Happy Valentine’s Day, ladies! If you’re happily partnered, what are you up to tonight (or this weekend)? If you’re still on the hunt for a partner, though, let’s have an open thread to talk about dating. What are your favorite online services or apps? Have you joined any IRL activities to try to meet someone? Are you open to dating at the office (and how does that look in 2018)? Whether you’re partnered or not, what is the best dating advice for career-driven women you’ve ever heard?
For my $.02, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I’ve always been of the view that I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person — and knew it was time to break it off with guys as soon as I rolled my eyes at them. As a Type-A, career-driven woman, the best dating advice I got back in the day was to treat dating like a project, with measurable goals (update profiles on 2 sites this week, message 4 prospective guys, go on 2 dates). It gives you some feeling of control over what is essentially an uncontrollable process — and it helps you understand better what you do and don’t want, as well as appreciate when there is a spark or connection. Personally, this last part was really important for me — I went into dating like I might a hire, with a wish list of schools, careers, extracurriculars. Looking back, I’m glad I ditched the list and focused instead on spark, connection, and shared values and expectations about what our lives would look like, including things like how much you want your extended family in your life, what the “default weekend” looks like (together? apart? partying? with our kids? football widow?), and even generally being on the same wavelength on things like dirty dishes and toys taking over your living room. That said, I wound up meeting my husband at a friend’s party a few months after I’d decided to take a break from dating like a project… and both of us nearly hadn’t gone to the party. So luck (obviously) plays a huge role… but as the quote goes, chance favors the prepared mind.
Here are some of our previous discussions on point regarding dating advice for career-driven women:
- Online Dating for Smart Women (written long ago but updated 2018 with a bunch of new sites and articles) (see our 2012 post here also)
- A Marriage Mindset: Thoughts on Meet the Patels
- Dating at Work (2016 open thread; here’s the 2010 open thread too)
- Online Dating for Professional Women (guest post)
- Find Time to Date When You’re Busy
- How to Date a Busy Person
- How to Date a Person with More Time (Or Less Money)