Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Alice Satin Boatneck Top

209 Comments

1. I posted a few weeks ago about navigating a family vacation with my brother’s family that allows unlimited screentime. I’m happy to report that vacation went GREAT this year – I took your advice and my family just did our own thing and issued an open invite for everyone else to join us if they wanted. It turned out that my nephew rarely did, but letting go of the expectation that we “should all do things together” helped a ton. His screentime was not an issue for my family this year because we didn’t wait around for him, missing the prime activity windows as a result. Thanks for helping me process that. We also met a great family at the next cabin over with a girl my son’s age and they totally hit it off on the watersports front, which ended up being so fun (and they live near us at home!!).

   I just have to add: we finally had one of those rare, absolutely perfect family vacation days. We got up early and did a 5-mile hike to a beautiful alpine lake and my son joined us for his first bracing dip up there, we got brunch after at my all-time favorite coffee shop, went water-skiing with grandparents and had a total blast (my son finally stood up successfully on the wakeboard for the first time and was ecstatic) and finished off with some cliff jumping, had a little reading and napping downtime at the cabin after a burger and ice cream for lunch, played board games, and had a delicious BBQ with s’mores and all (including my nephew!) followed by one final session on the boat at the lake before crashing HARD at 9 pm. It was my favorite active kind of day and seeing my son embrace the special activities we get to do there with his grandparents was the best treat after this crazy pandemic. My husband and I agreed it was one of the best days we’ve ever had as a family.

   1. Oh wow, I am so, so glad it went well! That does sound idyllic. My son doesn’t have cousins his age (they are all 20-somethings and he is 4), so we don’t have to deal with the different parenting style dynamics, but I remember it from my childhood (3 cousins within 3 years).

   2. Thanks for reporting back and glad to hear it went so well!!

   3. That sounds absolutely heavenly, wow!!

   4. I’m so happy to hear this!!

   5. You’re living the life, girl. That sounds like the perfect vacation to me.

   6. What a lovely update! I’m happy to hear that you all got to enjoy stress-free family time and share so many special memories. :-)

   7. Sounds amazing and great job !

   8. Sounds really fun!

   9. Good for you for taking the advice to heart and doing your own thing!

   10. So wonderful!!

2. I have work opportunities in Ames, Iowa and Denver, Colorado. I’m mid 30s, single (and plan to stay that way), and starting to hit the point I want a great place to live instead of just focusing on career. Can anyone tell me what either town is like? (I have one trip planned to visit each and open to ideas where to go). Denver pays more but after I adjust for cost of living, they’re pretty close. My mom is in a Midwest state and would visit me either place. I’m ok with snow, don’t ski, am moderate/liberal.

   1. How is this a question? There is literally no contest if you’re looking for a fun place to live. Denver. Hands down.

      1. Denver is a great place to visit, especially if you can expense the trip. But IDK if I’d like living there as much — it has gotten expensive and from a friend (municipal worker worried re getting priced out), it seems that you have the urban camping problem that I see as a big California coastal city problem (or Austin) now cropping up, which isn’t good for day-to-day residents vs visitors who can more easily avoid it.

         I think that college towns are generally great places to live and would consider retirement to one (or a pre-retirement tapering-off job in one). [And to parents: this is why you should visit a bunch of types of colleges with your kids — some of us really dig college-town colleges.]

         1. +1. Not everyone likes big cities! I moved from the Bay Area to what most people think of as a boring Midwest college town and honestly prefer living here. Do not underestimate how fun your life can be when your own a fully paid-off $300k house instead of slogging away on a $1.5M+ mortgage you’ll pay off in your 60s. I know Denver is not as pricey as Bay Area, but my understanding is that cost of living is pretty high and rapidly increasing there. Also life is just easier in a lot of ways here – less traffic, amazing school districts so we don’t have to pay for private school (a HUGE expense for many families), our school/work/friends/libraries/restaurants all contained in a ~5 mile radius, our kids have friends from all over the world and our town has great ethnic restaurants, and the university provides wonderful and affordable arts and entertainment options. We are day tripping distance from a couple big cities (including Chicago) so it’s not like we never get to do stuff in a big city. I would not want to move to a major city like Denver. It’s just a very different lifestyle and I prefer the college town lifestyle.

         2. +2, for a vacation Denver of course, no question. But what you want in a vacation and want you want in a place you live are very different, at least for me. I’m another person who’s very happy living in a place that no one would ever think of visiting.

   2. Denver, though you might want to try skiing or at least cross-country skiing! Snow is a lot more fun when you can play in it.

      Having spent a fair amount of time in Ames over the years… no offense to any Iowa State alums out there but it’s pretty much a big generic college town.

   3. Do you want to live in a smallish town in flyover country? Cause that’s basically Ames. It’s not far from Des Moines but Des Moines isn’t a huge metro either.

   4. Denver is a city not a town and I think thats the critical difference

   5. I grew up in Ames from birth to age 18 and my parents (ISU professors) still live there. If you want to share an email address I’m happy to talk more offline. Iowa is a red state but Ames is pretty liberal. Schools are good, cost of living is very low, the university provides lots of cultural and educational opportunities, there’s a lot of diversity for Iowa but not compared to a big coastal city. It’s only about 40 minutes from Des Moines which is a decent-sized city but definitely not as big as Denver. Weather is typical Midwest – gross winter and delayed spring, beautiful summer and fall. I loved growing up there, and sought out a similar community to raise my own family. My husband and I landed in a different Midwest college town that is ok but imo nowhere near as nice as Ames.

   6. Denver is great, but there’s so many dang people and the cost of living is getting higher all the time. If you’re not super into the outdoor activities, I’m not sure it’s as much of a draw.

      Ames is a nice college town and very liveable, IMO. I live about three hours from Ames and have visited occasionally. It would be more my speed for everyday living than Denver, which I enjoy visiting.

      1. Can you stand to live in a place where people think “dang” is an actual word? That is the real question.

         1. You’re not going to fix that with Ames as your other option.

            1. ok I actually laughed out loud at that one

            2. Huh? I’m the person who grew up in Ames and don’t recall people saying “dang” there. It’s not a word I associate with Iowa or the Midwest at all. When i hear that word I think of Hamilton (“and when you said hi, I forgot my dang name…”), which was written by a Puerto Rican American who grew up in NYC.

            3. And if this is meant to be a dig at the education level of people in Ames, you’re way off base. It’s one of the most educated cities in America in terms of the percent of the population that has a college degree.

            4. Anon from Ames, you are taking this way too personally… the only people I know who say “dang” unironically are Midwestern. It’s not an education thing, it’s more of a local earnest slang thing.

               The OP is looking for a place she can live a happy childfree adulthood and I have to say, everyone extolling the virtues of Ames is focusing on the family-friendly aspects of it like good schools… so there’s that.

            5. I was just confused because I lived in California and Massachusetts for many years each after leaving the Midwest and have heard dang there just as much, if not more. I don’t associate it with the Midwest at all, and I g00gled and couldn’t find anything about it being Midwest slang so I thought maybe Walnut was saying something specific about people in Ames using that word.

               There’s much more to Ames than good public schools, but you have a valid point that Ames is a better place for raising a family or going to college than being a 30-something single professional. I agreed with another poster that she might want to live in Des Moines, which is a nice city and has much more of a professional bar and nightlife scene.

            6. Anonymous, I think you need an edible.

            7. Definitely was not meant as a slight against Ames. Born & raised in the midwest and have probably used the word ‘dang’ in the past three months. I’m plenty educated and still pull out all of my midwest idioms on a daily basis. You’ll know if you ever meet me in Seattle, because I’m the person who just referred to the ‘north forty’.

               For my two cents into this conversation, Denver and Ames are very, very different. Spending a bit of time in each location is going to provide a lot of insight. Spend some time thinking about your real life versus your idealistic life and give yourself grace that no decision needs to be forever. If you choose one location and don’t love it, there will likely be opportunities to pursue a new city.

   7. I went to Iowa State and lived in Des Moines for about 5 years in my late 20s/early 30s. If you can, I’d live in Des Moines and commute to Ames at this stage of your life. Des Moines is actually fabulous if you are okay with Midwest weather. We only left becuase of my husband’s job, and I actually still work remotely for a law firm there. I’m also happy to discuss offline if you post an email address.

      1. I’m the poster above who grew up in Ames and I agree with this. Ames is a wonderful place to grow up and raise a family, but a single young professional is likelier to be happier living in downtown Des Moines and commuting to Ames. It’s doable, especially if your employer is open to letting you have some WFH days. My father actually commuted to DSM for years before he got a job at ISU.

   8. I travel to Denver for work and I recently visited my brother, who moved there last year. Given your situation, I would definitely chose Denver. For outdoor activities, there is a lot more than skiing.

   9. Thanks all! I am going to visit both places then might post again if I don’t have a “feel”.

   10. I have family in both places. They are suuuuper different. How do you want to spend your time and what do you want your life to look like? Denver is a bustling city. There will be more career opportunities and more social opportunities. It’s a very active town, lots of groups for running, hiking, biking, etc. (There is also a very specific Denver-bro stereotype that is completely rooted in reality, so if you don’t want to date one, you may be frustrated.) It is also quite expensive and you see a lot more homelessness and negative impacts of the high COL and weed legalization. You should look carefully at your salary and where you can afford to live, especially if owning is important. The traffic is also terrible. That said, I love it and the access to nature and the whole state is really special and fun. Ames is a nice sized college town. As others have said it’s a blue island in a red state, if that matters. People are educated and interesting but there’s less hustle if that makes sense. COL is very manageable. Because of the university people are always coming and going. There are cultural opportunities but usually there’s 1-2 big things at a time, rather than a wide variety to choose from in Denver, if that makes sense. You’re an easy drive to Chicago, Minneapolis, Omaha or Kansas City if you want to go to a city for some reason.

       1. Please do explain to me how homelessness is a byproduct of weed legalization.

          1. That is not an accurate reading of the post.

   11. Iowa State alumna here who lived in Denver for 3 years as a late 20s/early 30s professional. I love both and would recommend either city. Lots and lots of thoughts, but really it comes down to whether you prefer a City or a Town.

       I would definitely include Des Moines in your trip to explore Ames. A friend in a very similar life stage with a job in Ames (mid30s single professional) spent a few years in Ames and just decided to move to a suburb of Des Moines. I haven’t talked to her about the move, but from some past comments I imagine she’s moving for more entertainment, restaurant choices, etc. It’s still an easy commute.

3. Is it normal to have some anxiety around random stuff like sending client emails? It’s not all the time, but particularly acute when I’m in a new role or serving a new client. I do things like read through my inbox for similar emails others have sent before so I can pick up the language when (1) I’ve seen plenty of these in the past and there’s nothing new here and (2) I’m way overthinking and none of this is that big of a deal. Like eventually I send and everything is fine, but this takes some time I’d rather not burn on unnecessary things. Oh, and I procrastinate a bit on responding sometimes. I would not say I have general problems with anxiety, but things like this do crop up here and there.

   1. I have the same issue, except that many of the e-mails I have to send are not to clients but to people I need to make various requests of. I absolutely dread sending these messages. I look back at what I’ve written and cringe. I just don’t like asking people to do things.

   2. Yeah this is like 95% of lawyers

   3. I don’t know if it’s normal, but I totally have anxiety around certain types of emails, especially when they’re new/unfamiliar/may be asking something of me that I’m not sure I can live up to.

   4. I think it would be useful to find other words than “anxiety” to help you understand what is happening here. For example, are you . . . nervous, shy, frightened of making a mistake, insecure, feeling vulnerable, fearful that you’ll mess up and lose a client or create a mess, etc.

      It makes a lot of sense that when you’re doing something new or doing something with new people, you’ll get nervous or feel vulnerable, especially if you have some embedded mindsets that you must perform perfectly or that you must never make a mistake or that people won’t like you and then it will be terrible, etc.

      Find the mindsets under the feelings.

      1. afraid of making a mistake and feeling exposed at emailing a bunch of people I don’t know. This is particularly acute when it’s like a big listserv of people. I like to just hide in the background so no one can have too many opinions of how awkward I am and how much I suck. Obviously that’s not what I actually do, so it manifests in taking forever to send basic emails. sigh.

         1. I’m the anon at 9:20. Given this background, procrastinating and tying yourself into knots on emails makes perfect sense. Your choice now: would you like to stay this way, or are you ready to do some work to change?

            If you’re ready to do some work to get some change and freedom here, you can work on this from the outside with some new habits and approaches to the emails, and from the inside, with deciding it’s time to tackle these mindsets and exchange them for some new ones that give you more freedom and ease to move through life (you’re not required to go through life feeling like you suck; you can change your mind about that and get some new ways of thinking about yourself). The inside work will likely take some therapy, workshops, self-help books, etc. A coach or mentor might be able to help you with the outside work.

         2. Hey there – I have also felt this way. I find it very reassuring to remember that no one is thinking about me really all that much. I have to remind myself that nothing ventured, nothing gained, and if the first one feels hard the second/third/fourth ones won’t be so bad.

      2. Just a random reader but I found this comment really helpful, thank you!!

4. I’m trying to figure out my next professional steps and would appreciate any advice from people on this board.
   I currently work in investment stewardship/ ESG for a large pension/401k company. I love the bits of my job that are to do with encouraging companies to take real action towards decarbonisation – whether those are companies we invest in or our own company.
   Do people ever go from ‘in house’ to consultancies? I see people posting about going the other way from Big 4 to in house. But there must be consulting jobs involving telling companies how to decarbonise their operations??

   1. I suppose extra pertinent information is that I’m 5 years post graduation, not expecting to have kids (single), and happy to take a high-travel role.

   2. I am not familiar with consultancies that tell companies how to decarbonize their operations. I am also a cynic about that and wonder if that is truly a service companies would pay for. That said, plenty of advocacy organizations do that kind of work: ‘encouraging companies to take real action’, but it would like be a pay cut.

      1. Yeah, I couldn’t afford to move to an advocacy organisation, so it would either be moving to a sustainability practice at a Big 4 (which do exist) or in house to a Corporate Sustainability team at the kind of company I talk to as an investor now.

         And then I wonder whether there are jobs in “making the Tour De France lower-carbon” because I’d love to do that

         1. I work for a Big 4 firm, and I know leadership has been making a lot of noise about how our clients are heavily focused on ESG and how we need to pivot to serve them, so I can imagine that someone out there is looking for people with knowledge on the topic. For context: I’m in London, and I make just under £85K as a senior manager in advisory (so not the same as consulting but I don’t know where in the corporate structure ESG consulting would fall–consulting vs advisory) with 6 years’ experience in my field.

            1. Ah, that’s really useful to know, thanks!

   3. Are you interested in making more money while doing what you do? or decarbonizing companies? If it’s the former, you might have luck in PE managers.

      1. I’m interested in making at least as much money as I do now – total comp of about £70k, would need £90k or more to move to London and have a similar standard of living (but happy to look at roles involving frequent travel to London as it’s the high house prices there that are the issue!).
         Do there exist ESG-focussed PE managers?
         I feel like this is a real downside of Covid WFH, in that it’s so much more difficult to find out what exists.

         1. There do exist ESG-focused PE managers, but I don’t know much about the European market. I was thinking more about doing ESG for a general PE manager who at least wants to comply with global standards, and probably has an ESG-specific few products (plus perhaps a need to update their own internal operations for ESG concerns). I think in the US a lot of those folks are lawyers, but not all. not sure in the UK.

            1. Oh that makes sense! Yes, I’m sure those sorts of roles exist, but I would never have thought of them on my own. (My whole career to date has been roles that I didn’t previously know existed).

   4. There are definitely boutique ESG consultancies as well as practices in the larger firms.
      As suggested below, you might look instead at moving in house to an investment firm. Private equity has a need, as do most asset managers across strategies and your experience at a client firm would likely be a plus.
      If you have a burner email happy to share more ideas as I do some work in the space and my org is active in Europe

      1. Thanks! It’s tinea94 at the Google

5. First trip to Vegas next month and it will be over our anniversary. Where should I make reservations for dinner? Also, any recommendations for what show we should see? Any other recommendations for a first trip? My husband and I are late 30s for reference. Thanks!

   1. Which hotel? There are so many good restaurants that I tend to look for ones in my hotel or within short walking distance (i.e., the next one over) vs. driving all the way down the strip.

   2. If you are booking a Cirque show, I highly recommend actually calling to make your reservations, and mention that it’s a special occasion. I’ve been offered free seat upgrades and great deals on dinner packages that aren’t available online.

      If you’re interested in hanging by the pool, I’d highly recommend looking for one that has shade during the day, and paying for a cabana rental.

      If you enjoy spa days, the Waldorf Astoria spa is my favorite.

   3. Need way more information to help, there’s an offshoot of a ton of fancy restaurants there from major cities (not my preferred way to try them, but say you’re never going to get to NYC or Napa, it’s a way to try them), there’s concert type shows, lounge acts, old school camp, etc. without knowing more about what you like, it’s really hard to recommend things. Personally, I kinda loathe Vegas, but it’s something to see.

      1. +1M to “it’s something to see”

         I don’t loathe Las Vegas and I’m not a gambler (I do like to crowd-watch in the Sports Book area), but it is such an overwhelming spectacle. I never went to amusement parks as a kid b/c I am motion sick on everything, so this is what I can do in that “big spectacle” bucket of things to do. It is impossible to be inappropriately dressed. Also, you can rent a car and in 4 hours (!!!) be at the Grand Canyon (north rim), which is its own sort of amazing, as is the drive to get there.

         1. My big bummer about Vegas is how hard it is to get away from cigarette smoke. I stayed in a non smoking room on a non smoking floor at Caesar’s Palace and still smelled smoke all night long. It’s pervasive in the casinos.

            But I also had some great meals and really enjoyed just seeing how a city engineered solely for tourism really can be built. It’s like an adult version of Disneyland.

            1. Vdara doesn’t have a casino and is a non-smoking hotel. I have asthma and the smoke bothers me too so we always stayed in Vdara.

            2. +1 for non-casino, non-smoking hotel, unless you want your “non-smoking” room to smell like smoke.

               I was in Vegas for work a couple of years ago and enjoyed just walking around and taking in the sights. The Bellagio fountain show and the Mirage volcano show are fun. A bunch of the big hotels’ shopping areas are connected, and I was able to walk for miles without ever going outside. My favorite thing was trying on fancy watches (Omega, Cartier, Breitling, etc.), the kind I would love to have but am too practical to actually drop that kind of money on. The salespeople were surprisingly pleasant to deal with, offered to let me try them on even though I said I was just browsing, and weren’t pushy. (Salespeople in other types of stores were more pushy, though.) In contrast, at the jewelry stores in our home city the salespeople will barely even give my husband and me the time of day even when we are obviously ready to make a purchase.

            3. I’m Anon at 12:20 – I really only go to Vegas for conferences so I don’t get to pick the hotel, but I will definitely keep the Vdara in mind if I ever go for fun! Thanks for the rec

            4. Vegas is the one place where I always refuse to stay in the conference hotel and choose my own. The smoke is a dealbreaker for me.

      2. I would try to dine at a place that is unique to Vegas and not just an offshoot of a brand from NYC or SF. There are plenty of them. Picasso is my favorite fine dining restaurant in Vegas. I love Vegas (we used to live in northern CA and would go there all the time, although the last time I went was 6 years ago now) but it’s definitely a love-it-or-hate-it place. I don’t know anyone who is meh on Vegas.

      3. +1 to kinda loathing it but it is something to see. My inlaws like it, so we end up going there every five years with them, which is fine for 3 days. After 3 days I want out – to many people and fake crap. Last time we took dune buggies out in the desert for half a day and that was fun. Next time (not planned, but we know it will happen) we’re taking a day for the Grand Canyon.

         But the food – the food is really very good. Last time DH and I made that the sole focus of our trip and that was a great way to do Vegas. It’s been probably 5 years, so my recs are all too old and also I don’t remember :) but I browsed a lot of reviews and made reservations based on that.

   4. Agree that we need more information. Vegas is full of good food. A lot depends on budget, whether you will have a car/want to stay on the Strip, and whether you are more interested in fine dining ($$$$) or the Vegas experience.

      For shows, this depends too. Cirque is the obvious choice. Also, check out who is in town because the concerts can be really good. And (again if you want “Vegas”) check out some of the offbeat “museums”. I really like the Pinball Hall of Fame and the Neon Museum.

      Final notes: I love Vegas but do not really like to gamble for more than a couple of hours in a weekend (giving my money away gets old fast). I like it because I love people watching so usually prioritize places with patios on the Strip or inside casinos. If you do not want to spend the while time on the Strip, a trip out to Hoover Dam is well worth it. Also, I stay in one of the smoke free hotels (I like the Delano).

      I hope you have fun!

6. Has anyone started a new job, and realized within a few months it’s just not a fit for a variety of reasons (company/team/boss)? When is it ok to start looking? I can try to grit my teeth till the one year mark if that looks better to hiring managers, but with the job market hot I’m wondering if it’s safe to restart my job search. Recommendations on addressing the short stint in an interview?

   1. I started a new job in October and realized very quickly it was the wrong fit. I started reaching out to some recruiters to ask the same question you did and the answer I got back was that 2020-21 is a weird time and normal rules don’t apply. I’ve had a lot of interviews and will hopefully be accepting a new job this week. Most companies didn’t blink when I told them why I wanted to leave my current company after a relatively short period of time.

   2. Yes and I’d start now-will take awhile to get through the process somewhere else and assuming you don’t have a series of very short stints, in most industries it’s not a red flag. I wouldn’t bash people but if someone I interviewed said they anticipated a role would be X and it was Y and so they are looking for a better fit, that would make sense to me.

   3. It can take so long to find something that I’d start looking now. I’ve done this before – I usually just included one sentence in the cover letter explaining the short stint (to use ask a manager lingo,”I recently made the transition to teapot designer, but found that I miss the fast paced nature of teapot delivery, so am looking for opportunities to… blah blah blah”). People asked about it in interviews, but I had a well prepped quick explanation and then they moved on quickly. I think one or two stints over the course of a career isn’t usually an issue – it’s multiple in a row.

   4. Yes, I did this and it was fine. I told interviewers that the new place was not a good fit for X reasons. Made easier by the fact that I came from a litigation role, hated the new position as in house counsel, and wanted to go back to litigation.

   5. Yes at my previous job I started in the summer and by fall I was miserable enough that I sought therapy. I put in resumes and went on interviews before/after the winter holidays and left for another job by late winter/early spring the following year. In all I lasted 8 months at that job. I had been stable at all my previous jobs (5 years on average) so I’m not flakey by any standards. It helps that my industry needs a lot of people with mid career experience right now and it’s essentially industry standard to poach one another’s employees.

   6. I started a new role in January and knew immediately it wasn’t a fit. I am starting my new job in 2 weeks. Recruiters and everyone I interviewed with were very understanding of the situation.

   7. Long story short – Changed jobs under pressure of possible layoff and did not do my due diligence. Ended up with the boss from hell. Stayed 3 months and quit without another job but with possibility of contract work from friends at other firms. Did contract work for 6 months while job searching. I had never had a position that lasted less than 3 years before and do not think it hurt me (‘it was not a good fit” became my mantra), but that may have been because the woman I was working for was so legit nightmarish that people at my new firm had heard stories (it turned out a LOT of people had heard stories and there were four other survivors of monster-boss at my new firm; we have happy hours and call it our group therapy.)

      Life is too short to be miserable at work.

7. Any recommendations for a fabulous adults only resort in the Caribbean? My husband and I are taking our first ever trip without our kids this winter. We like snorkeling, water sports, nice scenery, hiking, pretty beaches, good food. Not Mexico – we’ve been to the Riviera Maya twice recently and have a family trip to Cabo on the horizon in the next couple of years. We went to Turks and Caicos recently (with kids) so probably would prefer a different island, even though we liked it a lot. My husband is sensitive to heat/humidity and bugs and will veto any place that doesn’t have four walls and AC, so no Jade Mountain even though I know people here love it. (It’s not in our budget anyway – we want to splurge but not $2500/night splurge.) Non-stop flights from Chicago would be a plus but not required.

   1. I would highly highly recommend an adult’s only resort. You don’t want to spend money to escape kids only to be faced with more kids.

      1. She literally in her first sentence asks for recommendations for an adults only resort

         1. +1.

            To the poster with email anxiety: this is a prime example of how little attention people are paying to what you’re writing.

   2. No specific suggestions (I am not a resort person), but somewhere in Puerto Rico? You could take a day trip and go hiking in El Yunque. Or St. John ticks a lot of those (I was not impressed with the food), but I don’t think they have resorts, really. (Lovango’s a private island resort not far from St John, but it is $$$ and I don’t think adult only).

   3. It’s not adults only (I think) but Half Moon in Montego Bay? IMHO the best way to minimize children is to travel when schools are in session – so go say late January or late Feb (avoiding holiday weekends and before spring breaks start up).

      1. Thanks! Unfortunately we need to go on a school break in order to have grandparent childcare (they’re teachers). I’m not so concerned about having a few kids around, it’s more just that we travel a lot with our kids and this is our once chance to visit an amazing resort that doesn’t allow them and we want to seize that opportunity. I will add Half Moon to our travel w/kids list though!

   4. You said no Jade Mountain but there are plenty of other nice resorts in St Lucia. We did our honeymoon at Sandals Halcyon Beach and we loved it – all adult, and the quietest of the 3 Sandals properties. They have a shuttle so you can take advantage of the amenities at the other properties as well.

      1. Thanks, we’re definitely interested in St. Lucia, it looks perfect for us. How’s the food at Sandals? We’ve never been but we went to a Beaches (their family-friendly brand) with our kids and the resort was ok, but I thought the food was really mediocre, especially for the price paid ($800/night) and I have to admit that kind of put us off the Sandals brand. I know all-inclusives are not generally known for amazing food, but we’ve been to other (cheaper) resorts that had better food.

         1. Can’t speak to the food at Sandals in St. Lucia, but my one and only experience with a Sandals was in the Bahamas, and the food was meh for what you were paying, so your instincts might be correct. The one all-inclusive I have been to that is adults only and also had great food/drinks was Excellence Punta Cana. I know they also have other locations and I have known people who have gone to their Mexico and Jamaican locations that have also had good experiences.

            1. +1. I’ve been to 3 relatively upscale adults only AIs and Sandals was the pricest and had the worst food. It wasn’t awful, but it tasted very bland and mass-produced. We really liked the food at Excellence Oyster Bay in Jamaica and Live Aqua Cancun. The food in both those resorts tasted fresher and had more local ties than the food at Sandals. Live Aqua was our favorite resort overall, we had the BEST time there and dream about going back all the time, but I know OP doesn’t want Mexico and I don’t think they have any locations outside of Mexico.

   5. We stayed at Royalton Chic in Punta Cana a few years ago. It was adult only and pretty small so it was easy to walk to the beach and pool. The spa was nice too. I recommend it and plan on going back soon.

   6. With the caveat that I have not personally been to either, I have friends who have loved Cocobay Resort in Antigua and The Caves in Jamaica.

8. Anyone have any Lake George lodging recommendations? Open to any town on the lake – would ideally like access to water + small downtown (dining, coffee, nice walks) within 1-2 mile walking distance if possible.

   1. Hands down, Bolton Landing. The Sagamore if you can afford it.

      1. Seconding the Sagamore. I’ve also stayed at the Holiday Inn there and thought it was surprisingly nice.

9. Would I be completely dumb for leaving a job I’m meh about but don’t despise if it means leaving behind 401k match funds? I’m in my mid-20s and I’ve been at my job a little over 2 years. While the workplace is OK, the job (product management) is stressful and disorganized. I’d love to leave to go to a place with more seasoned PMs and a more interesting product, but if I leave now, I’d be giving up about $10k in matched 401k funds that vest next May. The job would be bearable for another year but I’d be counting the days—I don’t factor the non-vested money into my budgeting/retirement planning so I wouldn’t miss it in that sense but I do sort of loathe to leave that money behind especially if I could muscle through another year. Has anyone gone through something similar?

   1. What’s your overall retirement picture like? If you’ve been fully funding your retirement, etc, I would feel okay about leaving and trying to make up some of hte loss in salary in the new place.

      I’ve thought about that at my job, where I’ve been for 27 months. at 60 months my pension vests, which to me is more meaningful than matched 401K money because it’s a totally different stream of income. So I’m staying put for now, but I have calculated the approximate value of that loss in case an opportunity falls in my lap.

      1. FWIW I’m early 30s and have been funding my retirement since leaving school, so I’m in a pretty good spot.

      2. I feel generally pretty good about retirement–I’ve been funding it since leaving school so it’s about $80k between 401k and Roth without the match money. The hesitation is definitely more so rooted in feeling like it’s logically a bad decision to leave if the money behind if my job isn’t making me absolutely miserable.

         1. $10k is a lot if you only have $80k currently. I would be inclined to stick it out, personally, assuming your job isn’t severely impacting your mental or physical health.

            1. I know it’s late and you may not see this but just wanted to clarify, having $80k in your retirement is AMAZING. I was not trying to shame you at all, you’re doing so so so great with retirement savings. Just saying that $10k has more significance to someone in your stage of life than it would to a 50 year old with $800k in retirement.

            2. No worries at all, I knew what you meant! It’s definitely a different situation/a larger overall portion of my funds to consider now vs. in a decade or so

   2. Neither decision is wrong. If you’re looking for permission, I left a job with I think about 5k (maybe as high as 8k?) invested and have no regrets.

      One thing I didn’t know that I *do* regret: if you think they might change plans, don’t roll your 401k into another account. I rolled my 401k into my IRA to consolidate accounts, leaving behind the unvested funds. I figured I wouldn’t get the money so I might as well take advantage of my low tax rate (I was a student) to do a Roth conversion. A year or two after I rolled the 401k they closed the old plan and opened a new one. I got a letter saying all the employer contributions were mine…so I would have gotten the money after all.

   3. I wouldn’t let it stop you from taking a good opportunity. You have many years to save for retirement. Yes, that $10,000 would grow a lot over the next 40 years. But I wouldn’t let it make your decision for you at all. You have plenty of time to save.

   4. May isn’t that far away. I’d start looking casually, with the mindset that you will only accept something absolutely ideal. Make sure you’re really pushing for superior comp and benefits, so you aren’t jumping from the frying pan into the fire. You may end up filling the time to May anyway.

      1. May is almost another year away! At your age I wouldn’t stick with a job for a 10k match. Your next employer will likely match too, you might earn 10k more, you could get better training, skills and opportunity at a place you’re not “meh” about. I would never stick for a 10k retirement match.

         1. ^^ this!

            1. Exactly this. Maybe they vest sooner, maybe the match is better, maybe the benefits are better, maybe the training is better, maybe you’ll advance faster because you actually like your job and therefore do better work.

         2. The way compounding works suggests that the younger she is, the more she should stay, to get that money into her accounts sooner. So my suggestion would be completely opposite your reasoning.

            1. By all means then, she should stay in a dead end role for a meager 401k match instead of realizing that retirement is many years away and many employers offer the same or similar benefit. Sure, great advice there….

            2. This is true, and it should stop OP from just jumping to *any* new job. It should be a material step up. At her stage in her career, that should be possible; changing jobs is how most young PMs move up (I quadrupled my salary in three moves over 5 years; it was shocking). But she should definitely not just take the first thing offered. The advice below to negotiate the $10K (should be more like $15K to account for taxes) into any offer is good, but I’d also be looking for just generally getting a big comp bump.

   5. I’ve left money on the table when I was leaving for professional growth (more $ or bigger job/industry.) I looked at it like an investment in my future and ended up making more a “return” during that time by growing my salary. I think $10k is probably “make upable” in that way. Also, some companies will factor that into a signing bonus – so you could ask about that .

   6. Absolutely look. For one thing, at this stage in your product career, it wouldn’t be surprising if you can land a job with $20K more in base than current role (or even more). Sure, it’s not growing tax-free, but that adds up.

   7. A year of lost opportunity and a potential lost raise isn’t worth $10k imho. No harm in looking, in any event.

   8. Try to get any money you’re leaving behind as a sign on bonus. $10k wouldn’t be much for most firms to offer. It’s part of negotiating your offer.

      1. +1 – this is super common. Like when I left Biglaw my in-house job gave me a signing bonus that didn’t totally match the firm bonus I was giving up, but it was enough to take the sting out.

      2. My only additional comment is to take some screenshots right now of your unvested amount because most recruiters/HR departments need to document why they’re giving a signing bonus. Maybe it won’t be a big deal for a $10k signer but mine was in the mid six figures, tied to stranded long term comp, and I had to document the hell out of it.

   9. Ask for a signing bonus at the new job to compensate for your missed vesting/missed bonus at the old job. I did that for a role and got a $15k signing bonus. FWIW it was also a product manager job and my then-bonus target was $5k and I had ~$5k unvestefnbut I was fuzzy with them on the details and asked for $15. I got that and my new job came with a $20k pay bump (70k to 90k).

   10. Thank you, everyone! These responses are all super helpful–I will definitely start looking.

   11. I left a job where I wasn’t vested (maybe like $20k on the table) but I got a different job with a pay bump ($15k), comparable retirement benefits, and commute a lot less because it’s hybrid remote. I say think about the whole picture and start applying and getting job offers. you can compare more specifically then – don’t let 10k just stand in the way of you finding a better job if you’re miserable. if you don’t get an offer you’ll be closer and closer tot he vest. if you do, it may be a far better offer!

10. I missed the 30-day return window for a jcrew factory online order. I didnt realize that the return window was 30 days, what would happen if I returned it by mail? I rarely ever return by mail, but the jcfactory store is pretty far away from me.

    1. Go for it. Maybe you get the refund, maybe store credit, maybe nothing.

    2. You might not even be able to get the return slip or shipping label.

    3. They’ll give you a credit

    4. I’ve once returned something outside of the window on accident. They sent me an email saying they would credit me back since this was the first time it had happened to me but not to do it again, basically.

       1. This happened with me at 6pm – a pair of sandals broke after wearing them a couple times, but outside the window.

    5. It was not Factory but JCrew gave me credit. Talbots sent the item back to me. I’m more careful now.

    6. I’ve had good luck with various retailers by getting on the chat customer service function on the website and explaining my situation. “I’m sorry I missed the window. Is there any way I can return it?” Chat works way better than phone. I often think the chat folks have more authority or something.

       1. +1 I’ve also had luck returning final sale items and getting refunded for subscriptions I forgot to cancel this way. I’m sure if you did it repeatedly with the same store they might not let you, but I’ve done this at least once or twice at J. Crew and Madewell, I think.

11. I have a bad habit – my workflow isn’t consistent. I normally work 8 hours a day in an office. I am finding when I only have 5-6 billable hours of work on my plate, I tend to delay it and procrastinate (instead of getting it all done yesterday, I billed 2 hours yesterday and still have 4 hours of it to do today). Any tips for grinding through and facing an empty to-do list instead of “wasting” these days? And I know my plate will fill back up, late this week or early next week at the latest – it is the nature of the practice so I want to work on this early in my career.

    1. Why do you have to do it all in one day if it’s a slow week? You don’t need to grind 24/7, you can and should have some slower periods.

       1. Not OP but this becomes a quality of life issue. If you have a slow week then go out and enjoy your life! Don’t sit at your desk dawdling all day. I say as I’m commenting here….

    2. Set a schedule for yourself. I’m going to complete Task 1 by 11 am, Task 2 before lunch, etc. Schedule things for your spare 2 hours, too. I will spend 2 hours researching article topics. Or, y’know, happy hour with friends. I find when I have something scheduled for 5, I tend to be more productive because I can’t let work bleed into the evening.

       I have the same problem but didn’t really crack down on myself until I got burned because of my procrastination. Something always comes up. Often it’s an emergency. And all of a sudden that 4 hours of work left over from yesterday needs to be done at the same time you’re facing down a TRO brief that needs to be drafted overnight.

    3. I feel like I could have written this. I’ve been dealing with this since the beginning of the pandemic to be honest. Over the weekend I realized it should be my goal to run out of work, rather than spreading it out. So, now I’m trying to get it all done ASAP.

    4. I would work 3 hours in the morning on each day, but take the afternoons off and enjoy the downtime.

    5. I have this same issue. I have learned to (1) enjoy the downtime and (2) really schedule myself. A paper planner works for me, and I’ll literally write down “9-10 draft motion for matter A, 10-10:30 answer emails for matter B, …” If I don’t have enough to fill the whole day, or if I have 10 hours of work I can spread over 2 days, I’ll schedule in down time. That way I feel like I’m really enjoying the free time guilt-free instead of kind of thinking about the stuff on my list.

    6. I struggle a ton with this when I am not busy, so let me start by saying that my advice is easier said than done. But when I was a new associate, I was very strongly counseled that letting work sit like that was unacceptable in the eyes of my firm. As they put it, there is always work to be done. So, most likely your firm wants you to finish the 6 hours of work on the first day, and then go ask for more. And if they don’t have something billable to give you, someone probably has something non-billable, or there’s something else to do. And, also the comment below about an emergency popping up is true too.
       I don’t know if this is super helpful, except for maybe reframing things in a different way to help motivate you? And your firm may not be like this at all, maybe they don’t care if you’re productive all the time (but I would guess that’s unusual if you have billable hours). But, if that’s the case, maybe you can reframe as – if I finish this, I can do something fun with the rest of my time?

12. I’m stuck in a circle as I’m trying to declutter and redesign my office. A lot of what’s in my way will eventually go on the full-wall bookshelves I plan to install.

    Do you think if I prep and paint only the one wall, so I can get that bookshelf up and filled with stuff, that painting the other four walls a few weeks later will give me noticeably different results? Obviously I don’t expect it to fade in that amount of time, just wondering if little things like using a fresh roller or painting during different humidity will make the results different enough to see.

    1. This will be fine

    2. I’ve partially painted rooms many times and it works fine!

13. I’m looking for a tweed work dress and found one by Theory. It’s available in a 4 and a 10. It may just be a no-go. I normally wear a 4 or 6 in dresses. Calvin Klein sheath dresses run really small and I tried one on in a 10 the other day and it fit through the body but gapped oddly around the shoulders/neck. I couldn’t have sized down. I know that Theory also has a slimmer fit, so I’m wondering if I should just take a chance on the 10. It’s sleeveless and V neck, so I wouldn’t have gapping on top with that style. Thoughts? I can obviously just wait until tweed is more in season.

    1. I mean, if you have free shipping and returns it’s worth a try. I’m usually a 6 in JCrew dresses, 8 or 29 in pencil skirts or jeans, and a 10 in Theory – or sometimes 12 depending on cut. But if it’s final sale… eh, not worth this risk.

       1. It’s not final sale! I’m busty, so I’m a 4 in pants or skirts, but a 6 in dresses. Why does this have to be hard?

          1. Because you’re making it hard. It’s a dress. Buy it, if it doesn’t fit, return it. You don’t need a tweed dress in July.

    2. You can also get it tailored if it’s just slightly too large.

    3. Theory can easily run 2 sizes off your normal since it is very much cut with a straight up and down body type in mind. I’d by the 10, and take it to the tailor to see how much it will cost to to alter. Tweed won’t cycle back on sale until next January at the earliest.

    4. I’m a 6-8 and I would say the 10 at Theory would be good. I always have to go up at least one size from my BR/Jcrew size. And it’s not hard to have it tailored if it is slightly too big. When you get into tailoring like 2 + sizes then it is tricky.

14. I did it! I ran a 5k this past weekend! Thank you to everyone who chimed in with support a few weeks ago now.

    Can anyone recommend another program that will help me improve my running? I loved the Couch to 5K app and how it told me when to stop/start/etc. Is there anything like that for other kinds of runs like intervals or other kinds of training? If not an app, other good resources to plan some things on my own? Recommendations appreciated!

    1. Daniel’s Running Formula by Jack Daniels – great if you are a nerd.

    2. I love Nike Running Club! I am about to finish the half marathon training plan, which I would’ve never thought I would do. All of the training plans have guided runs, built in days to rest, and I find the mileage increases do-able. They have 5k, 10k, etc.

       1. I have the Nike Run Club app and can only see a Beginners and half marathon plan. Do you have to do the beginners to unlock the other lengths?

    3. No recommendations for programs because I am terrible at sticking to training and running wildly undertrained bc I am dumb (but it somehow also manages to work for me), ANYHOW, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

       1. Thank you!!

    4. There’s a similar app for a 10K and half marathon. I used the 10K one and currently training for a half.

    5. Hal Higdon is well known for his training programs; all available online. I’ve used his 15K program for novice runners.

    6. I’ve used a program called one hour runner in the past

15. I have a public speaking engagement this afternoon and y’all, I am so nervous. I am so worried I will have a panic attack or a heart attack lol. Please send good vibes or any last minute advice…

    1. Download Fight Your Fear and Win by Don Greene. Go straight to Chapter 2 and try the “Centering Down” exercise. Practice it now and use it when you stand up to speak.

       1. Thank you – this was great and I am saving it for next time too! Appreciate that you sent this!

    2. You may be nervous, but that’s okay. You’re going to do great! You got this!

    3. Focus on how you will feel when you get done. That has gotten me through many a nervous moment. Good luck – you’ve got this!

    4. Remember to breathe and everything will be ok. You got this!

    5. It helps me to think about the jittery feeling as excitement. For me at least, thinking “Wow, I am SO DAMN EXCITED ABOUT THIS, feel my heart pound!” helps me to reframe things and actually be excited.

    6. Good luck! You’ll do great!!

    7. In case you see this in time: I like to memorize my opening paragraph or so word for word, then recite it out loud from memory several times in the hotel room right before I go on. Going from memory allows me to get off to a solid start mostly on autopilot, and once I get that start it becomes easier to settle in and just talk. If the audience is not seated too close, I also like to pick out different people in the audience and talk straight to them for a minute. (I don’t usually do this in small rooms where the direct eye contact would be obvious and weird people out.)

    8. You’ll do great!
       My advice is not to apologize if you pause during your talk to sip water. Just take the drink and continue. Everyone in the audience understands what it feels like to be thirsty :)

    9. Thanks to you all so much!! It went fine and I survived, thank goodness! Appreciate all the responses – I read them in my car again before going in and it helped so much to know people were rooting for me! Really appreciate it – it seems like a small thing but it really helped.

16. Curious if anybody has made the swtich from professional color to box dye and how it compares? I’m going through a divorce and looking at every dollar. I have black hair and don’t do any highlights, but my roots need touched up every month. I’m seriously considering going to Madison Reed or something similar, but I don’t know whether this is a penny wise-pound foolish situation.

    1. if you just have a single color, it may not matter much. I did the reverse, going from box to salon but with the salon I am now getting highlights.

    2. I used Madison Reed during the pandemic after having what seemed to be an allergic reaction to drugstore box dye. It looked pretty decent but faded more quickly than professional color. Four weeks was the absolute longest I could go between touch-ups, and I was beginning to consider switching to every three weeks. I used the brush and bowl method and it was a time-consuming pain to apply. I started the pandemic with a pixie, and the longer my hair got the more difficult it became to apply the color. It was also pretty expensive, especially since I found that it lasted better with the Pro Boost Seal add-on. Switching to a less expensive salon, even if it’s only for color, might be a better choice.

    3. I use Madison Reed now after I stopped going to my hairdresser during the pandemic. I don’t think I will ever go back to the salon. I really like my color and it’s not flat – I’m not sure how the multidimensional color works, but it does work. The online shade match worked really well for me. No complaints at all.

    4. I’ve been using boxed on and off (salon to box to salon to box) for 25+ years. I get lazy and use whatever is on sale – no brand loyalty – and am almost always completely satisfied with the results. Box works great IME if you are not trying to do anything drastic, which it sounds like you are not.

    5. I have started using Madison Reed. I notice a BIG difference in how long it lasts and the dimension from store brands, and I’ve tried many of them. In short – MR is more than a box at the drugstore but much much less than the salon and works well for me.

    6. I switched to boxed a few years ago after my hairstylist’s prices kept creeping up, to the point where I was spending $350 every six weeks on cut and color. That’s a domestic airline ticket, every six weeks. It was an easy decision to stop doing it. Same with spending $60 every three weeks on mani-pedis; I taught myself how to do them at home and never looked back.

       I have medium-brown hair but my natural color is very ash, and I have about 10% gray. I go for medium-brown box color with golden undertones. I’ve tried several, including Madison Reed, but my favorite is Feria. I can get it at any grocery or convenience store, the tone is never brassy, and I like the “dimensional color,” it looks natural (never flat). (P.S. absolutely no one noticed when I went to box color from professional, probably because I had always gone with very subtle highlights.) It lasts a long time. It does not color grays as well as some others I have tried, namely Schwarzkopf Keratin Color, which offers excellent gray coverage but the color can be very one-dimensional/flat.

       The other thing I got back when I started doing my own color at home was time. I know some women consider it relaxing, but I had started to resent spending 3 hours in the salon on a Saturday every six weeks. Now I put the color on on a Sunday night, usually do a face mask and a pedi at the same time (and sometimes even throw on a whitestrip for my teeth) and I’m done in an hour, on my time, at my convenience. I like that a lot.

    7. My sister did a consultation at dpHue and never looked back. I think Ulta sells this now.

    8. My grays do not fully take up boxed color. I have dark neutral brown hair, and the grays turn light golden brown.

       I get professional dye at my local beauty school for $35 per retouch session. I alternate professional and boxed dye every other dyeing, so I’m not paying full price but I’m also getting good coverage.

17. I think I have lost sense of what to where when and am at risk of becoming the Edina Monsoon of my office. Is there a way to stage a pre-emptive intervention on myself? I have 1 week before return to work and none of my pre-pandemic workwear really fits anymore (it may return to fitting now that I’ve had my shots and the gym by work has reopened, so I’m not pitching every single thing).

    Secondary ask: good faux wrap made from material that will not show every lump and bump and/or require shapewear underneath to smooth that all out? I am a short medium-sized pear and am finding that many dresses are made for hourglasses who can fill up the top (which looks sad and deflated on me, while things are snug on the hips/tummy).

    1. I have no idea what you’re actually asking. You need new clothes? How about replacing the styles you already own, just in a different size? Contrary to what I’m reading online about post-pandemic life, I am not observing a major difference in how people dress for work.

       1. Yeah same. This post is so convoluted.

          Go to Nordstrom/Talbots/Ann Taylor and purchase clothes in your size.

    2. If there’s a Nordstrom Rack in your area, try that. Good prices to buy a few things if you’re in between sizes. Also AT usually has good sales prices. Not sure what you mean in the second question – if you mean a faux wrap dress, I have no real recs. Wrap dresses don’t really work for me either, for the same reasons you mentioned.

    3. I didn’t remember Edina from AbFabs last name, so had to google, but, yeah, not a good look.

       I think you’ll have better luck with a true wrap dress. I’m an hourglass, and I can’t see to find any wrap dresses that actually have enough fabric to drape around my bust, they all seem to be for pears with small busts, straining and gaping on me. One of the worst for me – could be great for you – is Boden, no bust room at all.

18. Petty gripe, but I’m so annoyed at shows that won’t release episodes on a holiday. Almost all of my shows release new episodes on Sundays and now I have nothing to watch all week because Sunday was the 4th. What is the actual purpose of holding back? No one watches shows live anyway!

19. Those of you planning Europe trips – how are you finding the planning process? We are eyeing a trip in early fall. We like to be independent travelers (stay in an apartment rather than a hotel, grocery shop so we can make our own breakfasts in, generally avoid organized tours…). I say this because it means we don’t have an “oh ask your concierge to help” resource. Curious how you’re finding Covid impacts in tracking things like museum opening hours, if restaurants we read about are still in fact open, etc.

    1. I’m not going to Europe this year (unvaxxed kids) but I don’t generally plan too much stuff in advance even in normal times. I make a list of restaurants I’m interested in with Yelp and TripAdvisor, which I think would still work. Yelp at least marks when places have closed permanently or temporarily, and we never assume we’ll hit all the restaurants on our list anyway. We aren’t huge museum people, but if there’s a specific museum you want to visit I think their website would have up to date info on hours. We always stay in hotels but almost never use concierge services. I have done organized tours but only day tours and only in specific instances where I think there’s an advantage to a tour (e.g., a private car tour from Athens to Delphi because I didn’t want to drive, an early morning skip-the-line Vatican tour, etc.)

    2. I’m going in August and I’m just not doing that level of planning. Ima go, and do what’s open.

    3. Google is generally pretty good at catching opening hours, look at the info you get via the map search.

    4. As someone who lives in Europe, there’s no way to know. Things change by the week, and in my country (Germany) they aren’t shy about shutting down entire sectors when Covid numbers spike – hotels and restaurants (aside from takeout) were closed for many months until recently, for example.

20. My motivation is bottoming out. This is always a bit of a problem for me in the summer months, but there is something about post-pandemic life that is factoring in, too. I’m tired of making decisions, every request feels like an inconvenience, my creative energy is gone, and my org (higher ed) is moving full speed ahead with allll the plans for fall. I am so unenthusiastic about going back to in-person events and can barely muster the energy to care. Basically, my brain is tired and distracted. I’m in the middle of some big deadlines and can’t get any time off until the end of the month.

    I’m having fun outside of work and don’t think I’m depressed, but I do think I’m dealing with some burnout + existential dread about the next steps of the pandemic. How do I get my mojo back?

    1. Solidarity. I just figured out that financially speaking, I could probably swing retirement in 5 years. BUT – there is just no way I can simply hang out and count the days until retirement without driving myself (and several others, probably) around the bend. I swear I used to have mojo. Just…can’t figure out where I left it.

       1. Yeah. I’m mid-career and cannot just give up this soon.

          1. Thirding!

21. Does anyone have a great pair of bedside table lamps to recommend? I was looking online and see many come with USB ports now which seems very clever. I’d also like a touch on/off if possible.

22. Has anyone made the move from litigation to a compliance role? If so, would you care to share your experience/any advice?

    1. I did and lasted 6 months before I was job-hunting and within 9 months I was out of there. I was mind-numbingly bored. I think different companies use Compliance in different ways, so I would try very hard to get a sense for how your institution views the role and what the day-to-day looks like. For me, it looked like copying and pasting numbers from one spreadsheet into another. I also was unprepared for what it meant to be viewed as a roadblock and unnecessary red-tape. I wanted a decrease in stress coming from litigation, but it not a good fit for me.

    2. I made the move into compliance in 2017. My only regret is not doing it sooner! It depends on what type of compliance you’re considering. I’m in anti-financial crimes (AML, KYC, SAR). I have had two jobs in the field so far (about to start a third) and each one has been a 20% salary bump. It also depends on geographic location. Happy to answer any specific question about the field if that’s where you want to go. Just let me know your email.

23. There have been a ton of travel requests today and it got me thinking…how do non-Americans plan their vacations to the US? Is it generally a week at a time and pick a big city sort of thing? 3 weeks and cross country? Fly to Disney World and back staying only in the parks?

    Of course I’m sure people tend to do all of the above but I am mostly curious what’s common and what are the big sites to see. NYC? LA? The national parks? Disney?

    1. The same way Americans plan their vacations in other countries? I don’t understand this question. Do you think an American who goes to France for a week is seeing everything there is to see? Of course not. We’re picking and choosing highlights, just like a French person visiting America does.

       1. If you check out the responses below, you’ll get a better sense of why I asked. I actually find it easier to plan foreign travel vs finest sometimes because it’s all just so big here. And I’m curious what “the highlights” are to foreigners. I tried a bit of googling but with not a lot of luck given my us based search engine!

    2. This reminds me of a funny story about how enormous the US is vs European countries. We were chatting with a couple in Germany and they were casually trip planning and thought they’d rent a Vespa for the drive from NYC to Texas. Once we explained that Houston is nearly a four hour *flight* they reconsidered.

       1. I haven’t heard anything that extreme, but I’ve definitely heard of non-Americans not fully understanding how big the US is. Shoot, if you come to Ohio to see a Reds game and then hit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, you’re looking at a solid four-hour drive between them.

          1. I can’t imagine any non-American coming to the US to se a Reds game, but I get what you mean about distance. Cincinatti to Cleveland would get you from Florence to Milan. Or, for the Vespa people, from Berlin to Hamburg. Very normal distance within a country, just that each state is a country. :)

             I had to google what sports the Reds play, and baseball really, really is not an international game. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think you’d go to the US from overseas with the purpose to go there? Not that you wouldn’t enjoy it while there, just that the chance of that being the purpose is small.

       2. I once ran into a couple from France who were driving from SF to San Diego and who originally thought they could do it in one day with stops to see Big Sur, Yosemite and a few famous tourist destinations, like the Hollywood sign on the way. They had realized pretty quickly that was completely undoable. They said they knew the country was big but had not really grasped out big the state would be.

    3. Lot of family and friends in Europe and they are usually coming for 2 weeks unless they are just hitting up New York for a 3-4 day weekend (which is common amongst my Western Europe friends because the flight is relatively short and non-stop). The others pick a state/region and spend two weeks traveling that area (so Florida; California; the Northeast; the Southwest). I know some who include Disney/Universal in their Florida trips but have never met anyone who spent their entire trip there. Some of them have funny stories about coming for the first time with no real idea of how big the US (or even California) is and trying to see way too much.

       1. OP here. This was exactly what I was thinking. It’s so big here! I have an easier time planning foreign travel vs domestic.

          1. I mean, once you get a handle on the scale of the US, I’d think of the planning process as the equivalent of Americans choosing which European country to visit. Want wine and countryside? Warm beaches? City and nightlife? Quaint towns? Mountains? Etc

             1. +1. We have more options in every category than most countries, but I think most people start by determining if they want city vs. beach vs. mountain vs. a specific attraction like Disney, just like you would for any destination.

    4. Northern European here. Assuming it’s not for work, but a holiday:

       1) city break, like a long weekend in New York or Washington DC or Las Vegas.
       2) family trip with children, like an Orlando or Los Angeles trip, centered around Disney or Universal.
       3) sea side holiday, Florida with Key West, possibly a small road trip added (could easily have been Mexico instead)
       4) road trip, either West Coast or cross country (R66)
       5) family visit, emigrated family – Minnesota or Mid-West for Scandi, possibly Seattle
       6) specialty interests trip – Nashville or New Orleans for music, Philadelphia for history buffs etc.
       7) visit grown children who study in the US – National park walks etc. in whatever area kid lives or wants to go

       Going to the US to “do” the US and travel all round? Never heard of anybody ever doing that as a holiday from Europe. Have heard of people studying in the US who add on a month before going home and travel around, though.

    5. Yeah I am an American living in Europe, with lots of European friends who have been or go to the US. You’re thinking people in Europe come and ‘Do America’ but that’s not really how it is. The equivalent would be an American coming to Europe and ‘Doing Europe’. That’s also not really a thing. Neither are feasible on one trip, you see pieces. On both sides of the equation, you pick a place you really want to go (a state or a city) and then explore what is possible from that location. So I hear a bit of ‘I went to Atlanta or New Orleans and did a ‘southern road trip’; I went to NYC and then took the train to DC; I went to California; etc. People generally want to hit major cities and then, depending on personality, ‘regional America’ – whether that’s cabins in Maine, small towns in the south, the great smoky mountains, the rocky mountains, california beaches, etc. I’m always impressed when people have been to Indiana or Wisconsin, etc.

Comments are closed.