ByKat Hours Updated
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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Shoshanya Cashmere Sweater

club-monaco-cashmere-sweaterOur daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I saw this cashmere sweater for the first time a few weeks ago and I keep coming back to it. I realize it's more on the casual end of the spectrum, but it has an elegant, sort of luxurious feel to it that I think is unusual — I haven't seen many other sweaters like this. I like the long belted tie waist and the side slits, and I think it would be a really sophisticated, lovely look for work. It's available in sizes XS-L and is $279 at Club Monaco in the color pictured, charcoal, and plum. Shoshanya Cashmere Sweater Here's a lower-priced option and a plus-size alternative (60% off!). Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

372 Comments

  1. Two of my former supervisors wrote recommendations for my grad school applications recently. Do I get them a small gift to say thank you? Just write them a thank you note? I have very good relationships with both of them and am so appreciative that they took the time, but I can’t come up with a gift that makes sense to me.

    1. Thank you note + donation to cause that you know they care about? Or donation to scholarship fund at your university if you want to keep it non-political.

      1. Thank you note. No gift/donation.

        And when you get accepted, you let them know and keep in touch.

    2. Write a thank-you note (and then stay in touch to let them know how you’re doing!) but don’t give them a gift. It looks too much like a bribe (even though it’s presumably not). In academia it wouldn’t be normal to give someone a gift for a recommendation letter (although you could give your thesis director a present).

    3. Thanks for the responses! Agree about a gift seeming almost like a bribe, that was exactly my concern. Thank you note it is.

    5. Rec letters got a thank-you note along with follow up with my school, career. That being said, for networking purposes, I do send holiday gifts (i.e. a bottle of wine) to mentors, one of which wrote me a recommendation letter.

    6. There’s one caveat that makes me want to be the voice of dissent: if it’s a letter for business school, a gift is pretty standard. In my circles, people tend to give something ~$50 to each letter writer.

    7. Huh. I have sent relevant job ads, served as a reference, and have written a letter of recommendation for a grad program for one of my former supervisees, just this fall. I never expected anything more than a thank you (which happened via text message).

  2. This looks like what I’d want to wear if I lived in a Nancy Meyers movie.

    I love it.

    1. This sweater is bomb! If Club Monaco carried XL it would be on it’s way to me right now.

    2. I don’t think it’s necessarily casual. Picture it with a camel or beige pencil skirt, nude hose or tights and a shoe that matches the skirt, and a long strand of pearls. Total Boss Lady.

  3. I have a fun shopping problem and I’m hoping you ladies might have some good ideas! I’m having a baby girl early 2017 and my dad and my grandpa are big on gifts of jewelry to mark special occasions like this. They’ve asked for some suggestions. Budget is probably approx $5k

    I’m thinking it would be nice to get something that I could eventually give to my daughter. Maybe an eternity band that I could stack with my wedding band and give to her when she gets married/is old enough for a right hand ring or a little diamond initial necklace. Does anyone have anything that they’ve loved or feel like doing any vicarious shopping?

    Thanks!!

    1. I like the eternity band idea. It’s something you can wear every day, and it doesn’t scream “mommy jewelery”. Maybe get one in a combo of diamonds and the baby’s birthstone.

      1. Eternity bands can’t be resized, so that might be a problem if you want to pass the ring down to your daughter. I would go with diamond studs or a solitaire necklace, with plans to pass the item down at a milestone (16th birthday, quinceanera, bat mitzvah, confirmation, graduation, etc.).

    2. I think I’d get diamond studs. They go with everything, so you won’t have to think about changing your earrings as a busy new mom, and they will make a lovely classic gift for your daughter when she’s old enough.

      1. +1

        But be forewarned. As soon as she figures out what they are, which will be about 12 or so, she will be wearing them. But that’s part of the fun of having a daughter.

        From a Mom who has to regularly raid her 20something daughter’s jewlery box and closet to find her missing clothes and jewelry.

        1. My mom finally gave me one of her necklaces outright after I borrowed it so many times. I wear it two or three times a week and have since she gave it to me three years ago, so she says even though it was one of her favorite necklaces, it was worth it to give it to me. <3

    3. I’d get whatever you like and would wear a lot, that could be passed onto her eventually.

      I’m not a ring person except for engagement ring, but I’d probably splurge on solitaire earrings or pendant. Classic and you’d wear them forever. So would she!

    4. I’m kind of obsessed with these jewelers, so I’d go with just about anything from them. But I think the flora collections are particularly beautiful. In my family pearls are the ‘go to’ gift for first children, but that is traditionally from the husband. Perhaps a classic set of drop earrings or a cocktail ring?

        1. Wow, these are beautifully designed and crafted. Thanks for sharing the link. I will revisit the site just to enjoy viewing the physical embodiment of artisanal ideas.

    5. My mom got a diamond necklace when I was born. She never let on that it was really for me until the day she gave it to me for a milestone occasion. That would solve the problem of a 12 year borrowing (and maybe losing) the piece.

    7. It wasn’t a gift when we were born but my mom had single strand of pearls she passed down to me on my 21st birthday. She broke apart a double strand into two necklaces for my sisters so we all have a set of mom’s pearls.

    8. Look at Noemi. They were featured on A Practical WEdding and their stuff is gorgeous, not remotely just wedding bands.

      1. My dad bought my mom/me a gorgeous necklace in our shared birthstone when I was born. I never knew it existed until my mom conveniently remembered right around my college graduation. I haven’t taken it off since.

    9. My husband bought me a ring with my daughter’s birthstone flanked by two little diamonds when she was born. I wore it for years until my fingers got too fat. She’s 16 now and she’s just starting to wear it on her middle finger. She’s very careful with it and it is so sentimental.

      It wasn’t 5k but hubby had it custom made so it wasn’t cheap either.

    10. I’ve seen mother-daughter pearl sets (a necklace for the mom and a tiny bracelet for the baby) and they always seem lovely to me. She could have the bracelet right away and then the necklace when she’s old enough/on a special birthday.

    11. Caysie Van Bebber (CVB Inspired Design) has some gorgeous stacking rings that might be up your alley. I’m hoping the Exeter might make an appearance in my stocking ;-) I know she does custom orders and could potentially do a 3/4 eternity if you are concerned about future sizing.

  4. Thinking about pulling the trigger on a Canada goose jacket for my husband. He’s incredibly generous with other people, but doesn’t spend money on himself. He doesn’t really have a good winter coat, and we just got a puppy so we’re going to be spending a lot more time outside this winter! Are they as great as the exploding popularity makes them seem?

    Any other good stocking stuffer type ideas to go along with that if it’s my one major gift? Big football fan, homebody, likes to eat but wouldn’t consider himself a foodie?

    Also, thank you to whoever posted about those microwaveable stuffed animals!! I ordered one for my mom and know it’s going to be a huge hit!! She went on a safari last year and we still hear about how the most luxurious part of the trip was how they’d warm up your bed for you with hot stones. This seems like the cutest possible at home version!

    1. They’re great quality coats but nothing spectacular. Similar to The North Face or Patagonia.

      For stocking stuffers, I usually do a couple magazines and favorite snacks. Can you get a mini chocolate football?

    2. My husband has a Canada Goose coat and loves it. We live in Chicago and have a dog so spend a substantial amount of time outside in bad weather. He got the bomber and wishes he had gotten something a little longer (e.g. more butt covering). I can’t compare them to other brands though, since he upgraded from a pea jacket which was, of course, not nearly as warm.

    3. Those jackets seem a little ridiculous. Why use real fur as decorative trim for over 500? Who needs that here in the continental US?

      1. The men’s version I was looking at at Bloomingdales didn’t have the fur trim, which I know my husband wouldn’t like.

        1. I keep getting put into moderation. I don’t know why. But look back here for a long post that hopefully will get cleared. Short story – I have the women’s version that is closest to the men’s Burnett. No fur hood and I love it.

        1. +1

          I’m in Canada and my NorthFace parka has real fur trim and it made an enormous difference in keeping my face warm when it’s windy with lots of blowing snow and I had to walk 25 minutes to law school at -40C. Plenty of places in the Mid-West get just as cold as Canada in the winter.

        2. I am also in Canada, and splurged on a (the very longest version) Canada Goose 3 winters ago. The fur does keep the snow out of your face somewhat.
          We don’t have a dog but I have three kids, the youngest of which plays outdoor hockey, and the middle of which plays regular hockey. Sitting in an arena for an hour makes you very cold too.

          I don’t have a North Face, so I can’t compare, but my sister does, and she does not seem as warm in it as I do in my CG.

          1. I’m never quite as warm in my NF parka as I am when I borrow husband’s CG. If I were buying again I’d probably go for a CG.

      3. I have the Marmot down jacket with fake fur trim. SO has the Canada Goose with real fur. We went to Iceland in mid-Winter and found real fur performed better for keeping snow and mist out of the hood- it held up to condensation better. I’m in the northeast US and I wear my jacket for below 25-30F when wool coat no longer cuts it.

    4. I wrote a post that is in moderation and I don’t know why. But I have the women’s version of the Burnett from 3 years ago and love it.

      I like it more than my previous winter coat which was from North Face because the fabric is thicker and sturdy so I feel like its going to last forever. I found that my previous jacket from north face ended up wearing down in spots so the down was almost poking through. I also find that its way more water proof. I really like the sleeve area because it has like rib knit cuffs on the inside so if snow got up a sleeve it would be blocked. I love how the hood and upper area has fleece, but the sleeves do not which makes it easy to put your arms in. basically no complaints on this coat at all. This is coming from someone who grew up with cold midwest winters – 40 F . And I use the coat on travels to cold places in Europe and stay toasty warm.

      Granted I got mine for 300 dollars during a July sale in 2014. So I don’t know if I would spend how much they currently cost now. When looking for a warm coat I always look at the Down Per Inch, the higher the better. I make its pretty long and has a good hood. Patagonia and North Face have excellent return policies if something does go wrong though.

      1. I think it’s in moderation for the double T’s. The moderation bot thinks you’re trying to post the name of this s*i*t*e.

      2. This….. pick the max down that you can get – but make sure that you can move freely. I love my Canada Goose for what it’s worth. (in Canada).

    5. I think the warmest Patagonia ones are equally good, and they are made with ethical down, and also have non-down alternatives. Plus you are more likely to be able to find them on sale (although maybe not between now and Christmas).

    6. I think they’re pretty overplayed honestly… I see them everywhere and they seem more like a badge of “look how much I spent on a coat” than worn for warmth. I live in Boston so might be different in a not-as-“New England Prep” town.

    7. I totally disagree. I LOVE mine.
      Now in fairness I live in Northern Canada- the kind of place that Canada Goose was designed for.
      And I wear the one that was designed for arctic expeditions.
      It’s WARM.
      I have owned loads of high-end ski gear having grown up north of the rockies- have owned lost of patagonia, north face, etc.
      I never felt warm being outside for extended periods in the winter until I got this coat.
      I can be outside for hours in the Canadian North and be totally happy. It brought me a whole new joy in winter.
      Initially I never would have paid the money myself ($900+ for a coat sounded crazy) but my bf bought me one a few years ago, and now if anything ever happened to that coat I would replace it in a second, despite the price tag, because it has has made a real different in my quality of life.

  5. I am a transactional attorney who needs better project management systems in place. I am working on dozens of matters at a time, some small and some big, and constantly feel like I am falling behind and about to screw something up. I find that I am doing better on the bigger matters in terms of organization and follow through (ie, getting sure the deal is closed on X date), but the smaller matters are close to slipping through the cracks (or are not being done in a timely fashion even if there is no hard deadline). I really need to overhaul how I organize and manage my matters. I am sure part of the issue is that this is a new-ish role for me and there is a huge volume of work, but part of it is my organization.

    I am trying to implement “1 file for 1 matter” and “1 notebook for 1 matter” and taking the time to do that, even if the matter will only take up 1.5-2 hours of time. I am trying to make checklists to improve quality and efficiency. I have one general to-do list I keep on my computer, but maybe I need something else.

    Any resources (books, training, etc.) or tips? Especially those geared towards in-house or transactional attorneys?

    1. Some suggestions:
      1. Make timelines for all projects with deadlines, and put them on your calendar.
      2. Any recurring items, with or without hard deadlines, put on your calendar as a reminder.
      3. Block out calendar times each day/week, depending on your timelines, for each project. Bigger projects get more time, but sticking to the time set aside for each project should keep things from falling through the cracks.
      4. Make some kind of daily/weekly to-do list for anything done on a regular basis.

      1. I’m in finance but similar dynamics – at work I have one to-do list in Excel for all matters so I never have to dig in files or emails for to-do’s; I also use the list as a tickler – for instance, when I send out an email that needs a response, I note it on the to-do list to await a response, and then I use a coding system to serve as a reminder when to check that I got a response. I also use this list to note expected timing of big events for my portfolio. So it’s like a “control panel” for my daily activities. And my anxiety level goes up whenever it’s not updated or when I’m not near it.

        1. I have a folder in Outlook named “Waiting for Response” so I don’t lose stuff in my Out box.

    2. I often refer back to my Master file list and update it weekly so I know the status of each file. I also have a subfolder in each file for notes and phone calls because I will not remember what I did a week ago. I try to include dates, phone numbers, named, etc. I also strongly suggest putting all deadlines in your calendar and then putting in reminders 4-2 weeks before the deadline.

      1. And make checking the week ahead on your calendar a daily habit. Just a quick glance, first or last thing every day. I do it last thing before going home, and then write myself a to-do list. Gets me started better in the morning.

    3. Not an attorney, but I track my projects (the meta data) in an excel spreadsheet. I put the upcoming deadlines in red and it is usually the first thing I open in the morning. I can filter by date, name, project number, etc. Plus, it tracks what I’m doing so when my review comes up, I can refer to it. I don’t feel the need to put all of the dates on my calendar but that might help too. You could also put a link to your file in the spreadsheet.

    4. I used to have a similar issue in litigation. About 20 big cases and about 10 really small ones that seemed to get away from me easily. I set aside time every week – blocked out on my calendar – to go through all those small files. This kept me on them and made sure nothing fell through the cracks.

      I know someone who kept three files on their desk. One file had things to do today (could be an email printed and put in the folder, or a note to yourself, etc.), one file had things to do this week, and the other than things to do that month. I’ve never done that, but maybe its a good system for you.

      I also find that an old fashioned handwritten to do list and a white board with deadlines work best for me.

    5. Check out the Bullet Journal (www.bulletjournal.com) and watch the video. I use this organization technique and it has replaced all my “to-do” lists on apps/outlook/post-its. All it takes is a notebook and a pen. I make Collections for the sets of items I have to do (it is tailored to my field specifically). You could do, for example, a collection of “Small Tasks” and separately collections for all the Big Projects.

      I use a paper planner in addition to my Outlook calendar for calendaring deadlines and appointments. Then every morning, I open my bullet journal and write the date, and the appointments/events I have that day, and any urgent to-dos (scanning previous days and collections to see what’s urgent), and then a list of things i plan on doing if I’m particularly ambitious that day. I rapid log events throughout the day – phone calls in, phone calls out, and any reminders that don’t have an associated task.

      I migrate on the 1st of every month, and write all the to-dos that I still have to do (the ones I’ve migrated) in a different color in the list of to-dos on the 1st, and then do the same as above in black (list of appointments, and urgent to-dos/or I put “!” next to the to-dos in the other color for urgent ones).

      For emails that I receive that require a response, I flag them. Once I respond, I move it to a folder (I have folders for each case in Outlook). For emails I sent that require a response, I flag them in the Sent Items box, and sort my Sent Items by Flag, so the flagged ones are on top. I clear the flag when I’ve received the response. I use this list to make sure I know which emails I need to send follow ups to.

  6. I’m planning on opening up my own etsy shop selling jewelry and crafts with a nature theme. I’m super excited because I miss having a creative outlet and would love to make some extra money. I never had much interest in business – especially in the creative field (I work in a bio lab) but as soon as I started planning I started getting super excited about finding ways to reach customers, finding the cheapest way to make my product but keep the quality, etc.

    Has anyone started a side business (even beyond etsy) and have any tips??

    1. My side gig is freelance writing, so YMMV. My tip is do some basic research on tax law and then pay someone to do your taxes. It gets so complicated so fast. I have to do my taxes quarterly, which was not something I was aware of when I started. Ugh.

    2. I actually have another tip, but you are probably already aware of this: Instagram. There are a ton of jewelry people I follow (The Wild Pine, etc), even though I don’t make jewelry myself. It’s a strong community, from what I can tell.

    3. No advice, but please share the link to your shop when you launch. I gravitate towards jewelry and home goods with a nature theme (specifically leaves and branches) and would love to support another ‘r e t t e.

      1. Same. Practically all my jewelry has a botanical/nature theme and most of the decor in my house is botanical too.

  7. I need suggestions for an appropriate house gift for Christmas party held at the law school dean’s house. I am not faculty and not quite staff – just a weird temporary grant position. I don’t drink and therefore don’t feel comfortable with wine. Flowers or chocolate seem a little trite. Please help!

    1. It’s close to flowers without the vase problem, but I like to bring a mini Poinsettia or other potted holiday-looking plant this time of year.

      1. I like the plant idea, but I’d go with a non-toxic to pets version. A pet would have to eat a good amount of Poinsettia for the toxicity to be deadly, but I tend to err on the safest side. I am a fan of gifting a Christmas Cactus. Non-toxic to pets (in case you aren’t sure whether the Dean has any) and easy to keep alive.

        1. Thanks! The plant sounds good. I am an alcoholic and prefer not to buy wine at all.

    2. I’d stick with consumable. Fancy mustard or pesto, fancy coffee or herbal tea, something like that. I am not sure whether you are against gifting wine (which is fine), or whether you feel hesitant picking something. In the latter case, someone can probably advise you. The last wine tasting I went to, the shop owner said they recommend Pinot Grigio for whenever you have no clue what to get (wouldn’t thrill me, but apparently it’s a ‘safe’ choice).

    4. I don’t think you need to bring anything since this would be “gifting up.” Pretty much no one brings anything to the dean’s and president’s holiday parties at our school–they are catered and hosting them are just part of the job. The answer might be different if it’s a very small party.

  8. Thought I’d report back on the Old Navy long-sleeved swing dress that people were talking about last week. I haven’t bought anything from ON in years and am extremely picky about fit and construction, but it’s fantastic: the fabric is soft and feels substantial, it’s extremely flattering, and the swing skirt makes it a little more fun than your average long-sleeved knit dress. I bought the black on Saturday and am planning to get it in at least one more color. Seriously, this is an amazing basic for casual workplaces or weekend wear and as long as it holds together, it’s going to be a staple in my wardrobe.

    It does run big, so I’d size down if you’re ordering online. I’m 5’4 and it hits me 1.5 inches above the knee with a belt. The arms are also a bit snug, which is not a problem for me but I’m not on Team NROWL :)

        1. I really like the black and white pattern ones. I think I can get away with those with black tights and black boots at work, under my white lab coat…

          Thanks!

    2. I bought it on Friday night and I LOVE IT. Agreed with everything you said.

      Anon, here’s the Moms convo about the dress: http://corporettemoms.com/old-navy-ponte-knit-swing-dress/

      And here’s the post Kat mentioned it in on the main site: https://corporette.com/sleeveless-sheath-dress/

      I also am picky about fit, but it’s a thicker fabric that lays really nicely and looks awesome. Excited to wear it to a hearing with a blazer (also bought at ON….) later this week.

      1. It doesn’t have a structured waist; it just kind of flows down from the bustline.

  9. Need a game suggestion! Having my girlfriends over for drinks on Friday and we usually play Cards Against Humanity, but I’d like to change it up a little. Suggestions in that same vein from the Hive?

    1. If you’re mostly into simple card games, I’d say Exploding Kittens and Billionare Banshee are fun. Cyanide and Happiness has a new game out but I haven’t tried it yet so I don’t know if it’s as fun as it looks.

      If you’re possibly interested in slightly more complicated card games, look at Boss Monster and Chrononauts. They both have steep learning curves, but worth the learning process.

    2. These are not similarly “despicable,” but Apples to Apples, Telestrations, and any of the Fluxx variants are crazy and fun.

    4. Codenames! It’s been a hit with my friends and family alike. If you want the adult version, Codenames: Deep Undercover is the name and I can confirm it’s fantastic. Also, Quick Wits if a lot of fun.

      https://www.amazon.com/CGE-XIM227-Codenames-Deep-Undercover/dp/B01JDCD7EQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481555620&sr=8-1&keywords=codenames+deep+undercover

      https://www.amazon.com/Quickwits-Party-Game-Social-Adult/dp/B00IYBEU2G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1481555637&sr=8-1&keywords=quick+wits

      1. +1 to Codenames. I disappoint friends if I don’t bring it.

        Also, Monikers is a really fun guessing/charades game.

      1. They also make “Dirty Things” if that’s your interest. A staple in our game night when we get bored of CAH.

    8. Telestrations After Dark version. I only played the regular version, but it was super fun and the After Dark should be similar to Cards Against Humanity.

    10. One Night Ultimate Werewolf – sooo fun, easy, different every time you play it, amazing app that makes it easy and fun to play. I’ve already bought it for my brother for Christmas!

    12. This game requires no purchase and is super fun. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celebrity_(game)

      We play any famous person ok (doesnt have to be a celebrity).
      Round 1: normal rules save the papers
      Round 2: Same teams, one word per clue
      Round 3: Same teams, no words per clue

      The rounds get harder but you’ve heard the names before. Also, people who are good at words might be bad at charades, or vice versa so it lets more people have strong moments.

      1. This game is also sold as a version called Monikers, if you don’t want to come up with names.

      2. You can also do this as round 1: Taboo-style; round 2: charades-style; round 3: one word or one gesture. And can expand beyond famous persons (places, phrases, etc.).

  10. What is your favorite black workhorse pencil skirt?

    Ideally, I’d like to keep under $150 and machine washable but I’m open to anything.

    1. Calvin Klein from Lord & Taylor is my go to. The plus size version at least is around $70, I think. It is lined and holds up well with machine washing.

      1. I just bought a Calvin Klein pencil skirt at Macy’s – probably the same one, and I adore it. Machine washing has been fine which is so great.

          1. I think so. It’s probably the same at Macy’s. I order from L&T for the free ShopRunner shipping.

          2. I recently got a CK black pencil skirt from Macy’s and am wearing it today in fact. It’s great. There are several fits – note that some of the descriptions are slightly different. I think I saw one on the Macy’s website that said it was slim-fitting. I just got the regular old pencil skirt, and it’s great. I’m a big CK fan for basic suit pieces.

    2. There was a seamed skirt by Halogen for Nordstrom (aka: “The Skirt”) that everyone here used to really love. Haven’t really seen in mentioned lately though!

      1. There was a seamed skirt by Halogen for Nordstrom (aka: “The Skirt”) that everyone here used to really love. Haven’t really seen in mentioned lately though!

    3. Any Ponte skirt. I have a Vince Camuto number from Nordstrom that I like, but I also like the Eileen fisher ponte skirts. I machine wash them in cold pretty much every other west, hang to dry. No noticeable wear or fading after three years for the EF skirts.

  11. I’m wearing a dark green leather skirt to my business casual office today and I absolutely love it. It’s very warm and comfy. Everything else I’m wearing is conservative though.

    1. Ooooooooh. That sounds awesome. I have a black “leather” pencil skirt that I wear with a very conservative long sweater and it makes me feel great when I wear it!

      1. Ann Taylor – got it over Black Friday weekend.

        I wasn’t sure about but then I saw someone else wearing it in the office (same age/level), so I figured it was appropriate. Plus I dress pretty colorfully anyways. It’s kinda funny how at least half the women in the office probably have some of the same pieces from Ann Taylor/Banana Republic/etc

  12. There’s a plastic surgery procedure that I’ve always wanted done- while I know it’s a bit vain perhaps, I think it will improve my quality of life and make me happy.

    But, my husband is against it, and many of my friends are judgmental of those who have plastic surgery. Also, we can afford it, but I’m also struggling with the idea of spending the money on myself instead of our student loans, or mortgage or saving.

    I have a milestone birthday coming up, and all I can think is how I want this done.

    1. To be honest, I’d at least wait until you have paid off your student loans to get an expensive cosmetic procedure done. If you don’t, you sort of have to think about not only the base cost, but how much extra interest you’re paying on your student loans by not putting that money towards it. Once you’ve paid that off though, if you’re otherwise financially stable, I’d have a long talk with your husband about why you want it and how it would make you feel. Since it’s such a big cost I think he should have a say in whether you get it done, but screw your friends’ judgment, it’s not their bodies or money.

      1. It’s a b reduction- I’m a 34H, I have back pain, skin issues, none of my clothes fit well (even with tailoring), and, I’ve always been so self conscious of them. I buy well-fitting bras, which helps but is not a solution, at least not for me. I’ve lost weight, but they haven’t gotten smaller, so I look very top heavy.

        I don’t want anything else done, and I’d be happy as a C/D, I just want to be proportional

        1. This doesn’t sound like it’s just cosmetic to me. I think you should prioritize this more highly as a health issue. Seriously, just do it.

        2. OK, disregard everything I said below re warnings. I know several women of (formerly) similar proportions who have had this done, and all of them are happy they did it.

        3. In my mind, I always classify this as a medical procedure than plastic surgery. I give you full permission to pursue this procedure if you can afford it.

          1. +1. This might be a stupid question, coming from a European health-care system: Can you find a doctor to diagnose you with back-pain and prescribe the procedure, so the insurance would cover (part of) it? If not, still reframe it for yourself. This is a medical procedure!

        4. Yes I think this is different than an elective cosmetic procedure – there are health reasons to want a b reduction. Sounds like a great gift to finally give yourself.

        5. I would totally do this. I don’t see it as purely cosmetic though. Sort of like dental work or orthodontics (which I realize has a medical point, but I really liked that they got rid of my snaggletooth and finally got me to get religion about flossing). If the impacted wisdom teeth are giving you problems, why on earth would you keep them?

          Cosmetic I see as 100% vanity-driven. I might do that. I would definitely consider reconstructive plastic surgery if I ever needed it.

          I am a tiny-on-top person. While I’ve always wanted to be bigger (like if I could get a pair just for filling out dresses and for parties), I’ve never considered b/c all of my much larger busted friends have shared how hard they actually are. So I salute you — surgery is a major undertaking, but your back will thank you for decades.

        6. 32H here and I’ve been considering the same. The one thing I will say is that I got way bigger post-childbirth. Others have gotten smaller after the same. And reduction may effect your ability to bfeed, if that is something you are considering.

          I am with you about wanting clothes to fit better and back to stop hurting but encourage you to talk with others about what it means to get this done at your age (I am making assumptions based on the student loans).

        7. I think this takes it from a vanity issue to a health issue. Expensive, yes, but not something to put off if you can afford it.

        8. This is not just cosmetic!! And it will greatly improve your life from my understanding. This does not seem vain at all!!! I can only imagine the pain youve gone through. Definitely get multiple opinions on this procedure but I would not be embarrassed about this – its your body.

        9. Yeah, this is a medical issue, not only cosmetic. My thoughts on “cosmetic” surgery include doing it sooner rather than later so that you can enjoy it if it’s something that you really want. But especially when it’s a quality of life issue – sounds like it’s definitely worth it.

        10. You can probably get it partly covered by your health insurance, so not simply a cosmetic procedure. If I was planning to have kids soon I’d probably wait until after that was done with, and make sure you’re at a weight you can maintain because they can get bigger after, but definitely worth a consultation.

        11. A friend had this done and it was life changing for her. She got her insurance to pay for it because she had back pain.

        12. Insurance may cover this so it might not be as much as a financial hit as you anticipated…

        13. Obviously depends on your doctor/health insurance, but my friend had this done and her health insurance paid for most (if not all) of the procedure. She had been seeing a doctor for back pain so I believe her doctor classified it as medically necessary to fix her back pain.

        14. Agree with everybody else who thinks that this is more than just a cosmetic procedure. Do it!

        15. I had a reduction/lift done 20 years ago and recommend it. Depending on what your plans for children are, you may want to postpone it until after you are done with kids. I was able to breastfeed, although not exclusively and it wasn’t the easiest thing to do. and breastfeeding can change your body a lot, as can weight loss and gain. Frankly, I could probably use a 2nd surgery to lift things back up and counteract my weight fluctuations (I’m heavier now than I was 20 years ago). I also wish I had insisted on going smaller from the beginning to allow for future growth. My body tends toward busty, so any offset there was good. The recovery isn’t fast; you’ll not be allowed to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk for about a month and the scarring is noticeable. I’d do it again though. It fixed my back pain and boosted my self-confidence.

          1. It is covered in many provinces if you have back pain associated with it. Depends on how it’s impacting you. Close friend in Quebec had it done at age 19. No spinal deformity or anything but persistent back pain was the reason.

            Coverage varies between provinces. Your province may be particularly stringent on b reduction which is unfortunate because it’s no different than other back pain treatment.

        17. I had mine reduced from a 36DD to a 36B. My insurance paid for it. The plastic surgeon sent me to an orthopedist to confirm that my upper back pain was not caused by any structural issues, but rather by the extra weight I was carrying around. They sent the orthopedist opinion and my surgeon’s opinion to the health insurer and they paid for it. This is absolutely the best thing I’ve done for myself, and I’m going on 10 years of having it done. I highly recommend you doing this for yourself.

    3. How will it improve your life? Why is your husband opposed? How many months worth of student loan payments is it?

    4. I’m not in Camp Judgy when it comes to plastic surgery — it’s your body and if you want to have the surgery and can afford it, have at.

      I will, however, caution you that the results may not blow your mind. My mother has had dozens of different plastics procedures done over the past 30 years. Some of them she’s liked, some of them she’s hated, and some she has had redone multiple times. All these procedures later she is not one iota happier about her looks. For me, watching her experience has been an object lesson in why not to have plastic surgery.

      1. Wow. Dozens? I hope this doesn’t come across as totally rude, but is this typical for people who do get plastic surgery? Has she considered therapy instead to figure out what drives the desire for all these changes?

        1. I hope it’s not typical, but I really have no idea. My mother is extreme in just about every respect though so it might not be.

          She’s been in and out of therapy for years.

        2. I read a thing once about people who get “addicted” to cosmetic surgery. Basically, the first surgery is usually a big change the patient has been thinking about for a long time, like a full facelift, nose job, b0ob job. They love the results and it makes a big, positive change in their lives.

          Then the thrill wears off and they start looking for that buzz again. However, there’s a law of diminishing returns at work because they will never get a buzz again as major as that first time. But they keep trying.

          Leads to some pretty bad looking work in many cases, because whatever reputable plastic surgeon they went to the first time will start discouraging them, and then they start moving down the ladder more toward second- or third-rate providers who only care about the money.

      2. I can see that. You have to figure out why you’re doing it, I think. I had one thing done and am SO glad I did, and I don’t have any temptation to do anything else.

        1. I also had one thing done, 18 years ago now. Never had any desire to do anything else (and the one thing I had done had been bothering me for more than a decade, basically since I hit adolescence). I think the temptation to keep going is probably greater if you are trying to combat aging (facelift, tummy tuck, etc), since that’s always going to be a losing battle in the long run. If it’s something like a nose job, you really can just do it and be done.

          1. Me three. Had a nose job and it was the best decision I made. Never want to get another procedure done.

    5. Go for it if you are okay with handling the situation if things going wrong. You mentioned student loans. Can you afford revision surgery if there’s an issue (now or down the road) and your doctor doesn’t want to address/acknowledge it or doesn’t want to address it how you want it dealt with?

      Elective surgery is like home renovations – plan for the best but assume the worst when considering if you can afford it.

      Last point – don’t go into debt for the surgery. If you have to take out loans or use credit cards – you can’t afford it.

    6. I’ll add on to Torin. I think this really depends on the procedure. My mom, who had 3 kids, had a tummy tuck later in life (40s). She later went back for lipo in other areas. SHE LOOKS AWESOME. Seriously I want to look like my mom in a swimsuit, and I’m 31! But I find that she doesn’t seem to feel better about her body, and in fact actually seems to be more hypercritical of herself after than before. I took care of her after each procedure and it is NO JOKE if this is what you are considering (like needing 24 hr care and a month recovery). I have a good friend who had a nose job after always wanting one. She is really happy with her results. It’s like the self she imagined in her mind finally matches up with the self in the mirror. The recovery time didn’t seem too bad. On the relative benefits of this or student loans, I’d actually say – how’s your emergency fund? If you have an e-fund that can see you through something terrible and unexpected (house fire, car crash) then I think it’s OK to think about this. You don’t have to be a martyr to your student loans. But I’d also consider whether, dollar for dollar, there isn’t something else that would make you feel better while being less invasive. Trip of a lifetime somewhere you’ve always wanted to go? etc.

    7. Agree with most of the posters here, and my anecdotes are these: I had a reduction done when I was fairly young, and I was (and am) incredibly happy with the results. Now that I’m actually thinking about kids, I’m a little annoyed that there’s a chance I might’ve messed up my ability to bfeed, but I still think it was a good decision for me. I have scars, but it’s never affected my bedroom life, and I’m pretty sure the techniques they have now leave much less scarring, and I love the shape and size of my bust. I have long considered a nose job, but I’m not totally sold on the procedure. My mother had one (well before she had me) and it’s become so much a part of her that I think her family forgets she ever had it done. She also had a “mini-lift” about 15 years ago that ended up getting infected and left her eye droopier than it was to start with. She regrets that a lot, but she’s able to shrug it off with good humor.

      1. check out the BFAR resources- lots of good tips and support in that group if bfeeding is something that you want to do.

    8. Agree with the others that this isn’t purely cosmetic. You want to correct something that causes you physical discomfort. So in that case, why would your husband be against it?

      Also, don’t worry about the social stigma. People who you don’t tell probably won’t notice. And I think most people consider a reduction on a different level than something that is purely cosmetic (like lipo, or a facelift)

    9. Dad thinks I would be abel to attract a guy if I had a tuchus tuck. Mom is neutral, but I was told that it lift’s and separate’s, kind of like a bra! But I am NOT goeing to go under the knife just to attract a guy. I have always met guys with my body the way it is. Beside’s I am over 35, and cannot expect to have a 20 year old’s tuchus forever. FOOEY!

  13. Venting – I really dislike the expectation that I give my secretary (biglaw) a cash gift at xmas. I barely use her, but more importantly, our joint employer should be responsible for paying her and giving her a bonus. I will follow the rules and give her a cash gift — and this year I’m stuck with $200 bc that’s what the other associates I share her with give her. And no, I’m not going to get a 5 or 6 figure bonus. I’m going to get $0 bc my billeables sucked this year. And even if I did get a bonus, that’s my compensation to use for my rent and childcare and savings for retirement and tips for doormen and the nanny and the cleaning lady… Our employer should be paying her, not me.

    Thanks for listening. Now that I’ve vented I can be gracious in giving her a gift.

    1. I wish that law firms would just pay staff bonuses. Ours got rid of that in the recession. I have a great assistant that I use heavily, so she really deserves more than I give her. I just wonder why in this well-known area, firms let employees pay the bonusses of other employees. What’s next: my share of the heat bill? Pens?

    2. I do understand, but at the end of the day, it’s $200. You’re making 200K, give or take. Deal.

      1. It’s more than I spend on my parents or spouse. And it’s really an expense of my employer.

        1. Same. I don’t give or receive gifts that expensive to or from anyone in my life.

        3. Same. And more than I spend on gifts for myself for that matter. My assistant deserves the money, but I think it should come from my employer.

      2. +1 She/he makes it possible for you to earn $20oK. A 0.1% gratuity seems tiny to me.

        1. I share two secretaries with thirty associates. They complain when you ask them to do anything. They absolutely do not make it possible for me to earn what I earn. But there’s no meaningful way of giving feedback and we’re each expected to fork over hundreds of dollars every year.

          1. um, has it occurred to you they actually may be very busy (and not “complaining”) since they work for THIRTY associates? If you don’t like it, don’t pay, but I would try to consider their point of view here. I find it hard to believe that big law is employing truly worthless secretaries that offer you no assistance.

    3. I’ve never commented on this board, but I am breaking my silence now to say I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID. I too am not getting a bonus this year because I won’t hit my billable target, yet I am expected to give $150 to my assistant, who is nice but routinely blows me off for the more senior attorneys she works for despite my rare requests for her assistance. And this is on top of the tips to the doormen, porters, cleaning lady, and daycare teachers, all of whom I am extremely happy to tip at the holidays because of their great work and the fact that they do not work at a law firm that easily could give them a bonus without making a dent in their bottom line.

    4. Having been on both sides of this (as an assistant and as a biglaw associate), it is definitely weird. The firm pays her salary, they should pay bonuses. In biglaw, 90% of the lawyers (and probably 100% of associates) do not have control over hiring or firing of an assistant. They don’t set the pay and they probably don’t even know how much (s)he is paid. Vacation days or time off is not approved by associates. Why on earth would it be the job of associates (or lawyers without control like some partners that have their own designated assistants) to pay their bonus? It should be an additional treat for the lawyers to give an assistant more and to try to sow good will. (My firms as an assistant and associate did not base bonuses on billables for associates.)

    5. As a Muslim, I think this whole holiday tipping, etc., is bullshit. Why should I have to participate in something that I don’t practice?

      2. Atheist here — so generally I agree that buying gifts for/tipping people for a holiday you don’t participate in is fairly obnoxious. But it’s also an end of the year token of appreciation, so it’s not necessarily all about the Jesus aspect.

        1. As an aside, no one knows when Jesus’s actual birthday is. Christmas is celebrated when it is because potential converts didn’t want to give up their winter solstice celebrations so the missionaries just sort of made up Christmas. People aren’t even really celebrating a Jesus-related thing.

          2. When I was a kid my church taught that we weren’t 100% sure that Jesus was born on 25 December, but it was the right date plus or minus a few days. So I’m guessing a lot of people don’t know that.

          3. Jesus was born during the census, which was in the spring. Most likely born around April.

            This sort of fact based commentary is why i was asked not to return to Sunday school as a kid.

          4. Haha! I was a cachtechism dropout because once I figured out the Easter bunny was real I figured the same was true for Jesus and god.

          6. Same here! My parents got a talking-to about how I was ‘disruptive’. We switched churches a lot and they gave up when I was 13.

          7. I didn’t know that and by your response, I should probably be embarrassed to admit it.

          8. Anonymous at 12:47:
            LOL after imagining the conversations among your Sunday school teachers. (“Do you know what Anonymous just said to me?!”)

          9. Yup! I think it was pretty obvious that I was an atheist from an early age (9?), and could argue points in a compelling enough way that at a certain point I was effectively turning the rest of the class into non-believers.

          10. I like that Anonymous assumes she can authoritatively say for sure he was born during the census. I get why she thinks that, but I mean, even religious scholars disagree. It was probably even more obnoxious coming from a child.

          11. Anonymous at 12:47 (and 1:12):
            Ooops. Most religious schools don’t appreciate evangelizing from an atheist, even if the atheist happens to belong to the congregation (or has not yet departed from it). However, there are religions and traditions that welcome people who ask questions and raise new topics of discussion, even if they are difficult topics. I’m not trying to convert you to anything–just saying that if you want community without ideological conformity, you can probably find it.

            For what it’s worth, I’m on the border between agnostic and believer (yes, it’s possible to be in this position) but find tremendous inspiration and reinforcement from my congregational membership. I don’t think that people outside this group are wrong wrong wrong; I just enjoy sharing my particular interests with other like-minded folks. It probably helps that our religious affiliation is also the ethnic identity of most of us. Thus one can feel part of the community even if one can’t say “yes” to every item on some theological checklist. (In practice, nobody goes around our community demanding that everyone agree with Doctrinal Items One, Two, Three, etc.)

          12. Yeah — as a Jew (so I always knew Santa wasn’t a real thing), I only learned that Christmas has roots in a Pagan holiday in high school latin class. So I’m not surprised others wouldn’t know that.

      3. Is it end of year or holiday? I’m not in law, so don’t have a reference to hire they do their calendars. At my firm, we look to give a firm funded reward at the end of the fiscal year, in June.

      4. Totally agree and I find the end of year justifications tiresome. We all know it’s a Christmas bonus

    6. Wait is $150-200 market? That sounds way low to me for big law NYC, DC, Chicago, LA. I’m a class of ’10 if that matters. I thought 300-500 was market, even for younger associates. Has something changed since I last looked into this? It’s been a few years.

      2. When I worked in a firm that did staff bonuses, I only gave mine $100. I’m not in NYC or a market that gets 5-figure bonuses, though, so ymmv.

      3. Maybe low for NYC, but in Chicago most associate-to-admin bonuses seem to max out around $250. Higher for partners, but the curve I’ve seen is $100 for very new associates to $250 for senior associates.

      4. I always heard $100 per class year, so first year associates give $100 and sixth year give $600. But I left big law as a fourth year so I never gave more than $400. (In the Bay Area, CA at a firm headquartered in the Midwest).

        2. Discovered recently that this rule has been abandoned. 4th year, NYC, biglaw, $200 flat as my seniors are doing $250.

    7. And the process is almost certainly skirting IRS regulations that require such BONUSES (they are not gifts if they are from your boss) be taxed.

    8. Our staff gets bonuses but they are considered to be from the partners. So us associates pitch in every year and I do NOT think we should have to. The people who go out of their way around here to help me get something from me on their birthdays (i.e. usually expensive bottle of something or jewelry) and I take them to a nice lunch.

      So even where the staff does get bonuses, the associates are still pitching in around $400 total, each for the staff that helps all of us. And I would say half of them blow my work off, throw me under the bus to clients and the partners. While I address this behavior separately, it really grinds my gears around the holidays.

      I was also an assistant at two previous firms and the firms gave us bonuses and maybe we got a gift card or something from an attorney we had gone above and beyond to help that year.

      I’m with you. I’ll do it. BUT I AM GOING TO COMPLAIN ANONYMOUSLY ON THE INTERNET.

    9. Yeah, my assistant is not great (my firm inexplicably laid off my previous assistant who was so amazing; I miss her every day). I do not understand why I’m expected to “tip” her — it is strange and awkward. What is the going rate at NY biglaw firms, still $100 per class year? I gave sort of a pro-rated tip last year because I’d only been at the firm for a couple months and now I can’t really remember the protocol. I’m a fourth year (going on 5th year in January), if that helps.

      1. Oops, I should have scrolled farther. I see this is up for debate. Please proceed! $400 is more than the Christmas presents I give to my family combined, and she basically only does my expenses, gets me supplies and photocopies things for me. But $400 is worth it for not looking like a grinch…

    10. On a similar note, is it still expected (N. Cal.) that you tip your hairdresser the equivalent of one service around the holidays? For me this would be $200, for someone I see 5 times a year (cut/color). I already give her a 20% tip when I go in the rest of the year, so if I amortize the “holiday” tip I’m paying almost 40% on top of her rates and, as others have noted, is more than I spend on most of my family members.

      1. I don’t do end-of-year tipping for services that I tip at each service (my hairdresser, my esthetician), I do it for services that I don’t usually tip the rest of the year (my concierge, my cleaning service). I don’t know if this is the norm, but it’s what I makes sense to me.

      2. Agreed. I think tipping is out of control. I already tip my hairdresser every time I see him and I think he makes more money than I do. I tip our housecleaner and dog walker only (other than the office mandated tipping bah humbug).

    11. At my firm the staff gets bonuses, yet the attorneys are still expected to pitch in money for a cash holiday gift AND additional gifts are expected from each attorney.

  14. Help! I thought I could do a good job styling my hair, but pictures say otherwise. Can someone repost a link to the click and turn curling iron thing that was discussed recently? I cannot seem to locate it on amazon on my own and couldn’t dig it up from the search feature.

    2. Also I am a novice but I go to a nice salon and had my hair stylist pretty much teach me how to do it with a straightener and left a big tip that time (like 50% since it took probably 10 minutes more, max). It’s taken me years to simply ask someone to show me. And it was so.worth it. The gimmick stuff never seems to work.

  15. How many items would you say you have in your work clothing wardrobe? How many would you say you need? What makes these numbers what they are?

    1. 20 items. 1 skirt suit (grey) 2 skirt+pants suit2 (navy, black), 2 blazers (white, red), 4 dresses (2 black, berry, teal), 6 blouses.

      All of my clothes are holdovers from 3 years ago and I’m SO READY to get new clothes. I seriously would ditch all of my clothes and start from scratch. For me, this number is both too much – as items don’t fit together – and not enough – as my dressing preferences no longer match up with my options (I prefer pants).

    2. 150-200 if you count every last shell and sweater, probably. But I love variety in my wardrobe.

    3. After learning that tops can tuck into tights, I have 12 skirts that I mix with 22 tops (varying for season, about half are shells), 5 cardigans, 5 suit blazer separates, 4 sweater blazers, and 4 full suits (1 – jacket dress and pants, 2 jacket and pants 1 dress and jacket). I have 6 dresses that are business to evening appropriate for mostly summer or holiday events.

      Probably 10 pumps, 6 boots, and 3 open toed pairs nice enough to wear to work.

      Mine is due to need to mostly dress up (not always court but many admin appearances 3/5 a week at least), a small closet, not wanting to figure out what goes with what (very similar color scheme).

      I have lots of different scarves. Basic jewelry if any.

      I want to get it even lower because I know there are some pieces I have that I don’t *love* so I got a few apps on my ipad (obviously haven’t used them because I don’t even remember the number) to try to get smaller.

    4. You’ll get a lot of answers here but I will add while I have a second that when you find a good piece for you, stock up on it. JCrew works (mostly) very well for me and I go to the outlet on like a Tuesday morning every other year for the 50% off everything while they still have my size and spend $500 for $1000 of stuff I will wear all year round. Just an example. I do the same with some pieces at Nordies too.

      The other thing is I had some mid calf leather square toed flat heeled boots I loved. Boots and shoes for the most part come in and out. If you have a good shoe, get it repaired, set it aside. It will come back in style eventually. I rarely if ever apply this to anything else but good shoes…

      I also keep it limited by pretty much sticking to classics. I don’t have a lot of things that are in style or on trend for my work wardrobe.

    5. I’m nerdy and keep a spreadsheet of my work clothes, so I know the exact number: 48. The largest bucket is dresses (17). This number includes tops, bottoms (pants and skirts), dresses, sweaters, and blazers, but not shoes. This is a manageable number for me.

    6. 3 pantsuits, 7 tops that go under blazers, 7 blazers, 3 wool slacks, 10 sheath dresses, 6 pairs of work shoes.

      I wear more dresses than pants, but I prefer pant suits to dress suits. I have a limited color palette and limited number of silhouettes, so it’s easy for me to mix and match pretty much everything I have. I am not someone who likes a lot of variety — I want everything in my closet to be something I love that fits me perfectly and then it’s just a matter of wearing whatever is clean and an appropriate level of formality for my activities that day.

    7. I literally just refreshed my work wardrobe for the winter, so I know the exact breakdown of my 21 pieces. I’m business casual, so I can get away with 4 dress pants, 2 jeans, 2 sheath dresses, 10 tops, and 3 blazers. (I switch out short sleeve for long sleeve in the winter, and switch some of the dressy tops for sweaters – so my year-round work wardrobe is probably closer to 25-28 pieces if you count those.)

      I do a version of the 4×4 wardrobe on the Vivienne Files site. 4 black foundation pieces, 4 grey or white foundation pieces, 4 colorful pieces, 4 “integration” pieces to tie them all together, plus 4-6 extras that I love and that I switch out if I need different colors or styles or whatever. I can make about 15-20 outfits from all of this, which is enough to keep me from getting bored.

      This doesn’t include shoes, bags, coats, or accessories.

  16. I’m looking for gift suggestions for my sister. She’s an upper 30’s CPA, lives in a warm city that’s located a flight away from our midwest hometown where I am, no kids, married but not very happily. She’s really struggled this whole year with marital issues (his mental health issues, which they are having difficulty getting properly diagnosed). She’s pretty plain in that she wears lots of jeans and t-shirts, does not have pierced ears, isn’t much into fashion, etc. She’s generally a runner, but with everything going on this year, I’m not sure how much she has done so lately. I want to get her something beyond the gift I usually get her because she’s been having such a hard time, but I’m stumped. I would really appreciate any ideas.

    2. Given the year she’s had, could you buy her a plane ticket to come and visit you sometime when she needs a break and a soft place to land?

      1. This is a nice gift. I think quality time with someone she loves would be best. Or maybe you visit her.

        1. I like this idea. If you’re a runner, you could sign you both up for a short race in her city and then fly down to do it with her.

    3. I’ve struggled with this for my sister, who has had a tough year with a child’s health. I just don’t have the budget to spoil her as I’d like. She’s too far away to offer to watch the kids, and she’s still BFing her youngest, so a getaway isn’t an option.

      If I could have spoiled her the way I wanted, I would have found the most luxurious PJs I could, fuzzy slippers, bathrobe, Lush bathbombs, bottles of wine, a gift card to load up her Kindle, a gift card to a spa -all the things she isn’t spending money on for herself and ways for her to unwind.

    4. Take her on a weekend getaway. Just you and sis.

      She is a caregiver, and needs a break.

    3. Oh yeah this looks like what people wear at my firm all the time!

      Also I think the people behind MM La Fleur were consultants anyways?

      1. Thanks guys!

        I didn’t want to just assume that everything on the site would be appropriate though, especially since I’ve tried to some stuff that looked kind of bathrobe-like

        1. In consulting and would definitely say that not everything on the site would work for a consultant. As they have expanded the line, stuff gets more and more wacky (seriously, culottes and tunics?… and some of the clothes are really body con).

          Be careful on the quality, though.

          1. How can I tell on quality? And can you give some guidelines on what I can and can’t wear? Especially with regards to color and patterns.

          2. There was a thread last week that went into detail on some of the mm lafleur quality issues that people had been through.

            In general, my advice would be don’t shop before you start. What you wear will depend a little on firm culture and a lot on where you get staffed. Your wardrobe for m&e clients will vary significantly from banking clients which will vary significantly from industrials clients.

            My other advice is that the industry (and your clients) will tend to be male dominated. So here are a few of my personal ‘truths’ for dressing surrounded by men:
            – They wear blazer/shirt/slacks every day. If you wear the same thing, they perceive you as dressing ‘correctly’, although this is not the only way to be perceived as dressing ‘correctly’. If you wear something that ‘confuses’ then, then you stray from ‘correct’.
            – Asymmetrical confuses them and they think it looks weird.
            – Patterns can confuse them, especially if cutesy or fashion forward.
            – Anything fashion forward or with odd proportions (culottes, dolman sleeves on shirts) confuses them.
            – Dresses and skirts automatically read dressy. Use this to your advantage and wear your least formal sweaters (yay to short cocoon sweaters) with them.

          3. That’s pretty much what I do – lots of skirts and dresses. The guys on my team wear one of what I’m convinced are the exact same outfits every day. They definitely cannot gauge exactly how “fancy” a dress or skirt is. One guy recently complemented (definitely was a compliment) the other by saying how nice and dull his shirt was

          4. Lol, seriously, if I sometimes wonder if I wore a sweatshirt dress if they would even notice.

            I feel like a lot of the guys I work with are pretty fashionable, though. Like, I know all about their tailors, collar preferences, and theories on sock style.

            One guy was genuinely frustrated that a client complimented one of our team on his outfit and he didn’t get complimented.

          5. I think if I wore the sweater from today that they would all be why I was dressing like princess Leia.

    4. I have the etsuko crackle and love it for work. It layers nicely under a cardigan, which i need for wearing it in the winter. Also in consulting, not big 4

    5. I wear the Etsuko crackle with and without the belt, with flats, heels, tights, blazers, you name it. It’s one of my favorite dresses, even as I have a lot of MM Lafleur dresses. I love that it’s lined- my solid color ‘standard’ Etsuko and Alexandra dresses are not. Size up- the bottom hem is slim, and it looks awkward when sitting if it rides up.

    6. I’m in consulting and have the etsuko in crackle…wear it at least once a week or every other week

  18. Question for the hive……
    I am a Canadian looking at a move from Canada to California, and I would like to buy a home rather than renting when I move. My goal is to buy a 2nd place, which means to rent out the place in Canada, rather than selling it.

    Aside from the potential pitfall of whether I have US credit or not (assume for the moment I have that solved), can anyone give any advice or pointers on what kind of out-of-pocket expenses I can expect for a US real estate purchase?

    We likely would be able to put down 20%, but not alot more than that.

    1. Generally speaking (not CA specific), you will have the following:

      – Earnest Money Deposit – given with your offer, can be returned in various circumstances if the deal falls through. The amount is very regional – buyer’s asked for 1% of offer price in VA, no clue what it is in CA.
      – Home inspection cost (you will have to pay this out of pocket during the purchasing process), I don’t know what the costs of this would be in CA, but I can’t imagine it being less than $500 based on COL.
      – Closing costs – sometimes you are able to roll these into your mortgage or get seller help (not so much in a hot market), but I would be prepared to come to the table with between 2 – 5% of the purchase price.

      If California requires a lawyer to prepare the documents, you would have those costs as well.

      2. It’s not customary to have a lawyer in California for a residential real estate deal. Generally the realtors (who are paid by the seller, although obviously all the money comes from the buyer) handle the paperwork.

  19. Are any of y’all letting your hair go gray? I have about 10 grays right now, half on the right side of my temple and half on the left back side of my head. I have a hard time fathoming the time and financial commitment it would take to color my fast-growing hair every 5-6 weeks for the rest of my life. I’m 32. Thoughts?

    1. I stopped dying my hair about 18 months ago. Almost all of the dye is gone now and I love my hair colour now(salt and pepper, mostly pepper) with some white streaks.

      I started graying at 15, and my children (7-14 years old) all have at least some gray hair, so for me, I don’t equate it with age so much.

      Dying it is a big commitment, as you note. Also, the colour always turned brassy on me after a few weeks. I’d LOVE my hair right after getting it dyed, And then, not, for 4-5 weeks.

      Very happy I made this decision.

      1. My mom also started graying as a teenager! She used henna for the longest time until a dye mishap made her hair go 90% white (we lived in Europe and she couldn’t find henna one time, so she used ammonia-based dye–that was in the early 90s when there weren’t many hair-friendly dye options). Then she got a short haircut and stopped colouring it at all. It’s gorgeous. My brother and I both started going gray at the age of 25, so it feels like a cool family thing rather than a sign of age. :)

    2. Will be following this with interest. I have been highlighting (balayaging, actually) my hair for a few years to have the grays blend in, but am getting more grays and it’s no longer working as well. Does it look weird to let the grays gradually grow into my auburn hair? Do I bite the bullet and color for a few years until there’s even more gray and then color a nice gray color?

      1. It is very difficult to dye it a nice gray colour, and it is a ton of maintenance.

    3. I have Stacy London’s hair — longer, dark, and with a streak (and some other grays in sporadically). Obs, I do not color. 46.

      I’m not to vain to color. But I’m too vain to color poorly, have awful roots, etc. My schedule is so crazy that I thought it would be a hot mess, so I never started (to avoid the awkward grow-out period).

      1. Me too! Although I call it my skunk stripe. I’m 30 and will color it for at least 15 more years…

    4. I suppose I’m letting my hair go gray but it’s not happening very quickly. I’m 35 and I have about 20 or so? My mom is 66 and still salt and pepper so I assume that’s how I’ll look as well. I have a friend who’s 45 and dyes her hair every 6 weeks to cover the gray and while it looks fantastic and natural, I’m not inclined to spend that much time, energy and money to cover it up.

    6. I have a similar situation (probably 20-40 gray hairs around my temple/part area, with brown hair). I bought the kind of box dye that you can just mix a few teaspoons of dye+developer at a time, in a color that matches my natural color. Every 6 weeks or so, I brush a bit on the gray spots, leave it for 45 minutes, and then take a shower. It’s a time commitment of like 5 minutes, easy to do, and looks perfect. FWIW, I buy Wella color + developer on Amazon. I go through a bottle or two per year.

      1. I should also mention that for some people, the grays come in slowly. I saw my first few grays when I was ~25 years old. I’m 36 now and now have a sprinkling around the temples, so I think this strategy will last me well into my forties.

        1. I saw my first around 40, and now at 50 I’m still about 90% brown (at least). So yes, it can be slow. My 90 year old aunt is still about 50% brown, which is crazy.

    7. I dye my hair and will likely do so for quite a while. I feel that I look so much better/prettier and am more confident with dyed hair. But my hair is black and I can do at home, so the upkeep is minimal (I do it about once every 3 weeks). If I had to go to the salon, no wa y.

      1. Wow I’m impressed with you ladies. I don’t know anyone I real life who doesn’t dye their hair under the age of 55. I am 36 and just started getting a lot more gray. I found a saline with really long hours to accommodate my insane schedule and I go every 4 weeks. Worth every penny and second to me because I way too vein not to l. Also my daughters would hate it if I went gray.

          2. I’m not teaching them anything in this regard. They have never seen a mom of kids their age with gray hair. Even on grandparents day, there was maybe 1 out of 25 grandmas with gray hair. When my roots have been bad they’ve made comments asking why my hair is gray and telling me to dye it. I say all The “right” things but I know they would feel strange if suddenly their 36 y/o mom was fully gray while their grandmothers have brown hair. Maybe this is a location thing? Literally I have never met a gray haired mom in my neighborhood or kids’ schools. It’s just not common at all where I live.

          3. … I actually cared that my mom had gray hair. She had kids really late and was often mistaken for our grandmother. It bothered me when all my friends had young, hip moms, and then my mom was like 10-15 years older and gray on top of that.

            Which is part of the reason I’m so surprised that I’m okay with going gray. I also think there are ways to do it that are not matronly. My mom went the matronly route. I would/will not if I do decide to go gray. I think women with long, well maintained gray hair are gorgeous.

        2. This is weird. My dad was mid forties when I was born and has always been routinely mistaken for my grandfather. Not sure why I should care.

          1. Same. The only time I really remember caring was when my kindergarten teacher mistook him for my Grandpa. And I just got mad at her, not him.

          2. At least in my situation, it wasn’t about her gray hair or the fact that people thought she was my grandmother, per se. There were other factors in our family life that made me more upset about it than I think I would have been otherwise. We were very much outsiders in a lot of difficult ways and I just longed to have something be “normal” in my life. And my mom’s overall appearance was a symptom of a bigger problem of her refusing to ever put herself first in a way that was not healthy for her or for anyone else.

    8. I have medium/dark brown hair and have been going gray since I was around 20 – at first just a few strands, then a well-developed Stacy London streak, and now it’s the streak + some salt and pepper all over. I’m 31. I don’t dye it and don’t plan to, mainly because I’m too lazy to stay on top of it but also because I don’t have any problem with the way it looks. It’s a very silvery/rich color and I think it makes my hair more interesting! I actually got a pixie cut this summer that had the unanticipated, but kind of fun, side effect of making the gray WAY more visible so I’ve gotten really comfortable with it now.

      1. I have a smattering of grays throughout, and then a bunch at my temples and small streak right at my part. I ignore all but the streak and paint over it with a temporary color wane (like mascara) each morning.

        The bit at my temples is starting to irritate me though so may start doing semiperm color for that.

    9. I’m 47 and have never covered my greys. I got my first at 14, but I think it was just a stress thing. They started coming in more seriously in my early 30’s, scattered throughout my dark brown hair, mostly on top. My hair grows fast – sometimes nearly an inch/month – and I knew that I would not keep up with the maintenance. Add to that I’ve always looked younger than my age, and I liked the contrast. I get complimented on it all the time.

    10. I dye my own hair with semi-permanent color every 2 months or so. It only takes 20 minutes and does conceal the grays.

    12. Absolutely not. Shhhhhhh

      I go every 5 weeks since I was at about 10% gray but I don’t love my natural color so it’s not just root cover up.

      signed, age 34 at about 30% gray and still single

      1. Yep, me too.

        I also worry about being in my 40s or 50s and in the situation a lot of people get into: needing to find a new job and worry about looking too old (or like I’ve let myself go). My preference is to just look more vital anyway, so if it all hits the fan in 10 years, I’m not stuck either changing my look or wondering if I look too old to hire.

        Does that make sense?

      2. Me too! Age 39 and still single, and it is surprising to hear that so many of you are comfortable going gray. I am not sure that would even be an option for me. My perception is that if i let go of the maintenance and went gray, it would become even harder to find a potential spouse. Coloring my hair just seems like a basic part of my beauty routine.

    13. I certainly would not do anything about it with only 10 gray hairs!

      I’m 51, almost 52. I have dark hair with lots of individual grays, but I definitely still read as brunette. I was highlighting my hair for a while, reasoning that slightly lighter strands would help my grays blend in. But I was super fussy about the highlights looking natural. “Chunky blond highlights” was the opposite of my mission statement. They were fine highlights, just at the crown, and only a shade or two lighter than my natural color.

      I decided about 6 months ago to just stop highlighting and see how the grays look on their own. They look fine. If someone is shocked that j have gray hairs, they can be shocked. I’m 51. I earned them.

      A note on dyeing though – I have a couple of friends and colleagues who are almost completely gray. They dye their hair dark brunette. I think it’s a mistake. First of all, as you age, very dark hair makes you look older. Second, they both sport a stripe of white roots at their part 90% of the time. It’s way more obvious because the dye is so dark.

      As my sister in Texas says, “we all get older and blonder.” If I were going to dye, that’s the route I’d go.

      1. + 1 to last not going too dark. I now understand why so many women go ash blonde….root re-growth.

      2. That’s a very… white-centered comment. I’m middle-eastern and, though I’ve never dyed my hair, I’m pretty sure anything less than dark brown would look strange on me (my natural colour is jet-black–my father has been known to ask me if I’ve been dyeing my hair just because it looks so black).

    14. I have about that many on the top of my head and I pluck them. I’m sure once I get more I’ll stop doing that and reconsider, but for now I’m not going to bother dying my hair for something that probably only I notice.

      2. Right. My stylist says cut, don’t pluck.

        But if I did either – I’m mid-50s – I’d be looking a bit piebald.

      3. There’s an old wives that says “if you pluck a gray hair, three of its friends come to the funeral”

        I don’t necessarily believe that, but I do know gray hairs are usually more wiry than my regular hair so when they grew back in they stood straight up.

      4. I pluck mine out too. I have too much hair as it is so I’m not too worried about losing some.

    15. 37, 75% gray. I have twice stopped coloring and let it grow out a couple of inches to see the gray. Both times, I ended up going back to color every 4 weeks at the salon. This is the only beauty service I pay for, and for me it’s worth it. In my case, I felt the gray aged me by about 15 years and it did not go with my preferred color palette for clothes. I think some people look great (or even better).

      But your grays sound minimal and something you could handle at home with a demi-permanent if you don’t want to spend salon money.

      1. I have a pixie and am in the chair every four weeks anyway – like you, I’m not paying for regular manicures or waxing.

        I’m 30 and have always been very vain about my haircolor – I have lots of natural red highlights. Noticing more grays recently and haven’t decided what I’ll do as more come in.

        1. I was also vain about my hair color. Before I went gray it was the one thing people always commented on. Sigh. But I tell myself I’m lucky to still have nice thick hair and fortunate that I can afford to pay an expert to make it look (almost) just like my natural color.

    16. My originally dark brown hair is thick and curly and has been short for decades. Never colored; never going to. I don’t want to commit the required time, money, and mental energy. Didn’t start noticeably graying until my mid/late 30s. My hairdresser at the time constantly urged me to consider coloring but I always resisted. Photos of me from that time show my hair as astonishingly dark brown. I didn’t become all-over-salt-and-pepper until my mid 40s. Am now mid 50s, almost entirely gray except for a salt-and-pepper patch on the lower back part of my head. Have been mistaken for my child’s grandmother innumerable times, but I don’t really care. I just tell smile or reply that people become parents at different ages.

      Makeup tip for gray-haired people: use a gray eyeliner plus an additional line of color to match your eyes. I’m happy with NYX eyeliner pencils. YMMV. Exact shades will vary to match your individual coloring.

    17. I’m 32 this month and had quite a dramatic grey streak in my mid 20s that disappeared for a bit and now is back. I don’t love the look so I use henna (lush marron) which looks like my hair colour but better. I don’t like the cost, commitment, chemicals of salon dye so this is a cheap and easy (albeit messy) fix.

    18. Does anyone else here NOT color their hair? I never have and never plan to. When the grey hair really comes in, it’ll come in. I used to think this attitude was within the bounds of normal but I’m starting to think from reading here that maybe I’m particularly strange for it.

      1. I don’t. I tried coloring it once when I was a teenager with disastrous results. I never have since. Saves me a lot of time and money!

      2. I don’t! I’m 47 and was fully gray by 40. No problem finding a new job two years ago with gray hair.

        I would not say it is common, but in my large southeastern city, I know a decent number of women my age (40s) who are completely gray and look stunning. It’s not for everyone, but it works for me.

        Also, I think it depends on where you live. In places like San Francisco/Seattle/Boston, it is a lot more common — the South, not so much.

      3. I don’t color my hair because I was blessed with really excellent natural color, but as soon as they grays start coming in, I’m in the salon chair. My mom has beautiful salt-and-pepper gray/black hair, never colored hers, and thinks my plans to cover up grays are a referendum on her failure to teach me how to age gracefully, so I’m not getting it by example…

      5. I’ve never dyed my hair. Where I live, so many women who share my hair colour (black) dye something lighter, and I hate that our natural looks aren’t prized. My hair is also curly and I’ve never straightened it (though I’ll admit the curl doesn’t show as much in my current pixie cut). I started going gray two years ago and have decided not to dye it. It’s not very visible for now, but once there’s enough gray in it to show I think I’ll grow it out.

        1. It also helps that despite being brown, my skin tone is neutral, so gray hair will help getting my overall colouring cooler and my favourite colours are blues, greys and black. I don’t think I’d feel the same if I were a particularly warm-coloured person who had invested in a coordinating wardrobe.

    19. I’m mid-50s and am the only woman in my family or my office who has never dyed her hair. It’s still mostly the original dark brown, but is definitely starting to get highlights. It’s fairly gray at the temples – if I were a man and wore it short it would be that “distinguished” look – but I wear it long and usually down and it is less noticeable.

      I don’t want the hassle or the expense of dyeing it and never have, and I think it looks fine the way it is; I hope I’m ageing gracefully.

      My secretary had colored her hair for a long time and a couple of years ago she grew it out and went to her natural, very pretty silver-gray. But some phases of the growing-out process were not pretty. It helped that she cut it very short once it had grown out to a few inches of gray. This seemed like another reason to me not to start dyeing.

    20. Started going gray in my early 40’s. Colored it for about 5 years and stopped after I saw how fabulous Meryl Streep looked with Agra hair in The Devil Wears Prada! I’m 55 now and more salt than pepper, but I’m happy with my decision.

  20. Can anyone repost a link to the curling iron that clicks and turns when you push a button? I cannot find the thread or dig it up on my own. Thanks!

  21. Impossible gift help!

    Hi everyone. I need some help with impossible recipients on my gift list! My sister and her husband are multi-millionaires. This is not a jealousy issue at all – I love them dearly! But it makes them difficult to shop for. They are so generous to me and my fiance (i.e. bought us a car!) and I love them so much, that I want to give them something, but they are impossible! (Note, they have kids, whom I adore and buy gifts for, but I still want to get them gifts.) They do not work and buy themselves everything they want. Gift ideas either range from something that will hardly make a dent (buying her spa gift certificates is like buying groceries for me – thanks but I was going to buy them anyway) to things that are awesome but that are too expensive for me (i.e. Hamilton tickets would be awesome, but prohibitively expensive for me to get them especially when due to their connections, they could probably get them themselves for free! Same goes for hot restaurants – they know the owners.)

    Budget is approximately 500-1,000, but sometimes I go for sentimental/priceless, like when I gave her photos of us as kids growing up so that she had them for her home. Any ideas? She likes to cook, but we exhausted just about every kitchen gadget and cookbook. Kids are already taken care of. He is equally hard to shop for – she is stumped about him, too!

    1. I’d go much smaller- a book you think they’d like, a framed photograph, a photo album, a travel/coffee table book about a meaningful destination. Under $100 for sure. And then if you really want to spend a grand (dear God why????) I’d donate the rest to a charity they support in their honor.

      1. +1. When you’re shopping for someone who has way more money than you, meaningful >>> expensive.

      2. +2

        Framed photos, all the way. Take your time choosing good ones and picking out the frames, and don’t worry that it doesn’t cost a grand.

      3. +1. I’ve all but given up on the impossible-to-buy-for people in my life, whether they are independently wealthy or just minimalist. I give them framed photos, books I think they might like, baked goods, or, if I luck out, something I find while traveling that made me think of them. All under $20.

    2. Do you have parents who are still living? (Or aunts, grandparents…) Can you compile family recipes? My mom did this for me and my brother and I *LOVE* it. Or perhaps is there a cookbook your mom cooked from as a child? (Assuming from the photo being a big hit that you have positive childhood memories.) What about making a gift basket of food you loved as a kid – bonus if it was stuff you weren’t allowed to have often. Ecto cooler, big league chew, weird stuff she can laugh about with her kids and tell them stories.

      I wouldn’t spend $500-1k, sounds like that might make a difference to you and not to them.

      1. You are so fortunate! I repeatedly asked my father to write down his recipes, but he never did. He died suddenly, so all that’s left is looking through cookbooks for signs of use like stray dried herbs or oil splatters.

    4. Donate to a charity in their names? I am far, far away from having just one million, but I still have enough gadgets and would love it if my family would spend money on others rather than me.

      If you don’t know their political/social leanings, maybe have a tree planted in a park they like to visit?

      If you haven’t done vintage cookbooks, maybe some from the early twentieth century. They are a unique challenge for today’s cooks.

    5. I think you need to go beyond buying things and provide an experience for them. Even if they have the money for everything its nice to be able to not have to coordinate something. It would be very thoughtful if you planned an outing that they could do and would enjoy that they wouldn’t necessarily think of doing.

      If they are into nature – Get them a national parks pass or a state parks pass and then plan the trip out – including suggesting a cute place to stop for lunch – and get them a gift card to the lunch place but share some favorite suggestions for them to eat. Really customize it.

      Think of something your sister and you enjoyed together as kids and do it again as adults. Invite them to go rollerblading, flying kites, bowling etc.

      Think of something that they haven’t done before – archery, kayaking on a river, going to a local museum etc and make a gift that revolves around that.

      If she likes to cook – could you sign her husband and her up for a cooking class?

    6. This is a little out there, but if they don’t get family photos taken often maybe a session with a photographer? If that’s not something they do often, it might be something they would appreciate (and admittedly could afford but might not think to do themselves). To make it extra special, I’d probably do it for a photographer to spend time with them in a favorite vacation spot or even around home – i.e. to get “candids” rather than posed photos.

    7. Things that I have gotten for similar relatives, that have been well received are usually things that introduce them to something new, that they wouldn’t have already gotten “the best” for themselves.

      23andMe kit for each

      Amazon Echo + a few dots to place around the house

      Donate in their name to an organization they care about, or membership in ACLU.

      Gift certificate to the Symphony/Opera/ballet/modern dance/their local theater etc…

      A really unique, awesome liquor that I found online.

    8. Definitely go sentimental – for people for whom money is not object, I think that spending time rather than money on a gift is most meaningful. Some of my most treasured possessions are mittens that friend’s mom hand-knit for me, a quilt that my mom made for me, a series of shadow boxes that my sister made for me with a special item and the longitude/latitude coordinates of very special places in my life (where we were born, our summer vacation spot, where my husband proposed, etc.), a pendant using a mint-condition discontinued coin from the year I was born that my aunt high and low for, an antigue tea set my dad found in a market while travelling abroad that he carried back in his hand luggage for me. I don’t think any of these things cost more than $100, but people I love put time and energy into making/finding them for me and that’s why I love them so much.

  22. Gorgeous sweater – i kind of wish it were vneck.

    I’m having a day where I slept for 3 hours last night because I was up fretting about everything in the world and couldn’t turn off. This coincides with my monthly cycle, and I’ve been having a really hard time controlling my emotions and energy. I get super lethargic and super energetic, and I cried this morning when Savannah showed her new baby on the Today show. (Not normal for me.) How do you guys manage your energy when your body is a hive of hormones and feelings? I’m just powering thru the day but probably setting myself up for a meltdown later tonight.

    1. I had the same problem last night. For me, it’s at least partly a Sunday night thing – I get terrible Sunday malaise, even though I like my job and don’t dread coming to the office.

      I don’t do all of these things, but I find that the things that help me include spending time outside, exercise (particularly if it’s outdoors, but all exercise works), and cutting out sugar. The older I get the more I realize that sugar (and especially chocolate) are just really no good for me. They make me cranky, irritable, high-strung.

      Also, I occasionally have used some of those over the counter “stress relievers.” Bergamot essential oil, peppermint essential oil, or Bach’s rescue remedy are all options. I’m pretty sure none of them have any medical impact, but I find it soothing to, for example, rub a tiny bit of essential oil on my wrists and then breathe the scent.

      1. Thanks – just doused my pulse points in blue oil and chewing some minty gum. And went for a walk. And I’m going to bed early tonight, come hell or high water.

  23. Trying to keep my cool waiting to hear back after an interview.

    The interview was on Thursday, and I sent a thank-you e-mail to my interviewers a few hours after I got home. No one responded. I also included info for how to get in touch with me the next day, in case they needed it, because I was going out of the country for the weekend and was leaving Friday morning. I’m really hoping that didn’t come across as presumptuous. I keep thinking of all the other little things I may have said or done that weren’t perfect, but I can’t think of anything that would have completely turned everyone off. They seemed to really like me.

    I realize it’s probably too soon to assume they’ve written me off just because they haven’t gotten in touch with me yet. Everyone has a million things to do on Monday. I drafted a quick follow-up e-mail, but it seems too early to send it, yes? Would it be okay to hit “send” tomorrow if I don’t hear anything by the end of the day today?

    1. Absolutely not!!!! Get a handle on yourself. You can send a brief follow up after 2 weeks not a moment sooner.

    2. I think you need to chill out and leave them to the process for at least a week at this point or else risk coming off way too over-eager.

    4. Wait multiple weeks. Seriously. I don’t reply to thank yous, and my firm takes 3-4 weeks to get back to people regularly. We’re a high-demand company, and that’s the reality of being extremely busy with just normal work things and having a high volume of candidates come through the door. Nothing aggravates me/hiring team more than an impatient candidate, even if I liked you.

      1. Also, there are more than likely multiple candidates. They may not even be in a position to make a decision at this time. Even when we like our first candidate and know they’re ‘the one’, we have to see the process through and interview multiple people.

    5. No way. You need to wait at least one week to follow up. I wouldn’t send anything until the 19th.

    6. I usually go dark on candidates until we have a hiring answer (unless there is a process update that is relevant for them to know). One major reason is that any response i give to a thank you us likely to be misinterpreted, as a positive or negative.

      Do not send your follow up email now. Ideally you know when they will get back to you, since you and during the interview. Wait until one week past that date to follow up.

    7. OMG, calm down! You interviewed two business days ago. The EARLIEST I would expect you to hear, even if you’re their first choice, would be the middle of this week. It’s perfectly possible for them to take two weeks to get back to you, even if they want to give you the job. Double that for government or other industries that are known for having a lot of bureaucracy. You will look crazy if you follow up before at least 2 weeks have passed, and could potentially cost yourself a job. Personally, I never follow up because there’s no downside to not following up (except stress) and there is a big potential downside to following up too soon (annoying them to the point that they go with someone else), but I think it’s reasonable after 2-3 weeks to send an email reiterating that you’re interested and hope to hear from them soon. I would not consider sending anything until the week of the 26th and because of the holiday, I’d probably wait until the week of the 2nd.

      1. +1. Between upcoming holidays and end of year for many companies, the hiring process is likely slower than normal.

    8. No. No. No. Do not send them an email this week. That comes across as really crazy and shows you’re completely out of touch with hiring timelines. They are presumably meeting with multiple people over the next couple of weeks. They are not going to make you an offer the day after you interviewed. The fact that they didn’t respond to your thank you note means nothing – I never respond to them and have only received responses to maybe 10% of the ones I’ve sent, even when I’ve been hired. Breathe. I know waiting for a response after an interview is super nerve-racking but bothering the employer to give you a decision immediately is not the solution.

  24. Google-fu is failing me…I know folks have suggested books in the past to help one figure out if having a child/children is for you if you are on the fence about it. Does anyone recall the suggestions?

    5. I like The Conflict by Elisabeth Badinter (particularly good for successful women struggling with the decision) and Why Have Kids by Jessica Valenti

  25. I am looking for a photographer to take some simple wedding photos. We are having a civil ceremony, and would like to get some photos taken on a different day after the wedding. Even though we’d be wearing wedding clothes, I think this would be more like an engagement photo session since it would just be my husband and I, and we just want some simple photos. All wedding photographers I look at online have enormous packages that do not fit our needs. I don’t actually think we need someone who specializes in weddings, as that is a completely different ask than a simple photo session where we happen to be wearing wedding clothes. Any specific recommendations or suggestions on how to find someone? West LA highly preferred….thanks!

    2. Going anon for this one since it would totally out me. I am a wedding photographer on the side (not in your area though) & my advice is to just email the people you like and ask if they do an hour/engagement shoot type of work. Almost all wedding photographers do this, they just don’t advertise or list prices for it. Reasonable range is $750 – $1500 in your market. It’s especially easy if you’re flexible on when you do this – if your dates don’t matter, it’s an easy piece of work to fold in. Good luck!

    3. I appreciate the replies, but the suggestions here are significantly outside what we want to spend on simple photos. We are either going to have to either find less expensive options, suck it up and pay for it, or skip photos altogether. I fear we’d regret skipping photos, so I guess the search will continue.

      1. Well that’s what professional photography costs. You could try posting at an art school or searching for a friend looking to develop a portfolio, and like everything, you often get what you pay for.

  26. How to dress up a black Etsuko for a work holiday party (thursday evening, at a hotel, no dress code of any kind listed). Something I can go to any major department store and go get between now and then would be helpful.

    1. What kind of climate are you in? I’d ditch the belt on the Etsuko, to start.
      I like the Tory Burch Vanessa flats, or other embellished shoes, and a sparkly piece of jewelry- a necklace or earrings. Do something fancier than normal with your hair, and wear brighter lipstick, and have fun!

  28. Ladies, I’m waiting to hear on a job opportunity I’m really excited about. They are checking my references this week. I’m trying not to get too excited but it’s hard not to – how often does an offer not come through if they are checking references? Any tips to keep busy/focused while I wait to hear if there will be an offer (hopefully next week)?

  29. This is a dumb question but where does one buy a homeowner’s policy? Just call Geico? This is probably something I should just ask my mother but I’m not sure I want to admit to her that I am so clueless about these things.

    1. Call an insurance broker and get quotes from several different companies. They can vary widely.

    2. When I bought my house my mortgage broker hooked me up with an insurance broker who did the price/policy comparison shopping for me.

        1. ALso, if you want to flatter your mom just ask her who she uses so you can get another quote (if she’s local.)

    3. Yep, a broker, contact multiple different insurance agents, etc. If you have an auto or renter’s policy, that is an easy place to start looking for quotes. Usually you get a discount when you bundle everything together.

    4. Do you have car or any other kind of insurance? It’s usually cheaper if you bundle it. We have all our insurance (car, homeowners, personal liability) through State Farm and I’ve been relatively happy with them.

      1. +1

        Check online yourself with State Farm, and Geico.

        Always bundle.

        Think about whether an umbrella policy is right for you.

      1. Thanks all! We have car insurance so I will start with Geico. I’ll ask around for a broker recommendation too.

        1. Also consider whether you need riders for particular items. Diamond earrings, engagement ring, violin your spouse hasn’t touched since you met him but resides in your closet, etc.

  30. If you had to put one item on your Amazon wish list that cost between $75-$100 what would you put there?

    I’m required to do the above and am drawing a blank

    1. I have two items on my wishlist in that price range right now. One is a nice table lamp and the other is a SodaStream.

    2. Kindle paperwhite, really nice fuzzy-lined throw blanket, a bunch of books

      1. I always have a bunch of books on my wish list but the rule is unfortunately that it has to be one item. Otherwise I’d be all set!

    4. Sonicare toothbrush, salt lamp, kindle, fluffy bathrobe, nice cutting board or marble pastry slab?

    5. Good portable bluetooth speaker, fancy pjs/throw, a bottle of my favorite perfume.

    6. Some sort of cookware–I like Cuisinart and their larger/better quality stainless steel and cast iron items are in that price range.

  31. Planning on getting this as a gift for SO but not sure about whether the sunrise colors feature is really worth the extra $50. Anyone have experience?

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