Thanksgiving / Black Friday Open Thread

what to buy for black friday 2017I see that Nordstrom is already starting to mark down stuff for their big sale that usually starts Thanksgiving night — I’ll try to do a roundup for everyone this afternoon. In the meantime, here’s a fun open thread for everyone, with a few questions…

a) What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner (or if you’re not celebrating Thanksgiving, in general what do you bring to large family gatherings?) Share with us your favorite wines, cheeses, hostess gifts, recipes, and more! (This year I’m going to try to force my 6 year old to help me to make these candy corn cookies, but if anyone has recipes for leftover Halloween candy I’ll take those also!)

b) What are you keeping an eye out for on Black Friday and Cyber Monday? I usually buy an embarrassing amount of stuff from Nordstrom (occupational hazard), and have my eye on a few different things for biggish family purchases. I’m also hoping to find a batch of good gift cards on sale (it seems like we have a zillion teachers and therapists to thank this year!), and if I saw another UE Boom for under $100 I’d grab that too. I also found a ton of different blogging tools had great Black Friday deals last year, so I’ll be keeping an eye on those. (What have you gotten great deals on in the past on Black Friday? This was our roundup of Black Friday sales for workwear last year to give you an idea of what to expect from various stores…)

c) If you are doing turkey this Thanksgiving — what are your favorite recipes for leftovers? 

Let’s hear it, readers…

Picture via Stencil.


  1. I love turkey :

    The New York Times – Turkey Hash With Brussels Sprouts and Parsnips – see their “Cooking” website.

    • Career support for spouse :

      Does anybody have any advice about how to support a partner who is going through a career transition and seems a bit lost? DH burned out of his longtime career and for the past year or so has been recouping with a lower stress, non-career, punch the clock but be done when you punch out for the day kind of job. He just found out that his current employer is going to be closing down operations by next week. He had thought about trying to buy that business and takeover but potential bankruptcy for the owner made that option unrealistic. So now he’s heading into the holiday season with no job. I’m looking for advice about how to best support him in finding and launching a new career? Any tips and advice?

      • Career support for spouse :

        Oops – sorry didn’t mean to make this a reply to the above. Will repost as a new thread.

  2. Pumpkin bread and chocolate dipped fruit / marzipan. Possible byproduct: a chocolate dipped preschooler.

  3. In House in Houston :

    I’m making a pineapple pecan cake with cream cheese frosting. It’s heaven and so easy. As for Black Friday shopping, I always get iTunes gift cards at Sam’s Club for the nieces/nephews. This year I want to get my hubby the new Dyson V8 Absolute stick vacuum cleaner, because he wants it (he does the vacuuming in between house cleaners…we have pets). But it’s pricey….$600! I can’t find any Black Friday sales on it, but it’s at BBB. Does anyone know if I can use the regular 20% off coupon for Dyson products at BBB? TIA.

    • BBB has a list of excluded brands for their coupons, and unfortunately Dyson is on it.

      • I have gotten around this in a couple of ways before:

        1) if you have any old BBB coupons lying around (my husband hoarded them so we had some that were 5 years old…seriously) they will still honor them even though they are expired (and those coupons don’t exclude Dyson).

        2) some will let you use the coupon on Dyson anyway…but this is trial and error.

    • Price it out at Kohls and if you can handle it, shlep yourself to the store, take advantage of all the coupons and open a store credit card. I got mine last year for $250 and am happy with the purchase

    • IUD Update :

      The v6 animal is on Target’s Black Friday list

    • No help but I love our V8 absolute, would 100% recommend. I am very lucky that a family member works for them and we receive a half price discount on our purchases, but I would pay full price if that wasn’t the case.

    • I got the refurbished v8 for less than 400. Dont compromise on an older model. Dyson offers discounts to existing users a few times a year but the last one was pretty recent… you can also buy a coupon (direct mail) on ebay

    • Pseudonymous :

      That cake sounds great. Is there a recipe online?

  4. Microfiber Cloths? :

    I’m reading an old Real Simple where a professional cleaner recommends microfiber cloths for cleaning. Do you use and like these, and if so, where do get them? I think there are some pretty expensive ones out there, which I’ll spring for if it makes a big difference. But not sure where to start. Thanks!

    • Clementine :

      I love my microfiber cloths. I have a few that I got at Marshall’s/Home Goods, a few that I got gifted that are the pricey ‘Norwex’ ones’ and a few are from the car washing section of a big box store. Honestly, they’re all fine.

      I will say that I have some glass and screen specific ones that are useful for those particular tasks. I’m a big big fan of them and have drastically reduced my paper towel use by utilizing them. If you ever want to get your floor SUPER clean btw- hot tap water, dish soap, and a splash of vinegar plus a microfiber cloth and then go hands and knees. It’s also a great stress reliever.

    • anonshmanon :

      I use them for any cleaning except dishes and mopping the floor. An inexpensive pack of microfiber cloths has been my go-to ‘rag’, and I’ve replaced them maybe after 5 years. They wash well, they work for wiping glass, counters, dusting, scrubbing. They are not magic, but they durable. For light duty like dusting, mirror wiping, I just use them with a bit of water, for really gunky surfaces I combine them with scouring milk.
      Target probably has them, maybe even the dollar store.

    • I’m a big fan of the microfiber cloths. I use them in the kitchen as a hand towel and after dishes/cooking, usually use them to wipe up around the sink and counter and toss them straight into the wash. They’re all pretty similar – just make sure you have enough to switch around. Anything you pick up at Marshalls or HomeGoods, like Clementine says above, are good enough. I think the only thing to keep in mind is that if you want to use a Swiffer or clean the floor with them, I recommend getting ones that have little dangles on them – like this: I find them to be scrubbier than regular microfibers.

      I still use newspaper for cleaning glass though – newspaper and some Windex. Clean every time!

    • Puddlejumper : This blog has great cleaning tips about using microfiber cloths!

      • I love this site — both her products, and the advice. Using a slightly modified version of her weekly cleaning schedule has been really helpful.

    • I got a big box (maybe 8?) from Costco

      • Costco usually has 8 or 12 packs of these very reasonably priced in a couple different colorways . I have seen red/yellow/orange, blue/greens, and cream/gray/black.

    • We use these for cleaning bathrooms/kitchens/dusting (or, if I’m being honest, our housekeeper uses them most often) and love them. She was the one who recommended them to us. We initially bought a few giant packages at Costco and they have lasted us more than 2 years now.

    • Constant Reader :

      I get them from wherever I find them, there doesn’t seem to be much difference. However, I finally figured out that if you want them to stay lint free (I have a glass dining room table) then it really helps to wash them separately and not with the big, fluffy, lint-producing bath towels.

  5. Clementine :

    a) Stuffing. I’m going to inlaws who just make the world’s worst stuffing. I love stuffing and am always so angry at the sub-par simultaneously dry and glue-y bread they call stuffing.

    b) Um, I actually think I’m just going to get everyone on my list a pass to the State Parks system. Nothing to wrap, nothing to store, I’m thinking it’s a win.

    c) My favorite thing to do with stuffing/roasted veggies is to chop them all up, cook them like hash, and put a fried egg on top. We used to go to a diner that called this ‘Eggs November’ and we still do.

  6. I’m being real ambitious and baking two pies and bringing some dinner rolls!

    PS. Candy corn cookies? Are you one of those elusive people that likes candy corn? I’ve never been able to understand the appeal!

    • blue stocking :

      I do not like candy corn, but my friend makes the cute turkey cookies using a fudge stripe cookie, Hershey kisses, and 1 piece of candy corn. I enjoy the turkey cookies.

  7. Clementine :

    …are other people also ending up in mod for no understandable reason?

  8. I’ve been tasked with bringing biscuits/rolls, if anyone has a great recipe that they can endorse.

    • These are pretty great. I usually like to do these when I need to make-ahead and freeze, but they’re still good even if you don’t need a freezer friendly recipe!

    • I would be groaning if I had to bring rolls. Yeast hates me. I either don’t activate it because the liquid is too cold, or I kill it because the liquid is too hot. Or, it’s just a cold over-cast day and the dough is like, “Nope! Not rising!”

    • Mrs. Jones :

      Not a recipe, but the frozen Sister Schubert’s rolls are delicious.

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        This was going to be my response as well. We have to buy an extra thing of them just for my brother.

    • Anonymous :

      I really like these cranberry-orange rolls:

  9. Senior Attorney :

    1. LH and I are cooking the whole meal (he’s doing the turkey on the rotisserie outside — big fun!) but the thing I’m the most psyched about is this delish pumpkin pie with a chocolate crust from Food & Wine magazine last year:

    2. Trying not to shop this weekend. I bought a fantastic rainbow stripe sequin skirt from Anthropologie last week for my holiday party outfit so I think I’m good to go for the season. Might get an Instant Pot if I see a killer deal.

    3. My fave leftover recipe is turkey pie: dice up the leftover turkey, combine it with equal parts leftover stuffing and gravy and bake it in a Pillsbury refrigerated (two crust) pie crust. Serve with extra gravy on the side. Yum yum yum. You can add leftover mashed potatoes, too, if you want.

    • What is this “leftover gravy” you speak of? ;-)

      • Senior Attorney :

        Heh. I admit, I generally make a new batch for the pie! Sometimes from an envelope… (Ssshh… don’t tell…)

      • Right?? Pour the gravy on those mashed potatoes. I used to pile it into a bowl and just eat that with dinner rolls when I was a kid. Still pretty appealing now that I think about it.

        • R. Phalange :

          One of my favorite Thanksgiving memories is the time when, after the meal ended and everyone was lounging around/playing outside, a cousin just walked around casually eating rice and gravy out of a solo cup.

      • PSA – I bought gravy from Costco for the office potluck. Mainly, I decided to bring something store-bought because I saw that all of the men at my level were planning to bring in grocery-store desserts. But honestly, the Costco gravy was pretty good–maybe not what you’d want for the main meal, but definitely good enough for leftovers, or good enough if you don’t actually like gravy (like the canned cranberry sauce). And it was less than $8 for 2 quarts.

    • Shopaholic :

      Do you have a link for the skirt? It sounds fab!

      • Senior Attorney :

        It is super fab:

    • Just wanted to say that I LOVE that skirt! I’m actually excited that someone I “know” bought it. It’s divine, enjoy!

    • That skirt is fab!! How are you planning to wear it? Also, what does “LH” stand for?

      • Senior Attorney :

        I have BR silk knit tops in turquoise and light and bright coral and they all look great with it. Also button-front shirts in those colors. And when it arrived I tried it on with the lightweight charcoal sweatshirt I was wearing and I kind of loved that, too.

        And LH is Lovely Husband. ;)

  10. I always cook thanksgiving. I used to have a close friend over but she has recently started having thanksgiving with her extended family, which is good for her, a little sad for me. So it’s me and hubs and 2 kids and they swear they are going to help me this year ;)

    • Also, we don’t do Black Friday sales AT ALL. Maybe some online shopping but no hitting the stores at 5 am for us. The Friday after thanksgiving is a sacred pajama day.

    • Also, I have to share my favorite thanksgiving link

  11. Puddlejumper :

    a) My husband and I are hiding from Thanksgiving this year and I am so happy about it! Spending the weekend going on hikes, visiting museums, getting massages and eating out. So I am bringing nothing and making nothing. Last year I hosted for 25+ people So its okay to take some years off.

    b) Furniture for our new place! Hoping to get a deal on the dining room table we have been looking at. I have had my eye on the Breville Food Processor and some other kitchen stuff so lets see if there are any good deals there.

    c) I did all of these recipes last year and here are my reviews:

    Turkey Soup with Lemon and Barley-

    This soup is light, and fresh tasting and doesn’t remind me of anything related to Thanksgiving food which you want sometimes. Its dairy free, and gives options to make it GF if you want that.

    Turkey Pot Pie –

    I would in the future make sure that the pot pie liquid thickens up a bit more but we have been already enjoying this easy option to pull out of the freezer. The lemon + vermouth really does make the pot pie “light” which is weird to describe pot pie. Turkey does not feel dried out.

    Leftover Turkey Meatballs-

    A great recipe to use up all the extra bits and bobs from the Thanksgiving meal. I made a batch and we ate them before freezing, and I also froze a batch before cooking it and those cooked up well too.. We ate ours kinda like chicken nuggets with chipotle ketchup. I used a sweet potato instead of other potatoes because thats what we had around. Mine held together not as well as in the photos – but that could have been because I used sweet potato instead of potato. Dairy free, can be made GF if you want that. If I make again, I will probably play with the spices to give them a bit more flavor.

    • It’s my dream to go away with my husband for a week at a holiday and not see family. I love them, but I also just want uninterrupted time with my husband and not deal with anyone else. However, the one-two punch of Jewish/Catholic guilt snares us back in each year. I am in awe of people’s ability to go away.

      • Puddlejumper :

        Hey my family is Lutheran and his is Jewish so lots of guilt going around and we still do it. We are even skipping Christmas this year and just showing up for a few days around New Years. They see me plenty of other times a year.

        I highly recommend it! They will recover. We just make sure we have candid conversations about what is important (like time with us) and we make sure to check those boxes other ways just not over the holidays.

  12. Work from Home :

    Best tips on working from home? DH is starting a new work from home job and is looking for some help on how exactly to structure his day. He veers toward schlub quickly, so looking for some ideas so I don’t walk into the house every night to an unshowered, pj wearing DH who isn’t feeling productive and accomplished.

    Also, best loungewear for guys? I’m looking for a comfy but put together uniform for him to wear when he’s sitting at his computer in our home office all day so that he can also run out to do school drop off or run an errand without being in pjs. He would never spend money on this but loved comfy clothes so I’m thinking this could be a Christmas gift. What’s the male equivalent of my black lulu leggings and black yoga jacket?

    • Puddlejumper :

      When I work from home its important that I get dressed and showered and breakfast in me by the time my husband leaves the house for work. That way I can go straight to my work and its a firm deadline.

      If I am feeling especially sluggish – a morning walk outside for 20 minutes helps me come back to the house and feel like I have seen the world and ready to start my day.

      I also have found that “packing” a lunch the night before after dinner is helpful, so you have something easy to heat up and it doesn’t become an ordeal or you aren’t tempted to order in.

      Also I find it helpful to schedule out my day, so I have specfic break times and sometime use a coffee shop or library to break up being at home. I like having exercise in the middle of the day to allow me to see other humans too.

    • When you work from home, you must be diligent to be abel to do work w/o getting to distracted. Alternatively, you can put on the TV, so long as you keep the volume down to a level that you do NOT have to pay to much attention to the set. Personaly, I come home to do all my billing, b/c it is a relatively mindless task. I just sign onto work on my MacBook air, from home, then just allocate the hours I need to bill among my favored cleint’s who have alot of cases. In this way, I do NOT have to make specific CLEINT by CLEINT references; instead, I just do a weighted average of the hours I spent across all favored cleint’s. So last week, when I had to input my 150 hours, so just I divided it among my 6 best cleint’s, resulting in 25 hours each plus expenses. On other weeks, I will do a combo for the 150; allocating to the biggies and then actually billing to the smaller ones, useing estimates, of course. It is to timeconsuming to actually write down hours all the time; that would waste even more time, the manageing partner says. So as long as he sees 150/150/150/150 each month, he is VERY happy! YAY!!!!!

    • BF works from home a few times a month and likes to wear jogger-style sweatpants, usually with a henley or other shirt that’s just a little nicer than a t-shirt.
      Honestly, I kind of hated the pants the first time I saw them, but they’ve grown on me. And I’m not embarrassed to be seen in public with him in that outfit.
      Here are pants examples:

    • My husband has always been a runner and has a rotating uniform of sorts. He tends to wear running shoes for casual business casual days. Think chinos, dress shirt or golf shirt, Nike half zip pullover and running shoes. To dress up this look, replace the running shoes with leather shoes and possibly replace the half zip with a blazer. To dress down this look, replace the chinos with track pants/shorts and shirt with tshirt.

    • Lulu also has some nice pants for men if he can get over the logo. My SO wears/loves them, but he hopes no one notices where they’re from

    • group on sells a 4 pack of thick and nice slim jogger style knit pants for men in packs of 2 for 20 bucks a two pack, this paired with a cotton sweater, or even a hoodless knit sweatshirt style top could be nice. The wallace and barnes tops from jcrew are nice.

      Gap has lots of cute joggers and like knit cardigans for this purpose.

  13. Career support for spouse :

    Accidentally posted this as a reply instead of a new comment/thread. So reposting here.

    Does anybody have any advice about how to support a partner who is going through a career transition and seems a bit lost? DH burned out of his longtime career and for the past year or so has been recouping with a lower stress, non-career, punch the clock but be done when you punch out for the day kind of job. He just found out that his current employer is going to be closing down operations by next week. He had thought about trying to buy that business and takeover but potential bankruptcy for the owner made that option unrealistic. So now he’s heading into the holiday season with no job. I’m looking for advice about how to best support him in finding and launching a new career? Any tips and advice?

    • Don’t try to be both your husband’s life coach and emotional support. Find him a career coach to push him and get him to dig deep to figure out what he needs to be doing next. Then you can just be there to be supportive.

      • What do you look for in hiring a career coach? Is it better to have a qualified therapist that specializes in career transitions or just a straight up career coach that doesn’t have a psychology / therapy background? I’m completely out of my depth here.

        • Depends- do you think its depression or something mental that is holding him back career wise? Or is it simply a matter of figuring out next steps and getting that resume out to the right people? I

        • also – often times a therapist can end up being covered (at least somewhat) by insurance, whereas a career coach is fully out of pocket

    • Flats Only :

      Unless money is a big issue, I would let him know it’s OK to relax through the holidays, and perhaps do a little light networking. Once into the new year stay positive, watch for signs of depression, and be appreciative of whatever household work he can take over so you can “enjoy” his unemployment as well.

      If by “support” you mean “get him off his lazy butt and into a new job I can be proud of” I don’t have any advice except to be aware that taking charge of his career will wear on your relationship.

  14. Anonymous :

    I took my first spin class recently! A few questions to you experts:
    1. My wrists were slightly painful and uncomfortable during the class. Is this just because it’s new? I had no pain or soreness in my wrists after the class.
    2. Opposite issue with shoulders. Fine during class, pain for about a full day after. (I have had an injury before, but it’s mostly healed.)

    • It sounds like you were not set up on the bike correctly. It is really common for newbies to have the handlebars too high, too low, or too close, or the seat in a less than ideal position. See if the instructor can help you set up your bike before class next time.

    • I am going to try spinning for the first time later this month. How was it? Have any tips to share?

      • Anonymous :

        Ask for me tips in a few weeks! I going to try a couple more classes to see how they go. I did get help setting up my bike and would recommend it. (It seems that mine was still off, but good tips from the above poster nonetheless.)

      • turtletorney :

        my main tip is that you might hate it (like, miserable, counting down the minutes) for the first 2-3 classes and then it will just click! so give it a few chances.

    • Wrist issue could be a combination of you being new and not having the bike properly adjusted to fit you. For example if you had the seat too close or too far away from the handle bars. Also (although it takes practice) the ultimate goal is to be using your core to support you instead of dumping your weight into your arms.

      For shoulders, as with the wrists, it again can be a combination of bike adjustment, being new, etc. But the other thing to be mindful if is that you are not tensing your upper body. Try to focus on breath and not holding tension in the upper body when faced with hill climbing or other challenging moves.

      • Anon in NYC :

        Yes, really try to remember to relax the tension in your upper back. Check in with yourself multiple times in a class. I love spinning, do it all the time, and still occasionally forget.

      • It’s hard to describe, but try to “sit up straight” or elongate your upper body while making sure your shoulders are down. That will help your arms.

      • Constant Reader :

        Yes, I had a professional bike fit (not spin class) but my bike fitter told me to straighten my back for the same issue — he said you want 60% of your weight on your seat, and keeping your back straight helps you not lean too much on your arms, while slumping does the opposite. Like Anon in NYC wrote, you have to get into the habit of checking periodically, but it really makes a difference for me.

    • Anonymous :

      Keep your shoulders down. My favorite spin instructor reminds us four or five times during class “shoulders away from ears!” and it really makes the whole thing more comfortable!

  15. Help me shop :

    I’m looking for thigh-high boots as a birthday present from my parents. I’m thinking black in a suedeish material but open to other beautiful boots if they come my way. Low heel or flat preferred. Under $200. I have tiny feet FWIW

    • Do you mean over the knee? Thigh high are a completely different thing, generally not given by parents. ;-)

      • I am short so idk if that matters. These are the looks i’m going for:,c_limit/fashion-2015-11-thigh-high-boots-outfit-ideas-olivia-palermo-getty-images-main.jpg

        p.s. my parents are oblivious to things like that. Asked me to pick something for my birthday and basically I have a budget to play with ;)

        • I got very similar boots in Mango. They were around 60$ and are in an excellent condition after one year of use (OK, it’s not accomplishment for shoes to look great after one year only, I just want to say that the quality is fine).

    • Never too many shoes... :

      I know these are (a lot) more than the budget, but they are *so* stunning…

  16. I am going nowhere, seeing no one, and the only cooking I am doing is making pizza. I can’t wait!!!

    I was supposed to go home with my now ex-bf, but we broke-up two weeks ago. I begged off of going to my parents’ house and now I get to sit on the couch in my pjs with the dog and cats and read all day. I also bought myself a ticket to Lady Bird at the independent cinema a few blocks from my house for the evening.


    • Anonymous :

      Sounds delightful!

      • I also refuse to participate in the Black Friday madness, but will be doing a little Small Business Saturday. :)

    • Linda from HR :

      Lady Bird is frickin’ awesome, but it gets a little emotional toward the end. Not something I recommend seeing alone, but at least take tissues.

      • Unless animals die, I am usually okay! (but no spoilers please – haha) I will make sure to pack tissues just in case. Thanks!

      • Is this Lady Byrd Johnson, the first Lady? Grandma Trudy says she was often mistaken for her when I was a little girl. I think I will take Grandma Trudy to see this movie! Thanks for pointing this out! YAY!!!

    • That sounds awesome! I usually spend Christmas Day alone and I love it.

  17. I’m hosting a friendsgiving on Friday this year and am making pumpkin pie, stuffing/dressing, turkey roulade, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, arugula spinach salad w/butternut + pomegranate and serving some simple crudites/charcuterie/cheese + mulled wine. I LOVE hosting stuff like this and started prepping two days ago. Last year I also hosted t-day with a friend (similar set up) so this is my first time taking it on solo.

    My family usually goes to a rustic fancy (if that’s a thing) restaurant day of, and will do so again this year.

    • Do you have a recipe for arugula spinach salad with butternut? Sounds amazing

      • I adapted this one – my version is 1:1 arugula + spinach (same amount listed so just doubled because I like more greens than stuff in my salads) plus some pomegranates for color at the end. I think it would work with pear too.

  18. Rainbow Hair :

    What would you do?

    I’ve been potentially uninvited from Litigation Related Thing. I’m the junior attorney in a two-person department. Outside counsel made up a very obviously nonsensical reason for me not to be there (think “what if we need photocopies?!” when I would be in 60 miles away and also have no particular photocopying skills). The thing is… I contribute to this litigation. I have a decent amount of relevant experience. I also have the ear/trust of key players. I am seriously kind of shocked at the idea that I wouldn’t go, because Litigation Related Thing will inform how we address future things in the litigation, which I plan to contribute to, y’know? (Also it’s embarrassing to expect to be wanted/needed somewhere and then hear you’re expendable.)

    About a year ago, a similar thing happened and the senior attorney/my boss let it happen. When CEO saw that I was in the office, instead of at Thing, he was furious. He kinda tore into my boss afterward: “Rainbow should have been there! Don’t let anyone — I don’t care if they’re our lawyers! — tell us where she can or can’t be!” So I thought, when outside counsel started in on this, I’d get a “no, Rainbow has to be there” from Boss. I did not.

    I don’t know … I told Boss immediately afterward that I think outside counsel is being ridiculous, but I haven’t *insisted* on going. It’s also weird because I haven’t been expressly uninvited either — just “maybe Rainbow Hair should stay back” with reasoning so thin that it sounds just like I’m not wanted.

    Do say, “I really ought to go” over email to Boss? Do I rope in CEO? (This wouldn’t be out of the blue as we talk every day, but it might look bad as a ‘not fighting my own fights’ thing… especially since it’s not clear what people want to do right now.) Do I go along with it and just accept that I have no future here, just like every. other. job. I’ve had?

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Relevant to my emotional state, this morning, someone was describing another lawyer, trying to indicate that she couldn’t possibly have enough experience to do her job, and said, “I mean, looking at her, she couldn’t be older than 35!”

      Want to guess how old I am?

      • Are you my age? I think we ALL should go to classes and work events, especialy if we are female’s. To many times, the manageing partner would take Frank, who would just oooogle women at the conferencs. What good is that? Nyet, says Dad, and he is right. We do NOT need Frank out there stareing at women’s boobies and tucheses, when I can be there to steer the women to our firm.

        Kat, I am goeing to Nordstrom on Friday for their big sale. Thanks for highlightening it for the HIVE. Are there alot of peeople in Weschester that would go? I hope not b/c I am NOT goeing to be abel to get there early! FOOEY!

    • Applejacks :

      I’m not a lawyer, so I might not be getting the picture correctly, but who told you not to go? It sounds like people from another company, so why would you have to pay attention to them?

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Outside counsel is the one suggesting I not go… We are a two-person in-house legal department, but when it comes to specialized things, like litigation, we work with outsiders more equipped to handle that kind of thing. TBH, they can’t *make* us do anything, but we generally defer to their expertise/advice when they’re involved, since this is what they *do* day in and day out, and because getting their advice is kind of the whole point. (And, historically, when the advice has been “Uninvite Rainbow” the response from Boss has been “OK.”)

        • Applejacks :

          Again, I still may be kind of dense, but what have they said when you pointed out that you aren’t the one responsible for making copies? Even if they are giving solid advice, it seems that you should at least be clued in on the real reason why they’re giving it. If their reasoning isn’t accurate, I think it bears pointing that out.

        • Can you ask outside counsel exactly why you’re being uninvited from these things? Like, “I know that “making copies” can’t possibly be the real reason. Can I ask, what is the real reason you prefer I not be there?” Maybe it’s something about you or your behavior and you’ll get good development feedback; maybe THing simply goes better with fewer people present.

        • This is weird… Outside counsel works for you, do they not? Explain why you need to be there and unless there is a legit reason why you’re wrong, bring the boss in to have your back!

    • My advice would be to be a bit more assertive and state you need to be there because you have been a part of the team from the get go, worked on XYZ that you are the expert on, and need to be present to help your team be prepared for trial/litigation. If it was lightly suggested, you need to be your own advocate and fight for what you want. I wouldn’t include the CEO unless you get a firm no/push back on really getting there.

      You went to law school and are good at what you do, don’t let someone who doesn’t know your work push you to photocopying type tasks. Also, when you feel a bit down remember how the CEO wanted you to be places and he/she is the person who knows your work better than some outside counsel. As for the other person’s comment regarding age, ignore them. Most of these general comments are about the persons own insecurities and not you.


      • Anonymous :

        I agree with this advice. It also sounds like you’ve been feeling a LOT of negative, sexist, ageist?, weird comments lately at your work and I’m so sorry about that – that must really wear on a person. Advocate for yourself by email and lay out your reasons to your boss. I wouldn’t go straight to the CEO but I WOULD include a line like, In the past, CEO has expressed that it’s important for me to participate in similar events.

        Good luck.

        • Rainbow Hair :

          I was lucky enough to have 5 minutes in the car to talk to my husband this afternoon, and we talked about how *I* see this as the cherry on top of a sh*tty month re: being respected at my job, but he doesn’t see that stuff, so how is he to know why this particular one would gut me?
          I’m going to send the email to my boss.

      • Anon in NYC :

        Yes, also, aren’t you the client? Outside counsel doesn’t get to dictate when you go to meetings. If anything, you get to tell outside counsel who can/cannot work on your matter. I think you should tell your boss that it’s important that you go to the meeting with outside counsel, and then once at said meeting, make sure outside counsel knows that you’re an integral part of who they report to (not in a jerk way, but by being an active participant in the meeting).

        • Yes to this.

        • Senior Attorney :

          Yes! Good grief! All of this!

        • Ekaterin Nike :

          Yeah, as outside counsel I’m dumbfounded at the idea that outside counsel would say you shouldn’t come. You sound like exactly the kind of lawyer I would befriend as a long-term contact. Sounds like you should be there. Tell your boss and go. Outside counsel doesn’t get to decide.

    • Tell your boss that you’d really like to go and tell them why. If boss says you shouldn’t go, ask what’s the reason why not.
      My guess is boss will say “ah I see, yes of course you should be there.”
      If that’s not what your boss says, and gives you a flimsy reason – try to figure out why your boss is excluding you from opportunities, and probably try to not work with this person. Perhaps there’s another department you could transfer to? I’d mention this to the CEO at some point more as an argument in support of some kind of transition to another department or other restructuring of your work, rather than as a “please intervene on my behalf, my boss doesn’t want to let me go to this thing” request.

    • I think you should go to the Thing. If it comes up beforehand, be firm and say, “I will be there.”

    • I guess I would say Boss, remember when CEO was furious I didn’t attend ____? This feels like the same situation so unless you expressly tell me otherwise, i will be attending.

    • Anonymous :

      Why are you being so dramatic and passive. Out loud with your words “boss, I want to go to this. CEO said last year that I should. An admin can make the copies.”

      No. Don’t conclude over one meeting that you have no future here.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 Unless your attendance will ruin your company’s case in this litigation (can’t really imagine that, but hey, not a litigator), you assert that you want to go, why, and how whatever it is that outside counsel is concerned about will be covered. This is not the end of your future at this company.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Yes, I know what you mean about “don’t conclude over one meeting that you have no future here.” But for color, in November, I have been asked to leave meetings where I absolutely belonged *three times* because the men in the meeting assumed I could not possibly belong — I was the only woman. I have been told, to my face, that upon meeting me, a man assumed I could not possibly have the job I have because I look young. A man assumed that I was the court reporter — again the only woman in the room. I have been winked at by men with whom I work (old creepy men in positions of power, not my friends). I’ve been in the room where sexually explicit jokes are told in a way that leaves the good folks I work with no recourse to say anything. NB this is all in the last 3 weeks. None of it, alone, is the end of the world, but all together it does start to look like I’m trying to swim upstream.

        The company I work for is great, but we work in an industry that is historically all men, and the company is largely men, and it just starts to feel impossible.

        • Anonymous :

          Yeah ok. I️ get it but also welcome to the world.

        • Anonymous :

          Can I ask gently – are you absolutely positive it’s a gendered thing? I work in an extremely male-dominated sexist industry, am routinely the only woman in high profile meetings, and am in my mid-thirties, and I can’t imagine that three times, I’d be asked to leave a meeting I was part of for gender-related reasons.

          • Rainbow Hair :

            For two of the three requests, the meetings happen once every three years — I’ve only been here two years so the men in that group have never met me. I do come in and take my seat with confidence (behind the paper tent thing that indicates my name and title), and I speak up when appropriate, but I don’t jovially introduce myself around the room — perhaps I should start. Each time, when I’ve been asked to leave, once I set him straight (or a colleague jumped in before I could) the man has said, “oh, wow! you’re the lawyer?!” so I guess it’s possible there’s some other reason they don’t think I’m the lawyer they were expecting, but at the least it seems clear that they don’t think that’s who I am.

            I don’t think it’s because I’m an unprofessional slob; I’m well dressed and well groomed. I don’t think I behave inappropriately; I sit and take notes and speak up when it makes sense, and don’t when it doesn’t. I will admit with work socializing I’m more of a slow burn; I won’t be slapping anyone’s back about the Bills the first time I meet them, but I smile and am warm and sometimes even fun.

          • Anonymous :

            You definitely need to schmooze (jovially introduce yourself around the room). Lawyers are supposed to be loud and schmoozy and confident. If you are seen and not heard, you are the secretary. At least this has been my experience.

          • If you are attending a meeting with a new group of people who have never met you, definitely introduce yourself before the meeting starts!

        • Senior Attorney :

          And I can’t imagine why you’d leave under those circumstances. Fix them with a steely gaze and stand your ground.

        • Anonymous :

          Where is your boss in all of this? Is he watching this happen and saying nothing? Is he actively telling you to leave?

          • Rainbow Hair :

            He isn’t always in the meeting, or he can be in a different part of the room. When he isn’t there, I stand up and say, “Oh! I’m Rainbow Hair, I’m the new Associate General Counsel at Employer!” and shake hands. The one time he was there, he did that same thing, “Oh, Person! This is Rainbow Hair, our Associate General Counsel!” He doesn’t address the s*xist jokes or the winks/dismissive comments because the former is probably unaddressable (?) and the latter he doesn’t see.

        • It sounds like there is more to this than your gender. I am most often the only female in the room and work in an industry where men over the age of 60 outnumber women in total. If a sexist comment is made, or I am mistaken as the assistant, that person is put in their place. If you think it is purely about your gender, get out off that workplace/industry!

        • I hear you on a lot of this. I am a 30 year old female litigator but look like I could be younger. I’ve been mistaken for a court reporter more times than I can count, and not just by men. I have been excluded from meetings that I felt I should be at, not necessarily on purpose but as an oversight. I often feel that my work is overlooked while the (very good, but not better than mine) work of my male colleagues is praised. It can be exhausting.

          I politely correct or even try to joke about the mistaken identity when it happens. I have (respectfully and successfully) insisted on being at those meetings. I have made myself visible to people above my boss’ head, both by being consistently good at my job and by doing the schmoozing thing, which is a great opportunity to make sure somebody knows you are good at your job. I don’t mean by bragging-
          trading war stories is a great way to ensure that somebody else knows that you are experienced.

          I know it sucks. I know it’s so draining to have to try harder and better than the men around you for a fraction of the recognition. But, you are an attorney. You are an advocate. If you won’t advocate for yourself, why should anyone think of you first when it comes to advocating for a client?

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      As someone who has been outside counsel, sometimes we don’t want too many people at the table. It is not conducive to settlement and it looks like we are trying to gang up on the other party. I don’t know the particulars of your case. If this is two businesses fighting, go on and fill the table. If it is a person that was injured by your company and it will be just them and their lawyer at this event, you don’t want outside counsel, an insurance adjuster, inside counsel x 2, etc. If you are more junior, you would naturally be the one to fall off. Also, it can be a cost thing. We don’t need to spend money for five attorneys to sit around the table.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Yeah, I hear that. In this case, if anything we’re the ‘little guy’ but it’s corp v. corp and the other guys always bring a whole suite of lawyers to anything, so I wouldn’t be a tipping point. (The last thing I was uninvited from, they had many more lawyers at the table than we did.) I wouldn’t add any cost at all because I’m on salary, no one gets billed for my time, etc. I’d even carpool so there wouldn’t be the cost of my parking!

        But I think when Outside Counsel tells Boss, “Rainbow shouldn’t be there,” he says “OK” because usually there *are* reasons, like you’re saying.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Well, I emailed Boss telling him I disagreed with Outside Counsel, and that there were lots of good reasons for me to go, and no good reason for me not to. He responded “Noted!” so at least my disagreement is on the record.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Gently, I feel like emailing him makes it to easy on him.

        Make him refuse to your face.

        • Rainbow Hair :

          Hmm. Well, Thing is only a few weeks away, so I will certainly revisit after the holiday if there’s no clear answer.

        • lawsuited :

          +1 When someone is trying to do something unfair (especially if it’s gendered) I force them to refuse to my face if they’re going to refuse at all.

    • Dancing in September :

      I think you should give outside counsel a call and ask why you are being excluded. This way, you can put him on the spot without doing it in front of the other in house attorney. From your perspective, it makes sense for you to be there, and your CEO has reacted negatively in the past when he found out you were not at the other Thing. You need him to explain why it is not in the company’s best interest to have you there. The company is his client, and he needs to explain it. Be open to criticism. Frank feedback is a gift. If there is something about you that is somehow a problem, you need to know about it so that you can fix it. That being said, don’t assume the problem is with you. Maybe outside counsel wants to go to a strip club with your boss to bond with him and knows you’d find that offensive, maybe they do cocaine together, maybe they are having an affair. Maybe outside counsel wants to bribe your boss or spend a ridiculous amount of money on dinner for him. Maybe he wants to have a conversation about how things are billed and rearranging things so he still gets paid for work he has done. Maybe he feels threatened by what you can do in house more cheaply than him and wants to keep you out of the loop. Who knows???

  19. I always make dessert for thanksgiving because it’s easy to bring and make ahead of time. But I think this year I’m also going to make a corn pudding just because the recipe looked tasty and I have no reason to eat this on my own time (recipe on the Kitchn dot com).

    I never do Black Friday shopping either because I can’t stand crowds and waking up early has zero appeal but I’ll probably buy something online. My current list of potential purchases includes an Instant Pot, some new bedding, and a Nespresso machine for my mom’s holiday present. I may impulse buy some new cookbooks too if amazon or B&N has a big sale. I really heart cookbooks.

    • Ooh, and for leftovers – if you have lots of mashed potatoes, you can make mashed potato fritters or “pancakes,” also good with random veggie leftovers. And if you have stuffing, it’s delicious in the bottom of a muffin cup/ramekin with an egg baked on top (good way to make a big batch breakfast, or you can warm it up in a pan like hash and throw a fried egg on top).

      • Anonymous :

        +1 to mashed potato pancakes. I like to mix a beaten egg in with the potatoes to help it hold together and cook them in butter. Yum yum yum.

  20. Anony Mouse :

    I love to make the Homesick Texan’s Green Chile Corn Pudding. Add half a sweet onion, minced and sauteed for a couple of minutes in the butter.

    • That sounds really good! I’m making something similar— Kevin Rathbun’s Jalapeño Creamed Corn. It’s an ATL favorite so I hope it turns out alright.

  21. Anonymous :

    I’m thinking of buying a travel steamer on Black Friday/Cyber Monday. It would be online. Can anyone recommend one? Is there value in paying more than the $30 for a basic one on Amazon?

  22. Linda from HR :

    I’m making:

    – orange cranberry muffins, to help fuel everyone in the morning

    – apple cinnamon sangria

    – baked brie, probably just with honey, and baguette to dip into the brie

    – pecan pie flavored with orange zest and agave (and making my own crust, because I can)

    I feel bad that my only contributions are sweet and “extra,” so I’ll also observe my mom doing the turkey and maybe assist if she needs a hand, it’s something I should probably know how to do. And I can snap beans and put rolls in the oven pretty easily.

    For Black Friday, I’ll probably place a big order with Bath and Body Works. I don’t go to stores on Black Friday, too much chaos.

  23. Calibrachoa :

    a) not a holiday in Ireland – or Finland – so I am not doing anything about it other than luxuriating in getting a long weekend :D

    b) I am hunting for bras and a new winter coat – and with any luck, some flights for specific dates. (Also, christmas presents)

  24. Has anyone bought a new Dustbuster type thing recently that you like? Doesn’t have to be dustbuster brand, but you get the idea – a handheld vacuum. Ours is functioning at maybe 50% and after I think 6 years (more?) it’s time for a new one.

    • Applejacks :

      I have the Dyson stick vacuum and it is excellent.

    • We bought this last year, probably during a Black Friday sale, and have no complaints! BLACK+DECKER CHV1410L 16V Cordless Lithium Hand Vacuum

  25. We are hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year for the first time. I’m making two pies tomorrow, and then my mom/MIL/husband/me will make the turkey, dressing, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes, green beans, cranberry sauce, and green beans. It is an ambitious endeavor for us since we have a 5 month old baby, but my parents/in-laws will want to spend a lot of time 1:1 with the baby.

  26. Frozen Peach :

    I’m cohosting with my mom at her house– making sweet potatoes, squash casserole, corn pudding.

    I am not happy with the current plans for dessert– storebought pies and ice cream. Considering making a cake or some other non-pie alternative.

    Anyone have favorite corn pudding recipes? Looking up the Homesick Texan’s one now!

    I am way, way more excited for the three day quiet weekend after Thanksgiving than the holiday itself. I do not go to physical stores on BF, but will be trolling online for good deals quietly all weekend.

    • This is the corn pudding recipe that I want to make:

      Also: for a super easy dessert, I really like Ina Garten’s apple cranberry dump cake, served with “good” vanilla ice cream.

    • I make the corn pudding from the Three Rivers Cookbook. but I also add a can of drained regular corn.

    • I just mentioned this above, but Kevin Rathbun’s jalapeno creamed corn is a standout. If you google it, there’s a recipe pdf available on the restaurant website.

  27. Diana Barry :

    I am making Thanksgiving and my mom is helping me. I have 3 pies on the list, pumpkin, apple, chocolate pecan, then the turkey, stuffing, green beans, and brussels sprouts. My mom has made the rest of the sides already. :)

  28. Baconpancakes :

    We’re spending Thanksgiving with SO’s family, and I’m kind of regretting it. We’re going out to eat instead of cooking (which feels off to me), but people are still cooking for Friday, which confuses me. And when I offered stuffing, cranberry sauce, cranberry pie, or anything else that they’d like, I got back “I guess cranberry stuff” second-hand. Part of this is SO’s inability to pursue direct answers from his family, part of it is their (very different) attitude towards family responsibilities, where the 30-somethings are still “kids” with no responsibilities, and part of it feels like their unintentional exclusion of me from the proceedings.

    I’m a little sad about it all, and wondering whether I should throw a turkey in my freezer to have a Friendsgiving in December.

    • Applejacks :

      Holidays with a SO’s family can be hard, especially when the celebrate differently than you. My husband’s family isn’t into cooking either – they will have maybe one or two things that don’t go together and look at me like I’m weird for wanting to bring something. It’s weird, but some people aren’t into food.

    • Anonymous :

      Yup, get the turkey, make peace with the fact that the meal won’t be “Thanksgiving” to you and cook the “real” meal later.

  29. Independent consulting :

    After having worked in business and strategy roles in financial services (8 years out of grad school), I might have the opportunity to consult for a small but well capitalized financial services firm as they investigate a potential new business area. There’s the possibility of a full-time (awesome) job if they go down the path they’re investigating and feel like I’d be the person to lead it. In the meantime, it’s pretty likely they’d want to pay me to help them through the process of evaluating the opportunity. I’m thinking it would be over a few months.

    Does it make sense to charge a monthly retainer? An hourly rate? Any other advice from anyone who has done this?


    • Anonymous :

      I would suggest retainer, but be prepared for them to push for hourly boo rate. You might negotiate a minimum number of hours in that case.

  30. Mrs. Jones :

    My cousin shared the BEST leftover tip: put leftover stuffing in a waffle iron. It’s crispy and perfect.
    You’re welcome.

  31. (a) DH and I are making brussels sprouts and cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving Part II (Friday). Actually, DH made the cranberry sauce last night, so that’s one thing off the list.

    (b) We need a new mattress, so we’ll look at the Black Friday/Cyber Monday sales. Does anyone know if mattresses are cheaper or sales are better in January or February (MLK/Presidents’ Day) than late November? We could wait another couple of months.

    (c) We don’t usually have too many leftovers because we go over to relatives’ houses. But MIL makes an incredible turkey gumbo about a week after Thanksgiving and invites us over. It’s my favorite!

    • We just bought a new mattress for our guest room from Macy’s this past weekend (they were already running some pre-Black Friday specials and we figured we’d beat the rush). We got more than 50% off, so I felt like we got a pretty good deal, and I was even more vindicated when it was delivered today and the delivery guys commented on what a good price we got.

  32. Heading to the inlaws for Thanksgiving, which is always relaxed and low key. My mother in law has a weird-to-me rule that she only serves things at Thanksgiving that are made the day of Thanksgiving. So, there’s no pre-Thanksgiving prep. Which means we end up with stove top stuffing, jarred gravy, etc. I admire her drawing a line in the sand and sticking to it all these years (she’s a decent cook, but doesn’t love it), but I miss the actual cooking of Thanksgiving (because I do love to cook and don’t get to do it often enough).

    However, I keep my mouth shut because everything turns out fine, I have really great in laws, and all the husband and I need to do is show up with wine and cupcakes from this place they like in our city, help with dishes and we are golden.

    • AnotherAnon :

      Yeah, that seems a bit weird to me too. Why not just make something less time-consuming? Or you could start in the morning and have dinner instead of lunch? I’m not a great cook, but I’ve cooked the last two Thanksgiving meals for my little family and a couple of friends. DH does the meat because he’s good at it and enjoys it. We modify the volume/variety to suit the number of people, but we still make everything that day (mostly becuase we think cooking together is fun…there’s alcohol involved so YMMV). It’s not that much work, IMHO. My mom is the same way: stresses for weeks over canned cranberry sauce and jarred gravy. Just don’t invite 20 people! Ever think of that? Plus we all hate turkey. Cook a chicken! We don’t care! Life is what you make it, I guess.

    • Flats Only :

      My MIL sneaks in reconstituted boxed mashed potatoes, canned cranberry sauce and jarred gravy. I think she would rather apply her talents to the limitless number of appetizers and desserts. Once I knew that her mashed potatoes weren’t something to look forward to, I stopped looking forward to them and was happy to just enjoy the company and all the good parts of the meal, vs. being disappointed year after year.

    • Anonymous :

      Ha, I’m totally your MIL. I don’t have time to prep beforehand.

      • oh, she’s retired, plenty of time to prep. she just doesn’t enjoy it. It’s simply not what I would do. My husband and I enjoy cooking and often host dinners for 12+ people, and we make everything. It’s a ton of work, but we love it. I get that it’s not everyone’s thing. I’ve offered to make and bring something before, and it just didn’t go over well. Hence keeping my mouth shut. I just remind myself that it’s her party and she gets to host it however she wants. I have a warm, welcoming thanksgiving with family that I enjoy, so I (mostly) focus on that.

    • I’ve hosted Thanksgiving fairly consistently for the past 10 years, and it’s my opinion that you have to rely on some store-bought help. You can pull off a homemade, from-scratch meal Thanksgiving once in awhile but if you’re the host year after year it’s just not manageable to do it alone.

      I look at Thanksgiving as being more about gathering with family than eating an amazing dinner. It’s not time for me to show off my cooking, or be more focused on the food than on the people. It’s a time for me to be with the people I love and rarely get to see. If Patti LaBelle pie and Stove Top is what I need to rely on this year, than THANK THE LORD FOR PROVIDING.

      Your MIL is smart, and I fully support low-key Thanksgiving!

      • Oh, I have no issue with store bought help. In my mind, that’s something like focusing on the side dishes and picking up a deep fried turkey from somewhere else. Or buying dessert or heating up frozen appetizers from Costco (or doing both of these things! sometimes people make a better pie than you could ever dream). She just wants to both “cook” thanksgiving and have it all take only 4 hours. I just wish that everything wasn’t store bought… or if we’re going this route, why not just go out to dinner or cater it in from somewhere? It’s a bizarre charade, especially to me where everyone in my family loves cooking, so it’s the act of all cooking together that IS Thanksgiving for me and sharing that time in the kitchen. But, as I said above, it’s her party.

  33. blue stocking :

    (a) Wine! My main contribution to most holiday celebrations. That, and my appreciation of others’ cooking.

    (b) No shopping this weekend.

    (c) No recipes. The best part of leftovers is no cooking required. I love turkey and stuffing cold, or just sticking them in the microwave with potatoes or other side dishes.

  34. What at work do you think can help the men (and everyone) have more respect for you? Is there anything? I’ve had a hard time with this. In the past, I thought it was because I was younger, but now I’m in my late 30s and I feel kinda like some may see me as young mentally/experience-wise but others (or hey…maybe the same people) see me as old in appearance (as not as fresh-faced as a 20 something) and I just feel like I don’t have a place anymore. Or relevance.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Wellp you’ve got loads of empathy from me. My plan is to hibernate with a warm drink this long weekend and come back and just start kicking ass … not exactly sure how. But I’m going to!

      • I’d like to kick some ass, but you know when you do it you are the bad person/troublemaker. When other people treat you like an asshole, that’s somehow ok. Ah life.

    • I’ll probably get jumped on, but if it’s an issue for you, work on your executive presence. This may mean a different hairstyle, clothes, makeup, schmooze, network, all kinds of things that aren’t fun, but that work.

    • Hug’s, but you DO have a an important role. You are a VERY important part of your organization! Do NOT let yourself think otherwise. I had this issue for YEARS, until the manageing partner found me. For years, I felt misunderstood, even after I had a college and law degree and experence in DC. No one took me seriusly, thinking instead I was just a silly blonde girl who was able to get a JD, who was onley looking for a guy to support her. As a result, I had my tuchus pinched, slapped and squeezed to many times to count.
      If you ignore the negative feelings inside of you, you will be able to overcome this. Always act professional and remmember NOT to speak using uptones — if you do that. It is not cute once youre over 25 years old, even if you still are. Best of luck to you. Just eat a good meal over Thanksgiving and be happy for all you do have. That is what I was told by dad, and he is right (as usual). YAY.

  35. Not that Anne, the other Anne :

    My contribution to Friendsgiving will be sweet potato casserole (with pineapple and marshmallows) and a selection of gluten-free treats for the hostess from one of her favorite gluten-free bakeries.

    I will be going absolutely nowhere on Black Friday. I have three ebooks out from the library right now plus a pile of physical to-be-reads that is getting a little ridiculous. Books, cats, tea, fire — the perfect Black Friday.

  36. Rainbow Hair :

    We are doing Thanksgiving at my parents’ house. Should be typical: one crazy sibling ranting about politics/aliens, cool sibling + spouse rolling out as soon as possible afterward, my kid wreaking havoc… I’m bringing pies that I am buying from a new almost-friend’s sister-in-law.

    But mostly I’m excited about Thanksgiving-adjacent festivities! A surprise party for a friend at a brewery! A new friend group is going to the diviest local bar for post-Thanksgiving-dinner drinks! I’m going on a *date* with my husband!

  37. I host and I’m making turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn pudding, green bean casserole, two pumpkin pies, and an apple crisp. I’m also making a pitcher of caramel apple martinis and pumpkin pie pudding shots. My friends are bringing stuffing (not in the bird because it needs to be vegetarian), tofurky, and sweet potatoes. I have messed up the stuffing in various ways so I’m happy not to do it this year. Also, having only three things to go in the oven means that I don’t have to juggle things in and out.

    I have no plans for Black Friday. I have bought a few things for going to my cousin’s wedding recently and there isn’t anything I need or want to buy that would be on sale that day.

    As for leftovers, I make a turkey sandwich and eat the other stuff cold straight out of the containers. Except for mashed potatoes, which must be heated with butter. The end.

    • NOLA your thanksgiving sounds fun! This is the kind of party I’d love to be a guest for

      • It is fun! Planning fun drinks really helps. We’ve tried different things over the years, but the pumpkin pie pudding shots are a favorite and I have friends who come over late just to drink or to have pudding shots. One of my students has come for three years and this is her last year because she’s graduating early. We’re going to miss her!

  38. Curious_st :

    My husband and I decided to start home, and have Thanksgiving with just the two of us. I decided to skip the traditional dinner and go straight for the leftover type dishes. I will fix a turkey breast. On Thursday, we are having paninis stuffed with turkey, cheese, fresh spinach, and cranberry sauce from a can, with some roasted veggies on the side. On Friday, we will have turkey tetrazzini. I may even throw the roasted veggies, if we have any left. On Saturday, any remaining turkey will be turned into turkey salad with some green grapes and celery thrown in, and will be served on romain lettuce. For dessert this holiday, I will make the husband’s favorite pie, caramel apple pie, completely from scratch. I hope it will last a few days.

    For the leftover candy, I like make the Pioneer Woman Spread Cookies. I have made them with leftover butterfingers or Reese candy. I bet the recipe would work with white chocolate instead of milk chocolate, and candy corn could be your topping.

    If I do any shopping, it will just be as a means to get out f the house and wander amongst other humans. My family doesn’t do much gifting these days.

  39. anon for this one :

    Help me to be kind? My husband and I are spending our first thanksgiving with my family. He has come down with a cold and is being a total baby about it- whining and pre-emptively taking himself out of group activities. We are driving 5+ hours and he bought a costco sized bag of cough drops that he’s chomping through (not sucking on them as most people do). Dude. Suck it up. Stop chewing loudly.

    • I’m sorry! Men can be such babies at times.
      Tell him the drops are meant to sooth his throat with little drops coating his throat at a time, not by being in his stomach?

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Well, what I like to do is play a game in my head where I’m like, the most amazing wife in the world. Like “watch her be sympathetic about his ManCold!” or “look at her genuine care even though he’s totally overreacting” or “she must love him so much if she’s stopping again for him to get a hot tea!” and then at the end I get a pretend medal.

      • This is hilarious and I could totally see this working for me.

      • Hahaha I try to channel my competitiveness to be the best wife ever and do these things but your way is more fun. 100% doing it next time

  40. Anonymous :

    My immediate family several years ago decided to eschew the whole extended family Thanksgiving and go to a beach resort for Thanksgiving brunch and let someone else do the cooking. It’s the best. The only problem is no leftovers.

  41. biglawanon :

    Disclaimer that we’re not American and don’t have family here.

    My husband and I don’t care for thanksgiving food (don’t like turkey, carby foods, or sweets), and can’t say my kids are crazy about it either. We’re planning to go to the beach because it going to be hot and sunny. I am going to make a brisket and lamb shanks in the slow cooker so it will be ready and can be eaten cold, will grill some kabobs (lamb and chicken?) on the public grills, bring some cheeses, tomatoes, fruit, wine for us, and cider for the kids.

    We don’t really do holiday gifts and we don’t need anything, so not planning on shopping either. I think we’ll do a family hike on Friday instead.

  42. Ekaterin Nile :

    Going to Georgia for Thanksgiving. Not planning on bringing anything but happy to help out so long as DH does since it’s his family and I don’t think only I should help “because I’m a woman.” (DH agrees.) Also trying to stay quiet about the fact that DH and I might be moving to Singapore in the New Year.

  43. Bringing apple pie with gingerbread topping, salad with burnt honey dressing, sautéed Brussels sprouts, roasted root veggies, and green beans. And wine. My mom and I cohost and it’s at her house so I’m bringing dessert and lots of sides.

    No planned shopping. I never go anywhere on Black Friday although I might peruse sales online.

    Thanksgiving sandwiches, turkey soup, etc. I don’t do anything too exciting with the leftovers. My mom freezes most of the leftover turkey to use in stews and stir fries so we don’t have a ton to eat up.

  44. Any tips when talking with someone you supervise who comes off as arrogant? I’m in education and his supervisor, but it’s with other women too. We mostly have women. Just shocking the disrespect to not just me, who does his evaluation, but also those he works with. I tried talking to him and he rolled his eyes at me. Any thoughts on how to approach? Thank you

  45. Does anyone know how Sloan is? She said something about being sick yesterday late and all she got was a weird Ellen comment back.

    Sloan, if you’re there, thinking of you, and I hope you are going to be surrounded by loved ones this weekend.

  46. Can anyone share any success stories with overcoming (or at least minimizing effects of) allergies? I’m allergic to dogs, dust mites and grass and I’m surrounded by all of these. I’m wondering if daily allergy pills are going to work better than weekly shots, but don’t know anyone who has considered the shots. Any advice is appreciated. Of course I am going to discuss treatment options with my allergist MD, but thinking about life impact from another patient’s perspective is just as important to me. Thanks.

    • I am allergic to exactly the things you list – plus a few more, that made it particularly unbearable to go home and visit my parents and in-laws. I finally gave in about 5 years ago and went to an allergist for the first time. We did a full scratch panel to determine exactly what I’m allergic to. He recommended Zyrtec as a daily pill – actually he recommended the generic Cetirizine which is way, way cheaper. And then he also recommended shots. Generally allergy shots are a couple days a week for years. It takes something like 6 months to build up and then you go into maintenance essentially. Because of timing with approaching trips home and my discomfort, my doctor agreed to do a crash course – basically six months worth of shots in one day (all day at his office, 20 minute breaks in between shots to make sure I didn’t die). It was an awful day, but SOOOO worth it. I went on maintenance after that – getting shots once a week for another year or so but then we moved across the country and I haven’t been back to an allergist since. My daily life is so much better and my trips home are so much better. Now I only take the cetirizine seasonally, and when I go home I’m no longer reliant on benadryl and rescue inhalers to make it through the night. The shots are expensive, inconvenient and no fun, but they absolutely worked for me.

  47. I’m a relatively senior associate at a midsize, regional law firm. I really, really like my job. Like, a lot. I’ve inexplicably developed a ridiculous crush on a partner in a different practice group, and I need someone to remind me that doing anything about it (other than stewing silently) is a terrible, bad, awful idea. Nothing good can come of this, right? Even if it were requited (and I think it might be?), odds are it eventually ends in embarrassment and awkwardness and is generally bad for my career. Right … ?

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