Coffee Break: Sicily Coat

90 Comments

1. I’ve been reading comments here about age differences or big financial earnings gaps in relationships. I’m dating someone 10 years older, who makes more money than I do, but I’ve never stopped to ponder whether there is a power imbalance or manipulation. How does one analyze this? I make less than half what he makes, but I make over 75k/year, have lived alone and independently for a decade (no money from parents/him). He does pick up the tab about 60-75% of the time when we go out, although with COVID we have been staying in more. I can’t think of a time he has made me feel guilty over something, but before holidays start and he meets more people or shows up in photos, I am starting to question things!

   1. At least in my experience, an age gap and a financial gap aren’t (generally) an issue if it doesn’t bother either of the people in the relationship, though I would always caution to be VERY sure it doesn’t bother either person. The exception to this is if one party tends toward being controlling with money, or one person makes so little money in comparison that leaving the relationship would make their financial situation untenable. In your situation, I don’t see either of those dynamics from what you’ve written.

   2. I know that in my relationship, we’ve definitely had to talk about earning gaps and the potential for those to create power differentials (and the issue is still not resolved by any means!). For perspective, I earn about 6.5-7 times as much as my partner, and right now he lives in my apartment (which I own). He maintains his own place but hasn’t stayed there in months and is completely independent, but it’s really important for him to feel like he still has autonomy and isn’t “living off me” or that I “have all the power” just because we’re in my apartment and I make so much more money than him.

      I think a lot of it is him projecting some outmoded gender stereotypes about what women want and what women’s expectations are of men on me, when I have not personally tried to leverage my earnings relative to him in terms of making decisions, etc., at least as far as *I* can tell. That being said, I think the existence of a power differential really needs to defer to the perspective of the “less-powerful” person, so when he says it’s an issue, I take that seriously and I take him at face value, because his feelings about it are equally valid.

      Accordingly, I am very sensitive to trying to make decisions for both of us under the guise of something like, “well I’m going to pay for it, so we should do what I want” and we’ve been able to generally find balance about day to day things. (Vacations are another matter…when COVID is over, I am booking us biz class tickets for a luxury trip to Europe immediately, and I don’t care about the cost or what he thinks is reasonable in terms of accommodations and flight costs. Like I said…work in progress!)

      If you don’t think there’s manipulation but are worried other people will, I would just ignore what you think people might think; unless he’s Bezos-level earning, I don’t think most people are that attuned to income differentials. Also, why are you questioning things? Is it because you find yourself deferring to him on decisions, etc., because he’s paying for it? Maybe your concern about what people might think is because you’re adopting a less-powerful posture in the relationship and think others will see that dynamic too.

   3. Stop! If there isn’t anything wrong with your relationship, don’t manufacture problems because of strangers on the internet.

      1. +1. This happens a lot here, sadly.

      2. Amen.

   4. In my experience, the power imbalances and manipulation come into play when the younger, more vulnerable, or lower-earning person is not self-sufficient. Maybe there’s a better way term. The concept is this: if someone is really young, like 21, it’s easy for her to be manipulated by a much-older man. If she isn’t earning enough to be independent, then she’s depending on him, which creates an atmosphere wherein she cannot leave the relationship or establish boundaries. If she is somehow vulnerable (medically or psychologically), it’s easy for someone to manipulate her. When necessary, flip the genders.

      I don’t worry about earnings differentials in independent grown adults well out of college.

      1. I think of it along these lines as well. The power differential seems to come up when the more vulnerable person does not have the option to leave the relationship, practically speaking. Or at least, not without needing tons of support/money from others, which may not be available. I’ve seen lots of relationships with different income levels that seem perfectly egalitarian (from what I can see from outside) as long as both people know they could make it on their own.

         The only thing I have not seen work in terms of equal power relations is when one party has little or no income. I know it’s a tried and true family model, but personally of the relationships I know like this, it’s always clear who has the last word and why.

   5. I think issues usually arise when it is the opposite- when the women out earns the man, because that’s not what is ingrained in societal culture. It sounds like it doesn’t bother you or your guy and that’s all that should matter. FWIW my husband makes a lot more than I do but I am proud of him. We see our income as a team effort. I have a friend whose BF earns more than her and I can tell he is worried about it- he had a LTR go sour when the GF asserted common law rights over his house. It is a reason he has not proposed to her yet.

   6. It sounds to me like your relationship doesn’t have the sort or power imbalance to be concerned over.

      Im maybe off base, because I missed the original discussion, but I’ve noticed a sort of power imbalance in the relationships of friends who married older (10ish+ years) men in their 20s. The womens’ careers sort of never got off the ground and now, as we’re approaching 40, they have little financial independence and there does seem to be a power imbalance.

      But, that’s not universally true of course. I can think of two friends who married older men that seem to be in really happy marriages where they both have great careers and share parenting duties.

      I married the only younger guy I ever dated so I can’t really give you any advice from a personal perspective. But as a PSA for the single women in this board: don’t rule out someone slightly younger like I did forever!

      1. Anecdotal, but I know a couple where the woman married someone ~15+ years older when she was very young (like early 20s). She’s always had a career and they share duties and such, but he sometimes talks to her like she’s 15 (which is annoying given that she’s in her 60s now). It’s just one of those things at this point, but it’s irritating.

   7. First of all, age gaps are generally only an issue if the younger person is a teenager or in their early-mid 20’s, if the younger person is in their late 20’s, the age gap would have to be huge to cause major problems.

      But to answer your question, there’s a power imbalance if the older/wealthier person is holding their advantage over their partner. If they use the fact that they pay for something, or pay more for it than you so, as a trump card in an argument, that’s not good – something along the lines of “I pay more in rent, this is mostly my apartment, so what I want carries more weight” (or the extreme “I paid for this house so it’s mine, and I make the rules here”) that’s not good. If he mentions that he has more life experience and knows more than you do as a way to shut down your point of view, that’s not good. But if you feel respected, and you feel like you’re in an equal partnership despite a gap in age and/or earnings, you’re good.

      For what it’s worth, my boyfriend is 7 years older than me – when we started dating I was 27 and he was 34. He makes almost double what I make too. But it’s never felt like either of those things have made him “in charge” of me.

   8. I think you’re searching for problems. The key features of a problematic power imbalance are control and vulnerability. You’re not vulnerable without his money because you can support yourself. It might be nice to have his extra income, but you don’t rely on it. Financial gaps where one person is dependent on the other are problematic, because the dependent person is vulnerable without the higher earner’s money. That could lead to the higher earner exploiting this vulnerability (“I call the shots in this relationship because I know she needs me to pay bills, what’s she going to do, leave?”) or the lower earner making decisions/putting up with crap to stay in the relationship because they feel like they don’t have the option not to. (“He calls me stupid and says I can’t have male friends but I can’t afford rent on my own so I have to date him.”)

      With two relatively high earners (i.e., people who can both support themselves) it comes down to control more than vulnerability. If the higher earner demands too much control in your relationship because he’s the higher earner, you’ve got a problem. I.e., he makes more so you must prioritize his career to your detriment. He makes more so he controls major (…or minor) financial decisions. He says he makes the money so you have to agree to buy a bigger house in the suburbs that you don’t want? Control.

   9. Anecdotal but DH and I used to have a big earnings gap (I was a student with no income for a while, then he made double my income for a while) and now we are equal earnings. I was insecure for a long time because I didn’t feel financially independent. It was nothing he did, he truly, to his core, views everything as “ours”, and always has. However, for several years I internalized feelings of being financially controlled because I could not support myself if I left (not that I wanted to). That doesn’t seem to be the case here.

   10. I second the advice not to start doubting your relationship because of what you read on this site!

       Look – the problem of a lower wage earning partner (sometimes younger, sometimes not; usually but not always women) who essentially give up their ability to support themselves to support the other partner and/raise children is real. And it can put them at a power disadvantage if their partner is resentful or thinks in terms of “my” money or in the event the relationship ends. But looking at the successful couples i know, the vast majority have that type of discrepancy. Even when they started out relatively even, that does not survive parenthood because two very busy careers are hard to mesh with parenting.

       An age gap/earnings gap CAN be a problem but so can a relationship between two people roughly the same age and level of professional attainment who find that juggling the demands of two high-powered careers, especially once they have kids, really hard. You cannot generalize.

       And this is purely anecdotal but one of the happiest couples I know has a 18 age gap and a enormous income gap (because my friend is a good lawyer but is never going to catch up with the equity partner she married). It works because he loves and respects her and sees their joint income as “their” money.

2. I posted recently about wanting to transition to analytics from academia (PhD in Chemistry) with 3 years postdoctoral research experience. I am currently taking MOOCs in Python and SQL. In addition to data analyst positions, another path I am considering is Business analyst/Business intelligence. Also planning on doing some business related MOOCs. Apart from a short stint in as a sales assistant in a pharmaceutical distribution company before going to grad school, I don’t have any other business experience. At the moment there are recruiters I am scheduled to speak to, since my business experience is so limited, I’m not sure how to approach this. I would like to maximise these contacts. The poster who said she recruits PhDs for Amazon mentioned that I may not be slightly beyond entry level, I am aware some of the skills I have in academia are transferable but with regards to the tech skills, not sure what else to add beyond the fact that I can learn things on my own. Advice appreciated.

   1. I’m on the business side, but without an MBA or real commitment to getting a piece of paper, you’d be entry level in our roles. Online courses wouldn’t bridge what you’re missing.

   2. So many companies are looking for data scientists. You don’t need a ton of business skills to get started in that – ideally you’d partner with a business type where you’re better at the data and business type knows the questions to ask – one of my pet peeves about how companies use data science teams is asking the wrong questions and then considering it a failure when the team answered the actual question instead of the imaginary question not asked.

      I’ve been the business side of that equation and I don’t expect a lot of balance sheet/risk/business plan knowledge from the data people at all. That’s my area. I expect them to be able to get at, organize, and analyze data better than I can (my skills are basis SQL/SAS, then excel manipulation of data).

      I’ve worked alongside plenty of data scientists who are PhD or almost-PhD level chemists, physicists, mathematicians, economists/econometricians, and even less straightforwardly analytical science types.

      I suggest continuing along the tech path, maybe take some machine learning stuff.

      1. It sounds like OP doesn’t really have either of these sets of skills, though. She said she doesn’t have anything more than college level statistics classes and she doesn’t have an MBA or business experience.

         1. I think earlier she mentioned she had extensive experience in R and is brushing up on Python and SQL. I think this would get her in the door.

   3. Is there any way you can use your Phd rather than switching fields? It’s difficult to switch fields, even if you’re a quick learner and good at math. The path of least resistance would certainly be something related to chemistry in the pharma or teaching fields. I am sure you have considered this and rejected it, but just be aware that most companies looking for slightly above entry level employees are (unfortunately) not giving value to your Phd in chemistry. I do know someone with a master’s in biomedical engineering who switched fields and became an actuary, but he started entry level and was also required to take actuarial exams while working.

      1. I’m an actuary who commented above about data scientists. I agree with this. Your PhD would mean squat at most employers. It might show you have the stick-to-it-ness to endure the 5ish year exam process and give you a slight preference over an identical candidate with the same number of actuarial exams, but these days if you don’t have two exams already passed you’re probably not getting an interview at all.

      2. OP here: Yes I am trying to look for jobs where my PhD in Chemistry would be valued. So far I have applied for positions in consulting firms in my field (environment), some non-profits, including a company that deals with pharma related stuff but no success yet. Interviewed for some positions but didn’t make it. I’m starting to think of other options because I’m also wondering whether there’s greater than usual competition at this time. On teaching: I was an adjunct instructor after my PhD but made the effort to get back to research because of the poor pay and lack of job security. Adjunct teaching means temporary contracts, no health insurance and sometimes you are unsure of contract renewal. Depends on a department’s budget. Living like this was extremely stressful.

      3. OP here: Yes, have been applying to positions where my PhD is relevant e.g. consulting companies in my field, non profits etc. But no success yet. Some interviews but no offers. Trying to think of other options because of this.
         Taught as an adjunct after PhD, decided to get back to research due to low pay and lack of job security, and no health insurance. Contracts were renewed from one semester to the next, and sometimes renewal wasn’t guaranteed. I’m reluctant to go back to that because of the stress and anxiety of working under such conditions.

         1. I’m late in the day, but consider https://www.amazon.jobs/en/jobs/1110082/research-scientist-sustainability!

3. Thank you note question: For lateral law firm associate interviews, do folks typically send a thank you email? I was always taught you should send an email for any interview. That said, when we were in law school, my school told us no need during OCI, because decisions are made so quickly and an email would come after the decision was made, is a potential trap for typos or mistakes, etc.

   Thanks!

   1. I’ve always sent thank you emails, including in my most recent lateral move (partner level). It doesn’t have to be a one-sided thank you. You can write it as a “so great to meet you, enjoyed our conversation, thanks for the lunch, etc” Lateral decisions aren’t made as fast as OCI so I think that timing considerations shouldn’t stop you from sending it.

   2. I would send one. I have been on hiring committees for my firm and always notice and appreciate a thank you note.

      1. On a law firm recruiting committee and yes, always send a thank you.

         I always forward on to our recruiting manager and it gets noted in the file.

   3. I was never a fan of thank you emails in the past (also as a hiring manager I did not feel like they were a requirement), but in my recent (successful) job search the recruiters stressed their importance and I was careful to send one to each interviewer.

   4. Absolutely yes, though I guess this could depend on market. For my last lateral interview, I sent a thank you note the evening after the email and got a response back in 10 min asking me for a second interview. They had clearly been waiting for me to send a thank you note before offering me the second interview.

      1. That’s quite the leap.

4. What time do you normally eat your Thanksgiving meal? We are always informed: “We will eat promptly at noon!” while actually sitting down to eat anywhere from 2-4PM.

   1. We usually plan for 3pm, with the understanding it could be a half hour or so either way, as it all depends on the turkey and sometimes it doesn’t come to temp right on schedule. I’ve been hosting for 10+ years and use the same method every time (Alton Brown’s Good Eats method) so at this point we’re pretty close in guessing timing based on poundage.

      In the BeforeTimes, we hosted around 20-25 people and some might leave early or arrive later, so with apps and desserts, food is basically available from noon until 7pm. This year it’s just my immediate family of 4 and it’s a much smaller turkey than we’re used to (still 11 pounds, I love those leftovers!) so I’m less confident in my timing. I’m hoping we’ll eat around 2 so my kids don’t totally riot, but we’ll see. The beauty is that no one will be around to judge if we get it wrong!

   2. We are 3-4ish or whenever the turkey is done. Please don’t be too hard on people who don’t get the timing exactly right. I’ve been doing this for 20+ years and there’s still a range around when the turkey will be done. Those hard and fast minutes per pounds rules don’t always work perfectly.

      1. Yes, and when you’re opening the oven over and over to cook side dishes and check on progress, the oven loses a lot of heat and you have to cook the turkey longer. I’ve had turkeys take an hour longer than the recipe called for.

         I think we typically eat around 2 or 3.

         1. Especially when people come over with a dish you didn’t ask them to bring and it “just needs half an hour or so in the oven!” Please don’t do this!

            1. Oh my gosh, yes! I know the rule is “don’t arrive empty handed,” but don’t bring a dish without checking with your host, especially if it needs time in the oven! If they assure you dinner and dessert are well covered, or tell you the oven won’t be available, you can always bring wine or beer.

   3. That happens to me too at my mother in laws house. I get allowing room for error; four hours late isn’t room for error. I have eaten a sandwich on the way before, and/or brought snacks for me and the kids (nothing rude, just extra appetizers I know the kids will eat).

   4. OP here. I wasn’t trying to complain, just sharing what I thought was a funny observation with my question. I hosted last year and it was the same: “We’re definitely eating at 3PM this year.” Only to sit down an hour and a half later. I’ve done Thanksgiving with over 20 people and with four, and it’s always the same over/under. And for sure a pro tip to bring snacks for the kiddos!

   5. I must be from the uptight side of the street. Growing up, and now when I host, the meal is timed for 1 hour after the guests arrive. And it is ready at that time! All of it. A la minute. I have a series of spreadsheets and timelines with which I accomplish this feat of hostessing.

      1. Do you not do much of appetizers or mingling? The pre-meal mingling id my favorite part of holidays!

         1. We do cocktail hour, which is one hour. The assumption is that the guests arrive on time, so that’s a whole hour before the meal for hanging out and catching up. The TV is off. There is No Football. There are cheese/crackers, but no heavy/endless apps. Like I said, I come from the uptight side of the street. Honestly, the whole thing spins out to about 4 hours including after dinner drinks (liqueurs in tiny glasses) and dessert/coffee, and can get pretty raucous. So it’s really formal, but also a lot of fun!

            1. I would like to attend this party, please.

         2. Only minor appetizers (veggies, dip, maybe cheese and crackers) with such a big meal. We eat on the early side of dinner – like a 4:30-5 pm or so. I had never heard of doing TG at noon or so til I was an adult as both my husband and I grew up with TG as dinner.

   6. That’s so annoying. I get it, some people suck at being on time and you wanna make sure those people are there when you want them there, but if you tell me to be somewhere at noon, I’ll do my best to be there at noon (and try not to arrive early), and I’d be really mad if they were like “oh yeah no we’ll be eating closer to 3, we just wanted to make sure everyone was here by then.”

      My family eats Thanksgiving dinner at “dinner” time – roughly 7PM. I didn’t even know until my late 20’s that it was actually common to eat Thanksgiving either at lunchtime or somewhere in the middle of the afternoon. Is it so people can drive to the dinner in the morning and have enough time to drive home? I guess that makes sense. But I am thankful that in “regular” years, my boyfriend’s family eats early and then we have plenty of time to get from one family to the other. But we’re obviously not doing the usual 2-family/2-dinner thing.

      This year, we’ll probably eat a series of little meals throughout the day, but dinner will likely be around 6 or 7.

      1. Sometime older people don’t like to drive in the dark.

         1. When my grandparents were alive but no longer driving at night someone in the family would just pick them up and bring them over. Easy solution!

         2. Yep, makes sense.

      2. Yeah I think I was today years old when I realized it was common to eat at lunch or mid afternoon! We always eat at dinner time, on both sides of my family.

         It let’s the guys in my family play in all of their various turkey bowls (I think every man 65 and young in my family plays in a turkey bowl – all different ones), it lets the 20 somethings (me) get over our hangovers, it lets the younger cousins go to the parade, it lets people see the other side of the family, etc.

         We gather around 4, eat around 7 and hangout until around 10?

      3. I like a late afternoon meal because we skip lunch and are good and hungry for the feast. But then there’s time to take a leisurely walk after the meal and digest for a while.

         Pumpkin or pecan pie plus coffee (decaf for me) are usually served around regular dinner time.

         1. Ah – my family likes to do a walk in the morning and then eat at normal time!

            Usually eat breakfast, but not lunch, have apps starting around 3 with dinner around 6/7.

      4. Growing up, we alternated lunches and dinners for Thanksgiving and Christmas Day between both sets of grandparents, so we saw everyone on every holiday, and both sides got a “big meal” (lunch, obviously, since it comes first) each year. Now we do similarly with my family and my husband’s family, although his family is never helpful in scheduling, so it seems like we’re always leaving one early or getting to one late. But after 12 years of marriage, it’s just the norm now. Of course, both of our families are in the same town, and we don’t have kids, which makes it a whole lot easier to do both.

   7. Usually around 11 or 12, but we (in normal times) go to a hotel brunch rather than actually cooking ourselves, so it’s a reservation. I have no idea what time we’ll re-heat our precooked trader joe’s turkey for two this year.

   8. We eat dinner, so sometime between 6 and 7:30? When there were young kids in the family, it was probably between 5-6 to accommodate early bedtimes.

      Normally show up sometime between 3:30 and 4:30, have some apps, eat at a normal dinner time and then hang out until 10 or so?

   9. Noon. In the house I grew up in, it was the cook’s preference to cook early, eat, and then spend the rest of the day relaxing and let there be leftovers available for dinner / grazing later in the day. Both grandmothers were the same way. Having kids now, who at lunch at noon and not at 3, this continued. I thought about changing it this year, but I’d rather be done with my work earlier in the day than lose a day for making a meal. Also, we have a puppy, so I have to get up same time I usually do and won’t be sleeping in. IMO leftovers are the better meal anyway, so hitting the gas on the day and getting a good meal and then a better meal feels right.

   10. In the before times, we coooked for 20+, and usually said “arrive any time after 12, we’ll eat at 3-3:30” and usually met that goal within a few minutes. In my midwestern family, most people know that you don’t then showup at 2:59 or after 3.

5. For those of you with a resume… how many pages is it, and what do you currently do? My career services team said one page resume for life, rare exception if you had a first career and substantial related work experience that might be relevant to your legal work (I.e., CPA, “fixer” for flailing companies). Ten years out of school I’m seeing so many resumes from 1L candidates that are 2-3 pages, and most of my friends with undergrad only degrees seem to submit what I would call a C.V. Thoughts?

   1. 2 pages – work experience is all post-law work experience and I am 12 years out. Still a lawyer :)

   2. One page. It’s a good exercise in editing and clarity.

   3. I have a one page resume, I achieved this by using the side bar format. Things can look squeezed in this format though. To create a one page resume sites like Canva and Overleaf have templates you can use.
      I also have a 2 page resume, same content as in the side bar resume but with more spacing and slightly more detailed descriptions of what I did in previous jobs. I usually list my publications in an entirely separate document.
      For context I am in academia but in the process of changing careers, hence the one page resume, easy for someone to have a look at my background.

   4. Sounds like you’re in law so maybe less relevant. I’m in Corporate Finance and Accounting. Usually it’s 1 page for about 8-10 years of experience, or about 4 separate roles, then I expect to start to see it bleed onto a second page. Even at the VP level, it’s rarely longer than 2 pages (some of the more junior roles are omitted or blended).

   5. 1 page, masters, 5 years out of school. I have had a lot of consulting etc work so that’s taken some creative formatting, definitely wondering when people take it to a second page

      For example, if you were at one company for 10 years that’s different from if you were at a few over the same 10 years

   6. At thirty + years’ experience, I’ve finally broken the one page rule. A recruiter I was working with wanted me to provide more actual things I’ve been responsible for and not just job titles. In addition, I’ve done a lot of committee work and speaking engagements, and was encouraged to add categories for that.

      I would try hard not to go over two pages.

   7. Mine is two pages – there’s no way I could fit relevant experience on one page. I have eight positions to list, plus more stuff.

      1. Do you have to list all eight? I don’t include past positions that were junior or less relevant to my current role. A resume isn’t expected to be comprehensive.

         1. I am an expert in my somewhat technical field because I have experience doing these other things, so it would be detrimental not to list them.

         2. I’d be worried it might look like job gaps if you leave things out.(But also easy for me to say when all jobs held have been in the same area roughly.)

   8. 2 pages. If I get more publications, it will be 3. It’s already ruthlessly edited.

   9. There’s almost no reason for a 1L to have a two-page resume, unless she had a two-page resume from her previous career in investment banking.

      I have a two page resume (two careers, previous one relevant to the current one). I got hired on in my current role in part because my company works with my previous-career company.

   10. 1 page. I get really cranky with traditional (i.e., younger, 20-something) students who go over 1 page. I want a 20-something who’s aware enough to know that the standard is 1 page and that the only people who are “allowed” to exceed that are senior professionals or people with exceptional careers. If that student doesn’t know what the standard is for whatever reason, I want a student who’s aware enough to know they’re unaware and go to career services/the internet/the library.

       1. +1 to this. No entry level applicant needs two pages.

   11. 2 pages as a lawyer with 15 years of experience. I’ve been told by headhunters that lawyers get their second page after 10 years of work. I gave side eye to 2Ls interviewing for summer associate positions with resumes longer than 1 page – the only good explanation is a very impressive and/or highly relevant pre law school career.

   12. I’ve been working for 15+ years and am now senior management. I moved onto two pages after seeing many, many resumes of people at my level fill 2 pages. I’m at 1.5.

   13. For lateral candidates at my law firm, we see a one-page resume and a representative matters attachment (or a two-page resume that got to two pages because of representative matters).

6. has anyone had success toning with yoga? been doing BBG for a bit but thinking to switch to yoga bc it is included in my peloton subscription (and i don’t want to pay for two subscriptions) and because of the mental health benefits. but don’t want to lose all the toning I got with BBG!

   1. With the giant grain of salt that I’m by no means in shape right now: have you considered the PWR at home workout on the SWEAT app? I switched from BBG to pwr at home and I really liked it and found I got better results than bbg as far as “toning” ( I think I actually just built a little muscle but I didn’t look like Kelsey by aaaany stretch of the imagination.) I think yoga is great for mental health but I don’t find it efficient for changing body composition.

   2. I love the peleton strength classes – try some of them!

   3. My arms were noticeably toned within 2 months of starting yoga. If you do something rigorous like Ashtanga/power yoga (vs yin which is just stretching) then yes it’s definitely good for toning.

   4. I do the kind of yoga that is more like isometric exercises, and if you are picking the right positions will absolutely get a toning effect. Even though I haven’t been able to go to the gym for months, I still have the hint of a six-pack due to my yoga praxis

   5. Either can work–but more weight resistance is better, so yoga is actually really great for this. Visible toning though is almost entirely tied to food–macro tracking can easily “tone” you, even without a change in activitiy.

7. Full disclosure: I haven’t googled this yet. But I’m noticing my fingernails have white horizontal wavy lines along the top, and vertical ridges down the body of the nail. Does anyone know what the beauty/health magazines will tell me this means, and if it actually means that? Thanks!

   1. Take a multivitamin, with iron. It’s usually iron deficiency. I was very anemic for about a year due to a medical condition (which could not be corrected via vitamin supplements) and my nails looked like this – my doctors warned me it would happen and it did!

   2. This is a natural part of aging, but can also be a sign of anemia.

   3. Zinc deficiency

   4. I think it is some sort of vitamin deficiency. But nothing that will kill you.

   5. The vertical ridges don’t mean anything – I’ve had those my whole life and beauty magazines assure me I’m healthy ;) The white lines could be maybe from fake nails or pressure on your nails when they were further down the nail bed? Don’t know about those.

   6. I think the magazines will say iron anemia.

   7. Vertical ridges are perfectly normal. Apparently they get more pronounced as you age.
      Are the white lines on all the nails? Are they where the nail is attached to the nail bed or on the tips once they grow out?

   8. A white spot on the nail is often an injury to the nailbed growing out. Like you lightly crushed your fingernail in a cabinet door or whatever a few weeks ago.

      The ridges happen with age, if you’re taking about a ridge that’s vertical when you point at the sky. I am 55 and have two distinct ridges that cause my nails to split vertically (that’s as fun as it sounds) if I let my nails get too long.

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