Weekend Open Thread
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Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
Reposted from tail end of morning thread:
Has anyone dealt with getting married when one of you is on income based repayment? How does that work – if you get married mid-way through the year, and you decide to file jointly, do you owe the lender the difference in the payment for the remainder of that year in arrears, or just the following tax year and subsequent?
I responded in the morning thread. You’ll just file the IBR renewal paperwork after filing your taxes and the new payments will apply going forward. They don’t go back to adjust anything in the prior year.
I also think you can do married filing separately and only claim your income.
Wow — the glitter ones are awesome. My daughter just crossed into adult shoe sizes. I am hoping she wants these — would love for Santa to bring.
I agree, the glitter ones are fantastic! I wish I could find them in the UK
Happy Friday! I am in search of a cardigan that is meant to be worn open that doesn’t cover the entire backside. I need something to wear over short sleeve shirts and shells but all the open options I can find are really, really long. I got some from Banana a few years ago that I loved – they had a v-neck and buttons that started below the bust and fell past the length of a regular button cardigan but not at or past my rear. Any suggestions?
Lands End has dress cardigans that are shorter than their regular length cardigans.
I think she wants the opposite of this- cardigans longer than the regular crew cardigans, but not the really long boyfriend type that seems to be common every now. The Halogen merino V-necks that come out every fall are good for this, but they’re not in stock right now. I’d be happy to hear other suggestions because I haven’t been able to find much like this either- everything is so long!
I noticed this Ann Taylor one recently: http://www.anntaylor.com/open-front-cardigan/412320?skuId=21399169&defaultColor=6600&colorExplode=false&catid=cata000011
Eileen Fisher always makes this style. May be out of your budget but the fabric would be beautiful and you’d have it forever. Also, the Eileen Fisher website vs various department stores that carry EF often have different styles. I’d check out the EF website, nordstrom, saks, lord and taylor, neiman marcus and bloomingdales online for the best selection and price.
I LOVE Eileen Fisher (though only buy it when on sale) but have trouble with the sleeves on long-sleeved items. Specifically, I find the sleeves too roomy/baggy, and not fitted to the arm, so that it looks like I am playing dress-up in too-big clothes. But for this, I would buy every cardigan they make (well, after markdowns anyway). Do you know of any EF long sleeve item that has a more fitted sleeve?
you might try petite, too
Here’s one (love this color)
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/eileen-fisher-tencel-lyocell-wool-blend-boxy-cardigan/4481161?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=RAISIN
Check out Boden – they have a number of cardigans that might work, and in particular the “crop cardigan” is shorter than their standard length. I’ve also gotten something similar to what you describe at Nordstrom – the Halogen line.
I have one from Lord and Taylor (their housebrand merino wool) that’s a V-neck with buttons, but I like it worn open. It hits at the top of my butt. I got it on a great sale and it has worn extremely well (better than J. Crew and the like).
Thanks everyone. I just ordered a few of the L&T ones. Fingers crossed!
Follow-up from the winter boot thread: I am a longtime fan of the Aquatalia Rhumba boots, but I’ve always considered them over-budget. (I have a $500 personal cap on shoes because of how quickly I wear them out). Does anyone have an alternative that they love? The criteria that I’m looking for are: a comfortable heel height (3.5 in or lower), suede, and something fitted that won’t look baggy on skinny calves. Alternatively, if someone has them, do you think they are worth it? I’m willing to splurge if they are a longtime staple.
Try Clarks.
I have heard good things about Blondo. They are waterproof like Aquatalia and have some OTK styles that look trendy this year. I think they are more in the $300 range and tend to have stretchy calves so they would suit many calf sizes.
+1 for Blondo. I have a pair that has lasted 3 years and still going strong. Have not needed to re-waterproof them.
Weird question about Blondo – I saw in some reviews for the Nivada that the ankles are tight/small. Anyone have any that can speak to it? I’m looking for skinny ankle/wide-ish ball of foot area, which seems pretty much impossible so far – I find most ankle boot shaft circumferences to be way too large on me.
Wearing Blondos from Nordstrom Anniversary now (flat boots) and wishing the ankles were smaller.
I’m currently wearing a pair of Blondo leather booties I bought last year. I kept them because they were the one pair of booties that had a narrow enough ankle/heel. All the rest of the twelve or so that I ordered I was practically walking out of. However, they are a little tight/narrow on the ball of the foot (I have basically triangle or duck feet) and they haven’t really stretched out at all, despite my attempts to do so.
I have skinny calves, big feet and a low tolerance for uncomfortable shoes and La Canadienne fits the bill. I got mine from 6pm nearly three years ago and they are going strong despite lots of use. I did try some of the knee high styles but found the calf circumference too large. The calf high ones work well and I often pair them with black tights and skirts/dresses.
+1
I also coveted the Rhumba, but couldn’t tolerate the price even when they were like 1/3 off on Amazon (watch for those great boot sales after Xmas….). If you look at the Rhumba, note that it actually is designed to gather more losely at the ankle. That is part of the style. At first when I tried some dupes on I really didn’t like this, but it grew on me.
I also have narrower calves.
Stuart Weitzman has some great boots, although styles change often, but they are not weather hardy and I am definitely not spending that kind of money on over the knee trends.
So I also settled on La Canadienne. You have to check their boots carefully when you order online because the leg circumference varies quite a bit from style to style. I actually called the company, and had them list for me their narrowest calf boots, and then went searching. And then I chose the one that had the heel/toe shape closest to the Rhumba. I am not 100% sure of the style “name”… And it still may be too big for you.
I also bought the La Canadienne bootie version, which is a high bootie (maybe what MSJ has… calf high?), which I really love as well. That fits the best on
I love the Rhumba boots… I’ve been considering the same question, about whether or not they’re worth it… Maybe I’ll check out Blondo instead. La Canadienne boots are so expensive here, so they’re pretty much in the same category as Aquatalia for me…
I don’t have that specific style, but I have a pair of rubber soled suede Aquatalia tall boots.
They are amazing. I got them at Nordstrom rack for about $250. I have had them for 5 years and my local shoe repair person was able to somehow resole the rubber bottoms. Hopefully they will last forever.
I’ve had a pair of the Rhumbas for the last 3 years and they’re worth it. Even as a much worn staple in my closet, they still look new. Although I wouldn’t splash through ankle-deep puddles in them, they really are weather resistant and the suede looks great. I love them.
Another holiday fashion dilemma, with a bit of a twist. My husband and I are going to a holiday party thrown by a quirky older gentleman, which he styles as a “Victorian” party, where formal wear, including long gowns, is encouraged. It seems like a fun opportunity to get dressed up, and get something from Rent the Runway in a deep green or red, maybe with lace or sequins. The catch – I will be almost 32 weeks pregnant. This is my first and I’ve got a clear bump, but it’s not huge and I can still wear some of my regular shirts and sweaters. I don’t want to buy a maternity gown and have been unimpressed with the maternity rental options. I do have a “multi-way” maxi dress in kelly green that will accommodate my bump and be dressy enough with the right accessories (maybe even a rented/borrowed fur or faux fur jacket?) But is it possible to find a dress on RTR with a cut and stretch that would work? Any specific recommendations?
The Nicole Miller Filicity dress on RTR is stunning. They have a “bump-friendly” search option that selects for dresses that are not necessarily maternity (as this one is not), but that are accommodating in cut.
That’s a really neat option. I wonder if it would be useful to those of us that just want to hide our mid-sections generally lol.
I would wear something empire waisted that flaunts your bosoms. For some of us, 30+ weeks pregnant is the only time we have them!
Oh how fun is this!? I went to a party at approximately that pregnant and I wore an Edwardian-ish dress (generally if it looks “old timey british” i don’t think people really care). It had a pretty lace yoke and the rest was stretchy velvet. I was so comfy and I looked so cute. Confession: it was a nightgown and I wore it with a black slip and no one was the wiser.
Was just going to say that velvet would be my choice if I was in the OP’s shoes!
Yes! A friend wore this dress to a wedding when she was pregnant and it look gorgeous. It’s gathered in the front and accommodated her bump perfectly:
https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/badgley_mischka/gold_glitz_gown
About two years ago, I bought an inexpensive stretchy black lace maternity dress from ASOS for a similar purpose.
This:
https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/ml_monique_lhuillier/castle_gown
If you want to look properly Victorian, I’m pretty sure you should just go into hiding until after the baby’s born. So you’re going to have to settle for vaguely old-fashioned.
I used to see sparkly long gowns on sites like Tory Burch when I wasn’t looking and didn’t need one. Now, I do. I’m looking for something like that, preferrably with a Tory Burch vibe (silk fabric, embellished / sparkly trim, but in a longer, slightly covered, elegant early 70s sort of way). NOT in a Revolve clothing / Bebe sort of way.
Any suggestions for spots for looking? Prefer to buy vs rent.
Look on eBay for the older Tory Burch styles you like. Most formalwear was used only once.
Back in the day my company had black tie holiday events, and eBay was my secret. My preferences leaned toward Tadashi (check it out) but there was a couple of other lines (Alex Evenings, I think?) that were carried by department stores that worked out really well too.
Oh man, I just checked it out myself. The tadashi gowns on there are killing me. *shakes fist at global financial crisis for ruining black tie holiday parties*
Maybe try Reformation?
Your local high-end consignment store might have something like this.
Look @ Nordstroms evening stuff. I’m not sure what you mean by sparkly, but I’m so in love (and too long waisted) with the Adrianna Papell cap sleeve sequin number.
Wore this and loved it! Very easy to wear, first black tie event for me
I loooooove all of these sparkly gowns, and am wearing one as a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding next year:
https://www.renttherunway.com/pages/designers/badgley_mischka/products?filters%5Bcolors%5D%5B%5D=gold&sort=recommended
Heads up to holiday procrastinators: Winter storms in the midwest have delayed several of my UPS packages, a couple of which were needed for a get-together this weekend. (and I’m on the West Coast) Don’t wait until last minute & count on two-day shipping. Like I did. ugh
Just looking for some perspective:
I am divorced. I was married to a pastor. He had an affair with the counselor who ran the marriage preparation and couple counseling session for the church (she was a licensed counselor). My ex-husband convinced me that we needed to start seeing her to make sure our marriage was strong and close to God. I didn’t know they were having an affair behind my back.
My ex-husband was also having an affair with my cousin. We were like sisters. It had been going on for years and she ended up getting pregnant. She was an adult the entire time and he was not her pastor or in a position of power/influence over her. I had cancer during part of the affair and her pregnancy, but I didn’t know what they were doing.
The divorce was bad. My family cut off contact with my cousin. Not one of them including her parents speaks to her or has contact. Recently I found out that my ex-husband left the country after the divorce. He went to do missionary work in a country that doesn’t have a child support agreement because he didn’t want a child. He is in jail there and I saw a Facebook page collecting donations so he can pay his fine and get released and come back to America. My cousin was arrested for prostitution recently and the sting was in the news. She was living in government housing on welfare. The last I heard the therapist from the church lost her license and works in a fast food restaurant and was divorced by her husband.
The thing is that I don’t feel an ounce of pity or empathy for any one of them. I also think they are getting what they deserve, the only one I feel sorry for is my cousin and ex-husband’s son who is in foster care. Does not feeling bad/sorry for them make me a bad person? I’m struggling because I realize that the world isn’t black and white and I should have empathy for everyone but when it comes to the three of them I just don’t.
I’m sorry you went through all this! What a nightmare. You’re allowed to feel however you want to feel, and a lack of empathy sounds like a perfectly reasonable response. It would be a different question if this were about your actions – like if you were asking if it were OK to hire a lawyer to fight your ex-husband’s release from prison. But passively sitting back and thinking that they got what they deserve? Fine – just make sure for your own sake that following these stories isn’t becoming an obsession or taking up more mental space than they deserve.
I don’t think it makes you a bad person. I think it shows that you are a person.
When awful things happen, I am not surprised when a person is ultimately able to forgive/forget/feel pity/feel empathy, but this probably happens when the sting has passed. That could take a lifetime.
*hugs* from an internet stranger is all I’ve got. Sounds like a rough situation.
You are not an awful person. They did some horrendous things. I wonder if you could sell the story to Lifetime and reap the profits of their awfulness for your retirement income.
My jaw is on the floor.
I was thinking it sounded like a script for a movie or soap when I read this. OP, I’m so so sorry you had to go through any of this, even more all of it combined. I’m glad to hear you are healthy and happy now!
I think it’s reasonable to not feel sympathy for anyone other than the child. I would suggest not keeping up with the stories too much if you can help it – sounds like you’re doing an okay job of that, but it’s easy to fall down the rabbit hole and become obsessed.
Best of luck to you!
omg NO, all these people involved sound absolutely terrible, especially your ex, and you are not a bad person for not having any empathy for them. Hope you’re healthy and moving on and that life in general is looking up for you. Hugs.
Thank you. My life is much better. I have been cancer free for 3 years, my hair is back to how it was before the cancer, I passed the bar exam this year and found a job at a great practice, I have a newborn god-daughter, I’m going to be an aunt for the first time any day now and I finished my first marathon earlier this year. Life is good.
Congratulations! You deserve it so so much! I’m so happy you’re doing well.
Give yourself permission to let other people handle the sympathy on this one. You don’t owe anyone in this situation anything – thought it would be nice if someone in your family (not you!) could take in the son.
Holy crap. That doesn’t make you a bad person. I’m glad you survived!
Wow! I’m really sorry you experienced all of this. I’m a person of faith, and I’m not sure if you still are practicing or take comfort in your faith, but the Bible does talk about reaping what you sow. You do not owe any of these people anything, especially given they were adults who made their choices. I’m glad you are cancer-free and will pray for you.
Thank you for the prayers. I appreciate them. I am still practicing although in a different denomination now. I will keep you in my prayers also.
I’m looking at getting some of those slim velvet hangers to try and make more space in my closet. I’m a little concerned that the velvet coating on the hangers might rub off on my clothes. Is that something to be concerned about? Is there a particular brand that is best for these?
I have these in both black and beige and haven’t had any trouble with the coating wearing off. If you’re a fan of Amazon, they have an Amazon Basics version that is cheaper than the brand name version.
I’ve never noticed any issues with mine and I’ve got several different brands.
I’ve never had that happen with the velvet hangers. I just buy whatever ones are close to the checkout at Marshall’s.
My MIL uses those hangers and has no problem with fuzz.
I use the Amazon brand ones and have not had this problem at all. They’ve worked very well for me.
You all are awesome. Going to order the Amazon ones now. I was hoping that’d be the answer. Thanks!
I also have not had a problem with the Amazon ones, *but* my understanding is that you should not hang wet garments on these hangers, lest there be fuzz or dye transfer. But that’s the only caveat–they’re quite nice.
I hang damp garments on the beige ones and haven’t had a problem with dye or fuzz transfering
Same, love them and won’t use anything else
Just replaced the hangers in 90% of my closet. The Amazon ones are great just for the non-slip aspect. I’m keeping some of my plastic hangers for when I need to hang something damp. They do take up less space too. I’ll replace the rest next weekend after receiving another set. Thanks all!
Get the hangers at Costco. They still a great bundle for much cheaper than you can get anywhere else.
I like the velvet style hangers and have no issue with transfer. However, I cannot recommend the Amazon ones. I find the metal hook part detaches easily from the hanger part and it’s impossible to fix.
I have been invited to a black tie & boots holiday party and have confirmed that the boots applies to men and women. I actually have the boots. But what are fancy examples of what ladies would wear with black western boots (mine have silver tips on them, so it makes them a bit sparkly)? Short dress or long?
I had no idea this was a theme and it sounds amazing.
Hi! I live in Fort Worth and frequently attend western black tie events. I would say that long vs. short is city dependent but more often than not I would go with a short dress. I attended a western black tie event this week and wore a black leather dress, black dress boots, cashmere wrap and my statement turquoise earrings. More often than not, I would lean towards a short dress for these events. Dress + boots + fur vest is also common.
I’m in Dallas and agree with this completely. I would err towards short dress, to show off your boots.
I concur — the point is to show off the boots! And yours sound b*tchin OP.
No advice, but this is so wonderfully Texas!
Seriously, my boots are so much more comfortable than any heels. What do you think of just dressing like this anyway? My feet would be so much happier.
What casual shoes do you wear on the weekends? Since pregnancy my feet are still a little weird so I’m mostly wearing my chuck taylors, but I want options that are slightly more dressy than sneakers without being heels. Booties?
I wore my ropers to the hospital to deliver :)
I wear Aerosoles loafers. Mine are the Nuwsworthy ones, which I’m not sure they make anymore. They have a bunch of fun colors. I commute to work in these as well. They look nice with jeans.
right now
https://www.amazon.com/Dansko-Womens-Laura-Walnut-Nubuck/dp/B01HJC4N04/ref=sr_1_1?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1481314001&sr=1-1&nodeID=7141123011&keywords=dansko+laura
these, in plum. I keep meaning to wear other shoes but then my feet want to be comfortable.
It being winter I’m living in boots (I have a very cute pair of short boots from Clarks that are hippy/alt enough to make my preppy outfits a bit more interesting) and my Clarks Originals
I’m wearing Born oxfords I got from DSW on sale.
I have these Franco Sarto boots and found them super comfortable from the first wear. I also like that they are easy to put on and off with just a short zip. I can walk in them not zipped up as well so basically they are slip ons.
http://www.francosarto.com/en-US/Product/EC2506361-5250689/Sarto+by+Franco+Sarto/Black+Leather/Womens+Garfield+Ankle+Boot.aspx
I really love my Born ankle boots. Good cushioning and enough room in the toes to be super comfortable.
I have these in cognac and a similar pair in black:
http://www.bornshoes.com/Product.aspx?ProductID=12299
I wear booties or dressier sneakers (black and silver Onitsuka tigers)
Working from home today. The dog walker came, didn’t see me. She’s paid to take him for an hour but dropped him back off after 40min. Is this something I should bring up with her? How do I phrase that? She takes him every day when I’m at work and I just assumed she met the hour requirement. Thanks!
I would find a new dog walker if I found out I had only gotten 2/3 of the service I had paid for.
+1
Is it really cold out today? Maybe that’s why she brought him back early. I think it would be fair to ask that if it’s really cold outside, she should still spend the extra 20 minutes playing with him indoors.
I’d ask. Maybe she had to urgently use the bathroom or got an emergency call. I like the previous poster’s suggestion to say please play with your pup inside for the extra minutes.
Do you have an alarm system? Can you go online and see when it was armed/disarmed? Then you would know how long he/she was in the house.
Can anyone recommend a good face powder to set my foundation? Needs to be hypoallergenic, non-comedogenic, and I have very very pale skin. I’m pretty loyal to Clinique for other products,but their powder seems to emphasize fine lines. I’ve tried physicians formula but I could get a good color match
Mineral veil
+1 to this. Get the original Bare minerals one, not any of the clones.
I’m not sure if this is hypoallergenic, non-comedogenic but I recently purchased NYX COSMETICS HD Finishing Powder and I love it. I was previously using Laura Mercier Translucent Loose Setting Powder.
Not sure if this helps or not!
Laura Mercier
Lancome dual finish; I use as a setting powder. I’ve heard good things about MAC Set Powder (translucent).
For non-powder setting option, I use urban decay all-nighter setting spray.
Thanks for the advice. I’ll check these out.
Reposting from prior thread this morning in hopes of getting some input…
Any one have a good mantra / cheat sheet / three step process or something similar to help you get started on a complicated project that feels like it has no clear starting point? I need a simple way to figure out how to lay out a basic project plan, but I just keep procrastinating and I’m way behind on getting this thing off the ground. Anyone have a tried and true formula for getting in gear when you’re having a hard time wrapping your head around how to move forward? Thanks in advance for any advice you have!
I make a big mug of doctored-up coffee and make myself start on the project first thing one morning. I feel it is complicated, I might map out the project some time prior to the focused morning start
This is great advice in general. I have such a hard time getting started at work in the morning. A few months ago I started leaving myself one or two tasks to do first thing (with e-mails open, background information located, etc.) so that I can hit the ground running. It’s made a huge difference in my morning productivity.
Start drafting an email to a mentor/colleague (an imaginary one if you don’t have a real one) describing the project, listing your questions about it, attach relevant documents and asking for input on option a vs option b…This should help you figure out where to start and help you gather up the materials you need for the project.
I basically use the same slide for every project I do that is some sort of version of: Objective statement, then chevrons for Plan, Data Gathering/Analysis, Recommendations, Implementation Plan, with some bullets under each one for the steps, and maybe the output of each stage.
To overcome procrastination issues I found I need to break it up into smaller action items and track my progress. For me, this is usually a writing project. Either I create a spreadsheet or a Trello board where I write out all components that I can think of. I also group them if they are interdependent, like ‘research details on X’ and then ‘write section that compares X against Y’. Then I work with the pomodoro timer to get started and when I finish a task, I color the spreadsheet cell/move the Trello item into the ‘done’ list. Tracking is very helpful for the procrastinating me!
[Ugh – apparently I’m one of many reposting from prior thread…] Need some input if anyone has any!
I told my husband I want a new work bag/tote for xmas and am supposed to send him a few specific ideas. We are trying to be frugal this year, so I really don’t want him to spend more than about $150. I’m not a brand snob, but I do appreciate quality, especially when it comes to bag straps/handles, as I seem to wear those out quickly. I think I want black, but another neutral would probably be fine too. It needs to fit a substantial sized laptop (about 13″ wide) and have room for a padfolio, some work files, etc. – and ideally is deep enough to have space to fit in some lunch items too (not necessarily a giant lunch tote, but just the food items alone).
I tend to like bags that look dressier like purses, rather than utilitarian or more like luggage. My commute is mostly in a car so I tend to bring a lot back and forth with me every day, so something that I can get stuff in and out of easily is preferable to one with lots of ‘thin’ compartments that are snug. Anyone from the hive have any suggestions for something stylish, functional, and durable enough to last a couple years? Thx!
I think you would be HAPPY with this TUMI bag. It is a LITTEL more then $150, but it is VERY high quality, and VERSATILE. It is black, fit’s a laptop and alot of other thing’s. Rosa got this one, and I wish I could have that TUMI bag.
http://www.tumi.com/p/leather-pocket-bag-small-092110D2?gclid=CjwKEAiAyanCBRDkiO6M_rDroH0SJAAfZ4KLBYXzhjjDmQ7jDHI4lJKXQis2oOT6EhVasQX0UzbmqhoCwdfw_wcB
I hope Santa can pay $255 b/c you are NOT going to get a quality bag for much less. If anyone in the HIVE can prove me wrong, please do so, but I am pretty sure you will wind up getting this one from Santa. And if you do, you MUST make Santa VERY happy on Christmas EVE. YAY!!!!!
Lo & Sons Seville :)
Just upgraded from my OG and love it! I got the 15″ even though I only have a 13″ laptop just to have some extra room.
It’s way above $150 though. But it does fit the bill otherwise…
Wow, just looked up the Seville – Looks like a really great bag. But definitely more than I want to spend…
I might be able to justify $200 though and go for the Brookline… seems like that one would work for me too. But it’s not as elegant looking as the Seville.
Any other ideas are greatly appreciated!
Are you open to a used bag? I’ve had good luck at therealreal and local consignment stores. It can make shopping a bit of a project though.
Fossil Jenna
I don’t have this one but I’ve been keeping an eye on it. Maybe others have reviews about the dagne dover bags. https://www.dagnedover.com/collections/the-15-inch-tote
There are cheap options from Payless but they do tend to wear more quickly. Lunch does not, however, fit in the tote with all the files and laptop unless it is just a sandwich or other flat-ish box.
Kipling might have some roomy options. The bag itself is lighter because of the fabric and they have great straps that last a long time.
I just got a kate spade tote that looks pretty roomy. I haven’t tried putting everything into it yet though
What about one of these?
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-pebble-leather-tote?ID=1136688&CategoryID=46015&LinkType=&selectedSize=#fn=COLOR%3DBlack%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D328%26ruleId%3D77|BS|BA%26slotId%3D60
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-quilted-key-items-tote?ID=2997247&CategoryID=46015&LinkType=&selectedSize=&swatchColor=Black%20Quilt#fn=COLOR%3DBlack%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D328%26ruleId%3D77|BS|BA%26slotId%3D22
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/calvin-klein-saffiano-leather-tote?ID=4075245&CategoryID=26846&tdp=cm_app~zundefined~xcm_zone~zPDP_ZONE_A~xcm_choiceId~zcidM05RRM-2c2212cb-1a3b-451b-8fda-0a2eb264e0fb%40H7%40customers%2Balso%2Bshopped%2426846%244075245~xcm_pos~zPos3
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/michael-michael-kors-jet-set-travel-top-zip-tote?ID=3307054&CategoryID=46015&selectedSize=#fn=sp%3D1%26spc%3D686%26ruleId%3D77|BS|BA%26slotId%3D15
I have this in the tan
https://www.amazon.com/Patricia-Nash-Womens-Benvenuto-Black/dp/B01DZ97P00/ref=sr_1_8?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1481328460&sr=1-8&nodeID=15743631&refinements=p_4%3APatricia%2BNash&th=1
it’s a really large tote and it’s well-made. It’s $200 full price, bu I have seen it on sale for $150 from time to time – I think Macy’s had it for $129 on black friday.
i posted on your earlier thread but i love my cuyana tote. Only slightly above budget for $175?
I highly recommend both the Fossil Sydney Shopper (lots of sales since they are discontinuing it I think) and the Tumi Voyageur Q Tote. I have a 13″ laptop as well, but I actually prefer to carry it in a separate work-issued laptop bag because I hate having all that weight on my nice purse/bag straps.
Any suggestions for healthy-ish hot meals for one? I find myself unenthused to eat my usual salad when it’s so cold outside. Bonus points if the recipe isn’t too complex or needs fancy tools – I’m not a great chef!
This sounds weird, but it’s really good and surprisingly filling: http://minimalistbaker.com/mediterranean-baked-sweet-potatoes/
Basically everything on her blog fits your criteria OP. I love it and make recipes from it pretty often.
My easiest healthy meal: baked chicken breast (brush with olive oil, season with salt, pepper, herbs de provence or whatever you like) + sweet potato. At 450, bake sweet potato for 1h, chicken breast 20 min.
I like soup and bread (or grilled cheese) a lot during the winter. On weekends I’ll try to make something that will last a few meals. Also, sometimes I will roast veggies and eat soup + bread + veggies (this was a complete mental shift for me, to eat additional vegetables with soup). Some of my go-to’s are roasted tomato soup and a vegetable minestrone.
For the tomato soup I roast chopped tomatoes (like plum tomatoes cut in half or quarters), 1-2 onions (depending on size), and peeled but whole garlic cloves. Roasted at 350 for 30-45 minutes. Then I dump it all in a pot, add some chicken stock and a bay leaf, bring it to a simmer for a little bit, remove bay leaf, and then blend it.
For the vegetable minestrone, I usually saute celery, onion & carrot, plus some potato if I have it, then and stock + bay leaf + parmesan rind (if you have one), and then simmer it for a while. Then I’ll add canned beans (white or chickpeas) + a small pasta shape.
Something that I used to do more of was roasting sausage + veggies. So broccoli + chicken sausage, olive oil, salt and pepper (on the veg), and put it on the oven until done (maybe 25-40 minutes).
I go to the Whole Foods hot bar when I can and get one of the small boxes. I fill the box with whatever green veggies they have (today was green beans and brussels sprouts) and then top it off with a small layer of mac & cheese. I figure it’s a good compromise.
Soups/stews/noodle soups are good here. I’ve done some korean type noodle soups (anchovy/kombu stock, noodles, veggies and/or meat, salt and sesame oil for flavor, maybe some red pepper flakes too). Any basic korean noodle soup dish is good (search onl ine for sujebi, doenjang jjigae, manduguk).
Pasta is usually also easy. I usually use jarred sauce, and just add chopped onions, garlic, maybe some tomatoes, and make 1 serving of pasta noodles.
I’ve also tried this recipe and it’s not bad: http://minimalistbaker.com/sun-dried-tomato-pesto-pasta-vegan-gf/
Frozen salmon, cooked in a pan with a bit of soy or teriyaki, then wilted greens or broccoli on the side.
Soups or warm grain bowls. So many variations!
Roasted veggies over quinoa or barley with a splash of vinaigrette.
I buy the wild Alaskan salmon from Costco (freezer section). It’s really easy to thaw just one piece and you can dress it up lots of different ways. Salt/pepper/lemon juice, lite mayo/pesto/breadcrumbs, honey/soy/garlic marinade. I also put it on top of salads in lieu of chicken for something different.
You can make soup/chili and freeze in single-serving zip lock baggies (so you aren’t stuck with gallons of leftovers to eat right away). I like Milk Free Mom’s vegan chili (and I’m not vegetarian or vegan!). You can try Annie’s Eats kale pesto tortellini soup too, although don’t freeze the pasta.
I like to buy hearty veggies (broccoli, brussel sprouts, etc) and roast them for the week. Also good to put on salads and eat cold.
Cooking for one or two is really hard. I find lots of inspiration on blogs and also frequently freeze leftovers in single portions to reheat later. Plus, if you don’t have a crock pot, I highly suggest getting one.
Does anyone have advice for developing a thicker skin, or can you share a story about having succeeded in this? I have a real tendency to feel attacked, go into victim-mode, get emotionally reactive, etc. I know it’s a problem, and it’s something I’m very consciously trying to overcome. I’m in therapy, trying mindfulness techniques, etc. I’d love to read tips and success stories. My boss right now is really nice and well intentioned but a first time manager with a tendency to be very blunt and at times a bit undermining, and it’s kind of tough for me. Thank you!
Reading David Burns’ Feeling Good really helped me with this. It can be annoyingly simple, like “ugh I know this already” but reading it carefully and doing all the silly work he asks you to do… it really helped me notice how illogical and unnecessary a lot of my beating-myself-up tendencies are.
+1 on the book…. And I remind myself to not respond or respond minimally if appropriate; I tell myself I can follow up later if I’m tempted to defend myself or feel angry and find 1. I usually don’t really feel the need once I’ve let a little time pass or 2. If I do say more my response is way better than it would have been in the moment. I have a big mouth so I’ve learned the hard way 9/10 it’s better to say less than more
I have struggled with this SO MUCH. Through therapy, I came to realize that I was placing way too much of my sense of self-worth in the hands of others. Having done this since I was a kid, it had become really difficult to recognize my own value, independent of whatever feedback I got from others. It sounds so simple now – I needed to stop taking things so personally! Try to examine the thought patterns you fall into when you’re feeling attacked or reactive and reflect on if they’re based on reality or habit.
Long shot but…..
My husband and I are traveling to Argentina after Christmas and I am looking for recommendations on things to do (travel companies) in Bariloche and vineyard/wine tour and restaurant recommendations in Mendoza. Times a ticking and I still have lots of planning to do!
Wine and trout for Mendoza- I did a few companies, they are the best
For Bariloche, I did the Cau Cau boat tours and some skiing, Pack your own lunch/snacks for the day, but it was great. Apparently they also have excellent fly fishing at llao llao in Bariloche.
Thank you! We are staying at Llao Llao and doing an overnight fishing trip. I’m really interested in a boat tour and I’m getting mixed reports about there being a bi-lingual guide.
We did a Trout and Wine vineyards tour in Mendoza and loved it. It included a lunch at Ruca Malen, which was great. I would have done their horse tour too but the timing didn’t work out. We ate at Azafran, which was great (this was 7 years ago, so maybe verify that:)
I used Uncorking Argentina for three trips to Mendoza. In terms of activities I recommend the following:
The Vines of Mendoza in Uco Valley (resort, vineyard, restaurant – plan an entire day in Uco Valley)
Conalbi Grinberg vineyard
Pulenta Estates
Jerome Brewery – there is a brewery in the mountains and a restaurant in Mendoza
Los Chocos – chef’s table in his home
Bodega Azul
Clos de los Siete
Alpasion – resort in Uco Valley
Thank you so much for passing along these details!
I need some advice on how to handle my apparently crazy fiance. Our work and exercise schedules recently changed and we’ve had trouble making time for each other during the week, particularly for gardening. I sort of figured this is a temporary thing that will work itself out as we adjust to our new schedules, though it’s now been several months and gardening almost exclusively happens on the weekend.
Fiance started making some comments a couple of weeks ago that he thinks I’m self gardening. Well yes you’re not available when I am, I’m gonna take care of myself and I assume you will too. It’s just one of those things that couples don’t talk about right? Last week he drunkenly made some remark that I must prefer my gardening tools to him but I sort of ignored it because he was so sloshed and incoherent. I just don’t engage when he’s like that.
Well today I discovered that all of my gardening tools are gone. I’m not sure when he took them because I’ve been working a lot lately and haven’t had the time or inclination. I’m sure he’s waiting for me to confront him about it. Idk what to do. If he wanted to have a conversation about our weekday schedules then he should’ve done that. Maybe put some effort into getting up earlier or dragging himself away from video games before I have to go to bed. For him to just take my stuff like some kind of punishment is really upsetting. Advice for how to approach this?
How upsetting. I’m so sorry this happened to you. What a childish way to deal with something.
It is definitely a red flag. Have you guys done any kind of premarital counseling?
I don’t want to jump and say OH HONEY GET OUT, because I think a lot of men have a lot of baggage and shame around gardening and don’t have good tools for discussing things with their partners. Our culture can be pretty toxic in this regard too, especially given the copious gardening resources available.
HOWEVER. Taking your stuff is a classic abuser move. Putting aside that it doesn’t exactly facilitate garden parties. If there are other warning signs, then I would strongly encourage you to proceed with caution.
In the short term, if this were me, I would try to take a little space, make it clear that I was extremely peeved, and maybe say something sharp about his alcohol use. How he reacts to that will tell you volumes.
Oh my, there is a lot to be worried about here – and I think the gardening is the least of it.
I know this gets suggested a lot around here, but I would get into couples therapy stat before marrying this guy.
Two big red flags: doing something to provoke a confrontation rather than just saying he’d like to discuss something with you, and “…he was so sloshed and incoherent. I just don’t engage when he’s like that.”
I have the exact same scheduling issue in my relationship and while my partner has absolutely no issue with “self gardening”, it does strain things that we have a much less active “gardening” life than we used to. So it can be difficult even for mostly healthy relationships, but it might have just revealed some problems that go way deeper than schedules / gardening.
Thanks. I thought something like your last paragraph was what was going on with us – I know it’s stressful but that’s life, right? You get through it as a couple? In retrospect I could’ve been a more active listener when he grumbled. I can be pretty dense sometimes. I didn’t realize it was bugging him as much as it evidently was. But to go from grumbling – while putting in zero effort to actually fix the problem – to hiding? tossing? my stuff is really extreme. I don’t even know what to think right now.
Yeah my partner and I had to have a conversation about the “zero effort to fix the problem” too. It was like, he had no ideas for how to communicate that he’d like to have s*x other than rubbing my back suggestively when we were in bed together. Once our sleeping schedules were less well aligned… it was like he was totally out of ideas. So we talked about both of us being more proactive about initiating, and me being more open to spontaneous gardening.
It really highlighted for me just how insecure men can be about this. One time, he told me that he felt like I had “run away” that morning when he wanted to have s*x, and I said, “You mean, when I had to leave for work?” and he said, “Yeah.”
I wouldn’t blame yourself for not listening hard enough. He needs to learn to articulate problems in a way that don’t require mind reading. How is he about discussing other issues in your relationship? Is he forthcoming, or does he employ similar tactics of expecting you to carry the burden of figuring out how to solve things, and/or forcing discussions to be confrontational rather than collaborative?
Is this the first time he’s acted this way? Seems shaming and controlling. Did it start after you got engaged?
I want to be delicate in saying this but I’m not sure how… this is horrifying.
He TOOK and HID (or threw away) YOUR possessions because he doesn’t like you taking care of stuff on your own?!? That’s so ugly. That’s so mean and petty.
He can only manage to address his concerns (1) when he is drunk and incoherent and mean, or (2) by TAKING YOUR STUFF to provoke a fight?
If the roles were reversed, what would you be doing? I don’t think you’d be hiding his lube or blocking all p*rn sites from your internet. You’d probably say, “honey, let’s make more of an effort to … I miss it.”
The fact that he isn’t doing that, but is instead trying to provoke a fight…. it really worries me. I know there is a ton of ego wrapped up in how men deal with these things, and I know that it’s not always easy to talk about, but you should be with someone who is trying to work past these things, not someone who is treating you like this.
I had to read this twice before I got that gardening really meant something else.
I’m not in a relationship and don’t have any advice, but I wish you well in whatever you decide to do. Hugs.
Wow. This is so abusive. GTFO!!!!
Buy more toys. Bigger. Weirder. Vaguely implying lesbianism.
Won’t solve your problem but your toy collection will be awesome!
DEFINITELY buy a big black d i l d o that is twice the size of his package.
black? be careful. definitely sounded stereotypical and racist.
It is but gardening tool companies exploit that racist stereotype and so it’s also a real product. The issues isn’t necessarily this one poster being racist but rather the whole system being racist. Sigh.
Hahaha. That’s great.
This is one of those things where it’s hard for me to give advice without having a much better idea of what’s going on. Assuming he’s normally a nice person and not prone to pranks, this combined behavior suggests more to me that he is taking something (that I think is known to be a delicate subject for some men) very, very personally/seriously and there needs to be some honest communication pronto. But maybe he’s like this in other ways (i.e., extremely passive agressive and petty) and you need to be carefully assessing red flags. Good luck OP.
I’m just coming back now, hopefully it’s not too late. A lot of people have said he might be threatened by the gardening tools. I had a great collection before I started dating him – which I introduced pretty early on because I won’t date someone who’s not friends with at least external tools – and we use them together pretty regularly with great effect. So idk how he could go from being enthusiastic about them for years to suddenly feeling threatened, but maybe I’m missing something. It really feels like he’s punishing me for enjoying myself when he’s not.
I don’t have specific advice, but my general assessment:
I don’t think it’s a huge problem that your schedules haven’t matched, that he struggles a bit with the solo gardening aspect of things, or that gardening tools might make him feel a bit inadequate. Those things are solvable problems and all fall into the realm of “things normal couples in healthy relationships may struggle with.”
The things I see as problems are picking fights when he’s drunk, not being able to have a constructive conversation around these issues, and taking your things because he’s insecure (and it seems like he’s daring you to call him out on it).
I suggest couples counseling.
Since I’m a bad person, I also suggest buying a few identical replacement gardening tools, putting them exactly where the taken ones lived, and just pretending that he didn’t take them. :)
I 100% concur with this assessment of where the problems are and aren’t here.
I would almost never give this advice, but this one time, I suggest an ultimatum: “Put my things back, immediately, and don’t ever do this again, or we’re done.” Then you can move forward with counseling/trying to have a rational conversation/trying to understand why he thinks gardening tools somehow diminish him, etc., if you think it’s worth doing that. Personally, I’m not sure it is. If this is how he handles conflict, that’s a very bad sign.
Agreed. As someone whose ex could only passively aggressively address problems while he was drunk, this really struck me as symptomatic of controlling, childish, insecure behavior that will infect the larger relationship in the long run if he doesn’t get his insecurity/communication skills straightened out and if he doesn’t address what may be a drinking problem.
I completely agree. I think it’s totally understandable if he’s concerned about the frequency of joint parties or a little uncomfortable with the solo gardening (women have expressed similar sentiments about their partners’ solo activities here before), but he handled it horribly. Picking a fight while drunk, avoiding a real conversation and then hiding your tools are huge red flags, especially the last one which is just totally freaking crazy.
Pack your bags.
I gave a snarky answer but to be serious, my husband felt a little threatened by my tools when we first got together. I had tried to incorporate them into our s3xytimes together (which I had done with a previous partner) and he was definitely NOT into that. It was a version of feeling threatened. He wasn’t perfectly mature about it (people are flawed, who knew?) but we worked it out. I ended up getting rid of my stuff when my kids were little because they got into everything and I didn’t want them getting into that! and I’m pretty happy without it. My happy moments take longer to get to without the tools but I find it more pleasurable that way – enjoying the ride, as it were.
I don’t say this lightly and you have to do what’s right for you, but there are so many red flags there. I do not think that I could stay in a relationship where a) the man punishes you for not having s*x with him often enough; b) never does anything to address it as an adult; and c) gets drunk and makes passive aggressive comments about it. I would think long and hard before marrying this man, and honestly, I worry this relationship could get abusive quickly. It sounds so like a dear family member’s late husband that it gives me chills; he was a verbally abusive a-hole who got worse and worse over time and it was finally a blessing when he died.
“Maybe put some effort into getting up earlier or dragging himself away from video games before I have to go to bed.”
If you do go passive aggressive, definitely hide his damn play station until he returns your belongings.
I recently started using Ponds Cold Cream at night and it’s frigging miraculous. ALL of the makeup comes off and my face feels lovely. However, the makeup has stained my washcloths. They’re white – I’m an idiot. For those of you who use something like this to take off makeup, do you have particular washcloths you like? Should I just get some dark colored ones? FWIW, these are only used for this purpose. Thanks – such a beginner question but, yeah that’s me.
I use cold cream as well (switched to the drugstore knockoff and didn’t notice a difference), and I just decide not to care about how my makeup-removing washcloths look.
I use jojoba oil to remove makeup and similarly stained my white and yellow wash cloths, but I really don’t care.
I just bought a pile of cheap black washcloths from Target…one for each day of the week. I wash them all with my dark laundry and voila! In the alternative, use hypo allergenic baby wipes to wipe off the cold cream.
I know this is not the greatest for the environment, but can you remove the makeup with paper towels? disposable wipes? Or go out and buy some peach colored wash cloths. Won’t help with mascara stains, but I use a tube mascara for this reason.
I also just started using Pond’s cold cream and also love it. Do you use it around your eye area? If not, what do you use to remove eye makeup?
I use it to remove my eye makeup. Nothing gets mascara/eyeliner off more completely, and it’s so gentle.
I literally bought a pack of washcloths from amazon for makeup removal. It was a pack of like 20 cheap white washcloths, and they live under the sink, I use a clean one every day. I love it.
I was in a mountain state for a week’s vacation, and my face got wind burned. I used sunscreen, and moisturized extensively while there, but now the skin on my noise and forehead is rather flaky.
It looks bad if I put any makeup over the skin. The makeup emphasizes the flakes. I tried exfoliating with a sugar scrub and a wash cloth.
Any suggestions on products to help exfoliate while protecting wind burned skin?
Clinique 7-day scrub cream, then put on a heavy moisturizer and let it soak in for a while before putting on makeup.
you may be making it worse with all the physical scrubbing you’re doing. I’d spend this weekend using no makeup and wearing night cream during the day, if at all possible.
You’re definitely making it worse by scrubbing/peeling/exfoliating. Just let it heal and don’t pick at it.
+1
When your skin is irritated, you need to leave it alone. This is common sense.
Been there & done that [mistake]. Even though it sounds counterintuitive, do not remove the flakey skin [dead cells] with a peeling. Under the flakes, your skin is pretty much irritated – you would not want to put any peeling on a sunburnt skin either. Stop using the peeling immediately. Focus on moisturizing your skin [ideally several times a day]. Use a moisturizer and a barrier cream [thicker texture preferred, to prevent transepidermal moisture loss] at night. Accept the fact that makeup will look terrible until your skin gets better. In my case, it took 4-5 days. I had good experience with Physiogel Cream [available in EU, not sure about the US] combined with Calcium ointment with vitamin B [available in pharmacies, applied as a top layer at night]. But any good, thick moisturizer will do the job.
I would use a gentle chemical exfoliant – I use mild peels (lactic acid is great, gentle) from MUAC for things like this, followed with moisturizer and a humidifier in my bedroom, works wonders.
My 10-year-old really wants one of those Instax cameras that prints its own pictures like an old-style Polaroid. I am thinking that she’ll either play with it a few times and get sick of it, or spend tons of money on the special film. My frugal, practical perspective is that it would be more economical in the long run to buy her a photo printer so she could take as many photos as she wants with her iPad and print only the good ones, but she insists that the Instax will be more fun. Any recommendations for or against the Instax from other moms whose kids have one?
No advice, but the fact that we’re now at a place where an ipad is the default and a polaroid is a novelty makes my head hurt a bit.
+1000 lol
Not a mom whose kid has one, but lots of younger cousins and they LOVE it. Sometimes they save up for the film or parents will gift a few sets for birthdays/Christmas/good grades/etc.
The thing is, these are cool because you get the pictures in that particular format (see all sorts of youths’ Instagrams of these tiny instant pictures), not because they actually want the pictures, so the suggestion, while practical, doesn’t solve the issue of wanting the Instax.
FWIW, when I was a youth, my parents got me a version (the hottest thing at the time) of an instant camera and told me to be mindful that the film was expensive, so I couldn’t get it all the time. It made me more conscientious of what pictures I took, but it was really fun. I vote yes.
I vote with your daughter. A Polaroid was one of the most fun presents I ever got, specifically because it was spit the picture out instantly. My family probably thought it would be a novelty, but I used it for years whenever I could get my hands on film.
I have the Instax Mini. It’s loads of fun. The film is not that expensive if you buy multi-packs on Amazon. They are also sometimes on sale at urban outfitters and they can go through the scanner at airports without dying. There were some good deals during black friday on amazon for the instax, but I’m not sure if it’s still going on. There are also deals at joanns and michaels, and often times you can use a coupon on it. I actually use mine all the time, and tape in my photos into my journal/diary so I can collect them.
You should warn her, though, that the quality of the photos is not as great as you’d get from a photo printer printing your ipad photos. (Maybe show her a few photos of people’s instax photos on instagram or something to compare). They’re very 80’s/90’s style photos, and in some situations, you can’t actually get a photo (like you can’t really take a photo of the sun without a big black spot in your photo, and you can’t take pictures in certain lighting because everything looks washed out or too dark or blurry, etc.).
This may be an opportunity to support your local camera shop. They’re an endangered species. I’d get her what she wants.
My daughter got into black and white film photography as an elective. I kind of groused about buying her a (used) 35 mm camera and all that film, but now that she’s been doing it for a couple of years, she’s quite talented. She takes all the family photos now. Just recently she told her dear old mom (me, a mathematician) that I knew nothing about angles when I was trying to take a selfie of the two of us. Ha!
My sister had one when we were in high school and I still have some of the random photos we took and love them… different from “in front of a camera”; just rando instant shots that aren’t curated….
I would use this as a way to teach her about saving up/budgeting. You’ll buy her a certain amount of film (i.e. – 3 starter packs). She can do small chores to save up for it after that. Good grades = you’ll get her another pack, etc.
How do you deal when you are just.so.disengaged! at work? Mid-year, my three-year contract in my dream job with a dream employer came to an end. They were unable to renew me and I found another, permanent job right away. I am extremely fortunate and know that…but I am not feeling the new job and am having a hard time faking it even six months in.
The work is extremely insignificant compared to what I was doing before. I am micromanaged. The job does not play to my strengths or allow me to showcase my best skills. The personalities in my very small group are toxic. I am saddled with a bunch of very boring administrative tasks that I feel are out of line. All together, I can hardly get out of bed and I feel glazed over at my computer most days. I see myself getting behind on certain responsibilities (like getting three years’ worth of my team’s filing in order before Christmas) because I am so disengaged and uninterested and bored that I can hardly bear to keep on top of them. How do I turn this around? Strategies from anyone who’s been here would be sincerely appreciated.
This is me – we should go to lunch or something!
I was laid off from a more cerebral and busy job, and was fortunate to find another. Like you I can’t find a way to showcase … anything. Everyone is nice though. I read a lot of politics, shop, play on LinkedIn. Maybe you don’t need to turn it around. Maybe just get out?
No ideas, just sympathy.
If you live in Ottawa, YES!
I’m in this boat. Working a job I’m wildly over qualified for while waiting for my dream job to come through. Also in Ottawa!
I’m in for an Ottawa lunch or meetup!
Honestly I think you should start looking for a new job. I’ve been in toxic situations in the past and tried to convince myself to handle it and rise above.. when really I should have cut my losses and left. The fact that you don’t like what you do, it’s not challenging, and your co-workers are toxic and you are being micromanaged — that’s a lot of red flags. Maybe this wasn’t the right job for you. It sounds like you know what a good job feels like — try to find another situation that has those same qualities.
I am in the same spot after 18 months and looking for a new job now.
My SIL requested sweaters for Christmas in basic colors, nor the bold colors and patterns I’ve mostly seen her wear.
I have no idea what colors would flatter her. So what colors would be kind of fun but still appropriate for small academic speaking gigs?
Jewel tones are flattering for a lot of people. Or maybe black/navy/grey?
Blue looks good on basically everyone. LL Bean has some nice cashmere in blues and other colors, and some cotton cabled sweaters that look good in lots of colors.
Grey is nice, and a little more modern. J.Crew Holly crewneck comes in a heavier weight grey.
If she’s not a coffee spiller like me, white or cream looks great on almost everyone.
Thanks for trying to help, even though I was so vague. My main issue is that she dyes her dark hair peroxide blond, so I just have no idea what color palette to follow. I was trying not to sound snark in my initial comment, but I really don’t understand why she does that to her hair.
I think gray or beige are the best neutrals to go with bold colors. Does she wear orangey/warm bold colors or bluish/cool colors? I’d do the beige if the former, the gray if the latter.
Pretty much anything other than pastels, orange and cherry red. I think those colors are harder to wear for most.
Just wanted to shout out to the other reader who was getting an IUD inserted this afternoon, if you see this. Hope it all went/is going well! I’m in the doctors office nervously texting while I wait….
I just came to check on you! Looking at the timestamp on your post I’m guessing that you are going through the worst of it now–sending good thoughts and deep breaths your way.
I’m a few hours out and feeling wobbly but okay. What a strange set of sensations. Be well!
PS. Kat, do you see what an amazing community you have fostered? Three people checked on me after my appointment today: my husband, a close friend who saw me this morning, and this fellow reader. What a wonderful sisterhood this can be.
I love this so much
+1 love this!
I wish I could “like” this comment here!
I love this.
+1! I’m a long time lurker/occasional commenter but (in part because of this) I’m considering “claiming” a name now. (Maybe not “IUD friend”? Haha.)
Now I have a vision of, like, a smiling cartoon IUD wearing Mickey Mouse gloves on the ends of its little arms. I think probably this character gets along well with Shots Shots Shots.
Yay! Glad to hear. And “strange” is definitely the word for it!
I’m doing pretty well – basically just cramping pretty badly (as bad as my worst, which are not bad at all in the grand scheme of things). Was totally able to walk to subway and make it home without issue.
Good! Here’s to a restful weekend for us both.
Coming off the morning thread about purchasing new clothes for a sister with a new job, how can I suggest an upgrade for a close male friend? He’s single, so no partner to run it by, and by his own admission has no fashion sense. He wears very drab, ill fitting clothes that are too casual. He thinks jeans + dark sports jacket + white button down are appropriate to wear everywhere, and on the weekends, he only wears hoodies and jeans. Basically, he looks like he’s in college although we’re in our mid 30s. I think an upgraded wardrobe would help him out in every aspect of his life, personally and professionally, but I have no real experience in guy style issues. Maybe I’m being nosy? I do think he is just clueless. He isn’t a bro type, but still dresses like a frat bro…
Keeping in mind that an upgrade can be expensive…if he’s amendable, make him an appointment with Nordie’s personal shoppers. In addition to the actual clothes, they will also make sure the clothes fit properly.
Um are you in the silicon valley? You’ve just described the uniform. Jeans + button down + sport jacket for meetings (not my favorite look, to be honest) and basically Mark Z all other times. This can look OK but the items have to fit well. In any case, he’d need to be a very good friend for you to suggest this without offending him. You could say you’d like to take him shopping and be his personal shopper, but he’d have to be willing to spend the dough.
Does he *care* though? Is he concerned about how his clothes affect his life? If he’s not and he doesn’t see changes as a result of your intervention, I imagine he will just go back to his “old ways” sooner rather than later. Particularly if his coworkers/friend group doesn’t care or wears the same stuff too. (FWIW, you’ve basically described my boyfriend – as long as he’s appropriately dressed for events, I’ve decided just to leave it.)
Either wait for him to ask you about wardrobe/dressing/style, or bring it up in a situation that seems like a one-off. If he has a date or a big presentation, ask him what he plans to wear, and give suggestions about stepping it up a notch. Don’t try to overhaul his whole wardrobe, but work on that one occasion. He will likely be able to see the difference, even if he wasn’t able to understand what elements made it better.
I’m not sure what’s wrong with jeans + dark sports jacket + white button down. If the clothes don’t fit him, that’s one thing, but the outfit you describe is pretty common for guys in their mid 30s who don’t have to wear suits to work and doesn’t really scream “college” to me. Anyway, I don’t think you should offer up style advice unless he asks (or he’s wearing something totally inappropriate for the setting, like jeans to a law firm where he’s supposed to be in a suit).
There was a commenter a few weeks ago who went through a terrible ordeal while seeking mental health services. This investigative report (on Buzzfeed! Who knew they did more than listicles?!?) made me think of you … I hope you are doing better.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/rosalindadams/intake?utm_term=.yxvbPb6zb#.wuwlElq1l
Off topic, but Buzzfeed has actually done high-quality investigative reporting for some time. They broke the story about a Berkeley professor who harassed some of his female students, and a couple of other high-profile stories that I can’t remember at the moment.
That is good to know! To be honest, I’m really only familiar with them from the short quizzes/slideshows that I see shared on Facebook. I’ll have to actually poke around the site. Investigative reporting is such an endangered animal these days … I’ll give it all the page views/subscription fees I can!
Does anyone know anything about LuLaRoe? A childhood friend of mine is selling it and invited me to her facebook group, and although I usually stay away from MLM products the clothes look cute. Thoughts?
One of my friends sells it. I bought a few things from her over the last several months. It’s not “fashionable” the way women on this site would think of “fashionable,” but it’s all cute and comfortable.
I have one of the fitted dresses and get compliments on it every time I wear it.
None of the clothes are lined, but a slip works wonders underneath.
Also love Neutrogena’s Norwegian hand creme. My other favorite is the Eucerin hand cream in the small tubes. I keep one of the two in all of my bags/desk drawer/night stand.
Lularoe is not my style so I wouldn’t buy it anyway, but on top of that I refuse to support mlm companies that preach fake promises to their sales “consultants”.
Beyond the MLM yuck, it looks nice enough, but it’s not my demographic. I think the prints are cute but the cuts of the clothing is just a little too modest – their look definitely comes off as modest for religious reasons/for Mormons. I associate it with SAHMs who are pretty religious but trendy. Great for many people, but it’s just not my style.
Same.
My sister is a teacher and loves LuLaRoe. She hosted a party for her friend and being a good sister, I attended. The clothing is all very soft and stretchy. I did like the “Amelia” dress but I wasn’t a fan of the patterns they offered. If you like leggings and unstructured soft, flowy tops, then you might like their clothing. My sister also says they hold up nicely in the wash.
Now that it’s winter, my hands are so dry. Any recs for a really good nighttime hand cream or lotion? Preferably one available at Target or CVS.
For hands and actually my whole body, I love basic Cerave cream in the tub. Bonus that it’s unscented and not greasy.
Yes yes yes to the Cerave tub. (Or the CVS version.)
Good old neutropenia Norwegian Formula Hand Cream works for me when nothing else does. I would use it at night time. It’s a bit greasy for day. It has a different finish on the skin than most lotion. I think it’s glycerin based.
uhhh Neutrogena. haha, I’m hoping my hand lotion does not have low white blood cell counts.
LOL
I just found out that my niece voted for DJT. She turned 18 on election day. Her parents and the rest of our family are Democrats and voted for HRC. Some of us, including her, campaigned for HRC. She says she did only because not doing it or telling the family she was voting for DJT would have been unacceptable. I’m shocked and upset.
Not campaigning for HRC would have been unacceptable to the family. We live in Michigan which just makes this hurt more.
You guys sound like you need to leave her alone. Maybe you should agree to not speak to her about politics and give her some space to form her own opinions – your family sounds suffocating. You can’t browbeat an 18 year old into doing what you want her to do.
Ugh. The good news is 18 year-olds are a lot more impressionable than 60-year-olds. I wouldn’t pick arguments about the election or her vote, since what’s done is done and it can’t be changed. But I would keep talking to her about all the issues you care about, and try to convince her that the Democratic party platform will be better for generation’s future. Hopefully she is planning to go to college and her mind will be expanded and educated there. I was a Republican in high school and cast my first vote for George Bush in 2000 (so shameful, I know) but I became a lot more liberal in college and early-mid 20s after meeting people from different walks of life and I campaigned hard for HRC (and actually voted for her, lol) this time around.
*for her generation’s future
“Not campaigning for HRC would have been unacceptable to the family.”
That is a LOT of pressure to put on an 18-year old.
At this point I would try to talk to her–not lecture her. Ask her what she liked and didn’t like about the candidates. Show her the clip of djt making fun of a disabled reporter and ask her what she thinks about that. Ask her about emails and Benghazi and talk to her about how to evaluate news sources and reports. Ask her what role she sees for the President in our society. And so on.
So her vote was a youthful act of rebellion in response to her family forcing her to do something without asking her opinion. I would focus less on your hurt feelings and more on respecting her as an individual and young adult. And encourage your sibling to do the same.
I tend to agree with this.
+1000
I see three most likely scenarios here:
1. She felt so pressured by the family about campaigning and voting that she did the opposite.
2. She voted for him on misinformation, misunderstanding, or similar. She didn’t say anything ahead of time, because it sounds like it would have been very difficult for her with your family.
3. She voted for him based on research and understanding, looking at what she found most important in a presidential candidate. Her preference conflicted with much of the family’s, so she didn’t say anything. When you all expected her to campaign, she felt pressured and just went along. She’s telling you now, perhaps because she wants you to know and respect her political views as she hopefully does yours.
It sounds like your family is very vocal about politics and discusses it a lot, so I doubt 2 is the reason. If it is 1, then more pressure from the family will only hurt going forward. If it is 3, then I think you have to accept and respect her point of view. Have intellectual, calm conversations with her, if she wants, where you discuss each side’s opinions and points.
Honestly, I don’t get when people say they are shocked and disgusted by certain people’s votes when clearly a lot of people voted for each of the two major candidate and there was (as has been developing for a long time) a big echo chamber problem and a lot of voters like your niece who felt pressure to stay quiet. I wasn’t surprised at all by the election results, because these are things that have been building for a long time. I know my opinion may not be popular, but I still think I should say it.
+1. Well stated.
I stopped by Kohl’s for the first time in years today and was pleasantly surprised at the amount of work appropriate clothing. Given the decreasing quality of AT, BR, etc., the clothes were of similar quality at lower prices.
Really?! I always want to love Kohls but when I off chance make it to a suburb I never find anything. Hmm.
Oh there was definitely a lot of ugly stuff but the Dana Buchanan and Vera Wang lines had some good things.
Just finished a shopping spree at Old Navy.
The dress in this morning’s thread looked awful on me. The sheath was cut in such a way it was super clingy on my stomach and too wide at my hips.
But the Mons site dress linked this morning looks AWESOME on. So flattering. Also bought 3 basic turtlenecks, a plum puffer vest, an open long-ish sweater, and 2 identical blazers in red and black (their textured twill blazer- red was on clearance and therefore an impulse buy. Red isn’t usually my thing).
Went to husband’s christmas party last night. His co-worker’s wife got pretty drunk and went on and on about how being a sahm was so terribly hard but she would never have someone else watch her children because “she would never let someone else raise her kids”. Uhhh. She went on for 10 plus minutes about how can people hand their tiny little baby over to someone else to watch? They’re only small once..it goes so fast..etc etc. I WANTED TO SCREAM…know your f
‘ing audience lady! I’m a CPA, another wife a doctor, another a pharmacist. Uhhh. I work part time because I want to and I can. The other moms work FT. I just said “I think it’s most important for children to have a happy mom. Working fulfills me and makes happy. My children are taken care of by someone I (gasp) knows more about children than I do and has a degree in the subject. I think she might take better care and teach them better than I do”. Does anyone else get annoyed by this stuff? Im still growling this morning.
Given that these words by spoken by a drunk woman, no.
Being intoxicated is not a valid defense for anything. Why should it be? Don’t drink so much that you make a fool out of yourself.
But your spouse’s co-worker’s spouse is not a person is not worth spending your emotional energy on.
Sure. I’m with you. Your response was great.
And as I’m sure you know…. this drunk and disinhibited wife is displaying her insecurity. I suspect her rude behavior is due to her trying to rationalize and justify her decision making.
As someone who has left the workforce for family caregiving (disabled, elderly relatives), it can be awful going to social functions where I am surrounded by successful women/previous co-workers. Even if they are well-intended, it can be hours of people asking what do you do? Then staring at you blankly, sometimes saying judgmental things, or perhaps losing interest and walking away. Sometimes these gestures are subtle, but so clear. It is not a situation where you can or want to have to defend your choices. And to see how people judge you, or worse… pity you… is demoralizing. Everyone has a different defense mechanism.
So she’s rude. But remember…. you never know what is going on with other people.
Gosh. After reading this with frustration, because that would drive me nuts too, I thought about what it might be like if I were in her shoes. Honestly, you’d be more likely to hear me ranting about ‘Can you BELIEVE some women just stay home with their children all daaaay? SO BOOOORING I would die’ if I were drunk and waxing (un)poetic about the subject. So, I’d chalk this up to her being drunk and very, very rude by voicing her opinions on a known sensitive subject. I’d let it go. Her husband, your coworker, is probably mortified.
I have a life rule that makes things like this much easier: Ignore drunken rants. The ranter probably doesn’t even mean half of what she says, she just got on a roll and couldn’t hit the stop button. I’m sure she had a good shame spiral the next morning about it.
Late reply, but yeah BTDT. Many of the hub’s male law partners have spouses in that category; over time I have figured out which spouses I really like and hang with them and I try to avoid the ultradevoted SAHMs who try to turn up the guilt about my choices (especially the ones who have advanced degrees and feel the need to tell me that they COULD have kept working, but is is so much more IMPORTANT for them to be home and to put their FAMILY first and they just do NOT know how the hubs can STILL be a Biglaw partner what with me WORKING and when would they EVER find the time to go to yoga etc. etc.). I recognize that it is a stereotype, but after being with the hubs the 20 years he has been at his firm, it definitely is true among a certain crowd. I do know that many of the female partners at his firm find it even more irritating than I do.
One in particular makes me crazy — or rather her spouse does. He takes that same “how can you let someone else raise your kids” tack with me. My reply is “how can you justify letting your spouse, who has a PhD (in a super-marketable area) and could easily pull down $150K a year, stay home (even after the kids are in school full time) when that could give you financial security and the ability to retire in your early 60s?” That shuts the discussion down pretty quickly.
I have no issues with SAHMs (or Ds, for that matter) and truly believe that as women we should focus on what brings us together instead of what divides us. I have friends who SAH (in fact, most of the hub’s best non-lawyer friends have wives that SAH), but in that circle we respect each other’s choices and try just to help each other out. Sometimes I need backup child care and sometimes they need help dealing with more “business” type issues with different group they work with; it all works out with them because we all have respect. But you get to choose your friends and not your husband’s coworkers’ spouses, so that’s the difference, right?
Here’s hoping our friend Shots. Shots. Shots. was with you at the party. She generally makes the irritating people more tolerable (and also assists in bonding with the fun ones).
Going for a 3-week trip to Mexico in March. Any tips on what to see/do/visit/explore? I am not a lying-on-the-beach/stay-in-a-resort type of person, but an occasional dip in the ocean after a hot day is welcome ;)
I love hiking, exploring, architecture, discovering local habits/food. FWIW, I will be visiting a friend in Leon [near Mexico City] for a week or two and doing a few day-trips with her and her 7m y.o. daughter. And I plan to spend at least 1 week on my solo travelling. Thanks in advance!
San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato, Queretaro, and Oaxaca would all be great. The first three you could probably cram into a week (they are all in central Mexico, not far from Mexico City). Oaxaca is farther away from Mexico City (6 hours by car/bus or 1-hour flight) so you would need more time for that.
I spent summer 2014 in Mexico. I didn’t do a whole lot of hiking, but Palenque and the area around it would be great for that. Oaxaca is a popular destination; it has gorgeous colonial architecture, lots of local flavour, and it’s famous for its food. I loved the Museum of Cultures, housed in an old monastery, and the city’s also quite close to beach towns such as Puerto Escondido on the Pacific coast. If you’re into churches, definitely go to Puebla, which is also famous for its mole sauce. Guadalajara is the second biggest city, and also nice for colonial architecture, but it wasn’t my favourite. Guanajuato and Taxco were both built on/around silver mines and therefore have a very particular architectural style. Guanajuato also has Diego Rivera’s childhood home and a really creepy museum featuring mummified (or rather dried-out) corpses from a local church’s graveyard. Taxco is the best place to buy silver in Mexico. Taxco is quite close to Puebla, and Guanajuato to Guadalajara, so I would pick one pair to visit.
Finally, Mexico City itself is amazing. Definitely plan on at least two trips to the Anthropology Museum, and exploring Chapultepec Park. Then of course Coyoacan for the Casa Azul (Frida Kahlo residence and museum) and possibly Leon Trotsky’s house. You might be able to do Teotihuacan on a day trip from Leon, since it is about an hour outside MC.
Need recommendations on WARM MITTENS: Last year, I bought a pair of North Face Montana mittens, thinking they would be a good replacement for the cream leather and down mittens that I’ve owned for like 20 years. (World’s greatest purchase ever. I wish they didn’t look so dirty; I can’t bring myself to wear them to work anymore, even in forgiving Chicago.) Anyway, I hate the Montanas. Unless I get the gauntlet completely over or completely under my coat sleeve and then cinch the gauntlet, air just flows into the mitt. Have you ever tried to tuck your coat sleeve into a gauntlet with a hand that is already in a winter proof mitten? Well, it’s impossible.
It looks like a polar vortex is ERT Chicago, so I need to figure something out ASAP. Any suggestions? (BTW, normally I’m a huge North Face fan. I own two of their winter coats. Great purchases. And I understand that this year’s Montana has been slightly restyled, but I’m staying away from gauntlets this time.)
Canada Goose? They have a “lightweight” version with just a cuff. You could try them with an Icebreaker realfleece mitten liner if not quite warm enough.
…and I read over the thread here from earlier this year.
I looked over the recommendations, but then I ran across this backpack: http://www.ebags.com/product/the-north-face/womens-recon-laptop-backpack/292465
I’m thinking of getting it in black. Do any of you have this? Any thoughts on it?
I have that backpack, or something similar to it, maybe the previous version. Use it for personal travel, if I’m not doing a backpacking pack.
I like it enough that I’ve considered switching to it for work.
That said, I’m pretty happy with my Tumi tote. I travel pretty much every week for work, and it’s probably just as easy to have a tote that I can strap onto my roll-aboard as it is to have the backpack.
Thanks! I’ll wait a little to see whether I get any other responses, but I appreciate your experience.
It’s nice to have a place like this I can come to and ask somewhat random questions.
I hear you about your Tumi tote, but there is a specific reason my doc recommends I switch from a tote.
Ha, I guess I meant to say that if if was considering switching away from my Tumi tote that this was a pretty good option!
How about the new Lo and Sons backpack? If I didn’t already have a gazillion bags I would buy it for myself in a heartbeat. Totes are nice but I adore backpacks.
Huh, that looks practical (and versatile), is very good looking, and is less expensive than I expected. Impressive.
You have just given me more to consider…Thanks!
I am presuming you are talking about The Hanover…
Yes. :)
Does anyone have a recommendation for an allergy doctor in the DC area? I just moved here for my job and I’m already overdue for an allergy shot. Bonus points if the doctor is walking distance from a metro station, particularly one on the red line.
I went to Dr. Sampson Sarpong, MD though ZocDoc and he was HORRIBLE. So. Not him.
Looking for insider, not -well known tips on how to get into big brand name companies in California. More specifically Marketing Jobs (Content marketing, branding, not product marketing) in the San Jose/SF/Bay Area. Brand names meaning KPMG, Facebook, Samsung, ETC. Not the run of the mill tips like “Use linkedin, network, apply, edit your resume etc” — got those already. I am open to unconventional tips, not-so-well known methods, advice, etc! Thanks for any input :)
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