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These pumps are not for everyone (or every office!) but they're so fun. I love the mix of purple, red, and pink stripes on the pointy toe, and think these would be a great pop of color with almost any outfit but especially a wide-leg look, where the striped area should just be peeking out from where the hem falls.
The brand has a bunch of really fun heels — there are versions with blues, greens, and more rainbow-y stripes, as well as some neutral options that are surprisingly nice (check out the “Caramel” color!). There are a few variations in terms of what the heel looks like, as well as what the base color is (for example, these also come with a black base so the only purple bits are at the toe).
The shoe comes in sizes 4-16 (wow)and is under $50 at Amazon. It is getting good ratings, for what that's worth… (As readers have noted, the same seller has similar(ish) flats — here's a suede version and here's a metallic version.)
I found this heel because I just updated our picks for purple heels, so if anyone is looking for more basic options there, we've got you!
2024 Update: Here are our latest favorite purple heels for the office — check out all of our favorite heels here!!
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – 11/5 only – 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Anon
Wow — this do spark joy. I’m not sure my feet will ever go back to heels except for a day where I can sit at my desk and lunch is catered in (basically: no standing; walking on carpets only).
Cat
I worked my way back up to comfort in 2-3″ heels but the 4″ days are over. Honestly, I think they would have been over even without the 2 years WFH.
FWIW, I 100% change to my commuting flats when running out for lunch. Heels stay inside!
Anon
I broke my neck just looking at them, but they’re so pretty.
Absolutely sittin’ shoes.
Anon
Sittin’ shoes — I love it!
Senior Attorney
Oh my gosh! Those have no place in my life any more, but… SO PRETTY!!!
Josie P
Agreed! They’re so pretty!
anon
I don’t wear heels but these are so, so pretty. I will admire from afar!
Anon
Beautiful heels, but I stopped wearing them post-covid!
Anon
There are some good dupes as flats on Amazon – “Women Rainbow Suede Leather Flat Shoes” by FOWT. I’m not sure I totally trust dupes on Amazon but they are really tempting!!
Anonymous
Thats the same seller.
Anon
I still wear heels some. I had out of office meetings yesterday and had on 4″ heels, which is what I usually wear. I am curious how many people are still wearing heels at all anymore? Judging by these comments, a lot of people have quit wearing them.
Anon
I stopped entirely in my late 40s (which was pre-Covid), but I never wore them on a daily basis. I also stopped wearing contact lenses. The discomfort wasn’t worth it!
cant
I had to quit around 37, wish I would have around 33. I feel frumpy especially in dresses and skirts, but it’s not worth the pain.
marise
All 5 feet of me will forever wear heels. :-)
Anon
I do! Both personally and professionally.
Anon
I no longer wear heels, but these are gorgeous.
Anon
For those of you who work with clients, do you ever feel like some are interpersonally difficult? I have a client who I feel like frequently blames my team for things without realizing the delay was actually on their end, or seems to come to meetings with an antagonistic attitude. We are working on a project that I think we’ve done quite well on, but their side has been riddled with delays and bad information. It feels like they’re always angry or mean in the way they speak to us (just a low-level tension), and it affects me a lot. We need to present to their senior leadership on the project and its outcomes, and it may look like a failure – though this is entirely due to their internal teams. We’d agreed on the outcomes in advance, and have met all of our deliverables, but now it seems like the response is ‘Why aren’t the outcomes better?’ when we really did as well as anyone could have with what they gave us.
I’m just venting, but it is incredibly frustrating. Is this par for the course of client-facing roles, that they have all the power and can treat you however? How do you deal with it emotionally? Do any of you ever get burnt out on it?
Anon
I work for myself and have long-term contracts with a couple of clients, and short term contracts with random projects that come up here and there.
If I don’t like working with someone, it stays short-term, and I don’t quote on the next project.
It’s nice to be in this position. I wish more large businesses took this stance. Being a jerk is unacceptable in any environment, and it should cause these clients to have to shape up because they lose options.
Anonymous
I am a criminal defense lawyer. Almost all of my clients are “interpersonally difficult” in some way. I deal with this by having clear expectations up front and by having boundaries around our communication. Most people I end up working with just fine. Some people are never going to be happy and that’s not my problem to solve. My job is to get the best outcome I can with the information I have and within the bounds of the law. I advise realistically on what that outcome is likely to be and what the risks and downfalls are.
Anon
I hear your frustration! I had a client who kept texting me at all hours of the day and night. She was an anxious person. I said no texts after 9 PM unless it was truly an emergency, and she responded by badmouthing me all over town. Some people truly expect miracles. I find it helps to continually check in to measure progress toward outcomes to the client can’t complain I didn’t meet the scope. Good luck!
Anon
I know I’m doing my job well and still getting paid so it doesn’t bother me once I clock out for the day. Document all decisions and approvals. Flag risks as soon as they arise. Beyond that there’s nothing else you can do.
FWIW I had a major A-hole client who made everything harder than it should be. I stayed neutral and matter of fact when talking to him despite my internal rage. Toward the end of the project he admitted that he was intentionally rude to see if he could get a rise out of me. So if you think “this is so bad that it’s like Client is doing this on purpose” it’s not always in your head.
Anon
+1 to the first paragraph and wtf to the second
anon
lol this is my daily life, and especially so in this very down market where no one likes the outcomes, even if they’re the best the current market can bare. Isn’t that just what client services is? “The client is always right” even when they’re often never right? It’s exhausting and part of why people burn out of my role.
For what it’s worth, 75% of my clients are generally lovely and appreciative. 25% can pound sand but they pay me well so… shrug. If I need to be their punching bag, so be it.
FWIW, I take tons of notes, send email follow ups after calls where big promises and expectations are otherwise laid out to keep everyone honest when disappointment strikes. Rarely have to call upon said notes but it feels like a bit of an insurance policy for particularly tough ones.
Anon
I’m a lawyer, now in-house, and yes, a number of my clients have been/are interpersonally difficult. I have one VP now who is both a box of rocks and makes my life much harder than it needs to but . . . I DGAF, as long as I know that I am doing the best I can with what I have to work with and the work is getting done. It sounds like you are taking this personally, to some extent. I get why it can feel personal, but it’s most likely not and even if this client specifically dislikes you it’s usually a function of the client personalities and their own issues.
At the end of the day, if you got the job done and met all of the deliveries you have to learn to let the emotional part of it go. I like most of my clients but even if and when I don’t, these are not the people in my life I truly care about so who cares if they had an attitude or were difficult. It’s a reflection of them not me. I don’t want to work with PITA clients if I don’t have to anyway. I fired a client very early on in my career bc they were so difficult. It wasn’t worth it to me.
Anonymous
Oh yeah, ha. All lawyers, heck, anybody who works with clients!, has difficult ones. This is where CYA emails come in handy. “John, recapping our call just now, we agreed that we need X by date in order to Y.” You can also frame it innocuously as “meeting minutes.” Darla told John X was needed by Y in order to Z. John acknowledged.
And yeah, some people just aren’t easy to deal with. It’s about them, not you.
Anon
Posted a longer comment in moderation, but how do you deal with difficult clients? Does it affect you emotionally and how to you stop it from doing so?
Anonny
Ugh, I’m so annoyed with my company. Leadership is so tone deaf especially as it comes to financial concerns of employees.
The company has been performing really well for the last 2-3 years; higher-than projected revenues and doing better than our competitors. However, raises / COLAs and bonuses have been minimal (2-3%) among the worker bees. Like most companies this day and age, executives make insane (to me!) amounts of money.
After Labor Day, they’re increasing our RTO from 2 days a week to 4 days a week and returning to a business dress code (we were business casual during the pandemic). One of my employees confided to me that the increased transportation costs + purchasing new clothes (she’s a 2021 grad, never had to wear business attire and doesn’t have it) + the end of the student loan repayment pause is not going to be financially feasible for her.
I’m a lower-level manager (late 20s, make 80k) and I’m feeling VERY stretched financially, so I can only imagine how difficult it is for those under me.
I ran her concerns up my chain and now both she and I are in the hot seat. People who make 6-8x what she makes are mad at both of us for voicing these concerns.
I’m so frustrated. Rent, groceries, public transportation, and other similar costs have skyrocketed in the past few years. In addition to inflation, we live in an area that’s become popular and this is going from a MCOL to HCOL. Crime is pretty bad in my area so the idea of moving to a cheaper neighborhood is often unsafe. I don’t have a roommate (live in a studio, not in a luxury building so nothing lavish), but I know my concerned employee already has roommates. The big bosses at the top (c-suite at my company makes 7 figures, my leadership makes mid 6 figures) are so out of touch for not realizing that for some of their employees an extra 2 days of commuting is not financially feasible. No one is demanding huge raises or free transportation or anything wild. We just want reasonable raises that keep up with the cost of living. As a new manager, this was the first year that I sat in on comp meetings. I didn’t realize until now that (of course) the higher up you are the higher percentage of raise and bonus you get. So, my reports got 2%, I got 4%, my boss got 10% and so forth.
I’m curious: what has your company done over the last few years to meet the increase of cost of living? Are the concerns or needs of junior employees being considered? How can I next advocate for my team?
anon
No advice, but I’m furious on your behalf. You shouldn’t be in the hot seat because your executives are clueless idiots.
Anon
For the employee, Post or a good secondhand or consignment store will have tons of things; also Target and Old Navy items. I’d just buy 2-4 items and rewear the h*ck out of them. No one will know or care and you definitely don’t need Theory-level spending just to look appropriate for a job.
Are transit benefits a thing at your office?
ALT
I have a ton of small sized work clothes that I don’t wear that are in good condition. I’m happy to send her some things!
Anon
If you want to sell any, please shoot me an email at lizzyhicken01 @ gmail
Anonymous
So sorry to say that your management may be doing this as a stealth layoff, in which case there is nothing you can do and your concerns are actually features not bugs.
Anonny
Oh I’m sure the RTO is a stealth layoff. I’m fine with that (I don’t love 4 days a week but it’s not a big deal to me).
If it were just the RTO / dress code, I’d be fine with it. But, I think it’s cruel to leave employees unable to make ends meet as a stealth layoff tactic. Especially since we just had a meeting last month about how well the company is doing financially. It’s not like the company needs to lay people off in order to stay afloat.
Frankly, if ~$200/month for increased transportation costs + a one time outlay of a few hundred dollars is enough to totally derail someone’s financial situation, then the company was screwing junior employees over anyway.
Obviously I don’t know the ins and outs of my employees finances, but she’s a pretty sensible person so I don’t think she’d make too many reckless decisions. She frequently brings her lunch, drinks office coffee, wears ON clothing. I know this because we both do these things so we bond over sharing recopies and talking about ON clothing. Her vacations this year were tagging along on a family week at the beach and going to visit a friend who moved to SF. Nothing reckless or extravagant
Anon
I don’t know how much your employee makes, but if it’s at least $50k and she has roommates she probably isn’t being as financially responsible as you think she is (or she has other major expenses you don’t know about). My husband lived in the Bay Area on a $25k stipend (with roommates) and wasn’t anywhere near destitute. Someone earning $50k even in a HCOL city shouldn’t have their life derailed by a few hundred dollars in additional expenses. Although of course it’s fine for her (and you) to seek out better paying opportunities.
Anon
So, I make 50k. I live in Philly, which has pretty high local taxes. I pay $90 / paycheck for health insurance and contribute 6% to my 401k to maximize my company’s match. My monthly take home is $2,484.
Living with 3 roommates, my rent is still $1025. My share of utilities (water, gas, electric, wifi) is about $100. My students loans will be $530 when they start up again in a few days. My cell phone bill is $50.
That leaves me with less than $800/month for everything else: groceries, toiletries, SEPTA, any shopping or eating out or anything “fun”.
I could live somewhere cheaper but then I’d need either a car or to spend money on public transportation (I walk to work so my SEPTA spending is minimal). I quit the gym. I mooch from friends for streaming services. I pretty much cook every meal at home, do my own beauty treatments, thrift my clothing, and invite friends to hang out at my apartment rather than go out.
I try to put at least $100/mo into savings. So, I have virtually no money for unexpected expenses like new work clothes or increased commuting costs.
Anon
Eh you’d be surprised. My sister makes 55k and after rent, utilities, car insurance, and student loans she has like $800 left over for groceries, other necessities, fun things, and savings. In a MCOL turning HCOL (so rent is HCOL prices but salaries are MCOL salaries still).
She was working a second job part time but she’s about to start an employer-reimbursed MPH part time while working full time, so she had to drop her retail job.
Anon
Yeah but stipend implies he was in graduate school in which case he could defer student loans if he had them.
My student loans from undergrad “weren’t bad” at $500 / mo. I have several friends paying $900 / mo. On a 50k salary that student loan payment is easily over 1/3 of someone’s take home pay alone.
Anonymous
You have no idea about somebody’s personal circumstances. 40% of the US has a chronic illness, for instance, and those can be very expensive and there is a lot that insurance will not pay for.
Anon
When? When did your husband survive in the Bay Area on $25K a year? Was it a decade ago?
The low income line in San Francisco is over $100K.
anon
I think you need to let go of the idea that it is “cruel to leave her unable to make ends meet.” Large companies set salaries and do raises based on the role and the market for the area. They don’t set them based on individual employees’ financial needs (indeed, at my company we’re prohibited from considering individuals’ financial needs when we make recommendations for raises and such, because that ultimately leads to situations like paying a man more because he “has a family to support”) – market data is supposed to serve as a proxy for what the average person applying for that position needs/wants to earn and thereby is willing the accept. They make be making a foolish decision, because if people can’t make ends meet on these salaries, they’ll go elsewhere, but giving crappy raises/COLAs isn’t cruelty, it’s shortsighted decisionmaking (unless it’s driven by a real financial pinch). It’s also the case that companies can have good financial results but determine they need to limit salary growth because of poor growth forecasts, analyst concerns about fixed costs (if the company’s public) and similar stuff.
That being said, the RTO may very well be a stealth layoff. In my (very large) company, there is some sense among leadership that there are individuals on payroll that aren’t as productive as they once were and that it’s hard to measure that without more in-person management. They assume that people who don’t want to come back are resisting in part because they don’t want to work hard, and so they’re comfortable with the idea that those people will depart. I disagree with that as a broad principle, but have seen that mentality for sure.
The best thing you can do to help your employee and others in her shoes is to help demonstrate that your company is out of step with market and that this will cause a retention issue. If it’s not actually out of step with market in your area, then you have part of your reason why they’re doing it.
Anonymous
Admittedly I’m of the “eat the rich” persuasion but requiring someone to have a degree but not paying them enough to pay off their student loans is indeed cruel. Requiring 4 days a week in the office but not paying employees enough to commute to work or live a reasonable distance from the office is cruel. Requiring business attire but not paying enough for employees ti be able to afford buying and caring for such clothing is cruel.
The employer is well within its rights to require those things, but they need to pay a commensurate wage.
Anon
Student loans aren’t a pre-requisite for a college degree though, and I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect that every job that requires a college degree pays enough to cover a huge loan payment. There are lots of affordable public schools where you can put yourself through school with minimal debt with a part time job. There are also lots of scholarships available if you go to a school that isn’t the best one you can get into. And doing two years of community college before transferring to the state university is also an option.
I think having massive student loans is a terrible financial choice, though I do sympathize with someone who took them out as a teen. It was really a failure on the part of their parents.
Anonymous
I know people who took pretty much every path to higher education imaginable and they all still have loans.
People who started at CC, transferred to a cheap public school, worked their entire way through school and lived at home can still have loans. Probably not $900 loans, but they still have them.
Even a friend who did ROTC still had loans for living expenses and their freshman year which wasn’t covered by ROTC. Even a friend who enlisted, got out of the military and then went to college still had minimal loans.
Obviously loans aren’t a requirement, but even living and going to school as cheaply as possible, plenty of people still have loans.
Anon
There was a time when employers paid the costs of educating the workforce!
Anon
I’m sorry! This sounds really unfair. I would look for another role with that huge change to being in office and formal dress code. In the interim, can you buy some clothes at a secondhand store? TJ Maxx/Marshalls?
Anonny
Luckily I’m okay clothing wise (benefits of having had nearly a decade in the workforce to build up a work wardrobe). I did suggest some favorite thrift and discount stores to her and a few other junior employees!
Agurk
you can leave, and so can she. that kind of executive will never change.
Anonny
Oh I am job searching. I’m sure she is too (she better be!). But, as I mentioned, our company is doing better than competitors – to the effect that competitors have hiring freezes. I’m broadening my horizons beyond things directly in my field, but it will still likely take time.
Anon
OK — so the business clothes are now dual-use.
Anonymous
If the other companies in your area are under hiring freezes, then there is virtually no incentive for your employer to pay more.
Anon
Not sure about your field, but the white collar job market is rough in my field and honestly across all fields in my geographic location.
The talk about how everybody is hiring and that they cannot find people for these jobs is really about blue collar and less skilled jobs. Retail can’t keep employees (because they’re paying minimum wage!), but that’s not the case for most white collar jobs.
Anon
This is is horrible — too much school debt to hold down an office job. Remind me to scare myself straight before I consider getting sucked in by marketing for going for an advanced degree I’d have to borrow for.
Anon
I think that some businesses can do raises, but them we seem to go in a cycle where you get a raise and the cost of groceries and gas goes up. Then housing. Then health insurance. Then you get another raise and it gets eaten up. IDK what the option is. I’m just glad that I could fix my car to kick the can down the road vs having to replace it right now.
Anon
So everyone struggles except for the executives who are raking in record compensation. C-suite to average worker pay ratios have sky rocketed the last 30 years.
Anon
I’m not going to disagree, and eventually people realize that their top better be working for it b/c they can save a ton of $ by sacking high and not backfilling. But I’m going to be happy to tread water this year and just not get sacked. So I grumble, but my goalposts are different.
Anon
I feel the same way. I’m going to get a raise at the end of the fiscal year but it’s not going to feel like more money, it just gets eaten up by bills.
Anon
Yeah my last three annual raises have been lower than the cost of living increase for that year, so I’ve been losing money each year
Anon
We just got a 6% COL raise and then our insurance premiums went up 7.5%
Anon
My firm gave 3% COLA at the start of the year and then gave everyone under c-suite a surprise 6% inflation acknowledgement adjustment at the start of Q2. They also expanded flex time, increased PTO accruals, and loosened up the dress code. This is what companies that actually want to attract and retain good employees are doing.
Anonny
Ah that is so awesome! I hope your company is the norm and mine is an outlier, but sadly it’s probably reversed.
In-House Anon
Last year, our CEO basically said that because the company doesn’t claw back money when inflation is low, they’re also not going to give more money when inflation is high. I think I got an almost 2.?% raise…nowhere near keeping pace with COLA. I’m lucky because I still feel fairly compensated, but the crassness of that remark really stuck with me and did nothing for morale.
Anonny
Yikes what an obtuse comment
Anon
They don’t “claw money back” because we haven’t had a deflationary environment. Can this dimwit do math?
Anon
Yes! People do not understand that low inflation is not deflation. Good grief.
Anon
Ugh that’s so annoying. Also I work in government and got a pay cut during COVID (despite being an essential worker). So yeah, some employers do “claw back” money during bad financial times.
NYNY
This is why workers all over are pushing to unionize. The lucky few at the top of the food chain have gotten way too greedy.
OP, this has been a bit of a long game for me, but a little over a year ago I asked for a market comparison for the job descriptions of all my staff. It took a long time to work its way through the proper channels, but when it finally came back, it showed that the lowest-paid members of my team were around the 20th percentile. I was able to leverage the study to get significant increases, bumping everyone up above the 50th percentile and moving my top performers even higher. It’s hard to effectively push for organizational change, but you can always go to bat for your team. Even if you don’t win every battle, you can get something.
Anonny
Thank you. I’ll definitely work to start that process. I really do want to go to bat for my team (which is why I’m now in hot water!).
Was your leadership receptive to the market comparison?
Anecdata
As an encouraging data point – our company did an unprecedented market adjustment (although, 2021, so very different competitive market). Similar to you, we’re in a MCOL-becoming-HCOL; and yeah, our executives genuinely hasn’t realized that early career salaries hadn’t kept pace with cost of living ( disproportionately impacted by housing costs – if you’d bought a house 20 years ago, raises /were/ keeping pace); and more of the highest paying companies in our industry were opening offices in the city, bringing up market rate. So it can happen! But the argument was very based on corporate goals — ie here’s #s that show we’re now paying <average for our area, here's all the projects recently delayed because we couldn't fill roles, etc. — as you advocate for your team, I'd try to frame it like that, not personal circumstances or fairness based arguments
anon
+1. I recently went through this, too. It helped a lot.
Anon
I did the same at the beginning of last year and was able to get the raises this spring. It took a long time but I got the same outcome as NYNY. That said, my workers are blue collar specialists and in high demand, they are not as easily replaceable as an average office worker.
Anon
our employer gives very modest annual raises (2-5%, distributed based on performance rating), but last summer gave mid-year raises specifically citing high inflation. They tried really hard doing it equitably, put people in 3 buckets based on pay, and gave 3% to the lowest paid bucket, 2% to the next, and 1% increase to the highest paid. Doing this could have bought them so much goodwill, but they kind of botched it by giving absolutely nothing to anyone who was in a unionized position, which by what I am sure is a sheer coincidence, are the lowest paid positions. They kept saying their hands were tied by the union contracts, even after the unions each issued letters saying the opposite. So that wasn’t a great look.
Anon
It’s possible that other elements of the union contract could have made it untenable to give those raises. The contracts are often written in ways in which doing one thing affects other things. So maybe it wasn’t just a 3% raise – it would have meant changing pay scales, insurance premiums, having these raises every year, etc.
Anon
Well, based on various prior and subsequent interactions, I think the employer has pretty crappy labor relations office that takes an unnecessarily antagonistic stance against unions. This occasion was no exception, and it came back to bite them.
Anonymous
Well the Union was lying. Management can’t just give union members more money without negotiation. Unions trade certainty for these kids of surprises.
Anon
I’m in higher ed, not the private sector, but our “merit” raises have never kept pace with inflation. This year I think the top performers got around 4-5%, but in past years it’s often been more like 2-3%, and a lot of people get less than that even though the university as a whole is doing very well.
We are in a very LCOL city so no one is in poverty, but most people who work on the staff side of the university accept they’ll have a pretty modest lifestyle, or they have a spouse who earns more.
Anonymous
Honestly, I’m somewhere between this and the first poster this morning. They elected for wfh to save a buck and no one appears to be working much, meanwhile I’m effectively taking a yearly paycut. The ceo makes eye popping sums and is ceo of two other companies, meanwhile if I wanted to moonlight to make ends meet they’d fire me. The only way to make any of this make sense is to lean waaay out which is super easy because no one else works too much. From what I can tell my boss’s entire job is evaluating written work that exists only for purpose of evaluating my performance as compared to my colleagues. I looked into other jobs and found out I’m actually overpaid because every other employer is at least this greedy. This is life now I guess.
Anon
I had a coworker to had to get wifi for the first time in her adult life during the pandemic because of wfh. She was livid that she had to wfh and thus had to pay for wifi. We work in government, so she couldn’t expense it. We also make 55k and she said the extra $70 / mo really impacted her budget.
Anon
You might feel better (or maybe just more rightfully aggravated) if you read something about “moral injury.” There was a NYT article about it in the healthcare context recently, but it arises in many different fields. This is (IMO) one piece of collateral damage in the race to create as much income- and wealth-inequality as possible in the US. Your company’s C-suite and shareholders are doing fine, but they want more and they don’t care how they get it or what they do to other people.
Anon
Ugh, you shouldn’t have named her when you ran those concerns up the chain. The outcome should not have been her being in the hot seat.
Anon
THISSSSSS.
Anonny
Well she is my only direct report.
I actually didn’t name her, I mentioned concerns from junior staff, but it’s not hard for them to deduce who.
She didn’t feel comfortable raising it with my boss or HR, so I volunteered to mention it to them.
Anonymous
Well take this as a learning point in being a manager.
Anonny
I’ll ask this again tomorrow, but what would be a better approach?
Direct report was holding back tears talking to me about this; I had to raise it above me. I have no power to make any changes that could help; it’s a senior leadership and HR decision.
But, not raising her concerns would have been neglectful of me as her manager.
CreditRisk
This is when you have coffee with whoever is in charge of DEI and point out that to have diversity you need to pay for it. Let them run with it. Next time, concerns from staff might be better camouflaged by saying you overheard junior staff share concerns regarding their budget between themselves.
Too many junior jobs are only open to those who have parents who can pay their rent. As a 2nd year auditor at big4 I had two children and my income covered their childcare, my commute and I had to bring in lunch or I didn’t eat. Meanwhile, my peers had parents paying their rent and partners thought it was great they went sailing or played golf at the weekend. I was then asked why I didn’t take further studies….umm I could barely afford to work and doing so was an investment.
Anon
I feel very her off my lawn reading this. Until 2020, people went to work 5 days a week. Often with flexibility but it was nothing “horrible” to expect that jobs were done in offices. People also have been required to wear professional clothes to work since well, forever. This again went a bit out the window in 2020, but it’s hardly unreasonable to ask people to wear work clothes to work. No employer gives raises because things are expensive, they pay what the market demands. And right now, since white collar workers are readily available, there’s not the demand to pay more. As a manager you will sound ridiculous and young making these arguments. If your team’s compensation is below market and you’re losing people, then perhaps you have an argument to make then. But the other stuff? Silly and not a good look to “advocate” about it.
Anon
I also cringe when people complain that they can’t afford professional clothes. A few slacks and tops from the Goodwill will suffice. It was cheaper and easier to dress for work when I had to wear a suit or business wear because it was a uniform. Dressing in a business casual environment is a landmine.
Anon
This is why older / more senior / more financially secure people are out of touch.
Rent has gone up 30% in my area since 2020. Clothing, even from cheap stores like Old Navy, is more expensive. Groceries are through the roof.
Salaries are largely stagnant.
It legitimately is a burden for junior employees.
I’m fine with coming in 5 days a week in business attire. So long as you PAY ME enough to afford that.
Anon
Sorry kiddo, we all dealt with that when we were junior. We didn’t expect to love comfortably, we had roommates, and low salaries too. Be grateful you don’t have to spend a chunk of your paycheck on nylons every month.
Anonymous
+1 You need to grow up OP
Anonymous
1000% OP you are hurting your reputation by advocating for this person.
Bucket o' crabs
There are two types of people in the world: People who say “I suffered so you should have to suffer too,” and people who say “I suffered, and nobody should have to suffer like this again.” Looks like we know which kind you are.
Anonymous
It’s not unreasonable to expect people to actually come to the office in business attire. I realize this concept is probably shocking to a 2021 grad but that’s life. If she doesn’t like it she should get a different job.If she has too many student loans to live on her salary she needs to move in with roommates or her parents. Not the company’s problem.
Anonymous
It would not be accepted in this country, but inctroduce a system in which the differential between C-suite salaries (and under-the table- additions to it) and employee payments is not more than a certain percentage. Not well expressed but, if interested, see the system in old Quaker-led UK companies.
So Many Things
Is there any reason not to try to pay off student loans before Sept. 1 (i.e., when the interest hits again)? I would make a single payment of about 18k and be done. My interest was above 7%. My spouse owes a ton but is under the new program. We don’t have any other debt and have emergency and retirement savings, though we could theoretically contribute these 18k to retirement instead.
Anonymous
don’t know the answer (i suspect no?) but CONGRATULATIONS!! that’s huge! after you pay them off i hope you go out to a nice dinner or something special.
Anon
I would absolutely wipe out student loans at 7% ASAP.
Anon
Would you potentially be eligible for some or all to be wiped away? I’m still holding out hope for forgiveness of my $20K or whatever it is that Pell grant recipients would have received.
Leatty
Have you (or will you) maxed out your 401(k) this year? Do you have a solid emergency fund? If the answer to both of those questions is yes, I don’t see a basis for holding off on repayment.
I paid off the remaining 40k of my student loans last week, and it felt so liberating! Congrats!
Walnut
I’ve never regretted paying off debt. Perhaps I wasn’t making the most optimal use of my cash, but I’m also not a corporate treasury team.
Runcible Spoon
You can think of paying off your student loans in one fell swoop as earning 7% interest on $18,000 — an excellent return! Alternatively, you can max out retirement contributions and then pay down this loan with the difference up to $18.000. Congratulations!
Anon
Vent, why do people want free consultations or entirely free services (and think getting rude will help them)? They do realize this particular service is my job, right? I’ve had several prospective clients get really rude with me lately. I always wish them well but stay firm on my hourly rate. The entitlement is wild…
Anon
There are probably others in your industry offering free consultations/services. It doesn’t mean it’s a good idea, just that marketing “gurus” push that as a customer acquisition tactic. I agree with you, this can contribute to a weird environment to do business in…
Anonymous
i have NO patience for that. if you are going to do it cap it at 15 minutes or something.
Anonymous
The entitlement these days is insane.
Somehow we as a society have managed to raise at least two generations that have never been told no, and can’t handle it when they finally are.
Anon
I’ve just been through this. They were trying to get a feel for a project/engagement, they keep sending me more emails and materials, I’ve had zoom meetings with them. I finally sent an email that said here’s my rate, here’s the scope of the project, here’s my estimate of the cost. Then crickets. I thought I scared them off, which was fine, but today I got more emails asking questions, which I’m not going to answer unless I’m getting paid. Ugh.
Anonymous
Venting back, I tried to hire another lawyer for specialized services and she refused to do an initial interview so I could assess her skills without charging me for the time. If that’s your model, you will never have the referral network you need to maintain your practice. I went to another firm, had an initial interview where the lawyer came to my town to meet at no charge, he did a great job and I have put him on our referral list for a stream of work.
Anon
Currently building my baby registry – what are your must have items for a first time mom? What is overhyped that we can skip? Due in March. Appreciate any tips!
anon
I’m a regular over on the moms’ page. Post this question there tomorrow morning, and you’ll likely get around 30 responses. My kid is 8.5 years old now, so I don’t have up to date advice on specific products. (My go to product was recalled a few years later.) But Lucie’s List is a great resource on specific products. https://www.lucieslist.com/
– In general, I found that we received plenty of clothes, baby toys and books without registering for those. Some people just want to buy tiny clothes or their kid’s favorite toy.
– Register for your big-ticket items–sometimes people will group together to buy it, and if not, you’ll get a registry discount.
– Include a few boxes of diapers and a box of wipes on your registry – it’s good to have some to get started.
– Register for a few different brands of sleep sacks, swaddles, etc. There isn’t one magical sleep sack that works for all babies. Nothing that actually helps your baby sleep in the first few months is overhyped, but it’s impossible to know what exact item that will be without trying it.
OP
Good advice, will do! Thank you.
AIMS
Lucia’s list is great.
Agree with the recommendation to focus on some bigger items like stroller, pack-n-play, baby gym, bouncer, swing (if you want one), and then have some smaller items like swaddle cloths, burp cloths, bibs, etc. I would recommend some of those tiny baby mittens and those plain white onesies with the hand covers. One of my kids was such a scratcher, these were essential!
Prof
Congratulations!!!
My lifesavers: a comfy baby carrier and haaka “pumps” (I would collect on one boob while feeding from the other, then papa would bottle feed one feed a day).
Over-rated: the fancy stroller.
Of course, my baby hated strollers as an infant and then was walking by 11 months so it didn’t feel like I got much mileage out of the stroller. However, the resale value made it hurt slightly less.
AIMS
Counterpoint: we never got into baby wearing and I still miss our stroller I loved it so much. If you’re in a city and walk around a lot, a good stroller is important.
Anon
I never got into babywearing either, and we used our stroller a lot, but I still don’t feel like the fancy strollers are worth it. I had a bunch of friends with UppaBaby etc. and I never figured out what the fancy strollers could do that my $100 stroller from Target couldn’t do. It seems like a designer handbag to me – something that’s more for appearance and status than function. Totally fine if you want one, but not something I would consider a necessity by any means.
Anon
My kids are in college now, but I had an Emmaljunga stroller when they were little and that was like my car (except it didn’t fit in my car very well!) We live in an urban walking neighborhood and it was the best thing ever. Then I sold it for what I paid for it, so zero regrets.
Anan
Counterpoint. We were car-less in a big city and never used the stroller and only did baby (then toddler) wearing. You can’t jump on a bus or train or go up and down stairs easily w a stroller and the elevators are always inconvenient or broken. The carriers were super easy and gave us better exercise! I was sad when I finally couldnt wear the carrier on my back and lug my 4 YO around on hikes bc she was too big. But we did have a hand me down stroller but it just gathered dust in a corner.
Anon
Congrats! It’s so individual. When I was pregnant my BFF gave me a list of her “must-haves” and I didn’t use half of them. My workhorses for an infant were:
crib + mattress + mattress protector + several sheets
carseat and stroller base it clicks into
cheap umbrella stroller for travel
pack n play (initially used as a second crib for our room, then used for travel)
diaper pail + disposable diapers + wipes + diaper cream
changing pad + several covers
swaddles and sleep sacks
several blankets
an infant tub with built-in scale (useful for tracking baby’s weight in early days)
plastic diaper covers to be worn over a disposable diaper (reduces messy blowouts)
blackout curtains for baby’s room
an activity mat + mobile
bottles
video monitor
rocking chair
a high chair, although you won’t need it immediately of course
I didn’t have one, but the Slumberpod seems very useful if you’re planning on travel
I didn’t own or didn’t use:
a special diaper bag (I just put baby stuff in my regular tote bags)
baby swing
bottle warmer
wipe warmer
formula mixer (we did use some formula but just bought the ready-to-feed)
sterilizer (we just used the dishwasher)
a special humidifier (we just used a regular humidifier)
special laundry detergent (we just used Tide Free & Clear)
a white noise machine
pacifiers (my baby never took one)
nightlight
fancy strollers (although we live in suburbia and only used the stroller for neighborhood walks and travel)
baby carriers (my husband used it a few times but it hurt my massive chest)
My hospital gave us a lot of the personal care stuff, including a snot sucker, nail clipper and infant thermometer.
For clothes, unless you have a family history of tiny infants, I would recommend against buying newborn clothing – many babies will already be too big for it at birth, and even if the 0-3M clothes are a bit big at first, your baby will grow into them. We got a lot of newborn outfits that my 8 lb-er never wore.
In general, I found we didn’t need that much clothing. We were doing laundry every few days, so 5-7 onesies in the proper size was enough.
Anon
We used a diaper bag because it was easy for dh to grab. If I was going out with child I could toss things in my tote but if he was taking child it was easier for him to pack and take a diaper bag.
Anonymous
I have a 2019 child, and I feel like some of these items are already out of date/recalled!!! Baby Bjorn bouncer – we have lent this out to three difference families since we used it, and it still looks and functions like new.
Dock a tot – I never let my kid sleep in this, but it was great as a thing to put on the bed while I got dressed, or next to me on the couch to put baby in for short periods of time.
Stokke trip trap high chair. Love this and still use it at 4.5. We never got cushions (just more to clean!!!) or the tray and have just kept it at our kitchen table.
Keekaroo changing pad – so much easier to clean than cloth covered ones.
For travel I have been amazed by the Slumberpod.
Anona
+1 to all of these. We borrowed a bjorn bouncer at 8 weeks from a friend and it was a game changer – I could spread peanut butter on my toast with two hands! We could eat dinner at the same time! Life-changing.
And my one year old is napping in the slumberpod now.
Two little things I wish we’d had earlier were an electric nail trimmer and a forehead thermometer. (I know the thermometers aren’t totally accurate, but mostly we just need directional info/ a range.)
And if you do decide to go the fancy stroller route, check local mom groups and FB marketplace. We got a bargain on an Uppa that we use daily.
Anan
Three kids and the one thing I swear by is the OXO vertical bottle rack. Amazing.
Everything else I loved- baby carrier, zippered sleepers, Boppy, wearable pump… have gotten very mixed reviews from other people I know.
Anonymous
My baby is about to turn one. Our most used things this year:
– shaker bottle (like for protein shakes): we used this to mix batches of formula for our entirely formula fed baby. if you do it this way, I recommend you use a scale for measuring powder rather than trying to count scoops at 2am after no sleep.
– bassinet with wheels that fits through our doors: we’re in a one story house, so probably different if you have stairs, but it was useful to be able to take her around the house with us/have a place to put her for a moment in any room.
– pack and play – we ended up with 2 hand me down and set them up in each of our offices as a place to let her play by herself for a while.
– big foam floor mat – comfy place to roll around and crawl around as she has gotten older.
– lots of teethers so there is always one in reach.
– skip hop moby whale bathtub – this one has mixed reviews, but we have loved it.
Anon
Does anyone have experience with Grown Brilliance? I want a created diamond tennis bracelet and they offer more length options than other places.
Anon
When studying for the GRE, how important is it to have the current year’s study books? Is it necessary or is it just a racket that they publish new ones each year? I have a 2020 edition of the Princeton Review book.
Anon
They do updates periodically but certainly not every year, so I’d google to see how much it’s changed. Do they still offer free prep material when you sign up? That’s what I did, back in the day when it came on cd! Didn’t bother with anything else.
Paging bicycle pannier request
Paging bicycle pannier request – get a European city commuter bag!
The Basil SoHo bicycle backpack or the grey Basil Urban Dry are both nice. As is the Weathergoods city backpack pannier, and the Temple Bike one.
But does it have to be a backpack pannier? I would have thought that what you REALLY want is a Hills & Ellis leather pannier bag. The New Looxs ones are nice, too, but not as lovely as the Hills & Ellis. They do a backpack pannier as well, but it’s not as pretty as the professor bag.
BikeAnon
These are wonderful!! Thank you!!
Anon
Looking for advice – I had a tickle in my throat last Thursday that turned into full fledged sore throat and fever on Friday. Finally got my hands on a COVID test Sunday and it was positive. Based on my doctors office, Thursday was day 0 for me. I have tickets to see the Jonas Brothers this Friday at our state fair. It will be day 8 for me, so technically out of the 5 day isolation window, and it’s outside. But – I’m also 13 weeks pregnant, and am a little worried that I could be exposing my weakened immune system to other germs. Ugh. I shouldn’t go, right?
Anon
I would go in a mask.
Anon
CDC says go in an N95 regardless of your infectiousness.
Doctors I know say wait until you test negative to expose others.
Anon
ETA: “Doctors I know say wait until you test negative to AVOID EXPOSING others.”
Anon
You’re pregnant, take it easy and make sure you recover fully. A friend just had a fairly mild case of Covid, immediately returned to being very active, and then ended up hospitalized with severe vertigo and is still recovering from that. Your cost-benefit analysis might be different, but to me, it wouldn’t be worth it.
Anon
+1
Also —
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/04/18/1170087779/covid-pregnancy-fetus-brain-delays
Anon
When I had Covid last fall my fatigue was so bad for about a month after “getting g over” COVID that there’s no way I would have been able to make it through a concert. Just something to keep on your mind. You may be testing negative but physically unable to go to the concert. Especially adding in pregnancy to the equation.
Anon
Counterpoint – I had Covid while pregnant and felt physically fine by day 3 and only continued isolating so as not to infect others. It’s different for everyone.
Anonymous
Go. Once you have the baby you won’t be able to go anywhere. Make the most of it!
Anon
The 5 day isolation window is to get some modicum of compliance in America. You may very well still be contagious at 5 days. At least take a test before you go and wear a mask.
Anon
If you’re feeling fine, I’d go. The times I’ve had Covid I was feeling normal a week after the +.
Anonymous
people who work out later in the day – how do you do it? i feel like i have no energy if i try to work out now…
Vicky Austin
Do something intentionally less intense, like yoga or a walk.
Anon
I try to work out during the work day for two reasons: First, this feels like a treat, like it’s a recess from work. Second, if I go home after work there’s just no way I’m leaving again, especially if I sit down.
Explorette
It is an ongoing struggle that I don’t win as often as I’d like! Eat a snack at 4, don’t go home, and tell myself that I will feel better once I start (which is always true). With that said, I’m failing on all those today and going home to a glass of wine instead :)
Anon
Reporting back on the Lands End Washable Wool suiting. I purchased the collarless blazer and pants in true navy after reading the feature on suits recently.
Pluses: Fits great, blazer hangs well. I bought my usual size and it looks good. Navy is a nice neutral. Pants hang well and have slight elastic at the waist. Even the length of the pants is nice right out of the box for my 5’4″ frame, don’t think I need to hem. I love that it’s not too expensive (<$250) given I'll rarely ever need it (maybe 1-2x/year) and am frugal. I like that it's washable for the pants though I'll likely handwash the blazer. It's rare to get a womans suit that is even 50% wool as opposed to all synthetic.
Minuses: Material is lightweight compared to what I expected, does not feel quite like wool (it's about 50% wool and the rest poly), when you rub the fabric together it makes a slight rustle so feels paperish. Pants have a bit of a stretch "smile" in the crotch area but I think that's normal (I know to avoid that in skirts).
I think I'll keep it since I have a conference coming up. Considering also buying the sheath dress in the same fabric and I'm more likely to wear that in my regular workwear rotation though hopefully the rustle won't be too much of an issue. Any advice?
Alternative suits that fit my criteria above that are not over $400?
Anonymous
Key for me is not to go home. I go straight to the gym after work. I eat an afternoon snack and drink a lot of water. I find I have enough energy once I get going on my work out. If I go home, I am about 100% unlikely to make it back out to the gym. In a perfect world I would workout in the morning, but I hate waking up early and always found excuses not to go.
anon
I’m annoyed with one of my friends even though I shouldn’t be. We’re going to a concert together soon. She offered to let me shop her closet because I don’t have much to wear. I jokingly said back, “girl, I am like nine sizes larger than you. Let’s stick with jewelry, lol.” And she won’t let it go! We are both the same height, and on the taller side, but I know for a fact that she wears 6-8, and I’m clocking in at a 14. No way am I going to put myself through the misery of trying to fit into her small and medium dresses. She cannot be this blind, can she? It’s very obvious that I am larger than her, but she seems to think this is some sort of self esteem issue. I don’t feel great about my body right now, and this is actually making me feel worse, somehow.
Anon
Aw I’m so sorry. I have definitely been your friend, and it is really just that she has no idea you’re not the same size. The difference between an 8 and 14, to me, would be really hard to notice just by eyeballing – she probably genuinely thinks her clothes will fit you. I have a friend I’m convinced is skinnier than me and actually is a couple of sizes bigger. I have another friend I would have assumed is the same size and is actually almost double. I think women just wear weight differently, and unless you’re a stickler for identifying clothing size, some people are really oblivious to it.
I would ask her, “What size are you?” When she says 6-8, say “I’m almost twice that – none of your clothes will fit me, but I really appreciate you trying.” She’s oblivious but well-intentioned, and the best antidote is to just be as rational, direct, and clear as you can be about it.
Anon
That would really annoy me too. If you are willing to tell her what size you wear, I would total respond the next time she brings it up with “sure, why don’t you send me pictures of the items you have in a size 14 that you think would work for the concert?” Maybe this will make her realize how ridiculous she is being
Anonymous
She will say, oh you are NOT a 14 you’re barely a 10, and then OP will feel even worse.
I actually think OP’s response was not great, and I suspect that her friend is trying to be reassuring, or maybe is embarrassed and is trying to make it right. Just thank them for the offer and politely decline. Bringing size into it just makes it awkward.
Anonymous
Next time don’t jokingly say it.
“Thanks for offering. This isn’t a “self-esteem issue”, your clothes are actually too small for me”.
Prof
Anyone remember the shawls with sleeves that BCBG Max Azria used to carry in the early to mid 2000s? It was midway between a cardigan and a very big pashmina. I would love to find something like that again but have no idea where to look.