Reader mail: How to look professional while suffering from a visible medical condition?
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Today's reader mail has to do with a difficult subject: how to look professional while suffering from a visible medical ailment.
I have a question that I haven't seen addressed on your blog before, so I'm hoping you can help me. What is your advice on maintaining a professional appearance while suffering from a visible medical condition? In my case, it's alopecia areata: I periodically lose patches of hair (which do grow back, but they take a while, and in the meantime I've got a bald spot). Fortunately, the patches have always previously been in places where I can hide them under the rest of my hair, but right now I'm dealing with a particularly bad flareup and I have a large bald patch which will almost certainly become impossible to hide soon. I know I'm not the only professional woman dealing with this issue (or with any other medical condition that doesn't interfere with work but creates a distracting appearance). Do you have any advice for us?
Wow. First, our sympathies to you — it sucks to have to deal with this kind of condition. Second, we actually have a wee bit of experience with this exact ailment: our father suffered from it in the mid-80s. For him, it was difficult–big patches of hair would be missing, and he became aware that people were wondering whether he had cancer. In fact, his words of wisdom were as follows:
At a certain point, it becomes necessary to advise your friends and colleagues of the condition, just so they don't worry about you. People who notice it may be concerned about your health, but be too embarrassed to ask. If the condition becomes rather severe, some people may even wondered if you are undergoing cancer treatments. Most people will be relieved to learn that its a temporary and harmless condition, though certainly embarrassing. I actually posted on the door to my office an article describing the condition, once it became particularly acute.
But your question is a bit different — it's how to look professional while dealing with such an ailment. Obviously, wigs are an option; you may want to investigate wide headbands, also (or even make your own with high-end scarves). We also remember reading an article in the New Yorker about a spray-on hair dye that supposedly works great at covering bald spots. You may also want to look into hair pieces that you can attach to parts of your hair — we've read good reviews of Jessica Simpson's and Ken Paves's line of hair extensions, HairDo. (Pictured above: Jennifer Ouellette's Velvet & Lace headband, available at Barneys.com for $68.)
We would also say that, while there are a lot of options for covering it up, at a certain point people you work with need to accept that you're dealing with something right now, and it is in no way affecting your work, your intelligence, or your energy. Any professional situation you deal with–appearing in court, meeting clients, et cetera– should be understanding of that. If you're worried about what people say behind your back, you might want to try our father's approach — posting something outside your door — or perhaps approach a mentor at the office and start a conversation. For example, “I just wanted your advice on how to handle this — I am suffering X, and neither the ailment nor the treatment is affecting my job performance. Still, I worry about looking professional — how would you advise me in dealing this?”
Readers, any words of wisdom?
Another common medical condition that affects appearance is high-dose steroid treatment. Substantial weight gain is common, especially in the abdomen. I’m lucky now that I can work at home, but I occasionally have to network, but the distended abdomen from the steroids makes dressing for networking difficult. Maternity clothing would appear to be the solution, but it often doesn’t fit the “prednisone dome.”
Sympathies to the reader. I ran into a similar issue last summer – due to a horrible protracted year-long sinus infection combined with allergies and acute coughing, I had a subconjunctival hemorrhage which means that my left eye was completely red where it should be white. Not pretty.
In my case, I went to work and spoke to my boss first (who I had a good relationship with). Basically, I explained what it was, assured him it was not painful (it’s not, and honestly you can’t feel anything) and told him I was perfectly able and capable to work. I also warned him that according to the eye doctor, it would take up to 2 weeks to disappear. I mainly did that because I looked horrific and knew it would cause questions at my job. Fortunately, it was an in-house job and it was July so while there was a lot of work to do (because so many people had been laid off), nothing involved in-person contact with senior OGC management or senior business people in those particular couple of weeks.
I went that route mainly because I had no idea what else to do. But I was glad I did, because in my case, my condition caused more than just a couple of questions – I had a co-worker tell me directly I should not come into the office until I looked “presentable and not like something out of a horror movie.” The whole situation was a grandiose nightmare, and in my case, I found it helpful that someone senior to me knew the whole story and had no problem backing up my decision to continue working.
The biggest lesson I learned from that is that if you handle yourself professionally, you will be treated that way by most people. Nothing changed about my professional wear other than skipping eye makeup, and while I was tremendously self-conscious on the inside, I was very matter of fact on the outside, assuring people it didn’t hurt, that it was healing, and that I was fine and committed to doing my work there (which was especially important considering layoffs had been happening there and continued to happen). The vast majority of people responded very well.
Rhonda – I agree – my condition that causes me to take the steroids causes me to often have a bloated pregnant looking stomach not to mention the chipmunk cheeks you can get from the ‘roids. I also have a friend with serious adult acne and she loses so much of her confidence when it flares. Sad!
I feel you. For my entire life, I have suffered from eczema. It is on my hands, feet and face. There is no hiding it, and everytime I shake a hand I feel like I owe an explanation. Even adults have said inappropriate things about it (albeit rare) and as a child, other kids were brutal.
As a result, I was insecure for many years, but at some point decided that it was something that was part of me and simply made me more interesting. My way of dealing with this condition is to make light of it. I almost have a stand up routine about getting rashes from everything.
Yeah, it is sometimes difficult to look your best when you have a angry red rash or a bald spot. However, if you have a lightness about you and a positive outlook, people are less likely to notice, and respond more favorably.
Also, as you know, yours and my condition is auto-immune and exacerbated by stress. Remember to take care of yourself mentally/emotionally and physically.
Hi Niamh….I saw your post regarding the eczema and wanted to recommend a lotion called Renew by the company Melaleuca. I don’ t have eczema but i have heard it is a miracle from people who do, and it is a very nice lotion for me as well. It’s an all natural product that may be worth checking into if you have never heard of it. http://www.melaleuca.com
hope it helps…
I also have eczema, but only a big red scaly patch in the inside of my elbow. Whenever I want to look extra professional, I try to hide it but it’s very hard during violent flare ups (sometimes blood or lymph will ooze from the wounds). Fortunately those are rare
When it’s too hot for long sleeves I usually ignore the wounds and people ask me if I’m ok and they’re usually satisfied with a simple explanation as “it’s just like extra dry skin, but don’t worry, it’s being treated, it’s under control and it’s not contagious”. That last one stops all questions.
I haven’t yet started a “real job”. Should I hide my patches? In this later stage of treatment you can barely tell it’s eczema anymore, it’s just a white blob on tan skin. Still, would it be more professional to hide it?
Reader mail submitter:
Go google some trichotillomania websites. That’s websites for people who have a different disease, but one which also involves large bald patches: an irrisistable urge to pull their hair (often worsened by different foods and environemental factors, like any other disease). That is not your cause, I know, but you’d be surprised how much stuff those guys and ladies have come up with to hide their bald spots which do not involve wigs, and I think, how many things you might find yourself to have in common with them as far as problems and insecurities go. Trichotillomania is a pretty spread disease (even the actor Colin Farrell admitted to having it once) although most folks don’t pull their scalp hair, but because the outside world always reacts to it with “Well, just stop pulling” kinda attitudes, trichotillomaniacs tend to have tons of clever ways to hide it.
Including very elaborate hair do’s, scalp tattoo’s in hair color, scalp masking sticks and pencils and stuff like that. Some clip fake hair into their hair, I’m not sure how but as I’ve said, google around for it. Also, dating is a popular topic there. Not sure how “hot” a topic it is for you, but if it is, you can find tons of helpful tips there too. :)
I’m appalled that people with visible medical conditions have to worry about this. Their health is their business and no one else’s. The only possible reaction a decent person would have to a bald spot or a red eye or anything of that sort is… nothing. Until the sufferer chooses to say what’s going on, it is invisible. And if they choose to say nothing, that’s their business and their decision and that’s that, everyone else needs to get on with their work and grow up.
My mom has alopecia too. She got a wig, but found it ridiculously itchy to wear. Eventually, she just got a medium-length haircut with pfoofy-wispy bits on top, and then hairsprays the crap out of it to cover the patchiness. Maybe try hair extensions, or parting your hair a new way. Also, sometimes just letting your hairstylist know will help you (and her!) work out a new ‘do. All stuff that is common-sense, but wanted to just chime in and hope that it comes out OK in the end.
@ Delta,
I don’t really see why asking what happened is wrong, especially if a person is somebody you know more than in passing. I don’t think it’s fair to expect of colleagues to worry about somebody’s health not knowing what’s going on, when a simple answer would relieve the worry. If you as the sufferer have issues about your disease you need to either to come up with a believable lie to tell everybody and stick to that, or get over whatever feelings you have and tell everybody, by far the better option. Frankly, in my experience people’s reactions aren’t as horrified as you imagine them in advance to be, or horrified at all, as long as you’re matter-of-factly about it.
– Oh my eyebrows? I pull them without even noticing whenever I’m nervous. It’s like biting nails or something.
– Oh… Weird. So, how’s friday 14.00 hours for you?
Not telling anybody is kind of a vicious circle where you start thinking you’re the only one in the world, some kind of monster, etc etc. Telling kind of makes it all fine all of a sudden, at least, in my experience.
(That being said, who-ever’s colleague told her not to come to work looking like a horror movie prop was being extremely rude. Asking does not equal commenting. For a few months, I had a roomie in university who was always making comments like that, but then she was just always like that, to everyone. It was her character or something.)
Difficulties with hair (bald patches, thinning hair, bad hair days, etc) are part of why I wish that wearing tasteful hats was more common. There are so many cute vintage hat styles out there which would really spice up an outfit. Alas! I’d feel incredibly bizarre walking into the court offices with something on my head.
Original poster here – thanks very much for all your helpful advice and comments! I got lucky this time, and the current patch has stopped spreading and started to grow peach fuzz, but there will certainly be another flareup at some point and all of this advice will be extremely helpful then.
Best of luck to all of you dealing with similar issues!
OP: glad to hear it has gone away, even if only for now. I gather there’s a genetic element to this – a friend of mine had it during university, and found that her father had had it to. For her, it was stress-related. One day it went away and she never heard from it again. Hope it’s the same for you.
I worked while I was undergoing chemotherapy for cancer last year and dealt with hair loss then finally just shaved my head and wore a wig. My “words of wisdom” to you would be – people are surprisingly unobservant! Of course I was fretting about my patchiness and shedding, then the fact that I was wearing a wig, but honestly, people barely noticed. When I started wearing the wig a lot of people told me they liked my new haircut. Then when I stopped wearing the wig, they asked me what had prompted my new radical haircut! Of course I’m sure that some people noticed, but apart from the occasional stupid comment, most people either didn’t notice or didn’t say anything.
I had to have foot surgery. I should have bought several pairs of flat shoes in a larger size before the operation. It was difficult to do so after the surgery. It was important to get out of that “boot” thing as soon as possible. “Crocs” were useful as a transition out of the “boot”. After that, very flexible ballerina flats in a larger size worked best and were okay with suits. A foot is enlarged after surgery for quite a long time.
Corporette,
Can you comment on how to handle such a situation while interviewing? A very good friend of mine had a lupus flare recently, and thus had major “moon face”/chipmunk cheeks. She did not look like herself, yet she was meeting strangers. She wasn’t sure whether to address it, as she was interviewing for jobs with long hours, where her health could have been a negative. What is the proper thing to do in this situation? Put it out there, even in an interviewing situation, or, pretend that one normally looks, well, quite abnormal? Thanks for your response.
I have alopecia areata to the point where all my hair fell out in law school. I shaved my head during school and wore a wig when I started work in order to draw as little attention to the situation as possible. I now see an excellent derm and the condition is largely under control, but I sympathize with your pain. Are you seeing a dermatologist?
AA Sufferer, I have an appointment with a derm in January (the soonest I could get in, unfortunately). We’ll see what happens – mine started in law school, too, and the derm I saw then didn’t take any action because the hair had already started to grow back by the time of my appointment. I’ll be interested to see how this one handles the issue.
Are you in NYC? If so, I can give you the name of my guy as he specializes in female hair loss and can usually fit people in in emergency situations. Either way, best of luck to you. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
No, not in NYC, unfortunately. Thank you though!
I’ve been battling alopecia for about 15 years (since I was in college), and have been somewhat fortunate that most of my patches are smaller than a quarter and can be worked around. There have been times where I’ve had spots where I can’t flip my part or hide it. I have brown hair, so what I do is get one of those little “cover my gray” crayons at the beauty supply store (some drugstores have them, too), and use it to camoflauge the patch to the extent that I can (on dry scalp) and then try to work around it. It also works good for covering up my sprouts, which pop up white and then go brown. It’s all very odd. And it flared up big time in law school, but is much better now.
If you’re in LA, I have a great doctor at UCLA who specializes in alopecia. He consults for the National Alopecia Areata Association. He has great office hours (opens at 6:30!) so you won’t be cutting into your hours and is very personable. If you’re into holistic stuff, I have a guy who does wonders — nice parallel treatment.
I’ve been battling alopecia for about 15 years (since I was in college), and have been somewhat fortunate that most of my patches are smaller than a quarter and can be worked around. There have been times where I’ve had spots where I can’t flip my part or hide it. I have brown hair, so what I do is get one of those little “cover my gray” crayons at the beauty supply store (some drugstores have them, too), and use it to camoflauge the patch to the extent that I can (on dry scalp) and then try to work around it. It also works good for covering up my sprouts, which pop up white and then go brown. It’s all very odd. And it flared up big time in law school, but is much better now.
If you’re in LA, I have a great doctor at UCLA who specializes in alopecia. He consults for the National Alopecia Areata Association. He has great office hours (opens at 6:30!) so you won’t be cutting into your hours and is very personable. If you’re into holistic stuff, I have a guy who does wonders — nice parallel treatment.
I’ve got alopecia but it’s the kind where the hair is thinning all over and not in distinct patches (usually). I was able to get hair extensions with very fine bonds and it looks great. If you just get extensions to add body rather than a lot of length, it’s much cheaper.
The reader with alopecia could also try wearing a “topper” or mini wig which is less heavy and artificial than a full wig. You can purchase a topper with real or synthetic hair. The cost is substantially less than that for a full wig.
Also, some hospitals have free wig programs primarily for cancer patients. These are wigs that have been donated by previous cancer patients and are usually in great shape. There is no reason why they wouldn’t provide a wig for a bona fide medical condition.
Try toppik.com