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The Brooks Brothers sale has some classic pieces for great prices, including this lovely flap bag. Normally I'm opposed to bags that are reminiscent of fancier, pricier ones, but I'm really like the Chanel inspiration here — love the quilted lambskin, the gold-plated hardware, and the interior technology pockets are always welcome. It was $548, but is now marked to $274 at Brooks Brothers, where the sale ends July 2. Quilted Lambskin Medium Flap Bag
(L-3)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
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- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
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- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Gorgeous bag!
Threadjack–do any of you have experience on the receiving end of an AA member’s “making amends” apology? A former partner has reached out to me to apologize for the horrendous manner in which he ended our relationship, and I want to understand what to expect so I can determine whether this will actually help me in any way or just add to the pain I already have. I am also considering going to an Al-Anon meeting to ask others about their experiences with this, but I am unsure whether that is something that’s done or whether those meetings are really not set up for that.
Thanks in advance for any advice/experiences/etc.
Anon
My former brother-in-law (my sister’s ex) wrote each person in our family a letter apologizing for the way he treated us, including specific instances of mistreatment. It seemed heartfelt and I appreciated the apology, however he caused such an uproar in everyones lives that none of us wanted to re-establish any sort of relationship with him. For my sister, it did not seem to help her or to really cause her any more pain. She was ready to move on and was just kind of like “well that’s nice” if you know what I mean.
Anon for this
Hmmm. . . I ended a relationship with a recovering addict (the breakup had very little to do with his status as a recovering addict and everything to do with other areas of his life in which he was totally irresponsible). I think that if he were working his steps today and reached out to make amends about any of this, I’d be tempted to just say “Thanks” and leave it there, as I have already made my peace with what happened. You may find Al-Anon helpful if you are still dealing with codependency; I personally did not have a good experience with it while I was still in that relationship and now that the relationship is long over, I can’t imagine it being relevant. I would venture to guess that most of the people you will meet there are still in their relationships (if the addict in their lives is a romantic partner) or still trying to have good relationships with parents, etc, who are addicts. So your status as an “ex” of an addict may be uncommon. I only base that on my two or three meeting visits, though. Others here may have more to add or may tell me I’m completely wrong, and I defer to them!
Ellen
This hit’s very close to home. I also had a releationship with a guy who turned into a drunk after I had INVESTED alot of time and effort (and emotion’s) into the releationship. The thing is that HE said he wanted mariage and a family, but he NEVER proposed, and mabye that was a good thing b/c he was a drunk and I thought that with my stability and attitude, I could change him and stop the drinkeing. BUT I was wrong.
I do NOT think he ever loved me b/c he saw me as a pretty thing he could just use and abuse by drinkeing and thinkeing ONLEY of himself and NOT me or my need’s. He knew I was willing to do anything to get him away from the bottel, but I do NOT think he cared b/c he perfered the bottel over me. He let me clean up his vommit, and just burped and walked away after he had his way with me. I do NOT know why I even put up with him; all my family thought he was a mess and that I could DO better, but he had me convienced that I was just a nothing who managed to get thru law school and was lucky to have found a job with the manageing partner. He warned me that my look’s were temporary and that I would need him ALOT more then he would NEED me, b/c he was an acountant and there was ALWAY’s a BIG need for CPAs.
Like a dummy, I beleived him b/c he seemed so sure of himself, like all of the Sheketovits family, they thought they were better then everyone. Even his mom thought I was some kind of floozie who onley wanted her son, the CPA, to suport me. FOOEY on that b/c I have a job and he lost his to the bottel.
So it is a very sad when you fall in love with a drunk, and I will NEVER date a guy who like’s to drink again. TRIPEL FOOEY ON THAT!!!
Calico
I second this! I go to Al Anon meetings in a big city. I’ve had trouble breaking into the group. I’m a bit shy and don’t know how to strike up a conversation in that environment. The meetings themselves are very structured and not a place where you can ask for advice. You could volunteer to speak as a new member and then say you want advice later. People may come up to you during the break or afterwards to help which may be beneficial to you. But for your immediate needs I think you’re better off taking the advice from others here and respectfully decline his invitation.
S
I had someone I dated during grad school call me years later as part of recovery. He wanted to meet for coffee and I said no. He then proceeded to give some apologies for missed obligations, etc. But then it sort of shifted into a “confess” session–and most were wrongdoings I wasn’t even aware of. (Almost like bragging–when you thought I was doing X, I was really doing Y….) And quite honestly, even the wrongs mentioned that I did know about and still recall had not mattered all that much in the grand scheme.
When I got off the call, I felt like it had been a very selfish call on his part to make. I even wondered if it was a creepy way to try to reconnect, but I didn’t get any further contact. I don’t know if that is how it is supposed to work, but the whole thing left me feeling really gross. It was almost like being put into that drama and mess all over again. If I had known that was what was going to be on the other end, I would have hung up immediately.
Susedna
I will be cynical about this and say that this is more about him helping himself get over his guilt and feel better about himself than about any benefit to you.
In the hands of someone who’s gentle about it and deft in handling these matters, maybe it’d bring you more peace. In reality, there’s a danger that the person could use it selfishly– dumping all this stuff onto you in a big “apology” to make himself feel better, to absolve himself of any guilt, while reopening a ton of wounds in you as he blithely moves on with his life.
Tread carefully. He’s an ex now, and unless you two have children together, I really don’t see any benefit to you of even talking to this person. If I were in your shoes, I’d just tell him I wanted to have no communications with him and never talk with him again to aid my own moving on. You owe him nothing unless you need to co-parent with him.
Anon
Thanks so much, everyone. This does feel to me to be something selfishly done on his part, particularly given that I also found out (not through him, but just hours after his e-mail, totally by accident) that he now has a new girlfriend–so it feels like he is trying to gain absolution so as to be successful in that relationship, and that makes me feel really used and disgusted.
Anonymous
Yes, but I didn’t remember the person at all. Instead of telling her that she was completely insignificant in my life, I lied and said I forgave her and that we all grow up. No point in crushing her this early in the 12 steps.
Wildkitten
I’ve gotten this and I also didn’t really care (a previous roommate, and I live in a city where young professionals go through a lot of crazy roommates) AND she left it as a voicemail, but I assumed it was for her benefit anyway.
anon
This is probably too late for you to see, but for what it’s worth, an addict working the 12 step program is told he or she has to make amends as part of their recovery, at least that’s what I understood when my son went through the program. So don’t be too harsh on him, I think it’s a very difficult thing to do, and most people really don’t know a good way to do it, but they (hopefully) want to work the program and work the 12 steps, and making amends is just part of it. So in a way, it is just for their benefit, but they are doing it because they want to get better.
Anon
Another early TJ – I am considering going to med school to change careers to psychiatry. I have been investigating other alternatives that might be a similar career path but without the time/money of med school so I thought I would tap your collective wisdom to see if there was anything I hadn’t thought of yet.
I have looked at psychology PhD programs but I am concerned about the limited earning potential and the fact that you can’t write scripts. FWIW I am thinking I’d like to work with children and young women with ADD/ADHD and learning disabilities. Is there anything else that could get me where I want to go?
zora
I really have no expertise on this issue, but if you really want to work on those things specifically, you might look at Occupational Therapy. I’ve known some great occupational therapists who have been awesome for helping with add/LD, more than most psychiatrists who would just spend 5 minutes to check blood pressure and renew a prescription.
Anonymous
Psychologists can write scripts in some states. Make sure you’re looking at your own state or intended state of practice. Physicians Assistants can prescribe in all states I know of, so perhaps you could do that with a psych care focus. Ultimately I think you’ll have to compromise on either earnings potential or years/money toward school. The only people who reliably make a lot of money in mental health are psychiatrists–but they often spend the least time with patients, and it sounds like that matters to you. I often have heard psychiatrists complain that they feel like walking pill dispensers.
Anon
I thought only in Lousiana can psychologists write scripts?
NOLA
Not all psychologists in Louisiana can. Only those who have gone through special training and certification.
Anonymous
I believe New Mexico as well, but I am not the authority on this!
Anon
I think it is only Louisiana and New Mexico, though a bill is pending in Illinois to allow it there also.
Anonymous
Agreed. And medicine is in a constant state of flux right now, so I wouldn’t necessarily count on psychiatrists’ salaries as being reported. Plus, I know medical school doesn’t sound so bad at the beginning, but having watched my spouse go through it, it really is bad. You give up your social life for 8 years, at least. It would take a substantial increase in earning power for that to be worth it, in my opinion.
Ru
My sister is doing her residency (she graduated with her MD last year) and she says being a Physician’s Assistant is the worst thing ever – like being an intern (in residency) for life. You get all of the responsibility that a doctor has but none of the respect or credit.
Anonymous
In fairness, PAs are always supervised by a physician who is ultimately (legally) responsible for care decisions. So I would argue that they have none of the responsibility that the MD carries, certainly not on a legal level, and that is one of the reasons they aren’t compensated at the level of physicians. They also don’t work anything like physician hours and their role in the hospital is much more limited.
Ru
It really depends where the PA is working. In a hospital setting, the PA *is* working just as hard as the MD. I agree that they don’t have the legal responsibility but they do have the de facto responsibility. Again, it depends on the work place.
Anonymous
I absolutely agree that they work very hard while they are present, but the work hours are far fewer than the average physician works, and I would argue that having someone supervise you, whom you discuss care decisions with and who is ultimately responsible for the decisions, means you don’t have the same degree of responsibility as someone who is the supervisor and who is solely (legally, to hospital administration, and to the college) responsible for the decisions made. As you said, this is similar to the role of an intern and does not carry the same responsibility as a staff physician. I work frequently with PAs in the emergency room, but I admit I don’t work with them on the ward or in private clinics so I can’t speak for that role, which perhaps you are referring to. I’m happy to agree to disagree:)
Nonny
“I often have heard psychiatrists complain that they feel like walking pill dispensers.”
….and my sister, who is a psychiatric nurse in a residential mental health facility, would agree with you and has complained about this very issue many times (re psychiatrists, not about her own job).
Counterpoint
Maybe it depends where you practice? I have a few relatives who are psychiatrists, and they do not make tons of money (I am a junior biglaw associate and earn more than my uncle the 60-year-old psychiatrist in private practice in the kind of city that has no shortage of people seeking therapy). I’ve always heard that the big $ is in surgery, anesthesia, radiology, plastic surgery, dermatology.
Also, I think that unless you are working at a hospital and doing consults for people with urgent issues, you are probably spending a lot of time with them — probably close to an hour on a weekly basis for therapy sessions. That has certainly been my experience with my own psychiatrists (one each in elementary school, college, early 30s).
That all being said, the doctors in my family seem to think that it might make more sense to become an NP or a PA these days rather than an MD if cost/time is an issue to you.
mascot
Do you want to handle the medication/ medical intervention side of things or more of the therapy/behavior modification? If it is the latter, I don’t know if medical school is really the right path.
Anon
I feel like both are important in treatment. I am always stuck when I come to this crossroad.
Anonymous
You can opt to offer talk therapy as a psychiatrist (you will be trained in cognitive behavioural therapy, psychotherapy and the like). One of the reasons that many psychiatrists, at least where I live, don’t do this, is that its very time consuming, the financial rewards are lower, and many of them have long wait lists. It is more efficient and allows them to reduce their wait lists if they have psychologists, etc, on staff who will perform therapy, and they will do the tasks that only an MD can do- medications, inpatient hospital care, determinations of competence, etc.
During my medical school rotations in psychiatry I did a lot more than “dispense pills”- you can certainly have that type of a practice if you want, but I had the opportunity to participate in emergency room psychiatry, inpatient psychiatry including psychiatric intensive care, community rapid response teams, home care visits and pediatric psychiatry (both inpatient and emergency). There is a huge range of things you can do within the field of psychiatry, it really depends what kind of a practice you want.
Do keep in mind that after 4 years of medical school come a 5 year residency so it is a long educational investment. That said, if the final result is a rewarding career that will make you happy then I would consider it time well-spent.
I think it would be worthwhile to sit down with a psychiatrist in your community, as well as perhaps some people in adjunct professions like psychology. You can even look for a psychiatrist who does perform therapy (they are definitely around) and see if you can picture having their day-to-day life. You could visit their office and see if you can “shadow” them for portions of their day (you might not be able to shadow much individual therapy, unless the patients are very open, but you may be able to observe group therapy sessions where privacy isn’t assumed).
Fun fact- I started med school thinking I was going to be a psychiatrist, and now I’m in surgery and can’t imagine spending all day talking to people. Isn’t life funny?
bizzyb
Most clinical psychologists are understanding about the need for medication in many circumstances, and partner with physicians or psychiatrists to provide this. One consideration is that a clinical psychology PhD is going to also involve actively completing research in the field. These programs are scientist-practitioner models, so consider how interested you are in the research side of things, even if you plan to do therapy as your career. Although the pay won’t be as lucrative as a psychiatrist, my clinical psychology friends have all been able to find steady employment in a number of arena, with some (like the military) paying quite a bit more. Expect 6+ years to finish the degree, including the mandatory internship, and a lot of competition to get in. Fortunately if you do get in, your tuition is mostly covered + there will be small stipend, but at the better programs you’re looking at acceptance rates of about 2% of applicants (8 of 350 or so).
Anonymous
Ann Taylor LOFT is having a great sale 40-50% off!
Another TJ
I know there is no right answer to this but thought I would ask the moms or others with experience attending such events for some concensus: what’s the apprx. amount that is appropriate to spend on a toddler’s birthday gift for a work friend? Standard big city gov’t office if it’s relevant. Attending the party together with DH, so it will be from both of us. TIA!
mascot
$10-$25. They don’t need much to be amused. My kid is happy digging in the dirt or playing with bubble guns. Not as interested in his fancy train table.
Anon
I would spend around $30
mama of 2
I agree with $10-$25. You don’t need to spend a lot, especially for toddlers.
toddler mom
big box of crayons is always a hit with toddlers (and their parents) and it isn’t expensive.
Hurray for kitties
Do I tip the pet sitter, and if so, how much? She charged $20 per visit and visited our one cat twice per day during our 9 day vacation. So she earned $360, which is high, but I couldn’t bear to board our kitty that long, and I’m happy to pay it; she provided great care. But would you tip on that amount, and if so, how much? Thanks!
AIMS
I don’t think so unless she did a particularly extraordinary job or something came up (e.g., cat was sick and she stayed with her extra). My thinking is the cat sitter works for herself so you don’t need to tip her. If she went the extra mile though, then I might round up the total amount to $400.
A Nonny Moose
+1… but if you went through a company, I’d tip. We leave $5-20 for our cat sitter who we hired through a dog walking company, depending on how long we’re gone ($5 for a long weekend; $20 for 7-10 day trip).
Anon
My ex and I broke up a few months ago but while we were together, I got along quite well with his sister and her family. I’m just not sure how the relationships should evolve now that we are no longer together. I obviously still chat with his sister when we run into each other but haven’t reached out to get together since the breakup.
I also used to buy his nieces gifts – I’m assuming this is off the table now?
Thanks ladies!
Trixie
I would consider kids off the table, but adults able to make their own decisions about who to have in their lives. Maybe a small olive branch to his sister along the lines of a Facebook message or text saying, “I have missed getting to see you the past few months. I’m hoping we can remain friends and would love to get together.” Just be prepared that she might think it too awkward at this point.
Tilly
I’ve done this with the sister of a college ex. We didn’t have a terrible breakup, but also didn’t remain friends. I was upfront with his sister about it and she and I have remained friends to this day.
Houda
Career advice: declining an offer
Ladies, I was just contacted by a head hunter for a great position but in a country that I will never go to due to very strong personal beliefs (not aligned with lack of human rights, women condition etc.).
How can I decline the offer professionally? Can I propose someone else for the position? The email says “If you are interested in this opportunity, or if you know anyone else who may be, please send me an email.. “, do they typically mean it or is it just a filler?
How can I maintain a professional image so the head hunting company considers me for other openings?
Anne Shirley
“I’m not interested in this opportunity as I am not available to relocate to country X, but please keep me in mind for opportunities in countries Y and Z.”
Kendra
This doesn’t sound like an “offer.”
It sounds like you were blasted by a recruiter. No response is necessary, and you can bet you will continue to be “considered”— i.e., receive their mass emails trawling for clients.
Trixie
Yes, I agree. I have a very specific, in-demand skill set and get similar emails frequently. (Although mine are typically not exciting enough to have to consider a human rights record!) If you are genuinely interested in similar opportunities and actively looking for a new job, you could consider writing back and saying that this isn’t the right fit but you would like to talk further about other opportunities. Be aware though that recruiters and headhunters are not always very concerned with a job being the right fit; sometimes they are more concerned with simply filling the position. (I say “sometimes”; I have never interacted with one who did not give me a bit of a used car salesman vibe, but I am willing to think that there are others out there who are better.) So, you’ll probably have to be pretty discerning about what you’re being offered.
Susedna
While I wouldn’t feel obligated to propose someone else for the position if you feel motivated out of guilt, do offer to propose someone if you really do know someone right now who might be a great fit.
I usually say, “Thanks for considering me and for telling me more about this position, but at present, I’m happy in my current role and going to country X would not be a good fit for me [right now.]” I might add, “if I know someone who would be a fit, I will pass along your contact info.”
I always add the “if” part to make sure it’s conditional, not a requirement I must fulfill to “get off the hook.”
No need to go into the issues about the company. I sometimes append the “right now” because hey, if the social conditions of that country change, it MIGHT be a good place to go for you one day. So I leave that pretty open-ended. No point in turning the rejection into a political treatise.
Houda
Thank you ladies! This is great advice.
If you were getting a gift from houseguest hailing from NYC...
If you were getting a gift from houseguest hailing from NYC…
What would you want?
I’m staying with a lovely friend over July 4th weekend and want to bring her a NYC gift but am at a loss as to WHAT… (going to Seattle FWIW)
zora
A Ray’s pizza and some garlic knots, PLEEZZZZZZ!!!!
new york associate
A cronut and a dozen bagels.
zora
Sorry, we’re not giving you real answers, that’s not nice :o)
Honestly, real bagels would probably be awesome, if you can get them the day you fly out. I bring fresh San Francisco sourdough to my parents in DC sometimes (not from the airport, actually pick up at the bakery first thing).
I miss all the unique shops in NY, so i would love something (even something little) from Fish’s Eddy or ABC Carpets or Chinatown or something. A tote bag from the Green Market? umm, feel like it’s hard to come up with ideas! In the NW everyone is a foodie, and local food stuff is usually my go-to. So a local jar of jam or honey? (local meaning NY state ;)) Ok, all I got, hope that helps!
SFBayA
Yes, real bagels. I was in NYC for the first time last month and got a real bagel. WOW. Nothing like that out here.
NOLA
My friend and I both bought these adorable little polka dot nut bowls at Fishs Eddy when we were in NY. They’re perfect for measuring out spices, etc. http://www.fishseddy.com/browse.cfm/4,4414.html
Parfait
Those nut bowls made me flash back to the Simpsons: “It’s a candy dish, Ned! 90 dollars!” “Well gosh I guess you could put a lot of nice things in there.” “NO! JUST CANDY!”
eek
Kishkey, because I have no idea what that is.
MJ
Yes to real bagels, but be sure to bring a ziplock bc the dry air on planes does a number on them. And remember that you can’t take cream cheese on the plane unless you check it and it’ll probably get disgusting anyway.
* Ex NY-er who always brings home a dozen’s NY bagels!
AIMS
I had a less than stellar experience with bagels on a long flight (my fault probably) so I tend to go with chocolate babka (from Zabar’s or Agata & Valentina), and/or black and white cookies and/or rugelach.
OP
I was thinking bagels and skipping the lox/creamcheese. . . .
Chocolate babka/rugelach! Brilliant.
If only I could bring a pizza pie with me…
As for the cronuts – I was not impressed. Too greasy.. But their chocolate cake thing is marvelous!
NatalieR
Garrett’s Popcorn (that stuff is like gold around here), real bagels, especially good coffee/tea from a local place.
Shorts
When I was younger, my mother would essentially always make fun of my thighs when I wore shorts. But, I’m realizing that it’s stupid to be hot and uncomfortable. Tips on feeling confident in shorts? How short is too short for someone that’s a size 8-10? Or was my mother right, are shorts just unflattering on everyone bigger than a size 2?
Nonny
Wear what you are comfortable in. You don’t need to pay attention to your mother on this one. I used to think shorts were unflattering on me, then I realized that I actually like my legs and since then I’ve felt much better about wearing them. But I’m still not going to wear hot pants (personal stylistic preference).
My advice: try on a bunch of different styles and lengths. You may decide you feel great in shorts with an inseam of 5″ but not 3″. You may like tailored linen shorts but not jean shorts. You won’t know until you try. But go for it. There are some situations where shorts just make sense.
eek
awww that’s not nice. I’m sorry. Anyway, I think shorts are like anything else – try on several different styles, see what is the most flattering and purchase. There is a newer Old Navy by me and the fitting room lights are pretty forgiving, so maybe start there :) (Unlike the fitting rooms at the Pentagon City Nordstrom – ahem!).
mascot
I may get booed for saying this, but I find that a bit of color on my legs does wonders for hiding flaws on my particular skin tone. So I use self-tanner to enhance my look, plus whatever occurs from being outside. Add to this exfoliations, moisturizer and shaving even if you are rocking your natural color. I also look better in 5″inch inseams and longer. Most days are in flat sandals or flip flops although a cute pair of wedge sandals or low heeled sandals dresses up some shorts. And confidence. I am just now coming to a similar realization about skirts for work and finding some that are really flattering.
Nonny to Equity's Darling
I realize this may be too late in the day, but just wondering how you are. Have you been able to get back into your apartment yet? Are you doing okay? Have been watching the news and thinking what an awful situation you and your friends and colleagues must be in.
Coach Laura
Yes – Equity’s Darling – I saw the photos and thought of you. Hope it’s getting better.
Equity's Darling
Thanks for checking in on me! I’m back at home, and doing fine, though I’ve picked up an amazing cough from all the stress of the last week. My apartment was totally fine, but many homes in my neighbourhood were not so lucky. I’ve always loved living near the water, but I’m strongly re-considering my desire to live on a flood plain.
The city overall has a lot of damage, my office still isn’t open, though most of downtown is. I’m going out of town tomorrow for a week, so we’ll see how things are when I get back. They say that Stampede will happen “come hell or high water” (cute, right!?), quite ambitious given the way the grounds looked, so who knows what they’ll do.
Suiting
Question for the hive: Jcrew Ludlow Suit in Navy or Theory suit (Gabe jacket) in Indigo?
Does anyone have any experience with either? I like the classic look of the Ludlow but it doesn’t come with a skirt. But I don’t like the cut of the pants for the Theory suit (Indigo color only comes is a couple styles). I could take the Theroy pants to a tailor but they are already so expensive I don’t know if it is worth the additional cost. Which one do you like better?
theory
the theory indigo suit is beautiful. i got it to round out my suiting stable even though it might have been one suit more than i really needed and i have not regretted it.
OP
Did you get the Gabe jacket?