Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Puff-Sleeve Colorblock Shift Dress

276 Comments

1. A bad rep? It may not be the place to go if you want something trendy, but there’s nothing bad about classic and consistent.

   1. Er I don’t think Talbot’s has a bad reputation either. It’s classic and high quality, no one thinks it’s going to be trendy.

   2. Eh, I get what Elizabeth is saying. Talbots has some versatile classic pieces but you often have to wade through a lot of gimmicky prints to find them. I think the one in Philly actually closed up shop during Covid so those near me basically only carry the designs tailored to SAH older ladies (like – a striped top where they couldn’t leave well enough alone and added a big lemon print or lobsters all over it for summer) and only a tiny corner offers office-wear.

      I do like this dress but after years of buying and then donating sweater dresses (too hot, too itchy, too clingy even with a slip, the list goes on) I am on a permanent ban from further purchasing :)

      1. This, plus if you do manage to find something classic and work-appropriate, the cuts are so boxy and frumpy.

         1. Different bodies, different clothes. They’ve always worked for me, to the point that it’s one of the few brands left that I can always order my size and know it’ll fit, and fit well. Normally I pick stuff up secondhand, but had a moment of weakness last night when they ran 60% additional off already marked down sweaters.

         2. Agreed, I’ve found their cuts similar to that of Land’s End. Blouses and sweaters are rectangular, with giant wide sides, and they’re always too short.

         3. Talbots fits me well. I suppose that means I have a “boxy and frumpy” body in your estimation. Please be careful with your words.

      2. Their size-inclusivity can’t be beat — misses, misses petite, womens, womens petite, occasional talls. I like their basics — wool suiting with lined pants. My small-town relatives get their serious church attire / always have a dark suit / dress for funeral attire there, but I am in BigLaw and really lament that my local store no longer stocks suiting pieces (and I am cusp petite, so I need to try on 6, 6P, 8, 8P in jackets / dresses, which is a PITA to order /return but they are at least cheerful about it and their dressing rooms are lovely).

         Agree on the lobster stuff.

         Also, they sell washable workpants in a variety of fits that I had on constant wear when I went back to work after having kids. One black pair, one tan pair, in constant rotation until I went up a size after kid 2.

         I should go back — ours is nice to a nice bakery that I love.

         1. Yes, I bought 2 pairs of washable work pants there this fall after striking out at Jcrew/Banana/Gap and they are total workhorses. No weird tapering, various rises/color available, and wash like a dream.

         2. Agree. 53 years old and have been a Talbots shopper for 20 plus years…have had some of their classic pieces for 10 years. Classic, well made items at reasonable price and great rewards program (dividends). There are better stores in geographies so look for those – they tend to be larger and in upscale areas. Only certain stores get the best new items for the season…there is a “commodity” type store that has basics. They definitely trend conservative and professional which serves maximum quantity of buyers.

      3. It’s a fine line between preppy and frumpy. If Vineyard Vines puts a lemon print or lobsters all over something, OMG awesome, but if Talbot’s does, it’s frumpy old lady!

         1. Vineyard Vines is almost as frumpy as Talbots! I want to like VV, but the clothes always have the same sad boxy fit as Talbots and I cannot abide the lemons and lobsters. The mens’ section is much better as long as you avoid the cutesy ties. My decidedly non-preppy husband has several of their plaid and gingham shirts and quarter-zip sweaters.

   3. I wish our in-person store was better, but it definitely caters to the retirees. Agree that there are lots of good classics to be found, online at least.

      1. I agree, and just shop their online store. The knits are not great, except for the ponte knits, but the classic wovens work well for work.

   4. Meaning frumpy, for older women, not fashionable. Sorry but that is the brand’s rep. Doesn’t mean I don’t shop there on occasion. Same thing with places like Chico’s.

      1. I have not crossed into Chico’s. How is it?

         1. Generally terrible, but occasionally a piece isn’t bad. But overall not fashion. Same with Talbots. A little goes a long way and can fill a gap – I see it like generally listening to good music, but occasionally enjoying mmm bop . . .

         2. The Chico’s in my city has more of a ladies who lunch vibe (for a while veering into “Stiffler’s Mom” territory – yikes!) than office wear, but I’ve picked up good, classic pieces at Goodwill, so they are out there – maybe online, but not in store? The quality is solid for the stuff I have.

         3. The pants are actually great, the tops and dresses are usually sort of frumpy at Chico’s. That said, I have a long linen duster-type coat that I wear all summer in my office-formal office.

            I have bought clothes from Talbots since the mid-1990s, when I was a tiny college kid, and it’s always been high-quality, classic stuff with a bunch of sizes. The newer stuff is a LOT brighter and less frumpy than it was @ 10 years ago. The cut is a little boxier than stuff like Theory or Boss, but it always works for me since I tend to be a real apple-shaped person even at low weights.

      2. Yes – both my mother (58) and I view it as an old lady brand. My mom says when she was my age it had a lot of well made classics, but now she agrees its old lady.

   5. Agreed. I am 31 and there are Talbots pieces I enjoy. The same can be said for Chicos and J Jill. Sizing down sometimes needs to happen with J Jill but I find a lot of their stuff to be quite nice – especially the thicker t-shirts.

      Talbots offers nice classics and, personally, as a lover of kitsch I don’t mind a good lobster, lemon, or pineapple print either.

      1. I’m the OP Anon and +1 to all this! I’m 43 and my late 90’s Talbot’s wool crepe “job interview suit” made for an awesome 2019 Agent Scully Halloween costume. That thing is indestructible.

   6. I’ve been shopping at Talbots since I was 25 and graduated from law school and started my first firm job, and nothing really compares in terms of reliable classic workwear. Each store has its own profile and none of the stores carry enough workwear, but their suiting pieces remain my top choice for high quality, reasonably affordable suits. I just wish I could buy more in store instead of always online.

      1. There are only a few Talbots locations in my area, and I always intend to go to the store that’s in the fancy beach cities to see if it’s appreciably different than the inland stores. I do buy most of the office wear online, and shoes. They don’t really seem to have the shoes in stock at the stores.

2. Fellow pixie people, send styling ideas please! My pixie cut was already overdue for a trim due to holiday scheduling issues, and thanks to Omicron tomorrow’s appointment with my stylist has been cancelled and it’s going to be several more weeks before I can get in for a trim. It hasn’t quite hit the tragic mullet stage but is headed there soon. Right now it’s poofy on top, the cute little spiky bangs have turned into a flat wall of hair across my forehead, and it’s shaggy over the ears and at the temples. How have you all coped with the awkward growing-out phase? Should I try to thin out the bangs myself? I am on Zoom a lot, so I can’t just cover the whole thing up with a baseball cap. At least I have a Madison Reed kit leftover from last year’s salon closure so I can touch up the roots, but ugh.

   1. I had decent luck with DIY pixie cut you tube videos earlier on in the pandemic. Several minutes of terror in the bathroom mirror with clippers resulted in a surprisingly decent cut. I searched for someone with hair similar to mine and cut similar to mine, watched her cut her own a couple of times, then mimicked it.

   2. Oh that stinks! What’s your hair type? When I’m between cuts I like to play up my natural texture, which for me is a heavy dose of salt spray + using a flatiron to bring out the waves. If your hair is straighter, maybe go for mousse, blow-dry, and use wax to get a piece-y feel. Search “lily collins long pixie” for what I mean.

      1. My hair type is simply the worst. Straight-ish with horrible cowlicks and very thick and heavy, to the point that serious texturizing is required every 3-4 weeks to keep it from turning into a big round puffball. I must have gone through a dozen stylists before I found one who could handle it.

         The Lily Collins style is really cute, but longer than what I have going on now. Maybe a skinny headband until then?

   3. Headband

   4. Do you have straight hair and/or cowlicks? That is unforgiving for DIY cuts. If you have texture / curls, maybe? But I recommend products, teasing, clips, curling, anything short of a DIY cut.

   5. Product and/or buzz cut if you have trimmers. A buzz at #9 will look pixie-ish after a few weeks of growth. Otherwise wait until you can get it professionally cut.

   6. In times like these, I pin back the front pieces so they’re off my forehead. Like with a cute twist or something that looks more intentional. I’ve never attempted to cut mine, as that’s a guaranteed disaster.

   7. I cut my bangs during COVID and ended up looking like Spock.

      I’d just let it go until you can get a cut. Brush your bangs off your forehead or pin them back. And the rest of it just ignore. You’ll notice more than anyone on zoom.

3. How much money did you have before you paid for a financial advisor? We have about $500K total (retirement, investments, 529s) with Fidelity and I’m considering signing up for their wealth management services. But its .5%-1.5% annual fee and it feels like a lot to pay ~$5K for financial advice. At what point do you think its worth it? We are fairly hands off, mostly using target funds for retirement.

   1. I see a financial advisor every couple of years or so, and I have much less than 500K. But I’m not paying for ongoing management; just a flat-fee for a one or two hour check-in to give me advice, help me with retirement projections, and answer any questions I have. It costs about $250 I think, and I find it very helpful.

   2. I wouldn’t consider one until I had the assets to be taken on by a fee-only, fiduciary financial advisor. In my city, that’s 500k of investable assets.

      1. My situation is a LOT yours and I hired a fee-only fiduciary. I used Wealthramp to find one (interviewed 3, chose 1), but also found XY Planning Network to be helpful. My fiduciary is also looking at my total financial health (insurances, wills, etc.) will cost less than $5k, and I don’t need to pay annually.

      2. But my $500K of investable assets are already invested. What then? If I switch from what I have them in, I have to pay taxes on all that’s not in a rollover IRA. That’s a lot of $ on top of a fee for maybe not a lot of difference in outcome (which there would need to be to make up for that hit). What do you do then??? This is my predicament. I’m not ever likely to have $500K of investable cash just sitting around, ever.

         1. I haven’t used one yet, but probably will closer to retirement to get advice on the best order of operations for using/preserving my assets, whether or not to consolidate retirement accounts, that sort of thing. I don’t think I need one at this point (accumulation phase) when index funds suit my needs just fine.

         2. Anon at 9:16 here. We hired a fiduciary at this specific point in time because we had some proceeds from a house sale that we wanted to manage correctly, and wanted to understand our likely retirement cash flow (husband’s a fed, so he will have a small-medium pension). Almost all of our money is invested in target date funds, Vanguard and TSP, and that’s not changing post-fiduciary.

            That said, there are changes you can make within a retirement account that won’t trigger a taxable event, or maybe it’s better for you to do a backdoor roth before you max out your 401(k), etc. I think paying 1.5% annually for Fidelity is not a smart move, but I think a mid-career check-in with a fiduciary to make sure you’re on the right track would be helpful to a lot of people.

   3. Our investments have been limited to maxing out retirement accounts due to significant financial costs of medicine, daycare and caregiving responsibilities… but we’ve got about $600k spread across various 401ks and rollovers. I still don’t see the need for an advisor. Even a 529 or a down payment investment account should have target date funds that meet your shorter term needs. If we had a special needs child or an unexpected inheritance/ windfall, I’d consider paying someone to actively manage those investments. But right now we are better served by low fees and being hands off.

   4. We’ve found it more helpful to spend on estate planning and an eldercare attorney. Figuring out how to structure our finances to account for my husband’s (probable) future dementia and protecting our assets was our priority. When it comes to the actual investing process, Vanguard index funds have met our needs at every tax bracket.

      1. I posted below (manage own investments, good at saving, Vanguard fan), but I think that this will be me too — planning for the future needs vs the piece of the puzzle that is merely saving and investing.

      2. This approach makes the most sense to me. I don’t need an advisor to use target date funds and index funds or to understand tax-advantaged accounts like 529s and do some basic modeling. My brokerage even has a free online tool that tells me how diversified I am on a variety of metrics compared to the market as a whole.

         I wouldn’t pay for a general financial advisor unless I had so much money I was looking at hedge funds or PE funds and needed help assessing them. I don’t know how rich that is, but it’s not on the horizon for me.

   5. Our investments are ~1.2 million and I’ve never used a financial advisor and don’t plan to unless we need advice on something other than investing, like if we needed to deal with disability, long term care, or something else like that. Most of our money is in retirement accounts invested in Vanguard accounts (total market, international, and bonds) and I have no interest in doing anything else.

      1. Oops, I meant to write Vanguard FUNDS, some of which are in Vanguard accounts and some of which is in other accounts (Fidelity, etc.). If you’re confused about stuff like this, I could see it being worthwhile to meet with someone once to get things on track, but given the number of shady financial advisors out there, I still think you’d be better off reading a good book or just using the Bogleheads site to figure out what you’re doing.

      2. Same.

         Also, I’m in a job with a lot of insider trading restrictions, so I can’t really invest in stocks unless I sign over trading power to someone (but I’m a lot of tax-advantaged funds to avoid constant expenses and tax hits associated with trading, so not sure I’d want someone churning my account, esp. when I’m a buy-and-hold person by temperament). The minute I joined BigLaw (when I had more debt than assets, eek, and just needed to fund my 401K and a rainy day fund and pay off debt), the calls started, and I just felt like a target. Maybe someone could do better than me, but I think that disciplined saving, keeping some cash uninvested, and being diversified (esp. after 2008-2010) has been a sensible strategy, along with not chasing fads like crypto or dot-com stocks or going in on dodgy propositions (we just had yet another pyramid scheme shut down) or easy ways people blow through $ (getting over extended on airBNB rentals in places that hate thems so much they shut then down) like a lot of celebrities often do (esp. athletes).

         So IDK. I could be open to it, but I just think I understand enough and understand my temperament for risk and am doing well. What I do see is needing guidance for when I’m not saving but drawing on investments to fund retirement — how to spend well to travel a bit and yet not run out of $ when the women in my family life into their 90s.

      3. Same here. I don’t think it’s a requirement at a certain level and many people can handle their own. I don’t see ever having the need or outsourcing my finances to someone else.

   6. We have ~$1.5M if you include our house, $1M without and we don’t have one. But it’s all very simple. All our money is in target date retirement funds and a bit in a 529.

   7. I have around 300k invested with Vanguard and see no need to ever have a financial advisor of the type you describe to decide where to invest my funds and then take a cut of the profits. Target date funds are sufficient.

      Situations where it might be helpful to hire a fee-only advisor to help you out:
      -Trust, elder care, dependent care (like for a disabled child) situations
      -Determining the best way to approach debt payoff vs. saving for discrete things like a house down payment or kid college fund (this would not be ongoing, just someone to run the numbers to understand various scenarios)
      -The situation like yesterday’s poster who was not on the same page with her husband on how much to put down for a new house and whether to sell their old one – they need someone to run the numbers and figure out what actually makes sense
      -When to buy life insurance and how much to get
      -Other discrete financial situations that don’t require ongoing advice or only require intermittent advice (inheritance, etc.)

   8. We first met with a financial advisor when we sold our first home and suddenly had $300k in cash (we were renting our next house) sitting around. We hired a fee only advisor with a monthly fee. We stayed with her for about five years, and over that time our net worth grew quite a lot. For us, it was worth it to have someone on call to help with benefits selection (e.g., 401(k) allocations), getting advice on particular Vanguard funds and rebalancing those investments at various intervals, where to set up 529s etc. Basically, be the expert that we weren’t. Of course we *could* have figured this all out on our own, but our net worth growth more than made up for her fee. We no longer pay her monthly rate but have her available on an hourly, as-needed basis. Highly recommend if you don’t have the time/patience to become fluent in finance matters.
      From a psychological standpoint, it also helped me feel financially secure. Like a lot of posters, I think, I grew up in a household where money was very, very tight and even though now my husband and I make comfortable money, the impulse to never spend a dime is always there. Having a third party tell me objectively how we were doing financially was very good for my mindset toward money.

   9. We use vanguard which charges .3% for advisor services. The cost decreases as you have more assets under management. We had some conflicts in our marriage regarding investment strategy so this has been very helpful to out source this to a trained third party. We’ve had excellent rates of return and am very pleased with the ease of using them.

4. I’m replacing my threadbare bedding and couch throws, and I’m going for “all the textures, all the time”. It’s been surprisingly difficult to find plush or faux fur that’s machine washable. I keep finding ones I love (like the Anthropologie Sophie) but the dry cleaning instructions put me off.

   Anyone have some that they love?

   1. Ugg makes some cozy looking blankets, but I’m not sure if they are machine washable. Kohls had some in store and I was able to see them in person and they were very soft. I have also seen a lot of throws and blankets at Home Goods.

   2. West Elm should have some. This one is machine-wash: https://www.westelm.com/products/channel-faux-fur-throw-t6304/?pkey=cthrow-blankets

   3. I like the L.L. Bean Wicked Cozy Blanket which has a nice plush texture. But the color range is somewhat limited. It’s machine-washable and I’ve machine washed it (normal cycle, cold water) with no issues, though the washing instructions also say to dry on a no-heat setting which can take a while.

   4. Some of the Pottery Barn velvet backed throws are washable, but not all of them. We

   5. I received a barefoot dreams throw as a gift, and it is truly the softest thing ever. Haven’t washed it yet, but it’s machine wash, lay flat to dry.

5. I have airline credit from a canceled April 2020 trip. It is around $600/per person with American Airlines. I had booked the travel through Chase to get points on my Chase Sapphire Reserve Card. The credit is good through October 2022. At this point, airline travel seems so uncertain I would prefer to get a refund. Is it worth pursuing with Chase? Or at least extend the deadline?

   Originally I was going to use the credit to travel to somewhere in the Caribbean but now a negative test is required for re-entry into the US. My husband and I are both vaccinated and boosted, but I really don’t want to get stuck out of the country. I considered traveling just within the US, but things are changing and I’m not sure what restrictions are in place or whether restaurants/bars we want to visit would be closed. Places I was considering in the US are New Orleans, Miami or maybe Seattle.

   1. Chill. You won’t get a refund and have plenty of time to use it.

   2. I had an AA credit expiring at the beginning of February and got it extended two months, but I called just the other day. I would wait until September to ask for an extension, but I think most likely the summer will be fine to travel. (FWIW, I’ve traveled 3x internationally during COVID to two different countries and had no issues with testing or getting back in to the US.)

      1. Thanks for the info! Travel restrictions into the US changed in December so now a negative covid test is needed to get back into the US. I wish we would have traveled last summer after getting vaccinated, but my husband just started a new job and didn’t want to take vacation time right away.

         1. A negative Covid test was needed to get back in the US for a very long time, at least since summer 2021. I traveled last summer and had to do it. It’s really not that big a deal. You buy a test and take it with you, and do it supervised by a proctor on the computer.

         2. Also you can go to Puerto Rico or the US Virgin Islands without doing the test since they are US territory, so if you’re really worried go there.

         3. All three times I’ve traveled I’ve needed a negative test to get back in (January, September, December 2021), and tested negative every time. I actually flew back into the US the day they changed the time frame from 72 hours to 24 hours in December, which was annoying but fine. The Binax antigen proctored tests are accepted, which made testing a lot less complicated. I agree that I wouldn’t travel right now because Omicron is so contagious and I wouldn’t want to be stuck in another country to quarantine, but positivity rates will not stay this high.

         4. The change in the testing requirements was from 72 hrs to 24. As others have already said, the neg test requirement has been in place for some time. I traveled intentionally and was also fine but yes you should not take the chance if you can’t afford to get stuck.

            1. We just got back from an international trip where a negative PCR test was required to enter the country and a negative rapid test w/i 24 hours was required to re-enter the US. One member of our party of 5 tested positive and had to quarantine internationally, which was not an easy task given it required a new hotel, meal arrangements, additional rapid testing, consultation with a doctor to assess “recovery” from COVID and rebooking flights. Omicron has definitely changed the calculus in my mind. The posters above may have just been lucky!

   3. You can ask the airline and they’ll likely extend it. Also you have to *book* by October but not travel by that date. You can book 2023 travel this summer or fall.

      1. This. You can book travel and then as long as that ticket is changeable (look at rules for the specific ticket you book), you can always change it again in the future.

   4. For what it’s worth. We had an unused set of tickets on AA purchased for an April 2020 trip that obviously didn’t happen. They gave us a window of time with which to use them. That window was approaching and we still weren’t comfortable traveling by plane, so my husband called them, explained that he was a traveling doctor giving service to underserved areas (including COVID treatment) and could they see clear to extending it even more? They are now extended through the end of 2022. Just asking nicely and playing the sympathy card worked here.

   5. We also had travel booked through Chase for June 2020 that we cancelled. They initially told us no refund, but I tried again a few months later and got a more sympathetic customer service rep. It would be worth calling, maybe a couple times. I’ve also travelled internationally twice with the testing requirement in place, and personally found it pretty stressful having that uncertainty hanging over my head (even though everything went just fine both times).

   6. I certainly think that between now and October there will be at least one Covid window in which at least domestic travel will feel comfortable. Probably international as well. All of 2021 there have been peaks and valleys of cases and necessity for caution. I would suggest waiting, and if you really can’t find any way to use it closer to the deadline, then just call to extend. And like others said, you probably just need to book by October, not use it by then.

6. How do you all deal with colleagues where everything is “urgent”? I have a colleague I have worked with for years, and she treats everything like it is super time sensitive and urgent. She is a parallel internal stakeholder (I do step 1, she does step 2). I’m not slow by any means, and she knows how long tasks take. Her panic always rubs off on me, and it makes it hard to institute boundaries when I’m getting calls and e-mails after hours.
   Is there a way to better manage this or set better boundaries with her? I always try to communicate I will have task complete by x date and send status updates along the way, but apparently that is not enough.

   1. Katie, I told you I’m on it and when it will be done. Stop calling me and emailing me after hours.

   2. In addition to telling her the completion date, would it work to give her the status updates on a regular schedule (and tell her so), and then auto-folder any incoming emails from her so her panic doesn’t rub off on you? Then if she knows you’re updating her on Tuesday and Thursday mornings (or whatever), it’s reasonable for you not to respond to her panicked Wednesday emails and calls. You could still obviously check the folder with her emails at other times in case there’s a true emergency.

   3. Honestly? Other than an initial, I will have this done by X date and maybe one status update depending on how far out the completion date is, I ignore them. I know what my workload is, I know what the priorities are (and keep eyes open for true changes to these), and I get my $hit done, so my colleague’s anxiety is not my problem.

      1. This.

      2. Thanks. I’m trying to work on setting better boundaries this year as I take on other priorities in my personal life.
         Hearing I have “permission” just to straight up ignore her nonsense helps. I’ve been dealing with it for years, and it’s wearing me down to the point of thinking about leaving.
         Some of it is the nature of our industry. Most of it is just her.

         1. No matter what, do not respond to her after hours emails unless it is actually urgent, not Polly Panicker urgent.

            If you are back in the office, consider having a face to face conversation with her. After hours b.s. is a HUGE quality of life issue. If your company culture is not such that people send random after hours emails, tell her that this is something for normal working hours.

            1. Anon at the top part of this thread here. I do not check or respond to emails after hours or on weekends. I am in-house counsel and keep getting promoted and while you should know your office (obviously this doesn’t fly in BigLaw), this internet stranger gives you permission to also stop doing this!

      3. Same for me. I worked with a Polly Panicker in my last job and I would just ignore her messages beyond the first communication where I committed, in writing, to having something done on a particular date. I wouldn’t respond to the emails, instant messages, text messages, etc. – especially after hours. And I had zero issues with leaving her “on read,” where she knew I had seen the message and was choosing not to respond. (I found out at one point that this was how most of our colleagues dealt with her, including our senior VP.)

         As Anon at 9:47 says, my anxious colleague’s anxiety is not my problem. I know, at this point in my career, when things are on track and when they are in trouble. And my way of getting things done may not be exactly how Polly Panicker thinks they should be done, but as long as I produce what I commit to producing on or before the deadline, she really doesn’t have anything to say about it.

         We train people how to treat us, OP, and continuing to feed your Polly Panicker’s anxiety and responding to her messages is training her she can spin you up and have company in her misery. So just ignore the anxious messages. Communicate to her when and how you need to or feel is appropriate. She may never change, but you can change the way you react to her, and not absorb her anxiety.

   4. “Her panic always rubs off on me,”
      Since the two of you have been doing this work pattern for years now, there’s not much hope she’s going to stop on her end, so you’re the one who has to stop on your end.
      You need to get a Panic Plan in place, because you know it’s going to happen, and you can probably even predict, by now, at what point in the process she starts panicking.
      Literally open a computer file, name it “Suzy Panic Plan” and then lay out step by step what her panic actions are (what she does and says), and what you will do or think or say in response to each one.
      Then go to your calendar, look for the next time panic is guaranteed to occur, and add a calendar item that says “Open file and implement panic plan.” After the panic is over, revisit and update the plan, learning each time more about what does and doesn’t work for you.

      1. This is so genius!!

      2. I love this

   5. Have you ever talked to her about it? Like saying, Polly I understand the request, I told you when it would be done, I have n ver dropped the ball, why do you keep checking in?

7. What is the stylish look for jeans in the office now? In a business casual office I used to be able to pull off the dark skinny jeans, flats, and a blazer look pretty well. With skinnies on the way out, I want to update, but I don’t think the light colored boyfriend jeans or the oversized blazers I keep seeing while shopping are going to have the same polished look. Men in my office seem to still be wearing the medium colored dad jeans with a tucked in button up and some cross between sneakers and dress shoes.

   1. Straight-leg or cigar3tt3 jeans with horsebit or lug-sole loafers and an oversized double-breasted blazer.

   2. IDK but since everything seems to be styled with fancy sneakers or combat boots, I am just going with some knock-off Docs with the skinnies. Feet are happier than being cold in flats.

   3. I’m still figuring this out 100%, but over the last 5-6 months I’ve been updating my jeans after one day suddenly HATING wearing skinny jeans. It was a sudden visceral shift. lol. That plus a changing lower body over the last few months really had me really needing to update my jeans – I feel like I’m finally in a good place. Idk if it’s current but I feel good and not super out of date, I think…I wear jeans almost 95% of the time to my casual office in the winter.

      Monday – darker colored boyfriend jeans with a cream sweater, cognac leather ankle boots
      Tuesday – lighter colored flares (not extreme, but more than a bootcut), slightly fitted olive green long sleeve shirt, same cognac leather ankle boots. would have looked better with my black pointy flats but it’s pretty snowy outside here so I’m not wearing flats right now.
      Today – black straight cut ankle jeans, hot pink sweater (color is very out of my neutral comfort zone but I love it for today’s snowy day!), same cognac leather ankle boots

      Basically, my winter uniform is jeans + sweater + ankle boots. I also really love a white button up + chunky cardigan + straight cut jeans.

      I have the Sam Edelman Chelsea boots with the bigger lugs in black arriving today and I think they’re going to solve a lot of my winter shoe issues. I also wear black Adidas sneakers a lot, while I never wore sneakers a few years ago. But in January I really hate to have my ankles exposed so I’m leaning heavy on ankle boots.

      Tomorrow I have a pair of dark colored trouser jeans arriving – I originally got these in regular length and they were awesome but too long – I refuse to wear heels anymore. I’m took a chance to exchange them for the short length – hoping since they’re trouser cut it won’t mess with the silhouette weirdly. If those work, I know they’ll be a powerhouse in my closet that I wear a lot.

8. Recently switched legal departments and am now in a WFH role. Love WFH though it can be a bit isolating. SO works in the office, so between 9 – 5 on Monday thru Friday, I don’t really have any interactions outside of work meetings. I’m an introvert so this new role largely suits my personality, though I wouldn’t mind a bit more conversation. Any suggestions? I’m part of a couple of Discord channels which definitely help throughout the day, and if there’s a Corporette Discord, would love to join as well!

   1. Following! I’m in the same situation and also an introvert (and my social needs used to be met from work interactions with colleagues at my old job, but now that’s gone). Would love some other sources of social contact during the day.

      1. Same. But probably not terribly introverted. I am just so lonely. I can work alone but just hate nothing but silent meals alone. I’ve been keeping the radio or weather channel on for “companionship.”

   2. Frankly, this is what WFH is like. Apart from a cumulative 15 minutes of polite social conversation every month, every work conversation has an agenda and a focus. I haven’t spoken to work colleagues in a relaxed setting in over 20 months. At some point you will stop feeling lonely and just feel numb. I do recommend leaving the TV on, but even that stops helping at some point.

      1. Agree. I’ve been WFH since March 2020. The office building in my city shut down altogether so I’ll be WFH home permanently. I play YouTube videos in the background. And I talk to my cats.

      2. really? I was WFH pre-covid and we found lots of ways to hang out virtually. There’s no Slack culture in your office? or virtual water cooler zooms?

         1. No. We have none of this.

   3. Same! Love WFH but struggle with this from
      time to time. A discord sounds great.

      1. +1 would enjoy a Discord

   4. I love WFH. I can do chores around my apartment, text friends and call family members depends on how busy I am throughout the day. I even love sending Instagram memes to friends and former colleagues. Do you have any people outside of work you can reach out to?

      1. Not the OP but my friends work and many juggle kids / elder care on top of that, so since 2019 they have been in the wind / trying not to drown themselves, so the loneliness is magnified greatly. In before times, if I had to WFH, I could meet someone for lunch. Now, maybe I can talk someone into that monthly (after 1.5 years of involuntary WFH when schools closed) but now that it’s too cold to eat outside, I bet that won’t happen again until after Easter. It just s*cks. I could call my retired parents every day, but I’d be out of things to talk about on Day 2 (I tend to call them weekly) and then they’d worry about me for becoming so needy all of a sudden (they’d not be wrong, BTW, but who wants to make elderly parents living in the NYC area hot zone worry these days?).

   5. This is the aspect of WFH that I hate. I am a social creature and naturally form friendly relationships and with colleagues. I actively maintain these by seeing when they are green and striking up quick hi hello how are you convos from time to time. I also have several personal text groups that I chat with throughout the day. I am respectful of other people’s time and of course do not get upset if they are too busy to chat when I say hi.

   6. I’ve just set up a ‘Wednesday Group’ inspired by Sam Power (I’m finding her memoir to be fantastic – listening on audio where she reads it herself) to try to combat this. Will let you know how it goes

   7. I am permanently WFH and love it, and never want to go back to working in an office. While I know some people enjoy having work-colleague relationships, I do not. After I left my first job, and then my second job, and figured out that work friendships are 99% situational and don’t persist beyond having a shared work environment with people, I tried to focus more on developing friendships outside of work, with people who won’t disappear once we’re no longer colleagues. I have about one friend left over from each job I’ve had, but that’s it. And some of the people I was really close to in a work context faded out as soon as they left the job or I left. So to me, that falls into the category of “fake friendships” and I just feel like I don’t have time or energy for it. It’s been a huge relief to me, working from home, to not have to try to make friends with people, knowing full well that if I leave or they do, or even if they just transfer departments, we’ll basically never see each other again. A lot of what feels to me like wasted time or effort cultivating relationships with people, only to have those relationships not persist or go nowhere.

      I also have podcasts on while I’m working, and I post here and on other social media to engage in conversations with people. The “transactional interaction” of social media is great because (sorry to say this, or maybe I’m not) you don’t have to pretend to care about people and they don’t have to pretend to care about you. I also no longer get stuck agreeing to participate in social events I really don’t want to attend. However, I have friends outside of work (some of which I’ve had for 30 years, at this point) and I am married and have a child, so I feel like I get plenty of social time even without having “work friends.” More than I want to, sometimes, as a natural introvert.

      1. +1. I have never stayed friends with people I work with after I’ve left. I struggle to find common ground with some of my colleagues when being forced to have a personal chat. I also love WFH because it (mostly) eliminates this.

   8. Late to this conversation but I am also an introvert but with DH also WFH and grown kids, I do feel lonely and socially cut off if I don’t reach out. I get crazy with only DH to talk to. My interaction is a combo of posting on LinkedIn, Instagram, friend conversations on FaceBook, calling family and friends or doing zoom. I find if I don’t do this, I get really bored and apathetic.

      You may find that friends and co-workers or former coworkers would enjoy a quick chat – I usually text to say – hey are you free for a call, no rush just chat. I have this relationship with outside vendors (appraisers, outside counsel and buyers) who I’ve known for years. At the beginning of a call with counsel, I’ll ask how her dog is doing and if he came to work with her that day. Or I’ll ask the other counsel if his HS senior decided on a college and how his wife the city mayor is doing. 5 minutes, maybe hurts their billables but they’ll make a lot of money from my company if I continue to use them.

      My former coworkers are also network contacts and I’ve always called them and now WFH is no different. If I don’t nourish my connections, they die. Unlike others, I do have friends from 20-30 years ago and we’ve been in and out of the same banks forever and have the same industry groups. We may not meet in person for years and we’re not best buds but enjoy talking to each other. I know their kids’ names and ages and we have things in common.

      I even talk to people in my org that I’ve never met. Over time, we develop a relationship.

9. Any advice on tiling an entryway? We have been trying to replace the blood red carpet in our hallway with the manufactured wood that’s in our sitting room and dining room, but the manufacturer no longer makes it. We thought tiling might be nice, it’s a fairly small space, maybe 7 feet wide, 14 feet long, but perhaps we should extend it into the kitchen as it’s got horrible cheap grey laminate in it. It’s a 1984 semidetached bungalow so no historic details that need preserving. It’s a bit of a dark space, so I was thinking a pattern with white background?

   1. I’m actually pondering the idea of doing a mixed-color wood floor throughout our first floor. A local boutique has one, and it’s beautiful, plus I love the idea of being able to mix and match colors as finishes become discontinued. We could just pull up a few pieces from the older areas, then replace with newer ones as needed to maintain a semi-regular pattern.

   2. I’d go with something that’s more medium toned since you’ll be tracking stuff in. Everyone I know with whiteish tile hates it because it shows everything. Ditto with super dark tile. A pattern would probably distract from that though, depending on how busy you want to get.

      1. That’s a good point. That’s the current problem with our carpet (who puts carpet in the entryway in Scotland!?), it shows any bit of fuzz or dust.

      2. We have white textured (grooved) tile in our entryway and I want to strangle the former owners. I could handle white smooth tile, or darker textured tile, but not both together. That is getting ripped out as soon as we have the spare funds.

   3. White will be hard to keep clean in an entryway. FWIW, we have a medium-dark tile in our entryway that looks kinda like slate. I like it because it blends, rather than standing out, and doesn’t show every last speck of dirt and dust.

   4. A lot of historic rowhouses in the DC area have a tile entry and then a wood floor in the rest of the house. I realize your house isn’t historic, but I think its a nice look and fairly common. I agree that white will show a lot of dirt so I’d try a medium tone or at least if its a light tone a tile with variation so it camouflages some dirt. I also think it may make sense to have a rug (like an indoor/outdoor rug or one of those waterhog doormat type rugs) over the tile. Wet tile is slippery.

      Since it seems like you won’t be able to match the manufactured wood I think extending the tile into the kitchen would be a good option. It would be better to have 2 flooring choices than 3 I think. I wouldn’t do this though if you think you’ll replace the manufactured wood in the next 2-3 years. If that is the plan, I would put the new wood in the kitchen when you do that rather than tile.

      1. Yes, definitely. It’s a small house so from the entryway, you can see the living room flooring, kitchen flooring, and ugly carpet. The manufactured wood is really beautiful and in good condition so we will keep it for awhile. The house is so weird, half mountain lodge, half 1980s miami, lots of random marble and chrome finishes, and vaguely sparkly wallpaper, but then all oak trimming….If I had the budget, I’d do a bigger renovation but alas.

   5. I would look at slate tile in the entryway and kitchen. I would try to minimize the number of different flooring types in adjoining spaces.

      1. Real slate can be very slippery when wet.

         1. +1. We have real, very old slate in parts of our house and did our mudroom in a slate look rather than actual slate. With any natural stone you need to be careful about acid damage, etc. It’s a huge pain. Love the look though.

   6. Just don’t do white grout. Something medium greige grout will be forgiving.

   7. My mom took our our entry way carpet all the way to the concrete, treated and stained the concrete and put a large multicolored rug over the top that hides all manner of stains and dirt. It looks great.

   8. I’d do a stone tile for the entryway then switch to a standard ceramic for the kitchen. It will create definition between the spaces, and also alway the entryway to have a bit of a pop. Or, penny tiles for the entryway are always a classic.

      Before you fall in love with any tiles, be sure to check that they are actually floor tiles – a lot of patterned tiles aren’t and are either not super durable or are too slippery. Internet stranger votes for steering away from the herringbone pattern that is really popular now both because it will read very early 2020s in about 10 years, and also because it is just a pain to do with lots of wasted tile.

      1. Penny tiles can be a nightmare to keep clean because of all that grout.

   9. I live somewhere where it rains a lot so my first thought would be to make sure you’re not getting something that will be very slippery when it’s wet.

   10. When I renovated a small hallway I put in underfloor heating and beige rectangular tiles surrounding medium blue square tiles on a diagonal pattern. The tiles do not show everyday dirt and look somewhat like a central rug – matching the blue tapestry drape at a coat closet.

   11. I’d go with easy clean tiles, so no texture. The rest depends on your overall look. I like natural stone so I’d do slate or limestone.

10. Looking to shake up our dinner rotation. What are some of your favorite weeknight dinner recipes? Requirements: must take less than 40 mins, no fish, doesn’t require ingredients from specialty store.

    1. Cuban black rice & beans
       Recipe directly off the Goya can

    2. I’ve been liking crispy tofu bowls lately, courtesy of Cookie + Kate. It’s basically roasted veggies (broccoli + red pepper usually) and crispy baked tofu. You roast them both at the same time in the oven and then serve over rice (I use frozen) and drizzle with peanut sauce. Sprinkle with peanuts and cilantro if you have them.

       1. +1 I do this a lot. Sheet pan dinners FTW. I’ll also do smoked sausage + onions and peppers over rice.

    3. These are a few from recipe blogs:

       Honey Dijon Chicken Thighs – Budget Bytes
       Chicken Piccata – Once Upon a Chef
       Korean Beef and Rice – Mel’s Kitchen Cafe

       And a couple that don’t really require a recipe:

       Tostadas or tacos – brown some ground beef or turkey and add a packet of taco seasoning
       Pasta with meat sauce – I brown Italian turkey sausage and then add my favorite jar of pasta sauce

    4. I’d look at the Roasting Tin recipes for some inspiration. I like a veggie stirfy, either chopping my own veg or just grabbing a bag. Udon or egg noodles, egg or tofu. Way less than 40 minutes.

    5. NY Times lemony white bean soup with turkey and greens. Recipe can be found online.

    6. Marcella Hazan’s tomato sauce. It’s literally a 28 oz can of tomatoes, half a stick of butter, salt and an onion. Simmer for a half hour or so and serve over pasta with parmesan cheese.

       1. This is my dinner tonight in all likelihood!

          I also like to make Melissa Clark’s shakshuka from the NYT w/the same 28 oz jar of tomatoes (keep onion, add in a red pepper and some garlic, and feta, can of chickpeas and/or eggs depending on how hungry you are). The NYT also has a good basic tomato soup recipe that I’ve been making lately (it’s basically the MH sauce with broth, I like to add a splash of cream if I have) & it’s a great comfort dinner with grilled cheese. I basically hoard cans of tomatoes :-)

          For a while I used to make Alison Roman’s shallot pasta more or less once a week. The sauce is great because you can stock up on everything pretty far ahead of time and the recipe makes 2 batches at once so it’s good for 2 dinners.

          For WFH days I love a chili or a hearty soup (like the Roberto from the New Yorker), basically anything that is sort of hands off to make but requires some time because I can do it during the day and just leave it on the stove until I’m ready to eat dinner.

       2. This is soooooooooooooooooooooooo good. Seriously. Deserves all those O’s. My husband and I like to keep the onion in there and blend it all up at the end. Buttery tomato sauce is heaven.

          1. SAME! Immersion blender for the win. It probably gets a glare of disapproval from Ms. Hazan’s ghost, but tastes SO good.

    7. Some of our current favorites:
       Korean ground beef and rice- The Recipe Critic
       Margherita Naan Pizzas
       Pork and Peanut Dragon Noodles- Budget Bytes
       Crockpot Lechon- My Life as a Mrs

    8. Saag Indian spinach/kale sauce with protein (tofu, chicken, chickpeas) and rice. For spices, I like garlic, ginger, cumin, coriander and garam masala, and these are pantry staples for me, YMMV.

       Pasta Carbonara.

       Spaghetti with butter and peas.

       Pork mince and coriander stir fry with rice noodles.

       Egg fried rice.

       Chickpea and leak soup with parmesan.

       Frittata/tortilla omelet.

       Coconut red lentil Dahl.

       Broadbean and cauliflower mash with protein of choice.

       Lentil salad with feta and pomegranate.

    9. Chili mac, basic tacos with ground beef, baked spaghetti squash with sautéed prosciutto and shallot on top (Blue Apron recipe I’ve used multiple times myself), breakfast for dinner.

    10. Not a recipe but a tip a friend passed onto me – do all the vegetable cutting prep over the weekend or early in the week so you have a week’s worth of vegetables to easily throw into a stir-fry or put on a roasting sheet in the oven.

        One of my fav quick recipes is the Kimchi Pork Belly rice bowl from Woks of Life, assuming that kimchi isn’t hard to find in your area. Along that line, kimchi fried rice is pretty easy to make, and you can always mix up your proteins ranging from eggs, sliced beef or pork, chicken, tofu, even cut up hot dogs in a pinch.

        1. My lazy alternative to this is to buy frozen pre cut veggies

    11. I love every recipe I’ve tried from Dinner then Dessert. It’s a cooking blog but the lady who writes it is a personal chef. While not all are quick I think she might have a section for those. Almost everything I’ve tried from the site has become a “keeper” recipes, especially the vodka sauce, beef barbacoa, chicken tikka, and brown sugar bacon sloppy joes.

    12. Serious Eats lentil soup amd roasted sweet potatoes

    13. Here are some of my favorites –
        Kinda Cuban Sliders – https://houseofyumm.com/cuban-sliders/#_a5y_p=1716721
        White Chicken Chili – https://pinchofyum.com/sarahs-white-chicken-chili
        Barbacoa Beef – https://masonfit.com/pressure-cooker-barbacoa-beef/
        Creamy Tortellini Soup – https://damndelicious.net/2019/01/30/creamy-tortellini-soup/
        Chicken Ramen- https://www.forkknifeswoon.com/simple-homemade-chicken-ramen/#tasty-recipes-17264-jump-target
        Creamy Mushroom Soup – https://pinchofyum.com/creamy-mushroom-soup
        Creamy Acorn Squash Sweet Potato Soup – https://www.extraforavocado.com/creamy-acorn-squash-sweet-potato-soup/
        Add to above soups – Peppery Torn Croutons – https://pinchofyum.com/peppery-torn-homemade-croutons

    14. Best Chicken Enchiladas Ever! from Gimme Some Oven
        One Pot Zucchini Basil Pasta from NYT (add chicken or beef)
        Rustic Tortellini Soup from Taste of Home
        Strawberry Spinach Salad from Damn Delicious
        Salmon Avocado Poke Bowl from Simply Recipes

11. What are your favorite things about your bedroom decor? Things that you look at or use that make you happy and relaxed. I’m going to decorate my pretty bare bedroom as a winter project and am looking for inspiration.

    1. I bought linen sheets and European shams and it is so pretty. I got fun colours from La Redoute. What I’m currently looking for is some sort of fabric wall hanging for above the bed.

       1. I also have a linen duvet with euro pillows in light blue that I love, and got a stunning wall hanging from Teddy & Wool on Etsy (offhand, I think it was the Aurora) that works super well with it.

    2. For me, it all comes down to using really calm, soothing colors. Usually neutral walls with a duvet color in light blue or light green. For a hot second, we had dark colors in our bedroom, and I hated it within 6 months.

    3. A big plant and a string light.

    4. The wall color – Persian Pearl from the HGTV line you can get at Lowe’s. Perfect dusty pink – it looks modern, not mumsy.

       1. What a beautiful color!

    5. Our sheets! We bought Brooklinen sheets and I love getting into them. Pricier, but I also really like the look of John Robshaw sheets.

    6. Moody lighting is a must. We only had an overhead light and when we added a floor lamp it instantly felt warm and cozy. When we update our room I will add sconces on either side of the bed.

    7. Sateen sheets, matelassé light blanket, fluffy down comforter, a useful pillow stack of Euro shams and two regular pillows each, soft lighting options with three small standing lamps in the room, and a bench at the foot of the bed.

    8. I hung a light curtain behind my bed. It’s the perfect amount of light at night and does not look like a college dorm, which I was afraid of. I also put a chair into the corner of my room where I read.

    9. Nice cushy rug under the bed. Pro tip: Remember to put it at right angles to the bed, so the longest side of the rug is under the sides of the bed, not the foot of the bed. You want to have plenty of room for when you feet hit the floor in the morning.

    10. My faves? The giant vintage red, orange, and black kilim rug that fills most of the space. Contrasts beautifully with White Dove walls and neutral furniture and bedding. Also the antique oil paintings throughout the room. Plants on the sill of the egress window. The whole space feels grown up and collected, even though we converted the basement rec room into a half bedroom/half gym and have vintage/thrifted furniture.

    11. Our bedroom is super minimal, mostly at DH’s insistence but I secretly also love the simplicity. We have some really good architecture to work with – tall ceilings, big windows, cushy navy patterned carpet (only room in the house where we have carpet), and double doors that open into a view of our pretty bathroom. Above my big tub I have a big disco ball hanging that makes me really happy and you can see from the bed. Neutral bedding, mix of white and linen color, with linen pillows. Our bed is very light grey upholstered (the Casper haven bed). On the walls we only have one really big piece of art above our bed – a simple line drawing of two hands pinky promise framed in simple black frame. Medium toned wood bedside tables (thrifted/Facebook market place finds – the wood tone matches but one is round and one is square/same height) with thrifted matching lamps that have pleated navy blue lamp shades (also thrifted). A couple throw blankets in an old wooden liquor crate (also thrifted? or antique mall? or family hand down? Can’t remember). I have a small stack of books on my side, and DH has just his current book out on his. Two plants, a floor plant on his side and a small plant in the window on my side. Books and plants basically are my recipe for every room feeling right.

        It’s very collected, pulled back, and minimal in basically my favorite colors – big hits of navy blue, but mostly white, linen, light tan and tons of natural light.

    12. We painted our bedroom a lovely dark green last year and it’s such a nice change from light walls. It always feels cosy.

    13. My duvet cover (peacock alley purchase via Anthropologie) and interesting bedside table lamps that are also tall enough to be the “right” height for me for reading/longing in bed. Mine are a hunter green color.

        Not truly “decor”, but things that make be happy in my room are my cord organizers for all of my charging cords so that none are in piles on the floor. The stick to the back of my nightstands and the cords are fed through them so that I can just pull up the charging part when I need it.

    14. Linen sheets
        Wallpaper feature wall behind bed
        Gorgeous bone inlay mirror
        Toile sofa at the foot of the bed
        Four poster bed
        ….basically everything!

12. I asked this earlier but must be stuck in mod so I’ll try again. Has anyone dealt with buying extended reporting coverage / tail coverage for legal malpractice insurance? I am required to obtain and pay for this if I ever leave a job I’m considering, which seems a little odd to me for a non-partner role. But maybe it’s normal? I have no concept of how much this would cost or even how I would go about getting it.

    1. Weird your firm wouldn’t cover it. It’s expensive- my partner recently bought it for 25k.

       1. Can I ask what the context was for your partner buying it (leaving a firm, starting a firm, retiring from practice, etc.?) Did they pay for it out of pocket?

          1. Closing his firm to go to another one. Sole practitioner shop closing.

             1. Ahh ok. Thanks. It makes sense to me in that context. I had not heard of it otherwise. Helps to know that this is a very significant expense.

       2. The price depends on your area of practice and the risks associated with that practice area. I bought $1 million of coverage for an annual charge of $6,000 from a first-rate carrier in my state. I kept the coverage for two years, at which point I thought it was very unlikely that I’d be sued.

13. Morning y’all. I posted yesterday (quite dramatically) about simultaneously finding out I’m pregnant and that I don’t have any paid leave. Thanks, everyone for talking me off the ledge. I was really emotional and felt like sky was falling. The sky is not falling. This baby is so wanted, term*nating due to lack of paid leave would never happen. I can take unpaid leave, and DH has 16 weeks paid leave. It’s all going to be fine, and even if it’s not, its a few months out of a lifetime that will be a blip. I think at the end of the day having DH be the primary caregiver early on may actually pay dividends later on, he’ll have so much bonding time and learn (master) the ropes of childcare. Has anyone been in this situation? and if so any tips?

    1. My husband took his leave concurrently with mine, and I continue to maintain it was one of the best decisions that we made. First, it really empowered him to feel confident in taking care of our daughter when she was a newborn. Second, it made the transition back to work easier for me, knowing that I was leaving our newborn with my husband.

       1. 100% agree. My husband took one month right after my daughter was born (I was recovering from a c-section and needed him around until I felt better), and then took his remaining two months after my leave was done. It was great for both of them (and me).

          1. I will also add that it really drove home to him how hard it is to be with a newborn all day long. While I was home on leave, he would get home from work, and I would be like “OMG TAKE THE BABY!!!” And while he did, I don’t think he really understood how hard it was to be home with the baby solo all day until it was his turn.

             1. Extremely same. Husband took two months right after the baby was born, and that was a really nice time for us to be, and learn to be, parents together, then I spent three months on my own, then he took a month on his own when I went back to work. This will out me, but I still remember him asking me, at the end of his first week home alone with the baby, “What did you *do* all day?” I asked for clarification (I thought he was saying “This is so easy! How could you possibly have been occupied?”) and he said, “He just wants to be HELD all the time! How did you manage to do *anything*?” Which, you know, yeah. Also how it had been for me. Very challenging. Anyway, it was a really good learning experience for all three of us and I strongly recommend it.

    2. Yes, I had 12 weeks leave and then went back to work and DH (an academic) was home for another 8 months. It was great for all of us – he became a more independent and confident parent and developed a really strong relationship with our daughter, and it was much easier for me to go back knowing baby was with her dad and not a stranger. We overlapped our leaves for a bit, which was nice to have some family time at home with a more alert, active baby.

    3. I am so happy to hear your update. Thanks for letting us know. No advice because I don’t have kids, but best wishes to you on all fronts: job, pregnancy, and navigating all the (exciting! scary!) things ahead.

       1. agree, glad to hear your update!

    4. Take it one day at a time. You will never be sufficiently prepared for parenthood. Your needs in pregnancy and parenthood change by the month, the week, the day. Also, give yourself space to feel all the feelings. Your hormones are going to mess you up for months and months as will the lack of sleep. Just because it’s induced by hormones/lack of sleep doesn’t mean it’s not valid, but you may feel differently in an hour…

    5. Thank you so much, everyone. I’m so grateful for the advice and well wishes and for this board in general, I can’t talk about this IRL with anyone and your replies all mean so much to me.

    6. With each of our babies, my husband took twice as much leave as I did. Not concurrent – I took my leave first to recover from the birth and then my husband started his leave when I returned to work – as daycare spots for infants under 6 mo were hard to come by. It did improve my husband’s confidence and proficiency in caring for our kids, and I think being in his own played a part because he was forced to figure it out instead of asking me. It has helped make the childcare labour split between us more equitable, although he never managed to get to household tasks that I did while on leave and I have always been the person who mentally tracks how many diapers we have/whether our kids winter boots still fit/when the swimming sign-ups are, etc. If I could turn back time I’d be more mindful that I was doing those things and make them more obvious to my husband.

14. Painting my office a rich lapis blue. Would you go with white or black for the desk and bookshelves? Black would hide dirt and damage better, but white would brighten the room since the paint is darker. I’m torn.

    1. White. Black will be very heavy with dark walls, and IME it shows dust and smudges more than white.

    2. I’ll be the wood-loving voice of dissent and do maple shelves and desk. The blue sounds absolutely lovely!

    3. White desk and wood shelving. Mix it up. No matchy matchy.

       1. This. The blue sounds divine!

       2. +1. I like mixed up best and wood shelving a lot.

          But only if you can get wood shelving. Don’t mix black desk/white bookshelves or reverse.

    4. White, or like someone said above – warm, golden wood.

    5. I recently painted my office blue and after looking at various desk colors, I ended up with a frosted glass top. It keeps the room light, but not as bright as a white desk would.

    6. Agree with wood tone. Also black is not going to hide dust. Not sure what you’re planning on doing in your office that your bookshelves will get dirty and damaged!

    7. It depends on your lighting. My dark blue office has two huge windows, white trim, and a white french door to the hallway, so I went with dark wood desk and shelves.

       If your room has small windows or a closed solid door, you’ll probably want white furniture or a light or gray wood to lighten it up.

       1. adding to golden wood and know your lighting. my office is large around 15 x 17 and Champion cobalt but i added lights to ceiling and have a bow window (4 windows) behind me, 2 large on adjacent wall abd 2 did plus wide white trim.

          golden wood and dark blue are always amazing

15. A friend of mine just got her dream job, and I’m looking for gift ideas. (I’ve been pushing her to get out of her current position for years, and the search/interview process for this one took almost a year, so it’s a big deal and needs to be celebrated!) She’s got a newborn with allergy issues, so my usual gift of alcohol/food is out. Any suggestions for gifts in the $50-$100 range?

    1. Leather business card holder, fancy bookends for office, Lush bath bombs, office kit (nice hand crème, chapstick, small plate/tray to put glasses or jewelry, desk calendar (Paper Source))

    2. Flowers!

16. I’m at the beginning stages of remodeling our kitchen – replacing everything except the fridge and dishwasher. We’re also knocking down the wall between our kitchen and dining room (there will be a two-tier countertop/bar between the two rooms to keep it somewhat divided. We’ve already hired the company to do the work (they’ve done many kitchens in my neighborhood and they come highly recommended), and they’ve taken measurements and are working on the design plans now. Any tips or advice? I’ve never been through a major home renovation before. Also, any experience with (electric) stoves with downdraft ventilation? Unless I want to tear out a wall to replace it with a hanging hood, that looks to be my best option.

    1. When I investigated downdraft ventilation years ago, when we did a significant update to our 1895 house, I determined that the laws of physics dictated that downdraft systems were not very effective. Maybe things have changed since then, but be skeptical. It may be worth the extra expense and hassle to get effective ventilation. It’s something you can’t easily fix later.

    2. We have a downdraft vent and I hate it. It doesn’t work well at all plus it’s hard to clean. If I had it to do over again, I’d tear out that wall.

    3. Be prepared for it to be incredibly stressful. There are a lot of decisions to be made. Be active and present, otherwise you will get what you contractor wants/thinks is easiest and not what you want. Know what is important to you and do not compromise when your contractor/cabinet maker/plumber want to take shortcuts and try to talk you out of what you want. If you haven’t already, start ordering all of your finishes and fixtures now! The lead times are long, don’t wait until you need something to order it. Think about how you live in your kitchen and how you want to live in it going forward and make your design decisions based on that. Having a pretty kitchen does not solve your storage and functionality problems.

    4. Eh, we have a downdraft vent and it’s totally fine. Does the job, love that it’s not visible 99% of the time. I don’t find it difficult to clean.

       1. I should edit this to add (I’m the responder above and below) that we have a telescoping downdraft which is a separate appliance immediately behind our induction cooktop. I assumed that’s what everyone meant when they said “downdraft” so I didn’t note it, but after reading the other responses I’m thinking that’s not what everyone means and might be a significant difference between those that don’t like theirs and those that do (me).

          (Although, of course, I’m sure there are people that don’t like telescoping downdrafts too like anything).

    5. Get all the drawer pull outs you can! Our contractor was rushing because we were on a tight schedule and convinced me I didn’t need them in all the cabinets I wanted them in and the places I have them are so much easier to use/better organized than the ones where I don’t.

       If you have room, install a little bookshelf. We don’t really have room but did it anyway b/c I wanted a place for my many cookbooks and it’s the one thing that probably gets complimented the most in our kitchen.

       Get under cabinet lighting.

       If you’re getting custom painted cabinets ask about how they finish them. Ours were beautiful but probably could have used an extra coat and dry time for durability (again, the rush didn’t help).

       I know a lot of people who did the under sink dish soap dispenser and most of them do not seem to use it so maybe skip that.

       Some of the stuff I gave no thought to that worked out surprisingly well: sink and faucet (went classic and basic and no complaints), and floor (couldn’t make a decision forever and just went with a wood looking tile in a neutral color that complimented the cabinets and rest of the house and it’s actually lovely and one of my favorite things).

    6. I have a Jenn-Air downdraft electric stove on my island, but the house was built in the mid-90s so I can’t speak to current models. Cleaning it is gross, and I can’t offload the dirty work to my husband because I’m the only person with a slim-enough arm to fit down into the slot to scrub the grease away. The fan does a pi$$-poor job of sucking away the steam, so the light above the island is constantly filthy from the moisture and the household lint it attracts. If everything is cleaned the kitchen looks sleek and gorgeous immediately afterwards, but the practicality is just not there.

       1. It’s probably important to note there is a distinction between a telescoping downdraft (one that comes up and down from the counter) and a non-telescoping downdraft. I’m guessing you have a non-telescoping downdraft?
          I have a telescoping downdraft and at least for me cleaning is not difficult. You just wipe it down while it’s up before you send it back down it’s merry way.
          (I could be totally off base here… but with a telescoping downdraft there is no where to have to put an arm down to clean that I can think of).
          I wonder if there is a performance difference too, but I’m not an expert.

    7. Get the biggest sink you possibly can. Don’t put the fridge directly against a wall – chances are you won’t be able to open the doors all the way because they will hit the wall. Saw so many houses like this when I was looking to buy.

       Hopefully you’ve lived in the house (or with other kitchens) long enough to know what you like and what drives you nuts. Get as many of the things you like as you can and refuse to compromise on things you don’t if you can help it. For me, that would be a bigger sink, a pull out spice rack, and drawers instead of cabinets on the lowers. I would also update the lighting in my kitchen – track lighting leads to a lot of shadows in certain areas and my under cabinet lights are only so-so. I had can lights in a previous kitchen and they were great.

       1. +1 to can lights!

          1. Can lights and plenty of them + under counter lighting = good lighting and good options ranging from a nice pleasant soft light with just the under counter lights on, to good strong light with just the can lights on, to “Miami Beach at noon” with them all on.

    8. I would see if you can come up with a design that has a range and hood against a wall – but I’m sure it’ll be fine if you have to go with a downdraft . I might carefully consider if you want a two tier countertop. It’s not in style but then again it might be nice to kind of hide the kitchen side counter from view of the rest of the room.

       1. +1 re the two tier counter. I would skip it – I vastly prefer flat counter space.

    9. Random assortment of advice:
       – My personal preference is inset cabinets that go all the way to the ceiling. So much more storage when they go all the way to the ceiling, and inset gives a nice, clean look.
       – When a contractor tells you something you disagree with, ask “why” rather than saying “no” immediately. There may or may not be a good reason, but it’s good to know why they’re recommending a particular item or way of doing things.
       – Conversely, don’t be afraid to voice concerns and preferences, strongly, to your contractors. If something’s not right, they need to fix it. Right then. Not two weeks from now. I am guilty of thinking vendors are friends, but you are their client and you don’t need to worry about hurting their feelings if something is not done the way you discussed it.

       1. Oh, and we have a Jen-Air range with a downdraft in our kitchen (was here when we moved in) and it does nothing. It’s an older appliance, so maybe that’s why. We just have to open windows when we need to vent.

17. I would really like to get some new dinning room chairs (actually a table too but the table is fine). Any recommendations? I’d like something a bit more high quality than the assemble yourself chairs out there available at big box, online, etc. But I’m not sure I want to pay Pottery Barn or Restoration Hardware prices for chairs either. Is there a middle ground? Nice upholstered chairs that don’t need to be assembled?

    1. These aren’t much less expensive than Pottery Barn, but I love them. (We just bought a table from here but are keeping our chairs for the moment.) https://www.castlery.com/us/dining-room/dining-chairs

    2. World Market is pretty good imo. I think you just screw on the legs but mine were very nice looking and super comfy until my kids stained the **** out of them.

    3. I’ve spent too much of my life investigating this. Let me save you time. The only non assembly chairs that are reasonable are the metal bistro type, can be found at Wayfair, Overstock, etc quite cheaply. Anything cheaper and upholstered will be assemble yourself (and wobbly as a result as the screws always loosen, have a hex key set handy to fix). Your best bet is to view them like a couch, they will cost $$ and pony up for nicely made, non assembly ones from PB, RH, etc.

       1. This. Just find a few to sit in first; I personally find the omnipresent ones (linked in reply) terribly uncomfortable, but like the Navy-style ones (knockoffs of the Emeco chair) quite a bit.

          1. https://www.amazon.com/Yaheetech-Metal-Dining-Chairs-Industrial/dp/B07YXXNRSC

    4. Have you checked local furniture stores?

    5. Room and Board, Interior Define, Ethan Allen, or Joybird. Target or IKEA for more affordable options.

    6. I’ll disagree a bit. I have these chairs that I got on Overstock more than 6 1/2 years ago; they are well made and still look like new even though they are in daily use. The assembly consisted of putting on the legs. (I have had to retighten the bolts two or three times over the years, but that is not particularly burdensome.)

       https://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Harrowgate-Dark-Gray-Linen-Modern-Dining-Chair-Set-of-2/7327119/product.html

    7. You may not see this but: are there any used furniture or antique stores in your area? We got a GORGEOUS dining room table and 8 BEAUTIFUL, high-quality chairs for <1000 used.

18. OK, podcast talk. I need podcast suggestions that get to the point! I have had it up to here with podcasts where the first 10 minutes are small talk between the hosts, and lots of giggles, and inside jokes that the audience doesn’t get, and then detours before jumping into the topic at hand. And … so many detours that aren’t relevant. If it’s a true crime podcast, for example, can’t you just start telling me what the crime was and how they went about solving it? I don’t need to hear the entire history of the town dating back to 1600, I don’t need to hear a local-yokel saying “yep, it sure was upsetting that Betty Lou was killed back in 1970,” I don’t need to know that the reporter who first reported the case was from Kansas and now here’s a detour into the history of Kansas. Suggestions please! True crime preferred but honestly I’ll take lots of topics.

    1. Stuff You Should Know.
       Sway (Kara Swisher’s podcast) – literally zero intro talk.

    2. I find Crime Junkie to be one of the better ones for staying on point, I feel like they mainly keep the banter to the end. I also like Casefile, although they primarily over aussie cases.

       1. +1 to Casefile. Criminal dives right into the story, too. Noble Blood provides context but the episodes are around 30 min, tops, so it doesn’t drag on forever.

          1. I heart Noble Blood.

    3. Kinda sounds like podcasts aren’t your thing. They’re not my thing either, for some of the same reasons.

       1. I’m a huge podcast person, but I also don’t like podcasts like you’re talking. I mostly stick with news and culture podcasts that stick to the topics of the day, rather than lots of chit chat or deep dives. I like the ones from NPR (Pop Culture Happy Hour, Politics, Fresh Air), Slate (Political and Culture Gabfests), or the NY Times (Ezra Klein Show).

    4. Criminal feels like “NPR does True Crime” – really well done but kind of human focused? Crime Show is similar content to a point that it kind of feels like a direct copy, but hey they’re both done well so I’ll listen to both? They each have a single host, so no banter and not a ton of merch plugging/etc.

    5. NPR Throughline
       Maybe Gladwell’s Revisionist History?

    6. The podcasts I’ve found to be to-the-point are industry specific or very niche(engineering and parenting podcasts for example). These serve a specific purpose, have very guided discussions and have Q&A time. If you’re looking for entertainment you should just listen to NPR clips or watch tv. The meandering nature of podcasts is a feature, not a bug. I don’t listen to many podcasts for this very reason.

    7. Just want to say I so relate to this. My solution is to fast forward a lot. But your post made me giggle, especially the reference to the old timer’s quote about Betty Lou.

    8. Criminalia – talking about women criminals through history, with a theme each season (I’m still in S1 which is about famous women poisoners! honestly it’s great). They seem pretty down to business and it’s interesting.

19. Hey all quick update! First chemo finished on Christmas; the week after was rough but not horrid except for one big bone pain day; and I’m feeling largely myself this week albeit easily tired and with a shaved head. That made me cry. We have lots of help but it’s still very stressful; partner is considering taking leave from Big Job because it’s just too much. I want to say thank you for all the advice on what to pack for the hospital — other than the fact that I brought too many shirts and not enough crosswords last time, I felt very prepared. Thinking of the anon who found out she’d have to have chemo right around Christmas. Solidarity. Thank you all for the well wishes. Only way out is through.

    1. Much love, Curious! Gentle hugs to you!

    2. Serious offer: please email me if you need help- happy to grab stuff when I’m at the store and drop it off, make a target/Costco run, etc!

       1. Will do :). We have seriously been spoiled for help so far, especially from neighbors who are cancer survivors. I am so motivated to get healthy and pay it forward!

    3. Thanks for the update. Glad things are going reasonably well so far, and sending you all the hugs.

    4. That’s great to hear. Did I tell you about (or did someone tell you about) taking Claritin to stop the nuepogen/nuelasta bone pain? If not, ask your onco before the next treatment. It doesn’t get rid of it totally but helps.

       1. Yes! It helped a lot, and I’ve also ordered an electric blanket as heat was miraculous. Thank you!

    5. Thanks for the update! Hugs to you.

20. Pre-covid, I was “that girl” who brought baked goods to work. I’ve been WFH since March 2020 and my company does not plan on bringing white collar workers back to the office maybe ever.
    I got a lot of baking tools for Christmas, including a Kitchenaid stand mixer and some cookbooks I’ve been wanting for a long time. I feel like I can’t actually make all the things I want to try cuz most of them will ultimately go to waste. I can’t possibly eat 24 danishes by myself before they get stale. I miss bringing baked goods to work and sharing with people. It was a great way for me to get to know coworkers and chat as they came by for a cookie. Just mourning the loss of something I really enjoyed doing and might never get back.

    1. I feel you. My husband is in the office, so I feed his coworkers instead of mine.

    2. Could you drop them with neighbors? Or put them in the entryway of your apartment building?

    3. Is there a community centre or care home with activity or social groups for old people where you live? Maybe they’d like some cakes for coffee time, maybe a monthly visit from cake girl with coffee and gossip? I think a lot of places have little resources and would enjoy some volunteer cake. Maybe you could swap for some nice old and trusted recipes from people who can no longer bake?

       1. Around here, most community centers have closed semi-permanently due to COVID and do not allow visitors.

    4. Agree with everyone else that you should look into finding other people to bake for. But someone in your same situation, I also do pretty well by focusing on things that freeze well, like cookies, muffins, and bread. It’s actually really nice to have homemade stuff ready to pull out of the freezer whenever I want them. In the interest of my health, I do a lot of baking with whole grains, fruit, nuts, etc. and save the less healthy stuff for special occasions or other times I know I can share with more than just the two of us. There are definitely things I miss having the chance to bake, but it works pretty well to scratch the baking itch without wasting food or eating ridiculous amounts on my own.

    5. I’ve seen people give away baked goods on our local buy nothing site.

    6. I feel you, because I also love baking and sharing.

       Danishes may freeze well – some other things freeze well pre-baking (cinnamon rolls! cookies!). I usually check the King Arthur Baking website – they have a lot of freezing tips on their recipes. Even croissants (after shaping, before the 2nd rise!)

       That said, I also send goodies across the country to my family and love to give them to my neighbors to try. Highly recommend both.

    7. I know a woman who donates to the local PD, fire dept, other public service-y type places in her town that aren’t WFH.

    8. Make acquaintances with a family in your neighborhood that has teenage children. The baked goods will get gladly accepted and eaten, trust me.

    9. nursing homes will love you.

       look into becoming a certified home kitchen.

21. What’s the best way to freeze soup? I love making soup in the crockpot, but it’s always too much when cooking for 1. I’ve tried freezing in plastic tupperware, and it never reheats well. Is glass the answer? Am I leaving the soup in the freezer for too long?

    1. Glass is usually better for freezing – I do mine up in mason jars, so when I defrost it, I only have to defrost two servings at a time.
       How are you reheating it? I always reheat soup on the stovetop instead of in the microwave if possible and haven’t found an issue with it.

       1. I’ve been using the microwave! Perhaps that is the problem. I’ll also try some jars.

          1. Just make sure you leave plenty of headspace when freezing in jars!!

    2. I buy paper quart containers to freeze things like soup in. They’re the cylindrical kinds for soup with vented lids. Then I dump it into a pot to reheat.

       1. Paper like a takeout container?

          1. Yes, like these ones: https://www.amazon.com/Paper-Containers-Vented-Bowls-Disposable/dp/B08W1Q8PPH/

             You can use glass too but remember that you can’t fill glass jars completely and freeze them or they’ll crack.

    3. I either freeze in ziplocks or plastic containers. I use glass for all my other food storage, but don’t really trust it in the freezer, as I’m far too prone to dropping things as I dig through the freezer. One thing that really helps is letting it thaw in the fridge overnight, then heating it in the microwave in a bowl (I also do this in reverse when freezing- chill in fridge first, then freeze).

       You could also try ice cube trays- freeze and then transfer cubes to a ziplock, which makes it easy to thaw in small amounts. I haven’t actually done this with soup, but do it frequently with pesto and other things, and I think it would work fine for a thick soup or even a thin one if you trust yourself not to let it spill before it freezes.

    4. I use Pyrex or Souper Cubes. Some people like to freeze soup flat in Ziploc bags. I always reheat on the stovetop. Defrosting in the fridge before reheating helps too, if you have time.

    5. In a Ziploc bag flat.

    6. I re-use Talenti gelato containers and either reheat in the microwave, or thaw it and heat through on the stove.

    7. Wide mouth mason jars!

22. As one of my resolutions for this year, I’d love to be able to reduce the amount of addressed junk mail that comes to my house. At least 3/4 of it is for former residents of this house, even though we’ve lived here for 5 years.
    How do I get off these mailing lists?

    1. For former residents, I aggressively write “return to sender, addressee unknown” on envelopes, put them on my mailbox as outgoing mail, and it seems to help after awhile.

       For catalogs, I call the company and request to get off the list.

       There are more tips from somewhat reputable sites if you Google for it.

    2. I just email the organizations and ask them to take me or the former resident off their mailing lists (I include name and address and tell them they no longer live there). It’s usually pretty easy to find contact info or an automated unsubscribe link on their home page, so it doesn’t take too long and it pretty much always works. If you don’t want to give your personal information, you could use a burner email, but I’ve never had an issue with it.

    3. Dmachoice.org

       1. I think this only works for generic junk mail. I do this too, but if you’ve had contact with an organization (or the former resident did), you usually need to specifically contact them to get off their list.

    4. http://catalogchoice.org

       I use above site to do a catalogue “unsubscribe” every 6 months or so. There’s a handful of companies you have to go to their site directly.

23. Networking help! I’m applying for a senior level job reporting to the CEO, who coincidentally went to college with me. Per social media, we have several dozen mutual friends, although I don’t remember the CEO. Is it kosher to ask one of our mutual friends to connect us? It’s quite possible the CEO does remember me (there were about 1500 students in my class, so not super small but also not huge). I think it would be odd if she saw my resume, remembers me, and wonders why I didn’t proactively reach out to her.

    1. I’m so interested in this response! I consider myself someone good with names and faces and this summer, a woman walked up to me at an amusement park, and said “excuse me, are you ? Did you go to ? Class of 2006?”

       Yes, yes and yes. She told me her name and I nodded like I remembered. Ladies, I have never before in my life seen this person and yet she picked me out of a crowd of hundreds nearly 15 years after I could have last possibly seen her. My husband could not believe I did’t recognize or remember her.

    2. I don’t know the answer to your question, but I wonder about things like this a lot. I’m one of those people who remembers almost everyone I knew at various points in my life and I remember lots of people in my college class by name/reputation, even if I never actually had a conversation with them. My college class was just a bit smaller than yours, so there’s a very good chance I’d recognize your name even if I didn’t actually know you, but I never know how much I should expect that to be reciprocated.

    3. I’m assuming you’re not just out of college, so I don’t think it would be weird if she remembered you and you didn’t remember her. I would also not assume that she will remember you. I actually think it would be weirder if you reached out to a friend that hadn’t talked to her in a a decade to ask you to put you in touch.

       1. We graduated about 20 years ago. I have some friends that stay in touch with her (and swear we had to have known each other).

    4. Why wouldn’t you reach out to her directly, explain your connection, and then interest in the position/FYI you’re applying. That’s what I would do and I am someone who has contacts from college internships who would still go to bat for me so I must be doing something right. I also have cold applied for one job in my life so . . .

       1. (I’m 20 yrs out of college FWIW)

24. What brand of flats is everyone wearing these days? I know flats may not be the shoe de jour right now, but they are my shoe of choice. I know alot are wearing Rothys and Allbirds but what other brands? Cole Haan used to be my go to and idk what the heck happened but their styles are all marshmallow puff and crazy now. Looking to expand my horizons a bit.

    1. I got a pair of Birdies Starling loafers for Christmas and they are really cute and comfortable. I have wide feet and went a half size up.

    2. I like Repetto.

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