Coffee Break: Padded Headband

107 Comments

1. Looking for a soft and cozy duvet cover – preferably under $150 for a king size. I have a Charter Club one from Macy’s that is supima cotton, and I hate how slippery and cold the surface of it is. I’d like something that’s softer cotton, flannel, or something similar.

   1. Anything percale, not sateen. Mine is from Pottery Barn.

   2. I have a soft cotton one from Brooklinen and really like it.

   3. The linen-blend Casaluna line at Target is great.

2. This headband is a firm no from me.

   1. My 7-year-old has something very similar.

      1. My 6yo does too.

3. I’m really struggling with the concept of honesty lately. Not my own honesty, but that of media, society etc. I feel like ‘alternate facts’ are used by both sides to lie and I just can’t. I don’t see where I fit in since I don’t have that same relationship with truth and opinion. For context this post was spurred by some work training where the whole background page was lies, then as a ‘break’ I went to read the news….and more lies. I understand the truth is often messy and ugly but lying so you can easily paint good and bad actors is not the solution. Has nuance and fact been lost?

   1. I definitely hear you on this, 100%. One that I’ve noticed lately is liberal-leaning media outlets dishonestly referring to ivermectin as a “horse drug” or a “horse dewormer” in headlines even though the drug is also used for that purpose in humans. I think it gives the anti-science side SO much ammunition if they can point to the media with “see, they’re trying to cover something up and pretend that the drug isn’t even used in humans!” Are these people wrong about using ivermectin for COVID and possibly mentally ill? Yes. But it doesn’t mean that dishonest headlines are going to help the cause or get through to them and promote vaccination.

      I could give a million other examples too that are far more blatant than that. So many words have totally lost their meaning these days. You literally see regular people accusing public figures they disagree with of genocide or pedophilia or any number of horrendous crimes just for expressing a different opinion. It’s beyond absurd, honestly.

      1. Yes on the ivermectin thing! It doesn’t cure covid BUT its also not just a horse drug. It’s an award winning drug. That’s the nuance I am looking for! Stuff like that is driving the far right to farm supply stores.

         1. I agree that this sort of name calling is ridiculous, and would make me reconsider whether I will continue getting my news from sources that do that.
            Even though they have the same active component, the horse drug is presumably dosed differently, since horses weigh 10 times what humans weigh. It’s not unreasonable to point out that taking such a medication is questionable.

            1. I believe people are actually taking it at much higher doses than horses do. The QAnon ivermectin thing comes from a study that says extremely high dose ivermectin inhibits viral growth (for many different viruses, not just Covid) in cells. There’s literally no evidence it helps actual humans with Covid, especially at doses that are low enough to be safely tolerated.

               I’m sorry, but I have no use for people who refuse a vaccine that has been safely given to literally billions of people and is proven to be *extremely* effective at preventing severe Covid, but are clinging to the possibility some untested drug will cure them. Like, yes, experimental drugs are worth investigating for any deadly disease. But a vaccine is so much more effective and safe that if you are rejecting the vaccine in favor of the experimental drug, you’re clearly wildly misinformed.

         2. It’s an award winning drug used for deworming. It doesn’t make it appropriate for usage in treating covid just because it won an award.

            And if you bought yours at the local Feed N Seed, it’s in fact horse dewormer and it’s accurate to call it that.

            My sister in law uses this for her horses and is having a hell of a time finding any!

      2. It’s primary use is literally deworming horses. Horses get worms way more often than humans. It would be less accurate to refer to it by a minor, secondary use of human deworming.

      3. I agree with you on the ivermectin. The problem with it isn’t that it’s a “horse drug” – who cares? — the problem is simply that there’s no (or not yet) evidence that it is effective for Covid, and meanwhile we have vaccines that have been studied extensively for both safety and efficacy.

   2. I think you’re losing hold of nuance if you think there are that many lies out there.

      1. If you think outright lying isn’t this common (from media, institutions, etc.), you should ask yourself what you don’t know or what you may be complicit in.

         1. Concur.

   3. My gut reaction is that if your blanket critique about news media is ‘more lies’, then you could stand to find some nuance in you own views to begin with.
      Maybe you are thinking of something specific or a specific media outlet, but the way you wrote your post sounded pretty general.

   4. Lack of nuanace and outright lies are very different things. There are many bad faith actors out there, but it is really not the majority of people or the mainstream media outright lying. What lies are you talking about?

      1. The two lies in particular that spured this post were that MLK was a devoted husband (lol, no) and ivermectin cures covid (also lol, no). Obviously opposite ends of the political spectum, but still lies nonetheless. In both cases it achieved the same ends though, I was instantly skeptical of everything after the lies because the credibility the authors had been compromised. In the first case I guess they were trying to paint him as a good family person (but why not let his work do the talking instead of pretending he wasnt a cheater?). In the second case they were trying to ‘let both sides speak’ but it’s harmful to give those people platforms and allow the public to think it’s somehow equal to science.

         1. I disagree that these are morally equivalent lies. MLK not being a cheater is, yes, part of an effort to gloss over all of his flaws, paint him as a saint etc. But it’s not going to cause any deaths.

            When your original post said “both sides” are “lying” I was on the lookout for misleading “both-sides” statements, such as that these 2 falsehoods are comparable.

            1. So some lies are okay as long as they’re on your side? I believe everyone needs to be held to honesty.

            2. No, I didn’t say it was “ok.” I said it was not going to cause deaths, which misinformation about Covid does.

            3. Agree. I don’t think it’s that hard to figure out that some lies are more harmful than others and if you’re saying it’s equivalent, you’re just engaging in whataboutism.

            4. Agree with Monday. I don’t think a characterization of MLK as a good husband is really fair (I’m not sure I’d call it an outright lie because “good husband” is subjective, but it certainly seems like stretching the truth at best). But it also doesn’t really harm anyone who isn’t personally involved in the situation. Misinformation about Covid literally kills people and causes hundreds of millions more to suffer the consquences. Comparing these two “lies” and suggesting they’re equivalent is really insane.

         2. Do your own research and start with first principles (logic, a solid understanding of statistics, and the need to read the research yourself).

            Understand the source of bias. It’s easier to call Ivermectin, a drug approved for human use in 1987 and for which people won a Nobel Prize in Medicine, a “horse dewormer” than it is to say that we know very little about how to treat early-stage COVID. It’s easier to say “it doesn’t work at all” than to say “some trials show promise when taken at a very specific stage, but (a) it’s nearly impossible for a lay person to determine when they are at that stage, and (b) there are so many trials that show so many different things, it’s impossible to know what is actually a result and what is statistical noise.”

            1. OMG no, do not do your own research. That’s why we’re in this mess.

               Thinking you know enough about virology or vaccine development or infectious disease or geopolitical affairs to watch a couple of YouTube videos or read a couple of articles to know better than experts in these areas (Hello, Jared “I read 27 books about pandemics” Kushner, is extremely problematic.

               Sure, read things, read many things, but vet where the information is coming from and realize that there is no way you will know and understand the information as well as experts in the field do.

               Sorry, I feel like “do your research” is a phrase that basically should be banned.

            2. Agree with PolyD a million times over. I cringe so hard at “do your own research.” 9/10 people are not qualified in any way to do research.

         3. Whether is MLK was a good husband is a matter of opinion. Infidelity is a huge deal for me, but plenty of other people disagree. I also hate “both sides” presentation as faux objectivity. I would not feel that these are examples of the media and everyone outright lying though.

            To use your examples, outright lying would be to say that MLK never cheated and that the majority of doctors agree that ivermection cures covid. Those are false statements of fact.

         4. In the interest of nuance, I would keep in mind that MLK is such a larger than life figure, and died such a long time ago now, which is relevant to what the media can cover. Sure there is the circle of people who knew him or at least met him personally. A number of them were able to look behind the facade of the great marriage and either decided to not mention this ugly truth or actively deny it and claim he was a great husband. Call both of these approaches lying if you want.
            But all the other people who since reported about his work and historic impact? A lot of them are not even old enough to have seen him speak. The FBI files that proved his affairs were classified for most of the last 40 years. How were they supposed to know this part of the truth? I agree that words need to have meaning, and lying, to me, means you know the truth and knowingly report an untruth.

   5. I feel less frustrated about “truth” when I depend on sources that tend to be less biased and search for news versus commentary. If you’re catching up on the day’s headlines on MSNBC or Fox, then you should know going in that you will be fed a particular edit. That’s one of the reasons I tend to stick to the BBC. And an editorial column or roundtable or one-on-one interview is not “news”–it is commentary. And someone spouting off on Twitter is most certainly not where you want to go for “facts.” People need to be savvier about their news habits now more than ever. I’m so tired of hearing complaints about “The Media” while the media consumer takes almost no responsibility for assessing sources with a discerning eye. If I want to know how to spell a word, do I trust the dictionary or my friend Larry? Both may be right, but one is a better source than the other. I feel like a lot of folks these days miss that when they’re trying to track down a fact. We need to demand better. With your work training materials, is there someone you can alert of the inaccuracies? I try to do this whenever I can. All too often sloppy writing or “guessing” comes from someone without adequate training or time, and it works its way in to systems–the more you can correct as you see things, the better the path you pave for those who come after.

      1. Not that poster, but I can report that it’s REALLY hard to get people at my office to understand that you must cite your sources. You wouldn’t believe how many college-educated (and some from top schools!) don’t do it.

         I’ll also add that it’s really hard to find a news outlet that isn’t overtly biased. BBC may be better than others, but it’s not immune to spin either.

         1. It’s also interesting how many pieces of received wisdom are never actually linked back to studies demonstrating the data. Both the advice to drink 8 glasses of water a day, and the claim that 4 out of 5 jobs are never posted, have been found in citations that go around in circles but never actually link back to research with these findings.

            All of this is to say, it isn’t as straightforward as we like to think to verify things. That said, there’s such a thing as being recklessly irresponsible. I’m reading the new book about Facebook right now, which is making me think about this topic more…

            1. stats on child trafficking fall into this realm as well.

      2. Ding ding ding! People are not nearly savvy enough about their sources, IMO.

      3. NPR is consistently rated as middle of the road, fact-based and unbiased, but to the right it may as well be MSNBC/Mother Jones, because it’s not saying what they want it to say.

         1. None of what you wrote is true. It might be very comforting for you to hear as a Democrat, but that doesn’t make it accurate. NPR is left-leaning. A journalistic slant comes from both what you choose to cover and not cover, as well as how that coverage is presented. I’ve been interviewed by NPR on several occasions to present the right-leaning viewpoint on something, which I appreciate; however, those “here’s a smart, knowledgeable, articulate person on each side” is not the entirety of their coverage.

            Right now, NPR’s homepage consists of an explanation of why Arizona’s mask mandate ban might be unconstitutional – but nothing about the constitutional limitations of Democrat actions. It’s “California recall, explained” article has a tiny description of why Newsom is being recalled, and the only thing related to COVID was the French Laundry incident. However, the “Recall Newsom” page describes wasted money, not protecting nursing homes, massive governmental overreach, and a lot of specifics that can be distilled into Newsom abusing his emergency powers. Californians are also not unaware that the state has a very high rate of outbound migration, and the middle class is being hollowed out. But, French Laundry.

            1. Many many sources rate it as centrist and fact based and it’s a bit desperate to then proclaim that organizations that exist to rate the truthfulness of news sources are also leftist. Is the truth leftist.

               Where the right has gone wrong (there are many ways, but just to this point) is opinion masquerading as fact. And I say this as a very middle of the road voter.

               https://library.ndnu.edu/fakenews/mediabias

            2. Also;

               https://www.latimes.com/politics/story/2021-04-08/california-exodus-myth-hating-on-the-golden-state

               The exodus myth is just that, a myth. I’m a native Californian and there have been plenty of other periods when headlines all screamed “Californians are leaving the state in droves!” Yet here we are. Still the most populous state with the strongest state economy.

            3. Your argument is that the “Recall Newsom” page does a more thorough job laying out all the problems with his governorship? Is that really because they are so unbiased i.e. they do not favor a certain political outcome? Could there be a different reason?

      4. Yes.

   6. god this whole thread reads like a college freshman’s class discussion. How embarrassing for you all.

4. I actually like the preppy old-school look of a headband (but please make mine navy blue.) Unfortunately they give me a headache/earache due to how they press into my skull behind my ears.

   I had the same issue with mouse ears at Disneyland once they started selling the headband kind. No mouse ears for me!

   Also, terminology wise I think these are hair bands and the stretchy kind that go all the way around like you use to wash your face are called headbands. Or at least that was what we called them in the 1970s when I was a kid.

   1. Agree on your terminology! Head bands are for sports, this is a hair band.

      1. Huh, never heard that distinction before.

         1. +1 also never heard this distinction. I was born in the early 1980s in the Midwest and everyone called these headbands.

            1. It might be a regionalism like water fountain/drinking fountain/bubbler or soda/pop/coke?

               I grew up in California.

            2. Motley Crue is a hair band.

               This is a headband.

         2. +2, grew up in SoCal and we called these headbands in the late 80s when they were popular.

   2. I thought I was the only one who experienced this! Such bad headaches!

   3. Headbands also give me headaches.
      I’ve never heard one of these called a hair band. I was a small child in the 70s FWIW.

      1. A hairband is an elastic band for a ponytail.

         1. That’s a hair tie!

            1. That’s a ponytail in my house! But I think that’s little kid language that has just held on like “underwears” and “pastas.”

   4. Add the loops from a face mask (whether ear loops or behind the head) to this and there is just too much going on.

      1. That plus glasses and there’s 3 things tucked behind your ear!

         I do sometimes use fabric hair scarves.

   5. I would love to find one that wasn’t painful. Not sure it exists.

5. I want to leave my job because I’m tired, stressed, and unmotivated. A friend kindly pointed out that maybe I feel this way generally – and that it isn’t all about my job at all, but fallout from the pandemic and emotions and other stress. Has anyone really figured out how to live with joy during this time? I can’t even explain what’s off. I read articles about pandemic fatigue but it doesn’t seem like anyone really has solutions. I have an option to not renew, or cancel, some contracts for work and that would make things less stressful (I make just under 100k most years, and in my LCOL area, I could make do with less). It’s hard to give up paying work but I just wonder if I should be in order to … I guess, relax? Does anyone else have these self-ramblings?

   FWIW, I was fortunate to take a week off six months ago post-vaccine, and while that was wonderful, it lasted about a month. I also have started doing yoga twice a week.

   1. I’m in the same boat, as are most people I know (including virtually all parents – even if you’re not worried about your kids actually getting Covid, the unreliability of school/childcare and the lack of normal social outlets for kids is incredibly draining). If you can make do with less money, I would definitely cut back on hours. That seems much less drastic and easier to reverse than quitting completely. Maybe you can replace the hours with volunteering or something else that would be more meaningful for you?

   2. I’m in the same boat. I literally googled “nothing is fun anymore” earlier this afternoon. Like, what was I expecting? There is not a single area of my life that is untouched by burnout of some kind. I’m stressed, worn out, and my efforts to feel better seem to be in vain. Yet if you asked me what my actual problem is, I can’t identify it. Everything?

   3. Was the week of vacation six months ago the last time you took time off? If yes, then I recommend you schedule a couple 3 or 4-day weekends stat.

   4. I am not living with joy per se, but I have accepted that this is a “blegh at best” chapter of my life. I work less than I did before the pandemic, and see friends more now. That has helped my mood tremendously. Last winter, I was probably 25% myself, and now I am 70%. That’s good enough.

      That said, I plan on taking an extended leave of absence / quitting in the Spring. I hope my kids will be fully vaxxed and we will be able to travel.

      1. Jealous, this is my dream!!

   5. If it’s not directly work giving you stress, I’d be hesitant to cut back. I feel like less money usually just brings more stress. It sounds like you need something better added rather than just taken away. Instead, I’d try to make a list of a few “habits” that might help. Things like: Each day or every other day, I will take a walk in nature. Once a month I will go somewhere new to me and enjoy a dessert. Every other Tuesday I will set aside a half hour to catch up with a friend, etc. etc. I feel like the more I can plan for some “fun” to break up routine, the better. It gives you something to look forward to, even if it’s something small. A lot of small joys tend to be what keeps me happy day to day. Vacations are nice and important, but they go by too quickly. And if you have a plan, it’s easier to motivate yourself to make it a priority.

      1. +1. Also, I suggest reading Laura Vanderkam. Her books have great tips on getting more out of the time you have available.

      2. If you replace the work with something like volunteering or exercise or seeing friends that brings you joy, it can make you a lot less stressed. I agree that just cutting back on work for more doomscrolling is not going to help. But money doesn’t bring most people happiness above some threshold like $75k, and it’s probably even lower than that in a LCOL area. Basically, once you have enough money to meet all your basic needs and buy a decent amount of what you want, more money doesn’t really add much value to your life.

      3. +1. Cutting back or quitting is awesome if money is not much of a concern, but for everyone else, it’s likely to bring on more stress.

         I work FT in health care and am not ok on many days. However, I don’t want to make any less money than I currently do, so balance with work is more about using all my time off, and spending in ways that I know will ease the burden (whatever that means month to month).

         Don’t really know what else is helpful, or I’d tell you! I try to think ahead only short amounts of time to avoid freaking out.

   6. I hesitate to post this bc I am worried #smugCovid is the new #smugmarried, but yea, I am doing pretty well right now. My job is boring AF, but at least it’s not stressful and I can do my chores and such during the day (I ask for more work regularly, don’t @ me about being one of THOSE WFH people). I see my friends when I want to, I traveled on vacation last week, I am in the best shape of my life because I upgraded my gym membership, it’s almost fall weather which is my absolute FAVE.

      That said, obviously my life isn’t yours, but you asked for how someone lives with joy during this time so here goes . . . quitting drinking made such a drastic change to my mental and physical health that I strongly strongly recommend it (I have successfully been off anti-depressants and sleep meds for 8 months now after needing both for 20 years), working out brings me joy because it makes me feel strong, seeing my friends brings me joy because they are fun and I love them, I started camping and that’s brings me joy because I love being out in nature, I decided that I don’t do what I don’t want to do and I don’t feel bad about it and that doing what I want brings me joy, I started writing letters to both people I know and people I don’t (via a site I am blanking on currently) and that brings me joy because who doesn’t love getting real mail and knowing someone is getting mine makes me happy, I don’t care about my job in the sense that I don’t let it define me (I do my work well, but if I make a mistake, meh, I fix it and move on), and I don’t watch the news, I am not on Facebook, and I have a very limited list of people who I follow on IG, which limits the garbage that I come across online and doesn’t make me angry about society (I still volunteer for and donate to causes I care about, however).

   7. I felt this way. I started Wellbutrin. I feel much better. I delayed for a while, explaining “my feelings are totally justified and real given the current world/life situation” and “I’m still getting up and working every day, and doing all my tasks, so I can’t be depressed.”

      Now, I STILL think things in the world are pretty darn bad. But instead of that taking over and overwhelming me, I can kind of “move on.” I still get stuff done, but instead of feeling like it is meaningless since we’re at the end of the world/ late-stage capitalism, and I’ll never get enough stuff done because I’m so awful, I just feel fine about it.

      It has helped me plan things to look forward to, like signing up for the yoga classes I feel safe going to, making plans with friends for walks or picnics or safe hang outs. It also helped me get back to some of the feelings about things I liked before that were feeling empty (certain work projects, hobbies, my plants.)

      I don’t know if you should give up paying work. But maybe you should see if a month on meds makes you feel like yourself again?

6. Anyone who has learnt an art or sport from their parent and can offer me some tips?
   I have a serious hobby that I am quite good at – I’ll keep it vague here and call it playing an instrument. It’s not my day job, and I make no money from it, but I have been playing it for ~20 years, taking lessons from a couple of teachers, performing occasionally at charity concerts with a group, been invited to play at community events, etc. I am passionate about it and it will be a lifelong interest and hobby for me.

   My 6 year old daughter has expressed interest in learning, from watching me practice at home and perform in public. She is a bit on the young side now, though some do start at this age, but within the next year or two I would like her to start to learn. My close friend whose daughter is good friends with my daughter, has been asking me half-jokingly when I am going to start lessons at my home for the two girls.

   Some thoughts:
   1. I could find a teacher for her, but why pay someone to teach something I could easily teach at the beginner (and even upto mid-advanced) level? It may be a bonding activity for us. I’d like to share my love of it with her. And I don’t want to become the micromanaging parent who is questioning the teacher’s technique (not fun for the teacher) and syllabus sequence. Otoh, there is a benefit to practicing and learning with a group of kids, having a structure and special location rather than our own home, and she may enjoy it better that way. Annual recitals are also good to have with a group/school.

   2. If I teach her myself, what pitfalls should I be aware of? For instance I should set a “class” time so I can be a teacher then and a mom the rest of the time. I really want her to like and enjoy this activity that has given me so much fulfilment, but I am worried about doing the wrong thing and putting her off. Or being disappointed if she loses interest. How do I discern the difference between “normal reluctance to practice or get over the initial learning hump” and “genuinely not interested and wants to stop lessons”?

   I look at those pushy parents of gymnasts or ballet dancers who are trying to foist their own missed dreams onto their child with a critical eye. On the flip side, perhaps they are helping their kid by supporting them, pushing them to practice and being involved. I have until now been a chilled out parent – spending time on my own hobby and work and letting kids play free, etc. I’m not sure how to walk this line in a new role as teacher.

   3. I am not keen on taking on teaching my daughter’s friend or other kids, wrangling kids would take time and effort. I wouldn’t want to accept payment from my friend and would need to figure out logistics, space in my home, coordinate a time to meet etc. But should I consider teaching other kids along with my daughter if it fields a better experience for her? If I shared that I was starting to teach, I bet there would be another friend or two who would want to join.
   For myself, I have always enjoyed group classes and performances a lot and have made many good friends over the years through this hobby, so the social aspect was a big part of it. What structure and ground rules should I set for the kids so that the class is different from the normal playdate that they often have? What if the other kid(s) found it hard and wanted to drop out?

   I would really love input from folks whose parents taught them something they were good at – what did you enjoy and what should I be watchful for? Or, am I overthinking this and should I just dive in and teach her whenever I have a few minutes?

   1. So I play the piano (at an intermediate level). 2 of my kids take piano, and I would not ever attempt to teach them. When I try to help them practice, about 75% of the time someone is mad or crying. (Note, my kids are elementary age) I would find a good teacher in your area instead. YMMV, but I would find it really stressful to try to teach the kids, and they listen MUCH better to their teacher than they ever would to me!

      1. OMG- same here with the practice help! I find that I’m invariably left perplexed when they yell and storm off and all I was trying to do was tell them that “No, that’s not where middle C is.”

         1. Same! My child literally screamed at me “you don’t know anything about it!” while I was trying to explain a simple practice strategy. I have a degree in music performance and one of my first jobs was playing in an orchestra.

            1. Kids, man. The feedback can be brutal!

            2. Hello from a holder of an advanced degree in mathematics and a credential as an actuary. Apparently I don’t understand division, fractions, or the central limit theory. I give up.

   2. Hire it out, 100%. If you want to bond, learn a piece together.

   3. How is your kid at learning from you academic things, like learning to read? My kid hates it and just fights with me. I would get someone else to teach and not micromanage the process.

      1. We’ve done academic things together, no issues. I taught my kid to read using the Bob books set, we did a little bit each day and both enjoyed the process. She loves spending time with me doing things (helping me cook or garden).

   4. I’m super curious about the responses to this. Two examples, one from my childhood and one from my parenting (mostly hypothetical though).
      1) My parents were both mathematicians and taught me a lot of math at home (enrichment, mostly stuff you don’t learn in school, not just like teaching me the math from the next grade). I really didn’t like it but I liked my parents and wanted to make them happy and was treasonably good at the math so I just kept going along with it until I didn’t (middle school-ish) when it blew up pretty badly. I think your situation is very different though since your daughter’s interest in this activity seems much more self-driven. I guess I would just say be really cautious of any loss of interest and not be afraid to take a break if it seems like she’s not having fun. Kids, especially little kids, really want to make their parents happy and I would be afraid she’ll want to quit and not be able to tell you. That can be true of any activity but when your mom is leading the activity there’s that much more pressure to stick with it.
      2) I’m a serious ex-figure skater. I hope my daughter doesn’t develop a serious interest in skating (mainly because it is SO expensive and I want to take vacations and not have all my disposable income to go skating, lol) but if she were to get serious about it and need private lessons there’s no question I wouldn’t coach her. Part of that is because in skating you need certain qualifications to coach and I don’t have them and am not interested in getting them. But even if I were a qualified coach, I can’t imagine coaching my own kid beyond teaching the basics that a kid would normally learn in a group lesson. A musical instrument feels very different to me though, maybe because it doesn’t have to be competitive?

      The fact that you are thinking through all these issues now and being so thoughtful about it is a sign you’re a great mom. I’m sure you will do right by your daughter no matter what you decide!

   5. I would sign the kiddo up for formal lessons, especially at the beginning, so when you do the activity with her it is just for bonding and having fun.

   6. Have the opposite experience from what you’re asking, as I child I had professional teachers for «learning the instrument» my parents were very proficient in «playing».

      I am still thankful that I had strangers as teachers. I did however enjoy «playing my instrument» together with parents, as soon as I was good enough that it was fun.

      Would highly recommend this route. Let the professionals teach you child, and enjoy the fun part of having a hobby in common.

   7. My mom is an experienced knitter who attempted to teach me to knit several times as an adult and a teenager. It did not take & I do not knit. I would hire it out and use your experience to be an at-home resource to your kid for practices etc., while being aware that the teacher should be setting direction in the lessons. No harm in messing around on the instrument with your kid for fun, but I would avoid being her formal instructor.

   8. I am also a “musician” – a serious hobby, good enough that I was semi-professional and (double) majored in this area, although now pursue a completely different career.

      I also would love for my children to pursue this “hobby” and my dream is for us to enjoy it together with our extended “hobby family” for the rest of our lives. But I realize that this may not be the case.

      But I would never, EVER, consider being the teacher of my child, and I think you know well the pitfalls of this. The length of your post alone makes me say no no no no NO. Every peer who has attempted this has caused conflict and sometimes resentment/alienation in their child.

      1. Your role as the parent is to fill the house with music, sing with her, bring her to some of your performances, teach her basics of rhythm or whistling or humming or dancing for fun. And get her involved in group lessons as well as individual lessons, once she has picked up a true interest. Making friends who other children who enjoy the hobby too is key. Remember, starting lessons too soon can also be a disaster.

   9. My husband’s mother is a piano teacher. She has a masters degree in piano performance from Boston Conservatory. She has taught in universities and has done private lessons for children as young as 5. She hired piano teachers (her colleagues) for both of her children because she didn’t want to be both mom and teacher. She is hesitant to teach her grandchildren. Apparently, her university colleagues felt the same because she taught their children. You and your daughter may be the exception, but I’d suggest hiring a teacher no matter how much you know.

      1. Same. I teach math to attorneys for work. I pay someone to tutor my children in math.

         1. I need to hear exactly what your job is because I’m also a math person who has worked with attorneys in this capacity (subject matter expert, expert witness, etc)

         2. I got paid very good money to tutor the children of economics professors and successful businesswomen in math.

   10. I play the piano. I was never able to teach my kids. I bought the books for them. I sat with them and explained. But it took getting them lessons for them to really learn. It’s too personal with mom, I think.

       Neither of my kids are accomplished pianists but my son plays guitar and bass quite well, and my daughter is a decent violinist and can play two pieces on the piano flawlessly (Bach Prelude 1, C major from The Well-Tempered Clavier and Bach Preludio IV in C minor from a collection of little preludes and fugues meant to be a primer to the Well-Tempered Clavier.)

       It turned out she didn’t so much want to master the piano as to have a couple of memorized party tricks she could play for the very small number of people she allows to watch her play the piano.

       She couldn’t get there with me because I was trying to teach her everything and she only wanted this one bit

       I mean, go ahead and try it, but you may find as many of us have that a little separation of church and state helps us all.

       1. Oh and FYI, not long ago, my own piano teacher of 20 years was approached by a famous concert pianist who lives in our area to teach their child piano!! I feel like this along with all the other responses on this thread should be enough information for you. :)

   11. My mother was something of a prodigy at a craft she first learned from her babysitter at age 5. At 70+, she still does this craft and is amazing. Because learning it at 5 was her normal, that’s when she attempted to teach me. My fine motor skills, like most 5 year olds, were not well enough developed for me to learn it and I never progressed.
       In high school, she taught me the basics of a closely related craft and that stuck, to the point that I would consider myself something of an expert now. I chalk it up to just not being ready for it at 5. To this day, I am not much good at her craft, simply because I’m so much more efficient at the other one, I can’t bring myself to put in the time needed to get really good.
       I guess my tl;dr is to make sure she’s mature enough at whatever foundational stuff (fine motor skills? attention span? whatever) is necessary in order to learn and enjoy it.

       1. I don’t see why you can’t say what the “craft” was? Sometimes this forum mystifies me.

          1. Maybe because many people haven’t heard of it? Sometimes people are vague not because of privacy but because the vague term better communicates their point. Everyone knows what crafts are, not everyone knows what, say, bargello is. You don’t need to know what the craft is to understand her point, and a comment about her mom being skilled at bargello (or whatever it is) is just going to get lots of replies asking “what’s that?” that will take the thread in an irrelevant direction.

   12. My father plays the piano and if he had tried to teach me I probably would have tried to run away from home. I “enjoyed” it when being taught by someone else to the extent a kid can enjoy learning something they don’t really want to in order to prevent their parents from ripping away the other hobby they really did enjoy.

   13. Hire a teacher and then stay out of it. I was able to teach my child to read and write and do arithmetic, but after she hit kindergarten neither my husband nor I could teach her anything. We had to send her to classes or lessons to teach her things that we used to get paid to teach other people’s children.

       Also, being able to play an instrument does not mean you are capable of teaching it. I would hate to learn to teach on my own children.

   14. A parent teaching a child would never, ever work in my household. Be prepared for a lot of frustration and tears for both parties if you go that route.

   15. My mom is a teacher / coach and I played all the sports she coached and she also taught me to sail. It never went well.

       I think it really really depends on everyone’s personality- my mom and I are the same (headstrong) person and her being my coach while I was a moody teen was a disaster. I distinctly remember standing on the field whike she was on the sideline and us having a screaming match mid field hockey game…

       1. 100% agree. My best friends father taught me everything I needed to know about softball. And my father taught my best friend everything she needed to know about softball. It wouldn’t have worked out any other way.

   16. My mom tried to teach me piano and I haaated it. Lots of anger from me and frustration from her. Part of it was that I knew that, every single time I practiced, my “teacher” was right there in the next room and could hear everything I was doing and could correct me at any time.

       On the other hand, she also taught me to sew, and that went fine. no frustration. But then, you don’t have to sit and sew for a half hour every day to practice it, and there’s no syllabus. you just try to make something and when it goes wrong, you yell, “Mom!”

   17. Lionel Messi doesn’t coach his own kid in soccer – just shows up and sits on the sidelines and chats to other parents.
       Leylah-Annie Fernandez’s dad coaches her in tennis but refused to coach her in his own sport, soccer.
       Take heed – do not go down this road. It will end poorly for all concerned and particularly for your relationship with your child.
       The only thing you should ever say as a sport/performance/musician parent is “I love to watch you play.” I swear to you this is the best advice you will ever get.

   18. My parents are really excellent at a particular sport and they did a combination of both. I would play with each of them individually, or sometimes as a family. And then they also had me take lessons to learn from an expert.

       Generally my parents left the “teaching’ to professionals but we would practice together/play for enjoyment.

   19. If she has an interest in learning how to “play an instrument” there’s no harm in showing her how to do some basic things if she wants to try. Like, show her how to hold the instrument, and how to play a note (draw a bow on strings, blowing into the horn, whatever). Show her how to make different sounds (different keys, different position of the bow, etc.). Let her mess around with just making noise. Play a couple simple notes and have her try to copy you. Show her how to read music: notes going up are higher, notes closer together are faster, etc. (Or if this is something like soccer, look how when you kick the ball on the right side it goes to the left; practice making it go certain directions.) While you’re practicing, ask her if she wants to come play a few notes. Don’t have formal lessons or times for lessons, just teach her the basics and let her mess around to get comfortable with it. Maybe she picks it up pretty quickly and asks to play when you’re not already playing yourself, maybe she gets frustrated with it and loses interest. If this is the sort of hobby where you can do a simple project together, ask if she wants to do that with you (I’m thinking something like sewing or knitting). If she’s still interested in learning more after a few months, then sign her up with an instructor who isn’t you.

       The key is to only do a “lesson” if she’s having fun. I was forced to take piano lessons for a short time as a child (I had less than zero interest in learning to play) and any time my parents made me practice or watch me was painful. If one of them had tried to teach me instead of sending me to an instructor I would have found a way to break the piano to keep it from happening again.

       And of course once she does start taking lessons from an instructor, make sure over time that she actually wants to keep doing them. So many kids play a sport or play an instrument and get no joy out of it, even if they did enjoy it at one point in the past.

   20. I’ve taught dozens, probably hundreds of children and adults to swim. Granted, this was a while ago.

       I cannot, for the life of me, teach my own kids to swim. I can do water safety skills. but the actual ‘do the thing I’m demonstrating’. NOPE.

       I assumed that I had just forgotten how to do it… but at the beach this summer I definitely taught a random kid to swim (putting together the pieces) in like 2 hours. I taught multiple kids to float. My kid? Would not listen to me.

       It’s not just a ‘you’ thing.

   21. Do you have any experience teaching this skill? Being an expert at a skill does not always translate to being a good teacher.

   22. I was a competitive figure skater as a teen and later coached roller derby, including a juniors team. We hired a college student to teach our daughter to skate–she loved her teacher, and then when we skated, it was all for fun.

7. Find a teacher for your daughter, and let her come to her own terms on her degree of interest, skill etc.
   Will be much less pressure on her if she decides she isn’t interested after all, and it sidesteps the whole issue of whether you want to be a teacher or not.

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