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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices
My body will simply not allow me to make a Target trip without a quick run through the women’s clothing section. It’s almost like muscle memory guides me away from cleaning products and wrapping paper into a land of well-priced basics, and my most recent visit didn’t disappoint.
This relaxed corduroy top from Universal Thread is a great option for a more casual office, paired with some dark denim or skinny pants, and would be fantastic for a chilly day. If the floral isn’t your thing, it also comes in three solid colors.
The top is $28 at Target and comes in women’s sizes XS–XXL and women’s plus sizes 1X–4X.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Support staff gifts
I need a check from the hive on whether my gifting plan for my lovely support staff is good/fair. I am at a very small (8 attorneys) firm, not a partner but the most senior woman and partnership/shareholder status is likely imminent. There is no tradition or culture of giving to support staff that I’m aware of outside of bonuses which I don’t know about or control, but this year I would really like to independently recognize the work of our support staff (3 paralegals who work my cases, receptionist, and office manager). I’m planning on giving a $50 gift card and heartfelt note to each of them. I was thinking coffee shop cards for each of them, but realized that it might be weird for 1 of the 5, who no one has ever seen with anything to drink but a green smoothie. I was thinking maybe $50 to Athleta or Lululemon instead? She regularly wears cute athleisure to the office (which is fine!) and we talk about workout stuff sometimes. But is this weird or unfair somehow? It fees weirder to get her something I know she’s unlikely to use.
Pep
I’d go with a VISA gift card (check to see if your bank offers them fee-free, many do) or an Amazon card.
MagicUnicorn
Amazon or Target, not one of those pre-paid Visa or Mastercard things because they are more difficult to use than they really should be.
Anon
+1 to amazon or target for all. I HATE the visa or mastercard gift cards because I can never use the full amount.
Cat
Just give them $50 cash. Credit card gift cards are a PITA to actually use if you primarily shop online.
anon
I’d suggest Target instead of Amazon. Not to ignite the Great Amazon Debate but many people avoid it for ethical reasons or because there are so many counterfeit products. I use Prime video but would struggle to spend $50 otherwise.
Anon
+1 I don’t shop on Amazon, partly for ethical reasons and partly because the “two day” shipping to my area takes a week. I use Target instead, their two day shipping actually works and I feel better about the corporation. I would do Target gift card or cash.
Anonymous
Generally cash or very easily used gift cards are best, like Amazon or Target. Agree that those Visa gift cards are annoying to use, so cash is better than that.
Senior Attorney
Agree with this, also FYI $50 won’t go very far at Lulu or Athleta so best to do generic for everybody.
Anon
I mean how dare you gift them, don’t you know they might have boundaries you are offending with presents?
Vicky Austin
Oh, stop, this is clearly different from a wedding invitation that says “your presence is our present.”
Anonymous
Agree with the consensus. Give everyone the same thing.
Anony
As a former admin myself, cash is the very best gift that I ever received from superiors. Straight up cash means you made the effort to go to the bank/ATM and to me, always implied that “wow, I’m important enough to this person that they actually went to the bank and got this $50/$100 bill out” rather than the annoying Visa/Mastercard GCs that are so difficult to use.
Anon
I wish I could get used to the rise on these pants but my eye sees it as veering into great-uncle territory (said with love).
Anonymous
My dream fashion world is one where we get a variety of rises on pants, where someone can find a rise that looks and feels good for them. This rise is nearly perfect for me, and it would fit me well.
Anon
Honestly, I think we are about there.
Let the 20 year olds look like Grandpa with their high rise Mom jeans, tummy shirts, and clunky “so comfortable” white leather gym shoes. It’s ok for us to wear what works for our shape (and my huge feet!!!) and be polished/comfortable/stylish or whatever we want to be.
anon
Yes, being able to select a specific rise would be WONDERFUL. These pants would probably go up to my bra band!
Anonymous Grouch
And the whole “tuck in the front but not the sides” thing seems designed to show off whatever belly fat a person has while simultaneously hiding her waist. I just don’t get it.
Anon
Not everybody cares about presenting the “ideal” body shape.
anon
I love the half tuck, though I do it a little more tucked in around the sides. It highlights my waist while deemphasizing my butt.
Anonymous
I always thought that but as someone who carries weight around the middle this is one of the most flattering things I can do to improve my outfit. I went with no tuck for years and it was making me look bigger all along.
Anon
I wanted to order this top! But I would leave it untucked. Unfortunately, a good proportion of the reviews say it’s short, and I’m tall. Boo.
So worn with my Talbots bi-stretch high waisted trousers, I really would look like great uncle.
Where’s my recliner? I need a nap.
Anonymous
I live in the U.K. and haven’t ever really seen any Hallmark but signed up to the channel for a bit. Any I particular I should watch?
Anon
Honestly, all their movies are pretty formulaic – that’s the point! There are a lot of mildly recognizable actors so your best bet is probably choosing something based off an actor you enjoy. I think Variety just did a ranking of the best Hallmark Christmas movies, if you want to go off of that.
Curious
There’s a new one out that’s the first one featuring Kwanzaa!
Anon
Nine Lives of Christmas is a popular one that’s genuinely good. If you like it, it was so popular they did a sequel.
I love anything with Lacey Chabert, and even my husband will grumblingly watch her movies.
Rachel Boston, Jessy Schram, and Alicia Witt are also favorites.
I can’t stand the royal themed ones.
Anon
I have never heard of any of these actors. Are they all exclusive to Hallmark?
Anon
Alicia Witt was a decently known actress before she made the move over to Hallmark. She was Donna’s younger sister in Twin Peaks and she had a major role in Two Weeks Notice (a highly underrated rom com everyone should see, although it does contain a brief cameo by the 45th president). Wikipedia lists credits in a bunch of other popular TV shows. I haven’t heard of the other actresses.
Coach Laura
One of my favorite Peloton instructors – Bradley Rose – is/was an actor and is in the Hallmark Christmas movie – One Royal Holiday. Sappy like all the Hallmark movies but it made me smile.
AYL
I got sucked into the Murder She Baked: Chocolate Chip Murder movie (or some title like that) a couple nights ago and it was cute! I liked it enough to watch the other one available on Peacock (the Christmas one, no idea what it’s called). Allison Sweeney is a good Hallmark movie heroine without being annoying!
Pep
That’s a cute blouse. Going to swing by Target after work and take an in-person look at it.
Anonia
Any recommendations for Montreal in February? Coming from cold anyway, so winter doesn’t bother me. Interested in museums, restaurants, hotels, anything really. Thanks!
AIMS
Make a reservation at Joe Beef – one of my all time favorite restaurants.
Also, it took me way too long to figure this out, but there are tons of underground passageways in the old city so if the streets are weirdly empty that’s where the people are.
Cat
we stayed in the Plateau area, which is a cute mix of residential, restaurants, shopping etc.
If you want a break from the cold, we went to the Biodome and found it fun – the penguins especially were super cute and active.
Fun
We went in October and had a great time, although it wasn’t too cold. We really enjoyed L’Hotel in Old Montreal, and walked or took the metro everywhere. Bota Bota was a really fun water spa experience. Definitely make dinner reservations – places book up!
Senior Attorney
We stayed at the Hotel Le St-Martin Hôtel Particulier a few years ago and loved it — good downtown location and also a good restaurant in the lobby (although it seems to be a different restaurant now). Definitely check out the Notre Dame Basilica (where Celine Dion was married!) and while you’re there, be sure to venture behind the altar to the fabulous modernish gold chapel.
Calrayo
I enjoyed tea at La Brume Dans Mes Lunettes. There’s also an excellent ice cream place called Ca Lem – there are multiple locations. I loved my trip to Montreal! Have a wonderful time.
vegan cookies
Can anyone point me to a good recipe for vegan sugar, gingerbread or similar cookies?
Really, anything tasty that one can use a cookie cutters on to become a “gingerbread” person that children can decorate. My gut is that children don’t care at all if it’s actually gingerbread as long as it’s tasty.
PolyD
I use to make sugar cookies that used Crisco instead of butter. People really liked them. I don’t have the recipe anymore, but if you search for cookie recipes that use shortening, you might find some.
anon
The Crisco product is very tasty and easy to use. It will give you a slightly softer cookie though. So to ensure strong structure for a gingerbread house, you might want to use a bit more flour.
Anon
When I was a kid, and at the height of our picky phase, my sister and I made gingerbread houses out of cut cardboard, put together with icing and stuck the candy on with icing. The candy and icing were all we really wanted to eat anyway. It was easier on mom, too.
Vicky Austin
I suppose cardboard is vegan, but surely there’s something better out there?
Anon
It was perfect for us because we weren’t going to eat the gingerbread anyway. That was the point – not to expect someone to eat the cardboard.
Anonymous
This recipe is the answer
https://www.noracooks.com/vegan-sugar-cookies/
nuqotw
I don’t have a recipe, but would your kids go for a sweet sandwich (my mom used to put leftover birthday cake frosting on toast and I loved it although my kids are appalled) cut out of the bread with a cookie cutter? I did eggs in a basket for dinner recently with fun cookie cutters. I learned that my kids are into the cookie cutter more than anything else, and wow is bread from the store an easier bar to clear than making cookie dough.
Aunt Jamesina
Comment in mod, but here’s the recipe link: https://minimalistbaker.com/1-bowl-vegan-sugar-cookies/
Anonymous
https://www.simplyquinoa.com/gluten-free-vegan-gingerbread-cookies/
she has a bunch of other vegan cookie recipes too!
Aunt Jamesina
These are good! While I would use something different for constructing a gingerbread house, if you’re just doing cutout cookies, these work great.
Aunt Jamesina
Threading fail, ugh. https://minimalistbaker.com/1-bowl-vegan-sugar-cookies/
edj3
Check out Nora Cooks, she’s got a lot of good baking recipes (I also swear by her lasagna, it’s way better than meat lasagna).
Signed a fellow vegan!
vegan cookies
Thank you, all!
Anon
Podcast recommendations please! I like: smart people talking in an organized way about pop culture topics of some sort. I am Gen X and cannot stand the meandering chatting of millennial-targeted podcasts (power too you if you do, it’s just very much not for me). I LOVED Every Single Album: Taylor Swift, and used to like several bachelor-related podcasts when I watched that show (I don’t anymore). I enjoy the Pod Save America stuff for politics and would like that level of organized discussion and upbeat energy on a non-political topic. I enjoy Celeb**chy but they only come out once a week. Suggestions? Than you!!
Cat
I haven’t tried DeuxMoi’s because I’m not a podcast person, but the account in general sounds up your alley.
Cat
oh, and not pop culture overall, but organized and witty if you enjoy his travel guides & show? Rick Steves Over Brunch.
Podcast Anon
I love the Podcast with Knox and Jamie. I’ve listened to them for years and actually pay to support the show because I get additional content. They’re not only really entertaining but have created an amazing community.
anon
Tom and Lorenzo’s Pop Style Opinion Fest. Both of them are solidly in GenX, and the movie recommendations are generally spot on – to the point where hubs will consider watching a movie he otherwise would not find interesting if they recommend it.
Anon
NPR Pop Culture Happy Hour and Slate Culture Gabfest
Anon
So I’m not 100% sure this fits your bill but I’m going to recommend it anyway, because I freaking love this podcast and I think other people here might also: I’ve been listening to Corinna and The King, which is about a woman who had an affair with King Juan Carlos of Spain for many years and then was magically gifted $65 million by him that came from…somewhere…for…reasons.
Ladies, this podcast has everything! Royalty! Affairs! Intrigue! People going on safaris in Africa and getting super-drunk in the middle of the bush surrounded by wild animals! Someone getting a $65 million “gift” from her ex-lover, who happens to be the king of Spain, and being like “lol I dunno what’s up with that, tee-hee!” Plus, the podcast host has this wonderful melodic voice that sometimes tips over into a deliciously sardonic tone when she reveals something particularly wild. I can’t get enough of this podcast; I’ve listened to some episodes twice. Highly recommended.
Anonymous
Sounds like a Cult
Maintenance Phase
Normal Gossip
LaineyGossip’s podcast
Anonymous
Juicy Scoop is my favorite. Though her guests can make a big difference.
anon
Dope Labs might be up your alley. Also, Slate’s Decoder Ring for deep dives.
Anon
I just started listening to Articles of Interest’s series on preppy clothes (fully influenced by Avery Trufelman’s appearance on You’re Wrong About) and it is super interesting and focused.
OP Anon
I just downloaded most of these – thank you!! You all have the best recommendations.
Seventh Sister
I’m a GenX and also like Pod Save America stuff (I probably listen to Lovett or Leave It more often than the other ones tbh). Other ones I like are The New Yorker Radio Hour, Fresh Air, CBC Uncover podcasts (The Village, Finding Cleo), You’re Wrong About, and The Business (movie industry podcast).
Probably my very favorite is You Must Remember This, which is a podcast about old movies. Karina Longworth has a really great way of talking about movies I probably should have seen (like the Bette Davis ones) without being condescending or stuffy.
Anon
Probably not relevant to your interests, but I really enjoy the Watch What Crappens podcast, where they humorously dissect pretty much every episode of every show on Bravo.
eertmeert
Ronnie Karam is one of the funniest people I’ve ever listened to (who covers pop culture stuff anyway) – he is so so funny. I adore his laugh. I loved when he did Rose Pricks A Bachelor Roast a few years ago, but he stopped doing that to focus full time on Watch What Crappens. I was bummed about that becuase I don’t watch Bravo, but I did love the Great Baking Show episodes.
Also, the theme song is so great, I will get it stuck in my head every once in awhile. Amazing.
Anon
I like the Ezra Klein show and Hidden Brain
You need a reference and you need a reference, everyone needs a reference!
I interviewed for a position (VP role) and was just selected as a finalist. HR has requested eight references (peers and managers from my current job only) and wants to check them before I complete the final round of interviews. Given that eight people from my current job will be informed that I am interviewing when they are called for a reference, it feels like it is only a matter of time before one of them tells my manager (and then I may not even get the job).
Is it common to request this number of references or to have references checked before final rounds of interviews? Prior to interviewing for this position, I had not interviewed in over 12 years and when I interviewed for my current position, they only requested three references, which they checked after making a conditional offer.
Velma
No, not common! I’d suggest politely pushing back on it. Simply say that you haven’t discussed the opportunity with current colleagues and prefer not to do so until an offer is imminent. They should only do reference checks for their top candidate (or possibly two top candidates). This is a speed/convenience thing for them, and they should be flexible on it. That said, it’s possible that they’ll tell you that no one will advance to the next round without the check, and then you have a decision to make.
Anon
I’ve never interviewed for a VP role, but this sounds insane to me. It means you’d have to completely broadcast your intent to leave to your current company. I had to get a reference from one current coworker ONCE but after I made it all the way through (this was for an assistant general counsel position). I feel like a lot of people can get one discreetly. But eight?! And before the final interview?
I generally think that companies who don’t care about helping you protect your current employment also won’t care as much about you once you get there.
Anon
That seems absolutely crazy — 8 people?! Also, many places won’t officially allow you to do anything but verify employment or make you kick it to HR, so IDK what useful info they expect to get here.
Anonymous
No, this is not common and inconsiderate.
Chl
That is bananas and outside the norm (I’m in HR at fortune 100 companies). 2-4 is more normal. And if you’re anything corporate, they’re often not supposed to give references anyways )
Anon
No, this is not common and it is a ridiculous request. It’s hard enough to get 3 when you can’t (and in most cases should not) include your current job! This might be a sign of the nonsense that goes on in this company, so beware.
Anonymous
+1 to red flag.
Anon
I’m an SVP and interview VP and up positions all the time and this is bananas. I agree with everyone, push back. Don’t broadcast your intent to leave.
pugsnbourbon
EIGHT? The hell?
Anonymous
We don’t check references until after we make an offer, and that’s for positions at all levels.
Anon
Isn’t it too late if you find a red flag (Trad really didn’t ever get that MBA and what about the embezzlement?)?
Cat
Isn’t it too late if you find a red flag (Trad really didn’t ever get that MBA and what about the embezzlement?)?
Anon
An offer isn’t usually a contract.
Cat
this is so out of touch I’d be questioning the whole opportunity! HR gone wild.
Anonymous
This. Not common at all, and I hire for people at the VP level. As someone else pointed out, most places won’t even let you say anything anymore. I would keep a very close eye on other oddities of this company.
anon
I’m in a VP role and have interviewed for several. The most refs I had to provide was 4. 8 is ridiculous. Are they really going to contact that many people? I would definitely push back.
Ses
I’ve had VP roles and this is very unusual. I’ve been asked for a couple references, never with the expectation that it be the current employer.
Anon
This is insane. Red flag that they’re so out of touch.
anon
This is so wildly out of touch that I’d worry what other nonsense goes on behind the scenes. Even if you push back and they waive the requirement I’d be concerned that they asked in the first place.
anon
I’ve had several VP roles, and was never asked for anything like this.
OP
Thank you for your replies and confirming my suspicions that this is unreasonable! I may schedule a call with HR, but will likely end up withdrawing.
anon
If you do withdraw, please, let the hiring manager know why. They may not be aware of this crazy HR request and may have the power to change it.
theguvnah
I don’t think you have to withdraw necessarily, but can you say “I’m not able to offer 8 references because REASONS so here are 3-4 that can speak to my X,Y, Z”
Of course, if you have other red flags or don’t really want the role then withdrawing is a good call!
Aunt Jamesina
Eight is already completely bonkers, but *also* people from your current employer only? WTF, every employer I’ve had has known that it’s not cool to contact current employer. I would let them know I’m withdrawing precisely because of this. That’s absolutely bananas.
Anon
That is so weird. I have never heard of that. I’d just tell them that your job search is confidential and you’re not comfortable with that.
Beware this employer, because if they don’t have the good sense or respect for employees to realize this would be a problem, then what other boundaries would you expect them to cross as an employee?
Anon
I remember the Millionaire Matchmaker show was always telling women to straighten their hair. My hair is naturally straight (and I am Team Turtleneck, at least in the winter). I saw a picture of the pregnant (again!) Elizabeth Holmes today and was struck by how she is now on the curly team after being noticeably straight at Theranos. IDK which is her natural texture (maybe neither). But what is it supposed to be saying to me? Fraud, but make it approachable? [And what can the ex-GF of SBF learn from this? Do we need a Good Hair for Your Felony Trial tutorial? Or maybe just start popping out the babies when you think the indictment is going to come down?] Is there a podcast on this yet?
Anon
I wonder if her hair is meant to make her look younger and different from the photos of her at Theranos. She’s not wearing the black turtlenecks, either.
My heart aches for her kids. Cannot imagine growing up and having your mom in prison for most of your childhood.
Anon
A college friend of mine and her husband have been recently sentenced to decades in prison for a serious national security related crime. They have a 12 year old and a 16 year old who will grow up without their parents and knowing they tried to betray their country. If they serve their full sentences, their oldest will be almost 40 when they’re released. It’s horrible.
Anon
Ouch. I am assuming that grandparents or aunts/uncles are stepping in. Still rough though — like maybe they want to change schools to a place where no one really knows them and usually that would be so hard but not here. Also, I imagine that lawyer bills, etc. means that they or the govt takes your house and your college fund is gone (OTOH, need-based aid b/c the kids are innocent here). Sorry for the kids.
anon
Honestly, they have a very unique last name and I would totally change it. It’s enormously sad and so hard to think about our college friendship and how spectacularly they would blow up their lives and their kids’ lives.
Anon
How upsetting. Is it your impression that they were motivated by money or that were true believers in some cause? It’s so hard for me to wrap around what would lead someone to take this kind of risk especially with children in the picture.
anonshmanon
If it’s the case I’m thinking about, I was shocked that they took such a huge risk for relatively little money.
anon
@anonshmanon – It probably is the case you’re thinking about (it was pretty public) and yes – it was a shockingly small amount of money for the risk they took.
In terms of whether they were true believers in a cause…honestly, I think they were the liberal version of QAnon people, if that makes sense. It seemed like they had really lost touch with reality. She had always been extremely lefty, but in a kind of traditional liberal way when we were in college, not a socialist revolutionary way. He was more middle of the road and super patriotic (his dad served in the Navy as did he). But she was very much the dominant partner in their relationship from the start. Even at the most basic level, she was a graduate student and he was an undergrad when they met, and they met in our martial arts club where she was the teacher (she’s a black belt in an uncommon Japanese martial art). So whatever took her down the rabbit hole, he would have gone with her.
Anon
I guess it’s at least she got to have them vs being in prison past the point where she could have had children? But I agree — hard to bring a baby into that situation on purpose (and then repeat). I guess if dad is on board as wanting kids and there is family to step in. But still. OTOH, not something guy felons confront. Poor kids though.
Cat
? Guy felons have plenty of kids from before incarceration…
No Face
I think she means that EH will be too old to have biological children by the time she gets out, while male felons don’t have the same biological clock.
Anon
I personally do not understand having children to “beat the clock” knowing you might go to prison, and then in fact, you are sentenced to prison and will miss your children’s formative years. The second child will be a small infant when she has to report. So much of what makes us who we are happens in the first three years of our lives, and definitely the first six. At best, her older child will be about 8 or 9 when she is released and the younger one will be about 6 or 7. She will miss almost the entirety of their early years and while I’m sure they’ll be allowed to visit her, that is not a substitute for having an active, involved parent in their lives from the jump.
I’m sorry but I just don’t get this comment…children are not a fashion accessory, like buying an Hermes bag when you can’t really afford it just so you can say you got to own one. I had a child because I wanted to be part of a child’s life and be there through their formative years and share their experiences. A ton of bonding happens in the first several years of a kid’s life; you make memories with them they remember years later. Holmes will be in prison for many many firsts of her childrens’ lives and believe me, they will not forget it. I can’t view what she’s doing as anything but an incredibly disgusting narcissistic choice. The idea that her children are independent humans with their own needs – including the need for nurturance, guidance and mothering in their early years – clearly didn’t enter her calculus. I was not sure she was a sociopath until she got pregnant with the first one while she was awaiting trial; now that she is pregnant again and got pregnant while awaiting sentencing, I am sure she is a sociopath. Her children are just pawns in her game. The best thing, I guess, is that someone else will be raising them, away from her, while she serves her sentence.
Anon
Okay. But some people whose parents weren’t in prison have spent most of their formative years with caretakers other than their parents. I think the parent/child bond can exist and be separate from the child/caretaker bond.
Anon
Talk to some people (or read some memoirs) of people who were raised by nannies, or sent to boarding schools at a young age, or who were otherwise separated from their parents not through a situation outside their parents’ control (i.e., the parents dumped the kids with the grandparents not due to economic necessity but out of selfishness/desire to go partying). It absolutely affects the relationships those people have with their parents. And it profoundly affects some of the children, who deal with deep feelings of abandonment they struggle with as adults, sometimes for the rest of their lives.
I don’t know whether you’re speaking from your personal experience of having a nonparental caregiver or you’re just talking to talk, but go read some research on early childhood development and the psychology of abandonment before you continue commenting on this topic.
What Holmes did – getting pregnant when she was under indictment, and then again when she was awaiting sentencing – was absolutely a choice and one that her children may struggle to understand. She intentionally had the first one when she knew it was likely she would not be there for his childhood, and conceived the second child when she more or less knew she would not be present for at least part of that child’s early life. Profoundly selfish, reprehensible choices and I am utterly shocked anyone could even attempt to defend her actions. Her ticking biological clock is not an excuse.
Trish
What on earth? Please google something about children whose parents are incarcerated. And google how many black men with children are in jail in this country. It’s sad that a white woman going to prison and leaving her white kids is so bothersome now. There are organizations that you can donate to in an effort to support children growing up with an incarcerated parent.
Anon
I think it’s what we are assuming that she got pregnant to get sympathy and then did it again knowing she’d have time to serve. It’s a means to an ends and seems so cold. Also, she would not be able to have children if she wanted until after prison.
Plenty of parents serve time, but they had already had their kids (e.g., Martha Stewart; other female felons I know of IDK if they have kids but even for women it’s pretty common).
Anon
I am heartbroken for those kids, too. Empathy is not a limited resource.
Aunt Jamesina
I feel very, verrrrrrrry differently about a very privileged woman who swindled so many people and who has lots of options in her life choosing to get pregnant twice before possible incarceration than I do about people who are systemically disadvantaged having children.
Anon
“I feel very, verrrrrrrry differently about a very privileged woman who swindled so many people and who has lots of options in her life choosing to get pregnant twice before possible incarceration than I do about people who are systemically disadvantaged having children.”
100% this. What Holmes did is completely different than the situations of systemic inequity.
Anon
For me, it’s not just the time period she’ll be incarcerated. A person who gets pregnant the under the circumstances she did for the (probable) reasons she did is very unlikely to get out and be a nurturing parent. Using other human beings is something she just does, and that will not stop toward her kids after prison.
Anon
She was definitely trying to make her 19 year old self look (and sound) older when she was running Theranos, so I would believe she’d be trying to make herself look young and innocent now.
Anon
As a person with naturally curly hair, I always thought that advice on MM was so stupid. I also sometimes have short hair, which was also against her advice.
Anyway! I looked at pics of Holmes, and I don’t think either of her looks are natural. It looks to me like the curls are a blowout with curling iron used at the end. I bet her natural texture is wavy, though. At any rate, she’s doing this to look more approachable and less severe without a doubt.
pugsnbourbon
I don’t see her hair as “curly” so much as intentionally styled. It’s a choice to make her seem younger, softer, more approachable (and I guess it worked bc they had to keep firing jurors who felt sorry for her). The sleek hair and turtleneck was an intentional choice, too.
I’d forgotten about Millionaire Matchmaker until I read your comment. What a train wreck that show was.
Celia
I have a slight wave to my hair, but I style it straight because it’s the easiest thing to do when you don’t have a lot of time and when you don’t have great hair skills. I imagine that is part of why that look is popular for professionals. I never mastered turning my waves into anything polished. And bouncy waves at the bottom or actual curls?! Magic and requires time in the morning I don’t have. Running a straightener down my hair on the other hand takes very little time, basically no skill, and makes me look instantly polished. When I see women at my BigLaw firm with clearly styled hair – as in they had time to curl it – I always wonder how they got to be so proficient at it that they can do it during the morning routine! Looks beautiful, but straight is just less maintenance and it works even if you didn’t have time to blow dry.
anon
Straight hair stereotypically conveys professional boss lady or polished old money. At my preppy college many students came from wealthy families and shiny straight hair was a Thing. And when I picture the female boss in a 2000s romcom she has sleek straight hair. When Elizabeth Holmes was a young woman trying to be taken seriously by investors I’m sure someone told her to straighten her hair. Now she’s trying to look softer and maternal so she’s going with gentle curls. Holmes’ lawyers want the jury to see a mother, not a money hungry business woman. Courtroom wardrobe strategy is a real thing and unfortunately it works.
Anon
I think that her hair here is too twirly, but maybe she is going for that.
Interesting that straight hair = rich / posh. I have straight hair, but it is (to me) sad hair because it is fine and limp and easily looks oily (even freshly washed). I have joked about it being heroin hair, but that’s not funny, but it’s a worthy visual. I think Cindy Crawford was my hair ideal, but her hair had some floof to it. Mine clings to my scalp and it isn’t cute (and second day hair is even worse). Five coats of hairspray and maybe we could get it to do something.
anon
Another member of the straight, fine hair club, and it’s been a lifelong bane. Naturally, it just hangs there. It’s nothing to be envied, although what I’m reading here is an interesting take on it. Wish I had all the money and time I’ve spent on trying to put some body and curl into it.
Anom
Also a member of the fine, straight hair club. I think the actual look that’s the goal is not naturally straight hair but straightened wavy or curly hair. Straightened hair has more body/volume than naturally straight hair.
Anon
Where I am from, shiny straight hair reads WASP and more elite, whereas curly hair can come across as Irish and less elite. Leaner physique reads higher class, shapelier physique reads lower class, and so on.
Monday
Yep, and this is super problematic! I’m Italian, “shapely,” and have wavy hair. I used to feel so inadequate to beauty standards, and I know it can be much worse for WOC in this kind of environment. I have another comment in mod.
Anon
Ack, my daughter has very curly (IMO gorgeous) red hair and a thin but curvy figure. So she’s low class, Irish (is that a slur) and also a ginger?
Monday
+1 on the idea that being old money, professional, or preppy seems to require straight hair–and it’s loaded with racial and ethnic baggage for everyone whose genetics don’t cooperate!
I hope this is less of a thing than it was in the early 2000s, when I was at an elite private college. I’m white, but my hair is naturally wavy and even with a flatiron would not reliably stay straight throughout the day. This is why the “is curly hair professional?” discussion is a problem. I also remember a backlash on some Twitter comment about how Olivia Pope must surely mean business when her hair is straight– implying that Black women’s unstraightened hair is unpolished.
anon
Straight hair being professional is inherently rooted in white supremacy because curly hair is common for WOC or other women who’ve been seen as “ethnic” or non-white at periods in our country’s history (ex Jewish, Italian).
KS IT Chick
I call it hair privilege. I have wavy to curly hair. The way it grows out of my head is not inherently unprofessional. I deliberately wear my hair curly because I am a middle-aged white woman and no one is going to argue that I don’t belong. If I exercise my hair privilege, I may make it easier for someone who doesn’t have my privilege to wear their hair naturally.
anon
Thank you! I’m biracial/can be white passing and also always intentionally wear my hair natural in headshots or for important meetings or events. It’s my hair. It grows out of my head. +1 to it’s not inherently unprofessional.
anon
EH is in it for EH. Each look she has (Theranos and trial looks) are carefully crafted to make her look like The Boss or The Down to Earth Victim. Her current look is the product of what the stylist on her defense team told her to do. The children she keeps having are an attempt to gain sympathy and get a reduced sentence. I can’t believe anyone still has doubts about this, but it does appear that once again EH is duping people into believing her sh*t.
She put her children in this tough spot, and most likely doesn’t care. I’d wager they will hear how they failed her because they didn’t get her the 18 month sentence her defense team was asking for. Yes, of course kids need a mother, but keep in mind, that is not something that every kid gets, unfortunately. In this case, it may be a blessing in disguise.
Anon
She is definitely in it to win it.
Anon
I looked up the crisis communications lady from yesterday and found some YouTube videos — very interesting! See seems to be infinitely reasonable — I don’t know if some people in hot water think that they know everything (but if they did, maybe they wouldn’t be in hot water in the first place) and just don’t take good advice. But she had very good advice. If there are longer podcasts, will try to find at lunch.
Anne-on
Did PR/was exposed to crisis comms for large orgs for a few years. You would be shocked (or maybe not?) at the level of disconnect from reality. The % of people willing to take honest, hard criticism and humbly accept guidance from experts is under 10% and probably even lower if we’re talking famous/very senior execs. It was hard enough to get those folks to accept media training (and always easier when you got them when they were more junior) OR if we went with the ‘shock and awe’ method of bringing in the super $$$ trainers who worked with senior politicians/hollywood stars.
I am 0% surprised that royalty who has been coddled for most of their lives is finding it hard to hear that they are not universally beloved and change their tactics especially when there are still hard core supporters who will tell them they are the best thing since sliced bread.
Anon
How do you get into that? Are there some people who are just good at saying with a serious visage, “Mistakes were made.” etc? It is sort of fascinating, but then I can see how people are all “I am a CEO and IDK who you are to tell me what to say b/c you are 28 and have a BA from a lesser school than me.” OTOH, this isn’t what I do, but sometimes I need to use my serious voice and tell people that they are about to cross a line where there will be no backsies for them and do they really want to do that? And have generally found that I get listened to (but it’s not even an annual thing, fortunately, so not even a true skill set that I could say that I have).
Anne-on
Almost everyone I knew in crisis comms had either a comms or PR background (sometimes both, like undergrad in comms then masters in PR). There are courses in crisis comms in PR degree programs, it’s a pretty common focus. I’d say 80% of PR people start out at an agency, working crazy hours for peanuts and then go ‘in house’ to their clients at a certain point in their 20s and/or work their way up to senior account exec levels in their PR firms. It is a very female heavy industry (I’d bet I’m not the only one here who’s done comms/PR work) and salaries are usually pretty good once you get past the early starvation wages stage.
Anon
IDK what comms even is but now it seems very interesting (to this history major, I don’t think my college had this option). I have a friend who works for our school system and is the person who deals with all of the crap that happens at our schools (girls raped in the bathroom, girls raped in the woods, pedo in the classroom, shootings, and BTW they also can’t read or write on grade level). That sort of thing? Or more corporate (whoops — I see we violated TILA again — our bad)?
Anon
My husband is in PR and this is entirely true. Most of the people at the agency are women, but most of the senior execs are men.
Anon
I have had PR training (spokeswoman on controversial issues). A lot of the training is about staying in your lane and not saying anything at all that would make a really juicy headline. It’s a different line of work – people tend to be chosen based on their discretion, ability to stay in their lanes, and give reasonable responses to pointed questions. Cannot imagine trying to drill that through the head of someone whose arrogance and recklessness got them headlines.
Anon
This.
I imagine that it’s like explaining how to do a deposition (answer the question and just that question and then STFU), but in a friendly camera-ready sort of way.
I still remember hearing Howard Dean’s “WOO” on NPR and just knew that that was really not the right move there and up until then it had all been OK until it wasn’t anymore.
Anon
Same principle, different application. In a deposition, you give a plain answer to the question and the STFU. In an interview on a controversial topic, you “block and pivot” (different names apply), wherein you address the issue and pivot back to your talking points, without using charged language.
“Why did Theranos defraud investors?”
Do NOT use the term “fraud” or “defraud” in your response. “Theranos denies defrauding investors after $700M loss, exec says” would be a headline.
Think something like “Our investors believe in the mission of Theranos, which is to improve the patient experience with revolutionary technology. The biotech space involves years of experimentation, research, and investment to bring these technologies to market.”
pugsnbourbon
Can you imagine how different the world might be had the WOO not happened?
Anon
All the ones I know are ex-journalists.
Aunt Jamesina
I’m imagining someone trying to get Elon Musk to Just Stop Talking right now.
pugsnbourbon
I think when you’re that rich, you end up surrounded by sycophants who won’t tell you “no,” no matter how bad you get.
Anon
Shades of 45 as well
Monday
I was the one who recommended her podcast, Indestructible PR. Her episodes are 30 min or shorter.
I did watch the first episode of the Harry and Meghan Netflix show last night! And now I’m sick, so will probably keep going. (Stop reading now if you’re tired of this topic). I did get the impression that most of it was staged, felt almost scripted, and that they were getting digs in on Will and Kate. Harry does come across totally entitled. I don’t know how anyone could be a normal, grounded person as a prince of the British empire though–the whole concept is about being inherently better and more important than everyone else!
Anon
I don’t get what William ever did to Harry except be born first. It seemed for a while that the brothers, then the brothers and Kate Middleton were fairly tight (after the Nazi thing, when he seemed to straighten up a bit). But OMFG will he pls go away? His bitter+baggage thing seems to be the well that will never run dry tho.
Anon
According to the documentary, his press house was making statements on behalf of Harry that Harry hadn’t agreed to. Something they had supposedly agreed not to do to each other, so it was kind fo backstabby. They also insinuated that they fed stores to the press about Meghan to distract from other things (maybe Wiliam’s affairs or Uncle Pedo??) but didn’t come out with any specifics. I believe those complaints, and I believe that Meghan and Harry are also annoying in plenty of ways. The whole royal family seems terrible.
Cat
idk, I mean obviously in centuries past the whole ‘divine right’ argument was around to try to keep the general population from revolting, but I don’t look at William and think HE thinks “I’m better than you bc I’m a prince,” I think he’s trying to use his unique position to do the best for the UK that he can.
Monday
Right, but his “unique position” is based in the divine right. He was born into it, regardless of what he personally thinks. Again for me this comes back to the fact that royalty is a ridiculous idea, and the best thing they could do for everyone would be to abolish the monarchy.
anon
What I find interesting about the whole thing is that Harry seems quite tiresome and entitled to me but William and Kate might be just as tiresome and entitled – or even more so! – but we don’t know because they don’t do this type of interview. There is something fascinatingly subversive to me about being as famous as they are and choosing to be private to that level. And yes, I recognize that’s the traditional approach of the British royal family but it’s profoundly countercultural in our era of influencer-style, carefully-calculated-authenticity, overshare-everything, everyone’s-a-mini-celebrity public life. Like, at some point Meghan is going to start doing Lancome campaigns or whatever, because they’ll need the money, and we’ll get Vogue interviews about her favorite shampoo and her recommended self-care gifts for the holidays, and all the rest that famous Americans do in this particular phase of Late Capitalism. And Kate may go to her grave without any of us knowing a single personal thing about her.
Monday
Yep, agree. William and Kate “understood the assignment” and I think it will all go smoothly for them, whether they’re any better as people or not.
Vicky Austin
Agree with this.
Anon
How did you get that from the first episode? I just watched it myself, and the first episode was pretty much all about them dating and dealing with the “paps.” They didn’t really say anything controversial in that one.
I mean if you’re hate watching it, maybe you’re going to see what you’re looking for?
Monday
Yes, I’m watching as a hater and I do own that it influences my perspective.
I’m thinking of 2 sequences when Harry is talking about marrying who you’re supposed to marry, or thinking with your head rather than your heart, and in both cases a picture of Will and Kate is shown at the same time. One has Kate with a dour old facial expression. Plausible deniability for sure! But that’s what I saw as a hater.
Tiaras
Anyone else confused by the fact that Harry could not be bothered to get Meghan some training about royal protocols etc.? William did it for Kate (and she was British, so was starting with an advantage of basic knowledge), so it can’t be that hard to figure out. For example, I absolutely do not believe that he asked her, moments before meeting QEII for the first time, whether she knew how to curtsy.
Anon
William and Kate dated for like a decade before they married. He had time to prepare her. And Charles’ office prepared her when it became serious enough that they thought she may marry him. They didn’t really consider doing it for Meghan until all the “mistakes” started getting broadcast by the press. They never did it for any of Harry’s prior girlfriends. And I was with Meghan on this… I had no idea that they bowed/curtsied to the Queen in private. I understood maybe at public functions but not at a private lunch with his grandmother.
Anon
I’m not, because he’s always been an idiot – he’s basically like if Ryan Lochte was born into a position of power. What didn’t make sense to me was trying to position Meghan as both the Dianaesque innocent dove who knew nothing and the most go-gettery, prepared royal of them all. Either you need handholding through learning the national anthem of the new country you’re representing or you’re ready to jump in feet first to your new role, but it can’t be both! I spent so much of the time watching this documentary thinking about how I read years ago she had failed the foreign service exam and went into acting after that. Maybe it was a sign.
Anon
Yesterday’s Tradwick thread was amazing. Glad I WFH so I could audibly laugh without people wondering what was up.
Anon
What’s sad is I have worked with Trad at multiple jobs during my long career.
Anon
I look at some of the kids in my kids’ class and can see the Trad Jrs. already starting to blossom.
No Face
I now have a Tradwick-less life so the thread was enjoyable.
Not that Anne the other Anne
I just caught up on that.
I will add one more from my own experiences with a Tradwick.
*Refuses to speak to you, even to say good morning in the hall, for SIX MONTHS because he decided you addressed him “unprofessionally”. Because he’s punishing you, you know.
(That was the best six months of my working interaction with Tradwick.)
nuqotw
Years ago when I was complaining to spouse about my personal Tradwick, spouse started referring to the dude as Gilderoy Lockhart.
Curious
Omg.
Ribena
I just caught up on it. A pet peeve from my field: Tradwick insists on calling new business pitches ‘beauty parades’. Vom.
Anon
In his defense, that is what they used to be called.
Ribena
I know, but it’s 2022. Even my CFA textbook still calls them that!
Anon
I worked with the California version of Tradwick. He has all the waspy characteristics of the East Coast Trad, but is more bro-y, and needs everyone to know that he surfs on the weekends.
anon
Trad likes to talk about microdosing LSD because THE FOCUS.
Pasta salad
What are your favorite pasta salad recipes?
Anonymous
Gimme Some Oven’s tortellini pasta salad with sun dried tomatoes and artichokes is fantastic (and easy!)
pugsnbourbon
I made a tahini pasta salad recently – of course I can’t find the recipe now, but it was similar to this one: https://www.latimes.com/recipe/tahini-herb-pasta-salad and you can add more veggies to bulk it out.
anon
Penne tossed with Trader Joes vegan kale pesto (my favorite because it’s not too oily), sun dried tomatoes, toasted pine nuts, red wine vinegar, garlic powder, and sea salt. That version is vegan but you could add shredded parmesan or chicken.
Anon
https://www.budgetbytes.com/broccoli-pasta-salad-with-tomato-vinaigrette/
I don’t really follow this recipe at all. But the dressing is good on a pasta salad with roasted broccoli and eggplant and chickpeas and whatever other veggies I’m trying to use. I’m sure the original is probably worth trying too!
I’m also a big fan of pesto with lots of veggies- artichoke hearts, carrots, tomatoes, chickpeas, etc.
I do a lot of vegan main dish pasta salads for lunch so I always use whole wheat pasta, add chickpeas, white beans or nuts for protein, and increase the veggies by 2-3x compared to recipes where it’s meant to be a side dish.
Senior Attorney
I love this one from Budget Bytes: https://www.budgetbytes.com/carrot-orzo-salad/
anonshmanon
https://rainbowplantlife.com/vegan-pasta-salad/#recipe
I tried this recently and really liked it. I like a classic Italian one as well (for me, that’s tomatoes, mozzarella, pine nuts, arugula, and a dressing of pesto, honey, balsamic vinegar and olive oil), but I’m a bit bored with it.
Aunt Jamesina
I use the garlicky oregano vinaigrette from Smitten Kitchen’s recipe called Nancy’s Chopped Salad (which is also a great salad on its own) and add in chickpeas, cucumbers, bell peppers, and halved cherry tomatoes.
editrix
Roasted Rana gnocchi,mushrooms, chopped scallions, shallot and olive oil add a bag of baby spinach.
Fallen
A couple nyc recs needed.
1. Any favorite places for food (brunch and dinner) near grand central?
2. Any favorite Broadway shows that a 9 year old may enjoy?
Anonymous
1. Whatever you do NOT the oyster bar in Grand Central. So gross.
2. Wicked
anon
I love the Oyster Bar!
Anon
I love the oyster bar too! And have for decades. If you’re looking for upscale, it’s not your place. But if you want a strong drink, an excellent shrimp cocktail, and surly service, it can’t be beat. And I mean that most affectionately.
Anon
Comment in m0d but my idea of heaven is a gin martini, a shrimp cocktail, and a side of fries in the Saloon room of the Oyster Bar.
DC Inhouse Counsel
For 2, Lion King!
startup lawyer
Ai Fiori for dinner. Grand Central Oyster Bar
The Smith for brunch
NYNY
The restaurants closest to Grand Central tend to cater to the businesses in the area, so there’s a lot of quick-service places for breakfast and lunch and expense account places for lunch and dinner. Totally the land of the Patagonia vest.
That said, Grand Central Oyster Bar is a classic for a reason, and my favorite of the kajillion steakhouses in the area is Smith & Wollensky. Let us know if you’re looking for something more casual.
Anon
A nine year old might enjoy the Urbanspace market directly north of Grand Central – its not too big but has some interesting food options.
editrix
Not an Oyster Bar fan but a visit to Grand Central would be fun, and there’s lots of other food there. If you enjoy sushi, Wokuni is excellent. For very casual but tasty brunch try Delectica on Third and 38th.
Six or Almost Famous might fit the theater requirement, depending on your taste.
Anonymous
The Harry Potter one was amazing – my 10-yo, husband, and MIL absolutely loved it.
Anon
Mine loved Wicked and Hamilton in June. I thought Hamilton was a touch raunchy compared to the Disney plus version, but whatever. She knew Hamilton by heart though.
Anom
Recently took my 10 yr old to Into the Woods. She’s also asked to see Wicked and Hamilton. Also Six, but that that seems like bizarre subject matter for elementary school.
Anonymous
My ten year old has been listening to the Six cast recording since 2020 (she was about 7.5) and seen the show twice! But she loves “horrible history” of all kinds. Some of the songs are pretty risqué for her age, but it went over her head when she was younger, and we’ve talked about a lot of it since. It’s definitely not for every elementary schooler, but she loved it even more than Hamilton (and she’s a Hamilton super fan)
Editrix
I thought it was a slow motion train wreck but it is definitely a Broadway Experience, with a popular star.
Anon
I feel that other people here have a rental property. I do — it’s a starter condo in a MCUS city that I rented out to a friend-of-a-friend who has been a long-term tenant. The property has never been on the market. I get a TON of pushy texts daily that often appear either to be written by a bot or by someone learning English (wording is just funny). Within the past year for sure, but an uptick since the summer. IDK if people just go to real estate seminars for flipping houses, but it is weird and annoying (and a bit fascinating — what do they think they will gain from this, some sweet off-market sale where they get a bargain). And IDK that any of these people is legit. Is it some sort of thing now? IDK how they even got my cell # (it’s under my married name; condo was never retitled; wedding was never in the paper b/c I am lazy that way).
Cat
I think every property owner gets sp-m texts like this, has nothing to do with whether it’s an investment or rental property or not.
Anon
Yes. Ignore them.
Mrs. Jones
+1
Cora
I got them for a property my parents own. My name is not on anything for that property, I’ve never met realtors for that property etc . . but my phone number was on a family plan and if you look it up you can see my dads name and my phone number together in public records.
No Face
I somehow ended up on a list for spam texts and calls exclusively in Chinese, a language I do not speak. I just delete and block each time.
Anon
I get those calls at least daily!!
Anon
My Dad gets a couple letters or more per month to his house (desirable location, lower end but ok property), asking if he is interested in selling, saying they will pay cash etc…. I just used to throw them away, never opening.
Well, my Dad just died suddenly this year. I am still in the overwhelmed phase, and I am dreading dealing with his house. It’s one of those situations where I have to decide whether it is worth taking the time/pain to fix up things to sell the house for a better price, or do nothing and sell faster and take the loss. I have never sold a house before either, or had to deal with emptying all of my parents belongings….
So last week I saw one of those “letters” addressed to my Dad, and I just called them. Curious. The person who picked up the phone was pretty surprised to get my call, and we chatted for awhile. He was actually an immigrant who has lived in the US for years, and for for the last 15 years he and his wife had been buying properties and fixing them up themselves/flipping. He used to be a handyman etc.. and did much of the work himself. He said that he buys lists of addresses/names from some company…. targets particular nearby suburbs that he knows.
Honestly, anyone can go online where I live and just look up properties and find contact info. It’s not hard. Your bank.. anyone involved in your financial life … has probably already sold your name to various companies/lists, unless you pay attention to those random notices they mail you asking if you if you want to Opt out. I try to Opt out of all of those, but its so easy to miss one.
Anon
I’m sorry for your loss. But it’s still worth finding a reputable local realtor to see if you get a better “as-is” offer than Mr I Will Pay Cash For Your Home is proposing.
Anonymous
I get these on my residence, which is a small home in a desirable “up-and-coming” neighborhood. I understood it when everyone was underwater and desperate and when a lot of homes needed upgrading and repair but they can easily see that my home has been renovated and I purchased when rates were quite low. Just ignore.
Anon
I got one the other day and was bored so former real estate agent + lawyered them for about 10 minutes and they ghosted me. I enjoyed myself lol
anon
This is common. I got texts wanting to buy the house I formerly lived in, while I was living in it. This along with texts and voicemails asking about buying my other property. Since mortgage rates have risen and the market has cooled way off, I’ve received far less of this sp*m than I used to.
Delete. Block. Reply “Stop”. Move on with your day. The companies and people casting these nets are fishing for people motivated to sell for low ball cash offers.
Naomi
Can someone who used to work FOR you be a reference? I know its usually managers etc but if you want to know how I’d be as a manager why not talk to someone who I was in fact managing? One of my direct reports recently left the company and now I’m job searching. I have no control over his career at all, he’s actually in a different field etc so I don’t think theres a conflict of interest.
anon
I’ve had a few employers ask for a direct report reference.
pugsnbourbon
I think that’d be fine. You’re not his manager anymore so it’s not like you’re compelling him to give a reference. It’d be valuable info for your new job.
Vicky Austin
I imagine so; they also have valuable info on how it is to work with you.
Anon
This is random but can any Chicago peeps tell me if there’s snow on the ground? I left my car at ohare a week ago in a surface lot and wondering if I will have to dig it out tomorrow? Relatedly I would like to stay in Turks and Caicos forever. Sighhh.
Anon
Flying out of O’Hare now. There is only a dusting of snow on the ground.
ILAnon
I’m on the north side of the city and you should not have to dig out at all. Just a dusting so far, and the weather apps are telling me “little to no accumulation.” Have a safe trip back, and soak up the sunshine while you can!
chicagoan
This morning I woke up to a dusting of snow on the ground in the city. It’s supposed to keep snowing all day so you’ll probably need to brush off your roof and windows. O’Hare is far from the downtown area so it could be different at the airport though.
Anonymous
Yep, it’s literally snowing right now.
Sasha
It snowed a little yesterday but just a dusting. It started snowing today around 8AM and has been coming down steadily since–it’s starting to stick but unless it goes well into the evening I don’t think it’ll get to burying levels.
Anonymous
My building has a scheduled power outage Monday night from 9 pm until 7 am the next morning. It has nothing to do with the building as the power company is replacing a transformer so everyone within a certain number of miles will be out. It could take less than 10 hours but no one knows.
Fridge help from those who deal with this in storms etc? My understanding is the freezer is fine for 12 hrs if you don’t open it but is the fridge really only good for 4? We were going to grocery shop this weekend but now won’t. TBH groceries are expensive right now and I want to minimize throwing things out. I assume fruits or vegetables will be fine? I assume the milk and open jar of pasta sauce and ketchup have to be tossed? I have one open bag and one unopened bag of shredded cheese – can I at least freeze the sealed one? And what about things like bread or tortillas – freeze them?
Vicky Austin
You can 100% freeze the unopened shredded cheese, and the bread/tortillas.
Carrots
If you haven’t already for your freezer, freeze a container of water and then stick a coin on top of it. If the freezer gets too warm, the water will melt, the coin will drop and then refreeze, so it’ll give you an idea of how warm your freezer got.
anon
The bread, tortillas, and ketchup can go on the counter. How cold is it where you live? If it’s between 30 and 40 degrees maybe you could get away with putting your food in one of those zipper-top grocery totes and keep it outside (assuming you have a balcony or outdoor area where wildlife isn’t a concern).
Vicky Austin
I was also going to suggest this – in my previous life in the frozen tundra we would have put things in the garage or something.
Aunt Jamesina
Hosting a party tomorrow and beverages are definitely going to hang out on the back stoop to chill before the party.
Vicky Austin
Good old Midwest Redneck tricks, you betcha.
Anon
I live in CA where they’ve been doing this every few months for the last few years as they update the grid for wildfire safety. We don’t throw anything away. We fill the fridge with all of our water bottles to build thermal mass, freeze a few empty milk cartons full of water (or just buy ice if that’s easier) and move those into the fridge a few hours before hand, and it’s fine (we check the temperature and can also see that the ice is still completely frozen). We don’t eat meat and try not to have too much easy to spoil stuff on hand, but everything you mentioned should be fine, the milk just might go bad faster.
Anon
This! Water is great for thermal mass. Put it in a day ahead of time so that it reaches fridge temps by the power goes out.
Horse Crazy
Lol it’s cute that you think PG&E is “updating the grid for wildfire safety”. More like shutting off the power when a squirrel jumps on the lines…
Anan
If you have a cooler, I would fill it with ice and put stuff in there.
Ketchup and condiments and bread and most things will be fine at room temp for a couple of hours. I mean my kids never remember to put the ketchup or milk back in the fridge and it’s always fine.
I’m not an expert, but honestly the only thing I would be concerned about is uncooked meat or seafood and that can be put in the freezer.
MagicUnicorn
For just an overnight, I would only care about meat, mayo, and milk in the fridge. Fruit, veggies, bread, and tortillas live on the counter in my house so I would have no issues at all there. Cheese and eggs will be fine. Non-dairy condiments, especially acidic ones like ketchup, pickles, mustard, pasta sauce, and very salty ones like soy sauce, etc., will not even notice the outage.
Our freezer stays frozen solid for at least a good 48 hours if we don’t open the door.
anon
Fruits and vegetables and bread products will be absolutely fine for a while. Refrigeration preserves freshness, but unrefrigerated produce and bread is perfectly safe to eat until you notice mold or something. Shredded cheese likely has enough salt in it that it will be fine unrefrigerated for a while, but it can be frozen. Regular ketchup doesn’t need to be refrigerated, even after opening, but check the label if you have organic or fancy ketchup. I’d toss cow’s milk. I’d freeze the pasta sauce in a tupperware before the power outage.
No Problem
The milk is probably the only thing that may or may not be fine. Good news is you have several days to finish it before Monday night. You can also freeze anything remaining if you have space for it.
Freeze your pasta sauce in ice cube trays and then pop them in a bag in the freezer. Bread, tortillas, and ketchup are all fine to store at room temperature, and all but the ketchup freeze very well (ketchup might freeze ok, but I’ve never tried it because I just store it in the pantry). The cheese freezes well too. All other condiments will be fine, they generally have plenty of preservatives.
Cat
I would freeze a bunch of water bottles and put them in your fridge right before the outage.
Anonymous
I went through something like this in the summer. I was notified of a planned power outage that could last up to 12 hours. I had just tested positive for COVID, wasn’t feeling well, and temps were in the high 90s. So, I had to prepare to stay at home through the power outage. I WFH so I scheduled the day off work because my internet would be down and I was sick anyway.
I used curbside grocery pickup to get a few bags of ice and some no-prep food and a bottle of cold brew coffee. I put the coffee and food in my camping cooler with a bag of ice so that I would be opening that throughout the day instead of having to open the fridge. Then I filled the open space in my fridge and freezer with the other bags of ice to keep everything cold.
After all that preparation, the power was only out for a half hour, and my house didn’t even have time to heat up, but I think it would have worked out even if the power was out longer!
Anon
Just don’t open the fridge/freezer till morning. It probably won’t be out that long anyway. If you have ice cream, eat it this weekend. If you really want to be careful, freeze a few gallon jugs of water this weekend and pop them into the fridge Monday evening.
Anonymous
Me, to colleague yesterday who wasn’t feeling well earlier in the week: “Feeling better?”
Colleague: “No.”
Me: “Then why are you in the office?!”
Colleague: “It’s just a cold.”
Colleague today: “Oh, remember yesterday when I said it wasn’t feeling well? Covid test turned positive last night.”
%#?!?. STAY HOME IF YOU DON’T FEEL WELL. (we are lawyers who can and do regularly work from home. WTF).
Anon
I’m so with you. My job is in office 5 days a week. A family member tested positive for covid Monday night so I said I was going to WFH the rest of the week…. and my boss gave me so much passive aggressive shit about it yesterday. Like do you really want me to give everyone covid the week before Christmas???
anon
Ok, I am based in Europe, so things run a bit differently here, but I wouldn’t hesitate to drop a note to HR asking them to reinforce message to all employees of: if you don’t feel well, especially with respi symptoms, you are kindly asked to WFH to prevent spreading diseases.
But we don’t see people WFH or staying on sick leave as lazy/not being a team player/etc.
Anon
I really dislike people. 2020 showed me that people really don’t care about others and are very self centered.
Anon
I can’t +1 this enough as an immunocompromised person.
Anonymous
Inheritance/family support question for you all. We found out yesterday that we will be receiving a large amount of money over the next…many…years. DH is an only child; his mother is an only child, and his grandmother died with over a million dollars despite being a poor farmer who lived an extremely frugal and modest life (raised her child in the dustbowl in a house with no running water). MIL, who inherited the money directly, told DH last night that she wants to start gifting it to us. She doesn’t need it, it isn’t part of her estate with FIL, and she doesn’t want it to become money she loses in old age. The exact optimal logistics of this are being worked out, but it looks like we will be getting something like $20k-90k/year (depends who is gifting to whom, this strategy is in the works) for quite a few years until/if MIL dies at which point it would all go directly to DH (FIL and MIL have very separate finances).
Unlike DH and MIL, I’m one of four kids. We have 3 kids. I love that DH/our family is getting this windfall and would love to have something like this for our kids. DH is on team “let’s spend it, it’s a windfall” and I’m on team “wouldn’t it be great for something like this to happen to our kids one day.” It’s his money, but we are a team and this is an active discussion right now. DH and I both have good jobs and have always been good savers, so all the basics (house/car/retirement/kids’ college) are on track.
If you or your parents received a large inheritance, how was it used? What happened to the next generation? If you received the money and didn’t pass anything on, did you tell the kids how your lifestyle was supported? I would hate for my kids to think we took all these big vacations/bought a vacation house/whatever with our salaries alone.
This is so wild to me because I’ve been to where MIL grew up and it is…very rural and poor, even now. Grandmother in law would be absolutely mortified if anyone in town knew how much money she had.
startup lawyer
I’d prob spend on a nice trip and bank /invest the rest
Anon
It’s lovely, but not enough to be life changing, so I’d spend some and save the rest. I think there’s a middle ground between you and your husband.
Cat
+1
I would use some each year, maybe 10-20%, to make your life easier or more fun, and invest the rest.
Anonymous
A million dollars isn’t life changing?
Anon
No, not for me or for lots of other people. Especially when doled out in small increments over years.
Anon
I hope you understand how lucky you are that a million dollars isn’t life changing. That is not the case for the VAST majority of people.
Anon
Life changing is never having to work again or to not have to retirement plan because you can fund 100% of it. Having am extra 20-90k a year for a period of some years is certainly great but it’s not life changing great. Of course it’s wonderful, but life changing? No.
Anan
When my in laws passed we inherited more money than I ever imagined they had. They were frugal, risk adverse and didn’t like leaving home.
We paid off our house, and then bought another house with cash and now rent out the first house for some passive income. We aren’t big earners to begin with and not having a mortgage was really helpful when I was COVID unemployed for two years.
I am of a culture that money is meant to be passed down. So while we may use distributions to go on an international vacation every other year or something like that, we try really hard to avoid lifestyle creep and are pretty frugal otherwise.
It seems like you are concerned about what lesson your kids will learn from this money. I think that’s very valid. I highly recommend Ron Lieber’s book The Opposite of Spoiled- it really helped me frame money decisions in a larger context of family values. Like I think the freedom of being debt-free is one thing we feel very strongly about which is why we paid off the houses.
Doodles
I’m genuinely confused about this statement — “I am of a culture that money is meant to be passed down.” Is every generation supposed to be “super frugal” with the goal to pass down most of their money? If everyone is accumulating and passing down the money, who’s spending it? What’s the point?
Ribena
I don’t know, I see it. My parents are “asset rich greys” as our market segmentation calls them while I’m incredibly worried about my heating bill.
Anon
Compound interest. Instead of people having school debt and then needing PMI on their house, which they buy at 35 and pay off just before retirement, the previous generations pay for school and help with a down payment. Adult children live as they would otherwise live, and all the money that didn’t go to paying off compound interest debt sits around, getting saved, and helps the next generation avoid debt.
Anan
Yes, exactly this. It’s harder to pass down money in this economy for sure, but I was able to graduate from college debt free and I want the same for my kids. I know I won’t be able to pass as much to my kids as my parents pass to me (i have more kids plus the economy), but the idea is to help them be as debt free as possible.
While we take distributions from what the in laws left us, we do not spend the principal. That will go to our children.
Anon
It’s for emergencies/when it’s really needed/security.
anon
If you feel guilty or want your kids to have a clear picture of how your vacations are financed then sure you can tell them “Dad’s grandma left behind some money and we consider this trip a gift from her.” I don’t think it’s necessary at this point though. My parents didn’t talk openly about their finances until I was 16ish. Before that they said things like “it’s important to live within your means” but didn’t provide a breakdown of where their money comes from or how much of it they had. My friends who are more anxious about money as adults are the ones whose parents frequently brought up finances when they were younger.
I don’t think you’re obligated to put some of the money aside for your kids’ future inheritance either. If you want the money to directly benefit your children then add more to their education fund so they have a larger choice of colleges or can go to grad school.
Anon
My parents saved it in the same situation and then used it many years later to gift us down payments for our homes. It was amazing because we definitely were not expecting it and not planning on it.
Anon
This is what I would do. Nice vacation every year and the rest into a brokerage account earmarked (in my mind) for future down payments, weddings, grad school for the kids.
anon
Guessing at the numbers, your MIL is being advised to start making the annual gifts below the annual threshold. Your question about the children may be solved by her. Depending on how much money needs to be gifted out of the estate (it seems like this planning is not complete), she will likely be making gifts in to the benefit of your children as well (which would put you in the 90k or so) which would typically be done in trusts, rather than outright. This also has the advantage of being able to control when your children would receive the money. I have plenty of friends in this situation (yes, I know, hashtag privileged) – for the grandkid generation, this amount of money has meant that they have a cushion to make life a little bit easier as an adult – e.g., taking extra months of unpaid parental leave, having a slightly nicer apartment, etc. Not life changing, but not stressing about the necessities.
NYCer
This is my guess too.
Anonymous
OP here/ sorry, I wasn’t trying to be opaque! We just haven’t settled on if she is comfortable “gifting” the money to anyone other than DH. And we are all trying to determine if we want the money in the kids’ accounts as she wants it to go to DH, not the kids (but she doesn’t care if he then gives it to the kids). She could give it to her spouse who could give it to us, too.
Anonymous
just a note that if your kids receive the money directly you’ll probably put it into an UTMA account which means they’ll have access to everything once they turn 18.
she could “superfund a 529” – see the recent NYT article about how rich people are using 529s to pay for generations of college.
you may want to set up a family trust to hold the money.
if you or your husband work for yourselves (no employees) ask your accountant about a defined benefit plan – you aren’t limited to a percentage of your income and can put it in retirement so you aren’t taxed on it. can’t put MORE than your income though.
anonshmanon
Others have made some good points. I have three additional thoughts. First, depending on the state you’re in, this may be joint property and not your husband’s sole decision. Sure, not a comfortable topic to raise, but maybe useful to be aware of. Second, sounds like he just wants to ‘spend it’, but that sounds pretty vague. Since you live below your means right now, what would it look like to spend at least $2k more each month? Easier to discuss specific changes he wants to make or purchases than ‘just spend it’. Third, maybe this goes without saying, but consider paying it forward to people in need with a percentage of your windfall.
Anon
We were in a situation like this. But there are very important things to consider, if you are close and care about your parents/inlaws and their care ongoing, during retirement to end of life.
So, are his parents quite wealthy? Like, multiple millions in the bank + pensions/SS? So even if they need around the clock/nursing home care in their old age, they will be able to pay for it out of pocket? How is their health? Any serious disabilities? Are they from folks that live into their late 90s and will move into a pricey continuing care facility?
Or do they not have a lot of money, and this is this her way of trying to “hide” the $$ so it wont be taken by Medicaid when they are older, because they have given it away before the 5 year look back? And they’ll be happy to go into a Medicaid not nice Nursing Home, and not expecting that they will move in with you and you will care for them, and you are ok with that? Or maybe you in return promise to take over their care when they age…. or they THINK they are gifting you this money with the plan that you will take care of them, but you never agreed to this.
Because…. you need to know. And not be surprised later.
In my family, we did not want to take the $$ early (well, one sibling did initially….). This is because one of my parents had serious medical issues that would require expensive care long term, they were still relatively young and could live a long time, and it can be incredibly expensive to age. You never know. It caused a lot tension with my one parent who really wanted to give the $$, even more so because he was worried he was going to die soon and wanted to “think” we were enjoying the $ while he was still alive.
Fortunately, we kids got on the same page. We took the $$, but just put it in the bank and “invested” it for them. I basically put it in a separate brokerage account at Fidelity in an Index fund and maybe Berkshire Hathaway. And let it sit. It was basically an extra retirement account for my parents, in our mind. And if they didn’t need it …. that is because they died, which is awful and will happen at some point. But if they need it, even if they ran out of their own money, we would have it for them and it would all go towards their care.
What happened? My parents died too young… And now my own “retirement savings” is in a much better position. I don’t have children. If I did, it probably would have turned into their college fund.
Anonymous
OP here and these are great points. They are wealthy and have their long term care affairs in order. They both retired at 55 and they have lots of solid assets in addition to millions in the bank.
Trish
I am stuck on “it’s his inheritance.” You have three kids so money coming into the family should be something that both of you make decisions about.
Anonymous
OP here. That’s his view too. I am trying to be hands off as it’s his family/his family’s money.
Tzedakah
You can identify a certain amount each year to donate and involve the kids in deciding where to give each year. And in the course of those continuing conversations, you can work in all kinds of family culture about money and values (working hard, preparing for the future, selecting a profession, making life choices, enjoying life/making life easier, helping others, etc.).
Anon
I inherited a sizable amount (about 1 million). Most of it is in a trust that will pass to my husband and kids. I can take money out of this trust but don’t. The rest is an inherited ira that I must distribute to myself over the next 8 years. I take some out every year (it’s taxes as income and I and husband still work and will for 10 years) and throw the max into 529s and throw some into the mortgage too (super low rate). I put another 7k or so in my
personal account and go thru it every year so far on stuff like vacation spending. Little things I want or for the kids. Using next years for Disney trip.
anon
Nicely done. I like your approach, and it was very smart to set up the Trust.
Curious
Vent. I have a sore throat and a fever. Not COVID, no nausea so likely not flu, a cough so likely not strep. These are all lucky things, as are the fact that the baby doesn’t have a fever. But I don’t wanna be sick! I feel like man flu man.
Curious
*man-flu man
Anon
Huh, I’ve never been nauseated with the flu. Who knew!
I hope you feel better soon. Sometimes it feels like those more mild colds are the most annoying kind of sick. And I HATE sore throats more than anything!
Curious
Google tells me my mom, who says the flu includes nausea, is wrong. Mostly only kids get nausea from the flu. So based on everything, that would be my guess.
I am entertaining myself imagining Tradwick with the flu.
Cat
when I was growing up, everyone used “the flu” to mean “a stomach bug” as opposed to what is actually influenza!
Curious
Ah, maybe that’s it!
Anonymous
My kiddo just had flu. No nausea. Fever and extreme fatigue, with cough and congestion later.
Anon
Tradwick is the worst when he has the flu. It’s definitely everyone else’s fault, and no one understands how miserable he is.
Betsy
Something I learned recently is that throwing up is mostly a flu symptom for children, not adults. So it is very possible you have the flu. Take care of yourself like you do and get a lot of rest!
Vicky Austin
Feel better soon! I am unnerved by how many people I know (IRL and elsewhere) who are feeling awful but testing negative for COVID. Please let there not be another mysterious bug evolving…
Cat
I’m confident it’s because it’s the first “full swing” holiday season since 2019. Regular bugs ALWAYS tore around the office this time of year, we’re just not used to it!
Vicky Austin
Good point – and phew!
Anon
We know that this isn’t a normal pre-2020 level of illness going around. It’s worse.
Cat
um ok, I’m aware of the RSV issue this year, but the general level of ‘oh riiiiight this is what a regular cold felt like’ is an adjustment after 3 years of essentially never being sick.
Aunt Jamesina
This is the worst flu season in 20-some years. Baby J had it last week, thankfully my husband and I managed to avoid it. I’m masking at work for now, I swear everyone is getting sick!
Curious
I hope you stay healthy, Aunt J, and Baby J keeps breathing well and doesn’t get anything severe.
Aunt Jamesina
She’s better now, thankfully. Just a lingering cough.
Anon
If they’re using the rapid tests, we know they’ve lost some sensitivity to newer variants (they’re still worth using, but they can only confirm, not rule out). I’m still getting my new free ones in the USA.
If it’s negative on PCR testing, I think that does mean it’s something else! One possibility is that mild viruses we don’t normally test for are hitting people harder if their bodies are still messed up by asymptomatic complications of a past COVID infection (so, so many people caught Omicron, and we know some effects can last many months). Whenever any bug is high transmission it has more opportunities to mutate, but I haven’t seen any studies showing changes to common viruses as an explanation for increased severity.
So I don’t know I feel about the different possibilities and which is worse (new mystery bug, more virulent common bug, or many months of increased susceptibility to infections following every bout with COVID).
Anon
People got sick before covid too! The flu is not novel.
Ribena
I had a horrendous cough and cold after COP26 last year. Daily negative lateral flow tests and a negative PCR near the start so I was confident it wasn’t Covid but whatever it was was incredibly unpleasant. (Not as bad as Covid which I finally had in september)
anon
I had a bad cold, probably 2 cold viruses at the same time, which developed into bronchitis, in October. I tested negative for Covid and flu. I had the flu in December of ’21 and Covid in July of ’22 and missed 1 day of work for each. I missed 5 days of work for whatever nonsense I had in October. It was the sickest I’ve been since I had the flu while pregnant 8 years ago.
Curious
This was my husband in August.
anon
You have my sympathies. Pre-covid I got maybe one cold per year. It wasn’t fun but it was manageable. Now I get sick a few times a year so it’s like Ugh, this again?? I’m avoiding the office until mid-January when the bugs everyone catches over the holidays are gone.
Anonymous
Tips on cv design/content and cover letters would be appreciated. I’m applying for some Opportunities and it has been a while. I don’t have a linked in for privacy concerns, any thoughts on this medium?
Anon
You need to be on LinkedIn. It’s a giant red flag to the point where I won’t hire someone who isn’t )What are you hiding? Are you even real? Do you know anyone at all in your industry? – that’s what not having a profile says). Resume formats depend on the industry and role. For business positions that rely on presentation skills, resumes show that off more and use some color and formatting. Getting it right is tricky. Consider a consultant. Finance and law permit more traditional resumes, they won’t deal break. For all roles, resumes should be a highlight reel, not a recitation of every little thing you ever did. Keep it short and crisp.
joan wilder
I am really bothered that you won’t hire anyone without a Linked In. There are legitimate privacy concerns to not be on (or other social media_, including violence survivors, stalking victims, married to someone prominent, etc. And overall, if something is going to be a determinant in who gets screened, it needs to be in he hiring ad. Otherwise it’s just a parlor game of guessing with the deck stacked for people who can guess these hiring norms.
Anon
+1 to all of this. For victims of DV and stalking victims especially. LinkedIn is like “here’s a map to where I work”!
pugsnbourbon
+2
Anon
Well most people aren’t in that situation and I’m sorry that business norms can’t accommodate every special situation. OP has not said this is her deal so I think she should have a profile. Otherwise of course balance your risks and do what you need to do.
joan wilder
One in four women experience domestic violence… you’re very out of touch if you think this is rare. It’s shockingly and concerningly not rare.
Anon
One in four women is not missing from social media or LinkedIn. Come on.
Anon
But business norms shouldn’t require you to be on a form of social media, which is what LinkedIn is. There are other ways to verify someone is real, qualified, and legit without it!
Anon
Except they do. And let’s focus. The question was whether OP should have LinkedIn or not because she wants a new job. Obviously if there’s some extreme reason why she can’t she wouldn’t even ask the question. And the answer is yes, in todays job market you should have a LinkedIn profile. Sorry. I didn’t invent it so you don’t need to shoot the messenger.
Fullyfunctional
Also LinkedIn is trash now. Any business that relies on it so heavily is not a place I would want to align with.
Anon
We got our bonuses today. They are based on how we rate ourselves with our self evaluations. I was pretty honest and scored myself a 3/5 because I’ve really struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety, so I’ve really been off my game. Our bonuses usually increase anywhere from $500-1500 each year and I’ve always received an increase. This year it stayed the same and I’m struggling with feelings of low self worth and anxiety about my place here. Any words of advice?
Anon
Never rate yourself low. That said, I’ve never seen bonuses actually allocated based on what someone says about themself. It’s always what the manager thinks and calibrated to the rest of the team. So don’t beat yourself up because your personal rating probably had nothing to do with your payout. But also, don’t do that again.
Senior Attorney
Too late now, but never downgrade yourself in an evaluation! Have the confidence of a mediocre white man. “Even though I had some personal issues, I managed to get all my deliverables out on time. 5/5.”
Honestly, if you graded yourself 3/5 I’d consider it a win that your bonus stayed the same instead of going down!
Anon
+1 I missed a YE goal and still said I was amazing and had a terrific year in my self-eval (and so did my boss). Make them prove you aren’t worth it, don’t do that work for them!
Vicky Austin
+1 – next time don’t sell yourself short!
buffybot
My words of advice are to consider discussing with your company the fact that (to my understanding and consistent with my experience), nearly all companies of size/with developed HR have stopped asking for employees to provide numeric rankings as a part of self evaluations and so your company is wildly out of date on this practice. Most realized that requiring employees to score themselves resulted in very little usable data and a whole lotta inequity. Dunning Kruger, etc etc. Maybe you performed great this year, maybe you didn’t — but asking you to score yourself in a way that you know results in less comp is fiddlesticks.
Anon
Next time have someone else write your report or channel the confidence of the most mediocre man in the firm. Or talk thru what your performance actually was Vs what you want to write down with a trusted friend.You probably did far better than you FEEL you did. I say this as someone who is trying to stop underselling myself at every opportunity because I feel like being honest means listing every fault. Not so in the work place!
For year end write ups on issues I may not feel like I have excelled I write it up in terms of I overcame all these obstacles and move the ball whether I delivered a result or not.
Give yourself a lot of grace. You did big things last year it sounds like, and worked full time on top of it all. You are amazing. You get gold stars for getting thru this year. Next year will be better as well, no doubt.
nuqotw
Tradwick gave himself 6/5. You are awesome.
Anon
Tradwick absolutely always gives himself a 6/5!
Chl
I mean, your employer has a terrible system if they’re basing bonuses on self evaluations. That’s not on you. Game it better next year and understand the assignment. I would say, if you have a system like that, it’s probably not a super well managed organization and not feeling valued is not a reliable signal of your competency.
Anon
Never, ever be honest on a self-evaluation.
Anon
A moment to brag here because I can’t brag to my friends without being insensitive to their financial or career positions. I’ll be breaking through the 100K salary mark with my raise this year (barely but it counts) and receiving a 20K end of year bonus. For the position and low to moderate level of job stress, the money is more than worth it.
Bonus will be going to paying off the trip I booked for February, and I’d like to find a new wool coat. So, shopping recommendations? I have a navy wool coat that’s just over 10 years old, a size too big and missing two buttons, mid thigh length. I’d like something in a green, of similar length.
Anon
I just got a lovely green wool coat from MANGO that meets these requirements and I really love it.
Anon8
Hah, I have an emerald green wool coat from Mango I was also going to recommend– wonder if it’s the same one!
Anon8
This is mine–
https://shop.mango.com/us/women/coats-coats/woolen-coat-with-belt_37005145.html?c=43
Anne-on
That’s a huge deal, good for you, this internet stranger is super proud of you!!
What’s your budget on the coat? I got the Mackage Elodie coat in army green last year as a Christmas gift to myself and I adore it, though it’s much longer than mid thigh (it gets cold in MA!). The Ted Baker coats are always really pretty and I think they come in green!
Anon OP
Oh that’s lovely. I’d be willing to make the indulgent purchase. In the Midwest myself. I can’t feel warm if my coat is just hip length.
Anne-on
Just an FYI that it’s cheapest on the Mackage site as they’re having a sale!
anonshmanon
wooohoo!
Anon
Congrats!!!!!! This really is a huge milestone!
Anon
Just wanted to say thank you for not bragging to your friends. I have a friend who makes about 3 times what I make and she was bragging about her bonus last night. She is very aware of our income disparity and some other friends of mine have said she does this on purpose to make herself feel better. She is super annoying and out of touch and I always debate ending the friendship.
Explorette
Congrats!
Anon
Congratulations! I broke the $100k mark with my new job and salary this year and it was a proud moment for me.
As for the coat, I still love Land’s End and LL Bean for very durable, well-constructed winter coats. But I’m kind of a traditionalist.
Anonymous
What are some easy ways you’ve improved your physical appearance? The past five years have been challenging – loss of parent; my own serious health issues; having kids. I am finally emerging from the fog and I just kind of…want to look like a subtly better version of myself. I recognize it sounds vain or shallow but I feel mentally better, but feel like I physically still look kind of blah, and want my inside to match my outside. For example, I watched a bunch of makeup tutorials and updated my makeup and that made a big difference.
BeenThatGuy
Here are some tips that I use for myself:
1. Make sure your skin is hydrated from the inside and out. Drink lots of water. Buy a facial steamer and steam for 20 minutes once or twice a week. Follow with a deep moisturizer or sheet mask.
2. I feel my best when I have a full face of (subtle) makeup on but don’t always have the time for that. I’ve found I can get away with a lipgloss, brow pencil and a quick cheekbone dusting of highlighter. And volia, I look fresh.
3. Face frame highlights go a long way. A great cut does also.
4. Neurotoxins and filler take 10 years off my face but it’s expensive and a commitment
Seventh Sister
I cut my hair and changed the part to a center part. It was in shoulder-length layers and now it’s a chin-length bob. I have to get it cut more often but I really like it and I think it makes me look a little more polished than I did before I cut it. I’m thinking a lot about Botox but I just haven’t been able to go through with it.
pugsnbourbon
1. Good haircut
2. Spironolactone for acne
3. Lipstick
PJ
Painting my nails and blow drying hair (lasts for 2-3 days)
Exercise for energy, confidence, glow regardless of shape
Wearing brow makeup and lip color, not just balm. Flattering colors near my face.
theguvnah
regular workouts, a good haircut, good lipstick, lots of oils and moisture, and finally facial self and self-lymphatic massage/gua sha are a great addition. And feels really good! (you can find reels on insta and tiktok).
Wanting to look your best is NOT vain or shallow!
IL
+1 on the haircut / color/ shine. If your hair looks good, you will look good.
My other easy fix when I’m in a style funk is to splurge on one good pair of boots that season and wear them with everything.
Tina
What are your favorite sandwiches to bring to work for lunch?
In the battle of lunches-I-am-willing-to-make-and-also-willing-to-eat-the-next-day I’m realizing sandwiches rule supreme. I’ve been making a sort of grilled cheese with ham and different spreads thats been great, but I don’t want to rely on processed meats. I don’t like mayonnaise or hummus, but otherwise no food restrictions. Thinking of a greek yogurt chicken salad sandwich but also want to get more veggies in there.
Aunt Jamesina
This sandwich is sooooo good, although I typically use red wine vinegar in place of the balsamic to get closer to the Italian sub flavor profile: https://www.eatingwell.com/recipe/252443/vegetarian-italian-hoagies/
Aunt Jamesina
Oh, and to make lunch prep easy, I make a batch of the marinated artichokes and onions to use ahead of time, then assemble everything when I’m ready to eat.
Anon
I’m not much of a sandwich person, but boy do I understand that battle!
Cat
I like chicken salad best in a wrap w/ lots of greens- think kale for crunch, plus it keeps the mess contained as opposed to spilling out the side of a regular sammie :)
Vicky Austin
I like mine on a bed of spinach or scooped up with crackers – or both!
Trish
DH and I have a kid in grad school and live in a M-HCOL area. Our son works and we help him a bit. We make about 175 a year – both WFH – and this month put WAY TOO much on our credit card. I just put money into my 10-year-old Honda to make it last more years so we won’t have a new car payment. It’s only been in the past few years that I get my hair colored professionally, get my nails done every few weeks, monthly massages and housekeeping. I hate to cut any of those pleasures right now because that will directly impact people who are in worse financial shape than we are right now. We can eat out less and be better about grocery shopping but the best places to cut seem to be personal services. How are you handling this inflation?
Anon
I’ve putting way too much on credit cards lately but it has more to do with catching up on all the travel we missed during Covid than with inflation.
Anon
“I hate to cut any of those pleasures right now because that will directly impact people who are in worse financial shape than we are right now. ”
That’s a nice rationalisation but you know the answer is to stop doing those things until the CC is paid off.
Anon
This! I used to get my nails done maybe twice a year as a social thing with friends. Since covid, I just buy a bottle and do them myself. Massages are a luxurious indulgence. Maybe get one for your birthday? Hair color I wouldn’t be able to give up if it was needed. I’d clean my own home too. Times are tough but it’s not my job to overspend to support others. Sounds like you a really rationalizing your spending to continue indulging.
Trish
We use a credit card and slide the money from checking every month. We put money into savings that is used for Christmas and vacations to pay off the card. It seems that this month it has been way overboard though and I don’t want to dip so far into savings.
Anon
The answer does not change. Stop with indulgences when you overspent.
Anon
I understand you desire to not cut out things that will affect someone else who might be in a worse financial shape than you are, but you have to look at YOUR bottom line, so these things may need to be cut despite you feeling bad for the person who provides these services. Maybe there is a compromise, like getting these things done say, every 6 weeks instead of every 4 weeks, or something like that.
pugsnbourbon
+1. Or choose the one you like the most and pause the other ones until you’re back on track.
Anon
I fell like this is a situation where “don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm” applies.
Cat
I’d cut the massages and the manis before the color or the cleaning. You’d be surprised how well you can DIY with a bottle of Mademoiselle and a decent topcoat.
anonshmanon
Ignore if this doesn’t resonate, but I think a lot about this notion of ‘by spending on these things, I help other people to have an income’. To some extent that is of course true. However, the trend of outsourcing things that we are perfectly capable of doing, but simply prefer not to (like cleaning my house, or getting delivery of something I could pick up myself) also creates huge demand for really badly paid labor, which some have called a modern servant class. There are so many cases where it’s sold as economically prudent, even. I can work an extra x hours where I am highly paid, so it’s just a better deal to have my house cleaned by someone whose time is less costly. Clearly this cements the income disparity where high income workers protect their earning power at the cost of creating minimum wage jobs. The more you spend, the bigger your environmental footprint is as well.
Or, to put a more positive spin on it: Focus on the positive outcomes of spending less. Less stress juggling appointments for services, less pressure on your budget, more freedom to explore what you care about outside of a wage job.
Anon
Outsourcing things that you’re perfectly capable of doing, but simply prefer not to, like house cleaning or delivery, also helps make those services available for people who are NOT perfectly capable of doing them.
anonshmanon
how is that? More demand would be driving up the price? Or do you mean creating a cultural expectation that having a housecleaner is normal for everyone while still conceiving yourself as middle class?
Anon
The demand creates availability for the service. Life became so much easier life for disabled people during the pandemic when suddenly able-bodied people wanted grocery pick up and delivery and prescription medication delivery, and all these things were rolled out more widely!
Where I live, I haven’t seen this happen with house cleaning, and many house cleaners don’t really offer a service that would be useful to people who have mobility challenges (they want to dust and wipe down tidy houses because that’s the service that able-bodied people created a market for, but they aren’t usually prepared to help out with what happens when it’s hard to put things away, pick up things that have fallen, and generally tidy up to begin with).
I just hope that able-bodied people aren’t berating themselves for not personally doing things they’re physically capable of doing (if unlike OP they can afford it).
anonshmanon
I guess I can see that point, and I too, don’t want people to berate themselves! I don’t believe that guilt is a useful basis to make choices like this.
Anonymous
I mean living beyond your means ultimately isn’t going to help the people you are hiring. You either have to stop paying them now, or when you are deeper in debt.
Trish
Anonshmanon,
I do think about the carbon footprint of easy Amazon purchases and instacart and generally don’t use them. That said, we have been using them recently because we had a death in the family and we have been overwhelmed with that and the holidays. The giant boxes that come with online purchases make me so sad as does the income disparity. I’ve been better about buying a purse in every color and shoes for every occassion and that is why there was more money for personal services in the past few years. I appreciate your thoughts.
Anonymous
I have a monthly budget, so I know how much I’m allowed to spend in different areas and still stay on track. I have portions for fixed expenses (mortgage, utilities, insurance, etc.), one-time-ish expenses (like car repair, vacations, once a year fees, etc.). I keep an eagle eye on the last category: the discretionary monthly expenses (food, eating out, entertainment, clothing, personal services, gifts, house decor, hobbies, etc.) I cut back on those as needed to stay within the monthly allowed amount. Right now, food is more expensive, so I’m cutting back on buying clothes and eating out.
If you don’t have a budget (which is really just a spending plan to keep you on track according to your own priorities), then I’d go to work cutting the stuff that doesn’t mean much to you and keeping the stuff that gives you greatest benefit. For me, I’d be cutting out getting my nails done and keeping the housecleaning.
Also, if you aren’t already, I’d take a look at the past few months of spending and total up the different places where your money is actually going. Sometimes once we start paying attention to how these numbers are adding up, it becomes obvious and easy to see how and where to cut back.
anon
Honestly, I eliminated all non-business travel. It’s expensive, exhausting, and unfulfilling in this post-COVID era. Once that was gone from the budget, the rest of my spending categories can be pretty splurge-y without resulting in any hardship.
Anon
What’s unfulfilling about travel these days? With the exception of handful of Asian countries everything is fully open and business as normal. I’m Covid cautious but I just mask up and go.
No Problem
I mean, was the “WAY TOO much” on the credit card because of the car repairs, or were there other things that exceeded your normal spend/budgets? If it was just the one-time hit, you should focus on upping your savings to account for these kind of unpredictable/necessary expenses that exceed your normal monthly spend. If you’re already saving into such a bucket and the bucket was big enough to cover this expense and leave you with some left over, then I’m not sure what the issue is.
Trish
No Problem – yes, I am trying to decide where to cut back. Son had a car accident and we realized we were underinsured. Add that to a recent death in the family and expense related to that and our credit card expenses this past few months are higher than our income! We can pay it off but something has to go.
Anon
I can’t cancel my housekeeper for more than 2 sessions or she considers it a termination of her services, and moves someone up on her waiting list into our slot. So I would only cancel housekeeping if things were really dire and not likely to improve. I can, and have, cut back from every other week to once a month for a couple months and she was fine with that.
However, years ago I quit salon color and salon nails and the savings from that has been profound. It was costing me $350 every 6 to 8 weeks to get my hair cut and colored, and another $60 every two weeks for mani/pedi. I just do it at home now and it works fine. I’ve saved thousands and thousands of dollars over the year doing home beauty vs. salon.
Massage may be different – if you do it just to relax, you can cut that until the card is paid down. If you need it for functional mobility or to manage a health condition, figure out if you can cut back the frequency (i.e., go every-other-week vs. weekly) or find a cheaper place to get massages (but maybe not the super-cheap chain places, I’ve known some people who have had bad experiences with those).
When we’re paying down a bill (or replenishing savings) we cut back eating out to once every other week, max and then try to do “fun food nights” at home. Meaning we’ll make charcuterie boards, have “appetizer night,” make nachos, pizza, burgers, etc. at home vs. going out for those things. If you have a Costco membership, this is really easy (and cost effective) to do and you can get cheaper wine/liquor for at-home happy hours vs. going out to the wine bar/brewery/cocktail lounge.
Bette
We’ve tried to focus on cutting low-benefit expenses and reducing (but not totally cutting) others. Example: more discipline about meal planning & consistent grocery shopping so that we can cut out lazy meals out (eg no food in the house I’m tired let’s pick something up). I cut my housekeeping hours a little – she was spending six hours at our house every two weeks, we cut it down to four (still hits all the major pain points in the house).
I also read a few minimalism books about shopping bans and have adopted my own version of a shopping ban – that more than anything helped reset my mindset away from this sense of “I want it and we technically have the money and I work hard so I should buy it”. The Year of Less is a good intro into that, recommended by many on this board.