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Updated: Apr 22, 2024 195 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Sheer Socks

Coffee Break· Trends |

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woman wears sheer socks with colorful pattern in blue, black, pink, and red; she is sitting on a colorful rug with oranges, greens, and reds

The NYT had a story about how sheer socks are all the rage, and I'm still mulling it over: would I dare to wear sheer socks (with work outfits or otherwise)?

I'm honestly still undecided for myself — it feels a bit like a “little girl or ladies who want to be little girls” kind of trend — but there is something so fabulously joyful about the unexpected, happy socks that I keep coming back to the idea.

The pictured socks are $18 at Sock Candy, but last night I found a trove of similar socks at Amazon (where they also have sheer socks without colorful patterns). These black and white socks with polka dots and stripes seem very tame if you want to try the trend in a more subdued way.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. London recs

    Headed to London for a week for vacation in early May. Looking for very chill places to sit quietly, while reading and drinking something warm. I’m staying in the Marble Arch area and open to suggestions!

    • anon

      The Wallace Collection restaurant is stunning and it’s one of the lesser known of the big museums (free to enter). If the weather is nice grab a drink from around Marble Arch or Bayswater Road and sit in Hyde Park/Kensington Park Gardens, there’s also a couple of cafes in the park although they might get busy to sit in. All the fancy hotels are straight down Park Lane from Marble Arch if their bars are chill enough during the day for what you’re looking for. Have fun!

    • Anonymous

      Mount Street Gardens in Mayfair is not far from Marble Arch. On a weekday, during the day, it is very tranquil.

      You’re also bound to find something while wandering around Marylebone (Wallace Collection is in the neighborhood).

      Not that close (but not that far) is Clifton Nurseries — Maida Vale adjacent. Very quaint neighborhood garden shop with a cute cafe in the back.

  2. Anonymous

    Does anyone have tips on how to improve their confidence at work? I generally have good performance evaluations and excellent feedback from my peers but I’m constantly worried I’m not doing enough or smart enough. I’m at a BIG4 and somewhat older than others at my level due to law school and practicing for several years. I often second guess myself and stress out about things only to receive positive feedback. I know this is vague but I’m assuming others have experienced something similar and wondering if anyone has some advice. TIA!

    • Anon

      Notice the work quality of your peers, especially the confident ones. Surely you’re at least as good as they are! If they’re confident, you can be too.

        • Anon

          As a Big4 alum myself…the confidence of junior level accounting bros at a Big4 could land people on Mars.

          But also, I wasn’t cut out for a Big4 because…I’m not an accountant. I’m a lawyer! My brain doesn’t think in spreadsheets, it thinks in statutes, so it just wasn’t a good fit for me. I think sometimes “confidence” can be code for “this isn’t a great fit for me,” and it’s ok to be honest with yourself about that.

    • Cat

      if you start stressing, remind yourself of all the times you were stressing for no reason, and tell your inner self to stuff it :)

    • Anonymous

      It’s hard to overcome confidence and some people have that natural corporate, executive presence that takes them farther more easily. However you have a law degree and practice experience! You bring skills to the table that they don’t have and have experience in the outside world. I’d lean into that experience if you cant.

    • Nesprin

      I have a secret file of nice things people have said about me when I have those sorts of days. But more generally, there’s a whole internet’s worth of help for impostor syndrome that may be useful.

    • Work Phone

      I started doing affirmations before work (really simple ones, like “I know I can figure it out) and I’m devastated to report that they do help.

    • Anonymous

      There are many books out there on imposter syndrome that are worth checking out that can help you recognize your worth at work. I recommend “The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women” by Valerie Young, but there are so many other options that can help improve your confidence. We are so often our own worst critics. I bet you’re amazing at work!

  3. Anonymous

    Given the variety of professions here, I assume we have someone who knows something about university alumni relations — does anyone know if universities track the amount of money each alumni has given them? I assume yes so they know who has faithfully been giving for a decade so they can hit them up for more? But I’m not sure. And more importantly is there a way for an alum to go back and see there transaction history? I’m sure this is school specific but just asking in case anyone knows for Penn. FWIW I give very little but over the years I have given to a program run by the health system that directly pays for things for patients in need – little things like parking. Would love to know what that program was called to be able to give again, as I tend not to be interested in giving to the big amorphous funds these universities run where the money could be going to beautify some lobby or something.

    • Anon

      I am active as an alumni fundraiser for our annual (unrestricted) fund, but I know that they track everything. THAT SAID, your giving likely wouldn’t flag you for a high ask for something additional — I just think medical center are different (same as if you give to the law or divinity schools, they don’t hit you up outside of that).

    • Anon

      You can ask the fundraising people to run a report for you. It’s literally a couple of clicks.

    • Anon

      I used to work in development for a school similar to Penn and YES they track everything and there’s likely an easy way for someone in their office to check for you. I’d search your email to see if you can find a contact name and just email that person. I went to the school where I worked and I could even see who had given to the scholarship fund that paid for my now husband to go to that school. The data may not be accessible to you but there is absolutely a way for them to confirm to which fund you gave.

    • Anon

      fellow Penn alum and yes you can ask. Just figure out which division you need to contact – like have you been giving to Penn Medicine? if so, here is the general email address uphsgifts@upenn.edu

    • anon

      Sorry, I can’t answer your question. But I kinda love your choice of where / how to donate your $. Little things like that can really mean a lot to someone struggling with the personal stress of illness/family illness, and the overwhelming cost of health care right now.

    • Anon

      Princeton tracks and I can see how much I’ve given each year since graduation. I’d be shocked if Penn didn’t. Princeton does not allow targeted giving to specific initiatives, but my friends who went to Yale can do that and I think they can see the breakdown of their donations by those initiatives too.

      • Anon

        “Princeton does not allow targeted giving to specific initiatives” — are you sure? I have never seen a school not have various buckets you can donate to (scholarships, buildings, department scholarships and research stipends, athletics, etc., etc.). Why would they approach things this way? Also, nothing stops people and affinity groups from having their own scholarships and other funds (you just have to set it up the right way for the tax deduction and obviously they have their own mailing lists). Really kind of surprised to see this.

  4. Suburban runners?

    Suburban runners. How do you deal with wildlife encounters? I’m outside of Boston on the 95 loop. Despite being “close in” relatively speaking, my neighborhood abuts a large conservation area and we get ALL the wildlife. I love it! Except when I run in to them at 5:30am while out running. At least it’s getting lighter these days but it can still be really startling. Wild (shockingly aggressive) turkeys and coyotes are my biggest issue. Most recently the turkeys sort of took over the road and created a wall that I couldn’t really run by/through (visualizing what I’m writing, I’m sure this sounds absolutely ridiculous but IYKYK!!). I also had a stare-off with a coyote recently that was really uncomfortable. Turning around and going another way isn’t always an option given where I live and the route I take – kind of one way in/out.

    Does anyone carry anything to protect themselves and offer a scare so they mosey on by and allow me to pass?

    • Anon

      It really depends on the type. It’s rattlesnake season here now (just saw one the other day) and we are avoiding singletrack trails in our area (all overgrown) for a while. When we’re backpacking in bear country, we take all reasonable precautions (bear canister, cooking away from the tent, etc). I focus more on precautions than reactions in the moment, although it’s smart to know how to react, i.e., not to run away from a mountain lion.

    • Anon

      I haven’t had this exact experience with the turkeys and the coyotes (though I’ve encountered turkey walls elsewhere!). I also don’t run; I’m a walker and a good walking stick goes a long way. (Human with stick is WAY scarier than unarmed human, apparently?) I don’t know if there’s something running friendly that would make you scarier (other than raising your arms like people to do around a spooked horse!).

    • Anon

      I run in a more urban area outside of NYC but I will run at a time and place that makes the most sense in terms of safety. I usually try to run in an area where there are lots of other runners or drivers on a safe road with a sidewalk, etc. I’d certainly prefer to run in different locations and at different times, but I specifically choose my route based on safety. Is it possible to run in a more downtown location where you are less likely to run into potentially dangerous wildlife?

      • OP

        I suppose I could get in the car and drive to my downtown area, but the wildlife is there, too. Not as frequently but definitely there per a friend that has the same issue and lives closer to the commercial center of town. The turkeys are absolutely fearless.

        I work a crazy job and have two little kids at home so it’s sort of 5:30 or never, because in the evening I’d be dealing with the same + mosquitos and almost certain darkness.

        I live in a physically safe place – really safe. It’s just the dang wildlife.

    • Anonymous

      When I was growing up people used to carry baseball bats when walking their dogs because of the coyotes.

    • Anon

      Does sound help? Playing loud music on your phone or shouting at them while waving your arms? OTOH My mother used to bring birdseed for the wild turkeys on her neighborhood walks.

    • Anon

      I’m in Boston proper, and unfortunately I think this is just an inevitable fact of life as we’re in their territory, and coyotes love to scavenge in our trash bins. We regularly see coyotes in Dorchester and turkeys throughout the city. I had a coyote run right up to my car as I parked, and I honked at it so I could open my door. I’m not sure how to scare them off – maybe a whistle? Clapping?

    • Anon

      No advice but commiseration. I’ve been attacked by redwing blackbirds twice while running early in the morning. They didn’t draw blood but they dove at my head and I could feel their gross feet on my scalp. Ugh. It freaked me out so much that I’ve permanently changed my route to avoid the marshy area where they hang out. And I’ve hated those birds ever since.

    • Anon

      No advice, but here to say that even domesticated male turkeys can be aggressive, so please don’t feel ridiculous if we were scared by a flock of wild ones! (If flock is even the right word… Google suggests “rafter”?)

      • Senior Attorney

        Wow I’m thinking once again that the large (semi) annoying birds in our neighborhood are peacocks, not turkeys!

          • Anon

            There was a post on my local Nextdoor the other day from a homeowner hoping someone could find a peahean for their local, very vocally lonely peacock.

        • Anon

          Grew up in Palos Verdes. Aggressive peacocks (and hens) are a real thing. Sometimes we couldn’t get out of our house because there’d bel a dozen or so chilling in our front yard. They are both dumb and aggressive.

    • Anon

      Over the weekend there was a story on the news about a woman and her dog who were followed by a coyote in Quincy when out for a walk in their neighborhood. The advice was to bring an air horn with you to scare them away – not sure if it works, but maybe worth looking into. It is amazing how brazen they are.

      • Anonymous

        I carry an air horn when hiking to use if a bear is aggressive, before it gets close enough for bear spray, and I have heard park rangers using them to deter bears from approaching campgrounds.

  5. Anon

    I’m not sure if the person you can get on the phone is the person who has access to the records that they keep, or what kind of privacy policies they may have around that data. But if you call up the most promising number and ask for the name of the program run by the health system, the one that pays for little things like parking, I think the person on the phone would try to help you figure this out.

  6. Anon

    Any eye cream recommendations? My eyelids are starting to look a little crepe-y. Thanks!

      • Anon

        +1 but mostly sunscreen and sunglasses

        I don’t really think eye cream is meant to help eyelids either. You can get one with some caffeine in it that gives a temporary tightening effect, but unless the skin looks crepey because it’s dehydrated (unlikely) it’s just ageing. Don’t expose the skin there to the sun, and don’t rub your eyes.

        • Same anon

          This is a really dumb question, but do you put sunscreen on your eyelids? Doesn’t it just melt and run into your eyes?

          • anon

            I don’t…. as I thought you shouldn’t put it there.
            But I religiously wear sunglasses, and now hats.

            Sun is so so so aging…

          • Anon

            I don’t. But I get it on the sides of my face where it covers my crows feet and under my eyes before concealer. But I am a Californian so I wear sunglasses whenever the sun is shining, including all winter long.

  7. Anonymous

    A question above reminded me of this and I’m just curious how others feel – is there an age or level of financial success after which you started donating money to your university? Or did you decide you were just never going to donate back to your university as there were other charitable causes out there? I guess I’m asking what motivates you to donate or not?

    I’m just trying to figure out how I feel about it. I loved my university and would encourage any kid who can get in to go, yet in the last two decades since graduating I haven’t donated back. I was paying back loans, establishing myself. But now I feel more drawn to donating, yet others around me keep saying these huge universities have enough and aren’t in need as much as say an organization running a food pantry.

    • Anonymous

      i do give to my university because we’re required to for an alumni group i’m part of – but i’m truly horrified by how much my college costs these days, and would never consider more than the $100 or so. (especially when there’s a different swag giveaway every day — stop buying mugs and umbrellas to give away and start using the money for whatever it is you think you need).

    • Anon

      I haven’t donated to my fancy private college at all. I might be slightly more inclined to donate if they had legacy admissions (they don’t) but even then I doubt I’d give very much. There are so many causes that I feel are more worthy of my dollars.

    • Anon

      I donate about $100 a year to my alma mater. It doesn’t much matter to them if I give $100 or $5,000 (endowment is measured in the billions), but it matters to my savings goals. I think I’ve donated 19 of the 20 years since I graduated?

      Benefits: you can find out how many people donate to their universities, and it is a sign of being invested in the college. I had a wonderful experience and want other kids to have that, too.

    • Anon

      We tried to set up a scholarship fund for a very specific program for underprivileged students that my husband went through. The university acted like they were into it, but then tried to redirect the money to the general fund. Won’t be giving again.

    • Anon for this

      I donate 0. My parents (and then I) paid full tuition, and then when I graduated from law school into the 2008 recession, my school thought it would be a good idea to contact our law firm employers, start a local competition for % of alumni giving, and told the partners who had or hadn’t donated by name, not in the aggregate. This to a group of newish grads saddled with $175K in debt and worried about their jobs.

      So out of touch that it turned me off for life.

    • Anonymous

      I donate every year. Nothing huge but I loved my college and its a bit of a way to support.

    • Anon

      My undergrad and graduate institutions are just fine, I’ll never give them money. There are way more worthy causes out there.

    • Anon

      I would never donate. I didn’t enjoy university and feel no connection to my school.

      That said, I’m Canadian and college loyalty is not a big “thing” here like it is in the US.

    • anon

      Nope. Never. I’m a high six figure earner and 40 years old. My fancy undergrad is not where I plan on allocating any of my charitable contributions at any point (ever?). The college arms race is real and I refuse to contribute. I do give to a local education foundation scholarship fund that grants need-based scholarships to kids in my town each year so they can afford their college education. Far more worthy cause in my eyes that still keeps education at the centerfold.

    • Anonymous

      I technically donate to my undergrad every year, but it’s really a membership to their botanical gardens (of course, I belong to every botanical gardens in the area, so technically I’m also donating to my school’s arch rival). I occasionally donate a little bit to specific programs or projects they’re fundraising for, but rarely just to the general fund and not with any particular regularity. Most of my donations go to other organizations (food banks, public radio, some animal/environmental things). I didn’t start until after my student loans were paid off. I enjoyed my undergrad and felt like they cared. My law school, on the other hand, will never get a dime, because I’m quite certain they just saw us as a number and were never terribly useful with career services or alumni networking.

    • Anon

      I’ve donated to my college, law school, and doctoral university since graduation. All three schools had a positive impact on me.

    • Anon

      I went to my State U and have donated since I graduated, even the grad school years, even if it is just $25 a pop. A lot of students are first-generation and/or military and tuition was reasonable when I went. Now, the keep in-state rates low by raising OOS tuition, so I might restrict giving to OOS student support, but I feel like they are good stewards of the funds they have and are doing truly life-changing work. They educate a lot of teachers, so other alumni are not exactly flush with cash. I can, so I do, within my means. [Also, they have abandoned alumni / legacy preferences.]

    • Anon

      No way. They got enough of my money when I paid for all of college by myself.

    • Anon

      Haha never. I paid back student loans for over 15 years. I give money to my local Children’s Hospital.

    • Anonymous

      I refuse to give my expensive private college a penny. The tuition is crazy high, they have an endowment in the billions, and the investments they’re making very much favor sports which I think is pretty gross. I concentrate our donations to childhood education, childhood hunger (or food banks in general), and women’s reproductive rights. I volunteer my time in local schools, food banks, and mentoring first gen college students so I feel like I do as much as I have bandwidth for both in terms of time/money.

      • Runcible Spoon

        You sound like a very nice person, a good egg! Thank you for your kindness and generosity.

    • Seventh Sister

      I’ve always donated a little bit to each school. Undergrad, I love the place and want to support it. Law School, I’m more transactional (alum giving figures into ranking).

    • Anon

      I give like $10 a year to a scholarship fund for a scholarship I received (which was truly life changing). I’ve been doing this since I graduated.

      I also give $10 a year to my private high school’s scholarship fund (I was a scholarship kid there too) and to one of the sports teams I was on. Attending this school (way beyond anything my parents could have afforded) abc my experiences playing this sport were also life changing. I’ve been giving since my senior year of high school.

      I know $30 isn’t much, but I am truly so grateful for both institutions and the impact they had on my life. I do fine financially, but I am not wealthy so I can’t donate significant amounts to these schools but I’m grateful for their influence on me nonetheless.

      • Anon

        I feel like $10/year is the worst of both worlds. It’s not enough money to make you feel like you made a significant donation, but it puts you on every mailing and call list.

    • Anon

      Would not consider giving $ to my undergrad – they had a policy of using out of state tuition to fund their in-state student costs, so I more than paid my share already. And I saw some of the things my graduate school spent money on while I was there and it was …profligate. I’ll buy branded stuff (sweatshirts, etc) but no straight donations.

      • Anon

        Public university?

        As the tuition paying parent of two in-state students, I’m so glad the out of state students pay more. I’ve been paying taxes for UC and CSU for my entire life. It’s bad enough that admissions favor out of state students, but I would be really pissed off if out of state students rode on my taxpayer coattails. (Which they already do, but come on)

        • Anon

          FWIW, my parents paid OOS tuition to a VA state school and I stayed there after I graduated and they made a ton more from me. I’m pretty sure it’s one of the most rampantly unfair things ever. It’s not like the states adequately fund these schools and then they make roadblocks for poor OOS students and that limits access for more in-state students. And for subsidizing this, we get treated like sh*t by some people.

          • Anon

            It’s easier for OOS students to get into the top UCs than it is for top CA resident applicants. This is well documented and an ongoing problem, resulting in our state legislature demanding UCs admit more in-state students. The UC charter was to provide education for California students. Why would I pay 12.5% of my state taxes into higher education for out of state students? (That’s the higher education tax burden in CA)

          • Anon

            Yeah I’m fine with out of state paying more – that’s how it should be.
            But it should be easier to get in from in state. CA is backwards (to an extreme degree) and I’d be livid if I was a CA taxpayer.

    • SC

      I donate to my undergrad college every year, usually $50 or $100 to cover both myself and my husband, who is also an alum. I check the box to designate that the funds go toward need-based aid. The college meets all “need based” aid, and while I realize that their system is imperfect, I appreciate that they do something to help with the absurd cost of tuition.

    • Anon

      Even as a broke student, I’ve always donated at least a few dollars because the percent of graduates who donate at all factors into their ranking! I loved my college experience and have warm memories of people there. I hope the community and culture that exists there will persist into the future.

    • Anon

      I give $20 a year to specific programs or scholarships at both my undergrad and my private k-12 school. I relied on scholarships to attend both and had a truly amazing, life changing education and opportunities at both schools. I also still volunteer with both schools. I’m sometimes tempted to give more because I really can’t understand the impact these places had on me, my education, and my career. The prep school was very much a “molding young people of character” place and I did find it quite impactful. However, I then think that both of these institutions are wealthy so maybe my money is best used elsewhere. But then, since I’m giving to specific scholarships the more that’s given means the more scholarship money there is to give to students like me…

      I give nothing to my grad school because I didn’t enjoy my program while I was there and don’t think it was really beneficial, I don’t think I received a great education, and even though 90% of us were part time grad students, I don’t think the program was designed in a way that was conducive to managing school on top of work and life. Luckily it was cheap. However, I am applying to be an adjunct in my program to hopefully make it better.

      Most of my donations are to other causes: a health cause near and dear to my heart, local and national environmental causes, and local education and food insecurity organizations. I also volunteer for a few causes (local trail cleanups, animal fostering, and at a local food pantry). To me these are all more pressing needs than my fancy schools, so they get more of my donations.

    • Anon

      Will never. Not because I had a particularly good or bad experience, but because I have seen with my own eyes how prevalent poverty is in our own wealthy country, in our own wealthy backyards, and I can’t justify giving my former private school or university $100 to p1ss away on glossy brochures vs $100 to a food or diaper bank. Kind of a Maslow’s hierarchy thing for me.

    • Anon

      i donated every year until this one. not a lot, but something and it is something that was very very important to me. i loved my undergrad experience, met my husband and best friends there, but I’m a Jewish Penn alum and this year gave my money to their Hillel instead. After meeting with someone who works for the development office who reached out to me for a meeting, I asked if there was a way for my funds to be directed to the anti semitism task force, but she never got back to me. I am also a Columbia alum for grad school, but haven’t really donated there because while my grad experience was fine, it wasn’t as impactful for me and I most certainly won’t begin donating there in the near future.

    • Anecdata

      I donate to my undergrad, because it was tuition-free, and that was life-changing for me. Not huge amounts but starting straight out of school, to help them keep alumni donor %s high

      I don’t donate to grad school, bc they have a gazillion dollar endowment and still manage to charge $$$$ tuition and then nickel and dime their students over added costs, and also one of my professors told me if I was “serious”, I would buy brand name moleskin notebooks, not “whatever’s cheap on Amazon”

    • LawDawg

      I give to my college (a SLAC) and law school and each of the colleges my kids attended. I have been giving every year since graduation (80’s, 00’s, 20’s, respectively) to all of them. There was a reason they were chosen by me and my family members; we got something from them (aid, experiences, whatever) and I want to give back. When I haven’t been fond of the administration, I will direct my funds to more specific programs. Other years, I give to the Annual Fund. I also give to local homeless shelter, food banks, museums, causes I believe in. I am lucky to have a lot and I spread some of that luck around.

    • anon

      I also felt the pull to give back once I got more established financially. I think it’s a great instinct and if you feel like your alma mater is a great experience, don’t let overthinking get in the way of doing something good with your money.
      That being said, higher Ed was not on my radar when I looked around what cause to support, but I got my degree in a country with essentially free public education.

    • Anon

      I donate $20/yr to financial aid. I work at a nonprofit and still have many student loans to pay. I won’t ever have significant money to donate.

      I have volunteered on the reunions committee before, and I know they measure “participation rate” per class, so I figure my 20 bucks is checking that box.

    • Anon

      I don’t (and never will) make a ton in my career field, but I have always prioritized donating to financial aid / scholarships at my alma mater. Basically, the generous financial aid and scholarships I got are what allowed me to go to college. I graduated with some debt, my parents helped contribute what they could, but the vast majority of my very good private university was covered by aid and scholarships. The aid I got made attending this university cheaper than attending an in-state public university for not only me, but several of my friends.

      I took advantage of literally every opportunity at my school (double major with a minor, varsity athlete, greek life, a few clubs, work study, study abroad, an on-campus non-work study job, and an on campus internship) and a few of those opportunities directly led me to my first job out of school (in a niche field) which led to a great, meaningful career that gives back. Additionally, I had a lot of fun in school and made great, life-long friendships. I also grew a ton as a person and was exposed to so much more than I could have ever dreamed. I knew I was getting a good education in undergrad, but once I started grad school it really opened my eyes to how great the education was in undergrad. My experience at this school truly opened so many doors and changed my life so I always give back both financially and as a volunteer. I don’t give a ton financially (about $100 a year), but I also volunteer with a few different departments.

      It’s so important to me to give to financial aid / scholarships, because I want other kids who normally couldn’t afford the fancy university or the “extras” (like study abroad – mine was fully funded and even included a stipend to cover my homestay and flight) to have the opportunities I had. I know I’d be relatively successful regardless of where I went to school, but I know that the path that I’m currently on wouldn’t have been possible elsewhere.

      My school has its flaws, charges high tuition despite its $2B endowment, and I’m sure isn’t as equitable as it should be; however, “to whom much is given, much will be expected”. The school gave me so much by attending there, so I view it as a duty to give back, both by the type of profession I have and by my donating to financial aid so other kids like me can have great opportunities.

      I also donate to various other causes that are “more important” and more deserving, but I still donate to my undergrad alma mater.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, about $12,000 a year currently. I hope to be able to endow a full ride scholarship one day. Currently, the money is earmarked for a resource center on campus that operates as a free/reduced cost grocery store/clothing store on campus, among many other things, for women’s sports and for student professor research (small school, no grad school connected to it.)

      I will say that the percentage of alumni who give is used as a factor in grant opportunities for the schools and professors. So, you don’t have to give $$$$$, but giving helps.

    • 3L

      I donate a small amount every year to my religious high school and college. I will do the same when I graduate law school. I always earmark my donations for financial aid.

      Two main reasons for it 1) I worked in the development office calling alums as an undergrad and have sympathy for the kids on the phone and 2) My parents did the same, so it’s just sort of a habit for me. I don’t give much, but I have had a wonderful education and it is meaningful to me to give when and where I can

      I reserve larger donations (relatively speaking, given that I’m still in school) for charitable causes I care a lot about

    • Senior Attorney

      I don’t feel much of a connection to either my undergrad or law school, so I donate elsewhere. I do value education so I donate a significant amount to our local community college foundation. My husband gives a small amount to his law school, which serves a more-diverse-than-most student body.

    • Anon.

      Over the years, I have only donated in memoriam when a classmate passes away in their honor. Just feels like a special way to acknowledge them.

    • Anonymous

      I started giving $1-10 per year when I graduated. I figured at the level I could afford, all I’m really contributing to is their % of alumni donors. I married an alum so we write two small checks and figure we’ve done our part.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, I donate to the scholarship fund. Every scholarship is a leg up for a lower income family. I think it has massive return on investment.

    • Anon

      I do not contribute to mine and don’t ever plan to. They can afford to pay their football coach many millions and justify it by saying the program’s publicity brings in so much more to the school. Meanwhile, my STEM department was using literal duct tape and coat hangars to hold lasers and x-ray machinery together because the school had “no funding available” for such frivolities. If my old profs put out an equipment request I will happily chip in there, but the football coach can take care of the general fund out of his own pocket, IMHO.

  8. DC Crab cakes

    For the folks who love crab cakes, any favorite restaurants in DC or within a 45-minute drive of DC in Virginia or Maryland?

    • Anon

      DC is a better place for international fare than seafood. For crab cakes, head to Annapolis. For the life of me, I can’t find my favorite hole in the wall there on the map right now, but there are plenty of seafood places out there and they’ll all be good.

    • kag

      King Street Oyster Bar in NoMa (3 minutes walk from the Noma/Galaudet metro station, Red line)

    • Anonymous

      Kent Island is a bit father out but has great options. There’s a crab deck open during the summer for hard crabs. Fisherman’s Inn is an old family favorite. Very reasonably priced, not fancy.

  9. ALT

    I just found out my longest-term friend (we’ve been friends more than half our lives and are basically sisters) is expecting a baby due in the fall. I’d love to get her and baby a gift, but not sure what. Any ideas?

      • Cat

        idk, sometimes that seems a little tr-nsactional when you really just want to send a “wow I’m so excited for you” surprise. What’s your budget and where is your friend? A prenatal massage could be a nice treat?

      • Anon

        Probably not yet if she’s newly pregnant. Most people don’t set those up until mid-pregnancy. I agree with Cat that it’s nice to get a small “thinking of you” thing now and then something bigger from the registry later.

    • Anon

      I always give children’s books. I read to my kids from the time they were about 3 days old, so I routinely give an assortment of our favorites.

      • anon

        +1

        I love this gift. And usually the books I send are the first my pregnant friend receives. And they are classics, so the parents usually know them and are excited.

    • Anon

      Fall is a long way from now. Send her your love now and baby gifts when baby is born. Non-alcoholic beverages or other pregnancy related gifts might be appreciated now.

      (I grew up in a tradition where gifts before baby is born are bad luck.)

      • Anon

        I agree. It sounds way too early for me to feel comfortable giving a gift for the baby.

    • Anon

      I don’t know your risk tolerance, but I’m always hesitant to give something for the baby until there’s a shower or the baby has been born. I’m far too superstitious to give a baby gift early in the pregnancy.

      So, I like to get something for the mother instead. I usually do flowers or a fun consumable. I recognize that these aren’t great gifts if the mom has sensitivities during pregnancy.

    • Daffodil

      My go-to gift for this is a matching robe (for mom) and swaddle (for baby) from Milkmaid Goods. Cute patterns. My friends have seemed to appreciate them, and I like that they get something too, not just the baby.

    • anon

      At this early stage, I’d gift to the mom and not to the baby. So prenatal massage, flowers or something along those lines is probably best. Save the baby gift giving for the registry/shower and post birth.

    • Anon

      Give her something for herself. Not for the baby. Pregnancy feels like it’s forever.

    • Nona

      I agree with others. When my closest friend shared the news, I did not give her a baby gift at that point but wanted to give her something she would enjoy. My friend loves flowers, so I sent a congratulations bouquet.

    • kag

      Flowers, soft maternity robe (for example from Motherhood maternity), board book(s). Closer to her due date something useful from Frida Mom (I loved luxurious upside-down squirt bottle and additional cold pads).

  10. Anonymous

    How do you get people to file/name/organize documents on a shared drive? The org has standard naming protocol, and drive instructions pinned right to the top of the main file, and everyone in the org has both seen them in training and has access to them. Unfortunately people are still just putting docs wherever and naming them stuff like “Copy of john thoughts spring case (2) v3” which is completely useless. I’ve been manually fixing titles and moving docs for a while now but it’s important everything is organized for institutional knowledge and legal reasons, I’m not just being picky.

    • Anonymous

      To add, employees need to do this themselves, admins are not our babysitters and have their own actual tasks.

    • An.On.

      Sit everybody down for mandatory training and then crack down on people who aren’t doing it, I assume

    • Anon

      at my first job out of college (economic consulting) this was taught in our training and everyone followed the protocol. same thing when i interned in big law.

    • Anon

      I do dates like 20240422 at the end of files because that way if they have a consistent name like AnonDoc 20240422 the alpha sort will work in date order

    • Anecdata

      Stop fixing it manually and direct the offender to fix it. Every time. (assuming your leadership agrees with you that this needs to be fixed and you’re not just being picky; and agrees that it’s the right use of resources to have everyone do it themselves)

      • Anonymous

        Yes, what’s the culture around this? Are you the only one waving this flag, or are there a bunch of people with authority who agree that this needs to happen?

        • OP

          This matters, our field is subject to audit, our organization failed the last one. I was the only staff member whose files were acceptable. Senior management cares that we pass audit.

          • anon

            Is passing the audit your responsibility? Is correcting file names your responsibility? If not, move along.

          • OP

            Senior management asked me to give some sort of a presentation to everyone since my files are good. I’m honestly stumped because I just….follow procedure, there is no trick. But still I’ve been requested to help so I’m going to be a good worker bee and try.

          • ABanon

            Maybe try or address the “why” of it being important — why it’s important to pass the audit. But I would also stop taking on this task for others & be clear that you’re done being the group mommy. Set an expectation that everyone is responsible for themselves & be direct about the consequences they will personally face. If you’re not in a position to enforce consequences — congratulations this is already not your responsibility.

    • Anon

      There needs to be consequences. I’ve worked places where ignoring administrative tasks like this can impact one’s performance rating.

  11. Anon

    I just started a new job and I’m supposed to be reading over long documents (like 100 page manuals) but I just cannot focus. It doesn’t help that I hate reading and don’t want to do it. I do have ADHD and take medication for that, but it has never really helped with reading. Any tips?

    • SC

      The only way I can read long documents is to print them out, break them up into sections, use color coded pens or highlighters or tabs (if I am responsible for retaining the information), and step away from my computer to do the actual reading.

    • Anonymous

      The only way I’ve ever had luck doing this is on paper, with highlighters or taking notes. I love to read and read a lot for work/fun but for anything seriously challenging/highly technical/plain old boring I need to do it on paper.
      Plus highlighting in pretty colors or making notes in the margins is both a motivation (look! I read all the yellow text already, go me!) and a way to keep myself focused (can’t make notes if you don’t read the text well enough to get it).

    • An.On.

      For me, printed materials are easier to read than screens, so if possible, print it out. Also, not sure what you’re reading for, but also take out a notepad, pen and highlighter or sticky pad, so you have tools to take notes. It feels more proactive, like I’m looking for something, instead of passively taking it in.

    • A

      I make a check list in very manageable but varied page amounts (e.g., 1-4, 5-14, 15-26) and check off at each interval while listening to music.

    • Davis

      Do you know if you’re really going to need this info later or are they kind of killing time while they get projects set up for you? At my job, we provide reading like this but the documents will be available later if you need to find something and use it. Maybe take notes, make an outline, keep a list of acronyms or words to look up, which will help you stay more engaged.

  12. Anon

    I recently stumbled onto the Pike County massacre and what happened to the children since then (that is murky, some are still children). Some things you just can’t believe because they are so sad.

  13. Anon

    Has anyone else watched The Diplomat on Netflix? I’ve been out of the TV habit but just aimlessly scrolled and stared watching it over the weekend. I’m two episodes in. It seeems pretty good so far. I will watch anything with Rufus Sewell in it, and he seems particularly good, or maybe it’s that he gets to play the charming character.

    • Anon

      Loved it and it was a top trending show for a while so it will be back and you can get invested.

    • Vicky Austin

      Yes, I LOVED it. I have yet to see any news on if the second season is coming though. Enjoy!!

      When we finished The Diplomat we moved on to Pine Gap, which was fun. And Killing Eve is on Netflix now.

    • Anon

      Omg I loved it so much, although I did call the big twist in the first half of the very first episode.

    • Runcible Spoon

      YES! Fund mini-series, although quite unrealistic in various dramatically-licensed ways. It was great fun to watch.

    • Senior Attorney

      Then of course you’ve seen Scoop, with almost-unrecognizeable Rufus as Prince Andrew? It’s amazing!

    • Flats Only

      I liked it. It was no West Wing, but it was a fun watch, and I am looking forward to the announced second season.

    • Lily

      If you liked the Diplomat, you would probably like Homeland which is less fluffy/more serious but gives me similar vibes. Loved both.

      • Senior Attorney

        Also Madame Secretary, which ran for years and was much better than Diplomat, in my view.

    • Annony

      I’ve seen Rufus Sewell at my Trader Joe’s twice. Years ago in the elevator with a very young girlfriend and then just this past year with a small child. Time flies.

  14. Anonymous

    Does anyone have experience with Metformin? I understand the GI side effects can be rough trying to see if there’s any way to mitigate.

    • Betsy

      Are you taking it for PCOS or diabetes? If it’s PCOS, look up inositol – it is a supplement that has a similar impact to the body as metformin without the GI problems.

    • anon

      Yes. 1500 mg daily. Titrate up over a couple weeks. Take it at night after a snack and before bed. I’ve never had an issue. I’m at the point now that I actually often take it on an empty stomach. Maybe I’m just super used to it by now, but I have zero issues.

      • anon

        Just saw your post above. I was also Rx’d it for IVF and then my PCP liked me on it so I stayed (insulin resistant PCOS, diagnosed only in the course of IVF treatment). So, titration may not be possible for you. Either way, my commentary stands – with a snack, at night, before bed.

        FWIW, I stopped taking it when I was 10 weeks at the recommendation of my MFM OB and just went back on it in the last month. I didn’t titrate and was totally fine. Not meaning to be dismissive of side effects as I know some people do get them, but I do not and hope the same for you!

        Also, good luck with the IVF. Rooting for you from afar.

    • Anon

      The name brand Glucophage can be gentler than generics, especially if it’s extended release. (Equivalency requirements for non-active ingredients and time release formulations apparently aren’t as stringent as for the active ingredient!)

    • Anon

      Yes, I took it for years with no major GI effects for insulin resistance. But in the last 2 years, the GI side effects have become very increasingly bad. I’m quitting it because I can’t deal with the GI effects anymore, they are impacting my quality of life.

    • Runcible Spoon

      Extended-release tablets were the game-changer for me, made taking metformin much more tolerable.

    • NY CPA

      I had horrible GI side effects from it, and had to stop taking it, but already had GI issues to begin with.

      • Anon

        (Posting this with the realization you all are not doctors or dietitians) I am trying to wean myself off Metformin (with PCP’s approval) and wanting to mitigate pre diabetic symptoms with diet changes. Any recommendations for online diet/nutritionist/dietician resources which are non-Instagram accessible and reputable?

  15. Anon

    This morning’s musical student post got me thinking. We don’t have kids, so I’m curious.

    DH was a fairly talented kid from a tiny, rusty, rural, blue collar town. His parents had a few college credits each. He played the violin well enough to go to the state orchestra and ran track well enough to go to states. He was offered full-rides to no-name local SLACs, one in music, one in track. He took the track offer and graduated without any debt from undergrad.

    (And by no-name, I mean I grew up 90 minutes away from DH and had never heard of this school until we met in our mid-30s.)

    Do no-name SLACs still give out scholarships for moderately talented kids with B averages? Or has the modern parenting rat race and the schools amenity race erased scholarships for moderately talented kids? It’s one thing for me – not a parent – to say, oh, a bachelor’s is the new HS diploma – go anywhere that’s free and focus on a good grad school – but is that playing out in real life?

    • Anon

      Yes, they do, and some of them are really great for late bloomers and other kids who may not have the best GPAs, or whatever.
      It does play out in real life and busting your butt at a small school for undergrad is just as valid a route to grad school as any.

    • Anon

      I don’t know about merit aid for kids with B averages, that seems less likely since many middling schools expect at least a B average just for admission.

      I do know that (contrary to what some here say) kids with mostly As and good test scores still have lots of options for places they can go on large merit scholarships even if they aren’t super unique.

    • Anon

      With grade inflation, a B average is now average, whereas C is supposed to be average. It doesn’t really have a lot of meaning to have an A average any more.

      • Anon

        I should add, that’s for public schools. Private schools average GPA is north of 3.3. I’m sure the parents are demanding all A’s for little Johnny when they’re paying so much tuition.

      • Anon

        I don’t think C was ever meant to be average. If it was a bell curve there would be as many kids getting Ds and Fs as As and Bs. That seems both unrealistic and wildly impractical since you normally have to repeat a course if you don’t get at least a C.

        • Anon

          The literal definition of C was average when I was in high school in the dark ages.

          A was excellent, B was good, C was average, D was passing, F was failing.

          You can look up countless statistics about grade inflation over time.

        • Anon

          I just looked at the linked article – see the section on As. Cs were the most common grade, so median/mode. Replaced over time with A being the most common grade.

          Basically, being a B student today is not good at all.

        • Anon

          I get that there’s been significant grade inflation in recent years, but that doesn’t mean C was ever the median grade. When my parents were in school in the 1950s, C meant “satisfactory” and was a much more common grade than it is now. But if you assume at least 30% of kids get at least a B, that means 30% are also getting Ds and Fs if it’s a perfect Bell curve. I don’t think it’s accurate that that many kids used to fail.

          I also think the quality of the high school matters. At ours the majority of the students pass at least one AP exam, so the median GPA being 3.0 doesn’t seem unreasonable to me. Kids who can pass AP tests deserve at least Bs in high school courses, imo. That same reasoning probably applies to private schools too, although I’m sure there’s also an element of parental pressure.

          • Anon

            I think you’re not quite in touch with how very many kids never graduated from high school or “flunked out” just a few decades back.

          • Anon

            But is that really a good thing? I get that high schools give too many As today and not everyone can or should go to top colleges. But the vast majority of people should graduate from high school imo.

    • Seventh Sister

      Some do, especially if the student is male and/or goes to a high school that is perceived as rigorous.

      • Anon

        The truth of this pains me, but it is also a great statement as to what girls/women are achieving.

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