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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Early fall in the Northeast means 55-degree mornings and 80-degree afternoons. Dressing for the wild swings in temperature is challenging, but I find that it’s the only time of year when a short-sleeved sweater feels appropriate. I love this gorgeous eggplant-colored sweater from Akris Punto.
This would look beautiful with trousers for the office or jeans on the weekend. If you’re really into the color, it also comes in a skirt.
The sweater is $495 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes 2–16.
Two more affordable alternatives are from Vince (on sale for $117) and Joie ($88 on sale).
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
Any private practice lawyers figure out how to even out their workloads? I recently made partner and the workload seems dramatically “feast or famine” – billing 2-3 hours some days and waiting for work for weeks, and then billing 12+ hours a day out of nowhere. Some months are 80 hours with no vacation and some are 170 — please tell me this will even out in time? Become predictable somehow? I do corporate/ employment work, FWIW.
Anonymous
I do litigation and it’s different for litigators, but I think this is pretty common for partners. I use the slow periods to do marketing, client development, firm service, associate development, CLEs, and go on vacation. During the busy periods, I rely heavily on delegating, and it’s easier to delegate if you’ve invested in associates and trust them. I do think it will work itself out. I made partner about five years ago and the first year or two of my partnership were very hard; it feels much more normal now. Hang in there.
Anonymous
Well 170 as a busy month sounds like a dream, I think you’re the one who should be giving advice!
Anon
Oh come on, let’s not play that game. You bill more than this regularly, congrats to you for working the most
anon
+1
anon
If you’re a partner, 170 billable is more like 250+ with administrative and marketing time (at least in biglaw).
Ellen
I agree. I am also in litigation, and for me it is non-stop work, which never let’s up even b/c of the pandemic. People continue to claim WC benefits they are NOT entitled to get, and it is my job to defend those companies and pay out only on legit claims.
I just completed a dismissal of a case where a supermarket employee tried to claim he was hurt in 2018 when all that happened was that a piece of glass went into his shoe. It did not even break his skin, yet he claimed an ingrown toenail resulted from that piece of glass, which is ridiculus.
The company denied the claim and he brought an action in Queens County court alleging injury and lost back wages after he was fired for not coming to work. After the courts reopened virtually, I moved to dismiss the case, including an affidavid from our expert who examined his toe and the shoes he claimed caused the injury. There was nothing on the shoe evidincing any glass in the shoe, let alone on his skin, and he said the ingrown toenail could not have occurred at work by stepping on some glass with those shoes. The judge was inclined to let this go to trial, but since our expert witness would say the same @ trial and the plaintiff made no allegation to connect the glass to the shoe to the toe, the judge granted my 3211 motion, with leave to replead if he could!
That took over 300 hours of my time and I had to put it alll together in just 2 weeks! And I continue to have a caseload of over 530 matters, which I also must stay on top of. FOOEY!
Anonymous
Use the slow times to do one on one networking and your practice will build up and fill the gaps.
Anonymous
I’ve been in private practice for 10 years, 3 years as partners and this has never gotten better for me. The slow months never seem to coincide with any holidays or vacations where it would be beneficial to have downtime, and the busy months are completely irregular, but always seem to fall at the most in-opportune times. Overall, it always feels stressful and terrible without the actual annual numbers that would support how strung-out I feel. This is one of the prime reasons why I would move out of private practice.
Anonymous
Thanks to everyone who replied to my “is this blah feeling pandemic fatigue” question/ musing yesterday. I’m going to start paying more attention to how I feel and what brings me joy. I will also talk to my doctor at my annual exam this fall- I feel better knowing I’m not alone and realizing that maybe it isn’t me, or my job, or my partner, or just one thing- but the cumulative affect of the stresses and losses over the last year+. Thanks again, Hive!
Anon
Any recommendation for career coach who can help improve communication and/or office politics skills for lawyers? I tried a few, but they seemed to be mostly lawyers who practiced for just a few years who then became stay at home moms, or people who generally were not very successful as lawyers in the first place. This industry seems like it can be really sketchy, and there is no formal rating system.
Texas
Jason Levin is a career coach in the DC-area; his business is Ready Set Launch. I’m a lawyer and I practiced with his wife when we were baby lawyers; they married before she started working as an associate. She went on to be a partner in a global firm and just recently left because the side business she started is doing so well. His wife and I have stayed in holiday card/LinkedIn level contact. I don’t know Jason (I’m not sure I ever met him). However, I do know that he’s been along for the ride (and sounds like an equal life partner) with his wife who made partner and started her own successful business. So maybe he could be helpful to you?
Anon
The poster who commented a few days ago about resume review and interview prep tips might actually be a good person for this, if she wants to add it to her repertoire of offerings.
The Career Files
Hi there – my name is Kelli Lanski, and I do this and would be happy to speak with you. After a decade practicing law (primarily in biglaw in NYC) I left to focus on The Career Files, my business helping lawyers adjust to and succeed in professional life through skills-based training and 1-1 coaching. I focus my work on lawyers in their first few years of practice. My website is linked above, and you can email me at kelli at thecareerfiles dot com if you want to chat about your needs.
Hollis
There are so many of us lawyers on this board, everyday. If you have specific situations you are trying to navigate, or you need a script for how to say something, please feel free to ask away! That’s primarily why I keep reading here – I learn so much from this community. Signed, a midlaw partner who has practiced for 2 decades (2 biglaw firms before switching to midlaws).
Anon
Thank you to everyone for your thoughts on my Friday question regarding job benefits I wouldn’t use. I got pulled into a meeting and didn’t get back here until early evening, so I didn’t realize I’d lit a match and run away.
To confirm, I was not going to actually verbalize “I’m childfree and sterilized” or “I don’t want to educate myself any more” to a recruiter, that was just explanation for the group here to understand my point. (Also, to the person who thought using the word “sterilized” meant my post was fake: you’re weird. “I had a failed ablation that escalated into a hysterectomy” would have been TMI, but apparently you need that.)
Anyway, I read and appreciated your points about the group aspect of a negotiated benefit, and took it to heart. Even though she was pushing hard on the maternity-centric stuff (generous daycare reimbursement, care-dot-com subscription, and a milk stork, which I’d never heard of before) I pulled the conversation back to the fact that I had 3X the tenure they asked for, and that my software experience matched their needs exactly. I did not get the full amount I countered with, but they met me halfway and threw in a five figure signing bonus, so I’m happy.
In a way, I’m slightly pleased about the recruiter’s tactic. The majority of the directors and VPs I spoke to were women, and I’m leaving a deeply misogynistic organization. I’m also 44 and in tech, so I experience ageism. Her methods suggest that women are supported in this culture, and that the company doesn’t pay close attention to age.
Thanks again!
Ribena
I think your last point is really important. I’ve never wanted kids but the fact that I see so many mothers – especially in job shares or on reduced hours – at high levels in my organisation gives me confidence that being a woman won’t hold me back. Thanks for coming back to share what happened next
Anon
I’m glad your negotiations went well!
Anonymous
Milk Stork is a service that allows you to ship pumped milk home while on the road. For some women that benefit may signal a culture supportive of new mothers. To me, it’s another sign that the patriarchy wants us chained to our pumps.
Anonymous
I explained to my midwife why pumping wouldn’t work with my job because I appear in a courthouse all morning and being unavailable for twenty to theory minutes gums up everyone’s day meaning we all stay until the afternoon and I won’t be able to pick up the kid. She explained that I should have used a device that pumps under my shirt while speaking to a judge. I just feel like they will never allow any excuse.
Anon
Why even bother to have the conversation with your midwife? I just don’t engage where I know I’m going to completely disagree and do my own thing anyway.
Seventh Sister
I had a friend tell me I should pump on my commute. I know that works for some people, but my commute was about an hour of city driving each way *with* my kid. It wasn’t going to work if I didn’t want to have an accident. If I have any regrets about nursing, it’s about pumping as long as I pumped.
Senior Attorney
Oh, FFS. That’s just insane.
Anon
Eh, if the patriarchy wanted you chained to your pumps, they would mommy-track you, not send you on the road.
Anonymous
+1.
Anonymous
I find that ridiculous. Companies reimbursing staff for things related to pumping is progress, not the patriarchy. Your office doesn’t give a sh1t about whether you breastfeed or not, but if you breastfeed, this is a really important benefit to have if you want it. That’s like saying that insurance covering birth control pills wants you to be having s3x all the time. It’s just recognition that a lot of women could use this service at some point in their lives and that they shouldn’t be forced to foot the bill.
anon
Yeah, I had an office that offered this, and it was because it was a recommendation made by a committee of working mothers. I didn’t BF past maternity leave, but for my fellow associates who wanted to, this was a much-loved benefit that let them get back to participating in big trials and deals much more quickly.
Anon
Agreed! This was a hugely well-received benefit when my law firm started offering it. I agree breastfeeding over formula is pushed too hard but for many people it has benefits that are worth the annoyance of pumping. It is fantastic to be able to easily pump and mail back your milk instead of worrying about lugging it through the airport, taking it through security at the courthouse before you fly home, finding adequate ice to keep it cool all day while in some random court reporters office for a deposition. It facilitates work travel for people who pump.
No Face
I loved Milk Stork! So much easier than DIY milk transportation when you are a litigating, traveling mom like I was. The benefit meant that did not have to pay for it myself, which I would have.
Anonymous
Agreed, a group of working moms at my organization (including me) tried to get the company to pay for Milk Stork (with no success). The breastfeeding vs formula debate is fraught, but many working moms WANT to breastfeed/pump and feel unsupported when their company doesn’t cover a service like this.
Anonymous
Nobody in real life actually says “I have been sterilized.” People say “I had my tubes tied” or “I can’t have kids” or “I’m not having kids.”
Anon
Just stop. She literally explained this. It’s right there.
friend
I’m a different poster then 9:13am.
It would be odd to put sterilized out there…. It doesn’t clearly say you don’t want kids anyway, which is the point you are trying to make, because people adopt and many of the benefits would apply to people who adopt as well.
Congrats on the negotiating. Well done.
Anon
None of the above posters, just happy to play the “parsing language” game right back at you.
In the context of not using maternity benefits, a woman says she is sterilised. Given that many parental benefits apply to adoptive parents as well, and she is aware of such, her statement about being sterilised indicates that she is quite serious about being childfree.
More importantly, internet comments aren’t contracts; we do not ask that people add in language to cover every eventuality. We can eyeball the meaning of what they say and be reasonable people. Well, at least some of us can.
anonshmanon
counterpoint – saying you don’t want kids opens all kinds of doors for busybodies to have an opinion on your choice. Sterilized makes it much more final and (hopefully) minimizes such comments.
friend and doc
I totally agree with you anonshmanon – you don’t want buzybodies giving a biased opinion re: your choice. However, I’m a doc and know well that unfortunately there are many young woman out there “sterilized” (a word we don’t use in medicine in this way) who don’t want to be. Many things such as pregnancy complications, cancer and its treatments and more can lead to being “sterilized”. So a presumption that using that words means it was your choice with clear intent is not so.
So as the OP said, she did not bring up the specifics in the negotiating, just indicating generally that the benefits were not the selling points for her, is the way to go. Very clear. Very appropriate
Anonymous
Please don’t speak for me. Thank you.
Anon
Nobody in real life says “nobody in real life.” :)
Anon
This is a really goofy obsession you have.
Anonymous
Please don’t speak for me. I am a real life childfree person, and I don’t say any of those things you suggest that ‘people say’ for various reasons.
Anon
+1
Anon
First, no. Second, having your tubes tied is becoming less common. Newer research shows that ovarian cancer can begin in the fallopean tubes, so women seeking a tubal are often being steered towards bisalps instead.
pugsnbourbon
I had a bisalp last year and for anyone thinking about it – it wasn’t too bad. I had an ovarian cyst that needed to go anyway so we did both at once. I took a week off work. The first two days after weren’t fun but recovery was pretty quick after that.
Anon
Well shit. I had a tubal 18 years ago.
Tubes removed
I had this procedure a few years ago, while in my early 40s. I had the procedure in the morning, was zonked at home the rest of the day, and sore for a few days. I’m happy with the reduced risk of ovarian cancer and knowing that I no longer have to rely on a IUD (had two Mirenas), birth control pills, a diaphragm, condoms, or anything or anyone else for birth control.
anon
Well the internet isn’t real life so you can feel free to let this go.
Monday
Winning comment.
Seriously though, the word “real” does a lot of dirty work in a lot of contexts…
Anon
Winning comment.
Seriously though, the word “real” does a lot of dirty work in a lot of contexts…
Anon
This is a conversation about OP’s word choice, not about all internet behavior ever since the day Al Gore invented it.
Anonymous
Glad it went well! For the group’s benefit, a care-dot-com subscription is also beneficial if you need caregivers or support for ill or disabled family members like parents. It’s not just for childcare.
Anon
Right! I used it to find a house keeper and pet sitter!
Anon
Right. Unless only women take care of elder parents, the care dot com subscription should be gender neutral. I used it in relation to my mom and never for my children.
Anonymous
Unfortunately women do the vast majority of elder caregiving too.
Anon
Thanks for the update; I’m happy to hear it went so well!
Shacket/Utility Jacket recs
Looking for recommendations for a shacket/utility jacket for this fall. Prefer a slightly tailored fitted look. Budget under $100. Green, gray, or maroon. Lighter weight because I’m in the SEUS
Anonnymouse
I really like the J Crew Downtown Field Jacket
Anon
I have the Jcrew one that’s popular here but I wouldn’t describe it as fitted.
nuqotw
Boden has a corduroy shacket in green that I’ve been lusting after.
Anonymous
Drooling over Athletas moto jacket in green but haven’t hit “buy” yet.
Anon
Have you noticed a change in pms symptoms related to your diet? I’ve had more sugar than usual (by a lot) this month and am experiencing so much bre@st swelling and tenderness. Wondering if it’s diet related, but don’t want to have that much sugar next month to test out my theory.
Anonymous
Are you sure you are not pregnant?
anon
Yes, but I have insulin resistance so it’s expected.
Anon
Yep. Months I indulge in caffeine and extra sugar or too much alcohol means PMS will entails extremely tender, swollen bre@sts and my cysts acting up.
Tea/Coffee
Too much caffeine or alcohol result in no change in physical symptoms, but I want to murder my husband. It’s a very clear tell that 1, I need to back off the drinking and 2, my period is coming in five days. To the point where DH can pinpoint it based on when I started shooting him dagger eyes…
Anon
My PMS symptoms vary, but I don’t think it’s been related to my diet, although I haven’t paid that close attention. And having very tender breasts definitely doesn’t mean you’re pregnant. I’ve been disappointed by that symptom a number of times.
Anonymous
High caffeine consumption is definitely related to breast tenderness for me.
pizza
Having one of those “wish i’d gone to community college and gotten a nursing license because then i’d be close to retiring*” mornings.
C’mon, cold brew. We have work to do.
* ok probably not, like another decade, but part time work, maybe?
(I don’t dislike my job, necessarily. I’m just tired and have too much to do and we’re horribly understaffed with more coming down and no real way to put things on hold. And I know where other people my age would be in careers I was interested in right now. I just kind of fell into this work)
Anon
My day, too. Now in stereo sound with you.
Anonymous
Lol you’re daydreaming of being a nurse because you’re feeling: . I’m just tired and have too much to do and we’re horribly understaffed with more coming down and no real way to put things on hold.
Literally any nurse in the country could be saying that.
pizza
at least i’d be doing something, you know? or like a medical lab tech person, i don’t know– I picked nursing because that’s where a lot of people I know are, there’s also a lot of teachers so I could have said that.
I just feel so stuck in this position, because it’s in the middle with no power to accomplish things or keep problems from starting*. it’s reactionary, not active. which I guess is the real problem? Hunh. I was having trouble articulating that. Thanks.
* even little things. it’s just sent out in the ether
Anonymous
Grass is always greener. Anyone who thinks nurses or teachers have a great career right now with the pandemic has to be joking. At least those with a desk job are more likely to be alive and healthy enough to come back to it.
Anonymous
“I just feel so stuck in this position, because it’s in the middle with no power to accomplish things or keep problems from starting*”
This perfectly describes being a teacher, except you have to add in never, ever being treated like a professional, being a political punching bag, and dealing with insane bureaucracy. My husband is a high school teacher with a PhD, 20+ years of experience (including 7 years as a college professor) and still has constant professional development days where they do the equivalent of trust falls and talk about ideas for ice breakers that will somehow make remote learning work.
Anonymous
Also you cannot take days off unless you call in sick, which in some cases requires an actual note from a doctor. You have a lot of vacation but no control over the schedule.
Anonymous
I get it, though. I often daydream about having a job where I just do whatever active work is in front of me at the moment. Teach the kids, care for the patient, etc. One thing at a time and when it’s done it’s done.
Anonymous
Well in nursing you go home after doing the active work in front of you and think about that person who you cared for who died and their family so ..no.
A Nurse's Mom
You also work 12 hour shifts, swing from night to day and back again, carry a weekend schedule at least one weekend a month, carry a pager several days a month, stay after your 12 hours to finish your charting, arrive before your shift to review patients with the nurse you are replacing. And that’s if your unit is well staffed, not something found in this day and age too frequently.
Anonymous
Yeah, nobody who daydreams about being a nurse or a teacher actually thinks it would be better than an office job. It’s just a grass-is-greener idealized fantasy.
Anon
Being a teacher has advantages that teachers don’t fully understand because they think office jobs are just like the “stuff envelopes and answer phones” jobs they had in college, just with more money.
I say this as someone who is no liberal: at-will employment is a terrible idea that needs some reining in. A reasonable manager will use it to coach employees and have the termination option available when coaching and remediation don’t take; bad managers use it as a whip to grind their employees into the ground. IMHO, teachers truly do not understand what their job protections are worth.
Anon
No doubt their worst day on the job is worse than my worst day; no question. But as a nurse you can get schooling that isn’t $$$ and be working for enough $ to pay your schooling when you are in your early 20s. A lot of the math makes sense in a way that a BA in poetry really leaves you at square 1, minus 4 years to get it and a lot of $. Let’s not even talk about law school.
Former Teacher
I was a teacher and I’m now in pressure cooker Big Finance (don’t ask). Your statement is very flawed – “teach the kids… one thing at a time and when it’s done it’s done.” If that’s what you think teaching is, I encourage you to learn a whole lot more about the profession.
I pick this insane finance world – which is client facing/business developing, high stress/high reward role – all day and each and every single day over teaching. There is a lot that is hard about my current job but at least I make good money and I’m treated like a professional. I truly enjoyed the act of teaching and relationship building with students, but have never once dreamed of being a teacher again.
And, BTW I took my teaching work – actual work and, absolutely/more exhaustingly, emotional work – home with me nightly, and all summer. I also watch my nurse practitioner sister at her job, pre and post COVID. That s h i t does not stay at the hospital when she leaves, fwiw. It’s ok to daydream, but also make sure you are honest with yourself that it’s just that.
Nudibranch
I don’t think she knows how stressful and exhausting a nurse’s career is. Yes, they are paid relatively well, and can (mostly) leave work behind at the door–but it is not easy. Particularly now with COVID-19 rampaging.
Anon
I was midway through hard contractions and there was a shift change. If I could just work a shift or have a job with a hard stop, I’d be willing to trade a lot of $ for that. It doesn’t exist in most other fields now. My work “flexibility” basically means work if you aren’t in a coma.
Anonymous
Such a good point. My admittedly lower paying legal job was a hard 5pm stop until the pandemic. Now the “flexibility” just means round the clock expectations.
nuqotw
I hear about escapist fantasies but I don’t think nursing is it. My sibling went to a CC / became an RN and then completed a BSN. Covid has made work supremely stressful and the money is good but not early retirement good.
Anon
My escape fantasy has always been to farm pearls out in the middle of the ocean somewhere, but you do you, boo.
Senior Attorney
When I was a very young associate I seriously thought about quitting to be a teacher, even though my mom was a teacher and I was married to one at the time. Super glad I stuck it out.
My real escapist fantasy, though, was working at the doll factory, after watching a Mister Rogers episode with my then-toddler son one morning before work and seeing Fred visit the ladies making the dolls. I wanted to be the one who got to brush the dolls’ hair…
Anone
My escapist fantasies – in no particular order – were 1. to open a coffee shop; 2. to be a therapist; 3. to be a journalist. Okay, 2 and 3 are not really escapist, just daydreams about other jobs which may be stressful but which I would be good at and love (bad grammar on the internet notwithstanding).
anon
For those of you more aesthetically inclined than me, I need house painting help- We just bought a new house and need to paint the whole interior. We’ve picked a light to medium grey for the walls and are thinking about doing accent walls or potentially painting whole rooms different colors. How do you think about when it makes sense to do an accent wall vs a whole room? We’re thinking of doing a half bath a dark blue grey color and potentially my office in the same color. So the non-grey colors here would be stuff like deep blue-grey or burgundy.
Any thoughts?
Anon
Paint consultants are worth the $. I don’t know what the light is in your place and the colors of your stuff. They can actually help you make good choices and avoid bad ones. Also, invest in painted foam board of at least 12×18 to help make final choices.
Anonymous
I think accent walls look dated. I would go with entire rooms.
Anon
Ditto on color consultants. Just Google the phrase with your town.
And ditto on accent walls being passé.
Anon
Another +1, also grey walls are passé too and can feel really cold. For lovely colors check out Farrow and Ball (they can be color matched). I’d go with a warmer or clean white in most places and full rooms in a color and what that is totally depends on your home, light, and style. That said, I’m a fan of middle blues and greens – I like Mystic Lake and Seedling by BM, both are FB dupes. Remodelista does a nice round up of white paints all the time.
Anon
Yes grey is passe and overdone. I’m a lights or deeps but never middles.
Thank goodness for differences!
Cat
I think grey is on the way out in favor of warmer whites and creams, and agree that accent walls are over.
I think dark is great for small bathrooms, though.
Anonymous
Oh, good! My cream walls painted in 2004 will be in style again.
Senior Attorney
Yep! I’m having the same thoughts!
Anon
I love white walls everywhere (I have BM Chantilly Lace) but if I wanted color again I would definitely go for a consultant (my dream is F & B!). I’ve painted and repainted colors multiple times and it is very hard to get it right.
Anon
Fwiw, it’s very hard to go wrong with any FB color and I think worth the extra money eh for that alone. The only issue there is whether you like the color. For example, I dislike purples so those will never look good to my eye no matter how well done. But if you pick a shade in a color family you like, it’s basically fail proof.
pugsnbourbon
I get overwhelmed so if I could re-do my house, I’d go with a company like Clare that has a max of two dozen shades. The colors are great and it’s not that much more expensive than going to Lowe’s.
Anonymous
Would not do grey, if I was in your situation, but a warm white as the main colour. I find grey sad, though, and you might not!
Grey may have had it’s 15 minutes, I think, even though it’s the Pantone 2021 colour. Olive greens, cream, charcoal, powder pink and washed khaki are all lovely colours that work with greys, if you want to look for aome pinterest inspiration.
Trixie
Gray is a trend that has come and gone–go with a classic white or cream or neutral. Paint the trim throughout the house the same color–probably a white–in a semi gloss or similar. Get a color consultant to help pick interior colors, and skip the accent walls. Maybe go with wall paper if you like wall paper.
Anon
Agree with others not to do gray. If you don’t want to do the full color consult route at least look at Maria Killam’s stuff online.
https://mariakillam.com/
There’s a blog there, she sells a book, and I recently discovered she has a tik tok!
No Problem
My shoulders/back/torso are itchy just thinking about wearing this sweater. Hard pass on anything made of wool (merino, cashmere, or otherwise) directly on my skin. Props to anyone out there who can tolerate it.
Anonymous
Same
Anonymous
Same! I am so annoyed that every sweater and sweater dress on the market contains 5% wool or cashmere. Whyyyyyy.
Anon
Wool is my preferred next-to-skin layer, though this is certainly out of my price range. Different strokes for different folks.
Anonymous
The problem is that there are no sweaters on the market that don’t contain animal fibers and aren’t itchy. So it’s not really a case of different strokes for different folks. There are no options.
Cat
Now is the time to scoop up cotton sweaters on sale!
Anon
What do you mean? There are tons of cotton, linen and synthetic shirts and sweaters. They’re not hard to find.
Anon
+1, I see tons of non-animal fibers sweaters on sale all the time. Lots of poly options too that don’t seem itchy.
pugsnbourbon
I’ve found 100% cotton sweaters at Target, Loft, Old Navy and Macy’s in the last couple years. They’re out there!
Anon
Same with me. Merino wool tops, leggings, socks, dresses are the work horses of my closet. If anyone can recommend merino wool pants that are office appropriate, please post.
Anonymous
St. John and Lafayette 148 have dressy enough knit wool pants.
Anon
Thanks. At the opposite end of the spectrum, the last pair I found was Uniqlo.
Anon
As a knitter I’m all about wool but I can’t do anything like Shetland wool next to my skin. I can do merino wool. Not all wools are equal! As with cotton when we talk about sheets, it’s all about staple length.
Anon
I should add that not all cashmere is equal either – that $59 Black Friday cashmere v neck is just never going to feel like really nice cashmere on the skin.
Anonymous
I can actually have Shetland wool, straight on the skin – as long as I don’t have winter dry skin from wood stoves. But Angora or Mohair are impossible, but I think that’s probably an allergic reaction.
Can’t have any acrylics, though. I squeak and sweat and get cold.
Cat
Clicking on the item details, it says this sweater is “Viscose/nylon/spandex” – so hard pass for me. (a) for $500 it should be 100% wool, and (b) I can only do 100% merino or cashmere. Any blend is guaranteed to itch. It’s actually a pretty nice way to save money not buying mediocre sweaters…
Anon.
The only wool/merino sweaters I have worn that don’t itch are the ones from Uniqlo.
pugsnbourbon
That’s a good tip. Usually the only wool I can tolerate is wool-blend socks, weirdly. Wool is such a great material but it sends me over the edge.
Anon
It’s not wool tho
Anonymous
oh yeah! eek. itching just looking at it.
anon
Same! I am so annoyed that every single sweater and sweater dress on the market contains at least 5% wool or cashmere. Whyyyyyy.
Anonymous
Me too, but for a different reason: When I look for a wool sweater, I mean 100% wool. I get so annoyed when these blends show up in my search results.
They’re just trying to check the “wool” checkbox to make it sound fancy.
One tired Mama
Me too, but for a different reason: When I look for a wool sweater, I mean 100% wool. I get so annoyed when these blends show up in my search results.
They’re just trying to check the “wool” checkbox to make it sound fancy.
AugNon
Yes, but IME it’s generally people who were FT and then negotiated down to PT. I work with one, and when interviewing for L&E in-house roles I did once speak with a company that was trying to hire someone at 80% because the boss was awesome and wanted to ensure work-life balance for her team (but this was really only one of a lot of jobs I’ve ever seen). Any option to talk to your company and try to scale back? Or any option to get more support and lean out a little without a formal PT arrangement? If it’s really unsustainable, something like Axiom (where it’s a contract role but you’re placed as an in-house role with a company) could also provide more flexibility while keeping you in the in-house world.
I do think L&E can (sometimes?) be an area that may be more flexible since it’s HR adjacent – but recognize it varies heavily company to company. Wishing you the best as another in-house L&E lawyer.
Cat
+1 to all of this, my org has a few PT attorneys that were hired FT but negotiated down. Seems to go fairly well for them generally though the ability to stick to only certain work days is difficult. (So, probably easier to work, say, 9-3 daily as opposed to only TWTh.)
Anon
I work in government, and we hire part-time attorneys all the time. As long as the positions are at least 50%, they are positions with health insurance, paid leave and pension eligibility (on a proportionate basis).
Anon
Maybe try something like Outside GC?
Anonymous
This is not exactly what you asked, but my firm actually has a practice group that basically acts as part-time in-house lawyers. It’s experienced people who wanted less than full time work that do short-term secondments or discrete projects for companies when they need some additional experienced help but not enough for a full outside counsel role, if that makes sense. It’s a lot of corporate stuff, but also some labor and employment. I don’t think any of them bill more than about 1300 hours a year.
Cornellian
Would love to hear more about that!
Anonymous
Drop me an email-my burner is corporetteclothesswap@gmail.com. I think they’re actually hiring right now, but for corporate rather than L&E.
anon
Email sent! (Different poster than above, but intersted and with relevant experience)
Anon
Wow – would you be comfortable sharing more? That’s brilliant
anon
I’ve seen it. I think it’s hard to get great balance as an employment lawyer because advice on problems is often needed urgently.
No Face
My friend works for Littler’s CaseSmart team and loves it. WFH, just responding to Charges of Discrimination.
Anonymous
When you’re looking for a new cleaning service, do you tell them why you fired the last service? I’ve been through 3 cleaning services in the last ~10 years. I know that sounds bad but I had legitimate reasons for firing each of them. I don’t want to repeat these issues with a new service, I guess I must be bad at hiring people? Any advice? Here’s what went wrong before:
1. The lady started bringing her small child with her but never told/asked me, I found out because I came home early one day. Neither my house nor my cat are child safe, having an unsupervised child around is a danger to the child and a huge liability to me. And I know the kid was unsupervised because I found things like stickers and address labels stuck all over my walls, things got broken, along with other weird stuff.
2. The owner of the service was a mansplaining jerk who denied that his people ever did anything wrong. I live alone so there is no one else who would’ve done things like leave the front door unlocked (I never use the front door) or leave windows open with the blinds down so I didn’t know the window was open until suddenly my floor is wet. He insisted that I must’ve done it and mansplained to me how my own door and windows worked. He then refused to return my key so I had to change all my locks. Fun fact: my friend later dated this man, he’s abusive.
3. The current place left trash bags in front of my house, not in the bins. I was gone for a few days – which they knew – and came home to trash including used tampons strewn all over my front yard. An animal must’ve gotten in it. I feel totally humiliated in front of my neighborhood. One of my neighbors must’ve cleaned up some of it because I know what was in that trash bag, which is just so gross, I feel horrible for them and definitely owe them dinner and wine. Lots of wine. The cleaners had done this once before and I corrected them – if you can’t find the bin then don’t take out the trash. Maybe this is a problem with using a big service that sends different people each time, but I also think it’s common sense to not leave unsecured trash bags outside in areas with wildlife/normal neighborhood dogs and cats?
AugNon
I would probably cover off in instructions without mentioning these specific issues. E.g., confirm how many people will be at your house and that no one other than those workers will be present; instruct that garbage needs to go in the bins and nowhere else. #2 doesn’t seem worth addressing as if you’ve got another mansplainer on your hands, they’re not going to be self-aware to understand the issue and saying “please don’t deny your people did something and then turn out to be an abusive jerk” is not going to be helpful.
test run
These all seem kind of like random things that can unfortunately happen when you outsource stuff (though definitely very annoying! not minimizing that), so I wouldn’t make an overly big deal out of it, but when you’re screening someone I would just say something like “my cat is not child friendly, unfortunately, so it’s important to me that children not be here during cleaning – will that be a problem for you?” you could also say “I’ve had issues in the past with garbage left outside, so if you could make sure it always goes in the bins that would be great.”
Can you ask around for recommendations from friends/colleagues/neighbors? That’s how we found our person – I definitely try to avoid bigger companies that send different people each time.
Anon
Don’t say “It’s important to me that children not be here during cleaning ” Just say “No children, no one but you.” Don’t ask their permission. It’s YOUR house!
anonshmanon
Rephrase ‘been through 3 services 10 years’ into ‘I like to stick with a service for years if possible’. This is not a pattern you need to explain.
OP
Thanks this is great advice and absolutely true. I’m very into set it and forget it. I would love to have the same cleaning service for the rest of my life.
Anonymous
Ah man the child thing really scares me. My house is in no way child friendly I have a lot of pointy fragile dangerous things around my home. Honestly it didn’t occur to me to make sure that a cleaner wasn’t bringing their kid, but you mentioning it makes me realize it’s a huge liability.
Anon
Well, at least your housekeeper was not filming porn in your house. Yes, that actually happened to me. I learned what was going on after the arrest and was asked to identify certain backgrounds. Truly disgusting.
Anon
O_O
friend and doc
I’m so sorry for laughing at this but….. whaaaat?
No Face
YIKES.
Anonymous
Omg. My cleaners are not the most thorough, but they have showed up every week without fail for the past 5 years. They offered to come through COVID but we asked them not to (and paid them).
It’s a husband/wife team that has over the years turned into the husband + two helpers. The business grew so the wife does other houses at the same time with other helpers.
The worst thing that ever happens is one of the helpers shoves the junk we leave out in a drawer (our core group knows to just clean around it) and it takes me a while to find it. Sometimes someone will bring lunch and microwave it in my kitchen and eat while the rest of the crew takes a break (nothing smelly).
FWIW I have always WFH so perhaps they’re just aware I know what is happening.
Anonymous
We ask friends for recommendations and use small services where we get the same small team each visit. One team had four employees total over the entire time we used them.
OP
Good point about small teams. Unfortunately all of these services were referred through friends/neighbors/colleagues. Number 2 changed ownership while I was with them, though. I feel like I’ve exhausted my recommendations!
Anon
Why would this even come up?
OP
At least two ways. First, I want to try to screen for these issues if possible. Second, most places charge more for a first clean, but I feel like that assumes it hasn’t been professionally cleaned recently. I just had my house cleaned, I don’t want to pay an extra few hundred dollars for a first clean. So I feel like I should tell them I’m replacing an existing service, which begs the question, why.
Anon
I’ve seen suggestions for good ergonomic office chairs, but what about ones that are easy to clean? Even the leather styles have so many nooks and crannies and stitching that get grody really fast.
*she asks after being head-butted by the cat and sending coffee flying*
Anonymous
Get a slip cover custom made? Honestly I find upholstered furniture kind of icky too so everything in my house is designed to be washable.
anon
following….need those recs for ergonomic office chairs….and specifically one that sits on carpet
Anon
Mine has a mesh back and it’s easy to clean.
Anon
I haven’t heard grody in forever….!
Audreycat
Has anyone tried Delta 8 gummies? My husband suffers from chronic medical issues (narcolepsy, horrible pelvic pain, IBS), anxiety, and depression and has been through the lifestyle wringer over the last 2 years. He’s on anti-anxiety medication and looking for a competent therapist but he really needs more help and we’re willing to try anything to ease his symptoms in the short term. We’ve both used the more recreational version of this herb in college but are genuinely looking for something therapeutic now that could be taken before bed. I’ve heard some good anecdotes about Delta 8 but it also sort of seems like a scam? Any advice is appreciated.
Anonymous
I think taking drugs outside of a physicians care is a pretty dangerous step. He needs a psychiatrist and a therapist and focus less on whatever he thinks competent means and more on trained licensed and available
Audreycat
I hear you on the need for real medical care and that would 100% be our preference… it’s just not that simple. Appointments are definitely in the works— we’re on multiple waitlists but in our area they are many months long and the problem is now. I’ve extensively investigated telemedicine options but they aren’t viable for our financial situation. I am looking for something, anything to get us through the wait.
pugsnbourbon
Has he tried regular THC gummies or other edibles? Is there a reason that won’t work?
BeenThatGuy
I was just going to ask this question. It works for me and some chronic medial issues I have. All my physician’s are aware.
Anonymous
Delta 8 is legal in places Delta 9/regular THC is not.
Audreycat
That’s us. We’re willing to self medicate but not yet ready to do anything illegal (although it may come to that).
friend
This is a question for the psychiatrist. Does he have a psychiatrist? And yes a therapist ASAP.
Meanwhile, get the Anxiety workbook on amazon, get the Headspace App and start trying that before bed. Make sure he is off screens for 2 hours before bed, starts doing a relaxing routine before bed.
You should not be experimenting with supplements for behavioral issues without the doctor being knowledgeable, especially with someone who has anxiety AND narcolepsy. Remember, some of these things will make the anxiety worse for him! There is no standard dose etc..
anomanomanom
I had good luck with non THC CBD for treating depression until I went into another major episode and went on Prozac. I think it is helpful for taking the edge off things enough to be able to seek treatment. My depression tends to manifest in irritability and rapid swings in mood and the CBD helped on days I knew I was going to be triggered. I also ended up having to completely cut out caffeine for awhile, which was a bad withdrawal but ended up making a huge difference in both IBS symptoms and the mood swings.
Anon
Just take the real thing.
anonshmanon
How about a fun distraction – Met gala opinions?
I liked Amanda Gorman blue sparkly gown and the headpiece!
Anonymous
I did not like Amanda Forman’s gown at all. Boring and ill fitting. Loved Iman.
anonshmanon
Iman was stunning!
Anon
Dan Levy looked insane, and I loved and hated it at the same time.
Iman is always a goddess, maybe two other people could ever pull that off.
The Jenners and Kardashians need to stop with the sheer beige in general, but Kendall’s Givenchy is the least hideous of the genre. Plus I will always give two thumbs up for Kim completely hiding herself from view.
ASAP Rocky looked like a posh homeless person. Awful. Pass.
AOC looked like a Chick-fil-A ad.
pugsnbourbon
I feel like nobody knew what the theme was. I loved Billie Eilish’s dress, was disappointed with Rihanna (she usually kills it). Michaela Cole and Lil Nas were also great.
Anonymous
Of the ‘arty’ outfits Gabrielle Union was the best IMO. Kendall was the least bad of her family but still not good. Megan Fox really impressed me, there was an elegance she’s normally missing. Lil Nas X just looked like a figure skater, sorry. Simu Liu looked really good. In general though I was unimpressed
Disco Janet
I cannot stop looking at Quannah Chasinghorse – just perfection!
AOC is my queen always.
Anonymous
ew…
Anonymous
AOC’s dress was vulgar and disrespectful. Wearing any message on your posterior is tacky, and a political statement by an elected official is unprofessional and gross.
Anonymous
How is a politician making a political statement unprofessional? Her profession is literally making political statements.
Anonymous
She made a political state on her butt. If she spoke to it, or carried a sign, that is her profession. Wearing a statement literally on her butt is rude and disrespectful.
Anon
Yeah, while I 1000% agree with her on this message, I think wearing it on a dress (especially the posterior!) somehow makes it feel more like a meme than an actual, serious political stance. In general I tend to agree with AOC on the substance and not love her messaging but I have to give her credit that she has drawn a lot of attention to ideas that were previously considered marginal.
anon
Yeah, I think that if you are a political activist, which AOC is, then you need to think hard about whether your public appearances – especially at ultra high profile events like this – further your political message. This didn’t, in my opinion. You don’t effectively undermine or challenging the ultrawealthy by showing up at their party in a lovely gown, even if it says “Eat the Rich” on the behind. Nobody thinks you mean it – and they show that they don’t think you mean it by inviting you, and you further that by accepting. I don’t think she should have gone at all, to be honest, if she was just going to dabble in mild subversion that wouldn’t even make Jeff Bezos look twice.
And not because you can’t be a activist and wear lovely gowns or go to parties – you can. But the Met Gala is pretty much Old Home Week for the richest and most connected of people. If you’re a socialist activist and you go to that, you need to make people super uncomfortable, or you just look like you’re playing ball.
anonshmanon
It’s not really my thing either, but I think the meme-style messaging is 100% her brand, I don’t expect her to change it, as long as it’s working for her (i.e. gets press attention which drives fund raising which helps her stay in office).
Anon
Thread made me think AOC literally wore a dress that said “Eat the Rich” on the behind like some kind of Victoria’s Secret panties.
So in comparison what she actually wore seemed totally fine to me.
Anonymous
Yes thank you to @3:04…it wasn’t on her butt like Victoria Secret or Juicy clothing logos on the butt…it was on the entire back of her dress. Women’s butts aren’t the only body part on our backs!
Anon
Concur. She’s at a $30,000 per ticket event, the kind of which most people will never even think of being able to afford, and she’s talking about taxing the rich. She may as well say “I don’t mean the actual rich; I mean Robert and Emily, who have three kids, loans for his MBA and her JD, and make a combined $260k per year.”
anon
+1,000,000 and all of this while BLM protestors were being arrested outside. It’s gross and wildly inauthentic.
Anonymous
That’s not who she/the message means but ok.
Anon
It IS what the message means. The very wealthy pay for lobbyists to help craft loopholes, shift their sources of income around, move a company to a different country, or otherwise change up what they are doing to avoid the taxes. Robert and Emily pay a higher marginal rate; their incomes are derived from salaries from their jobs, not from investments of various sorts.
Anon
Lol sorry you think rich people need defending from this? I’m sure their feelings can handle it.
Anon
I’m sure many of them agree with her message!
I’m also sure those who are so offended aren’t the constituents who voted her in – this is very on-brand for her, and they knew who they were voting for.
Anonymous
The message went from below the shoulders to the knee. Not just her posterior. Please don’t s*xualize literally the entire back of her body.
Anonymous
I think it’s pretty weird to wear a ‘tax the rich’ message to an event wear the tickets cost $35,000!!!
Daily Mail (I know, I know, they’re problematic) called AOC a champagne socialist and I think that’s spot on.
Yup
Agree completely. “Tax the Rich?” More like “hobnob with the rich at the fanciest gala out there while paying superficial homage to my proletariat message.” So out of touch.
Anonymous
I mean, aren’t like 90% of commenters here champagne socialists? They gleefully work for generic evil corporate entities for $$$ but then happily turn around and spout rhetoric on social media. Just because she’s a public figure doesn’t mean she’s immune from the hypocrisy that most people engage in.
Anonymous
She got a free ticket as a NYC elected official.
Anonymous
I understand she didn’t actually pay for her ticket, but the optics are still terrible. You can’t rail against this kind of uppercrust 0.1%er society (seriously, a $30k ticket is out of the reach of even most people of very affluent means) while also partaking in it. It wasn’t like going was required or expected of her as part of her job. She could have easily declined the invite. Instead, she decided to go and wear this dress as a stunt and I think it detracts from her message (which I generally agree with).
pugsnbourbon
Ohhh I hadn’t seen Quannah in any of the round-ups – she knocked it out of the park!
buffybot
Amanda Gorman’s dress was beautiful and I appreciated the level of thought put into it. I agree generally with the Fug Girl analysis, which is that there was a real lack of consideration to theme by most. Why so few American designers for a theme that is “the American Lexicon” or whatever? Rolling out a bunch of sheer dresses by French designers just seems uninspired.
Cat
+1 – this is the chance to wear something interesting, different, and on theme…. not the castoff Pninas from Say Yes to the Dress.
Cora
Can you explain the theme to me . . . I’m just confused. If it was just “American lexicon” why so many crazy designs? I didn’t get how they were connected to the theme
Anonymous
+1 I was surprised at the lack of American designers. Also, not a single indigenous designer although several had cowboy/western inspired looks.
Anonymous
I loved AOC’s dress, and the fit was amazing. Didn’t like Amanda Gorman’s dress, but she was beautiful with glowing skin. Kendal Jenner’s sheer gown with that high cut underwear just looked silly (if you want to look naked, why not just wear a thong or nothing). Iman won the night! Also Barbie Ferreira’s (who I didn’t previously know of) had an amazing beaded gown.
Anonymous
AOC was an embarrassment. She’s an elected official wearing political messages on her butt.
Monday
I thought her message would have been better delivered by not attending and explaining why not, in terms of her ideals.
anon
Agreed. It just didn’t feel like the right choice to me. And I’m firmly team “activists can and should have fun too!” But this particular party? With these people? It just didn’t sit right to me.
anonshmanon
The reason she was at this party is that afaik, the members of Congress from NYC were given tickets.
Monday
I just think not going, regardless of her reason for being invited, would have made more sense. Or having a counter-programming party with a bunch of much more fun and interesting people, wearing whatever?
Anonymous
Are you equally upset that Cong. Carolyn Maloney wore “votes for women” on her butt?
Anonymous
I thought AOC’s look was really bad just because of the hypocrisy of taking part in this insanely expensive society event while claiming to be a socialist who believes no one should attain this level of wealth. But I loved Carolyn Maloney’s Equal Rights for Women dress! I thought it was beautiful and I loved the message, which isn’t at all inconsistent with an appearance at the Met Gala.
(FWIW, I don’t think either of them had the words “on their butt” and the placement of the words wasn’t my objection to AOC’s dress. I do give both of them props for taking the American Lexicon theme more seriously than most others.)
Anon
I follow a stylist online and she was so pissed that the theme was American design and everyone just ignored that and wore what they thought they’d look hot in.
Her point was that would never happen in France or Italy. They would be all about showcasing French and Italian designers.
Anon
People always ignore the theme.
Snacks?
My sibling requested a fun snack box or assortment as a gift to help ease back to the office. Any suggestions? Thanks!
COra
I’ve sent Crave boxes twice, and the “healthy” one seems like a balance between still fun but not a sugar coma
Anonymous
I went on several dates and gardened last night with a man from the apps. He told me has been divorced for 8 months. I got curious and looked him up on his (active) social media, which says he is very much still married. I feel so gross. UGH! Why do men do this? Just leave me out of your cheating!
Anon
Guys can be gross…and sad that they have issues they won’t deal with in a healthy way.
I encountered a cheater on eHarmony of all places. I searched FB for his phone number and came across his profile with his family Christmas card photo with his smiling wife and two little daughters. I reported him to eHarmony and he was kicked off the platform LOL
Anon
Sorry for this experience. Block, block, block. Consider investigating earlier in the process perhaps. I have mixed feelings about this, but your post is the reason people snoop. I know someone who recently learned her relatively new boo was about to become a father through baby shower pictures posted to social media.
Anonymous
Maybe worth screenshotting and texting him
Like hey bro this your wife?
Anonymous
Please please tell the wife!
Anonymous
Eh maybe not. My friend knows her husband cheats. Hates it when side chicks message her at work.
Anon
This is strange. If she knows, her husband knows that she knows, and will be open with the “side chicks” about being married.
anon
Many “side chicks” assume that the man is lying about the wife being on board. They just don’t care.
Anon
Huh? That isn’t the situation being discussed. Anonymous at 11:37 is describing the situation wherein a man’s wife knows he cheats, but he still lies to women to tell them he is single. That doesn’t make any sense, but politely. Put not-politely, I wonder who this “friend” is.
Anon
Please tell the wife. I am so incredibly grateful to the person who told me about my now ex-husband’s cheating.
been there
as someone who was just cheated on and had no idea, I would have paid good money to know. from any source.
Anon
I’ve found that you have to specifically ask “how long has your divorce been final” because many men say divorce when they mean “I’m separated and the divorce is in the works” – not that this is your situation, just a tip for the future.
Anonymous
Well he told her 8 months so I’m not sure that would have worked in this situation. Men who want to cheat will lie to do so.
Anon
Many men say they’re divorced when they have thought about divorce one time, or they think maybe they’ll divorce their wife when the kids are older, or they think the one time per week their wife is willing to have s3x is basically the same as being single, or when they miss being single so are divorced just for purposes of dating but married the rest of the time, or they just flat out lie.
OP you had no way of knowing but now that you do, maybe next time do the internet stalking a little earlier. Sorry this happened to you.
And yes I think it’s a kindness to try to let the wife know, because at a minimum she needs to get tested.
No Face
Yep!
Anon
I’m so sorry.
tribute for grave
need advice for visiting a close relative grave and leaving flowers/wreath/tribute – it is hot out and flowers will die quickly….what do you do? Artificial flowers? other tribute? thanks for any suggestions
Anon
Live flowers with no wrapping or, if allowed, planting bulbs.
My house came with its own cemetery of long-dead owners, and I never gave much thought to artificial flowers are until I had to clean them up after they’d been decomposing in the sun and wind and rain. It’s one thing if you’re going to come back to collect the artificial flowers once they get ratty, but if there’s no one to look after the cemetery (or even if there is), artificial flowers just amount to litter. (Those little silk florets travel well on the breeze – I found them all over – and the styrofoam wreath forms crumble.)
Op
Good tip thank you
Cora
I really do not like working from home and it does not work for me.
I’m single, no kids and live by myself in a large city. I love living by myself, I see my friends regularly, go to book clubs, etc. That’s not the issue.
I just don’t get work done well without the schedule and yes, camaraderie of an office. I’m not chatting with people all the time, I just like to have a place where work gets done that is different from my apartment and the opportunity to talk to a coworker once or twice.
I’m looking for a new job, and while I understand that things are likely to be remote for a while, I want an office environment eventually. My field (data science) is just getting more and more remote, and a lot of other people in my field want it to be remote or don’t mind.
I feel guilty that I might turn down jobs that are remote (even if they have a HQ in my city!) but I also want to be set up for success and the office environment helps with that.
Before COVID, it would have been a given that I was looking for work in my city, not remote work. Now a lot of the job opportunities are remote, and they’re doing this because it opens up the hiring pool and also people want it. So I feel bad about not applying for remote jobs, even though I can see that thats just driving myself crazy a little bit.
Anon
Something like going to a coffee shop (or coworking space, if they still exist) doesn’t work for you?
Cora
Not really, it feels like a half-measure. It helps, but still – I’m spending my own money, paying for the coffee or renting a cowering desk, to replace the office space that my company should have. If the company paid for the coworking space, that’s better, but doesn’t solve it. I’m not expected to be in a coffee shop at a certain time, the people around me are not working on roughly the same goals, its not really comfortable or sustainable for longer periods of time.
Anonymous
“Should” have according only to you because it suits your personal preferences. Pretty clear your industry is never going back to the before times so you might have to do some half measures!
Anon
Could you rent a studio apartment to use as an office? In my city, it’s as cheap as a co-working space, and much more private. I’ve been using a relative’s apartment as an office (they’re not here most of the time) and it’s been hugely beneficial to my mental health. I fully agree with you that you shouldn’t have to pay for your office space but if you’re in data science I’m guessing you could afford this pretty easily and it might be worth it for your mental health to have a separate office outside your home.
PolyD
Maybe coworking spaces are different, but I don’t understand the “work at a coffee shop solution.” If I were to haul my laptop and a few other items to a coffee shop to work, what do I do when I need to pee? I’d have to pack everything up and take it with me (it would be a big security violation to leave my laptop unattended), possibly losing my spot. Seems this would only work if you had someone with you and could take turns watching each other’s stuff. Even at the nearby coffee shop, in a very low crime area, leaving my laptop unattended would not be possible.
Also, OP, you are not alone. I really don’t like working from home either, am single, have a decent enough for COVID times social life. I like home to be home and work to be work. I live in a one bedroom apartment and am tired of always seeing my work stuff. I am hoping that we go back to at least hybrid in-office/WFH (I think we will, but who knows). At least two people I know who work in a different department of my employer are considering looking for new jobs if we stay majority remote.
Anonymous
Ok then don’t! Lots of us can just ask a neighbor “hey can you watch my stuff a minute?”
PolyD
Do people really do this, ask a stranger to watch their laptop? People around here generally seem very risk-averse, so I’m surprised to hear this.
Plus I think it would literally be a violation of my employer’s tech policy to just be like, Hey, person I never met, could you watch my laptop? And I’m sure I’m not the only one. So, “go work in a coffee shop,” isn’t exactly a panacea.
Anonymous
Ok. But most of us are normal people so yes we do do this violations not withstanding.
Anon
Calm down.
anon
Yes, I absolutely have asked people to do this. So far, the mom at the table next to me hasn’t stolen my laptop. I obviously lock it before I get up.
Anonymous
So take your laptop with you, but leave something else at the seat to save your spot? (your keyboard or sunglasses)
Anon
if a company has a HQ in your city, can you ask to go in-person? would you consider a co-working space so you aren’t inside home alone all day? i know every field is different, but i have to admit i am slightly jealous bc i’d love to have so many remote opportunities available
Cora
The rest of the team will be working remotely even if I can go in to the HQ. I mean, I’m sorry you don’t have the same remote opportunities, but its just not a plus for me and it wasn’t really such a prevalent thing when I entered this field either.
Ginger
My company gave us the option of going 100% remote or hybrid (work in the office 3 days). I decided to go hybrid but there are very few people in the office and I found it worse than working at home. It’s so quiet that the lights automatically go off because hardly anyone is there. It was depressing.
Anonymous
I also hate remote work. People really think the ‘pro office’ people are extroverts but I genuinely don’t talk to my colleagues in the office and am the most introverted person ever. Why I don’t like WFH is my house is not a work space, I can’t focus with pets and people puttering around and making noise. Plus since I don’t have an office like the powers that be, my work is taking up the limited space in my home and I did not consent to losing my living room!
PolyD
Right? I hate giving my employer free rent, even if it is just my dining table and couch!
Cornellian
the free rent thing bothers me too. And in normal years i let my thermostat drift to 84 during the day then bring it back to 79 or so when I get home. Running it, even at 79-80, all day is a HUGE price difference! I imagine the same is true in reverse for folks up north.
Cora
Yes this too! The AC, electricity, part of my dining table. My employer is saving money by making me pay for things I’m using to do their work.
Anon
Same. I’m so introverted I’m practically off the charts and I hate WFH. It’s definitely not an extrovert thing! My husband and dog are here all the time causing distractions and getting all up in my personal space. My office was much quieter and I rarely talked to anyone except to politely greet my officemate on the rare days we were both in the office. I’m also angry I’ve lost so much of my home to work space.
No Face
Why would you feel bad about that? You are allowed to have prefences your work, and limit applications to jobs with those preferences.
Anon
I think the problem is when someone with this preference is a manager and they demand everyone come in just because they’re lonely.
I don’t have an issue with a rank and file employee preferring it, but she can’t demand her coworkers come in just because she likes it better that way.
Anon
It sounds like she wants an office space for herself, not that she wants to force all her coworkers back to the office. I’m not OP, but I’d be 100% satisfied with my employer giving me a private or semi-private office space even if all my co-workers were still WFH. A coffee shop or co-working space is not a good alternative for a variety of reasons: Covid risks (the pandemic is not over), it’s hard to take meetings in a public space, an employee has to spend their own money to be there.
Cora
I’m actually very, very good about not demanding people do things to my preferences as a manager. Don’t make assumptions. I would like to work in an office environment where most people do come in to the office, but if someone doesn’t want to, sure. I’m also very flexible about coming in late/leaving early/etc
I’m also not demanding anything of anyone. I’m saying that I would prefer to work in an office with people. Where’s the demand?
Anon
I’m also a manager who would prefer my people come in, but I know I can’t demand it and there’s no reason to do so. I, unfortunately, find myself in the minority among my peers, which is why I posted that.
Anonymous
Right there with you. My employer made most staff including me fully remote and I can’t move geographically so the only positions I can apply to outside the org are fully remote ones. Just trying to tell myself that if the pandemic ever ends I could work from a beach in Hawaii or a lavender farm in Provence and it might be more fun but right now it’s awful.
Anon
Why would you feel bad? There’s nothing wrong with you if you prefer working in an office (and to be clear, nothing wrong with you if you don’t).
NYNY
Can you look for data science roles in organizations where you would interact with stakeholders and SMEs who are not remote? That might be the opening for an office presence or hybrid situation. Since I’m in healthcare, that’s what springs to mind for me – large academic medical centers definitely have in-house data science teams working with clinicians and business/finance teams – but I’m sure there are other industries with similar situations.
Cora
This makes sense. If its a data-focused company its more likely to be fully remote than a data team inside a larger company. I”ll look into this, thanks!
Anon
Higher ed! Lots of data science opportunities as well as desire to have employees in person or hybrid.
Anon
Depends on the university. All non-student facing staff at my university are permanently remote. Data scientists wouldn’t have much interaction with students.
Anon
Many of the data scientists at my university are very much at the intersection o f data/policy/implementation, so in person/hybrid is important.
Anon
I personally love working from hone but I feel for people in this situation, for many it’s just not the right fit. I wonder if any of your colleagues feel similarly and you could get together to work from someone’s home a few times a week?
Flies everywhere
Trying to figure out how I got a fly infestation. Not fruit flies (know how to deal with those) but little tiny flies, and more than a few bigger ones. Have literally been searching every nook and cranny for where they are getting in/replicating and can’t find it. Mainly in kitchen but coming into adjacent family room. Killing roughly 20 a day. Any ideas? Swear we keep a pretty clean house!
Anon
Houseplants with moist soil?
pugsnbourbon
Do you have houseplants? You might have fungus gnats. You can use an insecticidal soap or mosquito bits to get rid of them. And water less.
pugsnbourbon
Oh missed the part about the kitchen. They’re probably breeding in your drain. I spray around the inside of the drain with a foaming bleach cleaner and then flush with lots of boiling water.
Eliza
+1. They sound like drain flies.
Anonymous
ooh had not thought of either of these. Thank you- checking both!
Anon
Also, a disgusting thought: check any coffee machine to ensure there are no drip trays serving as breeding grounds.
Anon
If you have a garage, check there, too. We used to keep our trash in our garage between trash days and this time of year the flies were insane. As soon as we open the door between the kitchen and garage the flies swarm. So gross. I spray out our trash cans every month or so too to make sure nothing breeds in there.
Anonie
sorry this is yuck but we have a crawl space beneath our home, there have been occasional mice who have gotten trapped in there and died and we saw an influx of the big flies.
anomanomanom
How do you determine what you are comfortable with spending on a house? I am 39, single, no children or plans on them, will be debt free outside of my house by this time next year (down to student loans) and make 150k plus a 10 ish percent bonus annually. My retirement savings are not what they should be, but have started leaning into that hard the last 2 years. I currently like in a MCOL area that I bought in when I was making about half what I am now and am looking into moving into a LCOL area closer to my parents in the next year. My job is fully remote and will continue to be so essentially until I retire so I expect income to stay at this level or slightly above.
I grew up broke, so I struggle with knowing what is reasonable to spend now that I am finally at a point where I don’t have debt and big monthly payments over my head. 250k always seemed like so much (I think my parents most expensive house was 100K) but I am looking at the idea I could buy a small house on a lake near them for 400k and struggling with if I “can” do that or not. I look to this group as the older siblings/financial savvy parents I don’t have, so just looking for some opinions/thoughts. Taxes in their area are extremely low compared to what I would be coming from (think 1/4 on the same appraisal value) so realizing that I can buy more house since escrow will be less.
Anon
I would worry less about whether you can afford the mortgage (there are lots of online calculators for that) and more about how much you’re cutting yourself off from the job market by moving to such a remote location. And “vacation” properties are notoriously hard to sell during a recession so think about that too.
Anon
Concur. If you lose your job (company folds, gets bought out, industry slammed by recession), you’re hurt twice: once by being in a remote area with limited job prospects and secondly by a house that might be a struggle to unload.
Anon
I am situated similarly to you but make about half. My house hunting is dictated less by price than by what I am able to keep up on my own. Unless you’re prepared to throw money at yard folks, etc, the more house you buy, the more upkeep there is. My 1000sf house on a small lot is as much as I can handle, even if I can swing a larger down & monthly payment.
Anonymous
My husband and I have a household income of 150k in a LCOL area and it’s not expected to increase relative to inflation. I think 400k would be totally doable, especially since you don’t plan on kids. Our budget when we were house-hunting was 500k. We ended up buying at 350 but immediately putting $50k into a kitchen renovation so in effect 400k. We had a lot of savings from a prior job of mine where I earned a lot so we ended up paying off our house in under 5 years even while maxing retirement and paying for childcare, but even without those savings I think 400k would have felt very comfortable for us and we likely would have been able to pay it off much faster than the standard 30 year mortgage. Much more than 400k likely would have left us feeling house poor.
The bank approved us for like $900k, which would have been insane, obviously.
wow
You are a role model for us all.
Well done.
Enjoy!
allieoops
I make roughly the same and spent around that for a home and it was very manageable, especially with a low mortgage rate. Very manageable, and I also grew up broke so understand the feeling. Have you looked at the total cost per month, including tax and insurance? What does that do to your retirement savings? I’d do some modeling of numbers and make sure your savings are taken care of. Your retirement savings in particular need special care!
AnonInfinity
I worked backward. I figured out what I was comfortable spending on housing per month and then played with some online calculators to figure out approximately what the monthly payment would be for different loan amounts. I then told my realtor that my upper budget was about $20k less than it actually was so I’d have room to go a bit higher if necessary because I figured she would start off showing me houses near the top of whatever budget I told her.
I grew up poor as well and had no idea how to do any of this. I got a house for significantly less than the rules of thumb said I could afford because that made me the most comfortable. Personally, I would not count the bonus in the calculus since those are not guaranteed. I’d instead plan to use bonus money for things like remodeling or new furniture or whatever. Getting a house worth less than the absolute maximum also allows for me to save for home maintenance each month so I have peace of mind knowing I can pay for major repairs and am not going to be “house poor.”
Anon
+1 for this. I grew up low income and had to figure it out as well.
I calculated the monthly payment I could feel good with, backed out the average taxes (and PMI if I couldn’t put down 20%), then used a calculator to see what amount of house that got me.
A few other factors:
– Will you need to move companies for that income stability or will you realistically get it at your same company? How stable is your company?
– Is your remote work tied to your current leadership, or are there other threats that may change the need to be in person? Are you fairly senior/ respected enough that if those come, you feel there’s a good chance they’d work with you on being remote anyway?
– Are you at the only employer for your work in the area, or are there others? How hard is it to get another job in your area if something happens at your current employer?
– Is the house somewhat resellable – what is attractive about the area if you don’t have parents in the area? Will others want to buy it when you look to sell, or are you buying in a slowly dying area?
– Assuming your parents are the main draw, how likely is it that your parents will stay in the area? Are there decent assisted living places or hospitals or nursing homes? Or will they be moving when they get to retirement age?
– What is the social scene? I grew up in a rural LCOL area and trying to make new friends as a single childless 40 year old can be really hard. There aren’t places to meet up, so school events tend to become the social scene. Otherwise, there is a local bar where things get rowdy. Do you know people, or do you think you can meet people and “put down roots” so it feels like your community?
Cornellian
I’d keep in mind that lakehomes are likely to cost more (think possible HOA, flood insurance, water damage, etc) and be harder to sell, especially during downtimes, when you’re running the numbers.
The numbers themselves are pretty easy. Assuming you put 10% down, spend 400K at 3.5% for a 30 year mortgage, and have ~15K of closing costs then you’re looking at 55K down, 5K (or whatever) to relocate, then you’re looking at 1620 ish a month (plus insurance, taxes, etc). 1600 seems reasonable, but if it’s another 300 in taxes (that might go up without notice) and 500 in insurance and 200 in flood insurance, it’s a really different story.