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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Seamless Merino Turtleneck Sweater

A Black woman with braids wearing a navy blazer, camel-colored sweater, tan pants, and a brown belt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

A wool turtleneck is a great option for someone who’s always freezing but doesn’t want to try squishing a bulky sweater under a blazer. This sweater from Banana Republic has great reviews and comes in seven beautiful colors. This camel version would be a great neutral for winter.

I love a monochromatic look, so I would wear this with a camel pencil skirt and a dark blazer or under a matching wool coat with black pants.

The sweater is $40, marked down from $79.50 and comes in sizes XXS–XXL.

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Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

266 Comments

  1. I find that my cashmere or merino turtlenecks from LE and BR are solid and have worn well for years (some for over a decade). OTOH, after 2 years in fleece, my skin doesn’t like wool next to it even it is merino or cashmere. I have to layer something like a thin cotton l/s tee or HeatTech below it (which isn’t a problem as I run cold and have a cold office). It is only a problem in that now I can’t layer a jacket as they are too snug over all of this. Michelin Man, here I come!

    1. I have a bunch of BR’s thin sweaters and love them.

      Also, I have a black cotton turtleneck from Splendid that i just rebought because I love it so much. Really soft and flattering.

    2. BR’s sweaters are really good. I hear you on missing the comfort of fleece, though!

    2. Consider PMDD? Perimenopause can really exacerbate progesterone withdrawal symptoms. A good psychiatrist got me on methylfolate, and my primary care doctor got me on zinc and magnesium, and I’m doing a lot better for now. Lara Briden’s books were helpful to me in knowing what to ask for (I’m not enthusiastic about her credentials, but the actual gynecologists I saw were ludicrously unhelpful, so I had to try something).

      1. Why is it that gynecologists are pretty unhelpful about this stuff? It’s maddening. I’m 41 and have been suffering from PMDD for a couple of years now. It’s been so much trial and error, and TBH, my SSRI does a lot more for me than anything hormonal I’ve tried.

        1. Some are great! Mine pointed me to a variety of anxiety/depression med options!

        2. My OBGYN is also clueless. I am considering switching, but she has all of my records and history. If I want to change, how can I get her to transfer all of my files to my new OBGYN? Is that permitted under HIPPA?

      2. Is methylfolate prescription? I see a bunch on Amazon/Walmart but Costco has it with their prescription stuff.

        1. Deplin is prescription, but my insurance wouldn’t cover it, so I got the OTC and it seems to work just fine for me.

    3. Welcome to perimenopause! I would say “I’m glad you’re here” but let’s face it, this isn’t very much fun.

      I got offered two things to help with mood swings: a low-dose antidepressant, and a progesterone-only mini pill. I am choosing not to do either at the moment, and instead taking fish oil, methylfolate (as someone else mentioned), zinc, and a calcium/magnesium supplement that seems to help a lot. I’m not anti-meds but just want to see if I can maintain a reasonable balance without getting on either of the meds I was offered, which I would have to be on for awhile to see effects (and then have to get off of later). My OB/GYN also told me that sleep is critical (tell me something I don’t know), and prescribed me Gabapentin, 200/mg a night on the nights I can’t sleep. Perimenopause sleep difficulty is a recognized off-label use for Gabapentin. I only use it a couple of nights a week at this point.

      I’ll also share that on the days where I feel like I’m really hitting my limit, a soy latte seems to help. I have also started eating edamame more, in stir-fries or as snacks.

      If you haven’t read The Menopause Manifesto, I recommend it as it’s much more comprehensive and informed about how to manage perimenopause symptoms than any doctor I’ve spoken with thus far. This seems to be an area where a lot of doctors become Mr. Shruggy Guy and don’t seem to have a lot of solutions. There are better options now than there used to be (my mom and my aunts basically just had to grit their teeth through peri, as no one offered them viable treatment solutions) but it could be much better, IMO.

      1. Thank you for this! I seem to be sensitive to soy so I avoid that. I was doing ok with fish oil/evening primrose/magnesium but fell off it for about 10 days (Thanksgiving travel) and I am bonkers crazy right now.

    4. Progestin helped me for this. I also started following Dr. Mary Claire Haver and Dr. Kelly Casperson and find much of what they share to be very informative and encouraging. It helps me to know that: my symptoms are real, they are not unique, and they are 100% treatable.

    5. I’ve taken 5mg of Lexapro for years, which is a low dose, and it’s been huge help for my pms. I tried going off it a couple years ago and my next cycle the pms mood swings were so bad I went back on it immediately and things went back under control very quickly.

  3. Paging International gifting and shipping from yesterday morning’s thread!

    Take a look at a company called SendMyBag. You can do a suitcase or a box. I’ve heard really good feedback from people who’ve sent things between the US and the UK. My parents each recently sent me small but heavy-ish boxes (probably 5-7 pounds) and they were about $100 each to ship via USPS. UPS was significantly more. You get a much more generous weight and space allowance for the same price via SendMyBag.

  4. Randomly, who are the bright lights in the Democratic and Republican parties these days? Like who will run against Trump in the R primary and now that the Cuomos are toast, who else is there on the other side? I’m hoping there are some governors of stature who aren’t polarizing out there waiting in the wings. But I’m already nervous re 2024 and it is still 2021.

    1. As a Floridian, DeSantis scares the hell out of me. He’s smarter and usually more disciplined than Trump, but espouses all of the same really repugnant ideas, including the racist, sexist and xenophobic ones. He tries to make himself more palatable and reasonable to those who are turned off by Trump’s nastiness, and I worry folks outside of Florida will fall for it and think he’s a reasonable Republican candidate. He is not.

      3. Not in Florida but I totally agree. I’ve said since 2016 that a smart and more restrained version of Trump would be far worse than Trump himself. And DeSantis is it.

    2. Dems: I like Gretchen Whitmer. Also Mayor Pete but I think he’s too bougie for a national election.

      2. I agree that Gretchen Whitmer is OK. She is also much prettier then most politicians. She does get a bit flustered when she is criticized, but all in all, she makes for a good package. I am not sure if she is married, but she likeley will have her pick of men if she elects to get married.

    3. No bright lights that I can see. Democrats want to continue to use women’s votes by teasing us with “Republicans will destroy Roe” while never actually lifting a finger to protect Roe themselves. They make time for absurd, unpopular elitist language displays though. They’re never getting another dime from me unless they dramatically change everything about what they’re doing.

      1. It looks like they’re not fighting gerrymandering and voter suppression hard enough to win anyway? The formerly blue congressional district where I live has been obliterated by redistricting.

      2. At the state level, Dems are putting their money where their mouth is on abortion rights. NM repealed their pre-Roe ban, CO just dropped and will likely pass a Roe protection bill (obvs NY, IL, and a bunch others have already done so; NJ has active bill but senate needs to push), red states have bills to organize around (MI, GA) and would act if Ds win statehouses.

        What elitist language on abortion are you hearing?

        1. Elitist language in general. The term “latinx” is a good example. It’s a deeply unpopular term, especially with the group it is meant to describe. Most of the people who use the term are doing it to signal to (usually white) other people that they align with certain political beliefs and to shame others for not, and not because of any respect towards the Hispanic and Latino communities. If that were true, they’d stop using the term like those communities prefer.

    4. Republicans, I love Charlie Baker and Larry Hogan. On the too conservative for me, but seem like good people side: Peter Meijer in WI, Glenn Youngkin in VA.

      I’m pretty in the middle (I’ll vote for both parties depending on candidate, but was obviously anti-Trump), but I think for our democracy to be healthy we need to encourage good people (even if you don’t agree with all of their views) to run on both sides.

      1. Charlie Baker (Gov) is not running for re-election in MA this year. I am so sad and secretly hope he’ll make a presidential run, but I doubt it.

      2. Agree. I’m more fiscally conservative than almost any Democrat but until the GOP does some serious clean-up of their far right flank they’ll never get my vote. I think the far-left is silly (focusing on the wrong things, picking the wrong fights) but I think the far-right is violent, racist, and a genuine threat to public health and to democracy. Plus, the Dems tend to hold their own accountable (too much so – see, Al Franken) whereas the GOP is letting anything fly to avoid even the appearance of conflict with Drumpf. There are few republicans who have separated themselves from Trump and seem like ethical people – Adam Kinzinger, even Paul Ryan (though he’s too socially conservative for me) but none that I see rising above the fray to successfully take on Trump for the Repub nomination.

        1. Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney are good examples! They’re too socially conservative for my taste personally, but they do seem like decent human beings, and if I lived in Utah and it was highly likely Mitt Romney was the best option, I’d happily vote for someone who at least is a decent person.

          1. Paul Ryan worships Ayn Rand too much to be considered a decent human. Mitt Romney, well, if he was decent he’d caucus with the Democrats a lot more to protect voting rights and in public health issues. I haven’t seen that so far.

          2. Yep, all the Republicans in the Senate, including Mitt Romney, voted to repeal OSHA vaccine mandates (or proof of negative tests) for companies with more than 100 employees.

            There are no good Republicans, at least not at the National level. Maybe you could find a couple of local ones, but I’m not optimistic. I guess Hogan is okay, I think a lot of people will regret voting for Youngkin.

          3. Yeah, PolyD, I hate to break it to you, but you’re part of the problem. If the only way Republicans can be decent is to be Democrats, you’re really missing the point. I for one don’t think a one party state is a good thing and I’d look to CA or TX as examples of this. Both are too blue or too red respectively to have what I’d call good governance. When one party knows it can do what it wants and still win elections because they have an R or a D after their name, it’s not going to lead to good governance.

          4. So holding leaders responsible for following good public health measures is making them “be Democrats?” Interesting.

          5. No – I think there’s room to disagree on what good public health measures are. Even Gretchen Whitmer (a D!) has expressed concerns with vaccine mandates for private businesses.

      3. Marylander here, I am a slight-D (way right of many in my deep blue area of an overall blue state) and would absolutely consider voting for Hogan. He is a centrist Republican that managed to get reelected in a blue state) and he’s… reasonable. He’s not perfect by any means but if he had been on the ballot with Trump and Biden I would have voted for him.
        There is nobody on the D side that I can make a similar statement about and that is terrifying.

        PP below, totally appreciate the thinking on the Dem’s lack of farm team / succession planning. I’ve not heard it put that way but that’s exactly the issue (well, one of them). The folks at the top didn’t bother nurturing the next generation (so there isn’t one, which is why we have 70 and 80 year olds running the country).

        1. I grew up in a bright red part of MD and I’ve been watching Hogan pretty closely during the pandemic. He doesn’t seem terrible but I suspect he has to moderate his actual positions quite a bit in order to get stuff done at the state level. To be frank, I think the Republicans can rally the base with an extreme candidate so I don’t hold out much hope that Hogan would be the nominee.

      4. I could have written the Floridian’s posts about DeSantis about Youngkin–his beliefs are despicable but he’s personable, disciplined, and cares enough about winning general elections in a purple state, that he doesn’t lead with them.

        1. But that’s the thing about DeSantis, he absolutely DOES lead with his beliefs. He and his staff just attempt to package it up in a manner that’s more palatable to people than Trump’s delivery. If all you see are well-curated soundbites, one might think DeSantis is a reasonable candidate. DeSantis knows that Florida is no longer a purple state and his governing reflects that.

          If you said Mike Pence, I might agree with you – he’s enough of a politician to know that his beliefs, and what flies in Indiana, probably won’t fly at the national level.

          I think Val Demings is the best candidate we have in Florida, and while I’ll do everything I can to get her elected (she’s running against Rubio for the Senate), I don’t think she’ll get the momentum needed to unseat him.

        2. A word problem: Youngkin will do away with school mask mandates on January 15. My 15-year-old is more than six months out from vaccination and is not eligible for a booster. If she sits less than 3 feet away from unmasked students in unventilated classrooms for 7.5 hours per day, how long will it take for her to get a breakthrough COVID infection?

          1. Not very long at all, I’m afraid. I live in the land of vaccine mandates and mask mandates at school and it’s pretty darn nice. That said, I don’t trust our school board and superintendent not to close the schools for “equity” if there is an uptick in community outbreaks due to omicron. There’s a very, very slim chance I vote for any current board member in the next election given their prior conduct.

        3. I am a former Virginian and a Democrat, but Youngkin doesn’t seem that bad to me. The Democrats were doing crazy things in Virginia and I am a little bit glad that it has swung the other way now.

          1. What crazy things were the Democrats doing in VA, exactly?

            This comment is an example of how canny Youngkin was in camouflaging his true agenda.

          2. Here’s the thing that I think a lot of politicians ignore at their peril. Having online school was really, really awful for a lot of students. It’s not irrational for voters to try and pick the candidates who seem the least likely to keep the schools open in person, even if the candidate is not ideologically pure on issues like CRT or equity or banning books or whatever hot-button issue is out there in the news cycle. I’ve found it really alienating when my local politicians act offended when parents want to know whether schools are going to be closed, like how dare we ask them that question.

          3. Yep – I live in VA and voted for Youngkin. The last straw for me was when Terry had Randi Weingarten on stage with him down the home stretch. She was for keeping schools closed longer than they were. He lost my vote there. If it’s a choice between online school or no mask mandates in school, I’ll take the later.

    5. This opinion is shared amongst people who professionally study or are involved in politics, not keyboard warrior types: the Democrats have no farm team, and the blame lies at the feet of Obama and Pelosi.

      You cannot, absolutely cannot, focus on getting the big executive office at the expense of your lower offices. (The GOP did this in Massachusetts and that’s why they have no one to succeed Charlie Baker. Diehl was successful running on a local level and on ballot initiatives, but doesn’t seem to be able to make the leap to a state level race.)

      Under Obama, Dem politicians at lower levels got creamed. Pelosi is 81. She wants to get her agenda through and does not care what happens to the party in 10 or 15 years – she will be dead. Obama got to be President for two terms – what does he care if there I no one to run? Part of their job is to develop and nurture talent, and they have not done that.

      Mayor Pete is toast. The paternity leave stunt will kill his ambitions. He NEEDED to, absolutely no question, appoint an interim replacement if he was going out on leave – and with a stay at home spouse and the worst supply chain crisis in recent history, he should have been at work. You can’t be that irresponsible. My husband, who took paternity leave, was FUMING. It was so, so bad that it almost seemed designed to gin up anger against paternity leave.

      1. Lol – the condescension in this reply is hilarious. As someone who actually is heavily involved in party politics, I doubt you’re among those who “professionally study or are involved in politics.”

        1. Care to share your view then? I don’t know at whose feet the blame lies really, but it does seem to me that the Dems have some really, really weak candidates.

      2. “Under Obama, Dem politicians at lower levels got creamed.”

        What does this mean?

        1. In 2014, Democrats in statewide offices were down to their lowest levels since the 1920s. 2012 was not a great year; 2010 was dismal. While some won seats, or won them back, in the next few cycles, they missed the chance to stay, grow, and move up in the ranks. Despite the national popular vote in 2016 and 2020, their state level showings were bad, which is why a lot of people are worried about redistricting issues.

          While some people vault straight to the top, it’s far more common to move up in your state before making a national run. Continuing to use MA as an example, the people who are running or considering a run for Governor are the AG, Maura Healey, mayors, state senators, the Treasurer, and former Lt. Gov. They have that in Massachusetts; they don’t have that in many other states.

          The failure to develop your state level candidates bites you in the butt ten or fifteen years down the road.

    2. Mine is a few years old, but I have one from Lole that I really like. It’s one of my favorite casual pieces when it gets really cold.

      1. Do you wear it with tights or leggings? If so, does the dress cling to the tights/leggings? I keep thinking about buying this, but don’t want to deal with cling or a slip.

    5. In the past I’ve gotten good ones from Nordstrom, Caslon brand. It looks like they have limited sizes left now, but maybe one will work for you. They also have a Treasure & Bond brand one that looks cozy.

    6. I returned some from Old Navy (too high necked) and Nordstrom/Caslon (meh). Shopbop had some Rachel Comey ones if you want something fancyish, they were on sale recently I think.

  7. How is the CDC still not tracking breakthrough infections that don’t result in serious illness or death? It’s giving vaccinated people a false sense of security – I keep hearing more and more about vaccinated people contracting Delta (or now, Omicron) and putting their unvaccinated kids or high-risk family at risk, even if they personally don’t become very ill. A vaccinated and boosted epidemiologist from University of Michigan (who does a lot of work on Covid and disparities) just got Covid at a very vaccinated, boosted wedding, accidentally infected her three-month-old granddaughter, and said that she regrets going – and that the “pandemic of the unvaccinated” narrative is no longer accurate. Yes, it feels scary to think that being vaccinated doesn’t protect us enough to attend large events safely, but isn’t it better to know?

    The CDC’s original decision felt political at the time and I don’t know what it is now, except for harmful. I suppose they think that no one will get vaccines if they don’t think they’re magical against contracting Covid, but haven’t we learned by now that some people won’t get vaccines if you beg, cajole, or even threaten them? Didn’t we learn from the “masks don’t work” messaging in April 2020 that lying, even for a good reason, erodes trust?

    1. Honestly, it sounds like she doesn’t regret going and she isn’t seriously ill (and no mention of the baby being gravely ill). In that case, COVID is here and we’re might as well live our lives, particularly if we have had shots. I am taking my kids to see West Side Story. Maybe our luck runs out. Maybe we continue to be lucky. But staying home until this is over will case them more harm than COVID at this point. The disease may be everywhere, but those filling the hospitals are still the unvaxxed as I understand that important aspect of the pandemic.

        1. She can have her personal regret, but the situation doesn’t seem grave or dire. I think that no one should be around newborns and I’m always surprised to see them in crowded areas (in Before Times) and at crowded times (movie theaters?!). Nowadays, I wouldn’t go to a wedding and immediately see a newborn for a non-optional visit (different if you are in their house), but even if you say work in a day care or are a nurse, should you be a hermit b/c so many people are unvaccinated on purpose? If so, for how many years?

    2. Yeah, I was shocked to see a publication on the long Covid rates for the vaccinated who contract Delta. And to see some of the threads here from medical staff on what they are seeing.

    3. Hi this is nonsense. Breakthrough cases are tracked and reported. No one is lying. If you’re fully vaccinated you can safely go to a large gathering and be confident you won’t be hospitalized or die. That’s what they’ve been saying all along.

      Please. Again. Treat your anxiety instead of dumping it on us.

      2. OP here and I’m fully vaccinated and boosted, but I have a condition that means the vaccines don’t work for me AND that I’m at high risk of complications. You’ve heard of us, right? Maybe you don’t socialize with anyone who isn’t perfect, but we exist.

        I cannot go to a large gathering. I’m not anxious about it – luckily I have a wonderful home life and lots of safe outdoor hobbies that bring me satisfaction. I’m asking for more data to drive decision-making so I can see my family at Christmas.

        1. Oh I have! And you conveniently never mention that you have a very specific individual circumstance that has nothing to do with general reporting on the vaccine. Which is good. You don’t need more data to figure Christmas out.

          1. My individual circumstance is shared by millions (not to mention families with kids). I know you don’t care (boy do I know), but might I suggest you collapse the thread next time? There’s enough hatred in the world without making the active choice to spread it here.

          2. A “very specific individual circumstance” being…a disability? Like millions or billions of others? How lucky you are to not have to consider that.

        2. You again. Don’t go. Going = risk and you already known this and you’ve known this forever.

        3. Comments like this seem less like wanting to discuss information and more like some kind of desperate plea for recognition or validation. And I’ll just say, expecting that from an anonymous message board on the Internet is probably not productive or reasonable. Do you not have anywhere else you can go in your life where you can be acknowledged and validated? Have you tried finding other places than here?

          2. Oh, shut up. Not the same anon, but just TRY to not be an ableist b*tch. It’s not unreasonable for a disabled person to point out that disabled people exist.

          4. “Oh, shut up. Not the same anon, but just TRY to not be an ableist b*tch. It’s not unreasonable for a disabled person to point out that disabled people exist.”

            I’m so curious, do you display these same winning personality and compelling persuasive abilities at work? How’s that working out for you? Or are you one of our posters that has been unemployed for years, and keeps posting here for…reasons, most of which are inexplicable?

          5. Nah, I have a very successful career as a disabled person, if your hateful mind can believe that. We actually exist in the world and we get to call people like you out for your ableist BS.

          6. Anon at 5:02: I don’t doubt that as a disabled person, you can have a successful career. Because you seem like a hostile, hateful person with no emotional self-control, I doubt you could possibly be all that successful. I doubt you save your hateful words and your lashing-out for the Internet; you likely do it to people IRL as well. I feel sorry for you.

      3. This isn’t true. The CDC is NOT tracking and reporting mild breakthrough cases for the general population. It is only doing so for healthcare workers and long-term care facility residents. If you have information otherwise, please share it, but otherwise, I’m getting my information straight from the CDC’s breakthrough infections website.

      4. It’s clear you don’t give a hoot about actual data. Don’t dump on those of us who do. If you don’t want to be an educated participant in this discussion, feel free to go read another string.

        1. +1. Gotta love the people who come in with “you’re crazy” but then can’t provide sources for their own falsehoods.

    4. idk, in my circles everyone is aware that a vax doesn’t mean you won’t get Covid ever (weren’t the clinical trials against symptomatic Covid?), more that if and when — yes, when — you eventually get it, you will be ok. People with kids too young for the vax or high-risk housemates are behaving more cautiously than people who live only with low-risk households.

      unfortunately large swaths of the country seem incapable of appreciating nuance in anything, so, here we are.

      1. What does “will be ok” mean though? Breakthrough infections can and do lead to long COVID. It’s good to help flatten the curve and great to survive and not require hospitalization, but a lot of people are not okay after mild infections.

        1. Yes we know you’re very anxious but actually serious long Covid is tracked and the data is good

          1. Where is this encouraging data? I’m waiting for peer review of this preprint:

            https://www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2021.10.26.21265508v3

            “Serious” may be misleading here. The neurological sequelae of fatigue, sleep disorders, and dysautonomia can be profoundly disabling even though they’re not “serious” in the sense of landing somebody in the hospital or shortening their lifespan the way organ damage can. It’s less reassuring than you think to be told your symptoms aren’t serious, but no, you really can no longer safely drive (for example).

        2. I don’t want to get Covid and I agree that long Covid and other (possibly still unknown) complications are worrisome. But it does seem like the vaccine reduces the odds of that, even if you get Covid. And I’m not sure what the alternative is. It’s clear at this point the virus isn’t going anywhere. Many countries including the US have almost 100% seroprevalence (everyone has some level of immunity through either vaccination or infection or both) and the virus is *still* surging. At this point it seems like the only way to ensure you never catch it is to stay home forever, and for most people the risks associated with that is higher than the risk of long Covid.

          1. I’ve seen conflicting studies; the latest study on 10,000+ patients didn’t see a statistically significant difference on long COVID outcomes when comparing breakthrough infections and unvaccinated infections.

            Some research groups still working on vaccines that might do a better job protecting against infection or that would be more resistant to mutations (for example, a vaccine that provoked “pan-sarbecovirus antibodies”) need funding. We need people to get the vaccine we already have, but it could be time for another Operation Warp Speed type initiative for the most promising broad protection vaccine projects and/or IgA-based vaccine projects. I don’t think we need to put all our eggs in the Pfizer/Moderna basket, and funding further research would help advance science in general and may really pay off as well.

          2. Our idiot antivax relatives are busy living their best lives: bars, planes, playing in a band, restaurants, kids in school, kids at parties, aging sick relative visits. Our area is maybe 50% vaccinated. That they are all still well is bizarrely reassuring. If we had had a betting pool, I’d have put $ on the first week in December as their COVID date, but they are still #thriving.

      2. This. Picking up a non-deadly bug at a wedding is a risk we assumed pre-covid. Being extremely careful about who goes near an unvaccinated baby was always advisable. Downplaying the advantage of these vaccines (you know getting the virus and not dying) is terrible idea that helps to the anti-vaccine movement.

        1. 100% agree. My MIL got pneumonia from a flu bug she caught at a family reunion, many years before Covid. Things happen. We cannot aim to prevent all illness in everyone forever; that’s a stupidly unrealistic goal. And one that if people were thinking logically, out from under the curtain of severe anxiety, they would recognize as being stupidly unrealistic.

        3. This – a million percent. One of the benefits of masks being more widely available is that we can do things like wear them around unvaccinated babies (seems like a good way to keep them safe when visiting – colds can be dangerous for them!)

    5. I think when people say “a pandemic of the unvaccinated” they mean the vast majority of those getting seriously ill are unvaccinated. Covid cases rates are insane in Michigan right now and a wedding has always been seen as a very risky event so I have to say I think this person is not that bright if they were genuinely shocked by getting Covid at a wedding in Michigan.

      1. This.

        When we’ve spent risk dollars, we’ve laid low after just in case. Not piling on risk on top of risk. I get that when the forest is on fire, what’s a few more trees, but doing 1 thing risky is reason to pause for a bit.

      2. I understand this, but it’s unfortunate when it leads vaccinated people to think that they aren’t possibly contributing as vectors.

        1. True, but some person, likely unvaxxed, is out there somewhere and that is the person you should hold your fire for. Not those of us who have been reasonable for years and have gotten vaxxed promptly and boosted promptly and are still ordering takeout vs dining in. Ugh. I just cannot with you do-nothing-ever people.

          1. People are choosing to stay stuck at this point. I’ve said this before, but I believe some people are staying stuck because they prefer living in a world where they have a built-in excuse to avoid going to work in the office, going to social engagements they’d rather skip, and generally avoiding people wherever and whenever possible. The pandemic enabled them to retreat from the world, and they enjoy what they retreated to far more than what’s out there. They want to stay in a time (now almost 2 years in the past!) when there was no social pressure or expectation for them to leave their homes and engage with others. Concern about the virus is an intentional or unconscious smokescreen over their true motivations. I am all for people living their Best Introvert Life (I myself got a permanent WFH job when I figured out I never wanted to work in an office again, so genuinely, no shade), but insinuating (or stating) that everyone who does not want to stay sequestered in their homes indefinitely is being irresponsible is a bridge too far. I think we have some unaware otakus here who think that because their life choices work for them, they will work for everyone. And that’s not true. Be as otaku as you wanna be but don’t try to shame people for wanting to go to meetings, meet up with family and friends, travel, eat in restaurants, go to events, and generally be around other human beings. We’re hardwired for in-person social interaction with other humans; we wouldn’t have survived as a species if we weren’t. Of course there are outliers who don’t feel that same motivation (and there always have been those folks; the stereotypical “cave-dwelling hermit”). But those folks are outliers, not anywhere near the majority. And I don’t see that changing any time soon.

          2. Anon @ 1:34, please don’t assume things about people who aren’t sharing their full medical histories with you. Sure, I’m an introvert, but staying locked down right now is awful. I would love to get on a plane and celebrate the holiday with my loved ones. People in my rare disease support group have ended up in the hospital from autoimmune flare ups after vaccination, so the “booster” vs. “breakthrough infection” risks aren’t even completely clear (even before Omicron). And risking hospitalization is one thing when there’s capacity, but hospitals are full here too. It’s not like the pandemic is over, and we’re just trying to stretch it out because it’s fun for us. The pandemic is raging, hospitals are in crisis, and the attitude that the people who are dying deserve to is leaving out everyone for whom a “vaccines only” pandemic response isn’t successful through no fault of their own.

          3. “People in my rare disease support group”

            Could you consider that your folks in that support group are probably a better audience for these kinds of discussions than this group?

            If someone were to tell you, with 100% certainty, that you are never going to receive the kind of acknowledgement or validation you’re seeking from the audience that reads and posts here, would that change how you approach posting on this board, going forward?

          4. Anon at 3:18, would telling you that you’re a sanctimonious ableist b*tch change how YOU interact on this board?

          5. “Anon at 3:18, would telling you that you’re a sanctimonious ableist b*tch change how YOU interact on this board?”
            No, because when people demonstrate they don’t have control of themselves on any level, and feel like lashing out like this is appropriate in any context, I don’t listen to anything they have to say, much less take it seriously. I’m sure that’s not a new experience for you: to be ignored because you’ve revealed yourself to be too irrational to be taken seriously.

    6. We don’t track other illnesses that can cause severe illness in vulnerable people. The CDC doesn’t track people with every single disease, nor should it.

      1. The CDC closely tracks flu which is the only other infectious disease that kills thousands of Americans every year.

          2. But if you got a positive test for influenza, your provider was required to report it.

          3. They track flu cases and issue a detailed public report every week about flu activity in every US territory. Just because you weren’t aware of this doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

          4. You wouldn’t be the one to report it. Your doctor would be, if you went to the doctor and the doctor is part of CDC’s surveillance network (thousands of doctors are in the network). CDC models the number of overall US flu cases from the number reported to the surveillance network. So they are not literally counting every case, but they are definitely closely tracking flu cases using actual reported cases and mathematical modeling.

            If you’re one of those people who assumes they have the flu every time they get sick with a fever and respiratory symptoms for 2-3 days, you are most likely not actually experiencing the flu. Lots of viruses that are not the flu cause flu-like symptoms. The flu results in symptoms lasting a week or more, maybe less if you got your flu shot. For a lot of people, the flu is really miserable even if it doesn’t result in hospitalization or death. That’s why the whole “oh covid is just a bad flu, why all the fuss” argument makes zero sense. A bad case of the flu can send even otherwise healthy people to the hospital.

          6. Better stated, I’ve never gone to the doctor for the flu. I’ve accepted it as a fact of life. And that’s happening with Covid, too, as it should. It’s neutralized by the vaccines not eliminated.

          7. “I’ve never gone to the doctor for the flu.”
            Me either. And I’ve had a couple of bad flu bouts, but generally just about the time I think about going to the doctor, the symptoms get better and I recover. At this point, the vaccinated folks I know who are getting Covid are getting mild flu-like symptoms; they don’t go to the doctor because they’re over it in a couple of days and life goes on. At a certain point I doubt people will even get tested if they have mild symptoms (and let’s be honest: I am 100% sure throughout the entire pandemic we’ve had people who had symptoms and didn’t get tested, and it’s probably pretty prevalent now). This has been said before ad nauseum, even in this thread, but: the virus isn’t going away. It’s endemic at this point. It’s here until it mutates out of existence (like the Spanish Flu did). It baffles me that people still think there’s some kind of containment pr eradication that can be attained at this point; there’s no way that’s going to happen. Everyone’s going to have to learn to live with the virus, in perpetuity. If you’re not in the mode of “how do I learn to live in a world where Covid isn’t going away,” yet, you’re just postponing the inevitable and intentionally prolonging your own mental suffering.

        2. The CDC tracks flu, but it is not a reportable illness, so the numbers are basically modeling based on some surveillance. The is a lot of asymptomatic flu and there is some data to indicate those people are asymptomatic spreaders. But there is not a ton of research in it. It’s not a feasible thing to do, nor is it needed. Same with COVID.

      2. Again, this virus has caused mild illness in healthy people who then haven’t recovered. Nobody knows who is vulnerable to this outcome, and the CDC absolutely should be tracking morbidity/disability as well as hospitalization and death.

        1. Don’t you think that if people not recovering from mild illness was a huge problem, the CDC would be tracking it?

          What is your angle here – are you trying to say there’s some kind of intentional coverup or willful ignorance being practiced by the CDC? Why wouldn’t they track something that was a big problem (and similarly, why would they waste time and resources tracking something that’s not a big problem?)? How would the CDC benefit from ignoring a major health issue affecting Americans?

          1. Look up the Millions Missing campaign for ME/CFS. The CDC has a track record at this point on chronic illnesses and post-viral syndromes that can be disabling but not acutely dangerous. I don’t know why they ignore major health issues that affect Americans, but it’s not new.

        2. It has, but that’s not common. The idea that we have no idea who is going to get severe COVID is false. We know a lot about who is more likely to become severely ill or die and who isn’t, and that data is readily available. The fact that there are a small percentage of cases where people become severely ill or die with no known comorbidity is not specific to COVID.

    7. Are you the same person who was concerned about getting covid from an empty house while triple vaccinated and masked? If so, please reach out to a professional for support. This is not going away, you need to work on how to cope. I say this as someone who sought therapy for pandemic related mental health issues and is managing much, much better now.

    8. I agree that there should be more transparency. IMO the more data the better – and the easier it is for individuals to make their own risk assessments. A good portion of the health messaging has been paternalistic or foolishly optimistic. Some people will never take ANY precautions. They have stormed school boards and government buildings in order to reiterate this fact. There is no messaging that will reach them. So, why are officials tiptoeing around reality in order to appease them? Americans that DO care about their risks should have access to comprehensive data on infections of all kinds and at all levels of vaccination. They also deserve long covid data for people of all levels of vaccination.

      1. It’s incredible to me that there seems to be so little comorbidity specific data this far into the pandemic. It must exist somewhere, but my doctors still seem to be either flying blind or going off what they’ve seen in their patients/what other doctors have told them about their patients. It feels like we’re not really living in the information era, and when I remember all the complaints from physicians about the reporting requirements of the ACA, I wonder what all that effort was for.

        1. When you say comorbidity, is it the sort that says that not only was Jan unvaxxed, Jan was also a smoker with T2 diabetes that was poorly managed and asthmatic and over 60? That is sort of what I imagine the #s to be — unvaxxed + something else. I know that there is always the Cordero-sort of outlier, but those also explain why I know people in their 40s dying of cancer (and yet Keith Richards is still alive), and the cancer #s are what I see a lot more of with my crowd. 2 of us have died of COVID and I had a delayed LEEP and coloscopy; none of my peers has died of COVID but many unvaxxed parents with health conditions had it and died from a downward spiral.

        2. There is tons of data out there about what comorbidities make you more susceptible to COVID. That was some of the basis for how vaccinations were prioritized.

          1. And it’s inadequate enough that my doctors have to rely on anecdata. That’s my complaint.

          2. It may very by state, but my state published really detailed data (not anecdata) about which co-morbidities raised your risk of hospitalization and death. It was how they originally planned to prioritize vax availability (although they then abandoned it and went strictly age-based).

          3. “And it’s inadequate enough that my doctors have to rely on anecdata. That’s my complaint.”

            Do you really feel that bringing these complaints to this board, repeatedly, is the best use of your time and energy, or that it’s going to net you any results? Have you tried sending a letter to the CDC about this, rather than repeatedly complaining to a bunch of people on a work-fashion message board who have no ability to resolve or remedy the situation?

          4. Then your doctor is not making the effort to keep up to date. A quick PubMed search pulls up > 10K articles. They all will not be applicable, the info is out there.

    9. Stuck in mod –

      I agree that the infection information and messaging should be more compressive. IMO the more data the better – and the easier it is for individuals to make their own risk assessments. A good portion of the health messaging has been paternalistic or foolishly optimistic. Some people will never take ANY precautions. They have stormed school boards and government buildings in order to reiterate this fact. There is no messaging that will reach them. So, why are officials tiptoeing around reality in order to appease them? Americans that DO care about their risks should have access to comprehensive data on infections of all kinds and at all levels of vaccination. They also deserve long covid data for people of all levels of vaccination.

      1. OP here and that’s exactly how I feel. So many of us have unique situations where we need data to drive our decision-making. For example, people on immunosuppressants want to know how likely it is that their vaccinated family members will get a mild breakthrough infection. If the risk of that is VERY low, then it might be safer for that individual to attend a fully vaccinated gathering. If not, then not. We deserve data to make those decisions.

          1. +1 It has been clear for months that the risk of breakthrough infections is not that low. The risk of a breakthrough infection that sends a generally healthy person to the hospital are very low, particularly for people under the age of about 70.

        2. Well, if your situation is unique, it will be difficult to get information on that particular situation.

          There is research going on to understand how immune compromised people cope with COVID, but 1) despite how it appears in this board, there aren’t a ton of immune compromised people, and 2) I would assume most of them are taking precautions, so you aren’t going to get a lot of cases. That means it will be slower to get enough meaningful data on immune compromised people who get COVID.

        3. You are asking a very specific question, that would be very difficult to study. Unfortunately, research $$ will go towards answering less specific questions.

          1. Huh? How is it difficult to study “all COVID infections in vaccinated people?” The CDC is already doing this for subsets of the population (healthcare workers) and made the choice not to for the general population. Yes, risk for immunocompromised people can be highly specific, but that isn’t the question – it’s about the rate of mild breakthrough infections in ALL vaccinated people.

          2. To really study all COVID infections in vaccinated people, you have first identified the cases. How is that realistically done? If you don’t test you don’t know. Even if you did have a study group and tested them daily and identified all the breakthrough cases, then how do you do all the associated contract tracing and testing. This study would require a lot of resources. Breakthrough infections happen with all vaccines. A vaccine is not a suit of armor.

          3. Some of the questions are really not that specific. 7% of people in the US have an autoimmune disease and have been treated like an afterthought and some are still awaiting answers to questions that would inform decisions including medical decisions.

          4. Autoimmune disease is not synonymous with immunocomproimsed though. I have an autoimmune disease and have been told by my doctors (and all experts in the field seem to agree) that people with my condition are not at higher risk for severe Covid, nor is there any reason to expect the vaccine wouldn’t work as well for us as it does for other people. People here really seem to equate autoimmune issues and immuoncompromised, but that’s incredibly inaccurate. I assume there are far fewer people who are genuinely immunocompromised than there are people with autoimmune issues.

          5. “Autoimmune disease is not synonymous with immunocomproimsed though.”
            Exactly. I also have an autoimmune disease. I am not immunocompromised; I asked my specialist early in the pandemic and he said I wasn’t. I think he would know, and I doubt he would lie to me.

          6. And every autoimmune disease is not the same. Lumping them all together will not generate meaningful data.

        4. Data is not going to help you, IMO, unless it said that vaxxed/boosted people 100% cannot get infected (putting aside symptomatic disease). We know, and have known for a long time, that is not the case. Vaccination/boosters reduce infections and make severe disease unlikely.

          In your situation, repeated testing and strict quarantine of everyone pre gathering is the only way to get the risk level to a place where you seem comfortable. Population level studies don’t really matter for your situation.

        5. Ok, sure, you “deserve” that but you should probably start planning for a life where you’re not gonna get it.

          1. Some folks really seem to want to live in a fantasy world of their own creation, and cannot accept that it’s not going to happen. It’s so puzzling to me. I figured out when I was four years old that I wasn’t always going to get what I wanted in life.

    10. OP – Other than better reporting, what exactly are you suggesting people do? Because whether vaccinated people have a 10 or 40% chance of contracting Covid and then have a 10 or 20% chance of having illness more serious than a cold [I am making these numbers up], the world is not shutting down again. Weddings are going to happen and of course the people who get sick regret going but that 10 or 40% chance is not going to stop the vast majority of people from going to weddings or other events, any more than the flu stops them. Or any more than the risk of measles, mumps, rubella, polio or smallpox prevented people from living their lives. Endemic disease has been the rule more than the exception through human history.

      We might wish it otherwise, but Covid (of one variant or another) is here to stay for the foreseeable future. I am all for reasonable precautions. I am triple vaccinated and wear a mask in areas of higher transmission (or where legally required). When I went to an area of high transmission (for a family emergency) I did not go anywhere other than the grocery store and my Dad’s doctor’s appointments (and then I stayed in the car). But I am not spending the rest of my life at home for fear of Covid any more than I do not drive because I am afraid of an auto accident.

      1. All I asked for was better reporting, but since you asked, I’d also like masks required in grocery stores and other essential businesses (pharmacies), widely available and cheap at-home testing and also much more widely available PCR testing, OSHA to issue ventilation standards for workplaces, and if I’m really dreaming big, regular consideration of immunocompromised people in infectious disease policy recommendations. It’s like disability access – only 1% of people use a wheelchair, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have building codes requiring wheelchair ramps.

        I want everyone to be able to participate in public life. Tracking mild breakthrough infections will help advance that goal and I have yet to see a cogent argument against that. It’s fine if you don’t care to look at the data yourself (no one will force you to), but a lot of researchers, policymakers, and individuals like myself do.

        1. Have you considered finding a message board comprised of these “like-minded” individuals, where you can discuss your ideas with people who have the same interest level that you do, and probably have viewpoints that are more similar to your own?

          It seems like you’re being sent cues and signals that you’re not picking up on, so let me be explicit with you about how I see the situation. You make these posts, and then seem to get very frustrated and indignant because no one agrees with you or seems to understand your point. This has happened repeatedly since the start of the pandemic. Your frustration is happening because you want something from this board we are not capable of giving: permission to believe what you believe and say what you want to say without being challenged, and acknowledgement that your needs should supercede the needs and priorities of others. You are frustrated because you want something from us we can’t give you. I personally think, at this point, that you must keep coming back because starting a big hairy discussion provides you with a “charge” and some level of emotional satisfaction, or at least a distraction. If that’s why you’re doing this, just be honest with yourself about it. Because let me be crystal clear about something else: you are not persuading anyone here to your point of view; I would say you are probably putting more people off to what you’re proposing by your continued insistence on generating these discussions where the same points get discussed and nothing ever gets resolved. I don’t necessarily think every discussion here needs to be about problem-solving, but you reiterating the same points over and over, and getting the same responses back over and over, is frankly pretty sad. There has to be something better you can do with your time and energy! What about trying to find a subreddit of people who are immunocompromised, or a group of people who are trying to follow research about the pandemic? Using this board as an outlet for your anxiety and your hurt feelings is not appropriate, and you’ve been told that repeatedly. Tell us what you’re really looking for here, on an emotional level, and maybe we can help you connect with a resource where you can get what you need.

  9. I’m looking for a teddy bear style zip-up, but a top layer around-the-house weight rather than a full-on outerwear jacket. There’s tons of them on the river site, but I don’t trust the quality. Anyone know of a legit retailer with a lightweight version?

    6. I ordered one from Target recently that fit your bill. Bonus – it was cheap, so if it turns into a mess, it’s not a big deal!

  10. ACK trying again.

    I’m looking for a teddy bear style zip-up, but a top layer around-the-house weight rather than a full-on outerwear jacket. There’s tons of them on AZN, but I don’t trust the quality. Anyone know of a legit retailer with a lightweight version?

    2. My daughter just bought one at Old Navy, but it has snaps instead of a zip. The material feels nice and high quality.

  11. I’ve always hated that idea that you have to choose between your face or your a** looking good as you age, but I think there’s some truth to it? I’m comparing some pictures from Christmas 2018 when I was about 15 pounds lighter, and now. While I prefer my 2018 body, my 2021 face actually looks better. I don’t know what to do with this information. I’ve been beating myself up for gaining weight during the pandemic but this makes me care slightly less? Early ’40s, if that makes a difference. I’ve been struggling to figure out what healthy looks like for me, at this stage in life. I don’t expect to stay the same size forever but I’ll also admit that my ego is bruised when I have to buy bigger pants. Would love to hear how others in my age range are striking this balance.

    1. I am late thirties, and while I like my thinner body better, I have the same feeling that my face looks so much better and fuller now. I’m not perfect about loving my body how it is, but I think the best thing I’ve done to love my body more at any size is buy really nice, well fitting clothes in my size, that fit my aesthetic. I get compliments on my outfits multiple times a week and I just feel like it helps me carry myself with confidence no matter my size. I’m a 16 now, give or take a size, and dressing in good quality, nicely fitting clothes gets me more compliments than just being thin ever did.

    2. I’m 43. I look like what I look like & I’ve never been any sort of beauty. I care about being healthy and what my body & mind can do, not what it looks like.

    3. Yup this is true. I happen to think my significant posterior is luscious and hot but also my face looks might nicer with natural fat as a filler than synthetics.

    4. I think it’s about finding that equilibrium for you – the weight that you can maintain, involves healthy activity and foods, that you like your body enough at, and that you like your face at. There’s so much emphasis on “loving your body” and I think we need to be okay with body neutrality – it’s healthy, it’s fine. No one is out there telling men they need to “love their bodies”.

    5. I think this is true unfortunately. I gained and then took off about 20lbs in my mid 30s after some health issues/job stress and I seriously feel like it aged my face 5-10 years. Looking into fillers/ulatherapy (go ahead and call me vain, I admit that I am) because I really hate the jowls and how drawn/tired I look despite my skin being in great shape.

      1. I am also jowly and am interested in treatments, so I would welcome a review if you try a procedure!

      2. I had Botox in my jaw for bruxism. Didn’t work very well for that but it did wonders for my jowls.

        1. Thanks for the feedback on Botox and sorry it didn’t work. My TMJ/bruxism dentist doesn’t recommend it but I was still hopeful.

    6. I’m the same age and my face looks better thin. I have a very sharp jawline and hollow cheeks. With more weight, I start to resemble Jigsaw. I know that it will sag as I get older (my family sags instead of wrinkles) but I will probably look into a mini lift at some point.

      1. I’m early 30s and have been through a couple of weight swings, and same: my face looks better thin. I don’t particularly care about my body size either way, as long as I’m able to do the things I want, but I have a baby face to start with and more fullness really doesn’t help.

        1. Same. When I’m thinner my nose looks smaller (how this works, I have no idea–I thought noses were all cartilage), and my delicate cheekbones and chin appear to have more structure. I don’t like the jowls, but I’m genetically doomed there.

    7. You don’t do anything with this information and you work towards accepting your body as it is (body neutrality not body positivity) and focusing on health and strength not looks.

      I’m in my 40s and while I have off days, generally have been able to get to this place after years of disordered eating FWIW and hatred of certain parts of my body/face.

    8. FWIW, I’ve read that an extra 15-20lbs can be healthy as you age. That is my mantra, lol.

      1. This is true for women over 65? I think! My mom was told that her ideal BMI at 68 is actually closer to 27 – something about the extra weight being beneficial for her bones or something of that sort? She gained 10 lbs and her doctor was much happier!

    9. I mean this is why injectables exist. I hate dieting and getting needles put in my face but being at my thinnest and having the doctor plump up my cheeks and lips is how I look best at this stage in life. (I’m currently at my heaviest weight ever and look terrible but there’s no confusion as to what I’d need to do to look better.) I think your quote is from a time when thin women couldn’t plump up their faces with a quick round of injectables.

      1. I mean, is this really true? All you have to do is take a look at some thin women in Hollywood who went overboard on the fillers to know that fillers often look far from natural (Courtney Cox is a good example, though I think as of late she’s put the brakes on them).

        1. Have you tried it? I’m not saying they cannot be done poorly or that more is better. But it’s the clear solution to the face vs*** problem for me. My mom had to choose btwn the two at 40; I don’t. A little dose of filler puts the youthful fullness back in my face when my weight is low. But then my low weight is normal 40 year old lady low weight; not Hollywood low.

    10. This is 100% true. I prefer to keep my body looking awesome and deal as best as I can with my face, which includes Botox and laser treatments. In the future, it will probably include fillers. But nothing makes me feel better in total than a strong, super fit body—both because I like how my body feels then and the tough workouts are basically physical and mental therapy for me. It probably helps that I’ve never had a particularly attractive face. While there was a brief period of decent in there, I felt like I went from 10 years of horrible acne to aging skin. So my expectations of my face have always been pretty low.

    11. I’m only 37 so maybe I haven’t seen as much age-related changes in my face but I’ve gained 15 pounds in Covid and I think my face looks much worse with the added weight. It looks round and puffy.

    12. I am going to suggest that the most important thing about weight is not how you look. It is how healthy you are. As long as you are at a weight that does not result in weight-related health issues and are eating healthy foods in moderation and getting exercise, your best weight is what you can maintain without agonizing about it.

      Having said that – I caution that losing weight post-menopause is really, really hard and many women gain 10-20 pounds. So take that into account in deciding what weight you want to be as you approach 40.

      But then I am solidly in my mid-50s and look like what I am – a women old enough (and who in fact has) a kid who is closer to the age of many of the posters on this board than I am. And I am fine with that.

    13. Ah, if only I could choose between my ass and my face. At my age (post meno) it all goes to my belly, which is less cute and hot than a phat ass.

      (Think about it, you don’t see any old ladies with junk in the trunk. We all have little (or big) squishy bellies.)

      2. Mid-30s and recent weight gain is alllllllll belly. I look 9 months pregnant. I hate it.

  12. Looking for a couples therapist in MA. Together nearly 20 years, everything generally very good, except we are at an impasse on s*x. My drive is about where it was when we met and were much younger, partner’s is … not. And we don’t have ways to communicate about it that are as productive as they could be. So it’s time to call in a third party for some help.

    1. I don’t know where in MA you are, but if around Boston, Rob Amos in Somerville is great.

  13. Best place to buy vitamins? I need b12/l-methyl folate and some others in relatively high potency (vitamin D, fish oil). I’d like to avoid amazon and buy directly from the manufacturer, and the fish oil in particular is a pain in the summer as it can get gummy/stick together.

    2. I buy mine at whatever box store I happen to be at but try to always buy Nature’s Made brand at the advice of my doctor.

    5. I take iwi algae oil (fish get their omega 3 from eating algae) and I’m really happy with it – it’s also better for the environment. I get a vitamin B/D and liquid iron from Mary Ruth’s Organics.

        1. +2

          Ask your doctor if they have a manufacturer they prefer. Otherwise, my docs recommended Costco.

  14. A friend’s mother passed away this week. My friend was estranged from her mom but it is important to her that she grieves with her siblings who had a closer relationship with their mother.
    My default whenever a friend loses someone close to them is to send flowers and a memorial donation but that doesn’t feel right here. Any advice on how to support or commemorate? Of course I am checking in regularly with my friend, I know that grief is not linear and that she might feel unexpected emotions.

    1. Maybe send a meal or food treat? She’s surely going through a lot and would be nice to be taken care of.

    2. A donation in your friend’s name to a cause she loves is one variation of your go-to. And you can send flowers. It seems like she wants to have a traditional grieving experience with family though she was estranged from her mom; knowing her friend sent flowers contributes to that grieving experience.

  15. Gift recs for husband who is starting the new year working for himself as a consultant. I’d love to break the pandemic gift cycle of quarter-zip/slippers/joggers and gift him something special but perhaps also functional. I gifted him a new headshot for his recent birthday. His work is largely remote, in our home office. Looking in 100ish range. Thanks all!

      1. It’s a little more, but I got my MIL one of those Ember mugs after a good friend highly recommended.

  16. I have to get glasses with very specialty custom lenses, but I get to pick the frames. Need the frames by Monday morning, which means online options are out. Recommendations for where to find cute frames in person? Preferably under $100? I’m in Chicago if that matters, I assume there are some big box store options though. TIA!

    2. I don’t love Warby Parker frames, but they are very inexpensive. I like Big City Optical — I think they have a very wide range of cute frames. They have a number of locations across the city.

  17. My leggings are about as warm as panty hose on my legs. Fine for indoors, but they are not cutting it for cold weather outdoors (maybe if I were sprinting, but not for a weekend stroll). What seriously warm leggings do you all have and recommend? Pear-shaped medium-sized adult, which is a challenge as my one attempt at flocked leggings had no give at all and was better suited for a child. Do I really need the ones that are $100 a pair?

    1. Buy good thermals and wear them under real pants, windproof ones if needed. Leggings don’t do squat for cold wind.

      1. +1. I know this isn’t answering OP’s question, but I find jeans to be significantly warmer than leggings. Particularly if you add thermals as Anon suggested (at cold, but not freezing temps, it isn’t even always necessary).

      1. I basically live in the Athleta altitude tights and the Old Navy fleece-lined leggings through the winter months

      2. +100, I wear these for cross-country skiing (temps in the single digits in the morning) and my legs have never complained.

    3. Baleaf fleece lined leggings. They tend to sell out so keep an eye on Am*zon, but they seriously are great (size up at least one size). I noticed recently that Old Navy has some as well, but I haven’t tried them.

      2. +2 I own 3 pairs! It’s a thicker legging than normal, more like sweatpant material.

    4. I decided not to get yoga pants and instead get the fleece lined straight leg pants that L.L. Bean sells. I am an enormous fan.

    6. Yeah, I think you’re going to need to buy some real pants. Legging are only ever going to be so warm. Get some hiking pants from REI and consider a base layer underneath. I have a pair of softshell pants from REI and they are so warm and comfortable and are even wind resistant.

    7. If it’s really cold you need two layers with some room for air between, so the outer layer needs to be not leggings.

  18. Any recommendations for plastic surgeons in Boston (or the northeast)? Looking for a rhinoplasty. Also would like to hear about your favorite injectors in the area. Thanks!

  19. Has anyone ever ordered from Maiden Home? Thinking of buying a sofa from there but I’ve never bought something like that without seeing it in person first.

    1. I ordered a couch from them and also a canopy bed. Overall it was a good experience. Fairly long lead time on delivery overall (16ish weeks), which was initially a 12 week wait then extended by 4 weeks. But otherwise, quality is good and colors consistent with the swatches etc.

  20. Any other Questioners here (in the Gretchen Ruben Four Tendencies sense)? What would you tell a Questioner who knows WHY she should work out but just can’t bring herself to do it?

    2. As a fellow questioner, I think the issue here is just that you don’t want to do it. You understand that there are benefits, but they don’t outweigh the costs, at least in the way your life is currently set up. As a questioner, outer accountability doesn’t help at all, but convincing myself that I enjoy exercising and want to do it is key. I think you need to figure out why you don’t want to exercise and then come up with ways to work around it. Are you short on time, too tired, hate certain kinds of exercise that you keep trying to force yourself to do? For me, energy levels are often a problem, so it’s easier if I exercise in the morning, and tell myself that it doesn’t matter what I do, I just need to do something every day, even just walking or stretching, for at least 15 minutes (once I start, I often do more). Once I’m in the habit, it’s much easier to keep up.

    3. I would ask her how she wants to feel, and what she needs to do to feel that way. For me, I want to feel strong and like I can handle the physical demands of travel and so I will cheerily work out, but that’s not because someone told me I should.

    4. Can you ease the barrier to e try if it helps motivate you? I put on my workout clothes first thing so I’m ready to work out before I start the workday, for instance.

      1. Great advice. Identifying barriers and then taking them apart to understand why might help. I’m a Questioner and my only response when people ask me how I manage to work out consistently is, “Why wouldn’t I?” (Plus, I love my guns.)

  21. Suggestions for dealing with a feeling of having missed the proverbial boat? I feel this way a lot, and it’s particularly manifesting in real estate. I’m prequalified but have been outbid. I fear that it is too late to purchase a condo or property because the market is crazy, and I’ll overpay if I’m even able to get an offer accepted. Then I beat myself up thinking I should have bought 5 or 10 years ago.

    2. The person I bought from in 2005 made over 100% profit from me, compared to what he paid. Then the market tanked, and I owed more than the house was worth for several years. Now I’d make about 40% profit if I sold.

      If you could time the market, you wouldn’t be worrying about buying a house. You’d be competing to build the next p3nis rocket for a daytrip to space.

    4. I thought I was buying at the peak in 2015 and had serous regret when I outbid 15 others to win. I’m laughing all the way to the Home Equity Bank right now. This is a normal feeling. Real estate values (in many, many markets) will continue to climb, even if there is a momentary cooling off due to some macroeconomic issue. You haven’t missed any boats!

    5. The townhouse we stayed in on vacation this year is now worth $1.3M according to Zillow. When we stayed in it last year it had just sold for $700k, which would have been within our reach. I am kicking myself about that! Kidding, sort of. I don’t really want the work of a vacation property. But it is kind of stunning how much this house appreciated in such a short time.

    6. I let myself feel regret, and kick myself in the pants a little bit. For a limited period of time (2 hours, 1 day, 1 week, etc.). Then I accept that since I can’t go back into the past and change my actions, continuing to beat myself up for something I can’t change isn’t very productive, and I let it go. It took me a long time to learn how to do this, but it’s been very helpful since I learned it.

    7. If this is intended to be a long term purchase that you live in for years, don’t worry about it.

  22. Gift idea for an 8th grade boy? We are getting him cash/gift card but want a small gift to go with it. Doesn’t like or play sports.

    <$25

    1. I would recommend some kind of food, or just stick with the gift card. By the time my son hit 8th grade, he really just wanted gift cards or cash. I had friends and family members try to give him “thoughtful small gifts,” they almost always ended up being donated in the next room clean-out. We even stopped trying to give him small gifts, unless they were something he had specifically picked out and sent us links to. Their interests can be very specific at that age and it’s hard to zero in on exactly the “right” thing even if you know generally what they’re into.

      1. +1. Fun or interesting snacks from an Asian grocery or similar store could be a hit.

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