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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
For those of you looking for the perfect sheath dress, I present this lovely little number from Reiss. I like the full lining, the seams, the flattering but high V, and the cap sleeves — I particularly like how the sleeves would work with a blazer, cardigan, or by themselves, and how the neckline flares up a bit so it'll peek out of a blazer like a collar. Lovely. It's $340. Reiss Lee V-Neck Body-Con Dress
Here are two lower-priced options and a plus-size alternative.
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-5)
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anonymous
Love the dress.
I’m travelling to Southeast Asia for some scuba diving and hiking (and some sightseeing) I have a big floppy had that I’d like to wear to keep the sun off me, but I’ll just have a backpack. Any suggestions on how to pack it so it doesn’t get smushed? Or do they just not travel well?
MJ
This depends on the weave of the hat. If it’s a firm weave, smushing in a backpack might wreck the structure. If it’s more floppy, you should be able to fold into halves or quarters and it should come along fine. I wouldn’t expect whatever you bring to last beyond the trip. I would suggest bringing a nylon number, but that’d be too hot in the sun….
Anon
I recommend something like this.
It bends and then springs back to its original shape.
I’ve been wearing it for extended periods outside during our recent 90-95 degree afternoons, and it keeps me cool and shaded.
http://www.zappos.com/san-diego-hat-company-rbl299-crushable-ribbon-floppy-hat-black
emeralds
I have that hat and would absolutely recommend it. I’ve packed it and dragged it through numerous backpacking stints and it’s still going strong, five years later.
Basics
This is exactly what I was going to suggest. It is certified UPF 50, too.
Anonymous
Another +1 for that hat. You can roll it up so it takes up about the same amount of space as an umbrella, and it pops right back into shape when you unroll it.
I'm Just Me
Look for a crushable or travel hat. LLBean sells them, as does REI. Amazon even has a selection.
Blonde Lawyer
I’m not usually a fan of throw-away fashion but this is the perfect circumstance for that. I would buy the hat once I’ve landed and am in town and I’d leave it behind before flying home.
Anonymous
+1
You can literally buy a hat for a dollar on any street.
anonymous OP
Thanks all! I’ll probably purchase the hat liked to above.
Pippit
Another option is to either wear it during transit, or sew a loop of thread into the inside of the brim, which you can use clip on to the backpack, so the hat can attach to your pack when you don’t want to wear it.
Blonde Lawyer
A law school friend of mine flew home wearing his motorcycle helmet. He carried on board a regular carry on, a small back pack and the helmet. The flight attendant insisted that the back pack and helmet made two personal items so he couldn’t bring them all on board. After discussing various options and making analogies to jackets and hats, the FA said something like “if you think it is regular wearable attire and you are going to wear it on the flight then fine.” So, he wore it on the flight much to the amusement of his fellow passengers.
Collars
This is lovely. Maybe not for me as a pear (and if I didn’t have a ton of black or neutral sheath dresses), but lovely.
I have a Q about button-up shirts with collars. I know that men’s shirts have different sorts of collars. But our shirts just have collars. Have collars thinned out a bit? I have a few button-ups that are a few years old and something seems off in the collars. Too think? They aren’t 70s-ish at all, but I have a chambray shirt that I just got with a noticeably smaller collar (that I like). Or is it with office work shirts, the collars are more substantial than with casual shirts?
I think I might hate button-ups less if the collars were smaller (like my chambray shirt). But what’s current for collars? And how to you tell? With my BigLaw office, it’s hard to find a good female dressing role model, so I’m left with my internet friends.
MJ
I would check out some of the British shirtmakers–T.M. Lewin, Hawes & Curtis, Austin Reed and Charles Tyrwhitt. They all have women’s lines of button-front shirts and you can see what is now. Shirt fashion starts there, for work shirting.
Cat
You’re not imagining things – collars have gotten noticeably smaller along with the more “shrunken” trend in menswear. I was doing a closet purge the other week and found, buried at the back, a few shirts that I wore in college internships (admittedly 10 years ago) and the collars seemed enormous all of a sudden. My shirts from law school/early associate years still look OK but still have collars that are a little longer than recent purchases.
S In Chicago
Any tips for surviving the exit interview from long-time employer?
Best ways to respond if they try to get you to stay?
A
An exit interview isn’t a harrowing affair – just pleasantly answer the questions and don’t burn any bridges. If they wanted to try to get you to stay, they wouldn’t wait until the exit interview to start. You can just reply with what you’ve already said.
Anonymous
Don’t say anything negative. At all. There is zero upside for you. Be polite, answer questions briefly, and if they do ask you to stay, say you’re flattered but no.
Anon Lawyer
Agreed. I think the exit interview is their chance to double check that they shouldn’t expect any lawsuits down the road and/or to have evidence against you if you do bring one. Also the hiring coordinator at our firm was dumb enough to put the notes from one of the exit interviews s/he conducted on the central server so it came back as a result when I was looking for something else. Seemed to me that the exit interview was also a chance for the firm to feel like the departing person was making a big mistake and was too stupid to realize it, sort of like, when after you break up with your boyfriend he likes to think that you’ll regret it.
KT
Exit interviews are no big. Be polite, exit gracefully. They likely wont press you to stay (its a little late if you’re at the exit interview stage) but if they do, reply with “Thank you–this has been a great experience. But I’m really looking forward to my next opportunity”
Baconpancakes
I know this is a day late, but in case you’re still subscribed, my recent exit interview was very pleasant – the director met with me, asked what I felt had been the strongest part of my experience, and what they could improve. I was honest about both, gave positive feedback about the recent employee incentives changes, encouraged them to do more of that, and made suggestions about recruitment, which was one of the weak links at the company. At the end, the director said that it had been a pleasure and said that if I wanted to come back for a different role (the kind I was leaving for), in a few years that program might be more open and there would likely be a place for me.
EB0220
Help me, wise ladies. Has thissite done a general financial/legal planning overview? My husband and I have 2 young kids and he’ll be leaving his corporate job to start a small business in the next 6 months to a year. I know we need a will, and we probably need a general financial/legal health check. Do you go to different professionals for this (attorney, CPA, etc.) or look for a one-stop shop (don’t even know what this would be) that can take a holistic approach? Help!
MJ
I am all over this thread today. You need the New York Times’ financial tune up to guide you.
http://topics.nytimes.com/your-money/financial-tuneup/index.html
EB0220
That’s great, thank you!
mascot
Is there a small business development organization in your state/town? They may be able to provide you with information about loans, local professionals, how to write a business plan, management services, etc.
EB0220
Thanks! This is a good idea. I think we’re good on many of these things, but still wouldn’t hurt to investigate.
Carrie M
I think this dress is beautiful, but I have a hard time believing that I could make any dress described as “body-con” appropriate for my office.
Collars
I think of body-con as more clubbing wear. I think that when Reiss uses “body-con,” it means: no room for your lunchtime burrito to hide. It’s wool and lined (and one of the pics on the model makes it look too short and possibly the wrong size), not something like a bandage dress.
Ellen
Yay! I agree with Carrie M. There is NO way that I can buy this for the office. Between the LO-V neck and the tight body-con in the tuchus, Frank would be all over me. FOOEY b/c he has NO license to touch, and I do NOT like what he has to say about my body, b/c he is MARRIED and has a wife to say those thing’s to!
The judge had great food catered for us from a deli downtown, and I ate all of the corn beef. I think the manageing partner told him that I like corn beef, so he got enough meat for 3 sammiches, just for me. I told him I was dieteing so I did NOT eat 6 peices of bread, just 2. But that meant more meat for me. YAY!!!!!!
Mason keep’s oooogeling the judge’s grand neice, and Lynn is getting pissed off at him. I heard her telling him NOT to stare at her, so he says that he looks and her but that Lynn is the one he goes home with. FOOEY on men that fantasize over OTHER women.
The judge has a law clerk that was ooogeling me, but he is 60 year’s old and goeing to retire. I do NOT think he could buy a house in Chapaqua. FOOEY! Where are the guy’s that want to get MARRIED to a woman like me and move to Chapaqua? DOUBEL FOOEY!
CJ
I think this situation with Mason will play out in a negative way–it did for me under very similar circumstances. I was the girl dating a young lawyer when a new secretary arrived on the scene at his law firm. He immediately was smitten by her, but swore to me the relationship was purely professional–until he came home one night (yes, we were living together) with a condom wrapper in his shirt pocket, which I discovered when doing his laundry. I put two and two together and figured that he was not just picking up stray litter (even tho the secretary did constitute the epitome of trash in my book). I confronted him and he was speechless. Needless to say, I told him to leave and had his stuff sent to his mother’s house across town. I have never regretted dumping him, nor have I looked back. I would just caution trusting women not to believe any stories when they find conclusive evidence of incrimination.
Anita
I have this dress in a size larger than I normally wear and it’s perfect for the office and drinks after work. Fitted but not revealing or uncomfortably tight. I have narrow hips and am built pretty straight up and down, so this may not work for someone curvier.
HSAL
I sort of agree, but I also think anything can be body-con if you wear the wrong size. I usually interpret it as “I’ll probably need to size up if I want to wear this to work,” like Anita above.
anon
Has anyone implemented Getting Things Done (or any other productivity system) when they had fallen super behind at work? It’s my busy season and I went into it a little unmotivated. Now I’m really behind and feeling so guilty about it! I’m trying to do the “mind sweep” that David Allen uses to start GTD, but every time I start I feel so guilty about everything that has piled up that I get overwhelmed. The GTD materials don’t really seem to address any of the emotions caused by being behind at work. Does anyone have advice for getting over the initial hump?
L
I make a list of EVERYTHING. Literally everything I have to do, down to the steps included for larger projects all broken out, on paper. Then I prioritize (I add stars). After this I pick 1 priority and (depending on the list length) 5-10 things that I’m going to do that day. They can be small steps, they can be big steps, but I have to do them. Somehow seeing it all broken out into small steps helps.
I also commit to coming in one Saturday/Sunday (or both) and then I get to take myself to a nice lunch after.
Cb
Could you bribe yourself a bit? Buy yourself a nice coffee, sit in a café with paper and markers (away from the distraction of email) and write down everything you need to do, highlighting what needs to be done this week, what needs to be done next, and what can be relegated or delegated?
emeralds
I was just in this place at the beginning of the month, except instead of being a little unmotivated I was (still am…) extremely unmotivated. I would say find something small and achievable, and start there so you can get the feeling of at least clearing SOMETHING out of the giant pile. And pick apart bigger tasks into smaller, concrete steps. I was in a place where I would have 20 voice mails after taking my lunch break; instead of being like, “I will listen to and respond to 20 voice mails in the next hour!” I would tell myself to log into my voice mail and listen to 5, with no obligation to return every call immediately, which was something I could wrap my mind around. Seriously, make it so easy for yourself to do SOMETHING productive that you have no excuse not to.
Calico
“Nothing is more exhausting than the task that’s never started.” -Gretchin Rubin
This is basically my whole problem in a nutshell. Once I roll up my sleeves and commit, I dare say I enjoy the work. But I can waste days, even weeks, as it piles up on my desk. The thought of starting overwhelms me with anxiety and I would rather do ANYTHING else. When I finally convince myself to start it’s not bad at all. Not sure how to convince myself to start faster. That’s what I’m working on.
Cry baby
I know this feeling too well. Honestly, I’ve made the list, then gone to the bathroom and had a good cry about it (as quietly as possible). Acknowledge that it sucks, and is overwhelming, and sucks some more. Then gone back to work and started on whatever I was dreading the most. For me at least, allowing myself to have all the feelings and letting them out acts as a reset switch. YMMV.
Procrastinator
Oof. I’ve been there. I still am there, actually.
I just started reading a book called “The Now Habit” that has helped me with some of the emotional issues related to my procrastination. Might be something to consider when you have a few minutes. I’ve been identifying the reasons for my procrastination. Not sure what to do with that info, but just recognizing some of it and thinking about it has helped me move along a bit. I still struggle daily, but being able to honestly tell myself that none of this makes me a bad or lazy person has helped. Once I have started and finished a few smaller things, I can remind myself how it feels to not have that crushing weight of putting tasks off. Good luck!
Seattle Day Trip
I’m heading to Seattle for a long weekend in August. I’m hoping to do one day trip. We’re not hikers, but do appreciate the outdoors/beautiful scenery, etc. We considered Mr. Ranier, but is there anything to do once you drive up to it? Any other suggestions? TIA!
Scarlett
I’d take the ferry to Bainbridge Island – cute shops and places to walk around. I think Mt. Rainer is all about hiking.
Annie
+1 to Bainbridge. Other options are to take the ferry from Mukilteo, drive up Whidbey Island, stop at some wineries, and go through Deception Pass.
cbackson
If you want to do a day trip, Mt. Rainier is a long haul. I’d do Bainbridge, as others have noted – get dinner at The Four Swallows or the Eagle Harbor Pub, visit the gardens at the Bloedel Reserve, and drive up to Fay Bainbridge State Park on the north end. You can make a very nice day of it.
Another good day trip would be Snoqualmie Falls. You could do a moderate hike up Little Si, visit the falls, and have lunch or dinner in one of the towns in the Snoqualmie Valley or at the lodge at the falls.
A longer trip, but really lovely, would be Port Townsend.
Oww
Any experience with migraine meds that don’t knock you out? Over the counter meds aren’t helping anymore.
Wanderlust
When I first started with prescription meds, I had good luck with Fiorinal. It relieved the headache a bit and let me finish up my day until I could go home to relax. After awhile, it stopped working, and now the only things that help (Zomig!) knock me out.
Meara
Love my zomig! It doesn’t knock me out though it does work a lot better if I can take a little nap or something.
Anonymous
I think you have to just try them and see what works for you. When I first went to a neurologist, they gave me several to try and I had to keep a journal on how it worked and how it made me feel. I think I went through 4 or 5 before I found one that is effective without me needing to take a nap (it does make me feel a little tired and if I’m able to take a nap, it’s the best sleep ever–but I can also power through if necessary).
It’s been a while so I might have the names wrong, but I think I tried Imitrex, Relpax, Maxalt, Zomig (in both pill and flavored chewable form, apparently they’re different), before finally finding that Amerge worked well for me.
Anon
+1 Amerge works for me. It occasionally makes me feel a little wonky, but not really “knocked out.” I would say the feeling is a little more like having too much caffeine. I have no issues with productivity with it.
SFedits
You may be using the OTC meds too frequently and getting into a rebound situation whereby they become ineffective. Fiorinal is considered a high -risk med for rebound. The triptan class of medications (includes Zomig, which another person posted about) might be the best to start considering. I’ve found zomig to be the most effective, though it does cause some fatigue, but others might be good for you and there are several. Also, note that the fatigue can be due to the migraine itself. Good luck!!!!
lsw
Imitrex is my LIFESAVER. I also have Sumavel Dosepro, but I do think that makes me feel slow for about 3-4 hours, so I only take it when I can take the day off.
Also, feel better. Migraines are the worst.
Anono
I think the triptans (Imitrex and its progeny) are the best for this. I’ve tried several, and Relpax is the one that works best for me. It’s non-narcotic (like all triptans). Take with coffee and it’s non-drowsy:)
If you can get a doctor to prescribe Fiorinal or Fioricet (both are caffeine + barbiturate + aspirin / acetaminophen), you might find it’s non-drowsy for you. But it really depends whether your body is more sensitive to the upper (caffeine) or the downer (butalbital) component. However, if you think you might go this route, definitely do some googling and talking to your doc, because these drugs can be really habit-forming and cause big rebound issues.
Neurologist here
Find a headache neurologist, and try the tryptans at various doses/types.
How often are you taking abortives? It may be time for you to start taking a medicine every day to decrease your frequency of migraines/headaches.
It is pretty common to get in a routine of taking more and more over the counter meds, which will often stop working over time or worse… start giving you headaches as soon as they wear off. And then you develop the Chrinic daily headache…. Which can be very hard to treat.
I strongly recommend staying away from fiorinal or fioricet. They are no longer used in many countries because of their risks for causing dependence, rebound headaches and worse. They contain a barbiturate (sedative) and this can also cause fatigue for many. Never take these medicines unless you are followed by a headache neurologist. I cannot emphasize this enough, and have seen too many problems develop by primary care doctors prescribing these uncorrectly.
soaps
I started out on Fioricet and I did not like it. Imitrex has worked really well for me, but I’m paranoid about using it too much because I don’t want the magic to stop working one day.
And I know this will sound weird, but I’ve also tried meditating the pain away successfully. I envision the pain and I imagine it melting away. It really has brought me relief, but I do always have the Imitrex on hand still.
Anonymous
I think the general rule with triptans is that you don’t want to take more than twice in a one-week period. If you’re regularly hitting that, you may want to increase your preventive, but it you only take it twice a month, I don’t think you need to worry.
My insurance only covers four pills per month, so while I find it annoying that they are telling me how many migraines I’m allowed to have (or at least allowed to get rid of), it does sort of force me to evaluate whether I really need to take my abortive or if I can get away with plain Aleve, so that I don’t end up in an overuse and rebound migraine situation.
Seattle Freeze
Totally agree with you, Anonymous, but your insurance bites. Mine defaults to 8 max/month, but I have an authorization for 12 – for two different triptans. Don’t usually need that many, but during a flare-up, my choice is functioning and remaining employed or…. not. Perhaps your insurance will do a similar authorization for more, if your doc agrees you need more?
Fortunately, not everyone develops medication overuse headache with triptans, and there’s some evidence that triptans don’t cause MOH at all. Some headache specialists prescribe a daily triptan for patients with intractable chronic migraine, usually naratriptan. See http://www.nyheadache.com/blog/daily-use-of-triptans/comment-page-2/#comment-289614 for more on this.
KC
I’m on a generic version of inderal every day to prevent (24 hour release). I was SO tired the first 2 weeks but then I was fine. I take Maxalt for attacks. Makes me drowsy but doesn’t knock me out. Like I could easily go to sleep if I laid down, but otherwise I’m fine.
Oww
Thanks for the advice everyone. I only get migraines once or twice a month. Excedrin migraine and coffee used to be enough to make them go away but that’s not working anymore. I had a prescription for something years ago but stopped using it because it just knocked me out for a full day.
Magnesium
One thing that has really helped me on the prevention side is taking magnesium supplements. I take 400mg/day and I now have about 1-2 migraines/month versus 1-2/week (my migraines are triggered by changes in barometric pressure). As always, probably best to discuss with your doctor before trying it. Good luck finding some relief!
Excel Geek
For those who were asking about Orange Theory yesterday:
I just started going.
Their thing is all about your heart rate. You do about 1/2 the class on the treadmill moving between Base Pace (about what you would jog a mile), Push Pace (1-2) mph faster than that, and All Out Pace (2+ mph faster than base). These are 1-2 minute intervals at the higher speeds.
The other half of class you split between the water rowing machine and floor exercises, some of which are weight training, some are TRX, and some are other variations of floor exercises.
You wear a heart rate monitor (be forewarned, you have to buy one and it’s about $70) and you can see on a screen how you are doing. They have different zones based on what % of your max heart rate you are at. They want you moving between the orange and green zones (orange is 84%+, green I think is 70%-84%, red is 92%+). Their theory (the orange theory, if you will) is that if you spend between 12-20 minutes in the orange and 20-25 minutes in the green, you will continue to burn more calories over the rest of the day.
It’s a really good workout. You will absolutely sweat.
anne-on
Just a comment – I have knee issues so instead of running I power walk at an increasing pace/level of incline during the class. They also have modifications to eliminate some of the jumping machines.
I like it a lot – it doesn’t replace my lifting days, but its a very significant cardio burn for me, with some weights/ab work thrown in. I’m hoping going 2x wk in addition to my weight lifting helps push me over the hump to lose a last little bit of weight.
L
Stupid question, but do they have non-treadmill option for those of us with terrible ankle/knees?
Excel Geek
They have one bike and one glider for those who need
L
YES! Thanks! I’ll call my local to confirm. Stupid knees.
Wanderlust
Wow, this sounds really interesting, like a good mix of “awesome workout” and “you do you!”
There’s one right by my apartment now, apparently…
NewlyPreggo
I just learned that they opened a new OrangeTheory within walking distance to me, now I’m intrigued! I’m 4 months pregnant though, so I’m a little hesitant. Online it seems like you can scale your workout and this wouldn’t be a problem. My doctor said it was fine to exercise to less than exhaustion but never to work out my abs specifically (no situps). I’d love any thoughts from anyone who’s done these workouts before. Thanks!
Anonymous
Pregnancy doesn’t seem like the best time to start a brand new fitness routine.
HSAL
Check out The Fitnessista. She’s a fitness instructor, so very active with lots of workouts, but I believe she stopped doing Orange Theory during her pregnancy (she’s almost 6 months along).
Anonymous
I would check to see whether it’s even an option–a lot of the studios I go to will not allow pregnant clients unless they had been regular customers prior to pregnancy.
Anonymous
There are several pregnant ladies working out at my local orangetheory.
TBK
Is it engaging? I get bored really easily.
DisenchantedinDC
I found it boring. I usually do CrossFit and missed the engagement with my instructor and class, as well as the variety – OTF is one instructor working with multiple groups at the same time, so you might get some adjustment, but mostly just a lot of yelling and tussle as people move from station to station.
Wildkitten
Where do your tall skinny menfolk find pants for work?
Cb
How formal? I’m in the UK but my husband tends to stock up when we’re in France or Belgium as you can find a decent selection of 30×34. Asos has also been good for more formal trousers and suits.
Anon
Try club monaco
Clementine
Jos A Banks, Banana/JCrew on a hit and miss basis.
He looks for ‘Slim cut’ or ‘European’. I should add that he’s not really so much skinny as lanky.
Sydney Bristow
Same for mine. He actually just got some really great slim fit pants from Macy’s too. I’m not sure what brand they are though. It was part of a suit that also came with a vest, so that could help narrow it down. Unfortunately the suit jacket sleeves were way too short but the pants were perfect.
Anon Lawyer
Nordstroms and then get the length tailored by them. They don’t finish the hem line on the legs with the expectation that that will be done custom when you make the purchase.
anyanony
Agree with Nordstroms.
anon
Piggybacking on this — ideas for more “athletic” cut men’s chinos/khakis, preferably inexpensive? My spouse is on the hunt, and while he has a very small waist, he has very large/muscular legs. Are we stuck with tailoring?
Brit
Brooks Brothers.
Senior Attorney
And piggybacking again: Ideas for the more apple-shaped menfolk? My son has gained some weight post-Marines and we ran into some trouble while shopping for pants this week. We’re going to hit Nordstrom today, but any other ideas for bigger waist sizes?
Zebra
Charles Tyrwitt for the tall skinny menfolk. You’re in DC, right? There’s a B&M store on Connecticut ave by the Farragut north station. My fiancé really likes the cut (he prefers this to his Nordstrom and Jos A Bank suits), and they seem to be good quality for the price.
anon 4 this one
I have nearly persuaded my employer to allow me to remain technically a full-time employee while working 4 days a week. Basically to be classified as full-time but at 80% of the pay and 80% of the hours. It is important that I am classified as full time for purposes of the federal public interest loan forgiveness program. Does any one else have this arrangement? Any good policies?Any pros/cons?
EB0220
I would LOVE to do this. Curious to know how you went about it.
Anonymous
Are there legal issues here? It seems to me that “full time” would have some sort of legal definition connected to hours a week. If you are working less than 40 hours a week I think it seems a little shady to be honest
So as to not out myself...
That’s ludicrous. Companies set their own policies for what is considered full-time (generally for benefit issues). I work in state government and full-time for us is 37.5 hours. In college I worked at a pharmacy where 32 hours was full-time. I think Starbucks employees are eligible for benefits with even fewer hours per week. As long as she’s meeting the federal requirements, as Wildkitten points out below, there’s nothing shady about a business choosing whatever it wants to be full-time.
Shayla
At Starbucks, several years ago, it was 20 hours a week that qualified you for health care (maybe all benefits?)
Anonymous
I was talking about the exact same thing Wildkitten was – to get the benefit of Public forgiveness you need to make sure you are hitting the full time requirement. I was assuming it was 40 but it looks like its less, so thats all set. There was nothing ludicrous about my statement.
Scarlett
I’d rethink this. I did it at a law firm years ago and have friends who done it at companies, and the typical experience (mine included) was 80% of the pay for 100% of the work. Instead, I’d consider alternate schedules or working from home if you need more flexibility.
profmama
Not a lawyer, but considered the same arrangement, and was strongly advised against it by my dept. chair, who said the same as above: you’ll get less money, but you’ll still end up working essentially full-time.
Instead, I worked from home more, and ended up essentially taking off most Friday afternoons during my daughter’s first year of life. My productivity wasn’t the greatest, but nobody seems riled, and I was able to crank it up again after adjusting to the new family configuration.
EB
This is very interesting. The major con, I suppose is the 20% pay cut, but the major pro is the extra day off. I assume that’s why you are doing this? Maybe you can provide context if you want more pros/con
anon 4 this one
my family is growing and I would like to have my kids in daycare 4 days a week and have an extra day to spend with them.
Anonymous
You know your firm’s culture better than a message board of anons, but I’ll just throw in that my friends who have done this have had a poor experience with their “days off” being respected. The partners don’t care if they’re supposed to have Friday off–if work comes in on a Friday, they still send it and demand turnaround that day. I think my friends attempt to make this up by taking a day off the next week that they were scheduled to be in the office, but like Scarlett said above, I think it rarely evens out and they end up working way more than the arrangement called for. They also don’t get the predictability of being able to plan events with their kids on their days off, because they are essentially always on-call :( One friend was sent out of town on her two days off, one of which also happened to be her kid’s first birthday when she had a neighborhood party planned.
Senior Attorney
I’d consider Mondays off rather than Fridays. Easier extend your weekends than start them early, I’d guess.
ANP
I’m not an attorney but I had an 80% arrangement that was almost exactly what you described a few years ago. I was relatively high-ranking in my organization so it helped that I could set meeting times, etc. but I often did some work from home during my day off. That said, the expectation was that I would meet FT benchmarks and eventually it was no longer worth it to me to be faux part-time, so I upped back to 100%. This is just something I’d throw at you to be aware of — like Anonymous at 11:13 says, you know your firm’s culture much better than the rest of us!
Wildkitten
I assume you’ve checked the PSLF requirements:
You must meet your employer’s definition of full-time. However, for PSLF purposes, that definition must be at least an annual average of 30 hours per week.
anon 4 this one
Right. This would put me at 32 hours. Just need the employer’s definition to include that.
brokentoe
This may be an arrangement that benefits your family, but be sure it isn’t at the cost of your long-term career goals. I’ve seen women do this and get placed on the “mommy track” – no more consideration for significant promotions, getting assigned to less interesting/lower profile projects, etc. You may be viewed as “not all in” and upper level folks may not trust that you are as serious about your career as some as your peers. And that may be OK, but I’m just suggesting you think hard about what you ultimately want in the long run.
Cat
Advice on getting over the BigLaw salary/”prestige” of partnership when going in-house? I’m not bound by golden handcuffs as the new salary will still leave room in the budget (although I won’t have as much left over at the end of the month to sock away if current spending patterns continue). I also know that I would not be happy as a partner – I enjoy my practice but the added pressure of client development and forever being “on call” is not for me.
But I have a lot of pride caught up in (1) being a successful and respected female associate who has a decent shot at partnership if I decided to go for it, and (2) being very well compensated for working very hard.
My head is confident in my decision to make the switch, pro/con list completed and carefully considered. I know I’ll be grateful to put in a solid day’s work but then able to make weeknight plans, exercise and re-claim my butt from Complete Desk A$$, and actually take vacation days (and hopefully have, and be able to see while they are awake, children). My ego is trying to spoil it for me. Anyone have advice on how to get it to shut up? Do I just need to officially mourn my alternative career of large paychecks and the satisfaction of “making it,” stress and all?
AIMS
Can you try to reframe how you view the in house job so that it doesn’t feel like a step down but rather the next logical step in your career based on what you want to do? Think about how many people would love to make that switch, think about all the different sort of stuff you’ll get to do, and try to take some of the same pride in working in house for a large company as you do now working for a large law firm, etc.
I have a friend who is very good at making every decision she makes be the “best” decision. When she worked for a BigLaw firm, that was great because she got to work on big cases. When she had to move to a small town and took a job at a legal aid society, that became even better because now she could “really help people.” I don’t know what she’ll do next, but I am positive that it will be something awesome for her and she will be happy doing it. Don’t get stuck believing in a narrow definition of success.
Cat
Thanks – all of the things you mention were definitely on my “pro” list. I’ve just had enough people tell me “what? you’re thinking of leaving? we thought you were going to stay and go for it!” to flatter my ego – but it’s not really what I want out of life!
kc esq
I feel like a lot of lawyers actually see the in-house attorneys as the ones who have “made it” for exactly the reasons you identified.
I also think that the whole partner = making it is a relic of the past when, once you made partner, you had actually made it! Now that most partners need to bill nearly as much as associates forever and ever and be married to their phones to respond to clients all the time, they are all, in a sense, just glorified associates who make a ton of money, but never escape the crunch.
Scarlett
+1. Also the only people who are really aware of law firm “prestige” are lawyers working at those firms. You’d be surprised how quickly you forget those things once you go in-house and by how little anyone in the business world knows or cares.
Anon Lawyer
+1000. Absolutely correct.
Cat
Ha – that is a good point. I’m grateful for the experience and also for the “name brand” my firm has given me for making this move, but once I’m there it (the brand, not the experience) won’t really matter!
Em
Yeah, to the rest of the world, a boring corporate/regulatory/transactional lawyer is a boring corporate/regulatory/transactional lawyer, end of story (I say as one of them).
JJ
I’ve been in house for 7 months now. Scarlett is absolutely correct.
Cat
Thanks for this – you are totally right re: my views on partnership. Lots of money but very little control over your life.
Anonymous
I would try to see it as making space in your life for the other things you want to accomplish. It’s easy to see a dollar amount or a number of billable hours, and thereby feel “successful.” It’s harder to have a happy & healthy family, fun vacations, and a solid (but not 24/7) career, and still feel “successful” because there’s no single metric by which to measure your life.
Cat
Thanks for this perspective. You’re right – to date, I’ve only had one way of measuring success (good grades, good internships, good firm) and I’m realizing that I want a fuller life – one where I’m not constantly checking my phone at dinner, and one where I have enough energy and time on weekends to see friends AND spend time with my husband.
Hildegarde
I haven’t been in your situation, but it situations when I am struggling with my ego/pride, I have noticed that being up front about it with myself and especially other people helps. I’m usually pretty private, so when I’m struggling with or thinking about something, I often don’t tell anyone. However, I’ve figured out that it actually helps me deal with the issue to (i) acknowledge to myself that I am making a choice, it is the best choice for me, and that there is a trade-off, and (ii) talk about this with other people.
So, if I were in your situation and I told a friend about the new job and she congratulated me, I would say something like, “Thanks! I’m excited about the new job, and about the ability to make plans, etc., but it’s been hard for me to let go of the idea of making partner because I’ve realized how much of my identity is tied up in being a successful female lawyer, etc.” For me, at least, this is sharing more about myself than I’m used to, but somehow calling out publicly what I’m thinking and feeling takes a lot of the power away from those thoughts and feelings. A bonus is that often the person I’m talking to understands what I mean and has experienced something similar.
I started doing this when I noticed a friend, who is as much of an introvert as I am, talking about something she was struggling with in this way. It really made me respect her for being willing to talk about ambivalence, and struggle, instead of just pretending like everything is great all the time.
In any case, good luck with the new job!
Cat
Thanks – I’ve acknowledged the struggle to my husband, but my law school friends mostly went the public interest route or have since become SAHMs, so I don’t have a good sounding board! So this is my public acknowledgement :)
meme
Your law school friends may actually be good people to talk this over with. The public interest ones can give you perspective re: how non-biglaw lawyers do not think idolize biglaw lawyers as the smartest, hardest-working, most amazing, over-achieving people ever (I say as a former biglaw lawyer). And the SAHM lawyers may have gone through a similar internal struggle re: career and prestige when they decided to step back and stay home with their kids.
Anono
I was you— your (1) was a big deal for me too. And I actually had a huge crisis after my transition because I was really at sea. It’s so sick, but the first few weekends without a Blackberry and being on-call made me feel so unimportant, like I used to be a superhero and was now just a regular old person with a job. Good for you for anticipating the mental challenge of the transition. I didn’t, and ended up with a full-blown identity crisis. (It’s all fine now, BTW. Just very bumpy until my sick big-firm KoolAid mind was recalibrated.) You’re already doing the best thing, which is to inventory all the reasons this is the best decision for you.
Cat
I appreciate the commiseration – it’s exactly what I’m dwelling over, so I’m expecting to have to detox from the KoolAid. How long do you think it took – a few months?
TNTT
Honestly, mine was closer to probably six or eight months, but I was also recovering from a pretty toxic boss at the same time. The best thing I found when I was tempted to log in remotely to just “knock out a few things” or “send a few emails” was to pick up my puppy instead and go for a walk.
Anono
For me, longer. The KoolAid was out of my system within weeks but the empty, worthless, lazy feeling hung around longer. But I have to think that’s highly individualized— a “normal” person probably wouldn’t have those feelings at all!
bridget
The reason partners get paid so much is because they are under so much stress and they are giving up their lives. They aren’t being paid to be fabulous, awesome career people; they are paid enough to overcome the misery that work creates for them.
Once you understand *why* companies pay differently for different positions (no, it’s not a referendum on you as an individual; they pay what it takes to entice you to do it), you’ll calm down about it.
Repeat after me: Feminism is NOT about being miserable at work instead of miserable at home. It’s about having more options to be fulfilled in the life you want for yourself.
Anonymous
Kat, now this page is automatically sending me to the App Store, FYI.
roses
Another spin-off on the “I’m having a hard time leaving biglaw” issue…my problem isn’t so much with the prestige, but with leaving my tight-knit group at the firm. We have an amazing thing going – through the long hours we’ve all become close, we have impromptu dinners and happy hours, we hang out with each other outside of work, I know everyone’s SOs, etc. And the partners I work for truly respect me and rely on me. But I know I don’t want to be a biglaw partner, I’m sick of the hours, and a really great and rare opportunity in my field has come up for me and I feel like it’s very short-sighted if I don’t take it. I’m just dreading telling them I’m leaving and scared that I won’t have the same great dynamic at the new place, even though everyone I met seems super nice. Not really sure what I’m asking for – maybe reassurance or warnings?
TBK
I had that. Pretty much ALL my friends were other associates at my biglaw firm. We partied together and even vacationed together. The thing is that it doesn’t last. I left six years ago and literally not one of our group (about 8-10 associates) is still there. Half don’t even live in this city anymore; they’ve all gotten married and moved back to wherever they (or their spouses) were from. A couple of them even moved overseas. It might be hard if you’re the first to leave, but it’s really not a stable situation. There’s no way your whole group will make partner so pretty much everyone will be gone in a few years anyway. If you have a good opportunity to go, you should go. You’ll still be in touch with the ones you’re closest to.
Scarlett
Same here. We all ended up leaving at the same time but they all remain my closest friends today. Don’t let that stop you.
mascot
You can still keep those friendships and get togethers outside of work. Sure, it might take a little bit more coordination than just popping into someones’s office with a last minute invite. I think what you are feeling isn’t a indication that the new place is bad, it’s just normal butterflies about being the new kid at school so to speak. And you don’t have to have your entire social life based out of your workplace. So the new place may be a fine place to spend your days, but you aren’t dependent on them to fulfill all your needs. Ideally, once you have more ownership over your time, you can seek out other avenues for making additional friends.
Boston Legal Eagle
I agree with this. I had a good group of associate friends at my firm that I was sad to leave but I still keep in touch with a few of them and we can pick right back up (to mostly discussing our issues with the firm). I think it’s natural to become really close to people who you are around for most of your waking days, as a kind of “we’re in this together” mentality. At my current employer, everyone is pleasant and friendly, but other than the occasional happy hour, most people have their own non-work lives to go home to. I like that I can actually spend more time with my husband instead of my coworkers now, and can re-connect with old friends, and even make new friends.
roses
Thanks all. I needed to hear that. I am the first one to leave in a long time, so it’s hard, but I do know intellectually that it wouldn’t have lasted forever anyway, and I’m glad to be the first to leave rather than have my friends leave and deal with potentially unpleasant aftermath. I’m not leaving the city either, so it’s also a good reminder that I’m not saying goodbye forever!
Rosemagilly
Anyone have any great appetizer ideas to share? 8 ppl, Fourth of July in NJ. Ideally make ahead and cold – will need to bring them outside from a highrise to a courtyard. The easier the better. No dietary restrictions. Thanks in advance!
anon
Chips and guacamole
Caprese skewers
Goat cheese log with jam (blueberry or fig is good) with crackers
fruit salsa with cinnamon chips
Rosemagilly
Fruit salsa and cinnamon chips?!?! Never heard of / had this and it sounds DELICIOUS!
Anon
Get thee to Pinterest ;) It’s all over there.
Though curiously, now that you mention it, I’ve never seen it IRL myself, even with the million times I’ve seen it on Pinterest.
Housewarming
YES FRUIT SALSA AND CINNAMON CHIPS!!!!!!!!!
I had this at a shower a few months ago and it was great!
Duchess
I make this one regularly: http://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/blueberry-strawberry-jicama-salsa/
I leave out the salt and use cinnamon and sugar pita chips. It’s always a big hit, especially for the Fourth of July.
Housewarming
We just had a big party last weekend where we just served apps, and the caprese salad skewers were a huge hit. You just put a mozzarella ball, a basil leaf, and a cherry tomato on a tooth pick and then sprinkle balsamic vinegar and olive oil over the whole plate.
We made a pinwheel recipe that someone on this site suggested that was also a huge hit, but it’s not cold (we served it room temp). It was an asiago and pepperoni pinwheel on frozen puff pastry from Bon Apetit. We rolled everything up the night before and then sliced and baked the morning of. They were awesome.
APP123
A riff on the caprese skewers is to do melon balls, mozzarella balls, and prosciutto. So, so good.
lsw
This sounds like nothing but my mom makes it all the time and it is DELICIOUS. Cut open a pita (like through the pocket so you have two open-faced pizzas), spread cream cheese mixed with italian dressing on thinly, cut into 6 or 8 slices, put a slice of cucumber on each slice, top with fresh ground pepper or lemon pepper. Seriously it sounds so hokey but it is SO GOOD.
Rosemagilly
Thank you all! Much appreciated as always :)
park city
Going to Park City, Utah this weekend. Any recommendations for things to do, go, see, dine?
Anonymous
Olympic Park is really cool (at least on the corporate trip I went on). I’m not sure if individuals can arrange it but they have a zip line, bobsledding runs, etc.
BB
This was also surprisingly fun for me too…although I was hopeless on the rope course. :)
Anon
Any advice for a new divorcee just getting into the dating scene?
I’m 7 months divorced and just starting to go out. (Our divorce was completely amicable and we’re great friends, so I’m feeling ready to go.) This is actually the first time in my life I’ve dated; I got married a couple years out of college and still had that co-ed friend group thing going on, so this is all new to me.
My first date was with someone I came to find out was cheating on his girlfriend. My second date (last week) was my first ever online date. (I got married well before dating apps…heck, nearly before texting.) The guy stared at other women the whole time, insulted my boss (I’m in politics), said he hated gays (when speaking about our mutual gay acquaintance), and interrogated me on my ex (I repeatedly deflected).
I have another date tonight and I thought about cancelling a million times, worried that the guy would be as awful as the other two. You know so little about a person from an online dating app. How are you supposed to know if a guy’s any good? The awful guy above was so charming over text! Are there questions I should be asking before agreeing to go out? (I’m using Hinge, FTR.)
Men can find me if I’m in my apartment in yoga pants watching Always Sunny, right? ;)
Anonymous
You just go. You really can’t filter out every jerk. You meet for a drink or coffee, and if someone says something awful like “I hate the gays” you get comfortable saying “this isn’t going to work out” and leaving.
You’re not doing anything wrong.
Anonymous
+10000!!! Women need how to quickly and decisively cut their losses in the dating arena. When I was younger, I would grit my teeth and choke down an appetizer while some a$$h@le would spout sexist/racist/ or generally asinine thoughts. No more! Last week, I went on a blind date with a guy who started mocking a group of women in their mid-30s at a nearby table (can’t you just hear their gesso cracking? No wonder they are line on a Saturday night he sneered). Well, I am 41, though often mistaken for a person in their early 30s, so I politely stood up, told the jerk that this wasn’t going to work out and Walked out the door without further explanation. I felt so empowered!
Anon
OP here. Yes to choking down that app! I’m so polite by nature that it didn’t even occur to me to leave – he ordered a second drink (why, I have no idea) and I just groaned inwardly.
I’d love to master the cool exit, but – forgive me for sounding too good girl – it seems impolite to get up and leave when he bought the drink. But I’m guessing the hive will say a $10 drink is no obligation to sit and listen to a sexist prig?
Marilla
Bravo to you!!!!!!!!!!
OP, a drink or an app doesn’t buy the guy the right to say whatever he wants while you smile politely for an hour and a half. Walk out, or drop a $10 on the table and then walk out. Women everywhere will applaud you. (I totally envision the Mary Poppins suffragette song playing in the background at this point.)
Anon
OP again.
“Say whatever he wants while you smile politely for an hour and a half.” That was it! That was my date exactly. I pasted on the same smile I use when talking to offensive constituents, now that you mention it lol.
And I’ll keep a ten in my purse for just this situation, though maybe you guys are inspiring me to not bother with it ;)
And I LOVE the Mary Poppins suffragette song.
CountC
+1 I have walked out on three dates. You always bring enough cash to cover one drink and, if applicable, an app. When you know for sure there is no chance you say, “Excuse me, thank you for meeting me, but this is not going to work. Here is money for my drinks. Bye.” It’s exactly what I did and it’s been completely fine.
As for bad date, welp, they happen. You have to take your chance and go out on as many dates as you feel comfortable with in order to go on some good ones. My advice is chat a little and trust your gut. If they say something kind of offensive in chat or text, it’s highly likely they will in person. If they are being too aggressive with compliments, etc.? It will be even worse in person and they will likely be in your personal space A LOT. You just have to practice honestly. Good luck!
soaps
Yess! Just because you leave doesn’t mean you’re being rude. Leave enough cash for your drink (I’d probably pay for both drinks, I think it’s a power thing and totally eliminates any guilty feelings I may have about leaving early), politely say “It was nice to meet you, I’m leaving now, good bye.”
lsw
Yes, just keep going! If nothing else, you’ll get some GREAT stories. Also, consider signing up for a class/sport/something when you have the time. Where I live, there’s a sports league ostensibly for “young professionals”, though we definitely have people in their 40s and 50s, that offers a ton of options where you can sign up as an individual. You could consider art classes, too, or really anything that gets you out of the house. Our museums and libraries have started doing 21+ events, which is a fun and different way to get yourself out there. When I first moved to a new city these were the kind of things I did just to get out and meeting people. You might need some gentle help with just getting back into the Dating Scene and doing these kind of things can increase your comfort level.
Anon
Great ideas, thank you! I’ve always wanted to go to one of those 21+ museum nights.
TBK
Only meet for coffee or for a drink. Tack the mini-date onto some other part of your day. So plan to run errands in the same neighborhood where you’re meeting if it’s a daytime coffee, or plan to get dinner with a friend later in the evening if you’re grabbing a drink. You can tell more about someone within 5-10 min of meeting them than you could exchanging a dozen emails. If you plan these meetings to be short, they’re less exhausting and you can do a lot more of them. If things go well, you can always blow off your errands, or see if your friend will reschedule.
Anon
How does the coffee date work? It seems strange to step out of work at 10 or 2 on a Tuesday for a date.
Great tips, thanks.
Anonymous
Coffee dates — do them on the weekend, if that’s easier. Just say you’re free for coffee at 2 or 3pm on Saturday/Sunday, and then meet up at a Starbucks. The guy will be glad because it’s cheaper than dinner! Haha.
CJ
Stay with it. Granted most guys are pigs, losers, wimps or simps, but there are bound to be a few guys out there you will click with. At least you are going into this with your eyes open.
Senior Attorney
Yes, as my therapist told me, “Most men are unsuitable.” So if you expect that to be the case, you won’t be constantly disappointed and it’ll be easier to keep kissing the frogs and plowing ahead until you find one who is actually suitable.
Wildkitten
If a man on a date insults your boss and says he hates gay people walk out of the date immediately. Go on dates with lots and lots of people but do not waste more time on bigots once they reveal themselves as such. Seriously.
New construction?
Has anyone moved into a new construction home? Title hasn’t transferred yet (1 week) and we’re moving in 2 weeks. Trying to order furniture with a 6-10 week timeline and running into problems because the address isn’t on any map or recognized by the post office yet. (We’re the first house on the street.) Any tips for getting the address registered? Thx!
Anonymous
Call your County Clerk?
Anonymous
Off topic from your question, but you should also call your local police/fire/emergency station to tell them your address in case there’s an emergency and the addresses aren’t on the maps yet.
mascot
I’d start with the USPS although it may have to be post-closing. Once you get the deed, take it to the post office and speak to the post master so they can register it. If you absolutely have to order furniture now, can you use a nearby address and change it before the ship date?
Anonymous
I’d start with asking the builder/construction manager to see if they’ve registered the address with the county and USPS, then talk to USPS. Also, has your house or new street shown up on Google Maps yet? If your house is in a new development and Google Maps is showing the street, then there’s a pretty good chance that USPS recognizes the new address.
I’m pretty much in the same boat with you, except it’s that the electric/gas and internet providers that are insisting my house “does not exist” despite the fact that I looked in this past weekend and am pretty sure my house is there. (Thankfully, the County Public Works department knew that my house is nearing end of construction.)
Ella
Do you listen to music with earphones in your office? When is/is it not appropriate? For junior or senior employees?
mascot
Yes, but this is really a know your office thing. Or I will shut my door and listen to it on low volume. I’m senior though.
Asideralis
I always do, as do most other people in my office, but I’m a software engineer FWIW. When my boss or my boss’s boss come by to talk with either me or my office mate, I pop them out of my ears, otherwise I love my music.
Anonymous
Hi everyone. Long time lurker, first time poster. Hoping to find some advice in a tough situation.
My fiance of two years was arrested for drug possession tonight. Heroin. I had absolutely no idea he was using. Apparently his family knew and were trying to get him to seek help, but he was adamant about not telling me. He made them promise not to tell me and put them in a horrible spot. In short, he spent two years lying to me about his drug abuse. Now I’m not sure where our future will be, or if I will ever marry him. I may never trust him again.
Of course, I’m a complete mess right now. Even worse, since I’m pretty career focused, I’m worried about how this situation will affect my ability to function at work in the next days, weeks, even months that will follow. I’ve thought about discussing the situation with my boss, just to let him know that the next few weeks may be difficult. Is this a good idea? If so, what would be the best way to approach it? I know it probably sounds selfish to focus on work when my fiance is going through addiction, but this is a job that I wanted very badly and have only recently started.
Thanks in advance for any help. I really appreciate it.
bridget
If you bring it up to your boss, just say that your engagement is likely being called off, you would prefer not to discuss it, but you are under a tremendous strain right now.
Roman Holiday
Sorry for the late reply, just wanted to say that you shouldn’t feel guilty about focusing on yourself and the implications for you. Its an awful situation and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Assuming you have a good relationship with your boss, I think it’s totally appropriate to say something along the lines of, “I just wanted you to know that I’m having a difficult time in my personal life right now, and it may result in the end of my engagement. I don’t plan to take any time off, but I wanted you to be aware in case anything comes up.”
I had a similar discussion with my boss when going through a rough patch and she was extremely understanding and supportive. We agreed that if I didn’t feel up to coming into the office, I would just work from home – obviously this might not work for everyone, but I felt much calmer knowing that if I felt fragile, I wouldn’t have to face an office full of people. I initially felt uncomfortable suggesting my personal life would interfere with my work life, but if you consider that it’s completely reasonable in most work settings for an employee to get a little leeway in the case of a family emergency, it doesn’t seem so inappropriate – what has happened to you sounds every bit as traumatic as a medical emergency! Hugs!
Anonymous
Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. I will certainly use these when I approach my boss next week.
Celia
I’d run for the hills. I had some very major clues about my SO’s alcohol abuse, and I chose to ignore them. If he’s addicted, he will lie –about so many things. Run. Take care of yourself. Just tell your boss, if you need to, that you’ve broken up and might be affected. Work people don’t need to know the details.
Look after yourself.