Online Dating for Smart Women: Apps, Advice, and More

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Long hours at the office, plus no energy when you're NOT at the office… these are not the great markers of a lively social life. If you're not already attached to someone, it can be a nightmare for a young professional woman to try to meet someone intelligent — which means that online dating is the default plan for many.

I always tended to think about these things not in the “I need to date someone intelligent” perspective, but more from the opposite: I wanted a date who valued my intelligence; who thought intelligence was a higher priority than beauty. I wanted a date who would be psyched about my intelligence and my ambition.

This wasn't always the case on more general dating sites — I worried people would be intimidated by the prospect of dating a woman lawyer, or that having an intelligent, career-driven woman was a mark in the “con” box.

In any event: there are a variety of sites out there that pander to intelligent women, or people from certain schools. So I thought we'd round up a few… do you have any others to recommend? We'd love to hear them!

{related: dating advice for career-driven women}

Option 1: Online Dating Sites for Smart Women

So you've decided you're serious about dating and want to do your best to meet someone — online dating should definitely be a consideration! In addition to the regular sites that everyone uses like Bumble and Match, you might want to consider sites with a more specific niche.

The following sites focus on elite qualifications, resumes/schools, IQ, and more. (We've totally updated this list as of 2022…)

• The League
• Elite Singles
• Sapio
• IQ Elite
• Right Stuff Dating (this one's been around FOREVER)
• (an OG suggestion to keep an eye on, although these days it definitely skews older: the personals section of The New York Review of Books)
• If you're older: Ivy Over 50 Singles
• BluesMatch (more UK focused)

Similarly, another classic dating venue for intelligent folks that we've never tried (although plenty of our friends have): It's Just Lunch. Other matchmaking services with a focus on professionals: Samantha's Table, VIDA Select, Tawkify, Elegant Introductions (select cities only), and The Right Time.

Option 2: Real Life Venues for Meeting People (whaaat?)

Online dating isn't the end-all, be-all… there are also some real life venues where you have a higher than average chance to meet someone cool. Do you know them all? Some options include:

• If you're under 40, the “under 40” clubs for local museums, charities, and even libraries — the membership may cost $75 to $1000, but you and a select group of other young folks can attend seminars, dinners, and even balls. For example, in New York, check out the Young Lions of the New York Public Library, or the Junior Council of the American Natural History Museum.
• trivia quiz nights at bars — try Googling “trivia nights” and your city and you'll come upon plenty of bars
• say yes to every invitation you get — parties, networking nights, charity nights, and so forth!

Psst: these are some of my favorite tricks to refresh makeup to go from desk to date…

As far as makeup for desk to dinner, I always like to put on Touche Éclat and a highlighter like Haloscope or High Beam while listening to a crazy upbeat, silly song like Rock Me Amadeus — but for you this may look different. I also feel like refreshing my brow and cheek makeup is important! Some of my favorite makeup products for faking a good night's sleep may also be helpful here.

Hunting for great books on dating when you're busy? Readers have loved Evan Mark Katz's work, and Kat thought this book on the technical side of flirting and body language was really helpful back in her dating days.

Further Reading on Online Dating Advice for Smart Women

• The best dating apps for busy professionals [Mashable] [2021]
• The best mindful dating apps [The Good Trade] [2021]
• 9 Best Dating Apps For Busy Young Professionals [Bustle] [2016]
• Sapio, the dating app that wants to help smart people hook up [Mashable] [2017]
• Smart, Busy Women Finally Get Their Own Dating App [Elle] [2014]
• The Best Dating Sites for Geeks and Nerds [PairedLife] [2016]
• LinkedUp: a dating app for the most professional of networks [The Guardian] [2014]
• “Be Picky and Have High Standards”: New Dating Apps Cater to the Elite and the Rich [The Guardian][2015]
• No Ordinary Love [Atlantic Monthly] [2006]

Updated images (heart tree) via Stencil.