Coffee Break: Sara Miller London for Portmeirion

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I recently got a few of these Sara Miller London for Portmeirion mugs during a big Macy's sale, and they're so, so pretty — some of my favorite things in my kitchen cabinet right now. Even better: The boxes they come with are equally beautiful and sturdy, so I'm happily reusing them in other cabinets and drawers.

I've pictured the relatively sedate gray here, but the other mugs are bright happy pinks and teals, and a lovely navy with pink. My one complaint would be that the mugs are a bit on the dainty side — 12 oz. and hand wash only. But if you're looking for something special to keep at your office for “your” mug, or for a “fancy mug” to elevate your regular morning coffee, these are prime candidates.

The mugs are $22 new but often go on sale for around $12. (Oooh, and you can see more of the collection at Portmeirion, as well as at Wayfair and Amazon, interestingly enough. Eeee! If you look on Sara Miller London's site she's also got similar patterns in wallpaper, ready-made roller blinds, and more.) Readers, do you have any favorite mugs or teacups for when you want something a bit fancy?

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

109 Comments

  1. I woke up on Friday with some pretty bad lower back pain – I’ve had some minor pain on and off for a few months, but nowhere near this bad. It’s my lower back on either side of my spine, and the pain goes down to my butt muscles. I can barely bend down to pull up my pants…I’ve never had back pain like this before. I’m icing and using a heat pad, using CBD/arnica salve, ibuprofen, and I took half a Norco today that was left over from a surgery last year, but it’s not really going away. What do you do for pain like this? Should I see a chiropractor? My PCP? Any good stretches or yoga poses that will help? I ordered some Dr. Bronner’s menthol magic balm after seeing it on Things I Bought and Liked on Instagram…hopefully it will come soon

    1. Laying flat on your back with your heels flat on the floor, knees pointing to the ceiling feels good. Pull your knees into your chest for a stretch. Child’s pose is good too. Sitting is terrible. Standing is okay. Epsom salt baths help.

      If it still feels awful tomorrow, I would go to urgent care for a muscle relaxer.

      1. Or maybe let the MD examine you and prescribe what is needed instead of asking for specific drugs.

        1. Did you sincerely believe that I would not let an MD examine me, or that I was recommending that course of action to the OP?

          1. The response was to the OP. And seeing that you suggested she go to urgent care and ask for muscle relaxants, yes. You told her to go to a place that she has no relationship with the provider and request a prescription for a controlled substance.

          2. Lots of people don’t have a relationship with a provider and rely on urgent care. Even if you have a GP, they might not be able to see you for days or weeks. Things like this are why urgent care exists! Providers at urgent care are professionals – I trust they’ll properly treat the OP with the proper medication if needed.

          3. Read the original post. She asked if she should see her PCP or a chiro. That kind of indicates she does have a relationship with a PCP.

    2. See your PCP
      The yoga with adrienne for back pain was nice but don’t hurt yourself more than you already are.

    3. +1 child’s pose. Also, rolling a foam roller or even a tennis ball under the spots can help. I did something horrid to my back while learning to golf and it took a weekend on the tennis ball before it got better.

      1. Counter-point: I herniated my spine out of nowhere last year and tried child’s pose (before I knew what the issue was–just thought I had pulled a muscle), and my PT later told me it was completely counter productive to my recovery. I went straight to PT, but if you’re not commonly injury-prone like I am, I agree that PCP should be first stop on the list followed closely behind by PT if they recommend.

        I also pulled my back out once on vacation and ended up on the floor writhing in pain, and the only thing that could get me off the floor was that a doctor came and administered muscle relaxants, so that might be an option if it’s really really bad.

    4. I went down a youtube rabbit hole and “The most famous physical therapists on the internet” had some good tests that helped me figure out what my issue was (SI joint) and what stretches to do to make it better. I would go to a real-life PT, but try them to help tide you over until you can get in.

      1. I love the most famous physical therapists (in our own opinion of course) on the internet. They are great. And the exercises helped with plantar fasciitis last year

    5. I had something that sounds very similar recently. I took two ibuprofen with no effect. Dr google then pointed me to sciatica (sp?), which is a pinched nerve issue rather than a muscle issue. That’s why painkillers are not effective. The pain radiated down into the thigh, it was dominating on one side for me. Now, what I should have done is see my doctor and get this confirmed. We all know that. But my takeaway from the wisdom of the internet was that there is not a ton that can be done and that it fixes itself over time.
      Hot water bottles helped a little with the pain. I couldn’t exercise for a few days, but taking walks felt good, and gentle movement is generally advised to make it go away. There are also some videos that show stretches for sciatica, which bring some relief.

      1. Once upon a time I heard the term “walking is a massage for your back” and now my husband and I say it to each other every time we have back pain and make each other take a gentle walk.

    6. +1 to sciatica

      If that doesn’t sound quite right, you might also want to consider tight hip flexors/hamstrings — i forget if it’s your psoas flexor or the one that starts with i (illium?) but one of them wraps from groin area around to your back. Downdog has some great “hip openers.”

    7. Above stretches are good, and legs up the wall is good for back pain too. I would absolutely going to my chiropractor for this. I know that people have mixed opinions on chiros, and you’re probably going to get a bunch of recs for physical therapy, but if you can find a good chiropractor, they’re just the best. Mine doesn’t pressure me into maintenance appointments, I almost always go in at the first sign of an issue and catch it early before it turns into something big, he explains the issue and then he fixes it. It’s the most satisfying health care I receive by far.

    8. I had very similar back pain last year. I went off BC pills early in the pandemic just to see what should happen (late 40’s). Periods resumed, but so did back pain like you describe. I didn’t connect the two, and my PCP got some imaging done to see what might be wrong, but the MRI and XRay came back clean. Gyn said no fibroids. No amount of ibuprofen/tylenol or stretching and exercising made it go away. Finally went back on the pill, and it disappeared almost immediately.

    9. Context: herniated 2 discs, sciatic pain a few years ago. Time is the only thing that really works. You want to have a ‘neutral’ spine as much as possible to allow for healing over time. I found the most comfortable position to be a) back on the ground b) legs up with knees bent 90deg on a chair c) towel rolled into a tube under the neck. Uneven surfaces made everything SO much worse – try to avoid uneven sidewalks, etc. Stairs are also tough because its one static position to another, try some very very slow dynamic stretching. Sleep with a pillow between your knees and calves and a pillow under your ‘above’ arm if you’re a side sleeper. Try not to stay in any position for hours. Heal quickly! Back pain is awful

    10. Another vote for sciatica. Try Blue Emu cream, available at any drugstore. Works amazingly well. My whole family uses it now.

    11. When it flares up, my lower back likes to be taken for short walks (2 X day). Try 15 minutes to start then build up.

    12. IDK, if you’ve already been treating at home, I would see your PCP now. Stretching could make things worse if you don’t know what the real issue is.

    13. The McKenzie protocol for back pain has been pretty extensively studied to show relief. Simple Google search for YouTube will show you. It is super simple and straightforward to do.

      1. Yes! I have similar issues and these exercises help far more than I would have imagined they could while waiting to see my PCP.

        Also, it turns out that I developed an anterior pelvic tilt during the pandemic and minor things like intentionally engaging my abs for most normal movements and a standing desk help with the back pain.

    14. Try to get into your doctor but I will tell you “conservative treatment” is standard for back pain until you’ve had it for quite a while. That means round the clock anti inflammatories (seriously, don’t let them wear off, even if that means setting an alarm for the middle of the night) and keeping moving but not straining yourself – so gentle walking but restrictions on lifting and bending, usually.

    15. I would say, yes, PCP but no to chiropractor, at least until your PCP tells you what is wrong.

      Something that works for me is Theraworx, a foam topical form of Magnesium. Not greasy, no staining, no smell, totally disappears when rubbed in. For $10, not much of a risk. Hope it gets better soon.

    16. I had minor back pain few years back, that grew stronger each month, until one morning, I couldn’t get up from bed. Few tests (xray, CT, MRI) later revealed 3 dry and 2 bulging discs. I got prescription for anti-inflammatory pills to cool down the pain, and obligatory physiotherapy. Physio helped to relieve the acute pain and taught me what to do, but I still had flare ups for a year. Then I swapped physio for yoga, light muscle strengthening and spinning (strange as it sounds, this helped the most). I also take daily walks (min 20-30mins) during lunch break, to make sure my body is moving and do 5 stretching exercises daily, takes 10mins (downdog, cobra, triangle, hamstring and hip flexes). Not saying you have the same or this regime will work for all, but it worked for me and I have been back-pain-free for 2+ years.
      Oh, I used a small half-inflated exercise ball behind my lower back when sitting on office chair (you are supposed to squish it to engage core muscles while sitting).

  2. I haven’t been to a law school reunion in . . . a long time. When I was right out of school, I wanted to radiate Melanie Griffith in Working Girl: determined, spunky, going to make this all work out. That was pre-kids. Pre-pandemic. I’ve worn mainly athleisure for the past 16 months. I feel like the attire should be festive/dressy vs workwear, but it has to be comfy and be wearable with something like flats or flat sandals. Like maybe this is when you could bust out the Johnny Was going-to-the-Sedona-spa look? I don’t have that, but there is a store at my mall. It’s either that or Lilly (and it’s in the SEUS, so Lilly may be a good place to check out). I’ve sized out of most of my clothes (pre-surgical breathing limitations for 2+ years, post-surgery recovery was brutal, then gyms were closed for a year . . . I’m not beating myself up, but it is time to shop since the metabolism fairy is on vacation). If I don’t plan, I will roll up in head-to-toe Athleta.

    1. I LOVE a jumpsuit for occasions like this right now. As I was reading your whole description, I was thinking jumpsuit. A good friend recently posted pictures of her at a wedding in a red one shoulder jumpsuit that looked amazing. I can’t fined that one but this one would be on my list.

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/julia-jordan-halter-neck-jumpsuit-regular-petite/4628861?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=617

      I like the wide pant lengths and that it can be hemmed to hide flat sandals.

      1. I would love if this came as separates! I have an absurdly short torso and the one time I tried a jumpsuit with a fixed waist, it was tragic and droopy. I had one years ago that had no fixed waist and was very loose and it was great (except that it had 1000 buttons to get it off, so it was not good for beer-drinking or parties or for anything other than looking good in a picture).

    2. I don’t think Johnny Was makes any sense. Wear jeans a cute tops for casual events and dresses for more formal events. Just normal clothes. The world is not divided into suits/athleisure/caftans.

    3. My last law school reunion was late 2019, and it was definitely not a festive dressing occasion — all workwear, though more business casual (shealth or shift dresses) rather than suits. But I went to school in the Northeast and so the Lilly look has never been a big part of the dressing protocol.

      I love the jumpsuit but it looks way to casual/festive for what is, in my experience, a networking/business event — even when the event is mostly time spent drinking with old friends.

    4. I feel like your suggestions are very resort-y but not work networking-y. I agree with others to go business casual and keep it simple. At least with business casual clothing you aren’t buying it for a special occasion to be worn once – you can wear it over and over.

      For mall stores with friendly fits, JJill has the Wearever stuff that might straddle the line between casual and business for an occasion like this. It’s their travel-friendly workwear collection. Machine washable and perfectly business-like enough, but far short of wearing a suit.

  3. Has anyone successfully stopped (or time shifted) revenge procrastination – staying up too late because it’s the only time to yourself you get?

    1. Probably won’t work for everyone, but my dog knows when bedtime is and bugs me to go for a bedtime walk if I’m not getting her out on time. Once we’ve walked around the block then I have motivation to do the rest of the bedtime tasks and actually go to bed.

    2. I have recently started using the sleep/wake up feature of the iphone alarm. Instead of a straight alarm, it has features like dimming my phone when it’s getting near bedtime, and reminding me of when I need to go to bed to get my target hours of sleep, and I changed my wakeup alarm to “birdsong” so it’s not too jarring. I find the reminders at night pretty helpful, even though my brain knows well enough to look at the clock and see it’s time for bed, it’s like having my phone go dim and remind me is reinforcing and it really seems to help. I’m as surprised as anyone that it’s working for me.

      Also, I find my eating habits are better when I have more sleep, and that is also motivating for me as I would like to gradually, naturally lose a few pounds.

      I set my target sleep cycle for over eight hours as I know I will get up to pee in the middle of the night, and I don’t want to lie there fretting that I’m now not going to get enough sleep when it’s a bit hard to fall back to sleep.

  4. Hi. Everything is awful and I really need advice on what to do. My life:

    1. 80 yo dad in hospital with possible failing organ transplant.
    2. 82 yo mom with ALZ in wheelchair and possibly just had a stroke a few days ago. She lives with me, as does dad normally.
    3. Job is pit of despair. People are legit yelling at me for things I do not control. My computer just failed and IT says the SLA for a new one is 10 days. Due to the pandemic there is nowhere I can go to get a new computer sooner.
    4. I injured my back 6 months ago and am in constant pain. I might need spine surgery soon except there is nobody to care for me or the people I care for. I am taking multiple medications that make me feel dizzy and out of it all the time.
    5. Two months ago we had a catastrophic sewerage back-up in our house. Workers started reno 4 weeks ago and there is dust and debris everywhere except our bedrooms. I am cooking for self and mom with a microwave and toaster oven.
    6. My partner went home to a different continent for his visa renewal last year and was denied it. He is stuck there indefinitely.

    I do not have anybody to help. A facility for mom would cost more than my monthly take-home pay. She might qualify for Medicaid, but my dad hasn’t done their taxes in years (would not let me help) and I do not have half what she would need to apply. If something happens to him this week in the hospital, I do not even have copies of his will/POA/etc. because every time I asked he would yell that he wasn’t dying any time soon.

    I am just so exhausted and do not know where to start. I have seen this coming for years, and I tried to get ready, but here I am.

    Oh and parents have 4 storage units that I guess my broken, painful body will be dealing with/paying for forever.

    1. I am so sorry, and totally understand your frustration. Between your own pain and your parents health situations you should be able to get approved for some FMLA leave. It won’t solve everything, but will take the awful job out of the picture while your parents get stabilized and the renovation progresses. For the storage units, get whatever keepsakes you want out of them, and then let them go into default. If it’s your name on the leases get the keepsakes and pay a junk hauler to empty them and terminate the leases.

    2. Let’s start with your dad. Are his POA docs in a safe deposit box or with a lawyer.

    3. That is a lot to deal with.

      Call your local eldercare government office on aging, etc. They will begin connecting you/your mom with services. Your situation is not unique and especially not unique to them.

      And you don’t have to pay their storage unit bills. If stuff is stored, it’s not stuff they are using. You can just let the company repossess it and sell it and go after them for the bills. Let it go. Stuff’s not worth throwing $ at.

      1. 100% was thinking the same thing about the storage unit bills. Get what you want out of there and then quit those bills, assuming your name isn’t on the agreement.

      2. 100% DO NOT pay for this stuff. Setting a precedent of paying for their needs out of your own pocket could allow your county or state to come after you for the sum total of their medical needs. Medicare and Medicaid will pull every corrupt trick they can to avoid paying your fair share. (See: filial responsibility laws.)

        Source: living a similar nightmare now.

    4. Oh I’m so sorry, each of those things are very hard things on their own and all together that is so much to deal with.

      The only way out is through. I think I read that here a long time ago, and at times it’s a mantra. One thing at a time. You will get through this all. It sucks, it will suck, but you will and it won’t always suck. Trust yourself that you will handle everything in the best way that was possible at the time, and that is all that can be done. Our best looks different at all different times of life, and sometimes that literally means just doing the next best thing, one thing at a time.

      Also, listen to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFwT_r4b57c

      1. Not OP but THANK YOU for this. I am under tremendous stress to dig myself out of a huge backlog of work, lost my mom six months ago and have a high needs 1st grader who sucked me dry emotionally and physically during the pandemic. With my perfectionist tendencies, your comment is exactly what I needed to hear this morning.

    5. That is a LOT. Hugs to you.
      Not being in your shoes or having to deal with your parents personalities or family dynamic, I’d say let the storage units lay flat for now. You can hire people to clean them out and sell the stuff when the time comes. Don’t buy the lie you have to keep up with the units forever, especially since it’s overwhelming when you think of it in these terms. Assuming there isn’t priceless collectibles, family legal paperwork or other items that would add value to you or your parents life, then tell yourself you will deal with the storage units later and not worry about them today.
      If your employer has an Employee help office (I think mine is called EAP and it offers employees resources to deal with their external lives) it may be time to call them and get a therapist for yourself, and suggestions on how to find help for your parents. It sounds like you need in home help and/or to get your parents in a place where they can be assisted by staff full time. I don’t know how to overcome the Medicare hurdles you mentioned but hopefully others will.
      Hang in there. I hope you get lots of good advice and USE IT. Take care of yourself first and set your boundaries going forward. It does not sound like you can sustain your life as it stands going forward. Time to get external help for your physical and mental health.

    6. All the hugs. If you’re anywhere in north Florida I would 100% roll up with a hot dinner for you (in disposable containers). I’m sorry and this sucks.

      1. If you’re anywhere near where I am (a state that is best described as both the South and the Midwest), ditto. Heck, I will even help with the storage units.

    7. I’m so sorry. That is a lot to deal with. Agree to start with calling the eldercare office. Did your dad do a will/POA through a lawyer? If so, is there any way to find the name of the law office? Maybe they can help you get copies of the documents.

    8. Substantively:
      0. The person who suggested FMLA is so, so right. Do that now. It’s not like you’re getting anything done with your computer on the fritz….
      1. Have the hospital get a health care proxy for him and see if they can also do a POA at the same time. These days, hospitals have people on staff, or at least those who can come in, to do this paperwork. They don’t want the headache, either.
      3. FMLA and PTO.
      5. Salads and deli meat. Can you get an InstantPot, too?
      6. Need a recommendation for an immigration attorney?
      7. Your mom can file taxes without your father. Married Filing Separately exists for stuff like this. Talk to an elder care attorney and see what they can tell you about getting her qualified for Medicare without your father’s help.

      You didn’t ask, but your mom needs to designate you as her attorney-in-fact and her health care proxy, if she has not done so already. Do that while she has the capacity to make those decisions.

      1. There is such a thing as an elder social worker. The hospital likely can point you in the right direction on that. When my mother had descended to the depths of dementia I found their assistance invaluable, and prior to that I didn’t even know that such a thing existed. I thought social workers were for abused children and families that didn’t know how to clean their houses. I was wrong.

      2. This is all good advice, although most health care institutions will only help with health care POAs/living wills and will not give you forms or even witness non-medical POAs. If you post your state, someone here may be able to help you with forms. (And if you post your city, as anon at 3:26 suggested, there might be a ‘rette nearby who will bring dinner.) Your area agency on aging will be very helpful, as will the social worker at your dad’s hospital.

        And each one of these things take alone would be difficult; all of it together must be crushingly hard. I’m so sorry you’re going through it.

    9. I would start with the hospital social worker. They should know your local resources.

      1. Ditto this. Hospital social worker, stat. And then your local area office of aging. It sounds hard and exhausting.

      2. And, also, be kind to yourself when it all comes rushing out when you meet with the social worker. They are used to this and there to help you navigate the path forward. Other ideas are if you go to church, reach out to the pastoral care person at your church – they will have access to resources and (depending on your church) can marshall people to help you. If you don’t go to church, don’t be afraid to use your network and let them know you need help – there are probably lots of people in your corner.

    10. On the back pain, can you try short walks? It really helped with my back pain and also burns away some stress.

    11. You’ve gotten good advice above. FMLA stat. There’s a chance that your boss or HR can do the heavy lifting and just mail you whatever forma need to be signed. Burn all your PTO to get paid. If your parents have a safe or safety deposit box and your Dad is coherent, now’s a good time to get the key location or combination.

      Also, if you haven’t already, scream into the abyss and have a good ugly cry.

    12. I’m sorry. That is so much. I was there a few years ago, my parents have since died, and I hate to tell you what a relief it was – as I was also glad for them that they were out of pain. Agree with others that you need to let others help with their care, whether that means home health or a nursing home. There are attorneys who specialize in how to get elders qualified for Medicare/low income medical aid premiums without their children paying for it. We certainly used one and it was worth every last penny.

      Hugs to you. It’s so hard.

      1. here’s a link I found that describes a couple of types of specialists. The law firm we used specialized in drawing up an irrevocable trust for my remaining parent’s assets and getting her qualified for MediCal (I’m in CA) for her nursing home care, as the joint she was in wanted to kick her out after her 90 days of coverage from Medicare ran out.

        Check out https://www.seniorlink.com/blog/medicaid-specialist-vs-elder-law-attorney-which-do-you-need?utm_medium=social&utm_source=email

        1. I will add that the law firm also had non-attorney medicare/medicaid specialists (as described in the article) on staff, so my siblings and I ended up working with the non-attorneys for all but the drawing up of the irrevocable trust. They do this all day long and know exactly what to do, while us mere mortals are basically just wandering in the desert. Let someone like this handle it for you.

  5. FMLA. Today.

    Then Mom goes to Nursing Home, ideally where ideally father goes after hospitalization. You work out finances with social work later.

    Then you sit down and make a list.

    Meanwhile, call your MD about your back pain, get a short term plan and do your stretches 10 minutes ever night before bed.

    You will get through this Promise.

    Do NOT throw your own money at your parents medical expenses now. Use their money only, put all receipts in a file and set up an appointment with an elder care attorney.

    1. I would typically tell you to save some PTO for your surgery – but no. Take FMLA today.

      Your Dad is in the hospital – tell the hospital you cannot take care of him due to tour health. Let social services assist in finding him a placement.

      Your Mom sounds like she needs medical care today. Get her an appointment. Tell them you likewise cannot care for her right now and that you need social services to assist.

      Go to urgent care for back pain. Call your insurance company for housing.

  6. Recommendations for a place to stay in Provincetown this fall? Late October time frame. Prefer higher-end but still charming places.

  7. Re that ABA article . . . It rang true to me. Working through lunch. Exhausted. Only doing billable work and generally trying to knock out the mandatory things before my energy for the day ran out.

    I wonder if this stems from moms generally getting 6-12-20 weeks of leave and being pressured to bre@st feed vs dads historically only getting 2 weeks and taking those weeks when the mom is on hand (contrast to my latest leave-takers, mom took all 20 weeks, dad took 2 weeks at first and then 18 weeks after mom went back to work, so dad actually has all of the solo parenting a newborn skills short of lactating himself). We have invested heavily in the idea that women need post-birth recovery time (true, especially if you had a c-section) and that nurturing is important, but it is not important to have dads be engaging in enough parenting time to be competent and not be just the Assistant Mom (I know Louis CK has been written off, but he was not wrong about how this tends to play out). And then we wonder why women are overwhelmed when both working and having young children are demanding do-it-now endeavors.

    My spouse is not a bad spouse or parent, but he’d be vastly superior if he had had to walk the walk. Otherwise, I get why it is just so easy to be the default Kodak Dad. It is easy to be anything when the wife/mom is the Sherpa of the family who really makes all things happen.

    1. I firmly believe that the pressure to BF is a conspiracy of the patriarchy. The fact that everyone pumps now makes it even worse, because you have no excuse to stop BFing when maternity leave ends.

      I do not believe the answer is the leave configuration you describe. This leaves the mom caring for a newborn while trying to recover herself. She then has to return to work (while pumping) just when the baby is becoming interactive, and dad gets to have all the fun. The solution should be for all new parents to have something like 6 weeks’ parental leave that must be taken immediately upon the birth or placement of the child, and birthing mothers to have several months’ additional leave for physical recovery.

      1. I didn’t mean that exact configuration, but that the dad had significant solo parenting time from early on. So my guess is that mom’s first solo work trip went off no problem vs the women I know who just couldn’t because theyd be dealing with a cluster F on the road with a semi-competent spouse demanding to be bailed out. Equal parenting partners would make a world of difference. But how often do we say we value nurturing and in practice don’t insist that the kids need it from both parents and not just one?

      2. No I think we need to reframe/ redefine leaves. I think the partner should have 6-8 weeks paid to take care of child/ mother, and mother has that time paid for actual physical recovery. You know, like our paperwork technically says. This should be standard and assumed – the mother is physically recovering, she shouldn’t be assumed to also be taking care of a newborn. This ensures the partner becomes a primary caretaker of the child, and can be solely focused on keeping child and mother healthy and safe.

        THEN we can move into the 12 week childcare leave/ FMLA. The parents can split the next 3 months however it makes sense, although hopefully it’s fairly equal between them. Companies can compete here, offering more/ better options for any new parents, maybe extending or offering paid time, flexible options, etc. But this should be in addition to a standardized 6-8 weeks of family recovery time.

      3. You do have an “excuse”, and the excuse is “this doesn’t work for me anymore.” This is also the “excuse” for not bf’ing at all. It is literally a choice that you are free to make as a grown-up adult who has to be the one to do it or not do it.

        1. Clearly you have not had a husband with Opinions on how your child should be fed!

          1. I can’t imagine being married to someone that controlling. My body, my choice. I wouldn’t have married or had kids with someone who felt otherwise. I did b-feed because I enjoyed it (I didn’t pump) but I would have divorced my husband if I wanted to quit and he told me I had to keep going. It’s just not his decision.

          2. Not just a spouse but every being on the planet but those moms who raised their kids on formula under pressure back in the day. That wasn’t right either but those kids seemed to have done OK. I think they are Boomers generally and maybe older Gen Xers.

        2. My “excuse” for not BFing was that I wasn’t interested and it didn’t appeal to me. But I didn’t bother explaining it, because it wasn’t really anyone’s business and I didn’t need anyone’s permission to take a pass on this. I think the pressure to BF actively harms women, too.

        3. And see, you have a choice as well, either to be supportive of other women who struggle with this choice, or you can choose, as you have, to be judgmental and nasty.

          Sorry to see you picked that one.

      4. I agree – i think the pendulum has swing a little far sometimes and BFing is actively harming moms.

      5. “I firmly believe that the pressure to BF is a conspiracy of the patriarchy.”

        I completely agree about this, and thank you for calling this out. It makes a woman a slave to her baby when there’s a perfectly fine substitute, and it seems to cause nothing but guilt if it doesn’t work out from where I stand.

      6. I so, so agree with 3:49 on the patriarchy conspiracy. I just don’t understand why otherwise there is so much pressure on BF. The science does not back up BF as being superior.

    2. My husband and I were equal parents before the pandemic. I had live-in help too. I traveled for work all the time. Billed the hours. Was the most profitable associate. Self-promoted. Took on a prominent,public facing bar association role. Published articles. Etc etc etc.

      I still saw opportunities that should have been mine handed over to white guys. I’ve seen lazy white guys with meh hours make partner while excellent women and people of color got sidelined. I refuse to take the blame for it.

      1. Yes yes yes. Thank you for saying this. I’m so tired of being told it’s our own fault, or it’s the “distraction” of kids, etc etc etc.

    3. The most frightening thing about the article is that she writes guide books for/about Millennial lawyers, despite being so out of touch.

  8. My work situation has always been slightly dysfunctional, but it went to hell over the weekend. Our CFO is leaving in a couple weeks (we knew this two weeks ago) and my immediate boss, who reported to the CFO, was unexpectedly given the choice of termination or resignation on Friday. (She chose resignation.) The CEO is making hiring an interim CFO first priority, but I strongly suspect that in a few weeks, I am going to be the most senior finance person on site and I will be asked to do some extra duties, like presenting at the board meeting (!).

    My old immediate boss stepped up more than once in similar situations over her time here and was generally an excellent and loyal employee. I have no interest in being rewarded the way she seems to have been. How do I advocate for myself here and not get screwed over? (Don’t worry, we are looking for other jobs, but in the meantime…)

    1. Something doesn’t add up re firing your boss already knowing the CFO is leaving, so you may not know the whole story. While you are looking, I would do your job and be helpful where possible. It could be a benefit on your resume to have presented to the board.

  9. I could use some general advice on a situation. My sister asked me for help and I said I would ask you wise ladies.

    My sister works at a very small company (fewer than 10 people) and reports to a woman who she has a friendly relationship with – they’re not quite friends outside of work but they’re work friends at work. The woman is a newly single mom – the dad lives a plane trip away and is interested in the baby but not in a relationship with mom.

    This woman told my sister, more or less in passing, that she thinks she is depressed. It seems to be about how being alone with the baby all the time (they do remote work) is really really tough, which I think is totally understandable. My sister has noticed personality changes, like times when she gets angry/blows up over relatively minor work stuff. Since my sister is her only direct report, she’s on the receiving end of this.

    My sister would like to gently suggest the boss see someone for depression but doesn’t want to cross a line. But she’s worried about both her work friend and the baby.

    Would you say something or stay mum? Sis is under the impression that boss doesn’t have a lot of friends.

    1. Your sisters only real option is to leave, trying to solve this will likely not end well.

    2. If boss says she’s depressed, I think your sister could recommend medication or therapy especially if she has any personal recommendations (e.g., “Have you considered therapy? A friend said Dr X was great.”). She should not bring it out of the blue based on her boss’s behavior and she should absolutely not suggest her boss might harm her baby. The vast majority of people with mental health issues would never hurt anyone and the suggestion is pretty offensive.

      1. I’m OP. I had PPD myself with my second, and though I don’t think I would have harmed my baby, my thoughts were fixated on worrying that I would harm my baby. That was the specific issue I needed help with.

    3. This sounds like postpartum depression, which is a bear. I had severe prenatal depression and struggled a lot. One of the hard things is that it’s really difficult to see perinatal mood disorders from the inside, because so much of your life is changing all at once. Therapy helped immensely.

      It’s hard to give advice without knowing the situation. If her boss brings it up again, she could say something like – hey, boss, I didn’t want to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, but you haven’t been yourself recently. My friend [because when you get advice from the internet, the person is your new ‘friend’] had perinatal depression and said that it was really hard to see it happening to her, and she also said that therapy really helped a lot. As your friend and your employee, I don’t want to see you struggle.

    4. Your sister can tell her manager that her manager seems to be less happy with sister’s work since she has expressed annoyance, and is it something manager wants sister to do differently? She can comment on this because the angry comments directly influences her own work situation.

      She should not: speculate about manager’s health, baby’s health, comment on either or make any uninvited suggestions. Keep it professional instead of speculating. Give the manager some grace, since she knows this is a stressful time, but do not think that having a friendly manager means that she should step in like a friend.

  10. I’d love to out an ex-family member who refuses to get COVID shots. Dude works with sick people at a hospital. Is this common? I am shocked that it is allowed to happen.

    1. Yes. The vast majority of hospitals and nursing homes in the US don’t/can’t mandate the vaccine (due to state laws). Only 55% of healthcare workers in my state are vaccinated. It’s awful. They should be charged with manslaughter when they kill a vulnerable patient.

      1. I posted about my sister’s facility below. Interestingly, she said “they can’t mandate it or everyone will quit and we are horribly short staffed as it is.” My grandmother’s facility with a 100% vax rate pays well and does not have an attrition problem so has no problem replacing anyone that isn’t going to comply.

    2. I don’t know of anyone in this circumstance, but yeah, I’d totally out someone working at a hospital who isn’t getting the Covid shot. Disgraceful.

    3. My sister is a nurse at a long term care facility where they only have a 35% vaccination rate among staff. She (not only vaccinated, but also had COVID for 6 awful weeks last year as it ravaged the facility she worked in, killed 8 people and infected 30% of the residents and 25% of the staff) said it’s largely the clinical staff refusing, not support staff (kitchen workers, janitors, etc.) In fact, one of their janitors was the first person to get his shot!

      On the other hand, my grandmother’s assisted living facility has a 100% vaccination rate among staff (including all volunteers, etc), has a vaccine requirement to work there. The ALF is in a blue state in new england but they are part of a national chain that has a 99% vaccination rate as of May 28th.

  11. Speaking of fashion- has anyone ventured into bucket hat territory? I found a really cute one and would love some ideas how to style! So far I’ve just worn it with straps dresses or tee shirts and jeans

    1. As a sun-avoider, I’ve worn bucket hats in and out of fashion cycles. I find they work best with weekend/vacation-y clothes, like you’re finding. For dressier occasions, I wear dressier hats. I love a wide brimmed straw hat with a summer dress.

      The thing I like about bucket hats, though, is that since you wear them fairly low on the forehead, they’re good at shading the whole face.

    2. I’ve never seen one that isn’t firmly in super casual or sun hat territory, so I don’t worry much on how to style.

  12. Attending a wedding in Annapolis, Maryland in April 2022 and have never been. Venue is Celebrations at the Bay so I expect to be staying in that area. We are going to take a few days before and/or after. Recommendations of things to explore in that area? Thanks!

    1. If you like crab and go to a restaurant known for its crab, specifically for their crab, ask them BEFORE they seat you if they have crab available. Their website will say one thing but reality may be different. Looking at you, Cantler’s.

      1. If Cantler’s were serving MD crabs in April, they wouldn’t have weighed more than the money it took to buy them. Just a local take . . . .

        1. Oh haha I didn’t catch that it was April. Clearly the crab thing still takes up a decent amount of my brain space …

    2. Celebrations is about 30 minutes from Annapolis but don’t miss the chance to walk around downtown and pop into the State House. Grab some coffee at Rise Up at Market Square. Preserve, latitude 38, Levels are good places to dine. Tea at Reynolds Tavern. The Naval Academy yard is still closed but will hopefully be open by then.

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