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I keep hearing good things about Portland Leather — and they have some great sales happening today.
This tote backpack is one of their best sellers, and I love the minimal vibe to it — just soft leather and well thought out gold zippers.
(I do wish the straps had a bit more padding, but I'm sure this is fine if your load is on the lighter side. The brand also makes a laptop tote backpack!)
And the best part is today's deal: the retail price is $340, but is marked down to $199 — but with code today it comes down to $148. Nice.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Anecdata
I’ve heard mixed reviews about Portland Leather — they moved their production outside of the US and quality has decreased (while their targeted advertising absolutely seems to have increased)
Been on the fence – anyone bought in the last few months and have an opinion?
(also that “today only” 25% off is available every single day, no matter what, so don’t feel pressured to buy fast)
Anonymous
I bought the medium cross body bag and really like it. I’ve been on an endless quest for a bag that won’t hold too much (or I’ll stuff it) but will be sturdy and stylish. I got it in a green that appears to be discontinued. This bag is unlined and I don’t miss that. It would be better if it had two outside pockets, but the one is large enough to hold lip glosses, keys, etc. The inside pocket is a bit smaller. Wish it had a pocket or something to hold a pen. All in all, I would definitely buy again.
Anonymous
My daughter bought a bag about 3 months ago and it seems to be of good quality.
JTM
I got a small crossbody and a wallet a few months ago and I like both of them. They seem to be well made and are durable for daily use.
BeenThatGuy
My laptop bag is from Portland Leather and it’s so so so heavy. I hate it but haven’t sprung for a new bag yet.
Anon
Wasn’t their “made in the US” one of their huge selling points? How disappointing that they went off-shore after all.
Velma
I bought a triangle bag–pretty deep red color–in May. I really like it. Reminds me of old Coach bags. Unlined, sturdy, sensible design.
Anon
Oh interesting I didn’t know that.
I have several bags – the market tote (great medium shoulder bag) and mini crossbody in a fun purple color, and a makeup bag in “sangria.” I really like them and the quality seems great so far, ~9 months in.
Anon
Biggest personal lessons you’ve learned about yourself, your feelings, or life in general?
I’ll start:
1) My need to be better than others comes from deep insecurity
2) When I have overblown emotional reactions, it’s from past trauma and not the current situation
3) Life is so much easier when you don’t sweat the small stuff and let most things go / let people be as they are
4) I’m allowed to run my own race – I don’t have to care about impressing anyone or what anyone is thinking about me, and I get to make up my own scoreboard
Anon
Numbers 1 and 2: are you my supervisor? Because that would explain a lot about the way you treat your staff.
Anon
OP here – neither of those affect how I treat people anymore! Though I guess being aware of them does a lot to change that. Hopefully your supervisor is in therapy.
Anonymous
This is so my supervisor. She’s a single miserable woman 20 years my senior, who is so jealous of my basic life stuff (house & partner) so she makes my work life awful since it’s the only area she is ‘better’ than me.
Anon
I feel like you’re saying that @ OP, which is not kind, and also… #smugmarried
coming from a married person.
Anon
Yeah this is very smugmarried, and feels kind of misogynistic too. I doubt you’d say that about an unmarried, older male boss. We have this patriarchal notion that all women are striving for a husband and family and the ones who don’t have it are bitter and sad, but that’s not reality for everyone.
Anon
Seriously WTH. OP is saying this is a lesson she has learned, which means she is aware of it and dealing. Probably this was meant as sarcasm, but unkind to someone being vulnerable.
Anonymous
I’m sorry, but unlikely.
Anonymous
Well, I had a boss who was having fertility problems and would behave horribly towards anyone who dared to get pregnant, even if they’d previously been her favorite employee. It happens.
anon
Yeesh. Very curious how you came to that conclusion.
Anonymous
My supervisor explicitly told my colleague (who is my IRL BFF) that I ‘didn’t deserve to be married’. Seemed pretty clear to me.
anon
Yeah I doubt this. I can’t imagine anyone has so much extra bandwidth that they’d decide to make your work life awful just to punish you (and presumably all your coworkers who also have houses and partners, unlike this unlovable shrew) for things that have thing to do with her.
Anon
What if… you are bad at your job and she is responsible for your work life?
Not all single women are miserable.
Anon
Yeah, I feel like this is way more likely.
Anonymous
I’m great at my job, which is another sticking point, she doesn’t get picked to represent our organization for international negotiations, I do.
Anon
And yet, she’s the boss and you aren’t…
Anon
Lol. This sure got all the angry, bitter single women on this site – and there are a lot of them – riled up.
I’ve seen the exact same behavior from single, childless female supervisors, just FYI. And I’m a woman myself. But I have pledged to never again work for an unmarried childless woman or hire one for my teams because the vast majority I have encountered are, in fact, bitter, angry and unpleasant to be around. Once I spend any amount of time with them, it’s honestly not hard to understand why they’re single. I’m sure there are really great, fun, laid back and easygoing single childless women in the world, but I have yet to encounter any at work. And when I do encounter them, I steer clear. Just like I’d steer clear of most women on this board, if I had the misfortune of meeting them in real life.
Anon
I really think we must have a troll here. Who decided all single women are angry and bitter? I’m married but most of my long term single friends are happier than my married friends.
Anon
I’m one of several people who pushed back on the original comment and I’m happily married fwiw. But it’s super sexist to say unmarried women are all sad and bitter. Also super duper illegal to consider someone’s gender and marital status in hiring or promotion, so I hope you’re not exposing your company to a lawsuit!
Anon
Wow, people…. just….. Wow.
Anon
I’ve seen this play out in my workplace too. My supervisor is jealous of a married colleague who has a family. It makes things really awkward when she offers the snarky “must be nice” remarks to said colleague.
Anonymous
I had a male colleague who was nasty to anyone with kids because his wife didn’t want kids so they were childfree. “Must be nice” was one of his favorite digs.
Anon
Even when it’s possible that I’m wrong and others are right, I will feel like decisions that I was pressured into but which felt wrong to me at the time are mistakes and struggle to live with them? (Not sure what to do with this information, but it’s a pattern for sure.)
Anon
I am a terrible drunk and was numbing myself with alcohol for a long time. Turns out I actually do have feelings! Who knew lol
I do not need my job to be my identity, nor do I care about titles or have any ego in getting credit at work. I am enjoying basically coasting and making good money and enjoying my life outside of work and I have no shame about it.
I think I am someone who is just not suited to being in a romantic relationship and I am pretty at peace with it now. If I meet someone and it works out, great. If not, also great. But I am not twisting myself up about it. My life is rich and lovely just the way it is. Loneliness comes and goes and for me, is usually a very limited experience.
Some people are not going to like me. I am not going to like some people. That’s perfectly fine! We can be polite regardless.
anon
i heard a phrase recently that sums up #2: if you’re hysterical, its historical.
Anonymous
I can casually be a lot colder than is acceptable in most social situations and have to be wary of what or how I respond with acquaintances and old friends
My natural state is a pretty lazy one and I need goals or plans to overcome that
I’m an Extreme Introvert
Hildegarde
My twin!
anon
Ha, is Extreme Introversion a sport? If so it sounds like a sport I would be very good at.
anon
Gosh this is me to a tee. In most cases my feelings are neutral which comes across as expressionless/uncaring. I’ve learned some default responses including proper facial expressions to react to people (smile, baby announcements are happy events!) but it definitely doesn’t come naturally to me.
Me
1. Starting my day with a sweaty cardio session makes the whole day even better.
2. I’m happy and optimistic but not everyone is.
3. I am working on not letting other people’s negativity bring down my happiness.
4. I’m a super introvert and time at home alone is really the only restorative way to spend time alone.
Anonymous
People are not improvement projects.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Anon
Yep. Or as Taylor Swift said “Putting someone first only works when you’re their top 5.”
Senior Attorney
Amen to both of those!!
Anon
1. My work is not my identity. Corollary: Beware of people who think their work is their identity.
2. I have some serious RBF and it puts people off. Corollary: Being smiley feels fake to me but wow people sure treat me better.
3. Comparison really is the thief of joy.
4. I genuinely need 8 or more hours sleep per night and am a much better person and a much better lawyer when I get it.
Anon
All of this for me too! Except I really need 9 hours.
Anne-on
So I have RBF combined with a very expressive face if I’m not controlling my reactions. This (was) combatted by regular (quarterly) botox but I’m letting it lapse for a bit. The amount of times people have commented ‘wow, you look unhappy about this plan’ or ‘wow, you look uneasy about that’ on calls is amazing to me. Nope! I just have full facial movement and forgot to put my ‘pleasant listening’ face on for zooms. Ugh.
Anne-on
Setting boundaries means you get to chose and communicate YOUR actions/choices but not that you can dictate other people’s actions/choices/emotions about your choices. And being a grownup means accepting that other people may not be happy about your choices.
Also – I am under no obligation to warn you about, mitigate, or otherwise solve for problems that arise from your bad decisions if you’ve previously turned down my offer of help or advice. Caveat that this does not apply to work situations where I’m paid to problem solve, my child or spouse (in situations that negatively impact me – I’m not leaving my husband at the airport if he forgot to book the car service and I did it instead). But have I serenely eaten the snack I packed for me/my kiddo and watched my movie while my husband grumbles that he didn’t like the snack box options Delta has on the plane? Yes, yes I have.
Anonymous
You don’t pack snacks for the whole family?!?
Anon
haha…. I wondered a same thing!
Anne-on, do you often have to “teach your husband a lesson”? Is he a misogynist that you are trying to reform or ??
Anon
if you and your spouse are both in a wedding, it’s customary to walk down the aisle together, isn’t it? my parents were both part of the wedding party at my mom’s brother’s wedding many years ago and i was the flower girl and my parents walked down the aisle together, at my sister’s wedding my husband and i were both in the wedding party and walked down together, but now at my SIL’s wedding in which our daugthers are the flower girls she wants me to walk down the aisle with a random groomsman and my husband to walk down with a random bridesmaid, which is strange, right?
Anon
Not really. Don’t make it about you. It’s a 1 minute walk at most.
Anon
+1. It’s not your wedding so who cares?
Anon
+100
Anon
Not necessarily. Most weddings I’ve been to care more about appearances than anything else, so who walks down the aisle with who depends on where people are standing, which depends on their role on the ceremony and on height. Relationships have nothing to do with it.
NY CPA
+1
Anon
+1, this isn’t weird at all to me. The order is typically either based on height or closeness to the bride/groom. I would just guess that you either fall differently on the height spectrum within the bridesmaids than your husband does on the groomsmen side, or that your brother is closer to the groom than you are to the bride (which is likely if this is his brother/sister).
Vicky Austin
+1. I came very close to walking with a high school ex at the wedding of the HS friends who set us up in the first place, and I told the bride I’d do it if she needed me to, as long as I had time to mentally prepare! Like others have said, it’s 30 seconds of not-your wedding. It’ll be fine.
always anon
it’s so funny to me that the wedding ceremonies would be more about appearances than relationships… weddings should be a cause to celebrate our relationships, even if everyone isn’t matchy matchy. seems silly to focus on people having the same height and separating real couples for artificial ones. but agreed, i wouldn’t say anything and just go with it!
Anon
Wedding ceremonies should be about celebrating the couple getting married. Who cares if the bridesmaids and groomsmen are paired with people they aren’t married to.
Anon
+1 This would not even register for me for something to be concerned about. Or at least not in the top 100 cares that day.
Anon
+1
A lot depends on where you rank in the bridal party and the corresponding height of your aisle escort.
Not weird to me.
Cat
strange, but not a big enough deal to actually object to.
Anon
No.
Anon
Generally, I think what you’re describing is traditional in Christian weddings, except that MOH/Best Man normally walk together so if your husband is best man and you’re just a regular bridesmaid, I wouldn’t expect to walk together. And then there are different traditions in other cultures, like in Jewish weddings the bridesmaids and groomsmen aren’t normally paired up with the opposite sex.
But ultimately, I think the bride can do whatever she wants and I wouldn’t die on this hill. It’s 30 seconds of your life.
Anon
It really just depends on where you are standing when at the alter, which is based on various factors (role in the wedding, closeness to the couple, etc). It’s one minute, you can walk with someone besides your husband
anon
Unusual but not worth making an issue out of it.
Anon
Like everything about a wedding to me is weird. Each week at church, I find my way from one end of it to the other and back BY MYSELF and do just fine. At weddings, it is not like this. WHY? Did people used to get lost? Go to the wrong side? And also: who cares who is paired up with whom? This is not a key party.
Anon
LOL to “this is not a key party.”
Anon
This is the pearl-clutchiest post in a long time!
Anonymous
Customary unless (1) doesn’t reflect the roles, like MOH and best man will usually walk together or (2) messes with the visuals by placing people of vastly different heights next to each other in a longer line of attendants.
If the issue is #2 – could you walk together but not stand in the same order? Otherwise I don’t see the big deal about walking separately.
Anonymous
Walking in and out together but not standing in that order sounds like chaos. It will be confusing to everyone.
But if they’re doing some cheesy entrance into the reception that involves for example doing a stupid dance with your “partner” then I think I’d ask to be paired with my SO. Introducing couples together makes a lot more sense for the benefit of other guests who might not know all the attendants.
Anon
Ugh I effing hate these and hated participating in them and hate watching them. Hate, hate, hate.
Anon
Some weddings I see couples walk down together and some weddings they’re separate. It’s no big deal either way. Just go with the flow.
Usually I think it depends how couples’ have their bridesmaids and groomsmen stand. Some do it in height order, some pair people up on purpose, some have those closest to the bride stand closest to the bride.
I’m sure back in the day married couples were partnered up because it was “improper” to escort / be escorted by someone who isn’t your spouse. Thankfully those days are behind us!
Regardless, it doesn’t matter at all. Just walk with who you’re assigned with!
Anonymous
Back in the day married women weren’t bridesmaids!
Anon
Right — it’s not “bridesmatrons”
Anon
And married women actually were frequently escorted/accompanied in social situations by men other than their husbands (eg being escorted from the dance floor to dinner at a ball/dance) – in fact, at formal dinners married couples were not seated together! It was considered bad manners to spend too much time interacting with your spouse at a formal dinner, evening dance, etc. As a married lady you traditionally had more latitude for interaction with unrelated men, rather than less.
Anon
No, I think you’re the one being weird.
Anon
+1 Do you not trust your husband? Are you writing in from 1950?
Anon
i agree this is so strange. every wedding i’ve attended where both husband and wife are in the wedding they walk down together. in this case it’s your husband’s sister getting married so it’s not like he’s the best man, so positioning in terms of best man/maid of honor shouldn’t matter. in fact whenever i’ve attended a wedding with kids in the wedding party and the parents are in the wedding, the parents walk down right before the flower girls/ring bearers even if that means messing up the traditional order so that it’s easier on the kids. i was the matron of honor at my sister’s wedding and walked down with my husband rather than the best man (brother of the groom) bc he walked down with his own wife. even though it’s strange i wouldn’t make a thing out of it, unless you think it will significantly impact the kids.
joan wilder
Even if the consensus is universal that this is strange (and so far it isn’t), it would be wildly inappropriate to say anything to your SIL. Whoever you walk with will be the way you to to the end of the aisle to watch her get married to someone she presumable loves and makes her happy–thats what matters in the end.
Anonymous
Yeah but who cares? I would assume she has her own reasons and just go along
Senior Attorney
Echoing everybody else. If you want to poison your relationship with your SIL, by all means make an issue of this. Otherwise just walk with the randos and smile.
Anonymous
The couple wants people in a particular order for some reason and it happened to bump you and DH out of place vis a vis each other. We could guess all day long why the order is important, you may or may not ever find out. Maybe there are exes in the wedding party who want to stay far away from each other. Maybe some of the bridesmaids or groomsmen hate each other and don’t want to stand next to each other. Maybe bride or groom or both want immediate family standing closer to them and friends after. Or idk maybe she passive aggressively wants to get under your skin.
In your shoes I would be curious because I’m nosey. But also I would not say anything because it will come off as a complaint. And if she did it to annoy you then I wouldn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing it worked.
Anon
Whether it’s weird or not you need to just put on a pleasant face and get on with it. Personally I don’t think it’s weird. Others do. Regardless, unless you are being asked to walk with someone for whom you have a nonnegotiable abhorrence that is well based in facts, say nothing, smile, and get on with it. This is not a hill to die on.
Anonymous
I thought it was usually based on role (MOH/best man) and then height?
Anon
It would never occur to me that you expect to walk with your SO. I’ve always seen the pairs based on height order, maybe with the best man and MOH first. It’s a thirty second walk, get over it.
Anonymous
This is an odd expectation. If you were a guest, you’d be seated by an usher who was not your spouse.
Explorette
This question reminds me of my ex, who would insist we drive to events together (even when it was waaay more convenient for me to meet him there) or always had to sit on the same side of the table vs across from each other and similar things. Because if we didn’t, then random people wouldn’t know we were together. He had such extreme insecurity he needed the world to see that we “belonged together.” I hope I’m reading too much into this from my lens, but if there is any part to your thoughts about this that stem from an insecurity to not be physically next to your husband, you should look into that.
Anon
At my wedding and the three weddings I’ve been a bridesmaid in, the bridesmaids walked down the aisle solo. I didn’t like the idea of women needing to be escorted by guys. That said, none of us got married in a religious venue and most of us were not Christian, so probably not what most Americans think of as “traditional” weddings.
Anon
I was too late for the niche video talk this morning, but I wanted to comment that I obsessively watched makeup videos during lockdown & continue to this day. I personally wear the same small handful of products over and over for a natural look, but I’m fully convinced I could hang out my shingle as a pro makeup artist at this point, offering anything from bridal makeup to cut crease borderline drag looks. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
No Face
I loved videos of luxury sports cars drag racing for a while. I drive a minivan in real life.
Anon
Are you me?
Very happy with the responsiveness of the Odyssey and I didn’t buy a Sienna based on my fear of rolling it on the many highway ramps featuring crazy (IMO) banked turns. [Will retest the AWD hybrid and Odyssey but I keep wanting the van, but more bad-as$.]
Anonymous
I really wish we were friends and you could do my makeup for parties.
OP
I cannot tell you how overjoyed / overconfident I would be to do so!
Anonymous
LOL
NY CPA
I watch a ridiculous amount of videos by Disney World Youtubers, and I havent been to Disney in probably 5 years and have no plans to go for the foreseeable future. It’s my guilty pleasure. Started watching the videos around the time of my most recent trip, and then I just never stopped because I liked the people in them.
Anonymous
Yes! I love Disney land/world/cruise videos.
Would not be caught dead in actual Disney, and haven’t even watched the films, like Aladdin or Lion King.
Anon
This is awesome. I’m watching the JDrama Animals right now (its promotion is weird and make it look steamy; it’s actually just a sitcomy rom com about a dream job at a trendy makeup company named Animal Beauty). I would love to wake up with unearned make up skills and admire everyone who has actually invested in developing this skill set.
Anonymous
Shouldn’t a service-based business be able to give me a detailed invoice listing dates of service and prices? One of my sons’ therapists (which has screwed up billing in the past) just told me I owed $1000+ with a single line item.
Anon
Yes. They absolutely should. I would not pay that bill without it being itemized out either.
Monday
+100.
Anon
+ 1 with CPT codes.
Anon
It’s extremely annoying that you have to ask, but this is healthcare and you have every right to an itemized invoice. If they filed insurance claims on your behalf or you need to file, then I would expect a breakdown by CPT code. Request all of this in writing and if they can’t provide it, then go from there (i.e, filing a formal complaint, etc.). Of course, if you love this therapist, then be a little softer but still inquire.
Anonymous
Like when my fertility clinic told me “IVF is $9000” and I was like ok great what specifically does that include. And they carried on like it was an outlandish question! “No one has ever asked that before” like not my problem, I want to know what I am paying for! I still get random bills from them that are like “balance: $270” and everytime I demand an itemized invoice before I pay.
anon
Absolutely ask for an itemized bill, with dates and charges for each… especially if he is running his own business.
Errors occur in health care like this all the time, and honestly most of the time people never bother to check and just pay. Probably most of the time it is the providers fault for being disorganized/sloppy/trying to save money by night hiring a pro to do their billing. But honestly, I feel that this type of behavior is borderline fraud (and sometimes purposeful), as I am convinced many providers know that no one checks the details.
NEVER pay a bill for a hospital admission without requesting the itemized bill.
Anon
I had to switch my daughter’s therapist because she absolutely refused to provide any sort of professional bill. I spent enough with her that I would have met our annual out of network deductible, and could have received partial payment, AND I couldn’t submit any of the bills I paid to my HSA because I didn’t have an EOB rejecting payment.
It still makes me mad, and wherever you are, Patricia, screw you.
crash
Patricia, you are awful and shouldn’t be a healthcare provider….abusing the desperation of parents trying to find a decent therapist to help their child.
Anon
That’s a very bad sign
Vicky Austin
Yes, they should, and if they can’t, this is a big red flag for how their business is run. My husband has left jobs in the past because the owners saw nothing wrong with being billed six figures for “services rendered” from a consultant who had no contract with the business.
Anne-on
Yup, big red flag mainly because there is no way in heck you can submit this and get reimbursed. I’ve resigned myself to every decent therapist either not taking insurance or being ‘full’ with insured patients but at least make it easy for me to submit the itemized invoices myself!
Also I have quit PT offices before for billling issues – one tried to foist bills on me for days I was demonstrably out of town for work and then claimed it was a ‘systems’ issue. Twice. Ugh.
Anecdata
They SHOULD but in healthcare all bets are off
If your work or insurance has some kind of patient/billing advocate, absolutely take advantage of them
Anon
I keep seeing things on social media about men only being as faithful as their options. In my immediate experience I haven’t seen this to be true – my boyfriend has had tons of women hit on him, and is close friends with a model who used to have a crush on him. Pigs would probably fly before he’d ever engage with any of the opportunities. But he does have another friend who has a girlfriend much more attractive than him, and I’ve observed a few weird things he’s done (grinding intimately on a girl he was obviously attracted to and going to a brothel [waiting for a friend, not doing anything himself]) and having it be a “Don’t tell my girlfriend” thing. He’s on track to be very wealthy in his career and I wonder if having options will change how faithful he is in the future.
Anyway – what do you think? Are men as faithful only as their options or is that incel-world BS?
Anon
I think it’s an oversimplification but there’s a grain of truth to it. I do not think my husband would cheat just because an attractive woman hit on him, and I think the same is true of many of his close male friends. But I think most famous and powerful men (like actors, politicians, etc.) don’t stay faithful in large part because they know they have so many opportunities. And gay men are generally way less interested in monogamy than straight men, and it seems pretty clear that having more options is a big factor in that.
Monday
I think “actors, politicians, etc.” often tend toward narcissism, which is what drew them into their professions. I am never surprised when they cheat, but it’s not because they’re the only ones with options. It’s because it’s all about them!
My understanding is that gay male culture has always tended toward non-monogamy or casual hookups, even when people are in committed relationships.
Anon
I definitely think narcissism is a factor for many people who seek out fame, but I think having so many options is also a factor. Like I doubt everyone in the NBA is a narcissist, but I would guess that almost none of them are faithful.
anon
You also see this behavior among very wealthy men in very high earning roles/high prestige. I mean perhaps there is some narcissism, or perhaps there is a personality type that tends to be drawn to placing a high value in jobs earning lots of money/prestige. There’s a reason there are so many 2nd marriages to trophy younger wives…. Women don’t do this. Men do…. because they can.
Anonymous
There is a theory that men who exert the energy to get into very powerful positions actually do so on order to create more sexual opportunities. So it’s kind of the reverse. This makes sense from a biological/anthropological perspective.
anon
I see it as a character issue rather than an options issue.
anon
Strongly agree.
Anon
So do I.
Anon
Yep.
Anne-on
Strongly agree. Also while I think big stars like Leo DiCaprio/Drake get flack for dating around I think their approach is a heck of a lot more ethical than settling down/marrying someone only to cheat on them constantly.
Anon
Totally agree. Like Wilt Chamberlain, who never married because he said he knew he couldn’t be faithful to one person. I think it’s much smarter and more ethical for someone to never marry or settle down seriously, and just keep dating, if they know monogamy isn’t for them. One thing I don’t understand in high-profile cheating cases is where the husband comes out and says “I just don’t know if I’m capable of being faithful to one person for the rest of my life” is – then why the heck did you get married??? It’s not a legal requirement.
Anon
Your question is phrased weirdly, but if the hypothesis you’re laying out there is men with options cheat and men without options (everyone, EVERYONE has options) don’t. . . I think it’s a bunch of malarkey and that you shouldn’t rely on social media to tell you how all men act.
All of my friends husbands have options. Any of them could decide to cheat at any time. But they haven’t. I can’t tell you the exact reason they haven’t, but it’s definitely not because they couldn’t find a willing partner.
Anon
Man, I’d have to research it, put it on his calendar, and remind him 1000+ times to cheat. So I’m not worried about him cheating.
Anonymous
Ha! Yup.
Vicky Austin
And then tell him where to find the other woman when she was right in front of his face on the shelf where we’ve always kept her?
(this is a joke)
Anon
Haha!
Anne-on
You win the internet ;)
(also in an effort to stomp out this behavior with my son I’ve started ‘charging’ for finding things. I’ll come look for your stuff but it’ll cost you 5-10 minutes off of your screen time allowance for the day.)
Anon
IJBOL for realz
Anon
IJBOL for realz
anonshmanon
But rooted in patriachical BS in my opinion. If we talk often enough about boys being boys, that nicely sets the scene for selfish men to be forgiven over and over. Just because you heard it said so often that now it has become a truth universally acknowledged, a self fulfilling prophecy.
Every time someone claims that [people of one gender] simply behave like this, it’s cause for skepticism.
Cat
I have never seen this pop up (guess I’m too busy watching car detailing videos, to the thread earlier), but disagree. All men have options, it’s just whether they’re open to evaluating them.
Anon
Obviously sweeping generalizations like this aren’t true. What a weird question.
Anon
It’s not a “weird question” if it prompts an interesting discussion, which this did. Don’t be jealous of people who are more interesting than you; just try to be more interesting and less of a grouch. Trust me, it’s not that difficult.
Anonymous
You do know that weird questions can prompt discussions, right? (I wouldn’t call this one interesting by any stretch of the word)
I guess I must be jealous and less intereating too, because I agree with the above anon, it is a weird question.
Anonymous
No of course not. Men like women are people who can be faithful if they want to be.
Anonymous
HAHAHA! Yeah, no, that’s not a thing.
Everyone has “options”, and guys who cheat are making a choice to cheat because they want to.
I’m not sure whether I would call it ‘incel’ BS, but it is absolutely BS.
Anonymous
Comments like that are incredibly insulting to men.
Anonymous
+1000!
anon
Sounds like incel world BS.
In my limited experience with people who cheat it stems from a deep well of insecurity and need for escapism/validation. People will create opportunities if they want them.
AIMS
I don’t think looks or opportunity has very much to do with cheating. Some of the least attractive people I know have the most active “social” lives. People cheat for many reasons but once you’re a grown up, opportunity has little to do with it.
Anonymous
I might have agreed with this to some extent before meeting my current BF. It turns out that he’s just a faithful person by nature. I am less so, and thus maybe attracted the same for a while, but man he has really changed my perspective (and also my behavior).
Anon
I might be asking this too late, but here it goes.
I’ve decided to treat myself for an upcoming birthday to a nice designer bag (max around $2500) in one of two categories:
1. Large workhorse bag / Mary Poppins bag. Ex: Mulberry Bayswater, LV Neverfull, drooling over The Row Margaux, but don’t feel like $5k, dream of of Celine Phantom but want something sooner vs later and most options on resale sites seem very, very loved and looking for something in better condition
2. Small crossbody as luxury option when I feel like being fancier than my small Longchamp le foulonne. Ex: Celine nano luggage, Celine nano belt bag, Mulberry Iris
I don’t prefer obvious logos or overall flashiness.
Any recs from your own experiences?
Anonymous
I’d personally go for the large workhorse bag and get a smaller cross-body from a “standard” brand. Cross-bodies and smaller bags tend to trend more quickly, so may not last as long, but the shapes of bigger bags (totes especially) tend to be more consistent, especially if you pick a classic shape.
That said, I just bought a Clare V belt bag for $300 and I love it. It is nice leather and no logos. That would leave you $2000 or so for some luxury tote. (I do love my Neverfull – sorry to be basic. The shape is just perfection.)
AIMS
I would go for the smaller bag. It’s fun to have on occasion and will last you longer with less wear and tear.
Anon
I agree that I’d be afraid of ruining a large workhorse bag, I wouldn’t want to baby the kind of tote I’d take to work or on an airplane.
Anne-on
This. I am hard on my work bags, and to their credit the Dagne Dover and Lo and Sons bags I have are wearing like iron.
Anne-on
I’d go for the small bag. The Celine luggage bags are so pretty! Alternately what about a DeMellier bag? I find them VERY reminiscent of old celines.
Anonymous
I would go for #2 for the wear and tear issue, and I’d make it a Lowe Flamenco.
anon
Big bags ultimately I think 1) get trashed and 2) are just so heavy. I’d get something small and fun. I just looked at the Gucci small Jackie and it’s great because it’s a shoulder bag but comes with a crossbody extender strap. if you like the Celine nano luggage, I’d look at the mulberry mini zipped bayswater. It’s very similar, but cheaper and I think is less recognizably of a certain era.
Bag lover
I just went through this exact decision and ended up with a Mulberry Tote. It’s fabulous. Next time I have an occasion I’ll buy one of their small bags. I too hate logos and their bag screams high quality without anything ostentatious.
Anon
Both! Go on eBay and do their authenticity guarantee. With your budget you can find awesome designer bags in both categories.
A
Bottega Veneta hobo. Your shoulders will thank you!
Old Navy
I know I’ve seen people post on here before about Old Navy stuff, which I never really looked at unless I needed something really cheap/quick/simple. But I just received 3 things that I ordered last week when Senior Attorney posted about a sale on some wide legged pants that she really liked, and had ordered in 3 colors.
Not only did I get the pants (which were on sale for like $20) – which have a shockingly nice fabric weight and cut, as well as a flattering updated silhouette – but I got a really excellent quality black jean jacket for $18 and a cute unique work-out top for $11.
Just… wow. How is this possible?!? I shudder to think…. But I can’t remember the last time I bought 3 things from a store online and really liked every single one and the sizing matched with their online measurements.
AIMS
I like Old Navy but find that how it holds up is another story. Some things become surprise workhorses and some don’t look right after one laundry cycle. Hope yours are all in the workhorse category!
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
This is exactly why I stopped buying Old Navy. I just don’t have the budget to play “will it last or fall apart” every time I need something, lol.
Anon
This is why I stopped buying Banana Republic and Ann Taylor and Target, but strangely I’ve had better luck with Old Navy. (I’m sure there are other stores whose clothes last, but losing the gamble hurts more when I paid more.)
Anonymous
Understandable.
The quality of clothing at every price point has steadily gotten worse over the last few years.
Senior Attorney
Yay! Glad it worked out for you!
Worried
I live in the city and do tons of urban walking. The old navy store has a water filling station where I make a quick pit stop ( this is a standalone store downtown). As a result, I usually purchase items in person. I really like their cotton and some of the pants I’ve tried in store—lots of their items don’t look as good online as in person, and vice versa.
I haven’t had much luck purchasing online, unless it is an identical item I purchased in person, and even then, the sizing is not consistent.
Same with gap, Athleta and br. The best items have been purchased in person, whereas online is very hit and miss with these brands. Usually when I return an online purchase, I go in person, and that’s when I find the best items. I once retuned pants to gap, found a sweater I liked (that was not even showing up as an image online).
it’s hard to predict how long things will last even if the fibre content is the same. I’ve had 100 percent cotton tees from BR that lasted less than an old navy tee I’ve had way longer— same with gap…I have some things going on seven years, and some that wear out after less than a year.
Anon
I bought those pants, too, based on Senior Attorney’s recommendation and I am wearing a pair as I write. I like them lots.
Anon
I get tons of clothes from Old Navy and I rarely experience something falling apart or not lasting. I’ve had items from there for years and years.
Anon
I mean, how do you think it’s possible? The manufacturing of this stuff is terrible by any measure, and by this non-scientific poll, about half of it is disposable.
Trish
I thought she meant how is it possible to pay people living in abject poverty so little in such bad conditions to make the clothes that they can ship them to the US and still make a profit.
Anon
yes, thanks
And what I bought, is not terrible. The jean jacket alone is shockingly well made, fits great, and is heavy weight denim. We’ll see how the pants hold up in the wash (I always wash on delicate/cold, hang dry) – I washed them yesterday. I’m sure the work-out top will be fine by my standards and I will wear it for years.
I am just assuming that because they are trying to get rid of stuff at end of season, they essentially sell everything at a loss.
I try to buy very few things, think a lot before buying about what my closet needs…. if anything. And now because I buy so little, I tend to look for better quality, get what I know will fit and last.
But when someone posts something on this site specifically to recommend it to us, I almost always at least look at the link, as I value the opinions of a lot of the women on this board. And I mean – who wouldn’t take a look at what Senior Attorney posts, amiright? And I had been planning to buy pants like this for a long time, as well as a black jean jacket for a few years. I just bought the work-out top because I wanted to get the price over $50 total to get free shipping, and I had to admit my work-out stuff is minimal.
Today I am delighted.
Anon
Lol, wait til you wear everything for a full day.
Anon
I have worn and no change in my opinion.