ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: V-Neck Long-Sleeve Midi Dress

A woman wearing a red midi-length dress and black heels

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

It was 91 degrees when I got in my car today, but my brain is getting hyped up for long-sleeved dresses, tights, and boots.

This V-neck dress from Maggy London will bridge the gap between the last warm-ish days of summer and the first cool-ish days of fall. I would wear this bare-legged with flats until I start seeing my breath in the early morning. (Other indicators include the switch from iced coffee to hot coffee and the onslaught of photos of kids in pumpkin patches on my Instagram feed.)

The dress is $138 and comes in sizes 0–18.

Sales of note for 12.3.24 (lots of Cyber Monday deals extended, usually until 12/3 at midnight)

281 Comments

  1. I am the one who had a month of travel for work, which turned out to be Tues-Sat every week. One of the client projects isn’t going well. Work told me last night that I’ll likely be assigned to them until mid-Sept, extending my travel schedule another 3 weeks. I’ve been repeating “I can do anything for a month” for a while now, but this just … crushed me. I’m tired, my mail is piling up, etc. (yes – I get paid to do my job and a few weeks of travel throughout the year is the norm, no, they don’t cover any extra perks like dry cleaning) Any advice for making it through the next few weeks?

    1. yikes, if a few weeks at a time is the norm and you’re getting towards 2 months, can you push for some special consideration – 3 day weekend in the middle or something?

      Focus on the basics of sleep, water, eat regularly and with some plants and some protein.

      You got this!

    2. That is really rough. What works for me.. Make sure you are only doing the bare minimum at home, and outsource what you can afford. If you are doing laundry at home each weekend, use that as your timer to get most everything else done (mail, any cleaning, admin stuff). Then, actually relax as much as possible. Decide if you do better with screen time to recharge or something more active, I find i need both. I would double check to see if they cover dry cleaning if it’s done at the hotel you are staying at. Weirdly, my company does that but not independent dry cleaners while on long term travel. If you are flying, minimize work time on flights/in airports whenever possible and try to do something fun. If you can, book/reserve something fun for when you think you will be done, even something small.

    3. Twice per year I have spans where I travel for either 6 weeks straight or 5 out of 6 weeks, so I know where you are at. Like you, my company doesn’t pay for dry cleaning or perks either. What works for me:
      – I routinely check my bag on all flights. Walking around the airport with only a tote bag holding my laptop, wallet, my noise cancelling headphones is freeing in a way you may not realize until you try it. It’s literally lighter, so you spend less energy pulling and lifting heavy bulky objects, and it’s more relaxing as you can just snag that barstool without trying to find a place to park your bag.
      – I pack more clothes than I need so that I can change clothes during the day if I want. I pack workout clothes and make use of the hotel gym, I pack clothes so I can change for dinner. It takes the pressure off of trying to make outfits work for things they aren’t intended for.
      – I intentionally eat healthier when I travel. I use my company’s meal budget to splurge on Sahale Snacks and Whisps at the airport marts and order salads with a side of protein as a meal no matter how stupid the upcharge. I eat protein bars (Luna or Clif) in lieu of the hotel breakfast.
      – I let the mail pile up. As long as your bills are paid, who cares?
      – I give myself permission to bow out of dinner and/or drinks with the work team while on site more as we get further into the 6 week stretch. Everyone needs a night off now and then, and the senior executives at my company purposefully make a show of taking nights off to recharge so it’s accepted at the lower levels. One night of eating cheese and crackers as dinner in my room and napping makes a big difference in my energy levels for the trip.

      I hope this helps!

      1. I posted below and absolutely second checking luggage! I also forgot to include the magic of room service. Basically, take advantage of being in a hotel and spring for the fancy things.

    4. Things I would do:
      – send laundry to the hotel for cleaning/dry cleaning
      – move to a nicer hotel if it’s an option or a better room
      – set up some post work rewards like a spa evening or weekend day
      – have cleaners at your home base (mine have keys and come when I, gone, but if you don’t have this, schedule a cleaning for when you get home)
      – look up friends in work area or make some work friends to go have a decent meal with after work

    5. I know this wouldn’t work for everyone, but as someone who hates the traveling part of travel more than the being there part, I would swing for them to cover the hotel cost over a couple of weekends so I didn’t have to go back and forth each week. Is that an option?

      1. Yeah agree, that will also let you fully unpack for two weeks which makes a huge difference for me than having to pack and unpack constantly. If they won’t spring for it and you can afford it, could also pay for it yourself and use the time as a chill weekend / vacation if you are somewhere that there are options for sightseeing or relaxing.

    6. Ugh I did this job for four years. My advice is to accept it. I know that is much much easier said than done but it helped me to stop fantasizing about not being on the road and just lean into it. Others have given you good practical advice, mine is just about your mental state. It helped that I loved the work I was doing, even though it was also stressful and came with a lot of pressure. It was absolutely great for my career and in hindsight I’m so glad I did it, but it was a haul. Hugs to you.

    7. The pain points of travel are different for everyone. Earlier replies have some things covered, but I also wonder if you’re missing friends or the feeling of feeling settled/at home. Could you schedule a phone call / Facetime with a good friend while you’re gone? That would pair nicely with the idea of not traveling back one weekend. Or would you want to become a ‘regular’ at a certain coffee shop as your place to hangout away from work and the hotel?

    8. +1 to scheduling a cleaning either before or after so you come back to a clean house, that’s my biggest stressor in travel is coming back to a messy house and having to deal with it.

      Do you get to choose your flights? If I’m traveling a lot I definitely try and go through hubs that have better airport facilities and restaurants — I find Detroit is pretty pleasant, O’Hare lets me have a meal at Rick Bayliss’s Tortas Frontera, Charlotte has a very nice atrium with rocking chairs. And it might be worth it to sign up for an airline credit card or buy lounge access for your preferred carrier.

      Also a fan of room service, hotel laundry, and spa services if in hotel and getting whatever I want for airport meals without paying attention to the ridiculous pricing; if they won’t pay for it, it might be worth it to pay out of pocket. I like talking walks to look around and explore the neighborhood if you are staying in that kind of environment — I find it clears my head and gives me something to think about besides work and my non-work concerns. Work that concierge and ask them not just about the usual fancy restaurants, but other kinds of venues and recommendations.

    9. I don’t know if this is practical for you, but if you will be staying in one place for a week, would you want to book an airbnb instead of a hotel?

    10. Talk to your boss if you can just stay checked into the hotel. Not having to take your stuff back and forth plus full sized shampoo does wonders. Co-signed, someone whose done a lot of out of town trials.

    11. If you are flying on United, you could consider getting a United Club credit card — the annual fee is quite expensive, but sometimes it’s nice to just relax in the lounge before a flight, away from the hullaballoo in the terminal. And make sure you are racking up all the flight and hotel points available, so you can treat yourself later to a nice getaway or upgrade on points.

  2. Especially for UK people: I keep clicking around the Penelope Childers boot offerings. And now my SM feeds have lower-priced dupes (Spanish boot co., etc). I like good boots but expect them to last for decades (currently have a no-name pair of cowboy boots from the 1990s). I am not sure what the good brands are for quality or how much brands matter for this type of boot. I can’t find a lot of reviews but there do seem to be a lot of sponsored posts. I will have to order them, so all advice is welcome (including: don’t bother, just go to a boot store and try on as many pairs as you can).

  3. I’m new to PT and finding that what my peers did as maybe a one-year masters (if not with a BS) is now a doctorate-mandated field. (Same with pharmacists, I think.). I get that more schooling is generally helpful but the cynic in me wonders how much of this is just a cash-grab by schools with these sorts of degree programs. I think that these jobs are useful and needed but strapping people with a ton of debt to enter these fields isn’t likely to attract people to them (and my guess is that salaries aren’t increased at all).

    1. Agree. And so many of the best PTs (and OTs!) I’ve worked with have been that kind, empathetic, street smart, but not necessarily booksmart person… I can’t help but feel like those people will be in the field less.

      1. I would hope that a medical professional that is responsible for assessment, diagnosis and treatment is booksmart! How is street smart applicable to the role?

        1. I feel that book learning is necessary but not sufficient. And OTJ experience is probably very valuable, so a BA and 10 years of work may be better than a doctorate and 3 years of work.

          2. I wasn’t in this sub-thread, but a lot of MD training is indeed on the job–internship rotations, residency. Law school is less so, in my understanding, but many lawyers have told me they wished they had learned more practical things in law school, which suggests more OJT would be welcome to them?

          3. And PT and PhamDs also have lots of clinical time in the formal education. And may do fellowships to specialize.

        2. I think street smarts can matter. I have the impression that a subset of book smart medical professionals seem to struggle with aspects of dealing with the public that are old hat to people who worked entry level, public facing roles when they were young? It’s not news to servers, baristas, or cashiers that some customers live to complain, create drama, and seek negative attention, and a lot of people with experience can spot this type of customer a mile away without burning out on people in general. I understand the stressors are a lot greater in medical contexts, but people seem to burn out much more radically and become more generally suspicious and hostile of patients without seeming to be able to tell the difference between ordinary customer service histrionics and real medical need.

        3. I’m the one who said “street smart” and I probably mis-spoke – I mean that I have appreciated OTs and PTs who listened to what we told them, saw how the treatment was going, and were open to changing it up if it wasn’t working even if it wasn’t what the book would have said to do. Particularly in the ND field, where it seems like a lot has changed recently, they need to learn OTJ and not from a book.

          (E.g., I think as recently as 2016 masters programs were teaching “person with autism” instead of “autistic person” which is the predominant phrase amongst autistic people… having an OT insist that it’s “person with autism” because that’s how they learned it is almost always a red flag that we don’t want to work with that person. In general, the whole ND-affirming therapy movement feels very from-the-ground-up if that makes sense.)

          1. (Also, for OTs especially, I think it helps if the OT is on the spectrum themselves… and getting that much education can be difficult for a lot of autistic people.)

    2. I don’t think this is new? All of my friends that went into those fields 20 years ago got doctor of pharmacy or physical therapy degrees (three years after college). We can certainly debate whether it’s “necessary” but at least I do think it’s fair to say that medical knowledge has grown and there’s a much larger body of knowledge they’re expected to know, plus the clinical component, plus the business and legal part.

      I’m less worried about requiring more education for these positions than for a lot of jobs, though I agree about the debt part. I’d be happy if we had a system to that funded all medical education and in turn paid medical professionals less because they didn’t have debt to worry about.

      1. I feel like for pharmacists, they are run ragged and don’t have time to interact with anyone except the staff of technicians they oversee. Maybe it is different at a compounding pharmacy? But then seem to have even less time for me than at my doctor’s office. I did switch to an independent pharmacy for my kid’s adhd meds and not only can they source them but they know who you are. Not everyone wants to be a small business owner though. That is its own rough life’s on top of your professional life.

        1. Yeah, I think pharmacy has its own set of issues in that it has increasingly educated workers that are all now employed by giant chains that treat them like technicians and everyone is miserable.

          1. Pharmacists are also the end-of-the-line gatekeepers on controlled medications, which as more people have become addicted to prescription meds I think has been very hard on them. I notice a lot of signage about rules on refilling narcotics, and pharmacists who seem exhausted from fighting with people.

            It seems that no one lasts very long at the pharmacies I use–it’s rare to keep seeing the same face for more than a few months, which is a terrible sign.

      2. My cousin went into PT with a BA in the 1990s. Maybe there is a higher level of qualification but she has never not worked or been able to get a job and they have moved several times.

    3. I think part of the issue is also gatekeeping by the professions themselves, to keep down competition. My daughter is in OT school, which also used to be a 2-year Master’s and is now a 3-year O.T.D. I definitely see signs that it is both a cash-grab from the schools and a market-protection move from the accreditation agency, which is run by the national association of O.T.s. Even lopping one semester of her program would save a significant amount of tuition and let her get to work 4 months earlier.

    4. I can’t speak to medicine/health, but in my field (education) and state (requirements are state-mandated), there has very much been a push for increased qualifications/degrees to enter the field, not to mention professional development to retain license, over the past twenty years. People who entered the field six months before me are not required to do anything further. My degree program was less intensive, but I have expensive (self-paid), periodic PD requirements. Recent grads have more intensive degrees plus same PD as me.
      Some of this is very justified…some of the PD is a money grab to me, especially because the state requires it to be done from a list of approved providers. I can only take university classes from in-state universities, even though I’d have to pay out of state tuition (I reside in a neighboring state but am not allowed to take the same classes in my state).
      All of which is to say, I think you’re experiencing something that’s somewhat common in a number of fields.

      1. Double check the tuition rates. in my state, the universities close to the state border have a rate for those who live in neighboring states that about splits the difference between resident and out of state tuition and fees.

    5. In my field (law), there is noise about making the bar exam, already pass-fail optional. So IDK that we protect consumers that much and there are massive areas where the public is underserved and counsel is not always competent. Like if you are poor and arrested in a small town (vs Sam Bankman-Fried). I don’t know how you get more lawyers into those areas and also make sure everyone is actually competent. Apprenticeships? Reading law like what was done in colonial times (and what Kim Kardashian is doing now)? More formal schooling may drive more people out than in.

      1. I’m in a small rural town and while there are local lawyers, they are at times shockingly incompetent and unethical. I can’t imagine making the bar exam pass-fail would improve this situation.

        I hope that this push against transparency in the legal profession diminishes as the lower ranked law schools start to go out of business.

      2. I cannot think of anything more ludicrous than getting rid of the bar exam. There are already so many incompetent attorneys out there.

          2. Absolutely not. Merely graduating is not enough. You wouldn’t want a doctor who hadn’t been vetted. You should be entitled to an attorney who at least has the bare minimum in skills.

          3. No…. this only means that it keeps some incompetent lawyers out of the profession, but not all.
            We don’t refuse to get rid of seatbelts because they don’t save us in all car crashes.
            If you could find something to replace it with, have at, but I cannot imagine what that would be.

      3. The problem with getting more attorneys into those areas is that the cost of law school is so high and the expected income from practicing in these areas is so low.

      4. We already have more lawyers than we need. The solution is not making it easier to be a lawyer – it’s getting more lawyers into these practice areas.

    6. I see credential inflation in my field as a cash grab by the credentialing agencies, as the trend is not toward requiring more education, but requiring more certifications. Simultaneously, the certifications are becoming easier to get–various requirements reduced or eliminated–except for the fees! So you have more credentials, but they mean less. It pisses me off. I agree that in essential professions, irresponsible gatekeeping like this discourages a lot of good, qualified people.

      1. I feel like I have read headlines about how hair braiders can be trapped in having to go to beauty school where they don’t even teach braiding but things perms and dye and haircuts and they don’t even do that.

    7. I feel that a high school degree doesn’t mean what it used to, and that this ends up extending time in school. I suspect the same thing is starting to happen with BAs!

      I’m not sure what is going on in physical therapy specifically, but from the patient side of things, I never have any idea whether a new PT is going to be knowledgeable or useless or actually counterproductive. They seem to be all over the board when it comes to skill and training. But I have had better luck with younger grads. So maybe it’s a good thing if they’re just learning more?

      1. IME the real indicators of quality seem to be a focus on sports injuries (even if that’s not why you are there) and affiliation with a university or a major ortho practice.

        1. As a counterpoint, I had to “fire” a PT once who was more accustomed to treating sports injuries and kept suggesting I “do some sit-ups” as part of therapy for a cervical spine condition (which, to be clear, is NOT indicated for that sort of condition). The best PT I’ve ever had studied, and took some continuing education courses, but more importantly, she really listened to me to evaluate the symptoms, and came up with therapies that I would likely comply with, recognizing that if I wasn’t doing certain exercises, there was probably some reason they weren’t appropriate for me, and kept experimenting on this exercise or that until, together, we found exercises that worked. No scolding or lecturing, very non-judgmental and encouraging.

      2. I suspect that watering down K-12 public education so that people graduate without really knowing how to read an investigative journalism article and think critically about what they just read is a feature (not a bug) of the Republicans. It helps them get more votes.

        1. and culture war ultraconservative Christians sacking teachers and public health officials, and defunding trauma centers over a pride sticker in the window, are playing right into their hands.

        2. IDK our city has one party rule and still serves its children poorly. We can’t hire enough bus drivers to get kids to school. It is a local issue and many parents who can’t afford Catholic schools or private schools just move out. Bad schools have a long tail.

          1. I love you for posting this and thinking it’s a reasonable contribution to a nuanced conversation.

            P.S. – roll your eyes all you want, but Republicans have been subtly and not-so-subtly undermining public education for decades. And now we’re starting to see the end results of that.

          2. Its true, though. Show me some examples of prominent, highly-educated conservative politicians who aren’t also ensuring that their own kids are getting high quality educations.

            It’s so sad, and also amazing at the same time. Oh, the guy who has degrees from Yale and/or Harvard and benefits from those degrees is telling you that YOU just don’t need one, because THEY will indoctrinate you, and what good did having out in an ivory tower ever do anyone, anyways? You don’t need an education to work in a manufacturing job! You can’t find a manufacturing job? Crooked Hillary and the Dems sent them overseeeeeeas!

          3. Have you heard about Florida? One party for decades now. It is astonishing how terrible the public schools have been and they are getting worse.

    8. A large part has to do with an expanded scope of practice which requires a higher level of education.

      1. Can you explain more? I don’t know what has changed other than hospitals race to discharge people so maybe PTs deal with sicker people who are at risk for re-admission and complications?

  4. How do you handle cloud storage? I have iCloud and Google storage, and I keep getting messages that my iCloud storage is almost full (I get 200MB for 2.99 a month and now they are suggesting I go to a 9.99 month plan with more space).

    I always feel better having my stuff backed up in two places, but I wonder if a) I am storing stuff I don’t even care about or know I’m storing and b) if I am being overly cautious.

    Share your storage strategies, please!

    1. Is it just photos/videos? I’d go through and sort by size and delete anything enormous/extraneous. Sometimes you’ll find something massive in there, which isn’t necessary.
      Put something on the TV and spend a few hours doing it.

    2. I pay the $10 for more storage, and a similar amount to Dropbox and also backup there. I don’t like worrying about it and accept this as a cost of modern life.

    3. I would go into your icloud storage and see what it is. When i kept bumping up against the max, i discovered i had duplicate back-ups for some reason. So, i deleted those and had plenty of space.

      1. I did this too, but eventually ran out of room because of how many photos and videos I have. Now I just pay the $10.

      2. I see that it has backup data for all of my apps – is there any reason I need that? Or can I turn off and delete backup data for, for example, my kids Hatch light and Instagram?

    4. I pay $10 to never have to get that annoying notification about running out of storage ever again. Also, I am all-in on apple products at this point and trust them more than other places to keep my stuff secure.

    5. I don’t pay for any directly. I have 10 GB free from Dropbox, whatever google gives free with gmail and drive, plus I do pay for a family subscription for office that comes with a large amount of cloud storage. That covers all of my computers. My husband pays Apple for his devices, and added my phone to his cloud storage plan.

    6. Following with interest. Surely there’s a utility out there that will pick the version of the photo where all three kids eyes are open?

      Or maybe this is just a task to do while sitting on a plane. Sometimes I wonder what the environmental cost is for my digital hoarding.

    7. I kept getting those messages and it was spam. To check how much iCloud storage is used vs. available, on your phone:
      1. Settings
      2. “your name” (top option)
      3. iCloud

      If you do need to free up some space, the above will let you see what is using space and how much, i.e. photos, email, messages, etc.

      I was getting those messages with fully one fourth of my storage available. Spam.

  5. I started a new job a few months ago and I really like it. It’s a bigger management job than I like before, but I like the work/team/my boss etc etc. I don’t feel like its a lot of work and I don’t actively feel stressed out.

    At the same time I realized I’m having like stress dreams about work. I’m not sleeping well overall, and I woke up at 3am panicked/uneasy about a work thing. I don’t even remember what it was about, and there’s nothing I’m that concerned about when I’m conscious.

    I’ve often had physical reactions to stress even when I don’t actually feel stressed – happened a lot in grad school. I would also like a good night of sleep. Any suggestions for how to address this? I’m going to make more of a point to get regular exercise so I’m actually tired at night. I was taking melatonin to go to sleep on time and it was working great but higher doses of melatonin have given me nightmares in the past, so maybe I should stop that. Insomnia does run in my family, but I’m not sure if this is just insomnia because its not that I wake up that’s the issue, it’s that I wake up panicked. I do go back to sleep pretty soon.

    1. I travelled for work last week with personal days tacked on to both the front and back ends. I was really dreading the trip because of some physical issues that do better when I sleep in my own bed, so having to sleep in 3 different beds was not going to be fun. In the hotel they had This.Works toiletries, and had a small spray vial of their deep sleep pillow spray. On a whim I used it for the last several days of the trip and had some of the best sleep I’ve had in a long time. Their website has a couple formulations for different sleep problems, so you may want to check it out. Whether it’s a placebo effect or the real deal I ordered more and am just grateful to have some better rest!

    2. Your body may be having a delayed response to stress. When I had a stressful job I got migraines on the weekends, when I should have been able to relax. And during a stressful period in my personal life I got a killer migraine for the first two days of my vacation. Stress responses can have weird timelines. It will get better over time.

    3. I would start with this. Keep a pad by your bed. When you wake up at night, if you can’t fall asleep because you are stressing (this is extremely common, by the way), write down on the pad what you are worried about. Like a checkbox – “Call boss to extend the change blah blah blah blah.” Whatever. Just the physical act of writing it down, can relieve the anxiety. Then try to go back asleep. If your mind is still racing, put on relaxing music/a sleep inducing podcast (on a sleep timer) and allow that to distract you. Teach yourself some relaxation/mindfulness exercises….. do these before bed at night if you have trouble falling asleep, and/or try again if you wake up.

      Make sure you are not drinking too much caffeine, too late in the day.

      If none of that helps, work on other daily things to help decrease your overall anxiety/stress set point. Start regular simple exercise/yoga/mindfulness/Tai Chi/daily walks/gardening/knitting/something that clears the mind and encourages relaxation and deep breathing.

      If none of that helps, see your doctor about possibly trying therapy or a medication to help you. Or at a minimum, buy the Anxiety workbook.

      If insomnia runs in your family, I suspect anxiety does too. That’s ok, common, and just means your set point is at a slightly higher place. Fortunately, there are lots of ways to try to re-adjust it.

  6. Is there an easy way to edit .pdfs on a Mac? Regretting having this for a kid (gets a school chrome book but that will be next week and is too locked down to use for non-school work IIRC).

    1. You can’t edit pdfs on any platform without the full version of Acrobat. It’s not a Mac issue.

    2. The Mac/PC distinction doesn’t matter here. You need Adobe Acrobat Standard in order to edit PDF files. Your kid’s school laptop likely won’t have this software either, so I would just go ahead and purchase the software subscription, then cancel during the two-week trial window so they don’t charge you.

      1. I use always used Adobe Acrobat at work where they subscribe to the whole Adobe suite, but I use free PDF editors at home because I don’t edit PDFs for personal reasons often enough to justify the expense. Sometimes the free versions have limits or leave a watermark, so what works for an individual’s needs may vary. My impression is that PCs have more random free software options than Macs, but I never use Macs, so I might just not know what’s available.

    3. You can mark up PDFs in preview and do some simple editing, like adding pages. To actually edit the text you would need another application. There are probably some free ones if you search and some ones online, but I wouldn’t upload anything with PII on it to some random website.

    4. I looked into this for my small business and had to buy the Adobe software. There was no way to do what I needed to do with free adobe readers, unfortunately. It’s not a Mac issue.

      If you’re filling out forms and that’s why you want to edit, short of buying the software, just print it, fill it out, and scan it.

    5. There are some good online editing tools that are free-ish and can be used if you don’t have Acrobat. I like Sejda.

  7. Hello! I’m looking for a planner that also can be used as a notebook for meetings. I schlep to a lot of in person meetings so would love both in one package. I know a lot of planners have notes sections but it’s usually only like….10 pages max. Or, was there a system of calendar organization/notes that you invented yourself?

    Just started at a multi client firm ~6 months ago (after being in house GR for years) and I’m going from two to six clients. Trying to become and organized girlie….which is not my nature. But I do love writing things down! Thanks for the suggestions.

    1. I use a Circa (Levenger) planner and just add plain, lined, or dotted paper where needed for notes. I usually buy the Arc paper from Staples or the TUL paper from Office Depot due to expense, but the Circa paper is lovely to write on. I like that I can take the pages of notes out and rearrange them in a different part of the planner or archive them with out tearing the planner apart.

      1. I used an Arc notebook this way for years and loved it. I had monthly and weekly calendars and sections for notes for each project. You can set it up in literally any way you choose, then rearrange it.

    2. Highly recommend Wisdom Supply! It’s full notebook sized, and each week has a full page for notetaking on the right side and open-ended daily lines for the left side. High quality.

    3. The leuchterm weekly planner and notebook was the closest I found for this kind of scenario, but i actually switched to a plain notebook for notes and I do all my calendar stuff in outlook for work so I don’t need the planner part. In general I prefer onenote for all my notes/actions, but some groups frown on using computers for in person meetings, so that’s where notebook still comes in handy.

      1. I also use the Leuchterm for this. I have years worth lining my shelves and have had occasion to go back and refer to my notes on a certain day. Invaluable.

        I loosely follow the bullet journal format. A day header with my meetings/appointments, then a to do list, then notes and a list of things I did.

    4. I actually just use a regular notebook (clairefontaine quad ruled for me, but any would work). I usually have a two page spread with a running to do list (date I started the list at the top) — I organize tasks by project but you can do by client, and I leave room around each one to add in new things. I take meeting notes etc in the regular pages that follow. When the to do list gets too messy/has too many cross outs, I start a new one on the following 2 page spread. I keep a sticky tab on the current to do list page. I sometimes draw a square checkbox with a highlighter in front of tasks that are a particular priority. I usually rewrite the to do list every 1-3 weeks. My calendar is on outlook. Sometimes if I have a particularly busy day or stretch of days, I will write a to do list for that day, or for each of the next 3 days or whatever, on the next blank page. Sometimes I do one page or a spread to plan out one big project, and tab it to go back to easily.

      I’ve tried every type of planner in existence but all of them are great for some days or weeks but not so great for others. I need a lot of flexibility. This also has the benefit of everything being in chronological order, so on the rare occasion I have to go back and find something, it’s pretty easy to find.

    6. Get an A5 or Letter sized folio and then search for inserts of that size to build your own planner. I usually buy a weekly spread insert from Target or Walmart (I think the At a Glance or Day Designer brands) and then grab an insert of notes pages. Erin Condren makes a nice productivity one with space on the side for takeaways, but Etsy has a ton of options that I’m eyeing once this set runs out.

    7. I use cahiers … the little school note books with about 40 pages, one per topic/project. You can get them from moleskin but Amazon a4 sized has tons of knockoffs for much cheaper. The notebook is slightly larger than what you’d get to write exams in uni. It’s not a perfect system, and I always have one general one.

  8. Hey y’all – good morning and this is your unsolicited PSA that Banana Republic and Old Navy have great sales right now on some of their suiting. I’ve ordered a traditional suit in navy from banana for $98 plus tax and a black one from ON for $69 plus tax that I think is probably a softer material than traditional suiting. Both have extended sizing in both directions. As a short round person I find traditional suiting hard to find.

    2. I just bought a few pairs of Old Navy “Taylor” wide leg trouser/suit pants and they’re great.

  9. I asked late yesterday, but in case I can get more info – I’m looking for a divorce attorney who has experience dealing with mental health issues, contentious custody battles and overall messy divorces. And if anyone has any specific advice besides talking to a lawyer as soon as possible, please share. Thank you to those that already responded! I appreciate this community’s willingness to support/offer advice.

    3. ^^^ We need to know your location to provide recs for family law attorneys in your area. Please specify.

    6. My only advice is to make as many detailed notes as possible, including call logs, any harassing texts, showing up at schools, etc.

    7. I’d recommend the book “Onward and Upward”; it’s a lay person’s guide to divorce that’s written by lawyers. I spent a couple months handling divorce cases and my boss gave me a copy to read as training. Author is Cari B. Rincker Esq. in case you need help finding it. I second the divorce coach idea and the book talks about why they’re valuable. Also, expect the process to take 2+ years. In NYC, once all the paperwork is done and before the judge it can still be a 9-14 month wait before the divorce decree is issued.

  10. My high school daughter is 5-8 and maybe a women’s 4 and is doing speech/debate this year where you need a suit or black pants and a jacket. Not from Boss or Theory but somewhere where items may be washable (at least the pants) and maybe have elastic in the back and some non-itchy fabric. Old Navy? Express? And black shoes but I may get her Rothy’s. She has some sensory and gait issues so this needs to be something comfy also.

    1. target has great jackets and trousers right now in the A New Day line… I just got a suit. They are cut a bit oversize, though, so size down.

    2. Macys? Calvin Klein suits from there probably say dry clean, but I’ve definitely washed their pants before with no real issues. My mom is quite tall and their pants are her go-to’s. Otherwise JCrew or Ann Taylor?

      1. I’m very tall (nearly 6′ as an adult, was probably 5’8″ or 5’9″ at the start of high school) and bought all my high school debate suits at Macy’s! And yes even things that say dry clean only can be washed on delicate, especially if you don’t expect them to last forever.

      2. Agree on Macy’s. Some stores are carrying fewer suits in-store, but the online selection still seems good. Kasper is another workhorse brand they have.

    3. Target and Old navy have these this season. I’d buy a bunch and let her decide what’s most comfortable.

    5. Old Navy has some nice looking suits right now! I’ve been considering buying some for myself haha

    6. Someone posted above that Old Navy and BR are having big sales right now on suiting! I’d also see if H&M has something.

    7. I would check out Zara and BCBG. BCBG suits and séparâtes are at Nordstrom Rack – I got my favorite washable black suit pants from there last year and often wear them with a non black suit jacket for meetings or court.

    8. For that age, I would go to Express. For a cheap, where only once option though, try JCP worthington line.

    9. I got a pantsuit from JC Penney last year and I really really like it. It’s not a store I usually enter – I was getting a kid a suit for a funeral – but it was inexpensive and looks sharp. Both JC Penney and Macy’s have less-expensive suits that are (mostly) washable. It’s worth checking out. Also being that tall and a women’s 4 is a sweet spot for places like Nordstrom Rack.

    10. I’d go to a Marshall’s or a TJ Maxx. My daughter is staring student teaching next week and we just went to one yesterday. Lots of inexpensive suiting separates (not what my daughter was buying of course.)

  11. Paris shopping recommendations? What brands should I be thinking on shopping that either aren’t as available in the states or are better priced in Europe? Going with a friend for a milestone birthday early Oct and the last time I was there I was young and broke. I lean more edgy than traditional, so while she is excited about Chanel, that is less interesting to me.

    1. Are either of you into fragrance? I find that large cities (NY/London/Paris) have more selection for high end and niche perfumes vs. what you can find elsewhere. I’d also make it a point to visit a few drugstores – there are LOTS of posts about the ‘niche’ pharmacy stuff you can get there that is either unavailable or much more expensive in the US.

      1. Yes! I would go to Guerlain and Goutal for a good hour each to try some scents and see what really suits. I find the staff so much more professional and knowledgeable in Paris perfumeries. They also were not high pressure & know you have to wear a perfume before you decide to buy it. At Goutal they shooed me out the door after spraying me and giving me a sample to try again, knowing I’d come back for it, and I did. And it’s still my favorite perfume. (Un Matin d’Orage EDP)

    2. Jovoy is where i go for perfume in Paris. It’s right by the Louvre. Dept stores will likely have the same selection but better experience.

    3. My recommendation is to be sure you know and understand the rules regarding declaring your purchases once you reenter the US. The better priced option in Europe may not be so much better after you have to pay taxes on it after you get off of your flight.

        1. Honestly, I would do this, too. But make sure you take the tags off of everything and don’t keep bags/boxes!

        2. Funny story: Years ago I did some shopping on vacation and was very scruptulous about declaring it all when I arrived at LAX (value low-to-mid four figures). The customs agent was ENRAGED that I was wasting his time with such ridiculousness. He made us wait for quite a while and then came back and said, in more or less these words, “I’m waiving the duty charges on this stuff this time, and next time don’t you dare even think about cluttering up my line with this kind of nonsense!!” So from that day to this I declare nothing, with a clear conscience.

          Fun fact: these days they don’t even ask if you have anything to declare.

      2. I declare all my purchases and they usually just say “thanks for letting us know” and let me go. From posts in the luxury handbag Facebook groups I’m in, the European VAT tax refund places now share info with US customs and border protection, and CBP have been known to send letters to people charging the tax + a fine for not declaring high-value purchases at the border. I don’t think it’s that common but it does happen. If you’re buying luxury goods and claiming the VAT back, just declare it.

        2. dumb question time – how do you declare something? I have Global Entry and with that you don’t even answer questions anymore, you just scan yourself in with your face and the officer waves you through. You don’t talk to anyone or really stop walking. I’ve never brought back anything expensive before but, like the OP, am considering a splurge.

          1. Miss the edit button. I know the diff between immigration & customs but can’t even recall signs for something to declare or not being around the last few trips!

    4. Some of my favs from Paris last spring:
      – Merci in the Merais is a can’t-miss IMO. It’s huge and has everything. My favorites were in housewear.
      – The big department stores are incredible for their architecture and will satisfy your friend’s Chanel taste. Galleries Lafayette was my favorite for the rooftop cafe with views of the eiffel tower.
      – Sezane – yes, you can get it in the US, but shopping in-person in Paris was such a fun experience. They were handing out flowers to all the women waiting in line to check out and giving away free perfume samples with a purchase.

      1. I could not wait to visit Les Grands Magasins after repeatedly talking about them in my French classes. Ou allez-vous? Aux grand magasins! And then J’ai achete beaucoups de choses.

        But I didn’t achete beaucoup, I just looked around. Galeries Lafayette was amazing. Printemps didn’t do much for me.

    5. I love Comptoir des Cotonniers for women’s clothes. Coton Doux for men’s shirts.

    6. I love the concept behind the service “Hidden Gems with Nancy”. Go to the Paris tab on her website to see what she offers.

    7. I know it’s sold here, but I loved going to the Cos store in Paris (I went to the one close-ish to the Opera). It was me, my daughter, and a bunch of French women with a few guys. The shirts were definitely cheaper than here.

    8. I like the APC surplus store (I think it’s in Montmartre) and I always get long champ bags for my mom/aunts/SIL bc they’re way cheaper there. They like the lightweight fold up ones for weekenders, backpacks etc.

    9. If you like edgy, The Kooples, Zadig & Voltaire and Iro are all French. Maje and ba&sh are a little more feminine/boho but also nice!

  12. Any insights, experience, guidance, etc. on an ARFID diagnosis? Really would appreciate it as it’s a new diagnosis and I’m reeling.

    1. Recently had a child diagnosed with ARFID and a specialized counselor has been really helpful – it was easiest to find a referral via their therapy center which focuses on neurodivergencies (it’s really common in ASD/ADHD populations). What we’ve focused on has been expanding the list of ‘safe’ foods, allowing them to try new foods with the therapist/at home (never ever out of the house or in a high pressure situation) and being VERY firm around boundaries with adults/other family members.
      As an adult my biggest piece of advice would be to keep it breezy/high level and change the subject if asked about it and to always carry your own food if you can’t/don’t expect to be able to eat safe foods. So if you’re at a meeting/event and everyone wants to order sushi/Indian/Thai – ‘oh that sounds yummy but I have some food restrictions so I’m going to stick to (safe food XYZ) that I brought. I’d love to eat with you though so let me know when it arrives!’ If asked what type of food restrictions I’d generally not get into it unless it’s a small group you trust – people get so weird about food! My script if pushed is ‘oh I’d prefer not to get into my diet but I’d love to sit together and catch up over lunch/breakfast!’ If you’re pressed further a more clearly stated ‘I prefer not to discuss my diet’ with no further explanation should get the point across, if it STILL goes further then I’d rope in HR. Again, some people are really pushy and intrusive about food! Bonus tip – I find it super helpful to find out the person arranging food for meetings or volunteer to be the person to find the lunch/dinner place. That was my go to move during pregnancy when I had food restrictions due to my blood sugar.

      1. Seriously? Do not go to HR. Talk about making things worse.

        No one cares that much about what you are or aren’t eating unless you’re treating it like a big secret or some shameful topic like some of this advice. A simple “I’m trying to be healthy and just started working with a nutritionist, so on a pretty controlled diet right now. But happy to join you. (Switch to another topic)” No fuss, no muss.

    2. Just to pursue medical comorbidities if you have additional symptoms that could indicate an underlying related condition.

      Maybe also to be careful to avoid any behavioristic approaches to treatment, but hopefully that’s not something they try to do to adults!

  13. I put some work pants on this morning that were much tighter in the waist than I would like, so I think I need to go up a size in pants. Where are we buying our work pants nowadays?

    These are from Loft but feel very 2019–skinny with a zipper/button. I’d like a straight leg, high waist pair of pants in black and another pair in navy. Not loving Loft’s options right now but would like to keep cost around the same level as Loft. I haven’t had good luck with Old Navy pants in the past because they fade quickly, but maybe that’s changed!

      2. I love Vince pants but $$$$$! Maybe when my weight stabilizes I’ll invest in some.

        Thanks for the options!

  14. Polyester and spandex. I tried a very pretty dress made of these materials once. Just once. I had to return it because it felt so awful. Flimsy and flammable. If this dress had been a wool twill, I’d be all over it.

    1. Always great to hear from our “no polyester EVER!!!” poster; BTW, I think we get it.

      Out of curiosity, how do you feel about wire hangers?

      1. Not anon above, and another who tries to avoid polyester. Sorry.
        Why are you asking about wire hangers?

          1. Ah…I see…interesting…
            I’ve never seen that movie so didn’t get the reference.

    3. Yea it looks beautiful in the picture but I know it’ll be faded and pilled in no time. I love the feel of a thick ponte material but it doesn’t hold up at all. Really lovely dress though.

      1. I have several work horse ponte dresses from Land’s End (of all places) that I have probably worn a hundred times, washed, put in the dryer, and still look basically new. So this is not a universal ponte issue.

    4. Polyester is flame retardant! When I have to do on-site work at a power plant, I am required to dress in flammable material like cotton or wool so that if there’s an ARC flash, my clothing will burn off of me instead of melt into my skin.

      2. Polyester isn’t flame retardant, it just behaves like other plastics and melts when exposed to flames.

    5. I ordered this immediately. I can’t remember the last time I was able to locate a work level dress that didn’t have synthetics in the fabrication. I used to insist on tropical wool but I rarely find it anymore. Even my expensive mm La Fleur dresses are synthetic.

      1. I don’t know how people only buy wool or silk unless their clothing budget is $$$$$. For those of us who can’t routinely spend four figures on a dress, polyester works just fine.

        1. I wear clothes for multiple years, save up, and shop second hand because I have a limited clothing budget.

          1. So you probably don’t look very current, then, if all you ever wear is old clothes. That’s not everyone’s vibe, FYI.

          2. Good thing I wasn’t answering for everyone, then, lol.
            The comment was “I don’t know how people…” and I, as one of those people, was saying what I do. What others do, and what their ‘vibe’ is, is up to them.

          3. au contraire; anon at 1:45 probably has her style locked down, is excellent at shopping, knows what works for her, and looks great.

        2. I don’t need to buy 10,000 new things every season and I buy a lot of my clothes second hand.

  15. Any ideas for gifts for a new high school teacher? A family member just started their first job and I’d like to get them something special. They love Anthropologie. I’ll likely get them a gift card but want to pair it with something. I’ve thought about getting something fun from Anthro and giving an MM La Fleur gift card so they can have a nice professional outfit, but unsure if that’s really needed.

    Advice?

    1. MM La Fleur not needed. Teachers don’t wear that. Get her something fun from anthro plus the anthro gift card.

    2. Pair the Anthro gift card with a monogram mug from Anthro.

      Also, you can ask her if she has an Amazon Wish List for school supplies.

    3. Agree that MMLF is too much. Get some fun desk stuff from Anthro and agree with the suggestion to see if they have a classroom wish list.

    4. As a teacher, these were fun to have in the early years ;now I have way too many): cute magnets for white board, anything for organizing desk materials (I haven’t been in Anthropologie in awhile but if I remember correctly they used to have interesting mugs and such — could be used to store pencils), fun post-it’s. Also useful — a “desk sweater” or jean jacket for when the temperature in the classroom is too cold. If they prefer handwritten notes to computer, a nice notebook for meetings. Though most young teachers I work with are entirely digital — vinyl sticker related to subject area for their computer?
      Not sure where the school is located/dress code but MM LaFleur may be too fancy for everyday wear. Most teachers in my district wear jeans everyday (casual dress or business casual outfit for observations)

    5. I would do the capri candle from Anthro plus their gift card. Alternatively, i’d ask if you could help buy any classroom stuff.

    6. Second the Amazon wish list for school supplies. It’s criminal how teachers are expected to stock their own classrooms!

    8. Teachers do not shop at MMLF. They shop at Kohls and the cool young ones might shop at Anthro. She will never wear anything from MMLF because it will look out of place.

    9. I took my daughter shopping at T J Maxx last night for student teaching clothing, as I mentioned on a second thread. She is 22 she wears a lot of cropped tops and that wasn’t going to cut it. So we bought a few tops and a couple of lightweight cardigans, everything is washable and not too precious. Her program just advises that you wear comfortable clothing that is clean and that isn’t belly baring, doesn’t show your bra straps, and something that you can wash!

    10. My mom is a teacher, and loves getting Starbucks or Dunkin gift cards to treat herself on the way to work.

  16. My mother is driving me nuts about my brother’s wedding. The bride invited my mom to get ready with everyone the morning of the wedding. Invited, not demanded. Mom is complaining about the cost, having to hang out with people she doesn’t know (I’ll be there, I’m one of the bridesmaids), what to eat, will people be drinking she doesn’t want to be around people getting drunk, where is she going to put on her dress, etc. I’ve told her, mom if you don’t want to go don’t go, but she thinks that will be taken as an insult. You know what will definitely be an insult? Insulting the bride and her friends and family on her wedding day because things aren’t going as you’d prefer.

    She’s also creating issues that aren’t issues and putting me in the middle – she’s insisting that I will have to go back to my rental to put on my dress (which is an hour away from the getting ready location) even though I have repeatedly told her I’m bringing the dress with me, that’s kind of part of getting ready! But she says there won’t be any place to put on the dress even though she has never been there. I’m pretty sure there will be a bathroom! The bride called me the other day concerned that I was concerned and I told her to just ignore my mom’s anxiety spiral. Welcome to the family lol. But I feel badly, like I should be shielding her more from my mother. Help?

    1. I don’t think you need to shield your SIL-to-be any more than you are. I mean, be a good in-law and don’t leave her on her own. If your mom agrees to go to the get-ready festivities, run defense. But your SIL presumably is marrying your brother knowing what his mom is like, so she probably understands.

      As for your mom, that seems like a lot of weird, stubborn anxiety about non-issues. Is something else going on below the surface? Is this normal for her?

      1. Yeah, with your mom OP, just ignore. I’m serious. You don’t have to fix this for her, you’ve reassured her all you can. She’s an adult and she can figure this out on her own. I feel like even engaging with her on it is validating her feelings that it’s something to be worried about.

    2. Be direct with your mom that she’s being a PITA. She thinks she’s being a conscientious planner so you need to spell it out for her. “You were invited, not summoned. You can choose not to come to the suite or you can arrive toward the end if that’s more convenient for you. Bride won’t be offended if you decide you don’t want to join. If you’re going to be this anxious on the wedding day and can’t go with the flow then don’t get ready with the bridesmaids. Participating in the getting-ready process means accepting some uncertainty about the details. I’m not going to manage your concerns anymore and you shouldn’t bother Bride with these questions either.”

      FWIW I think normally the groom should manage his mother but she’ll assume he doesn’t understand the getting-ready process like a woman does. She needs to hear it from you.

    3. Why are you going to the bride with your mother’s little whisperings? Your mother can let words fly out of her mouth but that doesn’t mean you have to get wrapped up in her crap.

      Your brother needs to be handling this.

      1. I’m not telling the bride what my mom is saying. My mother is going to the bride and complaining about things that affect me, so it sounds to bride like mom is complaining on my behalf. So like:
        Mom to bride: OP won’t be able to get ready in time for the ceremony because your schedule is too tight for her to go back to her place to change. You need to change your entire schedule for the day to accommodate OP.
        Bride to mom: oh no I’m so sorry I will reach out to OP to see what I can do.
        Bride to me: I’m so sorry to hear you’re upset, I can change the entire schedule for the day if that’s needed?
        Me to bride: please ignore my crazy mother the schedule is fine and I am not nor have I ever been upset about the schedule. Can’t wait for the big day!

        1. Oh man, I think you’re well within your rights to tell your mom to knock it off!

    5. Are you my sister? This sounds, well, exactly how my mom would (and has) behaved. Untreated anxiety is tough on everyone.

    6. Is this because she wants you to get ready with her, your father and your brother at the rental?

    7. My mom is the same way, including the freak out about not wanting to be around drinkers (and I’m sober, which she is not, she’s just a teetotaler, if anyone should “not want to be around drunks” it’s me!). Sheesh!

      I’ve had some luck with “Let me ask you: what would you change about this? what can I do to help you here? Is this a vent session where I can offer you an ear or are we solutioning?” Sometimes this helps the freaker-out-er that there’s really two choices: make it work or don’t attend, but spiraling is not one of them.

      My mom processes her thoughts verbally, and it took me *forever* to realize that she didn’t want or need answers 70% of the time–and she’s also SUPER tightly wound and anxious and that’s part of how she released energy…by rattling on about how terrible everything is/was/will be.

      A well timed “mmm….” goes a long way on stuff like this too :)

  17. Would you do a red eye at 7 months pregnant? No risk factors other than advanced maternal age. Just don’t know how miserable it will be. I did an 18- hour international flight in my first pregnancy but I was only 8 weeks.

    This is for a work trip and I may have some latitude to opt out due to my pregnancy but want to try to get sense of how bad it would be.

    1. I did a CA to NYC red-eye at 6 mos pregnant and wound up in the hospital with low fetal heart rate and high blood pressure, so I vote no. I did the whole compression socks/get up and move every hour/drink lots of liquids thing but it didn’t help. It scared the heck out of me (and my team to their credit) so I set a lot more limitations with work after that.

      3. Well if you have business in Europe, coming from the US, there are very few options for avoiding a red-eye flight.
        What I do and what’s accepted in my company is flying out a day or two earlier to recover from the red-eye flight before meetings start.

    3. How long of a flight and will you be in first or business? If say a late evening east coast to Europe with a lay-flat seat, sure. One of those awful 5-hour trips from west to east in economy? Bad enough without a fetus in tow.

    4. There’s always pushback (which is surprising from a typically progressive group), but gently, “pregnant parent” is a more inclusive term that the cis-normative “maternal”.

      1. Hahahahaha. Oh, hi, pot-stirrer. She has every right to say that she is of advanced maternal age. She is talking about a specific actual female person, herself, not some hypothetical person whose gender identity is unknown.

        1. Came here to say this. I’m all for inclusive language when addressing a group, but that doesn’t mean that I cannot refer to myself as a woman, as that is how I identify.

      2. Just as gently, women are still allowed to use female terms to describe themselves.

      3. I mean, “advanced maternal age” is a bit of a mouthful already, though it’s definitely preferably to “geriatric pregnancy,” but “advanced pregnant parent age” is a bridge too far. Especially when the speaker is talking about herself. Women are allowed to refer to themselves as women.

      4. No, it’s pregnant woman. There is nothing progressive about ignoring all of the sexism wrapped up with how pregnant women are treated.

      5. When I was pregnant I was a pregnant woman. Others may be pregnant who do not identify as women and that’s fine, but referring to myself as a pregnant woman was perfectly fine. I seriously hope you understand the difference.

      6. Advanced Maternal Age aka Geriatric Pregnancy is often a diagnosis / medical term dealing with the risks of being older and pregnant. Birth defects and miscarriage can be the main risks but other risks may be elevated.

        Swapping maternal for parental here subtracts information.

      7. No. I was all about inclusive pronouns until I became pregnant, and realized the left’s obsession with inclusivity undermines our ability to fight the general war on women and war on reproductive rights. I’m a MOTHER and a pregnant WOMAN, not a “pregnant person” or “birthing parent”. Others can call themselves whatever they want.

      8. She’s a woman and can use the word “maternal” if she wants. Please stop with this nonsense; almost no one is on board with it.

      9. “Pregnant parent” is an inclusive alternative to “mother,” but how is inclusivity relevant when a person who identifies as a cisgender mother is talking about her own advanced maternal age?

        I also think it’s a little misleading to refer to medical terms based on studies that may have only included cisgender participants in statistically significant numbers as if it were inclusive (if the research was actually inclusive, then the results should be discussed in accurately inclusive terms, but a lot of research is really not).

        1. Like the risk are age-based, based on egg age and relative age-related health risks of the mom (assuming she is the gestational carrier of her own baby and it’s her own egg/s).

      10. Advanced Maternal Age is a medical term, and OP is a woman. She’s allowed to describe herself as a pregnant woman. It doesn’t preclude someone who identifies as a man or a non-binary person from describing themselves as a pregnant person.
        PS this is why Democrats are going to lose in 2024, and I say that as someone who has never and would never vote for a Republican.

    5. On the way home? Probably. (Like I’m an east coaster, I would totally do it to get home from CA.) I would definitely not do it on the way there.

    6. I don’t even do red eyes as a non pregnant person in my early 40s. It is never worth it for me. And never expected for work trips!

    7. I wouldn’t fly at that point unless I had a really good reason and I do everything I can to avoid red eyes under all circumstances, so almost certainly no.

      1. Same. And I would only consider it even for a second in a super emergency if it were business class.

    8. I wouldn’t want to be that far from home, personally. If you give birth to a preemie while you’re away then you will be a long flight away from home, even assuming healthcare availability.

      But also I hate work travel and would be very happy to use this very legitimate excuse to get out of it. If this is an opportunity you REALLY want then your calculus may be different.

    9. Is there a day time alternative? I flew NYC to west coast at 27 and 29 weeks in business class during day time flights, and it was fine. I don’t like domestic red eyes even when not pregnant bc the flight is so short, so I would not have wanted to do that when pregnant either.

      I did fly to Italy at 22 weeks on a red eye (also business class) and was totally fine.

    10. Maybe a transcontinental flight during the day in a lie flat business class seat. Red eye? No. Economy class? Absolutely no.

    11. Ah I used a verboten word

      Maybe a cross-continental flight during the day in a lie flat business class seat. Red eye? No. Economy class? Absolutely no.

    12. I would not. I did a red eye on the way back from my babymoon when I was 7 months pregnant. My OB’s condition for me flying that late was that I walk every hour and wear serious compression socks. I was uncomfortable and exhausted. It was ultimately fine; I watched funny movies to pass the time and keep me awake — but I had also just taken the best trip of my life and had two days off when I landed to sleep and recover. I probably would not do it again unless the trip was a once in a lifetime or otherwise extremely special event!

  18. Question for younger folks and/or people with older kids – thoughts on AP World History?I’m so old that dinosaurs walked the earth and we only had AP European History.

    For a set of reasons that are too stupid to go into online, my kid is taking AP World History instead of AP European History. It has the rep of being kind of a “gut” class at the local high school despite being an AP course, but I really don’t know anything about the curriculum.

    FWIW, I was a history major one million years ago and took a bunch of history classes outside of my Eurocentric concentration, but I managed to wriggle out of a world history survey course.

    1. if your kid isn’t planning to be a history major, isn’t a 5 a 5 (or 4, whatever score a university accepts) for purposes of fulfilling humanities credits? I guess I don’t understand the source of the worry.

      1. Yeah – I don’t really see how an AP course can be a bad thing, I guess? It sounds like it’s just not what you expected.

        2. I can’t answer that, but what I would love as an adult is like, a Cliff’s Notes that talks about what was happening in parallel, and hopefully World History has some of that aspect to it? I had European, Asian, and US history classes all separately but a poor sense of what of all of that was happening in similar eras (other than when they obviously overlapped with war, etc) bc they were such vacuums.

        3. It’s going to be different at different high schools. They teach to the test but the style of the course is really dependent on the teacher.

          1. It’s going to be different at different high schools. They teach to the test but the style of the course is really dependent on the teacher.

        4. I took this! It was actually so great – so much learning about different areas of the world in different time periods (I can still recite the Chinese dynasties up to Mao in order), lots of comparative essays. My teacher was a rockstar though.

      3. This. Colleges do not care what kind of reputation AP Class XYZ has at your particular school. Did the student get a high enough score on the (national) AP test that College 123 will accept credit for (whatever) purpose? It depends on the college and in some cases, the major. Almost all the schools my kid looked at had the same policy for World, Euro and US history; the school he enrolled at gave students three credits toward Gen Ed Humanities for a 4 or 5 score in any AP history course.

        2. Hey Seventh Sister – don’t sweat it. People here have this weird point of view that any concern you express about your child indicates you are “helicopter parenting” and that because they were poorly parented, by indifferent parents who had little concern for their welfare, that’s what “parenting” is, and should be. So if you aren’t basically leaving your child to fend for themselves by age 6 or 7, you’re “smothering” them and you’re “overinvolved” and you’re damaging your kid, just by being interested in their life and/or wanting to provide them with some guidance.

          I just read a book about a cult like this – that rejected nuclear families and basically all parenting, and thought that parents were inherently toxic to children – called the Sullivanians, that operated in NYC in the 1970s-1990s and I think we may have some Sullivanian refugees here posting – only explanation I’ve got for it.

      2. It’s fair to be concerned that a high school class which purports to teach the entire history of the world in 9 months is going to be terrible. I took AP European back in the 1990s and it was awful – tried to do way too much and ended up covering a few topics on a very surface level.

    3. A. Does it matter if your kid can’t do anything about it?

      B. I’ve always thought that the teacher and the peers in the class matter as much or considerably more than the actual topic of the class, at least when comparing roughly equal options like different AP history classes, so I’d pay way more attention to that

      C. There’s no way that the actual subject will matter unless your kid is planning to be a history major and even then it probably won’t matter much (I’m a professor, though not in history. At most universities, AP just gets you a generic credit or out of an intro class, it doesn’t matter which particular one it is other than things like the AB/BC calculus or the physics with or without calculus, though obviously this does vary at every university and with their specific requirements)

    4. The AP organization has an extensive website where you can find really thorough explanations of what’s in each class curriculum, broken down by unit: https://apstudents.collegeboard.org/courses/ap-united-states-history

      The downloadable course and exam descriptions are really helpful to help students get ready for an exam. You could have Googled for this, just FYI.

      It’s a great class that helps people understand the history of the nation from colonization of the Americas through the present time. Very helpful even if kids will not be history majors as there is cross-applicability into many other courses. I took it and passed the exam in 1994 and my kid took the class and passed the exam last year. In my case, I did a history minor in undergrad and passing the exam with a 5 allowed me to bypass “Intro To” courses that were far below my level of skill and interest, and go straight into higher-level courses that were much more interesting to me.

    5. As a former high school teacher, I’d say to let your kid take the reins here. If they aren’t a disciplined student or are trying to load up on a bunch of APs or other activities that might be overwhelming, I would have a conversation about how they are going to tackle the demands of their coursework. But otherwise… let your kid find their way. It’s good practice for college!

    6. APWH was one of my now-college freshman’s favorite classes and is one of the reasons they chose to major in history. The teacher was phenomenal for every subject they taught throughout high school and my student liked the topic to begin with.

      I firmly believe the student’s mindset about class is most important to whether they will get anything out of it, and the teacher is a distant second. A promising topic can be destroyed by a bad teacher while an interested student can squeeze value out of any boring class.

    7. I am skeptical of the attitude that World History is an easier or less important class than European history (as if learning about white people history is more serious, harder, or more important!). At the same time, it’s probably helpful not to have to spend a bunch of time on picky details because World History just can’t go into that much detail and cover everything.

      There are a lot of weak World History textbooks out there (probably because it’s hard to be expert in all of world history), so it can help to put in some effort to go beyond the text (and this doesn’t have to be painful; it can be some internet research or some PBS or similar documentaries… just spending some extra time on topics of interests to get a fuller sense of things).

    8. AP World History at my high school (15+ years ago) was known as one of the hardest AP classes and probably my favorite class in all of high school, and probably much of college. It taught me so much about how interconnected history actually is, and I still remember things from it now. I remember being in awe in places like the Hagia Sofia and the Moque-Cathedral of Cordoba when I visited as an adult because of what we learned about that class. But like all things I think it hugely depends on the teacher.

      1. Your local HS and teacher(s) may be an important factor. At many schools around here, AP World History is a 9th grade course. At our HS, it also serves a purpose of ‘training’ students in the AP exam format. (Don’t get me started on 14yo students taking APs.) So that 9th grade timing is a consideration for many families and students.

  19. Crowdsourcing some opinions on my partner’s health. We have talked to doctors and researched obscure syndromes and come up blank. It is affecting our lives together, but I love him and want to help him feel better (so please don’t suggest that I just dump him).

    The primary symptom is that he frequently gets so nauseous he is unable to stand up, but he only dry-heaves and doesn’t ever actually vomit. It’s sometimes accompanied by stomach pain or digestive upset, but not always. It’s often precipitated by getting too hot, although exhaustion and stress also seem to contribute. He doesn’t eat much and sometimes thinks eating “too fast” can bring this on as well. He takes medication for anxiety and has prescriptions for Xanax and some anti-nausea meds, neither of which are effective at stemming this tide. Once it starts, it’s only fixed by lying down, not being touched, and eventually falling asleep. Usually he wakes up in the morning feeling better. We have no idea what this could be. Does any of this sound familiar?

    1. Median arcuate ligament syndrome? It’s controversial but if you’ve ruled out other issues then perhaps look into it.

    2. Have you considered migraines? They’re not all marked by pain. They can manifest with weird visual auras only, or nausea only.

    3. I am not a healthcare professional. But have you looked into abdominal migraine? It often presents without a headache or other “typical” migraine symptoms.

      1. I think this has been raised before, but we tried the anti-nausea meds for a while instead. Might be a good idea to revisit. Can we just raise this with his PCP? What kind of specialist can help with this?

    4. Do migraine run in his family? Does he get headaches?
      Has he seen a neurologist?
      Has he had a study to test for gastroparesis (slow stomach emptying)?

      What studies has he had done?
      What type of doctors has he seen?

      I would try to find a gastroenterologist with an interest in autonomic disorders and possibly a neurologist. The key is seeing the correct doctors – the right subspecialist, among the specialists. Most doctors wont be able to address this. And the bad thing is that this sort of problem can be worsened by anxiety, and can make anxiety worse! So it is very important to treat anxiety well (sounds like his isn’t….? If he is on xanax?) and to treat the nausea well (which his isn’t….? If the meds don’t help, and we have great meds for nausea).

      What city are you in? I can poke around to see if there is someone in the area that could be helpful.

      1. We are in the PNW – Seattle or Portland are both possible for us to travel to. Thank you, that would be so kind.

        1. Ok – let me look around. If he hasn’t been seen for someone for possible migraine, that is a good next step. Especially do this if he has any blood relatives with headaches/migraine/nausea syndromes/motion sickness, and certainly if he gets any headache/dizziness or visual symptoms with his attacks or separately. Motion sickness is what we call a “migraine equivalent”. People with a tendency towards migraine tend to have motion sickness too.

          Meanwhile, start keeping a diary of when events happen. See if you can pinpoint any triggers. Read online at the American Migraine Foundation about migraine, triggers and see if you can modify any behaviors that may be triggers. Where they talk about headache, consider a “nausea attack” to = headache. Sleeping regular, long enough hours is key. Eating on a regular schedule is key. Find your triggers. Ask your doctor for better nausea medicines. Reglan – a medicine for some types of nausea, can actually abort some migraines/nausea attacks. Zofran is good. You could even try starting a magnesium supplement, which in some people will decrease their frequency of migraines. Maybe it will help your partner.

          Which of the 2 cities are you closer to? If it turns out to be migraine related you will have several follow-up appointments so it is nice to find someone close.

          And work on anxiety treatment – especially behavioral changes, as these can have a tremendous effect on treating migraine/cyclical nausea attacks. Medications (but benzos/xanax are not great long term…. get off this), mindfulness, gentle exercise, yoga, hobbies that clear your mind and distract you… things that are using your hands/body/calming/peaceful.

          1. Please try to share a little bit more info about where you are close to so I can find you a doctor.

            OHSU in Portland is not accepting new patients. You can try Hillsborough Medical Center – they have a new Neurologist and are still accepting new patients. They are affiliated with OHSU too. (503) 681-1350. But I can’t vouch for them.

            Maybe better – check this website. Find a headache certified neurologist near you listed with this organization. Call them to see who is still accepting patients.

            https://headaches.org/resources/healthcare-provider-finder/

            In Seattle, U of Washington’s Neurology Department has a Headache clinic but they are also booked up – unless you have a primary care doctor at U of Washington. If you partner does, you can ask that doctor to send a referral to the Headache clinic and they will accept him. Otherwise, check that website link if you live closer to Seattle and call each of the providers on their list for Washington state and read reviews on websites.

            Good luck!

    5. Has he seen a neurologist or tried m*graine meds? Nausea is one of my most bothersome m*graine symptoms, and lying down with my eyes closed is consistently the thing that most helped me feel better until I also found m*graine drugs that help (taken as preventatives, I still haven’t found much that helps once it starts). I also have to be very dedicated to a regular sleeping and eating schedule and avoid situations that trigger motion sickness (I don’t travel much).

    7. Silent migraine (basically a migraine that comes without a headache). Maybe you’ve been down this road, but the needing to lay down/waking up in the morning feeling better and being brought on by heat/exhaustion/stress resonated with me.

    8. Have they ruled out inner ear issues? Any weird hormonal things (these are really common menopause symptoms and men who take hormone supression for things like prostate cancer experience very similar things)?

    9. Not quite your partner’s symptoms, but sometimes if I get too hungry or too hot (especially both) I will get really nauseous and a couple of months ago I did actually throw up. My doc thinks it might just be low blood sugar, but wasn’t entirely sure. I manage this by always having a simple snack on me – almonds or Triscuit crackers are my go to since I can eat them slowly, they don’t further upset my stomach, and they get me a quick boost of food. Sometimes I have to lie down with my 3 Triscuit crackers (that’s a joke with my BF as to whether I need 2, 3 or 4 crackers depending on how I’m feeling) and slowly nibble on them until the feeling passes. If he doesn’t eat much, that could be contributing to it, especially if it’s also low blood sugar. My mom used to eat saltine crackers for the same reason.

    10. Thank you all – I think we need to try m!graine-related solutions (again, in some cases). Motion sickness is definitely a factor as is the anxiety compounding and compounded by the symptoms I listed. I appreciate the other suggestions as well, especially for the specific types of specialists to pursue.

      1. You’ll want to see a neurologist for this, but wait times can be long and it’s pretty much trial and error to find drugs that work, so your PCP can get you started on trying things to see what might work while you’re waiting to see a neuro.

      2. Has he also been investigated/tested for binocular vision disorder and/or dysautonia (similar to POTS)? I’ve got all 3 and one can and does kick off the others (motion sickness triggers a migraine, migrane triggers a POTS episode, etc.). It stinks but managing the migraines is usually the easiest/fastest route as there are more effective drugs for those. Not all, but many, neurologists can asses for BVD.

    11. I agree to check out abdominal migraines or cyclic vomiting syndrome, which is related. If his symptoms respond to migraine meds, you have a diagnosis. Check out lists of migraine triggers as well. Some foods are common triggers and can be avoided. Others, like changes in barometric pressure, can’t be, but they still might explain the timing of his symptoms.

  20. Best recommendations for a drugstore shampoo? My 8 year old definitely needs regular, not kids, shampoo, but she’s still at the stage where she can’t always control how much comes out of the bottle, so I would rather not splurge on salon products until she’s a bit older. Her hair is fine, straight, and mid-back length. Moisturizing properties are helpful, in case she doesn’t do a great job with the conditioner.

    1. Pantene 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner. Pick your potion (regular, volume, moisturizing). On beach vacations I use that plus a conditioner afterward to help with all the sun and salt.

      1. This is what our 11 year kid uses. We get the size that comes in the pump bottle so she doesn’t get too much at once.

    2. Tresemme Silky and Smooth is good–I’m pretty snobby about my personal care products and I still use this vs a salon product.

  21. D*mn — who would volunteer to fly a plane with the Wagner group head on it?! It has now crashed or “crashed.” I’m surprised that guy was still alive, frankly, but I’d not have dared to be in proximity to him lately.

    1. That is crazy and yeah the reports are it was shot down. It will be interesting to see what the final verdict is and whether or not the full story comes out.

  22. Has anyone ever bought something from Public Rec? I’m getting instagram-ad slammed by them and am tempted to pull the trigger on their dress.

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