Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Scuba Crepe Sheath Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I really like the dark green teal color of this Vince Camuto sheath dress, and I also like the fact that it has sleeves, and the faux split-skirt look. Note that it does have an exposed back zipper. It’s labeled hand wash, i.e., you could take your chances with the hand-wash cycle on your machine. The dress is available in plus, regular, and petite sizes for $148–$158. Scuba Crepe Sheath Dress

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  1. Anonymous :

    Talk to me about insurance. I’ve always considered it to be a service where you get what you pay for. I am reluctant to shop around for the lowest price because I assume that lower price means horrible service should something goes wrong. We have our home owners and car insurance through the same company. Our new CPA thinks what we are paying is high and we should shop around.

    • Anonymous :

      I mean, it can’t hurt to shop around right? As long as the deductibles and coverage limits are the same and you’re going with a reputable company, I’m not sure what the difference would be.

    • lawsuited :

      I suppose it depends on your jurisdiction, but in my province in Canada, all insurance companies are heavily regulated so the service they provide is pretty similar. The products, coverages and policy wordings offered by insurance companies tends to be pretty similar. One of the most common discounts is a multi-line discount, so having home owners and car insurance with the same company is usually a money-saver.

    • Get an insurance broker. No cost to you. Ask around your city/town and someone will refer you to someone local and that is trusted.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 Definitely shop around and get personal recs from people who have had to file claims.

    • Anon Atty :

      Talk to a PI attorney to find out what carriers pay out quickly and which ones drag stuff out. I’ve received quick and generous settlements from The Hartford. I have not been impressed with Liberty Mutual and Progressive. They will likely push you to trial. GEICO has come through in the end but they wait until the last minute. A lot depends on the adjuster and outside counsel as well so YMMV. Regional insurance companies are often better.

      • Anon Atty :

        I want to specify that my experience is on behalf of the injured party suing a third party and dealing with that third party’s insurance. The above companies may have different tactics for first party (their customer’s) claims.

      • anon a mouse :

        As a counterpoint, I’ve had two recent claims with Liberty Mutual and they were fantastic. I switched to them after Travelers refused to cover something that they should have.

        • Flats Only :

          Us too. We had one claim that Liberty bungled, but that was a problem with one person handling our claim, and when they got that guy off the case they were apologetic and speedy in resolving things.

          As the customer you should be more concerned with their service to you, not how they treat folks making claims against them. We currently have life, homeowners and a fleet (5!) of cars with Liberty Mutual, and have been very happy with them. Once in a while it seems like the cost of that bundle has gone up, and my husband calls our sales rep and he gets the cost back down.

    • ignorance is bliss :

      and also, READ the policies! Car and home. Do not rely on the broker/agent to read your mind and get you perfect coverage. There’s basically no insurance coverage that will cover 100% of every dollar you have to spend on your house.

      See what’s in them and ask questions. Does the home have an anticoncurrent causation provision? If an auto with vanishing deductible, do you understand how it works? etc.

      – a P&C attorney frustrated when people sue their insurance company and cry about a policy they could have damn well read *before* things went to hell.

      • Okay I’d never known about anitconcurrent causation, and my policies have it. I went back and reviewed prior ones with another company and they do too. In your experience, is it unusual to not have that? Or is it something that you request an endorsement that says they will cover concurrent causation?

        • ignorance is bliss :

          nah, it’s becoming more common and it’s tough to get around, depending on what state you live in. My own home policy has it! and thus far it hasn’t been taken down by any major challenges that I know of (again state dependent, some states outlawed it)

          even though it sounds WICKED unfair.

          the problem is that depending on the circumstances of the loss – if the insurance company is able to argue that the loss happened from a ‘combination of two perils’ then we’re really out of luck. you have to be careful in how you approach them and do a lot of background work to figure out what exactly happened at what moments in time to cause the damage.

          Also another important thing, obviously, is prevention and being very aware of what’s happening in your home and maintenancing it to the best of your ability so that losses do not happen from a combination of things.

        • Explanation for the non-attorneys?

          • ignorance is bliss :

            blerg! another reply I wrote is forthcoming

            but basically it’s a pretty standard provision in policies that *feels* WICKED unfair. and generally yes, does disclaim losses in certain cases (like katrina and sandy, yikes) when you really want to be covered

            If a loss you suffer is caused by “a combination of perils” in anyway, even if your loss is caused by a covered peril (so you think, yes coverage) but there’s also an element of an exclusion (ie the bad uncovered stuff, flooding, surface water)

            then no coverage for you. yes it’s valid, there’s been no major challenge to it (state-dependent) and yes, you will feel like you very unfairly got ripped off by your insurance company.

      • I’m a lawyer. I read my homeowners’ policy. Honestly, I still don’t understand all of what it covers and what it doesn’t. But there’s also only two options, one private and one through the state, and the private one is about $3000/year less. (Many insurers have withdrawn from my state.) I’m pessimistic about my coverage with either policy, so I went with the cheaper option. We have about 50% of the value of the property sitting in a bank account (inherited money that we hope to not touch anytime soon), so I guess we could tap into that if the worst happened.

    • RatherBePainting :

      Almost all insurance is written on the same standard forms. Different carriers may offer certain endorsements tailored to particular risk and you can add coverage for art, jewelry etc. But differences are minor in personal home and auto so price doesn’t necessarily affect coverage. A broker who represents different companies, as opposed to an agent for one particular company, can provide you with quotes and explanations of coverage so you can make an informed choice.

    • I work in insurance. There are two things you want to look for – the ability to pay claims (financial strength) and your coverage level. In personal insurance, there are differences in coverage, particularly in homeowners insurance. But if you’re not buying homeowners from one of the carriers targeting multimillion dollar residences (they make this clear from their advertising) then you can ask for specifically what you want and make a true comparison side by side. Just make sure you are looking at matching limits.

      Less expensive auto insurance doesn’t mean bad. Like, the one with the gecko ads is owned by arguably the most financially strong company in the US.

      Claims service is another variable but it’s hard to get a read on that because things like yelp reviews are so biased. No one likes dealing with insurance companies and it’s usually at a pretty bad moment in your life so I’m not sure you can get a fair read.

      I’d save money on auto and homeowners and buy an umbrella.

    • No Problem :

      Have you gotten a new quote from your current insurer recently?

      I was getting frustrated continuing to pay the same (high) amount of insurance every six months on my new car after two years, because shouldn’t that go down as the value of the car goes down and I have additional months of no claims or tickets? I re-quoted all the same terms as my existing policy on their website and got a number $200 cheaper. I had to cancel my old policy to go with the new price, but all it took was one quick phone call. I don’t understand why I had to do that, but it worked and I will be doing it every year from now on.

      • Maybe (esp. in NJ) the value of the coverage is primarily liability (like if you get sued for hitting someone) vs property damage to your car. NJ is no-fault, so if you had my luck, you’d get hit by someone who is judgment proof in an uninsured stolen car.

        NJ is the worst. I had a beater car and carried either no collision coverage or the minimum required and my insurance was thousands of dollars a year. I drove it on weekends to the grocery store and sometimes on trips b/c I took transit to work.

        I love you, New Jersey, but not re this.

    • anonforthisbecausepeoplearemean :

      It depends on what you view as the purpose of insurance. I view it as a legal requirement and perhaps somewhat cynically don’t expect them to actually pay any claims I make (although I have never made a claim with an insurance company). And while I won’t buy the absolute cheapest insurance and will go with a well-known carrier, I am not going to pay a lot to get extensive coverage and am fine with high deductibles. The idea of getting a broker for this seems really intense to me since it is pretty easy to get quotes on your own from a few well-known companies and then pick one, but I also didn’t use a real estate agent or mortgage broker when buying a house, so ymmv.

    • I just got insurance through costco and cut our rate for home and auto by 40%. Sweeeet!

  2. Anyone know what a scuba -crepe fabric would feel like? I know scuba ( thick, kinda foamy-feeling) but I am wondering how the crepe part is mixed in.

    This looks like a solid pick- conservative enough for my banking office but the elegant pop of colour is a nice change.

    • Anonymous :

      I think the neoprene fabric popular with clothing is lot thinner than the material used for scuba gear. I think the crepe indicates it may have a bit of texture or a matte finish. At least those are the 2 things that I associate with crepe fabric.

    • I bought this the last time it was featured. It’s like a slightly more synthetic-feeling ponte. Not an outrageous fabric by any means.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Do you love it? Everything about this dress is my ideal: length of sleeves, color (makes my eyes pop!), slightly funky detail that’s still totally conservative… will keep my eye on it for a sale.

        • I sent it back because it was too short but I otherwise loved it. I found it ran one size smaller than Talbot’s plus sizes and a bit shorter. I’m 5’10” so if you’re shorter it’s a winner.

      • does it pack well? this could be a good addition to my travel wardrobe

        • I didn’t pack it because I sent it back (see above) but it seems like it would pack as well as ponte, which is what I tend to take when traveling.

  3. Anonymous :

    No longer available in regular sizes and lucky sizes only in petite.

    • Could this dress be available anywhere else in straight sizes? I adore it. I would want a 14 or 16, not 14W.

      • I didn’t find it with a quick google, but I did find a scuba crepe CK dress at Macy’s that comes in some really great colors (and is less expensive, though it’s not quite as awesome a style).


  4. What’s your best tip for kicking the lingering effects of a cold/cough/sinus weirdness brought on by shift to cold weather? I had a light cold a few weeks ago and just can’t seem to lose the cough and lingering congestion.

    • Anonymous :

      Musinex and lots of water. And a humidifier while I sleep.

      • +1 to Musinex and lots of water. I take Musinex every 12 hours for 2-3 days. It makes me unable to sleep well, but it clears up the congestion quickly.

    • Isabella the She-wolf :

      All the tea

    • Winter is the worst :

      Neti pot and enough sleep

      • Lana Del Raygun :

        Obligatory warning to only use a neti pot with sterile water, because brain-eating amoebae.

    • Pei Pa Kota as a tea (follow package directions) – miracle stuff for ending a cold: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002S56K40/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o09_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

    • Tea with honey. This happened to me a few weeks ago and I got a massage (had one scheduled anyway) and I SWEAR it cleared it up. My cough was magically gone afterwards. I know that they say massages can clear your lymphatic system and I always thought it was hocus pocus, but I really think it did it!

      • My theory (for my own massages) is that it relaxes the muscles in my neck and actually lets everything drain out of my sinuses (or wherever).

        I mean, because you’re working muscles, and your lymphatic system is not muscle. So you don’t work on it directly, but loosening up muscles may allow the rest of your body to work more effectively.

      • Interesting! Even if it doesn’t work on the congestion, a massage sounds amazing!

    • Lots of sleep.

    • Anonymous :

      A really spicy curry!

  5. dog sitters :

    does anyone have a dog sitter they love in the NYC/Long Island area? My sitter for next week just cancelled and I’m scrambling to find someone to watch my pup.

    • Anonymous :

      Joan’s Ark Petsitting — joans ark dot com

    • Anon in NYC :

      Check out Rover dot com – there might be someone in your area.

    • My dog sitter cancelled over the weekend, too. I frantically called kennels and ended up using rover.com and found a highly recommended family who board in their home with their 3 dogs. We did a meet and greet with our dogs, and the family seemed normal, so I booked through rover. I dropped my pupper off at 8:30 AM, and she’s already sent me a video and several texts through the app. I like it so far.

    • Rocco & Jezebel in brooklyn heights

  6. Isabella the She-wolf :

    Would you wear something to your office that your coworkers have made fun of others for wearing? On this case it’s leggings and OTK boots, but I’m not asking about those in particular. I’m more wondering how much you would be swayed by knowing that the people you work with would make teenage judgements about certain styles?

    • Anonymous :

      Pretty sure teenagers are okay with leggings and OTK boots. It’s adults who know they are not office appropriate.

      • Anonymous :


      • depends on the office. this is ok to wear in my office!

      • This would be fine (with a long top) in my big pharma office. One of my coworkers was rocking leggings with OTK boots and a long flowy top and patterned long cardigan (like mid thigh). She looked awesome!

      • Isabella the She-wolf :

        Sorry, to clarify I meant “teenage judgements” because I don’t like the phrase “mean girl”. Perhaps “immature” would have been better.
        No one in my office is very young, we should be past this.

    • R. Phalange :

      I’d be pretty swayed by that, but with the caveat that I generally try to look a little older than I am when dressing for work. I’m 24 and the youngest in my office by ~10-15 years, so I try not to look even younger. Also, I’m in higher ed, so it’s important to me that I don’t get mistaken for a student any more than I already do!

    • My coworkers don’t make fun of people’s clothes, honestly. I have seen some weird outfits (not too many) but I wouldn’t say anything.

    • Anonymous :

      Depends what it is. Leggings and OTK boots aren’t office appropriate, so no. If like a coworker mocked broches or silk scarves I’d just ignore her.

      • Isabella the She-wolf :

        Actually, the director just weighed in that leggings are fine, so it’s really a personal decision.

        • yes, but you shouldn’t be dressing to the ‘not in violation of dress code’ standard. You should be dressing for the job you want.

          Like the young admin assistants at our govt office will wear leggings with a tunic on a casual Friday when the lawyers are in jeans with blazers and they won’t be sent home. But the executive level admin assistants are also in jeans and blazers or jardigans.

          • Agree with this. Save the look for your off-work hours. Dress like a professional if you expect to be treated like one. That is, after all, what this place is about.

        • Leggings and OTK boots? You sure? Why you so committed to wearing something your peers find inappropriate because it is inappropriate.

          • Where have I expressed any comment about being committed to wearing it?

          • Huh? What is this entire thread about?

          • Leggings as pants or leggings as tights? Half the female attorneys in my office wear ponte dresses with leggings, knee high boots and a blazer. It’s practically a uniform. But, there’s only 3 inches or so of legging showing between the dress hem and the boots. You have to look closely to see that they aren’t just thick tights.

          • This thread is about asking your opinions. If I was committed to it, I would just wear them.

      • Flats Only :


      • lawsuited :

        +1 If it was something that I knew was borderline, a comment from a co-worker would push it over the edge into weekend wear only. If a co-worker commented that he/she didn’t approve of some item of clothing I knew was otherwise sure was appropriate, I’d still wear it.

    • Linda from HR :

      Thankfully I don’t worry about this anymore, but towards the end of my time at my first job I did notice young women in my office (women my age) saying things like “oh my gaaawd, did you see what she was wearing?” “oh my god I know, right??” and my outfits weren’t great, so I definitely felt self-conscious. Not sure if it influenced what I actually wore, my work wardrobe was still in its infancy so I didn’t have a lot of choices. And I was let go not long after that.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Same. For me it’s less about what I’m going to wear the next day and more about “oh wow these people are not the kind of people I want to spend 40, 50, 60 hours a week with. yuck.”

      • Linda from HR :

        Adding on to this after reading the other comments, if I were wearing an outfit that was actually unprofessional, or inappropriate for my office, I would hope that would be rectified by my boss or a close female coworker honestly and respectfully taking me aside and telling me not to wear that thing. Immature comments and teasing someone for their outfit doesn’t suddenly become okay when the outfit is wrong for the workplace, it’s still rude.

        • This, yes.

        • Sloan Sabbith :

          Yeah, this. I’ve had some misses at work- I think it happens to everyone. A dress that looks fine when you put it on suddenly starts falling off your shoulders when you’re at your computer. A wrap dress has….wrap dress issues. A casual Friday outfit is just too casual. But I wouldn’t want others in my office to be making snarky comments about it behind my back- I’d want a kind coworker to tell me it’s a problem. I had blood on the back of my (white) skirt earlier this year. Obviously that’s a super embarrassing faux pas, but our receptionist very kindly pointed it out and I GTFO of there for the day (and brought in emergency pants). I’d be furious if no one had told me and just made fun of me behind my back for it. Inappropriate, unprofessional, or just a faux pas, it’s still not okay to make fun of someone for their outfit choices.

          • I’m wondering what kind of Pollyanna world people live in where they think people aren’t making open remarks about how someone looks when they don’t approve. Can I live there?

    • Were they actually making fun of it, or was someone just stating her opinion? Either way, be confident in your choices and don’t let others sway you. The exception is if you really are wearing something inappropriate and someone does point that out to you.

      • They were making fun of someone. In other contexts I would completely ignore snide backbiting like that, but since it was a conversation about what to wear in our office, I thought maybe I should consider the relevant details.

    • For me, it would depend on why my co-workers were teasing me. If the suggestion was that I needed to dress more formally or more appropriately or otherwise up my game (needing a shoe shine or something), I’d definitely pay attention. If they made fun of something that was purely a matter of taste, or of my repeating an outfit, color, accessory, etc. all the time (which I do), I’d probably ignore it.

      • +1
        I wear leggings in the winter in the place of tights frequently, but would not wear leggings as pants as it’d be much too casual for my office.

        However, I have seen people commute in OTK boots…I’m guessing for warmth?

    • This recently came up in my office. We have a group of admin assistants who dress like they’re ready to leave for the club at any moment. That’s the best way I know how to describe it. I’ve seen sequins, foil, cold shoulders/cutouts, platform pumps with lucite heels, OTK boots with leggings or skintight skinny jeans, big hoop earrings, skintight bandage dresses, body glitter, all the makeup, etc. As one would wear something outrageous, all of them would adopt that item and then ratchet (no pun intended) things up a notch or two. Like, if one AA wore sky-high platform pumps with jeans one day, the next week someone would have on sky-high platform boots that laced up her leg, worn with a very short skirt.

      Our office is nominally “casual” but almost everyone agreed this group of ladies was taking things to an extreme. We finally had a meeting in which my boss went over the dress code and did her best to give neutral examples of what is and isn’t okay for work, and showed pictures of “recommended” work outfits. It didn’t change things at all for the group of AAs. They’re still dressing like they had been. My boss told me privately that the next step is individual write-ups, but she doesn’t know whether even that will work. So I’m not sure how much social censure and talk works to change people’s dress; it has certainly not changed anything in my office. These ladies know the rest of us find what they’re wearing wildly inappropriate for work, but they don’t seem to care.

    • If you are talking about what other people are wearing, you are undermining your credibility as a professional. If you are gossiping about other people in the office, you are undermining your credibility as a professional. You either want to be part of the solution, or perpetuate the problem. Professionals do not engage in this b.s. Think about who you are and who you want to be.

    • I mean, I doubt there are many teenagers hanging around here, and I’ve never seen a more judgmental group.

      • You don’t internet much if you think it’s that judgmental here. Highly suggested you avoid mommy blogs/boards.

    • Ehhh -I’ll bite. Everyone is right that it’s wrong to gossip about someone’s outfit but I’ve done it. My fashion conscious co workers do it, too. Because we love clothes and talking about clothes and what looks,chic, modern and interesting. Teenage me would die of embarrassment that someone didn’t like my outfit, grown up me says “interesting” and shrugs. All of my great fashion icons have had big misses so it’s just not a big deal if a friend comments on my boots.

      • Isn’t also true that people who aren’t “fashion conscious” criticize those who are, just because they really don’t understand fashion? Or what looks chic, modern, and interesting? When that is the case, why care?

    • I’m sitting here today in black leggings, leopard flats, longer white T with denim jacket and scarf. No effs are given.

      I’m a project manager at a manufacturing plant, and our dress code is business casual/jeans only on Fridays. My company is weird, in that the office staff are the only employees dressed up–anyone in the plant is wearing slightly dirty jeans. Including the CEO who likes to be hands on with his company.

      “Dress for the job you want” doesn’t work in this industry. So definitely, know your office! Some places are fine with leggings and tunics, others would give you side eye. If your coworkers are whispering about an outfit, take notes and tell yourself not to wear something similar.

  7. Where can I buy reasonably priced workout clothes? For yoga classes, FWIW. I went to Athleta this weekend but I just don’t think I’m ready to spend that much.

    • Old Navy or Target. Mine are all from Target. The Champion brand they carry is pretty high quality for the price.

      • Seconding Old Navy. I get most of my workout gear from them and I get compliments on it a lot. I also have a lot of stuff from Target. Target has really great workout bottoms they’re just hard to differentiate online. Some are super thick and tight while others are thinner not as stretchy. I have some with a side pocket for my phone and I LOVE them but I struggled to figure out which style they were online. Inside they have a tag that says “want to order me again? Here’s my product code: XXXX.” So clever!

        • +1 to Old Navy. My items from there (leggings a t shirts) have held up much better than any other brand. and I bought a pinkish/orange “work out hoodie” from there last year, and by far and away it’s the one piece of clothing in my closet I get more compliments on than anything else.

          I’ve also found that the leggings from old navy are the only ones that don’t fall down on me when I’m running and moving around.

        • Agreed about the Target bottoms. I have two pairs that look exactly alike but are dramatically different sizes and were called different things.

      • Yoga Teacher :

        Fourthing Old Navy. I have a lot of leggings, tank tops and sports bras from Old Navy and they’ve held up better than most other brands I’ve purchased. You can also get really great sale prices there. I will usually check sales every month or two and stock up on more colors of an item I already own and like. I’m a yoga teacher and take or teach class 5-9 times per week, so my workout clothes get a lot of wear and washing.

    • I really like some Gap fit stuff and gap usually has 40% off sales. Zella from Nordstrom, but I’ll often purchase at Nordstrom Rack, or Target also has great workout gear.

    • Anonymous :

      Target – either the clearance rack or the regular price C9 brand.

    • Gap + regular 40% off sales. Keep a particular eye out as Black Friday sales get going.

    • Old Navy! I love their stuff. I also love Gap leggings (on sale).

    • 100% Old Navy. I love their workout leggings.

    • I love Target’s Joy Lab line. I got a moto jacket for running outside. It’s ridiculous, but it helps me stay motivated.

    • Gap Fit. At least in Canada, they are running a 50% off everything sale, including clearance. Picked up 3 pairs of standard capri leggings for $50 total. In my experience, the leggings hold up well. I only need so many because I seem to be incapable of doing laundry on a regular basis…

    • Same question but for someone tall with big boobs and a smaller waist. I love the built in bra tops but I struggle to find them big enough and when I do, the rest of the fabric fits like a tent. I don’t care about looking stylish in class but I want my clothes functional so that they don’t fall down over my head in down dog.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I love Athleta and have had great luck getting it very inexpensively on eBay. I set an alarm so it emails me when my preferred item and size is available.

  8. Wanted to report back that I ordered the Zella sweatshirt wrap cardigan from Nordstrom from the 10/27 weekend open thread and it came last night. I really like it! It’s cozy but not horribly oversized and I like the shape. The fleece part on the collar is a little stiffer than I expected, but that may soften up as it is washed. It’s a quiet day here and my only meeting is online, so I’m wearing it with a tank and black pants and booties. Looking forward to wearing it on my trip to Park City next week. It feels like a good piece for traveling!

    • I lusted after that cardigan when it was posted last month, but convinced myself to wait and see if I still wanted it in a month. Totally forgot about that promise-to-myself, but just pulled the trigger thanks to your post. It just looks so cute and perfect. Thumbholes! Would cover my butt! Would be a great layer under my heavy coat!

      So…thanks haha

      • I know! I had thought about it for a while and then put it in my cart and let it sit. I was ordering something else and thought what the heck, so I ordered it, too. I’m sending the other thing back (faux fur wrap that I thought might work for my cousin’s wedding) but keeping this. Unlike other athletic type jackets, the thumb holes don’t mean that the sleeves are way too long.

    • I got it too and have already worn it several times…

  9. Anonymous :

    Anyone have a favorite pair of joggers? I tried some on at Gap yesterday that were really soft, but they looked so much like pj’s that I don’t think I could wear them out of the house. Any recs? TIA!

  10. My uncle passed away a few months ago, and I recently found out that he left me $70,000. We’ve always been close and it turns out that he was low-key wealthy–very modest lifestyle but a ton of money in investments that no one had any idea about. Most of it is going to charity, since he and my late aunt never had children of their own although they were basically extra parents to my siblings and me. (My siblings are each receiving the same gift.) I’ve been sitting with the emotions for a while and I think I’m finally in a place to try to make a concrete plan for what to do with it. I work in a nonprofit so this is more than a year’s salary for me. Currently I plan to set aside $40k for a future down payment, contribute $20k to retirement accounts, and save the last $10k for some combination of a wedding (I’m in a relationship that’s headed for engagement), travel (it’s my passion and something my uncle said he always wanted to do, but never got around to), with maybe a minimal amount ($800?) towards some wardrobe upgrades. I don’t have any student loans left.

    Does this seem reasonable? I don’t want to mismanage this incredible gift, because I’ll probably never see this much money at once for the rest of my life. And I want to honor my uncle by using it to help move forward on some goals that have always seemed out of reach.

    • I’m sorry about your uncle. Your plan sounds reasonable, although I would also contribute to an emergency fund unless you already have a really solid one.

      • Thank you. I have 3-4 months of expenses in an emergency fund. I would want more than that as a homeowner, though, although that’s still a few years down the road so I have enough time to save to higher level there.

    • that’s a perfectly sensible and balanced way to use the money. I like that you included travel. You are honoring him by living out your passion – especially if it was an experience he wished he had.

      • Thanks, I appreciate it. He always talked about wanting to travel outside the US and was so excited for me the first time I got to go.

        And now I’m tearing up. I was feeling as though including travel was almost frivolous, but I think he would have wanted me to see some of the things he always wanted to, but didn’t feel that he could.

        • Not frivolous!! Based on your comment I think it would make your uncle very happy to see you spend some of the money he left you on travel. You sound extremely responsible with money – don’t forget that life is for living!!

    • Clementine :

      Yes. To me this seems excellent, provided that there are no tax concerns.

      I think that you’re wisely dividing this between long term (retirement), medium term (house down payment) and short term (wedding/travel/wardrobe). I also think that it’s nice to honor their memory in some way as a ‘thank you’ – perhaps that’s a small tolken that you wear at your wedding or a visit to a place that they had always dreamed of.

      • I have no idea about taxes. Do you know how I would be able to figure that out? I’m good-enough with money (paid off loans, started saving for retirement when I graduated, get my match, have an emergency fund) but have no clue about higher-level stuff.

        Thank you for the support. He and my mom put their parents’ wedding bands on a necklace and wear it to all of the big family events, so I know that we’ll be adding his as well. I will definitely wear it to my wedding.

    • Assuming you have an emergency fund, this sounds great. I would maybe earmark a little more towards travel because I love it too. What a lovely way to remember him each time when you buy a house, get married, travel, or look at your retirement fund and feel secure and happy.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        I agree. Hard to imagine how I would feel if I died and left money to someone, but I imagine that helping someone I love do meaningful things in the short, medium, and long term (travel, wedding, and house/retirement) would be such a lovely thing to do. <3

      • Thank you for the support. I do have an emergency fund already. I just don’t want to go too crazy with the travel, if that makes sense? I can save a few thousand for a trip without a ton of trouble, but with my salary it would take me a long time to get near the bigger-number items. I don’t want to waste that opportunity.

    • Mrs. Jones :

      It’s very reasonable. I’m sorry about your uncle.

    • Cornellian. :

      That sounds like a perfect split, but you should probably think about a couple of things:
      -how are you planning to do the 20K? There are annual contribution limits for every type of plan I am aware of (401K, IRA, etc), and limits on where the money you contribute comes from.
      -make sure there is no tax payable on the 70K. If you’re putting 40K aside anyway, it shouldn’t be a problem if you do end up on the hook for taxes.
      -do you know how you want to invest? I would poke around bogleheads online for ideas. If I were you, I would make sure you had an emergency fund (3-6 months of living expenses is average I think) set aside in a savings account, and then invest the rest in low-fee index funds at schwab or vanguard. You may have limited investment options in your retirement accounts, but with the 40K you should be able to access most index funds you want.

      • Thanks, these are really helpful things to think through. Like I said above, I’m pretty good with money in the normal course of things but I’ve never had to manage anything like this before.

        I have a Roth IRA from my first job, and I know I can’t put the whole amount in there. I can max my 2017 and 2018 contributions, but I don’t know where to put the rest since I definitely can’t contribute it into my accounts through my current job. I’ve looked at bogleheads and felt pretty overwhelmed, but I can try again. I understand what an index fund and know that Vanguard is recommended, but as soon as people start talking about the intricacies of one fund versus another my eyes glaze over. From what I understand I would also probably want to do different things with the $40k (conservative, bond heavy) and the $10-20k (more aggressive asset mix since I’m only 30).

        Do you know how I might find out about the tax implications on the $70k?

        • Pretty sure you can inherit up to 5M tax free in the US. Consequences would come from what retirement vehicles you use if you mess up and put too much in or early withdraw.

        • No income tax implications to you. If your uncle had more than ~$5.5 million, his estate would owe some estate tax.

        • Cornellian. :

          Your IRA isn’t tied to a previous job, anyone can actually open one. But I think you’re right that you can contribute for 2017 and 2018.

          If you had an account at a previous job, maybe it was a 401(K)? You can’t contribute to that with money not earned on that job, unfortunately. Does your current employee offer a 401(k) or any sort of self-funded retirement account?

          • My first job didn’t offer retirement benefits, so I opened a Roth IRA on my own. My subsequent jobs have offered benefits, so I associate the IRA with that first job since I haven’t contributed much to it since then–sorry if my phrasing was unclear.

            I have a 403(b) now, so I can’t add non-work money into that.

    • That sounds very reasonable and sensible.

    • It sounds very reasonable to me. You mention “some combination of wedding and travel”–maybe an awesome honeymoon?!

    • Veronica Mars :

      I think this is a great plan. It’s also a good idea when coming into money not to spend anything for at least a year. So if you want to be ultra-conservative, set everything aside now and decide next year if you want to tinker or take any more out for travel.

      • I can totally see why you recommend that. I’m feeling pretty confident right now, but I don’t want to make a decision now and then regret it 5 years down the road. The house, wedding, and retirement are still a ways away, and my summer travel plans are already locked in for this year (a week hiking in a national park, nothing extravagant that I don’t already have a plan to pay for). It wouldn’t be hard for me to let it sit and think about things for longer.

  11. Cornellian :

    That sounds like a perfect split, but you should probably think about a couple of things:
    -how are you planning to do the 20K? There are annual contribution limits for every type of plan I am aware of (401K, IRA, etc), and limits on where the money you contribute can come from.
    -make sure there is no tax payable on the 70K. If you’re putting 40K aside anyway, it shouldn’t be a problem if you do end up on the hook for taxes.
    -do you know how you want to invest? I would poke around bogleheads online for ideas. If I were you, I would make sure you had an emergency fund (3-6 months of living expenses is average I think) set aside in a savings account, and then invest the rest in low-fee index funds at schwab or vanguard. You may have limited investment options in your retirement accounts, but with the 40K you should be able to access most index funds you want.

  12. Wasn’t this dress featured about a month ago? I bought it and returned it – too short for me, but if you’re under 5’10” it’s a nice dress.

  13. I was told in a recent performance review that I should do more to market myself, both internally (among other offices) and externally. I generally agree with the feedback. My issue is that I’ve been so busy since I started at this firm that I’m barely (or really, not at all) keeping my head above water – I’ve averaged close to 300/mo over the last 6 months, and over 200/mo over the last 2 years. If “marketing” really means, ask for more work, I don’t see how that’s possible, even setting aside the fact that my firm likes to think of itself as a lifestyle firm.

    I know that networking doesn’t usually lead to more work today, it’s focused on the future, but I’m really struggling to find the time and emotional fortitude to make any effort here. How do you (1) make time for all these networking activities; (2) muster the energy to ask people for more work when you can’t possibly take on another matter?

    • I’m not in law so I might be interpreting this incorrectly, but I would read “marketing” not as asking for more work, but as making people aware of the work you’re already doing and areas of expertise you might have. Yes, it may lead to more work down the road, but also will hopefully lead to you being recognized as an expert or go-to person in a certain area – building a pipeline for yourself of work in areas you want to focus on.

      My suggestion would be to think about how you can get more exposure most efficiently, i.e. targeting a few high exposure opportunities rather than feeling like you have to do a lot of events where you talk to a few people. Are there continuing education or internal lecture opportunities where you could talk with a group of people about a project? Or doing a write-up for a newsletter or something? I’m not in law so I don’t know what opportunities you might have.

      • I agree this is likely how should accept the feedback. Being the hardest worker isn’t a guarantee of getting ahead if no one knows you’re doing it. Look for opportunities be show off your knowledge (CLE presentations, writing for a local legal blog or publication) and for ways to rub elbows in a personal setting with those who can help you in career – can you seek a leadership role in a subject-specific subcommittee of the local Bar Association? Volunteer to work with partners on some kind of charity event?

        Short anecdote: I billed 2500 a year while my contemporary ‘wasted’ his time golfing with clients to drum up new business while billing half as much. Guess who made partner?

    • lawsuited :

      Networking will also help you find a new gig if this one wears you out and it sounds like it might. So, there’s that.

    • Frozen Peach :

      Start the rule for yourself that you have a business lunch once a month. Then make it happen. 12 lunches in a year isn’t so bad. Will pay off in spades.

    • Anonymous :

      You need to treat this as part of your job as you get more senior. Pick things that work for you — internal firm committee, working on promotional materials, setting lunches on calendar can all serve the internal networking purpose.

  14. Excel Geek :

    Because I am crazy, in addition to hosting Thanksgiving on Thursday, we’re having 4 families over for dinner on Wednesday. I thought about doing a baked potato and pasta bar with chili.
    Good recipes for chili?
    I have one that I like but it’s really spicy and I think I need more of a crowd-pleaser since there will be lots of kids involved. Would like to do one with beans and one without. Bonus points for crock pot but that’s not a deal breaker.

    • Yes you are crazy, but in a good way :-) . skinnytaste has great crockpot chili recipes. she has a no bean turkey and sweet potato chili that is great (i’ve subbed butternut squash since I can buy that pre chopped) and a slow cooker 3 bean turkey chili (you could obviously sub ground beef if you prefer that, or take out the turkey if you want vegetarian). also has a crock pot kid-friendly turkey chili that doesn’t have beans.

    • Pizza. Order a bunch, and a side salad. Done.

      • +1 – I love to cook and entertain, host thanksgiving every year, and I can’t imagine cooking for a crowd the night before. Best of luck to you! (And I’ll say, I love pizza and an excuse to eat it, any time)

        • Linda from HR :

          When my family gets together the night before Thanksgiving, we do one of two things – either we go out to eat so no one has to cook, or the family not hosting Thanksgiving (my mom and her sister live close by, our families take turns) hosts the pre-Thanksgiving meal. That way the people doing Thanksgiving aren’t *also* handling the meal the night before. Similar thing around Christmas, we often go out, order takeout, or a meal is cooked by a family not handling Christmas dinner.

    • Linda from HR :

      My guy made a caramel apple chili recently. “Regular” chili base with tomato, beef, and beans, but added chunks of apples and some caramel sauce (like what you’d put on ice cream). That was pretty clutch. Or do something with bacon and maple, maybe a little bourbon for flavor.

    • We always do spaghetti, meatballs, salad, and garlic bread for large crowds. It is actually a good crowd pleaser. But that being said the meatballs are homemade (really…they only take an hour) so it makes a huge difference. Also good hand-grated parm cheese.

    • The Pioneer Woman’s White Chili is good if you want something a little different and could be modified for the crock pot easily I think. I would do cornbread with it.

    • lol….I’d order a Subway platter and buy some chips. :)

      Or do walking tacos.

    • Veronica Mars :

      For lots of kids, nothing beats homemade mac and cheese and hotdogs wrapped in cresent roll dough and baked. So easy and good.

    • No Problem :

      Turkey chili from Oprah’s magazine. Very easy to make and a crowd pleaser.

    • I would drop the pasta and have potatoes and sweet potatoes with the chili and fixings. Because chili on top of a sweet potato is soooo delicious.

    • We love Scott Jurek’s vegan chili (easy to google). It does have beans. I just dump everything in the crockpot and cook on low all day. It is a little chopping intensive, but if you can recruit someone to help you should be able to finish quickly.

    • Budget Bytes’ slower cooker chili. Ah-mazing.

    • The “Slow Cooker Turkey Chili” recipe from Two Peas And Their Pod is my favorite (I think it’s like the 4th or 5th result if you google the recipe name). I’m very sensitive to spice, so I take out the jalepenos and peppers, so it’s more of a tomato-ey chili with a slight kick to it from the cumin/chili powder.

    • Anony Mouse :

      Rick Bayless’s recipe for World’s Greatest Chili. Using pure ground chile–not chile powder–makes all the difference.

    • This is the only chili I will make any more. It’s amazing: https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/pork-beef-and-black-bean-chili-107280

  15. I need some shopping help to come up with a great desk to dinner outfit. I will be going to a fancy dinner with DH. I was thinking of a dress of some sort. To make it more fancy for dinner id probably swap booties and tights for pumps and pantyhose. Probably some jewelry swap as well. My shopping has been failing me today and I know you ladies have great suggestions.

    • I have this dress in a black and white polka dot print. It’s very flattering, borderline too much for work but can be toned down easily enough, and would be a nice blank canvas for dinner. I would do some long earring and maybe colorful, s*xy heels. https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/adrianna-papell-ruched-matte-stretch-crepe-sheath-dress/4263451?breadcrumb=Home%2FSale%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&top=72&flexi=8000544_60181190&flexi=60197317_60197319&flexi=60130969_60130970%7C60130969_60132455%7C60130969_60130972&page=3

      • For something different, I like this dress a lot (but I don’t know how “fancy” your dinner is – most of the “fancy” places in NYC don’t really involve people dressing up in actual fancy clothes so I may be operating off incorrect assumptions).

        • Or maybe this one? https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/maggy-london-velvet-faux-wrap-dress/4728270?campaign=1106Occasionhp&jid=J009066&cid=hp3ev&cm_sp=merch-_-0_1889_J009066-_-hp_corp_P01_shop&cm_re=HP_P01_1x1-_-1113xdiv_categorydriver_holidaydressing-_-category&offset=12&top=72&flexi=60201615_60201833&page=6

      • Never too many shoes... :

        I love that first dress so hard.

      • Dang AIMS, I like all those suggestions. Going to be pondering all after noon!

        • I’m sure you will have a great time and look great, whatever you decide to wear! This is a lovely “problem” to have :)

    • I did exactly what you are planning a couple of weeks ago. I wore a fitted cardigan over the dress for work, and took it off for the date. Changed out jewelry and booties for pumps. This is the dress I have: http://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/womens-dresses/smart-day/j0015-blk/womens-black-elsa-ottoman-dress

  16. ugh, why does asking for references feel so incredibly awkward? I know its a normal part of job searching, but I dread it so much.

    • references :

      Just as a counterpoint, I love giving references for great people, it makes me feel so happy to know that I’ve helped them get their next gig. If it’s a request for a written reference, I also send what I wrote to the person, because again, I generally think they’re awesome and want them to know that. So don’t feel weird, most people are probably thrilled to give you a reference! I also love recommending people for freelance work if they’re open to it, and I’ve connected several former colleagues with freelance opportunities.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Same! It’s delightful!

        • thanks, I needed to hear this. I always feel like I’m bothering my references!

          • references :

            One other side benefit of references is that they can give you a read on the job as well. I had one really unfortunate situation where the company treated one of my references terribly. I was already feeling a bit lackluster about them, and then they completely disrespected her time, and that was the nail in the coffin. I’m not going to work for a place that can’t be bothered to treat someone doing me a favor with respect.

  17. I am planning to buy an iPhone on black friday. All I care about is the camera. Help me pick which one?

    Between the 8, the 8 Plus, and the X, from what I can tell, the 8 is out because it doesn’t have portrait mode. The 8 Plus does have portrait mode, so I am trying to decide if any difference between the 8 Plus camera and the X camera is worth it. I don’t care about the facial recognition camera, and I don’t take selfies really, so any advantage from the selfie camera is not determinative for me. From what I’ve read, it seems the main camera advantages of the X involve the front facing camera, and since I don’t care about that, I think the 8 Plus is the way to go.

    Can anyone confirm or give suggestions on that? Thanks for your help!

    • Cornellian. :

      I went with 8 Plus for same reason (plus I didn’t want to wait for the X). The X also seems to be incredibly easy to damage, which is no – go for me.

      The camera is great!

    • If you can afford the extra $200, go for the X. Rosa just got hers and she LOVES it. Beside’s there are features on the X that are NOT on the 8 or Plus 8, so go for it. Dad is STILL makeing me keep my Iphone 7+, b/c he says I should NOT notice the difference. FOOEY on him. I think I should have the latest, but he says wait another year! Of course, it was OK for him to get Rosa the X, so why do I have to be stuck with old teck? DOUBEL FOOEY! I have cleint’s that look to me for the latest, whether it be in teck or in fashion. Would dad want me running around with an old pair of 9 West shoes? of course NOT, so why is he drawing the line with the iPhone? I will stick it out for a year, but may ask the manageing partner to upgrade my work iphone so that I can at least walk around with a work phone that is state of the art. Steve Jobs would have wanted me to have an X. YAY!!!!!!

    • I went 8+. If you care a lot about a smaller phone, the X is smaller than the 8+ while still having a bigger screen and the good camera, but it wasn’t worth me paying a couple extra hundred dollars for, and I’m actively uninterested in the face id stuff.

    • Another vote for 8 Plus. I wanted the portrait mode also, but I have gotten some really great shots in regular camera mode too.

    • I got the X solely for size reasons. Kinda stinks that if you want the great camera, your options are to have a huge phone or to pay an extra couple hundred for the X that has a slew of other potentially unneeded (for me anyway) features. I’m not sure why they couldn’t put the good cameras on the regular 8 other than wanting people to spring for the X just like I did.

  18. FYI 20% of everything at Grana

  19. I’ve never ordered from them before but they have some beautiful things! Do they have promo codes? Any idea about waiting for black friday vs just ordering now?

    • I have a Cuyana dress that I really like. I’d be surprised if they did promo codes, but black Friday is a possibility (though not sure what they have planned or have done in the past, if anything).

    • Not sure about BF, but they never seem to have discounts or codes (which, frankly, I like because I feel like I’m always getting stuff the minute before a code comes out)

    • Anony Mouse :

      I waited about 6 months to buy the small carryall tote and never saw a sale or promo code. Bought the bag full price–something I almost never do–and I have no regrets. The quality is excellent and I get lots of compliments on the bag.

  20. Can we talk about the Instant Pot? I know we have before but I’m thinking that with the sales coming up some more of us maybe in the market… What size is good if you want leftovers but don’t have a second freezer in your garage and generally live in an apartment where space is a premium? Do those of you that are vegetarians find it useful (I’m not veggie, but don’t eat meat all that much so cooking meat is a special occasion in my house)? Other things you’d like to share?

    • We have a 6 quart for our family of 3 and it’s a good size.

      • Two Cents :

        + 1 We bought the 8 quart for our family of 4 and it was HUGE. Returned it for the 6 quart. I think we could have gotten away with the 5 quart as well, but we do a decent amount of entertaining and I like that you can cook for a large crowd with the 6 quart.

        I love my IP so, so much. I make rice in it every other day, all of my Indian dishes in it like dal, rajma, chole. So good!

    • Anon in NYC :

      I have the 6 quart. It’s plenty big for my family (2 adults, 1 toddler). It is big – for storage purposes, it’s about the size as my stand mixer. For vegetarian food, I find it great for making beans. I can make a pound of black beans from scratch in about 45 minutes (I’ve found that dried chickpeas and white beans take a little less time). I’ve also made wild rice soup in about the same amount of time. I have used it to make soft boiled (and hard boiled) eggs, and also sweet potatoes in a ridiculously fast amount of time. (Personally, I prefer baking sweet potatoes, but it’s great if you just want them done quickly). I’m tempted to try spaghetti squash or butternut squash next – I think you could probably put the whole thing in the pot and go from there.

    • BeenThatGuy :

      I have the 6 quart and I’ll say it’s a little too big for me (just me and a 9 year old). There’s too many leftovers and I wind up throwing things out.

    • I have the 6 quart and find it’s the right size for a family of 4. The biggest annoyance is storing it (it’s rather large for the counter and eats up a lot of cabinet space). I use it at least once a week.

      Accolades: Makes the best ribs ever! Very easy to make soups, sauces, pastas, yogurt, hard boiled eggs, mashed potatoes, etc. Feels waaaay safer than my old-school pressure cooker that had the weight that bobbled and hissed. InstantPot customer service has been phenomenal (I accidentally left the release valve on the lid and it went through the dishwasher and melted – they sent me a new one free).

      Criticisms: The sauté function is kind of weak, IMO. Doesn’t get hot enough to really sear meat. Also, I have not been 100% successful using it as a slow cooker – wish I would have kept my crock pot, too. Have had to finish some slow cooker recipes in the oven. Perhaps the slow cooker doesn’t cook at high enough temp? Idk.
      Many recipes don’t account for the pressurization time so cook times can be misleading. But it usually comes to pressure by the time I clean up from food prep and have a glass of wine ;)

      I don’t regret buying it at all; I’ve had mine a year (bought during Black Friday sale).

    • Sorry this is late, but I have the 6 quart and I’m single. I usually freeze half of what I make if it’s a lot (like soup) and then eat the rest as leftovers. When I have my family over (6 including me), it all gets eaten up. I love it because it’s fast and tastes better than slow cooker meals. I recommend Melissa Clark’s cookbook.

      • Oh, and I’m not vegetarian but I don’t eat a ton of meat and eat no beef. If you like beans, the instant pot is worth it for that alone. No soaking and you get dried beans to cooked beans in an hour. Delicious. I haven’t tried it, but risotto and polenta are supposed to be easy too. I’ll eventually get around to testing ricotta and yogurt.

  21. Is it Thanksgiving yet? :

    My boss is unexpectedly hospitalized and I sent a note around to the team suggesting we send flowers and telling folks how much the cost would be per person. It was a super casual email and I noted how I don’t like “gifting up” but this is special circumstances. After a few emails back and forth, my coworker chimed in “boss is probably already watching her front door, as she is on the distribution list!”

    I feel so embarrassed! Is it Thanksgiving break yet??

    • Awwww bless. At least you’ve been caught doing something nice!

    • Oh honey, I’m sorry, but it could have been so much worse! And no one else noticed right away either.

    • Been there, done that. It was for a wedding gift contribution for a co worker. Oh, and once I accidentally invited a customer out to lunch instead of a coworker. It happens.

      • anon me too :

        I once accidentally invited a coworker to a wedding instead of my then-boyfriend. We had quite the laugh and we still joke that he could be my backup date for any weddings that I attend.

    • I totally understand how you feel, but this is definitely the best case scenario for including the wrong person on an email!!

  22. I need new suits for upcoming interviews—mine are 5-10 years old and just don’t fit well anymore. I used to buy from J Crew, but with the except of the oldest suit I have from there, the others have not aged well. The wool shrunk at the dry cleaner so the skirt lining shows out the bottom, and it puckers out the jacket sleeves. So, I need to figure out the best place to shop for new ones. Is Ann Taylor my best bet?

    For reference, I’m an hourglassy pear. 2-4 on top and 6-8 on bottom, tho I do have issues with jackets being too tight across the shoulders in the size that fits the rest of my body.

    My dream suit would be Boss, but not looking to spend that much since I’m not sure if I’d need the suits beyond interviews.

    • Sorry, meant to also ask—if Ann Taylor, are there specific styles or fabrics you’d recommend?

      • I used to buy suits exclusively from AT (I’m a similar shape so I prefer to buy separates, and petite). I recently bought thier basic wool skirt suit and was really disappointed in the quality. I got the same base wool suit from j crew and while it’s nothing special it’s a step above the AT version. So I’d recommend going back to j crew!

    • banana republic :

      BR suits with logan fit pants

    • Anonymous :

      try BR or Talbots.. AT’s “best” quality suiting material is still inferior to those companies.

    • There are some crazy good sales going on at the high end department stores. If you know your size in Boss, you might be able to snatch a suit for a decent price. Which is my way of saying, don’t count it out.

    • I’d try Hugo boss- It’s expensive (at least for me) but I found the quality to be quite good. I’m a pear about your size and the fit was much better than anywhere else. Plus they do in house tailoring for free. I got a suit there for my last interviews a couple of years ago and at the time it felt like a ton of money but I’ve worn it to death since and I always feel great in it,.

      If you go to a boss store, they have quite a wide selection including a classic suit that they pretty much always have that I love. I get compliments on it all the time!

      • Oh goodness you said you like boss and didn’t want to spend it. I’m sorry, that was a reading comprehension fail.

    • Anonymous :

      I like Hobbs at Bloomingdales. They are well made and fit this pear with shoulders.

  23. Travel experts! DH and I will have a night to ourselves when visiting family in Chicago over the holidays (sometime between xmas and New Year’s). It looks like hotel rooms are super cheap – I guess not surprising, since who wants to visit Chicago in December? But I’m debating whether to book a very nice but not “luxury” hotel now, or wait and use Hotel Tonight the day before to score an even better deal at someplace amazing. Thoughts?

    • My friend was in Chicago last year and did Hotel Tonight and got a great room at the Drake. Wait!

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Just chiming in that I’m jealous, and that Chicago in December can be GREAT if you’re cozied up in a nice warm bar/restaurant watching the snow fall outside. <3 <3 <3

  24. IUD Update :

    Reporting back to say that my IUD did, in fact, apparently come out without me noticing it, as confirmed by an ultrasound and an x-ray. Let this be a lesson to us all – check those strings!

    • Rainbow Hair :

      HOLY COW

      • Rainbow Hair :

        I was on team “when it comes out you’ll feel it” because that way my experience (twice) but I’m very glad you got confirmation from a medical professional. Were they surprised or did they say “yeah that happens sometimes”?

        • ME TOO!

          As a counter point, I’m on my second IUD, and my doctor cuts the string so short I can’t even find it (was true on my first as well, and was like that all 5 years). He did this after going back for a checkup 1-2 weeks later to make sure it was still there and in place. My doctor also said it’s really not necessary to check the string and most women do not check, so I feel like this is just a one in a million freak occurrence.

    • You are the third person I’ve heard of this happening to – scary!

      • Lana Del Raygun :

        I’m low-key mad that they don’t give you more warning that this can happen when they insert the stupid thing.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Wowzers! Thanks for the update and glad you got it checked out!

    • I’m so confused. Was it still in your body somewhere or did it completely come out of your body at some point? That is crazy!!

      • IUD Update :

        It’s completely out, they did the x-ray to make sure it didn’t perforate my uterus and go somewhere else.

    • IUD Update :

      This is my second IUD too. My first had the string cut really short (I could still feel it though – just the pointy end), which I hypothesize may have helped me avoid pulling it out as I am still guessing it happened when I was removing my m*nstrual cup. If I get another I am not going to use the cup for the first month as I have vague memories of an IUD-related warning on the cup when I got it, and I read that periods are the time when expulsion is most likely. I got my period right after it was inserted, so perhaps a number of factors aligned.

      And I also did not have a followup visit to check it was still in place this time around (although it would have been too late if they did), which did happen the first time I got an IUD. This time I got it at Planned parenthood, and I am also disappointed in their lack of follow-up care and advice on this issue – no one there warned me this could happen or advised me to check, I learned that from my midwife with my first IUD.

      My Googling reported explusion statistics of up to 8%, but I didn’t find any research saying how many of these women didn’t know it happened. My doctor (who did not place the IUD as she doesn’t stock them, I had to go to PP) didn’t seem completely shocked but certainly I got the impression it is very unusual. Not sure I’d go so far as 1 in a million but the failure rate is low enough that it must be pretty rare.

      Now a funny/annoying anecdote – I had to get a transv*ginal ultrasound to try to look for it, and at one point the tech doing it asked me to “hold the probe” while she went to get her senior tech for assistance. So I got to lay there holding it between my legs like a worthless gardening tool for a few minutes. Then they returned and the senior tech introduced herself while I’m still holding the stupid thing and said, “How are you?” And I was like, “Oh just holding the probe!” At which point one of them finally took over again for me.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        ooooh so probably it popped out with the cup and then got dumped?

        i asked about the cup and the IUD at the crunchy feminist women’s health clinic where i got my first IUD, and even there no one could give any concrete information about possible interactions.

      • This is a hilarious story and I’m glad you were able to find the humor in an admittedly annoying AF scenario. “hold the probe”, lol!

    • Yikes. I haven’t been able to find the strings on mine lately so now I’m getting a little panicky hearing this story.

  25. The HR Beast :

    Rant/Vent ahead:

    After a month of waiting on an internal job position counteroffer response, the HR beast came back saying their first offer was reasonable and the best they could do. Even after I made counterpoints (it is NOT the best offer, based on other recent offers to people in similar positions; I am the best candidate) HR did not budge. Ultimately I turned them down on that phone call.

    Now it’s a week later and the hiring manager wants to “talk about the position”, which begs the question – did I just have to slay the HR beast to get what I want? Why was HR not authorized to increase the amount? Did they even talk to the hiring manager about my counteroffer?

    • 100% depends on the company, there aren’t rules around it. Getting the hiring manager on your side won’t hurt though.

      • … unless you happen to work in government, in which case there are tons of strict rules around it.

      • The HR Beast :

        Hiring manager and I have been working together for 3+ years on a monthly to weekly basis; he is well aware of the work I do (and my ability to contribute to his team). I think he’s on my side, which is why this is both confusing and frustrating. I was told by a coworker at the new location that they don’t have a backup plan, which is why I *feel* like I have leverage.

        Company is private sector / Fortune 500; there aren’t strict rules. In the last 6 months, another HR rep told me ‘almost anything is possible with the right approvals’. I don’t enjoy being jerked around, which is really what this feels like.

  26. Professional Gifter :

    Has anyone purhased a gift certificate from BnBFinder? I want to give my inlaws a gift certificate that they can use for a bed and breakfast while they are on their road trips, but the website looks sketch.

  27. Checking in. I’m the poster in a newish relationship of a few months, and my partner was demanding I stay overnight with him in the hospital, while hospitalized with a hand infection that he let get out of control, and blasting me on FB for refusing to do so.

    We did break up. After I took him to the ER on a Thurs., and stayed with him for about 5 hours, they kept him until Sun. for IV antibiotics. He posted some passive aggressive remarks and selfies about feeling lonely, when he knew I had an important early morning meeting and pet responsibilities. Fri. evening after work, he was messaging me to spend the night. I couldn’t because I had a work conference Sat. and a 5K on Sun., and I needed to be well rested in my bed. I told him, however, that I’d come by to visit. He said ok. When I arrived at the hospital, with his favorite juice and some snacks in hand, incredibly he had refused visitors. I wasted an hour of my life only to have him play a game. He texted that he needed his rest and didn’t want to see me because I’m so busy, yet he didn’t have the courtesy to tell me when he knew I was on my way over.

    I did go visit him Sunday after the 5K, and I even gave him a ride home. I waited a few weeks and then ended it last week. I appreciated everyone pointed out the red flags. He acted very childish and manipulative, especially denying me visiting access. Keep in mind he ended up in the hospital on IV antibiotics for 4 days because he let a minor cut, with 4 stitches, get infected. It was oozing pus for 4 days before he finally agreed to go to the ER. It was a situation of his own making.

    I’m bummed because he was otherwise a great guy. I suppose its good I saw this manipulative side of him before we got any closer, but I will admit I’m not thrilled to be single for the holidays.

    • Good for you! Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Wow. That’s a shame! But kudos to you for having the guts to do the right thing!

    • Anonymous :

      Buy yourself something really nice for Christmas. Also wine.

    • Lana Del Raygun :

      Wow, good for you!

    • Also– he’s not a great guy. He’s lazy and childish (who lets a minor cut get so infected that they have to be hospitalized?), and he’s manipulative and immature. Who lets someone drive all the way to the hospital and then says “no visitors?” The guy is a jerk. Overall, a jerk.

      • Two Cents :

        + a million. Not a good guy at all who would act like this! Congrats on dodging a bullet. You deserve so much better!

      • Wow, yeah, think about how you’d react to this if it was a friend telling you this story. You wouldn’t be like oh yeah I can see how you’d be bummed cause he was otherwise he was a really great guy. You’d be like DUUUUUDE that is some crazy sh!t. Being all passive aggressive on facebook and then refusing your visit??? That is straight-up insane and you have absolutely dodged a bullet…

    • Wow. I missed your original post, but this sounds like something out of a sitcom, and not in a good way! Be happy you dodged this bullet, and treat yourself well this holiday season!

  28. What’s a good one-crust pie besides pumpkin for Thanksgiving? I’m leaning towards pecan, but am also open to other suggestions.

    • Apple crumb.

    • Apple or Pear ginger

    • I don’t bake, and am generally lazy, and maybe this is better for xmas, but here goes:
      Buy/make an oreo crust.
      Scoop in slightly softened peppermint stick ice cream.
      Smooth out the ice cream.

    • Apple with streusel topping. Everyone loves it.

    • Linda from HR :

      Definitely pecan, but if you want to mix it up, try a pecan pie with a layer of dark chocolate on the bottom.

    • IUD Update :

      I am going to try a sour cream apple pie with walnut streusel topping – copycat for the most delicious pie from the Little Pie Company in Hell’s Kitchen. There are several recipes on the internet; I can’t vouch for any yet.

      I also really like the two-layer pumpkin cheesecake with graham cracker crust on Allrecipes. It’s more cheesecake than pumpkin, very easy, and very tasty.

    • Chocolate pecan FTW :

      My go recipe for almost ten years now is King Arthur Flour’s Chocolate Chunk Pecan Pie. It’s a flour rather than syrup based. Even those who don’t care for pecan pies love this pie.

  29. Coffee table recs needed :

    I just purchased a reclining sectional with a chaise lounge. I guess I didn’t think this through, but now I have no idea what to do for a coffee table (I definitely need something). There is limited room between the chaise lounge and the opposite side of the couch. I measured and could fit something about 40 inches wide, but I need it to be small and moveable so it can be slid out when we use the recliners. I’m leaning toward two small tables or nesting tables so we could move them around as needed. However, I’m finding a lot of them are too tall (I want something no higher than 21″) Any great recommendations? I’ve checked out wayfair, overstock, and amazon and am having a really hard time finding something. Preferably no glass tops, but something to go with a brown sofa. Any recommendations? TIA!

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Can you link the sofa?

      • Rainbow Hair :

        What if you put side tables on either side of the sofa, instead of something in the middle?

    • I have a similar setup and bought round nesting tables. Most of the time I have them partially overlap, but the flexibility of being able to move them or separate them is great. I have the ones linked below – they also come in a rectangle version.


    • I like the side or sofa table idea that Rainbow Hair has, or,

      I’ve got the CB2 smart coffee table, which is glass (and a totally great buy–survived 7yrs of hard use and 4 big moves), but this is wood, and there are a few others that are on the short/low side that might work.

    • Something like this could be easily moved around: https://www.hayneedle.com/product/finley-home-hudson-c-table.cfm?source=pla&kwid=OccasionalTables%20iprefer&tid=STIP031-3&adtype=pla&kw=&lsft=adtype:pla&gclid=Cj0KCQiAus_QBRDgARIsAIRGNGj976vqQN8ZzlFeD5nUO3JXVFXpIlZefoB1yfWCPcxTpE2oifixqcYaAtitEALw_wcB

    • Ikea has some great options

  30. Any ideas of what to take to my SO’s family’s non-traditional thanksgiving? They tend to eat healthier, plant-based (though no one is vegan/vegetarian), and don’t really do any of the turkey and fixings. I might just bring fancy chocolates and call it a day…

  31. Talk to me about after-school help :

    Y’all: I need help after school. I’m in a big SEUS city (kids school/activities are out more in the burbs and they have camps in the summer).

    For my job, we will have to pay on the books. I’m thinking 18/hr * 4 hours/day (school 1 gets out at 3, I’d like to have to get home by 7) * 4 days/week.

    We live close to a college (but those kids go home for school breaks and the summer) and a community college (where I think this may be better b/c everyone is local).

    I work mainly with guys and the few people I know who have nannies stole them from a day care gig or got them from a family who no longer needed a FT nanny, so I have no idea what I’m doing.

    We’d have a minivan available for driving and put the nanny on our insurance and have workers comp.

    1. Is this sounding like a realistic gig to get filled?
    2. What am I not thinking about?

    I’m hoping for a community college student who can help with driving, making sure kids do their homework (not necessarily being able to help with harder subjects like some math subjects or computers), maybe run an errand to the nearby grocery store, and help with pickups from school and going to the few weekday activities we have.

    • I had plenty of friends in college who did this kind of thing. Maybe try linking up with the education department at the colleges to see if they offer a job board?

      Can’t be much help for the other parts of your question.

    • If you have the space, au pairs are also a popular solution for this in my town

    • We’ve had someone like this for the last 3 years, ever since my youngest was about a year. She generally works less, around 12 hours a week. She does some housework, dinner prep, and picks up the kids every day from school. Every person we have hired is from a college nearby, and they have a student jobs board where you can post ads for free. We pay on the books as well. This help is invaluable for us.

    • I did this job in college. The mom posted on a student jobs board. I didn’t drive the kids around much, but I met the bus after school, got the kids a snack, helped with homework and reading-out-loud time, monitored screen limits, encouraged/helped arrange play time with the neighbors, and often started dinner.

      FWIW, I worked 2 days per week, and another student worked for the same family 3 days per week. It would have been hard to arrange my class schedule to have no afternoon classes at all, and 20 hrs/wk plus travel time (20 minutes each way) would have been a lot for me with my other commitments.

  32. Recommendations for places to order glasses online? I like Warby Parker, but am not thrilled with their selection at the moment. I’ve also ordered from Eyebuydirect and the lenses were just ok. Definitely got what I paid for, which is fine, but I am looking for something a little nicer.

    • Felix Gray

    • I have friends who like Zenni Optical, but I’ve had 5x better luck when I just go to a LensCrafters or equivalent in a nice part of town. I have an old pair from Warby Parker, but they’re so heavy on my face that I probably wouldn’t have bought them if I’d tried them on in person with other frames to compare them to. If you don’t already have a specific frame in mind I’d recommend getting out to a retail store, if possible.

    • BookLover :

      Classic Specs. I also used Firmoo for a super cheap pair of “fun” weekend eyeglasses.

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