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Updated: Aug 2, 2020 292 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Seersucker Pleated-Sleeve Split-Neck Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Every summer, I end up with one white blouse that gets worn into the ground. This seersucker split-neck top looks like it would be a great candidate. I like the slightly poufy sleeves — they’re fun without going overboard — and the striped material.

For work, I would wear this tucked into a pencil skirt or untucked with a pair of skinny ankle pants. For the weekend, I like the way this looks tucked into a pair of high-waisted shorts.

The top is $54.50 full price at Ann Taylor and available in regular sizes XXS–XL and petite sizes XXS–XL. Right now you can get 60–70% off everything on the site, which brings this down to $21.80. Seersucker Pleated-Sleeve Split-Neck Top

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

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About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Spin bike?

    Are there any avid spin class attendees here who can recommend a spin bike for home other than the Peloton? I’m looking for a less expensive alternative to the Peloton but I’m worried that a lot of the alternatives might feel cheep (wobbly, not smooth, no data output, etc.) after having done most of my spinning on fancy studio bikes.

    • Anon

      The blogger Hungry Runner Girl recommended a cheaper one that she said has held up for like ten years. You can find it by searching on her site.

    • LoudyTourky

      We bought a Keiser back in May. It was what I used at the gym pre-Covid. Only slightly less expensive, but I like that (1) it is commercial grade, (2) adjustable at multiple points, and (3) does not include a screen. A built-in screen just seems like an inevitable failure point. I also did not want to be locked in to one platform.

    • Anon

      Following!

      I bought a very cheap exercise bike ($90) in March when I thought the gym would just be closed for two months. I’ve now decided that I’m never going back to the gym and am looking to spend $300-400 on a nicer bike.

    • anonchicago

      I have a Peloton, and from what I’ve read the slightly less expensive options (Echelon, Nordic Trak) are terrible. Flywheel’s bike didn’t last long and it’s uncertain if Soulcycle’s will take off. If looking to save money, I would buy a Schwinn spin bike in the $500 range, then sign up for Peloton streaming and Zwift for metrics. I’ve seen good reviews for this, though it’s not the same experience as a fully immersive spin bike.

    • SG

      I bought a Schwinn IC3 during covid, I wanted the IC4 but it’s been on back-order for too long for me. I upgraded the seat and added a wahoo cadence cycle so I can use the peloton app (now on roku). The blog sipping and shopping (dot org) has some good info on a DIY bike setup. The peloton subreddit is another place I looked for info. I feel really secure on my Schwinn and can go out of saddle, do arms, stretch on it with confidence. My husband uses it too and we’re both not small people.

    • Anonymous

      Franish had a post on how to make your own peloton. She seemed pretty happy with it.

    • Nicole

      I got the Sunny SF-B1709 on sale at the beginning of shut down for $540. I noticed they come in and out of stock on their website so you have to keep checking. I always used Keiser bikes at my gym so it was a bit of a different feel but I got used to it and its very sturdy. It’s not as adjustable as Keiser but I’ve been using it with the Peloton app and have seen great results since April.

    • EM84

      I have Precor Spinner Chrono – it is stable, sturdy, super comfortable and has magnetic resistance. I was lucky to buy it for 1000€ from a gym gat used 20 of these bikes during a week-long event and then was selling them off. They usually go for 3-4000€. Mine came without computer and I don’t really care. I also have Les Mills on demand yearly subscription and do their The Trip workouts 3x week. I supplement it with core workouts (cxworx) and strength training (body pump). I also use free cycling training videos from GCN (on Yt), just to vary my spinning workouts.

    • EM84

      My answer got eaten…. I have Precor Spinner Chrono, which is stable sturdy and has a heavy magnetic flywheel. I use it 3x week following Les Mills The Trip videos, and from time to time also cycling training videos from GCN (free on YT). I supplement my workout regime with Les Mills core workouts (cxworx) and strength training (body pump).

  2. SW Matte Paint vs BM Flat Paint

    I have an old house with lots of plaster walls. They are painted in SW Matte Paint. I am used to BM Flat, where I could touch up spots with a roller easily (vs painting a whole wall); the lightish wall color never had dark spots. It was so good for soaking in to the inevitable cracks that developed seasonally at least with the plaster walls and the inevitable scuffs (kids, husband). With SW Matte, can I do that? Or do I need to tape up and paint the whole dang wall? And even if I do that, will that wall wind up getting darker (so I have to paint the whole room)?

    “They are the same thing” was what was told to me, but IDK that that is right and am hoping y’all unbiased people not trying to sell me paint may set me straight on this.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      They are the same!

      I’m a little worried about the “seasonal cracks” developing in your plaster though. My house’s plaster walls don’t do that, is that within the range of normal?

      • Anonymous

        It a house built on top of clay soil and one part settled significantly before we shored it up, so the house has breathed and flexed for a long time. It may be half paint in spots, but it is just how it is :)

  3. Ellen

    Elizabeth, this is such a cute outfit! I am going to the Hampton’s next weekend so I will have to go in Person to Ann Taylor to get this top. I think I will look cute in it and the manageing partner’s brother won’t really be able to peek and see much even tho it has a V neck.

    How is the rest of the hive dealing with the hot weather in NYC? I personally have not spent much time there b/c Dad has me out on LI where he can keep tabs on me. I will go with Rosa when she brings the kids out this weekend and get this top.

  4. Anon

    I currently live by myself in a major city in a condo that I own and am in my mid thirties. I’m thinking about moving out of the city and buying a house in a suburb with decent public transportation into the city (for when we hopefully, eventually return to working in offices.) This would give me more space, let me get a pet, and would be a better investment financially. My monthly mortgage payment on a house would be similar to my current mortgage/HOA fees. I’m worried about taking on a house all by myself. I don’t know much at all about home maintenance (though I can handle yard work) and living alone worries me a little. In some ways it also feels like if I move out of the city I’d be giving up on finding a partner which is something I really want, though living in the city hasn’t really led to finding a partner so far anyway. Has anyone considered a similar decision? Opinions? Considerations?

    • Anonymous

      FWIW, I bought a condo and a house and moved cities and bought another house single, starting in my late 20s. I got married. We both owned houses; we sold both and got another house (but in my ‘hood).

      You can ask your neighbors re house stuff. They will know. They will have people. You can do this.

    • Moonstone

      I love my house but it does require an investment of time. This is the first year I have enjoyed the yardwork, because it’s the first time my commute has not sucked up 2 hours every weekday. It’s OK to have a 5-year plan for improvements (inside and outside) and not try to do everything at once.

    • BeenThatGuy

      I took on a house all by myself, as a single mother in my early 30’s. I was terrified at first. Things to consider: try and get a good handy-person to have on standby. When all else fails, YouTube. During the pandemic, I wound up doing some plumbing repairs by myself, thanks to YouTube, because I wasn’t comfortable asking my handy-man to come over. Also, I hire out landscaping. For me, it’s worth the investment because I have zero interest in cutting grass. Planting flowers, yes. Edging, no. To offset the monthly cost, I choose to clean myself. Mostly because I enjoy that. Lastly, like the other poster suggested, make friends with your neighbors. They can be a great resource and it’s nice to be able to ask a neighbor to pull in your mail or water your flowers when you away, instead of hiring that out.

    • Anon

      There are a lot of home buyers like you. When you talk to your real estate agent, explain what you are looking for. In my city, there are quite a few developments of tall skinnys and town houses that have HOAs/no yards, so the HOA would handle the yardwork and most major maintenance issues with your hourse. There are also freestanding houses in neighborhoods with no yards. NextDoor would also be a great way to find maintenance people. Just try to buy something relatively new that will not need a ton of work.

    • Anon

      I was single for most of my 30s and bought my own place at 34. I think it is workable – I was also worried about house repairs etc, but as others have said, you can find people to help with things like that. And a change of scenery and potentially new friends (and their friends) may help you meet new people! You could always make sure that you make an effort to stay involved with things in the city to keep those connections too. Good luck!

    • Anon

      So I had a condo before I got married, now we have a city flat and a country cottage and I’ve always handled all the home stuff. My husband isn’t handy at all, stuff goes wrong in anything you own (just different things). I considered moving out of the condo when I was single – there were a lot of the newly divorced dad types in the burbs. For unrelated reasons I didn’t move, but I don’t think it would have made a difference. I still worked in the city and dated a lot straight from the office after work. I think you should live the life you want and factors like burbs/city don’t change much of your dating pool.

    • Senior Attorney

      I bought two houses as a single woman and highly recommend it!

      In addition to all the excellent advice you’ve already received, I’d suggest getting referrals for things like handypersons and gardeners from your realtor. Mine has a list she put out periodically. Also I’ve had good luck with Angie’s List dot com.

      As for the “giving up on finding a partner” thing, I bought and renovated my last house with the idea I’d live in it by myself forever. And no sooner was it finished than I moved out to marry my new husband! So … you never know what life has in store for you!

    • Anon

      Not the opinion you’re looking for, necessarily: it’s not really any harder to find someone in the suburbs of a city as it is when living in the city. There’s no rule saying that you must commute home immediately or spend the weekends doing events exclusively in your ZIP code.

      For the ten years between law school and marriage, I lived in the suburbs of a large East Coast city. I worked in the city and other suburbs. During that time, I was in several long-term relationships and, when between relationships, dated very frequently. As far as I know, no one who would have asked me out at happy hours or political events failed to do so because I was driving home to the suburbs instead of walking home to an apartment or condo.

  5. Is this TMJ?

    I am crazy stressed and over the past couple weeks have developed some intermittent pain on one side of my face. Sometimes it’s around my temple or back of jaw, sometimes in my cheek and even eye socket, sometimes in my actual teeth, or feels like it’s in the sinus (but no congestion)…a feeling of pressure and/or tired muscle cramp feeling.

    Does this sound familiar to anyone who has had TMJ issues before? I’m pretty scared to go to the dentist right now and hoping it will just go away…

    • Anon

      Could be TMJ. My TMJ and eye twitches always flare up when I’m stressed. You could try a magnesium supplement – supposed to help with eye twitches, jaw clenching/grinding… (most adults are deficient).

      They also sell over the counter mouthguards/biteguards you can mold yourself at home – not as good a doctor-made one, but perhaps a temporary solution. (If you have TMJ this is likely the treatment your doctor will provide to you)

    • Veronica Mars

      That’s not consistent with how my TMJ developed, but you should consider seeing a specialist, because it does just get worse if you leave it untreated. My jaw got so inflamed that I wasn’t able to chew my food. It was horrible. One quick and dirty test I do to see if my jaw is tensing up is to check with my thumb (place it straight back past the teeth, palm facing up). If it’s inflamed, you can feel the tendon connecting your TMJ to the mandible. When I’m really bothered, that tendon is very hard and unmovable (and if I do the at-home TMJ massages I can get it a bit more relaxed with continued pressure). When it’s less bothered, I can’t really feel it (and I can often tell my left side is fine and my right is acting up).

    • PNW

      Could be TMJ, but you might also look into getting a good massage that targets the shoulder and neck. I had what you describe (like sinus/eye pressure but no other sinus symptoms, and temple headaches) and also a chronic tight shoulder/neck muscle. When I saw the LMP, she treated the shoulder/neck and the other issues resolved as well. There’s a nerve in the neck that feeds that area of the face. Took about 3 or 4 good hour long sessions of targeted massage but it hasn’t come back.

    • Anon

      I think TMJ should really be more in the joint. As someone with chronic migraine and major neck pain, this pain is pretty familiar to me and seems more like the pain that gets triggered by issues with my neck, maybe trigger points in the sternocleiomastoid? You can look up self massage techniques for that and see if you get any relief. If you also have any light sensitivity or nausea, I’d think about migraine as a possible cause as well. I do wear a dentist made night guard, which isn’t for TMJ but just to protect against clenching, but that helps more specifically with jaw and teeth pain than the rest of what you describe.

  6. Chang Jobs

    Asking for a friend (for real): Are you putting your job searching plan on hold because of Covid? Friend (F) has been in the current job for 2 years now and really hates it (to the extent it brings them down every morning). F wants to change careers to something they have been doing in their spare time (think: STEM related hobbies like engineering etc.) and are confident they would be happier doing that and could find a job. Back in spring, F held off making any changes as everything was moving quickly. Now that it seems that we have to stay in this new normal for at least until the end of the year, they want to make a move. Would you do it now or would you wait?

    • Hollis

      Why wait? Anyone who hates their job should try and look for other, better opportunities. I know several people who changed jobs during this time, including myself, and are so much happier for it. Some places aren’t hiring but he won’t know that until he starts applying.

    • Change Jobs

      Sorry for the typo! “Change” of course. One follow-up – If F wants to quit the current job so they have time to look, do you think that is good idea?

    • gouda

      It can be very hard to move into STEM with no formal accreditation. I’ve seen self-taught software developers, but honestly that’s it. Could your friend take an online class or two now? I’m not saying this is fair, but it’s the reality on the ground. In what part of STEM is your friend interested?

    • Anonymous

      The reason “why wait” is if the economy continues to tank and the current job offers some degree of stability. Worst thing would be to leap and then find new job disappear in a few months either because of cuts (newest are usually most vulnerable) or if new company folds. No one wants to have to look for a job in a Depression. Or even if new job is stable but turns out to be awful as well, you may find the job market even harder. Making being stuck not just something where you think you could be happier elsewhere but where you actively hate every single moment. Sometimes the enemy you know is best. I’m old enough to have been through job searches after 9/11 and during the Recession. And you absolutely do not want to quit a job right now with nothing lined up. That is TERRIBLE advice. You may think a long job search won’t happen to you, but it’s so easy to end up there in a down market.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      Do it now, I don’t think the economy will improve anytime soon, and it might get worse. And if you’re miserable in your job, the answer to, “when should I start looking for a new one?” is almost always right now!

    • anon

      So I actually understand what your friend is going through. I hate my job but I also know that I am at zero risk of being laid off or taking a pay cut, and my employer has done everything right throughout the pandemic (e.g., no rush to bring people back from WFH, giving us money to set up our home offices, hiring a medical/public health professional to guide our return plans, etc.) Because of that, I’m staying put until things normalize.

    • Anon

      Yes, I am. But I’m probably in a different position than your friend. I was laid off at the beginning of the pandemic (company was already financially unstable pre-pandemic). I talked to a couple of industry contacts about new positions and both were anxious to have me, but both were 5 days/week in the office, no-exceptions cultures.

      Since then both have gone remote due to government orders, but short of government orders they planned to stay open and did not allow WFH ever. I turned down one position, was prepared to turn down the other but now it is “on hold” and will likely be eliminated.

      I think the chances of me finding a fully remote full time job in my field and at my level are slim, so I decided to start consulting. I formed an LLC and did all the filings, and I am getting work here and there. It’s not the same as my old income, but I’m also working fewer hours. It’s a worthwhile trade off for me. I can sustain this for the rest of my career, as I’m within 5 years of when I hoped to retire anyway. The thing that’s killing me is healthcare costs!

  7. securitization

    Does anyone here work in it, either on the client side or at BigLaw (or Big4)? How bad, really, is it? People trot out working moms, etc., but I’ve heard horror stories of overnight shifts. I am guessing I shouldn’t drink the kool-aid here.

    • Anon

      These thoughts are regarding non-COVID times. I’ve worked in BigLaw and Big4. I think lifestyle for working mom’s is much better at Big4. Big4 tends to be more technology focused, which means it’s easier to work from home. There are entire groups/practice areas that work at the client site or travel constantly, so culturally there is less of a “facetime” element. I think the WFH flexibility (in non-COVID times) is a huge benefit. Also, the more senior you are, the more flexibility you have with regard to what work you actually do and the hours you keep. Of course, you are expected to be a professional and get the work done, so you may be busier at certain times than at others.

    • Anonymous

      Are you asking about working specifically on securitization on biglaw/big 4? If so, here is my perspective from BigLaw. I worked mostly representing the underwriter, and occasionally a loan seller. I am also a CRE attorney and not a finance attorney, but work really closely with my finance colleagues on these items. So, I looked at a certain sample of mortgage loans as a spot check , reviewed lots of data tapes from loan sellers to make sure certain items were disclosed, and reviewed and commented on large loan summaries for the top 15 ish loans being sold. It’s much, much worse when you are either issuer’s counsel or loan seller’s counsel. Loan seller because you’re constantly chasing your client for information and confirming it’s correct. I’ve never been issuer’s counsel, but that job seems terrible (based on my conversations with them). As you get closer to the print date, there are tons of overnight shifts, and things always go until 3 in the morning.

      This was always my least favorite work I did as a junior, and I’m much happier doing acquisitions, dispositions and asset management for my fund clients.

      • Anonymous

        Can you comment more re what you are doing now and how you transitioned into that. I barely understand your sentence (but zoomed in on HAPPIER) and I’m a native English speaker (but new to attorney-speak).

        • Anonymous

          Sure! Just to clarify – I am a commercial real estate attorney (not a finance attorney). It sounds like you’re just getting started in the whole thing (apologies if I’m wrong), so for further explanation, the lion’s share of work on these CMBS securitization deals at law firms is done by finance attorneys. Sometimes, the work I did is actually done by finance attorneys (and not RE attorneys). It would depend on the firm and attorneys running it.

          My last sentence basically means that I prefer buying and selling properties for my real estate fund clients, and then, during the client’s ownership of a property like an office building, I like working on the management of these real estate assets – leases, easements, common area agreements/declarations.

          Unfortunately, I don’t have much advice for how I transitioned. The client we did the underwriter securitization deals thought our firm charged too much, so the finance partner who managed that relationship stopped getting the work. I filled my time with other work that was purchase and sale agreements for buying or selling properties for other clients. This was work that the other partners in my group had, so as the securitization slowed down, I was asked to do this other work. I don’t know how much you know about commercial real estate, but basically people tend to fall into one of three categories – leasing, real estate finance (usually means representing lenders on originating commercial mortgage loans), or a “dirt” attorney (you are buying or selling a property, usually no loans are involved, generally don’t get involved in leasing…). I am a “dirt” attorney (like 80% of what I do) but do some leasing and some mortgage loan work. So I really enjoy looking at the property, looking at title insurance commitments, negotiating purchase and sale agreements, stuff like that. Some people far prefer the finance aspect of real estate and enjoy originating commercial mortgage loans for lenders.

          If there’s a way to be at the more commercial real estate end of the finance group (vs. when they securitize receivables (whatever the heck that means, I am never able to understand what how this works!). Feel free to post a burner email and I can answer any other questions.

    • Anon

      I worked in securitization as my first job out of b-school, at a hedge fund. We both invested in and securitized RMBS. I have also worked in capital markets as a lawyer.

      A few thoughts–while securitization is not going away, there are fads as to what is more or less in fashion to securitize–car loans, credit-card receivables, residential mortgages, commercial RE loans, payment streams from random things…etc. You can be very specialized very fast in one product, and then because of interest rate moves or macro trends, that product is less in fashion, which is…not great for the career. OTOH, the basic concept of securitization is the same.

      The actual offering documents and mechanics are both fascinating and boring at the same time. It’s cool to see how you can slice up cash flows and rate them and make them attractive to so many different types of investors. But also–the offering memoranda and underlying documents – security agreements, indentures, loan docs, what have you–are very technical and boring (and I say this as a a lawyer who likes to read the fine print).

      And from a lifestyle perspective, issuing/reviewing/diligencing/comforting those long documents can be very tedious. So yes, the lifestyle can be very bad. And yes, there would likely be all-nighters at the printer unless your client is a serial issuer, repeat counsel etc., and really has their securitization machine fully dialed (which is rare).

    • T

      I worked securitization deals while at a Big 4. Yes, it’s busy, yes, there are some all-nighters or near all-nighters, but as a modeler I didn’t think I worked as much as the bankers or lawyers. It’s also variable and market-driven, so the busy periods are cyclical. I definitely worked more hours overall while doing M&A work. Big 4 in general is “friendly” to working moms in that there is great mat leave/benefits. Agree with point below that Big 4 is also more tech/WFH friendly.

  8. Masks

    I saw something this morning re some celebrity who caught COVID after not wearing her mask once. I appreciate the sentiment in urging people to wear masks to stay well. But I am also thinking that that’s not necessarily an accurate causation story (just correlation). The masks protects others, not the wearer. So not wearing a mask might expose your a bit more, but if is a mere “face covering mask,” it’s not providing a lot of protection anyway. It is just as likely that the COVID was acquired on a masked day. I’m not expecting epidemiology from a celebrity, but I hadn’t had my caffeine yet and my mind went into a rant.

    Y’all: wear masks. We’ll figure out what is really going on and laugh about this in the future. In the meantime, mask up!

      • Anon

        Yes. Most masks are not adequate PPE for health care workers (plenty of studies on this). But they’re not 0% protection either! Some of them are easily 50% which is a lot more than nothing.

        • nottheop

          Yes, but since she only forgot he mask once her exposure from mask wearing times still probably outweighed that one maskless outing. For example, if she had 9 hours out and about, 1 of which was unmasked, her exposure while masked is still outnumbers unmasked exposure 4:1. (She was masked for 8 hours, and unmasked for 1. The 1 hour had twice the exposure risk, so call it 2. Thus 8:2 = 4:1).

          • Anonymous

            Transmission is not that straightforward. Inside vs outside when masked and unmasked matters. If inside+ unmasked it is more likely she caught it when unmasked compared to if she was outside+masked. If she was outside+ unmasked vs inside + masked, it’s less clear. I’m not sure where you got your ‘twice the exposure risk number’. Per UC Davis “We do know social distancing reduces the risk of transmitting the virus by 90 percent, and wearing masks decreases the risk by 65 percent.” For example, if she was social distancing while masked outdoors, it’s extremely unlikely she got it while masked. There are just too many variables to be able to say that it’s 4:1 that she got it while masked. Time (duration), space (distanced vs not) and place (inside vs outside) are all factors in addition to masks. She knows her own circumstances and said the hour without the mask was how she got it. She can’t know that for 100% certain but she has a lot more info about her location/distancing while masked vs unmasked than a random internet stranger does so I don’t see any basis you’ve put forward to doubt her assertion.

    • Anon

      They do protect the wearer as well, not least by reducing viral load exposure, which can lead to milder illness. Google it and look for the UC Davis research.

      • Anonymous

        This. Cloth/disposable masks don’t prevent covid like N95s do but the cloth/disposable masks do offer protection for the wearer against some of the droplet transmission.

    • Anonymous

      I think that is a silly story. But I also think it is silly to think masks do not protect the wearer. They do. They reduce by some amount the particles the wearer breathes in and also protect the wearer from putting sullied hands directly on their nose and mouth area. They don’t provide 100% protection to anyone, but it is pretty clear that reducing viral load is important if we can’t avoid exposure altogether.

    • Anonymous

      Did you see the story about a Swiss (I think?) hotel where there was a large outbreak and the people wearing face shields got COVID while those wearing masks does not? You can look up the porosity of different materials, they prevent some percentage of COVID 19 sized particles but not all.

  9. Layla

    Frivolous post for distraction-where do you buy your casual/work/athletic clothing and shoes? One side-effect of spending all of this time at home has been a major culling of my wardrobe, and am now left with only a handful of items. I’m in my mid-thirties and feel like everything formerly reliable stores are leaving me empty handed.

    • Anonymous

      Lilly Pulitzer, for athletic wear (Luxletic)? It is aspirational for my wallet, but I splurged on an item recently that made me happy (and my tween is eyeing to “borrow”). If I am WFH and not on camera with a client, I want to be comfy (yes) and not look as dour as I often feel.

      I haven’t worn Lilly since my honeymoon, but it really was something that resonated with me now (otherwise, I wear it listening to rap and 80s metal and don’t feel a contradiction; I contain multitudes, apparently).

    • Cb

      For athletic stuff (yoga, cycling, walking): I’ve had Gap leggings that I’ve worn 1x a week for 4 years (including pregnancy) and they look new. I have some really nice casual tshirts from Uniqlo as well as AIRism SPF sweatshirts, and am liking Gaiam leggings with big phone pockets, which were a TJMaxx find.

    • Anonymous

      Honestly, I’ve been really happy with some of the Amazon athletic clothing purchases I’ve made. Core10 seems solid. Some of the random brands have been good too.

    • anon a mouse

      I feel you, and I also worry that it’s going to be even harder to find things because I don’t know when I’ll want to be browsing and trying things on in stores again.

      I rely a lot on Gap/Athleta for basics and Boden/Anthropologie for casual clothes that feel a little more special. It’s not always easy, though — I spend time sorting through the sites, reading reviews and checking measurements, and I still return more than half of what I buy.

    • Anon

      My casual shoes 9 months of the year are Sperrys. For athleisure, Columbia (yep, the outdoor brand) has cute basics. For casual clothes, I love the Crown & Ivy brand at Belk.

    • Anon from 9:08

      Casual/ work – Old Navy, Uniqlo, LOFT, occasional forays into Express, American Eagle, even Aeropostale since I’m petite. My workplace is very casual so I don’t really have a separate work wardrobe. A couple of more formal blouses and a suit to wear once a year, but that’s about it.

      Athletic – Athleta for the strenuous exercise, Old Navy and GapFit for yoga and neighborhood walk type of exercise.

    • Anon

      Early 30’s here.

      Athletic stuff: Nike, Lululemon (both still have the best quality around, IMO), Alo Yoga
      Pajamas/Loungewear: Lake, White Company, (just got a new bathrobe from Parachute and it’s so nice)
      Work/casual clothes (my [used to be…] work wardrobe is casual, so for me these categories are interchangeable): Rebecca Taylor (blouses, suiting, blazers, dresses), Vince (sweaters, pants), Theory (blouses, blazers, sweaters), Club Monaco, DVF (dresses), Tory Burch, Maje, Equipment (blouses), LK Bennett (dresses, blazers), Hobbs London (suiting, dresses, coats), J.crew (quality items on rare occasion), Reiss (suiting, dresses, coats; quality isn’t as good as it used to be), Citizens of Humanity and Jbrand (jeans)

      Lately I haven’t bought many clothes, but have been trying to buy from smaller/more independent brands

    • Anonymous

      I have a lot of Athleta, but since the pandemic I’ve bought multiple bootcut yoga pants and t-shirts from New York & Company that have been perfect for my pandemic life.

      • anon

        I shoped at NY&Co a ton in my twenties. Then all of the stores around here closed, and I regularly forget about it as an option. Might need to look into that!

    • Hollis

      For athletic clothes and sneakers, I basically wear only under armour stuff. It’s not the cheapest, but the quality is great and I find I reach for the same UA t shirts, joggers, shorts, etc so the cost per wear is lower than my Nike or lululemon or gap or old navy stuff.

      • anon

        I feel the same way about my Athleta workout gear. It’s the stuff I want to wear the most, so it ends up being worth it for me. My Target and ON workout gear always seems like a good idea when it’s purchased but it lingers at the bottom of the drawer until the good stuff is in the laundry.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Early 30s. I get pretty much everything at TJMaxx or Marshalls (so, lots of brands), Old Navy, Sierra Trading Post and Target. I get most of my work pants and sometimes sweaters at LOFT. 6pm for shoes.

    • Amber

      Has anyone tried the Zyia Active line? I just bought something from a Facebook party (haven’t gotten it yet) and have been on the fence about hosting my own party to get some freebies.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I buy most of my shoes at Nordstrom since they have a wide selection that’s easy to search and a good return policy. I buy my shoes for working out at a local running store.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        For some reason I honed in only on the shoes part of your question… I’m in my mid 30s and honestly, I buy most of my clothing at Nordstrom (for the same reasons I buy my shoes there).

    • Anon

      I just wear old stuff I should have thrown away years ago. I have a tank top I bought for 3 euros at a H&M in Germany 10 years ago that I wear around the house, I have shirts from Old Navy from 13 years ago that look remarkably decent, I have Fair Isle sweaters from the 1950s-60s I inherited from family, and I’m currently wearing Gap leggings that were hand-me-downs from my aunt. When I’m around the house, I prefer not to spend a ton or project any kind of “image.” When I’m out and about, I tend to shop at REI for casual, functional clothes that I use for walking around town. Then I have more technical gear for backpacking, but I use hand-me-downs there whenever I can. My favorite backpacking shorts are from Patagonia and were hand-me-downs from the same aunt; sadly, they don’t make the style anymore.

    • NY CPA

      I am living in a constant rotation of stretchy jersey dresses from LLBean and Loft this summer and absolutely loving it. Loft dresses are all old, but LLBean dress still available (“summer knit dress”). SO COMFORTABLE. Too casual for anything but casual Fridays in the office, but these are perfect for WFH.

    • Jeffiner

      My work closet is slowly morphing into a Boden catalog, and I have a lot of their casual clothes as well. J. Crew is also a staple for me. I like LL Bean and Duluth Trading Company for shorts, and tend to buy graphic tees from small businesses. I do have a huge whole in my wardrobe when it comes to athletic clothing.

  10. Elegant Giraffe

    Gift suggestions? This group is so great at that. I work in K-12 public education. This summer I stipended five junior employees to manage our summer school program. As you might guess, this was a pretty complicated task this summer in particular, and they did an outstanding job. They’ve all worked together before and are a close group. I wish I could take them out for a group lunch but that’s off the table. What sort of token of appreciation can I give them? Budget is $150 total. I’ve already given them a couple of smaller items throughout the summer. I cannot give cash/gift cards/alcohol. And yes, I’ve offered to serve as a mentor and sponsor, write rec letters, etc and I intend to keep up my relationship with them through the school year.

    • Layla

      I feel like hand sanitizer/disinfecting wipes are my new luxury items as an educator (ha), so perhaps my perspective is skewed but: a reasonably priced but nicer refillable pen, Moleskine journal, a favorite book of yours relevant to their field with an inscription, or a small, cool plant like a succulent.

      • Elegant Giraffe

        hahaha Sanitizer is absolutely our new luxury item!!! Sad isn’t it? Maybe The Knowledge Gap with an inscription plus any sanitizer I can manage to find…that’s a great idea. Have you read that book yet? So good.

        • Layla

          I haven’t checked it out-thanks for the recommendation! So thoughtful of you to get these gifts for your junior employees.

    • Anonymous

      Like college age? I’d suggest a Hydroflask. Maybe a sticker for it that has the district’s logo?

    • Brainstormer

      Gift card to a restaurant (some cards are valid for 5 restaurants, etc.), gift card to movies (they’ll open up eventually, and some of your employees may be excited for that), bath and body works products, chocolate basket, etc. All of these can be delivered to their house or arranged for reasonable pickup.

    • Marie

      Perhaps, nice tea or locally roasted coffee accompanied by a handwritten note commending them on their work and thanking them for their efforts this summer.

    • Elegant Giraffe

      Thanks everyone – I am awful at gifts and always get great ideas here.

    • IL

      One of the most-used gifts I’ve received from work is a portable powerbank/battery for my phone. Very useful and much appreciated!

    • Education

      I work in public ed and we can’t accept gifts that are more than a nominal amount in my state. Are you sure this is okay?

      Here’s what I do (and most of this costs nothing): send an email to whomever they report to about the outstanding job they did, write them each a note of sincere thanks highlighting their specific individual contributions, and let them know I’m happy to write them any letters of recommendation they might need for the future, since letters are so important in our field for grad school or other employment. In the before times, I would also buy lunch, but that’s out.

  11. anon

    Any recommendations for water-based foundation primers? As I near 40, I’ve noticed how much better my makeup looks (and wears) when I wear a primer, but I don’t love how the silicone types feel on my skin. And, if anyone has good makeup tips for women in their early 40s, share those, too! My milestone day is now just a few weeks away and I’m treating myself to some new makeup/skincare stuff. My primary issues are sensitivity, dark circles and fine undereye lines.

    • Formerly Lilly

      Juice Beauty’s Phyto Pigments Illuminating Primer. I’ve had good luck with this, though I would qualify that by saying that I wear it without foundation over it most of the time, and when I do use a foundation it is the similar foundation product from Juice Beauty. Several years ago I had to move away from skincare and makeup that contains silicone, dimethicone, or anything else ending in -cone due to the fact that these ingredients cause cystic acne for me and where once upon a time they seemed to be limited to cheap products they are now pervasive. It’s hard to find products without them. I would also recommend browsing the Petit Vour webs!te for primers.

    • Anon

      I haven’t tried it but Thrive Brilliant Face Brightener seems to be void of silicones. I ordered some other products from them and will report once I get them but maybe others have tried and can comment.

    • RW

      Too faced hangover replenishing face primer and smashbox primerizer are my two favorites.

    • Anon

      Drunk Elephant B-Hydra Intensive Hydration Serum is silicone-free and works extremely well as a primer. It’s also not very expensive, especially when compared to the rest of the drunk elephant line.

  12. Anon

    I loved this article in yesterday’s NYT about how the pandemic is finally letting some kids (by effectively forcing their parents…) engage in the kind of risky, self-led play that leads to greater resilience, confidence, physical fitness, and independence. Small bright spot during these troubled times and I thought I’d share! Would love to hear what your kids have been up to this summer or if you don’t have kids, what’s something fun you did as a kid that probably wouldn’t be allowed today?

    https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/21/parenting/risky-play.html?action=click&module=Editors%20Picks&pgtype=Homepage

    • Anon

      As a kid I went into the forest for hours! I would collect frogs and trilliums and any other interesting critters or plants. I would also pick (and eat) all the wild black berries. I’d bike for hours through the trail system. I would end up 10 miles over in a different city some times! Once I did get stuck in quick sand which was a little traumatic but nothing else bad ever happened.

    • Cb

      My son (3) has gotten so much better at independent play, mostly because we’ve had to ignore him more. I’ve also noticed the older kids in the neighbourhood running around a lot more.

    • Layla

      Loved that article. I let my older elementary aged children stay home for the first time (called to check in) while I ran a 15-minute errand (by their age, I was staying home and babysitting my younger sibling), have told them to get their water bottles, books, etc. and spend at least an hour or two in the yard/exploring the small amount of woods behind our house, and have encouraged them to make their own lunch and practice safely cutting fruit and vegetables with a real knife. Wish I felt comfortable letting them ride their bikes around or walk to town, but feel like people drive way too fast or are distracted with their phones.

    • Anonymous

      My 2.5 year old (the youngest) now scales the 7-ft climbing wall up into the play structure in our backyard. Partly a function of his personality and birth order, partly pandemic-induced lack of supervision. His oldest brother spent his toddlerhood in the city and could barely climb stairs unassisted at that age. My oldest kids (7 and 5) go out for 10-minute bike or scooter rides by themselves. This seems risky every time I let them out into the world but writing it here, it seems pretty minor!

    • Anon

      I found it an encouraging read. I think that a lot of kids will come away with good skills and improved self-confidence this year, even if they can’t be physically at school.

      As for myself, I skied my first double black before the age of 10 and could play unsupervised in the large yard from about 5 on. I did climb up a 30 foot tree and receive a scolding, though. My friends and I climbed more trees later and also had a memorable food fight birthday party. The father of my best friend bought Costco-size tubs of pudding and Jell-O and had everyone over to have a massive food fight in the yard. I don’t think you’d see that today, but it was epic.

    • Anonymous

      What is: perceived as trashy if you’re poor but classy and interesting if you’re privileged?
      I’m being a little flip here, obviously, but here’s hoping that covid forcing parents’ hands will banish that perception. (Sadly, probably not – it’s been pretty clear from some of the conversations here and some of what I’ve seen in daily life, that humans cannot help but judge each other.)

      • Anonymous

        Yes — sort of like some cavemen picked up sticks and dug and built things; other cavemen picked up sticks and hit each other.

        • Anon

          I don’t disagree that there are important equity issues at play here and that there have been several highly disturbing incidents where black mothers were punished for letting their kids play unattended, but also, can we just enjoy a fun thread without bringing it down with a sh*tpost that doesn’t even really get into the issue?

      • anon

        What the heck are you implying here? I’ve read this several times and do not understand the point you’re trying to make.

        • Anon

          Hijacking a fun thread about outdoor time for kids or memories of outdoor time for the childless readers. Can’t a thread be left at it’s innocent intention without becoming a political statement.

        • pugsnbourbon

          The way I understand it – it’s similar to the way rich people live in “tiny houses” whereas poor people live in “trailers.” Same concept, but with vastly different cultural connotations.

          When it comes to childhood play – kids from poorer families engage in so-called risky play because the “usual scheduled activities and adult supervision” referenced in the article aren’t available to them, for a number of reasons. When poor kids play unsupervised, it’s seen as a problem that needs solving; when kids from rich families do, it’s viewed as a wise developmental choice.

          • anon

            Yep if you’re rich, your kids are “free range.” If you’re poor, they’re “neglected.”

          • cbackson

            There’s a lot of interesting variation in all of this, because my mom’s experience (as someone who taught in Title 1 schools for 40 years) was that her students often had incredibly limited opportunity for certain types of free play. They often lived in unsafe neighborhoods and didn’t have access to outdoor space (or outdoor space that was protected from traffic) due to living in apartments, so after school they typically remained inside under the care of a neighbor or older sibling (she taught littles – K and 1st). There might be less supervision but practically speaking what they could do in terms of play was very limited. They weren’t helicopter parented because their parents simply couldn’t helicopter even if they wanted to, but they didn’t get the type of free play that people are envisioning in these convos.

      • Anon

        How in the world did you get class and privilege message from an article about child self-play? Children self-play or don’t at all income levels for a variety of reasons (not least of which being only children). Chill tf out.

      • Seventh Sister

        Especially when my kids were little (but even now), I have an immense amount of privilege in terms of what I allow my kids to do as a b*tchy white lady.

        My toddler escaped my house and was about to cross a busy street (in a soggy diaper and pajamas). He was brought back to our house by a set of young women out jogging who thought he was hilarious (I was horrified and apologetic). No harm, no foul.

        When I lost my temper at a woman in a parking lot and encouraged her to call CPS because I’d left my older-elementary children in an unlocked car for 5 minutes, I didn’t really 1) expect her to call CPS or 2) think anything would come of it if a social worker really did show up.

        If there is anything good that comes of this pandemic in the US, it should be that 1) parents are doing the best they can, 2) kids are more capable than people think, and 3) the Karens need to stop helicoptering all of the children.

      • LaurenB

        “What is: perceived as trashy if you’re poor but classy and interesting if you’re privileged?”

        Did I stumble into AskReddit instead of Corporette?

        • Anon

          The comments have been steadily devolving on this site for some time. See, e.g. yesterday’s obesity post where OP had to know she was tr*lling and got the reactions she wanted.

          • anon

            Tr*lling doesn’t mean “POV I dislike and wish I could forbid people from talking about.”

        • anon

          This was actually from a tweet that went viral last night. Not sure why this commenter felt the need to shoehorn it into this discussion today.

    • anon

      My 10-year-old is home this summer with no camps or daycare. He has learned how to be bored. Half the time I have no clue what he’s up to, other than listening to the Hamilton soundtrack on repeat and drawing in his room. He loves doing “research” of any kind. I see this as a really healthy development; I had so much time to myself as a kid and it served me well. I still have to force him to go outside, which I don’t love, but it is what it is. He seems very happy-go-lucky. Also, he is learning lots of valuable life and home management skills. He is vacuuming and sweeping, sorting his own laundry, often makes his own lunches, and whatever else needs to be done (according to me).

      My 5-year-old has returned to preschool, but I think she’s greatly benefited by our looser schedule. If I finish up early, I’ll pick her up early and head to the park. We never used to do that stuff. She, too, has become better at independent play. She is helping me in the garden and told me last night that when she grows up, she wants to “take care of all the plants in the world.”

    • anon

      My 5 year old became increasingly anxious due to the stay at home order. There were no risky places for him to play, and no kids for him to play with. His play became limited to 2-3 toys and had obsessive -compulsive tendencies. He was miserable and angry all the time.

      We put him in camp in June, and things have been much better. He is generally happier and not angry all the time. He still has some pretty major anxiety–this morning, he hid under the covers and wouldn’t get dressed and told me he was “scared and worried and sad.” He couldn’t explain why.

      He “sees,” via telehealth, two psychologists and a psychiatrist. He’s been in therapy for about 2 years, and I’d estimate this has set him back a year. There is no silver lining.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        I’m so sorry, anon, this must be so difficult for you and your son to experience. This time has been so hard on some people. I hope your son finds some relief soon.

      • Anon

        I’m sorry your child is going through this but he seems to be an extreme case, most kids – at least most kids from stable home environments – don’t have “anxiety such that need to see a therapist and psychiatrist from the age of three” levels of anxiety and can naturally develop self entertainment and self-play skills on their own, even in very tough circumstances.

        Also, coming from a person that had anxiety as a child, have you developed good coping activities with his doctors? I predict I’ll need this advice with any future children of mine.

        • anon

          Oh, he’s definitely an extreme case. We have a complex collection of sensory, social, emotional, and behavioral issues that we’ve been working with a team of therapists on since he was 3. It’s just, he used to be a happy kid with those issues, and since the pandemic, he’s become an anxious kid with those issues.

          Anecdotally, I know he’s not the only young child struggling with the lack of stimulation, structure, and socialization. Some of the people who post on the moms site have mentioned the “angry child.” My son’s best friend is the most adjusted, social, good-hearted kid we know, and his mom confided to me that they’ve started therapy because her son was angry and yelling at his parents all the time.

          I just wanted to push back on the idea that this pandemic and the lack of structure and supervision is great for kids. Mostly, it’s not, at least for young kids. There’s also a complete lack of attention to special education, even though about 13% of public school children have IEPs. I really wish our leaders and society as a whole would prioritize getting the virus under control and sending kids, and especially elementary students, back to school. I’m not sure fluff pieces about how our kids are really being “fixed” help.

          • anon

            Oh, and in response to your last question, the anxiety is relatively new, so we haven’t done much in therapy with it yet. Going to camp has also helped relieve the anxiety–he really needed to do the things he was worried about (leaving the house, interacting with peers) to start working on the anxiety surrounding those things.

            We have been working with therapists on emotional regulation and techniques to calm down when he’s angry. Many of those will translate to coping with anxiety and other unpleasant feelings.

          • Anon

            IEPs aren’t capable of making classroom education the right fit for every child, and I know that some children among that 13% are already doing better at home. I think these “fluff pieces” are important stories to tell, since some children have suffered as much in school for years as others are suffering outside of school currently. I hope we come up with something better and more flexible moving forward instead of forcing classroom education on as many children as possible however much accommodation it takes. I think camp is a great solution for the summer and really wish more schools would look into outdoor options for the fall.

      • Anon

        I’m sorry for your struggles. Are there any risky activities you can try inside, like working on knife skills while helping prepare dinner (or maybe whittling bits of wood) or practicing lighting candles?

  13. Allie

    I’ve seen others post here about being bored with life and getting the advice to pick some small, doable goals to do each week to make things different. Right now my job is still remote, and I’m getting on when I can, and online dating as I can, but it feels so monotonous. So single, child free, living with family, money no object (unless it gets really crazy), employed (but stressed with work), work is easily remote.

    Love to read but find that it does not “shake up life” enough – that’s escapism, not changing my own life.
    I also like to swim, which has def helped.
    Just got the nytimes crossword app and started doing those. That’s fun and good but again more meditative and doesn’t feel like a huge change.
    I was cooking more dishes earlier in quarantine but that has died down.
    I am meeting local friends and family as much as is safe

    • Anonymous

      Can you add in open water swimming, even once a week or a couple times a month?

    • Anonymous

      When exactly is meeting with friends and family safe? Does the pandemic stop for you sometimes? And what difference does it make that they are local?

      • Anon

        JFC, even in the most locked down of places getting together outside with family/friends is allowed. Many of us on this board are doing the same.

        It matters that they’re local because they’re not traveling and risking that contamination.

        Doing so safely means that they’re likely distanced, outside, and masked and not engaging in risky behavior.

      • LaurenB

        Oh come on. Taking a walk or visiting outside with family / friends while maintaining social distance is fine. No one is talking about a party for 50 people held indoors. But yes, I can walk on the lakefront with my mother or my young adult kids. Sheesh.

      • Anon

        Glad that you’re apparently able to go 6 months and counting without seeing family or friends, but that’s not a reality for many of us!

    • Anon

      I’ve started biking to work which has been a nice change. I have to commute anyways, so might as well find a “cooler” way to do it.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Could you set a swimming goal for yourself? I made a whole spreadsheet for my goal to “row across” the Great Lakes on my erg, starting with Lake Erie (cumlatively, not in one go) It’s really satisfying to watch the meters go by. I’ve promised my wife that I’ll row her to Canada if we need to flee the country (half-joking), so I should probably be better prepared.

  14. Ribena

    Did anyone else read yesterday’s New York Times article about Diane Von Furstenberg? Handing over a brand associated with go-getting businesswomen to your 21 year old granddaughter is a bold move…

    • Anonymous

      I guess the granddaughter is a businesswoman now (TBH, she has been involved with the brand for some time now).

      • Monday

        Grumpy comment from an old hag: How long can you have been involved in anything by age 21? I expect we’ll see some bad decisions from her, though the fashion industry is full of bad decisions already, so it may not stand out much.

        • Anon

          Is there someone that has worked closely with DVF for longer than this woman has been alive more qualified to take the reigns? Probably. But I wouldn’t sneeze at someone who has been groomed for a position their entire lives to take over the reigns, even young. She’s probably been working in an unofficial capacity since early teenagehood and been given advice and lessons from DVF her entire life.
          Hopefully she’ll take the line and expand it to a broader audience because I can’t imagine how well it will do in the future with its current image of “chic thin old rich lady” vibes.

          • Aunt Jamesina

            Nah, I’m okay saying virtually any 21 year old is too young to take over a large company, no matter if she’s been involved since… what, maybe 15 at the earliest? Six or seven years of “experience” (and I use that term loosely) is barely enough to take a senior position in any industry, even for a full-fledged adult.

        • anon

          I’m in my 30s. 21 is too young. But… only time will tell whether this particular 21 year old can pull it off.

    • Seventh Sister

      I think it’s mostly a publicity stunt – sort of like how the youngest Missoni family member moved to New York and got her picture taken a lot in in order to promote the family business. Fresh face, old company, lots of articles get written.

      Related: I went to college with a lovely woman who became the head of a high-end department store at @25 since her family conglomerate owned it. She’s a perfectly nice person, but I don’t doubt that all of the big decisions came from the finance people and older relatives.

      • anonshmanon

        I mean, to some extend, I’d expect a good exec to be able to take good advice from subject matter experts. But of course that’s not all.

  15. Terrible Eyebrows

    Has anyone tried brow lamination? Any idea if it would work if done via “spot treating” instead of a full application?

    I’ve been trying to grow out my brows, and it’s making me remember why I plucked them too far…the inner edges grow straight out, as in perpendicular to my forehead. No brow gel is mighty enough to make them lie flat.

    I’m not into the Insta look of brushed-up, super “done” brows, but I feel like this relaxer might be what I need to get the unruly hairs to behave. Thoughts, ideas, experiences?

    • Anon

      Spot treating brow lamination sounds like a recipe for disaster. I doubt any professional would do this for you, but they can do the entire brow and you’ll be able to use brow wax for them to lay down and trimmer to clip the ones too long.

  16. Hollis

    My dog wakes me up at around 1 or 2 am to be taken outside 1-3 nights a week. She usually goes potty in the backyard so it’s good that she wakes me up, but it is exhausting and if my sleep is interrupted I am tired the next day. She is 1, so she can definitely hold it in. We now take her food and water bowl away at 7:30 but that hasn’t made the problem go away. Do any of the many dog owners in the hive have any suggestions? By wake me up, I mean that she scratches our bedroom door to tell us she needs to go out.

      • Hollis

        She is crate trained, but the crate is in our bedroom and she paws at the door sometimes.

        • mascot

          Shut her crate door? Put an antler or toy in case she wakes up and is bored? Our dogs sleep in our room and generally sleep through the night unless they are ill and need to wake us up.
          When she goes out, is it to pee or do business? Do you free-feed? If you feed her at set meal times, you can shift her elimination schedule. It may be worth a vet consult to rule out a UTI or something if this is completely out of character for her.

    • Abby

      Is your dog crate trained? I would have your dog sleep in the crate for a few weeks and then let her sleep out of it for a night, see if she still begs to go out, and adjust from there. If she would scratch at the crate, I would put the crate in a different room.

      • Hollis

        Yes, she is crate trained but the crate is in our bedroom. It did not occur to us that we should crate her in a different room. Since dogs prefer to be in the same room as their owners, I’m worried she is going to whine if we put her in a crate in the living room.

        • Abby

          I’d put her in another room, shut your door at night and try it for a week or even a few days. Then move the crate back to your room, then let her sleep out of the crate to see if she still begs. Two weeks of your dog potentially whining would be worth it to me to have interrupted sleep!

        • Anonymous

          Oh, no! The crate should never be in the humans’ bedroom. The crate should be in a less trafficked location on the main floor—somewhere that is easily accessible, allows the dog to feel safe and secure, and allows you to crate the dog out of the way if needed.

          We have always crated our dogs downstairs at night, with the exception of our current rescue who never acclimated to the crate and spends all night sound asleep in her dog bed downstairs.

    • Carmen Sandiego

      I don’t know if this is applicable to your dog, but we potty-trained ours with treats, and, because she is extraordinarily food motivated, for a while she started waking us up for an extra potty trip during the night so that she could scam an extra treat. We had to stop giving her treats for these nighttime trips, and she has stopped doing it.

      • Anonymous

        Along those same lines, my dog hates having her ears cleaned so when she picked up the habit of a middle of the night pee, we would quickly clean her ears each time before putting her back in the crate. Didn’t last long before she was sleeping through the night again.

    • AnonATL

      Have you tried just not letting her out? Our dogs try to wake us up on weekends at what would be our work week hours. So honestly, I just lay in bed and ignore them until it’s the ok to wake time (typically less than an hour).
      They eventually figure out there are different rules on some days than others, and I know they can hold it.

    • Anonymous

      I would first take her for a check up and make sure there is nothing physical causing this. Then I would continue taking away food and water early and take her out one last time for the bathroom before bed. Then put her in her crate in a different room and see if she likes her crate covered. Our puppy whined and cried until we covered his crate. Once we did that, he settled down and sleeps all night in his crate. He even puts himself to bed in his crate when he is tired.

      • back to big law

        This. When one of my dogs started waking up during the night, she had a kidney infection that was impacting her bladder function. When my puppy was still waking up every few hours even once he hit 7 months old, I took him in expecting a similar diagnosis but apparently he just has an unusually small bladder for his size. I can put him in a crate and not let him out, but all that results in is a pee-filled crate that I have to clean every morning. So interrupted sleep is my new normal. Vet is hopeful his bladder will catch up to his body in a few months. Fingers crossed.

    • Anon

      Try giving them a biscuit or a small portion of their meal right before bed. If I feed dinner too early, it often results in a rumbly stomach in the middle of the night, which wakes my dogs up and then they need to go out. A bedtime biscuit solves it for us.

  17. Anne

    Hi – Help please. I’m in a new job and need some recommended “zoom shirts.” The virtual office culture is quite casual but I’m in a new role and trying to establish that position as fairly senior so am looking for shirts that look like I’d legitimately wear them at home but look put-together and “adult” (i.e. not just a tee but also not a blouse no one would wear not at the office). Must be short sleeve but with a sleeve that fully covers the shoulder. And, I need it flattering for a plump mid-section. Thanks so much!! Starting a new job in COVID feels kinda nuts.

    • Hollis

      If it’s not too hot, how about a short sleeve or 3/4 sleeve cardigan sweater that’s buttoned in the front? That would look more formal than a plain t shirt. You can also benefit from a necklace that elevates any plain shirt that you already have.

    • I got a Job!!

      I’m in the same boat and have had good luck with a nicely fitting tee shirts in bright colors. They cover the shoulders and have a crew neckline so I don’t have to worry about too much skin on camera. I wear a delicate necklace and earrings to look put together but not overly dressed up. I also wear more makeup than I normally would, so it look “done” on camera, and got a pair of clear frame computer glasses, so the frames don’t obscure my eyes. I noticed my new co-workers who had them looked good, and they really work. Raise and adjust your laptop camera angle to hide the plump midsection – that’s what I do!

      • AnonATL

        I’m team quality T-shirt too! Comfortable for a full day. Lots of options for flattering colors and necklines.
        Just get something more thick and substantial than the $7 target ones (I love me some cheap tshirts for the weekends and non video days). I think LLBean has some nice supima cotton ones that have been recommended here recently. If you really need more polish, you can easily add a sweater or casual blazer over top.

    • Kk

      Take a look at target- Women’s Short Sleeve Ruffle Hem Dress – by A New Day. They have a slight puff to the sleeve and a flattering V neck, so they’re professional on top, mumu on the bottom. When standing up they have a slight “pool cover up” look to them that’s fine to bop around in flip flops in the backyard. I wouldnt call them especially flattering on the whole (I like a waist, in normal life) but for pandemic summer, they’re very very comfortable and also very zoom-ready.

      • Anne

        Bought too (though I think I owned this exact dress in a crew neck in the 90s but oh well). Thanks!

  18. LinkedIn Premium

    Is LinkedIn Premium helpful for a job search? There is a promo for a year of access for $99.

    • Carmen Sandiego

      I had it (monthly rate/subscription) when I was looking for jobs, and I did not find it any more helpful than the basic LinkedIn.

    • Anon

      The only useful aspect of Premium IMO is seeing who is viewing your profile, whatever that is worth.

      • Carmen Sandiego

        Yep, that’s about it. And I also want to add that I felt a little tricked because one of the features advertised with Premium is that you can see who else applied to specific jobs, and I really thought that would be helpful, particularly in the interview stage, as I was applying for a couple of in-house jobs that were a bit of a stretch (but not unrealistic). Then, when I would click to see who else applied, it would say 5 people applied, but we can’t give you any more data until the applications reach 25. So that whole feature was basically a lie. (Still a little salty about this, clearly, which was only exacerbated when I forgot to cancel after I got my new job and got charged for an extra month!)

  19. Anon

    Has anyone tried Quoddy shoes? I’m looking for some boat shoes and I’m intrigued by the made-in-the-USA promise, but I’ve never heard of the brand before. They look nice and sturdy and I’m hoping that I can hear from someone who has them before buying.

  20. Anon

    So I posted last week that my husband and I have decided to get a divorce after 16 years of marriage. We have been leading largely separate lives for quite a while, but we made it work because his business travel had him gone around half the time. But with COVID, we had to face the music and realize that this situation wasn’t sustainable or healthy (for us or our kids). There are some logistical and financial issues we have to figure out — the big one being how do we support a probable virtual learning experience for our 2 boys with 2 demanding full-time jobs — but I anticipate he moves out within the next few weeks and has the boys half the time.

    All the traditional post-separation advice for coping and acclimation focuses on things like seeing friends and family, going out to museums, concerts, etc., spending time at the gym… But any ideas on how to rebuild my life in the time of COVID? I anticipate many of my current friends will distance/disengage – divorce is basically unheard of in our circles.

    • anon

      Is there one friend who can become your trusted ally in this? Divorce is unheard of in my circles, too, but I like to think we would rally around our friend if it happened.

        • Anonymous

          Professional class in a SEUS city – lots of doctors, lawyers, etc. My friends are about 50% professionals and 50% SAHMs. It’s just incredibly uncommon. I can count on a little more than one hand the number of couples I’ve known who have gone through this.

          • Anonymous

            It’s unheard of but you know more than 5 couple who have divorced? Okayyyyyyyy

          • anon

            How old are you though? From what I hear, divorces start to really increase in people’s 40s and up. I know a handful of divorced couples in my circles and I suspect we’ll only start to see more (professional two career couples with a few SAHMs).

          • anon

            I’m in my mid-30s and I have one divorced friend. She’s older than me and was already divorced by the time I met her.

          • Airplane.

            More than 5 couples, (so 10+ people!) is not “unheard of” to me. Also, give it a few years. If you’re still in the 25-35 divorces just haven’t happened as much YET, it’s not a static thing.

          • Anon

            OP here. I think 5 couples out of the ~400 other couples/families we know (from college, work, school, sports, hobbies, etc.) is a pretty low number.

            I am early 40s. My brother, who is a few years older, tells me divorce is much more common as the decade progresses – lots of women who are sick and tired of the status quo.

          • Anon

            Defending Anonymous at 12:07 PM: there is a lot of social science research about how divorce is “contagious.” Fascinating stuff.

        • Anon

          Eh my parents group of friends is probably 20 couples and only one person is divorced, and she got divorced in her mid-50s. In fact, more people have been widowed than divorced.

          They’re in the northeast, some in the group are religious and some aren’t (so culturally divorce is fine), and from what everyone can see no one is stuck in an unhappy marriage.

          Yes this group is an anomaly, but they definitely exist!

        • Anon

          In southern PA in the early 00’s my mom experienced exactly this. She didn’t know anyone who had been divorced. It’s tough no matter what, but even worse when you have no norms or frames of reference.

      • Monday

        OP, it’s really sad that you can’t count on your friends.

        I will say that divorce isn’t always as “unheard of” as you’d think, once you’re doing it yourself. I had many long-term married female relatives privately tell me how close they’d come, or that they were still considering it, when I went through my divorce. You might be surprised…

        That said, if you truly do come up empty, tell us here. People will offer support and probably emailing, Zooming, etc. if you’re open to it.

        • cbackson

          This – people start coming out of the woodwork when you go through a divorce. The other thing you often don’t realize is how many happily married couples are actually each other’s second (or third) spouses. I actually learned that one of my closest friends had been married and divorced in her late teens/early twenties – it had been over a decade and I only knew about her second (super happy) marriage.

    • Anon

      Don’t write your friends off — none of mine are divorced but they all have stuck around, and then some.

      I was the one that moved out and it made things easier/better because I had a space that was MINE. I suggest making a budget to redecorate, especially your bedroom, and doing the stuff that he didn’t want to do to your home (I painted my walls all white and got white sheets — which the Ex hated) to make it YOUR space.

      Oh and your kids will be fine. There will be hard moments, but in the long term they will be fine.

      • Flats Only

        I like this and was going to suggest something similar. Especially redecorating your bedroom to the extent that finances allow. Make it a totally personal sanctuary for yourself. Girl it up! Go minimalist! Whatever will make you say “Aaaah” when you walk in and close the door behind you.

      • Anon

        Not trying to write anyone off (I do have wonderful friends) – but trying to prepare myself for what others have told me might happen.
        Change in my personal life is very hard for me (ironic because my professional specialty is change mgmt) and my husband recognizes that. We are working to figure out how I can stay in the house. I would love to repaint my bedroom! That is the downside of staying put – so many memories. Like what the heck do I do with all our family photos???

        • Anonymous

          Can you move the family photos to a space on the wall outside the kids bedroom? Maybe just take down the ‘couple’ ones. I think it would be hard on the kids to see all the family photos disappear.

    • Beans

      Also going through something similar. My divorce was amicable but not something I wanted at all. We are still together as a family (we have two kids) and spend a lot of time together. He has recently started dating other people. I have been going for a lot of walks and have found several friends who are willing to talk to me at night after the kids go to bed and we text a lot. I was worried how friends would react but they have been very supportive, especially my female friends. It is super hard to deal with this in a pandemic and I wish you well.

    • Senior Attorney

      Good luck to you! I don’t have any particular COVID advice but I just want to say I was you about seven years ago — my then-husband went from being gone most of the time to working locally and that was pretty much that.

      I’ll just say I kept saying “the only way out is through,” and “I just have to feel like this until I don’t feel like this any more,” and “this time next year things will be much better,” and all three of those things turned out to be true! Hugs to you!!

    • Anon

      There are couples in your friend group who are putting on a brave public face but barely hanging by a thread, I guarantee it. These couples might be the most likely to drop you as a friend because they do not want to face that the same might happen to you.

      Or, in one instance that happened to me when I got divorced, the wife (who had been my primary friend) didn’t want me around her husband because I was “available.”

    • Anon

      My mom was a SAHM and divorced my father after 23 years of marriage. She had myself and my older brother. My mom kept most friends, FWIW they were very close due to the makeup of my hometown and my dad royally !@#$%^ up. However, she made plenty of friends her age (40ish at the time) in a group called “Divorce and Beyond.” It was offered by a church, however, it didn’t push religion in anyway unless the group meetings took that there. I know things look different now, but try looking for local support groups doing Zoom, socially distanced meetups, etc.

      Sending you lots of love. Everyday, I’m in awe of my mom’s strength to take on what she did.

  21. anon

    This is probably a dumb question, but any tips for painting a kitchen? I feel competent at painting most things; however I haven’t attempted a kitchen in at least 15 years. What I expect to be challenging is that I have one of those weird, blank spaces between the top of the cabinets and the ceiling. How do I get close enough to edge/maneuver around? I’d prefer not to hire this out because it’s a small job in the grand scheme of things.

    When we moved into our house 9 years ago, I made the dumb mistake of painting the kitchen a different color than the living room, even though they’re connected. There is a transition point so it doesn’t look crazy, but I am moving toward a simpler look and now want to match the kitchen with the much larger living room.

      • Anonymous

        Really? Are you 7 feet tall with the arms of an ape? I would have to stand on my countertop and even then it would be awkward in spots.

        • Anon

          My ceilings are 8′ tall and it worked fine for me, standing on a chair plus raising your arm adds a few feet of height. If I was 7′ tall I presumably wouldn’t have needed to stand on anything…

        • Anon

          Girl…some of us don’t live in suburban mansions with 12 ft cielings. We have no idea how tall or big this woman’s kitchen is. It’s suitable advice and she can adjust based on the height of her own home.

          • Anonymous

            Ha. I live in the center of a major city in about 1000 sq ft. I still think I would have a hard time reaching past the countertop and cabinets even with an 8 foot ceiling, but honestly, I am unfamiliar with 8 foot ceilings. Is this common somewhere?

      • Senior Attorney

        That’s not safe. Get yourself a proper ladder.

        Signed,

        Broke my arm when I fell off the stool I was using to paint because I was too lazy to get a ladder.

          • Anon

            That’s like saying you’re not going to wear a mask because people die in car accidents. Ladders, used according to the instructions, are much safer.

    • Flats Only

      Absent a ladder, can you stand on the counter to paint the wall above the cabinet? Just put down a cloth/towel as you move along to protect the top of the cabinet, but don’t worry too much about drips – who will see them? Use a glossier paint than you normally would so that accumulated grease can occasionally be removed with cleaning solution and a sponge.

    • Anonymous

      I have fantasies of owning a cherry-picker for each floor of my house. In the meantime, ladders are your friend :)

  22. Anonymous

    I just saw some movies so I thought I’d do mini-reviews:

    The Old Guard (Netflix) – Really violent but really good. Strong female leads, interesting back story and uplifting finish. Directed by a black woman.

    Eurovision Song Contest (Netflix) – Dan Stevens is a delight but o/w skip; the trailer is better unless you’ll get all the Eurovision jokes/cameos.

    Palm Springs (Hulu) – Enjoyed! Liked the female lead enough that I am thisclose to forgiving her for ruining the end of How I Met Your Mother.

    (and a novella recommended here: Rebekkah Weatherspoon, Rafe the Buff Male Nanny: DELIGHTFUL. Big thanks to whoever recommended. Can’t wait to binge her previous books.)

    • anon

      Shouldn’t the blame for ruining HIMYM fall on the writers instead of the actress? Agree the Palm Springs was good though!

    • Thanks, it has pockets!

      I really want to check out Palm Springs, it looks great and I’m glad to see someone enjoyed it! Maybe that’s what we’ll watch tonight.

    • Anon

      neither DH nor I liked Palm Springs and we, DH in particular typically likes those kind of movies

    • Anon

      I didn’t laugh my ass off at Eurovision, but I laughed a lot. It was worth it for me.

      • Senior Attorney

        I enjoyed Rachel McAdams a lot but I feel like Will Farrell is way past his use-by date with the “bumbling white guy” thing.

        • Anon

          I just accept him for who he is. He plays the same character in every movie. I personally think his peak was “Blades of Glory” and every subsequent character is a slight variation on a Chaz Michael Michaels.

          I realize you don’t meet many Blades of Glory fans in the wild, but I’m a lifelong Winter Olympics super fan, and that movie hit me just right.

          I agree Rachel McAdams and Dan Stevens were really the highlights of the movie. But you need that predictable Will Ferrell character there to make it work.

          • Anon

            ALSO my husband is always in some bar band, and seeing their band FireSaga constantly being asked to play “JaJa Ding Dong” instead of their own music was SUPER relatable for him!

          • Senior Attorney

            My favorite Will Ferrell movie is Elf. That said, I feel like I might need to watch Blades of Glory this evening.

    • Anon

      The Old Guard was so much better than I thought it would be. Charlize Theron was an excellent choice of female lead. Eurovision I liked as well. It was one of those weird movies my husband started playing and I was like “what the heck is this mess”? But I couldn’t walk away, it is addicting if a little campy.

    • Mimi

      I really liked the Eurovision movie — it’s a feel-good distraction, and you don’t need to know much about Eurovision to enjoy it. Rachel McAdams was a delight, and I covet her character’s hair. Plus, any movie that spotlights ABBA is OK in my book. And Pierce Brosnan in a fisherman’s sweater??? Rowr.

  23. Anon

    I know on some level this is an overreaction and unwarranted, but for the past few days I can’t stop thinking about how the US’s virus response might have MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR consequences beyond what most are thinking of currently, especially if 45 is re-elected. Like that we could descend into a third-world country, or our democracy could completely end, etc. For the first time I am honestly wondering how my family can immigrate, and where. Please talk to me, are these fears at all rooted in reality? Am I losing it?

    • Anon

      Are they rooted in reality? Yes. Things are bad and they could certainly get worse! It’s more of a boiling frog situation than a switch that will flip overnight, which makes things both harder and easier to deal with. Easier because if you decide you want to move you will have more time, harder because things you would have never felt complacent with become normal. Do you have any connections to any other country where you might want to live?

    • Layla

      I don’t think you’re losing it, and I do think some of your fears are rooted in reality. We totally screwed up Covid response at the federal level and DHS/federal Marshall’s are being dispatched to cities. Different situation swimwear, but I’m thinking so much about my Jewish ancestors right now and at what point they realized “it’s time to go.” I’m alternating between trying to focus on the positives in my here-and-now local life and also prepping/planning re: how to keep my family safe.

      • Layla

        Sorry for all of the auto-correct typos *somewhat not swimwear. I don’t folks in Venezuela necessarily knew things would descend into crisis the way they did or that Spain would have a fascist regime in the 1970s.

    • Anonymous

      Where do you live? I can see that if you’ve hunkered down in a bubble that just confirms what you think. I’ve had the joy of driving my kiddo to an outdoor camp that was 15 miles each way. 15 miles gets me out of my city center and lets me see a lot of the rest of the world going to the store, working as EMTs, working on a trash truck, working for the fire department, pushing strollers, going for a walk, going for a run, going to work (trades, largely), doing landscaping, and just living (in our new distanced way). I see people of all walks of life as I pull up to lights and everyone is wearing a mask or has one on their rear-view mirror. People want to persist at their lives and livelihoods and it looks like we are adapting and doing just that. IDK what happens in November or thereafter. But today, I am putting one foot in front of the other and going on with things.

      • Anon

        Oh honey, you are the one in the little “safe” bubble. Just because your life is marching on like normal as you watch people work outside (you have no idea what life in their neighborhood is like) doesn’t mean people living in places like Portland with police occupation aren’t terrified. I mean this in the kindest way possible, but get your head out of your *ss.

        We are living in a country where if I, a young black woman, walked from my house to the store and back with groceries in my hand could be snatched off the street in an unmarked black van without warning or being read my rights because a federally backed unwanted police force has determined I may be associated with (vastly peaceful) protests against police murder. That is the world we live in and I fear for you that you won’tsee things descending into chaos until it’s at your front door. I sincerely hope that you aren’t a POC or in a religious minority that could be persecuted because we actually are fearing for our lives – until you walk by a “counter protest” of random white supremacists in army gear circling you like sharks with AKs with no move by police to disperse or protect them – and sometimes seeing police chatting with them or high fiving them like old friends which I’ve seen with my own eyes.

        • Anon

          This is a bit hyperbolic, honestly. There is no significant risk of you being snatched off the street into an unmarked black van while returning home with groceries. I don’t deny the illegality of the federal actions in Portland (nor the terrifying slide into autocracy it represents), but if you’re at the point where you’re terrified to step outside and get kidnapped, that isn’t reflective of the everyday risks you face as a POC.

          • Anon

            I feel like you’re reading the hyperbole into what I just read.

            I live in a liberal SEUS university town where POC are harassed by police, monitored and questioned in shops, and where officers openly pal around with confederate demonstrators. This is designed to provoke fear, and fear is not an disproportionate reaction. I’ve heard search & rescue volunteers from around the country complain that when POC go missing, it’s more likely that they’ll be denied the permits they need to search for them without being liable for trespassing. It’s not just a question of “how statistically likely am I to be kidnapped,” it’s “what is preventing it” and “what will happen if I am.”

          • Anon

            None of what you described is acceptable – I agree with that. I also don’t disagree that it’s incredibly scary to contemplate what could happen. However, if an event is statistically very rare (have there been any actual cases where people not involved in a protest have been whisked into vans and then never seen again by the federal government?), why even bother contemplating it? I’m not trying to be dismissive, but it seems like there are so many other high-need, high-risk problems to focus on. To draw a parallel, I don’t spend much time worrying about being kidnapped by a serial killer, even though it COULD happen, but I’m concerned about my reproductive rights being eroded by the Supreme Court and the rampant misogyny flowing through everyday life.

          • Anon

            I think it would still bother me if somehow serial killing were made legal or if serial killers were being routinely pardoned or if serial killing weren’t being prosecuted.

          • LaurenB

            “I live in a liberal SEUS university town where POC are harassed by police, monitored and questioned in shops, and where officers openly pal around with confederate demonstrators. ”

            Keyword: SEUS. Please don’t make the mistake of thinking that liberal in the SEUS corresponds to liberal in regular parts of the country. It’s kind of like people in Austin think they are so progressive and the rest of us go – huh, no, Austin is normal, it’s just that the rest of Texas is so red you look progressive in comparison.

    • Anon

      Yeah, it’s possible and the U.S. is already arguably not a developed nation, but I’d be less worried about the pandemic and more worried about Trump denying the election results, continuing to kidnap protesters in Portland, and so on. He wants to be a dictator and will have an easier time of doing so while everyone is distracted with the pandemic.

      • Anonymous

        This. In comments on his dementia test the other world leaders he referenced as ‘sharp’ were all dictators – Xi, Putin etc. I think he’s envious of their power and will not let go of the presidency unless Biden wins a resounding victory. If it’s remotely close, things will get bad.

    • Anon

      They definitely are. Maybe not in your immediate everyday life for a while, but they can get that bad easily and quickly. When I heard about the federal enforcement deployed to cities and randomly kidnapping and terrorizing citizens, I started the process of getting my passport updated (I figured we wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while so let the renewal lapse a few months). When you get to secret police terrorizing citizens and no move by Congress to do anything about it, that’s a “time to go” kind of signal to me. My spouse and I have already discussed plans to decamp to his native country while working remotely.

      Can things turn around for the better right now? Very much so yes. But I’m honestly most terrified of what will happen come November if three things happen 1) all those foreclosures and evictions start being processed so you have masses of homeless and jobless/underemployed families, 2)Trump refuses to concede the election, individuals homeless, and 3) protests of the first time in U.S. history of a sitting president refusing to concede the clear winner with random federal officers scattered across major cities.

      This isn’t a time for “it’s never going to be that bad”, this is a time for “our country is descending very very quickly and we need to be very concerned and do whatever we can to fight it”. As Americans we’ve never seen anything like that but I’ve had long conversations with colleagues from Venezuela who had happy thriving childhoods who regularly bribe consulate employees for visa string pulling and send money to the few relatives that can’t get out and bribe.

    • Senior Attorney

      If you’re losing it, I am too.

      Last night we had a serious discussion about leaving the country when we retire in a few years.

    • Anon

      My family on both sides fled authoritarian regimes to come to the U.S. I see a lot of similarities, but where would you go that wouldn’t be impacted by the fall of U.S. democracy? Have you gotten an education and a good start on life here?

      I’d encourage you to put at least as much effort and money into fixing this country as you would/will on fleeing. The vast majority of people can’t flee and there are so many people in other countries that would be negatively impacted by the fall of U.S. democracy. We really need everyone doing what they can to help the U.S. get better.

      • Anon

        The vast majority of people have no power whatsoever to change systemic problems across an entire government. “Stay and fix it” is wishful thinking unless you are in a position of actual authority.

    • Anonymous

      There will be meaningful consequences for everyone around the world. Many countries will be dealing with the economic fallout, and disruptions to people’s lives and homes. There indeed will be some difficult times, but really — there always have been. Many of us have been fortunate enough to live for many years in relatively stable environments.

      Personally, I am concerned but I am not afraid. People step up in tough times. There is a certain amount of hyperbole in what passes for news nowadays. There isn’t widespread chaos, nor will there be. We need to be cognizant that people with their own agendas are very focused on stirring up others to push their views.

      Do you realize that you can’t just immigrate to another country? Although the US let’s millions of legal and illegal immigrants in each year other countries do not. According to the World Economic Forum, the US has by far the largest number of foreign born individuals. Other countries will require a combination of skills, guaranteed jobs, young age, health, capital, etc.

      • Anon

        What I see is that many other countries have already stepped up in a way the US has not.

        • Anonymous

          If you don’t see people in the US stepping up, you need to look wider and harder. Countries don’t step up, people do.

          I really wish people could immigrate out of the US so we all don’t have to listen to them.

    • Anon

      I think this is a legitimate concern and I think it is wise to begin plan-B planning. Depending on your income you may have more options of where. My advice is to pick an English speaking country if you are not fluent in a 2nd language because this is often the biggest hurdle to understanding the red tape in a new country.

  24. Cat

    Can we have an update thread? Like – did the person who was waiting for her Covid results for like 12 days ever get them? Did the extended family from FL have a trip that felt healing and joyful? People wondering about how to speak to managers about not wanting to come back to work – any success?

    • Anon

      I wasn’t the one who posted about it originally, but I’m on my 10th day waiting for covid results in the Bay Area.

      • Anon

        I was the one who posted last week! After 13 days (3 days wait to get a test and 10 dats waiting on results), I am covid free.

        I’ve been walking ~7 miles a day every day this week to make up for the 13 days I felt fine but could not leave my small apartment

        • Cat

          wow finally! I am waiting on mine now…. they said up to 10 business days, which is most definitely longer than the “no further symptoms” self quarantine period. grrrr

      • Senior Attorney

        My son had to wait a week for a test in Los Angeles County (San Fernando Valley), but he got his (negative, yay) results in three days.

    • anon

      my brother flew in from NYC to visit our mom and is on day 14 of waiting for his results (from a CVS clinic in LA). SMH.

    • Anonymous

      Yup. It is indeed downtown Nashville. And it’s awful, because our mayor really is trying and the f-ing tourists and bachelorette parties do not care. I just want them all to leave and go home and let us get this thing kicked so we can move on with life.

  26. Pink

    What is your favorite white wall paint? DH has offered to paint our bedroom, dining room and formal living. Our dining room is baby poop green – think Chartreuse Jaune. Our bedroom and formal living are an eggshell yellow with glossy white trim. We’d leave the trim white but would also like to paint over the yellow…preferably with a coordinating white. The house was built in 1981 and is a mix between traditional and open concept with lots of floor to ceiling windows. The formal living features a river rock fireplace (so limestone and rust colors). The floor is mosaic tile hardwood, so it contains every wood color from mahogany to pine. I guess main floor colors are warm red to brown. The rest of the house is painted sandpaper finish with tan paint, but I don’t know if that matters as there is a clear delineation between these rooms and the rest of the house. TIA for any recs.

    • Veronica Mars

      I like using Sampelize because you can easily get some larger paint swatches. I’d order Decorator’s White, White Dove (my favorite), Cotton Balls, etc. and see which looks best with the lighting.

    • Anon

      Kelly Moore has a room visualizer tool online, where you take a pic of a room and then click on a color and it virtually “paints” your room that color.

      I am forever loyal to Kelly Moore because they gave me a paint color deck, which is like my favorite thing in the world now, but I was even more swayed by their booklet “Historic Lifestyles of the West”
      I live in the Bay Area in an arts and crafts era home with lots of dark woods, so we went with one of their suggestions – Veranda Green – for many of the rooms. We then painted the hallways one shade lighter for a more open feeling. I do like having slightly different colors as you move though the house.

    • Anon

      We’re painting our whole house BM Mayo (which, ew) and it is a gorgeous warm creamy white.

      • Anon

        Omg. I would never use that paint color because the name would gross me out for life.

    • bblaw

      Chantilly Lace is the best white paint ever. Made the interiors of my DC rowhouse (built 1800s) look fabulous!

    • Go for it

      SW Atrium white is my pick. It is approximately the color of whole milk. Excellent light refraction quality.
      If you can get them to mix whatever color you pick into an Ultra~ceram paint base it is full on scrubbable, even sharpie comes off~toddler loose with a sharpie!

    • Anonymous

      We had all of the non-bedroom areas of hour house painted with BM white dove. I really love it. It’s somehow white, but very warm. Almost creamy.

      The folks that bought our old house (and gave us a tour after they reno’d it) painted the entire interior moderne white (SW I think?). It also looked good, but a read a little more cold and stark to me. But then again, that is the look they were going for!

    • Fullyfunctional

      Behr Snowy Pine is perfect. I used it all over my house and it’s a creamy but not too yellow off-white.

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