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Coffee Break: Lissa Heels

Platform Heels: Rose Petals LissaI love the look of these affordable beigey heels — I always like a strappy heel, and one that doesn't cut straight across your ankle is a much more flattering, leg-lengthening look. Platforms can be yea or nay with me, but I think .5″ is still professional, and these certainly add comfort along with the height. Note the rave reviews, too — many from people on the fringes of the brand's extraordinarily wide range of sizes. The shoes are $130, are available in sizes 4.5-12 in regular, wide, and extra-wide widths; they also come in black and beige patent. Rose Petals Lissa N.B. Know your office! Peep toes aren't appropriate in every workplace. (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

129 Comments

  1. If you had $500 to spend on a work wardrobe (business casual, not law) and some restrictions (sleeves preferred, no pants if possible) what would you buy? Bonus: the job is in Paris and you’re reasonably stylish (you think) for an American but nothing on that level. TIA!

    1. I’ve bought multiple iterations of the same dress recently. It’s from London Times, called “extended short sleeve shift” I think. Knee length on me (5’5″), with elbow length sleeves, so easy to wear and pack. It’s lined, jersey, and pretty flattering. My fav pattern is a black background with green and blue leaves, but there are other patterns available too. It’s about $50.

    2. The Paris thing adds a whole new level to this!

      I think I’d focus on really good accessories – shoes, scarves, earrings, and bags – paired with a handful of neutral sleeved dresses. I’d focus on one color – navy or black, probably – and build everything around that basic.

    3. I’d go with one MM LaFleur dress b/c they are very simple (so could wear multiple days/week with different accessories / jackets) and also washable.

      And The Skirt in one neutral and maybe one color.

      And some sort of good jacket and blouses (I like Uniqlo) or a cardi.

      I get so intimidated by Fashionable Europeans (which I thought was redundant for a loooong time) that I’m inclined to keep it very very basic and neutral.

      And a good haircut that plays to your natural texture (not too done or processed or sprayed — that to me really sticks out there, and not in a good way).

      1. I dont think theyre selling the skirt anymore at Nordstrom- my personal shopper said theyd been phasing it out.

    4. Honestly, with $500 I’d do a lot of shopping for designer/nicer brands on ThredUp – you can get a ton and can search for new or like-new only, dresses/blouses with sleeves only, and skirts. I’d spend maybe $300 there, then buy a couple really nice foundation pieces (basic black dress and black pumps/flats) at Nordies (or any of the designer sale sites, e.g. Saks Off 5th, Nordstrom Rack, Last Call).

      If you search Pinterest or just Google Image for “Paris capsule wardrobe” or just “capsule wardrobe” you’ll get plenty of ideas (I like the looks of http://ak1.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/120670391/id/yF4LDufP4xGIydl7mu7EJQ/size/y.jpg and https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/46/40/8c/46408c03121420ab6d0679a83bbe48e7.jpg)

      I’d do (swapping out black for navy if you’re not a black fan):

      Black dress
      Patterned dress in black/white or black/gray
      Black pencil Skirt
      Colored or patterned skirt
      Black blouse
      Gray/white/cream blouse
      Patterned blouse
      A cardigan or two (less necessary if everythign has sleeves, but good to mix up looks)
      A casual or interesting blazer/jacket
      Flats
      Pumps

    5. I would buy black and white separates and patterned pieces, so chic IMO.

      So:
      -white soft skirt
      -black pencil skirt
      -matching black blazer
      -3 collarless tops: white, black, b/w patterned
      -short sleeve white sweater
      -black sweater with sleeves
      -black wrap dress
      -netural pointy flats
      -black d’orsday pointy pumps

    6. An MM Lafleur jardigan and a dress. Perhaps some comfortable but stylish shoes that you can walk in easily. I’d save the rest and shop in Paris.

    7. Wait until you get there! I lived in France for a few years and went a bit crazy trying to get together the “perfect” wardrobe before I arrived. I wished I’d waited- it’s way more fun! As long as you have a few items to take you through a week, you won’t have a problem. My French colleagues repeated clothing FAR more frequently than my American ones do.

      1. Totally this – just buy a few pieces and then shop once you’re there and can take an office fashion/culture temperature check.

        (I caveat that with – UNLESS you’re plus size, as clothes post a USA size 12 can be hard to source in France)

        I’d also avoid patterns, other than something like a tiny hounds tooth print. Most of my French colleagues, here in London and when I see them on visits here/Paris, wear solid colours and add patterns via accessories.

        Speaking of which, as mentioned above: glancing around my open plan office, which is 60% French women aged 26-40 – it’s all about belts, shoes, jewellery, scarves. That’s how they ring the changes and refresh their look.

        HTH.

  2. I actually love these shoes and just bought them!

    Now for a question: I’m working on building an exercise routine (I’ve posted before, so if I sound familiar, there’s a good reason! You guys suggested I might be dehydrated, which I think might be the right answer – I realized I’m definitely not drinking enough water!).

    My non-negotiable days are Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. On Tuesday and Friday I’m lifting with a trainer, and on Thursday, I do another trainer workout with a little more cardio and “accessory lifting.” Here’s the question: what should I be doing the other days? I figure Wednesday needs to be a rest day. What about the other days? I love my trainer, who is very sweet and good for form checks and encouragement, but she’s not the most knowledgeable and I’m also fairly insistent about doing my own research. So what would you suggest, either in terms of developing a plan/routine, or in terms of sources for my own research? FWIW, my goal is weight loss and getting stronger/fitter/changing body comp, I have a lot to lose, I hate jumpy workouts, and I’m currently on a paleo-ish eating plan.

    1. My trainer tells me that I need to be doing at least 30 minutes of cardio 4 days per week. I see him twice per week for weights, so I do some cardio after my appointment with him and then a little longer cardio on the other two days. I HATE CARDIO (tm Ellen caps), so it is really a struggle to make myself do it.

    2. If you’re paying a trainer the prices that trainers charge, your trainer should be able to put together an off-day plan for you and tell you what you should be doing. If your trainer is inexperienced he or she should speak with more experienced trainers at the same gym. Your trainer will know best what you are and are not doing the rest of the time and can tell you how much cardio you need.

      My trainer (when I was trying to lose weight) recommended the StairMill (where the steps move) for 10 mins at a medium level to warm up, followed by 3-45 mins of hard cardio (bike, uphill walking fast on treadmill, rowing or a mix, as long as I kept my heart rate up and was too tired to talk). This was to be done 2-3x a week in addition to my 1-2x lifting.

      Good luck!

    3. I’d add some HIIT/intervals cardio. Since you like doing your own reasearch, Googling those terms will get you lots of reading material!

      I do a lot of hill training for my races, so for example yesterday I did rotations of walking around 4.5/4.0 at 15% incline, running at 7.0 – 9.0 speed, and 13 reps of leg press (150 lbs). I made it up on my own, but it works for me. I hate the treadmill generally, but when I use it and am not making my own stuff up, I like the PopSugar treadmill workouts. There is also some celebrity trainer out there that has intense short treadmill workouts, but I forget his name.

    5. I would add in some yoga and long walks/hikes- activity but more gentle, and another day of longer duration cardio (I’m thinking a run or spinning, etc).

    7. Fat burn heart rate! Try a hot yoga morning class to stay stretched for the trainer. Cardio makes you stronger but you should be in fat burn heart rate which can also include a 30 min walk and stretch after.

      1. I’d do two days of cardio and one day of yoga for the other 3 days — keep one day as a day off.

  3. Just proud of myself, though others will think I’m ridiculous :)

    I hate talking about money. Hate it. I was raised in a culture where discussing money in any form is just Not.Done. We go out of our way to never even mention money.

    Obviously, as a freelancer, this is a major issue. When it comes to talking about my rates and budget, I panic and choke. I almost always avoid those conversations on the phone, because I know I will blurt out I DONT DESERVE MONEY I WILL WRITE FOR FREE!!!!! I can list out my rates on email, but I hold my breath and squirm every time.

    Today a regular client sent me a project and asked me to do it for half my rate. My instinctive reaction is to be grateful he’s willing to pay me at all and just accept, but I FORCED myself to write back that the price he listed was too low and I needed X for that work.

    He wrote back meeting me halfway-again, I almost caved (and nearly threw up), but I replied that the price I gave him really was the lowest I could go, and if his budget couldn’t make it, I would understand if he worked with someone else.

    He wrote back and said I was tough, but he likes my work better than others and will pay me my full rate :)

    It was the most nauseating experience I can imagine, but this is a major step for me!

      1. I agree. We work for what is known as a “MARKET RATE”, meaning we are suposed to get paid at a price that the market will bear. That means if you are chargeing to much, the buyer will go elsewhere to get the services. FOOEY! If you charge to low, you are doieng yourself a diservice, which is equaly NOT market. DOUBEL FOOEY! So you are suposed to charge just enough so that you keep your cleint’s happy. And the manageing partner says that if we do this, we will be happy also.

        Now that I am a partner, I understand now what all this means. Do the best work most eficiently and charge a MARKET rate! That is what you are doing, so keep at it, KT — you have the power and support of the ENTIRE HIVE BEHIND YOU!!!!! YAY!!!

    3. Go you! Standing up for yourself (including your financial self!) gets easier with experience.

    6. Congrats! I have found that some of the most uncomfortable experiences are also the ones that gave me the most confidence and growth.

  4. Any suggestions for knocking a second-round interview out of the park? I’ve never dealt with this before. Thanks in advance for your help!

    1. Don’t assume you have the job, and don’t breeze in thinking it will be a move informal interview because you already made it through round one. You made it past the gate keeper and are now going to talk to the real decision maker(s) so you want to prep even more for this round.

      2. +1 +1 +1. Theyve decided that you’re worth bringing to the big kahunas, so take this one more seriously than you would a first round.

    2. This may seem strange, but try projecting yourself into the company during the interview by using “we” instead of “you” e.g. ” How would we….?”. It worked for me once. Good luck.

    3. Don’t be surprised if some of the questions are exactly the same as in your previous interview. I was just in this situation and it threw me to be asked the exact same question by the same person in two separate interviews, but I gave essentially the same answer (paraphrased of course, not reciting a script), figuring that it had worked the first time around. I got the job. If you come up with a better answer between the first and second interview, by all means change it up a little, but don’t feel like you have to say something different just for the sake of saying something new.

      1. Yes, this. Also, don’t assume that the new interviewer knows information you told the person you met on the first interview, or even that the first person will remember everything you told them if you meet with them again. Obviously, you don’t want to sound like a robot with verbatim rehearsed answers, but it’s fine to repeat things you said in the first interview – especially if there is an important point you want to get across like “you want to hire a person to do X, and my job title right now is Y, but I actually spend the majority of my day doing X, so I really am very qualified”.

        Do you have answers prepared for the big situational questions like “tell me about a time when ….” or “give me an example of a project where ….” ? You can google to find lists of common ones. And be prepared to give real answers, not “oh, my biggest weakness is that I’m a perfectionist”.

        You can also find lots of good interview advice on Ask A Manager dot org

      2. I once applied for a job with multiple interviews with various sets of people, some individuals and some groups. Towards the end of the day, I realized halfway through an answer that I was giving this individual the same spiel I had already done with him! Panic! Mad apology. Awkward laughing by both of us at how repetitive the entire process was. New answer. And I got the job. I like to think that it was partially due to my demonstrated ability to admit mistakes, fix them, and move on.

        Good luck on the interview!

  5. Physical sunblocks that actually work? I’m really tempted by Badger, which in general seems very effective and very intentionally/safely crafted, but there are more than 100 Amazon reviews from people who burned! (Of course, there are hundreds more from people who love it . . . )

    Looking for something relatively inexpensive to use on body during upcoming very sunny travel.

    1. I’ve never had a problem with Banana Boat Natural Reflect. I have very fair skin and freckles and I’ve used it in the tropics without getting so much as a tan.

      1. Should add though, that I use an absurd amount when I first put it on and I re-apply it really frequently. I can easily go through a bottle in a one-week vacation. I suspect not using enough is the cause of a lot of the “I got a burn” reviews.

    2. I’ve bought Badger for my kid and found it stayed white on the skin fairly long. I’ve liked Blue Lizard better. I just bought Thinksport and noticed that two other friends also bought it to use on their kids.

      I’m now looking for a physical spray sunblock because my kid’s camp requires that I provide a spray sunblock.

      1. My kid’s camp also requires spray sunblock. We use Bare Republic from Target. I find it messy, but she likes it. I buy the adult version because for some reason the kids’ version is labeled as being water-resistant for half as long as the adult version.

  6. I’m about to go on an extended business trip (and don’t have much experience with travel personally), so I’m curious about tipping while traveling. I am having several small packages shipped to my hotel. If I go up to the front desk, ask if they have my package, and they hand it over the desk to me, should I tip and if so, how much? I’d tip if they delivered it up to my room, I’m just not sure where the line is.

    What about a big group business dinner where everyone checks their bags, and the partner picks up the bill? Should I assume the partner is giving one big tip to the staff or tip individually for my bag check? I ask because I have read that when you are being hosted, it is rude to tip because it implies that the host hasn’t already taken care of it.

    More generally, any rules of thumb that you ladies use while traveling? I didn’t grow up in a family that took vacations and have never been on an extended trip like this before, so I just haven’t often run into situations where tipping isn’t cut-and-dry.

    1. I don’t think I would tip for picking up a package at the front desk unless it was particularly bulky and required an accommodation to store back there. For dinner, I’d tip for bag check only. My main rule of thumb is to google tipping and the country I’ll be in to figure out the cultural norms and go with that. Also, I tip the hotel cleaning staff a few dollars for every day (I leave a tip daily when they come in vs. waiting till the end).

    2. Leave cash in the room for housekeeping when you leave your room for the last time before checkout. I usually leave $5 for two days, $10 for 3-4 days. It’s not a ton of money to me, particularly when I’m expensing all of my meals, and housekeeping is a hard, hard job.

      I wouldn’t tip the front desk for the packages. I’m unclear about the group business dinner. Who has the bags? The bellman at the hotel while you eat at the restaurant in the hotel? I probably wouldn’t tip in that situation, but would tip the bellman who summons me a cab.

      1. Agree that it is unnecessary to tip the front desk for packages. I’ve worked in a hotel (not housekeeping) – it’s always better to tip your housekeeper every day because the same person doesn’t clean your room everyday so I tip $5/Day approx. If you wait until the end, the last person gets a great tip and everyone else gets nothing.

        1. I hadn’t thought of that. OTOH, for short (1-2 night) stays, I always put up the Do Not Disturb sign, so I don’t get maid service while I’m there at all. So it’s $5 to clean up at the end. I also endeavor to not touch the mirror and to not put anything in the tub (like dirty towels). I understand those are the most laborious to clean.

          1. Ok, I get the mirror – really no reason to touch it – but whether or not there are dirty towels in it, I am sure hoping the maids clean the tub between guests. Because eww.

          2. I’m sure they clean it, but it’s probably easier to clean if it isn’t all water spotted or with random dirty towels or trash to begin with?

    3. Don’t tip for a package pickup. If you’re in a crowd at a what sounds like a coat check (?) I would tip if you have your own number/ticket and go up to the counter one at a time.

    4. I would not tip for package pickup.

      If not everyone is checking a bag for the dinner, I’d tip separately to the person who handles your bag. I would wait for other people to check their bags, and other people to pick up their bags and see if they tip.

      I would leave tip for housekeeping every day (I usually leave $5 before leaving my room every morning). I would tip daily instead of all at once at the end because you might get different housekeepers. If you are staying for an extended amount of time for which housekeeping is only performed weekly, then tip weekly. For a particularly long stay, I also leave a small thank you note with the last tip on the last day.

      I would also tip the bellman. Also, if you ask the desk to bring anything up (more towels, toothbrush, etc) I’d tip the person who brings it to your door ($1-2 usually, depending on how much stuff I asked for).

    5. Belated return to the site today, but thanks everyone! This is helpful. I forgot to mention housekeeping. I had been tipping at the end of a stay but it makes so much more sense to tip daily.

  7. I was ok with these shoes until I realized that Kat was recommending them for work. Drinks with friends? Sure. Work in a professional setting? Not at all.

    2. They’d be okay in most bus casual offices I think–I HATE the gold/reptile skin ones Kat featured, but they actually look nice in the neutral beige

    3. Yeah, same here. The peep toe alone would be ok, but (1) I think platforms are dated, (2) the gold/reptile is not conservative enough, and (3) the strappy effect over the foot… no.

    4. I’d call them fine with pants (long pants, not ankle-length), but too much (color plus platform plus strappyness) for skirts.

    5. We in LA (even in a pretty conservative law firm) would see these as a neutral, and they would be totally fine for work.

    6. in DC, those are party shoes. they scream “i dont know what business professional looks like” to me.

    7. I would wear a similar style to work (not to court) in Toronto, but, I find these to be frumpy and a bit older than I want to project (I am 43, ftr). Then again, I am presently in the office wearing pale floral platform Betsey Johnson wedges that have a corset effect up the back, so maybe don’t ask me.

  8. I need advice on a tricky work situation. I work in a small practice group – 2 partners, 6 associates but only 4 work out of our office. One of the associates is very junior – she’s coming up on a year but has created problems with 2 of the other associates before, and has done so by telling the lead partner that she was upset by something they did. Because of the dysfunction in this group (created by the partner), he has taken her side and has essentially told each of the other associates that they are wrong and basically they need to be nicer and he wants everyone to work together as a cohesive team.

    Apparently now it’s my turn – she complained to my boss about something I did. I’m a mid-level so she was helping me on a project but it still had errors after the 3rd or 4th revision. It had to go out so I took it over and finished it. She got upset that I cut her out of it and told him about it. He gave me a 20 minute lecture about teamwork and how he doesn’t care about the work, just about everyone working as a cohesive team and how he wants her to feel like she’s a valuable part of the team blah blah blah.

    I’m upset and I’m going to talk to her directly once I calm down but just wanted some perspective on this. The dynamics are so dysfunctional that I have already applied for another job because I realize things are never going to get better.

    1. Not kidding: are they sleeping together? Why is she getting this special treatment?

      1. Sad to say it, but that was my first thought too. Big Law partners don’t care about teamwork and warm fuzzy feelings. They just don’t. They care about sh!t getting done and done right, and if he’s supporting this woman who is actively harming the team over and over again, there’s something more to this story. Maybe not that necessarily but he has to have some personal connection to her or her family.

        1. I agree. Is she the daughter of a major client? young sister of a partner at another office? The fact that feels entitled to complain about these issues tells me that she think she has a special connection to the partner (although I wouldn’t presume sleeping together)

          1. My first thought was she’s a VIP associate because of someone she’s related to.

    2. Well, someone sounds like a special snowflake (SS) that has the ear of the powers-that-be.

      I don’t think that 3-4 iterations of something even a little complex is outside the norm for a first year. I think that the best thing you could do is to sit down with SS and clear the air. I would not apologize for what specifically happened, but I would explain about your client’s timing expectations and explain that you do not always cc the entire team when something goes to a client (but then I would be better about either bccing or letting SS know that it went out). Some of the better teaching associates I know will send a redline from the last version that SS saw to what went out, and offer to sit down and talk about the changes.

      All that said, I would also say that you are going to try to keep SS in the loop more, but with certain clients (public companies, difficult GCs, whatever) that will not always be possible and it is not always the norm. Explain that you are happy to check in with her, or she is welcome to check in with you, but that looping her in 100% to be 100% up to speed is not always possible at the speed that matters happen.

      If you really don’t think that you are long for the firm, I would also (if you even care enough to go this far) tell SS that when you work in a small team environment, there will often be difficult dynamics, but that going above the people who you are working with is often frowned upon. I would ask her, “How would you feel if I went to my boss to complain about you, and then my feedback came back to you, via the boss?” I would let that sink in with a little silence. I would explain often, if there is tension or there are issues, it can be best to raise them directly with the people at issue at an opportune time. I would also add, just so that this person understands…that you have been here for a number of years, that you intend to make a career here, and ANY negative feedback like this can greatly affect someone’s chanced to make partners, even years later. That SS might not have seen going over your head as a big deal, but it is a big deal. I would explain that being a team player goes two ways–if she wants to be looped in and considered part of the team, then she needs to keep issues AMONG THE TEAM unless they rise to very serious issues (misconduct, something unethical, etc.) I would also say to her that her perspective may be skewed because she is junior, but the partners at your firm have made it very clear that they want to see no fighting or dissent. So if there is dissent, it should be handled at a lower level. And finally, I would end with a kind but veiled threat that you have your choice of which junior to use on your matters, and sometimes it really is easier to just do things yourself if there’s drama.

      The whole last paragraph is contingent on whether you think this person would actually listen and if you actually care to make this a teaching moment. Totally depends on the people dynamics at work.

    3. Thank you for the advice. It’s definitely not a personal relationship with the partner and SS (I like this short form for her) – I know this because I know exactly how she got hired. But the partner seems to take the side of whoever he thinks is the underdog (it is so very f-ed up).

      I have a feeling that SS went over my head intentionally because she knew partner would take her side but that perhaps is an unkind interpretation of what happened.

      I will definitely talk to her and not apologize but hopefully make things clear.

      Ughhhh so frustrated. Thanks again all!

      1. I may be posting this too late. You could also play the ball towards her:
        “SS, partner told me that you were not happy with how I handled project X. Since we value teamwork in this office, I want you to understand my reasoning. You and I had gone over the document four times, which isn’t so unusual in itself. But it needed to go out the next morning, so I took over to get it done quickly. Do you see a better way I could have handled this?”
        At least, this approach curbs defensiveness. Maybe she will see your point. Maybe she would like to be cc’d and that’s enough. Or maybe she will be unreasonable. Sigh.

  9. Another wardrobe question: I’m going from a business (borderline business formal) environment to a (very casual) business casual environment. No jeans (except on Friday) but stuff that would not fly in most business casual environments is fine, like khaki capri pants and casual sundresses. I’m a blazer girl. My current work uniform is blazer + suiting material sheath dress or suit pants, blouse and blazer, and on weekends I wear blazers with tees and jeans (when I’m not in yoga pants, anyway). What should I buy to build a more casual work wardrobe? Can I use my blazers at all? I feel like they skew too formal unless I can pair them with jeans, which I can’t most of the time.

    1. Swap a blazer for a cardigan with your same suiting tops & pants. Leave the blazer off entirely and just wear your nice blouse. Wear your blazers with ankle pants & flats vs. long pants & heels. Wear your dark colored blazers with fun colored pants perhaps.

    2. Are your blazers suiting material or non-suiting blazers? Non-suiting blazers look casual enough with skinny pants and flats. Suiting blazers can be made casual when paired with non-sheath dresses (including sundresses/jersey dresses). Not to toot my own horn, but I have a post on my blog that focuses on transitioning blazers to more or less formal settings, and I also have other outfits on the blog and my instagram that sound like they might work for your new office. Hope this helps: http://www.theofficerblog.com/#!From-Biz-to-Caz/cmbz/5601e3830cf256c0bf977f97

    3. What about pants like the ON Pixie Pant in fun fabrics plus a blazer? They are fairly casual and you can do fun prints but still have your blazer. Also, what kind of blazers are you partial to? This seems like a good chance to wear more fun blazers, also “schoolboy” type blazers will read more casual so that’s another option. Cotton shift dresses could also work – Jcrew and Jcrew factory usually have a bunch you could pair with a cropped blazer and flats for a more casual look.

      Aside from blazers, consider a shirt dress. I just got this one from Boden and am very happy with it: http://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/womens-dresses/shirt-dresses/wh987/womens-sophia-shirt-dress
      You can swap out the ribbon belt but the collar still makes it look put together but definitely more business casual.

    2. Congrats! I am preparing to be language tested for a position in my second language and have never really used it in a professional setting. I know I’ll be fine but it still takes a lot of courage.

    3. Awesome! What resources did you use? I’m currently trying to learn French for work and besides making my co-worker and friends speak French with me (and French Netflix, naturally) I’ve been using Duolingo, Memrise and the FSI course.

      1. French Netflix is something I never thought of! Do you watch your normal shows in French (are a lot of them available that way) or do you find specific French shows/movies?

        1. A little of both. I’ve been watching a kind of goofy but entertaining French show called Marseille with English subtitles, it’s a little like Sopranos but way over the top. The dialogue is very simple which is nice. I’m also re-watching OITNB with French audio and subtitles because I already know the basic plot (and can check it on wiki without spoilers). Most Netflix originals have a French dub I’ve found.

      2. My second language is French. I listen to Radio Canada (the French version of the Canadian Broadcast Corporation’s programming) and read as much as I can in French (I choose books that I know I’ll really like because it’s extra challenging to get through them in a second language – I’m going through Harry Potter right now). I also take courses with Alliance Française. If they have a local chapter in your city I’d highly recommend it!

    4. Congratulations! There are several job-hint related phone calls I’ve been putting off for far too long because they will be in my second language. I have lived where it was my daily language, have worked and dated in it before, but just cannot find the cajones to make these calls. Good job, you!

  11. Reporting in on the Limited Blazers featured a few weeks ago during their sale. I got a Large to accommodate the girls (36D). That worked. Of course, it’s a bit loose in the sides and waist area as I’m an hourglass. The 3/4 sleeves are just that. Love that it is like the scuba dresses I’ve been snapping up at Last Call. I don’t know how long it will be before the sleeves pill from all the writing by hand that I do, but time will tell. Good for hourglasses who prefer a single button stance IMHO.

  12. Amazon question: is there a more efficient way to search for the lowest price/color/size combo than just clicking on each item combo. I am looking to buy some pajamas that are priced $16-135. There are a dozen colors and many sizes for each. I would totally buy the $16 ones as a gift even if it wasn’t my size because I love these PJs but can’t figure out which size/color is on such sale.

    1. If you go to the website on your phone (not the app, the website through your phone browser) you should be able to select each color individually and it will then have a list of each size and what price it is.

  13. So, um, I’m babysitting this week for the first time in 20 years.

    I’m 34, and for a long time thought I never wanted kids. Then I met someone and was floored when I realized I wanted kids with him. In the aftermath of our breakup, I’m questioning what I want out of life and how I go forward dating. Do I want to be a mother or no? I’m at the age where I need to decide whether that’s a driving goal for me or not.

    So I’ve asked one of my friends if I can borrow their kid for an evening haha. The 2 year old girl will be awake for about 3 hours while I’m with her. I was an only child and have led a basically child-free existence my entire life. This feels like such a broad, even silly, question, but is there anything I should know about 2 year olds going in? Any advice about interacting with her?

    (I know someone else’s kid wouldn’t be the same as my own, but I’d like the peek into the life all the same.)

    1. The harder you try to make her like you, the less she will like you. 2 year olds are often pretty scared of strangers. Sitting down and quietly reading a kids book to yourself on the floor, gently playing with some toys by yourself, and letting the kid approach you (even if it takes 5 or 10 minutes) often works great.

      1. Yes. Don’t come on too strong and let her warm up to you. Perhaps a new toy (bubbles?)/puzzle/stickers will help.

        Also, just for your own sake, do not place too much weight on whether you like hanging out with this particular 2 year old for a few hours. 2 year olds often have BIG FEELINGS.

    2. When I spend time with my kids friends we play games, read books, have some snack, maybe go for a walk or hit the park, maybe have nap time if it runs through nap time, etc.

      2 year olds are pretty interactive, in my experience, it’s not like a 4 month old.

    3. Um — you’re going to come out of this NOT wanting kids. Maybe it’s just me but dealing with 2-3 yr olds is AWFUL.

      1. That’s my favorite age! I love their inquisitiveness and the way they are starting to think systematically; but don’t have tons of data yet, so come up with the most amazing theories about what goes with what.

        One of the things I find hardest in parenting is that the kid keeps growing! Seriously, I’ve heard this from other parents too. Your kid, out of the blue, starts doing X, which leads to problem y. You figure out a way to deal with/work around/avoid problem y and feel pretty good. Then, just as you’re getting into your groove again, still doing y, the kid starts doing z, which might totally throw y off, or might be in an unrelated field. It is constant, or should be anyway.

        Tip for dealing with this age group: avoid the power struggle. Don’t ask if they will drink their milk; ask what cup they want to drink it from. After a melt-down, don’t climb onto your throne to continue ruling; find a way to reconnect through laughter.

        As others have mentioned, kids behave differently with their moms and others people. You might want to try hanging out with friends whose kids are various ages, with both you and the mom trying to accomplish something non-baby focused.

        My final piece of advice: don’t do it. I love my kid, but when I had him, I did not realize what a hit my career would take. The physical work isn’t the hardest part for me: the mental stuff is–two lunches to think of, schedules to coordinate, and full responsibility for another person’s continued existence.

    4. Oops, accidentally posted this below.

      Tantrum Survival 101: Don’t get rattled or concerned if she has a tantrum or lots of them. Just be as zen as possible. It’s a totally normal part of toddler-hood, especially at the end of the day when she will be quite tired. I have a two year old daughter, and when she’s heading towards a meltdown, I can occasionally head it off at the pass by naming her feeling. Like, she starts the pre-tantrum whining, and I’ll ask if she’s tired (or hungry or hot) and she’ll say “uh huh. *sniffle*” Other times, when she’s in what I call “nuclear meltdown” the only thing I can do is tell her that its okay to have big feelings, and then walk away into the next room until she’s done. Once it’s over, I give her a hug and she goes on her merry way, playing like nothing ever happened.

    5. I’d say, while you need to watch her like a hawk (2 YOs all act at least occasionally as if they are *trying* to hurt themselves!), she will likely be big on “independence.” Making choices, showing you where things are, how to do things, etc.
      But seriously. Don’t turn your back for a second. She might, for example, go head-first off the couch, or try to climb onto a windowsill, or open the dishwasher/trash/poison cabinet (all depending on the level of babyproofing), light the stove, smash her fingers in a door/drawer/cabinet, eat the cat/dog food, etc. Know where the safe place is to put her when you need to pee (Playpen? Crib? High chair?)

      Have a snack or cup ready to go as needed. In a pinch, it’s a good distraction from whatever you’ve had to steer her away from!

    7. Go into the evening with a plan (and not oh-we’ll-watch-a-movie! because she’s too young to sit through it) and figure that you’ll probably bounce between 5-10 activities or toys in one hour. Slow everything down–especially your words–and draw the activities out. Example: “Would you like to play with this sticker book? Ok! Let’s go to the kitchen table…pull out our chairs…now sticker books are very special and we have to do this right! We have to take our time and put the sticker down…just…so…or OOPS! It’s sticky…and stuck…and we can’t move it! So which page should we start with?” If you just hand her the book, she’ll blow through it in 2 minutes and get bored. If you sit down and talk her through it, you can stretch that to 10-15 minutes.

      Dry Cheerios in a cup are like, magical. If you sit on the floor with a book and offer her a couple Cheerios she’ll end up in your lap listening to you read while she polishes off the cup.

      If she has a tantrum, don’t be afraid of it. Stay calm, stand your ground, and impersonate Super Nanny. She’ll get over it and you’ll be friends again in a few minutes.

    8. Unless you actually drop the kid (and maybe not even then) you won’t break them. It’s okay to say no, just be prepared to repeat it. Do not be prepared for any sort of logic. Sometimes “Because I said so” is a good enough reason.

      I basically consider baby-sitting the under-10 set as long-form improv. Dead-pan silliness (taking their silly reactions/suggestions and play it out as totally normal).

      Depending on her level of communication (how verbal/non-verbal) ask her parents for a basic translation guide (has she been taught some sign language at daycare, for example). It will make the evening less frustrating for you both.

    10. 2 year olds are a lot of work but a lot of fun. If she’s potty trained, you’ll still need to wipe her and help with hand washing. Remember that the TV solves all problems.

  14. Any experiences or reading material suggestions for those who were promoted to manage their former coworkers/peers? I’ve been offered this opportunity, and I’m aware of the challenges associated with this (I’m in the newer half of the team, although I have been with the business many years). I’ve got 2 to 3 months to prepare and start changing perceptions.
    This will be my first role with direct reports, with a team ~10 (1 woman, rest men, with vast majority significantly older than me).

    1. Read the back issues at AskaManager blog. I know she’s had questions on this before.

  15. Tantrum Survival 101: Don’t get rattled or concerned if she has a tantrum or lots of them. Just be as zen as possible. It’s a totally normal part of toddler-hood, especially at the end of the day when she will be quite tired. I have a two year old daughter, and when she’s heading towards a meltdown, I can occasionally head it off at the pass by naming her feeling. Like, she starts the pre-tantrum whining, and I’ll ask if she’s tired (or hungry or hot) and she’ll say “uh huh. *sniffle*” Other times, when she’s in what I call “nuclear meltdown” the only thing I can do is tell her that its okay to have big feelings, and then walk away into the next room until she’s done. Once it’s over, I give her a hug and she goes on her merry way, playing like nothing ever happened.

  16. I have a relationship-like work question that so much resembles some of the relationship questions posted on here!
    I have a dream company (Old Flame – use their product, love their culture, spouse works there). I’ve interviewed for a few roles with them before, it never worked out. Got to the final round of interviews three times for different roles over the last few years (Three! Count ’em!) and then got rejected.
    A few weeks ago, I saw a role posted that would be the perfect fit, reached out, networked, LinkedIn, applied, and never heard back. I moved on.
    I accepted another role (step up career wise, pays well, good growth opportunities). Just started a week ago and like the team. Only negative is that it’s a longish commute for me, and possible long work hours one day a week or so (when a weekly deliverable is due).
    Old Flame company is almost in my backyard and is known for its flexible and WFH culture.

    NOW Old Flame gets back to me! I couldnt say no and am scheduled to talk to the hiring manager later today for a phone interview.

    I can’t help going into daydreams of – what if? – suppose I get it? Should I accept? How terrible is it to quit a new job within 3 or 4 weeks of starting (Terrible! I know it!).
    And I just KNOW they will reject me like the last few times so it isnt even worth daydreaming about (I let myself get hopeful before and was disappointed). No more fantasies of getting together with Old Flame Company.

    1. I don’t think you should give up on Old Flame completely, but I also don’t think you should interview within mere weeks of starting a new job. Let this particular opportunity go, but keep your eyes open for future opportunities there.

    2. I think you SHOULD accept the interview and see where it goes. It’s not ideal timing, but if it is something you really want, don’t pass it up. If tomorrow your new company had a drastic downturn and business needs required it, they would not think twice about laying you off. You need to do what is best for you. And if it doesn’t work out? No harm no foul. Just keep it quiet.

      1. Agree, and be honest with them. Make a good impression and leave the door open for the next opening.

    3. I would interview. Even if they pass again this time, you may be developing the relationship with Old Flame that could result in a job a year or two from now. I almost never pass up the opportunity to meet people at a company I’d like to work for. And if they offer you the job, cross that bridge when you get there.

      1. Yes – I totally, totally understand the relationship analogy, but it has its limits. Old Flame the company may or may not be stringing you along, and keeping in touch may pay dividends down the road. Old Flame, your terrible ex who keeps showing up at inopportune times to say the right things and then bailing again, definitely is. ;)

    4. If be cautious about working for the same company as a spouse unless they were a really large stable company in a stable industry. Maybe thinking that though can take a bit of the sparkle off the old flame.

      I don’t think I could resist interviewing in your shoes either though.

  17. I might be too late in the day to post this, but what are some good ideas for a stay-at-home bachelorette party when at least one person (the MOH, the bride’s sister) is not yet old enough to drink and the others aren’t big drinkers? This will be two nights before the wedding so it can’t get too wild, but I’d like to help make it fun and memorable for my friend (unfortunately, no one else is stepping up to help with planning). Any ideas for games or gifts or anything like that would be very welcome!

    1. I think you went to moderation because of the word “bachelor….” Try again tomorrow for more ideas!
      I went to a movie night bach that was cute. You can serve movie theater-type food like buttered popcorn and candy. The movies can be the bride’s favorites or there can be a particular theme or actor you focus on. If you only have a handful of guests, each person can bring a movie. Guests can be encouraged to wear PJs. You can play drinking games while you watch the movies, although probably not appropriate in your case. But the of-age guests could definitely have wine. Basically, it’s Netflix and chill (literally) with your friends, which is kind of perfect for right before the wedding.
      I also think board games and home spa stuff like DIY mani/pedis or facials are fun.

  18. Lawyers: Where did you get your current job? I am looking for one and feel like there just aren’t any/many for litigators in my market. Any websites you have used/check regularly for postings?

    1. Blind application to a posting on the firm’s website, believe it or not (they’re not all black holes!). When I was looking, I made a list of all the larger firms in my area and just regularly checked their websites.

    2. A recruiter. When I started thinking seriously about going in house (and really even before that) I took calls from any recruiter who reached out to me. For a long time it was just “thanks for calling, I don’t think that’s the right opportunity for me right now but please keep me in mind for anything that comes up in the future.” Eventually, someone who had contacted me about a year prior about lateraling to another firm gave me a call about a great in-house position.

    3. Blind application to a posting on the company’s website. Leaving BigLaw to go in-house, many recruiters just wanted to talk me into lateraling (no thanks, I only get to leave big name BigLaw firm one time, I’m not wasting it to bill hours at a “lifestyle” firm). I only had 1 recruiter (out of 3) who seemed like she heard me and even then I found this Fortune 50 in-house posting on my own. She was really helpful and gave me a ton of tips on my interviewers/interview itself, at no financial benefit to her, but I’ve sent people her way and trust that if she had an in house opportunity, I would have worked well with her.

  19. I’ll post again tomorrow – but I am cusp of plus sized, apple shape, and signed up for a pool fitness class. I know that looking good in a swimsuit isn’t a pool-fitness priority, but I’d feel better if I I looked better. Where are the best places for suits? It doesn’t have to be olympic – having a skirt or skort or rashguard is fine.

    1. they aren’t sporty, but Anthropologie has some cute one pieces. The Modcloth/Esther WIlliams vintage-y one piece is also very cute — it didn’t work for me (I’m a pear), but it might for an Apple. Also, Old Navy (plus very cheap, and they last as long as other swimsuits). You’re definitely going to get LandsEnd recs, but I just always think they re frumpy. 6PM has some gems if you don’t mind poking around.

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