This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This Lanvin sheath dress, which is almost sold out at Barneys, is a really fun shade of orange. It's unusual in that it's sleek and fitted while also having an artistic vibe and organic, drapey feel combined with the wide neckline that makes it a bit casual. I think you could dress it up or down with accessories. It has a hidden side zipper and is made from a blend of viscose, polyamide, and elastane, and it just looks really lovely. The dress is $1,550 at Barneys New York. Ruched Sheath Dress
A slightly more affordable option is at Bloomingdale's, while two options with much lower prices are at Bluefly and JCPenney. A plus-size alternative is at Macy's.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Marketing framework Q
Question for marketers out there…
My role generally does not cover marketing strategy but I’ve been asked to put together an initial framework for thinking about it. I’m thinking something along the lines of several categories — owned/earned/paid? — and then for each item under that a column for strategy/tactics and then one for desired results. Does that make sense? Is there a good framework out there I should be using. Don’t need to reinvent the wheel here.
Thanks so much in advance.
BB
It’s heavily dependent on your org, but a very basic framework is the 4Ps or 6Ps (you can probably do a search for both and see if one makes more sense than the other). It goes through buckets like Pricing, Promotion, People, Product. It looks a bit more external view than what you have currently.
Anonymous
Yup. 4ps, or perhaps look at Pragmatic Marketing if it fits your industry.
test
test
Anonymous
I often appear in arbitrations in private law offices. Last week, it was apparent that my adversary was carrying a gun. He was friendly and polite but friends, I settled that matter at the highest level of my authority and didn’t draw an easy breath until he finally left. I just couldn’t concentrate. It was unclear whether he knew it was showing; it was sticking out of his suit jacket. I just kept thinking *dont* anger this man; he will kill you. I spoke with a colleague who said he’s likely a former police officer so I shouldn’t be scared. But I don’t know that. And my parasympathetic nervous system thought I was being mugged.
Without getting political I’m not really familiar with gun culture and gun laws in my state are pretty strict. Any tips appreciated.
Anon
Far more people carry concealed than you think, and they aren’t shooting you when provoked. Your emotions are valid but not rational.
You could have asked that the gun be placed in his car if it made you uncomfortable.
anon
Provoked… how, exactly? I think that’s exactly what the OP is worried about. It’s an adversarial meeting by nature.
Aunt Jamesina
I feel it’s quite rational to be on edge when somebody has a weapon whose sole purpose is to maim or kill.
LaurenB
“Far more people carry concealed than you think, and they aren’t shooting you when provoked. Your emotions are valid but not rational.”
Anonymous, in normal parts of the country, no, it is NOT expected for someone to be carrying a concealed weapon (outside of someone who is serving as a bodyguard or security guard, or perhaps an off-duty police officer or military member). Apparently there are yee-haw parts of the country where this is done because that’s how everyone proves their manhood, but we in the sophisticated parts of the country are sick and tired of having your gun culture shoved down our throats.
Anonymous
I live in a yee-haw part of the country and I’m sick of it also. The other day, my husband took my son to go get a haircut. A guy waiting for a hairstylist was carrying a .357 Desert Eagle (a gigantic gun) AND a 12-inch Bowie knife on his belt. In Supercuts! W in T actual F? There is no need for that!
busybee
I mean, I think carrying a gun is stupid. I also hate guns. But to think the whole time that he’s going to kill you or that you’re being mugged is pretty irrational.
I’m a prosecutor about to marry a cop though, so I’m around guns a lot now. I guess my “tip” would be if you see a gun again, chill out. Or, as a PP mentioned, ask the person to put it in the car.
Rainbow Hair
Wow what’s it like to be someone who dislikes guns being about to marry a cop?!
busybee
It means we added a gun safe to the wedding registry!
Patsy Stone
Love.
LaurenB
So embarrassing to share this country with people who need multiple guns.
Isabela the She Wolf
Wow. I live in a legendaryily gun-toting area, where lawyers may go shooting instead of golfing, and none would ever carry while working. Even when prosecutors are receiving threats, they leave it the car, leave it in their desk.
I think it would have been perfectly appropriate to ask him to take it elsewhere. If he always carries it, you wouldn’t have been the first person to feel an emotional reaction.
I mean, he literally brought a lethal weapon to the negotiation table. Wtf?
Idea
Security at your facility can tell you more about the public and private gun laws. That is, if your facility can prohibit guns, if it does, and how that is enforced. Don’t be afraid to talk to the security guards or to the gun carrier. “I see you are carrying a gun. Can you tell me more about that.” If there’s one thing I know, it’s that gun people…. love…. to TALK about their guns, their protections, their training, etc. It’s worth an ask.
Also if you’re in arbitration, isn’t there a mediator? Can you mention it to the mediator? I’m not clear why you didn’t.
Anonymous
There is no facility. I was in an attorney’s office above a storefront. The arbitrator is simply an attorney empowered to hear the matter.
I guess I should have said something but people who carry weapons might be quick to anger. My instinct at the time was not to say anything. If i told him I was uncomfortable then he’s know I didn’t have a gun and I’d be an easy target.
anon
I hate guns, and I still find this reaction unreasonable. What in the world were you arbitrating that made you think you might get murdered in a law office?
Anonymous
I work for an insurance company and things occasionally get heated. Attorneys I’ve worked across the table from for years have screamed at me over minor issues. It’s just not that crazy that things could turn violent.
AIMS
OP, I totally get how you felt and that these things can sometimes get heated but I think asking him to put it away – or better yet asking the arbitrator to ask him, if you have that chance – before anything gets heated is highly unlikely to provoke a reaction.
Anon
You are being irrational. Do you worry that a 6’4, 250 lb former wrestler is going to beat you to a pulp?
Op
It’s not as if the large man brought his body with him that morning in the same way the gun owner does. I really don’t think that’s a fair comparison.
Pebble
Kindly, this sounds like a “you” problem and not a “him” problem. As someone who would never ever ever own a gun or knowingly let one in her house, which is located in a super liberal corner of a blue northeastern state, even I know it’s extremely incorrect to color all gun owners as folks who “might be quick to anger”, as if they’d be more quick to anger than a non-gun owner.
pugsnbourbon
You’re right, Pebble – gun owners aren’t necessarily quicker to anger than anyone else.
That said, if a gun carrier IS that kind of person, they’re intensely more dangerous than another angry person without one. Sure, you can infer that a lawyer showing up to work probably isn’t a rage bomb waiting to go off. He’s probably one of the “good guys with a gun” and he probably thinks of himself that way.
But you don’t know that. Just like I don’t know if the grandpa eating breakfast with his family while open carrying won’t escalate an argument he has in the parking lot. Just like I don’t know that the dumba$$ carrying a handgun in the BACK WAISTBAND of HIS JEANS at TARGET won’t drop the damn thing and shoot a kid by accident.
I’m not saying that an overwhelming fear reaction is reasonable or helpful. But guns are everywhere in the US, and it’s something we have to take into account in our daily lives.
Marshmallow
I also would have been very thrown off. You are clearly having a primal fear reaction to being in the presence of a weapon and I can’t really blame you for that. But if it happens again, you should really try using your ration/reason to overcome some of the fear-spiral narrative you’re repeating here. He’s not mugging you, you aren’t an “easy target” if he knows you don’t have your own gun, there’s no reason to assume he would be quick to anger. Jumping from seeing a gun on his person to thinking “he will kill you” is just not rational, especially when he’s being friendly and polite.
Saying something to the arbitrator would have been the right move if the gun was making you uncomfortable. He may “only” be a lawyer but he has authority in that situation.
Op
*she :) appeared terrified as well
Marshmallow
So what do you want us to tell you to do? Call the police? I hate guns too. But you keep coming up with reasons not to handle the situation in the moment, so I don’t know what advice you want. Ask the guy to put it in the car. Tell the arbitrator. Walk out the door quietly and deal with the situation over the phone?
Anonymous
If you and the arbitrator were both thrown, it may have been best to reschedule. Firearms aren’t allowed in court–I think it’s reasonable to ask that they not be brought to arbitration either.
anon
Okay, come on. You’re being irrational. He’s not going to shoot you because you said something about his gun. An easy target? Because if you had a gun, then what, it might make for a shoot out like in the wild wild west and he might not be the quickest draw? I’m all for all the gun control, but let’s not paint gun owners as insane people who cannot control their emotions and who would shoot opposing counsel in the face over something like this. I mean you really think this guy is going to *murder you* because you say his gun makes you uncomfortable? Or because arbitration was unpleasant?
FWIW, I’m not a gun owner and have little experience with them. They make me unconformable. However, I’m more worried that it would go off accidentally rather than thinking that another professional would use one on me. When ever I see someone with a gun strapped to their hip, my mind always jumps to the gun going off and hitting the person carrying it in the thigh.
Anonymous
I would probably have a similar reaction. Because I don’t want it to impact my performance, I would ask that he place the gun in his car or that we reschedule to another time when he would not be carrying. otherwise, I worry that I would just give him whatever he wanted so I could get out of the room.
MagicUnicorn
If he is remotely responsible and reasonable, generally carries as a habit and was not armed specifically for the situation (i.e., security, law enforcement, military base), he should be entirely open to the fact that his visible weapon makes you uncomfortable and he should be very willing to secure it out of sight and off his person for the duration of your meeting. A firearm is a deadly weapon, after all, and not something annoying but innocuous (like a loud phone ringer, etc.)
Anonymous
I guess just can’t think of a reason a rational reasonable person would have a gun this situation.
Anon
Was there some reason that you couldn’t have mentioned it before the arbitration started? I just would have said, “hey, I notice you’re concealed carry. Having a gun in a negotiating atmosphere can be perceived as unnecessarily threatening. To make the arbitration more comfortable for all, can you put that away for the duration of the meeting?” If you’re too nervous to do this, just talk to the office manager of the firm and request her to request him to put it away – I’ve never been in a law office where guns were allowed on the property.
If he makes a yelling stink about his right to conceal carry and being an American and 2nd amendment crap in an official meeting, he will lose credibility in front of all parties, and is flat out wrong as you can request no guns on private property.
OP
I just don’t ever want to get to the point where a person who loves guns so much that they’d bring one to an arbitration was angry with me. I guess the whole hive thinks I’m irrational, but I think carrying a gun to a hearing is irrational. A man was recently murdered over a parking space and the man who killed him and as the charged.
I imagine a person who loved his gun so much he brought it to arbitration would be at least that hostile if you suggested anything that could be construed as possibly challenging his gun “rights.” I also think he knows he’d be a right wing champion if he murdered me after I said something about his gun.
Idea
You’re right – it is not a good idea, not “rational” for him to carry a gun, but neither is it rational for you not to ask about it.
I’m a parent. I don’t have guns in my house. When my kid goes to a new house to play, I ask about guns.
To me, it isn’t rational to have guns in a house with young children. Or, quite frankly, at all. But it is absolutely rational to ask about it, from my opinion.
You are right here. But you also can and should do more to protect YOUR rights to safety and security, and to that feeling.
Anonymous
People who conceal or open carry tend to carry everywhere they can. To some, it’s akin to putting their watch on in the morning. Just because you don’t like guns doesn’t mean everything a gun owner does is irrational.
Op
That’s a good point. I’m thinking of that old country song where the guy just feels naked without his gun. (Pour me another tequila,
Shelia.) At the same time I can’t imagine he’d be surprised that it made me uncomfortable, you know?
Anonymous
One party bringing a lethal weapon to a negotiation does change the power dynamic. I would have reacted similarly to you.
I would have had no idea what to do, but I like other posters recommendation to ask he leaves it in the car.
What’s interesting as I thought about this, is that I questioned my response if it had been a woman across the table. I realized I may not have been as bothered, and assumed she might have had it for self defense.
Op
Thanks for this. It’s likely my adversary took public transportation to our hearing, so I’m not sure his car was a viable option.
Anonymous
That surprises me. I thought most public transit systems banned guns.
Anonymous
I agree it changes the power dynamic and it would have been reasonable to ask that it be stored elsewhere during the meeting. But I am from a southwestern state where everyone is armed all the time (at least that is what we all assume).
Anonymous
I have a feeling all the people responding are white. I’m white, and while I hate guns, I would not have been that freaked out by this. But given that people of color, especially African-Americans, are shot all the time for doing nothing, I would felt exactly the way you did if I were a POC.
Anon
Statistics about white on black gun crime, please. My understanding is that it happens rather rarely, not “all the time.”
Senior Attorney
Anon at 10:57, can we not with the “not all white people?”
Anon
I wasn’t doing that, but I suspect you are pretending otherwise because you know that crimes against blacks are committed by blacks, not whites.
A much higher percentage of black Americans kill whites than whites kill blacks.
Senior Attorney
Oh, my. It’s worse than I thought.
Anonymous
I always “love” people who ask for a source for a stat, and then through out a competing stat without a source citation
Anon
Non-Hispanic blacks are 12% of the population; blacks are 13%. Non-Hispanic whites are 62% of the population; all whites are about 77%.
In 2015, 500 whites where murdered by blacks, and 229 blacks were murdered by whites. (Source: Race and Homicide in America by the Numbers, USNews, Sept 2016.)
Adjusting for relative numbers in the population, well, you can do the conditional probability.
Of Counsel
“A much higher percentage of black Americans kill whites than whites kill blacks.”
That is just not true. It has never been true in modern American history (I don’t have numbers for earlier). Crime is overwhelming intra rather than inter racial and that applies to both blacks (who are much more likely to be killed by other blacks) and whites (who are much more likely to be killed by other whites). I suspect that the number of people who get shot every year because someone wrongly perceived them as dangerous is disproportionately tilted toward blacks – but the numbers are too low for reliable statistical analysis (although obviously ever a few is too many).
The fact that you saw an infographic from a think tank that does not really exist on Twitter or some ultraconservative website that is probably a front for the Russians does not make it true.
anon
See, I’m looking at the context here. OP was in a professional setting with another licensed professional engaging in a professional activity. I would have a much different response if she was in the middle of a protest or on the road and someone had a gun or flashed a gun at her (whether she is black or white, but I would find it especially understandable if she is black)
Anon at 10:57- yeah it’s still “rare” in that shootings in general are rare, but it’s disproportionately high. And even though it’s rare, the consequences are obviously very severe. You know this and don’t need it explained to you. Please don’t derail the thread with by baiting people with this.
Senior Attorney
It looks like this guy achieved his purpose: He let his gun show, it rattled you, and you agreed to the highest possible settlement.
Next time tell the arbitrator that you aren’t comfortable with a gun in the room and ask the guy to leave it somewhere else. Better yet, next time arrange in advance for a “no guns” rule.
Anonymous
Exactly. That’s why I feel so crummy.
Senior Attorney
Aw, don’t feel crummy. Now that you know this is a possibility, just insert a “no firearms” provision in every arbitration arrangement and you’ll be fine.
I think the guy is a gigantic jerk.
Op
Thanks! I’ll check the forum’s rules and talk to the higher ups. It’s dawning on me that it might not have been intentional.
Kat in VA
A standing tenet for responsible concealed-carry gun folks is “Concealed means concealed”.
If he’s constantly flashing his firearm, it means that (a) he didn’t take the time to check from all angles and movements that his firearm is concealed and take measures to either find another holster, jacket, or some other means of concealment, or (b) he’s flashing it because he’s a jerk and wants to rattle people.
I hope it was (a).
Anonymous
Thanks for this. This was the reasonable gun culture insight I needed.
a lawyer
A lawyer was shot and killed in my hometown last year, immediately after a deposition, by the party who had been deposed. As far as I know, every private business has a right to post a “No Guns Allowed” policy, and I would seriously consider not appearing at any depositions or proceedings where guns are allowed.
yep
There have been 2 instances in the last few years in my city where a litigant has killed one of the lawyers in a case, along with other related and unrelated office personnel/bystanders. I don’t think you overreacted.
Jules
I do a LOT of labor arbitrations, in law offices, hotel conference rooms and meeting rooms at the location of either the employer or the labor union, sometimes in rural and almost certainly gun-friendly areas. To my knowledge, no one has ever come in armed, much less one of the attorneys.
This would have rattled me too, although I don’t think it’s reasonable to fear that simply asking that the gun be stored elsewhere (if the car wasn’t an option because of public transit, than in a private office, for example) would cause someone to pull it out and use it.
However, I can see things getting heated during the hearing itself and the presence of a gun being a problem. Arbitrations are by nature adversarial (although like all types of litigation they sometimes get settled “on the courthouse steps,” which apparently is what happened here). I have had to demand that opposing counsel not yell at me, ask the arbitrator to instruct an attorney not to call me “Sister” (because he said I sounded like the nun who taught him in fifth grade when arguing an objection), demand that an attorney not loom over the witness and otherwise had to make would-be bullies on the other side of the table back down. I would not want to have to do all this knowing that the other person is armed.
OP, I’m sure this was a strange and scary situation. If it happens again, I would raise the issue as early as possible, in a sidebar with the arbitrator and counsel, and say something like you recognize that there may be a right to carry but that it is inappropriate to do so in a legal proceeding and ask that the firearm be locked up for the duration of the hearing.
Anonymous
Could you set up future arbs in a location that has a metal detector? Both the local arbitration association and many office buildings do, and that force weapons to be checked without you having to be confrontational. This would freak me out, the year I started practice a disgruntled party in a lawsuit shot lawyers and staff members of a firm nearby.
Anonymous
Thanks. The state dept of finance allows my employer to be sued in this forum. The arbitrators decide where their offices are so my employer will never ruffle feathers by asking that they keep offices in secure building, which are extremely rare here. Thanks for the suggestion though. I’m always in awe of how relatively powerless I am vis a vie the other attorneys on this board.
Novice wine buyer
What are your best tips for picking out a good, affordable bottle of wine at the (not Whole Foods/TJs) grocery store? It’s for girls night, so nothing particularly fancy or needing celebration – just want something that tastes good! Probably red wine, but not sure yet, if that matters.
AIMS
Ask the people who work there. I usually say something like “can you recommend a nice pinot noir (or whatever) in the $X price range?” If you’re not sure about what kind of wine or what kind of red, you can tell them what you’re having it with (e.g., cheese or fruit) or you can just describe what you like (even if it’s just “easy drinking”)…. 9 times out of 10 they’ll be able to recommend something you’ll enjoy.
Anonymous
I can’t imagine doing this in the grocery store. A real liquor store, sure. But unless the grocery store has its own dedicated alcohol section complete with staff – a la Wegmans – then no please don’t ask the poor kid restocking shelves to recommend a nice Pinot Noir for under $15.
Baconpancakes
Harris Teeter often has a dedicated wine salesperson.
Otherwise, I look up the wine’s points (often they are printed on the label or next to the price sticker on the shelf), and pick something in the upper 80’s to 90’s.
Anonymous
Don’t ask a kid, no, they likely haven’t tried any of it! (But, at least in my state, if you can’t legally drink it, you can’t legally stock it, so the point is moot).
Always okay to ask, because talking to customers may be the most interesting part of their day. You may start with something like, “are you familiar with the wine section?” So they can demure, or find you the right person. (I grunted there is at least onE employee with pretensions of being a somolier).
Anonymous
idk, my local Fred Meyers (part of the Safeway conglomerate, pretty much as generic bigbox grocery chain as you can get) has 2 staff focused on wine. So I agree, don’t ask the floor staff, but a regular grocery might have wine-specific staff. You could ask at the customer service desk to see if that’s an option.
Anonymous
Yeah, our local grocery store is a Pay Less (part of Kroger chain) and there is definitely a dedicated wine person. Not sure how knowledgeable they are, but it’s definitely not a teenaged kid.
anon
Why not Whole Foods? Depending on the store, WF may have a dedicated wine expert.
My local store is the largest supplier of wine in my state. It almost always has a wine expert on staff. It also offers tastings on the weekends.
Novice wine buyer
Because there’s not one nearby. No shade towards WF intended!
Thanks, all, and sorry for the delayed response!
Anonymous
Any $15-20 bottle will be fine but not great. If you know what people like (eg pinot noir vs merlot) that matters more than label/vintage for grocery store wine.
Anon
I’m partial to bottles with animals on the label but that’s not a guarantee of quality. My friends know this about me though so if someone else is more concerned I let them pick.
Owl Lover
I’m a sucker for an Owl on the sticker. Aldi has a decent line of mostly sweet wines for $3, and of course, owls on the label.
Anonymous
It’s been a long time since I lived in a state that sold wine in the grocery store, but Joel Gott might be there. They have a nice red around the $15 mark.
Anonymous
Unless there’s some reason you must only go to the grocery store, stop by a wine shop, tell them your price point and what you like and go from there. I always prefer getting help and they’ll do that for low end as well as high end.
Panda Bear
This probably doesn’t help if you need to buy the wine tonight, but my strategy is hit up as many local in-store wine tastings as I can, and make a note in my phone or take a photo of the bottles I like. Then I know what to look for wherever I’m shopping. Of course, you can always ask a store staffer for advice, but in my experience staff wine knowledge at the grocery store is pretty hit or miss. On the plus side, unless your girlfriends are serious oenophiles, I’m sure they’ll be more interested in enjoying your company than critiquing your wine pick!
Anonymous
Our liquor stores have little cards describing some of the wines, so if I’m not looking for anything in particular I buy one that’s been rated highly by Wine Spectator magazine, usually in the $10-$15 range.
Anonymous
My grocery stores (Safeway, Giant in DC suburbs) sometimes have call out tags on the shelf – grab the ones advertising high ratings from Wine Spectator magazine.
pugsnbourbon
My strategy is to go in knowing what you like (in my case, dry, mineral-y whites) and shop markdowns. I’m not going to get the world’s best wine for $13 (marked down from $19), but it works for me and my basic palate.
Anon
Get a nice Pinot noir from the Russian river area. depending on how close the vineyard is to the coast, the juice will increase in concentration, from light red inland to almost purple at the coast. I personally like the latter style.
Once you figure out a region you like, it’s easy to just always look for that.
And Pinot is always a safe bet. People tend to like it.
Second choice, Shiraz from Australia.
C
I got a small raise recently and although I was planning for most of it to go into savings, lifestyle creep has gotten the better of me. I really need to reign it in and go back to my frugal roots, but I’m finding it hard to turn some of my now weekly or daily luxuries back into occasional treats. Tips for buckling down and being strict with yourself about money?
Anonymous
Try setting a solid goal. Like, “I want to save an additional $X/mo.” Generally cutting back on spending is too amorphous for me to really put in practice. I always think, but just this one coffee won’t make a dent, I can afford it, I deserve it, queue endless excuses. Working toward a real goal makes it a little easier for me. “I can have that extra coffee AFTER I save my $X this month.”
anon
What helps me is writing down, by hand, everything I buy and the cost. It makes me more aware of it and drives it home. Something is more real about writing down “sweaters at jcrew- $270” then just ordering it online and thinking “la la la I can just return it if it doesn’t fit so it’s not real yet” or “dinner/drinks”- $60 (wtf did I eat)
Monday
Do you have a monthly finance spreadsheet or anything similar? I have a spreadsheet with one tab of fixed expenses, and my “luxuries” that I’ve decided are worth it are included. My spreadsheet includes one massage monthly and one pedicure every 3 weeks. It doesn’t even really occur to me to get either of those things more often, because they’re not represented on the spreadsheet. I often go longer than 3 weeks between pedicures, and when that happens I mentally praise myself for saving more than anticipated.
Baconpancakes
Auto transfer the money from your checking account into your savings the day you get paid. If it’s not there, you can’t spend it.
PolyD
Yes, I feel like I spend way too much money, but I auto-save, through 401K and other contributions, around 20% of my salary. Could I do better? Sure, I definitely could, and I also try to throw into savings any “extra” money I get (tax refunds, Christmas money from my parents, etc.). But having that baseline of savings is really helpful. Like others have said, if you don’t see it, you don’t spend it.
Rebel
Make a “spending plan”. List the things you want/need to spend $ on -the necessities and the things that REALLY make you happy. Then review the list again, in my experience many of the “happy” items are not really creating happiness.
Write down why you wish to save- for a great House/ Vacation/retire early…
Remember you are making choices delaying spending some $ … Not depriving yourself of anything. GOOD LUCK
Anonymous
Can you set up a transfer to your savings account for the amount of your raise? Each time I get a raise I increase the amount on the automatic transfer that goes to my savings account the day my paycheck is deposited. That way I don’t “see” the extra money.
DCR
I find the best way to cut down on spending is to track where my money is going. I use YNAB, but any similar software/paper will do. It forces me to look at the totals instead of justifying an individual expense – i.e. instead of thinking this uber is just $5, I’m forced to look at the fact that I spent $80 on ubers in one month. I also set a savings goal for each month. I don’t ways hit it but some times save way more. When I miss it by a lot, I think of places I can cut back the next month.
anon a mouse
As much as you can work on saving the money itself, also work on reframing what the rewards look like and how to savor and appreciate them. Your daily Starbucks (or whatever luxury you are trying to pare back)? Turn it into weekly. Make it special. Let the anticipation build: On Friday, I get to have my little luxury! Look forward to it. And when you actually get it, sit with it. Enjoy it. Savor it. Don’t just incorporate it blindly into your day.
Anonymous
How was it in Washington, DC this weekend? I read the post from the POC who was nervous about going out. I too am so sorry you even have to think about that and I too am disappointed that our society seems to be going backward not forward. I hope everyone had a good weekend and I was glad to see the N@zis were raggedy and outnumbered.
Anonymous
I didn’t go out by it, but the news is reporting that only a few dozen people came out for the rally and that thousands of counter-protesters came out.
anon
I’m a POC and DC was fine/normal this weekend if you weren’t out at the march. It’s disappointing and all, but thankfully I went about my business this weekend and was running around town and it didn’t impact my life at all.
anon a mouse
On Friday at least, there were far more people dressed up for Otakon than anything else. So many Sailor Moons.
Anonymous
No impact at all to my life but the police presence around Northern VA on the routes to the city was really something.
Anonymous
interesting. I was in pentagon city and on highway one on Sunday, and didn’t see any police. Was this more in Rosslyn?
Anonymous
Along 66
jwalk
I was at the counter protest. The nazis were ridiculously outnumbered: Only 20-40 of them showed up compared to probably a thousand counter protesters. AND the nazis left in police vans a half hour before their event was even supposed to begin. Everything was peaceful.
So Many Dresses
So I have 5 weddings coming up in the next 2 months…
– Casual reception at a museum with a couple that is going ‘geek chic’ (her words)
– Fancy Pants wedding at like a manor/castle thing
– Vineyard/Winery wedding in the fall
– Late fall wedding at some New England Lake Resort where apparently I’m invited for like 4 days of events, 3 of which require dresses
-One of those ‘Let’s put on heels and dance in a barn that’s secretly a fancy restaurant’ weddings
Normally, I’d go full RTR for everything but I slacked and pickings are slim. I did find a dress I like, but it’s about $50 more than I want to spend and absolutely won’t double as a work dress. Do I get that one dress and then wear it for everything but the fancy pants wedding?
Me: early 30’s, hourglass size 8 and tall-ish, still working on losing that last 10 pounds of baby weight (baby is a toddler…). Weddings are in New England and between Labor Day and Veterans’ Day so temps will be anywhere between 40 and 90 degrees F.
Anonymous
Can you clarify…are you asking a budget question (how do I allocate my spending) a dress code question (is one dress appropriate for all this) or a shopping question (help me find dresses to wear)?
OP
I think my question is all 3.
What is the most sensible thing to do here – buy one or two dresses and wear them multiple times or rent multiple times or some other magic answer I haven’t found yet.
Katie
BHLDN has sales really frequently and I’ve found some gorgeous “guest” dresses for less than $100. Any chance you could find something there that might suit a couple of the occasions?
Scarlett
We are about the same size, I just saw this on another blog so forgive any residual affiliate links, but I ordered it and haven’t gotten it yet, but it looks like it would work for the vineyard, lake and barn events: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/wayf-chelsea-tiered-ruffle-maxi-dress/4926277
For the hipster museum, I’d get a jumpsuit – this one came in black and was cute on, but was a little too short for me so I returned (I’m 5’9”), but might be worth a look if you can track it down or something similar: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/leith-easy-crepe-jumpsuit/4798330
MNF
Are you going to re-rent the same dress each time? They put out new items everyone week so I wouldn’t resign myself to the one available option now.
Anon
I would try to buy as much as possible (and try to buy the one dress). Also, this may be a good opportunity to splurge on a nice cocktail dress that you wouldn’t have bought otherwise. Like, if you were planning on spending at least $50 per wedding on RTR, you were planning on spending at least $200 anyway, which is a pretty substantial budget for a dress. Maybe buy a wrap too?
Part of why I’m saying this is that I was firmly in Camp RTR until this past year… I’ve rented two dresses. One they told me a week before that my dress wasn’t coming, and I had to pick a last minute replacement. The other I did intentionally pick, though it was in terrible shape by the time I got it. The brocade was pilling everywhere (not the case on the other size I got which was unfortunately too big). The straps were too long, so I pinned them back, which apparently everyone else who had had the dress had done, so the lining had a bunch of tears and the pins kept coming out all night. Also, towards the end of the night the zipper in the back just came completely undone by itself as I was walking down the street. It was so bad that my husband told me that he had no issue with me spending $300ish for the next black tie wedding we have to go to as long I don’t use RTR again.
Anon
You should absolutely get one dress for as many of these things as possible. Don’t buy 7-8 (I lost count) different looks for each event. If you do that, the extra $50 for this dress is still a good deal.
Anon
Buy a really killer c*cktail dress and just wear different shoes and jewelry to suit the theme. Then do RTR for the castle wedding.
OP
Thanks!
Um, now suggestions for a killer c-tail dress? I love Black but look better in navy or like a gunmetal grey, look terrible in very high or very low necklines, and anything backless is a big NOPE for me.
Rainbow Hair
I just bought this and I think it will serve me well for a variety of functions: https://www.lastcall.com/Karl-Lagerfeld-Paris-Short-Cocktail-Dress-W-Contrast-Lining/prod46270712/p.prod?showprod=true
Anonymous
Does anyone have an olive blazer they’ve enjoyed? I’m trying to incorporate more olive into my wardrobe; I don’t know why I never seem to reach for that color, but I think it looks pretty good on me. I welcome recommendations for other go-to olive pieces, too.
Anonymous
Actually, yes! The Everlane GoWeave blazer: https://www.everlane.com/products/womens-italian-goweave-classic-blazer-surplus?collection=womens-outerwear
Murz
Wearing one right now! This blazer lives in my office and I wear it at least once a week, with black, navy, cream, etc. I wear a lot of black as a base so it’s an easy way to throw color into my outfit. Right now it’s black sheath dress, olive blazer, and these snakeskin cream/black/taupe/gold heels.
Murz
Mine is from H&M. Couldn’t find a link but I found it in store.
fit?
Could you plz tell me about the Everlane blazer’s fit? I am curvy and short: 5 1 and 180 pounds with 34 G bu$t so a lot of tops I have tried from this brand haven’t worked too well on my body. TIA!
Annony
Not sure it will qualify as a go-to but I recently bought an olive short-sleeved sweater from JCrew Factory (it has a tie in the front that I will do as a half-bow) and I’m really looking forward to wearing it with this orange-red pencil skirt I picked up NWT on eBay for $25!
Anonymous
My casual olive blazer is a lighter color, but I’ve found for work blazers, the olive needs to be darker.
Hollis
What is a good gift to give to a family that recently moved to Palo Alto from Seattle? When they moved, they gave our kids something that our kids love but that we would never buy for ourselves (think pool table, but it’s not a pool table). We’d like to thank them. They have a child going into high school and a child going into middle school. They have kind of fancy tastes so I’m not sure what they would like. They are renting their place for now so i don’t want to get them something big that they will need to move again (so, no plants).
Anonymous
Gift card really sounds like your best bet in this situation – most nice restaurants in the Bay Area are on OpenTable.
Idea
Just send a gift basket of Seattle treats from local stores. they don’t need anything, they’ll consume your gift or give it away. They’re rich.
Anonymous
Umbrellas?
Anonymous
IT’s much sunnier in Palo Alto than in Seattle :)
Anonymous
Lol, I read the move the other way.
The answer is now sunscreen :)
anon a mouse
Send a giant slab of Pacific salmon?
puddlejumper
Philz Coffee is a Palo Alto favorite if you wanted to get them a gift card for that or Tin Pot Creamery is great for ice cream
Sometimes its hard to move to a new place because you don’t know what activities there are. You could make them a picnic kit and suggest one of these outdoor hikes:
Big Basin Park
Filoli – you could buy them a pass to this
Hakone Gardens
Harley Farms in Pescadero – to say hi to goats!
Henry Cowell State Park and Roaring Camp Railroads which is next door
Hidden Villa in Los Altos
Hike the Dish at Stanford
Kayaking at Elkhorn Slough in Moss landing
PGE Trail at Rancho San Antonio
Pinnacles National Park
Pulgas Water Temple
Sea Lions at Ano Nuevo State Park
Tide Pools at Moss Beach
Uvas Canyon
Vasona Park
Or maybe there are tickets for a concert at Mountain Winery that they would like.
You could get them tickets to one of these special annual bay area Seasonal Activities:
A Chanticleer Christmas Concert at Stanford Memorial Church
Bridge School Benefit Concert
Garlic Festival
Monarch Butterflies migration to Natural Bridges
Santa Cruz Wine Tasting January Passport – http://scmwa.com/event/january-2017-passport/
Or maybe a gift card to one of these Restaurants in neat locations:
Alice’s in Woodside
Duartes Historic Tavern (order half chile, half artichoke soup, fresh sourdough bread and olallieberry pie)
Hanger 1 Vodka tasting on Alameda Island
Shadowbrook Restaurant in Capitola
The Mt. Hamilton GrandView in San Jose
Village Pub
Blueberries
Puddlejumper has really good ideas. I’ll second Tin Pot—the ice cream is ridiculously good, but still feels silly expensive, even if they’re in the 1%, making it a great present. Also, Alice’s, because they need to go (though the wait on weekends is long).
You could also get bread delivered through Little Sky Bakery. The bread is excellent and it’s such a treat to get fresh bread delivered. No delivery fees last I checked.
Anon
Oh another idea is a gift card to the Stanford Theater. They show old timey movies on University Ave in Palo Alto.
Anon
It’s not really Palo Alto specific, but what about a family membership to the Exploratorium? When we lived in Palo Alto, my husband and I loved driving up to SF for their ‘After Dark’ events for date night, and it’s a great place for the kids to have fun any time in the week.
Anon
Does anyone own a swamp cooler? We wanted an AC unit for our bedroom, but the layout doesn’t allow for a window unit or a remote unit with vent (as we discovered yesterday). It looks like a swamp cooler might be our only other option, but do they actually work? Reviews of some popular models look middling. We do live in a dry climate.
Badlands
Does it cool off at night? Can you just open the windows and either run a fan to pull the outside (cool) air in or push the inside (warm) air out?
But, if by swamp cooler, you mean running a fun with a bunch of ice behind it – yes, it works. You don’t need to buy anything more than a fan and a bucket and ice, though.
I’ve only really felt the need for AC in humid climates where it just doesn’t cool off at night.
Anon
It does cool off at night, but not by the time we go to sleep (9:30-10:30 pm). That makes it hard to fall asleep. We already use a fan every night and it’s not getting the job done well enough. I saw that some of the local hardware stores have “evaporative cooler” units that are like the fancy version of ice buckets and fans. While they’re cheaper than AC units, I want to get a recommendation before spending the money.
Anonymous
Our old house had a swamp cooler on the roof that went through ducts/vents to the whole house. Is that what you are talking about? If so, it works ok unless it is really hot or humid. It will probably only cool the house 15-20 degrees. So on afternoons when it is 100 degrees outside and humid, it doesn’t help much. But on dry days when it is 90 degrees outside, it makes a noticeable difference. We have refrigerated air now and love it so much.
NYNY
My parents in NM had a swamp cooler, but recently upgraded to refrigerated air. The swamp cooler was fine as long as humidity was low, but on the rare day where the humidity topped 50%, it was useless.
Anonymous
I just visited a friend in Denver that had one of these. It was around 90-100F while I was there during the day and I thought it did a pretty good job of providing a cool breeze.
Kale
I recently became a fan of our local WNBA team and I was stunned to find out how little WNBA players make. They make about $77,000 a year on average. Compare that to what the NBA players make and it is a pittance. They all play in Europe or Asia in the off season in order to make a career out if it. I’m still floored- the absolute best players make about $113k and these women are the best basketball players in U.S. and would have likely made millions if they had been born a man! Is this the case with all women’s professional sports? None make nearly as much money as their male counterparts? Are any of you fans of women sports and prefer them over watching men’s sports?
Anonymous
Yes, this is pretty universal with professional sports, although NBA players are the highest paid male athletes in the US, so the discrepancy is even greater than it is in other sports.
Anonymous
I’d rather participate in sports than watch them. If I am watching sports it’s usually a women’s sport in which I have participated at some point during my life. I do occasionally watch men’s tennis, I’ll watch men’s sports during the Olympics, and I will happily sit and eat kettle corn while ignoring the local men’s minor league baseball team.
K
The USA Women’s hockey team protested last year for fair pay and the same benefits as the men’s team. They threatened to not play in the IIHF Championship that year (hosted by USA Hockey, and the women’s team were the defending champs). Before the protest they earned “A $24,000 annual base salary and an extra $7,500 if they win the gold medal at the world championship games.” They did manage to get USA Hockey to give in but details of the deal weren’t released.
In addition, the NWHL (formed in 2015, I’ve been following since they started as some alums from my college play in the league) could only pay their players in the $10-20k range. These are the some of the best women’s hockey players in the world. Meanwhile the NHL’s starting salary is $650,000.
Anon
Why would any woman play such a brutal sport for, literally, less than they can make working at a restaurant or in an office setting – much less brutal on the body. Lower than the men is not good, but to pay that low, to the point where they would struggle to pay basic bills is insulting.
Anonymous
Because they love it!
K
I guess they do it because they love the sport. Most of them played in college and didn’t want to give up their playing career yet. For a long time the only pro leagues for women were unpaid, the NWHL was the first to actually pay players.
Many of them have second jobs. NWHL touts that they’re good with work/hockey balance since they only have one game a week. I know some players have endorsement deals but not a lot.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t have thought that NBA>NFL for base pay. I am really surprised that hockey pays so much to start (an NHL guy I had never heard of lived near a guy I worked with in smaller BigLaw in DC; I felt bad that the NHL guy must have been poorish next to a lawyer and now I stand shockingly corrected on this).
I play tennis but don’t watch it. I watch skating at the Olympics and some gymastics. I go to AHL hockey games b/c it’s like the 80s never stopped and as a communal Yankee gathering ground in my SEUS transplant city.
Anonymous
NFL teams have 53-man rosters, and the teams all have a salary cap of $177 million, so the average salary would be around $3.3 million per player*. The 20 highest paid players, usually stars on their 2nd or 3rd contract, make $19-27 million per year when averaged out over multi-year contracts. But many players make substantially less–league minimum varies based on experience, but is $465K for a rookie and up to $1 million for a player with 10+ years of experience.
The top 20 NBA players make$23-33 million per year, so more but not that much more than the top NFL players. But NBA teams have a salary cap of $102 million, and roster sizes of 15 players, so the average salary is $6.8 million per player.
*There is a LOT of fuzzy math with NFL salary caps, so the average salary is likely higher. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn the same about the NBA, but I don’t follow it as closely. Anyways, this is more of an NFL/NBA comparison than real numbers.
Anonymous
Yes, this is the case with all women’s professional sports. Check out the US women’s soccer vs men’s soccer coverage.
Women’s teams don’t have the TV markets/draw/demand to be paid like the men’s teams. Though, not everyone on the men’s teams make the big bucks either.
Anonymous
That’s a lot more than I thought that they made. Like triple.
Our ECHL hockey team might qualify for foodstamps (not sure how you anualize the income of foreign seasonal workers). They are getting trading / moving all the time, so they bunk in an apartment where they have roommates *in their rooms* (like a dorm in college). I think they work construction or do youth hockey camps in the summer to make $ for food.
C
To answer the question “Is this the case with all women’s professional sports?” Yes, pretty much. If the WNBA stats made your eyes pop out, look up the US women’s soccer team compared with the men’s. Statistically, the women’s team is way more successful internationally, but their MAX PAY is $37k. Link to follow.
C
http://time.com/money/4277843/us-womens-soccer-equal-pay/
Anon
The U.S. women’s soccer team is so much better than the men’s (they’ve won multiple World Cups/been in the finals while the men’s team couldn’t even qualify for the World Cup this year). Viewership is also very high. Yet, the women get paid an absolute pittance compared to the men and they also have to play on turf at times when the men (by regulation) play on grass.
Sexism in professional sports is alive and well and it’s a big part of the reason why I never watch professional men’s sports. Between the pay disparities and the protection of abusive male stars, I don’t get what’s to like.
cbackson
Male pro cyclists in the sport’s highest division have a minimum salary of $35K. There is no minimum for female pro cyclists and many make around $10K a year. Cycling is a brutally dangerous sport, and many female pros have to work multiple jobs. It’s nuts.
(There will be a salary minimum soon, but no word on what it’ll be.)
Alanna of Trebond
Professional soccer players in MLS (men) make not great money too. Like most of the people on this board make much more than most of them, with a few exceptions (designated players from European leagues doing some retirement in the US).
Anonymous
That is what I think makes the travel-sports obsessed parents miss the point — even if you win the long odds and wind up with a D1 scholarship athlete who eventually goes pro, your kid is not #winning. If your kid passes the CPA on the first try or gets an 800 on his/her math SAT, that kid will probably be orders of magnitude better off (not just in the long run, but probably by the time you hit 25 or so).
Anonymous
Most of the Soccer parents I know are, at most, hoping for a college scholarship. None of the ones I know what there kid to go pro.
Basketball and football parents, on the other hand …
Anonymous
I don’t think most travel sports parents do it because they are banking on an athletic scholarship. I think it is because their kids love it.
Former Sports Mktng Anon
I have a lot to say on this topic, but I am going to try to keep it short.
There are two things to look at pay-wise – prize winning and game pay. If you look at the mainstream US sports game pay (basketball, football, soccer, hockey), the pay disparity in both categories is huge. If you look at non-mainstream sports globally in prize winnings, there are actually a lot of sports which pay equally in prize money (although those amounts are not large for either gender). Game pay disparity is pretty universal, save for billiards (or it used to be that way years ago when I worked in sports).
The real outrage, IMO, should not (initially) be directed at the leagues, it should be directed at the sponsors and the fans. Revenue disparity is also huge, which means that women’s teams and leagues have less money to pay out from. If you are upset by the game pay disparity in women’s soccer, I certainly hope you are a season ticket holder for a team if you have one in your area. The reality is that sports is a business. You have to make money to pay money. I am sure it’s no secret that sponsorship dollars are lower, both on a player and an arena/team basis when it comes to women’s sports in the US. I am sure it’s also no secret that attendance is lower in women’s sports in the US. The path to equality in pay in sports is to support women’s sports in far greater numbers, which in turn will result in better sponsorship deals (both for players and for teams/arenas). If all of that increases and teams/leagues STILL do not up the pay for female athletes, then outrage is rightfully directed at those teams/leagues.
Obviously, there are nuances here, but if you don’t have b u t t s in seats or people tuning in from home (if you can find a game) then sponsors and advertisers are not going to pony up big dollars. I blame people who want women to be paid more but who don’t go to games or support the women’s teams in other ways if attending games is not practical/possible.
HTX
Exactly! Thank you for taking the time to spell this out.
WNBA
Out of college, I had two job offers on the table (over a decade ago): about $30k to play for the LA Sparks and about $70k to be a software engineer. I begrudgingly took the latter. I think the league loses good talent with these terrible salaries.
Kelsey
DHs career and pay (not law) has taken off while mine (law) is not that different from what I made a decade ago. This makes me wonder about how some women quit their careers when their partners run for office or otherwise get into a executive type position. Like Michelle Obama hasn’t practiced law in ages even if she did previously. Jack Welch’s wife was at Skadden before she married him and quit. I fully believe women have choices. If you had a criteria for if and when you would quit or lean out, what would that be? Is it if your partner traveled a lot? Or made so much that you did not have to work? And I don’t mean quit entirely, but not work an intense professional job that is frequently stressful.
Anonymous
I plan to lean way out and possibly quit entirely once I’m in my early 50s and my youngest kid is through college and (hopefully) financially independent. My husband travels internationally for work a lot and I’d love to go with him. For now, it doesn’t make sense for me to quit (even though he’s the higher earner) because our dual incomes are helping us get ahead financially and save for college and retirement really well, and we have kids in school so I can’t go on most of his business trips anyway. But in 15-20 years hopefully we’ll have really sizeable retirement savings, and I won’t be tied down with kids. I don’t forsee myself quitting and never working again because I’ll be so young, but I hope to find something considerably less intense and maybe even part-time that would give me the flexibility to work remotely so I can travel with him.
anon
If my partner was making enough that I felt our (early?) retirement was comfortably funded and it was over a period of time that it was stable. Also if we had guaranteed health insurance, which I guess is a given given my first statement. Yeah, I’d do it!
Anon
My criteria would be:
1) Husband is President (makes sense)
2) Husband is billionaire (even a terrible pre-nup nets you millions)
3) Husband’s job is a level of money and prestige I could never attain alone, and that he could not maintain without a spouse running the social and philanthropic efforts expected of someone at that level.
4) Any of the above + retirement savings (for a basic upper middle class lifestyle) and primary home must be fully funded and paid off.
Basically, Husband’s career has to have an insane trajectory and basic lifestyle such that neither of us ever has to worry about shelter, food, or transport has to be secured.
Anonymous
I don’t know anyone in private equity who has a working spouse (by which I mean wife — I don’t know any women who stay in past a year or two). Those jobs seem insane with insane travel and for a women to work (maybe as a doctor?) you’d need at least two FT nannies.
Anonymous
I agree with this list. Especially since 1 and 3 are more a change in your type of work, as opposed to a decision to stop working.
Anonymous
Oddly, even BigLaw (and maybe AnyLaw) seems to be the sort of job that it hard to maintain without an army of helpers (even if you are single, no kids). It just sucks the non-billable part of your life away from you.
Gail the Goldfish
I’ve decided even if my husband was POTUS, I’d try very hard to keep working just because I think it’s crap that we expect president’s spouse to take on what amounts to a job unpaid just because they’re married to the president. Yes, I know they get a budget and staff, etc., but it’s still work you aren’t getting paid for and I think that’s kind of insane this day in age.
Anonymama
I don’t know, I think the lack of salary would be balanced out by the enormous platform you have for calling attention to issues that are important to you, and the high profile you get for when you are out of the White House. I mean, I understand why people would not want to be in the White House in the first place, but once you are there I feel like there’s such an enormous obligation to use your powers for good, you know? Like Michelle Obama, who I don’t think really wanted to be there for her own sake or her family’s sake, but also knew what a huge deal it was for so many people, and for the country, that she was in the White House. And that’s not even getting into the potential for conflicts of interest. I mean, I guess if you were a doctor or something it would be one thing, but anything business or law-related seems like it would be asking for trouble.
Scarlett
Pretty much only if my husband is POTUS :)
Anonymous
I make good $ after years of making mediocre $. Having a two-working parent household in a city where neither of us has family is immensely stressful. H has awful ADD and is consistently bad at any executive function functions that aren’t job-related (so having him stay home would only reduce our income, not really reduce demands on me at home). So I am trying to lean out before I become a snappish stressed-out person or a person made ill by stress. I don’t mind the mom work except that I also have a FT job.
If I were married to Jack Welch, there is no way I’d also work at Skadden (prenup or not). I maybe could have understood the Suzy thing (I kid, I kid; but Skadden to me is worse than spouse having affair).
Anonymous
If I were at Skadden, I would quit ASAP, doubly so if I had married Jack Welch.
I’d have quit even if I had married another person at Skadden.
Skadden is crazy, yo.
January
+1
(also, I know of former Skaddenites who married each other where the wife quit after the marriage)
Anonymous
Even at my non-Skadden firm, when two mere associates married each other, one would immediately quit as soon as that person scored a good govt job (and they they’d always use that health ins, never the law firm’s, esp. after the staying spouse made partner) (or if pedigreed enough, to teach (DC has lots of law schools)).
BigLaw is just not sustainable in big cities.
Anonymous
Why wouldn’t they use the firm’s health insurance?
Anonymous
Government health care is normally much better than private practice. In most partners have to pay the full cost of their health insurance, making it substantially more expensive then if the government employee gets family coverage.
Anonymous
Even big law benefits are often inferior to the government’s.
Anon
Yeah, no I wouldn’t quit. There are those high profile couples, and then there are the people I actually know. Women in their early 50s like me tend to have been traded in for a newer model if their former husbands have become wildly successful, and in my circle that seems to be particularly true for the women who had no careers or a career they put a distant second to their husband’s.
I would never put myself in that situation.
Senior Attorney
Sing it! Couldn’t agree with this more!
Anonymous
This is really risky, because you take yourself out of the job market and if you then need to get back in, that’s really hard.
Anom
Tough question. I’m 42, 2 kids, I am a biglaw senior assoc, 80% time, no real chance at partnership. My DH is in finance and makes more than I do. My niche practice makes finding an in-house gig in a convenient geographical location difficult. As long as my current job works, I’ll keep working. But if and when I get laid off, I’m not going to take a job where I work more hours or have a very long commute. I want to set a good example for my daughters, but not at the cost of not spending time with them when it isn’t necessary for paying the bills. This is a privileged answer and I acknowledge that. But that’s what it is.
Anon
When the headaches aren’t worth the extra income and job satisfaction.
Headaches can be work stress, commute, not seeing the kids enough, not spending enough time with one’s spouse, etc. There comes a point at which the upsides from work just do not compensate for the downsides.
Anonymous
+1 my stress management is failing recently after decades in a high stress field
late 40s
Lana Del Raygun
I don’t think I would quit, but I’d be happy to take a lower-paying job with less stress, shorter commute, more personally rewarding work, that kind of thing.
Minnie Beebe
If and when my husband gets promoted to the next level, I will likely quit working. I’d do it in a second now if I felt like we could afford it. If DH is promoted, that would mean a significant ownership stake in his company– base salary lower than his current VP salary, but low-7-figures bonuses. He travels a lot– not every week, but probably 4 weeks out of 5. We have 1 child, and college savings are not an issue (and certainly wouldn’t be a problem, regardless of savings, on potential future income.)
I don’t dislike what I do, but I also don’t love it. Certainly not enough to worry about the loss of ~8% of HHI (using future #s) from my salary.
Anonymous
$1,500 dress that doesn’t have ANY natural fibers in it? And yet every ‘buy for quality’ guide I see tells me to look at fabric content and prioritize natural fibers. Does this just not apply anymore, or are the standards getting lower across the board?
pugsnbourbon
Viscose can be considered a natural fiber – it’s generally made from soy or bamboo.
(sorry to be a pedant)
MagicUnicorn
Viscose/rayon might be built on a natural material, but the manufacturing and processing is anything but natural. For instance: https://www.contrado.co.uk/blog/what-is-viscose/
Bamboo fabric made from bamboo bast fibers is a very different beast. It is more like linen and not at all like rayon.
I personally prefer the feel of full-on synthetics like polyester, acrylic, or nylon over rayon. They seem more comfortable to me because at least they aren’t pretending to be warm, breathable, and absorbent.
pugsnbourbon
Thanks for the info – and I do mean that genuinely!
MagicUnicorn
You’re welcome! I think Mpls’s description below of viscose as a natural-adjacent fiber is both accurate and fair. There is a lot of misinformation floating around about it, both in terms of marketing it as though it is on the same level of “natural” as linen or silk, and conversely in terms of vilifying it as a chemically-laden psuedo-synthetic.
Mpls
Viscose is natural-adjacent, in that the base product used for processing is cellulose (plant fiber) vs a petroleum or plastic. If that makes you feel better.
I also feel like the options for a jersey knit like this are limited. Your alternatives are either a wool or silk jersey. You might get the same drape and hand-feel with silk jersey, but it’s going to be more expensive (yes, even than this). And a wool jersey is going to feel/look different. So, sometimes you really are limited in fabric type if there is a certain fabric look/drape/feel/stretch recovery you are trying to go for.
MagicUnicorn
That was my reaction. I like the color, the cut looks interesting, but the cheapness of the fabric shines through even on the photo.
Anonymous
I’d expect it to be silk for that price.
Anonymous
Like this? Which is still a silk/viscose blend.
https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/giorgio-armani-cap-sleeve-ruched-jersey-dress-pink-prod199570230
Anon
Love this.
Anonymous
Seriously. Plus I would start to stink as soon as I put it on.
Purifier
I recently bought an air purifier, but now I’m not sure how much I’m supposed to be using it? It has a pollution indicator, but that’s usually showing “low” pollution. I bought it because we live in the middle of downtown Boston, but obviously knew we don’t have Asia levels of pollution. For those of you with purifiers, how often do you use it? Do you turn it on all the time or once a week?
Anon
We run it around the clock at the medium setting, which is recommended for maximum efficacy. We live in an area with bad general pollution (Bay Area), but we only bought the purifier and started using it after the wildfires last year. Sadly, there are even more fires this year.
Even if your pollution outdoors isn’t bad, purifiers improve indoor air quality, which is usually worse than outdoor air quality in places like the U.S. Your household products, including cleaners, detergent, and beauty products, contribute to poor indoor air quality in most homes. Running the purifier isn’t a panacea, but it helps.
Anon
We leave it on whenever we are home and using that particular room (one in each of the major rooms of the home – bedroom, living room/kitchen, office), but turn it off if we leave that area and don’t intend to come back for a while.
Many of the larger or midrange and up have a “standby mode” such that the machine turns on automatically only when it detects elevated levels of irritants, and otherwise stays off or at a very low maintenance level. We keep the primary one on that setting. And it works, one candle smoked a little too much upon blowing it out and the machine went full power.
Anonymous
I have two friends who have almost exactly the same job at the same place of work, and one works a lot of nights and weekends and the other does not. They are both in house counsel. They are both doing really well at their job. From my perspective, I think the one who works a lot more kind of does that even if she doesn’t really need to put in that much time. Which makes me wonder if I do more than others and whether that pays off in the end, or if the result is the same if I put in extra time or if I didn’t. Have any of you thought about whether you could work less and do your same job? Have any of you tried it and what was the result?
anon
work smarter not harder
Anonymous
I’ve been doing it for a while and it seems to be working fine. I think a lot of women in particular need to work smarter, not harder, and to feel OK with it.
Senior Attorney
I’ve been doing it for a while and it seems to be working fine. I think a lot of women in particular need to work smarter, not harder, and to feel OK with it.
Anon
Smarter not harder – except that in law (where you are judged by your billable hours), working smarter can actually hurt you.
Anonshmanon
I remember the US women’s soccer team (best in the world with world cup victories and Olympic gold medals) went to court three years ago over equal treatment and it looks like they’ve become trailblazers
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/04/sports/soccer/us-womens-soccer-equality.html
Hilton Head Solo
I’m spending just under a week in Hilton Head solo at the end of August (so excited!) You all always have such fantastic travel recs, and while I know people have discussed Hilton Head here before (and those recs are a huge part of why I booked this trip!), I’m wondering if anyone has any recommendations or tips particular to solo travel?
It’ll be my first time to the island, and I’m staying at the Omni. Particularly interested in recs for good restaurants for solo dining (maybe spots that have good, spacious bars that serve full menus?), cute cafes and coffee shops, a solid spa for a massage and/or scrub, and fun group boat tours that would be good for a solo traveler. In addition, any tips or useful purchases for solo beach trips generally would be super-helpful; I’ve been on beach and tropical vacations before, but always with girlfriends or husband. Thanks all, and happy Monday!
Labow
I got married at the Omni in Hilton Head, its’s beautiful! I’d recommend the Old Oyster Factory for dinner, they have casual outdoor seating that should be fine for one. The Omni has a spa that I enjoyed. No specific recommendations for a company, but I enjoy renting a kayak and kayaking through the marsh, they often offer that as a group activity that you could join. Right of the island is Bluffton, its a great small town with local artists to stroll through. There are also some pretty plantations in the area. The outlets near Hilton Head are pretty good if you are up for some shopping. If you are up for a day trip, check out Savannah, I love the historic town squares and river street is a fun stroll (very touristy)!
Anonymous
+1 to the side trip to Bluffton. It has great shops and restaurants and when I was last there I stumbled on a cute farmer’s market, too!
Truffles is a classic for HH, as is the Salty Dog Cafe. But it’s been a few years for me. RIP, Grandpa.
Hilton Head Solo
Thanks! I’ll look into adding trips to Bluffton and/or Savannah. Thrilled to hear the Omni spa was enjoyable, too, that’s certainly easier!
anon
If you like getting out on the water, I’d look at a kayak tour or a stand-up paddleboard tour in the creeks and marshes. Fresh air, little bit of exercise and you’ll probably get to see some wildlife (dolphins, birds, etc). If you get bored of HHI, Savannah is about an hour south and an easy day trip.
HHI
Best restaurants: Red Fish, Santa Fe, Pomodori
The Harbour Town Bakery is my go-to spot for breakfast/coffee, but note that you have to pay to enter Sea Pines if you’re not staying there.
Anonymous
Oh, yes, +1 to Red Fish, too. Haven’t tried the others.
Hilton Head Solo
Thanks for these! All those look fantastic, especially Red Fish!
lsw
We really enjoyed the Lucky Rooster and it’s got a nice bar to sit at and eat/drink as well as a full dining room. I also liked Bullies BBQ if you like tiny, messy bbq joints as much as I do!
I hope you have fun! I went for the first time this summer and loved it.
Hilton Head Solo
Thank you, I really can’t wait! Love messy BBQ spots (and my husband does not, so solo trip seems the perfect time to indulge), I’ll definitely check out Bullies!
Amy H.
+1 to Bullies — awesome food. And Hudson’s for fried shrimp! ???
Bad Skin Day
I washed my face with a random bar of hotel soap (desperate times) over the weekend and my skin feels terrible. It’s rough and dry to the touch, even after resuming my regular cleanse and moisturize routine last night and this morning. Is a good mask the answer? Does anyone have a recommendation for something I could pick up at Target on my way home today?
Anonymous
Full fat, unsweetened yogurt. Or nothing, no makeup, no cleansers, just gentle moisturizer to let your skin come back to normal.
Cookbooks
+1 to gentle moisturizer. Avene Skin Recovery Cream is perfect for something like this. I don’t know if it’s at Target, but I’ve been able to find it at Walgreens.
Calico
If you live near a Trader Joe’s try their hyaluronic acid serum. Use it before your regular moisturizer.
MKB
+ to any basic lyaluronic acid serum – this was a game-changer for me when I had sudden flare-ups of dry, flaky patches
CPA Lady
+1 to this. Put it on when your face is slightly damp for it to work best. It locks in the moisture.
Delta Dawn
This is a job for Tony Moly Banana Sleeping Pack! I don’t think Target has it. Do you have an Ulta nearby? Or maybe you can google for a Target dupe.
EM84
Seems like the moisture barrier got damaged. I would use a cream with lots of lipds which mimic the lipids in your skin – ceramides, triglycerides, squalane… I like Physiogel cream as a “reset” cream or Paula’s Choice Ceramides cream (note, it contains retinol and may irritate some skin types) or Paula’s Choice Resist AntiAging Clear Moisturizer. I mix one of these with pure lavender and borage oil, which I buy pre-mixed as I have found out it helps to soothe my skin, but I would not experiment at this point of time.
Anonymous
Any logistical tips or recipes for serving brunch for a crowd? Bonus points for recipes that don’t use pork (it seems all of my more substantial recipes do!) and we’ll have a number of Muslim guests.
puddlejumper
Do oatmeal in the crock pot https://www.wellplated.com/overnight-steel-cut-oats/ and put out all the toppings
Do a make ahead egg bake: https://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-veggie-supreme-egg-bake-242506 ( this can be made the night before and cooked in the morning)
Do a make ahead hashbrown dish: https://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-cheesy-hashbrown-breakfast-casserole-241992
Cut up a bunch of fruit the day before to set out or order a fruit platter from whole foods
Have someone run out in the morning and pick up some bagels, lox and cream cheese and make a bagel station
Have that same person grab coffee
Diana Barry
+1. Last time we had some Jewish friends over and I wasn’t sure if they were kosher or not, I did an egg casserole with spinach and cheese and a salmon/red onion/caper platter with some cream cheese and mini bagels, which was sufficient to make up for my usual bacon & sausage. Plus I usually make some kind of cake/scone/muffin that is sweet and have a big fruit thing.
Anonymous
I’m a far cry from an expert (non-practicing Catholic) but eggs with dairy is not kosher (i.e. egg casserole with spinach and cheese). (Right?)
NYNY
Nope, eggs are considered parve, and can be eaten with milk or meat (but obviously not at the same time).
Baconpancakes
Nope. Eggs are parve- neither milk nor meat. Eggs are totally fine to pair with milk.
Jewish person here
Eggs are pareve. Ie neutral. They are fine with both dairy and meat.
Jewish Anon
Eggs are fine with dairy. Eggs are considered a neutral.
Anonymous
No, eggs with dairy is fine. Eggs are “neutral” (neither meat not dairy) and can be eaten with either.
No Problem
Eggs are pareve (neither dairy nor meat).
Anonymous
Eggs are neutral (pareve). They must be free of blood.
Anonymous
As everyone said, eggs are fine with dairy, but I’d also add that there are a lot of Jewish people who don’t keep strictly Kosher and are ok with a cheeseburger (ie milk and meat) but wouldn’t eat pork. I’m one of them. Pork is just something people have a more visceral reaction to and might not eat even if they’re not that religious.
Also, she said her guests are Muslim not Jewish. There’s no rule about separating milk and meat for Halal food, that’s a Kosher-only thing.
HTX
Hahaha! This exchange is a perfect example of the moderation problem here.
Tessa Karlov
Try a bunch of different things made in bulk with a casserole dish. I’ve made a french toast casserole very easily, and a cheesy egg and potato casserole went over very well at a New Year’s Day brunch. Also, fruit salad!
Gail the Goldfish
Breakfast sausage casserole, using beef sausage instead of pork. My family makes something similar to this for Christmas morning breakfast and it is so delicious: https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/sausage-and-egg-casserole/
Anonymous
Just an FYI, if you do this you need to make 100% sure the sausage doesn’t have a pork casing, and then communicate to your guests that you checked on this. Many beef and turkey sausages are made with pork casings. I’m Jewish and I don’t eat pork and I would probably avoid a breakfast dish with any kind of sausage for this reason. There are lots of nice brunch dishes that are vegetarian – quiche or frittata, pancakes or waffles with fruit, hashbrown casseroles, etc that I wouldn’t serve something with sausage to Muslim guests.
Gail the Goldfish
Interesting. I did not know this. I don’t eat pork just because I don’t like it, but now I’m now feeling slightly lied to by the beef sausage and hot dog people (except I’m assuming Hebrew National hotdogs are all beef).
Smitten Kitchen!
SmittenKitchen has an extensive brunch section, and I could recommend man of the recipes. Deb is pretty much my spirit animal at this point.
Anonymous
If you are from a flashy money culture (McMansions, luxury cars etc) but you aren’t that type even if you can afford it – does it ever “bother” you the attention others get over their goods and the presumptions over how they must be doing sooooo well in their careers, and poor you in your 1 bedroom rental with your Toyota is just getting by? I’m from one of these families and 99% of the time it’s in one ear out the other because my choice is to focus on things I can’t show you – investments mostly. Yet I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me esp when I hear my parents – who are impossible to impress – be sooo impressed because a cousin in Texas or Carolina or wherever has a McMansion that may even be 800k and his wife makes soooo much money. Also doesn’t help that they believe all that glimmers is gold – as long as it’s someone else’s.
When it’s their own kids – it’s – uh how can you afford that, why would they pay YOU so much? Part of me wants to say – your own kids are impressive too, 2 ivy grads, one with a 7 figure net worth before 40, the other owns her own place in Manhattan. But these just aren’t as much to look at as a Benz or a mansion with a fountain out front. But then I’m like — not my job to impress, nor do I want my stuff shared with extended family. Just a vent but anyone else feel like this?
Anonymous
Yes. But we all just need to run our own races.
Anon
It sounds like you have a lot of deep issues with your parents. I would explore that with a therapist.
Regarding flashy money culture – to each their own. I drive a Kia (no shame) but live in a stupid McMansion. I work all the time. My poor toddlers are in daycare from 8 a.m. – 5:30 p.m. all week. When I come home, I want a very comfortable environment. My McMansion provides that to me. I never thought about impressing other people. I would stop ascribing motivations to people. Their decisions often have nothing to do with you or anyone else.
Anonymous
Yeah I think this is all just insecurity.
Anonymous
Why do you describe your kids as “your poor toddlers.” What is wrong with being in daycare full-time?
Anon
Nothing’s wrong with it. They’ve been in daycare since 12 weeks. I know they’re fine – but they’ve never had a chance to have a relaxing life at home, so i feel a little bad for them
Anonymous
LOL what? A relaxing life at home? If you’re not sending them off to the coal mines every day, they’ve got it better than most young children in the world.
Anon
Whatever. I feel slightly bad for them because they are in a relatively noisy room with 10+ other toddlers all day. I’m not apologizing for it. LOLOLOL
Anonymama
Speaking as someone who often spent long days at home with toddlers, in real life it is not very relaxing. My kids are super social and always loved daycare though. And were much better at napping there so I always felt like they were both better stimulated and better rested in the end.
Anonymous
It sounds like you are asking for validation from your parents that you are at least as successful as these other people. You say it’s not your job to impress, but based on your comment (assuming you are the 7-figure net worth before 40 child) that you do want to impress your parents. That’s fine and pretty normal. I don’t know the whole story, but I’m assuming your parents have no reason to know that you’re doing well without the outside evidence of expensive stuff. Why don’t you just tell them? Watch for a casual time to have a conversation about your job, your salary generally, your savings, and how happy you are to live well below your means to accrue substantial savings. Say you’d rather save than buy a Benz, not your values. If you think they’ll share with extended family, then be subtle about it – pick up the check at the fancy dinner and say that your investment account is working hard and earning interest. You can’t complain that your parents praise everyone else’s success if they are unaware of your financial success. You have to either tell them or be okay with them not knowing, they are not mind readers.
Anonymous
This. My first thought is they thing you are doing fine but not nearly as well as the cousins with the mansions because in their minds — you were raised in the same culture and would want the same mansion so if you’re not buying it’s because you can’t. Like you I don’t like to announce things that’ll get around but I have no problem telling my parents an investment account performance/balance once in a while since we tend to talk about the market. I think it gives them a reality check. FWIW I grew up in a similar culture, I get how annoying it is when your parents downplay you but everyone else is doing so great.
Totally get it
My husband and I have been lucky so far career-wise. I feel like we have everything we want but that is clearly relative to our wants instead of the wants of others, based on comments over the years. I have a mother who is materialistic and would love for us to have an extremely flashy house. She told our teenager that she would be “very rich” one day because her parents “don’t spend any money”. Who in the world is this woman?!? A fascinating spin on things since I pay for everything when around my mother (meals, trips, etc.). Another time we bought a car that was nicer than the ones we had previously owned. People actually CONGRATULATED me (as if I’d published a book or been interviewed on a national morning show for doing something noteworthy), and said things like “(Husband)’s business must really be doing well.” It was so puzzling to us since we had only purchased the car bc it came standard with leather seats and the price to add leather seats to the non-luxury version of the car seemed unreasonable. :) It just does not dawn on some people that not everyone is spending every dollar they make as soon as they make it.
anon
I am assuming that this is not the first time you’ve posted a similar vent here. Or a vent embedded into a question. You need therapy. Sounds like your relationship with your parents results in a host of issues for you.
Anonymous
There are LOTS of us with strained relationships with our parents, and while most of us probably *do* need therapy (I know it’s definitely helping me!), comments like this are super unhelpful.
Anonymous
+1
anon
Oh calm down hall monitor. Everyone in the world should seek therapy. I’m in therapy. I’m a therapy evangelist in real life. I just also see this poster (or clones, sure) venting similar vents/humble brags a lot. Next time I’ll put a rainbow emoji on the post so it reads softer.
Anonymous
My cousin and her husband have a$1m / 6,500 sq ft home, a $500k vacation house in Naples, and lots of fancy stuff. I recently asked her when they were thinking of retiring. She said “Never” and she’s 57. They have no retirement savings and plan to work forever. You never know about people. As for your parents, just ignore it. Signed, Assistant Vice President whose parents insist to everyone she is an Assistant to a Vice President.
Anonymous
OMG how does that not drive you crazy – the AVP thing?? And OP I was thinking the same — sure maybe all that glimmers is gold but it happens more than you think even with great jobs and homes, people are lighter on retirement and investments than you’d assume. It’s happening in my flashy money but used to be very frugal but flash became important Asian family, and no one can believe it because Asians are culturally savers/planners but whether you make 200k or 500k you have to plan and sometimes not get that fast car or best home or whatever.
Anonymous
Yeah, I think a lot of people just don’t save at all. I dated a guy whose parents owned a multi-million dollar home, a million dollar vacation home, had fancy country club memberships, always drove brand new Mercedes etc. They had NO savings and lots of credit card debt. His father earned a lot but every paycheck went immediately to paying off debt, and if they found themselves momentarily ahead of the debt collectors they took a fancy vacation or threw a big party for one of their kids. They literally never put anything in the bank. You just don’t know.
Senior Attorney
Love this post but I can’t help but think wistfully about where you can buy a 6,500 square foot home for a million bucks. Here it gets you maybe 2,000 square feet on a 10,000 square foot lot…
Anonymous
Southern NJ – Philly suburb.
Anonymous
If you’re the sibling with the million NW, you can but yourself any kind of house esp in Texas. If you’re the one with the Manhattan apartment, you can sell that and get something huge in Texas. Remind yourself of that.
Anonymous
Yes
Anon
Are there any podcasts out there that feature interviews with successful women? I’m really interested in daily routines, goals, how everything balances out, etc. Does this exist?
jwalk
I listen to the Women Rule podcast from Politico. It’s all successful women, though more about their career and advice to other women than their daily routines or work/life balance.
JS
How I Built This (women and men)
The History Chicks (not current day, but fascinating dive into women in history)
Anonymous
There’s a series of articles on the Cut about this (I think it’s called “How I Get it Done” or something similar). Not a podcast but same topic.
K
Girlboss podcast sounds like what you’re looking for.
Anonymous
On of my favorite bloggers, Lag Liv, was a guest on the podcast Best of Both Worlds. Talks about balancing kids with being a lawyer.
podcasts
Wall Street Journal – Secrets of Wealthy Women
No Limits with Rebecca Jarvis (more entrepreneurs)
NY Food Recs
My SO and I will be spending all of next week in Manhattan hitting all the tourist sites, and would love restaurant recommendations. We’ll be staying in Times Square but not limited to that area. I know there are tons of lists and resources out there but it’s all a bit overwhelming. We love pizza, I’m an adventurous eater but he’s not, and a lot of Asian places are out due to his peanut allergies. We’d like a mix of low to moderately priced places with 1-2 splurge restaurants. Suggestions much appreciated!
Marshmallow
For a splurge near the theater district, try Esca. Lillie’s is a fun place for a drink and more moderately-priced meal. If you’re true pizza fans, take a trip on the PATH to Razza in Jersey City (PATH train from 33rd is closed on the weekends, so go on a weeknight). You’ll wait for a table but the pizza is out of this world, and you can get a drink/ explore the neighborhood while you wait.
Senior Attorney
+1 for Esca. Great for before or after a show!
Anonymous
I dated a guy for a year who lived in Astoria, Queens, and we’d get pizza from Sac’s Place on Broadway every weekend. I am not exaggerating when I say I will dream about that pizza for the rest of my life. What I absolutely cherished about Sac’s is that it was the real deal – a hole-in-the-wall New York place for the neighborhood – no swarms of tourists taking instagram photos in sight.
Another real deal place that’s better than its more famous kin: Pastrami Queen on Lex and 78. Another institution I dearly miss.
Skip, because OMG so not worth it: Black Tap for those super fancy milkshakes (they are seriously just scoops of regular ice cream that have been nicely decorated) and Lombardi’s on Spring St (supposedly America’s oldest pizzeria – trust when I tell you Sac’s Place is better).
Have fun!
Wanderlust
Paulie Gee’s pizza in Greenpoint. Get the pizza with the hot honey!
busybee
Has anyone ever tried an adult tumbling class? I’m trying my first one tonight. I’m pushing 30 and have always wanted to learn how to do back handsprings and the like. Figured it’s now or never!
I work out regularly and am pretty flexible, but have no gymnastics experience and don’t know what to expect. Would love to hear from anyone who’s tried it. I know I’m not going to be the next Simone Biles but I’d like to not flop around like a dying fish either.
Anonymous
I am envious! I would love to take adult tumbling or adult gymnastics, but neither is available in my area.
In a good class, you will not be flopping around like a dying fish. You will do a lot of drills and progressions before you actually try tumbling. Focus on understanding the physics behind each skill: e.g., back handspring is jumping backwards, not up; for a bridge kickover you need to get your body weight behind your hands; for front and back tucks the “set” is critical. In general, you want to keep your entire body tight and your arms covering your ears. Have fun!
Anon
Follow ameliapmorris on instagram! She is a mom with 2 kids who took up adult gymnastics. I am always inspired by her videos.
Anonymous
Sad to say but the days are starting to feel shorter and fall is on the not-so-distant horizon. Rather than my usual fall routine of waking up one morning and realizing I’m freezing and have nothing to wear, I’d like to take a more proactive approach.
My summer uniform is short sleeved sheath dress and flats with a necklace or bracelet to jazz it up a bit. This simplicity allows me to spend the early mornings doing things I love (sleeping, exercising, strolling around with my dog) and not the things I don’t (picking out something to wear, finding the right pants to go with the right booties or the shirt that works with that cardigan/skirt/scarf combo).
I’m dreading the cooler weather! Can someone help me automate my wardrobe so that getting out the door in October is as brainless as it is in July?
Office is casual side of biz casual; my style runs classic but I’m older than many on the team so would like to still look a bit current.
Anon
It sounds like you have a summer uniform and need a winter uniform. How about sleeeved dresses, a handful of long cardigans or wraps to add a layer if it’s cold, tights, and a pair of booties or Mary Jane pumps to tie it together. Of course, you’d have a coat on top of this for commuting.
I personally find winter easier than summer dressing because i can just pile on layers until I’m warm.
LaBow
My winter uniform is pants with a wider leg (traditional trouser), I find that they fit heeled boots better + long sleeve top (plain) + blazer (plain or simple pattern) or cardigan. I would start by deciding on a color scheme (maybe black, grey, dark blue) and buying those pants (Ann Taylor?). I’d wear all of them with a pair of calf/below the knee height, black heeled (not to high) leather boots (investment for comfort, I like Cole Haan boots). Then I’d shop for blazers or cardigans, plain or simple patterns (strips, checkers, plain) in complementary colors to your pants. Then purchase simple long sleeve shirts or blouses (white, gray, black), something that will work with every single outfit combination. Those shirts could have something interesting on them but no large patterns/bright colors.
In the early fall I’d wear this with heels, and potentially without the blazer if it is too warm. In the colder winter days I’d wear the boots, the blazer and if it is really freezing stockings under the pants.
I’d keep it modern with necklaces (longer necklaces or statement) and modern cut blazers/cardigans (peplum, open front, collarless…).
For winter wear I have a neutral (dark gray) wool coat with a neutral (beige-ish) scarf that works with everything.
Houda
My autumn capsule wardrobe is very simple:
Wool dress with longer than a cap sleeve: navy, gray, cobalt, black. Mostly from Hugo Boss. I am shopping for a dark green dress, an olive one and a burgundy one
Birkenstock Laramie low brogues either Black or Mahogany, and for the random day I need to wear heels, Nude for me Clarks pumps with a block heel which live in the office.
Outerwear: Olive hooded showerproof trench coat, Rust traditional trench coat, Mustard wool coat
Accessories: Dark mustard solid scarf, Mustard and brown check scarf, both cashmere from Burberry
I also have a capsule makeup look that goes with it and already got the lipstick for autumn: MAC Marrakesh. It works with my coloring and is a welcome nod to Morocco.
lsw
this sounds gorgeous and luxurious
Houda
Thank you that’s very kind of you
Now I’m all excited for autumn
TheElms
I really love the shape of this dress, but not the color or price. Anyone know any sub $200 dupes in jewel tones or neutrals?
Anonymous
I’d look at the Lauren Ralph Lauren brand jersey dresses. Bloomingdales/Macys/etc should have them.
AnonInfinity
It’s a bit over your stated price ($265), but this dress reminds me of the Taylor at MM Lafleur. I have it in pomegranate and love it so much. It’s so flattering.
Anon
This is identical to a Ralph Lauren dress I have in emerald green from Macy’s. I think it was $60.
TheElms
Thanks!
Anon
Just a bit of a shout out to the cosmetics counter at Nordstrom. I bought the tr1sh mc ev0y planner from the NAS online. When it arrived this weekend I tried to use the colors but I thought they were all wrong for me. I called to make sure there was someone from the line on duty this weekend, and i took it into the store while she was there. She put the makeup on me and not only did it look great, she gave me a 45 minute lesson on how to do it myself, using brushes and other products i already have. I was able to recreate the look myself at home quite easily this morning.
So, shout out to Candace at the TM, Walnut Creek.
Anonymous
I have a lot of non-ironic love for the Walnut Creek mall :)
Pen and Pencil
I found out the conference I go to every year is in Pheonix next summer. Is there anything fun to do there? Is this a year I should tack on a couple of extra days to see the area? I saw the North Rim of the Grand Canyon about 10 years ago, and I know the South Rim is more easily accessible from Pheonix. What are other things there to do? I love the outdoors, but I am not currently in the best shape for hiking. I also enjoy museums.
Anonymous
Taliesen West is in Scottsdale if you want to see Frank Lloyd Wright’s winter home.
Davis
+1 I toured it and really enjoyed this! I chose one of the more in-depth tours.
I also did a tour of the Diamondbacks stadium.
pugsnbourbon
I was in Phoenix earlier this year and it was incredibly, bizarrely hot – I’d never experienced the SW before and sure, it’s a dry heat, but so is an oven. That said, it got much nicer when the sun went down.
The Heard Museum and the art museum are both worth a visit. The botanical garden is cool but go as early in the day as you can. +1 to Taliesin – I didn’t go but the folks who did and really enjoyed it. The Whining Pig is good for beer.
My friends liked Flagstaff – it’s a 2-hour drive from Phoenix. Maybe drive up, spend a day and fly out of there?
Anonymous
My favorite of all FLW buildings/estates I’ve toured!
Anonymous
Phoenix in summer = only inside things or go up north. Inside things include eating (lots of good restaurants), the art museum, the musical instrument museum, or a great spa (plenty to chose from). Up north: the South Rim of the Grand Canyon; Flagstaff, Prescott, and Sedona are all cooler and cute towns to walk around.
AZCPA
I live in Arizona, and there is tons to do. But in the summer, the Phoenix area is HOT. Well over 100 degrees. So outdoors isn’t really an option. If you have the time, consider going up to Sedona, which is lovely and cooler (though still quite warm in the summer).
Delta Dawn
If you do tack on a couple of days to see the area, I would stop in Sedona on your way to the South Rim. Maybe even spend one night in Sedona. The red rocks there are beautiful. They have a company called Pink Jeep Tours (in Sedona and in the Grand Canyon), or you can just drive around yourself and look at the awesome formations. Sedona has a restaurant called Elote that is amazing. Get the actual elote! If you do go to the South Rim, the El Tovar hotel is very cool and historic (don’t feel like you need to stay there overnight, but I would stop in and see it), maybe get lunch at their dining room, and try to get a table by the window overlooking the canyon. If you have extra time in Phoenix, Old Town in Scottsdale is very fun– my fave restaurant there is Cowboy Ciao. The Stetson Salad is amazing. Have fun!
Ellen
Oh, I LOVE Sedona! I went there with my family and Rosa when we were younger and Rosa loved the red rocks. The Mexican guide knew that Rosa’s name meant Red, and he gave her a red rock to take home, which she still has in her Foyer. We went hiking, while Dad stayed to play tennis and hang with mom by the Pool. It is so nice and warm, but NOT humid! That is the best. The guy wanted to date Rosa, but she was only 16 or so, and not even LEGAL for anything.
Baconpancakes
If you can go in the morning, before it gets too hot, check out the botanical garden. It is so alien (to this east-coaster) and stunningly beautiful.
Lobbyist
I just gave a speech in Phoenix in July and I would not go back there unless I lived in a snowy climate and went in winter. It was 105-110 during the day and “cooled down” at night to the 90s. We had two decent dinners but the resort and the place were odd. Went hiking (this was dumb) from 2-5 one afternoon, about died.
Maybe go someplace nearby??
Anonymous
My a$$hole boss (who is really a giant stereotype of the typical male boss…white, rich, self-important, golfs a lot, boys’ club, likes to hear himself talk) tried to tell me how to do something today, and when I explained how that wouldn’t work he snapped at me, talked over me, and told me to stop arguing with him.
I’m done with today.
Anonymous
Gurrrrl I feel you. Last week my boss interrupted me five times back to back and then when I said, “May I speak?” he said “stop pussy footing around.” Direct quote. Love my job.
Anon
How do you ask for unpaid time off near the start of a new job for a honeymoon? I ran the numbers and will not hagevacfrued enough PTO for it. Do I just ask for four unpaid days?
Anonymous
Yes.
Anonymous
Say something to the manager to the effect of “I’m getting married on X date and we have a honeymoon booked through Y. I am planning to take the time off, but it appears that I may not have accrued vacation time. How should I work that? I am willing to borrow the time or take the days off unpaid.”
Anon
Thank you! This is what I am looking for.
Anonymous
Have you already started the job? If not, I would tell them you are excited to accept and looking forward to working with them, but wanted to let them know right away that you have a honeymoon planned and will be OOT from a to b. They may pay you for it or give you the time unpaid.
Anonymous
Have you already started the job? If not, I would tell them you are excited to accept and looking forward to working with them, but wanted to let them know right away that you have a honeymoon planned and will be OOT from a to b. They may pay you for it or give you the time unpaid.
Anonymous
Omg no don’t move or shorten your honeymoon because of 4 days unpaid. It’s a honeymoon. It’s special.
Anon OP
Thank you. I am not taking a three-week safari (not that there’s anything wrong with that) just before year end; we’re doing a week-long domestic trip immediately after our wedding at a slow time of year for my field.
Anon OP
I am not moving my honeymoon or shortening it. I am asking for 5.5 days off.
Anonymous
Well not to be snarky, but you may have to. Many employers will happily give you unpaid time off, especially for something special like a honeymoon. But some will not. If you have to choose between quitting and shortening/delaying your honeymoon, wouldnt you do the latter?
Anon OP
An employer who asks me to shorten a honeymoon – knowing I am taking the position because I am moving with my FH’s job – is not anyone I want to work for.
Sorry you are a terrible manager.
Anon OP
Let me pile on:
People who do not take honeymoons are almost twice as likely to get divorced as those who do take them.
Why would I get married and have my first act as a wife be to chose a job over my marriage? If you want to run your life that way, knock yourself out, but don’t expect me to go along with your stupidity.
One of the things I hate about this s-te is the anti-marriage and anti-family bias. I can be an educated, professional woman and do right by my marriage, but it is beyond insane for you to tell me to chose my job over my marriage.
Anon
Whoah there nelly, you are MAJORLY projecting on this poster. This person is just telling you what the options are and the choice you may have to make. You made a giant leap to this site being antimarriage and antifamily. If anything, the women on this site do everything possible to keep a career going while managing family life. Maybe it’s the pre-wedding emotions for you because you know darn well most people won’t or can’t quit a job over a handful of days of vacation, honeymoon or not. No one is dying, it’s not a funeral, flights can be moved. If you’re in a position where you don’t have to work good for you but don’t **it on the real decisions lots of people have to make.
Anonymous
Whoa there, OP. Nowhere did Anonymous at 1:20 pm say SHE would require her employees to do that. She’s pointing out that there are terrible employers out there. It’s true. You need to not be so defensive and rude.
Anonymous
OMG this has to be a tr0ll. How is delaying your honeymoon for a few months because you can’t get the time off work “choosing your job over your marriage”? No one is suggesting you do this without the consent of your spouse, but you can talk about it and make a choice together, just like you might choose to take a shorter or less fancy honeymoon so you can save for a house or pay down debt. And I have news for you, there’s much more to marriage than a honeymoon. My parents have been married 45 years and didn’t take a honeymoon because they were young and poor and couldn’t afford it.
I have no idea why you’re personally attacking me. I would absolutely give an employee 5 unpaid days for a honeymoon if they were getting married and I had the authority to authorize unpaid time off. Like I said, I think it’s special and asking for a week off isn’t unreasonable. I’m just pointing out that not all employers are that flexible.
Anonymous
Wow you seem completely unhinged. All she was telling you is that many people need to keep their jobs so they can afford to live, and don’t have the luxury of choosing a honeymoon over a job if they can’t get the time off. That isn’t anti-marriage or anti-family.
Anonymous
Ummm, you came to this site asking for career advice about how to raise this with your employer. If you’re planning to quit if they won’t let you take your full 5.5 day honeymoon immediately, why do you need any advice? Just ask and if they say yes, great, and if they say no, quit, since you’ve made up your mind to do that already. Why did you post at all?
Anon OP
Learn to read, ladies.
I have not yet taken the job. Ergo, everyone snarking at me about “quitting” is being nasty for no good reason.
My honeymoon is a week long and not negotiable. It is important to FH and I that we take this vacation together immediately following our wedding. We both believe that a “honeymoon” taken six months later is a family vacation and not a honeymoon. If you differ, great, but we aren’t wrong.
So yes, cancelling my honeymoon for a job I have not started is, in fact, choosing my job over my marriage.
ATL rette
I have an interview tomorrow for a position where I’d be supervising another employee. I’ve never been in a supervisory role, so I’m excited for the potential step up but also anxious about it. What are good questions to ask about supervising someone/what should I be asking about in regard to that? I’ve done what the employee does, so I know what the duties are and what makes them successful, I am just worried about how to handle supervising.
Thank you!
anon a mouse
Ask what they think are the best resources that HR provides to managers. Ask what employee morale is like and how often you might have to be involved in hiring decisions.
You want to try to understand whether this is a company that supports its managers.
Online photos
Hi, I am looking to use an online photo printing service to print several 5×7 photos and have them framed (with a mat) in a simple, modern frame.
I want to be able to upload the image and then have the company mail the framed photo directly to the person.
Any ideas on where I can get this done? Tried looking around shutterfly and can’t find a simple option. Everything says “love” or requires I customize it.
Lilliet
Framebridge?
lsw
I really like Mpix for this and use it for gifts often
Anonymous
Framebridge.
Meg March
Lots of codes online for framebridge, so don’t pay full price if it’s your first order from them.
Dulcinea
Simply framed.
BabyAssociate
Another recommendation for Framebridge. They’ve done 30+ pieces for me and do a really fantastic job.
January
Also going to put in a plug for Keepsake. Same concept as Framebridge, maybe slightly lower price point.
Minneapolis?
Can anyone share their experiences living in Minneapolis? I’m being recruited for an amazing opportunity there, and I’ve been told I’m one of the top candidates for the position. My only real concern/question at this point is what living in Minneapolis would actually be like, since I’ve only been there a handful of times, and I don’t know anyone who currently lives there.
For context, I currently live in a warm, coastal VHCOL area with my husband and 1-year old daughter. We’re in a city and don’t particularly care for city living now that we have a baby, so we’d like to live somewhere more suburban. We’re looking for a family friendly area with good public schools, low crime (our house was broken into last year, which really shook us up), good food/dining scene. I’m very attracted to the lower cost of living, but the thought of the winter there terrifies me.
What should I know?
Anonymous
It’s cold. Really freaking cold. And winter lasts foreverrrr, easily until late April or early May. Other than the cold, it’s a great city and definitely one that would be good for a young family. There are nice suburbs with excellent public schools, and they’re very affordable compared to many parts of the country. Minneapolis has a wonderful food scene – it’s not Chicago, but I think it’s probably the best non-Chicago Midwest city for food. But the winter was ultimately a dealbreaker for me. (And I live in a different part of the Midwest, so it’s not like I’m a Californian or Floridian who can’t stand winter at all).
Minneapolis?
Thanks for this! It all sounds amazing (until I get to the winter part). The thought of that much cold for that long is my biggest hangup, and I’m a native Californian who currently lives in another warm weather state, so I have absolutely no context for that kind of winter and whether or not I’d be able to handle it.
Lana Del Raygun
FWIW I went to school in northern IN and had several warm-state friends (AZ, CA, FL) who handled it just fine! If you have proper gear you will be totally fine. Some people don’t like living without sun (although sun lamps can make a big difference), and some people don’t like the hassle of getting suited up all the time, and whatever, but the chances that you’ll be physically unable to handle the cold are very very low.
Anonymous
Minneapolis and northern Indiana are miles apart. I mean, yeah, compared to California they are both cold. But I live in Indiana and could not live in Minnesota (my mom lives in MSP although I did not grow up there). The winter is MUCH longer and harsher in Minnesota vs Indiana. The length of the winter is a bigger deal than the temperature I think. Your life isn’t going to look that different if it’s 20 degrees versus 30 degrees in January because either way you’ll be wearing a big coat and mostly staying inside. But in Indiana, April is usually pretty nice. It’s awful in Minnesota, and when winter started in December, you’re REALLY REALLY OVER IT by the end of March.
Anonymous
I’ve lived in both Mpls and northern Indiana. Yes, Mpls is colder and the winter is longer, but there is also much more sunshine. If you wear the right clothes (most people don’t!), it’s manageable.
Mpls
Depends on your definition of winter. We legit had a blizzard in mid-April this year, but that’s an anomaly. But it’s not winter at that point – those are spring snows :)
But really, no – winter does not last until April/May. March can be a crap shoot – either cold and snowy on St. Paddy’s Day, or 80 degrees (it’s done both). But April is usually getting into the 50s/60s (that IS spring here, btw). We have had the really snowy, really cold, and relatively mild winters (all in the last 5 years), so even winter can vary.
They key is to dress well/appropriate for the weather and get a feel for how to drive on snow. The city/county/state levels all do a pretty good job clearing the major roads after a storm (depending on when the storm comes thru – cant do much if it snows during the commute). The meterologists are pretty good at predicting impact without being fear mongers (I’ve watched the coverage difference between DC Snowpoloypse and our April blizzard – no comparision for the over-hyping).
Anon
Never been, but I have only ever heard amazing things about Minneapolis from friends and family. It’s supposed to have a great mix of culture and family life for a very affordable price. As for the winters, I highly recommend finding a way to love winter. Do you like to ski? How about snowshoeing/nature walks? Epic snowball fights aren’t just for kids, either. There is so much to look forward to during winter! Don’t let that stop you if everything else sounds great.
Anonymous
It has a lot of benefits of being a big city, when still a manageable size. Lots of art, theater, restaurants, etc. and really good public schools. It does get cold in the winter, but get a house with a connected garage and your work will almost certainly have an indoor parking lot – then you can basically spend no time outside.
The biggest downside is that it can be very hard to make friends. Most people grew up in the area or moved here for college, and already have their set of friends. I found that people weren’t as open to making new friends as other cities I’ve lived in.
Anonymous
Or I think it’s like you need to make new friends but no one else there needs to (so you have to show people that they want to add you as a friend).
BUT you are likely the only new kid, maybe you are from an exotic part of the world, and people are friendly enough to go to your party if you have one.
Extrovert yourself and you should be fine.
Anon
I disagree with organizing your life to spend no time outside. Sure, it’s great to have a connected garage so you don’t have to de-ice your windshield every morning, but the trick to “enduring” winter is finding a way to make it work for you. Time in nature and fresh air, especially cold air, is invigorating and good for you mentally and physically. Holing up in fear of winter makes it feel much worse than it is.
Anonymama
This sounds so amusingly Scandinavian, and Minnesotan, to me (I say that with affection, and warm thoughts for all my outdoorsy Minnesotan friends of Scandinavian heritage).
anon
There is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing. Thats the attitude you need to take with MN. You just have to embrace the weather. Buy really good winter gear and wear layers. I grew up there and my family still lives there. I would move back in a heart beat if we could make it work job wise.
Do not move there in winter. Move there in fall or spring and give yourself some time to get to know your neighbors or else its a hard community to get to know when its so cold. Also try out a few neighborhoods by staying in Airbnbs. This way you can figure out what neighborhood you like best, and practice the drive to your work. The twin cities is an easy place to accidentally end up with a really huge commute depending on where you live/work etc. A great week to come try out would be the winter carnival. Its usually the last week in January. If you like it and are okay with the winter feel then the twin cities is a good place for you!
Downsides: Driving in winter sucks. Shoveling and scraping off a car sucks. The handful days or so of -40 F weather sucks. The summers can be really really hot and humid. We have all extremes!
Pluses: Strong schools with communities that are still putting money into schools, a variety of restaurants and awesome food, very bikeable, great music and theater etc.
Anonymous
Ditto to anon@12:49 – I love it here, but the winters are rough.
I actually like having seasons a ton (I’ve lived in Seattle and Philadelphia too, and am from the east coast) but depending on when it warms up in the spring, winter can get REALLY old. I deal with it by taking a week or two in February to go somewhere warm. When I get back, winter is generally very nearly over – spring is colder here than back east, but it’s definitely much warmer starting in March (sometimes not until the end of the month, unfortunately).
One thing that I found vs Seattle was that here, people still do a ton of socializing in the winter (maybe more than in summer, even). So there are generally plenty of options for stuff to do, you just have to be willing to go outside when it’s cold/snowy.
Anonymous
If you move in the fall, move in the early fall, so you still have a chance to get outdoors to meet the neighbors before the snow sets in. It’s really hard to meet people in the winter. People do things in the winter, but usually with people they already know.
For friends – find the other transplants. Seriously. They are having the same friend-making issues as you.
brokentoe
I live in the Twin Cities by choice after living in various parts of the US over many years. I grew up in northern MN so I understand the four seasons. Have you ever lived anywhere besides your warm, coastal area? Seasons may be a shock to you but then you may find you love the change. Anon @ 12:23 is right – you have to learn to embrace the winter and find things you like to do. Check out some relocation calculators for housing comparisons; while this area isn’t NYC, it’s also not necessarily cheap (higher taxes that support those great schools and amenities like state parks, etc.). A lot depends on which suburb you want to be in and what kind of vibe you’re after. Economy is very strong, people are well-educated and there is abundant arts, theater, culture, and a big restaurant and craft brewing scene. Your daughter is young enough that you’ll have plenty of time to figure out where you fit in best before she starts school. Go for it – you’ll love it!!!
Moooove
Not Minneapolis-specific, but we moved from a VHCOL coastal city to a midwestern MCOL city, and what surprised me was how flipping great it was. I didn’t realize things could be so easy (or, in turn, how hard they were in VHCOL until I had some perspective). Yes winters suck, but we gear up and plan great warm weather vacations, and on a day to day basis, my life is way easier/more enjoyable than it was in VHCOL city. Totally worth it.
Anony
My husband is from the area so I visit there a few times a year. It’s a great city that flies under the radar – very active, smart educated friendly people, lots of large corporations provide career opportunities, and good schools in the area. The city is not huge but has its own arts scene with theatre and comedy shows etc. A lot of people who live there are happy and plan to stay forever. I would say it is very family oriented overall.
MN anon
I grew up in MN so take that with a grain of salt…but I’ve lived in IN, Chicago, and the Bay Area (most recently). California not withstanding, winters in MN are better than winters in Chicago/IN because people in MN are SO much better about getting out to enjoy the weather. Yes, it is possible to enjoy the cold and snow, and people in MN really pride themselves on not being shut ins all winter. Also, this may sound dumb, but winters in MN are sunny (compared to my experience in Chicago and IN) which makes a hug difference to me. I mean, you’re at work during the day either way, but it’s much better to look out the window and see sun vs. gray permacloud.
And weather in the Bay Area may be “good” all year, but it still can’t beat a summer in MN, sorry California!
Anonymous
Has anyone replaced their thermostat lately? What’s the process and cost for that – is this something I could do myself or do I have to hire someone? Is there a smart home option?
I have a 3-story townhouse and central heat/air. The ground floor is always freezing but the master bedroom is a little warm. I’d like to be able to control the temperature at least by floor if not by room. I’m not particularly handy, but I can follow directions if it’s easy enough – I’m a little more advanced than assembling Ikea furniture but I’ve never replaced a light fixture by myself. Thanks for any advice!
Senior Attorney
We have a Nest smart thermostat and I hate it. HATE IT. It thinks it knows better than we do…
You can’t control the temperature in different rooms unless you have different heating/cooling units. Like one for upstairs and one for downstairs. A thermostat alone won’t do that.
OP
Thanks, this is helpful. If I can’t have different temperatures for different floors, I’d settle for every floor being actually the same temperature. I think the only sensor (or whatever it’s called?) must be on the second floor. If I set the temperature to 70 then the ground floor is more like 62, the second floor stays at 70, and the third floor is ~74. Would replacing the thermostats fix that?
Not SA
No. You need a dual-zone system. While Nest makes room sensors, all that does is prioritize that specific room over the rest of the house. For example, if you install Nest and a room sensor in your master and tell Nest that you want the master to be 70 degrees, the air will cycle to keep that room at 70 degrees. However, it will not be able to control what temperatures your other rooms are because you only have one zone.
I recommend closing some of the air vents on the lower floors – it will force the air to the top floor. This is what I do in my three story row house.
Nerfmobile
You need better air circulation in your house. Hot air moves up, cold air moves down. Fans help air move around. Figure out where the air is coming in the coldest/hottest, and which ways you need to encourage it to move. Then you can figure out where to place fans. And eventually, by how much you need to tweak the thermostat setting to get the air on the most important floor to get to the right temperature. It is possible to pull new wires and install the thermostat somewhere else in the house, but you’d probably want to hire someone to do that.
Anonymous
Replacing a thermostat is easy, but you can’t install a thermostat to do multi-zone heating if you only have one zone. If you want zoned heating, it would be best to talk to a professional. In the meantime, you can try to adjust the vents to see if that helps.
Anonymous
Simply changing your thermostat will not give you the function of being able to control the temperature by room/floor. That would (IME) require multiple thermostats and maybe even re-working your heating/cooling system.
That being said, if you just want to replace your existing thermostat, that’s not a very big job. You could probably DIY it. I’ve lived in places with both Nest and Iris (two “smart home” thermostat options). Both had benefits and drawbacks. The biggest benefit to me was being able to change the temp from my phone (i.e. while in bed) and both systems allowed that.
a lawyer
I think you will need an electrician/air conditioning person. To be able to control the rooms separately, the air flow to them has to be controlled by a different unit. I think you would need another unit or wiring to another more sophisticated thermostat. I was considering one of the mini ductless units just for my master bed/bath area, which is always colder in winter/hotter in summer, but the a/c guy convinced me to try this awhile longer after he made some minor changes to the system. If it were just sticking on a new thermometer (even a programmable one), you would need to be comfortable with wiring, but what you are describing sounds like it needs an expert.
Anonymous
Look at the ductwork coming out of the air handler to see whether there is a damper controlling the flow of air to each floor. I prefer the bedrooms upstairs to be cooler than the living areas downstairs, so I direct more air upstairs during the summer when the A/C is on and more air downstairs during the winter when the heat is on. And, obviously, you can adjust the vents in each room as well.
I installed a programmable thermostat myself. It was not difficult. As SA says, the thermostat only turns the entire unit on and off, and can’t control the temperature for individual rooms separately. But a programmable thermostat can be set to keep the entire house cooler during the nighttime hours when you are more likely to be upstairs, and warmer during the day when you tend to be downstairs.
Anon
You want an Ecobee. As others above have said, you can’t control the temperature room by room, but the Ecobee is a “smart thermometer” with a main hub, and mini hubs that you can place in rooms throughout the house which track and report to the main hub the temp in different parts of the house. The Ecobee will adjust the AC to even out the temp in the rooms.
Anonk
+1 love our ecobee
Torin
You may want to be able to control not only the thermostat, but the opening and closing of the vents. What you describe is common in 3 story homes and won’t be fully addressed unless you install the smart vents as well.
anon
I used to live in a 3-story townhouse where there was a 5-degree difference between each floor. It drove me crazy and it was impossible to be comfortable throughout the house. I now live somewhere with dual zones and I am never going back.
If you don’t want to install a second zone, you can improve your overall insulation and airflow. You can also consider where in your house the thermostat is — ours shared a wall with an oven so it had the double bonus of always thinking it was warmer than it actually was when we were cooking.
MM LaFleur vs Cuyana
Which would you purchase to wear under suit jackets, blazers, cardigan?
Didion top – mm la fleur
Silk tee – cuyana
anon
For me, this would depend on if you want something you need to dryclean (Cuyana) or machine wash. I love the way silk feels, but really, really love that I can machine wash most of my MM
Anon
They’re both beautiful and I’m a fan of both brands. I’d give the edge to the Cuyana for quality / price ratio and I would feel comfortable hand washing it. I don’t really dry clean anything.
anon
Didion top. I actually LOVE cuyana’s silk tees and I always lust after them. but the dry cleaning is a non-starter for me, and I will get it dirty. sigh.
anon
I have owned both. The Cuyana tee is beautiful and luxurious, but even though I am not an anti-drycleaning person, I found the drycleaning to get onerous and it made the blouse wear out WAY faster so the price per wear was much higher in the end. I own two Didions and love them so much…the hand/machine wash option is key for a staple. They are several years old and look new. I also have a couple Rowlings which I also wear under suits. Love for the same reason.
Anonymous
I have a cocktail ring that has a cluster of small, low quality diamonds set in 10k yellow gold. What is the best way to sell for a fair price? I don’t think the ring is valuable enough to be worth an appraisal.
AZCPA
Unfortunately, there isn’t really such a thing as a fair price in the jewelry market. It is just too subjective. For something like you describe, a jewelry store is most likely to just melt it down and recycle it, and you’d get pennies. On Craigslist or eBay, you may get no takers at $50 or someone could fall in love with it and spend more, but those are probably your best bet.
Anonymous
Take it to a jeweler or pawn shop to see what the value of just the gold is– that is your floor price for selling it.
DIY Wedding Hair
I asked this last week late in the day, but didn’t get much response, so asking again.
I’m doing my own wedding hair, and am looking at different interesting half-up styles. I don’t like crown type of looks, or anything that looks too braided. I found this image and I absolutely love it, but I can’t find instructions for this anywhere online (I even tried a reverse image search). I am pretty decent at braiding my own hair, and have tried multiple iterations of French and rope braids, but no success in making it look like this. Any suggestions of how this was done?
The suggestion last week was that it isn’t a braid, but rather the flipped-over look. However, the right side of this woman’s hair really looks braided to me, since it has multiple cross-overs of sections of hair. It seems like a couple loops of a French braid, and then tied off with a flipped-over thing. Help?
https://goo.gl/images/9ivQv8
Anon
You are basically looking for a half up style with inverted ponytail and 1/2 to 1 inch barrel curls. The half up and barrel curls are pretty self explanatory. Look up “inverted ponytail” for tutorials. It’s a pretty simple style skill wise.
Anonymous
It’s a flip, with pieces clipped in free hand to look braided, and the reason you should just hire someone. This is not a braid.
Anon
Oh, and to achieve the twisted look, leave chunks of hair out at the front and pull them through holes you make in the inverted ponytail.
Anonymous
I think you should bring the picture into a salon for a lesson
Sadie
It’s actually multiple layered inverted ponytails.
HHI
Also, it’s touristy, but I actually think the food at the Salty Dog Cafe on South Beach is pretty good. The shrimp salad is excellent. And don’t miss the pimento cheese!