm and friendly but not overly familiar and try your best to bite your tongue within reason. I also think you should both decide ahead of time how to handle it if the person turns extra nasty/verbally abusive or (god forbid) physical and how to safely remove yourself/fiance/kids from that situtaion.

         3. I presumed it’s fiance’s kids. I think if it’s kids, that matters, as their brains work differently. And does the person hate you ONLY because of who you’re dating, or were you involved in something that affected them (i.e. an affair that led to divorce or something)? So basically, you need to give more information to get anything more than just speculation here.

   6. Exactly what your therapist said. It’s about them (and I suspect, give the setup, their prejudices). This isn’t about you. If they are hateful, set a boundary.

      Your goal isn’t to get them to like you. Your goal is to set a boundary about appropriate behaviour.

   7. If this is fiance’s kid or ex-wife / partner, you prepare to be the bigger person and be as nice as you can because whether you like it, they are going to be a part of your life. Don’t engage if they start to pick a fight – make your fiance deal with it.

      1. Oof! If you’re engaged already and you’re only now meeting the kids… that’s a hard one for everybody. But the above is good advice. Be the bigger person because you, not the kids, are the one who chose this.

   8. Watch some Selling Sunset and channel any of the women who are dealing with Christine.

      But seriously, why do you have to meet this person?

   9. This sounds like “new girlfriend meeting the kids” after a contentious divorce. If that’s your situation, I’d look to your partner to help lead the situation and support you.

   10. Are these future step kids? Friends? Family? Colleagues? I think it makes a difference.

   11. I make a game of it. I turn into the sweetest, most smiley person on Earth, most lovingly attached to my partner (but not clingy!) I act as if I have no idea they dislike me.

       It may not actually win them over, in fact it probably won’t, but it will sure piss them off.

       Be the opposite of apologetic! You’re in the right here.

   12. Yeah my read on this was future stepkids or something like that, in which I case I highly recommend you read the Atlantic article about “nacho” step parenting method so you can start to communicate as a unit about your role with them from the start.

       If it’s about an adult, I love the advice to fully depersonalize – it’s not about you. Approach the meeting as a sociologist, an external observer trying to analyze the situation. That always helps me!

   13. I agree with the overall advice you have gotten so far, but also . . . Don’t work yourself into a tizzy based on your assumption this is going to go badly. Be open-minded to the idea that it may not, that this person is perhaps not quite as bad as your partner has painted them to be, that they may also be very nervous about the meeting and working hard to make it frictionless. So often these meetings don’t turn out to be the disasters we expect them to be.

       1. Now that you have confirmed it is your fiance’s ex, I am doubling down on this. If you are relying on your fiance to describe what kind of person she is, know that he may not be a reliable narrator here. Also, she may care a lot less about this/him than y’all think. Or she may be terribly jealous and your good behavior will only serve to compound your man’s notion that he is better off now.

   14. It’s stressful to meet the ex. You’re allowed to feel stressed over a stressful situation. Be kind to her, don’t take it personally if she’s unkind, and if you feel defensive or like clapping back just remember that the kids are watching. Remember that she’s just a person and she’s probably nervous too. Approach it with an open mind and try to avoid expecting the worst. Who knows, you might actually get along.

       Try to keep the first interaction brief. Like, you’re around when she picks up the kids. It’ll be less uncomfortable when you have to do something longer like go to the kids swim meet. Follow your fiancé’s lead. He should try to bridge the gap. Come prepared with a list of noninvasive questions to show interest about the kids and an appropriate level of interest about her life.

   15. Don’t let yourself get drawn into an argument/sniping match etc. If the other person makes a rude but harmless comment, ignore it. If they get something wrong that’s important, correct them as politely as possible. Keep your comments nice/bland/impersonal as needed. Personally, I would lean towards being as nice as possible at the first meeting, and course correcting if necessary later.

   16. I really think you need to focus more about how you want to be a stepparent/ co parent. This is a huge undertaking and it seems you’re focused the initial meeting. The initial meeting is a small part of a relationship that’s going to impact your life going forward. I’d get really clear with myself and my partner about what I want that relationship to look like ideally and how you both plan to navigate the (somewhat) predictable bumps in the road.

       I hope that first sentence doesn’t come off as mean or dismissive. I have a really rocky relationship with my mother in law and big picture helps. I can grin and bear it through one (short!) get together at a time OR get crystal clear with my husband and myself about what I want the relationship to look like based on the needs of myself, my husband and my kids ( I’d rather never see her again but it’s not great for my husband and kids if we can’t be in the same room) and let him manage the more predictable scenarios. It puts the individual meeting in context for me.

       I would expect this woman to dislike you. I might game plan what you and your finance do if she insults you. If you’re discussing kids and custody issues do you chime in? Do you answer all her questions about you or can you politely decline to tell her something that feels invasive?

       For me it helps to defer to my husband every time. This took time, I’m used to standing up for myself , but she’s the president of the “dish it out but can’t take it” club and throws a temper tantrum if I defend myself. It’s almost comical but my brain thinks of it like I have no proximal relationship with her and every thing beyond small talk needs to be handled by him. If she texts me that she really wants to come over, she gets a text back from my husband explaining why that doesn’t work. If she insults me or our home or kids or demands I do something I literally say “oh you need your son; one second.” Like he’s the manager at the supermarket checkout overriding an item. I’m not sure that would work for you, especially with coparenting/ stepkids involved but it might help to think of one way to deal with people. My therapist says boundaries can change but I wish I had given my MIL less access to my thoughts and feelings from the beginning.

3. Missed the grad school budget question from yesterday but wanted to chime in with a few things:
   Consider babysitting as a way to bridge the gap if you don’t want to cut anything else. I did this in grad school and now I hire a grad student. I pay $25/hr, cash. It’s fairly easy money because they sit around the pool with my kids and can work/relax while they have lessons and really only need to throw food and water at them every half hour or so. After school Care is in super high demand here. Date nights were my fave as a grad student. Arrive at 6, feed and get kids ready for bed, story, lights out at 8/9 and I got 2 hits to myself. Made $80-100 and was home in time for late night (or bed).

   1. +1. We hired a college kid as a babysitter, and we joked that for the first year, she never met our daughter! (She would get there after our daughter was already in bed, and would spend the next 3 hours on our couch, doing homework while our kid slept. We paid her $22/hour in cash, plus an Uber home)

   2. +1 it’s a long shot, but if you happen to live in St Louis, post a burner email and I’ll hire you for this!

      1. And if you’re in Atlanta, I’ll hire you!

   3. I babysat and pet sat in law school. Easy money if the kids are good.

      I’ve hired babysitters from care (dot) com so that is a good way to find families.

   4. I babysat in law school too. I was literally two years younger than the parents, but it worked with my schedule, it was good money, and I studied as soon as I got the kids to sleep.

4. Paging Anon from yesterday whose neighbor is starting chemo.
   You and your DH sound like wonderful neighbors. Your neighbor will appreciate anything you do for her more than you know. When my mom was undergoing similar treatment, she often did not feel comfortable driving, but she wanted to get out of the house; being shut-in is really hard. I suggest you offer to go to the pharmacy to pick up her meds and then ask if she wants to go. While you’re out, stop for ice cream if she is up for it too. She may want to go with you and just sit in the car because she doesn’t have the energy to get out of the car, but getting out of the house is so helpful mentally. And adding a stop like ice cream can help her eat more calories also. How she feels will change each day and may change within a day. I usually told my mom that I was going to run an errand tomorrow and I’d check with her then to see if she wanted to go with me. Then she knew the possibility was out there but didn’t need to commit until the time that it came up.
   Sweet foods often taste very good to chemo patients. And calories are more important than nutrition. If you want to stock her refrigerator, I suggest the high protein version of Ensure, ice cream, and cookies. We found what she was willing to eat also changed day to day; literally a food that was fine on one day was disgusting on the next. But high protein Ensure, ice cream, and cookies were usually acceptable.

   1. This is excellent advice!

      I think the neighbor has dogs? You could also offer to join her on dog walks if she is up to it (and walk them without her if not). My mom always said that our family dog was a tremendous support to her through chemo; even when she felt crappy, it helped her to shift focus to the dog’s needs and take her on a little walk outside or sit on the porch and let her people watch.

      1. Know your neighbor kind of thing – but if her dogs get along with your dogs, you can always tell her if she knows that she will be away a while (e.g., multiple night hospital stay), the dogs can come over to your house so they won’t be home alone.

         1. Yeah our dogs try to eat each other unfortunately. They are both big “aggressive” breeds and have to stay on opposite sides of the fence.
            Thanks for the continued advice.

   2. This advice is very good.

      If your neighbor is the type who likes to go do things, plan stuff and take her. When my dad was sick my parents did not have the energy to plan outings (like even a date night) and a wonderful friend would propose an activity, and if they said yes she took care of all the logistics (tickets, dinner reservations, route planning, parking, the works). All my parents did was pay their share.

   3. The only thing is neighbor will be immunocompromised, so being in a car with you might be scary as a COVID risk. Consider offering to wear a good-quality (e.g., N-95) mask and have that ice cream outdoors.

      1. +1,000. Please wear an N-95 quality mask any time you’re near her. Getting sick becomes very problematic for someone in treatment. Covid is clearly a risk, but so is a cold or flu.

5. I have taken on a lot of extra responsibilities in the last few years, to the point I’m basically doing a new job. However, the title and salary change to go along with it still haven’t come even though my boss says he’s trying. Is there a way to professionally say I don’t want to continue doing this without the corresponding compensation increase? I work for a huge, household name company that is performing well.

   1. You find a new job.

      1. This

   2. You say what you have here, clearly, and then you likely have to leave. Unfortunately, that’s often the only way.

   3. Yes. It’s called quitting.

   4. I think the way to go about it is to job hunt and leave or, if you really want to stay, try to use a new offer to increase your current comp. Personally, I would get out. It’s been years and your boss is “trying”? You could try one more sit down with your boss, present your case for a promotion and ask for a timeline for a decision, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. Telling your boss you won’t do certain tasks until you get a raise will just blow up that relationship. Leaving for a new job is just business.

   5. I figured leave was the best answer, but the job market has really slowed down in my field. I think I missed the boat and I may be stuck for a while.

      1. No, you’re not. Do not throw in the towel. Keep networking, keep looking.

   6. Years? Time to go.

   7. I remember my sister going through it when they were dangling VP in front of her. They said she had to do “VP level” work for a while to prove herself. She was moved into a role replacing a VP and doing the work, and nothing ever changed.

      Meanwhile they hired two men at or below her experience level right into VP roles while she was still waiting, and had the audacity to say to her that they couldn’t do any promotions right now because of the new hires.

      She sent her resume around to various contacts at other companies and landed a VP role immediately. When she gave notice, the company was all HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US and bitched and moaned about how they had invested so much in training her (sure, Jan) and she was part of their plan to have a more diverse senior leadership team. While she had been excluded from VP comp and “VP and above” meetings and retreats while performing a VP job function because they were being… well I don’t know what they were being, let’s say idiots.

      Her career has really flown since then, and yours will too, OP. Get the heck out of there.

   8. If anything, start to job search. When you ask for a promotion, title bump, raise, bring market comps to the conversation. If they still won’t budge, then you’re likely already interviewing anyway. Never wait until you’re miserable to job search! Start asap!

6. Omg you guys… I have coxsackie. I feel like I’m walking on glass and I haven’t been able to consume anything but iced coffee and iced water in 48 hours. What do I do? How do I keep my kids from catching it from me (including a breastfeeding 3 month old)? My doctor was very casual and said I probably caught it from my kids even if they were asymptomatic, as they’re at camp all day and it’s rampant in the camp settings. Do I keep my kids home even with no symptoms? Covid totally messed up my sense of what to isolate for and what to power through.

   1. I’ve never heard it called that but do you mean hand foot and mouth? If so, the contagious period is for weeks… personally I wouldn’t do much of anything other than rest up myself. Agree with your doc that it’s likely your kids gave it to you.

      Also, I had it many years ago and it was terrible, I have never been so sick. I hope you feel better soon.

   2. I’m so sorry. Your doc is right, you probably did catch it from your kids. If it’s any consolation, you probably have to catch it sooner or later, as we all do.

      Take it as easy as you can and take pain meds – you can take Tylenol and Ibuprofen at the same time if you take them according to their labels. I like to layer them, so take Tylenol at noon, Ibuprofen at 2, etc.

      Hang in there!

   3. Oh no, I’m so sorry! If it is HFM, it is the WORST. I’m 3 months out and still have nail issues (I posted a few weeks ago).

      Some good news: you’re probably only a day or two away from starting to feel better. I recommend all the milkshakes and putting your feet and hands in ice water. It’s so contagious for so long, I don’t think you need to keep kids home if they don’t have symptoms. I think our daycare’s policy is just to keep kids home while they have visible bumps.

   4. It’s far less severe in kids than in adults. I would not worry about them. You should take it easy.

   5. Late to this but had to comment: rest as much as you can and keep your kids home to reduce spread.
      I caught coxsackie B 10 years ago and it went on to devastate my immune system and has long term effects that mean I can’t work, walk or look after myself. I have so many regrets about resting early on. Take care.

7. Reposting because I put this on the morning thread pretty late yesterday, but it may be a long shot. Can anyone here recommend a lawyer or firm in Santa Fe, NM that deals with estates, real estate, and possibly guardianship? I have some connections in Albuquerque, but more local is probably better in the current situation.

   DH’s father died suddenly a few months ago, and now his widow (DH’s stepmother) is in failing health and showing signs of dementia. They did no estate planning, and she is currently living alone in a remote area outside of town. DH and I have financial POA, but not medical.

   1. Try Patrick Barry (https://www.santafe-lawyers.com/). I have not worked with him but know his wife professionally; she is great, very practical, and very sharp, which I guess I am using as a proxy for him? A bit of a stretch, I know, but that’s my best idea for Santa Fe. Condolences to you and your DH.

      1. Thank you!!

      2. I went to law school with him. They’re both great.

   2. Tom Brown, estateplanningnewmexico dot com. He is in ABQ now but lived in SF for many years. If you want more info, post a burner and I can respond.

      1. Thank you! I’ll check him out.

   3. I would start with Sommer and Udall or Cuddy and McCarthy or Sutin, Thayer, Brown. I practice in Santa Fe, but not in that area of law.

      1. Thank you! This community is amazing.

8. I am overdue for my shingles vaccine. I’ve read some people have side effects. For those of you who have had the shingles shot, is there anything you would recommend to do to prepare?

   1. I had what they would consider an adverse reaction to the shingles vaccine (both doses). The injection site was red, hot, hard and painful for about 5 days (about the size of my palm). I was also exhausted but it wasn’t unmanageable. I was able to work, in person, without a problem. Good luck.

      1. I had this too.

      2. Identical response. Couldn’t lift my arm over my head for 5 days, red, hot, hard and painful. But could go to work.

   2. My parents both had fevers for the rest of the day

   3. First vaccine dose, mild pain at injection site for approximately 24 hrs. Second dose, felt like someone punched me in the arm, hard, pain lasted for 5 days, alleviated by Advil. Having had shingles, would not want to have a repeat, so absolutely worth having the vaccination.

      1. Amen to the last sentence.

         1. Double amen.

            The first shot, I was a little tired later in the day. The second shot, also tired, ran a fever at night for 2-3 nights; I took a dose of NyQuil when I went to bed, that helped a lot. I was working 100% from home and didn’t need to take sick time, but my days were pretty chill – not a lot of meetings and no urgent deadlines.

            I wouldn’t plan on being knocked out, but be aware you may feel a little punk for a day or so. But yes, so much better than shingles, and I had a relatively easy case!

   4. I was really tired and had a bad headache the day after the shot. After that things were fine.

   5. Just clear the decks so you can rest if you need to. I had a fever and chills the day after the second dose (first dose was just mild to moderate sore arm) so it was nice to be able to just lay around the house.

   6. It felt a bit like the COVID booster. For about two days I had a terrible headache and felt sort of dizzy and woozy. I also had the arm reaction 10:08 describes with my second shot, and I don’t recall how long that lasted, but longer than I thought it would.

      I couldn’t have worked the first day (the day after my shot), the second day I was able to work, but it was half-assed. The arm reaction hurt and was annoying but it’s not like I’m loading pallets for my job so it didn’t affect my ability to work.

      I had big reactions to the COVID shots, though, so maybe that’s just my biochemistry.

      1. My husband got his shingles first dose and COVID booster at the same time and the combo was no different than his reaction to the first COVID shot. Felt crappy the first 24 hours, took it easy, then was back to normal the second day. His shingles second dose was a non-event, maybe a little bit of a headache? He planned a light day for after it and was fine. He did say his arm was locally tender after each shot, but that’s pretty standard.

   7. I had nothing other than the typical injection site soreness as a side effect for both shots. It was even less than my COVID shot/booster reactions. (Which were also, admittedly, mild).

      My advice to you is to arrange to have your shot on a Friday, so that you have the weekend to rest if you do have side effects.

      1. Ha. My advice is to arrange it during the work week when you have an easy week. I lost way too many weekends over the past year to various vaccine reactions!

   8. Thanks all. This is helpful. I get allergy shots and know how to manage arm pain. I just wondered about other side effects.

   9. I was very, very cold the night after I got the shot. Have some blankets available. Other than that I was fine.

9. Biking ladies! I need current recommendations for new biking bottoms. Mid-to high rise (mine are qptoo small and such a low rise that I feel nekkid when bent over. I’m a M in Athleta so probably a large in biking brands? Also a pear and I need the chamois liner.

   1. I ride several times a week. I only wear Terry bike shorts. They come in several lengths. I buy the 8.5″ ones. They last for years and years. They are expensive, but are so worth it, especially given how durable they are.

      1. How about the Terry fit. Size up? Any particular model to get (or just length)? They all look great!

         1. I find Terry TTS or maybe a bit large.

         2. I wear the Terry Bella shorts. I think they are fairly TTS/maybe slightly large. I’m long waisted and pear-shaped, so need the high rise coverage and they do that well. For reference, I’m 5’8″ tall and a muscular 170lbs and I wear a large.

            I see the recommendations for bibs below. I know a lot of people really like them. I would consider how often you have to use a port-a-john on your rides because you will be undressing to go to the bathroom in bibs since the straps will probably be under your jersey. If that doesn’t come up for you very much, it may not be a consideration.

   2. Pearl Izumi, size up to a L.

      1. This is also my answer. Look at the pictures and choose a model that doesn’t have the v waist. I actually prefer it, but you don’t, so make sure to avoid it.

   3. I switched to bibs and will never go back. No more uncomfortable waistband! I like the Velocio bibs for road biking. Super comfortable.

   4. Given your rise comments, consider bib-style shorts. They should provide a good amount of coverage and (IMHO) are more comfortable than traditional shorts style.

   5. Pearl Izumi fan here. I wear a 12 on top, 10 or 8 in pants (opposite of pear) and I find the Medium shorts fit well. But it sounds like bibs are your solution.

10. Has anyone had orthognathic surgery (when they do now for over and underbites that are pronounced)? Any tips for pain management and food management, particularly for week one where no dairy is allowed (the plan had been for ice cream and smoothies and yogurt drinks)?

    1. Lots of So Delicious cashew milk ice cream (make sure it’s the cashew milk; the others aren’t as creamy), Forager yogurt, Good Karma or Ripple milk. Enjoy the fact that non dairy options have become so gloriously good!

    2. If you can do tofu, you can make smoothies with silken tofu that works, and gives you protein. Another option would be to use a non-dairy yogurt as a binder, like coconut milk or almond milk.

       Pureed soups are also good – Trader Joes has a tomato soup and a roasted corn soup that are both dairy-free.

    3. When I had gum surgery I ate a lot of those pureed fruit-and-veggie packets for kids. Agree with the others re: non-dairy smoothie options.

    4. I had pre-orthodontic palate expansion surgery about six years ago. I’m sorry to say the recovery was WAY harder than I anticipated. Check with your care team about whether you’ll be able to use straws before you plan too many smoothies. I was not allowed to drink from a straw for I believe 2-4 weeks (something about the sucking action endangered the stitches? I didn’t pry on this point lol)

       I ate applesauce, some Naked juices, soup. Tbqh I was in so much pain that I didn’t hav much appetite. Do advocate for pain relief. I had only Tylenol with codein but it barely took the edge off.

       My face swelled quite a bit (I was warned about this, ymmv) and was very tender. I skipped some of my daily face washing using miscellar water and a wet washcloth to cleanse instead.

       I took a full week off work and wished I could have done more. I definitely suggest to WFH as long as possible so you can be video off if you are still swollen, etc.

    5. Congee was my non-dairy go-to after gum grafting last year. Plenty of recipes online, but it’s basically rice cooked in broth until it breaks down into porridge. Add flavor with soy sauce, finely crumbled tofu, finely minced chicken, sesame oil, etc. It felt like a real meal and filled up my belly much better than all the smoothies, ice cream, etc. I also did mashed potatoes (mash with olive oil) and various veggie purées (steam/microwave parsnips or carrots or spinach until soft, then blend them with immersion blender, add olive oil and salt to taste).

11. Talk to me about Orlando/Gainsville ideas! My adult sibling and I are going to a FL football game this year. We cheered for FL growing up but haven’t been to a home game. Are there classic restaurants we need to try? Places to see? Less expensive lodging ideas?

    We have a 5 day trip, flying in and out of Orlando. Renting a car. We are debating whether Cape Canaveral is worth going to? It seems really expensive but we like the idea – just not sure if it is worth $75 each plus a whole day. We aren’t amusement park ride people so not thinking any of the parks, although I know some people who have honeymooned and liked Epcot.

    1. I think we had a Gainesville thread in the last week, if you want to check back for more comments.

       1. Thank you so much! I’ll go look.

          1. I was curious so I searched and found it:

             https://corporette.com/mondays-workwear-report-andie-wool-blazer/#comments

    2. For orlando, lots of really good restaurants, just depends on what you are into. A couple I really enjoy: the ravenous pig, the osprey, se7en bites. Disney springs is an option to go explore if you like disney but don’t want to do rides. Has several great restaurants. For cape canaveral, what’s the $75 dollars you are talking about? Cape canaveral/cocoa beach is a local beach area. If you want to do a beach day, it’s a straight forward drive with your rental car. Unless you meant kennedy space center specifically, which is really fun if you are into space. For disney, epcot is doing food and wine right now, which is my favorite time to go in general.

    3. Cape Canaveral/KSC is absolutely worth it! I’m a space geek through and through and could have spent >1 day there. As Atlantic beaches go, I do like Cocoa beach, so if you hit KSC, and don’t spend the entire day, you could head down to the beach. I’d love to get out there for a launch one of these days.
       Someone mentioned staying in Ocala, which is worth a try for lower rates. IDK about classic, but a Gut Box (Guthries is a chicken tenders place) after a night of drinking is a rite of passage in both Gainesville and Tallahassee.

    4. When you say Cape Canaveral, do you mean Kennedy Space Center? If you’re into space and science I think it’s worth it. You’re also close to the Canaveral National Seashore – I haven’t been to that beach in particular but my parents say it’s lovely.

       If you want to spend a day or two in Cocoa Beach, look for a rental on the southern side – the big hotels are clustered closer to the port and the beach is more crowded.

       1. Yes, sorry, that is what I mean!! The space center.

    5. Central Florida really doesn’t have a lot going on other than the parks, so if you’re not there for those, I’d put KSC high on your list if you’re set on spending a full 5 days there. You’ll have to search hard to find any “authentic Florida” culture. Any traces of Florida’s true culture – the Native Americans who were there, early ranchers, even orange producers to some extent – have been paved over to make way for stuccoed strip malls and cookie cutter houses. Even St. Augustine has become generically touristy compared to 20 years ago. I’d rethink spending 5 days in the area.

       1. I hope the state parks continue to fly under DeSantis’ ghouls’ radars because they’ve been doing a really great job putting the history of the indigenous and enslaved people who lived & worked the land the parks are now on front and center. It’s a work in progress and definitely not finished, but they are putting in the work.

          1. That’s great to hear!

    6. If you are at all a space nerd, Kennedy Space Center is totally worth it! I think it’s worth a day. And I agree with the other posters that if you aren’t interested in the parks (or horses), central Florida is pretty boring. I’d probably just spend most of the time at the beach. (If you happen to be into horses, WEC in Ocala)

       1. The beaches that ARE parks are some of the best ones to hit – less crowded and more wildlife, if you’re into that. There’s also Playalinda beach if you want to get rid of your tan lines. Wear lots of sunscreen! :-)

    7. Stay in and enjoy Gainesville! I recommend one of the historic B&Bs downtown.

       Restaurants: The Top or Embers for dinner, Keke’s for breakfast, the Hyppo for paletas (popsicles).

       Kanapaha Botanical Gardens

       Sweetwater for seeing gators and generally an easy hike/walk in nature.

       Depot Park usually has fun events.

       Depending on which fall weekend, you may also catch the downtown arts festival.

       Enjoy!

    8. It’s peak Florida and maybe too far to make sense for your trip, but Weeki Wachee is worth a visit imo.

12. I seem to have lost all self discipline abc ability to be proactive . It started in the office: showing up 5 minutes late on occasion has evolved to showing up 15 minutes late regularly. I send in assignments a day or 2 late. Being reactive rather than proactive as things come up. Nothing awful but not the habits I want in the workplace. I also have noticed similar slipping in my personal life (overspending, weight gain because bad eating/exercise habits).

    I’m in my late 20s but this is my first time being in a role with a lot of latitude: my boss is very hands off, rarely shows up to the office, and we don’t even check in regularly. I’m newish (8 months) in both my role/company, but also in the type of work itself – I lateraled from a related but still different career. I feel like I’m good at working to the standard to which I’m held, and right now my immediate boss holds me to a very lax standard; but those above him are very hard-charging.

    My previous teams and supervisors were very hands on, and I was a college athlete where my coach was on us all the time about not only our sport but academics and nutrition/sleep/other healthy habits. I feel like I’ve just been gradually relaxing on everything for a few years and now I’m here and in a place in my life I don’t want to be in.

    I’m confident there are no physical or mental health concerns at play, just a lack of self discipline

    1. No solutions but lots of empathy because this basically describes me as well.

       1. Me too. I think after proactive-positive-energy-ing my way through 2020 and 2021 I have just crashed.

    2. Been there many many many times. In my experience it’s a form of burnout. Burnout is tough because you think you can quell it by taking a long weekend or going on vacation, but typically it takes months to resolve. The only way I’ve beat it is by making a fundamental change in my life if possible- changing jobs, moving apartments, starting a new wellness kick… you get the idea

    3. Read Great on the Job by Jodi Glickman and see if you can’t incorporate some of the book’s advice.

       Agree this is a symptom of burnout (or feeling like no one cares that you are a star employee). You have to find the motivation within and reward yourself.

13. Hi ladies! Will also post on mom’s site but I wondered if folks would be willing to share how they decided how many kids to have (if they made that choice). I have one amazing 2 year old and am so stuck on the fence about if our family is complete or if we should try for one more. I think about it all the time – which to me suggests maybe I do want a second, but I’m also very afraid for how much more chaotic it will make our lives and my husband is 100% content with just one. Welcome any thoughts!

    1. I always knew I wanted at least 3, so YMMV. DH was done at 3 so that’s how many we ended up with but I would have gone for 4. When mine reached 15 months I had “they’re not a baby any more” wistfulness and so then we started trying for another around 16-17 months (our kids are 2 years 3 months apart each). If you are thinking about it all the time, then I agree with you that having another is what you want! :). FWIW, I didn’t find 1-2 harder. Our first was a terror as an infant (colic, reflux, screamed all the time for 6 months) and #2 and #3 were angel babies by comparison, so that helped!

    2. Life is definitely more chaotic with 2. With 1, you can divide and conquer, and keep up some semblance of pre-kid habits and relationships. With more than 1, you are Parents all the time. Going out is harder, solo parenting is harder, vacations are harder … there are good sides too, obviously, but while some are able to more-or-less maintain the same level of ambition / career / time consuming hobbies, etc. after one kid, that’s much less likely after 2.

       All that being said, most of the 1 and done people I know were confident they were done after 1. If you’re still thinking about it all of the time, you may want another. I really wanted another after my first – tried unsuccessfully for three years to have another – and when I decided I was ‘done trying’ it didn’t feel “right.” I still thought about another all the time. Still held out hope every 28 days that I’d somehow be pregnant, even though practically in my head I’d decided I was “done trying.” Finally had #2 via IVF six and a half years after #1, and I’ve never felt the need to consider any more after that.

    3. My sister-in-law described her process as thinking of the whole family in bed on a Sunday morning, and it felt like someone was missing until they had their third child. I had a surprise pregnancy then miscarriage when my daughter turned two. After the miscarriage, I used the bed analogy and realized the bed felt full – I saw our little family as a trio when I imagined the future. In addition, I was eager to get back to work when she went to kindergarten, and we couldn’t afford the childhood I wanted for her on just my husband’s salary long-term, and I felt like I couldn’t do another couple of years of broken sleep and still be a good mom. She is 18 now and about to head off to college, and I have never regretted having a singleton.

    4. I have 3. First was easy peasy, second was (still is) a tough cookie with a big heart, and our 3rd is textbook 3rd child easy.

       We wanted more than one. DH is an only and im one of 3. We had two and since she was tough I told DH it was “now or never, once we are out of the tough years with [#2] we are not going all.” So I had 2 under two and it was h3ll but now they are 4-9 and all great. Middle is still the toughest but she’s also wonderful.

       When we had two kids, I saved all the baby stuff. When we had our 3rd I couldn’t get rid of it fast enough. I knew we were done!

    5. I could have written this myself. Almost same exact situation with 2.5 year old. I even posted on the mom site a couple of days ago about daycare expenses for 2 kids. I hate to say “I’m still working on my husband” to finalize commitment for a second child. But it’s the truth. He has found being a parent more mentally taxing than me. I’m not obnoxious or anything about it to him. I’m just taking steps to be prepared for it (working out more, improving my diet, planning finances, etc.). For me, I love my kiddo with all my heart. But when I look into the distant future and think of what my life will/could be like. I feel in my gut someone is missing (kid #2). I’m not sure if that’s helpful, but that’s what’s helping me be certain I want to try for another kid.

    6. We thought that we would have two but are firmly one-and-done. I’m the commenter from a few weeks ago who gave birth a year after getting married. It was HARD on our marriage and doctors advised me that a second pregnancy would carry substantial risks. Our kid is really amazing, too, and we know that we are not likely to get such an easy kid again.

       A lot of people have been extremely derogatory towards our decision to stop at one. Their situations have been different; almost all were married >5 years before having their first, and had a SAHP or had incredible resources (think 7 figure annual income or trust fund).

       Kids are a strain; the question is how equipped you are to handle that strain. Is your husband on board with all a second child would entail or would he be resentful? Do you both have bandwidth now or are at least comfortable not having bandwidth for the next several years? Do you have money to throw at problems (cooking, cleaning, daycare pickups, babysitting) or local family that can help?

    7. We were half-heartedly trying/not not trying for a second when my first marriage ended. I ended up being very happy with my one, especially since I was a single mom for a lot of his childhood. Everything is just easier with one and there’s more money to go around, too.

    8. Definitely more chaotic. Also more expensive. And just as you are getting to the point where things are kind of getting easier, you go back to square one, in so many ways. I’ve been chewing on this for a while now for going from two to three, and have come out on sticking with two. I’m just not sure I have the energy to do it all again. My younger one is 3 now. I would loveeee a bigger family, but have decided to make that happen in other ways, like through my kids’ friends and my friends, and our community. Sometimes I think about what could be though, and I hope I don’t regret my decision. My husband would have another one if I was on board. I think he wants it a bit more than me, but isn’t dead set or anything.

    9. I have one who is three, and have debated every day since about 4 months if we should have another. My husband is the happiest only child ever (also has no cousins) and has deep, deep 3+ decades long friendships and never wants for companionship. Our kiddo is EASY. Slept 8+ hours thru the night starting at 6 weeks and hasn’t looked back. Loves following rules. All other parents, teachers and adults comment on how happy and easy he is. I would likely be able to convince my husband to have a second kid if we could guarantee that the second would have the same personality as the first. However, everyone we know (my family included) the second kid is the one where the parents say “if he/she had been our first kid, we would have only had one!!!”. That I know I could not handle, and what is what holds me back.

       1. My second was just as good as my first and they were both very easy.

    10. I thought I wanted three, had one, and could not change my mind fast enough. Love the one I have fiercely, but they were difficult from the start and I would not have retained my sanity doing that again.

    11. I found out I was pregnant with my son when my daughter was 13 months old (this is why birth control says it’s 99% effective.) I was in my late 30s. We had planned to have another but not necessarily so soon. After two pregnancies back to back and nursing in between I just felt like I’d been pregnant for three years. My pregnancy with my son was especially hard on my body, I hurt all the time toward the end – sacroiliac issues meant I could barely walk, my ankles were like tree trunks but my blood pressure was ok, and I peed myself a lot – and I got through it by telling myself that I never had to do this again. So as soon as my son was born my husband got the snip. No regrets.

    12. I’m in the same boat as you – mine’s a bit younger, but we have maybe 1-2 years before our agreed upon deadline to have another. We’ve both danced around it a bit. We’ve both pictured our family with two kids, and we love the one we have, but it’s a lot harder than we imagined (isn’t it always), and we’re finally at a point where everything seems to be working really well, so why upset the apple cart. I’m also starting my own business, so professionally it’s a bad time too. It feels like these things aren’t that insurmountable, and we’re letting minor inconveniences dictate this, but also – we like our life now, and there’s so much we can’t predict with another – will the baby be healthy, will we be able to manage with two, will we be able to afford two comfortably, will our relationship be injured? I don’t necessarily want another, but I also don’t want to close that door myself. If my husband was more definite that we were one and done, I think I would be sad but comfortable with his decision.

    13. There have been a bunch of threads on the moms page specifically about 1 to 2 (and also 2 to 3).

        For me, I was a really happy only child myself so I pretty much always envisioned just one. Our family felt complete when we met our daughter. I did question it a bit during the 6-18 month period (I had a pretty easy baby who slept a ton, and found that stage of parenting very easy) but age 2-3 solidified the decision to stick with one. My kid definitely is more fun at older ages (now 4) but also more emotionally and even physically exhausting. We’ve also left a lot of the baby stuff (strollers, diapers, nursing, etc) behind us, and at this point going back to that stuff feels like it would be holding us back from enjoying our life with a more independent kid. But I also know people who didn’t feel ready for #2 until the first was 4 or 5 and that’s ok too.

        One of the best things about being an adult only child is that my parents have moved to my city and are extremely involved with my kid (they do school pickups, weekend sleepovers, will provide aftercare and summer care in elementary, etc). It’s hard if you have two or more kids who both have families and aren’t in the same place – which do you choose? I hope to do the same thing for my daughter eventually, if she wants.

        I disagree that anyone who is “fencesitting” really wants more. I know a bunch of former fence sitters who ended up happy with one and done.

    14. I’m currently trying for #2 and it’s fascinating to me that it’s much more of a logical decision than an emotional one (for me). My husband and I always talked about wanting 2-4 kids. I want my daughter to have a sibling. I think I’ll be a better parent if I divide my attention between 2 kids vs 1. I think we have the bandwidth for 2.

        Emotionally though? I’m so over the moon in love with my daughter that I don’t really feel like I need another kid the way I needed her.

    15. I started out open to one or two – I thought I would probably want two eventually, but wasn’t positive. I did know that I very very much wanted to have the one child I have now, and when I had trouble getting pregnant, it felt like I was missing someone I’d never met. Since having him, I just haven’t felt that again, at all – my life and family feel complete (and my husband feels the same), so we decided to stick with one. I agree that thinking about it makes me think you might really want a second, though! I did go through a period of thinking about it all the time, but this was when I was processing some traumatic experiences during my pregnancy and postpartum period in therapy, and the possibility of a different experience became something I focused on for a while. Once I worked through those things more, it really receded.

    16. I thought we would only have one, since I’d been on the fence about kids to begin with because of climate change. I think that after one, I emotionally wanted another two, and so we found logical reasons to justify it (even though many of my friends are happy with one!). These included:
        – Kiddo #1 is unlikely to have any first cousins, so would be alone in their generation
        – We’d blown up our life enough after Kiddo #1 that the incremental adjustment to two would be easier (true, in our case)

        Our first kid was easy, and the second one has proved to be even easier.

    17. I come from a big family and thought I would want 4 kids. Then I had one. I love him so much, but pregnancy was really hard for me – lots of nausea – and raising him was very difficult for the first four or five years. Strain on my relationship with my husband who has mental health issues. Strain on me physically and mentally because I need a lot of sleep. We thought we wanted another one and I got pregnant and felt so sick again and mentally I thought I couldn’t handle it. I ended up having an abortion at 6 weeks – this was when our child was 8 and he’s 9 now. It was a hard decision, but it was the right one for me, and I told myself that if I had the abortion, I would not get pregnant again – that was it for me. I had always told myself I wouldn’t go to extreme lengths to have another child, so not going to adopt or use a surrogate. We have decided to focus on enjoying the family we have. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think wistfully of having another one and wish it could happen. I do and my husband still seems a little regretful, but is very understanding. So, it’s complicated. But I really am trying to be grateful and happy with the life I have and I am for the most part. I hope this helps.

    18. Two. I didn’t want an only child as I was very lonely myself till my sibling came along.

14. For those of you with 3 kids, how do the 7-passenger configuration minivans work for your families? Is the kid in the back content if they have to be in the third row? We have volleyball player girls (so narrow but tall, frequently carrying teammates locally but also on some out of town trips). Currently driving an Odyssey with 8 passenger configuration. I think I want a Telluride but worry it will feel too small (but the nicer Sienna is only available with 7 passenger config it looks like (I like that for AWD and also it is a hybrid). Thoughts?

    1. As a kid, my sister and I fought over who got the way-back. We both wanted it!

       1. Ha – that’s what we called the hatch of our old station wagon growing up. We liked it too until we hit our growth spurts!

          1. On our 80’s Plymouth Voyager, we still preferred it even once full-adult-size because you could surreptitiously loosen the lap belt and stretch your legs across the long bench.

    2. I have 3 kids and an odyssey. My kids are all tall but they are a bit younger (5-11).

       Our next car is going to be a YukonXL. FWIW we are a ski family and right now we take our other car (midsize SUV) to the mountains bc the odyssey stinks in the snow.

       In your case can’t one sit up front? Or are they too young?

    3. We have a telluride and I love it. We have the 7-passenger configuration, and it feels very roomy. The third row is pretty spacious for what it is, and my 9-year-old likes it back there.

    4. We had a minivan from the time the first was born, so they never really knew anything else! That said, when there were 2 in carseats we took out one of the middle row seats and put the younger two in the third row. It gave us a landing area as we were getting in the car and made it easier to get to both car seats for strapping kids in. As they got older, we rotated who was in the far back on a monthly basis (and your birthday month was never one of your months in the back). That way there were no arguments or decisions to be made every time we got in the car. On long trips, we would of course switch things up and rotate over the course of the trip. Somewhere along the way, the minivan became an SUV with three rows, but the approach stayed the same. Eventually height started to come into the equation, but also kids start driving and not everyone is in the car together as often, so we don’t really have any hard and fast rules anymore.

    5. We’ve done many different iterations. When they were small, 3 across on the rear bench seat with both front seats in stow and go mode so we could load all the kids in, close doors, take off snow coats before buckling in. We’ve done one kid in middle kid in middle with other middle seat stowed and two kids in back. Most popular currently is one kid middle seat in back and two kids in middle row.

    6. Now that everyone is out of a carseat, we do youngest in the way back, and older two in the middle. Our highlander has the option to add a middle seat in the middle and so sometimes all three sit there if we need more cargo room. My son is taller than me now and said it is not comfortable to ride in the way back.

    7. Yes, especially compared to an SUV. We had a highlander and it was painful back there. We have both an Odyssey and a Sienna – the Sienna is amazing, but I wish it came with an option for an 8th seat. Luckily, kids are old enough to ride shot gun now.

15. Fun question for a Thursday that feels like a Monday: what would you do if you won the mega millions (currently at $1B)?

    I’d take the lump sum and not tell a single person beyond DH (and the lawyer/tax adviser we’d need). I’d buy a bike, a nice house in my neighborhood ($2M), and secretly buy a vacation house in Maine that and pretend was an Air BNB we rent often. DH and I would keep our jobs. I’d bump our cleaning service to weekly. Donate a BUNCH to charity. And take two nice vacations every year.

    1. I’d keep my house, quit my job (pass off being able to do so as an unexpected inheritance) and pretty much the same as you for the rest. I can think of one particular struggling local charity that I would definitely make a transformative gift to.

    2. I’m totally dreaming about this too. I’d buy a medium sized house in a nice neighborhood, give $100k to each sibling and my parents, take my family on one awesome vacation, then slowly give the rest to charity throughout my life.

    3. Oh I love this daydream! I would quit my job after giving a decent amount of notice and be a SAHM. I am the breadwinner in my family with young kids so this would be a dream come true!

    4. If it was a million or two I’d keep working. But a BILLION? Nah I’m never setting foot in an office again. I’d volunteer, sure, but I’m not working for the man anymore.

       I would –
       – buy a house in our new city
       – buy my parents a new house and car, ditto for our siblings (maybe not my brother and his wife who already have a great house lol)
       – pay for round-the-clock in-home care for my grandmother so my mom and her siblings don’t have to
       – buy a huge beach house for my family to use
       – fund as many repro health clinics in rural areas as I can
       – start a scholarship at my rural high school

       1. Same thought re working. Zero chance I keep my job.

    5. I’d buy a yacht and a castle in Scotland.

       1. South of France for me, otherwise same.

    6. My life would be similar, except that I would take on a few pro bono cases instead of practicing law full time, I would travel more, and my charitable donations would be bigger.

    7. I can’t even imagine that amount of money.

       But – I would hope I’d do the same. I would probably leave my job within a year because I want a more inclusive and welcoming environment but am afraid to leave and go into a worse place.

       I also think I would get a personal assistant type service to help me remember birthdays, important days, and plan travel. I think these are so stressful.

    8. I’d shift gears to a lower paid, more meaningful job (probably special ed teacher), anonymously donate a bunch to charity on a recurring basis, fund the kids’ college savings and put a little away for them (not much, no interest in raising the idle rich), do some updates the house we currently live in, and have ridiculous vacations once or twice a year. (3-weeks in New Zealand? Gorilla Safari? Expedition to the Arctic? Yes please). Then set up my estate to pay out to causes I care about upon my death.

    9. I would quit my job via text message, give some money to my boyfriend’s parents and brother, then move somewhere cool, pretend like I had a trust fund, and hire round the clock security. Then set up a charitable foundation of some sort. Then spend my days volunteering and writing.

       1. Nonono. I would go to work UNFILTERED. Bring it!

          1. Hahaha! I would have done that at a previous job, but I actually like my current one and the people I work with, so I don’t have much to say unfiltered. But I still wouldn’t be here every day if I didn’t have to be!

    10. Just bought my tickets before I hopped on here. Hard agree on telling as few people as possible.
        First, I would buy my parents a house to retire in and make sure they’re set for life. Next, I’d buy myself a house and get a decent amount put away to grow so that I’m set for life. Other things would include big donations to the orgs I volunteer for, endowing a scholarship for women going into my field, and maybe buying a box to watch my favorite sports team. A vacation house in Maine sounds amazing. I also would keep working but maybe change jobs to something that is lower paid but more fulfilling to me.

    11. Immediately relocate to a quinta in Portugal. Never working another day in my life unless its a passion like running a winery out of my quinta or writing a novel. Travel. Eat loads of pastries. Set up a charitable foundation that provides annual grants to causes I support. Pay off mortgages on my brothers’ homes.

    12. Some of the things I’d do, aside from the obvious like debt and college funds for future kids/niblings:
        -Set aside a big chunk in a good investment account to donate to our alma mater when they finally get around to rebuilding the falling-down business building where we met.
        -Bucket list trip my family has always wanted to take.
        -Buy my in-laws the beach cottage they dream of; similarly, set aside a fund for the mountain chalet my parents plan to build on some land they own.
        -Husband gets the pilot’s license and plane he’s always wanted.
        -I get to fill our house with dogs.

    13. Oh I love this question (and I think about it frequently). My immediate family (parents and sister) has an agreement that we split lottery winnings equally … I don’t feel like figuring out taxes so we’ll just say I have $200 million for myself.

        1) I buy my grandfather’s beach house (buy out my dad and uncle who co-inherited it). It’s probably worth 3M but I’ll give my uncle double as a gesture of goodwill (we do not get along). The house needs significant work so I’d do that and make a few cosmetic changes. I live 90 mins away and would live here every weekend in the summer. I’d stop renting it out, and my extended family would be welcome to keep using it as they already do.

        2) but a house in my neighborhood downtown. Probably a 2/2 or 3/2 row home, with a deck and parking. I would probably keep my 9 year old Camry because I actually love this car.

        3) not quit my job but take a nice unpaid leave of absence to travel. I know my parents would quit their jobs immediately, but my sister and I would keep working.

        4) pay off all of my cousins’ student loans and set up fully funded 529s for all of their kids.

        5) donate 1/2 to charity. Put the remaining 1/2 in a trust and live off the interest. Never touch the principle!!!

        6) keep living my life mostly as is, but upgraded (fly real airlines instead of spirit, get a new bike, go to fitness classes at whatever studio not cheaper online classes, buy clothes from places that aren’t TJ Maxx, get a house cleaner, get a dog now that I can afford dog walking while I’m at work, get takeout or meal delivery service rather than hating cooking every night).

        I think that aside from the house purchases and long vacation I wouldn’t make any massive changes and I’d still live a normal life – just a little fancier / easier.

    14. I would definitely figure out a retirement exit plan from the U.S. I’ve been thinking New Zealand might be nice so first order of business would be a reconnaissance trip down there.

        Once we had our base of operations, I would become a full time philanthropist and world traveler.

        1. I would pay off my mortgage and the mortgages of loved ones/friends. Set up college funds for the kids in my family. Buy my brother a house. Set up big, regular donations to my favorite orgs.

           Travel lots, volunteer lots, and treat friends and family to excellent vacations on a regular basis. Hire household help so I never have to clean or cook again if I don’t want to.

           On a more serious note, the names of lotto winners are public record in my state, so I would investigate ways to protect myself. I’m sure all kinds of people come crawling out of the woodwork if you win hundreds of millions of dollars.

    15. I’d quit my job so fast it’d be like I was never there at all. Anyone who says they would still work after winning that much money is insane.

        1. I’m the poster above whose family has an agreement to share our winnings. If my parents win, part of the agreement is that my sister and I have to keep working because we are 27 and 25 and our parents are adamant that we fill our time with something productive. They think (and I agree) that were too young to become people of leisure.

           I already work in a lower paid passion job so I think I’d be okay with still working, but I’d probably negotiate a pay cut for more time off. Or, I’d become a teacher (which I strongly considered in undergrad), and enjoy my summers off

        2. I’d try to work for six months to a year to make sure that I didn’t change my lifestyle too quickly. I would be very checked out though :)

    16. No way I’m still working if I won the mega millions. I told my boss once that if I won the lottery, I’d at least keep working a few months to give them a chance to find someone to replace me. She said that was nice, but if she won, she’d be gone the next day.
        I’d probably spend a solid year around the world traveling while figuring out what I wanted to do with the rest.

    17. I seriously doubt this would be the outcome, but it does sound humble and righteous.

    18. I would fund my kiddos 529, and fully fund the 529s of some of our closet friends (have three and four kids and this is a lot for them). I’d give a lot of money to my college for fully funded scholarships. Then I’d work with groups to build lots and lots of quality affordable housing in my area. I’d want to spend my day to day, because I quit my job, learning how to build cars and houses and furniture.

    19. There’s an anonymous donor in my neighborhood who is single-handedly funding a gut renovation to the local (not main branch) library in our neighborhood because every other capital project in town is a multi year fight with referendums and litigation over the use of taxpayer money. So, my answer is I would do the same for our local elementary school that is planned to be bulldozed and rebuilt. Also anonymously, of course.

        Apart from that, I would buy a condo with secure parking in either New York City or Boston as a pied-a-terre and I would go down to an 80% schedule at work. The officers at my company are wealthy people who work for fun, so that part of the image fits.

    20. OMG read this thread. I would NOT be working for a paycheque when there is so much more to life: https://twitter.com/IAmJohnAles/status/1286861265239814145

    21. I would avoid telling people until we can meet with a financial planner to help determine how much we’re tying up in savings, how much we’re spending on ourselves, how much we plan to donate, and how much we’re comfortable allocating to friends and family in need.

        I’d quit my job; I like what I do but I really dislike our new leadership and I’ve actually been job hunting like crazy trying to get out of it anyway, it would be nice to have an eff off fund so I can just leave.

        We’d buy a house – not a big one, just a modest 3bd/2bath in the suburbs, that’s been our plan for a while and the main thing holding us back is the market. If we could comfortably drop a million dollars on a place just outside Boston, that would be amazing. Then we’d get my partner a car, because right now we’re a 1 car household and once we’re in the burbs we’d probably need a second.

    22. Oh DH and I talk through this every now and then, here’s main points:

        Immediately employ a lawyer and financial planner, figure out how to accept anonymously to avoid a ton of media exposure. Spend a couple months figuring out what to do. And then…

        Work
        – I have ownership in the company I work at (and I believe strongly in our ethos and potential), so I would buy a competitor company to my company for their employees, pay all the employees outrageously well, set up a good leadership structure, and then become a very hands off owner that checks in quarterly.
        – DH would quit his job immediately and do all the outdoorsy things he does already on weekends all the time

        Family
        – wipe out all of immediate family (parents, our sisters) debts, buy them a house, and give them each a large amount of money.
        – set up trusts for my nieces and nephews

        Home
        – do an amazing landscaped backyard patio immediately
        – plant a ton of mature plants in our 7 acres
        – build a giant shed for the boat and ATVs
        – weekly housecleaning and grocery shopper
        – hire a personal trainer to work with me and DH a couple times a week
        – hire a private chef that creates amazing healthy meals
        – buy wooded land that includes a small private lake in another area and build a very cool modern cabin.

        Fun
        – every week some kind of body appointment, whether it’s manicures, hair, massage, etc.
        – open a super amazing yoga studio space
        – spend two or three winter months somewhere warm, maybe…I do really like living in one place all the time. DH would want to spend four or five months south in the warm.
        – buy a ridiculously fun car
        – longer annual adventure vacations with DH

        Community:
        – fully fund an endowment fund for the state abortion fund; donate significantly to all blue candidates who support abortion and contraception access, LGBTQ rights, legalizing marijuana, and decriminalizing many drug offenses and focusing on prison reform.
        – buy all of the empty billboards, and then outbid all of the pro life billboards in my state, and put up a ton of pro choice billboards, and also just good vibe messages.
        – I live in a super small town, and I would fund all the infrastructure projects and support all the small businesses via grants. I’d set up some kind of town community foundation where there is money available for a long time for projects.
        – offer generous business and specifically beautification grants to all of the small businesses in my small town to get a cute downtown (this is happening slowly but I’d just make it get done super fast)
        – fully fund the dream community park plan with all the bells and whistles and everything we can imagine (am on a committee that is currently planning and funding a very scaled back version; we’d just go all out)

        1. lol okay that comment is way too long. definitely didn’t realize I was getting that carried away into the fantasy land. :)

           1. I enjoyed it.

    23. If I hit for that billion dollars, I’m buying the camp we currently have our RV at and kicking the owners out – payback for what they are doing to us.

        Then I’m paying off my sister’s house and buying her my Gramma’s house. It’s going to need a ton of work since the people that bought it apparently bought it for the sole purpose of trashing it. It’s okay, we can fix it and make it beautiful again. Buying my grandfather’s farm back for me and getting myself my dream car (a 1970 Buick GSX, only less than 6000 made, so getting one was pretty much a never-gonna-happen dream.)
        Donating to my friends’ charity and a few other causes I support. The veterinarian who has taken such wonderful and loving care of my critters will get a beautiful, new office to continue caring for all her fur/featherbaby patients.

        Take my Dad on an epic cross-country trip to see all the places he’s wanted to see. Visit Alaska, Graceland at Christmas, and Key West when I’m tired of PA weather.

        And my decision regarding a job will be made up. I won’t need to work ;)

    24. I have a couple highly petty things I would do.

        First is give my alma mater the money to pull out the artificial turf that a previous big lottery winner paid to put down because he hated the look of dry grass on the football field. In the donation would be enough money to ensure that they could put in the equipment to keep the grass green. I don’t want them to rename the field after me the way they did with him; I want players to stop suffering ankle and knee injuries thanks to his vanity.

        Next, I would open a savings account in every credit union in my state. Then, I would get on the various governing boards and force them to adopt policies and procedures to follow standard practices for things like inherited retirement accounts.

        Finally, I would offer to make a big donation to the university my husband worked at for many years to keep them from closing the early childhood education center on campus. They won’t accept it, because they are run by a former Koch Industries employee who doesn’t believe in such things. Then I would go on every news and talk show I could find to talk about how short sighted they were.

        1. Brilliant

    25. I would:
        Quit my job after minimally ensuring I was not leaving any client or partner in the lurch on things. This would not take a lot.
        Pay off all debt so I have a clean slate.
        Buy a new car. Nothing crazy at all, just something brand new and clean.
        Hire an assistant.
        Take my dog to the beach while I hire people to completely refurnish my very small home, redo the baths and kitchen but only bringing it to a level of “very nice for the neightborhood”, and redo all of the landscaping to make it an attractive place to be while I figure out next steps. Tell the assistant to manage it.
        Upon execution of an NDA, buy my father a spot in an assisted living/retirement community so I can stop worrying about him.
        Upon execution of an NDA, buy my sister a house and give her some money so I can stop worrying about her.
        Upon execution of an NDA, buy my ex-BF who I adore but has serious issues a house so I can stop worrying about him.
        Hire a permanent caretaker for my stepfather and take my mother on an amazing trip of her choosing.
        Flaunt my money to the hot and intriguing guy I had a fling with and try to turn that into a relationship, since what made him an inappropriate match would matter not at all now.
        Buy a bigger home in my current neighborhood.
        Buy a vacation property.
        Give a lot of money to charity, buy the buildings my favorite charities use so they can go zero-rent, and buy my way onto boards so I can influence the organizations and have something productive to do.
        Adopt several dogs and raise them in luxury.
        Always pick up the tab at happy hour with my friends.
        Travel.
        Die happy.

        1. Love this and the appropriate uses of NDAs!

    26. Retire, pay off my mortgage and just spend the rest of my life doing what makes me happy. I would buy all my loved ones homes or pay off their mortgages too. I’m pretty unlikeable but I’d still keep the winnings mostly under wraps except for my inner circle. I don’t have time to deal with people who hate me pretending to like me for $$$$.

    27. I wouldn’t tell anyone (at least for a LONG time), except for the lawyer/financial advisor I’d need to hire. I’d finish out this fiscal year at my job, then quit effective October 1. I’d spend some money remodeling my (modest) home, then completely refurnish the inside. I’d take wonderful vacations. I’d buy a vacation home in the Caribbean. I’d be able to take care of my elderly parents if they needed it. I have no children, so I’d make a gift to my alma mater that would involve endowing and naming a building, so that students long after my death would speak of “Pep Hall.”

    28. I’d quit my job, hire a full time nanny, and sort of become a lady of leisure. I’d purchase the abandoned botanical gardens in my town and create a foundation to restore and run them.

    29. After I figure out the most anonymous way to collect it given my state’s rules, I would change as little as possible in my daily routine. I would stay in my day job for the time being but also start a family office, pay off a bunch of friend & family debts without them knowing the source, set up long-term funding for endeavors that are personally meaningful, set up and fund trusts for all the kids in my sphere, and buy real camping gear then go on vacation for a month in the backwoods somewhere.

    30. I never buy lottery tickets, but I did join a pool for the go around of Mega Millions. So, I’ll pretend we win and I come away $50m. I would immediately give my mother, brother, and in-laws 1-5m. I would put 1m in trust for each of the four kids in the family to be paid out at 20, 25, and 30. I would hire around the clock care for an ailing relative. I like to think that I would tithe 10m (not all to my home church though – I would count donations to charity as a tithe). That would leave me with 20m or so to play around with. I would probably upgrade to a much nicer home w/a pool (1-1.5m), but not a mansion or anything. I would quit my job, but I would take on more courses as an adjunct (2-3 a semester instead of 1), and continue the pro bono work I already do. I think I would save half of the rest and give away half of the rest.

    31. I daydream about this all the time!! I’d figure out the most economical and private way to collect. If taking a lump sum, give $1M to each of my siblings and parents. Buy a home under $3M, buy a new car, maybe buy a vacation home or condo and a few more investment properties to rent out for very good/low rents, keep my job for now, and use up all my PTO to take amazing vacations. I’d probably eventually quit but I love my job and love working toward promotions etc.

    32. I do love to daydream about this. I can assure you I’d quit my job, but not until my affairs are in order. I’d make sure immediate family is well taken care of but no money for distant relatives. After that, I have a list
        – A modestly sized beach front home on the Gulf Side of FL. Somewhere in a sleepy beach town that is small enough to keep up without a team
        – A lake house in the area I grew up
        – Finding a reputable advisor to set up investments and trusts so the money would become a legacy to future generations
        – DH would buy a jet ski before the ink was dry on the check lol
        – Without a job, I’d take on some passion projects regarding affordable housing. Restoring old buildings or homes and bringing them back to their glory days to help rejuvenate neighborhoods for example. Grants and funding for low income communities, especially rural areas, to start businesses and bring back the long forgotten main streets.

    33. Set up a medical research foundation to try and cure my disease. Set up my own team of medical specialists to see what they could do to improve my quality of life. Set up a robotics team to work on life improvements.
        Go full on Peggy Guggenheim and buy art and sponsor artists.
        My husband could retire and we could build our dream house sooner. I’d travel but I’m too sick.
        Probably buy more dogs (adopt, not puppies).

16. I’m tired of all my usual meals. What are your favorite, easy recipes or meal ideas? Things you really look forward to eating. I’m trying to lose a little weight so I’m sticking to healthier meals with lots of veggies.

    1. Ordering meals through Green Chef is what got me out of a rut.

    2. My current favorite is migas tacos. Add crunched up corn tortilla chips to two scrambled eggs and cook together, then put on corn taco shells with salsa and lime. So yummy. I also add cottage cheese to the eggs to increase the protein.

    3. Oo I love these threads! Here are two of my current go-tos:

       Salad (mixed greens, cucumber, tomato, red pepper, onion) topped with rotisserie chicken, baked fries, ranch, and hot sauce

       Salmon (1-1.5 lb marinated in 4T maple syrup, 2T soy sauce, and garlic for 30 minutes; baked at 400 degrees) + roasted broccoli + wild rice blend

    4. This is pasta but I feel like the sugar snap peas make it reasonably healthy, and it’s easy and delicious: https://smittenkitchen.com/2013/06/bowties-with-sugar-snaps-lemon-and-ricotta/

       1. We did the asparagus + lemon + goat cheese one recently too and it was bomb.

    5. https://www.hungry-girl.com/recipes/mac-attack-burger-bowl.pdf (weird but so good)
       https://kalynskitchen.com/fish-taco-cabbage-bowl/ (great with Tortilla fish from Costco; we just drizzle Herdez guac on top)
       https://www.skinnytaste.com/quinoa-huevos-rancheros-bowls/
       https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/hummus-crusted-chicken/ (great with squash)

    6. I’m making courgette pasta dishes constantly at the moment to enjoy courgette season! There was a new recipe from Nigel Slater in the Gaurdian earlier this week combining courgettes with spinach and peas in a creamy pasta. I’m making it later this week and can’t wait.

       1. Oooh, report back!

    7. Not quite awake yet, read this as “I’m tired of all my usual males.” Honestly, same.

       If anyone has suggestions for *that,* LMK.

       1. Maybe we need a male swap. Bring the males you are tired of, and trade for someone else’s males. ;-)

          1. Pep , you are giving me life.

    8. I’ve been making shakshuka (Mellisa Clark recipe from the NYT) for dinner and enjoying it weekly.
       Also – Nicoise Salad is a summer go to. Works equally well with nicer jarred tuna or sushi grade (if I am being a bit fancier). So much better homemade than anything I’ve ever had in a restaurant.

17. Y’all, I did the thing and had my hysterectomy yesterday. The post surgical pain isn’t any worse than the cramps I’ve put up with for the last 30+ years. I’m so glad I finally got around to it.

    1. Good for you!

    2. Also, while I know the answer is that I’m very well hydrated, how the heck did I manage to go in for surgery, come out with fewer parts and still gain 2 pounds???? LOL!

       1. Well hydrated AND swollen so retaining fluid. Glad it went well and congratulations!

          1. I went into labor, pushed out 8 lbs and a placenta, and came home weighing more. The bloat is real.

    3. That’s awesome! Wishing you a smooth and speedy recovery.

    4. Well done! Best wishes for a continued smooth recovery!

    5. Congratulations! If you don’t already have a pure enrichment heating pad, buy one. It saved me following gynecological surgery.

    6. That’s great! I had one in February and it is honestly one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Best wishes for a continued smooth recovery.

    7. Good for you! Hoping recovery is smooth and that you enjoy NO MORE PERIODS.

    8. Can I ask you a bit more about how you made the decision? Ever since my IUD broke, I’m out a day a month with cramps that tylenol isn’t relieving.

       1. I’m 44, this was the 3rd time I tried to get worked up (once in my 20s, once in my 30s and then now). This is the first time the doc took me seriously and didn’t offer BCPs, then send me on my way. I also have good insurance and sick leave, which I didn’t have then. I’ve developed a hell of a pain tolerance and thankfully have an iron gut that isn’t upset by the obscene amount of Aleve I was taking to deal with my symptoms. As I’ve gotten older, my cycles narrowed to every 3 weeks and I found myself slowly but surely self limiting activities.
          Turns out I have (had?) Severe endometriosis and my ovaries were stuck to the sides of my uterus. No wonder it hurt.. I’m not entirely thrilled about surgical menopause and being on HRT for the next few years, but I’ll take it as an improvement.

18. I have a Kate Spade gift card and there’s a great sale there now. Kate Spade isn’t usually my style but I do need a new work tote. Any favorites?

    1. I like this one:
       https://www.katespade.com/products/voyage-colorblocked-large-work-tote/K7733.html?cgid=ks-handbags-work-totes

19. Could use some good vibes if you’ve got them – I have a first interview in my new city today!

    1. Good luck! Sending you all the good vibes!

    2. VIBES!!

    3. Good luck!!

    4. Sending all the good vibes! I just got a job offer today after 6 (!!) rounds of interviews. Hoping my good fortune extends to you too!

    5. YOU GOT THIS!!

    6. Thanks everyone! I’m rusty but I think it went okay.

       1. Keep us posted!!!

20. How have you balanced doing what you want to do and taking chances professionally versus stability and things like good insurance and retirement? Do you always opt for more stability as you get older? I’m especially interested where people can’t just rely on a spouse to provide retirement and healthcare so they can do anything they want either because there’s no spouse, the spouse’s company plans are terrible etc.

    1. As an immigrant, it’s been drilled into my head since childhood that you need to find a stable, well paying job. Preferably as a doctor. I’m not doctor, but I work in IT and it pays well and is relatively stable. I use the money and stability from my job to fund my hobbies and fun things like travel. I have never bought into the idea that your job should be your passion.

    2. I guess I’ve been pretty lucky to generally be able to do what I want to do without having to take risks. I have been single as long as I have been working. I am not a job hopper, but I absolutely push for a job change or promotion every 2-3 years and if that doesn’t happen, I leave and go elsewhere. I was with my last employer for 7 years and my current employer swears to being dedicated to allowing people to grow like I want to (and I see evidence of that across our function and enterprise so I believe them.

       I like my job, I get paid well, and I am able to save for retirement in a way I am comfortable with (way less than the super high earners here), and still do fun stuff in my life.

    3. It’s hard. Im about to leave my job (mediocre, but excellent health insurance, leave and only 40 hours per week) to go to grad school full time. While the field I’m moving to is very employable (computer science), and I’ve done a lot of planning, it’s a scary amount of risk for me.

21. Thanks to whomever recommended Underthings in Lincoln Park Chicago a while ago! I went there and it was a great experience. They fit me not just in terms of size but also shape and style. I totally refreshed my whole bra collection!

    1. Oooh now I want to go when I’m back in town!

22. Just need to vent into the void that Carvana (online car dealership) sucks and I wish I hadn’t attempted to buy from them.

    1. Care to specify? Buying a car is never something I would have thought to do online. I always test drive a care before buying it.

    2. Also curious! I bought my car from them 6 years ago and it was an absolute delight. Their financing company is a different story.

    3. I bought a car from them that was supposed to be delivered today at 11 am (I bought it over a week ago, got 2 confirmations about the delivery today). At 6:51 am I got an email that it was rescheduled to Aug 6th. Calling customer service was… not helpful. It’s due to a “transportation issue”, they can’t tell me where my car is, they can’t give me more details, they can’t really guarantee that it’ll be delivered on the 6th, they can’t offer any compensation for the rental car I have to extend etc etc. I politely asked to speak to a supervisor for 15 minutes before finally being told they’ll contact me in 24-48 hours. Haven’t heard from them yet.

       Looking online, apparently this is a common trend with them lately, and a lot of those reviews kept getting pushed back/never received their cars. Apparently they were recently banned in Illinois due to multiple issues with title transfers.

       I also had bought a car from them 6 years ago and agree that it was delightful experience the first time. Guess I should have dug around for how they’re doing now rather than just assume this time would be good too.

    4. Ugh. Long post stuck in mod but basically- cancelled delivery today with 4 hours notice, rescheduled 9 days from now, no real explanation.

       1. aiii
          For what it’s worth, I also had a chunk of logistical problems with carvana (rescheduled delivery, then they showed up with the wrong paperwork, etc) but the car ended up being great!

23. I waited too long and lululemon belt bags are no where to be found. What’s your favorite dupe?

    1. Athleta just released a belt bag!

       1. I hate that it’s twice the price of the LL one!

    2. In Canada costco has a great dupe from…Lole? Perhaps also in the US.

       1. Oh good to know! I don’t have a membership but I’ll as my cousin who does to scout it out for me!

    3. I love the rebranding of “fanny pack”

       1. To be fair – nobody wears these like a Fanny pack; they’re all worn crossbody

          1. I’m fully wearing mine as a fanny pack. And I refuse to call it a belt bag. Just owning it at this point.

    4. Have you tried e bay or posh mark?

    5. I would just wait for a restock, I really like mine. They are also in stock in some stores.

       The Lulu subreddit often tracks restocks of popular items, if you’re especially dedicated lol.

    6. Dagne Dover has a cute one in the Nordstrom sale.

    7. A stylist I follow recommended one from Amazon as very similar to the Lululemon one: https://www.amazon.com/ODODOS-Adjustable-Workout-Running-Travelling/dp/B09ZHHN6NH/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3IGXNGGV3ULKJ&keywords=Unisex%2BFanny%2BPack%2Bwith%2BAdjustable%2BStrap%2BMini%2BBelt%2BBag%2Bfor%2BWorkout%2BRunning%2BTravelling%2BHiking%2C%2BNavy&qid=1658846826&sprefix=%2Caps%2C94&sr=8-1&tag=theextradetail-1-ltkna-20&th=1

    8. If you’re near one, go into a physical store. I bought a black one (which have been sold out online for months) earlier this month.

24. I have a reclaimed wood coffee table that’s darkening and looking too distressed. I’m thinking about sanding it and putting some kind of finish on it. Any advice or product recommendations?

25. We’re looking at a holiday to Spain in October. I’m thinking a couple days in Madrid, a couple days in Seville, and a day trip to Morocco. For people who have done a similar trip does that sound do-able? Any hotel/restaurant/other recommendations are much appreciated!!

    1. I’m not sure I’d do the day trip to Morocco. That’s going to be hours by car and a ferry, and you’ll spend a few hours in, what, Tangier, and then head back? Maybe see something else instead. Gibraltar?

       1. Agree. I did the day trip to Tangier a decade ago; do not recommend.

          Sounds like you’re there for a week, in which case Madrid and Seville is already a lot to pack in, unless you like spending half of your vacation in transit. Toledo is an amazing city and a great day-trips destination from Madrid.

       2. +1, Morocco is a fabulous trip on its own, I would allocate the time doing something more relaxing in Spain. Wine tour?

    2. It’s been many years, but I loved Cordoba and Granada, and both are fairly close to Seville. Toledo is also an easy bus ride from Madrid.

       1. Forget the bus, Toledo is on the high speed train from Madrid!

    3. I’d do a day trip to Cordoba from Seville instead (the mosque alone is worth the trip) or Granada for the Alhambra. It sounds like a great trip!

    4. thanks everyone! Your suggestions are super helpful and I really appreciate all of the input.

       1. If you were renting a car I will do Madrid (2n) -Aranjuez-Ubeda or Baeza- Granada (2n) – Antequera – Sevilla (1n) – Cordoba -Consuegra – Toledo – Madrid.
          But if you are moving in public transport I will take advantage of the AVE (high speed train) and the more convinient route due timetables will be Madrid (2n)- Granada (1n)- Cordoba- Seville (2n):
          Madrid-Granada (3h)
          Granada-Cordoba (1,5h)
          Cordoba – Sevilla (48 minutes)
          Sevilla – Madrid
          The Alambra is one of the most beautifull things you can see wherever and the sunset from St Nicolas square is magical. Spend one night there, enjoy some of the best tapas circuit in the country and go to Sacromonte for some flamenco (they have also an original arabic public baths).
          If you have more than 5 nights I will go to some place in Castilla in order to have an idea of what it is the country outside Andalucia. From Madrid you have now AVE to Segovia, Leon and Burgos and quick regionals trains to Segovia, Toledo & Avila for day trips. (I will chose Segovia).

    5. Grenada and the Alhambra….close to Sevilla

26. Looking for a chic nylon crossbody bag. I love my Longchamp LePliage but want crossbody. Something that I can fit a water bottle and umbrella in with a bit of breathing room for a giant muffin. For personal and travel use not work so no need to fit a laptop.

    1. Not sure if these meet the definition of “chic” but I have cross body bags from Le Sportsac and Baggalini. I have gotten them from Zappos and they come in various sizes and designs. I have also put both through the washer on the delicate cycle.

    2. Longchamp/ Le Pliage used to have a bag like this, called the Hobo. Unfortunately seems to have been discontinued but worth looking on eBay?

    3. Longchamp/ Le Pliage used to have a bag like this, called the Hobo. Unfortunately seems to have been discontinued but worth looking on eBay?

    4. No recs, but I do appreciate your priorities of room for giant muffins.

27. I’m the poster with the controlling roommates. I am going to try to be moving out soon, but was wondering how much notice I have to give? I’d love to move out in 30 days (our lease is month-to-month and that’s what the lease states as my required notice), but for courtesy do I need to stay longer to give them more time to find a replacement?

    Random update, but yesterday my roommate made it clear she’d been monitoring the food on my shelf in the fridge and checking expiration dates and trying to coax me into throwing things out. Lol.

    1. Lol nope just leave. I would honestly, if I could swing it, tell them the day I was leaving and just hand them the notice period rent in cash. Probably not feasible, but a girl can dream about sticking it to her worst roommates ever…

    2. give longer if you can (like you sign a lease with a start date 8 weeks out) but if you end up giving only 30 days, don’t feel bad.

28. What are things that bad bosses have done that you have vowed to never do as a supervisor, or as a supervisor try to never do?

    I’ll start: Assume that someone who just started knows exactly what they’re doing and get upset when they don’t do it perfectly the first time. Be the unpredictable boss who you have to “catch on a good day.” Email or call people after working hours unless it’s an actual emergency or unless it’s clear that you don’t expect a response until they’re working. Change the expectations or job description after hiring.

    1. Tell the people that work for me to “NEVER, EVER call me to ask me a question. Unless it is truly an emergency.” And then wait a beat and say. “And I don’t anticipate you will ever have an emergency.” This happened on day 2 of my last job and as someone who learns by asking questions, this was awful. I lived in fear of angering this boss, who was often angry at me because I didn’t really know what I was doing. He expected all this stuff to get done, but I had no way of knowing how to do it without asking questions, and he told me he didn’t respond to emails and was only in the office like one hour a day. It was awful.

    2. Throw my employees under the boss to cover my ass. I had a boss who did this constantly and I lost all respect for him.

       Got to meetings and present my staff’s work as my own. I bring my staff to present their own work.

       Consider my staff my competition. I firmly believe that if my staff look good, it reflects well on me.

       Foist my underperforming or problematic staff onto someone else. I’ve had this happen to me way too many times. If I’m having problems with a staff member, I deal with it. And yes, I’ve had to manage people out the door before. It wasn’t pleasant but it’s what you have to do as a professional.

       So many more but those are the ones off the top of my head.

    3. I’ve had some doozies, most as a new-ish lawyer 20ish years ago:

       – Pass along unpleasant tasks that are really the boss’s job to handle (e.g., firing someone. I had a boss who made me fire his assistant.)
       – Yell at someone who refuses to do an action that is illegal.
       – Demand that e-mails be acknowledged within 10 minutes. Even if you’re in the bathroom.
       – Hand out assignments with a Monday morning deadline at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon.
       – Request that you do personal tasks – drop off or pick up dry cleaning, get their car washed, order flowers for mom’s birthday. (I was a lawyer at the time, not a personal assistant.)
       – Wait until annual review time to list off all of the ways the person had failed to meet expectations
       – On short notice, send to Kansas to do document review. Over Christmas break.
       – Mandatory team pool party.

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