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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 166 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Twist Back Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Rachel Roy Twist Back BlazerHappy Monday! I like the twisted back to this Rachel Roy blazer — it seems cool and interesting without being totally off the wall. It's $378 at Bloomingdale's; RachelRoy.com also has it in white and black at full price. Zappos has a slightly brighter pink on sale for $265. Rachel Roy Twist Back Blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)  

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Comments

  1. No likey

    Polyester (I’m OK with this sometimes, but find that it just looks worn so quickly), peplum, and expensive? Three strikes and this is out for me.

    FWIW, I think that they way it is styled with the colorblock dress adds a lot of visual interest and psychic volume to the below-the-waist region in a way that I usually try to avoid. Maybe with a black pencil skirt or pants?

    • Cb

      Agree on the polyester but sometimes I think the slim on top, fuller skirt proportion is really visually interesting. Trying to break free of the cult of flattering in which the goal of clothes are to make you look as small as possible.

      • No likey

        I hear you. It is a fine line to walk. If I had Vanna White’s job, where my back was to people often enough, I would feel like I needed to bring some visual interest to the table. And I would pick this. Maybe with a solid though — to keep the ruffle peplum / twist from getting lost. It is a nice detail and probably quite hard to make (from a project runway prespective).

      • hoola hoopa

        Cute jacket, Bonnie. I like the ‘collar’. It’s too much of an 80’s flashback for me to take another round with it, though.

        While I do love the back twist detail, it does seem like a lot for polyester. Normally I avoid polyester, but they may have gone with it here for the drape. Agree that the color block styling is off, but I like the shape of the dress.

        On the note of styling – don’t try to sell me a $300 jacket without a single picture of it bottoned. Peeve.

  2. Cb

    Ugh, an early morning gross TJ. I have ingrown hairs and kp on my legs and I hate it. I’ve tried exfoliating, shaving / not shaving, waxing. Is there a product out there that helps?

    I know it is a million times worse in my eyes and no one really notices but I’d love smoother legs.

    • Nati

      I can commiserate. I had horrible KP and felt incredibly self-conscious about it. The only product that has worked for me is AmLactin. It contains 12% lactic acid to help chemically exfoliate your skin and reduce/prevent keratin plugs. My dermatologist recommended it.

      The key is that you MUST use it regularly- twice a day. As soon as you stop, the condition will recur. It also took months for me to see even modest improvement. I’ve been using it for 5 months at this point, however, and am happy with the way that my legs look now for the first time since I can remember.

    • mascot

      Have you tried after-shave? I borrow some from my husband (i think it is the CVS version of Neutrogena sensitive) and that helps my razor burn. There’s a shea butter/witch hazel one I got at Target that helps with ingrowns. I use a body brush for light exfoliation. Keeping your razor sharp helps. I store mine out of the shower and dry it after use.

    • eek

      It’s way worse to you, but still that doesn’t help! I’ve heard good things about glycolic washes + AmLactin.

    • (former) Clueless Summer

      Exfoliate with olive oil (or oil of choice) and white sugar. Rinse off with water. For the KP on my arms, this is the only thing that works! It is by far the best and cheapest exfoliator I have found and I’m obsessed with oil/sugar scrubs. I have heard of also adding citrus juice or other things, but for me, simple is best.

    • Anonymous

      I have KP on my arms and washing daily/almost daily with a salycilic acid or benzol peroxide face wash keeps it under control, and its way cheaper than the special KP products.

    • Merabella

      I have found that dry brushing really has helped with my kp/ingrown hairs. The other thing I learned from my sister is to put Tend Skin on after shaving. Burns like a mother, but seriously works.

  3. Jamie

    Hi everyone. I’m getting ready to submit my application materials for a position at a nonprofit legal organization. I really, really want this job. Last week I asked a question about my legal writing sample and got great feedback, thanks to everyone who responded.

    I have one more question. I reached out to friends who might know someone at this organization, and I got two contacts. One is a staff attorney at this particular office, so I’m going to ask her specific questions about the office, the terms of this position (it’s a fellowship so theoretically time-limited but in practice seems renewable, I think), anything I should emphasize in my application/anything they are particularly interested in when reviewing candidates.

    But the other is a guy who 1) held a similar fellowship with this organization, but at a different office about ten years ago, and 2) used to be on the board for this specific office. I was under the impression he was STILL on the board for this office, but he’s not. Still, he kindly responded to my email and asked what I would like to know.

    I’m…not sure what to ask him really, given his lack of direct involvement. But I definitely want to take advantage of this opportunity to learn more. Here are some things I would like to know, and I’m not sure all are appropriate to ask him: Was the fellowship he held similar to this one? Was it a good experience for him? Was there much opportunity for advancement within the organization?

    I feel like I should be asking more, but I’m at a loss. Any ideas?

    Thank you in advance for any responses. I’m not publicizing that I’m considering leaving my current position, so I can’t really discuss this with many of my real-life friends. It’s great having this helpful, wise community to turn to for advice!

    • mascot

      I think your questions for the former fellow are fine. Just let the conversation progress naturally. You can always say, is there anything else you wish someone had told you about this job/anything else I should know?

    • Anonymous

      I am a former fellow from a fellowship program. Although many of my fellow fellows didn’t have legal fellowships, I did and it was how I started my legal career.

      I found that speaking with alum were very helpful. I would discuss the fellowship requirements (reports, in person conf/meetings, structure), and how that fit into the organizational structure. A big question that comes up with fellowships is regarding how you are viewed by the organization. Temporary, permanent, a part of the team?

      I would also consider asking what fellows are doing post-fellowship. How many stay on (with his class), why? why not?

      there are tons more things that you could talk about, but I would start with this. It’s invaluable to talk to someone who went through the same program. Wealth of information. Even if different org or position.

    • rosie

      I think that learning from the former fellow about what he did after the fellowship and how he feels the fellowship affected his career trajectory would be useful. I would also ask him about your theory that the fellowship might be renewable. Even though times have changed since he was a fellow, he may follow the hiring of other fellows or otherwise be able to give you an idea of whether or not that’s realistic expectation for you to have.

    • Jamie

      Thank you all for the suggestions! I appreciate it. Hopefully I’ll update soon with good news about this job (fingers crossed).

  4. Ex Files

    I think I’m finally over my ex. We broke up awhile ago but there was a lot of talking and feelings and ongoing sloppiness (even into both of our new relationships). I’m still with my first SO after him, and he’s with his like 3rd gf since me. I saw their pics on facebook (i know, I know), and he looks happy. I used to want to vomit when I saw him with someone else. There’s still a pang now, I suppose I’ll always have one of those “the one that got away” things with him, but I”m happy he is happy. This is a first. I just had to share this with someone – and my friends don’t want to hear about it anymore, haha. Weird feeling but it comes with some relief.

    • Anonymous

      You’ll know you moved on completely when that “pang” feeling goes away. In my experience, it’s when you’ve found someone that you realize is the right person.

      • Anon for this

        I’m not sure I agree with this. I still get a pang with my one other bf that I had before I got married to my husband. I would not change anything, know 100% that my husband is the right one for me, and actually pity my ex’s wife, but something in me still pangs when I see him. Which is fine with me, because I absolutely have a better man now, and it makes me appreciate him more. It may just be a chemistry thing or whatever though.

    • NOLA

      Good for you! It’s a great feeling. I no longer care about anything my ex-H does, but for the record, it still makes me want to vomit when his current wife pops up as having looked at my LinkedIn account. The two of them make me ill, although she can have him. Strange when I am so much happier without him.

    • Ellen

      Hug’s to you! I was there, so I know also. Once you find a guy who is decent, you realy will NOT care who your ex is dateing, or sleepeing with. I actueally comiserate with the poor gal who is dateing my ex, Alan, b/c she now has to do alot of the thing’s I used to do — cleaneing up after him, washeing his clothe’s, pickeing up his beer can’s, etc. And the sex was horible, so I do NOT miss it anyway.

      I had a GREAT weekend. Philip was a gentelman and did NOT even touch me. I would have let him kiss me if he wanted, but I think he was worried that ED would get mad if he was to pushy. We had great food at Morton’s and he then walked me uptown. He lives way up in Manhattan, so he got on the train after he dropped me off. I did NOT let him come in to my apartement, but said we would see each other again. Yay!

      I also went to the Met’s game with Robert, and they WON! It was fun and there were alot of peeople there. Robert is quirky, he knows all about cutting the grass at Citifield, and was telleing how they do it to make it look good. He also showed me around FLUSHING meadow park’s where there is a BIG Globe. He said it was there for 40 year’s. It look’s new. Robert ofered to buy me a hat, but I told him I gave a Saint Louis hat away, and do NOT wear them. He is sweet, but I can NOT see marrying him. He also want’s to date me. I am getting very busy socialy all of a sudden. YAY!

  5. Diana Barry

    So I am reading “Quiet: the Power of Introverts” and it is very interesting. :) It had these 3 questions to use to determine your “core personal projects” that you should make sure to be involved in, and see if you can drive your work/career toward those things:

    1. What did you most enjoy doing as a child, or what did you want to be when you grew up?
    2. What kind of work do you gravitate toward (in your current/former jobs)?
    3. Whom or what do you envy?

    I found this interesting because I have no career-related answers:
    1. I enjoyed reading, singing, and probably cooking and writing; I wanted to be a fashion designer (briefly) but nothing else.
    2. Research; writing; communicating with clients (but not internally with other lawyers in my firm).
    3. My rich friends; people who buy nice clothes for themselves/their kids.

    My husband has a lot of career-related answers, like building, inventing, programming, etc. He also envies people in a career-related way, like Bill Gates and Larry Ellison (more for their inventions than their $$). I don’t envy ANY lawyers in a career-related way; when I see stories about managing partners etc. I always think, “thank g*d I’m not them!”

    Anyway, I thought it was interesting – and kind of confirms my thought that I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

    • Suzer

      I just started that book – I’ve only read the first several pages but it really hits home. I feel the way you do about not knowing what I want to be. I think my answer to the “jealous” question might be those who are passionate about their work, and are doing what they always wanted to do.

      I was thinking about a similar topic when I heard the NPR story about women’s executive ambitions in the US vs. other countries. No way would I want to be a C level exec – but I feel a little bad about that! Anyone else hear that story this morning? It made me think of this community . . . .

      • Mary Ann Singleton

        I listened to that story this morning. I think they said 11% of CEOs in the BRIC countries (or was it one particular country?) are women, but only 3% in the US. I thought that was interesting. However, they did seem to go along with the same old track of women here lacking ambition and taking 2+ years off for maternity leave.

      • Divaliscious11

        I listened to that story and I thought it was amazing how western nations lag in areas where we think we are doing so well. I have gone back and forth on C-suite aspirations – yes, no, yes, no, and I think I am back in the yes category….

        Its was 11% in I think India and 13% in Brazil vs 3% in the US….

      • Brahbrah

        I listened to that this morning, too. I found myself wondering what it would feel like to be “ambitious.” I’m a lawyer, I mostly enjoy my job at a small nonprofit, and I want to do good meaningful work, but I am not ambitious in that way. I don’t care if I end up promoted or not — I care much more that I get to go home at 5pm and hang out with my dog and friends. I just don’t get it — it makes me feel like an alien to hear other people talking about striving to be a CEO.

        • anon

          I used to be ambitious, but now I’m not sure work can deliver the kind of satisfaction I’m looking for. I think relationships with friends and family and hobbies outside of work will give me the bulk of meaning in my life, although I do like to work hard and stay busy and get a sense of accomplishment in the office. But there’s so much that’s just so blegh about work, so much that is out of my control, that I don’t want to expect things from it that aren’t realistic.

    • Anon

      I am fairly convinced that some people just don’t have a work passion. I am pretty sure I don’t. I am good at my job (attorney) and enjoy the intellectual challenge and the salary/lifestyle (in-house, so I make a good living but get to go home at a normal hour). But I’m not passionnate about what I do.

      My SO, in contrast, is in a completely different industry/role, and is very passionnate about his work. Sometimes I wish I had that, but I don’t think everyone gets to. And I’m pretty content with my life.

      • Anon

        I think I’m the flip side of that. I have a career and job that I’m less than passionate about, and sometimes I wish I could just be happy with what I have – a steady job, decent compensation, and reasonable hours – instead of always wanting the next step in professional development.

      • another anon

        I feel similarly to Anon at 11:11, although I may not have fully accepted it yet. I think the biggest challenge for me is coming from a family of people who are extremely work passionate and coming to terms with the fact that while I will probably be conventionally successful, I don’t know that I will have the same drive and passion.

      • Brahbrah

        Ditto.

        Weirdly, the most recent Parks and Recreation episode kind of dealt with this (STAY WITH ME). Leslie Knope is so work-obsessed that she freaks out when another employee is retiring and hasn’t accomplished any of his work goals that he wrote down when he first started his position. So she runs around trying to help him accomplish them, but at the end of the episode she realizes that he has an amazing home life with his loving wife and daughters and that’s what’s most important to him, not work.

        So in short, I am a Jerry/Gary Gergich, not a Leslie Knope. :)

    • January

      I read that book awhile ago and enjoyed it. I do wonder if those kinds of questions — about your professional life and your “passion” — are realistic for the majority of the population. I also mostly enjoy reading and writing — not about law, though — and would not describe myself as having a passion for the law. I get the impression that Susan Cain herself felt that way in her legal career. Her solution was to become a writer, and eventually, a NYT-bestselling author. But that’s a pretty unrealistic goal for most of us (I think. Who knows, maybe if I tried writing a book, I’d get good at it). I feel the same way about Gretchen Rubin, for what it’s worth.

        • Monday

          Thanks for the link–I’m working my way through the article. This reminds me of one of Kat’s first criticisms of Lean In when she posted about it–that Sandberg seems to think that people (men and women) are quick to find rewarding, interesting work, where that is not Kat’s experience, nor is it mine. I have trouble thinking of peers I know personally who are satisfied with their work (early 30s). So many of us did all the “right” things along the way, one can’t help but wonder if our expectations are the problem.

          I consider myself an incredibly work-oriented person, and it has not brought me happiness or a sense of fulfillment over the long term. I’m having a lot of second thoughts lately about questions like “what do you love? what did you always want to do as a kid?” because I think a lot of that for me was about feeling praised, validated, and exceptional in doing what I was good at. This is all very conditional– not something you can rely on for your happiness, nor even something that necessarily pays your bills. My thinking about self and career is very much under revision these days.

    • Anon

      Thanks for posting your thoughts about this book, Diana. It sounds like something I should read, although I’m a little worried that my three things won’t have anything to do with my career either. No wonder this feels like a complete dead end!

    • Equity's Darling

      I have a styling question:

      I bought the Babaton Rafael Dress from Aritzia (link in comment to follow, but if you google it, it should be the first hit) in black for a wedding that I have to go to in a couple weeks.

      It’s not a black tie wedding, but it will be a relatively fancy wedding. It’s an evening wedding, and at a nice venue, and…well, knowing the bride, this will not be a potluck-picnic-BBQ/laid-back wedding.

      The dress is basically a blank canvas, so…I need styling suggestions because my mind is running wild. I could do red shoes and gold accessories, or leopard shoes and red accessories, or mint green shoes/accessories, etc., so I’m seeking input. Oh, and I think I may have to wear tights/nylons, because it’s evening and it’s cool in my city.

        • Equity's Darling

          I worry, like hellskitchen, that leopard is too much with lace, particularly if my leopard heels end up being a little high. I’d look like I was trying too hard?

          And a guy I dated for 4+ years, and haven’t spoken to in…3 years or so, is coming, and well..I want to look effortlessly classic and beautiful and amazing, which is unfortunately (and ironically), a look that requires a lot of effort.

          I think red/black is so classic that I’m pretty drawn to the mix. Plus, I already have red pumps, so it would involve minimal extra purchases…

          • MsZ

            Halle Berry has ruined leopard and lace for me. I think it reads too much trying too hard / Cavalli, which is the opposite of “effortlessly classic and beautiful.” I vote mint.

      • TO Lawyer

        Sorry it may be a little late for this but I love that dress! I like the mint/black combo.

        I also don’t know if you need nylons/tights if the wedding is going to be indoors? I can’t seem to get the link to work to see those shoes but Sam Edelman also has some very pretty mint shoes that I want but can’t justify.

    • Meg Murry

      This book is on my “to read” list (along with about a million others). I think those questions are interesting, as I also have very few career related answers, and when I think about “what I wanted to be when I grew up” all my answers came from people telling me “you should be a ____ because you’re good at ____” – I can’t remember independently thinking “I want to be a ______” when I grow up!
      And as to “who do I envy” – is it terrible that the first thing that popped into my head was trophy wives? Not that I’d ever actually be one – I would never be able to make myself put together/pretty enough (I hate most female beauty rituals) and I’m far too opinionated to just stand quietly by as arm candy – but as I sit at my desk in a job that is kinda meh to me (but at one time I thought was my dream job), the only thing I can envy right now is someone who has the money to do whatever they want without working. So maybe I really envy trust fund babies, not trophy wives? I feel like such a slacker for saying that, but if I had a way to wave a magic wand and have all my bills paid without having to work, I would love that so much!

      Also, does any one else think about the scene in Office Space where the main character is talking about how his guidance counselor is trying to encourage them to do whatever it is they would do if they won a million dollars, and his answer is “I’d do nothing.” Right now, that’s where I am – I would love the freedom to do NOTHING, even if it makes me a slacker. Anyone else feel that way?

      • Elysian

        I don’t feel the same way, but I totally understand why people would. I feel like I’ve been told since childhood that we’re supposed to “chase our dreams! (career-wise)” and “find something fulfilling!” That we’re not doing it right unless we love to go to work. Some people will never love to go to work, and that’s 100% ok – If you’re fulfilled by family, or hobbies, or pets, or freedom, or whatever, its ok to have a job where you do ok, on that is tolerable to you, and that can fund those other things that you love.

        I always felt that that attitude (the find-a-job-you-love attitude) was pushed on me by people more financially better-off than my family. It’s easy to chase your dreams when there’s a safety net. While I told I could be-all-that-I-can-be, all my adult role models were people who working for the weekend. I think it’s ok to do that. If what you want to do with your weekend is nothing at all, that is just awesome in my book.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Not sure what it says about me, but I’ve always envied Samantha Stevens from Bewitched (before they had kids). I think I just want magic powers and pretty much her entire wardrobe.

        On a more serious note though, I thought that book was great. If anything, I found it helpful to put into words the things that I’ve felt but hadn’t been able to vocalize my entire life.

  6. Almost Attorney Anon

    I thought I posted this but my comment disappeared.

    I am a graduating law student with a job lined up. My firm is a boutique that is very flexible (e.g. I picked my own start and end dates for my 2L summer). What questions should I ask before starting?

    • rosie

      Have you already accepted an offer? Do you know about benefits? I am not really sure what you are asking. If you worked there 2L summer, you probably got to observe the culture a bit.

  7. Anooooooon

    I apologize, but I just needed a place to vent for a second (so that I can keep on the straight and narrow with all that “don’t cry at work” advice):
    The world lately has just enjoyed kicking me when I’m down – I’m a 3L who has done well in school, but has no after graduation plans. I have had 1 phone interview come out of over 80 applications. I’m trying to get my stuff together to apply for judicial clerkships (as an alum, that would begin after a gap year) and I’ve been having an impossible time getting a hold of one of my letter-writers. Meanwhile, I was just informed by another prof who recommended me last year has refused to write another letter for me, because he only writes for X students a year and according to him, my time has past. I guess I just have to sit here, at my part-time job where they won’t hire me full-time, working on this thing that’s due today and smiling.
    -end sob story. Thanks for a kind ear, Internet.

    • A.

      Sorry to hear. It sucks that professor X is being irrationally unsupportive of students during a really difficult time for law students. I’m sure it must be stressful to face graduation without knowing what’s going to happen after the bar.

      If it’s any consolation, many of my classmates got hired literally DAYS after the bar through end of October and are now doing really well (I graduated 2011).

      • JessC

        Agreed. I was c/o 2010. A handful of my classmates had offers at graduation and a handful more got offers during bar study/after the bar. Once results came out and people started getting sworn in, the number of people getting jobs increased dramatically. Unfortunately in a tight job market/economy, I think most employers are preferring to hire individuals who have a license in hand and are ready to practice.

      • Anonymous

        Yup, c/o 2011, I and many other didn’t get an offer until after bar results. Until then, I had to keep smiling at my non-law job. It was a crappy time in my life but it will get better! And although I’m glad I’m practicing and using my degree, sometimes I miss my pre-law jobs!

        And professor X is an a-hole. His action is no reflection of your capabilities!

      • Alice

        +1 for not getting hired until after the bar (summer 2012). Specifically, applied the week after taking the bar, got an offer late September. It happens!

      • Tired Squared

        Another one here who didn’t get anything until after the bar results came back. I don’t think companies/firms want to take a gamble on people not being licensed in time, but that just means you can study hard now and then the offers will come in after your hard work pays off!

    • rosie

      I would push back on professor X. Are you expecting his letter to be substantially changed from the letter he previously wrote to you? If not, I would remind him of that, and you might also refresh him on the work you did for him. I would ask him if something about my performance had changed that made him no longer confident to serve as a recommender for me (because I would want to know this, just in case). I would also be inclined to do all this in person so he would have to tell me to my face that “my time has past” (assuming the prior conversation was not in person; even if it was, I would still push back, though).

      I’m of the (perhaps entitled) opinion that part of a professor’s job is to write recommendations for the students that they feel merit recommendations, especially for judicial clerkships.

      Hugs to you.

      • Lucy

        +1 to this. As a last resort, could you ask him to give you an Interfolio letter? It’s seriously perhaps 20m of work if he has an existing letter for you – edit it to be job-neutral, upload.

        My Very Famous Thesis Advisor hasn’t had me under her auspices since … 2008? and still happily writes letters, answers emails, etc. And she’s changed institutions, even.

      • Anon

        A note of caution on pushing back — You want to make sure that everyone who writes for you will write you a strong letter. A lukewarm recommender can kill your application.

        Sorry for all of this though. You’re going to get through it.

    • Anooooooon

      Thanks for all your kind words, everyone. I really needed them today.

      I don’t think pushing back will do any good – prof x is convinced that writing too many letters dilutes the strength of all his recommendations, so I don’t think he’ll budge or compromise.

      It’s good to know that there is hope for hiring after the bar exam. At the moment though, I’m just super depressed by all of this, and then extra angry because I feel like I should be thrilled by graduation, but all the joy has just been sucked out of it by the uncertainty and self-doubt that follow not having post-grad plans. Graduation just seems pointless right now, and I want to be really proud of myself. It’s just hard to be proud and riddled with inadequacy at the same time. And I just can’t imagine studying for the bar for the next few months amid all these same feelings. Any advice on how to keep on truckin’?

      • JessBee

        Internet hugs!!! And internet up-talk:

        You should be so proud of yourself!! You are strong and smart and talented. Getting through law school is incredibly difficult, and you’ve done it! You’ve worked your tail off for three years, and the end is in sight — please try to let yourself relax and enjoy it.

        You are more than your post-grad plans. You are a complete, wonderful person. A little uncertainty about your future plans can’t and won’t change that. You will be successful — you already have been! This is a bump in the road, it’s not even a detour. As you can see from the comments above, many successful, happy attorneys have been in your position (I have a ton of friends who were without prospects until bar results, too). You are not alone, and this is not the end. It is a disappointment, I know, but it is NOT the end.

        You can do this. You WILL do this. You are going to move ahead with your own plans, and the universe will just have to get on board! You are going to graduate (yay!), and you are going to kick the bar exam’s a**. Because you are brilliant, strong, and talented, and because it’s what you need to do for yourself. Take up a hobby – a new one, or one you’ve had to set aside while you were busy being AWESOME at law school – and treat yourself to hobby breaks while you study. The bar is a big enough headache — try not to beat yourself up while you’re studying.

        As for your career plans, I don’t know what comes next for you, but I know you will be awesome at it. Now is the time to start networking like a crazy person. Talk to your family, your professors, and your friends. Tell them you’re still looking! A lot of law students are afraid or ashamed to tell people they don’t have anything: DON’T BE AFRAID! You are brilliant and worthy and talented, and the fact that you don’t have a job lined up just means that the economy is still horrid for lawyers and you haven’t won the job lottery (yet!). Don’t limit yourself unnecessarily. Consider jobs you might not have thought about — are you looking at government, public interest, small firms, etc.? Network with people who don’t appear to have job leads for you — this includes your law school classmates! — you never know who will run into whom, and you never know who will hear about an opening. Knock on the door of every professor you’ve liked and ask them for advice. The more that people know you are looking, the more leads you will get.

        But above all, remember: YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY. Look at everything you’ve accomplished already!! Remember being a 1L and freaking out about every little thing?? Remember studying for the LSAT and wondering what law school would be like?? Uncertainty is not defeat. You’ve got this.

      • Working Girl

        Does your law school have resources like a clerkship program? Can you ask them for help?

        Your letter writers should be 2 professors and one employer, so if you can’t find the employer (did you call them at work?) then maybe move on to a second employer. You don’t have to use their letter if the original employer ends up responding. Also, you should make this as easy for the employers as possible, so have them write ONE letter and offer to do the mail merge for them and print from their office stationary.

  8. CKB

    Anyone else have post-vacation blues today? I spent 4 crazy busy days straight at Disneyland with my family last week, and while I’m enjoying the calm & quiet of my office, and those 4 days totally exhausted me, I’m missing the amazing weather, the family time, and the magic that you only find at Disney.

    Spreadsheets just seem so mundane after riding roller coasters, hanging out in Radiator Springs & meeting Mickey and Minnie, kwim?

    • Mpls

      I’ve got “It’s supposed to snow AGAIN” blues. You know, 6 to 9 inches. In April. It was 20 degrees warmer this time last year. *closes eyes and crosses fingers* Summer is coming. Summer is coming. Summer is coming.

      At least the sun is out today.

      • Anon2

        Well, don’t look at the radar. That sun is about to go away. :(

        My pansies that are decorating my window box (still in their planting containers so they can be moved indoors at night) will have to spend at least a few more days inside. So tired of this!!!!

          • EB0220

            These comments crack me up. Especially on Monday when I am coming down with something. So, thanks, KK!

      • Ekaterin Nile

        I am so sick of our “snow every three days” weather here that I could scream.

        On the other hand, you can tell spring is here even with the snow. The air feels spring-like…

        • Mpls

          Oh totally – its definitely spring snow and not winter snow. It was really windy the other day, and I dreaded going outside, thinking it would be cold and biting…and it wasn’t as bad as I expected.

          It’s got to end eventually – it can’t stay 30/40 F all summer. But sooner, rather than later, would be appreciated. I’ve got cute clothes that I haven’t worn in… 7 months?

    • Anonymous

      Ohhh I’m spending 48 hours at disneyworld next month and I’m alreasfy looking forward to that feeling. I am sure the happiest place on earth will make for a brutal Monday but it’s worth the trade off.

      • CKB

        It’s SO worth the trade off! Have a fantastic trip. I was really worried that I had set my expectations for our trip too high & I would be disappointed. I shouldn’t have worried. My expectations were blown out of the water. Now I’m trying to figure out when we can make it back again.

        • Nonny

          Disneyland is so fantastic for an easy, stress-relieving holiday. When your most stressful decision is which ride to go on first, it’s hard not to have a good time. I haven’t been in ages and need to get there soon!

          • CKB

            Yes! Even though by the last day I was completely exhausted and practically brain dead, I was also totally stress free & relaxed. It was a weird feeling. You definitely should get back to Disneyland – Cars Land in California Adventure is absolutely amazing. It’s like being on the set of the movie, except the movie is a cartoon. It’s strange, but so, so cool. And the Radiator Springs Racers ride is the perfect combination of story & thrill ride. It was the only ride we went on 3 times and the only one we waited more than 40 minutes in line for, too. It was worth it!

    • JessBee

      I’ve been having a very related and similar feeling. I’ve been crazy busy since January, doing a lot of traveling (for grad school interviews), and I don’t think I’ve been in the office a full week in months. But I don’t feel like I’ve gotten any vacation at all. I desperately want to take some time off to myself, but I really can’t. So I’m stuck here living vicariously through all my friends (real and internet!) who have been on fabulous vacations! I am missing your vacation for you!

    • gov anon

      No, I’m having pre-vacation anstyness!! Leave tomorrow for a short hubby- related trip with my mom and a good friend. Really struggling to stay focused at my desk. I just want to be gone!

    • FP Angie

      So glad I’m not the only one who just loves hanging out at Disney. Utterly exhausting, but so worth it, for me.

  9. Shopping PSA

    My local Bloomingdales had tons of amazing clothes at huge discounts this weekend. I got work appropriate DvF, Hugo Boss and Reiss dresses for around $150-$200 each (originally $350-$450) and a Theory skirt for $90. I checked out the online sale and it is not nearly as good as the in-store sale. Monday is much less unpleasant when I am wearing new clothes!

  10. AIMS

    Since we’re always talking about the lack of cute tops to wear under suits here, thought I would make a recommendation: I got this top in red ($10 in store but apparently it’s $20 online) and really love it. Very cute and comfy, machine washable, makes my boring suit look more interesting and looks much more daytime-appropriate than most of the lace tops that are oh-so-popular right now. It’s also long enough to wear tucked or untucked, and because of the sleeves you can wear it sans blazer or cardigan without any worries. I’m now thinking of ordering the yellow . . . Just wanted to pass on in case anyone wants something bright and fun for spring/summer.

    http://www.target.com/p/merona-women-s-lace-popover-top-w-keyhole-assorted-colors/-/A-14373124#?lnk=sc_qi_detailbutton

    • anon

      Very cute. I bought something similar at Boden for many times the price. I think I’m going to try this one. Thanks for sharing.

    • Meg Murry

      Nice! And it looks like the Target on my way home has some in stock. This looks like a good option for my goal to step up my work clothes a little, without paying too much in case I or my kids ruin them. Now to decide which color – as I am also trying to break the rut of buying things in multiple colors, then getting tired of my wardrobe because its basically only 3-5 styles of shirts/pants in multiple colors!

    • ML

      Bought this top in white this weekend! I love it and am totally going to wear it to work. I may go back and get the navy as well. The yellow was adorable, if you can wear that color.

    • MJ

      I bought this top in the French blue two weekends ago…so cute. Agree it’s very Boden-esque, but at about 1/3 the price. Love.

      Also, I am wearing seersucker today. CA is HOT!

    • In the Pink

      I also like plain modal tops by Linda Leal and Judy P…usually either their own sites on line or in little local boutiques. Wear like iron, minimize lumps and bumps, and in a variety of necklines and lengths.

  11. Batgirl

    Bridal shower question: is it still considered in bad taste for the sister of the bride to host the bridal shower? Also, for an April wedding (next year), is Feb a weird month for a shower? Seems strange to do it in the winter, but I don’t see a way around it. Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      Eh, some sticklers might raise their eyebrows, but I see nothing wrong with a sister hosting. And there’s nothing weird about a winter shower.

      • Meg Murry

        Back in the day the rule was that close family didn’t host showers (mothers, sisters – aunts and cousins were questionable). But this rule has been relaxed in most parts of the country, especially if its a shower in the bride’s “hometown” where she no longer lives. To avoid pearl claspers though, it might be better if the shower was hosted by sister plus a bridesmaid or two, even if its at the sister’s home or the sister is doing the majority of the hosting duties.
        In my family shower’s are pretty much always hosted by aunts & cousins of the bride or groom and family is the majority of the guest list, so I didn’t know this wasn’t “proper” until I got called out on it by someone who was really into following the “rules”

    • rosie

      I had never hear it was inappropriate for a sister, just mother of the bride, and I don’t think that’s terribly prevalent anymore.

      I don’t see anything weird about a winter shower at all. Hot chocolate or coffee bar with different alcohol additions?

    • eek

      I don’t think it’s weird; maybe no one else has offered/is able to host a shower for the bride. I think it’s a nice gesture.

      I think Feb is fine – it’s a few months before so I don’t see a way around it.

    • Pest

      I think hosting it in February would be a nice change of pace. It will give you a chance to do a different theme from most other showers. Traditionally, the bride’s family is not supposed to host, but no one will frown on you doing it anyway.

    • Batgirl

      Thanks, everyone!

      I never heard the no-family rule until my mom mentioned it to me. It seems silly since it’s such a family event–plus, I’m the oldest of the bridal party (by about ten years), and I’d really like to host the whole thing since I know I have more money to spend than the others. And since it’s our family, I think we should host it. Oh well, haters gonna hate. :)

      I love the chocolate bar idea, by the way!

      • Anonymous

        since it’s our family, I think we should host it.

        Thats traditionally why family didn’t host it. “buy my family things!” But I think most ettiquette rules have gone out the window. I mean years ago I think registries (you mean YOU MAKE A LIST OF WHAT PEOPLE NEED TO BUY YOU) would be considered extremely tacky, but now it is almost standard. Cash registries are on there way there too.

  12. Entertaining anxiety

    I live in a house that is lovely but imperfect, which is to say, an average house. It is probably below-average for our neighborhood, but they have raised the bar pretty high. I’m OK with this. But my husband is not — he seems to be ashamed of it. We have small children and work full time, so not only do we not have a lot of discretionary $ right now, we likely won’t for a long time; not to mention, we have zero time to even do improvement projects on our own.

    Is there anything I can do to help my husband relax and enjoy having friends (friends! not strangers who will snark, but friends and neighbors we are friends with) over? He doesn’t flip out when family comes, but I like to have people over now and again (bi-annually?) and would love to do more spontaneous beer-and-pizza-with-neighbors now that I’m not nursing any more. He is Captain Crankypants with complaining about the house and frantically trying to make things tidyier (which he otherwise does not do).

    I’ve never lived in any fancy surroundings and do not feel that I need to be ashamed and not have people over b/c we’re not going to be in Architectural Digest. How do I get him off the ledge so he can relax and enjoy?

    • Diana Barry

      Does he feel like the house is too messy to have people over? If he feels that way, then it is HIS JOB to fix it before people come over. Is it that the decor isn’t nice enough, or that there is kid stuff everywhere, or that it is just not fancy enough??

      My husband and I have equal parts of CHAOS (can’t have anyone over syndrome from Flylady), but in different parts of the house. I have pangs about the kitchen and dining room, and he worries about the living room and his office. So we each clean up our “own” area before people come over, which works really well.

    • Marilla

      Do you have a backyard or deck? Can you do outdoor things in the summer so people are not wandering through your house as much?

      Also, is it a cleaning up/clutter issue, or just “my house is not as nice/fancy/redone as my neighbours’ houses”?

    • Apple

      this is a huge stereotype but could he buy an electronic splurge for entertaining that he’d be psyched to use? e.g. bluetooth speakers to play music.

    • Entertaining anxiety

      Thanks!

      His major comments are to the effect that we need major cosmetic help to large areas of our house and that there has been a lot of deferred maintenance (pressure-washing deck, getting light-colored carpets cleaned are the only two easy items on that list). This is true.

      Secondary complaints are that our TV is small (<40") and old and that our furniture is worn. All true.

      Tertiary complaints is that the house has a weird layout. [He did want to buy this house; I was content in a house I had fixed up when I was single; NOTE TO READERS: DO NOT MOVE INTO A HOUSE THAT IS A FIXER WHEN YOU ARE 4.5 MONTHS PREGNANT; NOTHING WILL EVER GET DONE.]

      None of this bothers me to the point of not having people over. I am not one to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

      The house is otherwise clean and tidy (esp. when you factor in kid stuff). I joke that it is Gray Gardens, but I am kidding.

      • Godzilla

        A lot of that stuff can be done for relatively cheap but it will require more time – is he willing to devote the time since major money isn’t an option? You can rent machines from Home Depot and similar stores. Papa Godzilla is a huge fan of restoring and repairing things himself, so the whole Godzilla clan got roped into home improvement. Besides easing your husband’s anxiety, you might actually get all of your improvements in.

      • Diana Barry

        Cosmetic – like painting or new curtains? Both are cheap and you can DIY. You can put slipcovers on worn furniture.

        If he wants to start saving for a new TV, or for painting, etc. – I would start doing that. Good idea anyway, and even putting a little aside each month will help.

      • goldribbons

        Honestly, it sounds like you’d both be happier if you moved. I know moving is a ridiculous amount of work, but if it’ll make you both happier (and with interest rates SO LOW right now), it might be a good idea to have a realtor send you some options. Alternatively, could you send the kids to a relatives’ house for a week and get some of these things addressed? Finally, if you’re near a college, there might be interior design majors who could help you with decorating ideas. Also, the whole situation sounds like it’s creating a rift in your marriage, so I would urge you to just ask DH how the two of you can work together to fix it, before it makes the rest of your life miserable.

        Good luck; this sounds pretty rotten.

        • Diana Barry

          Noooooooooooooo! Don’t move unless you have already fixed the house. Moving is such a huge PITA, plus you won’t get the best price for your house if you haven’t already done the cosmetic fixes.

          • Entertaining anxiety

            Moving’s not an option for us. I work about 60 hours a week and moving anywhere else in our city would mean a much longer commute on top of that. Plus, we can use public schools where we live now and the cost of private schools in other close-in neighborhoods is prohibitive. We’re stuck, but it’s a good place to be stuck! We can walk to restaurants and parks, etc. And we have old trees and sidewalks!

            I think husband is taking it really hard that we aren’t very well off like some of our neighbors (who knows? they could be in debt up to their eyeballs or have trust funds; maybe they have family near by who helps with children; many of our neighbors are non-fancy and have non-fancy cars and non-fancy stoves). It’s like we live in 90210 but are the Walshes and not Dylan McKay or Steve Sanders.

            We just live on a triage system: work, small children, making sure we don’t run out of milk.

            If we were to all of a sudden come into money, we’d need to come in to time to do (what I think would quell his anxiety): interview designer / decorators / builders; make plans; review plans; make a million small decisions on things like flooring, lamps, blinds v. plantation shutters, furniture, etc., etc. So it’s not like his anxiety would go away instantly (and I think it would actually go way up — coming to agreement on a million small things and then the inevitable construction snafus and delays, all while trying to do potty training).

            Is this some sort of broader anxiety thing? The other week we were talking to some neighbors and he blurted out “ours is the house with the front yard that looks like cr@p.” Which I didn’t appreciate, since I’d just spent a morning doing yardwork while the children played outside, and seemed an odd thing to blurt out generally. [FWIW, the neighbors live in a townhouse and probably wouldn’t mind having a detatched house or a yard to tend to.]

          • Diana Barry

            It sounds like your husband is feeling bad bc he’s comparing himself to the rest of the neighbors (with nicer places?), and he also might be feeling bad about his own ability to provide for the family so as to afford a nicer place. I would echo again the DIY suggestion, if he has time to plan it out and do it. Otherwise, perhaps you could find room in the budget for landscaping people, or grocery delivery, etc.

      • Anne Shirley

        Can you work through a plan together? It’s not reasonable to never have people over because you don’t live in a palace, but steam cleaning carpets and power washing a deck aren’t expensive and can be done in one busy Home Depot filled day. Could you puck a late Jube Saturday, say you want to have people over then, and write down a list of things you can reasonably do to prepare? It might help feel more at ease if there’s some recent accomushment to feel proud of, even if everything isn’t perfect.

        • Anne Shirley

          Apparently my girl scout cookie covered fingers were a bit too sticky to type, sorry

      • A.

        I realize now that I hosted people in my studio with CL finds, a 23″ old school tv, and old rental carpet during law school, and sometimes feel a little embarassed for a split second, before I realize that my friends chose to hang out because of the company not because of my fancy digs.

        I think that most people who get invited over will come over to enjoy your company/hosting without thinking about those other things. Unless you have slime growing in your bathroom… they might judge you a little for that.

        • wintergreen126

          I second the idea that friends come over because of the company, not because a place is fancy.

          Also, I love hanging out at my close friend’s place, which she shares with her SO. It’s brand new construction, and they try to keep things relatively neat (which is hard with a puppy running around), but I enjoy going over because of 1) the company and 2) because of the atmosphere, for lack a better word. Their furniture doesn’t look like anything out of an expensive catalog, either, and the layout is a little strange, but their sofas are comfy, and they are totally relaxed about everything–feel free to raid the fridge, that sort of thing.

          You want your friends to feel comfortable and at home; I think that’ s what makes informal get togethers fun.

          • Lady Harriet

            A beloved friend of the family has hosted large get-togethers for years, including Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter with 10-25 people every year. Up until 4 years ago, he lived in a cramped, cluttered, and frankly dirty apartment with bad old furniture, but still tons of people came, because the company was so great. He bought a new house which is much larger, nicer, and cleaner, and just as many people come now, but it’s not because of the house. (We do appreciate the cleaner bathroom, though!)

      • Meg Murry

        So the house has a weird layout and is a fixer? So what? If your neighborhood is anything like mine, your neighbors all toured it when it was on the market before you bought it, and even if they didn’t, they knew it was a fixer. This is nothing to be ashamed of – your house is what it is. Make a list of easy fixes (carpet shampooing, painting) vs big fixes (walls coming down, kitchen remodels, etc) and try to attach some time and budget constraints on each of them. Don’t let the 5 year plan of tearing out walls or cabinets get in the way of making it livable for today, even if that means spending a weekend painting a wall you might knock down someday. Have a family member come through and do a walkthrough to give you some honest feedback – whats are the things they notice and could you do something quick and easy about them like moving kids toys or putting up a decorative screen to hide something especially ugly?
        Also, I am reminded of this article, and friends and neighbors that have let us see their houses in less than perfect and how freeing it is: http://www.mommyish.com/2011/05/25/pay-it-forward-i-give-my-friends-the-gift-of-a-messy-house/

      • Big boy pants

        Has your husband done anything but complain? If not, he needs to put on his big boy pants and start working on what he is complaining about.

        FWIW, I would hold my tongue around a woman who works full-time and has small children about anything having to do with her house.

    • Unfrozen Caveman Realtor

      Below-average for your area is probably good. It’s generally better (in terms of value and resale) to have the most humble house in a fancy neighborhood than the fanciest house in a humble neighborhood.

    • Anonymous

      You can do a lot to fix up a house on the cheap. Have you checked out design blogs, like younghouselove dot com? Our house looked terrible when we first got it and yeah back then it was a little embarrassing having people over, but now it looks great. There’s no reason you need to put boatloads of money into unless things are actually broken. You can get new-to-you furniture at a thrift store and give it a fresh coat of paint, some new artwork on etsy and frame it in a frame from ikea or target. New throw pillows from home goods or target can really spruce up an old couch. Maybe you just need to think outside the box a little.

      • Entertaining anxiety

        It’s not all that bad! He is gone 2+ nights a week and I work late many nights after the children go to bed, which means no housework other than kitchen-related tasks and laundry those nights.

        Our master is bad (and there is a plan, but no $ for that), but that’s not really open for entertaining. One public room is noticeably worse than the others (and I have fixed it up some) and one public room is his clutter room; but all are clean and tidy.

        We did get some new outdoor furniture and have great outdoor spaces, but once we did that it was “well, we should get the deck painted again.” It’s always something (but isn’t that always the case — what gives? I have a feeling that things will *never* be good enough). And again, it’s not like I want to be on a house tour — this is for friends who (I think) like us.

        • Bonnie

          No public room should be a clutter room. Next time he complains, tell him to clean up his stuff.

        • NYC

          Yeah, it sounds like there is something else going on with him…some disappointment that he is not measuring up to others. Why don’t you hang some cheap lights in one of those outdoor spaces and sit down together and share a bottle of wine and talk about where things are right now? Life can be pretty crazy when you are both working and have small kids and it is easy to lose perspective. I’ve found that when I shake up our routine just a tiny bit, all sorts of stuff spills out of my hubby that he has been carrying around, but doesn’t seem to talk about when we are in our normal “drink wine on the couch” routine. Does that make any sense? I suggested the twinkly lights just because nice lighting makes everything seem a bit more intimate and special. Then maybe you can suggest an outdoor party.

        • Meg Murry

          Could he be coming from a place where either he was once picked on about his house (not so rich kid made fun of by rich friends for not having as nice/big of a house?) or one of his parents used to criticize people’s homes after them over (overhearing mother & aunts gossiping about someone’s house that wasn’t up to their personal standards?). Or could it be that he’s anxious about entertaining in general and is just making these excuses because he doesn’t enjoy parties? Personally, as an introvert large parties stress me out – I’d rather have 2-4 people over that I know well as opposed to lots of people in my house where I can’t escape. Could you suggest starting with just 1-2 couples for something low key and see how that goes?

          • Anon for this

            +1 re whether DH has longstanding insecurity about “our place isn’t as nice as [whomever else’s place]”
            What about an inexpensive new table cloth & napkins–something bright, colorful, inviting & cheerful? Or a colorful throw & some pillows on the sofa? Idea = give him something that releases enough enthusiasm to offset his reluctance. (Might also suggest putting some of his favorite foods onto the menu.)
            Memo to self: I’m going to try this also.
            OP: What’s the source of your term of Captain Crankypants–or is it original? It’s great!

        • NYC

          Also, I meant to add: people really do not care! I have friends who are fixing up their house and it is always a mess and they never seem to be making any progress and I do not care at all. I love them and am happy to be at their home whatever the occasion. They are always apologizing for it, but I actually find it sort of endearing.

        • Brant

          Make a list and work it down. We didn’t buy a “fixer” per se, but we bought a house we wanted to do a lot to. We have a laundry list of stuff and try to pick one thing (or part of one thing) each weekend to do-even if it’s only a few hours, or picking out a color for another day’s project.

    • Ms. P

      I could have written this, basically word for word. I sympathize and have little real advice. I feel like a lot of the advice here how to “make it better” is a bit misguided. This sounds like a problem your husband has. As someone else says, he needs to put on his big boy pants. If he has problems with the house, he needs to work to fix them. Or else he needs to work to get over his feelings of embarrassment. However, being in this same situation, I have no idea how to make/encourage either of these things to happen. Either way, it’s not your job to cater to or fix this for him.

  13. Kitten Heel

    How do you deal with difficult in-laws? My husband’s aunt is the rudest person I know. At a celebratory dinner hosted by my mother-in-law and father-in-law, my aunt mentioned me to a friend of my husband’s family (who I hadn’t me yet) saying “That is Kitten Heel. The other daughter-in-law is the good one.” I was within earshot, as was my mother-in-law, and my mom. This aunt was also quite rude to me all night. She has a reputation for causing unnecessary drama, but until yesterday I had managed to stay clear. I was extremely PO’ed but was too taken aback to say anything. This happened yesterday and I am still very agitated. I am also very disappointed that my mother-in-law, who I’ve always gotten along with, did not come to my defense. I’m also disappointed that my husband, while acknowledging she was in the wrong, says its just her personality, but doesn’t do anything about it (not sure what he CAN do now after-the-fact since he wasn’t around when she said it?). Do I just let this one comment go? How would you handle it?

    • notowhat

      A word of defence for your mother-in-law. In her situation, I would feel that coming to your defence would just give the aunt the drama she was looking for. Don’t feed the animals!

    • Divaliscious11

      I keep them out of my life. Seriously. If it isn’t a death or funeral, I stay away. DH is free to bring the children to visit, but I do not have to be somewhere I don’t want to be or be mistreated. I married him, not the rest of the crazy people…..

    • eek

      Your MIL has had a lifetime of drama with this person and perhaps she was concerned that saying something would make the situation worse or that she didn’t want to create a situation since your mom was also present. I am sorry you were the object of her rudeness. There’s one in every family and who knows why people act that way (illness, jealousy, attention) etc.

      As hard as it is, I’d try the hardest to let it go – seems like everyone knows she is trouble.

    • Mpls

      If you otherwise get along with the in-laws, I don’t think I would make this a sticking point.

      Is this the way they deal with Rude Aunt? If they generally ignore her just to get along (and avoid drama), and don’t give her statements credence, then I’d let it slide. If you’ve gotten different treatment in regards to Rude Aunt then other members of the family, I’d start with a conversation with SO (if you haven’t already) about how his family usually deals with Rude Aunt and whether it makes any difference to even respond to her rudeness.

  15. anon

    Can anyone comment on the quality of this Talbots Herringbone Pinstripe cotton suit? I like the idea of cotton suits in the summer, but the ones I’ve purchased at Ann Taylor and Banana Republic end up looking like a wrinkled, stretched out mess about 2 hours after I put them on. This one does have a little polyester in it, which might help with the wrinkling, but hopefully not enough polyester to make it shiny and sweaty. Anyway, if anyone has purchased any of this line, I’d love an opinion on the fabric.

    http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi30647&rootCategory=cat70008&catId=cat80022&sortKey=Default&section=Regular&conceptIdUnderSale=cat70008

    • anon

      Oh, and it’s online only, so I can’t check it out in the store. They are doing that with more and more of their clothes, there’s very little in the store anymore that I’m interested in. Irritating.

    • NOLA

      That’s a beautiful dress. Might be worthwhile figuring out what size I would be…

    • Bonnie

      I may have to try this one on. It’s much too hard to find weekend dresses that can be worn with a b r a. Thanks Pest.

  18. Mother Nature

    We moved into a new building and there is no recycling program. I have about 10 old rulebooks to throw away. Happy Earth Day!!!

  19. Infant Day Care?

    Child-related TJ, please skip if not interested!

    So, I’m unexpectedly pregnant (scared! excited! confused!). I live in DC, and will have about 3 months maternity leave before heading back to work. Luckily, the Mr. can stay home 2 days a week, but we are overwhelmed with trying to figure out day care options.

    Any recommendations for resources to use in the day care search would be extremely appreciated. I’d love any specific infant day care endorsements, but I also feel in over my head in trying to figure out where to go to research this. I am failing at google–and I am the first in my local cohort to face this issue.

    • SpaceMountain

      If thing are like they were 15 years ago, you need to get on as many wait lists as possible right now. It took me 2 yrs to get a call from the daycare in my building, at which point I was already sharing a nanny with another family in my neighborhood.

    • Pest

      I think the obvious tactic is to choose a place near your husband’s work or your work, so you should ask around to your co-workers once you are able to announce your pregnancy. It’s good that the DH has flexibility to work at home. You will need that on days that your child is too sick to go to daycare and that happens a lot from what I hear. Kids get sick from other kids at daycare and then can’t go to daycare much of the time.

    • Anon

      In addition to looking at day care centres, you might want to think about hiring a college student as a nanny. College career centres usually have job centres where you can post positions. It sounds like you only need childcare 3 days a week (I’m assuming your hubby is home caring for baby not working from home on the 2 days) Obviously you’d have to check references etc but that way you’d have someone who might also be interested in picking up extra hours in evenings if you had a nighttime event. I worked as a part time nanny in college and it was great because I could study when the baby slept (even if it meant that ‘studying’ was listing to my lectures on an ipod while I carried a sleeping infant around the house in the baby bjorn). I foudn my own childcare by basically asking everyone I knew with young children if they could recommend someone and then interviewing lots of people.

      • Paralegal

        Some colleges even have organized babysitter programs that the OP could contact (I had acquaintances at Barnard who did a lot of babysitting through the agency during school). I don’t know what the application process is like to work there, but it might be a helpful way to pre-screen candidates.

    • anonadvice

      I would get a childcare place either close to your home or close to one of your works. There are drawbacks to both. Close to work, you’ll have to commute with the baby which can be a nightmare if you take the metro. Close to your home, it will take longer for you to pick up the baby when it’s sick and needs to be taken out of daycare (which will happen a lot). I am also assuming that your husband is only working 3 days a week, not working from home 2 days a week. If it’s the WFH you will need daycare, because WFH with a baby is not really working as much. I would also consider a nanny or a nanny-share with someone in your neighborhood if you can afford it. Your kid won’t get sick as often as they would in daycare (and make you sick), thus lessening the amount of time you need to take vacation for sick days. I have coworkers with kids in daycare, and those who have nannies, and the difference in attendance/health is startling.

    • mascot

      Try to pick a daycare that both of you can get to relatively easily. That way one parent isn’t solely responsible for transportation. It’s true that kids in daycare have more exposure to germs, but I don’t think that guarantees that they will be out sick all the time. Our child has been in daycare since he was 3 months old and rarely misses school because of illness (knock on wood). One “downside” to a nanny is that they need sick/vacation leave too, so you could still have to juggle back-up care.
      Have you looked for DC parents groups or meet-ups? Those may have some suggestions for different centers.

    • Infant Day Care?

      Thanks for the recommendations — I hadn’t thought of a college student, but in DC, that might be feasible. My husband will be working 3 days a week (no WFH), so he will be able to watch the baby 2 days a week. I am hoping to be able to telework for those 2 days for breastfeeding, etc. (though I have to ask work about that)….

      I also hadn’t considered the illness factor!

  20. wintergreen126

    So I just noticed, under the harsh bathroom lighting, that I may not have been too circumspect this morning about choosing a bra to wear. I’m wearing a boat neck shirt from J.Crew; it’s not too thin or flimsy or anything, but it’s fitted enough that in the right light…

    Of course today of all days I don’t have a cardigan or blazer or anything with me. My office is above some decent shopping, so I can always run down and get something if I have to. I don’t think it’s that bad, but in general, how do you deal with something like this?

    • Bonnie

      You may be overthinking it. If you have to stare in the right light, then it’s probably not really noticeable.

      • wintergreen126

        You’re probably right. I think that since I noticed it, I’m just feeling really self-conscious.

    • hellskitchen

      If it’s only visible under harsh bathroom lighting, perhaps it’s not as evident to your co-workers in normal office lighting? I usually operate with the “other people don’t think about me as much as I think about me” maxim but if you are going to feel conscious then you could go buy a scarf or something to go with your outfit

      • wintergreen126

        It’s late enough in the day, that it doesn’t matter anymore. I was mainly concerned that it might look a little inappropriate if the outline and texture of my bra could be seen. I’ll be at my desk for the rest of the day, and after that, I’ll just throw on my coat anyway.

        But I know to be more careful tomorrow!

        • Meg Murry

          And tonight you can throw a cardigan and a scarf in your bag to leave at your office so you won’t have to question yourself anymore if this happens again – says the woman who keeps 2 full outfits in her office at all times (due to high potential for work related clothes ruining not to mention unpredictable heat/AC, but the work wardrobe has been helpful during wardrobe almost-malfunctions)

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