ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 353 Comments

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Silk-Cashmere Shawl-Collar Sweater

·

A basic black sweater is never going to be the most thrilling article of clothing in your closet, but how satisfying is it when you find the perfect one? I have two that are on heavy rotation in my wardrobe right now, and they rotate depending on some combination of external temperature and whether the powers-that-be in my office have decided that it is time to turn the air conditioning on. (May 1 is too early some years, and way too late in others!)

This silk-cashmere shawl-collar sweater from Brooks Brothers looks like a beautiful basic that's not too heavy and not too light. The shawl collar makes it a little more interesting than my typical crew or V-neck, and the fit is super flattering.

If you’re looking for other colors, there are 10 available, but only in lucky sizes at this point.

The sweater is $84 on sale (marked down from $168) at Brooks Brothers and comes in sizes XS–XL.

Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

353 Comments

  1. Gorgeous pick!

    Anyone up for a “how I met my partner” conversation this morning? Now that a lot of people are vaccinated, people are thinking about dating again. Now, I’m a firm believer that finding my husband does not qualify me to tell other people to find husbands or partners; however, it sucks to see all of these smart, funny women struggling to find someone.

    My husband was introduced to me by a mutual friend. She’s freakishly good at fixing people up. Delightfully, after getting us together, she minded her own business and didn’t try to run our relationship for us. Before that, the men I dated were all friends of friends (even the one I met online turned out to be a college friend of my high school friend).

    1. I met my husband through Match.com. I signed up for it after ending a long term relationship that should have ended much earlier, and made it my mission to put myself out there. I reached out to anyone who seemed interesting and met up with them fairly quickly. My husband didn’t have much on his profile, but he did have a picture of his golden retriever (who was the best dog ever), so I sent him a quick note because I love dogs. We met in person a couple of weeks later, and we’ve been together for almost a decade.

    2. I mentioned this a few days back, but I met my now fiancé on a plane (pre-covid). We were seatmates, there was a lot of turbulence at takeoff and I’m a nervous flyer, he asked if I was ok and we started chatting to take my mind off of it. We ended up talking non-stop for three and half hours, he left with my phone number and asked me on a date the next day, and the rest is history. And I’m an introvert who hates talking to strangers, but somehow we clicked and the whole thing was surprisingly easy, and we’ve been getting along for 3 years now. So I guess sometimes you just have to be open to the unexpected. Before that, my last serious relationship was similar to the story above – his friend was dating my friend, we met at a small gathering that was an informal setup.

      2. That’s very sweet. A family member met her (now) husband this way as well. It’s so interesting to hear this because I never talk to the people I’m sitting next to on planes. Maybe I need to rethink that.

        1. Somehow I always end up next to a greasy, crackhead looking guy who thought it was a good idea to bring his tuna salad sandwich on the plane. Not my idea of partner material, LOL.

        2. I sat next to a guy on a 6 hour flight and had an amazing rambling 6 hour conversation that somehow never touched upon the fact that he was married with kids. This minor fact wasn’t revealed until our first post-flight date on land.

    3. This will out me because it’s so unique, but: high school trip to Washington DC the summer before senior year (2002). He was from another corner of the county than me. Out of 1,000 attendees to this program this particular week in DC we were put in the same group of 40 that did everything together for seven days. After the trip we stayed in distant touch through the years, maybe 1x/year, slightly increasing in frequency (3x?) with the advent of Facebook and other social media. Eight years later we discovered that we were within a 30-minute drive of one another and decided to grab a drink. We’re now seven years married, with a kid, dog, house and great careers.

        1. Sounds more like future farmers of America to me! I used to live in Woodley Park and I’d see all the groups come through

        2. Nope. It was the now defunct “Presidential Classroom” organization. Basically you get to “see Washington in action!” for a week. It was actually very cool.

          2. Flirting was like the only reason I ever did Model UN. Trip to DC. Light supervision. TONS of new people to flirt with.

            My senior year we got a lovely country that had no intrigue going on and no $, so we played shuttle diplomacy for bigger countries, all while figuring out what excellent things we could do later. It was awesome personally, if not in the intended way.

          4. I had a similar Presidential Classroom romance, but we did not marry. Still a great friend, though.

      2. I totally agree. I have tried everything on this list and then some, but nothing worked out. The fact that I’m in a relationship now doesn’t mean I found a secret to meeting someone, it means I was extremely lucky.

        This is like the married version of POOPCUPs (Parents Of One Perfect Child Under Preschool-age). Just because it worked for you doesn’t mean that it will work for others, and just because someone is single doesn’t mean they haven’t tried all these things. If you want to share your cute stories, go for it but don’t try to package it up as advice.

        1. +1. It wasn’t my fault when I was single, and it isn’t to my credit that I’m in a relationship now.

        2. OMG how did I miss POOPCUPs? I couldn’t put my finger on it yesterday (why don’t I like J’s wife? I liked her fine when they were dating and engaged and now UGH). POOPCUP to the Nth degree. Kid is now in school, but doing such advanced work! And we are so proud!

          1. I have never heard of POOPCUPs but it is such a perfect description of why I can’t stand some other parents! As the parent who downplays my kids’ achievements (to the point of some POOPCUP being surprised my kid was in the “advanced” math class), it’s such irritating behavior.

    4. We met at a wedding! Bonus that the couple is one of our closest couple friends now and we already had some mutual friends in common.

    5. Met at a graduation party that was a mix of the grad’s family and family friends.

    6. As a single person, I wonder what is the point of this post? Trust me I have tried all the typical ways and it just hasn’t happened. Unless you have some novel advice (beyond be open, meet through friends, be persistent on dating sites, etc) all this post is going to do is make single people question why the same tactics haven’t worked for them. So if the intention is gloating, you are on track.

      1. Yes same question! Like by all means share cute stories for fun, but the original post seemed to frame this as helpful for single people. And it for sure is not. I’m well aware tons of other people have gotten lucky.

        1. Exactly. Frame it as cute stories about how you met your SO, but framing it as advice for singles is pretty condescending.

      2. Yeah, I found someone but I don’t have a cute story where someone magically knew someone. I met my husband after 8 years of online dating. It was an effort.

        1. +1 – I did online dating for a decade and dated like it was my job. Talked to random spa on planes, trains, bars, coffee shops, parties, dinner parties, elevators, etc. I’m decent looking, extroverted, funny, etc. it still took me years and years and years to meet someone I wanted to marry. Gardened a ton, met interesting people, but meeting that person you want to share and build a life with is pure luck.

        2. OP here. A lot of my dating experiences were horror shows I don’t wish on anyone (sexually assaulted a few times, cheated on, men getting pissy-faced because they didn’t like me being smart and ambitious).

          When I accepted dates with friends of friends, those were, largely, good experiences. Most of the time, we had a pleasant lunch and decided we were not the right ones for each other. I went on at least a half-dozen such setups before meeting my husband. My husband had similar horror-show dating until his friends fixed him up; similarly, he found those experiences to be healthy and pleasant, even if none of them went beyond a third date.

          1. Again, glad that worked for you, but how exactly is that advice for the single people on here? Do you really think that a group of smart, professional women hasn’t tried to be fixed up by their friends?

          2. Given that women here have literally asked THIS WEEK how to meet people, yes. Take it up with them.

          3. Telling them about your chance encounter from 15 years ago is absolutely not an answer to the question of how to meet men right now, with the added wrinkle of being in a pandemic situation. I think that’s pretty obvious.

        3. +1, also met my husband after almost a decade of online dating. hardest thing I ever went through by far.

          1. I’m not married but a year into a relationship with someone I met online. Had gone on many dates from online and offline, had a few 2-5 month ‘relationships,’ but nothing serious for 5 years. And then I happened to meet him. He was date 183 I guess? (Random number.) Online dating and trying to meet people when you work a ton and all your friends are coupled up is really, really hard. It’s just hard. I do not have an ounce of desire to go back to that.

      3. I’m a married person and I had the same reaction. It would be one thing if it was a a single person asking for advice or just anyone wanting to hear quote “how we met” stories. But, wanting to “help” the single people read …. off to me.

        1. Married now (to someone I met at work), but I needed help when I was single and would have appreciated it. Even a friendly (vs smug) ear to vent to. I need help with a lot of things in life (changing my oil, cleaning my gutters) but this isn’t easy to get help with.

          1. Ok but literally no one here asked for help and none of the things you listed as helpful include hearing cute stories from married people about how they found husbands.

          2. But is it really help for a bunch of married people to tell stories about how they met their SO dressed up as advice to single people?

          3. I think the key thing is: at some point they left their house. We haven’t been leaving our houses and eventually will need to meet online matches. Fingers crossed for everyone.

          4. OMG, you mean to tell me that I have to leave my house in order to meet my future husband???? And here I have been sitting at home waiting for him to knock on my door. Thanks so much for this life-changing, novel suggestion. I never would have come up with this on my own. No wonder I am still single.

          5. I think the point is a bit different. Looking over the responses, they are:
            1. In school (high school through grad school).
            2. Random chance.
            3. Through friends, often after many a setup that did not pan out (even if the man was pleasant and fun).
            4. Online dating, usually after a LOT of crummy experiences.

            If you’re out of school and you’re not banking on a meet-cute over the cilantro in Publix, your choices are 3 and 4, both of which involve a lot of looking and luck before finding the right one. When I was single, I found that to be comforting; it wasn’t me, it wasn’t them, it’s a numbers game and the best way to play that numbers game is to continue to meet and get to know good people.

      4. Yeahhhhh, I’ve been on plenty of planes, gone to bars, friends’ parties, networking events, activity groups, college, law school, dated online a ton, been set up by friends, my downstairs neighbor is maybe single but has a Betsy Ross Gadsden flag on his wall so I’ll pass – basically everything listed here. Congrats, you all have gotten lucky and this is completely unhelpful, especially the ones where you met in like high school.

        1. Same here. And yeah the HS stories are particularly hilarious “advice.” Like let me just jump into my time machine, BRB!

      5. Thank you! I am so sick and tired of married people giving me “advice.” Trust me I have tried it and I’m still single.

        1. I feel for you, Anon. Alas, based on my personal experience the only advice I have is “be the recipient of a miracle straight from heaven at age 55 after two bad marriages.” Not helpful, I know.

    7. I was my now-husband’s second Tinder date of the day. The other woman wanted to meet for coffee, which he hates; I wanted to meet for wine, which he loves. I won the head-to-head.

      2. I’m the coffee woman and will be every time! Anything other than coffee is too difficult for making a quick exit. Any first date can be a disaster no matter how great the other person seemed…

    9. We met while sitting next to each other at a friend dinner of ~8 people. We had both thought seriously of bailing day of – so glad neither of us did!

    10. Bumble! I wasn’t particularly impressed with his profile but it checked a few boxes. We didn’t fall in love on the first date either, but he was easy to talk to and cute and I kind of just wanted to keep hanging out with him. We’re still hanging out two years later.

      I met my first husband my first year of college and got married in our 20s after living together for 3 years. Everything was great until our late 20s, when things went downhill. We had a baby together anyway, and got divorced 3 years later. Lots of therapy and introspection later, and I don’t think I could have foreseen the series of events that led to the end and don’t have any regrets.

      1. Thank you. I also married my first husband straight out of college. He wasn’t the partner for me long-term, in hindsight, but I don’t consider it some huge failure in my life. We were the right partners for each other at the time, and then we weren’t. That’s life.

      2. Same – married at 23; divorced at 36; re-married at 38. I’m thankful for all the living I did with my first husband, and even more thankful for my second husband.

    11. I was new at my job, and attended a conference alone. I knew there were others from my company there, although I hadn’t met anyone yet. At the breakfast buffet, I asked a woman who seemed familiar if I could join their table, I thought it was colleagues from my new company. Turns out it was a different random group attending the conference, but one of them was my future husband.

    12. Met my fiancé on Bumble. I walked into our first date determined to have a good time because a guy I was becoming really into had just dumped me that morning. Fiancé was painfully shy and barely made eye contact. He was dressed too casually for the swanky bar, so he felt really out of place. If I hadn’t been so determined to have a great time, I probably would’ve ended the date after an hour and never talked to him again. Fortunately, I stayed for another drink and he started to open up enough to show me he has some real potential. He was much more comfortable on our second date, and our third date was even better. I think I knew by date 4 that he was my person.

    13. Blind date set up by a mutual friend! Like the OP, all the involved parties stayed out of it during early dating phase, but are still a big part of our lives.

    14. We were roommates in a big house with a bunch of people in grad school. Never had to make the decision to move in together because we already lived together! I guess that was at least one plus to making less than $25k in my late 20s?

      1. Tons of friends have found their SOs through group houses — the friend-of-a-friend game is strong.

    15. I met my husband (working on 12 years of marriage, 15 years together, 1 kid) because he lived in the apartment directly above mine. He kept sleeping through his alarm clock and it would wake me up (thin floors/ceilings) and I would end up banging on his apartment door. He took me to dinner and a movie to make up for it, and the rest, as they say, is history.

    16. I met my now husband at a bar in the West Village (post-work on a Tuesday night).

    17. I met my husband in high school – I was a freshman and he was a senior when we met, and we started dating the following year when I was a sophomore and he was a freshman in college. 18 years later – 12 of them married – and we are really happy!

    18. I met mine while starting a job as an ibanking analyst I hated finance a lot and have since become an academic but the only good think that came out of ibanking was my husband.

    19. As I get older, I am finding myself with friends who are so seriously burned out with baggage that I would never set them up. Like I avoid them here and there when it seems like they really need a therapist to work through their issues with (I have no background in that, but in a pandemic, people will talk to who is there vs who is up for that). I think that there may be a lid for every pot, but I am not in the lid-finding business.

        1. I have a couple of friends who have just been through drama. Maybe at a certain point, everyone has? But some people carry it on them in a way that I get why they are like that but don’t want to be sucked into that whirlpool.

      2. Yep. The only single friends my husband and I have are single for a reason. Too much baggage/drama. I have no desire to set any of them up. Granted we have a large friend circle but less than a handful of single friends. Mid/late 30s in the mid-west. Most of our friends met their spouses in high school or college. I haven’t been to a wedding in years.

    20. 9 years of online dating from beginning to end – with a 2 year break between ages 35-37 when I just couldn’t do it – met my now DH at 39 married him at 41. Pure luck.

    21. I met my husband at an apartment party in college. I am super shy and introverted, and very rarely went to any kind of parties so the odds of this happening were incredibly slim. He came up to me and introduced himself, and flirted with me for about 10 minutes. 3 years later, I was newly single and getting back on the market when we matched on Tinder. We went for drinks a few days later, and the rest is history.

    22. My husband was my roommate’s boyfriend.

      It’s a bit less scandalous when you hear the whole story, which is that’s how I *met* him, not when we started dating. We started dating about a year after we met, when I was no longer dating anyone and he had broken up with my former (now former) roommate. We became friends first, then sort of had that movie-style “what are we doing, clearly we get along so well, what if….” sort of conversation/moment after we kept hanging out once we no longer had external reasons to.

    24. This is obviously not useful as “how to meet people” advice, but we’ve been together since we were children (14 and 16) in the early 90s.

      If for some reason I had to start dating again, I really doubt I would find anyone compatible. I am adamantly childfree, and I hate dogs, which eliminates most of the western hemisphere.

      1. Same. I don’t think I ever would have dated or married at all if it hadn’t worked out this way.

      2. Being adamantly childfree is probably the main reason why I’m still single. It has narrowed my (already small) dating pool considerably.

    25. I met mine on Bumble, but we also have ~10 mutual friends and I suspect we were at least at the same parties in our early 20s ten years ago. I’m always taking note of eligible male friends because especially now in our 30s, I feel like I know WAY MORE eligible straight women (and gay women) than I do eligible straight men.

    26. My advice is to be very, very lucky and end up in the right place at the right time. I met my husband in the laundry room of our apartment building. So maybe, actually, my advice is to take random guys’ clothes out of the dryer when they leave them in there too long?

      1. Married, met at work. Also long dating history of good and horrible i.e. blocked from being in my car once cell phone was in car, stalked by a different co worker, other scarier stuff)

        For the others – what’s the answer to knowing good single people? Obviously lots of single women with good taste in blogs need to know.

        I’m thinking through my network now for single blokes…

  2. For once I can be on topic! I tried this sweater on in-store in late 2019. IIRC it runs a bit small compared to other mall brands. I pulled it to try on because I liked the neckline. The lighter colors are a bit sheer (I tried Pastel Blue). Do note it’s a thin material so not *that* warm on its own and also shows lumps when layering. Personally I would stick with the 100% merino or cashmere options.

    1. I would agree that you’ll probably want to size up (I own this sweater in just about every color FWIW). I wear a medium in this sweater and am pretty firmly a UK 10, US 2-4 depending on brand. It is thin, but I wear them underneath blazers in the winter and find them very warm for their weight, especially with a camisole underneath. My travel day uniform is almost always this sweater with a camisole, dark jeans, loafers, and I’ll carry or wear a blazer for when I get into the office. The material is also really pretty in person with a slight sheen from the silk.

      1. I like that styling! And your specific sizing remark reminded me. I’m a S or XS at JCrew depending on the sweater, and needed a L in this one.

  3. Does anyone have experience with a “perpetual plaque” – the kind where you list Employee of the Month and that kind of thing? Long story but I’m considering offering to fund one to list National Merit Finalists at my old high school (private/religious but not wealthy). I’d like to just write them a check and be done with it, but it’s probably more complicated than that. Would I just be signing myself up for a headache?

    1. I’m the President of my city’s Bar Association. We give out an award each year and there is a plaque in the City courthouse that lists all of the prior year’s recipients. The only thing we have to do is get the nameplate made annually from a local store and drop it off at the court, and the maintenance staff add it to the plaque.

    2. We had one at my office that got woefully out of date. Apparently it was a PITA to deal with and the company responsible for sending the nameplates was notorious for misspelling stuff. We eventually removed it from the wall and no one even noticed it was gone. And considering that we’re unlikely to return to the office full-time, things like that seem totally obsolete.

      1. I should include that we had to add way more than one name per year — probably closer to 30.

    3. while it is lovely that you want to give money to your old high school, what is the point of the plaque? wouldn’t the money be better spent on something else?

      1. Yeah, ask them what they need money for. The plaque itself isn’t going to cost much.

    4. I’d be concerned this would get out of date quickly unless you wanted to fund it for decades. Could the money be used for purchasing resources that help kids qualify? Like study guides for the PSAT/SAT etc.

    5. As someone whose name would have been listed on that plaque, I question the value.

      1. I bet the school wants to toot their horn about the number of finalists they have per year, which to some is a marker of how good the school is. The finalists are unlikely to care.

        1. And if they are even getting semifinalists or commendation letter kids, that is also very good. Those kids won’t really need horn-tooting (any of them). Maybe if it is the sort of school that is very woo for athletics, it would be nice to spread the woo around?

        2. except the publicity value will be much higher if they show off their National Merit Scholars on the website! Where people actually look first.

        3. The OP said that it’s a private/religious school. In non-COVID times, kids tour it before enrolling or even applying. The plaque isn’t a bad idea, especially since many private schools are better than the publics but not so much better that it’s obviously worthwhile to spend the money to send your kid.

      2. I would have been on that plaque too, but I haven’t stepped foot in that high school since I left, and don’t even go to that city anymore as my family moved, so what’s the point? Do something better with it like fund application fees or what-not.

    7. OP here – Hm, this is all good feedback, thank you. So – full disclosure – I would have been on the plaque 20-some years ago, but they didn’t have one. (The principal remembered my name for maybe a week after the news, then went back to paying attention to the football team. It was that kind of school.) And it’s not like I care that much after all this time, but clearly I do care, at least a tiny bit. I don’t contribute to the school otherwise (and I don’t live there anymore), so I’m surprised at myself for wanting to do this.

  4. Any tips on combating dishwasher odor? We notice that glasses coming out smelling mildewy sometimes.

    Current strategies: I already clean the filter monthly. We use white vinegar in the dispenser made for drying agent. Sometimes I will put a cup full of white vinegar on the top rack when I run a load. Any other ideas?

    1. Our Bosch develops smelly black mold along the hinge. I’d check there.

      I have never had mold issues with any other dishwasher and will never buy another Bosch for this reason.

    2. Add 1/4 cup of borax (powder) each time you run a load. I have also added 1/2 cup chlorine bleach on occasion, though you aren’t supposed to do this because I assume it damages the machinery eventually.

    3. Leave the door ajar after it runs so everything can dry out completely. We leave ours wide open every night and whoever gets up first closes it in the morning.

    5. I have a ton of trouble with odors with our dishwasher and am in a rental so am somewhat limited in my options to deal with it. Things I do: clear the drain before running (every run- this means starting the run for ~1 min, canceling so it drains all the gross stuff that collects in the drain, then starting again), clean filter frequently (every few runs), run a bowl of vinegar on top rack for a partial run (5-10 minutes every few runs), leaving the door open overnight after every run, and a lot of manual scrubbing because mold grows on the top and in weird crevices despite all that.

    6. You can run it empty with a cup of bleach in the bottom. Last summer I also took apart and cleaned our dishwasher using a youtube video. There was a lost of ick in there.

    7. If it’s on the same hose as a garbage disposal, make sure that is clean as well.

    8. It seems strange but a packet of orange or lemon koolaid in the soap dispenser works wonders. It has lots of citric acid and I am sure terrible chemicals one shouldn’t ingest, but it kills all the funk in the dishwasher for months!

  5. For the last year, I’ve been struggling with waves of burnout of work and pandemic fatigue (many months are double my normal billable hours). I’ve read posts here and wanted to share a few things I’ve tried that have helped:
    – took an email- free staycation for four days (Friday-Monday). Did not check it once. Arranged for coverage, told my top 10 clients in advance, turned off email alerts on my phone, and only looked for calls from my assistant. It took 3 days for me to relax but I felt so good. I read 4 books cover to cover.
    – inspired by the staycation, I paid a cleaning service for a one- time deep/spring clean. I will need to carefully budget but I think I can afford a monthly touch up visit.
    – I finally relaxed about not eating “good” meals. I’m focusing instead on trying to add veggies any time I can, but not beating myself up for not having time to grocery shop.
    – during my staycation, I finally updated my resume that’s been stale since I lateraled. When I have a day when I rage about my job, I can actually pull the trigger and apply if I want to.
    – booked a staycation next quarter to look forward to. I plan to invite a single family member to join us if possible.
    – set a goal to walk or workout twice per week. This feels attainable for me right now.
    – ordered a bunch of crystal light packets to help encourage me to drink water.

    Thanks all for ideas and I’m always all ears for more. I hope at least one of the above will help at least one of you through this stressful time!

    1. How much did you pay for the deep Spring clean? I’m tempted to hire someone to do the same but I’m kind of grossed out about some of the things I need cleaned like ick in my shower grout and dirt on my walls and dog fur stuck in the caulking around the toilet … HOW DOES IT GET THERE? I’m sure they have seen worse…

      1. Not the OP, but we’re having a deep clean and our windows cleaned next week and it’s $800. $500 for the deep clean and $300 for all the windows. Rural area in LCOL area.

        I cannot wait. Those things you’re talking about are exactly what a deep clean is for – if they were clean, it’d be a waste of money for a deep clean, IMHO. Hire someone. :)

      2. I feel about housecleaners the way I do about doctors and therapists – I’m probably not the worst they’ve seen, and if I am, I’m helping them grow as professionals.

      3. $400 for 2 people for 8 hours each. They didn’t finish every inch of the house but it was so much better.

        1. Ah, 2000 sq ft, 2 of us, no pets, I had not cleaned in four months (thanks, “morning” sickness) but had done a decent job before that.

      4. Contrast: 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment (900 sq feet) in a VVHCOL area. My cleaner charges $140 and comes every 2 weeks. I’ve recommended her to numerous people, and the first time she essentially does a deep clean (minus windows and fridge) for around the same price, but she usually spends so much time that people tend to give her extra. She’s been with me for years so for me, she usually does 1-2 deep clean tasks every time she comes — so baseboards and tops of door/window frames, or windows in one room, or sometimes the fridge, depending on if she has time. As a result I never find myself needing a real deep/spring clean. I think if I hired her for a one time deep clean of a 2 bedroom apartment, she would charge around $200.

        Also, no shame! I promise they’ve seen worse!

        1. We used to have a cleaner like this – she was GOLD. We moved states and got off her schedule, and now that we’re back she’s not taking any new houses as she’s slowly retiring. I’m worried we’re going to be spoiled forever because she was our first and was so amazing and reasonably priced.

      5. I live in a MCOL city and it was $285. Used Molly Maid. I have a 2 Bed, 2 bath 900 square foot small house, with one pet.

    2. Good for you for taking some time to yourself! So happy to hear you’re feeling better and I love your tips, I’m inspired to try a few

    4. I’m glad that worked for you, but you might want to take a step back if you have a job where not checking email for two days on a “vacation”that bookends a weekend is a big deal and you can’t afford a cleaner without really budgeting. Seems like things are out of balance and that may be the cause of your burnout.

      1. Yeah, I have to agree with this. Do whatever you need to do in the meantime but is this job really helping you avoid burnout? I realize I am in the minority here, but I have a job where I do not check email on evenings or weekends ever and I wouldn’t even consider doing it on a vacation. It’s hard to put into words how much value it brings to my life to be able to do that.

      2. Yeah, I thought the same thing about working double her normal billable hours and the cleaners. If you’re working way more, you should be getting some sort of bonus that would cover this kind of cost. Agree with the statement I’m replying to, also.

      3. I hear you and I’ve thought about that a lot. I’m a partner at a small firm and things are definitely out of balance. For now, the idea of searching for a better fit is so stressful that I’ve just been keeping my head above water. Getting my resume updated was a big step in feeling like I can start making progress with options!

      4. I’m in the same boat. A full 24 hours without work is a dream. But I couldn’t afford a monthly cleaner.

        I’ll save my diatribe but I work in local government and omg we are so overworked and underpaid it’s infuriating.

        1. I’m sorry it’s been so bad – I’m a partner in a small firm and I make roughly 70/year (which I know is more than a lot of government salaries in this region). My friend pays $100/month for some basic cleaning and I am crunching the numbers to make something like that work. Every budget and income is different and I feel really lucky I’m able to consider this as an option.

          1. I recently had my first cleaning experience, and she worked by the hour. A lot of sole proprietors seem to do this (as opposed to agencies). It’s something you might look for, because you can say “I have two hours in my budget, and these three things are my priorities”. She didn’t touch a lot of the house but deep cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, including my many ancient and dirty cabinets, and it feels so much better. When she comes again, I’ll give her our next priorities.

  6. Ugh. I am finally giving in to drinking my smoothie, wine, and coffee out of a straw to try to stave off teeth stain. Does anyone have any recommendations – silicone, metal, glass, etc? Any other tips – like how do I clean them?

    1. I use the plain plastic Tervis straws. They are wide enough that they clean up nicely in the dishwasher, and they don’t have that nasty silicone taste. I avoid metal and glass because they can damage teeth.

      1. I have these!
        You’ll find there are 2 types of straw widths – normal and smoothie. The smoothie sized ones are very nice, mine are plastic. I also use them for drinking water and find that I drink more when I use them. I’ve had bad luck with them in the dishwasher – I have a standing utensil basked in my dishwasher and they sometimes fall out, land on the heating element, and melt.
        I use normal-width metal ones that I use for wine, soda, cocktails.

    2. Cleaning them – a lot of reusable straws come with brushes specifically to clean them. Or you can buy “straw brushes” for not a lot. They’re very easy to clean if you have the straw brushes.I usually use the straw brush with a little detergent, and then might throw it in the dishwasher just for good measure.

      Metal ones get cold – so if you’re drinking a smoothie, the straw gets really cold. I don’t love that.

      I actually like the idea of glass straw the best, but haven’t actually tried one yet because I’m afraid I’m going to break it.

    3. I use reusable straws at home for basically everything you list. I’ve gone through a couple variations, but my favorite are glass. They’re surprisingly durable. I just rinse with water and then put in the dishwasher.

    4. I use the wide glass ones. I love them. They are also easier to clean. You should immediately rinse them once you finish your drink, that will make it easier. I also just throw them in the utensil holders in the dish washer.

    5. I use metal ones because I am remarkably low maintenance and just want it to do the basic straw functions. I got a mixed set on the clearance rack at Target. Like others have said, the set came with a brush to clean them with. I would caution you to clean as soon as you are done using them – especially with smoothies. The gunk can solidify really quickly and it’s a pain to get off once that happens!

    6. Kleen Kanteen makes reusable that are stainless steel with a silicone bendy top part. As a perpetual straw biter, I like these ones a lot.
      I wash the stainless steel part in the dishwasher and the silicone part by hand because I find the latter picks up dishwasher odor.

    7. There’s a tragic article floating around about someone who impaled themselves with a steel straw through the eye. I know it’s unlikely, but the big takeaway was not to use lids with inflexible straws.

      1. True Story: I had a neurosurgery a few years ago where they approach through the nostrils/sinuses, and the neurosurgery team absolutely forbid me from using straws of any kind for the recovery period because it is apparently not that uncommon to trip while drinking from a straw and have the straw poke all the way up your nose!

    8. I use metal straws and buy the wide diameter ones that won’t slip through the holes in my dishwasher silverware tray (learned this one the hard way)

    9. I use glass smoothie straws. Mine are produced in Germany from a company called Halm. They are excellent.
      I rinse them with warm water after use, and wash in the dishwasher. Glass is pleasant to drink from, and it’s easy to see that they are clean.

  7. Ooh, I love this. My first “perfect” black sweater came from Kohl’s (of all places) in 2009. I still love it and it’s still going, but perhaps I need a more grown-up iteration…

    1. I love this too, but whyyyyyy does everything contain cashmere these days? So itchy.

          1. Same – it’s wildly soft but as soon as I put it on my body becomes a giant itch. I don’t think it’s an allergy because I don’t get hives – I think I’m just sensitive to it.
            I can handle some merino socks and silk, but other than that animal fibers are a no-go.

        2. I don’t have a lot of experience with it, but my only cashmere sweater is the softest thing I own…

          1. Same. Practically, I stick to cashmere because I can just throw it in a bucket to wash it, but mostly it’s because it’s like wearing the softest cloud.

        3. It is soft, but my skin finds it itchy. I run cold, so layering beneath it isn’t a problem for me and saves on how often an item needs to be cleaned. And by layering, I mean scoop- or crew-neck cotton l/s tee or turtleneck — none of my skin likes to touch wool.

          1. My understanding of allergies is that I’m not allergic. No hives, etc. It’s just annoying. Smartwool doesn’t annoy my feet. Ditto hats.

      2. Ok so I’m going to be a fiber nerd here. The itchy factor has to do with how many little fiber ends are sticking out of the fabric and how thick each fiber is. Yarns and threads are made from individual hairs of a certain length spun together to make one long piece of yarn, but the yarn is not perfectly smooth because the end of each individual fiber sticks out a little, whether we are talking about cotton or linen or wool or cashmere. The length of each fiber is called the staple.

        Shetland wool is the itchiest because it’s made from a short staple fiber, and each fiber is thick in diameter. So you have lots and lots of ends sticking out and each end is thick so it feels more like a poke.

        Merino is popular because the staples are long, so fewer tiny little ends poking you, and each fiber is finer/smaller diameter, so less poky.

        Cashmere is also a fine fiber so it doesn’t bother a lot of people, but if you’re sensitive to being poked, it’s going to bother you.

        When we talk about sheets it’s the same thing. Cotton fibers are not infinitely long. The thread is always going to have ends of fibers sticking out, so when we’re talking about which sheets are smoothest or softest, it’s not about thread count, it’s about what kind of cotton the threads are made from. “100% cotton” is not all that informative. What is really smoothest are threads made from the longest staple cottons – Egyptian cotton or Pima cotton (Supima being a US brand name for Pima.)

        Hope this helps!

  8. What’s your favorite workout right now? Maybe you discovered it during quarantine or it’s something you’re looking forward to getting back to. I’m getting a little bored with my routine and looking to mix it up.

    I’ll start – on recommendations here, I’ve done a ton of Yoga with Adrienne. I love her calm yet motivating energy. As an unexpected benefit, I hear her in my head during court appearances – she reminds me to follow my breath while I speak (ie slow down even when you’re nervous), send energy up through the crown of my head (stand up straight), and loop my shoulders back (don’t slouch). Thanks for the recommendation!

    1. I just started using Nike Training Club and it’s surprisingly fun! I’m doing the Kick Off with Betina Gozo.

    2. Biking!

      I started biking to work during the pandemic, and now on weekend I love to take nice long bike rides

    3. I love Burn by Lisa Corsello. Mix of pilates, cardio and weight training. Used to go to her classes in SF but she went entirely online during the pandemic and I subscribe. I’m absolutely hooked. I’ve never had muscle tone in my life before.

    4. Peloton, specifically Rebecca Kennedy’s 45 minute strength workouts. They’re new every Friday, and there’s a bunch in the on-demand videos.

    5. Took the plunge and in love with it! Normally do not like cycling classes and do Crossfit, but this has been perfect for the pandemic and busy biglaw life. I didn’t expect to love it as much as I do and the yoga classes are amazing.

      1. Which of the yoga instructors do you like? I’ve only tried one so far and it was just okay to me but I’d like to try more.

    6. LEKfit digital subscription – I’ve mentioned it before here and always caution that I think it’s one of those things that you either love/hate as it can take a while to get used to the pace/moves. But it’s the only thing that makes me feel like I’m getting a really good workout at home and the subscription is fairly inexpensive for what you get.

    7. I love my regular Sweat app programs but spent a small windfall to do an amazing course called, “Muscle Science for Women”. It has an aggressive (but scalable) 12 week resistance/hypertrophy training program but also hours of theory and live Q&A. It was a stretch for me time and skill wise but I am getting so much out of it. Created by two super impressive women.

      1. What was your baseline level of fitness before? Could I do it around 6 months postpartum after a pregnancy in which my exercise is… walking?

    8. Barre 3 (which is a combo of traditional barre class, yoga, and cardio dance) has become my go-to in quarantine. It translated well to zoom as there aren’t many supplies, the loud music is great to tune out everything else, and my studio has done a lot of outdoor classes at a park (which has been great since I have avoided indoor classes for most of the pandemic.)

    11. Peloton! I’ve had the bike for years but have been loving all the non-bike content (strength and yoga in particular). The ability to stack classes now has been a real game changer

    12. I love the Peloton app, especially Denis Morton’s rides. I got a cheap bike off Amazon and do a class a day.

    13. Peloton app (yoga, strength, and cardio) where I workout in my Hot Yoga Dome. It creates an isolated gym-like atmosphere and when I heat it up for yoga, it feels soooo good. Agreed that stacking is great. Love Chelsea Jackson Roberts for yoga.

  9. Who is producing the Brooks Brothers stuff now? Has anyone bought from them this year after they came out of bankruptcy?

    1. I have bought several things from them recently, as I am postpartum and rebuilding my wardrobe. The quality is reasonable, akin to what Ann Taylor was in the aughts.

    2. They still have production runs in the US, just not as many plants. They made a LOT of near medical grade masks for the US at the start of the pandemic. I have bought from them frequently over this past year (kid in private school who keeps growing and needs formal clothes) as well as a blazer and sweaters myself – quality is still just as good as far as I can tell.

  10. Fellow nervous nellies, has anyone dealt with return-to-the-office anxieties based on “regular” anxiety and not pandemic related anxieties? I’m on meds and “graduated” therapy (though I return for occasional issues). I’m going to try to make an appt but I suspect I’m going to have to start going back to the office some before I can get in.

    I recognize that I am bad with uncertainty and change. I am in a great routine now and I’m anxious about changing that. I’ve also really enjoyed Zoom mediations and depositions and Web-ex court and I’m not looking forward to everything going back to in person. You add in the anxiety of timing the drive, avoiding traffic, finding bathrooms, getting through security, finding the courtroom, finding your client … so much easier to just log into Webex.

    I suspect I’m the only one in my small office that wants to keep working from home. I don’t think my boss will initially have an issue if I do two days/week from home but I suspect as time goes on, he will forget how productive we all were at home. He’s one of those people that likes to just walk right over and talk to you.

    Due to how our state prioritized vaccines, I’m the second to last in my office to get one which is why I’m one of the last to return. I had to run into the office to grab something the other day and most people (except for 2 or 3) were working in the office as if life was normal. I had planned to possibly work from the office for a couple of hours if there weren’t many people there but once I got there, I wanted to get out as soon as I could. It seemed normal to others because I still have a week until I’m fully vaccinated but that isn’t the reason I wanted to run.

    It was stupid little things already setting me off. Like a new assistant came to me nervous that she had parked in my space. To me this was NBD as I’m still WFH and I was only there for a few minutes. Other attorneys would have made it an issue. This is the kind of BS that I was so glad to be out of while WFH. I’m not looking forward to returning to office politics.

    I think I’m going to go back for a day or two next week before my boss returns so I can try to get acclimated again without interruptions. Maybe get their early so I have the office to myself for a bit and people arrive to me there instead of me arriving to everyone there. I found the immediate small talk draining. I fully recognize this is a “me” issue to deal with and I’m not going to make pandemic excuses to try to keep everyone home longer.

    So, those of you who were nervous but now are back in the swing of things, any tips on how you did it? What was hardest? What was surprisingly easy? What helped?

    1. no suggestions bc i’m still WFH, but commiseration bc i’m feeling the exact same way.

    2. FWIW, I am seeing a lot of signals that some depositions and maybe even certain court hearings will remain virtual in perpetuity.

      1. I hope so! I already have someone pushing back on a Zoom depo for later this month and someone else suggesting in yet another that if we are all vaccinated, they are open to doing it in-person.

        1. Yes, where I am everyone is pushing to have depos in person again. Virtual is so much more efficient.

          1. Re: efficiency: I think that’s the downside to people w/ billable hour requirements and hourly paying clients. Many of my clients are on a contingent fee so efficiency is the name of my game. I’m sure the people pushing back are missing billing the client for two hours of travel and the waiting around for things to start. I don’t blame them I guess . . . I’d probably feel the same way if I lost a bunch of easy billable hours.

          2. And so much more climate-friendly too. There’s simply no need for attorneys to get on a plane to conduct a two-hour depo when you can do it over the phone or Zoom quite easily.

          3. @Anon at 10:32, I really disagree. Travel is hardly easy hours. I can’t bill for the time I spend packing, arranging the dog sitter, coordinating with neighbors to check my mail and take my trash out, time and energy lost in figuring out healthy meals while traveling, etc. Those 2 hours on the plane that I can actually bill don’t come close to compensating me for the actual time out of my week.

          4. I don’t know anyone in biglaw who bills their client for travel time, and would be shocked if clients were willing to pay that.

          6. @12:22 – I’m not biglaw but we bill our travel outside say a ten mile radius around our city. If we are going to court a 2 hour drive away (common in states w/ rural parts and all the lawyers in the city) we bill for that driving time. If someone happened to live an hour from the office in the same direction, they would only bill one hour of travel time (plus mileage) if they drove from home.

            For overnight travel, the client is billed for our hotel room but beyond the time to get there, they are only billed for the time we spend working on the case while there. I don’t bill for watching American Idol from my bed.

    3. Commiseration. I feel all of this. Do try going in early in the day when you can be free of interruptions, just to get acclimated to things. I think we have to expect that it’s going to take time to get used to the level of interaction required in offices. We are simply out of practice. I have no answer for the office politics piece. That has always drained me and set off my anxiety.

    4. It’s normal to feel that way. There were a lot of improvements to the work routine for many of us due to the pandemic and it’s too bad that those positives often have to be thrown out now that we have fortunately gotten the pandemic more under control (in the US). I wish that employers who are rigid and old-school would see that because I think they’re going to lose some of their best employees if they don’t keep some of the flexibility the pandemic introduced. All that being said, I think that your idea of going back for a few days first is a good one. Just take it one step at a time and don’t hesitate to advocate for your own safety when needed. Even practice a few sentences out loud if you need to – “hey, I’m not shaking hands, but it’s great to see you!” Or whatever else will prep for the office life for you.

      1. At their desk for the day (instead of just in for something that couldn’t be done from home), no mask unless in the common areas. I don’t mean that they are doing anything wrong! It just feels like being dropped into a time warp where they returned before me. So instead of us all having this “woah, this is weird to be back” experience together, I’ll be returning to people who have been back for awhile. They were eligible for vaccines months before me based on age or medical condition.

    6. My office also had some turnover while we were home so I’ll be returning to 4 new colleague who have been with us for months but haven’t met anyone in person.

    7. Adjacent – I really resonate with everything you wrote in regards to conferences and trade shows. In normal times, I attend these monthly. All of our spring conferences postponed to the fall, so now we have conferences scheduled every other week for two months and I am positively dreading them and kind of hoping some of them get canceled (although that means the pandemic is still bad, and I don’t want that.). And normally I like conferences, but right now the idea of seeing a mass amount of people is completely overwhelming to me.

      Anyway, no real advice, just commiseration and reassurance that you’re not alone.

    8. You’re definitely not alone. I’ve seen a wide range of responses now – some people who basically are ready to return to Feb. 2020 status and others who have no desire to do so and can’t even imagine it. I’m actually not sure where I land… probably somewhere in the middle? My current job is going to be at least half time in the office starting in Sept, so I’m planning to gradually work up to that over the summer (recognizing that the fear of the unknown may be worse than the actual return) while also considering whether the required half-time office work is a deal breaker so I should look elsewhere.
      Everything is weird now and you’re definitely not alone, for what that’s worth. We’re all going to be muddling through this – at different speeds and with different preferences – in the coming months.

    9. I am same, except at biglaw in SEUS, so we are almost all officially back with a projected fully back in the office date sometime next month.

      What really helped is starting to go to the office roughly five or so weeks ago (just once a week) and find my new rhythms. I am fully vaccinated. It was impossible to be productive the first few weeks, but have now fallen into a nicer/calmer rhythm. I definitely hate being in the office and would love to WFH every day, but a little easing back into things has helped. I also bribe myself to take something new/fun for my office every time I go in. I am a bit of a miniamlist, so things like a special snack or a new nice framed pic for the office, etc.

      I am sorry. It sucks and it’s really hard.

  11. I received a very expensive set of diamond stud earrings for a milestone birthday 10 years ago. I literally wore them every day for 10 years. Simple, easy, nothing to think about. A few months ago, one ear got red and angry for no apparent reason. I cleaned the earring and stopped wearing it for a few days, let the ear calm down and then tried again with the same result. I repeated this several times and the same thing kept happening. I took them to the jeweler and they cleaned them, same result. I had the gold posts re-plated, same result. I tried wearing another pair of earrings and while they felt fine, by the end of the day the one ear was swollen and bleeding. One of the jewelers suggested an internal infection that’s aggravated by the screw threads of the post and it would continue to happen. Has anyone else experienced this? Any other suggestions before I try to see a dermatologist (with a 4 month wait for an appt)? How would this even be treated?

    1. I had something similar (but less drastic symptoms, and way less nice earrings) when I was a teenager. I let my holes close up and re-pierced them (myself! In the bathroom! With a needle!).

      Admittedly, letting my holes close was way easier – my ears had probably only been pierced 2 or 3 years when this happened

    2. I’ve found cleaning with a qtip and rubbing alcohol clears up issues in a couple of days — if you are not worried about the holes closing, I would consider doing it for a week or two to see if that helps while waiting for the derm appointment.

      1. I would try this and also do the same with bacitracin ointment. I’ve definitely cleared up issues like this using bacitracin in the past.

      1. I don’t know if this is legit or not, but when we were all addicted to hand sanitizer, I would take off my diamond earrings, spray them with hand sanitizer, let dry and reinsert.

    4. Yeah, you might have to let it close up and then get it re-pierced. This happened to my mom, she couldn’t wear earrings for years without having problems, and once she had them re-pierced she was golden.

    5. A few days isn’t long enough to clear an infection. Wait at least 2 weeks, a month is better, cleaning the piercings every day. Look inside the piercing itself, if it’s still red or shiny then it’s not ready to have metal on it yet.

    7. Looks like a contact allergy. As for now, don’t use any earrings for a few days. Try to buy Nidiesque – a cream for nickel allergies. If you don’t want your holes to close, start wearing titanium earrings. After a few weeks, you may check if you can wear your usual earrings, possibly in a combination with the cream.

    8. Leave them out for a while and put neosporin or another antibiotic ointment on the irritated area. The holes shouldn’t close from not wearing earrings if you’ve had them for 10+ years.

    9. All these suggestions are straight-up terrible.

      Start with an appointment at an APP certified piercer, and take the earrings with you. Have them examine both lobes and determine the earring metallurgy.

      Do not stick creams, gels, hand sanitizer (!) or Q-tips in your possibly-infected ear hole.

      1. Yeah, but this is bad advice too. A piercer isn’t going to be able to treat an infection.

        1. No one said that a piercer would treat infection. They know what to look for and will recommend the appropriate next step.

      2. All of those things seem fine, especially the antibiotic creams? That is what a doctor is going to suggest, probably after cleaning with a cotton ball or swab. Nobody is saying to jam a q-tip into the piercing hole.

        1. Oh ffs, of course not jabbing it in the hole. Q-tips and cotton balls should not be used on or near piercings. The fibers easily loosen from the swab or ball, and can become lodged in the hole and cause irritation. This is piercing 101.

      3. +1
        Professional piercers have avoiding infections as an important part of their job.

    10. I wonder if a coating (if it was gold plated rather than solid gold) wore off on the earring and then your ear got irritated by what lay beneath. The setting/stem may need to be tossed and the stud reattached to a new , better quality gold stem.

  12. Another decor/paint question: I had a small kitchen project done, which is necessitating a new paint job. I have an open floor plan between the living room and kitchen, but there’s a header that slightly visually divides the space — basically, the living room ceiling is 1 foot higher than the kitchen ceiling. Hard to explain, but I swear it doesn’t look weird. Would it be a major faux pas if I painted the kitchen a slightly lighter shade than the living room since it’s open, but technically two separate rooms? I would go 2 shades lighter on the same paint chip. My whole issue is that I want to add some brightness, but I’m not sure I’m up for a total color overhaul. The living room color is SW Ethereal Mood. It’s a beautiful greenish-gray color, but it’s on the darker side.

    1. Is there a continuous wall with no break? My living room and kitchen are open, but there’s a large doorway-type opening between the two. One is teal and the other is peach, so I’m very into different colors even with an open plan. Where I think it might look weird is if you have to paint a straight line down the wall. My two areas intersect each other in an L shape if that makes sense.

    2. I once owned a shotgun rowhouse, and I painted using increasing (or decreasing, depending on perspective) intensity from the same paint chip. I loved it and just recommended this to a friend last week. I think it will look great.

      1. This is a good strategy. We live in a house where every bedroom is painted a different color. We had the main areas of the house painted (LR, DR, hallways) and now as we get around to repainting the bedrooms we try to do so in a color that is on the same color card as the hallway color so that there is more flow.

    3. I think this could work, since there’s a break, but you need to make sure that the colors are very clearly different. You don’t want it to look like you meant to match but didn’t. I just looked up Eatheral Mood – it is darker, so I think a creamy white would work well.

      I found a picture of the paint chip, I think – are you thinking Oyster White? I think that would be different enough. Personally I like the top white – Origami White, but it would depend on your cabinet color too.

      1. Yeah this, I would be careful. I bought an apartment once and was a bit sad that the dining area just seemed like it didn’t get much light compared to the rest of the apartment. Once I actually closed and went to go paint the place I realized it was painted 1-2 notches darker than the rest of the living space and created this weird “in shadow” effect that didn’t seem intentional at all.

    4. I think that would work and am now wondering if I can do the same thing in my open kitchen/living room.

    5. My kitchen is a darker shade but semi gloss and my living room (similar setup, large opening between the rooms with a funny ceiling thing) is lighter but matte. They look remarkably similar.

    6. I have heard from a decorator that what you want to do here is tell the paint store to reduce the amount of pigment they put in but to use the same proportions, not go to a different color on the strip. Those are coordinating or complimentary colors, not lighter shades of the same color.

    7. I did this in my condo — my foyer is a shade lighter than my living/dining rooms. The two are beside each other. My foyer has no windows and my dining/living rooms have big windows and get lots of light. I worked with a decorator and she recommended it. I don’t think anyone has ever noticed, given the difference in the amount of natural light each space gets.

  13. All of my 2021 pants have elastic in the back of the waist (which I’m not opposed to, but would prefer hard pants that actually fit (and fit a little loose)). So I am wearing more jackets in heavy rotation and would like to get a couple of mid-weight ones that don’t look like suiting separates. They can be fun / artsy (but this can skew early-retiree pretty quickly) or tech boss-woman or whatever else is out there. I’m petite, so jackets can overwhelm me.

    I have a great collarless Arkis Punto jacket (via e-bay) that is in a pattern and I’d wear it every day if I could. But it needs some closet friends.

    1. Check out the Going Out Blazer collection at JCrew. The staples are plain but they rotate in some tweed or patterns each season.

      1. +1 for the Going Out Blazer. I am small but not petite and similarly overwhelmed by most jackets with collars and buttons. I have all three basic colors, one tweed, and one linen.

    2. I know their quality in general isn’t great, but I’ve been really happy with my blazers from Loft.

    3. I search eBay for older Eileen Fisher jackets. I have to wade through a lot of boxy styles but there are some winners there in silk, cotton, linen, and wool. I’m tall and like a longer collarless blazer and they made a similar style in different fabrics over several years.

    4. Try on a Talbots “easy knit blazer”. This summer they are carrying them in jewel tones and a grey colour. They have more of a stand up collar this season. I have a few in my wardrobe from past years that I love, which are more of a blazer style. They have petite sizes as well. If the colours/style are not a go, check back in the summer when they get the fall merchandise. I can’t believe how much wear I got out of these when working at the office.

  14. Strawberry dessert help? I’d love an easy recipe with strawberries- like a crisp or a crumble. I’m seeing some strawberry/rhubarb options. That sounds great but I haven’t seen rhubarb at any stores lately. Any other ideas?

    2. Smitten Kitchen has a fab recipe for strawberry cake where you just put the strawberries on top of the batter and then they get all gooey and yummy. I think I learned about it here.

      1. That cake is SO GOOD. Add whipped cream and it’s the easiest fake strawberry shortcake.

      2. SK has several strawberry cake recipes. Do you know exactly which one it is? It sounds amazing.

    7. Shortcake, but with baking powder drop biscuits instead of shortcake. I use the red plaid cookbook’s Biscuits Supreme recipe.

    8. I like angel food cake with whipped cream and strawberries. Very easy IF you have a tube pan.

    11. Go full on Southern potluck and make a strawberry pretzel salad. A total guilty pleasure of mine!

    14. I’d make it simple and go for strawberries with sugar and cream poured over, or strawberry panacotta with basil, or strawberries and basil with balsamico vinegar.

    15. I like another Smitten strawberry cake, with cream cheese frosting. It will be my birthday cake again this year!

  15. low stakes question – can you help me updated our bedding? i am married so nothing too girly and i don’t want anything white (PIA to clean regularly), but I am otherwise open to anything!

    1. I like simple so the Pottery Barn Belgian linen collection totally appeals. We have a heavier comforter for winter and a lighter one for summer.

      2. Same — Pottery Barn Belgian Linen, duvet cover with comforter for winter, lightweight quilted, uh, quilt for summer.

    2. I’m awaiting delivery of linen bedding today, and am really excited. You can get really fun colors and some nice stripes, which I always think looks really luxe in linen.

    3. I’m your resident podcast ad sucker, but I absolutely love Parachute bedding. My current setup is a dusty rose quilt that’s the base layer with a lightweight down comforter in a linen duvet folded hotel style on top (so you can pull up if it’s cold). I switch weights of the comforter in colder seasons. The rose color is pretty and my husband doesn’t mind it or think it’s pink.

    4. This made me giggle because my husband brought 3 sets of floral sheets and a floral comforter to our marriage, while all my bedding is plain white/cream/gray. What can I say, the man likes flowers!

      1. My husband loves flowers too. Works for me since some of the floral sheet patterns out there are gorgeous!

        1. My husband likes “fun” sheets – so we’ve had pandas, lemons, rabbits. He seems vaguely disappointed with the prospect of brick chambray.

    5. No help. I’m married and have pink sheets because my husband doesn’t tie his masculinity to what color sheets he sleeps on.

      2. My husband chose the pink sheets and kantha quilt; I happened to like the blue. People always seem confused when they see our pink arm chair and pink/purple rug in the living room and ask me where we got it. I dunno, ask DH! He picked them all!

    6. My favourite bedding is actually from IKEA. The fitted sheet is really deep so it’s super easy to make the bed, and the duvet cover is made of a thick cotton which almost feels like linen – it’s satisfyingly heavy.

  16. This is a beautiful sweater, and in past years I probably would have bought it in multiple colors. But times have changed, and I’m just not willing to deal with the headaches of ‘dry-clean only’ anymore.

    1. +1
      Also, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am mildly allergic to wool and therefore should stop buying sweaters that make me itchy and red. (It only took 20+ years…)

      1. Same. Cotton only for me these days. I know that limits my options, but I’m tired of my skin crawling all day.

    2. I would just machine wash cold and lay flat to dry, as I do all my wool sweaters.

  17. Here is another bedding question. I have a 4-poster bed that uses a box spring (so I like my bedding to come down lower than the mattress, pref. to cover box spring as well). If you have a similar setup (esp. if you have a queen bed), where do you get your bedding from? I need a new quilt / bedspread, and find that Q/F bedding is too narrow and doesn’t come down long enough on the sides).

    [It is a family piece that a relative made and I love it; a lot of bedding now seems to be for platform-type beds with no box spring].

    1. Option 1- buy a king bedspread
      Option 2- buy an extra fitted sheet and put it over the box spring, so it doesn’t matter if it shows
      Option 3- buy a bed skirt

      1. I’m doing a combo of 2 and 3 already. It’s more that the bedspread often looks shrunken / ill-fitting. I have a K and it is too wide on the sides vs the length. I am like the boat taunted by the whale in The Wellerman song.

          1. Posted too fast. California kings are 72×84 vs. a queen 60×80. So you’d get an extra 4″ on the foot of the bed and an extra 6″ on each side.

    2. I would just buy a duvet or comforter in a size up. You can also look at the measurements to make sure the blanket/comforter/duvet is on the longer side, but just buying a larger size seems like the easiest solution.
      If you like neutrals, restoration hardware has really beautiful heavy weight quilts and blankets. If you want something more fun/patterned I’ve been surprised at the fun patterns that William Sonoma Home has, and Macy’s hotel collection is always very reliable.

  18. I’m so glad I made partner right before the pandemic hit. The level of irrational – not just unreasonable, aka biglaw-reasonable – demands on associates during the pandemic has been mind blowing. I’m glad I’m in a position to say no and to stick up for associates. Example du jour: I have an evidentiary hearing by zoom two weeks before my (tiny, outdoor, Covid-safe) wedding. I’m local counsel/second chair for a partner in another office. He just asked me and our team to fly (it’s not driving distance) to his office for the hearing. I am 100% not getting on a plane two weeks before my wedding during a pandemic. Yes I am vaccinated. No I am not taking that risk, particularly considering some family members either can’t (chemo), or understandably don’t want to (pregnant) get vaccinated yet. I told my team I will back them up with whatever they feel comfortable with. This hearing will be taking place in two locations on our side, they can absolutely stay local, but if they want to go to the other office then I’m not going to tell them they can’t (at least one person is chomping at the bit to travel). It’s frustrating that people make these “asks” (demands) in the first place, it creates a lot of unnecessary stress and drama.

    1. I agree completely. We have a partner organization that is pushing for in-person site visits for something that can be SO easily done over the phone – and it’s what the sites want! They said so! Rather than accepting that, the partner org is making everyone fill out complex surveys about what they are and are not willing to do risk-wise for visits six months down the line – when no one has a crystal ball to say what the pandemic will be doing. It’s just a huge waste of time and money and it’s so dramatic.

    2. I’m just curious, are clients willing to pay for a team to travel for a remote hearing? Mine for sure wouldn’t.

      1. I guess I’ll play devils advocate. I’ve had a few remote trials, and it’s definitely a benefit to have the team in as few locations as possible. There’s a lot to do in a limited amount of time, if you have to constantly circulate dial ins and wait for everyone to join from home/13 different locations, that’s a big time suck. Maybe it’s a cumulative 30 mins a day, but that’s 30 mins I (and my team) would like to sleep! There’s lots of other benefits of one location too, like limiting tech issues (another time saver), limiting tech costs (each set up involves its own costs), the list goes on. So if it’s a multi-day thing, I would recommend to my clients that as much of the team as possible should be in as few locations as possible even if that means paying for travel.

        Ime having two locations isn’t bad, especially if it’s only a day or two (like the upcoming hearing) as opposed to many days or weeks.

    3. First chair should fly to you – more economical than having you and your team fly to him. But if you’re fully vaccinated, you can fly too. Stop being paranoid. The risk is truly minimal.

    4. your pregnant family member should get vaccinated. Also, they knew there was a pandemic on.

  19. Thanks to all who recommended Call My Agent/ Dix Pour Cent. I’m really enjoying it so much. I have a least one laugh out loud moment every episode. I also like that with the subtitles I really have to pay attention and not be halfway on my phone.

    I was hoping that it would help me brush up on my French (sort of a second year university level) mais ils parlent très vite!

    1. Me too! Loving this show. It has an Aaron Sorkin vibe with the wit and intense walk-and-talks in the workplace. Also enjoying the Paris backdrop and everyone being effortlessly chic.

      Oh, and there was a plot in the premiere that hit me HARD re: 40+ women feeling pressure to get Botox and fillers. I realized another thing I like about this show is that the older women… look like older women! Their faces move and they have wrinkles and nasolabial folds and tear troughs. You just don’t see that in American media. No wonder I’m constantly beating myself up for not looking eternally 25.

      1. Wait, what? Women over 40 are “older”? I thought we were just barely middle-aged.

        2. Well, we are older than… women in their 20s and 30s! But I’m talking specifically about two things:

          1. a plot point in the premiere involving a 40-year-old actress being pressured to get fillers/Botox
          2. the show’s general portrayal and inclusion of older women, like an episode where two 80-something female rivals compete for a role! It was so refreshing to see these women in fully realized roles looking fabulous and also looking very much their age.

          1. Yes I agree. Also the mother/daughter actresses going for different roles. The mother looks amazing but she also looks like a woman her age.

        3. That was the plot point. No one thought the almost 40 actress was “older” except for the American director.

      2. Yes. I’m also a fan of the show and notice that the pressure to be or look young comes up in almost every episode some way or another!

        (Perfect Me: Beauty as an Ethical Ideal by Heather Widdows.)

      3. We watch a lot of British TV and noticed the more “natural” element as well. Our favorite example is Olivia Colman. I would very happily watch her read the phone book.

        1. I’ve been watching Brokenwood Mysteries from New Zealand and same — they have Baby Boomer-age characters who look their age in pretty much every episode. (It’s a great show, BTW. Kind of like Murder She Wrote meets Inspector Lewis, all with Kiwi accents.)

          1. I love her acting, but on film I think she is deliberately made to look a decade older than she actually is. Because we couldn’t possibly have a 47-year-old woman who actually looks 47. Only ingenues and old ladies are allowed. She looks younger in real-life photos.

      4. I agree! I also loved the episode with the two older actresses who couldn’t stand each other competing for the same role, and the resolution of that.

      5. I also love seeing what the 20-something characters wear!
        Always hoping to look Parisian… and failing miserably.

      6. That’s what I love about Call the Midwife too. Older women are a crucial part of the cast.

      7. THIS!!! I also loved the fact that many of the female characters looked bare faced and didn’t rock the “faux news bimbo” vibe with overtly sexy clothes or hairstyles!

  20. Sorry to wade into politics here but I got a few days behind on world news and I am trying to understand what led to the latest round of violence between Palestinians and Israel (just the last week or so, not going back to the Old Testament). I looked for news articles and the timeline they give us that Israeli police interrupted a 300 person service at a mosque, the Palestinians then sent rockets into Israel and Israel has responded with air strikes. My question is why Israeli police got involved in the mosque service.

      2. And now I realized I shouldn’t be calling Hamas “the Palestinians.” Thanks again

  21. Neighbor question. I am in a condo on the second (top) floor with one neighbor below me, a very sweet woman and her small white dog. The dog barks constantly when she is not home. I don’t know if there is anything that can be done – would you address this with her? I’m sure I make noise walking, etc and I don’t want to be unreasonable , I know condo living comes with some sound. I think I would want to know if my dog was doing that but also don’t want to make her feel bad if there is nothing that can be done

    1. I would mention it! Hey Susan just wanted to let you know Tuppy is barking pretty constantly when you’re not home. There’s lots you can try for a dog with separation anxiety and I would want to know if mine was that upset.

    2. As a dog owner, I would absolutely want to know. That means my dog is nervous! I’d want to do some training or get a crate, or send it to daycare … whatever is healthier than being scared all day.

    3. I’m a dog owner and I’d want to know! It’s probably separation anxiety, which can be addressed with training. But if nobody told me about it, I wouldn’t know it was an issue.

    4. Add me to the dog owner who would definitely want to know. When I was a new dog owner, I used to try and creep up on my house to figure out if my dog was okay at home – its something that’s really hard to tell as an owner. I would lay it out just as you did here – it’s very kind and understanding and low pressure if nothing can be done.

  22. Any experience with Viibryd vs Strattera? Headaches, insomnia or other side effects, effectiveness? Thanks all!

    1. Not on it anymore, but I was on Viibryd for a number of years pre-pregnancy. No side effects, worked quite well for anxiety/mild depression. Never tried Strattera, though.

  23. Has anyone else had breast tenderness and asymmetrical but likely non-cancerous areas show up in a mammogram? I have what seems to be a soft nodule or something, and now possibly a second, the radiologist and a doctor suggested it was not cancer but to get another mammogram in six months and see a specialist. I feel like I am being run in circles (not the first time seeing this specialist). I don’t know how urgent this is or what he’ll say…biopsy, cyst, etc. Worrisome given a family history of breast cancer (but in both instances didn’t start for another twenty years in age). The only changes I can think of are I started lo loestrin and a little more coffee. Anyone else experience stuff like this? Thanks!

    1. I had breast tenderness and a spot I could feel but not asymmetry. Interestingly, the doc wasn’t concerned about the spot I could feel but was concerned about a different one. Not sure what test discovered that one. So then I went for a mammogram and the whole thing was just me having dense breast tissue that gets knots.

      1. Ugh, sorry to hear that! I have that too, but didn’t realize it can get “knots”! The stuff us women go through :)

    2. I had a cyst around age 30. It was the size of a pea (1cm) but then it grew quickly to 5cm x 7 cm and was very painful. The thinking was that it was random, then aggravated by carrying boxes while moving. I’ve moved many times since without this happening. Mammogram; ultrasound; needle biopsy. It eventually went away on its own, but I was noticeably (to me, also by pain) lopsided for a while.

      1. I’m sorry to hear that! Yes, mammogram and ultrasound, I’m hoping not a biopsy (sounds painful). 9 mm, does feel like it’s growing but tough to tell. So glad yours went away by itself!

    3. Yep. Had to do initial mammo + follow up in six months + biopsy last year in my mid-30s. Benign cyst. One of the joys of dense breast tissue, apparently. The biopsy really wasn’t that bad.

      1. Chiming in to agree on biopsy. It was an office visit with very little recovery time needed.

        1. You two made my day, thank you. Glad it turned out well for you. Late 30’s, dense tissue. Fingers crossed it’s nothing more than a cyst(s)! Great to hear about recovery!

    4. I had mine find during a breast exam in my early 20s. Had an ultrasound and then a biopsy. Was a benign mass. It’s still there. Occasionally painful but usually not. Small enough that it’s not visible but you can easily feel it.

      When they did my biopsy they left a marker in the mass so that future mammograms will see the marker and know it’s already been checked out and is benign.

      1. Mine is still there and also benign, and they’re surprised I still get pain there because after two needle biopsies and one core biopsy it still hurts there. I halfway wonder if would have been better to have a lumpectomy than three biopsies, but I think they only do that for malignancies.

        1. I find it amazing and reassuring how many people have had this. Glad those who have posted here are all well. I had no idea about a marker! And the possibility of lumpectomy…sorry to hear you’re still having pain after three biopsies, almost seems casually cruel! The last ultrasound didn’t detect it but the mammogram did…so we’ll see how things go. Ouch!

  24. Can someone tell me what it’s like to experience vertigo? Is it brief but recurring moments of dizziness that just happen (vs are triggered)? Do you just grin and bear it, wait for it to pass? Trying to understand better for a friend who suffers. She seems miserable. Not throwing up or anything but just frequent 3-5 second periods of dizziness, sometimes multiple times per hour and sometimes not for hours at a time from what I can tell.

    1. I just was diagnosed with BPPV, one form of vertigo (I’m the one who was posting about being fatigued and dizzy). Treating the BPPV also cleared up my fatigue. Vertigo absolutely feels lousy in the moment, like when you get off an escalator and your body is confused.

      I found that sea sickness bands help me a lot, and I bought a hat on Amazon called “DizzyFix” that guides you through the Epley maneuver. The hat was better than my PT but both helped. Commenters here also suggested meclizine/Dramamine but I haven’t tried it yet. She should definitely see a doctor, and google BPPV as well as POTS.

    2. You should really ask her because this is extremely variable- it can be long periods or short periods, triggered by head movements or other motion or it just comes out of nowhere, but it’s extremely unpleasant no matter how it manifests. I have chronic migraine and also deal with a lot of nausea and occasional vertigo (migraine is a common cause of vertigo, but underdiagnosed). For me, the periods of bad nausea and vertigo are much, much more debilitating than the pain because it’s a lot harder to try to push through. I pretty much just have to lie down with my eyes closed and not move, or else I’d be throwing up or falling over, it’s so disorienting.

    3. My husband had severe vertigo caused by a stroke, and it was like his body didn’t know up or down. He couldn’t sit up at first without vomiting, and he had a lot of trouble walking at first. He would think he was standing upright and then look in a mirror and see he was at an angle. His got better as his brain learned to compensate for the damaged areas, in part through physical therapy.

      PSA – sudden severe vertigo and vomiting can be a sign of a stroke.

      1. PPS – for him, lying down and especially closing his eyes helped, but I think that may have been due to the specific cause of his vertigo.

    4. Oh, vertigo is terrible, but it differs from person to person. For some people it’s chronic. For me, it comes and goes. The terrible episodes were full on near-constant room spins causing intense vomiting. But in the days leading up to that I felt “off” and out of balance. I was chatting with a friend in her kitchen and had to grab the counter to keep from falling backwards while just standing there. Other times it can feel like I’m really jet-lagged and like the floor is a waterbed. Speaking of beds, rolling over in bed can trigger a wave of spinning.

      There are medications to help with the symptoms. Some people also respond to the PT type exercises, but those aren’t for everyone. Time helps for many people and it’s just frustrating to wait it out.

    5. I’ve only had vertigo on two days: once when I was on bedrest after surgery and oddly after my second COVID vaccine dose. In both cases, out of nowhere it feels like the room is LITERALLY spinning around you. You can be sitting and grab on to something so in your mind you know you’re not moving but it doesn’t matter because your brain interprets the situation like everything is spinning and makes your vision appear that way. My bedrest incident was BPPV (like the poster above mentioned), which kept happening every time I went from lying down to standing up (as stuff in my inner ear was shifting), and this was able to go away with some yoga-esque moves the doctors in the ER taught me. The COVID vertigo episodes happened twice the day of my shot and then just disappeared.

      1. I had this after the first and second COVID vaccine dose, but it passed along with all the other side effects. You know when you’re really drunk and it feels like the whole room is spinning around you? It felt like that, for 3-5 seconds, then would slowly fade to normal.

    6. TL/DR – it varies greatly by person and by root cause.

      I have Meniere’s and have vertigo that is usually managed by lifestyle (no caffeine or alcohol, low salt). It can be a moment of dizziness, or it can be the feeling that I am walking on something squishy with no balance, or it can feel like the spins whenever I have to track something with my eyes (reading, driving). I had one episode in grad school (that led to a diagnosis that the Meniere’s was degenerating) where I couldn’t read, write, and barely drive for 6 weeks. It leaves me exhausted and can be triggered by something as simple as walking into a dark room or standing at the top of the stairs and looking down. It can appear seemingly out of nowhere, though I can usually track it back to having too much caffeine (as in regular tea more than a few days a week – coffee is a thing of the past). My mother in law had labyrinthitis this spring and her vertigo was severe enough that she couldn’t get out of bed and was vomiting.

  25. DH has a job offer in eastern Tennesee. Any recommendations or things to look out for? There seem to be a lot of nice houses on lakes. Moving from Chicago area. Thanks.

    1. Where in eastern TN?

      I grew up in west Knoxville and live in Chicago now. I would be prepared for culture shock, though you can minimize some of that by choosing a neighborhood with lots of transplants, UT professors, and scientists at Oak Ridge.

      If “nice houses on lakes” means Tellico Village, I’d stay far away. It’s mostly retired people and they apparently threw several Trump parades last year.

      2. Yeah but… everywhere threw Trump parades last year. Indianapolis, Arizona, Colorado, Beverly Hills, Florida, New York. It was craziness.

  26. Slightly off-topic, but what “seasonal color palette” would you say this model has? I’ve been trying to figure mine out as the return to the office looms closer, but have been getting wildly different answers.

    1. It’s hard to tell whether her skin is cool or warm toned but from her overall slight tawniness and the gold in her hair I’m guessing warm, so I’d put her as a spring or soft autumn.

      There’s really no way around it other than draping.

      But if you had to start your wardrobe all over again, you’d probably buy mostly neutrals and a few colors. Which neutrals would you buy? Which colors? Would the colors be bright, dark, muted, or light?

      I feel like we innately know which colors make us feel great. I gravitate toward muted darkish blues, greens, and plums, so I’m probably a soft summer.

      Another trick is to think of colors you feel like death in. Mine are yellow and orange, bright warm red, (bright anything really), acid greens, and yellowy browns. So I’m definitely not a warm autumn.

      The silver vs gold jewelry thing for me was not helpful because yes please, I want it all.

      1. Thanks. I think I’m probably best in muted because there isn’t a lot of contrast between my sort of golden/auburn hair and fair skin and slate grey eyes. Also don’t look good in anything neon or bright, or anything too close to my hair color because I sort of become one big orange/brown blob, lol.

        I guess I could look in to physical draping in town, too.

        1. Late reply but same poster in this immediate thread. I actually found a book by David Zyla the most helpful. He steers away from the seasons and instead talks about what colors are always going to look great on you – they are colors you already “wear” on your body. So hair color (base and highlights), iris color (which is lots of colors), lip color, skin color, vein color, etc.

          He’s not wrong. I went through my clothing and found that some of my favorites were indeed these colors so I was intuitively halfway there.

          1. Plus, no need to carry around a palette… Just match to your skin, hair, or eyes! I found that very helpful.

    2. To determine your color season you need to figure out two things: cool v. warm coloring, and high v. low contrast.

      Warm: Looks best with gold jewelry. Green veins.
      Cool: Looks best with silver jewelry. Blue veins.

      This model is tricky to categorize. She looks pretty good in the black sweater, which is a sign of a cool undertone. But if you look just at her skin and hair, it seems to learn warmer. The contrast level is medium–her hair and skin tone are similar in value, but her eyes are darker. I’d say she’s fall leaning winter.

      1. Thanks. I have pretty similar coloring. Warm light-medium hair, peach fair skin, medium-ish contrast and slate/navy eyes. If she’s tricky to categorize, maybe that’s why I’m having an issue.

        1. You might find the “complete seasonal guides” at theconceptwardrobe dot com useful. It uses twelve groupings instead of just four, and does a good job of analyzing the transitional types that are more difficult to categorize.

          1. Yes, I’ve used this and the Zyla book mentioned above. What actually helped crystallize it for me was taking photos of the body parts Zyla mentions and then uploading them to a site that allowed me to get the color names. My skin appears yellow, so I always thought I was warm, but my undertones are very cool and I am a summer, not a fall.

        2. You sound like a soft or warm spring or autumn.

          I think the model in the picture is a spring, possibly a clear spring. She has a LOT of make-up (or bad photoshop) in too warm tones, but as she presents, she is quite fair, warm, with a lot of colour contrast (hair, skin, eyes) and a bright eye colour looking good in black.

Comments are closed.