ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Silk-Satin Concealed-Placket Shirt

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A woman wearing black pants and a black-and-white polka-dot blouse

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

With the caveat that you should probably fasten a few more buttons than the photo suggests, this looks like a perfect office top for spring. The polka dots on this silk-satin top from Reiss would look great with a navy suit for a business formal look, but it would also look fabulous paired with a twirly midi skirt for something a little more casual.

Either way, I’m going to suggest that leaving it unbuttoned to the navel is a “just for the weekend” style. 

The top is $398 at Reiss and comes in sizes 0-14. It also comes in a solid light green.

Sales of note for 4/17:

  • Nordstrom – Beauty savings event, up to 25% off – nice price on Black Honey
  • Ann Taylor – Cyber Spring! 50% off everything + free shipping
  • Boden – 25% off everything (thru Sun, then 15% off)
  • Brooklinen – 25% off sitewide — we have and love these sateen sheets
  • Evereve – 1000+ items on sale, including lots from Alex Mill, Michael Stars, Sanctuary, Rails, Xirena, and Z-Supply
  • Express – $29 dresses
  • J.Crew – 30% off all dresses
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything, and extra 50% off clearance
  • Lands' End – 50% off full price styles and 60% off all clearance and sale – lots of ponte dresses come down under $25, and this packable raincoat in gingham is too cute
  • Loft – Friends & Family event, 50% off entire purchase + free shipping
  • Macy's – 25% off already reduced prices + 15% off beauty & fragrance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Spring Sale Event – Buy More, save more! 10% off $250+, 15% off $500+, 20% off $750+, 25% off $1000+ (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off if you find any exclusions.)
  • Sephora – Spring sale! 20%, 15%, or 10% off depending on your membership tier; ends 4/20. Here's everything I recommend in the sale!
  • Talbots – Spring sale! 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns
  • TOCCIN – Use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off!
  • Vivrelle – Looking to own less stuff but still try trends? Use code CORPORETTE for a free month, and borrow high-end designer clothes and bags!

246 Comments

  1. Does anyone have a great app, or other hack, for tracking when a particular item goes on sale? It might be an item of clothing, or something for the house. There has to be an app that would scan the net daily, letting me know if it went on sale at Saks, or an online retailer. I am trying not to pay full price for anything these days, but needing to check multiple sites daily just isn’t going to work. Has anyone figured this out?

    1. For clothing I use ShopStyle. It’s in the Rakuten family of companies and you can also get a bit of cash back.

      1. Shopstyle is closing down. I’ve used Covvet in recent years but a lot of the links have been bad lately.

    2. This used to be what ShopStyle was for. I haven’t used it in years so you may have to check if it still has the retailers it used to.

  2. What does your family do for Easter? Any favorite recipes? I’m hosting for the first time this year

    2. I just had to look up when Easter is this year as we don’t really do anything but eat a couple Cadbury eggs. Pi Day and St Patrick’s Day get the celebratory spring cooking in our household (pie, obviously, and soda bread and chocolate Guinness cake which is an excellent dessert for all occasions).

    3. Brunch and an egg hunt; baskets with little gifts for the kids. We don’t really celebrate easter, but we do little fun things.

      Recipe ideas for a crowd if you’re doing brunch: frittatta; baked french toast; a bagel bar with bagels, a bunch of different cream cheeses, lox, tomato, etc.

      1. my family’s Easter brunch has a delicious brioche braided wreath centerpiece.

    4. if you eat it a ham is wildly easy, you just have to warm it. depending on year and what else everyone has going on, i either do brunch (make eggs, get good bread) or dinner (mac and cheese, salad) either way ham is the center. i love lamb which is also traditional but not everyone does.

    5. Ham, potato salad, green beans, corn soufflé, layer salad, yeast rolls, relish plate with olives, pickled okra, pickled carrots, and some sort of cake or tart. I’m southern. With minor changes this is about a fourth generation menu.

    6. Family brunch after church. My MIL get a honey baked ham and we bring sides. Usually a salad, potatoes, roasted veggies, yummy soft bread. There’s an Easter Egg hunt for the grandkids.

      Then we go to a friend’s house after.

    7. Greek Orthodox here, so our Easter is a week later this year, but lamb on a spit, lots of other food, at least 25 desserts. We currently have no one under 12, but we hope to have a new crop next year so we’ll resume the egg hunt then. Massive cousin frisbee game. Friends and family dropping in and out all day. At some point all the family musicians will play together. It’s always such a great holiday. We mostly stuff ourselves silly and everyone goes home with food for a week.

      3. I am the second youngest cousin at 31 and we still do a cousin egg hunt! Plus one for the kids now that most cousins are now parents!

    10. Egg hunt and Easter basket for our son in the morning. Then a late afternoon with my parents. We keep the meal pretty simple/ traditional–a spiral ham, a potato or sweet potato dish, and a green vegetable. Easter is a pretty relaxing holiday for us.

    11. Egg hunt and baskets at home, then church to appease the grandparents, then family gathering with a meal and another egg hunt. I prefer lamb, but usually we do ham. Sides are usually grilled veg, a green salad, another salad (I prefer pasta salad, someone usually makes coleslaw), rolls, and hot cross buns. Maybe a carb like mac and cheese or potatoes. Sometimes a quiche.

    12. 3 different egg hunts :) My brother and I still have a face to face showdown – we show up early for Easter brunch at my parents’ house to do it, then we have the kids and adults egg hunts at the family part.

    13. Ham and sides, the most important of which was pluma moos (a cold fruit soup from my Ukrainian Mennonite tradition). And hiding jelly beans for the kids (often in plain sight by placing them on surfaces that matched their colour).

  3. Is it just me or does Substack completely suck? Every time I click on a link from social and get taken to substack I can’t read without signing in. Fine I have a sign in. Then it’s 2-step verification. (This is usually where they lose me.) then when I get in half the time you have to subscribe to read the content. Lately I just leave as soon as I realize it’s Substack.

    1. Same. I feel bad, as I know a lot of writers find it a more favorable home than other platforms, but I just can’t. I’ve walked away from a number of writers who’ve blogs i followed for many years, but had to abandon once they went to Substack.

    2. Set up a password, it’s the second sign in option. You don’t have to subscribe, just click maybe later or whatever it says underneath that button.

    3. Agreed. The layout is terrible. I’m also so sick of two factor authentication for every f*cking thing.

      1. Seriously.I don’t need two factor authentication for substance. idgaf if my account gets hacked.

      2. yesssss hate
        it’s the point where even when it’s something I admit I want it for like my bank it feels like a hassle.

    4. I like using Substack like an old-school Google Reader. I follow the people I like in the platform and read directly in the platform and it’s a nice experience. I agree it’s a terrible experience if you come to it from any other app.

    5. Yes. I actively wanted to pay for a podcast and it was so difficult to update my credit card information when it expired that I just gave up.

    6. You generally don’t need to actually sign in, for non paywalled content, they’ve just made design choices intended to trick you into signing in.

      On the sign in page, look directly below the field where you type your email, below the terms-and-conditions text: there will be (in small grey font), either “No thanks” or just a forward arrow “>”. Click that to access the page without signing in/subscribing/etc. (Only for non paywalled posts of course)

    7. My passionate sentiment about 2FA is: LET ME OPT OUT. Truly, I am fine if someone hacks into my Substack account. I’m also even fine if someone hacks into my MyChart! I just truly do not care. Stop pushing 2FA on us and thinking we care about security that much for every single item. Let us pick.

      1. +1. I’m so, so sick of having my efforts not to grab my phone all the time be interrupted by constant 2FA requests. My data has been caught up in 2-3 institutional breaches anyway.

        1. Yes, this. So very sick of it. Unless you’re dealing with my health or my finances, just let me live without 2fa.

      2. another +1. Maybe this makes me a conspiracy theorist but I assume it’s only because they want my phone number to spam me.

        1. right or want to make sure you haven’t changed your email and given them a dud

        1. But doesn’t this make them MORE liable? If I opt out and there’s a breech, hey, you have me on file as opting out of heightened protections. By forcing the protections on me, you don’t have an argument I’ve waived my claim.

          1. I always think things should logically work this way, but they seldom seem to! There are so many situations where I wish I could just waive.

    8. That hasn’t been my experience at all. I really like Substack. I have the app on my phone and tablet and never get prompted to sign in because I’m already signed in. The algorithm is really good at feeding content I’m interested in. Sure, there are posts for paid subscribers only but plenty of interesting content is free. I subscribe to a few writers whose work I’m especially interested in.

    9. A lot of the subscriptions are free, likely with additional content for a price.
      I am just starting with it, so I’m not sure how I like it. I do need to turn off alerts. Those are getting super annoying.

    10. I will not read anything if it’s on Substack, I hate it that much. Some bloggers I like have switched over to writing there and they lost my business.

    11. I don’t mind (but I am logged in on my phone and computer). I find Substack has my favorite content these days, but it does kill be a bit how much is paywalled! Some authors don’t have a single free article – why would I pay before I know what the content is like?

  4. I had thought that satin (and taffeta and brocade) were evening / fancy occasion fabrics. Not in 2026?

    1. Choice of pattern / color / cut / lack of frippery means this one would look great under a jacket. A little shiny for work on its own IMHO.

    3. Reiss is pretty reliable for office wear, but agree I would want to see in person before ordering.

    4. My inner fabric nerd thinks the material is probably charmeuse instead of satin. Charmeuse is shiny, but has a more brushed finish than true satin. It’s also lighter weight and drapy, where true satin is stiffer. If I’m right, this is what most workwear silk shirts are made of.

  5. i know that we often have heated discussions about looking like a tourist in europe but honestly i am more concerned about looking like a tourist when i’m travelling domestically. feels more embarrassing somehow. going to houston and it’s going to be hot!!! i live in NE and my summer clothes are…. summery. Ok to wear sundresses? otherwise wearing elastic waist linen pants that i bought to go to europe with but are pretty frumpy.

    1. IDK about Houston, but I love in Montana and the amount of people flying to and from in Stetsons is comically absurd. I can’t imagine a more impractical thing to wear on an airplane.

      1. OP is getting at how people in warm areas dress seasonally. The answer is lightweight fabrics in darker or neutral colors for fall and winter, now starting to move more into muted pastels for spring. A hot pink sundress is going to read kind of ‘off’ in March even if it’s 85 outside.

    3. I don’t think Houston is a touristy place. It’s also not really known for fashion. Wear whatever. Maybe designer bags that people who know bags will know are $$. I always see those there.

    4. I’d get a pair of lighter weight pants that aren’t frumpy honestly, which you will have for future wear.

      1. op here. would love to. any suggestions? ended up with the frumpy ones i have (quince) because i basically gave up…

        2. I think all linen pants are frumpy adjacent but if you style them a certain way, it works. I have something similar to these from Anthropologie in black (not sure of exact ones because mine are from a year ago, if not more): https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/the-somerset-linen-pull-on-pants2?color=043&type=STANDARD …

          I think two things are key in making them work for me: the defined waist (vs. the drawstring kind)and pairing with a fitted tshirt or tanktop and fun jewelry/accessories.

          1. Question: I really like this look, but I am softer around the middle than I used to be. I have several cute fitted tanks (that are the correct size, promise) that I keep not wearing because I’m self-conscious. Any tips for getting around that?

          2. @anon at 12:13 – try it and see. I find it works and is pretty forgiving b/c the pants sit higher on me at the smallest part of my waist. You could also try it with a fitted but not skin-tight tshirt. Or with a tank and a large, crisp, open button down over.

        3. The key to de-frumpifying this type of pants is the top. The most current look is a boxy waist-length tee. This look goes against the general principle of pairing wide bottoms with a slim top or vice versa, but it works if the top is short enough. If you just can’t do wide on wide, try a fitted tank. If you think you are not a tank top person, try one like the Michael Stars Gina that is cut higher on the shoulders and at the neckline.

        4. Try BR Factory, they have some linen pants in various styles that are less frumpy than the usual ones (tailored fronts, elastic backs, I can live with that).

    5. Houston is not exactly a style destination. Brunch at Ouisies? Wear a sundress (or Lily P if you have it). Otherwise rock the linen/elastic/shorts and t-shirts.

    6. In the southeast women dress up more. This is where Tuckernuck, Sue Sartor, etc. shine.

    7. What clothes you would wear at home in that weather for the activity you have planned for that day?

    8. OP, what activities are you going to be doing, and what social groups are you going to be around? That really matters more for what you wear than just “going to Houston.” In my large city in a similar area, the People with Money might be well-dressed and polished, wearing expensive brands. The rest of us are wearing the same frumpy linen pants that you are. Or shorts and t-shirts.

    10. I would wear the sundresses in TX coming from SEUS to Austin even if they’d be out of place in SEUS on a hot day in spring. But I’ve never been to Houston.

    11. I live in a very touristy place (DC). Just wear what’s comfortable for a day walking around, and if that intersects with what makes you feel cute, great! All but the very most expensive restaurants welcome people wearing just about anything, because they know a good portion of their clientele will be coming in from a day walking around town. Just enjoy the food and tip properly.

      But then, DC is not very fashionable. We will know you are a tourist not by your clothes but because you stand to the left on the metro escalators and then stop in a big clump right where it ends.

    12. Yes of course you should wear summer clothes if it’s going to be hot out. What is the question here??

    13. Houstonian here. Weather this time of year is tricky as we like to experience all four seasons, sometime in a day, and keep the AC at artic temperatures so you will still want indoor layers. Sundress would not be out of place on a patio for brunch or doing other tourist activities. Vibes tend to go more for a structured sun dress (think Frances Valentine, tuckernuck or Zimmerman) than REI linen. We are not quite in mumu sun dress season yet, and lots of jeans + Tshirt being worn. Things.I.Bought.And.Liked on insta is a good reference point.

    15. If you’re from NE and going to be in Houston this weekend, the answer is you’re wearing red.

      If you’re feeling really jazzy, you’ll be busting out some red and white striped overalls.

        1. Ha, I’m more of a Jaysker, so I won’t pretend to jump on the bandwagon. Enjoy the fun!

  6. how do you organize your sweaters? i have a dresser w a cabinet on the top and i have always kept them there but it’s not perfect, tendency for them all to fall into the middle and i forget what i own and need to dig…

    1. I shove them in a drawer and dig until I find the one I want. Life’s too short to fuss beyond that.

    2. You could add shelf dividers to the cabinet to keep the stacks upright. Another option is to store them folded and standing up in a deep drawer KonMari style, sort of like file folders. A closet storage system such as Elfa works best for this.

    3. It’s far from a perfect system but I have them on a high(ish) shelf in the closet b/c then I can see what I have. A few that I wear very often live in a dresser drawer.
      I used to keep them in one of those hanging organizers but i never wore anything that was below eye level because I would forget I owned it.

    4. Folded in drawers, organized by either color or silhoue–tte (like, vneck, turtleneck, crewneck) depending on my mood that year

    5. I have open shelves in my closet and they are folded there – I try to put the heaviest weight ones on the bottom of the stack so they don’t too wrinkled. Before this closet, I hung them (you can google techniques for hanging sweaters so they don’t get bumps on the shoulders), but it wasn’t may favorite as they were prone to slipping off.

    6. If your cabinet is just one big shelf, you can use shelf dividers to divide the stacks — but that only works if you know you’re the kind of person to fold something and put it onto a stack. If you hate to fold and replace things in stacks, then you’d need some other approach that works more intuitively for you.

      Trying to handle huge stacks of clothes annoys me, so my approach is to get the numbers of sweaters I own down as far as possible so I only have one or two short stacks to keep orderly. I also hang anything I can (the ones that won’t pull out of shape).

    7. I have plastic sweater boxes in my closet. I fold the sweaters to fit that dimension and stack them so the fold alternates one to the front, one to the back (this maximizes the space so there are not empty pockets at one end and a thick stack of fabric at the other). This lets me pull the box out and see them all at a glance, and keeps the stack from falling over or getting caught on the wire shelving tines. Keeps dust out, too.

    8. I do the Marie Kondo folding technique for everything. Everything is neat and visible.
      Initially I thought it was a crazy approach to storing clothing; however, it has turned out to have me wearing everything in my wardrobe.

    9. I have space so I hang all of them up from nice cashmere to comfy hoodies. Heavyweight ones get moved to the back corner in the summer. Not ideal for longevity but if they are folded, only the top two or three will exist in my mind.

    10. In “cubes” on shelves, with the cube turned on its side and the sweaters stacked so that each is visible, with half a large cedar plank along the back and bottom of the cube. Out of season, I turn each cube upright and add a cover.

      1. Oh, this is smart. I may need to try this, as my sweaters are on a high shelf and it’s a situation, organizationally.

    11. I have a hanging shelf in my closet and put a piece of cardboard between each sweater so I can just grab one in the middle easily. They’re all similar weights.

    12. Have a shelf in my closet, that I’ve added a 3 tier wire shelf to. That way I can see them and separate more by season than by color. Added some cedar. It’s not perfect, but like being able to see them so I don’t forget about them

  7. My neighbor texted me tonight to see if I can drive one of kid’s somewhere that I am also going with my kids. Her husband usually takes the kid but he will be away. IDK why there was no thought of carpooling before but the text was not to share driving, it was for just for me to drive.

    I had this sort of existential crisis, like there is a species of suburban mom who doesn’t work and wants to keep her life as easy as possible. And I guess I’m just the help. I said yes, because I see myself as a helper, but I was sort of sad at how the whole thing unfolded.

    1. This reads like you are insane. How do you not see that? A neighbor asked for a normal favor. If you don’t want to, just say no. This isn’t some big global commentary.

    2. This is the kind of normal neighborly thing friends ask of one another. I am not sure why you’d be upset by it, but bristling at something that takes no additional time or work for you seems petty.

      2. Usually when someone gets upset at something minor, it’s because of additional background context we’re not seeing. Maybe this neighbor has always been aloof and distant until she needed a favor. Maybe OP has been used a lot in the past and is on guard for it happening again. Maybe it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back on a difficult day – being asked to do yet another thing for someone else when maybe no one has done anything nice for her in years.

          1. That’s possible, but you don’t have to be a bully about it. OP is a real person. How do you think it’s going to feel to come back here after two hours and read:

            “This reads like you’re insane.”
            “Maybe OP sucks.”
            “Please touch grass.”
            “She’s just jealous.”
            “You sound awful.”
            “Drop the victim act.”

            I mean, I understand that impulse when you see a chance to pile-on and you start frothing – but be better than that.

          2. Hopefully, she realizes that she sounds insane, needs to touch grass, and needs to drop the victim act. All of us need to hear hard truths sometimes. Dancing around reality doesn’t help anyone.

          3. But your opinion isn’t “truth.” You’re making extensive, harsh judgments based on one short comment on the internet where anyone with any cognitive capacity can see that there must be more to the story. That’s your right, but don’t kid yourself that you’re the moral authority on anyone else’s life.

          4. I try to be fair minded but it’s hard to imagine a backstory that makes the OP’s thought process understandable.

            We all have bad days and selfish or petty thoughts sometimes. If that’s what’s happening, the reality check and touch grass answers are on point. If her outlook as a parent and a neighbor is constant with this zero sum mindset where pitching in for something acute, reasonable and effortless makes her a servant somehow that’s an indicator of a really dark worldview. That person is beyond help and no one needs to sugarcoat their reaction to that attitude.

            She’s indicted this being the first request so I’m not sure why we’d have to imagine a wholly inconsistent backstory to justify her feelings.

        2. All of this. And another clue lies in the neighbor’s husband usually doing this. Which means it fell through the cracks and neighbor is scrambling for a ride for the kid.

      3. I was happy the first time I got one of these requests. It was like, yes, I am part of a village now!

        1. My neighbors exchange favors all the time with pet sitting, sharing ingredients, giving rides to kids who missed the bus to school. Saying yes is part of how you become close with people. The OP’s worries just show how individualistic our culture is these days.

          1. +1

            Be part of the village, or you won’t have one. Maybe there’s more to the story here, like OP’s feelings about being a working mom, but this seems like such a huge overreaction. SAHMs have scheduling conflicts, too, believe it or not!

        2. 100%. The best way to start sharing favors is to do one, ask for one back, and see if it continues.

    3. What? Your friendly neighbor asked you for a one-off favor. Normal human behavior. If you want to make it more of a routine, use your words and ask her. “Hey, it worked out great driving Kid last week. Made me think we should carpool more often. Would you be interested in trading off?”

      1. +1 – if you’re feeling taken advantage of and want to carpool moving forward use your words! But a one off request seems like a totally normal/reasonable thing to ask of a neighbor.

    4. There’s absolutely no harm/no foul to texting back “Sure, can you/your husband take the kids to activity next week?” and start the carpool.

    5. Huh? I ask my neighbors for favors all the time. They are repaid in weird house parts (we have sister houses from the same builder), me taking in their trash bins, or a batch of cookies.

    7. There must be something else going on. This is something I have happily both done and asked of friends and neighbors. Is there more context ?

      1. Of course there must be more context but most posters here, all of whom are perfect, will find it easier just to hurl insults.

        1. Sure. It sounds like the context is that she’s jealous of a stay at home mom not having to do a chore. So what.

          2. I don’t think it’s uncharitable. It’s pretty clear that jealousy is a factor here, otherwise why even mention the other mom’s work status? A mom doesn’t lose the ability to ask someone for help just because she isn’t currently working outside the home (also you have no idea what she may be dealing with behind the scenes, e.g., mental or physical health issues, special needs kids, eldercare obligations, etc. just because someone doesn’t work for pay outside the home doesn’t mean their life is easy).

      2. +1 in the question about more context. I’ve had a situation very similar to OP’s neighbor request and later found out that the other mom had a migraine she knew wouldn’t resolve before our kid’s dance class. As someone who on occasion gets migraines as well, I was more than happy she reached out and asked for help in that scenario.

      3. Reading between the lines: OP has a job and is used to juggling household logistics or figuring things out on her own last minute. Neighbor is a SAHM and normally everything goes according to plan, but now there’s a small hiccup.

        From OP’s perspective Neighbor is immediately roping her in to solve the one problem she’s ever encountered instead of managing it herself. This could be an opportunity to share the load via carpool going forward but Neighbor didn’t offer. OP is miffed that Neighbor still doesn’t appreciate how hard things must be for her as a working mom all the time.

        OP probably has some long simmering resentment- I wonder if Neighbor often complains to OP? Meanwhile Neighbor sees this as a one-time issue that requires very little of OP. She doesn’t think it’s that deep.

        3. I think this is what happened, but OP’s reaction is crazy and shooting herself in the foot.

          Instead of being resentful (and calling herself the help?) because someone asked her a normal favor, she needs to say yes and start asking for help too!

          “Sure, can you guys take my kiddo next week? Any interest in a carpool rotation?” is how OP builds relationships and improves her life. Bitterly feeling like the help because someone asked a normal question is wild.

          1. Did she say that she was rude to the mom, or is she anonymously venting on the internet?

    9. I’m the species of suburban mom that opts to car pool whenever possible. All things being equal I’ll drive one way and the other family drives the other. But the general rule is that if someone’s spouse is out of town you try to drive their kid both ways. Why? Because the remaining parent has extra on their plate that night anyway. It all evens out in the end I think but I’m not really keeping score.

      Op, it must be amazing to never have to ask for a car pool favor. I’ve had to ask many times and if someone’s going anyway I hope their response isn’t “what’s in it for me?” Or speculation on how easy my life is and how lazy I am. When my spouse is out of town you can trust that I’m doing double duty on nearly everything. I didn’t ask you to drive my kid because I’m a lazy princess; I asked because otherwise I can’t swing it and the kid is going to miss whatever event it is.

      1. Same x 100. My daughter is in an activity with 3 other friends. I’m part of a carpool with 2 of the other families and we always see if the 3rd friend wants a lift (she lives on the other side of town and has a sibling doing an activity right nearby so it doesn’t make sense to join the carpool regularly). Also, one of the families has A LOT going on right now and I don’t usually work past 3 so I often offer to drive both ways when I can. I have 3 kids. I’ve for sure been on the other side of the situation and will be again so I’m just sending good carpool karma out to the world whenever possible.

        1. Carpool karma for the win! I only have two kids but my heart nearly exploded the first time I was able to take an extra sibling of my kid’s friend for ice cream in my 3 row suv. She was so excited to be included. You have to build your village.

    10. You sound awful. This is a totally normal request (you wouldn’t even have to go out of your way) and most people would be glad to help.

    11. This reaction is why I really hate asking anyone to help. I grew up with all the parents helping each other all the time (not raised in a commune but the attitude was we are all in this together) and I feel like so many people today are weirdly resentful or keep score of these kinds of requests. I actually get excited when someone asks me for this kind of favor because it provides a permission structure for me to do the same later.

      OP, I would assume good intentions. Maybe the mom has a standing therapy appointment she doesn’t want to miss or another child she has to do something with. If you can do it, great. If you can’t, that’s okay too. It was a request, not an order.

      1. +1 to all of this. Especially if OP works and the neighbor is a SAHM, she can probably call in a very helpful favor in the future, so there are selfish reasons to do this as well.

    12. in addition to what everyone else said, also consider the bigger picture. You are making the trip anyway and the kids can spend time together (assuming they like each other). How many times did I stop at my friend’s house after school to play, and stayed most of the afternoon. It was on the way to my house, so her parents hosted me, supervised me and fed me probably 20 times for every time that my parents saw my friend. I’m only realizing now how uneven the burden was, because as a kid I was completely oblivious. But we can look back on over 30 years of friendship as a result.

    13. I’ve been you and your neighbor. maybe they didn’t want to impose a whole season of carpool on you but were in a bind yesterday. That was me last week when DH had a family emergency and I called in a favor with a kid in my DD’s swim class to take my DD there and back. I’d have done the same for her in a heartbeat. Generally, though, we both do our own pickup and dropoff since our lives are fairly hectic (eg. she has to get another kid from another place right before and her DD is in the car. I go right from swim class to pick up another kid at the dance class one block over so I’m there already and I prefer to watch the class).

      If you want to carpool going forward you can happily say “sure, no problem at all!” And then in the future, ask if they want to carpool to or from the activity on occasion.

    14. What a twisted view of the world you have to interpret this as “I guess I’m just the help.” Say no if you can’t enthusiastically say yes, or view this as an opportunity to help a neighbor. Either is fine. But drop the victim act. You’re old enough to have children, so you’re old enough to not indulge in that sort of woe is me attitude.

    15. I live on a street where I am one of a handful of women who work. We have no local family. I would have loved to have had anyone ever help us out or share driving to anything. Or be invited over for a drink or to go on a walk during COVID. Anything.

      One mom (also a working mom, no local family either) has been helpful when we had a kid having surgery, elder care issues requiring travel, funerals, and just a helpful ear as a listening friend. Most of the other people are friendly, but there is a mom mafia that definitely reaches out only when they want something. The dog walkers are all generally nice and get along regardless of age / stage.

      1. I get it. I reach out to everyone though. Is the sahmafia still hanging out without me? Sure. But at least I opened the line of communication for when I need a favor. Yes, it feels like high school, I’m not the cool kid. But I swallow my pride for purposes like car pools. Sadly, all things being equal, I’d probably find them boring if they let me in their crew anyway. That’s how it happened in high school anyway.

    16. The most unhinged thing that has happened to us (two working parents, no local family) is that my neighbor (SAHM)’s nanny (!) asked my husband to not mow the lawn because a kid was napping. If he was mowing the lawn, it was either right around dinner time during the week or on a weekend (and DH sleeps in late).

      1. We got a push mower when we moved to the suburbs because my husband had a crazy job and needed to mow after dinner and on weekends. Our neighbors loved us and a bunch also got them. Also, I was traumatized by a torts case about someone losing a foot in a motorized lawnmower. Anyway, the push mowers work great.

      3. How is this unhinged? Even if she knows your personal circumstances, is she supposed to assume that this is the only possible time DH can mow your lawn…because your parents don’t live nearby? I can see why the dinner naptime isn’t deserving of accommodation but I don’t get what the SAHM nanny part has to do with this. She’s allowed to ask and DH is allowed to say no.

    17. a guiding principle of parenting for me is that i always say yes when I can. always. and this doesn’t even put you out of the way. Without sounding as nasty as some of the other responses I would really lean into why you feel like the helper. Unless this mom has somehow made you feel that way, than this is about you not the ask.

    18. It’s interesting that so many people here judging the OP for not having a perfect, altruistic reaction to a request are all instantly, Rrarrrr, OP you are a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE PERSON!!!! Without trying to understand the whole situation.

      2. I’m not judging her for not doing the carpool. I’m judging her for not saying no and moving on with her life like a mature adult if she isn’t willing to do so for some reason.

        1. You don’t see how wild that response is? She literally posted a low-effort musing and is perfectly entitled to be thinking about it a day later. It doesn’t mean she’s not “moving on with her life.” Spending a ton of time reaming her out is way more time than she spent herself.

          1. It boggles my mind how willing women here are to blame others for their own inability to say no when they want to say no. Just say no! Truly, it is always an option for you. Or if you choose not to say no, accept the consequences of your decision not to say no and don’t blame the asker for asking you.

      3. I think for a lot us, kind people raised around and by kind people, this reaction is really upsetting. How do you get this way? Did your parents complain about being called “the help” as if it were beneath them when your friends needed rides? Is everything only about “well what can you do for me?” In all your relationships?

        I think it’s hard to ask for help and your sort of worst nightmare scenario is that you inadvertently send your kid somewhere with a seething angry lady who thinks she’s so above driving him to where she’s already going that it makes her subservient to you somehow just because you politely asked. It’s not that she’s annoyed; it’s that being asked to drive someone else’s kid is so offensive to her that its insulting to her ideas of her own class or station. The simplest favor is a threat to her concept of self because everything is about her. I can’t imagine a world where this is a big deal for a well adjusted kind person. Like I feel like your therapist would tell you normal people don’t react like the op does to this simple request. And yet here we are.

    19. I’ve had the same reaction (not always but sometimes), and it’s usually because the helping seems to only flow one way, and/or there is a huge amount of judgment from the neighbor about my own circumstances. My kids are older and most of the moms and dads work, but I get a lot of shocked-Pikachu-face when I say things like, “I did bring in sodas for the end-of-semester party, but I work 15 miles away from the school so no, I can’t run to the store and get napkins right now.”

      1. I’ve had a similar reaction when people who couldn’t give me the time of day suddenly wanted to talk when they needed a favor. It’s all about feeling used.

        1. This. It’s people who only interact with you when they want something. It does rather tend to make one feel as if one is regarded as “the help” . I hate that terminology but it comes into play when that’s how people are treating me. I genuinely wonder if some sort of dynamic like this is at play with OP.

        2. Agreed. This is how I interpreted it, too. I am always happy to give another kid a ride, but I had a neighbor across the street who ghosted me several times when I suggested we set up a carpool. Eventually I stopped responding to her texts when she asked for a ride. Everyone existed her for convenience. That’s just the way she is. I will always give people the benefit of the doubt and I genuinely like having other kids in the car but you’re not going to keep on taking advantage of me.

  8. Requesting kindness here – my husband was fired just after New Year’s and is still looking for work. I WFH full time and he’s (obviously) home interviewing/job hunting/having coffee chats but it’s slow going. I realize this is unreasonable but I am prickly at having him in ‘my’ space 24/7 and most of the coping mechanisms we both have (gym, talk therapy, date nights, vacations, massage, etc.) are not in the budget as we are making ends meet but just barely. My work is crazy busy and my parents are in bad health so it’s just a really hard time right now. Lockdown, ironically, was easier than this as we were both working and mostly sequestered in our offices/swapping out childcare and not together until evening.
    Any tips for not losing it/maintaining my sanity?!?

    1. This sucks. Are you able to say to your husband, something like, I love you and we’re going to get through this but i can’t breathe having you in my space 24/7 and what are some changes we could make to give us both space? it’s not clear from your post if you work remotely all the time? if so, maybe the two of you could rotate (like one day one of you goes to the library or the coffee shop) or if you were ablt to do it during covid maybe you could do it from home it just needs to be said?

    2. Make him get out of the house for at least an hour every day, and hold yourself to the same standard. He probably has a similar problem. Walks to parks and the library are my default “I need to get out of the house but am on a strict budget” activities.

    3. I don’t know your budget but keep the gym if you can. Also, it’s getting nicer out so going for a walk or a run first thing in the morning is doable. Our public library is a beautiful space; maybe your husband could job hunt from there for a bit if you have one? Finally, it’s perfectly ok to say, in the nicest kindest way possible, that you need a few hours to yourself and the kids would love to go to the park.

    4. Okay, this is going to sound off topic, but when you are resentful of your husband, have more intim@te time together. Not everything needs a solution. Not everything needs to be talked out. Once you have a positive bonding experience and two-way source of stress relief, he will stop annoying you so much. You’ll be on the same team again. Maybe this isn’t true for everyone, but you might find it surprisingly effective.

    5. This is what public libraries are for. One of you should be utilizing that space daily for a few hours at a time.

      1. I misread this comment as saying that public libraries are for increased intimacy, as suggested in the immediate prior post, and I an crying laughing at my mistake,

    6. Sometimes it helps me to remind myself that I/we have gotten through previous hard times and we can get through this one too.

      Good luck to you guys.

    7. Therapy and likely even the gym and massages can be covered by health insurance.

      Can you look into no spend/low spend date nights and vacations?

      1. You can’t just arbitrarily decide that health insurance covers gym membership and massages…

        1. Some insurance does cover this stuff… Or if not insurance, certainly FSA/HSA money.

          1. LOL, no, FSA/HSA money does not “certainly” cover gym memberships and massages.

        2. Yeah, I laughed at this. But then again, some tech companies my friends work at have incredible supplementary benefits. Not typical though.

      2. I have ‘good’ government health insurance and have never had gyms or massages covered. If you live in the US and these things are free with your insurance, I think you are very lucky!

        2. I get PT covered, but only after I hit a deductible. It involves both a gym and a massage though.

          1. But PT is for a physical injury. Not for mental health/general wellness. There’s no indication OP has an injury.

          2. I guess it’s being in my 40s, but there is almost never a time when I don’t have something going on. Back pain, neck pain, pain from typing, bum knee, it’s always something, and PT really helps. Maybe other people are put together a bit better than me.

          3. Yeah, if a doctor prescribes gym or massage in a manner consistent with what your health insurance covers, that is possible.

            But to the posters who think just proclaiming that you want your coverage (or FSA or HSA) to pay for those things? That’s not how this works.

          4. I can get massage covered even without a prescription or letter or medical necessity. I can get up to $75/visit up to 50x a year towards massage.

    8. A pattern I have recognized in myself and which I am trying to work on is that if someone I’m close to is going through something hard, I often try to shoulder extra burden for them without talking about it. Maybe you’re doing something similar because of his job loss?

      If that feels accurate, then you need to talk to him about how you’re feeling and come up with solutions together. In my experience, looking for a new job is never a full-time job, so maybe there are additional household tasks he can take on. You may also need to draw a boundary around your office space/time for him if he’s coming by to talk to you during your workday. And maybe he can help with your parents in some way, or again, take on more household tasks to free you up to care for your parents.

      I know it’s hard, and I’m rooting for you.

    9. It’s springtime. Time for a cheap outdoor hobby for your husband. Or small house projects. Or a temp job. If I were your husband i’d be out of my mind and need to get out of the house, whether as a volunteer dog walker at a local shelter, visiting a local nursing home, working part time at home depot, signing up for all the volunteer stuff a the kids’ school…whatever. Or just mallwalking/hiking/walking the dog. You can be out of the house for free!

    10. Do you still have separate home office spaces? I’m a little confused why he would be in a separate home office space during lockdown, but getting in your space now. If he still has his own home office space, I’d start with a conversation about keeping more to your separate spaces during the work day.

      But I sympathize. I’ve been 100% WFH since March 2020, my husband has an office but chooses to WFH about 80% of the time and I don’t love having him around all the time.

    11. Walk for your exercise if you don’t have any other options. Check the local parks department to see if they have anything free or low cost that would work: yoga in the park, tai chi? Look for strolls downtown for beer or wine; they don’t cost much.

    12. – Join Planet Fitness or another cheap gym for the time being. You also may get gym discounts through your health insurance. You can also get a letter of medical necessity from your doctor and use HSA/FSA money on a gym membership. If you really can’t afford the gym, now that it’s getting nicer it’s perfect weather for running/walking/biking outside.
      – Have him do his job hunting and applying at a library or coffee shop to give you alone time in the house.
      – Since he has time, what parent health stuff can he take off your plate right now?
      – My health insurance (Aetna, government plan)covers talk therapy, massages, and acupuncture – look into if yours does too!

    13. Can the two of you discuss a schedule and him getting out more? Also, does he volunteer or have projects he can work on? Commiserating with having him in your space 100% of the time.

      As someone caring for a parent, that is also very stressful Do you have an EAP or something through work that you can get some therapy to destress?

      Hugs to you OP

  9. Another Easter question. We’re celebrating with my family a week earlier, and due to crazy schedules, we’re doing it in the afternoon from 3-5 instead of having the typical noon meal like we usually do. We all agree that a big meal isn’t necessary, but what do we do instead? Snacks and desserts? Something else? (I’m hosting, but others will help with the food.)

    1. 3-5 is perfect time for dessert. i would just make sure that your guests know that you are serving a proper meal so they can plan accordingly. how many people? are there little kids? certainly fruit and a few different treats. if you are having kids could do cookies and have them decorate if you need an acitivty.

    2. I’d lean into tapas! I would do spring-y things like endive leaves with goat cheese, citrus-y fruit salad or sangria, spanakopita bites, mini lamb chops, fruit tarts, etc.

      1. Oh — that would be very fancy for my particular family. I can see where you’re going with it though.

        1. Fwiw I was just at Trader Joes this AM and 90% of this (not the lamb chops, but they do have spiral ham) can be sourced there very affordably. Imho cheeses, crackers, dried fruits/nuts, and frozen apps is where they excel!

    3. If you live far away from your parents, how often do you see them and how long does each visit average?

      We moved further away from my parents a few years back, and they would happily spend all of their vacation/holiday time with us. We average seeing them for around 2.5-3 weeks each year, typically over 3 visits, and it is…a lot. I’m trying to draw better boundaries, but as you can imagine, they get very upset because they feel they never get to see their grandchildren.

    4. I think you could do anything you want and just tell people what to expect.

      In my fantasy world, this is champagne and oysters. Perhaps shrimp cocktail if the kids are little.

    5. In my family, this would mean requesting a couple of aunties to bring a batch of deviled eggs made from gramma’s recipe, Uncle Tim to bring his fruit salad, and all the cousins to bring their favorite chips, crackers, or beverage.

    6. I love apps so would just do heavy apps for this! Maybe vaguely Easter/spring themed: goat cheese dip, pigs in a blanket (almost like ham!), mini quiches, deviled eggs, etc.

    7. Serious question: how do you celebrate Easter a week early? Isn’t that just a Spring party?

      1. Actually meant to say a week later, but the concept isn’t difficult? We rotate major holidays between all of our spouses’ families. Last year we celebrated on the day. This year it’s on an off day. The celebration is still the same?

      2. Well most people are just cultural Christians so Easter is nothing more than bunnies and chocolate

        1. We are Christians, but rotate holidays between families. It’s not any different from Christmas in that way.

          1. See, I understood it if you were cultural but not religious. But if you’re actually practicing then you really can’t do Easter early, regardless of the family rotation.

            I am pretty lax in my practice, but we’re still actively in Lent. Lent is a solemn time while Easter is a celebration and a feast.

            If you celebrate Christmas early or late, it’s not the end of the world. Especially if you celebrate late since it’s still Christmas until January 6 and celebrating in Epiphany would be pretty acceptable too. It also doesn’t feel “wrong” to celebrate during Advent if needed. But celebrating during Lent is literally against the religion.

          2. Many denominations do not buy into Lent as a concept, and certainly don’t buy in to it to this extreme a degree, and are just as Christian as you are.

        2. If you’re a cultural Christian, then it’s fine. If you’re a practicing Christian you’d know you cannot celebrate Easter during Lent.

          1. If you’re a practicing Christian, you’d know that Jesus would forgive you the sin of not perfectly following the calendar the church adopted at some point long after His death.

          3. What in the gatekeeping comment is this? You can be a practicing Christian and not practice everything perfectly. You can be a practicing Christian and have different dates: just ask Greek Orthodox and Russian Orthodox folks.

            What if — and just hear me out — you got off your high horse (which is, I would say, a cultural Christian and not a practicing Christian position) and either answered the direct question or moved on by?

      3. I’m Jewish but both sides of our family have always rescheduled the Passover seder to a weekend to make it easier for out of town guests to attend. And that’s a religious ritual, it seems even easier if you’re not religious and are just celebrating the holiday culturally….

      4. Sometimes my birthday is on a Wednesday and someone takes me to dinner on the next Friday. I am always sure to say “Well, this is NOT a birthday celebration. This is a winter get together.” Same with the office “holiday” party, which is never, and I mean never, scheduled for any holiday. I have insisted that the organizers always refer to it as a “December gathering” so there isn’t any confusion.

      5. How is this a serious question? You’re really concerned with semantics? Are you more satisfied calling is an Easter-themed spring party?

        Honestly, people.

    8. Appetizers and desserts! Super fun, keep it as easy/make it as complex as you want to.

  10. My dad just shared that he is going to retire on June 30 after 47 years as a practicing physician, 50+ years after graduating medical school. He attended his 50th medical school reunion last May and learned he was 1 of 3 still working and the other 2 have since retired. I have one sibling and we don’t live local to him and can’t really fly in. Any suggestions for something to gift him or do for him? He can afford to buy himself anything he possibly wants, so needs to be something involving more thought/meaning. Usually I’m good at thinking of these kinds of things, but am coming up blank. Any ideas?

    2. Make a donation that covers student fees of some sort for a program in his area of focus or at his alma mater?

    3. Make the effort to fly in with your sibling and take him to dinner. He wants to see his kids. Doesn’t have to be right away, but make it happen.

        1. Can you explain what makes you so confident the OP is wrong about their ability to fly in?

          1. Because literally everyone without medical issues (or, I guess, a spot on the no fly list) can fly to see their parents if they make the effort.

            If you want to, you will.

          2. Yeah, since the vast majority of people *can* fly (i.e., are not on the no-fly list) and the OP is asking for gift ideas that involve spending money, so we know it’s not that she’s homeless and in deep poverty, it’s a safe suggestion.

          3. Probably many of the comments I’ve read on this site naming absurd reasons for not being able to do things they are perfectly able to do.

          4. You are weirdly certain we ALL have the ability to take time off work, deal with childcare, adjust school carpools, and absorb pet boarding and travel costs IN ADDITION to the intended gift. SMDH at the incredibly ignorant privilege on full display with zero sense.

          5. Or we understand things like weekend trips (so no PTO or adjustments to kids’ carpool) and one partner traveling and the other partners holding down the homefront with kids/pets so no additional costs there.

          6. We were right. She is literally flying in two weeks after his last day, which works just as well. Absolutely capable of flying in and in fact already was!

      3. i have an already planned trip on June 30 and am flying to visit him (with husband and kids) on July 13th. That is why i cannot fly in right then.

        1. It’s fine to say you’re taking him out to dinner to celebrate on one of those dates! Those dates are coming up fast. But yeah, nice dinner out (or whatever his equivalent with you would be — my dad would love sitting in the super fancy seats at a baseball game with me as a celebration).

          1. Oh, I think I misread. You’ll be there two weeks after his last day? That’s perfect timing. Special outing, for sure. It doesn’t have to be the same day.

    4. Think about what his plans are for the next 20 years, and see if you can get something aligned with that. A new pair of walking shoes. Good socks. A puppy. A pair of kittens.

      1. Don’t get a puppy or kittens as a gift! Animals are a lifelong responsibility!

    7. You should fly in. He can buy anything he wants. He cannot buy your presence.

    8. Go to his retirement party/farewell.

      Really, this is all that matters. Figure out a way.
      Your spouse/kids don’t have to go. Just go for half a day if you truly can’t spend a couple vacation days.
      At least see if your sibling can go if you cannot.

    9. Agree, you really need to go. Your family can stay home. My husband is flying to his mom’s retirement celebration next week. Kids and I are staying home. The plane tickets were expensive because it was planned last minute, and the kids have a bunch of activities they don’t want to miss. So it made sense for him to go solo, but there was no way he was missing it.

      1. there is no retirement party. just that his last day of work is June 30. historically he hasn’t been much of a party kind of person. I do not know what he is going to do for the next 20 years (though he is almost 77) and am actually a bit nervous about his retirement bc my mom passed away ~7 years ago

        1. Ah I see, and I’m sorry about the loss of your mom.

          I second the vote for a special trip with him & you (and/oor with the grandkids) if that’s possible. I think for wealthy older people all they really want is time with their loved ones because it’s the one thing money can’t buy. I did a bucket list trip last year for my 40th birthday and invited my mom along. She irritates me and the trip itself was kind of rough, but in hindsight I’m glad I did it because she has not stopped talking about it since we got back.

        2. In that case, I’d plan a weekend trip for the two of you in the fall so he already has a plan to look forward to in retirement.

          My parents and other relatives have stressed the importance of having something to retire “to” that keeps you social, active and with some sort of a schedule. It doesn’t have to be formal: the same yoga class or tennis clinic each week, church, a volunteer shift, a standing social event. Does he have any interests or social groups that he can lean on at this time? Could you get him a gift certificate or membership somewhere that might spark this for him? I’m thinking something like if he does yoga a 10 pack to his studio, a museum membership, birding supplies, a gift certificate to a restaurant so he can go with friends?

    11. If you can’t fly to make it for the retirement party, book a trip to go see him sometime in the future, forward him the flight confirmation and tell him it’s to celebrate his retirement. Alternatively, if there was ever a trip that he talked about going on with you and was always busy (think seeing a show on Broadway … my dad’s white whale), this could be the time to take it.

    12. Congratulations to him! If he has fond memories of his medical school, you could endow a graduating student award (e.g., for creative research or demonstrated bedside manner or demonstrated interest in cardiology or whatever is most relevant to him).

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