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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
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Anon
I’m a lifelong skier and have spent most of my time at no-frills resorts (both in the west and while competing in ski racing in the east). Now we have a baby on the way and I’m looking to book a more comfortable ski vacation for next year to give us a vacation to look forward to. What’s your favorite resort for ski-in, ski-out (to enable us to trade off with the baby) in a western state? Would prefer not Sun Valley (even though I love it there) because I don’t want to spend money in SUCH an anti-woman state. For older kids who can go into ski school, what are your favorite resorts with good programs, good kids clubs/daycare options, and decent food? Other priorities are lower on crowds (a tougher ask these days) and not top of the line budget-wise – we’re fine with older condo rentals, etc. as long as they’re clean and comfortable. I would LOVE to get some ideas in advance and have some trips on the calendar.
Anonymous
Have you skied in Canada before? I think the US dollar is pretty good right now so your money might go further in Alberta/BC.
Anon
I’ve skied at Kicking Horse (just once). I’d love to try a few new places. Any other recommendations?
Anon
Northstar at Tahoe, get a cabin in village run. It’s easy skiing, but has everything you describe.
Anon
+1
Come to California!
Anon
Do you have a link or is there another name? I’m googling “Village Run cabins northstar” and nothing is looking quite right…or is it the same as “the Village?”
Anon
Sorry, I don’t, it’s usually featured in northstar listings and isn’t a specific area you can search. It’s more like “cabin is on village run”
Anon
All of my ski friends with kids love Alta and say to go when schools are not on break.
I’m a Yankee, so I can’t even relate to skiing on just snow since I think it’s a way to almost die when you hit ice (and you always hit ice).
Anon
Steamboat Springs is perfect for this.
Trixie
We have stayed in several fabulous ski in ski out locations, but I can’t speak to ski schools for kids. We do these ski in and out vacations with our older sons, and not having to get everyone organized for a morning start makes a vacation so much more fun. We stayed in the Snowflower Condominiums at Park City, first floor, great access to slopes–go a non-holiday week. Also, the Bear Claw II condos at Steamboat, 2nd floor, great ski in ski out access, hot tub and pool, and bar, boot dryers, ski storage, great spot. Northstar in the Tahoe area was great, but we did have to schlepp our skiis a bit…can’t remember where we stayed. Once we stayed at the Grand Summit Hotel at Canyons, great pool and amenities, and valet type services with skiis and boots. But, that wasn’t a favorite. I look for lower elevations, and use the filters at different resorts for ski in and ski out locations. The resort staff are usually helpful, and can tell you what floor is best so you don’t have to go up and down stairs in ski boots, which units have best access, etc. I order groceries in advance, and the condo is stocked when we get there. We skip any gourmet dinners when skiing, and we eat things like turkey pot pies, pasta with sauce and frozen meatballs, chili, etc. I love staying at ski in/out places–worth it to ski less often out west.
Anon
Just FYI, there are cabins specifically on Village Run in Norhstar so you don’t need to schlep if you stay there – the whole point is you ski down to the chairlift and then right into your yard when you’re done at the end of the day. It’s something to precisely look for and book early.
Trixie
I commented before, but another thought–it sounds like you will be vacationing with an infant…being in a setting that has restaurant options might be useful. A cabin or a townhouse that is not attached to a hotel means there are no places to go in the evening for a drink or dinner, or to get to a hot tub without using a car.
Anon
Love skiing at Beaver Creek with kids. Steamboat is also a good recommendation and will be cheaper, but more difficult to get to.
Anonymous
The best ski in/ski out I’ve ever stayed at is actually Whitefish in MT. Pick a place on “Home Again.” It’s super easy and the ski school is great with kids.
Anon
Snowmass, Copper, Breck, Beaver Creek, Vail, Northstar, Squaw (Palisades Tahoe) and Mammoth would all work for this. Really pick either Ikon or Epic and go from there.
Pretty much all large, modern corporate ski resorts have a “village” nowadays, except the ones that actively don’t want that vibe, places like Mad River Glen, or Kirkwood.
Anon
Except on the crowd factor – Vail, Palisades, and most of the others you list are not good for anyone avoiding the most crowded resorts.
Anon
We did Jackson Hole when the kids were 1 and 3 (so 1 in the daycare, 1 in ski school) and then did Deer Valley UT when kids were 3 and 5 so both in ski school. Both were excellent. I was concerned my 3 year old would not enjoy the ski school and I would have paid a lot to have her drink hot chocolate and eat Goldfish, but she loved the ski school and was one of the few kids to last all day. The other thing about Deer Valley is they limit the number of lift tickets and it is ski only – so no snowboards. This makes it less crazy and less crowded. I don’t have a rec for where to stay as we stayed with a friend.
Ginger
We skied last year at Big Sky, MT and stayed slope side in Cowboy Heaven cabins. Loved it. Direct flight from NYC and one hour drive from the airport (Bozeman). Our unit had it’s own hot tub. Don’t know if that’s standard. I can’t speak to the ski school, but we did ski by their central meeting place.
Anon
I can work remotely from anywhere in the country. I want to plan a week plus a weekend somewhere warm and pleasant in February or March. I’d be going alone. Thoughts on Santa Barbara or Pasadena? Good for a solo traveler who enjoys running, culture, and good food?
Anon
Neither is reliably warm then, go to Palm Springs.
Anon4This
+1 Palm Springs was such a fun getaway.
Anonymous
+1, or Arizona
Anon
+2 I live in Santa Barbara and it is not warm that time of year. Summer is much better for that. Basically most of coastal California will not be warm then. Palm Springs is great.
anon
Curious – what is your weather like? “Warm” is relative. My preferred temperature range is 40’s-60’s.
anon
Yeah I just posted this below. I used to live in LA and it was an adjustment to SB weather. It is of course very pleasant and temperate overall, but the mornings and nights are significantly cooler year round. In the winter, it’s usually in the 55-65 degree range during the daytime (which I do not consider warm but I run very cold and grew up in inland SoCal, which is decidedly hotter). Summer/fall vary, but can be anywhere from 65-80 (rarely going above that except for a few errant days here and there). One other important note about SoCal weather (SB included) – May gray/June gloom is a very real thing. The mornings are consistently cloudy and it takes a while for the fog to burn off. I live about a half mile from the ocean and it’s cloudy for large chunks of the day most of the summer, which is kind of a bummer.
Anon
Haha 40s is freezing!!
Signed, a Californian.
I’d say Santa Barbara has usually been in the 60s during the day when we’ve visited in March.
anon
Santa Barbara sounds like my dream.
It is probably too hot in the summer for me though!
Anon
Exactly.
We are in the Bay Area and often plan on Santa Barbara for spring break. It can be lovely! We love Santa Barbara. But sometimes it’s raining in March. Last year was particularly rainy, and this year is off to a rainy start.
There have been times we’ve loaded up the car and headed to Palm Springs instead to escape the rain. It’s much more reliable.
That said, we are not going to complain about too much rainfall in California! After decades of drought, it feels sacrilegious.
Anonymous
Neither of those places will be warm and pleasant in February or March. Late winter is SoCal’s chilliest time of year and there are usually a couple weeks of constant rain in that timeframe.
anon
agreed. if you want domestic and warm go to florida.
Artemis
Well, it depends where you’re coming from. I grew up just south of Santa Barbara and now live in the mid-Atlantic and would be so happy to be in SB in February or March. You’ll need to wear a sweatshirt to the beach, but Santa Barbara to me is absolute paradise—not tropical paradise, but paradise nonetheless. The embodiment of everything I love about SoCal in one town.
Anon
Yeah I’m in the Chicago area and used to live in northern Calif. and am kind of laughing at all these comments. Santa Barbara may not be swimming weather in the winter, but it’s definitely very pleasant for outdoor activities and if you’re coming from the Midwest or northeast it will feel like a big thaw going there.
Anon
Yes I posted above that it’s where we usually take our kids over their spring break, which tends to be in March. We have many many pics of us in summer weight clothing in Santa Barbara in March. So I’d say 9 times out of 10 it has been lovely. We have had to escape to Palm Springs just twice in probably close to 20 years.
anon
I think it depends on what you consider warm. Living in SB after coming from LA – it’s not all that warm here in March (definitely rarely mid-70s and up, which is what I consider pleasant summery weather). But if it’s not raining, it is generally pleasant and temperate overall.
Anonymous
True, but people asking for “warm” vacation spots are not usually looking for mild pleasant spring; they’re looking for the tropics. People who aren’t from California are almost always disappointed by the weather.
Anon
Oh well in that case, go to Mexico!
anon
lol I’m the poster who lives in SB now and posted above. I get why people think that (and it’s a lovely place to visit), but I really do not enjoy living here. As the phrase goes, Santa Barbara is for the newly wed and nearly dead.
Cat
If by ‘warm and pleasant’ you mean ‘mild early spring’ as opposed to lay-by-the-pool type weather, then Savannah or Charleston might be good.
Anonymous
Nah, February is like the worst month in the South because of the unpredictability. And it seems to rain a lot (I don’t think it’s actually that many days, it just seems bad because I swear it’s always on a weekend). Late March is mild early Spring, but early March you’re likely to encounter one swing from highs of 40 to 70 in two days.
Anon
Yes… spring is my favorite season in the SEUS, but I think of February as the worst part of a SEUS winter.
Anon
We went to Phoenix last January and the weather was pretty nice (highs around 70 and sunny). Lots of nice hiking and many good restaurants.
Anon
You don’t go to Santa Barbara for culture or great food. But the running and hiking are good (as long as the trails don’t get destroyed by storms like they did last year) and it will be warmer than most places in the country, if not actually warm, and possibly rainy (it’s an El Nino this year, so it should be much wetter than normal).
Anon
Huh? Santa Barbara has a super vibrant food scene, some of the best new Mexican in the country, some of the best pinot noir in the country, and tons of mission revival architecture.
Anon
Use Sunset as a guide: https://www.sunset.com/tag/santa-barbara
Senior Attorney
You could also do a day trip or longer to the Central Coast wine country. (If the weather didn’t deter you from the whole endeavor.)
Anon
Ehh, I’m not the 11 am poster, but I kind of agree with her. Granted, when I visited Santa Barbara I was living in the Bay Area, which has one of the top food and wine scenes in the country (especially if you include Napa) but I visited SB three or four times and was consistently underwhelmed by the restaurants there. It’s not what I’d call a foodie destination by any means.
Anon
Yeah being able to get a decent meal isn’t the same as “going for the food.” You go for the food to S.F., Napa, New Orleans, NYC, not Santa Barbara.
anon
I agree there is some great food here (and of course great wine). But I wouldn’t oversell it. Having lived in LA and San Diego for many years – the Mexican food here is good but not outstanding. Culture is sorely lacking. The museum and arts scene is pretty depressing for the most part (with a few exceptions).
Anon
I disagree. Santa Barbara has one of the original Spanish Missions and much of the architecture around Santa Barbara reflects that style. It’s definitely cultural, if you broaden your definition of culture.
Other anon SB poster
I guess, but I also wouldn’t consider nice architecture to make up for the lack of cultural offerings in so many other areas.
Anon
I actually live in SB and consistently find the food to be disappointing. Maybe if I were eating vacation style meals on a vacation budget, I’d feel differently, but the day to day food options are pretty blah- expensive and not that interesting compared to LA or SF or lots of other cities. Vegetarian/vegan options are surprisingly limited, even worse than when I lived in the SEUS! I’m also not a big wine person, so your feelings are probably going to depend a lot on what kind of food you like. It’s definitely a much better place to eat if you like wine, meat, and seafood. I’m more of an Asian food, salad, pizza, sandwich, pub, or bakery person and it’s seriously lacking in the kind of regular everyday restaurants were the food is reasonable quality but not over the top. I feel like even tourists want to eat that kind of food some of the time, not just fancy expensive dinners with lots of wine.
Other anon SB poster
I’m the other SB poster who posted above! It’s nice to know I’m not the only ‘rette in SB, it feels lonely here sometimes. If you’re ever interested in meeting up, LMK and I will post a burner email.
Anon
Life is throwing some things at me right now, so not up for meeting, but I really do hear you on mixed feelings about SB. There are some things I love about it, but it’s not an easy place to live and I’ve personally always thought it would be sort of a boring place to visit for more than a few days, unless you really like wine.
Other anon SB poster
I get that. If you ever change your mind, post a new thread!
Anon
I would love to live in SB! I’m in the Bay Area because this was where the jobs were when I was getting started. If I could have done anything in my profession and not settle for being a checker at Gelsons, I would have really tried to live there!
That said, wow, the fires were scary a couple of years ago….
Anon
Santa Barbara’s Museum of Art is surprisingly good. Like, I thought it was better than Portland (OR). There’s also the Queen of the Missions, and a maritime museum. So, there’s more to SB than wine.
NYCer
I would pick Santa Barbara over Pasadena. Pasadena is *fine*, but I cannot imagine spending over a week there.
Agree with others, however, that the weather can be iffy in February and March if you’re hoping for truly warm temps.
Anonymous
Yeah, I don’t think of Pasadena as a vacation destination. It’s a place you go for the day to get away from LA.
Senior Attorney
Santa Barbara is lovely but hotels are VERY VERY EXPENSIVE. I live in Pasadena so I’m prejudiced but I think it’s fantastic — museums, great food, places to run, and I’m here and would love to meet up (although I’ll be done mid-Feb to mid-Mar).
But the commenterrs above are right, neither will be reliably warm. Palm Springs is probably your best bet although it’s largely lacking in culture.
Senior Attorney
done = gone
Anonymous
Now that pantsuits seem to be back in fashion, where can I find a well-made wool one with lined pants? Willing to spend up to $1,000 for something really nice. I’ve looked at Ralph Lauren, Brooks Brothers, Theory, Boss, and even Ann Taylor and Talbots with no luck. I sure wish I hadn’t gotten rid of the pantsuit I bought at Brooks Brothers in 2004. Sigh.
Anon
eBay and Posh and I wish I were kidding.
Anne-on
What size are you? I’ve got a light grey wool pants suit from Brooks Brothers that’s new with tags on kicking around in my closet – size 2. I’d be happy to donate if you’re ok paying shipping. It’s on my list to go to the local community college’s interview closet otherwise.
rices
If no one else is interested in the USA, I would love to take advantage of your offer if you would be willing to organize shipping to Canada (happy to pay for USPS shipping)! My burner here is ricesrette @ the google mail service.
anon
I’d be interested! Based in the Bay Area, FT in office that skews formal. If you’re still open to it, email ladyyueying @ gmail. Thank you!
Anon
Antonio Melani Kendall Wool Zipper Front Coordinating Trousers
It’s the Dillard’s house brand. They still make normal, high quality suiting.
anon
Are they back in fashion? I haven’t seen them anywhere, like you’ve just pointed out.
Anyways, Lafayette148 has a nice wool/silk version that looks right but it’s unlined and will cost you about $1,700. I think you need to raise your budget as that price seems to be the new standard for a full suit.
Anonymous
I think Lafayette 148 only lines cream pants.
Anon
Lafayette 148 is where I’d check with your budget.
Anon
I would probably go Talbots and invest in really good tailoring (not the lady at the dry cleaners).
DC PCP
Good morning! I’m looking for a primary care physician in DC and would love recommendations for a great provider.
I have United Healthcare, but I’m happy to track down coverage info for your recommendations.
Anon
If you have one medical there, I find them great. Super easy to get in and get great referrals if you need them. They also handle a huge range of issues.
anon
But do you have the same doctor every time? Once you hit your 30s, I really needed to develop a relationship with one doctor who got to know me.
Anon
I’m not in DC but I have one medical and have a consistent primary care physician. I love her. She actually listens!
I may not get into her same day for an urgent appointment but I can always do telehealth with someone. I can book a regular appointment with my PCP about 1-2 weeks out pretty reliably.
Anon
Same experience. I’ve been going to One Medical in DC for years now, and always see the same primary care doctor, whom I really like. If I need something urgent or want to get in same day, I’ve seen others, all have been good.
Anon
I go to one medical in dc (metro center location) and have a primary doctor. I may not see her if I need an urgent appointment, but that’s been my experience with every doctors office. You pick who you schedule with, so can stay with one doctor if you want.
They were recently acquired by Amazon, which I don’t like. But I love my doctor, so I’m staying. If you have an Amazon prime membership, the one medical annual fee is only $99 instead of the normal $199. This is the only reason I still have prime.
SC
We are planning a trip that may include Disneyland Paris in June of this year. Any recs for one of those Disney consultants who can help us plan for this specific park? Any other specific tips? Two kids – 5 year old girl and 7 year old boy.
Anonymous
Disneyland Paris is easy. It’s just a day trip from Paris. No need for a consultant just google “Disneyland Paris one day itinerary tips” and read a couple posts.
Anon
Yup. This is the beauty of Disney Paris!
NYCer
You definitely do not need a consultant for Disneyland Paris. Super easy day trip, and way, way less hectic than Disneyworld (if that is your reference point).
Anon
You have gotten good advice. I will add – take the train! I talked to some people who spent an absolute fortune on an Uber when they could have taken the train much faster (they got stuck in rush hour traffic) and for far less money.
If you are comparing it to Disneyworld – it is not nearly as complex. It is much more like Disneyland in California. But as with all things Disney, there are a lot of websites. I agree you do not need a consultant. Disney is expensive enough!
Sasha
Take the train, it is so easy and it drops you off literally outside the park gates. You’ll take the RER A to Marne La Vallee–Chessy. It will have a little Mickey Mouse icon next to it on the metro maps and usually a “Parc Disneyland” label so it’s easy to identify. The RER trains are commuter trains, not the metro, so there are more places to sit and it’s generally quieter/less busy than the metro, especially once you’re out of Paris city limits. There are two branches that run in that direction, so just make sure you get on the train to Marne La Vallee and not Boissy St Leger. Depending on where you’re staying, you’d likely get on at Auber, Chatelet, or Gare de Lyon.
There are only two parks–if you need to pick one, Disneyland Park is their Magic Kingdom equivalent. Walt Disney Studio Park is the second one and is equivalent to Hollywood Studios at Disney World. Both are much smaller than their US counterparts–you can easily get through Disneyland Park in a day, especially in the off season.
One interesting difference I have noticed having been to both DL Paris and DW Orlando is that there is way less character/IP branding at DL Paris outside the rides. Character meet and greets are very structured and occur at meet & greet pavilions at set times. You won’t see characters walking through the streets like at DW. The parades are also less branded. So if character meet & greets are important to your kids, make sure you check the schedule and make time for a pavilion visit.
A big con is that the food at DL Paris leaves a lot to be desired–expensive and not great.
A perk of DL Paris is that they always have some cute theme running–last time I was in Paris they were advertising for their celebration of Mother’s Day. They advertise heavily around Paris so you should see posters displaying whatever it is when you’re there.
Josie P
Agree that the food is bad, BUT the crepe stands are great! We went in April and it rained and got crepes for 3 euro IIRC. I would just hit the fast food, we paid for Walt’s and it was NOT GOOD esp for the price.
Walnut
Disneyland Paris is great – we booked through the website and spent a night at Newport Bay. We needed two days to cover both parks and bought the Premier pass to avoid lines once we were in the parks. We spent five or so days in central Paris then took the train to finish the trip at Disneyland Paris. Train to CDG from Disneyland Paris after was nine minutes – super easy.
I’d be happy to chat in depth – post a burner and I’ll email you.
Anne-on
As a few of us have talked about sensitive skin/rosacea/etc. I thought I’d share an IRL review. I bought a tube of ‘Marin’ hydration cream after the ads followed me around on social media. I had a patch of stubborn (eczema? rash? both?) on my hip that wasn’t going away despite my prescription steroid cream so thought this would be an easy step before seeing my derm on Friday for a new cream.
I have used the cream maybe 5 times? AM/afternoon/PM yesterday and AM today and the rash and bumps are gone. There is some remaining redness but I am honestly shocked – NOTHING including prescriptions and a host of creams/lotions/serums have ever worked this well. I’m buying another tube just in case and have started using it on the fun dry spots I get on my eyelids/chin this time of year.
Anon
Thank you for this review! I have very similar skin and the same problem trouble spot that steroid creams won’t resolve so I am going to try this – can’t hurt! Thanks again
Anon
Thanks for the rec! I get those itchy, flaky patches around my eyes and they are the worst!
anon
has any one ever done jenny craig? what’s the catch, are the portions tiny or is it not real food because i don’t see how cinnamon rolls, loaded baked potatos and pasta alfredo is going to get me where i want to go…. late 40s, always been slim and still not fat but am 10 lbs heavier than this time last year and it’s upsetting me. looking at options.
Anon
Haven’t done it myself, but I had family members who did it in the 90s and they all hated it and gained weight after finishing it. I wouldn’t waste your time.
Anon
95% of people gain all the weight back after any diet. I’m not defending Jenny Craig here, but just saying that’s the nature of dieting. It’s relatively easy to lose weight compared to maintaining weight loss. Yes there are exceptions but the statistics say diets don’t work. It’s very disappointing for sure.
Anon
Yes… I know a lot of people who have lost weight and kept it off by changing their diet, but the diet changes were permanent. They never went back to eating the way they did before.
Anon
This. The people who kept weight off make permanent changes to the way they eat and they continue to exercise.
This comes without value judgement: for many people, it is not worth it to stress every single day about food and exercise.
Anon
Jenny Craig and pretty much any successful diet (at least in the short term) is about calorie restriction and portion size control. We are pretty much all terrible at eyeballing portion sizes at home!!
If you can maintain that, great. It may mean eating Jenny Craig forever.
It’s worth noting that the majority of their celebrity spokespeople gained it all back, which just means they’re in the 95% of people who do.
Anon
I think my husband did this (or one of the other packaged meal services — maybe NutriSystem?). His problem was that the food wasn’t in portions large enough for him (he needed help with that, to be sure, but it was an overcorrection) and not delicious enough (like not higher-fat delicious restaurant food straight from the kitchen but industrial food).
Oddly, he is doing better just eating one Stauffer’s entree vs an entire restaurant entree at lunch and dinner. Delicious (vs diet food) and smaller than his tendencies without being too small.
Anon
I’ve done Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem. I liked the idea of not having to cook and being able to eat “junk” food while losing weight. I found the food better with NS than JC, though both were still pretty gross. The main reason I’m not a fan is that they don’t really teach you to eat healthy and, at least for me, as soon as I went off their food I gained back all of the weight. I’m also sensitive to carbs, so I had more success with just limiting my carbs and focusing on eating meat and veggies than eating their tiny portions of fake food.
anon
The catch is that the food is gross and you can’t sustain it forever.
Anon
My mom did it occasionally and it seemed sort of like lean cuisine, unless it’s changed over the years. As long as the calories are right it’ll work. I think it just depends on what type of food you like.
food recs
Not what you’re asking specifically, but if you’re open to suggestions, I’d recommend batch-cooking your own food vs. buying the diet food.
You can cook a big batch of brown rice, bake a couple pounds of chicken (or grill it if you can) and roast a pan of vegetables, and turn that into a bunch of different meals by adding different seasoning.
Chili powder, cumin, black pepper, garlic salt, and cayenne for a chicken taco bowl (we top it with spring mix, carrots, and mushrooms, and then you can add some avocado and sour cream if you need a bit of fat)
Dill or mint and garlic salt for greek bowls (you can make low-fat tzatziki sauce with Greek yogurt, diced cucumber, lemon juice, and garlic, or buy pre-made hummus, kalamata olives, and we usually add roasted brussels sprouts)
Soy sauce, ground ginger, cumin, black pepper, and crushed red pepper for stir fry
We’ve done this^^ with lean ground turkey as well, just brown up a couple pounds and then reheat with spices throughout the week.
It’s cheaper and tastier than the diet foods, and we find it’s fast now that we know how to batch-cook.
Soups and curries are also fast, cheap, and healthy. You can buy pre-cut veggies if you don’t have time for the prep work, but the same set of meat and veggies turns into delicious options by changing the base (lite coconut milk/tomato juice/chicken broth) and the seasonings (garam masala, basil/thyme/sage, cumin/chili powder/black pepper, curry power or chili paste, etc.).
Anon
There is increasing evidence that eating highly processed foods (like you’d find in every Jenny Craig meal) is associated with negative changes to the microbiome and blood glucose levels, which can cause weight gain and metabolic syndrome. I’d opt for something “real food” if you must.
Anon
The portions are tiny. It is very expensive Lean Cuisine and you need to supplement with your own veggies. That said if you do not have a lot of weight to lose and have just experienced some creep over time so do not need to fundamentally change the way you eat on a long-term basis, it is very convenient. I would not use it if you want to lose more than 10-15 pounds because you will just gain it all back. But for my every other year “oops I gained 10 pounds over the holidays and don’t want it to be 20 pounds next year” it works pretty well.
I liked the food but that was before they were purchased by Nutrisystem so I do not know what has changed.
Anonymous
Look at Factor. The food is actually good.
Essential in Texas
I did Jenny Craig in 2011 or 2012 and lost 30 pounds. I loved it because I didn’t have to think about it. Everything was prepared and ready for me. I never hated the food – honestly it was just so easy. I will say the first week was rough. I could have eaten a days worth of food for breakfast. I gained about 10 of those 30 pounds back (not immediately), but have lost them again. So I’m probably one of the few positive reviews for Jenny. It worked for me!
Anon
Have any Atlanta people gone to Ann Mashburn? It looks the sort of store I wish existed in my city. I will be in Atlanta next month with a car. Worth a side trip?
Anon
I order a lot from them, I love the clothes and would definitely go to a store if there’s one.
ALT
Yes!!!! It’s fantastic. As a note—sizing runs very small so if you’re over a size ~10/12, you may not find any clothes that fit you. Prices are $$$$$$$ but the quality is amazing—if I had an unlimited clothing budget I would buy everything there. The staff are top notch.
If you have a man in your life who is even remotely interested in clothes, pop by Sid’s store as well and do some browsing.
Anon
This is terrifying to my wallet but thank you for the confirmation that this is worth a trip.
How about men’s sizes at Sid’s? Husband is XL and the sort of guy who is so embarrassed by his size that he won’t shop for his XL body, especially expansive clothes, but then won’t go out because he has nothing to wear and feels bad about himself.
Anon
There’s a store like that in my neighborhood that stops at women’s 10/12 and I’m so offended by that – the average American woman is a 14/16. Come on! I’m tall and built large, so I’m a 12-14 at my “fighting” weight. I walked in the door and the woman at the counter (who turns out to be the owner) immediately said “we don’t carry your size” before I even got to the scarves, which I probably would have otherwise bought!
anon
I have not been into the physical store but I live in ATL and am ride or die for their buckle flats. And I love the aesthetic generally. There’s a lot of other shopping (and food) in that area, btw, so would make for a nice afternoon of browsing and noshing.
Anon
Tell me more about the flats, I’ve had them in my cart for ages but hesitate that they might be hard to break in.
Anon
I also hesitate on this because suede is something I can ruin in a minute. Do they ever do them in leather?
Anon
I know they do them in calf hair bc I have them in calf hair leopard print, but I don’t think they do standard leather.
I found them to break in VERY easily – I could wear them for a full day on the second wear.
Sunshine
The quality is beautiful and it’s expensive – even for cotton t-shirts, but the t-shirts are so soft. I generally wear a small in mall brands and the few t-shirts I have from AM are also size small although they probably fit a bit smaller than the mall brand smalls. For reference, I’m 5’9″, 150 lbs, 34C, and have bigger legs and smaller arms.
anon
I’ve been to the physical stores in NYC and DC and the clothes are great but at 5’2, almost nothing there fits me properly.
Chl
I’m 43. I keep seeing things about I need to think about how my workout routine is creating more cortisol which is actually making me fat and I need to change it. Is this all just the latest fad/bunch of hooey or can someone who actually knows what they’re talking about explain it to me simply or recommend a good resource?
Anonymous
Yeah obviously this is a fad
Anon
It’s fitness influenced, who should be confined to the eighth circle of hell.
Yes, intense exercise will briefly spike your cortisol levels, but they will decrease hours later. No, your normal exercise routine does not make you fat.
anon
Same age, and I am wondering the same thing. I also feel dumb for not knowing whether there is some truth to it, or if I’m just falling prey to whatever the latest fad is. I do think the need for more strength training is real. And I hate strength training so, so much. Cardio helps my mental health thing as much or more than my physical health. So that’s the hesitation in cutting back even if it’s supposedly creating more stress in my body. Also, cardio is good for heart health and I can’t see how just doing gentle workshops or strength training is going to help much.
anon
Workouts, not workshops. Geez.
Anon
I’ve experienced chronic stress from exercising with poor stress tolerance, but I also felt like garbage.
If you feel fine and can sleep and exercise increases your energy reserves, I wouldn’t borrow trouble.
Mpls
I vote hooey, especially if the people giving the advice are trying to sell you *their* workout routine or test that just happens to be the thing to solve the issue they are talking about.
I mean, you can overdo exercise, but I think that’s more likely to show up as injury or lack of gain/progression in whatever activity you are doing. So make sure you are getting your recovery time for intense workouts (sleep, rest day, light activity).
Anon
Following. I’ve gained 15 lbs of what I assume is perimenopause weight and nothing I do seems to move the scale even a tiny bit. I’m in month two of 16/8 IF, limit to 1400 calories a day, and do a HIIT work out 3 or 4 times a week. Nothing. So if anyone knows what cortisol is and whether I need to make adjustments, awesome.
Anon
Have you considered HRT yet? I’m about approaching that point.
PolyD
A colleague of mine was really struggling with weight gain at menopause. She went back on the Pill, also because she was having terrible long and heavy periods, and found that it was much easier to lose weight.
HRT and the Pill are both estrogen and progestin, but I am not sure of the difference in dose or precise hormones, but they’re basically the same concept.
Anon
I’m on a hormonal IUD, in part because I was hoping I could use that instead of going to HRT route
Anonymous
My hormonal IUD gives me progestrin (Mirena), so I do HRT with just an estradiol patch.
Without the IUD, I would also need to take a daily progestrin pill.
Anon
Is it so crazy to just be at peace with an extra 15lbs?
Anon
If I wasn’t having to buy all new clothes – sure. If this latest attempt at weight loss doesn’t end up making any progress after a few months, I’ll work towards acceptance and invest in new clothes. And hope the weight doesn’t keep creeping up because I hate shopping.
anon
Not the OP, but I’m really, really trying. It bugs me so much though. I don’t look like myself.
Anon
Depends on the person, and the extra 15 pounds can be part of a constellation of other problems (hormones change, heart attack risk goes up, muscle mass goes way down, all that).
Anonymous
If that works for you, go for it. It doesn’t work for me (not OP). I am a small person and those extra 15 lbs are a LOT. I am not one of those sturdy, big-boned women you always see at the gym who can be fit and cute while still carrying some extra weight on top of those muscles. On a bird-boned person like me, extra weight is just floppy flab even if I am still well within the “normal” weight range for my height. My face is puffy, my eyes look small, I have a muffin top and jowls, it’s just an unhealthy look and feel overall.
Anonymous
We always get one of these comments along the lines of ..who cares just let yourself get bigger and bigger. Some people have standards to maintain.
Anonymous
Not OP, and yes, because 15 pounds is a lot and weight gain can lead to a whole host of health problems.
I would rather not “body positivity” my way into heart disease or something else equally bad.
Anonymous
Is it so crazy that some people know their own bodies and are more at peace when they are at their most comfortable weight? 15lbs up for me means more swelling issues in my legs in my sedentary job, a harder time in my yoga classes which are clutch for my mental health, and more soreness in my joints than when I’m at my happier weight. Both my 15lbs and my happier weight are within normal BMI could probably go another 10lbs above my 15lbs + weight, or 15 lbs below my happier weight and still be within normal BMI and have decent bloodwork. It’s totally about my lived experience in my own body. In perimenopause I notice how I feel in my body more than I did in my 20s.
anon
I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this, but I got an Rx for Ozempic for this. I’m also mid-40s and the scale will not budge (I restrict eating quite a bit, not great at working out admittedly). I’m also insulin resistant so it does make sense in my case. Insurance of course is not covering so I’m paying OOP. Will update on results, I am going to start next week.
Anonymous
Of course you’re not losing weight, everything you’re doing tells your body that food is scarce and it need to hang on to every pound. You’re not eating enough calories and then you’re trying to burn more with HIIT. Cortisol is not the problem.
Eat more – lean protein especially – and switch out weights for your HIIT (also, HIIT is highly overrated, maybe do more moderate running or biking).
https://www.thecut.com/2022/02/casey-johnston-didnt-start-weight-lifting-to-be-strong.html
Chl
Thank you all! Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between actually useful ‘science’ and hooey especially in a time when my body is changing. Appreciate the straight talk from the hive!
Anon
Here is the thing. If you are overtraining…for example, doing HIIT sprints every day and you are not in good shape to do that, then you will have excess cortisol and physical stress which may impact your sleep and increase inflammation which, if you are overweight and need to drop pounds, may in fact make it harder to stay in a calorie deficit. So there is science here and it is valid that you need to manage stresss, diet and exercise carefully.
roxie
i actually don’t think it’s bull. I try to balance my workouts between weight lifting, yoga, walking, pilates and HIIT and increase mediation and relaxation too.
Anonymous
This is hooey. You may be in perimenopause, which causes cortisol to rise, but it’s almost guaranteed to be improved by exercise, not exacerbated. Check out Peter Attia: The Drive can be a lot to dive into but maybe start with his book Outlive.
Anonymous
All hooey. Just don’t do HIIT more than 2-3 times a week or strength training with the same muscle groups on consecutive days, and make sure you take at least one rest day a week, but that’s all about recovery and not cortisol. The real cortisol concern is with inadequate sleep.
Anon
This.
Anonymous
Where do you keep seeing things? If it’s social media, then assume rubbish until you can find credible sources to back it up. That goes double if the person making the claim also claims to know or have access to the solution.
Anon
100% hooey.
Anonymous
It’s BS. The Stronger by Science podcast did an episode meticulously debunking the “cortisol” influencer fad.
Anon
I hate to crowdsource medical information but I have to wait 2.5 months for an appointment with my doctor so here I go. In the past few weeks, my one hip joint has been doing something new, like catching or sticking, which causes pain and sometimes my leg buckles. It often happens when I am getting in/out of bed or in/out of the car. What could be causing this and what are possibly treatments? I have had no injuries. I am in my 40s and started taking joint supplements after this started.
Anon
Try hip mobility exercises and yoga.
Anonymous
+1 hip mobility exercises and yoga. you can find this on YouTube today and do them. Especially for hip stuff, I think mobility exercise at home can definitely help a lot. At the very least, you’ll be able to describe more accurately and specifically to a doctor in an appointment what your body is doing.
Also they’re not popular around here, but I would go to a chiropractor for this. And he would fix it in one appointment, maybe two if it was seriously, and I’d go on my way.
Agree with the others that a normal primary care doctor is just going to refer to someone else, so skip the waiting for them.
Anon
Why wait for your doctor on this? I’d head to an orthopedic clinic; a lot of them have same-day appointments for issues that come up for people.
Anonymous
What kind of doctor is your appointment with? I would skip primary care because in my experience they are useless for orthopedic issues and will just refer you. Go straight to ortho if your insurance policy permits it.
Anonymous
Magnesium?
Anonymous
Huh?
Anon
I’ve had similar problems. I would guess you’ll probably get a referral to PT. Strengthening exercises and hip mobility are probably what they would have you work on. Believe it or not, there are a billion physical therapists on Instagram posting exercises sequences for all kinds of issues including hip mobility. They are obviously not your therapist, but while you wait for an actual doctor’s recommendation, it might be something worth trying to see if any of it helps. I do a lot of single leg strengthening (hip hinges with one foot on the wall) and work on internal hip rotation to help with my hip issues.
roxie
yes – i find youtube and insta good for examples of gentle stretching and foam rolling which helps my tricky hip a lot.
Anon
Your doctor will probably just tell you to see a physical therapist so I would start there instead.
anon
+1
You may just have early signs of arthritis. Your primary care will likely just give you a script for that.
Get on your primary care doctor’s cancellation list and just reach out to a local PT (ask friends for recs) and start some sessions while you are waiting to be seen.
anon
Sorry… your primary care will likely just give you a script for PT to treat hip pain/instability.
anon
Agreed, assuming OP lives in a state that allows direct access to PT. If not, OP, a good sports chiropractor would also be an option. My insurance covers chiropractic and it’s always faster to get into a chiropractor than a GP (in my area at least). You just want to really ask around to make sure you’re getting someone science based and not someone who thinks that chiropractic can cure cancer. My sports chiro’s treatments and recommendations were entirely stretching, mobility, and strengthening exercises, and he did deep tissue mobilization stuff too. No weird talk about subluxations or whatever.
Anonymous
+1. Just for a quick reference, Non-quack chiropractors are the ones with anatomy posters in their exam rooms and normal magazines in their waiting rooms. The very-alternative ones have eyebrow raising materials around and probably sell essential oils.
Sunshine
The answer for me was a torn labrum and surgery. I had never had any injury that predated it. I was running one day when the issue started. And then I had the symptoms you describe. Surgery fixed the problem, and while I returned to running for a few years, distance running bothered my hip and I finally decided to pursue other exercise.
But, a few years ago, I read the blogger peanutbutterrunner. She had similar issues and did not do surgery. Google peanutbutterrunner and torn labrum hip – I wish I’d read her post before I decided to do surgery
Anon
When I can’t help myself, I search online with my medical term and either mayo or Cleveland. Then I read only the search results from the Mayo Clinic or the Cleveland Clinic.
Anon
Does anyone have the Lo and Sons Beacon backpack? I don’t need to carry a laptop except rarely, but I tend to bring a heavy book, a notebook, and my lunch (often in a glass container) on my commute, and my shoulders are killing me. Some reviews are complaining about it being too small without going in to detail. I’m wondering if you I should just get a plain jansport or muji backpack, but they seem too big for what I need and I would like something cuter, if possible.
Anon
Samsonite has a few cute nylon backpacks at a fraction of the price. I love mine. Buy at ebags and use a coupon. I’ve had mine for years and it holds up well, and is the perfect “office” backpack.
anon
I have the Lo & Sons Rowledge and I love it for it’s organization/design/comfort. But it is bulkier than I would like. Fantastic quality and glad I have it though. To be honest, I’m not sure a backpack for a working woman is ever “cute”, but my back feels so much better and now that it is winter and I am wearing a puffer most days anyway, I can’t say my nylon backpack is hurting my style!
Deedee
I bought this backpack at Target and it looks WAY higher end in person. (Partly bc of the gunmetal zippers.) I bought it 50% off but would have paid full price. Signature Commuter Backpack Black – Open Story
Anon
I received a gift certificate for a facial for the holidays. Microdermabrasion and microneedling are each offered at the spa and within the gift certificate amount. Which should I try? Or just go for a traditional facial? I’m 47, white and have melasmas (dark spots) on my face. Otherwise my skin is fairly non-problematic for my age.
Anon
If you don’t need it I wouldn’t do it. The more you mess with your skin the worse it gets.
anon
If this is your first time, I would just go with a basic facial. Maybe the esthetician can give you some reccomendations while you’re there.
Anon
Microdermabrasion made my face feel smooth.
Microneedling hurts like a b_tch, but does stimulate collagen, so…yeah.
anon
+1. I’ve seen great results from mironeedling but I’m too wimpy to try it just yet because of the pain factor.
Trixie
The salon should offer you lidocaine ointment, or, you can buy OTC lidocaine and put it on at home, and the tech will remove it when you get there. It makes a difference!
anon
I would do microderm, but that’s mainly because the needling thing freaks me out. In general most facial places should consult with you and adjust any procedure based on your goals, state of your skin, etc.
Anon
I would do a traditional facial with a dermaplane. The dermaplane is really just shaving your face (no magic to it), but the combination makes your face feel so soft.
anonny
What a great gift! If the spa offers IPL or BBL laser treatments and you want to treat your melasma I highly recommend that instead! I had some slight melasma on the bridge of my nose and my right cheek and I did a BBL treatment 2 years ago with low expectations. The pain was minimal, my face was flushed for a couple hours, and 4 days later the dark spots literally just dried up and washed down the drain. It was amazing! They returned in a subtle way after some sun exposure this summer but I did another BBL in September and POOF gone again. If your melasma doesn’t bother you, please disregard.
Orthotics
Talk to me about orthotics and shoes. I was just prescribed custom orthotics for some foot issues (fun!!) and have an appointment to get the custom ones made next week. I bought some non-custom ones that my doctor recommended and they do not fit in any of my shoes except running shoes.
Am I just supposed to wear running shoes for the rest of my life? How in the world can I wear cute shoes plus orthotics? I’m open to buying a new pair or two of shoes but I can’t replace my entire shoe wardrobe.
Thoughts/ideas/experiences here?
Anon
Why do you need orthotics? If it’s just arch support, look to drugstore solutions. If it’s for pain or serious misalignment, look at Vionic shoes and their 3/4 insoles, which fit in dress shoes. GL!
Anonymous
Munro often fits orthotics (the insoles are removable and can be replaced with orthotics). Unfortunately, depending on the orthotics you may have to size up in width for them to fit. I can only offer my sympathy and say that I’m much happier without foot pain.
anon
I have so many foot issues (flat feet, plantar fasciatis, morton neuroma), and after spending so much money on custom orthotics, i decided they were a total waste. I wore them consistently for over a year, and none of my issues improved any more compared to when i am diligent around just chosing brands with arch support (vionic, clarks, some cole haan.. and not ever wearing high heels). If i am going to be walking a lot, i wear athletic shoes I got fit for at a running store. Things that actually help my feet are: foot/ankle mobility exercises, ice rolling, and TENS treatments.
Anon
Most of the orthotic is behind your heel and in your arch. The rest is just an insole. If the entire insole doesn’t fit in your shoe, there are a couple of solutions
1) take out the insole of your running shoe and replace it with the orthotic
2) if the insole bit on your orthotic is too long or wide, you can just cut it. I do that with all (both) of mine.
Anon
I did PT (and wore xero sandals on trails for a whole summer) to build foot strength and was able to get back to wearing cute shoes. I still use sneakers with orthotics when I’m putting in miles though; I can’t wear ordinary shoes to walk city blocks anymore. But I can wear them for daily life.
I did get some cutish, orthoticy shoes for a middle ground (others mentioned Vionic; I got ABEO).
Anonymous
It probably depends on the shoe, but I’ve had success sizing up a half size, removing the insole the shoe came with, and adding an insert. Wearing a cute pair of oxfords by Louise et Cie that I did this with.
Anon
It probably depends on the shoe, but I’ve had success sizing up a half size, removing the insole the shoe came with, and adding an insert. Wearing a cute pair of oxfords by Louise et Cie that I did this with.
Anon
My podiatrist made me one pair for gym shoes that replaces the insole. They also have me a second pair that are narrower and short- they only reach halfway up my foot from the heel to the arch. The second pair fits in boots, booties, or any closed-heel shoe with about a 1 inch heel or lower. You just slip the orthotic into your shoe without removing the insole or anything.
Anonie
FWIW, wearing my orthotics only in my walking/running shoes completely solved my foot pain, such that I’m now able to wear flats/heels to the office or special occasions without orthotics. I think just having that bit of relief in high-impact situations helped – you may find that’s the case for you.
anon
I need new bras and am not loving my current ones, which are on the cheaper side. I’m a 36D, so pretty average-sized. I’m 43 and gravity is taking hold. Mainly I want a bit of lift and comfort. Something basic in a nice fabric. I am the outlier who still prefers an underwire most of the time. I have narrow shoulders and have trouble with slippage if the straps are too far apart. I’m willing to spend maybe up to $70 which is twice what I’m spending now, haha. Any recommendations?
Anonymous
Go to a local boutique get fitted and shop in person
Senior Attorney
This is really the best way.
Moose
Yes, the ladies at places like this are usually miracle workers.
Anon
Agreed. However, I have also, after doing the above, found that I love Third Love bras. They fit me well, and half half cup sizes, which has been crucial for me when my weight fluctuates a little.
Anon
Get fitted at Nordstrom or a similar place and buy what they suggest and what feels comfortable.
anon
Wacoal, but you may need a sale at that price point.
Hypatia
I second Wacoal because the straps come up from the middle top edge of the cup rather than the sides. For me this helps with lift too
Anon
Wacoal is too shallow for anyone with projected breasts. You really have to know your shape. I’m a projected UK 36g and Wacoal is completely out of consideration for me.
(Shallow basically means breasts that are like soft hills and are self supporting)
Anon
Get a measuring tape and go to redd1t a bra that fits and do the size calculator and read about shape. I ordered from Amazon because I could easily return the ones that didn’t fit, but I found my perfect fit in the Panache Andorra. It’s a great bra that fits your budget. And the black was on sale in my size! Freya is also often recommended by the abtf group.
ABraThatFits
You simply must do this! You will probably find that you are a smaller band and bigger cup than 36D. Don’t panic. The system works!
Monte
Definitely go get fitted, but for just a pretty, supportive bra that gives great shape for a mid 40-something, I love the Panache Ana plunge. I am bustier than you (36G) and have a lot mid-range bras (say $60-100 range) and this is my favorite.
roxie
i only wear Third Love bras now, I have 6.
Makeup Help
Need some makeup help. Headed back from maternity leave soon and wanting to do a revamp. I have skincare down but need advice as a 39 year old who never got but probably still needs make up lessons.
Current regimen: I use a bare minerals tinted moisturizer and benefit blush. Neutral eye shadow (naked palate) and mascara. I use an Anastasia brow pencil to fill in brows a bit (def not using proper technique but it looks fine and gets the job done).
Work is business casual, sometimes formal. Client facing. Looking polished is important. I want to look my age, not caked in make up/overly done up but polished still.
What am I missing? Concealer? Something else beyond just the tinted moisturizer? I feel like that’s where I could do more. Either to cover light acne or dark circles under my eyes? Contouring is a step beyond what I’m looking for but blush alone sufficient? I have Ulta and Sephora very close by, plus Amazon. TIA!
Anonymous
It depends entirely on your skin. If you’re shiny then you should add a setting powder. If not then tinted moisturizer is great. You might consider a primer if you’re concerned about skin texture. I use a concealer for acne scars but if they’re light enough you can probably get away with dabbing on another layer or two of your tinted moisturizer just on the problem spot. I’ve mostly stopped using concealer on under eye circles because I don’t think it makes much positive difference (you can still see the circles) and I don’t really want to mess with such sensitive skin if there’s no discernible benefit. I dab on the concealer right about my cheek bones and use a sponge to blend it up toward my eyes a bit, I don’t apply concealer directly to my under eye area, if that makes sense.
You might experiment with eyeliner. It’s not particularly in at the moment, especially not a heavy eyeliner look, but a little brown or gray liner on the outer half of the top lid can make you look a bit more bright eyed.
Anonymous
I’m definitely not any kind of expert, but here’s some random thoughts.
Do you feel like you need concealer? Is the tinted moisturizer evening out your skin tone? If not, then I may go to the bare minerals liquid foundation – but my skin is generally pretty problematic so foundation works better for me then tinted moisturizer.
I tried using bronzer for a bunch of the fall and am meh about it. For the last week I’ve just been using some blush and it feels more fresh.
Whatever you do for makeup, I highly recommend finishing with MORPHE Continuous Prep & Set Setting Mist. I added that in the last two months and love it so much I gave it to my BFF for Christmas.
Trixie
I think you are missing lipstick! and maybe a brighter blush. I find both of those add so much as my own coloring fades away….Go to Ulta or Sephora and get some advice.
Anonymous
Eyeliner and some sort of lip color will make your features pop.
Anon
I think concealer is more important than foundation. If you’re doing a full eyeshadow look, then you do need lips to make it look complete, even if just a sheer balm kind of thing.
I would not contour before considering concealer. Ever. Contour can look good in photos but not always in real life.
Anon
i turn 39 in May and want to hear from some of you ‘rettes in your 40s+ – what should I do for my health/body/weight/skin as i prepare to enter a new decade.
Anon
Hi birthday twin! I’m also 39 in May and also curious to hear responses.
anon
GET YOUR SLEEP and have a regular exercise routine. For diet, focus on balance, especially with fiber and protein. Don’t be shocked or alarmed when your body shape starts shifting anyway. For skin, be careful in attempting all the anti-aging things; it can just make your skin angry and reactive. So not worth it. Focus on the basics.
Anon
All of this. Sleep, hydrate, vitamins, fruits, veggies, exercise, strength training.
Find a good doctor if you don’t have one. Unless you are on hormonal BC that regulates your cycles, track your cycles: the changes in length and flow can be important and will help your doctor to treat any problems that arise.
Maintain your friendships. At this age, parents get infirm and start dying; people divorce; even the occasional midlife early death.
OP
yea unfortunately i lost my mom 4 years ago or i’d be asking her this question! i would really like to lose 18lbs by my 40th as i know it gets harder as you get older.
Anonymous
Schedule your mammogram absolutely the moment you’re able to. Don’t skip it.
Anonymous
Don’t fix what’s not broken.
If what you are doing now is working wrll, then don’t change anything. Your body isn’t going to turn 40 and suddenly become totally different. Take things as they come and make changes only when you really need to.
Enjoy it. For me my 40s have been so much better than my 30s were.
Anonymous
I’m 39 about to turn 40. This year I turned I hurt myself sleeping years old. I’ve always preferred a soft mattress while DH prefers a hard mattress; we compromised by getting a mattress topper on a hard-to-me mattress. This year my back started killing me all night, to the point that I was taking painkillers to sleep. Took off the mattress topper, no more back pain. DH got his way. Now the right side of my neck and my left shoulder are starting to hurt at night so I’m guessing I need to reevaluate the mound of plush pillows I sleep on. Apparently my body now hates soft cozy things.
Anonymous
Girl, I apparently slept wrong on Saturday and my neck/shoulder still hurts. Late 30s is a shock.
anon
Make sure you have a good primary care doctor. Go for yearly physicals.
Start paying attention to your blood pressure, cholesterol, fasting blood sugar at your yearly physicals.
Thyroid often changes in your 40’s for women, so checking that more often becomes routine (blood test)
Talk with PCP about when to start Mammograms based on your family history/risks etc..
Remember colonoscopies now start at age 45. Don’t delay it. Cure cancer before it starts.
If you haven’t started yearly skin checks with Dermatology, consider it – especially if you had sunburns/lots of sun exposure as a child and have family history of skin cancer.
Make sure you are getting enough calcium and vitamin D in your diet. Your bone density is falling each year, and as perimenopause is in your near future, it will drop even more.
Ideally, try to find a GYN with an interest in perimenopause in your 40’s. Rarely, a primary care doctor has interest in helping you with this. Perimenopause can hit anytime in your 40’s/50’s…. ask your Mom when hers started. Have the discussion about whether to consider HRT and when the best time is for this. Watch for symptoms of mood fluctuations, irregular bleeding, hot flashes, weight gain and many more.
Lifestyle…. things slow down in your 40’s. Alcohol, not enough sleep, stress, overeating have worse sequelae in your 40s. Can’t get away with it as much anymore. So now is a good time to optimize these things. Good sleep hygiene is so key. Eating a healthy well balanced diet without depriving – modest carbs/high fat/animal products can help. Stress relief with exercise, mindfulness, yoga/Tai Chi/stretching/whatever. Start thinking about how you want to live the rest of your working life. It is never too late to change, especially if you aren’t satisfied.
For skin… sunscreen, wear a hat. Don’t smoke. Honestly, less alcohol. Hydrate. Wash face with mild cleanser then moisturize 2x per day. Start a retinol (ask derm).
Anon
For some reason I’ve really struggled to find a dermatologist who does good basic skin checks. Skin cancer is nearly universal in my family (including fatal skin cancer), so it matters a lot to me to get screened. I’m hoping to try a Spot Skin Cancer program screening this spring since their form and process looks a lot more thorough than what I’ve received so far. I’ll report back if it’s a good experience.
I learned that magnesium really matters for me besides calcium and vitamin D. How are people getting enough dietary calcium? I eat leafy greens and yogurt daily and never hit my RDA.
Dental issues came up a lot for me almost as soon as I turned 40, and I had to get a lot of crowns. Saving money / wearing my mouthguard are I think the only things that could have helped me prepare!
anon
I drink a lot of milk for calcium. I just like it, and lowfat milk (Fairlife) is so great – lots of calcium and protein.
I do take a Vitamin D supplement though. My blood levels aren’t high enough without it.
Anon
Fairlife is so gross. Do you really want to get your milk from the Coca Cola company?
Anon
Why is getting milk from the Coca Cola company any worse than another factory farming operation?
anon
I find Fairlife milk really delicious. Some of us just like milk, and the nutritional benefits are just great for my diet.
anon
+1 I consume a lot of my protein in the form of milk, yogurt, and cheese. Anecdata, but my teeth are in great shape.
Anonymous
Great list! About alcohol, I’ve never been one of those people who could drink and not be hungover. I guess I’ve always been like 35 in that regard.
What has surprised me is that (moderate!) day drinking now REALLY affects me. I used to get a little sleepy after our two-mimosa Sunday brunch but I could take a cat nap and rally. Over the past month or so at holiday markets and midday sportsball I’ve noticed I am really struggling by late afternoon. I’m like a toddler that is past due for naptime, I’m cranky and tired but have trouble actually falling asleep.
Anon
Bodily health: Sleep, water, and something that maintains/builds strength and flexibility. Yoga, weights, etc. Start thinking about the health of your body at age 75 rather than fantasizing about your body at age 25.
Skin: Nighttime retinol & vitamin C. Start slow and be consistent with a few things rather than hit-or-miss with a bunch of different things.
General health: be vigilant about screenings if you aren’t yet. Yearly skin checks, bi-yearly dental appointments, colon cancer screening at 45, mammograms, etc.
Sunshine
If you need it and haven’t done it, therapy. Childhood issues in particular will not go away unless they’re addressed. Give yourself the freedom to address them and live a better life.
Start lifting weights if you don’t already. I hate doing it, but weights are good for bone density and muscle will help keep your body functional and looking good. So do it for health or do it for vanity or both.
I started doing Moxi lasers and they’ve improved my skin a lot – my heritage is northern European, but I had a lot of sun exposure as a child – and they’ve also forced me to use sunscreen religiously.
Anon
Agree with a lot of other comments. Mine (some of which I’ve done, some of which I wish I had done) include:
– if you have not already started planning for retirement financially, do it now (regular savings and investing, a CFP).
– find a set of doctors you trust and can rely on (GP, OB-Gyn, dermatologist, dentist + whatever others you need).
– get all your regular healthcare tests, exams, treatments/teeth cleanings etc.
– sunscreen/hats/UPF clothing. Every day. Everywhere. You will be so happy later.
– regular exercise (cardio, strength, flexibility).
– reasonable eating.
– get on a sleep schedule and keep to it all week.
– skincare: cleanse + treat PM/ cleanse + protect AM. Don’t fall for all the fancy stuff; it will just mess up your skin. The only person who touches my skin is my dermatologist, and the only things that go on it are ones that she approves.
– find beauty people (hair color/cut/other, nails, brows) you trust and can rely on.
Anon
Returning to add:
– ask your older relatives lots of questions and write down/otherwise record the answers. About health, about their parents and grandparents, about what the world was like when they were young or your age. I wish I had asked all these questions (I’m almost a generation older than you).
– make younger friends. When you are old, you don’t want to be without connections to younger people.
anon
This is nice. I like these, and totally agree.
I also started making more older women friends too. I really enjoy having women friends of all ages.
And a lot of older successful women are incredibly knowledgeable and interesting.
Sadly, I don’t have any recordings of my mother’s voice or videos. How I wish I had these. My Mom died a lot earlier than I expected….
Anon
Develop and maintain a regular exercise routine.
Learn to advocate for yourself, especially with your health care providers. If they don’t listen, find one who does.
Build and maintain relationships and activities that feed your soul.
Anon
Have more fun. Start new hobbies, take more trips, try new things. It will help physical and mental health.
Anonymous
Sleep, regular exercise, eat well, drink more water than you think, deal with chronic stress (for me that looks like regular yoga and massage therapy because I can’t change by job for reasons).
Anonymous
Sunscreen
Retinol
Glycolic acid
Lots of water
Veggies
Fruit
Exercise
Fun
Laughter
Good jewellery
Well cut clothes
The usual.
Anon
SUNSCREEN. every day. But you’re not going anywhere today? Put on the sunscreen. It’s raining? Put on the sunscreen. Find one you like and just make it part of the routine. For me that means Asian sunscreens. Follow fiddysnails on instagram for excellent recommendations.
roxie
All of the things people listed are of course important.
Buy joy and authenticity in your life are what your 40s are for and will inform the rest of this. If you hit 40 and don’t love your life, make the changes you need to make.
Anonymous
Like everyone said – SLEEP. Getting over the belief that sleep deprivation is virtuous has done wonders for my health.
Lift some weights. Strength training does great things for your body as you age, and you’re better off starting now while it’s easier to put on muscle.
Anonymous
Fiber. More than what is recommended. I had my first colonoscopy at 40 and my dr told me I needed to eat more than what the general guideline is for good colon health.
Review every screening with your doctor. And know that if you are not white, your recommendation may be screen earlier due to bad outcomes from advanced disease. So be assertive about your screenings.
Anon
anyone read the ask a manager yesterday about the bot clients keep trying to schedule date with? if you need a good laugh, go take a look
Anon
FFS, men.
Anon
Whhaaa???
I would change the bot name to something that was commonly given to baby girls on the 1950s and 1960s – Susan, Nancy, Linda – that aren’t as common now. Or go straight-up old lady name with Edith or Agnes.
Anon
Haha I’m 58 and I have many friends named Susan, Nancy, and Linda.
Anon
Or, even better, a man’s name.
Anonymous
WWYD in this currently fictional but likely to happen in the next 5-10 years scenario:
Married couple late 30s, 3 kids currently in elementary (K/2/5th). Spouse and I both work; I’m part time. He makes about 70% of our income, I make about 30%. We are on track to fund a substantial portion of college for the three kids (goal is to fully fund state school via 529s, and we are very much on track for that, then bankroll the difference between what they need and what we have saved outside of 529s; I’d say we are on track to fund 70% of private college out of savings for the 3 of them). We have one main family home, with about $500k left on the mortgage. No other debt. We have a robust retirement account (~1.5Mish, about half is Roth) that we continue to contribute to on pace to retire in our mid/late 50s if we want.
We are likely to inherit several million dollars from DH’s parents. Some of it will come when DH’s father, who is 88, dies, and the rest when his mother (79) dies. We do understand they could burn through this money but it is very unlikely- we don’t quite know how much they have in total or what will be left when they die, but it’s well north of 5M, could easily (and probably is) well over 10M. At least 2M of it is in a separate trust that is entirely for DH and untouchable by FIL (it’s his grandmother’s money); the rest is jointly owned by his parents.
It feels weird to plan our lives around receiving this inheritance, so for now, we are careful savers, live a fairly modest life (old cars, small house in a really expensive town with good public schools, vacations but nowhere crazy). but what what point, if at all, do we start to live differently? Or do we just do…nothing…and put all the money in trust for our kids? Years ago, we mentally figured the inheritance into college savings, figuring we’d save our part, but we could use the inheritance to fund the difference between public and private college. Now, 15ish years later, we know that the money will go well beyond that.
Do we…
– consider buying a family vacation home? We could fund this within our current means, but it would be a stretch and in our conservative opinion, a little tight. Not can’t-make-the-bills tight, but tighter than we are accustomed to living.
– consider retiring early if/when the money comes?
– put the money entirely away for something like the education of our grand and great-grandchildren?
– set aside for our kids in some way? DH is an only child but we have 3, so the money wouldn’t pass 1:1 like it did to him from his mom and grandmother.
Do we let the kids know about it as they get older?
Worth noting is that my MIL has told us that she has to/ wants to start moving money to us due to pending changes in federal estate/inheritance laws, which only impact large estates so we are fairly certain she’s sitting on 10M+. She gave us $30k last year and put $15k into each kid’s 529 in 2023. She is sort of…confused…because she’s also always been a good saver and now she’s 80 and never spent anything and her mother was the same way.
My family is a “use it or lose it” type family; my parents are both set for retirement but planning to use what they have saved.
ALT
As someone who works for a trust company: get with a trust and estates lawyer and trust advisor. They will help you through this.
Anon
You are currently borrowing trouble.
My opinion with any inheritance is to wait until you have it to decide. You don’t know how much it will be, and that changes the calculus. $20M and I’d retire in a heartbeat. $5M and my plan might be a little different. I personally wouldn’t save all of it for my kids and grandkids, and would instead enjoy some of it, but you might have different priorities.
If they give you money in the upcoming years, make decisions with that, like you did with the recent $30k!
Anon
i agree to a degree. we are in a similarish situation, though my father is younger (75) and my mom already passed away so i inherited money then. my dad talks about his estate wayyy too much, but i know it’s worth more than $9M, but I have a sister and some off the top is going to charity. But he could be alive for another 20 years! So could your DH’s mom. I personally have no interest in owning a second home, so we will never do that. The only thing I would consider doing right now, is potentially saving a bit less/spending a bit more on outsourcing and/or vacations, because those are the things that bring DH and I joy. we are still maxing out our retirement accounts, have additional savings, savings for kids college, etc. but my mom died literally a year after she retired at 65.5 and never got to enjoy her hard earned money. obviously there is a balance. DH also has like 8M in deferred comp, and if we ever get that money, maybe i’d quit my job, but probably not bc i’m fairly risk averse and my job isn’t particularly stressful at the moment. i realize this is a very privileged position to be in. i was actually discussing this with my dad yesterday as he grew up with nothing, his parents were Holocaust survivors, came to this country with the clothes on their backs, and so he never had a safety net and his due to their experience, his parents were always worried everything would be taken away.
Anon
I would daydream and pseudo-plan what to do with such a large sum, but am risk averse and would not take any steps or make any decisions in my own saving and spending plans that depend on the inheritance actually happening unless I had concrete evidence and regular access to know it was a sure thing. Otherwise, promises and well wishes are for the fishes.