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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Are pussy bow blouses back? Or did they never go away? I’ve had a few that have been in my closet for nearly a decade, so I’d argue that this cotton twill blouse from Loewe is a classic look.
When the Mad Men-inspired look was very popular in 2012, I would have worn this tucked into a pencil skirt with heels. To give it a more modern look, I’d pair it with some wide-leg trousers and loafers.
The blouse is $990 at NET-A-PORTER and comes in French sizes 32-44. It’s also available in denim.
A couple of more affordable options are from Quince ($79.90, XS-XL) and Eloquii (on sale for $39, 14-32).
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
This appears to be attire Hamilton: the musical. It looks triple starched!
Housecounsel
I would feel like I was choking!
Abigail of course
I prefer the original: 1776 The Musical
And you’re right: Benjamin Franklin would definitely wear this as he sets aside his cane and dances down the stairs to tell John Adams he’s obnoxious and disliked (you know that’s true)
ALT
Yeah I was thinking the collar on this makes it very Mr Darcy or something you’d see on the Bridgerton brothers.
Lady Whistledown would disapprove and you’d be talked about by the whole ton.
Anon
I’m not throwing away my shot to wear this blouse.
Anon
But must it be called a “pussy bow”???
Anon
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pussy_bow
Anon
This is less pussy bow and more founding father.
Anon
It’s almost a puffy shirt.
Anon
But I don’t want to be a pirate!
Housecounsel
Wondering how many of the visitors to this site get the reference. Gen X stand up!
Anonymous
Ding! Also, we had a series of computers named Larry, Curly and Moe at my work. I recently discovered that the under-30 crowd doesn’t know the reference.
Dewey Cheatem
Yes I’ve had to teach my children about the three stooges and couldn’t find any great shorts online, just some ones towards the end, c. 1950s
Anon
And Howe
Anon
Gotta watch out for those low talkers.
Anonymous
I kind of adore it and would actually wear it if it fit me.
Travel help
I’m looking for a destination that is not more than 4 hours’ drive from Washington for a 3 or 4 day trip with my sister. Hiking nearby and good food are the requirements. Ideas? Thinking about Charlottesville, but have never been and no idea of where to stay. We are mor Holiday Inn Express than spa people. If we go to Charlottesville, what part of town do we want? I know to avoid big college weekends. All other suggestions would be welcome. We have done longer trips to Asheville and Maine and those were the right vibe, if that provides insight.
Arlington Anon
Possibly Berkeley Springs, WV might do it for you? Check out the Coolfont Resort.
PolyD
Charlottesville is a lovely place for a long weekend! There’s an Embassy Suites (I think that’s it – a Marriott property) right downtown. There are very good places to eat in the little mall area, with lots of outdoor seating. There are some fun little shops and bookstores, including a small but interesting liquor store, with liquors and bitters you might not see at regular liquor stores. And you can go to Monticello or do some hiking, the Shenandoah is not far away. Lots of breweries, cideries, and wineries in the area, too (Virginia does much better cider than wine).
There’s a restaurant called Tonic that I like very much – beautiful outdoor space, good drinks, excellent food more on the casual side. Marie- Bet+e bakery makes these pretzel croissant hybrids that are the best thing I’ve ever eaten. And Wayside Chicken looks like a gas station, but get some fried chicken and hush puppies and sit at the picnic tables outside – best fried chicken I’ve ever had.
Travel help
Thanks for the recommendations. I don’t see any Embassy Suites, so I cannot determine what area you are suggesting. If you can provide any additional guidance or other lodging suggestions, I would be grateful.
PolyD
My mistake – it’s a Residence Inn at 315 W Main St. I have stayed there several times over the past 3-4 years and always had a pleasant stay.
PolyD
I also stayed at the Fairfield Inn and Suits at 401Cherry Ave. A bit further from downtown, but not too bad.
Travel help
Thanks much.
Anon
Charlottesville just seems a lot more crowded than it used to be. For a smaller but good college town feel, maybe go a bit further to Harrisonburg / Staunton / Lexington (all along 81 once you head south from 66W)? I’m kind of partial to Lexington (there is a nice trail that goes behind W&L / VMI, many other trails, and Natural Bridge is nearby and it is pretty cool).
Anonymous
I kind of agree – I think Staunton and Lexington are what Cville used to be. I really enjoy Staunton and it has a ton of good restaurants, plus is closer to better hiking than Cville is in my opinion. Probably less going on overall than Cville and certainly than Asheville but it’s got plenty of food and pretty decent non-fancy shopping downtown. The Hotel 24 South in Staunton is perfectly good for what you describe.
Anonymous
Hotel 24 South is … okay. Just FYI there are some rooms that only have a Murphy bed, which a colleague found out when we stayed there on business a couple years ago.
Anonymous
Lexington and Staunton are lovely. Devil’s Backbone Outpost on 11 outside of Lexington is a fun brewery. Staunton is really an underrated small town. It’s super cute. The Stonewall Jackson Hotel (it’s been renamed, but I can’t remember to what) is right in the middle of downtown and makes most things walkable (coffee shops, etc.). Luray Caverns is a cool place to checkout.
Anonymous
I did a trip like this a few years ago, stayed at an inn in Nellysford and did some of the Skyline Drive and some hiking in Shenandoah. There are some cute breweries and wineries around there, and then all the restaurants in Charlottesville are fairly close too. If you want to stay in Charlottesville itself, I’ve only ever stayed at the Omni but it’s a very good central location.
Anonymous
My parents live in Charlottesville, and I think it would be great for this. The notion that it is overly crowded boggles my mind, but I live in NYC. I agree that the OMNI would be great if it is in your budget; downtown Charlottesville is very cute and walkable with a lot of decent restaurants nearby.
Anon
If you’ve driven south from 66 on 29, it is like one giant exurb of sprawl that never ends. It used to be horse farms.
Anonymous
Luray is a popular destination for hiking, but I’m not sure about the food.
Travel help
Thanks to all for the responses and suggestions for Staunton and Lexington. I am not sure where we will end up.
Anon
How do you make friends as an introverted adult? I’m in a relatively new city, and I realized that while I have acquaintances, I don’t really have any close friends. I have young kids and elder care issues that exhaust me (plus a busy job), so I’m drinking from an empty cup. DH is also an introvert, and neither of us have any hobbies that would help us build friends.
Anon
The parents of your kids friends will be the most natural friend pool, especially once kids get into elementary school and you start meeting a lot of people who live nearby.
anon
This was true for us. We’re not introverts per se, but very full time jobs and no social hobbies. But, oldest kiddo went to K and suddenly we’re forging some real friendships. She’s going in to 1st this year and I wouldn’t call any of them “best friends” but we’re beyond acquaintances. Key for us was saying yes to everything and being very intentional about engaging with other parents – bday parties (hanging around and socializing with parents), school events that we could make happen with our work schedules, doing school drop off and talking to parents there, and just anything else we could be present at.
Anon
Yes, this. I said yes, and then kept saying yes and showing up, and then said yes some more, even when I really, really, REALLY didn’t want to when they were in preschool and elementary school. I’m glad I volunteered in the classrooms in early elementary for the same reason, and despite having no experience, I always volunteered to help be an assistant coach with soccer, cub scouts, etc. I have a 4th grader and a 6th grader, and granted, we go to a small public school district, but I feel like I know most of the kids and a lot of parents. I hardly ever walk into a school event without knowing most of the people present. Especially with the extra curricular stuff, I was taking the kids to the activities anyway, it wasn’t that much more of a lift to actually help out.
I’m also glad we leaned into a preschool that mostly sent kids off to the same public school where my kids go, so I still have a text thread with the Jr. K class that my daughter was in. We still check in on teachers every year, and send back to school pictures to the group. Even though the kids aren’t close now, they are all still friendly.
Anon
Our daycare scattered kids all over and we didn’t stay in touch with the ones who didn’t go to our elementary, but we found that core group in K. The kids are in fifth grade and, except for a couple who moved away, the kids and parents are all still very friendly and many care close – my daughter’s three best friends are in that group. So don’t fear if you’re sending your kids to a different elementary school than their preschool/daycare buddies.
Anon
i swore i’d never be a PTO mom…yet I’m now a PTO mom. Like 2/3 or maybe even 3/4 of the moms on the PTO work. On our PTO executive board (which are more time consuming roles), some even have ‘big’ jobs that involve a lot of travel. I’m convinced they all just need a lot less sleep and downtime than I do bc otherwise I don’t know how they have time for everything. But at least at our school there are lots of fairly non time consuming roles. I don’t know that I’d call all the people I’ve met friends yet, but it does feel good to me to walk into the school, or be at our neighborhood pool and recognize a lot of people
Anonymous
I’m starting to think the reason child me didn’t have play dates wasn’t because I was an unlikeable 2 year old but rather my mom wasn’t interested making any new friends.
Anon
:( I don’t know if this was true when you were a kid, but I will say that I have to play a much larger role in my kids’ lives than my mom seemed to have to play in mine. I grew up on a cul de sac next to three girls my age, and we all had stay at home moms. My summers really were just spent running from one house to the other with almost no intervention from parents that I recall. For my kids to have friends, I have to arrange play dates with busy parents who have jobs and multiple kids, and I have to work around my job and my multiple kids :) It’s hard. I don’t have a great answer, other than I have noticed the kids who have social parents seem to have more friends, and it has very little to do with the personality of the kids. This is true up to my current 6th grader. Parents still have to play a major role in getting kids together, as there are no house phones, and it’s hard to safely get around.
Anon
I don’t think the moms have to be interested in making new friends for themselves (drop off play dates begin around age 4 or 5 where I live) but kids definitely need a parent to be fairly proactive about setting up play dates. I think my mom’s lack of interest in it really impacted my social life as a child too. I’m an introvert and it’s really out of my comfort zone to contact new people about play dates but I do it for the sake of my kid, and the result is she has a really thriving social life and a core group of 8-10 close friends, which is something I never really had, at least not until college.
anon
I have been working on this recently. For me it has been starting hobbies (for me it is run club) and going out of my way to be more sociable with other dog owners in the neighborhood which has led to play dates. I have also invited my acquaintances I may like to do things, and it turns out a few of them have actually become friends. It really does take some focused effort though, and given your statement about drinking from an empty cup it sounds like that could be unsustainable effort?
Cb
Yeah, it might not be the right season. I feel like I make warm acquaintances with my volunteer work, but haven’t managed that friend conversion.
anon
For what it is worth i advise against becoming best friends with the parents of your kids class mates. Gets messy and complicated as kids grow and change…. i try to stay cordial and friendly obviously but not best friends. Is there something other than making friends that is a goal? like do you want to exercise more? i joined a tennis clinic a few years ago bc i wanted to make new friends and it worked. do you want to read more? there are book clubs etc through libraries. do you want to find time to volunteer? the trick to making friends especially if you’re not very outgoing is putting yourself in the same place with the same people over time…..
Anon
I think it’s true that it can be complicated if you become best friends with your kid’s best friend’s mom, particularly if they’re girls, because it can be hard for the friendship to withstand the potential kid drama. But I’ve had no issues becoming friends with the moms of kids my kid is friendly with but isn’t best friends with. There’s no drama between the parents even if the kids drift a bit further apart because they were never besties to begin with.
Anon
yes can def be complicated, but if the adults behave like adults is possible. my sister had a HUGE falling out with a friend senior year of high school and our parents were good friends with her parents…and still are. These parents were at my wedding, my sister’s wedding, my parents were invited to their daughter’s wedding, they have dinner with them all the time, etc. even though my sister and this girl were not invited to one another’s weddings.
Anon
Agree. Both my daughter and son have had friendships that blew up in a bad way and caused me to lose those parent friends!
Seventh Sister
Yeah, it’s nice to have fellow parent friends who aren’t the parents of your kids’ BFFs. Things can get weird and competitive even in strong friendships when kids get to high school. I’ve been so, so close to telling off an old friend saying that yes, I realize my kid is a real dum-dum and her kid is so much smarter and better in every way. It was easier to me to laugh off when they were toddlers and the other kid was (I kid you not) an “advanced walker.”
Anon
Maybe it’s just luck, but so far my kid’s BFFs’ moms are all way more low key and humble than my best friends from college with similar age kids, who all seem convinced their kids are off the charts geniuses and they deserve all the credit for their kids good behavior.
Anonymous
i’m right there with you, but i feel like that empty cup means i don’t have TIME for new friends, so i try to connect with old ones.
when my energy opens up i’m going to join a local choir and a local garden club, and maybe actually start going to the book club invites.
Anonymous
If you have any acquaintances you wouldn’t mind spending more time with, I’ve had success just pushing past the awkwardness and asking them for their number and if they want to get a coffee. And then text them and ask them for coffee. And when you’re at coffee, talk about making a future plan. I’m sure this sounds ridiculous to extroverts or people this stuff comes easy for, but I felt wildly uncomfortable the first time I did this. But a lot of people are lonely and in the same situation and seem to appreciate somebody sort of making the first move, so to speak. It gets easier the more you do it.
pink nails
Join something that has regular in person events that you show up for. This can be a community focus group (Lions, Kiwanas, Rotary, etc.), a service focus (Humane Society, etc), kid focused (PTA, booster club, etc), fitness focus (yoga studio classes, gym fitness classes, running clubs), hobby focused (book clubs, art clubs, sewing clubs), religious (church), but it has to be something that meets in person, since in person is how friendship start.
After you establish the friendly relationship at the in person things for a while, there will be a point where you can follow up with a text related to something that chit chatted about. For me, the follow up text to a random chit chat feels more natural than inviting them to do something – but if it comes up, a “oh hey do you want to go?” works nicely.
OK I have one alternative suggestion that you can start on your phone – reconnect with the old friends. The high school friends and cousins. For those long relationships, out of the blue texts “hey I was thinking about you, how is x going?” and then you’ll need to do a few more texts a few times to see if it can flow into something more regular and reciprocal. Remember that the phrase is “rekindle friendships” – rekindle means that you have to actively nurse the fire a long, and it starts out feeling a bit one sided – it shouldn’t stay this way for a long time, but it probably will start that way and that’s okay if they’re responding.
Also, I know it’s super hard but really try to not take it personally when someone ghosts you or doesn’t respond. Think about all the times when you have nothing to give other people and it has nothing to do with the other people – they very well be in that circumstances. It can suck big time, but giving people a lot of grace will allow you to keep putting yourself in scenarios where you can create friendships.
Also, I truly don’t think you’re alone. DH and I talk about this a lot. I think millennials (my generation) particularly hates in person stuff and we aren’t joiners and aren’t joining anything, and now we’re all lonely. I say this as someone who felt like they had NO friends in my mid twenties and very intentionally went out of my way to make and rekindle friendships.
Senior Attorney
I think this is spot on. Some of my best friends are from the gym (gym closed in the pandemic but the friends remain) and my Rotary Club as well as some other organizations I’ve gotten into recently. Doing things regularly with people make it easy to say “hey, want to grab a coffee after?” or “I’m going to XYZ Thing on Saturday, care to join?”
Anon
I also have made real friends at an exercise class (this was in 2010, and we are still friends) and tennis classes.
OP Anon
This is so thoughtfully written, thank you!
Anon
I got a rescue dog and started going to dog meetups related to my dog’s breed and rescue!
Anon
It’s very hard to do this when you are so busy. In similar scenarios I actually try reaching out to older friends who are out of town with real phone calls/video chat …. like while out on a walk.
But now I have a little more time/energy so I joined League of Women Voters. In my area there are some cool women there and I like volunteering for something I believe in.
Slacks for a transatlantic flight?
I’m looking for a pair of pants to wear on an overnight flight into Heathrow. I’m not going from the airport to a meeting, so they can be on the casual side, but am looking for something that will look pulled-together while I’m going to sites like the British Library. Thanks in advance!
Anon
https://www.eileenfisher.com/washable-flex-ponte-pant/F4TJH-P0696.html
My airplane pants all come from Eileen Fisher.
Anonymous
Leggings. Pack a pair of jeans in your carry on and change.
Anon
She wants to look put together. Leggings ain’t it.
a.n.o.n.
Quince 4 pocket ponte pants are my go to airplane pants for work travel.
Worried
I don’t have a specific brand, but I wore full length flared pants from ponte- which is a double knit fabric (I folded the pant legs up to avoid bathroom floor, and that hack worked well)
They are stretchy and heavier knit than leggings, and worked well with cool runners for walking around London. I also wore them on an overnight flight and they were fantastic. I’m looking for another pair and noticed that BR, Gap, and many stores have them. The key for me is that the waistband of mine didn’t cut in and was integrated as one piece, and faced inside the pants. Most comfortable plane pants ever ( they are some random brand from tj max aka winners in Canada)
Anon
What do you already own that could work? I wouldn’t buy something new just for this purpose.
Cat
I wear comfy boyfriend jeans or stretch linen (doesn’t wrinkle as much) joggers.
KP
Why not a long skirt or even a t-shirt type dress plus knee hi socks? In the restroom you don’t have to pull pants down to the ankles, just gather up the skirt and proceed.
Anonymous
Because that’s a hideous look
PolyD
Trying to reply to person with question about a town starting with the letter C in Virginia and have several posts in mod because of it. Just so the OP knows to check back.
Travel help
Thank you for your reply above and for this. You mentioned Embassy Suites but I don’t see one. I am trying to figure out alternatives in the same area, but I cannot determine where that is. All guidance will be gratefully received.
Anon
Is anyone dealing with (or a parent with) chronic kidney disease? Stage 3 here (not me, my aging parent; this is a surprise diagnosis for me, apparently high blood pressure-related for him), which seems to be when it is commonly identified. Apparently diet is key (and this is the parent who does not cook, so more reliant on bad convenience foods which apparently are really bad in his state). Any good books or internet resources? I spent the weekend trying to find things to listen to on a long car ride and there is a lot of good advice it seems on YouTube and a shocking amount of Woo.
Anon
I’m sorry he’s dealing with this. Diet is key, and it sounds like he’ll almost have to start over on what to eat. Sodium and added inorganic phosphates are a huge issue in convenience foods and take a lot of advanced label reading to watch out for (there’s been advocacy around better labeling for ages, but it hasn’t happened yet). There’s some evidence that the phosphate additives are even harder on the kidneys than naturally high phosphorous foods, and unlike protein, they’re completely unnecessary in the diet. Even sodium reduced convenience foods can be an issue. It might be helpful to try to suss out what other kidney disease patients are doing where he lives (are there “renal-friendly” meal services, for example). My family’s experience with this was pre-internet, so I’m not familiar with all the woo, but sometimes local support groups on social media know some local resources even if they’re also full of nonsense.
https://www.kidney.org/kidney-topics/your-guide-to-new-and-improved-nutrition-facts-label
Anonymous Grouch
This sounds like a situation where some sort of meal delivery could help cut down on the cr*p in his diet. Maybe Hungry Root (haven’t tried it but it seems to combine meals + actual groceries). Not sure of the nutritional value but maybe a Tovala oven system – it’s as simple as it looks on TV that might be a good option. Also see what general resources for seniors are available in his/your area – there might be something there (meals on wheels?) that can help with nutrition.
Anon
When my elderly father had some medical issues that impacted what he could eat, I was pleasantly surprised that the local Senior Services for his town had free home meal delivery – including a meal that was targetted for his type of medical need. Just something to check into with regard to resources near him, if he hasn’t started accessing the services he may be eligible for.
But if your parent is stubborn, and likes his fast food, it can be hard to get folks to change behaviors.
anon
What are some unusual or off the beaten path vacations you have taken, and would you recommend? I need some inspiration.
Anon
The least touristy place I’ve been to is Kazakhstan. It was ok. We kind of went because we were starting to run out of (safe, affordable, easily reachable) countries we hadn’t been to, but the truth is there’s a good reason the touristy places are popular. After that trip we mostly stopped country counting and decided to just go where we want to go, even if that means going back to Italy for the seventh time.
If the goal is simply getting away from crowds of people, I can’t recommend charting a sailboat enough. I’ve only done it in the Caribbean but there are lots of other island and coastal destinations where you can do it.
Anecdata
I try to talk people into visiting Sierra Leone all the time – it’s politically fairly stable now, easy to navigate in English, GORGEOUS, just enough tourist infrastructure, not super well served by flights but that’s balanced out by being several hours closer to the US than east africa, small enough that you can go several different places without spending days on buses, and did I mention GORGEOUS. Want to hang out on the campus of the oldest university in sub-Saharan Africa, camp and surf on a bioluminescent beach, track chimpanzees in a island reserve, watch monkeys fish for crabs on the beach they use for beer commercials, etc, etc?
Hootster
Wow, sold.
anon
Not nearly as exotic as Kazakhstan, and maybe not what you’re looking for… We’ve taken “off the beaten path” vacations at state parks and small cities that are in driving distance of our hometown. I wouldn’t necessarily suggest flying across the country for these particular destinations, but I do suggest exploring your own region! We took many of these trips in the second half of 2021 and 2022, when we wanted to travel but weren’t ready to fly, and also didn’t have the budget for trips to Europe or Disney or large US cities. Now we’re hoping to take some larger trips–to places that are definitely on the beaten path–but I still enjoy hopping in the car, getting away from home, checking out a new place or two, and coming home refreshed and not exhausted from international travel.
For reference, we’re in New Orleans, and we’ve taken trips to places like Lafayette LA, St. Francisville LA, Tishomingo State Park (in Mississippi), Homochitto National Forest (also MS), Gulfport MS, and Chattanooga TN. We’ve returned to a couple of these places and hope to keep going back to some. My list still includes Poverty Point State Park (in northern LA), Mobile, Birmingham and Memphis.
Anonymous
I did a blues trail road trip years ago from New Orleans to Memphis and thoroughly enjoyed it!
An.On.
I took a small masted ship cruse around Scoresby Sound on the east coast of Greenland. The departure point was from Iceland, so I booked several days by myself on the front and back end and then spent a week tucked into a tiny berth and sailing the arctic ocean. The trip was coordinated between North Sailing (out of Iceland) and Classic Sailing (out of UK) and I don’t think the exact trip is still offered. But it was an incredible experience. I actually was inspired by Graceling author Kristin Cashore who took a similar trip around the Arctic Circle (although I did not have that boat or itinerary) and if you look for her blog, you can see some of the pictures. It was extremely uncomfortable in a lot of ways, but also just an unreal experience.
Anon
It’s not off the beaten tourist path for Europeans at all, but for some reason Americans don’t go to Mallorca. We spent a week there last year and didn’t see any other Americans the whole time, and I don’t know anyone else who’s been. We loved it.
Anon88
I’m a huge fan of Mallorca, especially if you get out of Palma. Alcudia’s my favorite because there are no cars within the city. And so much good hiking and climbing if you’re into that kind of thing.
Anon
The nature stuff is great, but I also loved Palma. It’s up there with Seville and Florence as my favorite Euro cities, but I’m a small city person.
Anonymous
Because there were not direct flights and you are not acquaintance with Michael Douglas family. (Only joking)
Unfortunately, as lovely as it is, it is exactly in the beaten track of most Europeans.
Anon
There are direct flights now on United from Newark to Palma! We took that flight and it was so nice.
And yes definitely not off the beaten path for Europeans, especially Brits, but it was kind of refreshing to go somewhere with no Americans. Just different vibes than we normally get traveling in Europe.
joan wilder
Moldova!
Anon
I’ve heard good things!
joan wilder
Wonderful wine and food, very small and easy to get around, and while not all the way there, a rapidly developing cultural tourism/farm/stay/guest house niche. You can learn how honey is made, see a special type of black pottery that gets it color from the unique clay of the area, see cave monasteries, kayak the Nistru, and more!
Fallen
We did the Annapurna trek in Nepal which was a once in a lifetime experience. Highly recommend!
Anon
Amazing! I want to do this so badly but I get terrible altitude sickness at lower elevations so I don’t think it’s in the cards for me.
Deep South
Less exotic, but I am a music fan and did the Mississippi Blues Trail as a four day drive and loved learning the history around that musical culture and liked Mississippi far more than I imagined. Great food, lots of interesting local art and small towns working to protect their way of life was really interesting for me to see. You can tack on a day or two over to Muscle Shoals and see those studios and the Frank Lloyd Wright house if you’re so inclined.
Anon
Mississippi was my 49th state but I was surprised how much I liked it too. Amazing food, and a lot of cool civil rights stuff as well.
Anon
Guatemala – it has beautiful old cities like Antigua and Xela, gorgeous lakes, volcanoes you can hike, beautiful textiles, and a very sad but fascinating history. You need to be mindful of how you travel in certain parts of the country but most of it is quite safe and easily navigable.
Anon
Didn’t the president just make something like 3,000 non-profits (mostly religious ones) illegal?
Anonymous
Not at all exotic but the east coast of Canada is my favorite place ever. There’s no wrong choice but I’m especially fond of St. John’s.
Anon
One of my favorite trips was Kosovo and North Macedonia
Anonymous
I loved Malaysia. Super space, easy to navigate, amazing food. Just ridiculously hot
Anon
A trip to Warsaw, Krakow, and Prague right after the wall came down and I was just out of college with no idea what I was doing. My college friend was studying with a musician in Warsaw and I went to see her. The pollution was intense because everyone was still burning coal. English was not widely spoken.
A trip to Seoul, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and a day trip to China (no overnight, it was before tourism really opened up) to go to a very fancy wedding of a college friend in Hong Kong. I met my friend when I was a full financial aid student from a rural area. I was a fish out of water at her wedding, and I picked the other cities I traveled to because I went to a travel agent in the mall and she said if I was flying that far, I should try some other places, and she found some cities where lodging was cheap and the stops didn’t add much to the airfare. It was 1991. I got food poisoning in Seoul and spent a lot of my time there in the bathroom!
I had never been ANYWHERE before these trips! I didn’t know I had to get a passport until it was almost too late.
Anonymous
Love this!
Senior Attorney
Don’t know how off the beaten path it is at this point, but Southeast Asia is amazing. I haven’t been to Thailand but I’ve been to Vietnam and Cambodia a few times and it’s just delightful, plus everything is super cheap so you get a lot of bang for your buck.
And if you really want to throw a bunch of money at the problem, I can’t recommend Antarctica highly enough. Truly life-changing.
Anonymous
Uzbekistan.
Oman.
With a good company.
Wildkitten
Is there a clothing box like stitchfix we like now? I need to refresh my wardrobe again and despite this website I still hate shopping :-)
orchid
ugh. bring back trunk club!!! it was the only good one.
Anon
Trunk club was just Nordstrom. I feel like you could get a much better experience by booking with a personal shopper at Nordstrom. Someone would probably be willing to work with you by mail.
Anon
I haven’t tried Trendsend by EverEve, but it looks pretty good if you’re into EverEve style.
Anon
My sister gave me a stitch fix gift card for one birthday during the pandemic when I said I was sick of my around the house clothing. It was fine but three years layer, they’re still featuring the same exact items they already sent me. If you want some floral print synthetic tops and coordinating cardigans, Stitch Fix is the place for you.
anon
well said. exactly right.
Anon
That’s exactly my feeling.
Senior Attorney
I tried Front Door Fashion recently and was happy with them. Unlike some of the other services, they let you choose your price range so you don’t end up with a lot of super cheap stuff (unless you want to). And the stylist communicated quite a bit before shipping the box. Also for you petites, Short Story is good.
Anonymous
Anyone remember when they reached their “adult” shoe size? How about adult height? I vaguely remember having huge feet in middle school, and I definitely had my adult feet by early high school- and hadn’t quite finished growing.
My 10 year old kiddo is already 5’ with size 8 feet; we were talking about it while shoe shopping (she was wondering if she’ll ever get to steal my $$$ size 10/11s; I told her she might get lucky and have less difficult to fit feet!) Her growth curve says she’ll top out at 5’8; I am almost 6’ but I was always a 99th percentile kid and she isn’t.
anon
I think I’ve been more or less the same size since I was about 14, and I recall wearing more or less the same shoe size since then. I still have a few items from that time that I occasionally wear and I’m 36 now. I’m 5’1″ though so on the other end of the spectrum.
Anon
Not sure about shoe size but I think in high school.
I grew 1.5 inches in college which is very rare for a woman but I went through puberty late (got my period at 16). I’m also very tall. I was 5’10” at high school graduation and am almost 6’ now.
Anon
My girls were >100% for height and that slowed to nothing once puberty hit (10ish). They get that fast-to-zero stuff from me, who was freakishly tall as a smaller child but topped out at 5-4 at 11. So I have nearly always been adult-sized. Feet have spread a little — my understanding is that the ligaments loosen up, so I went from 7.5 up to 8ish and from a narrow to a medium after breaking some little toes on each foot.
Anon
I stayed the same shoe size from the first year of college until I had my first child at 35, then my foot grew about a shoe size. During Covid I gained another 1/2 a size and in the past 4 years my foot has grown another half size.
Anon
I stopped growing around 13, lol.
Anon
8th or 9th grade for both height and shoes. I was always short and topped out at 5’3”, size 8.
Anon
I had my full height & weight by 12 1/2, along with shoe size. Size has stayed consistent since. I’m 46 now. My weight has shifted around a bit, but my shoe size hasn’t changed.
Anonymous
My feet have grown a size from my 20s to 30s and again in my late 40s. They also have become wider.
Anonymous
I have been told by multiple pediatricians that their feet generally stop growing by the time they get their first period. In my observation they typically grow a couple more inches in height after that time.
I would put more stock in heredity than in the growth charts for predicting height. My kid, my husband, and I were all tiny until our late teens and then grew much taller than our growth curves would have predicted. I “should have” been 5’2″ and am actually 5’6″. I grew an inch during my freshman year of college, which is pretty much unheard of for girls. My husband did too and our daughter is on track to do the same.
Anonymous
Oh, and I did gain a quarter of a shoe size when I was around 40, but it was definitely not related to pregnancy or weight gain.
Anon
This. Female line genetics are huge for girls.
anon
I was wearing a size 10 shoe by junior high. I reached my full height (5’8″) around ninth grade, I think. I was always right in the middle of the pack, height wise. I was actually surprised when I ended up tall-ish.
Anon
Girls usually reach their adult height two years after their first period, FWIW. Boys are usually sophomore or junior year of high school.
Anon
That isn’t universally true. I got my period at 14 and didn’t reach my full height until at least 19. I grew about an inch my first year of college and several inches junior and senior years of high school.
Anon
Second word of my post was “usually.”
Anon
Yeah. Got my period at age 12. Stopped growing at 19
Anon
Outliers don’t negate general rules. Google is your friend – “girls usually grow for about two years after puberty” is quite commonly accepted knowledge.
Anon for this
I have three daughters and they all reached their adult shoe size by 15. I was quite happy when two of the three blew past the borrowing-shoes-from-mom stage.
Anonymous
I was always one of the tallest kids in my class in elementary school. Then stopped growing around 6th grade. My feet stopped growing around then too. At least in my family, girls tend to grow a lot around 10-11, then start their period, and only grow another inch or two and then that’s it. I was basically my adult height in 5th grade (which was tall compared to my friends, then they all passed me by 7th grade. I’m only five feet tall haha.)
Anon
I was probably early high school when my feet stopped growing, but I grew two inches my first two years of college
I never quite grew into my feet – I’m size 9 but not quite 5’4
Annon
I wore size 9 women’s shoes at 9 years old!!
Anon
Age 10 for me for both shoe size and height. First period was 2 years later.
Anon
I am sorry to tell you, probably late high school for my shoe size. Then I grew another inch or so in height my first year of college.
NYNY
I was the tallest kid in my class in early elementary school, started my period at 9, reached my full adult shoe size (7.5/8) by 10, and reached my full height (5’4″) by 12.
Anon
Definitely mid-late high school for shoe size. And around 18 for height. I think there is a good chance that your daughter’s feet will end up almost the same size as yours.
Anon
need help with my dad’s 75th birthday. we don’t live in the same city, though he is coming to visit. my mom passed away 4.5 years ago. for his 70th bday my mom was dying at the time, we gave him the NY Times Birthday book and collected 70+ birthday cards from his friends, which he seemed to appreciate. he likes bike riding and NYTimes Spelling Bee. He also likes to play tennis, but can’t right now bc he has to have surgery on his dominant hand. when DH and I got engaged and when my sister and BIL got engaged, our parents gave our future spouses a nice watch.
Last year my dad mentioned he wanted one too for his 75th, but DH was like, we might as well get it for him now so he can enjoy it for a year longer. (my dad can basically afford to buy himself whatever he wants, but he is frugal)
Anonymous
How close will this trip be to his actual birthday? I love the idea of taking him watch shopping in-person and buying an early birthday gift. Make an afternoon out of it and treat him to lunch or dinner after. Maybe you could get something special engraved on the back of the watch?
Senior Attorney
That sounds great! Although maybe you bought it last year? Can’t tell…
Along similar lines, and I know this may be a little off the wall, but might he enjoy a wardrobe refresh? I just took my 75yo husband to Nordstrom for a session with a personal shopper and he is feeling mighty stylish and happy with his new pieces.
Anon
DH is suffering from an embarrassing problem but I’m not sure how to help or what would help. Basically whenever he thinks about having to pee, he has to go urgently and can’t hold it in even though his bladder is not full. It is completely mental because he’s had a full work up and there’s nothing wrong with him physically. He saw a urologist who advised DH not to pee that often lest he “train” his bladder to be used to emptying more often so he’s more concerned and just thinking all the time about when is the last time he peed, how long he should wait, etc is what’s triggering his need to go. When he’s busy at work he can wait for hours but not when he’s home. Anyone here have any experience with this type of thing?
Anonymous
Yes and anxiety meds fixed it.
Anon
Did the urologist not have a rec for a therapist that could help? This is basically the opposite of people who can’t go in public (shy bladder), and I’ve definitely read about people who’ve done therapy for that. I bet the same people could help.
Anonymous
Question: is this the only thing that he gets mentally tied up in or has ruminating thoughts about, or is this a piece of a larger picture?
Anon
I’ve recovered from this, but it wasn’t completely mental and I was never really worked up about it psychologically. My experience makes me wonder if he really had a full work up? (How did they exclude the possibility of interstitial cystitis manifesting as urgency rather than pain, mast cell activation, or small fiber neuropathy? Did they even try pyridium to see if it relieves the sense of urgency? Etc.)
Anon
Also, can he wait for hours while busy at work primarily because he’s distracted, or is it possible that he’s also just sitting down for hours? (I don’t know what kind of job he has, but sometimes we get up and stand and walk around more when we’re busy or even when we’re relaxing at home than when we’re focusing on work at a desk.)
Anon
And by not completely mental I mean, it wasn’t actually mental at all. My understanding is that anxiety meds sometimes help even when the cause isn’t really anxiety if they’re also muscle relaxants or antihistamines? But pyridium/AZO was what was most effective for me for symptom management/as a rescue med when I was still getting this.
NaoNao
He could consider trying CystexOTC (avail through Amazon, consult doctor + check ingredients) to reduce the overall “urgency” sensations and/or AZO or “Uricalm” same thing just to buy him some time to reset the cycle.
Also overall anxiety meds–I have an overactive bladder myself and it calmed down considerably with anxiety meds.
Been there
I have anxiety and I have overactive bladder and I take meds for both
Urge to go without anything coming out is part of overactive bladder
Sorry but he should see a regular physician and a urologist and probably a psych specialist just in case
Anon
Yes, I had this from a birth injury. Believe it or not, men can also go to pelvic floor physical therapy. That feeling can be caused by muscle tension, which is where pt comes into play. Diet can affect the bladder (especially things like caffeine, acidic foods like citrus or tomato, spicy foods, chocolate), so changing that can help. He may also want to keep a bladder diary that he can bring back to the urologist, if he’s trying and it isn’t getting better. The advice he got on retraining is good, and it can take time for it to improve, but there are options like prescription medication and nerve simulation he could explore if it’s bothering him.
Anonymous
I’ve never had a baby, but I was having issues with urgency and always feeling like I had a UTI. Pelvic floor PT was life-changing. It helped with the physical stuff and also with the mental stuff.
Anonymous
Just to confirm – did he see a neuro about whether this might be an early symptom of MS? It’s one of the most common ones and often presents early in the disease.
Anonymous
does your husband have ADHD or something similar? and his kidneys are fine? pelvic floor is fine?
interoception is the sense that is your mind-body connection. does he also have problems feeling hot or cold? hungry or full? if so you can go down that rabbithole… i’ve mostly heard mindfulness and yoga recommended to help strengthen the connection.
Anon
I have a female friend who had this problem. She had to do the training thing your husband’s doc suggested and it did work. It took some time.
Anonymous
I feel like I had this problem during the pandemic because I worked from home and the bathroom was steps away from my desk so I would go whenever I felt the smallest urge. Once I went back to the office, I was going like every hour. I forced myself to wait and now I go on a more normal for me schedule of 2 or 3 times during the workday.
go for it
House shoes ideas:
This weekend I wore my Birkenstocks for 10+ hours each day in the house doing chores to prep for a trip and my feet are sore. Generally I would wear sneakers, alas I did not.
Recommendations? Looking for strong arch support, unlined. It would be nice if I could use them to get the mail too :)
Ooofos are out as they they make my feet overheat.
Anonymous
“Generally I would wear sneakers…”
Since it sounds like you have something that usually works, could you just get a house pair of the sneakers that you know you like and that offer the strong arch support you need?
Anon
+1
Greensleeves
I currently use Birkenstock EVAs for my house shoes and find them more comfortable than regular Birks for being on my feet all day. They are a nice mix of cushy and supportive. Case in point – we did a lot of cleaning and reorganization around the house this weekend and while my husband was complaining that his feet hurt, mine were fine. In the past I’ve also used Vionic’s most basic flip flop for this but I stopped because I prefer a slide. I see that Vionic has both a flip flop and a slide in their “recovery” line now and I may give the slide a try because it’s time to replace my current pair of house Birks. My one complaint about the Birk EVAs is that they don’t last terribly long, definitely less than a year. The sole tears away from the front of the first strap and when I start tripping regularly, I realize that it’s time for new ones.
anon
The EVAs literally rub my feet the wrong way. Such a bummer. I’ll wear them to the pool, but they are not long-term wear shoes for me.
ALT
Not the poster you’re replying to, but I wear mine with socks (it’s just as stylish as you’re imagining!) and that solves any rubbing issues for me. Might be a short term fix?
Anon
Vionics. I wear the Tide IIs around the house, but they have a few pairs of slides as well.
Feet
Walk hero slippers in the slip on clog style. They have them on am*zon. Great arch support and so comfy.
Anon
I started getting a callus in a weird spot on my foot from wearing Birks too much. I have switched to the Rothy’s clogs as house shoes, and it seems to be working pretty well.
Oofos gave me tendonitis when I wore them around the house while unpacking from a move. I think it was from having to stabilize so much with the foam.
anon
I am positive that I’d roll an ankle if I wore Oofos.
Anon
You probably would; I’ve fallen a few times from kind of sliding sideways from stepping wrong. Not a big deal in my house on the rug but I avoid wearing them out.
Anon
I was wearing my Birks around the house for years and kept having foot problems. My podiatrist recommended Haflinger clogs to me and that fixed it. She said they’re better than Birkenstocks for certain feet, and she thought they’d suit mine. They do.
anon
Used to wear Birks, but discovered that the Finn Comfort Sansibar slides are more comfortable for me.
Senior Attorney
I love these Clark’s flip flops and they come in every color! https://www.zappos.com/p/womens-clarks-breeze-sea-bright-coral-synthetic/product/8079992/color/899544
Anon
I recently came to the painful realization that a group of people who I thought were my friends are not actually my friends. It’s been very hard. I feel like I must be the most unlikeable trash human and I don’t understand what happened.
I’m trying to focus on spending time with the people who do treat me well, and I’d like to make new friends but it’s so hard as an adult!!
Anon
Hug. Some people are bad at being friends and it isn’t a reflection on you.
anon
This is hard and awful. There is a whole thread above about meeting new people. I would say though for the first part of this… have you decided they are not good loyal friends but they superficially seem to still be your friends or did they actively stop being your friends?
Anon
They are people who superficially seem like my friends but exclude me from every activity/event. We used to have fun as a group, and then they stopped including me. I have no idea why. They don’t reciprocate any efforts I make. I’m still happy to spend time with them if we do cross paths, but I’m not going to be putting effort into it anymore when they clearly don’t want me around.
anon
I’m sorry, this truly sucks. Your instinct to move on is probably correct, but that doesn’t make it less painful right now.
Anon
Yeah. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I had two women I thought were my close friends (in HS, through college, post college, bridesmaids) and I saw a year or two ago they both were back in our hometown (I’m only a few hours away) for a sisters wedding and didn’t tell me. I was completely done with them after that.
Anon.
To be honest, I do not always tell my friends from high school when I’m in my hometown.
I often work remotely from my parents’ place when we visit, and want to prioritize my time with family during the little free time that’s left, especially since there’s several aging family members who need help with certain things when we’re there.
I just don’t have the bandwidth to manage other meetings and schedules, to be honest, and don’t want to cause any disappointment.
That being said, when I have the bandwidth I of course reach out to my friends and try to make an effort to meet.
Anon
Weddings can be such busy events, though. I recently traveled to one that had an event Thursday night, two events Friday, the wedding basically all day Saturday (wedding, reception, after party), and a brunch/lunch on Sunday.
If there’s no other reason you’re done with them, I’d maybe cut them a break on this one thing.
Anon
Same. I thought this was really harsh.
Anon
Agree this was totally harsh.
You lived a few hours away… what did you think was reasonable? That they skip part of the wedding activities, rent a car and drive out to see you for an hour or two and drive back? Weren’t they going to be busy seeing all the people who came to the wedding?
Anon
Also? It’s super awkward telling someone you’re going to a wedding they’re not invited to. I’d keep that quiet too.
Anom.
This was harsh. They might not have thought you would drive a few hours to see them. Were you invited to the wedding?
anon
I’m so sorry. Chances are, this isn’t about you AT ALL. It is something about the group dynamics or a couple of individuals. I went through something similar in my mid-30s, and it was painful. Especially because these were neighbors. Ten years later, I don’t care that much. I can see that the friendships served their purpose while they existed, but we are very different people, with different values.
Anon
I was talking to somebody this weekend and this person said all houses in the UK are government owned and the government pays 70% of the mortgage and you just pay the government the 30% leftover. He said he knows more than 30 families in the UK and no family pays more than £500 per month for their home.
I know the UK has different property laws than the US, with lords historically owning everything and peasants being mere tenant farmers, but this seems bananas. It’s not true, right? Those 30 families he’s talking about are all living in some form of subsidized housing and he just doesn’t know it, right? He said he wasn’t talking about council houses, with which I’m vaguely familiar. Any guesses what he would be talking about? I poked around a little online and didn’t get far.
Anonymous
Hahhahahaha no he’s just dumb
Anonymous
This guy was confused or lying? Maybe a lil both. None of that is right.
Cb
Haha, he’s an idiot. I’ll offer as evidence my £1000 mortage statement. People ON very low incomes receive support for their rent, but not for a mortgage.
The only thing that might be somewhat equivalent is shared equity schemes, but these time-limited things, often offered by the house builder to sell houses to people who can’t quite afford them. Not paid for by the government…
Cb
Also British people are so cagey about money. How’d he find 30 people to tell him about their mortgages?
I feel like this is a weird conspiracy theory, like sharia law in Manchester or something.
Anon
Hahah I’m American but my mom was born in England and moved here as a kid. I don’t know the details of the UK mortgage system but my immediate thought was “there’s nooo way 30 British people are talking this openly about money!”
Anon
That too!
Anonymous
This is just wrong. Most of my friends are British ex-pats and my parents owned property in London for 20 years. What that guy said is pure bollocks.
Anonymous
I wish the government paid 70% of my mortgage but alas no, this is complete rubbish. Other than shared ownership which has already been mentioned the only other things I can think of is a very garbled version of Right to Buy (if you’ve lived in a council house for long enough you can buy it off the council/local government at a very steep discount) or there is a loan that can be made as part of benefits to pay mortgage interest (Support for Mortgage Interest scheme). But broadly I would say the US is more supportive of mortgage-havers due to the tax deduction. Most people in the UK pay their own mortgage and payments of over £500/month are far from rare.
Anon
You need to start hanging out with smarter people.
Anon
Rubbish. I own my home in the uk.
anon
Over the past few months, I have noticed that I’ve become increasingly negative and cynical. I want to change that, as it’s not serving me well. Are there any good resources for improving one’s attitude without veering into toxic positivity? I see myself as much more of a realist than an optimist if that helps.
anon
i am working on this too. I think being aware is the first step. When something sort of caustic (but maybe funny) occurs to me to say i have just stopped saying it. I don’t think you can change your thoughts but there is a lot of support that if you change your actions your thoughts may follow. I also (this sounds stupid) but i pick spheres where i try to practive. like i can definitely fall into negative and cynical when talking to my child hood best friends but i really try to remain postive and the best version of myself at work for example. Or i’m trying to be more positive with my aging mother…. like it’s easier for me to cubby hole it.
Housecounsel
I would say staying off social media is the first step. This is advice I need to follow myself.
Anon
It sounds trite, but stop thinking of positivity as toxic. It really isn’t. It’s a mindset shift that still allows you to be pragmatic but also anticipate good outcomes.
Anon
There are cheerful, joyful people in the world (even in very difficult circumstances), but when I think of toxic positivity, I think of people who are in denial and pressuring others to join them so no one accidentally bursts their bubble or tries to do something about a real ongoing problem.
If it’s grounded, pragmatic, and open to good outcomes as possibilities, that’s different.
Anon
But if you find yourself always focusing on how someone’s positivity is bad or define it as toxic, you are going to a negative place.
Anon
…Which is fine, because some things really are negative, and it’s pathological to insist on being positive about everything, which is the whole point?
Anon
I think I’m in sort of a neutrality bubble. Someone else’s forced positivity may annoy me after a while, but I also don’t want to spend a lot of time around relentlessly negative / stressed out / anxiety ridden people. Which currently means I don’t talk about politics with a lot of my friends, even though I am very worried about the election. I just need a little personal peace.
Anon
Being in denial and being happy sound like a vastly superior problem to have than OP’s current problem.
Anon
If it were blissful ignorance, sure, but because it’s denialism, it comes across as anxiety driven. It also doesn’t feel “positive” when it amounts to sunny outlooks like health conditions are never really a problem for those who know how to manage them, or bad things that happen to women couldn’t have ever really happened because men would never, and so on.
Anon
Not in my experience. I have seen “positivity” that was truly toxic – think “c’mon, you can’t give in to the negativity if she’s gonna beat this, you have to keep fighting and stay positive” to the daughter of a woman on hospice who died of cancer the next day. People do stuff like that, perhaps to a less extreme extent, pretty frequently and it absolutely doesn’t reflect an overall healthy mindset.
Anonymous
Oh it sure can be toxic. Things like “you need to be a fighter” with illness, “he’s in a better place” with a death, etc.
Anon
Those things are only toxic if they’re out of line with the recipient’s preferred style of support, and “non-toxic” support can be toxic if it’s out of line with the recipient’s preferred style of support.
There are plenty of religious folks who find “he’s in a better place” extremely comforting.
Anon
I don’t know about resources, but I think deliberately cultivating historical perspective helps me when I take the time to do that (media can be very “now” focused, so if I’m paying any attention to the news I find I need to balance that out). I also feel like toxic positivity is partly a cultural phenomenon, so watching TV shows, reading books, etc. from cultures that respond/responded to hardship differently can be refreshing for me.
Anonymous
i find thanking people sincerely helps me be less negative, if that makes sense. it’s a small expression of gratitude, and i like the idea that i’m spreading good vibes for the day.
Brontosaurus
When I find myself in a negative thought pattern, I consciously ask myself: “What if something good happens?”
My natural thought pattern is always to go for the worst-case scenario, and this helps break me out of it.
ABanon
Yes, and if I have a negative thought, I counteract it with a positive one. especially the petty stuff. If I think “her suit is ugly” I force myself to come up with some compliments “but her smile is beautiful or she’s probably a great knitter.” Eventually you train your brain out of the negative thoughts whether it’s by focusing on the positive or punishing yourself by doing so many stupid tasks of thinking of something that would be nice to say.
Senior Attorney
I think I heard about it on here — Will Bowen’s A Complaint Free World might be a place to start. He challenges people to go 21 days without complaining: https://willbowen.com/about/
anon
Thank you!
Anon
I can be very cynical, especially about other people. I honestly got tired of being so negative, at myself mostly but also about the world. It takes so much energy and I dont feel better!
A couple of positivity stickers and on the waterbottle I keep in the office isnt suddenly going to make me be one of those toxic, always look at the bright side people. But they do make me smile, remind me to put things into perspective, and not absolutely everything is terrible.
One of the best starting places is nix the social media or aggressively curate. I only use a couple social platforms for hobby amd fandom groups on my laptop. No social media apps at all anywhere in my life and I deactivated FB and insta.
Second, cut back on news consumption as much as you can. Turn off notifications, limit news media to once a day. 99 percent of the time I read only the headlines on a few news sites each day and the barebones market recap from my workplace.
Third, and the most important to me. Work on the negative self talk. If I catch myself having negative thoughts at myself, friends, or work I cut myself off and make myself reframe and try again with my kind words.
There is also a bit of media consumption mindfulness that I have to do. Certain things in media (tv shows, writing) do trigger intense negative feelings for me if I’m not in the right headpace. I have to be in the right mindset going in, be able to limit how much of that content I watch or read at one time, and be able to do something afterwards to avoid dwelling or possible spiraling.
Negativity is a greedy hungry monster. Using positivity to try to counteract it feels so performative and silly at first. But it does work.
pink nails
Specific book recommendation: It’s Easier Than You Think: The Buddhist Way to Happiness by Sylvia Boorstein.
Anon
Good Morning, I Love You: Mindfulness + Self-Compassion Practices to Rewire Your Brain for Calm, Clarity + Joy by Shauna Shapiro is really good
Anon
DH is about to become a manager for a team of 12 people. Up until now he has only managed like 1-4 people at a time. This was not exactly expected so he hasn’t had a lot of time to prepare. I’d told him I’d ask on here – anyone have any resources to suggest? Books, articles, podcasts, etc.? He works in finance, so it’s a somewhat intense environment.
anon
HBR has good resources for managers.
Anecdata
12 is a lot of reports, is this meant to be a permanent situation or is he temporarily taking on another manager’s folks?
Roxie
He should go read ask a manager and tools from the management center
He should also do his own leadership and management research and not outsource it to his wife like it’s 1950.
OP
he did not outsource it to me, i offered to help by posting on this board.
Anon
Jeez — this is so assumption and obnoxious. What is wrong with you?
anon
Really!!
Beans
Sometimes people who care for one another do small favors for each other, like typing 4 lines on a blog. It’s also kindof funny to imagine a man in the 1950s asking in a female-centric space for leadership and management resources.
Some of y’all are baffling in your random anger.
practical management advice
12 is a big change and a big team! My first piece of advice: recognize that shift. With 1-4 people, you can easily accommodate weekly 1:1s with everyone. With 6+, it means you’re having 2x/day 1:1s if you meet with everyone every week, which is a lot for a manager.
Depending on the seniority of the team, I recommend doing 1:1s every other week, and office hours every other week. This allows people to pop in with a quick question and have a space where they know you’re not working on other things, but means that you aren’t in 1:1s multiple times each day, every week.
Also, rotate the agenda ownership for the team meeting. This helps everyone feel like they have ownership and they’re in the loop on what their teammates are working on vs. feeling like the manager is the driver of everything.
Pair more senior members of the team with junior members, and make it explicit that you’re doing this. Sometimes junior members don’t want to bother their teammates with questions, so they constantly come to the manager. I actively tell my team to go ask whoever might be relevant, post in the team chat channel with the question, etc. It helps them build relationships across the team and ensures I’m not a bottleneck.
And finally, documentation and comms rituals. Do you want them to send a weekly recap on Friday afternoon? Post a weekly to-do list on Monday morning? Share wins/challenges/coming next in a shared document that goes out at a specific cadence? Maintaining visibility into all the work across a team of 12 is difficult, so we usually do a short weekly wrap-up that’s shared with me, the immediate team, and relevant stakeholders. We also do monthly or quarterly write-ups about progress on goals and/or big projects, so that helps share all the learnings across the team.
anon
Has anyone filed a medical malpractice suit (in the US) and are you glad you did? Was it worth the emotional turmoil, time, and effort?
Anon for this
I work in medical malpractice defense. Filing as a plaintiff is expensive and time-consuming. Talk to a couple of reputable plaintiff attorneys to find out if the damages you can reasonably expect will make it worth it to you. Are there caps on non-economic damages in your state? Do you have demonstrable permanent injuries that will require future care? Is there a lien on any past medical bills you have not yet paid?
Anonymous
+100 – If you have an actual injury, it definitely can be worth it, but it depends on your state laws about how much one can recover. In some states, it’s not worth it. In many, it is. I’d also think about what you want from it – do you want a pound of flesh and it’s the principal? Because that’s fine, but that’s definitely one approach and it can be tumultuous. If you want to recover expenses and costs and you’re willing to consider settlement, it’s not as bad.
Monday morning musing
TW: Disordered Eating/Body Image Issues
40 plus years ago, had anorexia and bulimia and with the help of a great therapist, came out okay. Worked on raising two daughters without all that nonsense in their head and for many years now, have been doing just fine. Busy working, raising kids, and just too busy to worry too much about anything but the next 24 hours. Now, however, find myself on the other side of the mirror. Twice in last ten days, saw candid photos of myself and realized that once again, what i see in the mirror does not match up with what others see. 40 years ago, I saw myself as gross and heavy where others saw slender. Now, I’m astonished to say, when I look in the mirror I see normal-ish for 60 plus person, others see a heavy, wide person. I’m not complaining about my weight so much as I am astonished that once again, my personal perception is so off. I’m just processing out loud right now; no question per se but if you have insight or wisdom to offer, I’d be grateful. Feeling so off about this. Will I ever see myself as others do? Is this even possible?
Anon
I know what you mean! I look in the mirror and think I look average, not great but fine. Then I see pictures of myself and realize I’m a whale and to other people, I’m “the fat one.” I don’t know if I care enough to do something about it, but my perception is so off.
Anonymous
No one is a whale. You don’t need to use hateful language to describe yourself or spread it here.
anon
I have experienced this, the personal perception being so different from the reality. It is weird and jarring. No advice, just commiseration. You’re not the only one who has experienced this! And it’s really hard living in a culture that’s so body obsessed. I think most of us have a certain level of dysmorphia.
Currently going through peri, and body changes are very real to me. As is the weight gain. I am terribly self-conscious, even though people close to me have said they don’t see what I’m talking about. But the photos and my clothes don’t lie, you know?
Overall, I think my body is probably normal for a 44-year-old woman. My doctor doesn’t seem particularly concerned. Unfortunately, I seem to live in a suburb populated by hot moms, and I feel pretty crummy in comparison.
Anonymous
I mean is it though? Has someone else said to you “wow you’re looking wide today”? Or do you actually look totally normal
Veronica Mars
Have other people told you that they think they are a heavy, wide person? If you’re only judging based on photos, google “Instagram versus reality” or posing tutorials. You would be amazed at how some very slender models look large or small depending on how they pose, the time of day, etc. I would swear a 60 lb difference if the person wasn’t walking me through everything they were doing. Plus, consider so much of what you see of people your own weight is likely photoshopped/facetuned. Look at older photos from 1920s, 30s, 50s, etc. People look much more stocky, and that’s OK. It’s because they’re not snatched and snipped and posing like people do now.
anon
Social media is warping our perceptions so much. Even those of us in midlife are not immune! I’ve really had to draw the line for myself in how many beauty influencers I follow.
anon
this. If i am out in public (kids visting day, a concert) i think i look just fine for a working mom who’s almost 50.I look at instagram and want to cry.
Anonymous
I don’t think how a person looks in photos has much relation to how they look in real life.
Anon
Yeah I certainly hope not haha!
Seafinch
I am counting on it!
Anonymous
OP here, and thanks for the thoughts – it truly helps to know I am not alone. appreciate the thoughts on how to make sure that I am not getting bent out of shape from photos, which may not be the actual source of truth (or may be as “off” as what I see in the mirror. Feeling less alone and disapponted in myself after coming here.
Anon
If you see yourself as normal, there’s no reason to shift your thinking to what other people may or may not think of your appearance!
Aging is hard in our society. There is so much pressure to chase and eternally youthful appearance and body shape, it can be hard to actually look like normal 60 something & not feel like you look much older than that in comparison to media images. So good for you for thinking you look normal! Keep that up!
Senior Attorney
THIS!! I’d say you are in a great place and there is no reason whatsoever to adjust your perspective in a negative way!
Olivia Rodrigo
Can anyone here recommend an Alaskan cruise line or other tips for this kind of trip? Family of five (kids will be 15, 12, and 9) looking to go at the end of March/early April 2025. We’ve never cruised b/c my spouse doesn’t want to be in a situation where he cannot see land (anxious) but it’s my understanding that you can mostly see land on a cruise like this. Would love recommendations.
Anon
Just returned from a cruise to Alaska on Royal Caribbean. I would recommend doing a one way cruise rather than a round trip cruise. We had three days where we didn’t leave the ship, which I hated (although the views were beautiful), and you should have more port stops with a one way cruise. Yes, we could see land much of the time, but I didn’t like feeling cooped up on the ship. Also, be prepared for the food to be mediocre and the activities to be super cheesy (not my thing). Highly recommend getting a connecting room for your kids (DH and I shared with our 2 and it was rough).
Anon
On the other hand, a lot of the Alaska ports (except Juneau) are cheesy and just built for tourists. The scenic cruising was the highlight for me. And even on a one way cruise you normally have several sea days for scenic cruising. We went Anchorage — Vancouver and had 3 ports and 3 sea days (2 with scenic cruising) which I think is pretty standard.
Anonymous
Speaking from experience, don’t go on a family trip if your husband has reservations. It will be absolutely miserable.
Anon
I’m pretty sure Alaska cruises don’t begin operating until May. I don’t think you’ll find a cruise that operates in late March or early April. The ice has to melt enough for the ships to get through.
But to answer your question we went on Princess (in July, and it was still quite chilly most days) and very much enjoyed the ship and the scenic cruising at Glacier Bay and Hubbard. Although our non-cruise week in Alaska was far better, so I recommend spending some time on land too if you can.
Anonymous
+1 it’s very unlikely that the icebreakers will have cleared the ship traffic lanes by that time.
Anon
I checked Cruise Critic which aggregates all cruises for sale and there are departures on several cruise lines at the very end of April, with NCL alone offering departures as early as mid-April (April 19). But going that early in the season the weather will be ROUGH. Even in May and early June they tell you to prepare for damp and cold weather. I’d really think about pushing this back to a summer trip. Alaska is a lovely place to go when the rest of the US is uncomfortably hot and humid.
Anon
+1. I enjoyed my Princess cruise to Alaska, but it was in August and still cold then
Anon
+1. I think March or early April is too early. I assume you were thinking of this as a spring break trip, but maybe shoot for summer instead.
Anon
We did an Alaskan cruise ~20 years ago on a small ship. We could see land the entire time. The smaller ships can get closer to glaciers, etc. I don’t remember ever feeling cooped up on the ship (whereas I’ve had that feeling on larger ships frequently). I think part of it is that we were able to be outside all the time and enjoy the view. I remember the food actually being good but don’t remember the company.
Pep
I recommend Princess. They have 50+ years experience in Alaska, and are one of the pioneers of Alaska cruising. They have good infrastructure in the area.
We did one of their land/sea trips in 2019 and it was amazing (7 day cruise, followed by land package via rail to the interior/Denali)
Anonymous
It’s too early they aren’t running
Essential in Texas
We just returned from one on Regent and it was fantastic. But I don’t think they allow children younger than 18. So, you will need a different cruise line, but I will tell you that from Seward to Vancouver, we could see land 80% of the time and when we couldn’t….we were asleep. The inside passage was calm and gorgeous. I would highly recommend it. I will tell you that we were 4 people who were new to cruising. And we loved the days at sea more so than some of the days in port. For those of you who truly want all inclusive and luxury, Regent was the best thing I ever discovered this year. Have fun!
Anon
Regent allows children, and actually has an (excellent) youth program, unlike many luxury cruise lines.
Fwiw, for anyone else wondering, the cruise lines I know of with age limits are Windstar (8), Viking (12), and Virgin (18).
Anonymous
I know the answer is dump him, but I need to just put this BS out into the world because I am so annoyed. I broke my phone last week, but I hadn’t gotten around to fixing it because I want to switch carriers and it was going to be a whole thing. Today I get up at the crack of dawn to get to the carrier right when it opens before work. I completed my errand before my work day, it went smoothly and I felt like a champ. So I texted my boyfriend “Wooh, done at [phone store] and ready to take on the day!” and his response was “Congrats on doing your errands and being better than me”. My soul is dying y’all what petty person can’t at least pretend to be happy I had a good customer service experience?!
Anonymous
Oh no please confirm you’re dumping him tonight
A.n.o.n.
yeah, if this is typical of his communication, you’re better off elsewhere.
Anon
Really? Does this guy have a pattern of being insecure and/or belittling your accomplishments large and small? If he doesn’t, I might take this as an offhand comment that you are being way more productive on a Monday morning than he is.
Anon
That’s how I would read it too
Anon
Yeah. I saw nothing off here. I might have said the same thing, TBH. I would have meant: “I’m still in bed and you’re rocking the morning.”
Anon
That’s how I read it too.
Anon
If OP is so annoyed by this that this is what is making her think she needs to break up with him, it’s very likely just another negative comment in a long pattern of them. Let’s take her at her word that she’s super annoyed and not be all “but won’t someone think of the poor men?”
Anon
Same. Unless there is a lot more to the story, this text alone seems like nbd.
Anon
Amen, Anon @12:52
Anon
Agree, it’s not necessarily belittling at all, but if OP interprets it this way she might be basing it on other things she’s seen and heard from him.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Agree, I think we need more context. In and of itself it just seems like a moderately sarcastic and maybe thoughtless comment. But if this is a typical response, you may want to have a conversation with him about how these types of remarks make you feel (or if that conversation has already been had and nothing has changed it is likely time to end it)
Anonymous
Yea I don’t think this comment is that bad. It’s great to get up super early to take care of an errand and could see someone sarcastically responding that you’re better than them. It sounds like there are some underlying issues here in addition to this comment.
Anecdata
Yeah, tone is weird in text, and this message alone wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me – but a guy who views my accomplishments as a threat, complains about not getting stuff done but doesn’t do anything about it, and is bitter and passive-aggressive about errands absolutely would be a deal breaker!
my guess is that people only post that they’re planning to break up with someone over a text when the text is emblematic of a general pattern
OP
This is par for the course. Anything I do or accomplish reflects poorly on him. If for example I made dinner, a not uncommon reply is “Thanks for feeding me since I’m too useless to cook”. These are all his insecurities he’s projects onto me. He could you know work on his issues, but nah lashing out is easier.
Anonymous
I’ve never been one to encourage a breakup, but this reflects a pattern similar to one I witnessed in my mother’s relationships that is absolutely repulsive to me. It’s not quite the same, but essentially she always saw what her husband did to be “at her.” She was always a martyr to her partner’s general existence. I think you can do better and should.
Anon
It’s not going to get any better. Unless he is willing to acknowledge and work on this, it’s probably time to move on. In my experience, passive aggressive men don’t ever change – that’s the entire point of their behaviour.
Anonymous
oof, run for the hills, girl — do you want to go through life with that attitude?!
anon
Sounds like you’re ready to DTMFA. You have the full support of this internet stranger.
Anonymous
I can’t tell if he is being self-deprecating or passive aggressive, but I feel like even if he means only to be self-deprecating that you are not compatible communicators because you don’t seem to understand that way of talking and read it as “lashing out”. Much like I can’t be with someone who doesn’t get/appreciate sarcasm, and that’s okay.
OP
I promise I get sarcasm just fine and this isn’t it.
Anonymous
I didn’t mean to characterize this as sarcasm, something else, but I trust your judgment and you should not stick around for this.
Anon
People who say things like “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t get/appreciate sarcasm” are usually jerks. Sarcasm should be used sparingly.
Anonymous
He sounds exhausting. I’m going to guess that he does not have a great sense of humor, emotional intelligence is low, he’s not good with communication, what else did I miss?
I would not continue to date that! It’s not going to get better!
Anon
BOY BYE
Seriously, let him go bring someone else down. You don’t need this in your life.
Anon
You got it right the first time, dump this one.
Senior Attorney
OMG what a loser! DTMFA!
Anon
I was married to someone like this for 13 years. You have my encouragement to leave!
Anon
Yeah I don’t know where the jump to dumping him came from?
Anon
Maybe you can look at OP’s subsequent comments, which actually came before you posted this.
Anon
OP’s subsequent comments make it clear he’s an a-hole, but the commenters jumped to dumping him before the follow up comments.
Anon
Isn’t it amazing how much we extrapolate from a text.
If only people would talk more to each other.
Texts suck.
Anon
Jfc, the number of people here defending the bf. It’s shocking the number of people here who will bend over backwards to defend a man and blame a woman for his behavior.
Anon
My own speculation, and I say this as a married woman, is that there are a lot of women married to men who would do things like this, so defending the imaginary internet boyfriend is a form of defending their own marriages.
OP
I think I accidentally triggered some people. I promise this is about my own relationship and I’m not judging you! If this is your communication style you do you.
Anon
Haha I’m @1:43 and my vote is dump him. Life is short. Go live yours.
Anon
I am concerned you may be violating some laws, because there is no way that that man is over the age of 15.
Anon
Ha! I also was thinking he sounds like a pre-teen boy.
Anon
top comment here
Anonymous
A partner should add joy to your life, not cause you to feel your “soul dying”. I’m sorry you felt this. Hooray for getting out of the phone store before work. Those wait times have gotten crazy!
OP
Right? I was in and out in 27 minutes I was so happy with how well it all went!
Anon
Is this typical? If yes, dump him.
Anonymous
Are there alternatives to Golden Goose sneakers that look good with dresses? I have P448s and Vejas that look fine with jeans, but they make my feet look like giant flat boats when I wear them with dresses. With dresses I like the slightly trimmer profile and hidden wedge of the GG Superstar, but I can’t stomach the thought of paying that much for sneakers, I don’t like the connotations of conspicuous consumption, and I feel like the brand is no longer really in style. I have narrow feet and high arches, so Adidas are a no-go.
anon
if you specifically like the look of GG, i have a pair of dolce vita that are very similar. if you mean just cute sneakers i would go with a white leather sneaker of almost any brand that fits you.
Anon
I have some white sneakers from Ted Baker that I love.
Anonymous
I just saw a good article on stylish sneakers with low profiles and I can’t remember the source, although I know it was instagram. It may have been Conde Nast travel – if you search on their site for sneakers you will find some recent articles. the other likely sites I follow are wirecutter, the strategist, and vogue – am pretty sure it was one of those- if you are up to doing some sleuthing.
Anonymous
DH and I were talking about this over the weekend so I’m curious – have you all made any efforts to reduce plastic use, given all the recent research about microplastics in the body? Meaning have you decreased use of plastic glasses or dishware, Tupperware, disposable coffee cups or water bottles when you can avoid it? Or do you view it as one of those things that is just so commonplace that there’s nothing you can really do?
Anon
In between, I guess. I haven’t made a huge effort to cut back, but I also don’t use a lot of single use plastic to begin with. I can’t remember the last time I used plastic dishware that didn’t involve a picnic and I don’t really use disposable water bottles because I have lots of metal ones. I do get coffee in disposable cups 1-2 times per week on average.
Anonymous
Yes. There isn’t “nothing” an individual can do even though we can’t solve this problem. I used powdered laundry detergent and washing machine soap since it comes in cardboard, I use bar soap instead of liquid body wash, glass containers instead of Tupperware, and really try and remember to bring a water bottle. I also use plastic shampoo bottles, liquid hand soap, and plastic baggies. You don’t have to be perfect to try doing the things that feel manageable for you.
Hypatia
The only major change I made was switching from a plastic cutting board to a wood one
Anon
I still use a plastic cutting board for raw meat, which is like less than 5% of my cutting board usage. The perfect is the enemy of the good here.
Cb
I do, but from an environmental perspective rather than microplastics as I assume they just float through the air at this point. We’ve used glass tupperware and storage containers for years, try to buy in metal and glass whenever possible, plastic-free teabags, bring refillable flasks for tea and coffee. Cloth diapers, plastic free cleaning products. Despite all this, so much is packaged in soft plastic, it’s really dispiriting. Despite our best efforts, we easily fill a bag of soft plastics for recycling (which I think might be a scam anyways).
Seafinch
The diapers were a big one for me, too. Loofah over puffs etc.
Anon
I wasn’t doing it for microplastics, but for BPA and endocrine-disrupting chemicals. We have used glass Tupperware for a long time, we never heat anything in plastic (no sous vide or crockpot liners), we use a Chemex coffee pot, reusable water bottles, etc. We’re not doctrinaire (we’ll absolutely buy a plastic water bottle if we need one and don’t have any of our own), but overall, we definitely attempt to reduce plastic and with the rising information about the danger of microplastics, we won’t change that anytime soon. We’re expecting a baby and getting supplies made of glass, silicone, and stainless steel.
Also, I work in health policy with a background in public health and I absolutely push back on the idea that there’s nothing individual consumers can do. The only reason glass products are so widely available now is because of consumer demand!
Anon
Yes, same concern here about endocrine disrupters. I switched to all glass food containers and got rid of non-stick pans as I was TTC / had a new baby (also used glass bottles for the baby). I try to make changes that seem reasonable and feasible and don’t worry about the rest, my take is that any reduction in exposure helps!
Anon
My very superficial understanding is that not all products are alike. Microfiber and artificial fibers in the washing machine release much more microplastic than your tupperware. Plastic in a landfill does not get ground down into microscopic pieces like plastic trash in the ocean does. Despite this, I don’t think about microplastics so much because it feels inevitable.
I think more about all that stuff ending up in the landfill, and keep learning about industry misinformation pretending that things are recyclable that aren’t. So I am looking more for glass containers, buying in bulk, and products from recycled materials.
Anon
It’s just not something I worry about at all. I put it in the category of a lot of things that can be very anxiety producing if you let it and probably won’t change your personal health outcomes no matter how much you do or don’t do.
anon
same
Anon
Does grabbing the glass containers at Target over the plastic ones cause you anxiety? It doesn’t for me.
Anon
Literally none of this causes me anxiety.
Anon
That’s not the only measure a person can take to avoid microplastics. I agree that problems like this can provoke anxiety for me if I go down the whole rabbit hole.
Anonymous
I care….too much. I live a hippy dippy zero waste, car free, vegan life. My day job is as an environmentalist so I find it pretty important to live in a way that doesn’t cause cognitive dissonance.
Anon
I’m so interested in this! I do a middle-amount (vegetarian, not vegan, don’t order from Amazon, primarily eat home grown or farmers market produce, etc).
I would love to hear more about some of the out of the box ways that you live this lifestyle.
Anonymous
I purchase pretty much everything second hand: furniture, clothes, even renovation supplies (if you want to be horrified look at all the waste the construction industry causes). I don’t think I do anything special really. I do have a repair person for most things, it breaks some people’s brain when they find out my washer is from the 80s!
Anon
Our washer from 2002 just bit the dust. My husband repaired it twice until the parts that kept breaking were just not available anywhere. We got a Speed Queen to replace m so hopefully we get another 20 years out of that one. still using the 2002 dryer that matched our original washer. (Both were early Maytag Neptune – spectacular)
anon
I limit use of plastics from an environmental and health perspective (and sometimes those goals are in conflict, like do I buy milk in glass that requires more fuel to transport). However, it doesn’t take a lot of brain space and I’m not strict. I think one can do a lot of good for oneself and the planet by making a few easy choices based on one’s lifestyle and not worrying about optimizing everything.
Anon
I agree with this. there’s sometimes this perception that caring about reducing plastic means you live in a constant state of anxiety but this really doesn’t take up much brain space. You just buy slightly different products and once they’re in your home, you use them. Done. It actually takes less brain space to buy less stuff overall, too.
Anon
I like this comment. I am not a person who is paralyzed by my environmental choices. I don’t buy single use plastic if I can avoid it. It’s not that hard. I don’t even have to think much about it. My Pyrex storage containers have lasted me for ages so it’s not a choice I have to make very often.
Anon
I actively try to reduce plastic use, but some of it is unavoidable without significant effort. I try to tackle the low hanging fruit – that is, my everyday stuff at home and work. So, we only use glass food storage containers for leftovers, eat on porcelain / ceramic dishes and use glass cups at home, kids’ lunches are packed in stainless steel lunchboxes, purposefully don’t take plastic single use water bottles available in our shared work fridge and instead refill a stainless steel water bottle at all times, avoid buying bottled water (we have a filter at home and drink from that tap), don’t use disposable utensils (I have a set of stainless steel utensils that I keep at work for my lunch), make my own coffee and drink from a glass mug or stainless steel insulated coffee mug. To me, these have been very easy to implement. I am particularly concerned about plastic leeching, so never warm things up in the microwave if it is in a plastic container, for example. When we host guests, we use our normal glass cups and ceramic dishes and put everything in the dishwasher, no single use plastic/paper.
That being said, I haven’t been able to eliminate plastic for much of our purchases. For example, packages of fresh/frozen food often come in plastic packages at the grocery store, fruit often come in plastic clamshells, cleaning supplies are in plastic containers, etc. In the summer we buy most of our fresh fruit and veggies at the farmers market without plastic packaging, but it’s really hard to avoid in the winter. I’ve thought about trying to buy laundry detergent etc in bulk with my own containers at a specialty store, but it is so far out of the way I haven’t taken that step.
Anon.
I do the same things as you.
We also reuse the grocery store plastic bags as trash bags for all small trash containers in the house (think bedrooms, bathrooms, under desks etc.).
Anon
Reusable grocery bags are your next step!
Anon
No. I’ve been battling this for the past few years, so doing what I can: buying milk and sauces and peanut butter in glass jars and not plastic, getting my meat wrapped in paper if possible (so going to the butcher) not using detergent pods or detergent in plastic bottles (there’s one at Whole Foods in a compostable container). I don’t drink bottled water unless it’s in a glass bottle and opt for spring when I do. I still drink tap water—I don’t know how to balance the hydration/microplastic pieces of the puzzle. I use plastic containers, but nice ones that cost the earth from food52. I also use glass containers when possible. I don’t eat or drink from plastic otherwise unless I’m being hosted—then I just use manners and eat/drink what’s given to me.
It’s doable and hasn’t impacted my ability to live my life.
Anon
I switched floss because a study showed that making that switch did make a difference for the study participants.
I drink filtered water for a lot of reasons.
I support regulation.
Anonymous
what floss do you use now?
Anon
Not the original commenter but there’s a silk floss I buy. Available at wegmans, Whole Foods and Amazon.
Anonymous
I use the silk floss from Whole foods as well, but I’m only partially happy with it, it breaks easily in my narrow gaps – it doesn’t get stuck, though.
Anon
I just switched to the wax string type instead of the plastic ribbon “glide” style!
This was the study: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41370-018-0109-y
I already avoided non-stick appliances and stain guard products for more general air quality reasons (since I have asthma).
Anons
Yes, within reason. Switching to pour over coffee instead of the Keurig, using aluminum water bottles when possible, slowly buying glass tupperware and never microwaving in plastic containers, and I’ll pay a little extra for groceries that come in glass instead of plastic bottles (vinegars, sauces, etc). But I’m not switching to bar shampoo that makes my hair look worse, using powder detergent that doesn’t get the stink out of my laundry, or preparing a sack lunch every day to avoid takeout near the office. In terms of environmental impact I know people who panic about plastic straws but take plane trips ten times a year, so I don’t agonize over my detergent bottle.
Anonymous
i have both to reduce it in my body, my kids’ bodies, and our waste. for personal consumption we use glass snapware and silverware wherever possible and i almost exclusively drink out of glass, stainless steel, and ceramic mugs. i can’t remember the last time i used a water bottle for myself. probably not relevant to microplastics but i also don’t lick any part of the container — e.g., the foil top of the yogurt goes in the garbage unlicked.
i also try to buy in bulk containers wherever possible mostly for packaging/shipping/waste reasons.
Nesprin
Yes, I vote democrat- there’s no way for me as a consumer to handle something that needs regulations.
Anon
Good point.
Seafinch
I have always loathed plastics and was on this bandwagon years ago. I wouldn’t use plastic water bottles in university 25 years ago when a Nalgene was a mandatory accessory so definitely yes. We have never owned plastic dishes or containers (I have a few mixing bowls but wouldn’t replace them), I also won’t use a plastic kettle (Canadians are like Brits and love their electric kettles). I didn’t use plastic dishes with the kids either.
Anonymous
I just do the stuff that’s low hanging fruit. Don’t own a microwave so no worries about plastic containers in the microwave. All leftovers get heated in some sort of glass dish in the oven or on the stove. I’m down to just one Teflon pan – so pretty close to breaking the non stick habit. I own no glass cups or plates and rarely drink from plastic Poland Spring bottles, though if I’m out or on a road trip and I need water, I will. I don’t use plastic utensils or paper plates in my own home. I assume paper plates are paper but IDK some of the sturdier ones do appear to have some kind of shiny coating.
But I haven’t gone so far as to try to look for food in glass containers or not use body wash or bottled shampoo. The one idea this tread gave me is to use a box of dishwashing powder detergent rather than the pods. I grew up with my parents always having boxes of Cascade and for some reason I thought they weren’t sold anymore – but Target has them, so I’ll be switching away from pods once my dozen or so remaining pods are gone.
Anon
I have been using Pyrex storage containers instead of plastic for close to 20 years. But the lids are some sort of plastic! I do have to replace the lids from time to time, but at least they’re not single use. We all do what we can. I don’t buy water in plastic bottles, and to the extent we buy any form of drinks, they tend to be in cans or glass. I don’t get much takeout food because I know those plastic containers don’t really get recycled.
But I didn’t do all of this because of microplastics. I did it because of environmental concerns. You may feel great about putting your plastics and even glass and cans in the recycling bin, but it’s eye opening to just do a little causal research into how much of that actually gets recycled. Not much! I just try to reduce my use of single-use plastics as much as possible, and have been doing so for a very long time.
Anon
I don’t even try with aspirational recycling. I recycle paper and tins. But I live in a place that incinerates trash, so don’t worry about it too much.
Anonymous
I don’t use plastic cups, bowls or plates in my everyday life – I don’t have any. I do have one plastic, sentimental camping mug, which I use maybe twice a year.
I have some plastic tupperware and lunch boxes still, but I have only bought glass or steel for the last 5-6 years, as I replace or add items.
Single use plastic is phased out in the EU (SUP Directive), so that’s not really available where I live.
Anon
I have plastic dishes for outdoor dining. I realized I needed to buy a set when a corelle plate shattered outside & boy do those things shatter. But they’re not single use plastic. Mine are about 10 years old at this point.
My son drinks every sip of water in his life from a plastic give-away cup he got at a baseball game (if you bought like a $15 soda, the cup was “free.”) But he’s had the cup since before the pandemic, so.
Throwing out all your existing plastic and buying new ceramic or glass dishes probably causes more environmental problems than it solves.
Anon
We don’t use plastic glasses or dish ware.we rarely buy plastic water bottles, we prefer to carry our own. It’s not perfect but we try.
Anon
Any advice for emptying out my parents very overflowing garage?
I think that for the chemicals, in NJ, I need to use the hazardous part of the county landfill (or follow their instructions). There are a LOT. There are also a LOT of yard implements and chainsaws and other saws, bins, shelving. It’s not trash and not things a thrift shop would take. Just get a dumpster??? Even trash is hard.
Anon
1800 junk or a local similar service is your friend here. They also exist for toxic stuff, but you’ll probably need to go local for that. The 800 junk people usually have recommendations for that. Just have them come and clear out. Worth every cent.
Anon
I posted about this the other day, but don’t call 1-800-GOTJUNK unless you like lighting money on fire. Local operations will be literally a quarter to a third of the price for the exact same job.
Anon
Speaking as someone who got ripped off by a local service, I’m now willing to pay a premium to use a licensed, bonded service.
Anon
I just looked for a place with 5-star reviews on Yelp and was very pleased to pay $350 instead of $1,200. We had no issues.
Anon
Well, ymmv but I’ve used them a lot and had nothing but amazing service.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, it’s my understanding they are a franchise or similar so the people who actually come to your house are, as a practical matter, a local service.
Anecdata
If you’re going to be there for a few days, Facebook marketplace or a neighborhood buy nothing group or even just a sign that says Free will go a long way. I tend to just mark stuff Free, first-come, first-served, and it gets snagged.
Olivia Rodrigo
Yep, Buy Nothing groups on FB marketplace will dispose of stuff like this FAST!
Anon
I don’t know about NJ, but in my city you can make an appointment for all the hazardous stuff to be picked up at the house.
Anon
Put anything metal or mostly metal out by the curb. It’ll be picked up by scrappers within hours whether it works or not.
Anon
When my mother moved out of her house in NJ, she sold to a builder who allowed her to leave everything she wasn’t taking in the house. The garage was full of this kind of stuff. On the off chance you’re doing this for a house sale, ask the real estate agent if this is a possibility.
Anonymous
In our area, the thrift store hooked us up with a group of workers who could use my dad’s tools.
Senior Attorney
Wow, that’s great!
Anon
Everyone’s given you logistics advice, but in my experience with hoarder-lite in laws, the real thing you need to clear out of the house (for the day) is the humans who own it. Get 100% buy in on the plan, and drop them off at the movies or golf course or wherever.
Computer
I need to purchase a computer for personal use. I’ve used my work computer for 15 years for this and it’s time to separate church and state. I know I do not want an Apple. I think I can get by with google sheets, docs, etc. I mostly do a lot of surfing, no streaming, and family finances on my computer – so basically all web-based stuff.
Is this what a chromebook exists for? Any recommendations?
Anon
I don’t get why you wouldn’t want an Apple. They’re absolutely trouble free and last for ages. My personal computer is an Apple and I get 7-10 years out of them without having to replace them.
Anon
Yeah I LOVE having a MacBook, but if you don’t want one and don’t need desktop Microsoft Office applications then yes, get a Chromebook
Anon
Not OP but I like a backspace key.
Anon88
There’s a backspace key on macs. It’s labeled delete but it’s a regular backspace
Anon
I’ve been happy with my Asus – 8 years old now and cost me about $450 on sale at the time.
anon
I got a Lenovo Yoga several years ago. It works well for all the basic stuff you mentioned and it has a touch screen which is nice. I got it from Best Buy. I would suggest looking on their site and seeing what is a good option in your price range. I would say Dell and HP are good options too.
txatty
I had a Macbook Pro for forever and when it gave up the ghost I couldn’t face the cost of buying another one. I bought a cheapie chromebook for surfing and streaming and it has been great for those things. I couldn’t apply to one specific job on the chromebook and I had to use my mom’s dell, because I couldn’t access the website. It’s the only issue I have ever had like that. It is 6 years old now and still running great.
Anonymous
i didn’t like having a chromebook because i couldn’t sort through folders of pictures for the family calendar or whatever. i got a laptop at Costco for about $600 that i’ve been really happy with, i just went off the wirecutter recommendations for RAM and Intel and blah blah.
Anon
+1 for Costco. The return policy for electronics is only 90 days compared to 2 years for other things, but I’ve returned 2 laptops having issues within the 90 day period for full refunds.
Anon
+2 for Costco.
Great sales.
Extra cash back with their credit card.
I’m very happy with my Lenovo with touch screen.
anon
+3 for Costco, I got a Lenovo a few years back and it has worked great.
Seafinch
Follow-up to this question: I may need to buy a new laptop for a 14 year old. Chromebooks isn’t an option. She is very hard on things and not super responsible and I will not spend the full price on a Mac but I am open to buying a refurbished one from Best Buy. Is this a terrible idea? I have never bought anything refurbished. It’s either that or a cheaper laptop.
Anon
I have never had a positive experience w refurbished. Curious if other people have? Mostly my experience is w digital cameras back in the day.
Anon
Yes, I’ve had refurbished when I was a grad student etc.. with little cash. Great idea for kid. My brother is a tech wiz in Silicon Valley and for decades only bought refurbished for himself.
Anecdata
I mostly buy all my electronics certified refurbished with no problems but I think of MacBooks as pretty fragile (especially if you compare to other SSDs). Apple uses high quality parts but they are optimizing for thinness, not durability
There is a reason schools so often have thinkpads – they’re beefy.
anonanonanon
I’m typing this comment on a 15″ Macbook Air M2 (2022) that I bought directly from Apple’s refurbished section (go to Apple, under “Apple Store” click on “certified refurbished” in teeny tiny print at the bottom). Refurbs direct from Apple are usually like new they just come in a plain box, and come with the standard warranty and are even eligible for Apple Care.
Otherwise, does Walmart still have to the M1 Macbooks for sale for like $650?
anonanonanon
More on refurbished from Apple: https://www.macrumors.com/guide/apple-refurbished/
Seafinch
Thank you all. This is incredibly helpful for me. I really appreciate you chiming in.
anon
i’m working my way through a big google search but figured you all might just have a suggestion: Looking for resort (all inclusive or not) with direct flights from NYc and not to far from airport, where it’s swimming weather at xmas, that has tennis courts and some lessons/ round robins etc built in AND have villas (i’ve posted before about difficulty of hotel rooms with blended family). Not looking for top of the line supreme, willing to pay less but know anything is expensive that holiday week.
Anon
I assume the villas are multi thousands of dollars per night because the basic hotel rooms are around $1,500 a night (probably more that time of year) but Beaches Turks and Caicos checks every single one of those boxes and my kids loooove it.
anon
op here. i had looked but they only have pickle ball, not tennis.
Anon
Where do you see that? Their website currently lists tennis as an included activity and there was definitely tennis (both courts + lessons) when we were there in March of this year. I would call them to confirm before writing it off, if the villas are in your budget.
Anonymous
They have both pickleball and tennis. Our family has been several times.
joan wilder
I stayed at Casa Colonial at Puerta Plata in the DR and.I think they have suites which might work for you but I do not think they had tennis courts? It is in a large complex with several other all inclusives so one of them might have what you need. It was not my favorite place I’ve ever been but it was a direct flight from NYC and made a very easy vacation in terms of getting there and back.
Anon
Round Hill in Jamaica.
Anonymous
Four Seasons Nevis has tennis and three bedroom villas on site.
Anon
Nevis doesn’t have direct flights to NYC though, or even to the US mainland in general. You have to go via a Caribbean airline from a different island. It’s one of the harder Caribbean islands to reach.
Anon
If you’ve traveled to Reykjavik, please give me all your info and thoughts! Best time to go, where to stay, what to do, what to eat, etc. 3-4 days without kids. Thank you!
Anon
The city of Reykjavik is cute but tiny and can be seen in a day at most, so get out of the city as much as you can. The Golden Circle and Blue Lagoon are super popular day trips. My favorite day trip was to the Snaefellsnes Peninsula, although it makes for a long day. My favorite thing in Iceland is Jokulsarlon, but I don’t think that’s really doable in a day trip from Reykjavik. If there’s any way you can overnight there, it’s very worth it though. In Reykjavik itself, my favorite thing we did was puffin watching but that’s seasonal and only available in summer.
Olivia Rodrigo
Husband and I did 4-5 days in Iceland two years ago and Reykjavik was our least favorite location. If you drop a burner email I’d be glad to send you our itinerary. This was far and away one of our best trips ever!
Senior Attorney
We stayed at the Canopy by HIlton and it was very nice (don’t be put off by the HIlton name — it was nicely quirky) and in a great location right on the bus route. We went in the summer (over the 4th of July, in fact) and loved the fact that it was light all the time and the weather was basically like a So Cal winter althought the locals were all in shirtsleeves while I was all bundled up. We did a walking tour of the city with a private guide, which was great, a food tour that was less great but still fun (make sure to check out the famous hot dog stand), and day trips to the Golden Circle and South Coast. We also did a whale watching expedition but didn’t see any whales but a lot of puffins. It was fun but I might skip it the next time. We skipped the Blue Lagoon but I would definitely go there next time. All of these things are easily findable on Viator or Tours By Locals. There are a lot of really great restaurants — one I remember we loved was Apotek. They often get booked up so make reservations in advance — the hotel concierge can help. Cafe Loki is a fun spot next to the big church (which is a beautiful must-see) but be warned: DON’T EAT THE FERMENTED SHARK! I’m an adventurous eater and it was all I could do not to spit it out. Now I tell people “I ate it so you don’t have to.”
If you do go in summer, pack layers. I took silk long underwear, leggings, jeans, tees, sweaters, long sleeved shirts, puffer vests and coats, and I just put layers on and off as needed and I was toasty warm the whole time.
Iceland is the best — you will love it!
Anon
The long days are great for sight-seeing but can make sleep a real struggle. I recommend packing melatonin even if you don’t normally need it. We were also there over the 4th of July and I’ve told my husband if we ever go back it has to be in shoulder season when the sun actually sets, because I basically didn’t sleep for a week and it was pretty horrible.
Senior Attorney
A sleep mask is helpful, too.
anon
don’t couples with kids want to have some privacy in the evening without putting their kids in a separate hotel room !?!?!? aggravated by options….
Anon
That is why Airbnb is popular.
Anonymous
+1 – While I recognize the problems with AirBNB and VRBO, I pretty much only stay in those places with my kids if I can help it. It’s just too hard in a hotel room with kids and expensive to have 2. One small condo or house with two bedrooms and a kitchen is just so much easier.
Anonymous
I genuinely wish I had this outlook, I think life would be a lot easier if I was able to just do what I wanted without external considerations.
Anon
Congrats on being perfect?
anon
is this a real response? are you a person who says you hold others to too high a standard when asked for a weakness at job interviews?
Anonymous
Look lady, I’m not going to do something illegal, but so long as AirBNB exists, I’m going to take advantage of it because it’s what works for my family. Sorry I’m not perfect. Sometimes one has to take care of their own nut.
Anon
I think your life would be a lot easier if you weren’t so in your own head, too!
Anonymous
No one does things without external conflicts. They make a choice for themselves. What is this comment??
anon
OP here. We do too at this point but i’m currently looking for a resort type vacation for winter break… i don’t want us to be alone in a house in mexico. want us to be at a resort with other kids and tennis courts….
Anonymous
Then book a suite? I promise that resorts have options
Anon
Almost all resorts I’ve stayed at have suites. It’s just a lot more money.
Anon
Yep. It may help to use local rental agencies if you don’t like AirBnB or VRBO. The place we vacation most often has several local rental agencies, because it is a vacation destination littered with vacation rentals and has been so for literally a century.
Anonymous
Sure. And that’s why air BnB and suites exist. Since I don’t like air BnB ethically and we aren’t made of money, we share a room with the kids.
Anonymous
Thank you, you’re a good person
Anokha
YMMV depending on location, but when we get hotel rooms, we try to get one bedroom suites where there’s a sofa bed in the living room (and we stick the kids on that). They’re often $$ and the equivalent of two hotel rooms — but they let us have some privacy at night.
Anonymous
i will always remember friends who had a baby around the same time as we did telling us how they took the baby to bermuda for a getaway. but do you jsut let her stay up? how do you deal with the early bedtime and stuff? and the answer was “we put her down at her normal time and then just sit in the room quietly.”
Anon
In 1995 I put my 18 month old daughter in a hotel closet (I think the Doral in Miami Beach, now a different property, not the Trump Doral). It was a large closet and a full size pack n play fit with room to spare. I think we left the doors open but they were louvered/ventilated had we wanted to close them.
Anon
Until our daughter outgrew the pack n play we always put her to sleep in the hotel bathroom. She needed a quiet, dark place to sleep, and then we had the room to ourselves (although we had to go use public restrooms if we needed them – fortunately we have big bladders so it wasn’t a frequent occurrence). Worked great, honestly. The Slumberpod wasn’t really a thing when she was little; I would definitely get one if I had another baby.
Anon
Do you have 3 or more kids? Once your family is that big I think you need two hotel rooms or an Airbnb. Most families of 4 I know are fine in a basic suite, which pretty much all resorts have. Kids have sofa bed or air mattress in the living room and parents have the bedroom.
anon
the issue is that i have kids and step kids and they are a pretty wide range and while a 22 year old woman might share a bedroom with her own little brother she is not sharing with one to whom she is not blood related. So we are looking at 3 rooms AND I don’t think my 14 yo would want to be alone in a hotel room money aside, i think he would feel isolated and alone.
Anon
Get a rental house. That’s what they’re for.
Walnut
Yes, absolutely. We’re a family of 5, so between my desire to have some amount of separation and occupancy laws, we generally end up in suites/aparthotels/agriturismos, etc. Similarly, I avoid using VRBO and AirBnB. The result is I spend $$$ on accommodations and often travel during shoulder season when I want to save a dollar sign.
The other rabbit hole to fall down is the world of renting someone’s timeshare reservation/points/etc. We’ve frequently done this at Disney for 1 bedroom suites (Grand Floridian, Riviera, Aulani, etc). Often times the vacation club side of the house have villas that work for your use case, btu the cash price is outrageous or the resort is fully booked out. It’s super common for people who own the timeshare to make a reservation on their points and then turn around and rent it out – particularly during peak season. Use a reputable broker and read the terms and conditions carefully.
My last recommendation is to shift to vacation planning a year in advance when you’re more likely to snag one of the few available suites in hotels before they sell out.
Anon
I tend to look for places with timeshares for this reason.
Not all locations have them but redweek dot com is where you can find them.
They’re always on resort and the suites are more affordable than suites at most other resorts.
I prefer this to a privately owned house off resort in places like Hawaii.
It, of course, can limit options but that is a trade off I will make.
Anon
I think it’s so funny that hotels, which have a long history of labor and ethical issues, have had such a successful PR campaign against AirBNB that people on here act like this is a human rights issue.
Anon
+1
Anon
Omg same.
Pep
I’ve seen Kamala Harris wearing the “pussy bow” blouse with her suits, but she isn’t tying them into a bow. It almost looks like almost like a soft necktie, just one knot at the top?
anon
there is no question here.
Anonymous
Ok?
anon
Pep ends the post with a “?” what is the question to be answered?
Anon
Assuming good intentions and not being snarky (settle down, everyone) I believe OP is asking for alternative ways to tie the neck of a p-ssy bow blouse. I don’t actually know but assume some of you can offer suggestions.
Anonymous
I have also noticed this?! I 💬 nk it looks great and also wear bow blouses this way); Does anyone else where they’re bows this way!.:
Anon
I’m going to spend two weeks in Europe next June flying into and out of Geneva. I’ll be using 4-5 days to visit a friend in Toulouse, France while my husband has a conference in Switzerland, but I’m trying to figure out how to structure the remaining 10 or so days. We have a preference for exploring Switzerland, since we’ve spent a lot more time in Italy and France. Where would you go? I’d love recommendations for specific hotels if anyone has them. My husband also hates moving around a lot, so I’m trying to avoid a trip where we stay in a different hotel every couple of days, but there are a lot of places I want to visit so it’s hard to narrow it down.
Anon.
Explore the Lake Geneva area, it’s beautiful.
Lausanne, Vevey, Montreux, and all the small towns between them are very beautiful, and easily reachable by train. Look into the wine tasting weekends in the different villages around Lake Geneva, too. The Lavaux is my preference.
Seafinch
I lived in this area and agree it is beautiful. I think Lucerne is especially gorgeous.
Anon
Lucerne and Lugano are both spectacular. It has been years since I was there, so I do not have current recommendations.
trails
Do you like hiking? Switzerland has such a range of trails and they are well signposted.
Anonymous
low stakes question: if you buy the big blue Dawn container from Costco (or similar), what do you decant it into? we’ve been using a plastic method bottle and i feel like there’s got to be something less messy and prettier for the kitchen.
Anonymous
I bought a pretty glass pump off amazon. Set of two was about $10.
I use the other one for hand soap.
Anonymous
Prepworks soap dispenser. I can’t remember why I chose this over the OXO Good Grips, but it’s been over 4 years and still works well! It’s never clogged before and barely drips. The long spout is also helpful to pump soap directly into pots or pans.
Anon
I have an Oxo pump dispenser and it works great.
Anonymous
I went to bath goods section of TJ Maxx and bought a pretty pump bottle full of doubtful soap, dumped out the soap, and filled it with dishsoap.
Anonymous
A hand soap pump.
Anon
I use an opaque sports-type reusable bottle. I find the pumps tend to break.
Anon
The built in soap dispenser at my sink. But I overflow it every damn time. (Can’t see the reservoir from up top where you fill it)
Moose
I use a soap pump like this for dish soap:
https://www.target.com/p/oil-can-soap-pump-clear-threshold-8482/-/A-14991838?sid=&ref=tgt_adv_xsp&AFID=google&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000086347357&CPNG=PLA_Bath%2BShopping_Traffic%7CBath_Ecomm_Home&adgroup=SC_Bath+Coordinates&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=c&location=9026934&targetid=pla-1700797768794&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwz7C2BhDkARIsAA_SZKasosuYcWh4TEnl38ADBaaga_pTKUCS67D5jC__39rYjHYCpnn2nWAaAotBEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Senior Attorney
I decant it into an empty hand soap bottle. Because I’m fancy like that. ;)
Anonymous
Ours is not prettier, but we use the Dawn bottle that is intended to store cap-side down (like a ketchup bottle) so it doesn’t make a mess everywhere. We refill with the Costco-brand dish soap.
Natasha McShane
We use Ikea’s glass olive oil dispenser.
Anonymous
I need to attend an event at an LDS church in southern Utah in mid-September, and I have no idea what to wear! My understanding is that it will be about 90 degrees. I am aware that I will need at least cap sleeves and to cover my knees. I tried to shop my closet and discovered that I have a penchant for deep V-necks and tanks, which won’t fly in this situation. Also…shoes! I’m the queen of Birkenstocks with everything and wear sneakers to work. Minimal budget, size 10/12, almost six feet tall. I’ll probably hit my local TJ Maxx later, but would love outfit inspirations, so I can try to pull something together
Kate
A twin set with a midi skirt and some closed-toe shoes are probably the way to go here.
anon
this is what disposable amazon clothes are for. they have a million midlength dresses with sleeves. also if event is indoor maybe you could just make do with a cardigan over something you own.
https://www.amazon.com/ZESICA-Flutter-Smocked-Elastic-ArmyGreen/dp/B09TSZKYPK/ref=sr_1_23?crid=2JPZYLHXAOUY7&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.GHxJ8MQOfKAXsljrqB4WN8BJMf6pFbPQCJH7sKFPbrKzIg-q37UEmD_c_udFQ593YAarrQxN9BxGGy-3iUAGHH39HyGktgFcCnLv8OoXlXg26OqHW62tMJDFNYfC_mgyokKdlprwbCM_hPeCZOGT9e-Tsl-DVQ58ZvtIuRaNexqyz5-HGSh43wLO45l_yueZWm6sgWv8xH2vP5fJMwyI3rG4e_kJrhk-_0ge5ZvaJf-Qo3glrEaq8nUCWwsnFAPudCApsLJHXakztp_ygKGX8Q80zB4ghg08o3jpCDFiaPE.vhlX3JRtitqYmsUs0h0rAKmej3UMZdlAj1BE74Re5kk&dib_tag=se&keywords=summer+dress+with+sleeves+for+women&qid=1724690281&sprefix=summer+dress+with+sl%2Caps%2C79&sr=8-23
Anonymous
I’m the ex-Mormon below and this dress would work well.
Anonymous
Ex-Mormon, ex-Utahn here. Are you going to church on Sunday or an event during the week-day. For church on Sunday, any kind of casual day-dress will be fine. Sleeves probably preferred, but as a visitor you’ll get more leeway. For shoes, you’ll probably see everything, from sky-high stilettos to crappy gym shoes. Birks will be fine. If it’s a weekday event, all of the above applies, except you’ll see more pants.
pink nails
+1 all this. I’m also an ex-mormon. I’ll just add that the churches are generally newer buildings with very health AC units, so definitely bring a cardigan. My mormon mother frequently had socks that she put on during services. She probably still does, I just don’t go to church to know.
Anonymous
Thank you all so much! Follow up question: is a dress that hits below the knee but has side slits that go slightly above the knee ok? I’ve found another option if it’s not. It’s an event at church on Sunday and I’ll be meeting my partner’s family for the first time. He is not a member of the church and says just wear whatever, but in this situation I want something I’ll feel good wearing but also comes across as appropriate. I really appreciate the input!
Anonymous
It sounds fine, but I guess it depends on how high above the knee or how much it shows when you sit down. Nobody will be scandalized seeing a flash of knee.
Anon
Not LDS here but very similar background and I would say definitely not. No possible glimpse of the knee or higher. If you can safety pin or sew the slits for the day, you can make it work, but otherwise find a midi skirt. You will just be self conscious otherwise.
pink nails
I mean, I would definitely wear it but I’m also ex Mormon and would be more or less trying to make a point that their modestly rules don’t control me anymore….:D And honestly they wouldn’t say anything to a grown adult woman. But in your scenario where you actually want to make a good impression, don’t go with the slits option.
Kate
Taking a babymoon to Rhode Island in mid-September. We plan to spend some time in Mystic, CT, in addition to Watch Hill, Newport, and Narragansett, RI. Any recommendations for food or activities? Any babymoon-specific suggestions, particular to this location or just guidance in general? I’ll be about 7 months pregnant.
Anon
Walk the cliff walk in Newport. Eat a lot of seafood – steamers, clam cakes.
anon
Parts of the cliff walk may not be that friendly to someone 7 months pregnant. It’s partly wet rocks and some sections don’t have public restroom options nearby.
PolyD
The submarine museum in…Groton, I think? Is very cool. And I enjoyed Flo’s Clam Shack in Newport very much. The robber baron homes are fun to visit, too – pay attention to the ticket prices, because if you want to see more than 2 or 3, you are better off buying a pass to all of them, if I remember right.
Lily
Dinner and/or spa treatment at Ocean House.
Anonymous
Downtown Mystic has some cute shops. Old Mystick Village is more touristy (t-shirts, fudge, etc) but they do have a great place for donuts and coffee (the name escapes me right now). If you’re really interested in history, the museum is cool, but if you’re not into history or boating, I’d skip it. They have teen actors who are pretty knowledgeable, especially about whaling. Stoning ton is supposed to be a really cute town nearby, although I haven’t been.
Fragrance-free laundry powder or detergent sheets?
Inspired by the question about limiting plastic use:
I am considering switching to powder laundry soap or sheets, but in the past have had issues with powder residue on clothes.
Currently using liquid All Free Clear Liquid Laundry Detergent, so looking for something without fragrance. I have kids so some cleaning power would be nice, even though I don’t mind pre-treating (I use gall soap for food/blood/sweat/grass/mud).
Any recommendations?
Anonymous
Yes, start the cycle, add the powder to the water, then add clothes
Anon
ECOS works well for us.
anon
I use 365 brand fragrance free detergent for most things and Rocking Green fragrance free for really stinky synthetic workout clothes. Both are powders and work great and I haven’t had trouble with residue. I typically wash clothes on cold.
eertmeert
I like the Hey Sunday detergent sheets, and also the Dirty Labs enzyme booster, both fragrance and dye free. Between these two, my laundry comes out very clean and fresh. I am obsessed with enzyme boosters for laundry, they make a difference, imo.